Someloveswilllast’tilyourdyingbreath
Everychoicehasconsequences—butseventeen-year-oldLaylafacestougherchoicesthanmost.Lightordarkness.WickedlysexydemonprinceRoth,orZayne,thegorgeous,protectiveWardensheneverthoughtcouldbehers.
Hardestofall,Laylahastodecidewhichsideofherselftotrust.
Laylahasanewproblem,too.ALilin—thedeadliestofdemons—hasbeenunleashed,wreakinghavoconthosearoundher...includingherbestfriend.TokeepSamfromafatemuch,muchworsethandeath,Laylamuststrikeadealwiththeenemy
whilesavinghercity—andherrace—fromdestruction.
Tornbetweentwoworldsandtwodifferentboys,Laylahasnocertainties,leastofallsurvival,especiallywhenanoldbargaincomesbacktohauntthemall.Butsometimes,whensecretsareeverywhereandthetruthseemsunknowable,youhavetolistentoyourheart,picka
side—andthenfightlikehell...
PraiseforTheDarkElementsseriesby#1NewYorkTimesbestselling
authorJENNIFERL.ARMENTROUT
EveryLastBreath
“EveryLastBreathhas
solidifiedTheDarkElementsasmyfavoriteYA
paranormalromanceseries.JenniferArmentroutdeliversaknockoutendingtothetrilogy—steamy,smartand
satisfying.”—WendyHiggins,NewYorkTimesbestsellingauthorofThe
Sweetseries
StoneColdTouch
“Armentroutbalancessuspenseandromance,
spicingitupwithRoth’sone-linersandLayla’swryinnercommentary,alladding
welcomehumor....Demonicfun.”
—KirkusReviews
“Anabsolutelyphenomenal,edge-of-your-seatthrill
ride....[This]justmightbe
theprolificauthor’sbestseries.”
—RTBookReviews(TopPick)
WhiteHotKiss
“Armentroutworkshermagicwithswoon-worthyguysand
atwistyouneverseecoming.”
—#1NewYorkTimesbestsellingauthorAbbiGlines
“WiththisfirsttitleinhernewDarkElementsseries,
powerhouseauthorArmentroutdeliversanotheraction-packed,believablynarratedride...Intense,wellplotted,andveryreadable,thistitleshouldflyintothehandsofeveryparanormal
readeroutthere.”—Booklist
“Well-pacedandpepperedwithintriguingdetailsthatallowbothRomeo-and-Juliet
swoonsandazombieapocalypsetohavetheir
turns.”—PublishersWeekly
“Constantlyentertaining...thenarrativesizzleswithasmuch
tensionasromance.”—KirkusReviews
Don’tmissanyofTheDarkElementsseriesfrom
JENNIFERL.ARMENTROUT
andHarlequinTEEN
BitterSweetLove(ebookprequelnovella)WhiteHotKissStoneColdTouchEveryLastBreath
OtherbooksbyJenniferL.
Armentrout
ShadowsObsidianOnyxOpalOrigin
OppositionOblivionDaimonHalf-BloodPure
DeityElixirApollyonSentinel
LookforthefirstbookinJennifer’s
brand-newyoungadultseries
fromHarlequinTEEN
TheProblemwithForever
EVERYLAST
BREATH
JenniferL.Armentrout
ThisisforeveryZayneandRothfan,everyonewho
rootedforLaylaandwantedtheirveryownBambi,and
foreveryonewhopassionatelyralliedbehindtheirfavoriteguyandvotedforwhichonethey’dlikeLaylatochoose.Thankyoufortakingthisjourneywith
me.
Contents
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
ChapterSeventeen
ChapterEighteen
ChapterNineteen
ChapterTwenty
ChapterTwenty-One
ChapterTwenty-Two
ChapterTwenty-Three
ChapterTwenty-Four
ChapterTwenty-Five
ChapterTwenty-Six
ChapterTwenty-Seven
ChapterTwenty-Eight
ChapterTwenty-Nine
ChapterThirty
ChapterThirty-One
ChapterThirty-Two
ExcerptfromTheProblemwithForeverbyJenniferL.Armentrout
one
ISTOODINStacey’slivingroomasmyentireworldcrashedaroundmeoncemore.SamwastheLilin.Acutehorrorheldme
immobile,seizingtheairinmylungsasIstaredatwhatusedtobeoneofmyclosestfriendsinthewholeworld.
Becauseofthedemonicfamiliar,Bambi,andbeingunabletoseesoulswhileshe’dbondedtome,I’dneverseenwhathadbeenrightinfrontofmyfacethisentiretime.Noneofushad,butitwasSam—he’dbeentheonetocausethemayhematschoolandalltherecentdeaths.Insteadofstrippingsoulswithasingletouch,asI’dknownaLilincoulddo,
he’dtakenhistime,takingalittlehereandthere,playingwithhisvictimsandplayingwithus.Playingwithme.Exceptwhatwasstanding
inStacey’shousewas—wasbasicallywearingSam’sskin,aperfectlycraftedcostume,becausetherealSam...Hewasnomore.Thepainofknowingthatmyfriendwasdead,hadbeendeadfora
whilewithoutanyofusknowing,cutdeepintome,makingmiseryofmyboneandtissue.Ihadn’tbeenabletosave
him.Noneofushadbeenableto,andnowhissoul...hissoulhadtobedownbelow,whereallsoulsthatweretakenbyaLilinwouldgo.Mystomachcramped.“Youcannotdefeatme,”
theLilinsaid,hisvoice
identicaltoSam’s.“Sojoinme.”“Orwhat?”Myheart
poundedlikeajackhammerinmychest.“Ordie?That’snotincrediblyclichéoranything.”TheLilintilteditsheadto
theside.“Actually,Iwasn’tgoingtosaythattoyou.Ineedyoutohelpfreeourmother.Therestofthemcandie,though.”
Ourmother.BeforeIcoulddwellontheickfactorofbeingrelatedtothecreaturethathadkilledmyfriendandinflictedsomuchcarnage,Zayneshiftedintohistrueform,distractingme.HisshirtrippedupthebackashiswingsunfurledandhisskindeepenedtothedarkgraniteoftheWardens.Twohornssprouted,partinghiswavyblondhairastheycurled
back,andhisnostrilsflattened.Whenhepartedhislipstoletoutalowgrowlofwarning,fangsappeared.HesteppedtowardSam,hismassivehandscurlingintofists.“Don’t!”Ishouted.Zayne
halted,hisheadswingingsharplytowardme.“Donotgetclosetohim.Yoursoul,”Iremindedhimasmyheartraced.Orwhatwasleftof
Zayne’ssoul,consideringI’daccidentallytakenanicelittlebiteoutofitnotlongago.Zaynebackedoff,his
stancewary.Iturnedmyattentionback
totheevilmasqueradingasSam.Whateverthethingwasstandinginfrontofus,wedidsharethesamefleshandblood.OnlyrecentlyhadIlearnedexactlyhowI’dcometobepartdemonandpart
Warden.IwasthedaughterofLilithandthis...thisthingtrulywasapartofme.IthadbeenbornoutofLilith’sandmyblood,anditwasjustasevilasLilith.Itwantedherfreed?Impossible.IfLilitheverendeduptopside,theworldasweknewitwouldirrevocablychange.“I’mnotgoingtohelpyou
freeLilith.”Iwassonotreferringtoherasourmother.
Yuck.“That’snevergoingtohappen.”TheLilinsmiledasit
watchedmewithdark,inkyeyes.“Getascloseasyouwant.”Itignoredmystatement,tauntingZayne.Heck,tauntingallofus.“She’snottheonlyoneinthisroomwithatasteforaWarden’ssoul.”Isuckedinasharp,
stingingbreathasStaceylet
outawhimper.Inthespaceofasecond,herrelationshipwithSamflashedbeforeme.They’dbeenfriendsforeverandonlyrecentlyhadsherecognizedthatSamhadalways,alwaysbeeninlovewithher.Butshehadn’tstartedpayingrealattentiontohimuntilSamhadbeguntochange...OhGod.Staceyhadtobebreaking
wide-open,seeingtheboyshefinallylovedbecomeworsethanthemonstersthatprowledthestreetsatnight,butIcouldn’taffordtotakemyfocusofftheLilin.Itcouldmakeamoveatanymoment,andthreeofusinthisroomwerevulnerabletotheworstkindofattackitcoulddeliver.“There’snothinglike
takingapuresoul,butyou’d
alreadyknowthat,Layla.Allthatwarmthandgoodnessgoesdownassmoothastherichestchocolate.”TheLilintippeditschinupandletoutthekindofgroanthatnormallywould’vecausedmyearstoburn.“Buttakingyourtime,savoringthetasteissomuchmoredecadent.Youshouldtryit,Layla,andstopbeingsogreedywhenyoufeed.”
“AndyoushouldtryshuttingtheHellup.”Heatrolledoffthepowerfuldemonstandingbesideme.Roth,thereigningCrownPrinceofHell,hadn’tshiftedyet,butIcouldtellhewasclose.Furydrippedfromhiswords.“Howaboutthat?”TheLilindidn’tevenspare
aglanceinRoth’sdirection.“Ilikeyou.Ireallydo,prince.Toobadyou’regoing
toendupdead.”Myfingerscurledin,nails
bitingintomypalmsasangerflushedthroughmysystem,hotandbitter.Myemotionswereallovertheplace.Ontopofeverythingelsethathadgonewrongrecently,IwasstandingherebetweenZayneandRoth,whichwasaboutathousandtimesawkwardonanormalday,butnow,afterRoth...
Icouldn’tfocusonanyofthatrightnow.“You’reverybrave,makingthreatswhenweoutnumberyou.”Oneshoulderroseina
gesturesoquintessentiallySamitsentasliceofpainthroughme.“HowaboutI’mjustintelligent?”itqueriedgamely.“AndhowaboutIknowmorethanallofyouabouthowthiswillend?”“Youtalkalot,”Roth
growled,steppingforward.“AndImeanalot.Whyisitthatthebadguysalwayshavetogivedisgustinglylongandboringmonologues?Let’sjustgettothekillingpart,allright?”TheLilin’smouthformed
alopsidedgrin.“Soeagertodiethefinaldeath,aren’tyou?”“Soeagertobedonewith
yourunningyourmouth,
morelike,”Rothretorted,movingsothatonceagainhestooddirectlybesideme.“It’sbeenyouthiswhole
time?”Stacey’svoicetrembledundertheweightofthepainshemustbefeeling.“Youhaven’tbeenSam?Notsince...”“NotsinceDeandisplayed
hisfistsoffury.Thatwasfun.”TheLilinlaughedasthosedarkeyesslidinher
direction.“Samhasn’tbeenhomeinquitesometime,butIcanassureyou,Ienjoyed...ourtimetogetherasmuchasI’msurehewould’ve.Youknow,ifthat’sanyconsolationforyou.”Sheclappedherhandsover
hermouth,mufflingthewordsastearsstreameddownherpaleface.“OhmyGod.”“Notquite,”itmurmured
silkily.
IsteppedclosertoStacey,drawingtheLilin’sattentionfromher.Iwassickforher,absolutelyrepulsed.“Why?”Idemanded.“You’vebeenaroundusforweeks.Whyhaven’tyouattackedanyofus?”TheLilinsighedheavily.
“I’mnotallaboutviolence,deathandgore.Idiscoveredratherquicklythattherearealotoffunthingstodotopside,
thingsI’vethoroughlyenjoyed.”ItwinkedatStacey,andIsawred.Myskintingledlikea
thousandfireantsweremarchingalloverit.“Don’tlookather.Don’ttalktoherorevenbreatheinhergeneraldirection,anddon’teventhinkabouttouchinghereveragain.”“Oh,I’vedonemorethan
that,”theLilinreplied.“Lots
more.EverythingyourSamwisheshecould’vehadtheballstodo.Butyouknow,he’snotreallyconcernedaboutthosethingsatthemoment.Yousee,Iconsumedhim—hissoulinitsentirety.Nopartofhimremainsonthisplane.He’snotawraithliketheotherswhocrossedmypath.Ididn’tplaywithmyfoodwhenitcametohim,takingtinybits
ofhim.No,he’sgone.He’sin—”Severalthingshappenedall
atonce.Staceyshottowardthe
Lilin,herhandrisingasifshewasabouttoknockthemockingsmileoffhisface.TheLilindriftedtowardher,andwhileithadn’ttakenhersoulyetforwhateverreason,Inowknewtherewerenoguarantees.TheLilinwas
unpredictable.Ithadexposedwhatittrulywas,andIsenseditwasdoneplayingaround.Itwaswithinarms’reachofherandI—well,Isortoflostit.Ragelitmeupfromtheinside.Thechangecameoverme
withouteventrying.Likesheddingasweater,IletgoofthehumanformI’dwornforsolong,andinaway,haddesperatelyclungto.Ithad
neverbeenthiseasybefore.Bonesdidn’tbreakandreknit.Skindidn’tstretch,butIfeltmineharden,becomeresilienttomostknivesandbullets.Theroofofmymouthtingledasmyfangsdropped,teethdesignedtocutthroughevenaWarden’sskin,andmostdefinitelyaLilin’s.Justbelowthebaseofmyneckandoneithersideofmyspine,mywingsbrokefree
andunfurled.Therewasasharpinhale
fromsomeoneintheroom,butIwasn’tpayingattention.Movingasquickasacobra
striking,IgrabbedStacey’sarmandshovedherbehindme.IgotbetweenherandtheLilin.“Isaid,donottouchher.Donotlookather.Donotevenbreatheinherdirection.Youdoso,andIwillripyourheadfromyour
shouldersandpunt-kickitoutawindow.”TheLilinjerked,dancinga
stepbackward.Itspitch-blackeyeswidened.Shocksplashedacrossitsfaceandthenitslipscurledback.“That’snotplayingfair.”Whatintheworld?Was
thatfearIsawinitsface?“DoIlooklikeIcare?”“Oh,you’regoingto.”The
Lilinbacktracked,moving
towardthedoor.“You’resogoingtocare.”ThentheLilinwasgone,
spinningrightaroundandexitingthehousewithaquicknessthatleftmestandingthere,staringfoolishlyattheemptydoorway.Ididn’tunderstand.TheLilinhadn’tbattedaneyelashatZayneorRoth,butI’dshiftedformsandithadtuckeditstailandrunaway?
Uh.“Well,that
was...anticlimactic.”Iturnedaroundslowly,tuckingmywingsback.ThefirstoneIsawwasZayne.He’dreturnedtohishuman
form.Zaynealways,evenwhenheappearedexhausted,could’vesteppedoutofaTownandCountrymagazine.Hisgoodlookswentbeyondall-Americanandstraightinto
swoonville,populationeverygirlontheplanet.HelookedlikeIimaginedangelswould.Vibrantblueeyesandnear-heavenlyfeatures,buthestaredatmewithhismouthhangingslightlyopen.Hisabsolutelygorgeousfacewaspale,whichmadetheunforgivingshadowsunderhiseyesstandoutstarkly.Hestaredatmelikehe’dneverseenmebefore,whichwas
bizarre,becausehe’dgrownupwithme.Ifeltlikesomekindofspecimen.Atrickleofuneaseran
downmyspineasmygazeswitchedtothecouch.Atsomepoint,ZaynehadmovedclosertowhereStaceyhadlanded.Iexpectedtofindherrockinginaball,butshetoogapedatme,herhandspressedagainsthercheeks,andanyothertimeIwould’ve
laughedatthatexpression.Notnow.Myheartratekickedinto
overdriveasIswungtowardthebackoftheroom,whereRothwasstanding.Mygazecollidedwitheyesthecolorofamber.Hiswerewide,hispupilsvertical.Evenso,hewasasighttobehold.Rothwas—well,therewas
noonethatwalkedthisearththatlookedquitelikehim.
Probablyhadtodowiththefactthathewasinnowayhuman,buthewasstunning.Alwayshadbeen,evenwhenhe’dstyledtheblackhairintospikes.Ipreferredthelesserlookherockednowwithhishairfallingoverhisforehead,brushingthetipsofhisearsandthearchesofequallydarkeyebrows.Goldeneyeswereslightlyslantedattheoutercorners.Hehadcheekbones
andajawyoucouldcutglasswith,afaceanyartistwoulddietosketch—ortouch.Andthosefull,expressivelipswereparted.Histawnyskinwasn’tpale
andhedidn’tgapeatmelikeIbelongedunderamicroscope,buthewaswatchingmeinastonishmentjustasZaynehad.Theuneaseturnedinto
ballsofdread,settlingheavily
inmystomach.“What?”Iwhispered,glancingaroundtheroom.“Whyareyouallstaringatmelike...likethere’ssomethingwrongwithme?”Itcouldn’thavebeen
becauseI’dtoldtheLilinI’driphisheadoff.Yeah,Iwasalittlelessviolentonmostdays,butinthepastweekorso,I’dthoughtIwastheLilin,hadbeenkissedby
Zayneandnearlytookhissoul,wassubsequentlychainedandheldincaptivitybytheveryclanthathadraisedme,wasalmostkilledbythatsameclan—deepbreath—wasthenhealedthankstoRothandamysterybrewprovidedbyacovenofwitcheswhoworshippedLilith,andnowI’djustdiscoveredthatmybestfriendwasdead,hissoulwas
inHell,andtheLilinhadtakenhisplace.You’dthinkagirlcouldbecutalittleslack.Rothclearedhisthroat.
“Shortie,look...lookatyourhand.”Lookatmyhand?Whyin
theworldwouldhebeaskingmetodothatinthemidstofallthecray?“Doit,”hesaidquietlyand
toogently.Thedreadexplodedinmy
gutlikebuckshot,andmygazedroppedtomylefthand.Iexpectedtoseetheweirdmarblingofblackandgray,amixtureofthedemonandWardenthatexistedinsideofmeandacombinationI’dbecomealmostfamiliarwithbynow.Mynailshadlengthenedandsharpened,andIcouldtelltheywerehardenoughtocutthroughsteel,ashardasmyskin,but
myskin...itwasstillpink.Reallypink.“Whatthe...?”Mygaze
traveledtomyotherhand.Itwasthesame.Justpink.Mywingstwitched,remindingmethatIhadshifted.Zayneswallowed.
“Your...yourwings...”“Whataboutmywings?”I
almostscreeched,reachingbehindme.“Aretheybroken?Didtheynotcomeout—”
Thetipsofmyfingerscameintocontactwithsomethingassoftassilk.Myhandjerkedback.“What...”Stacey’swateryeyeshad
doubledinsize.“Um,Layla,there’samirrorabovethefireplace.Ithinkyouneedtolookinit.”ImetRoth’sgazefora
secondbeforeIspunaroundandallbutrantothefireplaceIwassureStacey’smomhad
neverused.Clutchingthewhitemantel,Istaredatmyreflection.Ilookednormal,likeIdid
beforeIshifted...likeIwasgoingtoclassorsomething.Myeyeswerethepalestshadeofgray,awatered-downblue.Myhairwassoblonditwasalmostwhite,andamessofwavesthatwentineverydirectionlikeusual.Ilookedlikea
colorlesschinadoll,whichwasnothingnew,exceptforthetwofangsjuttingoutofmymouth.Iwouldn’tshowthemoffatschool,butthatwasn’twhatcaughtmyattentionandheldit.Itwasmywings.Theywerelarge,notas
massiveasZayne’sorRoth’s,andnormallytheywerealmostleatheryintexture,butnowtheywereblack...black
andfeathered.Likelegitfeathered.Thatsoft,silkythingI’dfelt?Ithadbeentinyfeathers.Feathers.“OhmyGod,”Iwhispered
atmyreflection.“Ihavefeathers.”“Thosearedefinitely
featheredwings,”Rothcommented.Iwhippedaround,
knockingoveralampwith
myfeatheredrightwing.“Ihavefeathersonmywings!”Rothcockedhisheadtothe
side.“Yeah,youdo.”Hewasabsolutelynohelp,
soIturnedtoZayne.“WhydoIhavefeathersonmywings?”Zayneshookhishead
slowly.“Idon’tknow,Layla.I’veneverseenanythinglikethis.”“Liar,”hissedRoth,
shootinghimadarklook.“You’veseenthatbefore.SohaveI.”“Ihaven’t,”mumbled
Stacey,who,bythispoint,hadtuckedherlegsagainstherchestandreallylookedlikeshewouldberockingatanygivenpoint.Untilrecently,Staceyhadn’tknownwhatRothreallywas.Shehadn’tevenknownaboutme.Thishadtobetoomuch
forher.“Okay.Howandwhyhave
youseenthisbefore?”Idemanded,dragginginairtoofast.“AmIgoingtohavetoshavemywingsnow?”“Shortie...”Roth’slips
twitched.Iraisedmyhand,pointing
myfingerathim.“Don’tyoudarelaugh,youjerk-face!Thisisnotfunny.Mywingsarefreaksofnature!”
Heliftedhishands.“I’mnotgoingtolaugh,butIthinkyoushouldleavetherazorsalone.Besides,lotsofthingshavefeathersintheirwings.”“Likewhat?”Idemanded.
WeretherestillmoresupernaturalcreaturesIwasunfamiliarwith?“Like...likehawks,”he
answered.Mybrowsfurrowed.
“Hawks?Hawks?”
“Andeagles?”“I’mnotabird,Roth!”
Patienceleakedoutofme.“WhydoIhavefeathersonmywings?”Ishrieked,thistimeatZayne.“You’veseenthisbefore?Where?Someonetellme—”Underneathme,thefloor
begantotremble,cuttingmeoff.Theshudderincreased,travelingupthewalls,shakingthemirrorand
rattlingtheframedpictures.Plumesofplasterpuffedfromtheceiling.Thehousequakedandaloudrumblebecamedeafening.Staceypoppedupfromthe
couch,grabbingZayne’sarm.“What’shappening?”Wingsforgotten,I
exchangedalookwithZayne.Somethingaboutthiswasalltoofamiliar.I’dfeltthisbefore,when—
Blindinggoldenlightstreamedinthroughthewindowsandthetinycracksinthewallandfrombetweenthewoodenboardsofthefloor.Soft,luminouslightcreptalongtheceiling,drippingdownward.Ijumpedtotheside,narrowlyavoidinggettinghitwiththesplatter.IclearlyrememberedwhathadhappenedthelasttimeI’dbeenstupidenoughtotouch
thelight.Mykindnevercould.
NeithercouldRoth.“Shit,”hemuttered.Myheartstoppedasthe
rumblewascutoffandthebeautifulglowdisappeared.Inaflash,Rothwasbesideme,onehandcurledaroundmyupperarm.Staceysniffedtheair.
“Whydoesitsmelllikewe’rebeingsuffocatedindryer
sheets?”Shewasright;anewscent
permeatedtheair.Tome,itwasmuskyandsweet.Heaven...heavensmelledlikewhateveryouwanteditto,whateveryoutrulydesiredmostintheworld,anditwasdifferentforeveryone.ZayneshovedStacey
behindhim,andIhadafeelingRothwasabouttodragournonangelicbuttsout
ofthere,butafissureofpowerradiatedthroughouttheroom.Thesweetaromathatfilledmewithyearningwasreplacedbycloverandfrankincense.Warmthtraveleddownmyback,andIknewweweretoolatetomakeanescape.Ohno.Staceygasped.“Ohmy...”
Hereyesrolledbackinherheadandherkneesgaveout.
Shefoldedlikeanaccordion.Zaynecaughtherbeforeshesmackedintothefloor,andIdidn’treallyhavetimetoworryabouther.Weweren’talone.Ididn’twanttoturn
around,butIcouldn’thelpit.Ihadto,becauseIwantedtoseethem.Ihadtoseethembeforetheywipedmeoffthefaceoftheplanet.Rothmust’vefeltthesame,
becausehealsoturned.Therewasasoftglowreflectingoffhischeeks.HesquintedandIlookedtowardthedoorway.Twoofthemstoodthere
likesentries,nearlysevenfeettallorpossiblyevenbigger.Theyweresobeautifulitwasalmostpainfultolookupon.Hairthecolorofwheatandtheirskinshimmered,catchingandabsorbingthelightallaroundthem.They
wereneitherblacknorwhitenoranyshadeinbetween,butsomehowallcolorsatonce,andtheyworesomekindoflinenpants.Theorbsoftheireyeswerepurewhite—noirisesorpupils.Justwhitespace,andIdimlywonderedhowtheycouldsee.Theirchestsandfeetwerebare.TheirshoulderswereasbroadasanyWarden’sandtheirwingsweremagnificent,a
brilliantwhitespanningatleasteightfeetoneithersideofthem.Theirwingswerealso
feathered.Unlikemine,though,those
feathershadhundredsofeyesinthem,actualeyeballs.Eyeballsthatdidnotblink,butroamedconstantlyandseemedtotakeineverythingatonce.Eachofthecreatureshelda
goldensword,arealfreakingsword—aswordthatlookedlikeitwasthelengthofmyleg.ThewholecombinationwaspossiblythefreakiestthingI’deverseen,andI’dseenalotoffreakythingsinmyseventeenyearsoflife.Theywerehere,theones
thatranthislittleshowcalledlife,who’dcreatedtheWardensandwho,todemons,weretheequivalent
oftheboogeyman.Neverinthehistoryofeverhadtheybeeninthepresenceofanyonewithatraceofdemonicbloodinthemwithoutendingtheirlivesimmediately.Ifeltmywings—my
featheredwings—tuckclosetomyback.Idon’tevenknowwhyItriedtohidethematthispoint,butIwasaweebitself-conscious.
However,Iwasn’twillingtoshiftintomyhumanform,notinthepresenceofthesebeings.Icouldn’tstopstaringat
them.Aweandfearwarredinsideme.They...theywereangelsandtheirfeatheredwingspracticallyglowed,theyweresobright.I’dneverbeenallowedanywherenearthem,notevenwhentheycametotheWardens’
compoundtomeetwithAbbot,theclanleader.I’dalwaysbeenforcedtoleavethepremises,andIneverthoughtI’deverseethem.Anirresponsibleurgetogo
tothemhitmehardinthechest,andittookeverythinginmetoignoreit.Ibreathedindeeply,andtheysmelledwonderful.Rothjerkedsuddenly,and
myheartlodgedsomewhere
inmythroat.Fearpouredintome.Hadtheydonesomethingtohim?ThenIsawit.Ashadowdriftedoffhim,spillingintotheairinfrontofus.I’dalsoseenthatbefore.Ithappenedwheneverthetattooedfamiliarscameoffhisskin.Iknewitwasn’tBambior
thekittens,becausethisshadowcamefromthegeneralvicinityofhis...well,
prettymuchwherethebeltonhisjeanswas.Onlyonetattooexistedthere,theonlyoneI’dneverseen.Thedragonfamiliarthat
Rothhadwarnedonlycameoffhisskinwhentheshithitthefanorhewasseriouslypissed.TheAlphaswerehere,and
Thumperhadfinallycomeouttoplay.
two
BRACINGMYSELFFORtheappearanceofalargeandverydestructivedragon,Itensedandheldmybreath.Weallweregoingtodiehorrible,burningdeaths.Theshadowwashugeasit
shiftedintothousandsoflittleblackdotsthatspuntogetherintheair,likeaminicyclone,
takingshapeandform.Secondspassedasiridescentblueandgoldscalesappearedalongthebellyandthebackofthedragon.Deepredwingssprouted,aswellasalong,proudsnoutandclawedhindlegs.ItseyesmatchedRoth’s,abrightyellow.Itwasabeautifulcreature.But...thedragonwasabout
thesizeofacat—areallysmallcat.
NotexactlywhatIhadbeenexpecting.Itswingsmoved
soundlesslyasithoveredtotheleftofRoth,itstailwhippingaround.Itwassotinyandso...socute.Iblinkedslowly.
