EPISODE 11

NAVIGATING THE AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS, AND NAILING YOUR WEDDING STATIONERY WITH LEMONTREE PAPER CO.

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THE WEDDING DIGEST, BY WEDBOOKER

N a v i g a t i n g t h e a w k w a r d c o n v e r s a t i o n s , a n d n a i l i n g y o u r w e d d i n g s t a t i o n e r y w i t h L e m o n t r e e P a p e r C o .

Planning your nuptials is an exciting and enjoyable time but it also can come with a few challenges, including having awkward conversations with family and friends! How do you tell your girlfriend she can’t bring her new partner to your special day? Or explain to your mum you don’t want your second cousins included in your limited guest list? Is it ok to ask your bridal party to pay for their bridesmaid dresses? wedBooker Head Wedding Planner Ally shares her top tips on navigating these tricky conversations. Lucy and Ally also catch up with stationery extraordinaire Betsy Weir! The illustrator and founder of Lemontree Paper co reveals the tricks to bringing your wedding stationery to life and setting the tone for your big day. Much love, The wedBooker team xo

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THE THREE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS

1. THE GUEST LIST

A: So inviting your family, extended family, mum's best friend and her kids. Where on earth do you stop? ALLY’S ANSWER It is such a tricky one. And I think it's so different for everyone, but might just come back to how close you are to your immediate family and your extended family. It’s about person by person. And would you actually miss that particular person if they weren't at your day? So if you think about your whole wedding day, and you go, Oh, look, Uncle Bob, if he wasn't there, I would, I would definitely feel he's missing presence, then invite them, they're essential. I would just go through person by person and really think about who you want there on your special day. And then maybe if you can't decide off that, think about your wedding photos. Would you cherish a photo of you and that person? Or if that person was in a group photo from your wedding day, and you're looking back on it in 10 years time, would you be like, Oh, you know, I'm so glad that they were there and how beautiful they look? I think it can help you decide if you think about future you. And would future you want to see photos of them at your wedding day? If the answer is yes. 100%. Make sure they're there. But what about if your mum or your dad are really saying no Uncle Bob needs to be there. Parents really quickly start to take over your guest list. It happens to so many couples. So something to consider is when accepting financial help from anyone for your big day, have that conversation early with your parents or whoever might add extra guests on, about who's coming, who's really important. Sit down with your parents and be really, really clear on who is coming and who's not coming.

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B. Calling your guest l ist if you decided to go for a small/intimate wedding? What are your tips on how to do this without causing too much upset or broken friendships? ALLY’S ANSWER Again, it's not an easy one. Your friendship groups kind of work in circles. So if you invite that friend, who else do you have to invite because they sort of sit in that same circle. And that then gives you an idea of how far out you need to go, who you can invite without upsetting someone else. And still try to keep it within your desired capacity. And don't forget to sit down with your immediate family and be open with them on how big the day is. Engagement parties, kitchen teas, hens nights are those awesome secondary events that you can celebrate with your wider circles. There are absolutely no rules to say you can't invite someone to any of those parties that isn't at your wedding. LUCY How do you go about having that conversation with that group? ALLY’S ANSWER Look, I actually did this myself. So I only had five girlfriends at my own wedding because I only had 30 people at my wedding day because I did want it to be really intimate. So I sent a text message out to my next circle of girlfriends. They're probably about 15 or 20 of them. I said, “Hey guys, we're keeping our wedding really small and really intimate. That doesn't mean that I don't want to celebrate with you guys and I would love to have you guys involved in some way. So I would still love you to all come to my hens and engagement party. They all completely understood. C. Invit ing your friend’s partners ALLY’S ANSWER If it would mean by adding them that you would then not be able to invite someone that you're actually a little bit closer to that means something to you, then just say no, your venue is going to have a capacity limit. So the venue is always a really nice one to lean back on and say, “Oh, I'd love to, but I just can't make it work”.

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D. How do you let your besties know that although they aren't part of your bridal party that you sti ll love them. And it doesn't mean you don't want them to be part of your day. ALLY’S ANSWER You really don't want to let anyone down and you don't want to make anyone feel like they aren't one of your closest friends. So it depends on how many people you want to have in your bridal party. And maybe that's going to be the determining factor. If you have five best friends, and by cutting one of them out, you're going to break her heart or you know, break your heart, then don't do it. We've talked about it before, you don't have to have an even number of bridesmaids or groomsmen. I think a bridal party is less about having that balance in that same number and more about having your absolute best friends up there with you to celebrate your day. If it's not that easy for you then there are so many other roles that they can take on during the day. So you can say I would love to have had you in my bridal tribe. But you know, my partner only wants to have two people up there. I'd love to still have you a part of it. Can you do a reading for me? Now that doesn't have to be a religious reading, if that's not your jam. It can be something from a book or one of your favorite song lyrics. There are so many options in there as well. They could emcee for you. So there are so many other roles you can give them to still make them feel like they're included.