“You...youhavea...apocket-sizedragon?”Zaynesnortedfrom
somewherebehindme.Aheavysighcamefrom
Roth.Eventhoughallourlives
wereindangerandwewereallprobablygoingtodie,therewasdefinitelynolovelostbetweenRothandZayne.Thedragonswiveledits
headinmydirection,openeditsmouthandletoutatinysquawk.Morelikeameep.Acloudofblacksmokepuffedoutfromit.Nofire.Justdarkwispsthatsmelledfaintlyof
sulfur.Mybrowsflewup.“Removethefamiliarfrom
oursight,”anAlphademanded,causingmetowince.Theonewhospokewasstandingtotherightofthedoor,andhisvoicewasimpossiblydeep,reverberatingthroughboththeroomandme.Partofmeexpectedmyeardrumstorupture.Iwassurprisedthatthe
Alphashadn’timmediatelytriedtotakeoutThumper,butthenagain,itwasn’tlikethepocketdragonwasthatmuchofathreat.Roth’sstanceappeared
casual,butIknewhewascoiledtight,readytospringintoaction.“Yeah,that’snotgoingtohappen.”TheAlpha’slipsformeda
sneer.“Howdareyouspeaktome?Icouldendyour
existencebeforeyoutakeyournextbreath.”“Youcould,”Rothreplied
calmly.“Butyouwon’t.”Myeyeswidened.Smack
talkingtotheAlphaswasn’twhatI’dconsiderasmartmove.“Roth,”mutteredZayne.
Hesoundedcloser,butIdidn’twanttotakemyeyesofftheAlphastocheck.“Youmightwanttochilloutabit.”
TheCrownPrincesmirked.“Nah.Youwanttoknowwhy?TheAlphascouldendme,butthey’renotgoingto.”Acrossfromus,theAlpha
whohadspokenstiffenedbutdidn’tinterrupt.“Yousee,Iamthefavorite
CrownPrince,”Rothcontinued,hissmirkspreading.“TheytakemeoutwhenIhaven’tdoneanythingtowarrantitandthey’llhave
theBosstocontendwith.Theydon’twantthat.”Surpriseflickeredthrough
me.Theycouldn’tjustendRothbecauseofwhohewas?I’dalwaysthoughttheycouldsimplydoastheypleased.TheAlphawhohadbeen
silentuptothispointspoke.“Therearerulesforareason.Itdoesnotmeanwehavetolikethem,soI’dsuggestyoudonotpushyourluck,
Prince.”ThenRothdidthe
unthinkable.Heraisedhishandandextendedhismiddlefinger.“Doesthiscountaspushingit,Bob?”Craponacracker,he’d
flippedoffanAlpha!Andhe’dcalledtheAlphaBob!Whodidthat?Seriously?Myjawhitthefloorwhile
theminiatureThumpercoughedoutanothercloudof
smoke.“I’mnotblindedbyyourglory,”Rothsaid.“Yousitonyourloftycloudspassingjudgmentoneverylivingcreaturethereis.Noteverythingisblack-and-white.Youknowthatandyetyourecognizenograyarea.”Sparksofelectricity
crackledfromtheAlpha’sall-whiteeyes.“Oneofthesedays,Prince,youwillmeetyourownfate.”
“AndI’lldosoquitespectacularly,”hequippedback.“LookingdamngoodwhileIdoit,too.”Ibrieflysqueezedmyeyes
shut.OhmyGod...TheAlphaontheright
shifted,hislargehandtighteningonthehiltofthesword,andIhadafeelinghewantedtoshoveitcleanthroughRoth.Ifigureditwastimetoprymytongueoffthe
roofofmymouth.“You’reherebecauseoftheLilin,right?Wewillstophim.”IhadnoideahowwewoulddothatandIprobablyshouldn’tgivesuchanpromisetobeingswhocouldobliteratemeinaheartbeat,butIdidn’tseeachoice.NotonlybecauseIneededtodistractthemfromRoth,butbecausetheLilindidneedstopping.Anythingwithasoulnow
wasindanger.“Ipromise.”“TheWardenswilltake
careoftheLilin.That’swhattheywerecreatedfor—it’stheirjobtoprotectmankind.Iftheydon’t,theywillpaytheultimatepricerightalongwiththedemons,”theAlphawho’dspokenfirstreplied.“Butwe’reheretodealwithyou.”Myheartstoppedagain.
“Me?”
TheAlphaRothhaddubbedBobnarrowedhiseyes.“Youareasacrilegeofthehighestorder.Before,youwereanabominationthatshouldhavebeendealtwith,butnowyou’reaperversitywecannotallowtocontinue.”Rothcockedhisheadtothe
sideasZaynerushedforward.“No!”Zaynesaid,hiswingstuckingback.“Shehasneverdoneanythingto—”
“Oh,really?”theotherAlphareplieddrilyashiswingsarcedhigh.Thosefeather-embeddedeyesswiveledaroundtheroomandthenallofthem—hundredsofthem—focusedonme.“Weseeall,Warden.Justicemustbeserved.”Bobraisedhissword,and
beforeIcoulddoanything,Roth’sarmflewout.Hecaughtmejustabovethe
chest,shovingmeintoZayne.Ibouncedoffhishardchest,andwould’vetoppledrightoffifZaynehadn’tsteadiedmewithhisarmacrossmywaist.Thumper,stillcirclingnear
Roth’sshoulder,letoutanothersqueak——whichturnedintoaroar
thatmadethehouseshakeevenmorethanithadwhentheAlphasshowedup.
Rothloweredhischin,grinning.“AsI’vesaidbefore,sizedoesmatter.”Thumperbegantogrowat
arateIcouldn’teventrack,sproutinglegsthesizeoftreetrunksandclawsthelengthofhooks.Thedragon’sbrightblueandgoldscalesappearedbulletproofanditshindlegsstretcheddowntothefloor,crackingthewoodenboards.Onecrimsonwinghitthe
ceiling,smackingstraightthroughthedrywall.Plasterfellinthickcloudsashisotherwingknockedovertherecliner.TheAlphashouted
something,butitwaslostamidthedragon’slow,humminggrowl.Itlurchedforward,swingingitsmassivespikedtailalongthefloor.Furnitureflewintothewall,demolishingaportrait.A
windowshatteredandcoldairfromoutsidepouredintotheroom.Thumpercametoastopinfrontofus,facingtheAlphasashedrewback,huffingsparksofflameoutofhisnostrils.ThefiredarkenedwhatwasleftoftheceilingasBobcalledoutagain.“Youtakeonesteptoward
herandI’mgoingtofrymyselfupsomeAlpha.”Roth’svoicewaslowand
deadlycalm.“Extra-crispystyle.”OneAlphasteppedback,
butBoblookedlikehewouldblowagasket.“Youdaretothreatenus?”“Idarealotmorethan
that.”Roth’sskinseemedtothin,hisfacebecomingsharpangles.“Iwillnotstandforonehaironherheadtobeharmed.Ifyouwanther,you’regoingtohavetocome
throughme.”Bobsmiledwidelyatthat,
andmystomachplummeted.Rothwasboundanddeterminedtogethimselfkilledbecauseofme.He’dsacrificedhimselftothepits,comebackfromthat,andthengoneagainsthisBossandsavedmylife.TherewasnowayIcouldallowhimtostandbetweenmeanddangeragain.“Stop!”Ibrokefreeof
Zayne’shold,butThumpershifted.Histailswungback,stoppingnotevenaninchfrommyhips.Icouldgonofurther.My
panickedgazedartedfromRothtotheAlphas.“Whateverproblemyouhave,youhaveitwithme.Notthem.Socanwe—”EvenasIspoke,Bobthe
AlphamovedtowardRoth,liftingthefierysword,and
Thumperdidn’tlikethat.Rearingback,hestretchedouthislongneckandopenedhismouth,revealingfist-sizefangs.Thescentofsulfurincreased,andthenaburstoffireshotoutofThumper’smouth.Apain-filledshriekended
abruptly,andwhereBoboncestoodwasjustacharredpileofashes.Everyonestoodperfectly
still.Noonespokeorevenappearedtobreathe.Andthen,“Makethatextra-extra-crispystyle,”Rothsaid,studyingthemess.MykneeswentweakasI
liftedmyhandshelplessly.ThumperspunontheotherAlpha.Therewasaseriesofsickeningcrunches,andthenthedragonlookedoveritsshoulder,itsgoldeneyesfindingmineasitopenedits
mouth.Ashimmeryblueliquidstaineditsteethasithuffedoutasoundthatreallysoundedlikeathroatychuckle.BambihadeatenaWarden.Thumperhadeatenan
Alpha.Thesefamiliarswerereally
lowonmanners.Moreimportant,Ihadn’t
knownanythingcouldactuallykillanAlpha,much
lesseatone.“Oh—oh!”Stacey
shrieked,andIturnedsideways,justintimetoseeherallbutsqueezeherselfintothetwobackcushionsofthecouch.“There’sadragoninmyhouse!Adragon!”Guessshewasstilltoooutofitfromfaintingtorememberthere’dbeenangelsinherhouse,too.“Thumper,”Rothcalled.
“Returntome.”Thedragonbelchedouta
thickcloudofsmokeandturnedaround.Ijumpedoutofthewayofitstail,asdidZayne.Thefireplacewasn’taslucky.Thatlethaltailsmackedintoit,knockingahandfulofbricksloose.Theyhitthefloor,breakingintopieces.Thumpershiftedhisheavyweightfromsidetoside.
Zaynefrowned.“Isit...stompingitsfeet?”Rothrolledhiseyes.“He
doesn’tgetoutmuch.”“Forobviousreasons,”
Staceymumbled.Thumperliftedhistailand
slammeditdown,crackingwhatwasleftofthefloorandearningasighfromRoth.Thedragonshookitshead,thenshudderedbeforeshrinkingbackdowntoitscute,pocket-
sizeform.ThumperfinallyreturnedtoRoth,settlingonthesideofhisfaceasasmallshadowthatquicklyraceddownhisneckandunderthecollarofhisshirt.Iwasstruckabsolutely
silentandwasbarelyawareofshiftingbackintomyhumanstate.Mythoughtsracedfromonebadsituationtothenext.SamastheLilin.Myfeatheredwings.Alphas
poppingin.Thumper—“Momissogoingtokill
me,”Staceywhispered,clutchingabeigethrowpillowtoherchest.Shelookedup.“HowamIgoingtoexplainthis?”Rothpursedhislips.“Gas-
lineexplosion?”Staceyrepeatedthewordsdimlyashecontinued.“Icantorchtheplace,makeitalittlemoreauthentic.Won’tdamagethe
upstairsifyoudon’twantmeto.”“Hadalotofpracticewith
this,haveyou?”Zayneaskeddrily.“Ah,whenThumpercomes
off,it’salwaysgoodtogowiththeoldgas-lineexcuse.It’shandy.”Rothturnedtome.“Youokayoverthere?”WasIokay?Angermixedwithfear—
fearforhim.Istaredfora
momentandthenIshottowardhim.“Whatwereyouthinking?”Haulingback,Ismackedhischest.“YouthreatenedanAlpha!”Ismackedhimagain,harderthistime,enoughtosting.“Ow.”Herubbedhischest,
buthiseyestwinkled.Hethoughtthiswasfunny!Zaynewalkedoverto
wherethepileofashesremained.“Morethanjust
threatened.HeletThumpereatthem.”“Hey,technicallyThumper
friedoneandatetheother,”Rothcorrected,pattinghisstomach,whereThumpernowrested.“OhmyGod!”Thistime
myhandconnectedwithhisarm.“You’regoingtobeinsomuchtrouble,Roth!Somuchtrouble.”Heshruggedashoulder.
“Defendedmyself.”“Defendedmyself.”I
mimickedhim,boppingmyheadbackandforth.“Youcan’tjustgoaroundkillingAlphas,Roth!”“Youkilledthoseangels?”
Staceyasked,soIguessedshedidrememberthem.Hesentheraninnocent
grin.“Well,Ididn’t,but...”“Roth!”Ishouted,backing
awaybeforeIstartedchoking
theever-lovinglifeoutofhim.“Thisisnotajoke.You—”Hewasdamnfastwhenhe
wantedtobe.Onesecondhewasseveralfeetawayfrommeandthenexthewasthere,claspingthesidesofmyface.Heloweredhisheadsohewaseyelevelwithme.“Therearerules,Shortie.”“But—”“Rulesthateventhe
Alphashavetoabideby.Theycannotattackmewithoutphysicalprovocation.Iftheydo,theyticktheBossoff,andthentheBossretaliatesinawaythatmakeswhattheLilincoulddolooklikechild’splay.I’mnotjustsomerandomdemon.I’mtheCrownPrince.Theytookaswingatme,andIdefendedmyself.Endofstory.”Buthehadprovokedthem
—maybenotphysically,buthewasn’taninnocentbystanderinthis.Astheshockebbed,therewasadifferentkindofbitterpilltoswallow.WhatifRothhadgottenhisruleswrong?WhatifmoreAlphaswereevennowonthewaytoavengetheirbrethren?“I’mgoingtobeokay.”
Hiseyesheldmineashesteppedcloser,lininghis
bootedfeetupwithmine.“Nothingisgoingtohappentome.Ipromise.”“Youcan’tmakethat
promise,”Iwhispered,searchinghisgazeintently.“Noneofuscan.”Hishandsslidbackandhe
curledhisfingersinmyloosehair.“Ican.”Thosetwowordswerelike
throwingdownagauntlettothewholeuniverse.Ilowered
mygazeashedraggedmyhairback,tuckingbothsidesbehindmyears.Itwasthen,asheslowlywithdrewhishands,thatIrememberedwewerenotalone.Ijerkedbackandmygaze
collidedwithZayne’s.Foramoment,IletmyselfreallyseeZayne.Ihadn’talmostkilledhim.Ihadalmostdonesomethingmuch,muchworsethanthat.WhenaWarden
losttheirsoul,theyturnedintoahorrificcreature.Iknewthatforafact,becauseI’dseenwhathadhappenedtoaWardenaftertheirsoulhadbeentakenfromthem.I’dalmostdonethattoZayne,andhewasstillhere,standingbymyside.Aholeopenedupinmy
chestasIsawthekeenwarinessinhisstare.Mystomachtwistedsomething
awfulandIopenedmymouth,butIdidn’tknowwhattosay.Myheartandheadweresuddenlytearingintwoverydifferentdirections.Fortunately,Ididn’tgetthechancetosayanything.“Ileaveyoualonefora
fewhours,andyouletThumperfryandeatanAlpha.”Yelping,Ispunaroundas
Staceyscreamed.Cayman
stoodinthecenterofthedestroyedlivingroom.He’dcomeoutofnowhere.Poof.There.Heworedarktrousersandawhitedressshirtheappearedtohavegottenboredwithwhenitcametobuttoningitup,andhisblondhairwasloosearoundhisangularface.Whenitcametothedemonpeckingorder,RothhadonceexplainedthatasanInfernalRuler,Cayman
wasmiddlemanagement.Hewaskindoflikethedemon-of-all-trades,andIhadafeelinghewasmorethanjusta...um,coworkerofRoth’s.WhetherRothclaimeditornot,theywerefriends.“Thatwasquick,”Roth
commented,foldinghisarmsacrosshischest.Caymanshrugged.“It’sa
signofthetimes,man.It’llprobablybeonsomeAlpha’s
Facebookwallwithinthehour.”AlphashadFacebook
accounts?Staceywasholdingthe
throwpillowtohermouthnow,andallthatwasvisiblewereherhuge,darkbrowneyes.Whenshespoke,hervoicewasmuffled.“Whoisthat?”Istartedtoexplain,but
Caymanbowedinher
direction,extendinghisarmwithaflourish.“Onlythemosthandsomeandsmartestanddownrightmostcharmingdemonthereis.ButIknowthat’samouthful,soyoucancallmeCayman.”“Um.”Hergazedarted
aroundtheroom.“Okay.”Zayne’sskinhaddarkened
inaclearindicationthathewasclosetoshiftingagain,andIhopedhekeptitcool.
Caymanwasafriend,andthelastthingweneededwasthetwoofthemgettingintoit.“IsRothintrouble?”“Shortie,I’m—”Iraisedmyhand,cutting
himoff.“Shushit.Cayman,isheintrouble?”Caymangrinned.“Ithink
thebetterquestionis—whenishenotintrouble?”Narrowingmyeyes,Ihad
toadmitthatwasagood
point.“Okay.Isheinmoretroublethanhenormallyis?”“Ah...”Hisgazeshifted
towardRoth,andthenhisgrinspreadintoadevilishsmile.Hewasthoroughlyenjoyinghimself.“Let’sjustsaythattheBossisnotpleasedwithwhatjustwentdownhere.Actually,theBossistickedoffaboutalotofthings,andifRothgoesdownbelowanytimesoon,he
probablywon’tbeleavingforawhile.Likeforacoupleofdecades.”Igasped.“That’snot
good.”SomuchfortheBossbeingonRoth’sside.“Couldbeworse,”Roth
said,smirking.Caymannodded.“Ifyou
wantthetruth,IthinktheBosssecretlywaspleasedwithwhatThumperdid,butyouknow...politics.”He
sighedwhileIraisedmybrows.“Ruinseverythingfun.”Mytempleswerestarting
toache.“Todayhasbeen...”“Unbelievable?”offered
Stacey.Droppingthepillow,shepressedthepalmsofherhandsunderhereyes.Herexpressionwaspaleandstrained.Herhandsshookasshewipedbeneathhereyes.InoddedslowlyasIturned
around.MygazemetRoth’sandthenZayne’s.Bothofthemstaredatme,waiting.IwantedtopretendthatIdidn’tknowwhattheywerewaitingfor,butthatwouldbealie.Andthatwouldalsomake
meacoward.Weightlandedonmy
shouldersasIrubbedmyfingersalongmytemples.Therewassomuchwe
neededtofigureout.“Weneedtotakecareofthis.”Igesturedattheruinedroom.Thescentofsulfurlingered,andpartofmewasgratefultohavesomethingimmediatetofocuson.“SoStaceydoesn’tgetintrouble.”“Muchappreciated,”she
said,andwhenIglancedather,Isawherdraggingherhandsthroughherhair.Rothsteppedup.“Why
don’tyouguysheaddowntotheCakesandThingsbakerywhileItakecareofthis.Youcandothat?”ThequestionwasdirectedatZayne,whonodded.“Iwillkeepthemsafe,”
Zaynerepliedinaleveltone.Rothhesitated,andthenhe
tookadeepbreath.“IfotherWardensshow—”“Iwillprotectbothofthem
fromwhateverorwhoever
maycomeatthem,”Zayneassuredhim.Hedrewinadeepbreath.“Even...evenifitismyclan.”“AndIcanalsoprotect
myself,”Ithrewin,earninganamusedglancefromRoth.“What?Trustme.Anyofmy...myoldclancomesinmydirection,I’mnotgoingtoopenmyarmstohugthem.”Iignoredthewaveofdreadthatsurfacedwiththe
thoughtofcomingface-to-facewiththemagain.“Well,exceptNicolaiandDez.Ithinktheykindof—”“Shortie,”Rothsaid.Isighed.“Whatever.Let’s
go.”TurningtoStacey,Iwalkedovertogentlyprythepillowshe’dpickedupagainloosefromherwhite-knucklegrip.“Youokaytogooutthere?”Sheblinkedonceandthen
twice.“Whataremyoptions?IstayinherewhileRothtorchestheplace?No,thankyou.”Goodtoseethatevenafter
thedaywe’dhad,Staceycouldstillbeasmart-ass.RothstrodeuptoCayman,
placinghishandontheotherdemon’sshoulder.“Iwantyoutokeepaneyeout,okay?”Thelistofthingsthat
Caymanwouldbekeepinganeyeoutforwasastronomical.“Word.”Cayman
disappeared.Poof.Gone.Shakingmyhead,I
refocusedonStacey.Tearsfilledhereyesasshepeeredupatmethroughdamplashes.“Sam’s...He’sdead,isn’the?”Iplacedthepillowonthe
couchbesideherandkneltdown.Aburningknotof
emotionformedinthebackofmythroat.“Yeah.Heis.”Shesqueezedhereyesshut
asatremorrolledthroughher.“Irememberyoualltalkingaboutthe...theLilinandwhatitdoestopeople.IfSam’sdead,thenhissoul...”HissoulwasinHell.I
knewthat.Staceyalreadyknewthat.Everyoneinthisroomknewthat,andtherecouldbenothingmore
horrificthanbeingtrappedinHell.Hedidn’tdeserveallthehorrifyingthingsthathappenedtosoulsthere.Wrappingmyhands
aroundStacey’s,Isqueezedthemtight.“IpromisewewillgetSam’ssouloutofHell.Ipromise.”
three
“YOUSHOULDN’THAVEmadethatpromise,”ZaynesaidquietlythemomentStaceyhitthegirls’bathroomatthebakeryseveralblocksfromherhouse.I’dtriedtogowithher,butshestatedquitefirmlythatsheneededafewmomentsalone.Isatintheboothclosestto
thewindow,watchingthepeoplerushingoutside,theiraurasadizzyingwashofcolors.Itwassoweirdtoseetheaurasagain.ApartofmehadgottenusedtonotseeingthemwhileBambihadbeenonme,andI’dforgottenhowdistractingtheycouldbe.“Whynot?”Zayneslidinacrossfrom
me.Concernpinchedhisfeatures.“Howareyougoing
togetSam’ssouloutofHell,Layla?RothmaybetheCrownPrince,butIseriouslydoubtthatissomethingthathecanaskfor,evenifhewasongoodtermswiththem.Hellisn’tjustgoingtohandSam’ssoulrightover.”“Ihadn’tgottenthatfarin
myplan.”Actually,I’dbeenhopingthatitwassomethingthatRothcouldhelpusoutwith.Afterall,beingthe
CrownPrincemeanthecouldjustgoaroundlettingThumperfryandeatAlphas.“Butit’ssomethingwehavetodo.Zayne,he’smybestfriend.”Myvoicecracked,andIfeltmytenuouscontrolovermyemotionsstarttoslip.“Evenifhewasn’t,Icouldn’tleavehimthere.Hedidn’tdeservethis.God,Zayne,Samdidnotdeservethis.”
“Iknow.”Zaynedippedhischin,hisgazeneverleavingmine.“I’mnotsuggestingthatweforgetabouthim.”“Wehavetodo
something,”Ireiterated,drawinginadeepbreathasIleanedbackagainstthebooth,restingmyhandsonthesmoothtable.IglancedbacktowardwhereStaceyhaddisappeared.She’daskedfortime,butitwassohardto
giveittoher.Consideringeverythingthathadhappened,Iwassurprisedthatwecouldsithereandtalknormally.“AndthenweneedtofigureoutwhattodoabouttheLilin,andthenwe—”“Hey,slowdownfora
second.”Zaynereachedacrossthetable,foldinghishandovermine.Istudiedhimasmyheartturnedoverheavily.AnytimeIlookedat
himnow,Isawthesmudgesunderhiseyes,andIsawthedulledauraaroundhim.Icouldn’tun-seethat.“Iknowalotofcrazystuffjustwentdown,butyou’vebeenthroughalot.Weneedtotalkaboutit.”Ireallydidnotwanttotalk
aboutanyofthat,becausetherewasagoodchanceIcouldn’thandleit.Zaynehadotherideas.“Do
youknowhowharditisformetositontheothersideofthisboothandnotreachacrossandpullyouagainstme?Justtomakesureyoureallyarealive?”heasked,andmybreathcaughtattherawhonestyinhiswords.“Whathappenedwasn’tyourfault.Youneedtoknowthat.Myclan—ourclan—andmyfathernevershouldhavedonewhattheydid.”
Idroppedmygazetohishand,theonethatheldmineandhadheldmineforsomanyyears.IclosedmyeyesandimmediatelysawZaynelyingonthefloorofmybedroom,paleandstill.IrememberedthewayAbbot,theWardenthathadraisedme,hadlookedatmewhenhefoundhisson,staredatmelikeIwasamonsterhehadhelpedcreate.Pressure
clampeddownonmychestasIrecalledthepanickedflightthroughthecompound,mydesperateattempttoescapeandthefailure.Failurethathadendedwith
mebeingcagedanddrugged,leftaloneinthedarkwithnohopeofeverseeingthedaylightagain.Icouldstillsmellthemustyscentthathadlingeredinthebasementofthecompound,feelthechains
thathadboundmewhenI’dbeenmovedtothesecretwarehouse.“Layla?”Ashudderrolledthrough
measIremindedmyselfIwasn’tinthatcageanymore.Iopenedmyeyesandforcedthosedarkthoughtsoutofmyhead.“Iappreciateyousaying
that.You’reright.Whattheydidtomewaswrong.Iget
thattheythoughtIwastheonecausingtroublearoundthecompound—heck,evenIthoughtIwasadangertoeveryone,buttheywenttoofar.”Mywordskindof
surprisedme.I’dalwaysdefendedAbbot,butIcouldn’tmakeexcusesforhisactionsorthoseofthemajorityofmyclan.Allthesoul-searchingI’ddoneafter
wakingupfromtheblow,thewounddeliveredtomeinfrontofAbbot,hadchangedwhoIwasattheverycore.Therewasnodoubtaboutthat.“Theyactedasthejurywithsomereallycrappycircumstantialevidence,andthentheybecamethejudgeandtheexecutioner.Icould’vedied.Iwould’vediedifithadn’tbeenforDez—andbytheway,howmuch
troubleareheandNicolaiin?”DezandNicolaihadrisked
everythingbyalertingRothtowhatwashappening.Iftheyhadn’tdonethat,Iwouldn’thavebeensittinghererightnow.Zayne’slashesloweredas
hisexpressioncontorted.“Atfirst,thereweretalksofcastingthemout,”hesaid,andIsuckedinabreath.
Castingthemoutmeantthey’dbedisownedfromtheclan,whichwashorribleenoughforasinglemale,butDezhadamateandtwolittlebabies.“ButoncewerealizedthatitwasPetrwreakinghavocaroundthehouse,Abbotbegantoseethelight.NicolaiandDezaresafe.”Witheverythingthathad
happened,I’dforgottenthatZaynehadtoldmethey’d
discoveredPetr’swraith,caughtoncamera.Reliefcoursedthroughme.I’d...I’dkilledtheyoungWardeninself-defensewhenheattackedme,carryingouthisfather’sorders.Elijah.Who’dalsoturnedouttobemyrealfather,sothatmeantPetr,who’dbeentheworstkindofboytherewas,wasmyhalfbrother.Thatstillsickenedme.SinceI’dsuckedout
Petr’ssoul,he’dbecomeawraith.“Youcould’vedied,too.I
could’vetakenyourwholesoul,”Icontinued,keepingmyvoicelow.Thatwasthegiftmymother,Lilith,hadleftmewith—thewonderfulabilitytosuckoutsoulswithasinglekiss.Anyonewhohadonewasindangeriftheygotanywherenearmymouth,whichupuntilrecentlyhad
putarealdamperonthewholedatingbusiness.ButthenRothhadshown
up,andasademon,hewasintheno-soulcategory.Atfirst,I’dloathedhisveryexistence,andlookingback,ithadalottodowithhowhiswordsandactionsmademequestioneverythingtheWardenshadtaughtme.Bynature,demonsweren’tsomethingyou’dinviteinfordinner,butnotall
ofthemwerethewretchedcreaturesI’dbeenconditionedtoabhortoanear-fanaticaldegree.Theyhadtheirpurpose,too.EverysecondI’dspentwithRoth,I’dfallenalittleharderforhim,andI’dsharedsomuchwithhimbeforehe’dsacrificedhimselftosaveZaynefromthefierypitsofHell.I’dthoughtI’dlosthimthen,buthe’dreturned—only
thingshadbeendifferentbetweenuswhenhehad.Rothhaddistancedhimself,toprotectme.ToshieldmefromAbbot.Thentherewaseverything
thathadhappenedwithZayne.I’dbeenraisedwithhim,spentyearsidolizingandlovinghimfromafar.Forthelongesttime,he’dbeenmyeverything,buthe’dbeenaWardenandI’donlybeen
halfWarden—andworse,halfdemon.Betweenhissoulandmygeneticbackground,he’dbeenoff-limits.Afriendshipwithhim,thebondweshared,hadbeenaglimpseofafuturethateveryfemaleWardenwasassuredofbutthatwasneveronthetableforme.Thatknowledgehaddonenothingtostopmygrowingfeelings,andwhenRothhadreturnedfromthe
pits,pushingmeaway,he’dpushedmerightintothearmsofZayne,theboyIneverthoughtwouldreturnmyaffections.I’dbeenwrongaboutthat.I’dbeenwrongaboutalot
ofthings.Zayne’seyesflewopen.
“Butyoudidn’t.”“Barely.”Thatpressure
returned,weighingonmeasIfeltagainthehorrorofthe
nightIrealizedI’dbeenfeedingonZayneinsteadof...insteadofkissinghimback.“IcanseewhereI’vetakensome.Icantellinyouraura.”“I’mfine—”“Nothankstome.The
onlyreasonI’dbeenableto...tokissyoubeforethenwasbecauseofBambi.Whenshewasonme,Icouldcontrolmyabilities.”I
slippedmyhandfree,pressingmylipstogetherasIshookmyhead.“Youcan’toverlookwhatIdidtoyou,andIknowyoucan’tbeahundredpercentokay.”Zaynestaredatme,and
thenheliftedhishand,thrustinghisfingersthroughhishair.“Youstoppedintime.Otherthanfeelingalittletiredand...grumpierthannormal,Iamfine,Layla-
bug.”Myheartsqueezedatthe
useofmynickname.“Grumpierthannormal?”Hisbrowsknittedandfora
moment,Ididn’tthinkhewasgoingtoanswer.“Mytemperiseasiertoignitenowadays.Idon’tknowifthathastodowithwhathappenedbetweenusorifit’sthenaturalresultofeverythingelsegoingonlately.”
IthinkIknewtheanswertothat.Whensomeone’ssoulwasstrippedaway,evenatinypiece,itchangedwhotheywereinsomeway.Maybeitmadesomemorepronetomoodswings,othersmorerecklessandothersviolent.AndapparentlyforZayne,
he’dlostabitofhiskindness,alittleofwhatmadehimabsolutelywonderful,andI
haddonethattohim.Whileithadn’tbeenonpurpose,neitherofus,especiallyme,hadshownanylevelofcommonsensebytryingtobetogether.NeitherofushaddelvedtoodeeplyintowhyallofasuddenIcoulddothingslikekissingwithouttakingasoul.Thenagain,asZaynehad
pointedoutonce,therewasalotmorethatwecould’ve
donethathadn’tinvolvedourmouthstouching.Strangely,sittingacross
fromhim,IrealizedIdidn’tfeelthelongingtofeed.ItwasthefirstthatI’dnoticeditsabsence.Sincemyclanhadturnedonme,I’dbeenstayingwithRothandCayman,andasneitherownedasoul,Ihadn’teventhoughtaboutfeedingonone—somethingthatI’dspent
seventeenyearsfightingtheurgetodo.Now,thoughIwasonce
againsurroundedbysouls,theurgesimplywasn’tthere.Maybetoday’seventshad
shockedmebadenoughthateventhatwasaffected.“I’msorry,”Isaidfinally,
flippingmygazetothestreetbeyondthewindow.ItwasthesecondweekofDecember,andtheskies
aboveWashington,DC,weregrayandthewindbrisk,carryingthescentofsnowintheair.“I’msosorry,Zayne.”“Don’tapologize,”hewas
quicktosay.“Don’teverapologizetome.Idon’tregretanythingthathappenedbetweenus.Notamoment.”DidI?“Anyway,it’snotmeI
wanttotalkabout.Areyouokay?”heasked.“Whatthey
did—”“I’mfine,”Isaid,andit
feltlikealie.“Iwashealedbythewitches.Youknow,theoneswhoworshipLilith.TheygaveCaymansomethingformetodrinkanditworked.”WhichremindedmeofthefactthatCaymanhadtopromisesomethinginreturnandnoneofusknewwhatbargainhe’dstruckyet.“Ihavenoidea
whattheygaveme.”“That’skindof
concerning,”herepliedwryly.Mylipstwitched,and
whenIlookedup,ourgazesmet,andthenheld.Heleanedin,placinghiselbowsontothetable.“Layla,I—”Ashadowfelloverour
table,andwhenIlookedup,IsawStacey’saurafirst.Itwasafaint,mossygreen.A
commoncolor.Puresoulswererare,andthedarkertheshadeoftheaura,themorelikelyitwastheyhadsinned.Stacey’sblotchyfacebrokemyheart.Islidover,sendingZayneaglance.Thelookheworepromisedthatweweren’tdonewiththeconversation.“Howareyoudoing?”I
asked,knowingitwasastupidquestion.
“I’mokay.”Shedidn’tsoundokay.“Ijustneededamomentorfive.”Itwasmoreliketen,butshecouldhaveasmanymomentsassheneeded.Shepaused,smoothingthebackofherhandsoverhercheeks.“I’mokay,right?”Mysmilewasweakas
tearsburnedthebackofmyeyes.“Yes.”Ireachedover,slippingmyarmoverher
shoulders.“Butifyou’renot,that’sokay,too.”Atremorcoursedthrough
herassheleanedin,restingherheadonmyshoulder.Usuallyitwashardifsomeonegotthisclose,butagain,theurgethatexisteddeepwithinwasn’tgnawingatmyinsides.“He’sdead,”shewhispered.Isqueezedmyeyesshut
andforcedmyselftotake
deep,evenbreathstoloosenthemessyknotinmythroat.AllIwantedtodowasholdontoStaceyandbreakdown,becauseSam...God,Samwasgone,anditwaslikeathousandrazorbladeswerechurninginmystomach,butIhadtopullittogetherforStacey.She’dknownSamalotlongerthanme,sincegradeschool,andshehadfalleninlovewithhim.Her
painwasapriorityovermine.Keepingmyarmaround
her,Ididn’tsayanything,becauseIdidn’tknowwhattosayinsituationslikethis.EvenwhenI’dthoughtRothwasgone,Ihadhopethathewasstillalive.Thiswasdifferent.Therewouldbenosurprises.Samwouldnotreappearoneday.Nooneclosetomehadeverdiedbefore,andIknewmymind
hadn’tfullyprocessedtherealityofhimbeinggone.SoIjustheldherasIstaredatthedoor,blindlywatchingthepeoplestreaminginandout.AtsomepointZaynegotupandreturnedwithtwocupsofhotchocolate.Ibarelytastedthesweetness.Idon’tknowhowmuch
timepassedbeforeIfeltthetingleofawarenessalertingmetoademon’spresence.
Acrossfromus,Zaynestiffened,butwhenthedoorclosed,itwasRoth.Hestrolledtoourtable,andZaynescootedover.Normally,Iwould’veburstoutlaughingseeingthemsittingsidebyside.Neitherofthemlooked
exactlycomfortable.Therewasawoodsyscent
thatclungtoRoth’sclothes,asifhe’dbeennearabonfire.
“Tookcareofit,”hetoldStacey.“Yourdownstairsisprettymuchshot.Thefiredepartmentisalreadyontheway.Justrememberyoudidn’tgohomeafterschool.YoucameheretomeetLaylaandZayne.”Swallowinghard,she
noddedasshecircledherhandsaroundthecupofhotchocolate.“Gotit.”Rothtiltedhisheadtothe
side,hisbrowsfurrowedashestudiedher.“You’regoingtodofinewiththis.”WhenStaceynodded
again,hereachedacrossthetable,hishandveeringtotheleft.Hesnatchedupmycupofhotchocolate.Takingasip,hedidn’tevenlookinmydirection.“Helpyourself,”Imuttered
undermybreath.Hislipstwitched.“So
what’sthegameplan,Stony?”Amuscletwitchedalong
Zayne’sjaw.Hehatedthatnickname.“Gameplaninregardstowhatexactly?”“TheLilin,”Rothreplied,
asiftheanswershouldbeobvious.Istiffened.“Idon’tthink
nowisthetimetodiscussthis.”Goldeneyesdriftedfrom
metoStacey.Therewasapause.“Goodpoint.”“No,”Staceysaid,twisting
towardme.“Thisistheperfecttime.”“But—”“Thatthinginmyhouse
wasn’tSam.Itwasn’thim,”shesaid,hervoicerising.Acouplebythedoorglancedoveratuswithfrownsontheirfaces.“Sowhenyoutalkaboutit,theLilin,youaren’t
talkingaboutSam.”Hervoicecaught.“ThatthingisnotSam.”Zayneshiftedforwardin
thebooth.“Areyousure,Stacey?”“Positive,”shewhispered.Chestaching,Iglancedat
theboys,andthennodded.“Okay.”Rothplacedmycupback
downinfrontofmeandthenleanedbackagainstthe
cushionedseat,turninghisheadtowardZayne.“SoundedliketheAlphasmight’vealreadyspokentotheWardens,andifthat’sthecase,Ifinditaweebitinterestingyouhaven’tsaidanything.”“WhenwouldIhavehad
thetimetosaysomethingevenifthatwasthecase?”Zayneretorted,voiceclipped.“BetweenseeingLaylaand
whentheAlphasactuallyshowedup?”Rothliftedhisbrows.“Are
yougettingsnappywithme?”“Whatdoesitsoundlike?”
Zaynereturned.“Idon’tknow.”Aslight
smileformedonhislipsashethrewhisarmalongthebackofthecushion.Isighed,becauseIknewthatlook.“Butyoucatchingatonewithmeisaboutasinterestingas
readinguponthebenefitsofawaterpurificationsystem.”Istaredathim.Onlya
handfulofhoursago,ZaynehadthankedRothforsavingme.Theyhadactuallybeenpolitetoeachother.IguessedIshouldn’tbesurprisedthathadn’tlastedverylong.“Roth.”“Hmm?”Myeyesnarrowed.“Knock
itoff.”
Thesmilespreaduntiltherewasaflashofwhiteteeth.“Anythingforyou,Shortie.”OhLord.Zaynemovedhisgazeto
me,andIcouldn’tdecipherwhatIsawinhisstare.“Idon’tknowiftheAlphashavespokentomyfatheryet.Ihaven’treallybeen...talkingtohimrecently,andtheyhaven’tshowedatthe
compoundwhileI’vebeenthere.”“WhatIdon’tunderstand
iswhytheAlphaswouldthinkthatyourkindwouldbetheonestostoptheLilin.Youhavesouls,thereforeyouhaveamajorvulnerability.”Rothwaseyeingwhatwasleftofmyhotchocolate.“Mykinddoesn’t.”“Notsomethingtogloat
about.”Zayneexhaledloudly,
andIresistedtheurgetobangmyheadagainstthetable.“Look,I’llcheckinandseeifIcanfindanythingout.”“Fine,butwehaveabigger
problem,”Rothwarned.Staceylookedupfromher
cup.“Wedo?”Iwantedtoechothat
statement,becauseIwasn’tsureexactlywhatcouldbebiggerthantakingdownacreaturethatcouldinflictso
muchpainanddestruction.“WhataretheWardens
goingtodooncetheyrealizeLaylaisaliveandwell?”TherewasalowrasptoRoth’svoicethatresembledagrowl.“That’swhatI’mconcernedabout.”Zayne’slipsthinned.
“Theywilldonothing.Theyknowshe’snotthecauseofwhathappened—”“Thatdoesn’tundo
anythingthey’vedone,”Rothcutin.“Ididn’tsaythatitdid.”
ThehandZaynerestedonthetablestartedtodeepentoagranitecolor.“I’mnotgoingtoallowthemtotouchher.”Iopenedmymouthto
pointoutagainthatIwasn’tgoingtoallowthemtotouchme,butRothgotrightupinZayne’sface.“AndI’mnotgoingtoforgetasinglething
thatwasdonetoher,”hewarned.“Ihaven’tforgottenhowshecamebacktomewithclawmarksonherface.”Suckinginasharpbreath,I
leanedbackagainstthecushionasStaceyturnedtome.“Youwereclawedintheface?”Iclampedmymouthshut
asIstaredather,refusingtolookatZayneorevenRoth,butIdidn’tneedtospare
evenabriefglanceintheirdirectiontoknowthetwohadlockedeyes.WhenZaynehadkissedme,andIhadinadvertentlystartedtofeedonhissoul,he’dbeguntoshiftandhadclawedmeinanattempttobreaktheconnection.Therewasnotasinglepartofmethatthoughthe’dmeanttotrulyhurtme.Rothhadtoknowthat,too.Stacey’seyessearched
mine,andshemust’veseenthetruth,becauseasimpossibleasitseemed,anevengreatersadnessfilledhergaze.“Iwillneverforgive
myselfforthat.”Zayne’squietvoicebrokethetersesilence,andIwhippedaroundtofacehim.Rothtippedhischindown.
“NeitherwillI.”“Stopit.”Iclenchedthe
endofthetable.“Talkingaboutthatisn’tgettingusanyplace.Itdoesn’tmatter.”“Itdoesmatter,”Roth
replied.“Becausenomatterwhat,Iwouldnever,everhurtyou.”Zaynejerkedbackasif
he’dtakenafatalblow.“Butyouhave.”My
knuckleswerestartingtoache.“Youhavehurtme.”Maybenotphysically,but
Rothhadhurtmeinthepast.Wordscouldcutjustasdeepassharpenedclaws,andwhiletheskincouldheal,thewoundswordsleftbehindneverfadedasquickly.Hemight’vebeentryingtoprotectme,butthathadn’tlessenedthestingonebit.Roth’sgazemetmine,and
thenhisthicklasheslowered,shieldinghiseyes.Silent,hesatbackandfoldedhisarms
acrosshischest.Zaynestaredatthetabletop,alockofblondhairfallinginhisface.Tensionseepedfrombothofthem,andmyskinfeltlikeitwasstretchedtoothin.Stacey’sphonerangand
shedugitoutofherbagwithashakinghand.Shestartedtostand.“It’sMom.”Glancingatmewithwateryeyes,shelookedyearsyounger.“Icandothis.”
“Youcandothis.”Ireachedoutandsqueezedherarmthroughhersweater.Hereyeshadawild,panickedlookaboutthem.Iheardheranswerthe
phoneasshewalkedovertotheentrydoorandslippedoutside.Mygazetrackedherasshestartedtopacebehindanemptybench.Ijustwantedtocrawlunderthetableandrockforalittlebit.Ifigured
thatcouldn’tbetoomuchtoask.Zayneclearedhisthroat.
“Youknowthis,butyoucan’tgobacktothecompound.There’replacesthatyoucanstay,whereyouwillbesafe.”“Ihaveaplacetostay,”I
toldhim,takingasipofmynow-lukewarmhotchocolate.Hisjawhardened.“With
him?”
Surprisingly,Rothremainedquiet,whichmademefeellikeIneededtocheckifhewasalive.Isetthecupasideandrestedmyarmsonthetable,morethanjustexhausted.Morelikewearytomyverycore.“It’saplacethat’ssafe,”Isaid.“Andyes,it’swithRothandCayman.”Zayneopenedhismouth,
andthenclosedit.Severalsecondspassedandtheyfelt
likethetickofeternity.“Whatareyougoingtodo,Layla?”Thequestioncarriedalot
ofweight,becauseIknewitwentbeyondjustwhereIwasstayingforthenightorthenextcoupleofdays.TherewassomuchIdidn’tknowtheanswerto.Schoolwasupintheair.WhereIwouldbelivingwascompletelyundecided.Howwecould
defeattheLilinorsaveSam’ssoulstillunknown.IhadnoideawhatwasgoingonwhenIshiftedtoday.Andtherewasmore—therewasRothandZayne,twoverydifferentguysthatIhadlovedandfalleninlovewith.Staceyreturned,savingme
fromhavingtoanswerthequestion.Hermomwasinhysterics,asexpected,andStaceyneededtogotoher
aunt’shouse.Thefourofusheadedout
intothechillyair.StaceyandRothwalkedahead,butIstoppedandturnedaround.Withmyheartbeatingfast,IwalkedbacktowhereZaynestoodbehindthebenchStaceyhadpacednear.Stretchingup,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim.Therewasamomentofhesitation,andthenhereturnedtheembrace,
holdingmesotightthatmycheekpressedagainsthischest.Thehugfeltgood,more
thangood.Itwaslikecominghomeafteralongday,anditwashardtobreakawayfromthat.“WhenwillIseeyou
again?”heasked,hisvoicethick.“Soon,”Ipromised.Hisarmstightenedaround
me.“Pleasebesafe,Layla.Please.”“You,too.”“Ofcourse,Layla-bug.”Ilookedupintohiseyes.“I
neverblamedyoufortheclawmarks,sopleasedon’tblameyourselfforsomethingthatIdon’tevenneedtoforgiveyoufor.”
***
RothandIdidn’ttalkonthedrivebacktothehouseacrosstheriver,inMaryland.Istillhadnoideahowthey’dcomeintopossessionoftheMcMansion,onlythatCaymanhadacquireditatsomepoint,andIfigureditwasbestthatIdidn’tasktoomanyquestions.I’dspentseveralhours
withStaceyandhermomandlittlebrotheratheraunt’s
ginormoushomewhileRothlingeredoutsidedoing...demonthingsorwhatever.Itwaslate,almostmidnight,bythetimewe’dleftherhouseandmadeitbacktothisone.Ididn’tknowwhyRoth
wassoquiet,butIappreciatedit,becauseIdidn’thavethebrainpowertoholdaconversationortoreallythinkaboutanything.
RothparkedthevintageMustanginthegarage,andthehousewasdarkandsilentwhenwewalkedin.Theplacewastoastywarm,buttherewasnosignofCayman.IclimbedthespiralstaircaseanddraggedmyselfdownthehalltothebedroomI’dwokenupinafterthey’dfirstrescuedmefromtheWardens.WhenIreachedtheclosed
door,ItuckedmyhairbackbehindmyearasIglancedovermyshoulderatRoth.Hestoodafewfeetdown
thehall,leaningagainstthewallwithhishandsinhispocketsandthebackofhisheadpressedagainstthewall.“I’lltaketheroomhere,”hesaid,notlookinginmydirection.He’dstayedwithmewhileI’dbeenhealing,butnowtherereallywasno
reasontobe...bunkingtogether.“Ifyouneedanything,thedoorwillbeunlocked.”Myhandtightenedaround
thedoorknob.“Thankyou.”Ihadnoideaifheknew
whatIwasthankinghimfor,buthenodded.Neitherofusmovedforalongmoment.HecontinuedtostareatnothingwhileIstaredathim.FinallyIpushedout,“Goodnight,
Roth.”Hedidn’trespond.Turningtheknob,Ipushed
openthedoorandimmediatelyheadedforthebedsidelamp,flippingiton.Theroomwashuge,themastersuite,andfurnishedwithstunningantiques.I’dneverfeltmoreoutof
placeasIgatheredupthepajamasCaymanhadbroughtmeafewdaysagoand
quicklychangedintothecottonbottomsandlooseshirt.AtleastthenightwearwasnothingliketheotherclothingheandRothhadpickedoutforme.Iwashalfsurprisedthattheyhadn’tgivenmeaskimpynightie.Ipaddedbarefootintothebathroom,onemuchlargerthanthebathroomattachedtomybedroombackintheWardens’compound.Well,
myoldbedroom.Definitelynotmineanymore.Nothinginthathousewas
mineanymore.Thelightinthebathroom
washarshandbrightasIbrushedmyteethandwashedmyface,leavinglittlepuddlesonthemarblebasinanddropletsonmyshirt.Iwassomessywhenitcametothesethings.MorethanonceI’dendedupwithtoothpastein
myhairandlookinglikeIwasenteringawetT-shirtcontest.AsIturnedoffthefaucet,I
lookedupandsawmyreflectioninthemirror.ButIdidn’tseemyself.Notreally.WhenIclosedmyeyes,Isawthesamething—thesameimage.IsawSam.IsawSamsmiling.Isaw
himlaughing.Isawtheskin
aroundhiseyescrinkling,andasIsteppedbackfromthesink,Icouldhearhimspoutingoffsomerandom,obscurepieceofknowledgelikehowafrozenbananacouldactasahammer.IcouldseehimfiddlingwithhisglassesandgazingatStacey,unabletopullhiseyesoffherevenwhenshe’dbeencompletelyoblivioustohisattraction.Icouldseehim
soclearly,asifhereallywasstandinginthebathroomwithme.“OhGod,”Iwhispered,
andmyfacecrumpled.Therewasnooneinthere
toseeme,butIslappedmyhandsovermyeyesasIpressedagainstthewall.AshudderrockedmeasthetearsI’dbeenfightingallafternoonandeveningfinallybrokefree.
Samwasgone.Theknowledgewaslike
gettinghitbyaspeedingsnowplow,andthengettingstuckunderthewheelsanddraggeddownabumpyroad.Tearspouredoutofmeasmyshouldersshookwiththeforceofthem.Irememberedthefirsttime
I’dmethim.Wesharedahistoryclassmyfreshmanyear,andI’dbeensuchabig
goober,toonervousaboutmyfirstforayintopublicschooltofindthepensinmybag,sohe’dgivenmeoneofhiswhileexplainingthatanaverageofonehundredpeopleayearchokeonpens.Astrangledlaughescaped
me.God,howdidSamknowallofthatstuff?Whoknewthatkindofstuff?Samdid,butI’dneverknowtheanswertothatquestionand
thathurt.Tryingtopullittogether
andfailing,Isliddownthewallandtuckedmykneesagainstmychest.Pressingmyfaceagainstmyleg,Iscreameditout,allthepain,theangerandthesadness.Thesoundwasmuffled,anditdidverylittletoeasethestormofemotionsswirlinginsideme.Iwantedtoscreamagain,torage.
Ididn’thearthebathroomdooropen,butsuddenlyanarmcircledmyshoulders,andthenRothwassittingonthefloorbesideme.Hedidn’tsayanythingashehauledmeintohislap,andIwasincapableofutteringasinglewordasIburiedmyfaceintohischest,inhalingtheuniquemuskyscentandsoakinguphiswarmth.Thetearsfellfasterandharder.Therewas
nogainingcontrolinanyofthis.Rothheldon,onearmwrappedaroundme,theotherhandburiedinmyhair,curvingaroundthebackofmyhead.Hedidn’twhisperwordsofcomfort,becausetherewasabsolutelynothingthatcouldbesaid.Myhearthadcrackedwide-openanditwasraw,painful.Itwasunfair.Icrieditalloutinthe
bathroomofahousethatdidn’tbelongtome,heldintheprotectivearmsoftheCrownPrinceofHell.Imournedthelossofmybestfriend.
four
SITTINGCROSS-LEGGEDINthecenteroftheking-sizebed,IkeyedZayne’sandStacey’snumbersintothecellphoneCaymanhaddepositedoutsidemyroomthismorning.Ihadterrible,horrificluck
withcellphones.I’dleftbehindagraveyardofcell
phones,pilesofphonesthatsimplyhadthemisfortuneofendingupinmyhands,butlikeIhadwitheveryonebeforeit,Ireallyhopedthistimewasdifferent.LikethelastphoneZayne
hadpickedupforme,itwasaniftysmartphone,butthisoneanevennewerandfancierversion.Oddly,nomatterwhichwayIpositionedmyfingeroverthelittlebutton,it
wouldn’treadmyfingerprint.Technology.Sigh.Droppingthephoneonthe
bedinfrontofme,Iblinkedblearyeyes.I’dcriedsomuchlastnight,myeyesnowfeltlikesandpaperwastapedtothebackofmylids.I’dcrieduntilIfellasleeponabathroomfloor,inRoth’sarms.Hemust’vecarriedmetobed,butIdidn’tremember
that,thoughIdidrememberhowgooditfelttobeheldbyhim.HewasgonewhenIwokeupandIhadn’tseenhimorBambiatalltoday.Iguessedshewasonhim.Itriednottopanicabout
theirabsence,butitwashard.ThewaythingsweregoingtherewasagoodchancethatCaymanandRothhadunderestimatedtheextentoftheirBoss’sreactionto
Roth’sactionsyesterdaywiththeAlphasandThumper.Mythoughtsroamedfrom
RothtoZayneandthenbacktoRoth,forminganendlesscirclebeforeSamandStaceybrokethecycle.Thelossofhimwasgoingtohurtsomethinghorribleforalongtimetocome,butasbadlyasIfelt,itwasnothingcomparedtoStacey’spain.IflosingSamhadtaught
meanything,itwastoseizelife—seizeeverythingithadtooffer,includingthetears,theangerandloss,butmostofall,thelaughterandthelove.Tojustseizelife.Becauseitwasfleetingand
itwasfickle,andnoone,notmeoranyoneIknew,hadanotherday,letaloneanothersecondpromisedtothem.Scootingoffthebed,I
grabbedthephoneandmademywaydownstairs.ThecloserIgottothekitchen,thestrongerthescentofparadisegrew.Bacon.Ismelledbacon.Mystomachgrumbled,andIpickedupmypace.IfoundCaymaninthekitchen,makingeggsonthestove.Sureenough,baconsizzledonagriddlebesidethem.“Morning,”hesaidwithout
turningaround.Hishairwaspulledbackinahotpinkclipwithabedazzledbutterflyattachedtoit.Asmallsmilecreptontomyface.“Youlikeyoureggsscrambledorwhat?”“Scrambledisfine.”I
hoppeduponthebarstoolpositionedatthelargeisland.“Good.Mykindofgirl.”
Heflippedthebacon,andthenheadedtothefridge,
twirlingthespatulaashewalked.Openingthedoor,hereachedinsideandgrabbedasmallbottleofOJ.Turning,hetosseditinmydirection,andIcaughtitbeforeitsmackedmeintheface.“Pickedsomeoftheseup,too.”Iglanceddownatthe
bottle.“Howdidyouknow?”Heliftedhisbrows,and
thenshookhishead,turning
backtothestove.BaconsnappedandpoppedasIsetthebottledown.RothhadtohavetoldhimthattheOJhelpedwiththecravings,asdidanythingsweet.WhenI’dwokenup,thefamiliarburningsensationinthepitofmystomachwasthere,eventhoughithadbeenabsentyesterday.Still,itwasminorcomparedtowhatIwasusedto.
“So,whatareyouplanningtodotoday?”Caymanasked,scoopinguptheeggsanddroppingthemontwoplates.“Idon’tknow.”Dragging
mystill-damphairoveroneshoulder,Itwisteditwithmyhands.“IwasgoingtocheckinwithZaynelaterandseeifhe’dheardanythingabouttheAlphas,andthencallStacey.I’m...I’mworriedabouther.”“She’llgetthroughit.