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2. WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Is it normal that the bride will pay for everything for her bridesmaids? The dress, shoes, tan, makeup? And if you are wanting your bridesmaids to pitch in, is this something you then flag early before going in selecting that $500 Bridesmaid Dress and then asking them to pay for it? ALLY’S ANSWER You need to consider them as well in their financial positions. You don't want them to resent you for making them pay for the dress. So maybe that is when you say look, we'll go 50/50 or I'll pick it and I'll buy it for you because I want this extravagant dress. So I don't think there are any hard and fast rules anymore. The clothes, makeup, etc? Traditionally speaking if you are asking someone to be in your bridal tribe, you would then be responsible for buying the dress, the shoes, the make up, paying for the spray tans, doing the nails, absolutely everything. So that's kind of where that ruling comes in. But now, the more modern Brides, you don't have to feel like you are responsible for paying for everything. But if you are going to ask them to wear that $600 dress, I would definitely have that conversation with them before you choose the dress and maybe say to them, I'm thinking of buying this amazing blue Zimmerman dress at $600, it's not really in my budget to pay for the whole thing. But would you be happy to go 50/50... let me know, don't feel pressured to do it and we can explore other options. I don't think there is any shame now in asking your bridesmaids to chip in in some way. Other options including giving them a color framework and they can go out and find a color and a dress that they like in that color. And therefore they're in control of their own budget, they're going to look better on the day, they're going to be more comfortable, and they're going to be so much happier to chip in on that dress because they can see themselves wearing it again. What about accommodation? If you have a destination wedding is that on the couple to cover the cost of the accommodation for the bridal party as well? If there is an expectation that they do stay the night before and even the night of the wedding? I think if you're the one asking them to come away, or if you're the one that's booked the destination wedding, then it is fair, in my opinion, that you booked the accommodation for them and then it's up to you if you allow their partners to stay or how many nights you actually booked it for. I personally think you can't say no to booking the accommodation as long as that fits within your budget.

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3. GIFTS

Do we still do gift registries? Or is it all wishing wells now? Is it okay to expect gifts from everyone? Or is it rude to ask just for money? ALLY’S ANSWER The short answer is, most people actually do want to give you something. So a wishing well is always a really, really easy option. I think now, the modern day couples are getting more used to doing a Wishing Well, it's nice and easy. People can then write you a beautiful card that you can keep forever in your little wedding box and then people can just give what they can. It's not sort of a set price on what goes into a wishing well, so it’s totally variable. If you are asking for gifts in the more old fashioned way where you're wanting actual physical gifts, then I think a gift registry is still a really good idea. Again, although it seems like it's something that we don't do much anymore. If you are doing real gifts, it just means that again, it's easier for your guests to know what you need. And then you don't end up with things that you'll never use. And it just ends up being a waste. You can do a combination you can do a wishing well and a registry so people can give whatever they like. I do think something to note here and it's really important. I always suggest it to couples: even if you're saying no gifts on your invitation and you strictly don't want any gifts, do be ready for some guests to still bring cards with possibly some money in it for you. I absolutely always suggest that you have a little wishing well hidden away in the corner. And just be honest.

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INTERVIEW WITH ILLUSTRATOR BETSY OF LEMONTREE PAPER CO. THE WEDDING DIGEST Where did your love of illustration begin? Because I've read that you're self -taught is that right? BETSY Thank you for having me, This is so exciting. I am self taught. Actually, my first love was actually ballet. I was a professional ballet dancer for about 12 years. I ended up retiring at only 24. So then I was sort of lost and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I ended up meeting my husband, getting married, and I had always loved calligraphy. So that's kind of where I got stuck into the arts again, and eventually started to kind of add illustration in with the calligraphy which got me into stationery. My grandmother was an avid water colorist and so that was the medium I wanted to try and it's all sort of snowballed from there. So I started a business called Lemon Tree Calligraphy and Illustration. And then I think it was three years ago, I made the move to Lemon Tree Paper Co because I had really started doing stationary more exclusively for big parties, a lot of destination events: 50th birthdays in Positano in Capri, or San Tropez. THE WEDDING DIGEST Can you talk us through that process of your bespoke hand crafted designs? BETSY Sure. Most of them are bespoke, and I hand create all of them. We have what we call a semi custom range of stationary designs, where we add a couple's desired wording to already completed designs, and it offers a more budget friendly option for some couples who don't have the budget to spring for a custom design for their event. But otherwise, mostly What we create is to order hand painted for individuals, businesses or event planners, really our clients imagination is the limit. And we love it, when they come to us with these great, crazy ideas we get to make figure out how to make it happen and bring it to life for them. THE WEDDING DIGEST You know, one of the things that I love, personally about your designs are some of the most incredible places all around the world featured on the designs. So are these places generally you've been to before on your travels? BETSY I have, I've travelled a bit, but not a ton, not to a lot of these very amazing places that people have been. So yeah, our clients actually provide us with the majority of the information about their event and where things are taking place. They'll give us photos of venues and locations that they're having bits and pieces of their events at and they'll also provide us with the general color palette. So that everything sort of coordinates with the style of their event, but we actually do a ton of research, we look at the culture, the lifestyle, the general ethos of wherever their event is being held. So that we know when we sit down with a paintbrush, how to make it look accurate. I mean, we use Google Maps, Wikipedia, where you know, it's probably a few days of looking through photos and you know, even the tiniest details are painted as accurately as possible.

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THE WEDDING DIGEST Wow, that is such a process. So let's talk about the importance of stationery at weddings. So stationery can start with invitations and it goes all the way through to the seating charts and play settings. And I think it truly can set a tone for a wedding. So what are your tips in choosing the right stationery to fit in with the style or the theme of a wedding or an event? BETSY Typically, if clients have a wedding planner or a florist, putting us in touch with them or providing us with their mood boards is really helpful because then we can sort of see the direction that the event is taking. We're also huge fans of Pinterest for inspiration. We will often create a board that we have access to and the client does. And then we can both pin things that we think are good examples of the color blue that they love, or the color blush that they like, because those colors are different to everybody. When they say blue. I have no idea what the thousands of blues they're talking about. The more that they can provide us with in visual content, the better we can do our jobs. THE WEDDING DIGEST You say it’s best for couples to come to you after they have chosen your general style for the wedding. BETSY Yes, most that's usually how things go. People usually already have some plans formed before they come to us. And that's actually really helpful because then we can sort of take their design or take their sort of ideas and fly with them. THE WEDDING DIGEST What would you say are the most important assets that you do need for a wedding? BETSY There are often things from a stationary perspective that it's easy to forget as an engaged couple. There's so much other things going on in your mind. One of the coolest things about working with a couple from Save The Dates all the way through their invitations and their on the day stationery, which is menus and ceremony programs and even large seating charts. One of the beautiful things that we can do for them is make it all very cohesive. That anytime anybody receives anything that has to do with the wedding, you can tell from the moment you glance at it, what it's about because everything has a cohesive theme and some sort of color palette. And we've had referrals from clients who have come to us and said oh, I went to this, this other person's wedding and it was amazing because everything that we received coordinated and it just makes it look so organized and so put together and like a really amazing event. So we really see stationery as one of those key pieces. Just as important as the cake, the stylist and the florist. We can take it from ordinary to extraordinary and make it look like everything is together and in one piece.

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THE WEDDING DIGEST As you mentioned, stationery can be a really powerful way to get your guests excited. So if a couple listening is really passionate about doing something special with their stationery, what would you suggest for them to consider? BETSY Sure, a lot of our clients, our destination wedding clients, or even if you've chosen a really special place in your hometown, one of the things that stationery can really highlight is the location and incorporating a map or an illustration of the beautiful setting really gets people excited to either travel or to come and attend the wedding and be a part of the celebration. So we do a lot of hand illustrations of wedding venues. Last year, we did Rippon Lee Estate, which is a very famous home and property here in Melbourne. And although maps are typically entire cities, we were able to just do a map of the estate and really highlight the house. We worked with the wedding planner and they sent us photos of what they were going to do with the flowers and how the setup on the lawn was going to be. And we actually created that in watercolor on the map. If we have a destination wedding, we'll do a map of an entire city, and not just include the venue, but get people excited about what there is to see and do in that city. So that's part of what we research. That's why we ask couples to provide us with some of their favorite spots for a cocktail, and some of their favorite spots for a coffee or for dinner. So they can look at this map and go, Oh, wow, I so want to go there. Let's make the trip. Let's go. The sky really is the limit. We are more than happy to produce anything that you could come up with.

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