Seemslikeastronggirl.”“Sheis,”Iagreed.“But
losingsomeoneis...”“Iimagineit’shard,butI
reallydon’tknow.Ihaven’tlovedanythingoranyoneotherthanmyself,”hereplied,andIliftedabrowatthat.Atleasthewashonest.“Gottosucktolosethat.”“Itdoes.”Iscrewedoffthe
lidoftheOJ,feelingtheheavinessinmychest.Ihad
noideahowlongitwouldtakeforthattofade.IthoughtbacktowhenRothhadsacrificedhimself;therehadbeenmomentswheretheburdenofpaineased,butithadalwaysresurfacedwithabittervengeance.Caymangatheredupthe
slicesofbacon,spreadingthemoutonourplatesbeforejoiningmeattheisland.Ifsomeonetoldmeayearago
I’dbeeatingscrambledeggsandbaconmadebyademon,Iwould’velaughedintheirfaceandtoldthemthatcrackwaswhack.Timeshadmostdefinitely
changed.Ipickedupapieceofbacon.“What’sgoingonwithyou
andZayne?”Inearlychokedonthe
bacon.MyeyeswateredasIgrabbedtheOJandtooka
hugeswallow.“Excuseme?”Icroaked.Ahalfsmileformedashe
forkedupsomeeggs.“YouandZayne,thegorgeousgargoyle.What’sgoingonthere?”“Howdoyouknow
something’sgoingon?”Caymanrolledhiseyes.
“Honey-child,ablindpersoncouldseethere’smajortension.What’sthescoop?”
Heatblastedacrossmycheeks.Wellthen.“I...”Ihadnoideahowtoanswerthatquestion,becauseIwasn’tevensuremyself.“Idon’tknow.”Hesentmealonglook.
“Ah,Ithinkyoutotallyknow,butyou’rejustnotreadytoputitintowords.”Shovinganothersliceof
baconintomymouth,Ieyedhim.“Oh,doyounow?”
“Yeah.Yourshitiscomplicated.Igotyou,butIknowwhat’sreallygoingonthere,soI’mabouttogoallcometoJesuswithyou.”Settinghisforkdown,heleanedoverandwhisperedthe“truth”inmyear.Ijerkedback,hiswords
echoing—no,actuallytauntingme—andangerroseinmeswiftly.Iglaredathim,myhandtightonthefork.
SomethingaboutwhathesaidwassotrueIwantedtokickitbackinhisface.“Idon’twanttotalktoyouaboutthis.”Hechuckled.“Whatever
floatsyourboat.”Ignoringhim,Idevoured
therestofmybreakfast,thenIgotupanddumpedtheplateandsilverwareinthedishwasher.WhenIfacedhim,hewasstillgrinning.Icrossedmyarms.“Where’s
Roth?”“He’sout.”Iwaitedandtherewasno
answer.“Doingwhat?”“Things,”hereplied.
“Demonduties.”Sighing,Ileanedagainst
thecounter.“You’rerealhelpful.”Winking,hehelduphis
emptyplatebetweentwofingers.Aircrackled,andthenflamessparkedoffthe
tipofhisfingers,climbingtheplate.MyeyeswidenedasIwatchedthefirecompletelyobliteratetheplate.Theforkwentupinflamesnext.“Well,that’sonewayto
cleanup,”Imurmured.“Justalittletrickofthe
trade.”Hewipedtheashesoffhishands.“Butgoingbacktothenotbeinghelpfulpart,I’llhaveyouknowI’mveryhelpful.Askmehow
youcangetSam’ssoulback.”Iblinked.“What?”Hesighed.“Askmehowto
getSam’ssoulbackfromHell.Youknow,soyoucanmakesurehegoeswherehe’ssupposedto,whichI’massumingisbeyondthosebigpearlygatesinthesky.”Slowly,Iunfoldedmy
arms.“YouknowhowtogetSam’ssoul?”
“Yep.ThoughIthinkRothwouldpreferthatIdidn’ttellyou.Nowgetthatlookoffyourfacethatmakespeoplethinkabirdjustcrappedonyourhead.”Mybrowsflewup.That’s
howIlooked?Hecontinued,“Rothmight
knowaway,butIdon’tthinkthat’swherehisheadisrightnow.Honestly,I’mnotsureifIevenwanttoknowwhere
hisheadisatthemoment.”Uneaseblossomedinmy
bellyasIinchedtowardthekitchenisland.Caymanwatchedmeclosely.“Sohere’sthedeal.Thereisonebeingwhowatchesoverthesoulsdownbelowandonlythatbeingcanreleaseasoul.Atleast,mostofthetime.Ifthepersonisnotcompletelydeadandishoveringinthein-between,thenboththe
Bossandthebigguyintheskygetthechoiceofeitherreleasingthesoulorpullingitback.”“Pullingitback?”Ileaned
in,placingmyhandsonthecoolgranitesurface.“Asinbringthembackfromthedead?”Heshookhishead.“We
don’tliketousethatparticularphrasing.Morelikepullthembackfromthebrink
ofdeath.”“Okay,”Imurmured,but
hopesparkedandburnedbright.IknewitwascrappyofmetoonlybeconcernedaboutSam’ssoulwhentherewereotherswhohadalsoendedupunfairlyinHell,butIwasalsosmartenoughtorealizethatIwasn’tgoingtobeabletogointhereandsaveeveryone.OrmaybeIcould.Myspinestiffened.I
couldatleasttry.“Semantics,”Isaid.“YousaysemanticsandI
saythebalanceoftheuniverse.”Istaredathimamoment,
andthenmovedon.“CanwebringbackSamsince—”“No,sweetandincredibly
naivechild,youcannotbringhimback.”Proppinghiselbowsonthecounter,Caymanrestedhischininhis
hand.“Samisdead.Asindead,dead.”Disappointmentcrushed
me,buttherewasstillsomethingtograsponto.Ifwecouldn’tbringSamback,wecouldmakesurehissoulwasintherightplace.“Howdoesitwork?Gettingasoulbackandmakingsureit’sintherightafterlife?”“Well,whenapersondies,
theAlphasdecidewheretheir
soulgoes.Typicallythesoulgoeswhereitbelongs.Thereisnonegotiation,beggingorwhining.Ifit’smeanttogodownbelow,that’swhereitgoes.”Hepaused.“UnlesstheirsoulisstrippedawaybyaLilin...orsomeonelikeyou.Inthoseinstancesitonlygoesinonedirection.Sucks.Totallyunfair,butthat’sjustthewayitis.”Someonelikeyou.
NormallythereminderofwhatIwaswould’vebeenasmackintheface,butthat...thatabilitywasapartofme.Itdidn’tmakemeevil.Sittingbackdownonthe
stool,IpickeduptheOJ.“Howdowegethissoulback,Cayman?”“YougotoGrim.”Ifeltmylipspinch.
“Grim?”Caymangrinnedandsaid
nothing.Ittookamoment,butthen
Igotit.Rockingbackonthestool,IwassurprisedIdidn’tfallrightoff.“Grim,asintheGrimReaper?”“Hedoesn’tliketobe
calledthatsincethat’sthebastardizedversionofhisname.”Caymanspunonhisbarstool,acompletecircle.“Youcouldn’tevenpronouncehisrealname,so
let’sjustgowithGrim.He’scoolwiththat.He’stheguardianofthesoulsdownbelowandhe’stheonlyonewhocanreleasethem.”Imulledthatoverfora
moment.“Ishenice?”Caymanstoppedmidspin
andthrewhisheadback,laughinglongandhard.“No,incrediblysweetandnaivechild,heisnot.He’sasoldastimeandhasthetemperament
ofsomeonewhoshitthebedandhasbeenrollingaroundinitallday.”Mynosewrinkled.“Ew.”“Ontheplusside,it’s
actuallyprettysimpletogetdowntothefierypitsinthefirstplace.YoujusttakeoneoftheelevatorsinthePalisades,”hecontinued,referencingtheapartmentbuildingRothnormallylivedin,whichalsohouseda
demonicclub.“Butyoucan’ttakeRothwithyou.TheBossisstillpissed,andsoaresomeoftheotherUpperLeveldemons.Theygettheirhandsonhim,theyaregoingtodelayhim.”“So...soI’dhavetogo
alone?”Ashiverdanceddownmyspine.“ToHell?”“Mostlikely.I’dgowith
you,but...Yeah,Ireallydon’twanttotalktoGrim.”
“Yoursupportmeanstheworldtome,”Imuttered,andthentookadrinkoftheOJ.“Allofthisseemstooeasy.IjusttakeanelevatordowntoGrimandaskforSam’ssoul?”Caymanlaughedagain.
“I’mbeginningtothinkyourdarlingnaïveteisactuallyadorableidiocy.You’relikethecuteversionofthevillageidiot.”
“Wow.”Iscowled.“Youreallyknowhowtostrokeagirl’sego.”Hespunonthestoolagain
andthebutterflyclipslippedinhishair.“WhatcanIsay?Guysaremoremyfieldofexpertise.Butbacktothetopicathand—no,gettingSam’ssoulwon’tbeaseasyasyoumakeitsound,butluckyforyou,you’llhavesometimetoplanyour
strategy.Grimisn’tdownbelowrightnow.He’s...off,kindoflikevacationing.”“TheGrimReaper
vacations?”Disbeliefdrippedfrommyvoice.“Ifyou’dbeendoingajob
fortwothousand-plusyears,you’dneedavacation,too.”Hiskneesknockedintomine.“Okay.He’snotreallyvacationing,butheissomeplacemuchmore
pleasantthanthepitsatthemoment.Hepullsdoubleoccupancy.”“Whatdoesthatmean?
Anddon’tcallmeanidiotagain.I’mnotfamiliarwithallyourdemonlingo.”Caymanglancedupatthe
ceilingandthendowntothefloor.“Yougetit?”“He’supthere?”Ipointed
attheceiling.“Anddownbelow,too?Hegoesboth
places?”“Ofcourse.He’stheGrim
Reaper,whichmeanshe’sactuallya—Oh,it’slikeagameofTaboo.I’llgiveyouexamplesandyouguesswhathereallyis.”Caymanclappedhishandstogetherlikeaseal.“Hehaswingsand—”“Anangel.”Icuthimoff.
“He’sanangel.”Cayman’sexpressionfell.
“You’renofun.”
Ididn’tknowalotaboutallthedifferentkindsofangels,butIwasguessingGrimwasactuallyanangelofdeath,maybetheoriginalone,soIsupposeditmadesensethathedividedhistimebetweenHeavenandHell.Honestly,Ididn’tevencare.WhatwasimportantwasthattherewassomethingwecoulddoforSam,andmaybeifIwaslucky,forallthose
theLilinhadsentencedtoHell.“He’sbacksoon,next
Fridayourtime.”Caymanleanedover,tweakedmynose,andthenlaughedwhenIsmackedhishandaway.“Becausethat’syouronlyoption,goingdownthere.Youain’tgoingupthere.”Well,duh.ButFridaywas
sixlongdaysaway.Iswallowedhard.“Idon’t
knowifIcanwaitthatlong.Sam’ssoul...”“Youdon’thaveachoice,
Layla.”Theplayfulnessslippedaway.“NooneelsecanreleasehissoulbutGrim,andthereisnowayforyoutoentertheheavenstotalktohim.Nonewhatsoever,especiallynow.”Myearsperked.
“Especiallynow?Howistodayanydifferentthan
yesterday?IneverthoughtIcouldenterHeavenbefore—wait.Doyouknowsomethingaboutmywings,whythey’refeathered?”Hislipstwitched.“Yousay
featheredlikeit’sabadhairstyle.Thenagain,featheredhairisreallybad.”“Cayman,”Igriped,losing
mypatience.“Whyworryaboutyour
awesomelysuperiorwings
whenyouhaveaLilinwho’sgoingtoquicklyrealizethatthereisnowayinholyHellthatLilithwillbegettingfreeandthat’snojoke.TheBosshasheronlockdown.She’sgoingnowhere,mylittlefrostedcupcake.”Mylipspursed.Histerms
ofendearmentwerelessthanendearing.“Andwhatdoyouthink
thatLilinisgoingtodowhen
itrealizesmommydearestisnotgettingfreeandthere’snothingthatitcando?”Heraisedhisarmsandwiggledhisfingers.Totaljazzhands.“Chaoswillensue,andwhatdoyouthinkwillhappenwhenchaosensues?TheAlphaswillstepin,andtherewillbesomanyofthemthatThumperwouldgetanupsetstomachtryingtoeatthemall.Wedon’twantthat.For
realsies.”Iopenedmymouth.“Andwhyworryabout
yoursleek-assfeatheredwingswhenyouhaveanentireclanofWardenswhojustfoundoutinthelasttwenty-fourhoursthatyou’rereallynotdead?Becausetrustme,theyknow.Zaynewouldn’thavetotellthem.TheAlphaswouldhave.Somearen’tgonnabehappy
aboutyoursurvival.Ohno,sugarbear.Thenthere’sthewholewitchthing,anddon’tevenaskmewhattheywantedinreturnforsavingyourbutt,becauseIamnotgonnabethebearerofthatbadnewsbears.”Isnappedmymouthshut.
Goodiegumdrops,Iwasreallystartingtofeelsuperstressedout.Hewasn’tdone.“Andwhy
stressoverwingsingeneralwhenyou’regoingtobreaksomeone’sheart?”“What?”Isnapped.Caymanpoppedoffthebar
stool,allgrins.“Let’sstopplayingaround,myownpersonalBeanieBaby.Zayne’sinlovewithyou.Roth’sinlovewithyou.”Iinhaledsharply,butthe
aircaughtinmythroat.“Bothwoulddoanything
foryou—live,breatheanddieforyou,butyoucan’thavebothofthem,Layla.”Myhandsfelltomythighs
andIwhispered,“Iknowthat.”“Andyouknowwhichone
istherealdeal,”hecontinued,eyeingmeintently.“Youknow,theforeverkindoflove,sowhyareyoudraggingthisshitout?”
“I’mnotdragginganythingout,”Iprotested.“Iwaskindofoutofit,youknow,whatwiththewholebeingheldprisonerandthennearlykilledbymyownclanthing.ThenIwasholeduphererecovering,andthenyesterdayhappened.”Frustrated,Ijumpedoffthestoolandstalkedaroundtheisland.“AndmaybeIdon’tthinkit’stherighttimefor
metobewitheitherofthem.Didyoueverthinkaboutthat?”Caymancockedhisheadto
theside.“Whenisthereeverarighttimetofullygiveyourhearttoanother?Therearealwaysgoingtobeobstacles.Youjusthavetodecidewhichonesareworthit.”“Whatever.”Icrossedmy
arms.Hemimickedmystance.
“Don’tbeacoward.”“Excuseme?”“A.Coward,”herepeated,
andIbrieflyconsideredpickingupthevaseinthecenteroftheislandandthrowingitathim.“Notmakingachoiceisthecoward’swayout.Youlovebothofthem.Igetthat.Butyoudon’tfeelthesamekindofloveforbothofthem,andthesooneryouacceptthat,
thebetter.”“Whyarewetalkingabout
thisagain?Andwhydoyouevencare?”Caymansmiled.“Because
I’macaringsortofdemon.”“Ugh,”Igroaned,throwing
upmyhandsasfrustrationandpanicfoughttheirwaythroughme.Caymanmadeitsoundsoeasy,likeIwasn’tgoingtoloseoneofthem,butIwas.Callmeselfish,butthe
ideaofnothavingbothoftheminmylifeterrifiedme.“Youcanbesoannoying.”“Don’thate,”hesaid,
grinning.“Procreate.”NowIjustglaredathim.“Procreatewiththeright
guy,”headded.“Justwantedtoclarifythat.”“OhmyGod,”Imoaned,
leaningoverandplacingmyforeheadonthecounter.Istayedlikethatevenafter
IfeltCaymanexittheroom—andprobablytheentirehouse,becauseafterafewmoments,Ididn’tsenseademon.Thegranitecountertop
reallywascoolandsmooth,andfeltgoodagainstmyflushedface.MaybeI’dstaylikethisallday.Soundedlikeaplan.Betterthan...No,notbetterthan
listeningtowhatCaymanhadsaidaboutZayneandRoth.
Hewasright.OhGod,hewassocreepilyright.Ididlovebothguys.Ireallydid,andtheideaofhurtingoneofthemorlosingoneofthemmademewanttohurl,butCaymanwasalsorightaboutafewmorethings.Icouldn’thavebothof
them.AndwhatIfeltforthem
wasdifferent.Therewasnohidingthat.It
hadalwaysbeenthatway.Bothmademehappy.Bothmademelaugh.Bothfilledmewithlongingandmademygirliepartsallkindsofhappy.Butonlyonereallymademe...Well,therewasonlyone
thatIknewIwouldalwaysbehappywith,onethatIwouldalwayslaughwith.OnethatIdidmorethanlongfor,butyearnedfor,andeachsecond
thatpassedignoringitwasasecondIwouldn’tgettospendwithhim—asecondIwouldn’tlivelifewithloveinit,realloveinit,thekindthatdidhavelastingpower.DespitewhatCaymansaid,
Iwasn’tsurethatbothofthemweretrulyinlovewithme.Iwasn’tintheirheads,butthewaytheyfeltdidn’tmatterwhenitcamedowntoit.ItwashowIfelt,andI
wouldn’tsettle.Ialsodidn’texpectthemtosettle.Myforeheadwasstarting
tosticktothegranite.Forthefirsttimeindays,I
letmyselfreallythinkaboutRoth’swords,theonesIthoughtI’dhallucinatedbeforeIhadpassedoutfrommywoundsandwhateverthewitcheshadgivenme.Iloveyou,Layla.I’ve
lovedyousincethefirst
momentIheardyourvoiceandIwillcontinuetoloveyou.Nomatterwhat.Iloveyou.Rothhadprettymuch
confirmedthatIhadinfactheardthosewordsspokenwithsuchsweeturgency,buttherewasthispartofmethatjustcouldn’tbelieveit.OrmaybeIdidn’twantto,becausewhenIthoughtaboutwhatRothsaid,Ialso
rememberedwhatZaynehadsaidwhenhe’dseenmestandinginStacey’slivingroom.Iwouldknowifapartof
myheartwasgone.Myentirebeingfeltlikeit
wassqueezedtothepointofpain.TherewereallthesecretsthatZaynehadtoldme,howhehadwaited...forme.Still,Ihadspentyearswantinghimanditnever
seemedpossiblethatIwouldeverhavehim.MaybeIwasjustscared
outofmymindtofinally—Lostinmyownthoughts,I
didn’trecognizetheawarenessthatseepedintomyskin,alertingmetoanotherpresenceinthehouseuntiladeepvoicerumbledthroughoutthekitchen.“Whatintheworldareyou
doing,Shortie?”
Jerkingback,IliftedmyheadasIpressedmypalmagainstmychest.Heartpounding,IwatchedRothwalktowardtheislandandstop.Hewasdressedmuchlikehehadbeenlastnight,excepthewaswearingawhitethermaltodaythatreallycomplementedthegoldenhueofhisskin.“Iwas...Iwasthinking,”I
said,smoothingmyhands
overmyhair.“Thinkingaboutstuff.”Heproppedahipagainst
theisland.“Wasthecountertophelpingyouthinkaboutstuff?”Ipressedmylipstogether.
“Maybe.”Roth’sgazedipped,and
thenslowlyslidbackuptomyface.Therewasapleasedheatinhisgazethatwroughtaverydifferentkindofshiver
outofme.“That’sanoddwaytodosomethinking,Shortie.”“Yeah,Iknow.
Cayman...um,hemadebreakfast.”Toyingwithmyhair,IwrappedtheedgesaroundmyfingersasRothstartedwalkingagain.Hewascomingclosertome.“Andgotmeaphone.”“Itoldhimtogetthephone
foryou,”hereplied,his
tawnyeyesaglow.“Thebreakfast,though,wasniceofhim.Allhisidea.”“Itwasnice.”Myhearthad
notsloweddown,anditdidn’thelpwhenhegotcloserstill.“Wherehaveyoubeen?”Hestoppedinfrontofme.
“CheckedoutSam’shouse.Thoughtitwouldbeagoodidea.”Reachingbetweenus,hegothisfingersinbetween
mineandtuggedthemawayfrommyhair.“It’snotgoodnews.”“It’snot?”Rothshookhisheadashe
heldmyhandsinhis.“Hisfamilywasdead.Intheirbeds.”Hisexpressiongrewtight,somber.“Andthey’dbeendeadforatleastacoupleofdays.SinceIdidn’tseeanywraiths,itdoesn’tlookliketheirsoulshadbeen
stripped.Therewasa...amessleftbehind.”Squeezingmyeyesshut,I
couldn’tsuppresstheshudder.Ididn’tneedtoaskwhatconstitutedamess.“WhywouldtheLilinkillwithouttakingasoul?”Histhumbssmoothedover
theinsidesofmyhands.“Becauseitcan.Nootherreasonthanthat.”“God.”Theonlysilver
liningwasthatSam’sfamilywouldgowheretheybelongedsincetheystillhadtheirsouls.“Ikindofexpectedit,tobe
honest.Ithoughtaboutitlastnight,butdidn’twanttoleaveuntilImadesureyouwereokay.”Hiswarmhandsspreaduptomywrists,andwhenIopenedmyeyes,hewasstaringdownatme.“Ihatetohavetobringthat
newstoyou.”Ihatedthefactthatmore
innocentliveshadbeenlost.I’dmetSam’sparentsafewtimes.Theywereprettycool,asrandomandadorableasSam.“Wait.Samhasasister.She’syoungerand—”Amuscleflickeredinhis
jawasRothdroppedhisgaze,andthenithitme.Rothhadn’tsaidhisparents.He’dsaidhisfamily.Theeggsand
baconchurnedinmystomach,andIwishedIhadn’teatenanything.“Imadeananonymouscall
tothepolice.They’reprobablyalreadyatthehouse.EventhoughwhatlookslikeSamisupandwalkingaround,withhisfamily...deceased,that’sgoingtoforcetheLilinoutofschoolandawayfromthestudentsthere.It’sgoingto
havetobecareful.Notthatitwouldbeeasytoarrest,butIdoubtitwantsthatextrahassle.”Mychestachedsobadlyas
Imurmured,“Thatwasreallysmart.”Hesteppedevencloser.“I
figuredthatforStacey...andforyou,itwouldbeeasierifeithereveryoneassumedhewasdeador,well,amurderernowratherthanlater.Ifthe
LilinisallowedtoroamaroundschoolasSam,itmeansStaceywouldhavetogothroughthatlossalloveragain.”Mygazeflewtohis.“That
wasveryconsiderate.”Rothmouthedtheword
consideratelikehe’dneverhearditbeforeordidn’treallyunderstandwhatitmeant.“I’mgoingtobehonest.Okay?”
“Allright?”“IlikeStacey.Don’tget
mewrong.Thatgirl’sgotalotofbadinher,thefunkind,butIwasreallythinkingaboutyou.”Hiseyesheldmine.“Afterseeingittearyouapartlastnight,knowingit’sstilltearingyouapart,Idon’twantyoutofeelallofthatagainwhenyou’vejuststartedtoheal.”Oh.
Ohwow.“Sodon’tgivemecredit
forsomethingIamnot,”hefinished,droppingmyhands.Ashesteppedback,I
leanedintotheisland,absolutelyshaken.“Idon’tthinkyougiveyourselfenoughcredit,Roth.”Helookedoverhis
shoulderasheturnedaway.“IknowwhatIam.”Thatwasthething.Ididn’t
thinkhehadaclueaboutwhathewas,notwhatexisteddeepinsidehim,whatreallymattered.Cayman’swords,the
whisperedones,echoedamongmythoughtsagain,andIlookedaway.Therewassomuchgoingonrightnowandsomuchwasamess.Ihadtostartsomewheretosortallofthisout,though,andIknewwhere.“Ineedtodo
something.”Rothwenttothefridgeand
pulledoutabottle.Hedidn’tturnaround,buttherewasasuspicioushissingsoundashepoppedoffthecap.Itookadeepbreathand
forgedon.“Ineed...IneedtoseeZayne.”Hisshoulderstensed,and
thenhunchedasheliftedthedrinktohislips.“Ifiguredasmuch,”hesaid,andIstared
attherigidlineofhisback.“Roth—”Hedidn’tletmefinish.
“I’llsummonCaymanback.He’lltakeyouwhereyouneedtogo.”Thenhefacedme,andmybreathhitched.TherewasavulnerabilityinhisexpressionI’dneverseenbefore,agreatandterriblesadnessthatdampenedthebrightnessofhiseyes.“Iknowyoutrustand...andcare
forZayne,butIdon’ttrusttherestofthem.Plus,there’retheissueswiththeAlphas.Caymangoeswithyou.”BeforeIcouldsayany
moreorevenprotest,Rothwasgone.Intheblinkofaneye,he’ddisappearedandIwasleftstaringatthespacewherehe’dstood.
five
ITWASN’TUNTILlaterintheafternoonthatIcouldmeetupwithZayne,andthenIhadtowaitforCaymantoplaychauffeur.Hedidn’tseemannoyedbythenewrequirementimposedonhim.Hechatteredonaswedrove,butIwastooanxiousanddistractedtopayattentionto
whathewassaying,soIstaredoutthewindow,checkingoutallthegarlandsstrungonthelamppostsandthelightsthatwouldsoontwinkleon.IsquirmedthewholewaytothecoffeeshopZayneandIusedtovisiteverySaturday,mymindstuckonthewayRothhadstaredatmeinthekitchen.Ididn’tgetit.He’dgone
from—fromtouchingmeto
completelywithdrawn.Notjustdistant,butpained.Ididn’tevenhavethechancetoexplainanything.Nowmyheartwaspoundingcrazyfast,likeIwasabouttogotoe-to-toewithaHellion,andithadnothingtodowithseeingZayne.MaybeCaymanandIhad
completelymisjudgedRoth’s...um,interest,butevenifwehad,itdidn’tchange
whatIwasabouttodo.Itcouldn’t.CaymaneasedtheMustang
toanidlingstopalongtheparkedcarsoutsidetheshop.AsIreachedforthedoor,hetappedhisfingersagainstthesteeringwheel.“Mynumberisenteredinyourphonealready,underAwesomeSauce.Textmewhenyou’redone.”“Okay.”Iopenedthedoor,
wincingasthewindsmackedmeintheface.“Don’twanderoff.You
haveAlphasandwhoknowswhatelsepotentiallygunningforyourass,”hecontinued.“AndIreallydon’twanttogobacktothehouseandhavetoexplaintoRoththatIlostyousomehow.”Iresistedboththeurgeto
pointoutthatIwasn’tsurehowRothwouldevenfeel
aboutthatatthispointandthedesiretorollmyeyes.“Yes,Dad.”Hegrinned.“Dome
proud.”Shootinghimalookover
myshoulderasIclimbedout,Islammedthecardoorshutandhoppeduponthecurb.ThewindwasbrutalasIdashedaroundthepeoplehurryingupanddownthesidewalk.Anarrayofauras
greetedme,butteryyellowsandsoftbluesandpinks.Ikeptaneyeoutforanyonewhowasmissingone,asuresignofademoninourmidst,buteverythingappearedtobebusinessasusual.Thefrostedwreathhanging
onthedoorjingledasIsteppedinside.BeforeIevensteppedthroughthedoorway,IknewZaynewasthere.Isensedhimasthewarmair
washedoverme.Thecoffeeshopwasatotalmom-and-popkindofstore,notoneofthebigchains,butitsmelledlikesweetbakedgoodsandcoffeebeans.Espresso-coloredboothslinedthewallsandIspottedZayne’swhiteglowimmediately.Hewassittingtowardthebackoftheshop,inoneofthecomfybooths,facingthedoor.BeforeIjoinedhim,Itook
afewmomentstogetmyheadonstraightandorderedapeppermintmocha.ThenIcarriedthewarmcupovertohim.Heimmediatelyrosetohisfeet,andthecloserIgot,themoreIcouldseethatthetiredbruisesunderhiseyeshadfadedabit.Forthat,Iwasgrateful.Theshopwaspackedwith
peopleinbusinesssuitsandotherscarryingshopping
bags,butwhenZaynetookthecupoutofmyhandandplaceditonthetable,nooneelsewasthere.BeforeIcouldspeakaword,hewrappedhisarmsaroundmeandheldtight,loweringhischeektomine.Ifrozeup,becausehewastooclosetomymouth,butZayne—oh,he’dalwaysbeensoincrediblyrecklesswithme.“ThiswaswhatIwantedto
doyesterday,”herasped,hisvoicelowinmyear.“WhenIfirstsawyoustandinginthathouse,thiswasallIcouldthinkabout.”Isqueezedmyeyesshutas
Ihuggedhimback.Emotionalreadyclawedatmyinsides.“Theclanknowsyou’re
alivenow,”hewenton,andIfeltthemusclesinmybacktense.Caymanhadsaidasmuch,buthearingit
confirmedwasawholedifferentstory.“Danikawantedtocomewithme.Shewantedtoseeforherselfthatyou’reokay.”Astrangled,surprised
laughescapedme,andIfeltZayne’scheekriseagainstminewhenhesmiled.DanikaandIhadaverystrangerelationship.TheentireclanexpectedZaynetomatewithher.Inotherwords,getdown
tobusinessandproducealotofWardenbabies,andbecauseofthatI’dalwaysbeenextremelyjealousofthefull-bloodedWarden.Danikawasstunninglygorgeousandratherbadass,unlikemostWardenfemales.Shewasnotokaywithsittingaroundandpoppingbabiesoutforthegoodofmankind.AndshealsohadbeeninterestedinZayne.Inshort,therewere
plentyofreasonstohateher,butsheandIhadfinallyformedanunlikelyalliance.Ididmissherinaweird
way,likeonemissedshovelingthesnowduringaheatwave.WhenZaynereluctantlyletgo,IallbutfellintotheseatasIstruggledtogaincontrolofwhatIwasfeeling,ofwhatIwasabouttodo.Zaynereturnedtotheseat
acrossfromme.“Youokay,Layla-bug?”Theconcerninhisvoice
wasevident.“Yeah.”Iclearedmythroatandtookasipofthemintymocha.“Lastnightwasalittlerough.IgottothinkingaboutSam...”Ishookmyheadandkeptmyvoicelow.“Rothwenttohishousethismorning.Hisfamilywasgone—dead.Itdidn’tlookliketheirsouls
weretaken.”“Damn.”Zaynedragged
hisfingersthroughhishair.Inoddedslowly,casting
mygazetothelidonmycup.“Hecalleditintothepolice,whichwasprettysmart.That’sgoingtoforcetheLilintolielowforalittlewhilesincethepolicewillbelookingfor...forSam.Atleast,wehope.Didyoufindoutanythingaboutthe
Alphas?”Zayne’sstarewasintense,
andIrealizedhe’dbeenstaringatmelikethatsinceIsatdown.“Yeah.SomeofthempaidtheclanavisitatroughlythesametimetheothertwoshowedupatStacey’splace.FromwhatIcouldgatherfromNicolai,theAlphasknewtherewasaLilin,alwaysdid.”Ihadn’tmissedthefact
thathe’dsaidhe’dspokentoNicolaiinsteadofhisfather,butIwasdistractedbythelastpart.“Theydid?”“Yeah,apparentlythey
couldn’tgetinvolvedfortheirowncelestialreasons.Theybelievedwe’dfigureitout.”Angersparkedinmychest
asIstaredathim.AllthoseweekswhenI’dthoughtIwassomehowresponsibleforthedeath,destructionand
mayhembothatschoolandathome,andtheAlphashadknownthetruthfromthestart.“Theyknewthisentiretimeandneverthoughttotellanyofus?Why?”Myvoicewasrising,butIcouldn’thelpit.“Becauseofsomebullshitrules?”“Iknow,”heagreedsoftly.IwantedtopunchanAlpha
intheface!Likefistsoffurytypesofpunches.“We
could’vesavedlives.Ican’teven...”Itookahugegulpofthemocha,hopingthatwouldcalmmedown.Itreallydidn’t.“Whatelsedidtheysay?”Herestedhisarmsonthe
tableandleanedin.“Myfatherwasabletonegotiatesometimefromthem.They’regivingusuntiltheNewYeartodealwiththeLilin,unlesstheLilindoes
somethingthathastheriskofexposure.WehaveWardensoutnowsearchingforit.”Mybrowsflewup.Tobe
honest,Ihadn’tthoughtthey’dgiveusanytime.Icouldeasilyseethemgivingustwohours.Iwasn’tsurprisedtolearnofthewholeexposurething,though.TheAlphashaddecreedlongagothathumankindcouldneverhave
real,hard-coreproofthataHeavenandaHellexisted,thattheymustbelieveinahigherpowerbasedonfaithalone.Ididn’tunderstandthatthenandIstilldidn’tgetitnow.AllIknewwasthattheWardenswenttogreatlengthstokeeptheexistenceofdemonsasecretfromhumanseverywhere.“Whathappensifwedon’thaveitundercontrol?”
“Nothingpretty.Theythreatenedtowipeusallout.ThesamethingiftheLilingoestoofar.”HeexhaledroughlywhileIwonderedwhat“toofar”wouldlooklike.“TheyseemtounderstandthattrackingtheLilindownandkillingitisn’tgoingtobeeasy,butthat’snotallthattheytalkedabout.”“Whatelsedidtheytalk
about?Howcoolitisupontheirloftyperch?”Hestaredforamoment,
andthensaid,“Uh,no.They...Well,there’snoeasywaytosaythis.They’renothappywithyou,Layla-bug.”Maybeafewweeksago,I
would’veflippedoutandtossedmyselfinacornertorockawayallmytroubles.Now?Isnorted,andthentookanotherdrink.“Big
surprisethere.”Zayne’sgazedriftedover
myface.Hedidn’tspeakforalongmoment.“Rothdidsaysomethingtrueyesterday.Ihaveseenblack,featheredwingsbefore.”Iwasdoingmybestnotto
thinkaboutmyweirdwings,butIsetthecupdown.“Where?”Amuscleunderhiseye
twitchedashedroppedhis
gaze,andmystomachtightened.Notaparticularlygoodsign.“I’veonlyseenonedemonwiththem.FeltlikeanUpperLevelone.Itwasabriefglimpse.IthoughtIwasseeingstuff,buttheywerelikeyours.”“Oh,”Imurmured,unsure
ofhowtofeelaboutthat.ZayneandDanikahadalreadyconfirmedthatIsmelledlikeanUpperLevel
demon.ThatwaswhytheWardenTomashadattackedme.Sothiswasnothingnew,notreally,butitstilldidn’texplainwhymywingsweresuddenlyfeatheredandwhyIhadn’tfullyshiftedlikeaWardenorademonwould.“DomywingshavesomethingtodowithwhytheAlphassuddenlydon’tlikeme?Well,notthattheyeverlikedmeinthefirstplace,but
whatgivesnow?”“Alltheysaidwasthatyou
wereanabomination.That’snotright.You—”“Iknow.It’snotright.
Thereareworsethingskickingaroundthanme.Iknowthat.Andiftheydon’tknowthat,it’snotmyproblem.”Zayneraisedabrow.“Well,okay,itismy
problemiftheytrytocome
aftermeagain,butIknowI’mnotanabomination,”Irepeated,draggingmyfingeralongtherimofthecup.Ithadtakenalongtimefor
metogettothatpoint,tonotletthewordsoftheAlphasormyownclanmemberscutmedown.Oreventhewordsofthegirlsatschool,likeEvaHasherandtheBitchPack,asStaceyreferredtothem,whousedtohavemedoubting
everythingthatIwas.Idon’tevenknowwhatexactlyflippedthatswitchforme.MaybeitwasthelonganddarkhoursI’dspentinthathorriblecagebelowthecompoundormaybeitwasalmostdying.Eitherway,itwasawake-upcall.Inmorewaysthanone,and
nowIhadtoseizeoneofthoseotherways.IglancedatZayne,my
closestoffriendssinceIwasalittlegirl,myeverythingforsoverylong,andfoundthatIcouldn’tlookaway.This...thiswasgoingtohurt.Holygranolabars,itwasgoingtostinglikeaswarmofwasps.Anditwassoscary,becausetherewasnosafetynetforthisdecision.Zayneinclinedhishead.
“Hey...”Hereachedacrossthetableformyhand,butI
pulleditback,claspingminetogether.Hiseyesflewtomine.“Layla?”Ithoughtaboutwhat
Caymanhadwhisperedinmyearthatmorning.Stopbeingacowardand
letgoofthepast.Embracethefuture,becausetheyaretwoverydifferentthings.Caymanhadbeenright.I’d
beenacoward,afraidoflettinggoofthepast,ofall
thatfamiliarity,becausetherewassafetythere,asimplicityinitscomfort.Thepastwaslikegoinghome,anditwassweetandwarm,andperfectinitsownright.Itwasn’tanylessthanthefuture,butI’dbeenterrifiedofembracingtheunknown,ofthepotentialoflosingwhatI’dalwayscountedon.Becausetherewasonly
onesetofeyesIsawwhenI
closedmineatnightandwhenIreopenedtheminthemorning.“Layla?”Zayne’svoice
wassoft.IsquaredmyshouldersasI
drewinastutteredbreath.“Yousaidweneededtotalkyesterdayandyouwereright.Wedo.”Hisgazesearchedmineas
Iforgedon.“Iknowthere’salotgoingonrightnow,so
manythingsupintheair,andalotofitiscrazy.”“But...?”Therewasagolf-ball-size
knotcurrentlylodgedinmythroatandIwantedtoclosemyeyes.Iwantedtolookaway,butIforcedmyselfnottohideanything.“Youknowthatyoumeantheworldtome,alwayshave,andthatIcareaboutyousomuch.Iloveyou—”
“Butyou’renotinlovewithme?”Hiseyesshutashisfacedtensed.“Isthatwhatyou’resaying?”“No.Imean,I’mnot
sayingitlikethat.Idoloveyou,but—”“You’vegottobekidding
me.”Zayneopenedhiseyesasheleanedbackagainstthebooth,shakinghishead.“Juststop.”Iopenedmymouth.
“Stop.Justforasecond,”hesaidagain,eyesopenandnotmissingathing.Heshookhishead,staringatmeintheworstkindofwonderment.“IsitbecauseofwhathappenedwhenIkissedyoulasttime,orbecauseofourclan?Itrustyou,Layla.AndIknowyoutrustme.Wecanmakethiswork.”OhGod,thatgolfballhad
turnedintoasoftball.“Iknow
youtrustme,butthat’snotthereason.It’sreallynot.”ThosewordsweretruerthanI’drealizeduntilthatmoment,anditmadesayingwhatIhadtosoveryimportant,becauseevenifheandIcouldhavemadeitwork,intheend,myheart—myheartwould’vebelongedelsewhere.“Wecouldhavemadeitworkwithout...withoutthekissing
andwecould’vebeencareful.AndItrustyou,butthisisn’tabouttrust.Zayne,you’reimportanttomeandI—”“YouloveRoth,”he
continuedforme.“You’reinlovewithhim.”Myeyesmethisbright
blueones.“Yes,”Iwhispered,mylowerliptrembling.“It’shim.It’salwaysbeenhim.I’msorry.Idoloveyou.Icareaboutyou
somuch,andinsomanyways,beingwithyouwasadreamcometrue,butit’snotthesame.”Hedrewback,asifI’d
reachedacrossthetableandslappedhim.“Pleasedon’texpectmetosithereandlistentoaspeechthatmakesmefeellikeadamnrunner-upinsomekindofcontest.”Isuckedinasharpbreath.
“That’snothowIwantyouto
feel.”Zayne’sbrowsloweredas
hestaredatme.“HowintheHelldidyouexpectmetofeel?”Tearsburnedthebackof
myeyes,becauseI’dnever,everwantedtohurtanyone.Especiallynothim.“Idon’tknow.”“Ofcourseyoudon’t.”He
thrusthishandoverhishead,claspingthebackofhisneck.
Amomentpassedastensiontightenedthelinesofhismouth.“Iloveyou,”hegroundout,amusclethrummingalonghisjaw.“I’minlovewithyou.Iwaitedforyou,Layla.Andnoneofthat—noneofthatmatters.”Ididn’tknowwhattosay.
Itdidmatter—matteredawholelot,buthowcouldIsaythat?Becauseintheend,
evenifIwentbacktothehouseandRothlaughedinmyface,itdidn’tchangeanything.Angerflashedoverhis
face.“Whatwasgoingonbetweenus?Wasitjustpassingthetimeforyou?”“OhmyGod,no!”A
womanwithafaintpinkauraglancedinourdirectionfromthecoffeeline,andIstruggledtokeepmyvoice
low.“Itwasn’tlikethatatall.God,itwasperfectanditwaslikeeveryfantasyIeverhadcometolife.”“Really?”Disbelief
floodedhisface.“Becausehowitseemstomeisthatyouwerejustfoolingarounduntilyoucouldbewithhim.”“UntilIcouldbewith
him?”Irepeateddumbly.“Idon’tevenknow—”“Don’tyoudaresayyou
don’tknowthathelovesyou.Don’tplaystupidbyactingstupid,”hespat,andIjerkedback,stunnedbytherancorinhistone.“Dammit,”hemuttered,droppinghisarm.“Zayne—”“Nomore,”heordered,
andIsqueezedmyeyesshut.“Justnomore.”Zaynedidn’tsayanything
elseashegotup,andIdidn’ttrytostophimashestrode
outthefrontdoor.Droppingmyelbowsonthetable,Iplantedmyfaceinmyhands.Myinsidestwistedandburned.EvenwhenZaynehadbeenrightfullyupsetwithmebefore,he’dneverspokentomelikethat.NotthatIblamedhim.Ideservedthis.Ihadn’tbeencarefulwithmyownactionsorwithhisheart.Ididn’tregretanythingweshared,butI’dmessedupand
Ishouldn’thaveallowedmyselftogetinvolvedwithhim,becausewhatI’dsaidafewmomentsagohadalsobeentrue.IthadalwaysbeenRoth;
fromthemomentheswaggeredintothatdamnalleywhereI’dbeenunsuccessfullyfightingoffademon,ithadbeenhimforme.MaybeI’dbeentooblindtoseethatafterhereturned
fromthepits.MaybeIhadbeentooangrywithhimafterthewayheinitiallyacted.MaybeIhadplayedaroundwithZayne,evenifthathadn’tbeenmyintention.Ididn’tknow.AllIdidknowwasthatI
hadlosttheboyI’dgrownupwith.IfI’dhadanydoubtsaboutthat,thefactthathe’dleftmeherealonetoldmeallIneededtoknow.As
protectiveasZaynewasofme,therewasnowayhewouldhaveleftmeunchaperonedwithaLilinstillontheloose.Notunlessstayingawayfrommewasmoreimportantthankeepingmesafe.Idon’tknowhowlongI
satthere,buteventuallyIfeltanunnaturalwarmthspreadingalongthebackofmyneck,alertingmetothe
presenceofademon.ExpectingtofindCaymanwhenIliftedmyhead,Ilookedaroundthecoffeeshop.MygazedriftedoverthesoftshadesofaurasuntilIfoundayoungmanstandingtowardthefrontoftheshopwithnothingaroundhim.Therewasmydemonand
itwasn’tCayman.Gratefultohavesomething
tofocusonotherthanthefact
thatI’djustshatteredZayne’shearttosmithereens,IstudiedthemanatthefrontofthestoreasIshiftedmyhairforward,shieldingmyface.Duetomydualheritage,demonshadneverbeenabletosenseme,whichmadethehuntingI’ddoneinthepasteasy-peasy.Onceagain,themixtureofWardenanddemonhadgivenmeauniqueabilitytotagdemons.One
touchandthey’dturnintoaneonlight,leavingatraceonthemthattheWardenscouldeasilytrack.Ihadn’ttaggeddemons
since...well,notsinceRothhadenteredmylife,showingmethatevendemonshadapurposeinlife.FromhimI’dlearnedthatsomedemonsweren’tallthatbad,likeFiends,whotendedtojustmessaroundwiththingslike
telephonepoles,constructionsites,anythingelectronic,andwereabitpronetobeingfirebugs.Thisdemondidn’tgiveoff
aFiendvibeandIwaswillingtobethealsowasn’taPoser,ademonwhosebiteturnedahumanintosomethingthatwouldresembleanextraonthesetofTheWalkingDead.No,thisdemonwasgiving
offtheUpperLevelkindofvibes,meaninghecouldbeaDukeoraKingoranyothervarietyofelitebaddie.Theyweren’tsupposedtobetopsidebecausethekindofstufftheycouldpulloffcouldreallywreaksomenasty,bloodyhavoc.Ifrowned.Which,apparently,meant
thatmaybeIshouldn’tbetopside,either.Ikept
forgettingthatInowsmelledlikethemandsortofresembledsomeofthem.Sigh.Thedemontiltedhishead
totheside,andalockofshockingwhite-blondhairfellacrossdarkbrowsthatstoodoutinstarkcontrast.Hehadarockerlooktohim,likeifthesilverchainheworebroke,hisskinnyjeanswouldfallrightoffhim.Scanningthe
coffeeshop,helookedmeover,keptgoing,andthenhisgazedartedbacktome.Ifroze.Thedemonfroze.Uh-oh.Demonscouldn’tsenseme,
buthewasstaringdirectlyatmelikeI’dsproutedathirdarmoutofthetopofmyhead.Hisfacepaledtothecolor
ofhishairashejerkedbacka
step,bumpingintoawomanwithapaleblueaura.Shenearlydroppedherbagandcoffeeasshetriedtosteparoundhim.Thenhespunonhisheel
andshovedanolderguyoutoftheway.Themanshouted,butthedemonreachedthedoor.Iwasn’tthinkingasIstood.Curiosityandsurprisehadaholdonme.Ihurriedacrosstheshop,leavingwhat
wasleftofmymochabehind.Iwasafewstepsbehindthedemonwhenheburstthroughthedoor,outontothesidewalk.Hesentapanickedlookoverhisshoulderinmydirection.Iskiddedtoastopunder
theawningoftheshop.“Uh...”Thedemonpickedup
speed,racingdownthesidewalk,disappearing
aroundtheblock,lostintheseaofmutedauras.“Um,”Imurmured,
glancingbehindmeandhalfexpectingtoseeapackofAlphas,butitwasjustme,myselfandI,andthatmeantonlyonething.TheUpperLeveldemon
hadrunaway—fromme.
six
IDIDN’TTELLCaymanabouttherunawayUpperLeveldemon,andhedidn’taskhowthetalkwentwithZayne,whichIwastotallycoolwith.Afteranear-silentride,hedroppedmeoffinfrontofthehouse.“Havefunwiththat,”was
allhesaid,andthenhe
zoomedoff.TurningtotheMcMansion,
IhadnoideawhatCaymanwasreferringto,butfiguredIwasgoingtofindoutsoonenough.Thehousewasdark,but
notquietwhenIwalkedinthefrontdoor,closingitbehindme.Thesharpriffofaguitar,quicklylostinthepoundingofdrums,driftedfromthesecondstory.
Frowning,Imademywaytowardthestairwell,andabouthalfwayupIfoundsomethingodd.Ibentandpickedupanemptybottleofbeer.Lookingup,Irealizedtherewasoneoneachstep,allthewaytothetop.Tenemptybottles.Ohdear.MyeyeswidenedasI
placedthebottlebackonthestair.TherewasnowayI
couldgatherthemallupwithoutgettingabagandthelastthingIwantedtodowasgodowntothepantry.Ipickedupmypace,hurryingtoclimbtherestofthesteps.Likeabread-crumbtrail,
bottleshadbeenperiodicallydroppedalongthewidehall,leadingtothebedroomRothhadstoppedinfrontoflastnightwhenIhadcontinuedontothemaster.
MyheartjumpedinmychestasIreachedhisroom.Thedoorwasajar,themusicheavyandthrumming.Softlightcreptoutofthegap.Takingadeepbreath,Ipushedopenthedoor—andcametoacompletestopjustinsidethemassivebedroom.Nothinginthisworld
could’vepreparedmeforwhatIwasseeing.Bambiwasboppingand
weavingacrossthehardwoodfloor.Shestopped,twistingherusuallygracefulbodytowardme.Thoseredeyeswereglossedover,unfocused.Herforkedtonguedartedout,andthenshewentaboutherbusiness,slowlymakingherwaytothewindowseat.There,sheshiftedhalfofhersix-foot-and-then-someframeontotheseatandpromptlyslidrightoff,floppingonto
thefloor.Concernfloodedme,butas
ItookasteptowardBambisomethingelsecaughtmyeye.Onthebed,Roth’sblack-and-whitekittenfamiliarwasattemptingtopounceontheall-whiteone,whichappearedtobepassedout,sprawledonitsback,itslittlearmsandlegsspreadwide.Theblack-and-whiteone,adeptlynamedFury,
jumpedtowardthesleepingNitro,missedbyablockandlandedonthepillow.Thekittenturnedintoafurryblack-and-whitetumbleweedasitrolledoffthepillow,smackingintoNitro.Mymouthdroppedopen.Thethirdkitten,anall-
blackonenamedThor,satonadresser,eyesnarrowedintothinslits.AsIstaredatThor,itswayedsidetoside.It
spottedmeandopeneditsmouthmostlikelytohissatme,becausethosekittenswerelittlebastards,butaratherhumanbelchemanatedfromitinstead.OhmyGod,thefamiliars
weredrunk.Alaughbubbledupfrom
me,butthedoorslammedshutbehindme,stealingawaythewildgiggle.OnesecondIwasstandingthereandwithin
thenextbreath,mybackwasagainstthedoor.Ahard,warmandverybarechestwasflushwithmine,andhotbreathskatedovermycheekastwohandshitthedoor,oneithersideofmyhead.“Whatareyoudoing
here?”Rothdemanded,andmyheartslammedagainstmyribs,thendoubleditsbeatashislipsbrushedthecurveofmyjaw.Heinhaleddeeply.
“Hell,yousmellgood.Likepeppermintand...andthesun.”Um.Ihadnoideahowto
respondtothat.“Iletyougo,”hewenton,
dippinghisheadtomyneck,andashiversweptthroughme.“Youwererightyesterday.Ihurtyou.Notlikehim.Worse.Iletyouwalkoutofthishousesoyoucouldbehappywithhim.Wasn’t
thatwhatyouwanted?Butyou’rehere.Iletyougoanditkilledmetodoso,andyou’rehere.”OhmyGod.Rothwasrambling,butmy
heartimplodedashiswordsstirredsomethingdeepandfierceinsideme.ThelookonhisfacethismorningwhenItoldhimIneededtotalktoZaynesuddenlymadesense.Ifhehadjustgivenmethe
chancetoexplainwhatIwasdoinghewouldn’thavethoughtthatIwasleavinghim,thatIwaschoosingZayne.ButRothhadletmegoso
thatIcouldbehappy.TheCrownPrinceofHell,whoclaimedtobethemostselfishofalldemons,hadletmewalkoutthatdoorwhenhebelievedI’dbehappierwithsomeoneelse.Wordswere
lostasadifferentkindoftearsfilledmyeyes.He’dsteppedasidetoprotectmeoncebefore,andhehaddonesoagainsothatIcouldbehappywithsomeoneelse.Therewasn’tanounceofselfishnessinanyofthoseactions.Actually,quitetheopposite,andtherevelationstitchedthefrayedcrackinmyheart,repairingthepainfulsplinter.Itdidn’theal
thescartissueleftbehindwhenIletZaynego,though.Thatwouldneverfade.Isqueezedmyeyesshut.Heslowlyliftedhischin
andrestedhisforeheadagainstmine.Hewhispered,“Whyareyouhere,Layla?”“I’mhere...I’mhere
becausethisiswhereI’mhappy,withyou.”Rothdidn’tmove,andI
wasn’tevensurehebreathed.
Therewasagoodchancemywordsdidn’tgetthroughthehazeofallthealcoholhe’dobviouslyconsumed,whichwasagoodindicationthatthisconversationneededtohappenlater.Iplacedmyhandsonhischest,abouttopointthatout,whenhemoved.Hisarmswentaroundme
andheheldmetighttohim.Ilikeditlikethis—morethan
liked.Everypartofourbodiestouchedasheburiedhisheadinmyneck,dragginginadeepbreath.Mypulsewaspoundingandmyhandstrembling.Adeepshudderrosethroughhimandheshookinmyarms,andthenhemoved.Claspingmycheeksinhis
largehands,hesaidsomethingtoolowandtooquickformetounderstandas
hetiltedmyheadbackandkissedme.Therewasnothingsoftaboutit.Hismouthwasonmine,themetalballinhistongueclankingoffmyteethashepressedmeintothedoor.Hetastedofsomethingsweetandthebittertangofalcoholwasstillonhistongue.LittleshiversofpleasureracedthroughmybodyasImoanedintothekiss.Myhandssliduptohis
shouldersandmyfingersdugintohissmoothskin.Thekisswasdoingcrazystufftomysenses,obliteratingmycommonsensewhenthelowerhalfofhimpressedagainstmine.Anditfeltlikeithadbeen
foreversinceIfeltthis.Thesweetwildnessthatcamefromasinglekissandthereleaseandfreedomoffinallylettinggo,ofcompleteand
utteracceptance,ofhavingwhatIwanted,whatIyearnedfor.Theimmediateandabsoluterushofdesiresopotentitcloudedmythoughts,andthenervousenergyandelationthatcamefromtastingloveonthetipofmytongue.Nothingcomparedtothis.Rothbrokethekiss,
breathingheavilyashecradledmyface.“Sayit
again,”heorderedroughly.“Sayitagain,Layla.”Icouldbarelycatchmy
breath.“I’mhappyherewithyou.I...”Idraggedmyhandsuphisneck,smoothingmythumbsalonghisjaw.TherewasmoreIwantedtosay,buthegraspedmywristsandjustheldtheminhishands,staringdownatthem,sayingnothing.Myheartpoundedfast,butmybloodfelt
sluggish.Alockofblackhairfell
intohisfaceandwhenhefinallyliftedhischin,thevulnerabilitywasinhisgazeagain.Hisbeautywasunreal,almosttooperfect,butinthatmoment,helookedmorehumanthanheeverhadbefore.“I’ve...I’vebeendrinking.”NotexactlywhatIhad
beenexpectinghimtosay.“I
cantell.”Lettinggoofmyhands,he
tookastepbackandturned,givingmearatherniceviewofhistonedback.IwashappytoseewhenhetwistedsidewaysthatThumperwasonhim—adrunknot-so-pocket-sizedragonwould’vebeennolaughingmatter.Iwasalsohappytoseeallthedipsandplanesofhisstomach.
Reallyhappy.Thosepantshungsolowit
wasalmostindecent.Almost.Hepickedupabottleoffthedresser.Heshookit.“IgotmyselfsodrunkthatIbecameliterallyincapableofgoingafteryouandstoppingyou.”Hestudiedtheemptybottleheheld,frowning.“Butdidyouknowthatintoxicationworksdifferentlyforus?Itonlylastedformaybeanhour
andthenIjustfeltlikeshit,soIhadtodrinksomemore.AaandImightbealittledrunkstill...”Ipressedmylipstogether
tostopfromlaughing.“I’llsay.”Onesideofhislipsquirked
upashecastasidelongglanceatme.“IknowIshouldn’tbedrinking.Itmakesmeanaughty,naughtyboy.”
“Yeah,andapparentlyitalsomakesyourfamiliarsdrunk.”IgesturedatBambi,whowasslumberingwhereshe’dfallen,apatheticsnakyheaponthefloor.“Maybeyoudon’tgetasintoxicatedbecauseyourpoorfriendstheresoakupalltheeffects.”Rothtippedhisheadtothe
side.“Huh.Liveandlearn.”Heturnedbacktome,andtherewasarecognizableheat
inhisgaze.“Iwanttokissyouagain.”Eventhoughtherewere
partsofmethatwerelike,allaboardtheRothtrain,Iknewthiswasnotgoingtohappentonight,forsomanyreasons.“Asyoupointedout,you’redrunk.”Hefacedmewithhischin
dippedlowandhisfulllipsslightlyparted.“Istillwanttokissyou.Iwanttodoother
things.Alotofitinvolvestouching,withandwithoutclothes.”Mycheeksheated.Tippinghisheadback,he
sighedheavily.“Butyeah,drunk.Sorry.”“Roth.”Itookacautious
steptowardhim.Evenplastered,hewasfast.“Howlonghaveyoubeendrinking?”Oneshoulderroseashe
turnedtothebed.“Sinceyouleft?IfIdidn’t,Iwould’vegoneafteryouandpossiblyletThumpereatStony,andyouwouldn’tbeokaywiththat.”“No,”Iwhispered.“I
wouldn’tbe.”“MaybeIshouldn’thave
drunkthismuch.Youdon’t...Yeah,youdeservebetterthanthis.”Hestoppedatthefootofthebed,staringatmeashe
scrubbedhisfingersthroughhismessyhair.“Areyoureallyhere?OrdidImanagetobecomethefirstdemonevertohavealcoholpoisoning?”Partofmewantedtoburst
intolaughter,buttherewasatightknotofsadnessdeepinmychest.Itwasformedbyabitter,rancidguilt.Myactionshadsucharippleeffect.Ofcourse,Ihadn’t
heldthosebottlestoRoth’smouth,butI’dneverevenseenhimdrinkbefore.“I’mreallyhere,”Itold
him.Helookedlikehewas
abouttosaysomethingashewenttositonthefootofthebed.Istartedforward,alreadyseeingthathe’dmisjudgedthedistance,butitwastoolate.Rothhitthefloorinfront
ofthebed,smackontherear.Hetossedhisheadback,laughingloudlyasIclappedmyhandovermymouth.Ihadn’tbeensurewhatIwascomingbacktoafterleavingthecoffeeshop.Therehadbeenthisfear—albeitirrationalfear—thatRothwasjustgoingtopatmeonmyheadandsendmeonmyway.Thentherewasapartofmethatthoughthe’dsweepme
intohisarms,professinghisundyingloveforme.Eitherway,findinghimdrunkhadn’tevenbeenintherealmofpossibilities.Hesettleddown,resting
hishandsonhisthighsashelookedoveratme.“So,youreallycameback?”Inodded,thensaidyesfor
extrabang.Hisgazedroppedandhe
sighedheavily.“Ibetyou’re
regrettingthatnow.”“No,”Irepliedwithout
hesitationasIwalkedovertowherehesat.“Idon’tregretit.”Heliftedabrow,butit
didn’terasethelostlookhewore.“Really?”Easingtothefloorbeside
him,Ishookmyhead.“You’redrunk.Bigdeal.Imean,youprobablyshouldn’tbethisdrunk,butyou’renot
even...human.Andyou’reliketheCrownPrinceofHell.Idon’tthinkconsumingalcoholisadealbreakerwhereyoucomefrom.”“Nah,Iguessnot.”Hebent
onelegatthekneeashewethislips.“You...Idon’twantyoutolookbackandthink,wow,thatwasaterribledecision,becausehewould’ve—”“Stop,”Isaid.Pleaded
really.“I’mnotgoingtoregretmydecisionevenifyouenduprunningforthehillsscreamingtogetawayfromme.”“Idon’tthinkthat’sgoing
tohappen,”hesaiddrily.Iscootedcloserand
stretchedoutmylegsnexttohis.“WhatI’mtryingtosayisthatImademydecision.I’mnotgoingtoregretit.Nomatterwhathappensbetween
us.”Bitingdownonmylip,Iwatchedanarrayofemotionscreepacrosshisstrikingface.“Look,Idon’tthinkweshouldtalkaboutthisrightnow.Itcanwait.Itneedstowait,becauseI...IthinkIreallyhurtZaynetonight.No.IknowIdid.Andyou’renotintherightframeofmind.”Ihaltedagain,becausewow,IsoundedsomatureIkindofwantedtopatmyselfonthe
back.“Thiscanwait.Wehavetomorrow.”Rothdidn’trespondashe
studiedme,andIhadnoideawhathewasthinkinginthatheadofhis,butthenheleanedover.Heputthatheadinmylap,likehe’ddonethatnightI’dwokenupafterbeinghealedbythewitches’brew,butthistime,Ididn’thesitate.Myhandsdidn’tlingerforasecond.They
immediatelywenttohim,onethreadingthroughthesilky,blackstrandsandtheothercurvingaroundhisshoulder.Hecurledontohissideand
closedhiseyes.Thicklashesframedhischeeks.Severalmomentspassedinsilence,butIknewhewasn’tasleep.Hismusclesweretootense.“I’ve...I’vedonesomereallycrappythings,Layla.”MychestsqueezedasI
stareddownathim,andinthatmoment,Iwasn’tthinkingabouttheLilinormywingsorevenSamorZayne.Iwas100percentfocusedonRoth,andtheworldaroundusandalltheproblemsitkeptservingupfadedtothewayside.“Ikindoffiguredthatyouhave.”Andthatwastrue.Hewasafull-bloodedUpperLeveldemon—aCrownPrinceatthat.I’d
neverfooledmyselfintobelievinghewasasaintmaskedasasinner.“Reallyshadythings,”he
murmured.“Gotit.”Mylipstwitched.Hemanagedtogetoneof
hisarmscurledaroundmyleg.“The...firsttimeIwassenttopsidebytheBosswasonlyayearafterIwascreated.IwastofindaDukewhowasnolongerheeding
theBoss’ssummons,”hecontinuedasIgentlyworkedmyfingersthroughhishair.Ididn’tdarespeak,becauseRothhadneverreallytalkedopenlyaboutwhathisBosshadhimdoing.“TheDukehadfoundawoman,ahuman.Idon’tthinksheknewwhathereallywas.Notthatitmattered.TheBosswascallinghimback,buthewouldn’tleaveher.”
Bitingtheinsideofmycheek,Ihadafeelingthatthisstorywasn’tgoingtoendwithahappily-ever-after.“Therewereotherswith
me,who’dgottencalledin.”Hisarmtightenedaroundmyleg.“Thingsgot...messy.”Iclosedmyeyes,heart
aching.“Thatwasn’ttheonlytime.
Therewereother...situationslikethat.Andthese
situations,well,theyneverweighedonmebefore.It’snotinmygeneticmakeuptofeelguilt.”Awrygrinflashedacrosshisfaceandquicklydisappeared.“Notuntilyou.NowIthinkaboutthesethingsandIwonderifthereisany...goodnessinme.Orwhatyoucouldpossiblysee.”Ohgosh,myheartwas
breakingalloveragain.Ididn’tknowwhatitwaslike
tobeRoth,tobesomethingthatwasjustthelatestinthelonglinethatcamebeforehim.OtherPrincesthattheBosshadgrowntiredof,destroyedinonewayoranother,beforecreatingthisversionofAstaroth.AndIdidn’tknoweverythingRothhaddoneinhispast,butinallhonestly,Ididn’tcare.WhowasItojudge?BeingthatIwasnowherenearperfectand
wasalsopartdemon,myself,I’ddonethingsIwishedIhadn’t,andIknewtherewouldbethingsinthefuturethatI’dwanttotakeback.ButRothhadspenteighteenyearskeepingtheBossofHellhappy.Noneofhisdarknesssurprisedme.Itjustsaddenedme.Leaningdown,Ikissedhis
cheek,andasIstraightened,heturnedwideambereyeson
me.“Iseewhatyoudon’t.”Iranmyhandupanddownhisarm.“You’renotselfish,evenifyouhavemomentsofactinglikeit.Wealldo.You’renotevil,evenifyouwerecreatedbythegreatestevilofthemall.You’veproventomeandyourselfthatyouhavefreewill,andyou’vemadetherightdecisionstimeandtimeagain.”
AsIdraggedmyhanduphisarm,heshuddered.“You’veacceptedwhoandwhatIamfromthebeginning.You’venevertriedtochangemeor...orhideme.You’vealwaystrustedme,evenwhenyouprobablyshouldn’thave.”Ilaughedatthat,thinkingofthetimehe’dleftmealoneinthePalisadesclubwithexplicitinstructionsnottoroamoff.
“You’ve...you’vecelebratedwhatIam,andveryfewcanclaimthat.LikeI’vesaidbefore,you’remorethanthelatestCrownPrince.You’reRoth.”Foramoment,hedidn’t
moveorblink.Thenwondermentfilledhisexpressionashestaredupatme,andfinally,thetensioneasedoutofhismuscles.“AndI’myours.”
seven
ATSOMEPOINT,ImanagedtotuckRothintobedandBambieventuallyfollowed.Thatwasquitethespectacletowitness,ablitzeddemonicanacondaattemptingtoslitherontoabed.Ihadtostepinandliftherbackend,andthenI’dcarefullyscoopedupthekittenpassed
outonthedresserandplaceditonthebed,aswell.IcouldonlyhopeBambiwouldn’teatlittleThorifshewokeupinthemiddleofthenightwithdrunkenhungerpains.ThenIsetaboutcleaning
upthebottles.Istoppedcountingtheonesthathadbeeninthebedroomandtooktherattlingbagouttothetrash.Afterward,Imademyselfasandwichand
checkedinonStacey.Shewasdoingaswellas
couldbeexpected,andshealsoconfirmedthatRothhadindeedmadeananonymouscall.“Thepolicecamebythisafternoon.Momthoughtitwasaboutthehousefire,butitwas...itwasaboutSam.”Sittinginthelivingroom,
curledupagainstthebackofanoversizecushion,Iclosedmyeyes.“Hisfamily...”
“Iknow.”Herbreathwasshakythroughtheconnection.“Theytoldme.TheyalsoaskedifI’dseenhim.Iwentwiththelasttimehe’dbeenatschool.Yesterday.”“Thatwassmart.”Apause,andthen,“God,
Layla,howdidanyofthishappen?Twomonthsago,Iwould’veneverseenanyofthiscoming—Holdon,”shesaid,andIheardadoor
closing.“Mymomhasbeenfollowingmearoundeversincethepoliceshowedup.She’sworriedandscared.ThepolicethinkthatSam...thathesnappedandwipedouthisfamily.It’sgoingtobealloverschooltomorrow,andit’snotright.Youknow?ThatpeoplearegoingtobelievethatSamdidsomethinglikethat.”“Itisn’t,”Iagreed,opening
myeyes.Therewasapaintinghungonthewallacrossfromme.Apicturesqueroadwithautumnonfulldisplay,butthebrightorangesandredsweredulled.“Samdidn’tdeserveanyofthis.”“Noneofusdo.”There
wasanotherdeepinhaleonherend.“Okay.Ineedtobedistracted,becauseotherwiseI’mgoingtoloseitagain.
I’vebeenlosingitabouteveryhour,onthehour.Okay?Distractme.”“Um...”Mybrainemptied.
Realhelpfulthere.“Ah,Isuckatthis.”Shelaughedhoarsely.
“What’sRothdoing?”“Well,he’s...Yeah,he’s
kindofincapacitatedrightnow.”Icringed,knowinghowthatsounded.“Really?”Interestperked
hertone.“Why?”Iglancedatthewide
archway.“ItoldhimthismorningthatIneededtotalktoZayne,andIguesshethoughtthatmeantthatIwasgoingtotellZayneIwantedtobewithhim.Sohemighthavegottenalittledrunk.”Astrangledgigglecame
throughthephoneandmyheartliftedatthesound.“Areyouserious?”
“Yep.Andhisfamiliars?They’redrunk,too.”Ipaused,grinningalittle.“Itwasquitetheshow.”“Icanimagine.Nope.
Wait.Ican’t.Youneedtogogetpicturesofthisforme.”Ismiledeventhoughthat
wasnotgoingtohappen.“So...youdon’twanttobe
withZayne?You’vebeenobsessedwithhimsinceImetyou.”
“Iwouldn’tsayobsessed.”ItfeltreallywrongtalkingaboutthiswithStacey,butshe’daskedtobedistracted,soIwoulddowhatevershewanted.“YouknowIloveZayne.Alwayshaveandwill,butRoth?He’s...”“He’stheone,”shesaid
quietly.“Yeah.Asmuchashe
annoystheever-lovingcrudoutofme,Ikindoflovethat
hedoes.Iknowthatsoundstwisted,butit’strue.”Iunfurledmylegsandstood,curlingonearmaroundmystomachasIstartedtopacethelengthoftheroom,wearingalittlepathintheOrientalcarpet.“I...Ilovehim,Stacey.Ireallydo.”“I’mnotsurprised,”was
herresponse.IstartedtogrinagainasI
mademysecondpassinfront
ofthecouch.“Oh,really?”“Nope.I’veseentheway
helooksatyou.Seenthewayyoulookathim.ItwasalwaysdifferentwithZayne.Notknockinghim.YouknowI’dgiveupmyleftovaryforashotatthat—God,that’skindofreallybadformrightnow,isn’tit?Liketoosoonevenasajoke?”Shesighedheavily.“I’materribleperson.”
“No!Oh,goshno!Don’tthinkthatatall,andyou’renotaterribleperson.”“Can...canIaskyou
something?Andyou’llanswermehonestly?”Istoppedinfrontofthe
painting.“Ofcourse.”“Promise,”shewhispered.“Promise.”Amomentpassedbefore
shespoke.“I’vebeenthinkingaboutthisalot.I
neverreallystartedpayingattentiontoSamuntilhestartedchanging,youknow?Whenhestarteddressingdifferentlyandstylinghishair.Whenhestartedgettingconfident...”Ohno.“Andthiswholetime,all
ofthat,itwasneverSam.”Hervoicecrackedalittle.“Thatwasthatthingpretendingtobehim.Does
thatmeanIfellforthatthing,Layla?AndnotSam?Andwhatdoesthatsayaboutme?”“Oh,Stacey...don’tgo
downthatpath.Thetruthis,IthinkyoualwayslikedSam,itjusttookyouawhiletorecognizeit.Youdidn’tfallfortheLilin.”“Yousure?”Hervoice
soundedtinyandsoveryyoung.
“I’msureofthat,andlookatitthisway.TheLilin,itactedlikeSamsomuchthatnoneofuscouldtellthedifference.YouthoughtitwasSam.IthoughtitwasSam—aversionofhimthatfinallyfiguredouthowtouseacomb.”Stacey’slaughwasa
pleasantshocktomyears.“Yeah.Okay.”Tinyknotsformedinmy
belly.“YougetwhatI’msaying,right?Youdon’tthinkthataboutyourself.”“No.Imean,Ijust...I
neededtohearyousaywhatyousaid.That’sall,”shepromised,andIhopedshewastellingthetruth.“WhencanIseeyousoIcangetthedeetsaboutyouandRothinperson?”Iwasn’tsurewhatdetailsI
couldgivehersincewereally
hadn’ttalked,atleastnotwhenbothofusweresober.“YougoingtoclassonMonday?”“Probablyso.Whatabout
you?”Myshouldersslumped.“I
reallywantto,butrightnowwe’vegottofigureouthowtotakecareoftheLilin,andI’vemissedsomuchtime.”“Oh,Layla.”Ishookmyhead,not
wantingtodwellonthatatthismoment.“Onceeverythingissquaredaway,I’llfiguresomethingout.Anyway,Icantrytocomeseeyouafterschool.Dependsonwhatwedo.”Wemadeplanstotexteach
other,butbeforeIgotoffthephone,shestoppedme.“Layla?”“Yeah?”Hersharpinhalewas
audible.“PromisemethatyouwillhelpSam.Thatwecanmakethisrightforhim.”Myfreehandsqueezed
intoafist,untilthetipsofmynailsdugintomypalms.“IpromisedyouIwould.I’mnotgoingtobreakthatpromise.”
***
Oncenighthadfallenanda
quickcheckassuredmethatRothwasstillasleep,surroundedbysnoringfamiliars,Igrabbedaquiltoffthefootofthemasterbedandsteppedoutontoabalconythatfacedsomekindofnaturereserve.Asmall,mistycloudof
visiblebreathpartedmylipsasItippedmyheadback.Thenightwasclear,fullofstarsthattwinkledlikeathousand
tiny,distantdiamonds.Iwalkedtotherailing,pullingtheblanketclosertome.Mymindwouldn’tshut
down.Somuchwascyclingoverandover.TheconversationwithStaceyreplayed,lingeringonherfears.Iachedforher,wishingtherewassomethingmorethatIcoulddo,buttheonlyavenuelefttomewastofreeSam’ssoul,soIwoulddoit.I
alreadyknewwheretostart—withGrim.Ijustneededtowaituntilnextweek,andthatsickenedme,becausewhoknewwhatwouldhappentoSam’ssoulbetweennowandthen.Weneededtodealwiththe
Lilin,becauseIknewitwasn’tgoingtogoundergroundforverylong,butmythoughtsshiftedtothedemonwho’drunfromme
todayandthentomyfeatheredwings.Inevitably,thatmademethinkabouttheAlphasandwhytheythoughtIwassuchanabominationnow,whenI’dbeenentirelytolerableforseventeenyears.Iwasguessingithad
somethingtodowiththewingsandthewayIshifted.Astarbrokeawayfromthe
masses,shootingacrosstheskyanddrawingmy
attention.WhenIwasyounger,Iusedtothinktheywereangelscomingdown.Zayneknewbetter,buthe’dhumoredmeandmadeupstoriesabouthowtheywereguardianangelsarrivingtoprotecttheircharges.Squeezingmyeyesshut,it
hurtwhenIdrewinmynextbreath.Idon’tknowhowlongIstoodoutthere,butmynosewascoldandmylips
feltnumbbythetimeIheadedinside.Droppingtheblanketonthebed,IchangedintomypajamasbutstoppedbeforeIcouldclimbintothebed.Heartspeedingup,I
wheeledaroundandlefttheroom.Ididn’tgivemyselftimetoreallythinkaboutwhatIwasdoingasIwalkedtotheroomRothsleptin.Openingthedoor,Islipped
insideandquietlyapproachedthebed.Rothwaslyingonhisside,
facingthedoor.Hislipswereslightlypartedandhishairwasamessytumbleacrosshisforehead.Theblanketwasshoveddowntohisleanwaist,andIcouldseethatBambihadfoundherwaybacktohim.Sherestedintattooformalonghisleftarm.Itlookedlikeapartofher
wasonhisback,butIcouldn’tseetobecompletelysure.Ididn’tseethekittensbutIknewfromexperiencethattheycouldbeanywhere,readytopounceonmyfeetandankles.Ididn’twanttogobackto
mybed,alonewithallmythoughts.Iwantedtobehere,withhim.Withmyheartlodgedsomewhereinmythroat,Idartedovertothe
bed,liftedtheblanketandclimbedin.Themovementsdidn’t
wakeRoth,andforthat,Iwasrelieved,becauseIfeltweird,sneakingintohisbedlikeanall-starcreeper.Rolledonmyside,facinghim,ItookthecreeperstatustoawholenewlevelasIletmygazeroamoverhisface.Myfingersitchedtotracethelineofhischeek,butIkeptmyhands
foldedupundermychin,andafterafewminutes,allthewhirlingthoughtsinmyheadcalmed.Beingnearhim,well,itsettledmeinawayIsodesperatelyneeded.WhileIlistenedtohis
steadyandevenbreaths,myeyesdriftedshut.Onlyafewminuteslater,asIstartedtofallasleep,Iheardwhatsoundedlikeaminienginehumming,comingfromthe
othersideofRoth.Ittookmeasecondtorealizethatitwasoneofthosedevilkittens,anddespitehoweviltheywere,asmiletuggedatmylips.Isleptdeeply,lulledbythe
nearbywarmthofRoth’sbody,andIwasn’tsurehowmanyhourshadpassedwhenIfeltanarmsnagmearoundthewaistandtugmetotheside.Thefrontofmehitahardchest,andIblinkedmy
eyesopen.Ambereyesstaredinto
mine.“Morning.”Hisvoicewasroughwith
sleepandhisbreathwasminty,asifhe’dbrushedhisteethbeforecrawlingbackintobed.SleepclungtomythoughtsasIdraggedmygazeup.Hishairwasdamp.Hemust’vereadmy
confusioninmyface.“Ifreshenedup,”heexplained.
Liftingonehand,hecaughtastrandofmyhairwithhisfingersandtuckeditbehindmyear.“YouweredeadtotheworldwhenIwokeup.ThoughtI’dusethetimetoerasethefunkthatlingeredfromlastnight.”Hisgazemovedovermyfaceasthetipsofhisfingerstrailedapathalongthelineofmybrow.“Ihavetoadmit,wakingupandfindingyouin
mybedwasapleasantsurprise.”Mytonguecameunstuck.
“Itwas?”“Yeah.”Hisfingernow
tracedmynose.“WhenIwokeup,IrealizedI’dneverdonethatbefore.Notwithyou.Notwithanyone.Ialways...”ThefewtimesI’dfallen
asleepinbedwithhim,he’dalwaysbeengonewhenI
wokeup,withtheexceptionofthetimeIwashealing,buthedidn’tseemtocountthatandneitherdidI.Astrangesmileplayed
acrosshislips.Notstrangeinabadway,butjustoneI’dneverseenfromhimbefore.Itoozedboyishcharm.“IlikeditsomuchthatI’mnowspoiled.OnemorningandI’mspoiledforlife.Iwantyouhereeverymorning,withme.
Well,maybeinthemasterbedroom.Thatbedismorecomfortable.”Thehazeofsleepwas
easingaway,andIfoundmyselfgrinningathimlikeanutterdoofus.“Ithoughtthisbedwasnice.”“BecauseIwasinit?”“Wow.”Mygoofygrin
spread.“Goodtoseeyouregoisstillfunctioningnormally.”
Dragginghisfingerovermybrow,hechuckleddeeply.Thesoundfaded,asdidhisgrin.“Aboutlastnight?I’m...I’msorryaboutthat,”hesaid,strugglingwiththeapology,andforsomereasonthatmademewanttogiggle.Demonsdidnotapologizeeasily.Thewordsorrywasn’tintheirvocab.“IhonestlythoughtyouwereleavingandIgotmyselfshit-facedsoI
wouldn’tgoafteryou.That’snotanexcuse.Iknow,butIreallyamsah...sorryaboutthat.”“It’sokay.Youwerecute.”“Cute?”Hisfingershad
madetheirwaytomyjaw.“Iprefersexybeast.”Agigglefinallyescaped
me.“Sorry,I’mprettysurethatdescriptionisreservedforThumper.”Hisgazesearchedmineas
hisfingersstoppedonmychin,rightunderthecenterofmylips.“Howareyoudoing?”WhenIdidn’tanswer,hesmoothedhisthumbalongmylowerlip.“Icanputtwoandtwotogether.YoutalkedtoZayneyesterdayafternoonandyou’rewakingupwithmetoday.Iknowitcouldn’thavebeeneasyforyou.”“Itwasn’t,”Iwhispered,
thinkingoftheanguishI’dseeninZayne’sexpression.Thosewereapartofthethoughtsthathauntedmelastnight.Lightbeamedthroughthe
crackinthethickcurtainsbeyondthebed,caressinghischeek.“Sohowareyou?”AtfirstIstartedtotellhim
thatIwasokay,butthatwouldbealie.Sortof.AndIdidn’twanttheretobeany
moreliesbetweenus.“Itwashard,”Iadmitted,placingmyhandonhischest.Hejerkedalittle,andIlikedthat—thatmytouchhadthatkindofeffect.“ProbablyoneofthehardestthingsI’vehadtodo,becauseIcareabouthim.IlovehimandIneverwantedtohurthim.Ever.”“Iknow.”Hislipsbrushed
myforehead.“Losingyouwouldnotbeeasy,butI
think...”“What?”Iletmyfingersdo
abitofexploring.Itwasstrange,Ithought,asIdrewacirclearoundhischest,thattouchinghimlikethiswaskindofempowering.NotinthesamewayholdingmygroundagainstRaverdemonsorstandinguptomyclanwas,butitwasstillaheadysensation.“Ican’tbelieveI’mgoing
tosaythis,”heconfidedwithasigh.“Stonyisagoodguy,buthe’sprobablygoingtoneedhisspace.”Iclosedmyeyesbriefly.
“Yeah,Iknow.”Thearmaroundmywaist
tightened.“Canwedosomething?”Myfingersstoppedonthe
firsttightlyrolledab.“Um.”“Dirtygirl,getyourmind
outofthegutter.Iwasn’t
talkingaboutthatstuff.Yet,”headdedinawaythatmademytummytighten.“WhatImeantwas,canwestartlastnightover?”Ididn’tgetit.“Howso?”“Iwasplastered,butI
thinkyoutoldmeyouwantedtobewithme,andwell,Iwanttohearyousaythatagain.”Myheartdidabackflipand
Itiltedmyheadback,sothat
ourmouthswereclose.“Iwanttobeherewithyou.”Thearmaroundmetightenedevenmore,sealingmetohischestlikehehadlastnight,andonceagain,Ireallylikedit.“Iwanttobewithyou.”Rothpressedhisforehead
againstmineasherolledslightlyontohisback,bringingmewithhim.Iendeduplyinghalfonhim,bothhandsbracedonhis
chestandmylegstangledinhis.Thearmonmywaistwasunshakableandthehandcurledaroundthenapeofmynecksentariotofsensationsskitteringdownmyspine.ButIwasn’tdone.Staring
intoeyesthatwereasbrightandbeautifulasanytawnyjewel,IsaidwhatIhadneversaidbefore.AndIsaiditwitheveryounceofmybeingbehindit.“Iloveyou,Roth.”
Myvoiceshookwithemotion.“I’minlovewithyou.”Rothshiftedagain.This
timeIwasonmybackandhewasaboveme,hisonelegthrustbetweenmineandhishandstillcradlingmyneck.“Sayitonemoretime,”hepleadedinavoicebarelyaboveawhisper.“Iloveyou.Iloveyou.”
AndIsaiditagainandagain,
untilIcouldn’tsayitanymore,becausehe’dsilencedmewithhismouth.Thekisswasnothinglike
lastnight.Hislipsweregentleonmine,asweetsweepthatwasatsuchoddswithhisenormousstrength,andIfeltitineverypartofme.Hekissedmesoftly,andthenliftedupjustenoughsothatIcouldseehim.Tuggingmyhandoffhisshoulder,he
claspedhisfingersaroundmineanddrewourjoinedhandstohischestandpressedthemtogether.Icouldfeelhisheartbeatingstrongly.“Icovetyoulikeanygood
demonwould.”Hisotherhandtightenedatthebackofmyneck.“Andmydesireforyouincreaseseverywakingsecondinawaythatshouldfrightenme,butreallyjustexcitesme.Butmostofall,I
loveyou,”hesaid,andmyentirebodyjoltedatthewords.Hedidn’tseemtonotice.“I,Astaroth,CrownPrinceofHell,aminlovewithyou,LaylaShaw.Yesterday.Today.Tomorrow.Ahundreddecadesfromnow,Iwillstillbeinlovewithyou,anditwillbeasfiercetodayasitwillbeadecadelater.”Hearinghiswordswaslike
bear-huggingthesun.Warmthpouredintomeandhedrovethosewordshomewithakissthatwentbeyondthesoft,questingonewe’djustshared.Itwasdeepandthorough,andIfeltlikehewasclaimingmeandIwasclaiminghiminreturn.Thatfinally,afterallthistime,we’ddestroyedthatlinebetweenusandtherewasnogoingback.
“Iloveyou”wassaidoverandover,inbetweenkissesandtheninbetweenthemoansthosekisseseventuallywroughtfromus.Evenwhenwemovedbeyondthewords,itwasscreamedineverykissandtouch.Droppingourhands,Roth
grippedmyhipashepressedhisbodytomine.Thethinpajamabottomsofferednorealbarrierbetweenus,not
whenweweresogreedyforeachother.Iwantedhim,sobadlythatIachedinawaythathadtobephysical,totallywasphysical,butitwentfurther,deeper,tattooingmyskin,carvingoutmymuscleandetchingintomybones.Andhehadtofeelthesame,becauseIcouldfeelhowmuchhewantedthiswitheveryrollofhishipsandwhenheslippedhishand
undermyshirt,draggingthematerialupandup,Icouldbarelybreathe.Myheartjackhammeredasheroseupononearmandstareddownatme.Iwasbarefromthewaist
up,andwhilethiswasn’tthefirsttimehe’dseensomuchofme,anestofcannibalisticbutterfliesstartedflappingtheirwingsinmybelly.Myexperienceinthesesituations
waslimited,butthestarkhungerinhisfierygazewasevidentandIknewintheverycoreofmybeingthathewasthrilledwithwhathesaw.Andheproveditwithhis
words.“Beautiful,”hesaid,voice
thickashelightlytrailedhisfingersacrossmybelly.Ijerked,andthenbitdownonmylip.“Youaresobeautiful,
Layla.AndifIcouldpickonethingIcouldstareatfortherestofeternity,itwouldbeyou.”Myheartswelledsofast
andsobigIthoughtI’dfloatrightuptotheceilingandintothestars.MaybeeventotheHeavensthemselves.Roth’sfingersdriftedup,
hiscaressreverent.“Itwouldalwaysbeyou.”Thenhewaskissingme
again,andthesekisses,thesemomentswereprecious,powerfulandbeautifulintheirownway.Roth’slipsskatedovermy
cheektowardmyear,andhewhisperedwordsthatsentaheadyflushacrossmyskinandcausedmymusclestocurlinastrange,delightfulway.Whenheliftedhishead,hisgazewasquestioning,wantingandathousandother
things.Inodded.Onesideofhislipstipped
up,andthenhesaid,“Thankyou.”Notasinglepartofme
understoodwhyhewasthankingme,butthenallthoughtsflewoutthewindow,becausehekissedthecornerofmylips,andthenstartedalineoftinykissesthattrailedfrommy
chindownmythroatandthenfartherstill.Myfingersdugintothe
comforterwhenhestopped,andthenlingered,drawingastutteredgaspfromme.Ireallydidn’tgetwhyhewasthankingmewhilehewasdoingthis,becauseitshouldtrulybetheotherwayaround.Hislipsskimmedovermy
ribs.“Ithinkweneedtogetyouatattoo.”
Ittookmeafewminutesforhiswordstomakesense.“A...atattoo?”“Yeah.”Hekissedjust
abovemybellybutton.“Afamiliar.”“Icandothat?”Rothliftedhischinand
grinnedinawaythatcausedmyhearttofloparound.“Idon’tseewhynot,andIknowwhocandooneforyou.”Hisgazetraveleddown
thelengthofme,sendingashiverdancingovermyskin.“Thiswouldbeagoodspot.”Hedraggedhishandoverthesideofmyribs.“Orhere?”Thatsamehandmadeitswayunderthebandofmypajamabottomsandcurledaroundmyhip.Hisgazeheated.“Ireallyliketheideaofitbeinghere.”“Doesitreallymatter
whereit’sinkedon?”Iasked.
“It’sgoingtomoveanyway,right?”“Oh,itmatters.”Hekissed
thespotbelowmynavel.“Mostlyjustmatterstome.”Ilaughed.“Okay,then.”Grinning,heroseonce
more,climbingoverme.Hisarmswerehugeandpowerfulandhishandscamedownoneithersideofmyhead.Mybreathcaughtashislipstookcontrolofmine.Iwrapped
myarmsaroundhim,holdinghimclose.Histonguesweptovermine,andthetasteofhimdrovemecrazy.Rothwentonthemove
again,slidingdownoncemore.Myfingersplayedinhishair,andIcouldnolongerkeeptrackofwherehewasheading,becauseheobliteratedanycomprehensivethinkingskills.
Idon’tevenknowhowmybottomscameofforwheretheyendedup.Itwaslikemagic.Rothwasmagic.Healsohadthisdelightfulmischievoustilttohislipashishandstraveleduptheoutsideofmythighs.Therewasnothingbetweenmyskinandhishands,andIcouldfeeleverytouchandeventhesoftestcaresswaslikebeinghitbyvoltsofelectricity.
“Shortie?”Iloosenedmygriponhis
hair,lettingmyhandsfallbacktothecomforter.“Yeah?”“Whataboutgettingatat
here?”Hekissedthesideofmythigh,rightabovemyknee,ontheinside.“It’saveryinterestingplace.Ilikeit.”Ibitdownonmylowerlip.
“I’msureyoudo.”
Hiseyesflaredabrightocher.“YouknowwhatelseI’vebeenthinking?”Withhim,itwasanyone’s
guess.“IthinkI’mgoingtohave
tomakeitofficial.Youknow,mebeingthepresidentofthedemonhordeLaylafanclub.”Alaughburstoutofme.
“Whatareyougoingtodo?Makeyourselfashirtthatsaysyou’retheofficial
president?”“Andbuttons.I’mtotally
goingtomakemyselfsomebuttons.”Istartedtolaugh,buthis
fingersfoundthethinmaterial—theonlythingleftonme—andthingsweremostdefinitelygoingfurtherthantheyhadbefore.Iwasnervous,butIalsotrustedhim.Irememberedwhathe’dwhisperedinmyearearlier.I
knewthiswouldonlygosofar.Beforemynervescouldgetthebetterofme,hislipswerewherehishandswere,andIwasnolongerthinkingaboutanything.Therewasonlyfeeling—justhimandthecrazy,beautifulrushofsensationshecoaxedoutofme.Hewasamasteratit,absolutelybrilliant,becauseIdidn’tfeellikeme.Ididn’tshakeandtremblelikethis
andthosesoftnoisesweresonotcomingfromme.Iwaslikeapieceofclothbeingpulledtootight,untilsuddenlyallthetensionbroke,andIwascaughtinthewhirlwind,thrownsoveryhigh,Icouldkissthestars.Rothslowlyrose,wiggling
anarmundermeandpullingmeagainsthischest.WhenIopenedmyeyes,helookedlikehe’dhadhismindblown,
butthatwasstrange,becausehewastheonedoingallthemind-blowing.Iwastheoneonthereceivingend.“That...”Mytonguedidn’t
wanttowork.“Thatwasamazing.”Hissmilewaspart
arrogance,likehealreadyknewexactlyhowawesomethatwas,buttherewassomethingboyishaboutthecurveofhislips.Hestretched
outbesideme,keepingmeclose.Heloweredhishead,kissingmesoftly,andIwasbonelessandweakinhisarms.Hismouthwashotagainst
mydampbrow.“Iwantaneternityofmorningslikethis.”Hedroppedakissnexttomyear.“Aneternity.”Achillblewthroughmeas
myeyespoppedopen.Thehappyglowdulledandthe
hazescattered.Isuddenlyrealizedsomethingveryimportant,somethingthatneitherofushadeventhoughtofatthispoint.Rothwouldnevergrowanyolder.Foraslongashewalkedthisearth,hewouldlookashedidtoday,whileIwouldageanddielikeanyothermortalouttherethankstomyWardenblood.Rothhadaneternity.
Ididn’t.
eight
THECHILLED,UNSETTLEDfeelingfollowedmetherestofthemorningandIhatedthat,becauseRothandIwerefinallyonthesamepageforthefirsttime,andwhatwehaddone—whathehaddone—wasfranklyamazingandbeautiful,andyes,Iwould
wantaneternityofmorningslikethat.NowIfelthaunted,asiftherewasashadowloomingoverus,turninginfinitetimeintominutesorseconds.Whichwasstupid,becauseIrecognizedthatIhadalong,longtimebeforeIneededtoworryabouttheawkwardnessofahotguyspendingtimewithmewhenIwaswellintomygoldenyears.
ButIkeptpicturingRothlookingasfineandfreshashedidthismorningwhileherolledoutofbedandcastaknowinggrininmydirection.Inmyhead,Ididn’tlooklikeIdidrightnow.Instead,Ihadgrayhair,afacethatrivaledoneofthosedogswhohadwrinkledskinandahunched-overback.Andinsteadofdoingwhatwedidthismorning,we’dspendtime
playingbingo.Ikindoflikedbingo,
though.Anyway,thewholething
wentwellbeyonduncomfortable.Thereweremorepressing
issuesweneededtoaddressnow,whichwaswhyweweregatheredinthekitchenwithCaymanandanotherdemonI’dnevermetbeforebutwhowentbythenameEdward.I
seriouslydoubtedthatwastheblond’srealname,becausethenameEdwardreallydidn’tstrikefearintheheartofanyone.Caymanwassittingonthe
counternearthesink,swinginghisfeetlikehewasattheplayground.Iwasattheisland,havingeatenmyweightinsausage,andRothwasstandingnexttome.Whenwe’dwalkedintothe
kitchentogether,I’dhalfexpectedCaymantowhipoutacameraandstarttakingpicturesofus.Hisexpressionhadbeendownrightgleeful.IwasdoingmybestnottolookatRothinthatmoment,becausewhenIdid,Ithoughtaboutwhathedidthismorningandwhatwehadn’tdone,andthenIwentallred-faced.Thingsmight’veprogressedfurtherifRoth
hadn’tsensedtheotherdemon’spresence,forcingustoleavethebedroomtoinvestigate.EdwardstoodbyCayman
andhiseyescarriedanoddlightthatwasreflectedwhenhetiltedhisheadacertainway.Hedefinitelywasn’tanUpperLeveldemon,andIthoughthemightbeaFiend.“So,what’sonthemenu
today,kids?”Caymanasked.
Roth’sslowgrinsentfireacrossmycheeksashecastalongglanceinmydirection.Heopenedhismouth,butthelookIsenthimpromisedmurderifheansweredthatquestionthewayIthoughthemight.Hechuckledashepropped
hishipagainstthecounter.“Ifigureweneedtohitthecity,startsearchingoutareasthatwethinktheLilinmightbe
holedupin.TheWardensaredoingthesame,butIdoubtthey’regoingtobesuccessful.”“TheLilinwillsensethem
comingamileaway,”Edwardagreed.“Whilewesortofblendinwiththedemonmasses,atleastuntilwegetachancetogetclose.”Ifoldedmyarmsacross
mybelly,whereBambiwascurrentlyresidingafter
makingherwaytherewhenweleftthebedroom.IthoughtabouthowtheUpperLeveldemonreactedtomeyesterday,thenpushedthememoryaside.“DoyouthinkthewitchesthatworshipLilithwouldbeharboringtheLilin?”Caymanshookhishead.“I
don’tthinkso.They’reobsessedwithyourmother,buttheyknowhowriskyit
wouldbetogivesomethingasevilastheLilinshelter.”Normally,havingLilith
referredtoasmymotherwouldsendmeintoanepictizzyofunheard-ofproportions,butnowitwasjust...well,itwasjustthetruth.Lilithwasmymom,whetherIwantedhertobeornot.“Butwouldanydemongiveitshelteratthispoint?”Iasked.
“Notasmartone.”Rothshifted,placingahandonmylowerback.ThoughIworeasweater,oneofthehorriblyskintightonesCaymanhadpickedupfromacornersomewherenodoubt,theweightofhishandstillsearedmyskin.“TheywouldhavetoknowthatnotonlywilltheWardensbegunningfortheLilin,sowilltheBoss,andbyextension,sowillI,andthey
reallydon’twanttogetonmybadside.”“Aren’tyouonebad
mamajama—”Edwardleanedbackagainstthecounterandhiselbowbrushedthecoffeemaker.Ijerkedonthestoolwhenthemachinesuddenlysparked,thesmellofburntozonefillingthekitchenasheglancedoverhisshoulder.Thepotcrackedstraightdownthemiddleas
Edwardfacedus.“Uh,sorryaboutthat.”Yep.Mostdefinitelya
Fiend.Rothscowled.“You’re
goingtohavethatreplacedbytomorrowmorning.”Thedemongrimaced.
“Yes,sir.”Sir?Loweringmygazeto
thecountertop,Ipressedmylipstogethertostopfromgrinning.
“NoneoftheFiendswillhelptheLilin.Icanassureyouofthat,”Edwardcontinued,shakingoffhisembarrassment,andIwonderedifhewassomesortofspokespersonforhiskind.TherewasstillsomuchI
didn’tknowaboutthedemonpopulation,andthatmademesquirminmyseat.Ihadtaggedsomanyoftheminthepast,sentencingthem
backtoHell,andIfiguredthattheBossdidn’tappreciatefailureofanykind.DidtheBosspunishFiendsliketheoneintheroomwithus,whoseonlycrimeappearedtobemassacringappliances?Guiltchurned.Exhalingsoftly,Iglanced
upasIscoopedmyhairupandstartedtwistingitfornoreasonotherthantohavesomethingtodowithmy
hands.“Well,thisisabigcity.Wecan’tjuststartroamingaroundaimlessly.”“Damn,”murmured
Cayman.Hewinked.“Iwaslookingforwardtothat.”Irolledmyeyes.“Whatwe
needtodoisstarttrackinganysuspiciousdeaths—otherwisehealthypeopledroppingdead.IdoubttheLilinisjustgoingtositaroundanddonothing.Ifit
startspullingsouls,thebodieshavetopileup.”“Goodidea,”Edwardsaid.“That’smygirl.”Roth
placedhisfingersundermychin,tippingmyheadbackandtotheside.Hislipswereonmineinananosecond,andatfirst,Istiffened.Iwasn’tusedtobeingkissedinfrontofothers.Iwasn’tallthatusedtobeingkissed,period.Ourrelationshipwassonew,
lessthantwenty-fourhours,buthiskisseshadthisabilitytomeltreservationsandconcerns.Isoftened,andtheroomfellaway.Hekissedmeliketherewasnooneelsearoundus,butweweren’talone.Someoneclearedhis
throat,andthenCaymangroaned,“Really,guys?”MyfacewasburningasI
pulledaway,butRothwas
unfazed.“What?”heasked.“WhileI’mgladyouguys
havedecidedtobecomethetwosomeoftheyear,Ireallydon’twanttoseeyousuckingface,”Caymancommented.Iwasn’tsureIbelievedhimsincehewasallTeamRoth.“Itdoesthingstomyindigestion.Badthings.”“Idon’tmind,”Edward
said.Myeyeswidened.Okay.
Thatwasweirdand...andgross.Rothstraightened,but
droppedhisarmaroundmyshoulders.“Cayman,youcankeepaneyeoutonthemorguesandhospitals,andEddie-boy,keepyoureyesontheclubsthroughoutthecity.Justdon’ttouchanything.”TheFiendactuallylooked
sheepishashenodded.“Whatarewegoingto
do?”Iasked,andwhenRoth’seyesdeepened,Iknewwhatdirectionhewasheadingin.Reachingup,Iplacedmyhandonhismouth.“Don’t.”Henippedatmyfingers
andgrinnedwhenIpulledmyhandaway.“There’sacoupleofplacesweshouldcheckout.”Weallstartedtopartways
atthatpoint,anditfeltgood
tobedoingsomethingotherthansittingaround.IheadedintothelivingroomtograbahairtieI’dleftontheendtable.Pickingitup,IturnedaroundtofindCaymanstandingafootaway.“YoustillwanttoseeGrim
nextweek,Layla-Low-Bottom-Butts?”heasked.Istaredathimamoment,
lettingthatnicknamesinkin,andthenIglancedatthe
doorway.“Yes,butIhaven’tsaidanythingtoRothyet.”“Iwouldn’t,becausehe’s
notgoingtobedownwithit.”Hekepthisvoicelowwhilehespokefast.“Remember,sweetpea.ItoldyouthattheBossisn’tentirelypleasedwithhim.Hegoesdownthere,they’regoingtokeephimdetained.Youdon’twantthat.”MystomachhollowedasI
steppedclosertoCayman.“CantheBossjustcomeupandgethimifhewantsto?”Hetiltedhisheadtothe
side.“Yes,butit’sdoubtfulrightnow.Later?Whoknows?IcandistractRothnextFridayandgiveyoutimetogetdownthere,butonceyou’rethere,you’regoingtohavetohurry.”“Hurry?Incaseyou’ve
forgotten,I’veneverbeento
HellsoIhavenoideawhatthelandscapeislike,”Ipointedout,tryingnottofreakoutoverthefactthatIwasgoingtogotoHell.Literally.“Needalittlebitofdirectionhere.”Caymangrinned.“It’s
easierthanyouthink.Trustme,butterball.You’llknowexactlywheretogoonceyougetthere.”Thenhewinked.“Bytheway,I’mproudof
you.Youmadetherightdecisionyesterday,choosingthefuture—choosingRoth.”Iopenedmymouth,buthe
wasgonebeforeIcouldsayaword.Turningslowly,Ilookedaroundthenow-emptyroom.“Ihateitwhenhedoesthat.”“What?”Jumpingatthesoundof
Roth’svoice,Icouldn’tsayIwasthatsurprisedtofindhim
standingafootbehindme.“That!Youguysjustpoppinginandoutofrooms.It’sfreakyandunnatural.”“You’rejustjealous
becauseyoucan’tdothat.”Irolledmyeyes,buthe
waskindofright.Iwassortofjealousofnothavingthatniftyability.IfIdid,Iwouldbepoppinghere,thereandeverywhere.Bambichosethatmomenttoswitch
positions.Sheslitheredaroundmywaist,restingherheadalongmyribs.I’dalsopopherbuttonthecouchwhenshegotantsy.“WhatwasCaymandoing
inhere?”Rothpickedupastrandofmyhairandstartedropingthelengtharoundhisfinger.TheideaoflyingtoRoth,
especiallyaftereverything,mademefeellikeI’djust
bathedingrime,butIknewifItoldhimwhatIplannedtodoaboutSam’ssoul,hewouldn’tletmegodowntherealone,andmaybenotatall.Icouldn’tallowhimtostopme.AndthiswasmorethanjustprotectingRothfromanunhappyBoss.SavingSam’ssoulwasbiggerthanwhateitherofuswanted.“Hewasjustbeing
Cayman,”Isaidfinally.
Rothtuggedonthestrandofhairhe’dwrappedaroundhisfinger,guidingmeclosertohim.“That’saloadedstatement.”Hiseyesmetmine,andmyheartspedup.Leaningdown,herestedhisforeheadagainstmine.“Guesswhat?”“What?”“Ifyoubehaveyourself
today,Ihaveasurpriseforyoulater.”
Mylipscurvedup.“IfIbehavemyself?”“Uh-huh.”Hekissedmy
browashestraightened,lettinggoofmyhair.“Andbybehavingyourself,Imeanbeingasnaughtyasyoucanpossiblybe.”Laughing,Igatheredup
myhair,twistingitintoaquickbun.“I’mnotsureIcanbethatnaughtyifwe’reinpublic,lookingfortheLilin.”
“There’salwaystimefornaughtiness,Shortie.”“I’mnotsurprisedthatyou
believethis.”Heshotmealook.“When
haveanyofmybeliefsbeenwrong?”Iarchedabrow.“Many,
manytimes.”“Ithinkyouhavea
distortedmemory,”hereturned,andIlaughedagain,missingthis—theplayful
banter—andIwasrelievedtoseethatithadn’tbeentarnishedbyeverythingithadtakenustogettothispoint.“Keeptellingyourself
that.”Ismiledwhenhepouted.“Beforeanysurprises,IwanttoswingbyandseeStacey.”“Cando.”Heliftedhis
hand,brushinghisknucklesacrossmycheek,anditwasanotherthingaboutRoththat
hadneverchanged,notevenwhenwewereapart.Hewasdefinitelyatouchy-feelykindofdemon.“Youwanttovisitheralone?”Histhoughtfulnessdidn’t
reallysurprisemeanymore.Notthatitdidn’tstillwowme,becauseitdid,andmyheartwasdoingthatswellingthingagain,butIcouldn’tfigureouthowhedidn’tseehisowngoodness.Istretched
upandkissedthecornerofhislipsbeforesettlingbackdown.“Ithinkshe’llbehappytoseeyou.”“Ofcourseshewillbe,”he
murmured,hisgazelingeringonmylips.IshiveredeventhoughIwasn’tcold.Nope.Notatall.“Everyoneishappytoseeme.”Ishookmyhead.“You
ready?”Whenhenodded,Ismiledupathim.“Areyou
goingtotellmewherewe’regoing?”“Iwould,butthatwould
ruinthefun.”Hechuckledasmysmileslippedintoafrown.“Okay.Wearen’tgoinganywhere.Well,anywhereinparticular.Wearegoingtoroamthestreetsaimlessly.”“Wow.That’sastellar
plan.”Hebitdownonhislower
lipashegrinned.“Actually,it’sprettydamnclever.”“That’syettobeseen.”Rothgrabbedmyhandand
startedtoleadmetowardthefrontdoor.“Here’sthedeal.Idon’tthinkwe’regoingtohavetolooktoohardfortheLilin.Actually,Idon’tthinkyouaregoingtohavetoseektheLilinout.”“Andwhy’sthat?”Helookedoverhis
shoulderatme,allhumorvanishingfromhisface.“BecauseIbelievetheLilinisgoingtocomelookingforyou.”
nine
NOTHINGLIKEHEARINGapsychoticdemonthatyou’dunwillinglyhelpedcreatewouldbelookingforyoutomakeyoufeellikeyouneededtoenterthecreeperrelocationprogram.ButIhopedRothwas
correct,becauseitwouldmakefindingthetooleasier.
Sinceitwastheafternoon,wedroveintothecityandparkedthecarinoneoftheparkinggarages.Wedidn’thavegreatluckwhenitcametothoseparticularstructures,buthittingtheskywasoutofthequestioninthedaylight.Whilethecity’shumanresidentswerealltooawareoftheWardensandRothwassimilarenoughtotheminhistrueform,ifahumanlooked
toocloselyathim,questionswouldarisethatweweren’tpreparedtoanswer.RothglancedatmeasI
openedthedoor.“Youdidn’tbringajacket?”Ishookmyhead.Heclosedthedriver’s
door.“Ascarf?”“No.”“Whataboutmittens?”Mylipstwitched.“Nope.”HeeyedmeasIwalked
aroundthefrontofthecar.“Whataboutalittlebeanieforyourlittlehead?”Ilaughed.“No,Dad.I’m
fine.”Hiseyesglittered.“Ilikeit
whenyoucallme—”“Stop.”Hetiltedhisheadtothe
side.“Onaseriousnote,it’scoldoutthere,Shortie.”ThatmuchIalreadyknew.
Rothwaswearingonlya
long-sleevedshirtandjeans,becauselikefull-bloodedWardens,hisinternaltemperaturewassomewherebetweensteamingandboiling.OnewouldthinkbecauseIwasamixtureofboth,Iwouldalsohaveahightoleranceforthecold,butIneverdid.Untilnow,Iguessed.It
couldn’tbemorethanfortydegrees.“I’mnotcold.”
Astrangelookcrossedhisfeaturesashewatchedmeintently.“Odd.”Therewereodderthings
aboutme,say,forexample,myfeatheredwings.Therewasn’tadamnthingnormalaboutthat,andasRothandIsafelymadeitoutoftheparkinggarageonFStreet,Ibroughtthemup.“So...”Idrewthewordout
asIsteppedaroundaherdof
youngkidsinuniformsandsoft,whiteaurasbeingusheredtowardabusidlingatthecurb.Thepackedsidewalkwasanarrayofcolorsandmyattentionwasimmediatelydrawntothosewithdarkershades,thecrimsonredsandplums.Mostweresuits,clutchingbriefcases.Theyhadsinned,andsinnedinaverybadway.Mystomachtightenedwith
need,buttheurgewasnowherenearasintenseasitusedtobe,andthatalsoconfoundedme.Rothtookmyhand,
threadinghisfingersthroughmine.Myheartgotallgiddy.IrememberedatimewhenIwould’veyankedmyhandawayfromhissofasthisheadwould’vespun.“What?”heasked.Iwasdistractedbythefact
wewerelegitholdinghands,walkingdownthecrowdedsidewalklikea...likearealcouple,anormalcouple.Airhitchedinmythroat.Thiswasthefirsttimewewereholdinghandsasacouple,andeventhoughwehadn’tcalledeachotherboyfriendorgirlfriend,weweresothat.Agoofy,stupidgrintugged
atmylipsandasmygazedancedoverthepeople
rushingtogetwherevertheyweregoing,Istoppedfightingit.Ismiledsowidelytherewasagoodchancemyfacewouldsplitrightupthemiddle.Inthatsecond,Ididn’t
thinkabouttheuglinesswithZayneortheLilinormyfeatheredwingsorthethousandothertroubleswaitingtopounceonus.Thathappinessinthepitofmy
bellyspreadrapidly,likealeveebreaking,thewarmthwhooshingthroughme.Mystepssuddenlyfeltlighter,andIwantedtostopinthemiddleofthesidewalk,grabRoth’sfaceandplantoneonhim.HowmanytimeshadIwantedhimtodothatbefore?EvenwhenI’dbeenpushinghimaway,I’dwantedhim.Nowhewasmine.“Layla?”Rothsqueezed
myhand.“Whatareyousmilingabout?NotthatI’mcomplaining.That’safreakingbeautifulsmile,anditmakesme—”IdidwhatIwantedtodo.Stoppinginthemiddleof
thesidewalk,Iignoredtheharshglancescastinourdirection,andnoonesaidathingtousafterreceivingonelookfromRoth.Istretchedonthetipsofmytoes.With
myfreehandwrappedaroundthenapeofhisneck,Iguidedhisheaddown.Surpriseflickeredacrosshisface,andthenIclosedmyeyes,pressingmymouthtohis.Thekisswasbrief,butwhenIpulledaway,hisexpressionmademyday.Hestareddownatme,his
eyeswideandthepupilsslightlydilated.Hislipswerepartedandthatboltinhis
tongueglittered.Thetopsofhischeekboneswereflushed.Helooked...Helookedgobsmacked.“What...whatwasthat
for?”Mysmilereallywasgoing
tobreakmyface.“Justbecause...well,thereweresomanytimesthatIsecretlywishedyou’ddonethatinthepast,andIthought,whycan’tI?”
Hisgazesearchedmyface.“Ijustwantyoutoknowthatwheneveryoufeeltheneedtodothat,youdoit.Idon’tcarewhatwe’redoing,I’malwaysgoingtobedownforthat.Always.”Itwasmyturntoflush,but
Ifocusedontheimportantstuffaswestartedwalkingagain.KnowingnoonewouldpayattentiontowhatIsaid,becausetheyheardway
strangerstuffonthestreetsofDC,Iforgedforward.“So,whatdoyouthinkaboutmyfeatheredwings?”Hegaveachokedlaugh.“I
likethewayyousayfeathered.”Imadeaface.“Ithinkthey’rekindof
hot,”headded.Irolledmyeyesaswe
stoppedatanintersection.“Ofcourseyoudo,butthat
reallydoesn’ttellmemuch.Imean,that’snotnormal,right?IknowZaynehasseenthembefore,andsohaveyou,buthesaidhe’donlyseenthemonce,onanUpper.Andwhynow?WhywouldIlookdifferentnowafterallthistime?”Athoughtfullookcrossed
hisfaceaswewaitedforthelighttoturn.“Well,youonlystartedshiftingrecently.
Maybethiswashowyouweresupposedtolook.”“Doubtful,”Imuttered,and
asthelittlegreenmanlituponthesign,Istartedforward.“Yeah,Iwasjusttryingto
beoptimistic.”Rothslowedhislong-leggedpaceashescannedthecrowdsaroundus.Ahornblew,followedbyanother,andthescentofroastedmeatwasstrongaswepassedayummy-looking
restaurant.“Look,I’veseenwingslikethatbefore,butitdoesn’tmakesense.”“Whydoesn’t—?”Icut
myselfoffasIcaughtaglimpseofbrilliantwhitereflectingoffthewindowedfrontofanofficebuilding.Istopped,myheartspeedingupasIsearchedforitssource.Rothimmediatelysensed
thechange.“What?”
“Iseeanall-whiteaura,”Iexplained,walkingagainasIstrainedtocatchsightofitthroughthedizzyingshadespassingus.“Itwasdazzling,waytoobrighttobeahuman.”“AWarden?”Inodded.Ithadtobea
Warden,unlessitwasanAlpha.ThoughIdoubtedthelatterwouldberoamingthestreets.AsfarasIknew,they
lookedthewaytheydidallthetime,andtherewasnohidingthosewings.Roth’shandtightened
aroundmine,andageneralsenseofalarmtookrootinmystomach.ItcouldbeanyWarden,butifI’dcaughtsightoftheiraura,theycould’vesensedRothandmeinturn.IfitwasNicolaiorDezoutthere,Ithoughtthey’dapproach.Maybenot
Zayneatthispoint,andthatkilledmetoevenacknowledge.Wewalkedanotherblock,
silentandonalert.Justaswewereseveralfeetfromanalley,Ifelttheawareness.TheWardenwasnearby.Roth’schindippeddown.
“Youfeelthat?”Inodded,andaswe
crossedthemouthofthealley,Icaughtsightof
brilliantwhiteagain,andmyheadswungsharplytotheright.Allthewaytowardthebackofthealley,therewasahugesourceofpearlygoodness.TheaurafadedandIcaughtaglimpseofwhatexistedbeyondtheglow.Iceshotdownmyspineas
Isuckedinasharpbreath.Evenfromacrossthedistance,Irecognizedthatface.Whowouldn’t?The
jaggedscarthatslicedfromthecornerofhiseyetohislipswasunmistakable.ItwasElijah.Myfather.Inthebackofmyhead,it
registeredsomewhatdimlyhowmisleadingthatwhiteaurawas.Hehadwantedmedeadmywholelife,hisowndaughter.ButWardenshadpuresouls,nomatterwhatsinsstainedthem.
SlippingmyhandfreefromRoth’s,Ididn’tthinkasIshotdownthealley,racingtowardthebackwhereI’dseenhim.Ididn’tknowwhyIwasevenchasingafterhim.Ihadn’tseenhimsincehe’dorderedhisson,myhalfbrother,totakemeout.WhenPetrhadvanished,Elijahhaddisappeared,andbackthen,I’dbeenundertheprotectionofmyclan.Notsomuch
anymore.ButIdidn’tneedtheir
protectionnow.Rightnownoneofus
neededElijahskulkingaroundthecity.Wehadenoughproblems,andifhewasheretomesswithme,whichhehadtobe,I’dratherdealwithhimnowinsteadoflookingovermyshoulder,waitingforhimtostrike.“Dammit,”IheardRoth
growljustbeforehetookoffafterme.IwasfastwhenIwantedto
be,butasIroundedthebackofthealley,mytargetwasn’tthere.Myheadjerkedup.Elijahwasscalingthefireescapeatarapidclip,thedarktrenchcoatheworewhippingoutbehindhim.“Thiscouldbeatrap,”
Rothreasonedashecaughtuptome,staringuptoward
therooftop.Hewasn’ttellingmeanythingIdidn’talreadyknow.“Layla,weneedtothinkaboutthis.”“Wedon’tneedtodeal
withhimhauntingus.It’sbadenoughthathissonhasbeendoingsoasawraith.”Iturnedtohim.“That’sthelastthinganyofusneedtobeworriedabout.”“Shortie...”Imethisstarefora
momentandthenIspunaround.Runningtothefireescape,Ijumpedandcaughttherail.Mybodyswungtothesideandthenback.Myfeethittheladder.“Okay,”Rothcalledout
frombehindme.“You’recrazy,butthatwasalsocrazyhot.”Hegruntedashelandedontheladderbehindme.“JustthoughtI’dsharethatwithyou.”
Iflewuptheladder,determined.Ittookonlysecondstoclimbwhathadtobeatleasttenstories,andinthebackofmymind,Iwonderedhowthatwaspossible.I’dalwaysbeenfasterandstrongerthanahuman,butnotlikethis.Nowjustwasn’tthetimetoreallydelveintowhy.Reachingthetopofthe
ladder,Ipropelledmyself
overtheledge,landinginacrouch.MyeyeswidenedasItookinthescenebeforemeandmystomachdroppedalittle.Ah,Rothmight’vebeen
right.Helandedbesideme,
cursingunderhisbreathaswebothrose.StandingattheotherendoftherooftopwasElijah.Hewasn’talone.ThreeWardenswerewith
him.Irecognizedthemfromwhenhisclanhadvisitedthecompound.Windwhippedacrossthe
roof,blowingElijah’sjacketoutaroundhimashiscoldgazecenteredonme.Anugly,hatefulemotionrosewithinme,spreadingthroughmyveinslikebatteryacid.“Hello,Dad.”Surpriseetchedintohis
harshfeatures.Itwasbrief,
gonewhenhislipscurvedintoasneer,distortingtheraggedscar.“Donotcallmethat.”“Why?”IaskedasRoth
movedclosertome,butIwasfocusedonthisbeingwhowassupposedtoloveme.Wasn’tthatwhatmothersandfathersdid,likeinnately?Whywereminetheexceptiontotherule?“You’remyfather.”
OneoftheotherWardens,atall,dark-hairedman,glancedatElijahquestioningly.Didtheynotknow?Ahorriblesmilepulledatmylipsanditwaswithoutanywarmth.Instead,itwasfullofscornandseventeenyearsofwondering.“Yeah,maybeyourememberhowyouhookedupwithLilith—theLilith—”
“Shutup,”hehissed,hishandsformingmeatyfists.Alowgrumbleofwarning
rumbledfromRothasablastofheatrolledoffhim,butmysmile,itspread.“Andthetwoofyouproducedlittleoldme.What?Youdidn’tthinkIknew?”TwooftheWardens
behindhimexchangeduncertainlooks.“What?”Irepeated.“Theydidn’t
know?”“Thatdoesn’tmatter.”His
nosebegantoflattenandhisjawlengthened,extendingtomakeroomforthemassivefangsthatcouldcuteffortlesslythroughsteelandmarble.“Itdoesn’t?”IknewIwas
pushinghim.Hisfurywasatangiblethirdpartyonthisrooftop.Icouldpracticallyreachoutandtouchit,butI
wastoofocusedonmyownangertobeafraid.Afterallthistime,Iwasfinallyabletoconfronthim.Itwaslikeasecretfantasyofminewasfinallycomingtrue.“YouboinkedLilith.”“Boinked?”Rothchuckled
underhisbreathandthensaid,“God,Iloveyou.”Elijahjumpedonthat
comment.“Love?Fromademon?Areyouserious?”
“Don’t,”Iwarned,feelingthespacebelowmyneckstarttotingle.“Don’ttrytoactlikeyouknowanythingaboutlove.You’renobetterthanme,andyou’resureasHellnobetterthanhim.He’sathousandtimesbetterthanyoucouldeverhopetobe.”Elijahsnorted.“Him?A
demon?Youare—”“He’stheCrownPrince,”I
snapped,myhandscurling
tight.“Notjustademon.ButevenifhewasmerelyaFiend,he’dstillbetoogoodforthelikesofyou.”“That’smygirl,”Roth
murmured.“Whyareyouhere?”I
demanded,fueledbyanangerthatburnedsodeepandsobright,itwaslikeitwasmyownpersonalsun.“Wait,letmeguess.Youwanttokillme?”
“Iwastrackingyou.Iknewthateventuallyyou’dresurface.”Hisskinstartedtodarken.“AndIshould’vetakencareofthiswhenyouwerenothingbutababe.Ishould’veknownthemomentthatbitchleftyouwithmethatyouweren’tright.You’dbejustlikethewhore—”“Proceedverycarefully
withwhatyou’reabouttosay,”Rothadvisedsoftly.
“That’smygirlyou’reabouttoinsult,andI’mnotgoingtobehappyaboutthat.Atall.”“Whatever.”Iforceda
shrug.Yeah,whatElijahhadsaidstung,butIwassoovermydaddyissues.“Samestuff.Differentday.Trysomethingnewnexttime.”Thedark-hairedWarden
behindElijahbaredhisfangs,butElijahcuthimoff.“IcannotsayI’msurprised
tofindyouwithademon.”Rothsteppedforward,
positioninghimselfbetweenElijahandme.“IcannotsayI’msurprisedtofindyou’rejustasuglyasyourson.Oh,wait.Deadson.Mybad.”Elijah’schilledgazeswung
inhisdirection.“Donotspeakofmyson.”“Iwon’tspeakofhim,only
becausehe’sworsethanthescumthatlinesthestreets
below,”Rothsaid,hisvoiceeerilycalm.“ButdoyouwanttoknowwhatIdidwithhisspineafterItoreitfromhisbody?”Thatdidit.MostlybecauseafterI’d
takenPetr’ssoulinself-defense,RothhadremovedPetr’sspinefromhisbody,andIwasguessingElijahhadfiguredthatout.TheWardensshifted.
Clothingrippedasbodiesexpandedandskinhardened.Wingsspreadandclawsappeared.ThetrenchElijahworeshreddeduptheback.Hewasimpressiveinhistrueform.Hornspartedhisdarkhair.“I’mgoingtoendbothof
you,”hepromised.“Please,”laughedRoth.ThenRothwentallkinds
ofbadass.Hedidn’tshift.He
didn’tneedtoatthispoint,becausehedidn’tfeelthattheywereabigenoughthreattowarrantit.Thedark-hairedWarden
rushedforwardandRothdroppedlow,kickingoutandcatchingtheWardenatthekneecaps,knockinghislegsrightoutfromunderhim.Hisheavyweightshooktheroof,buthewasonlydownforhalfasecond.Backonhisfeet,he
swungatRoth,buthewasfastaslightning.RothduckedundertheWarden’soutstretchedarmandpoppedupbehindhim.HeplantedhisbootedfootintothebackoftheWarden,bringinghimtohisknees.OvertheWarden’shead,
Rothlookedupandwinkedatme.Winkedatmeinthe
middleofafight.
Wow.TheothertwoWardens
chargedRoth,andmyheartseizedasonenearlyreachedhim.Hespun.Redlightpulsedfromhispalm.Likehisfingersweremadeofgasoline,firelickedoverhishandandthenshotoutlikeamissile,narrowlymissingtheWarden.Elijahstartedtowardme.“Bambi!”Isummonedthe
familiar.“HelpRoth.”Therewasatickleabove
mybellybuttonandthenfromunderthehemofmysweater,atwisty,darkshadowfloatedoutandspilledintothespaceinfrontofme.Theshadowbrokeintoamillionmarble-sizeballs,bouncingsilentlyofftherooftop.Theyshottowardoneanother,piecingtogetherrapidly.
Bambiraisedherdiamond-shapedhead,herredeyesglimmeringinthesunlight.Hermouthopened,revealingfangsthesizeofmyhand.Shelookedhungry.Thenagain,Bambialways
lookedhungry.Thesnakeshotacrossthe
rooftop,headingrightforalighter-hairedWarden.RothwhirledoutofthewayasBambistruck,nailingthe
Wardeninthethroat.Therewasahigh-pitchedyelpingsound.Roth’slowlaughsent
chillsovermyskinashemovedtowardthethirdWarden,toyingwithhim,clearlyenjoyinghimself.Hewassortofbeautifultowatch,thegraceinthewayhemoved,almostlikeadancerperformingonstage.“Youdefileyourbodywith
familiarsnow?”Elijah’svoicewasladenwithdisgust.“Really?DoIneedto
repeatmyself?YouhookedupwithLilith!”Elijahsnarled.“AndI
regretgivingyoucreationwitheverysinglebreathItake.JustasI’msureAbbothasregrettedsavingyourlife.”Ouch.That—Okay,that
cutdeeperthanIthought,and
Iflinched,becausethewoundwassoraw.Butthatpaingavewaytosomethingred-hotinme.Musclesinmystomachandlegstightened,andIlettheshiftcomeoverme.ItwasonlikeDonkey
Kong.Coolairhitmybackasmy
shirttoreatthecollar.Mywingsunfurled,arcingbehindmeasIfeltmyskinhardenas
ifitwasicingover.Elijahimmediatelydrew
upshort,hismouthdroppingopen.“Whatthe...?”“Yeah.Mywingsare
featherednow.It’sweird.Iknow.”Heshookhisheadashe
tookastepbackfromme—literallybackedaway.Insteadofgawkingoverthat,Iusedittomyadvantage.Relyingonalltheoffensivetechniques
thatZaynehadshowedmeovertheyears,Iharnessedthepowerinmylegsandmycore.Ispunaround,fasterthanIhadevermovedbefore,andkickedoutandup,catchingElijahinthechest.Theblowstaggeredhim,
butthatwasasmallvictory.Throwingapunchthatwouldmakeaboxerproud,IcoldcockedElijahinthejaw,snappinghisheadback.Pain
burstacrossmyhand,butIignoreditasIlookedup,meetingRoth’sgaze.“Damn,”hesaid,not
takinghiseyesoffmeashishandsnappedout,catchingtheWardenbythethroat.Prideandsomethingfardeeperchurnedinthosetawnydepths.“StillhotasHell.”Iflashedaquickgrininhis
directionbeforeIturnedback
toElijahjustintimetomisstheclawedhandthatwasaimingformyface.“Youcannotbe,”he
grunted,pupilsdilated.Ijumpedbackashe
reachedformeagain,buthecaughtmywinginhisgrip.Hetwistedhishand.Iheardanalmostdelicatecrack,andstartlingpainarcedacrossmywing,slammingintomyshoulderandpoweringdown
myspine.Unabletostopit,acry
punchedoutofme,butthatsparkofpainignitedafireinme.Istartedtobringmykneeup,butbeforeIcouldutter“jerkface,”Elijahslammedhispalmintomychest.Theblowknockedmeoff
myfeetandthroughtheairasifhe’dtossedme.Iflewback,overtheedgeoftheroofoverlookingthealley.
“Layla!”FearfilledRoth’sshout.AsIstartedtotoppleinto
nothingbutair,instinctcameoutofcruisecontrol.Thepaininmyleftwingknockedtheairoutofmylungs,butIpushedthroughit,grindingmyteethasIcaughtmyself.Themovementwasliketakingalightedmatchtomywing,butIdartedupseveralfeetabovetherooftop.
He’dbrokenmywing!Startled,Elijahshoutedas
hereachedintothetorncoatandpulledoutadagger,andIknewwithoutevengettingclosethatitwasiron—andifyouhadeventhetiniestamountofdemonblood,ironcouldbedeadly.Hecrouched,andthenshot
intotheair,andthatfireinmeburnedintoaninferno.Ishotacrosstherooftopas
Elijahraisedhishand,swingingthedaggertowardme.Idroppedtotheconcrete,andthedaggerswungovermyhead.Igrabbedholdofhislegs,myclawsdigginginasIyankeddownwithallmystrength.Elijahhadn’texpectedthat
move,andhewentdownasImadeapassathim,thetipsofmyclawsmissinghimbyaninch.Spinningaround,I
swungoutmyclawedhand.Ididn’tgrazehimthistime.Myclawshithimacrossthechest,diggingindeep,tearingopenthehardenedskin.Bloodspurtedandthensprayed.ShocksplashedacrossElijah’sfaceashestumbledback,towardtheroof’sedge,hishandspressingagainsthischest.Itwasn’tafatalblow,butashestaredatme,Isawmy
opening.Histhroatwasvulnerableandexposed.IfIcaughthimthere,hewouldn’trecover.Itookasteptowardhim,
mywingstwitchingasIraisedmyhandagain.Mymuscleswerestrungtightwithanticipation.Iwantedtobringhimtohisknees,endhim.Hewasmyfatherandhe’dtriedtohavemekilledmoretimesthanIprobably
evenknewof.Killinghimwouldbeunderstandable,justifiedeven,becauseifIdidn’t,hewassurelygoingtocomeaftermeagainandagain.Myeyeslockedwithhis
blueones,andallthatfury,andallthathurtswirledtogetherintoacycloneofmessy,dirtyemotions.AllthoseyearsoffeelinglikeIdidn’tbelong,thatIwascast
outandunwanted.TheshockofknowingthatmyownfleshandbloodwantedmedeadslammedintomejustashardasithadwhenI’dfirstlearnedthetruth,andI...Ifeltsadforhim.Icould’vebeenthelittle
girlthatlookeduptohim.Icould’vebeenagooddaughtertohim.Icould’vehadyearsgettingtoknowhim.Icould’velovedhim.
Buthehadmadethechoicetoneverhaveanyofthat.Intheend,hewasn’tworth
thelifetimeofguiltI’dshoulder.Loweringmyhand,Itook
astepbackfromElijahasIfeltaWardenhittherooftop,hardenoughtocrackthecement.EvenasIstartedtospeak,adarkblur—ashadow—appearedovertheledge,andthenshotacrossthe
rooftop.Beforeanyofuscould
moveorreact,Samwasthere,standinginbetweenElijahandme.NotSam,Irealizedwithafreshjoltofpain,buttheLilin.Itdidn’tstoptochatasitdartedtowardElijah.ThelastWardenstandingshouted,hiswordsgarbledbyhiscrackedfaceandhisyellcutshortasRothtookhimdown,knockinghimout.
TheLilinwasonElijahinananosecond,wrappingitshandaroundtheWarden’sthroatanddragginghimdownafoottoitslevel.Atfirst,Iwasjuststunnedintoimmobility.SeeingwhatlookedlikeSamcompletelyincapacitateaWardenwasbizarre.Myheadalmostcouldn’twraparoundthefactthatthiswasn’tscrawnySam,butasouped-upversionof
everyone’sworsenightmare.TheLilin’sshouldersrose
asitinhaleddeeply.HorrorswampedmeasIrealizeditwasfeedingonElijah.Hisaurablinkedlikealightgoingout,andthenitwasgone.Coldwindblastedintome,throwingaroundthestrandsofhairthathadcomelooseacrossmyfaceasIstaggeredtotheside,alreadyknowingitwastoolate.TheLilinwas
toofast,toodeadly.Ithadstrucklikeacobra,anditsvenomwasthedeadliest.Rothwassuddenlybehind
me,wrappinganarmaroundmywaist,holdingmeback,buttruthbetold,Iwasn’tmoving,becauseIknew—God,Iknew—itwasdone.Withinseconds,theLilin
releasedElijah.TheWarden’sbackwasunnaturallystiffashebackedintotheledge.I
expectedhimtotransformintosomethinghorrifyingatthatpoint,likePetrhadwhenIstrippedhissoulaway,butthatdidn’thappen.Elijah’sskinpinkedashe
slippedbackintohishumanformandhiswingsfoldedintohisback.Fangsandclawsreceded.Thewoundinhischest,thewoundI’dgivenhim,wasevengoriernow,andthescaralonghisface
stoodoutstarkly.Therewasnowraith.Therewasnothingleftof
Elijah’ssoul.Thoseblueeyesusually
filledwithsuchhateweredullandunfocusedasElijahfellbackward,overtheledge.Gone.Whippingaround,theLilin
facedus.Immediately,itbegantotransform,itsbodycontortedasitdoubledover
beforeitstraightened,throwingitsheadback.Thelengthofitstretched,andthenitexpanded,bulkingup.“OhmyGod,”Iwhispered
asanall-newawfulnesshitme.TheLilinwastakingon
Elijah’sform,justasithadSam’s.Itwasbecomingsomethingtotallydifferent,andwithinmeremoments,whatlookedlikeSamwasno
longerstandinginfrontofus.Instead,therewasanexact
replicaofElijah,downtothescarcuttingacrossthesideofhisface,righttothecornerofhislips.“You’rewelcome.”The
LilinevensoundedlikeElijah.Theonlythingmissingwashisaura.AshadbeenthecasewiththeSamdoppelgänger,therewasnothingaroundtheLilin.
TheLilinbentonpowerfullegsasitshookoutitsshoulders.Itsskinhardenedtograniteandmassivewingsappeared,spreadingoutfrombehindit.Onesideofitslipscurledupinasmirk,andthenitlaunchedintotheair,quicklydisappearingovertheriseoftheotherbuildings.Breathingheavily,Itugged
onRothandhisarmslippedawayfromme.Iwalked
towardtheedgeofthebuildingandpeereddown,allthewaydowntothestreetbelow.Acrowdofpeoplehadgathered.Somewerebackingaway,theirhandsflutteringtotheirmouths.Someonewhippedaroundanddoubledover.Isqueezedmyeyesshutas
mystomachtwisted.TherealElijahhadhitthesidewalkbelowanditwas...messy.
Throattight,Iturnedawayandforcedadeepbreath.“WehavetowarntheotherWardens.”
ten
FLURRIESFELLFROMthethickcloudsaboveandafinecoatingofsnowdustedtheroofsofthebuildings.Duskwasslowlyinvadingthecity,anddownbelow,streetlampswereflickeringon,alongwiththewhiteChristmaslightsthathadbeenstrungalongthetrees.
AsIstoodneartheledgeandstareddown,watchinghumanshurryalongorstoppingtohailacab,IthoughtifIcouldcapturethismomentwithacamera,itwouldalmostlookliketheperfectholidaygreetingcard.Therewassomething
calmingaboutthefactthatmillionsofpeopleweregoingabouttheirlives,completelyunawareoftheveryreal
darknessthreateningtheircity.Afterallthistime,Ifinallygotit—whytheAlphasdemandedthathumansremaincluelesswhenitcametotheexistenceofdemons.Ithadtodowithmorethanjustthedesireforfaithinahigherpower.Itwasalsoaboutprotection,allowingthehumanstolivetheirliveseveryday,becauseiftheydidknowthetruth,the
worldwouldbeirrevocablychanged,damagedbeyondmerelythecarelesswayhumanstreatedotherhumans.Warmthbeatbackthecold
asRothcametostandbehindme.Hewrappedhisarmaroundmywaistandrestedhischinatopmyhead.Therewasnostiffnessinhisembraceorinmyreactiontoit.Althoughthiswasallnewtobothofus,thisopenness
aboutourfeelings,therewasnoneofthatawkwardnessthatIimaginedmostcouplesfaced.Weweren’tonthesame
buildingasearlier.Nowwewerenearthefederaldistrict,waitingformembersofmyclan.Outofhabit,IhadtextedZayneashortmessage,tellinghimnottotrustElijah,thatiftheysawhim,itwasn’ttheWardentheyknew.
Minuteshadgonebybeforehe’dresponded,provingthathehadn’tbeenasleep,encasedinstone,likeheshould’vebeenatthattime.He’drequestedameeting,andsonowwewerewaiting.Nervesformedatangleinthepitofmystomach.IwasgoingtoseeZayneagain,andthatwasgoingtobetoughenough,butworsestill,IfiguredIwouldalsoseeother
clanmembers.MaybeevenAbbot,andIwasnothingbutaballofanxiousdread.Rothhadn’tbeentoo
thrilledaboutanyofthis,whichexplainedwhyBambiwasonceagaincurledaroundmywaistandCaymanwasalsohere,alongwithEdward.Theystoodonthecornersofthebuildingliketwosentries.Reallywell-dressed
sentries.
Bothwereindarktrousersandawhiteshirt,donningpolishedleathershoes.Ihadnoideawhy.Maybetheyhadleftballroomdancingclassesorsomething.IcouldtotallyseeCaymandoingthat.“How’syourback?”Roth
askedafterafewmoments.Ihadn’tmentionedthatmy
backachedfromwhereElijahhadgrippedmywing,butRothwascarefultoavoidthe
areaandnotirritatethedullpulse.“Itdoesn’thurtthatbad,butIthinkhemight’vebrokensomething.”Themusclesalonghisarm
bunched.“Whenwegethome,Iwanttocheckitoutifshiftingdoesn’thurtyoutoobadly.”Home.Homewaswith
Roth.ThatwassorightIdidn’tevenneedtoquestionit.Westoodinsilencefora
handfulofseconds,andthenIblurtedout,“Igetit.”Hishandflattenedalong
mystomach,justabovemynavelasheliftedhischin.Bambimovedonmyskin,stretchingoutandshiftingclosertohim.“Yougetwhat?”heaskedquietly.“WhytheAlphasdemand
thatthehumansdon’tknowthetruth,”Iexplained,restingmyheadbackagainsthis
chest.“Iusedtothinkthatitwassostupid.Howdidknowingthetruthreallyhurtanything?They’dknowtherereallywasaHeavenandHellandeverythinginbetween.Maybepeoplewouldactrightthen.”“Maybe,”hemurmured,
hisarmtighteningasheshiftedusslightly.“Butthat’sthething.
Peopleprobablywouldact
right,butonlybecausetheywouldn’tlive,notinthemoment.”Thewindpickedup,andIsmiledalittlewhenIrealizedthatRothhadmovedtoblockit.“Theywouldbepetrified.That’swhytheycan’tknow.Oratleastpartofthereason.”“Makessense,Iguess.It’s
hardformetounderstand,beingthatIcameintocreationknowing,well,
everything.”HechuckledwhenIrolledmyeyeseventhoughtherewasnowayhecould’veseenthat.“So,what?Youwanttoprotectthemnow?”IfrownedslightlyasI
stareddownatthecity.“I’vealwayswantedtoprotectthem.”Hischestroseagainstmy
back.“You’remorethanthat,Layla.Don’tyouwantalife
outsideoftaggingdemons?”“Idon’tknowaboutthat
anymore.Youknowthat.”Itwistedaroundandtiltedmyheadback,facinghim.Hewasstaringdown,hisheadcockedinthewayhedidwheneverhewastryingtounderstandsomekindofhumanemotionhejustcouldn’tgrasp.“AndIdowantmore.”“Likewhat?”he
challenged.“Whatdoyouwanttodowhenthisisover?”Whenwhatwasover?The
fightwiththeLilin?ReclaimingSam’ssoul?ThewarbetweentheWardensanddemons?Ihadnoideaiforwhenanyofthiswouldbeover,butIhadtohangontohopethatitwouldbe.Thatbothofuswouldstillbestanding,aswouldallthoseI
cherished.Icouldn’tallowmyselftoevenbrieflyconsidertheideathattherewouldn’tbeanafter.“Ithink...IthinkI’dliketo
gotocollege,”Itoldhim.“Well,thatmeansIhavetofinishhighschoolfirst.Thatmakessense.”Hislipstwitched.“That’s
yourbigplan?”Ithoughtbacktoallthose
applicationsIhadliningmy
oldbedroomfloorbackatthecompoundandInodded.“Yeah,andI...Iwanttotravelfirst.Iwanttoseeplacesoutsideofthiscity.”“Likewhere?”heasked,
raisinghishandandtracingthelineofmyjawwithhisfingers.“I’mstillbankingonHawaii.”Igrinned.“Thatwouldbe
nice.So,yeah,putthatonthelist.”
“Needotherplacestomakealist,Shortie.”“Okay.IwanttoseeNew
YorkCity—Dezsaysit’samazing.AndMiami.Iwanttowalkonabeach.”Gettingintoit,Istartedtickingoffplaces.“IwanttostrolltheFrenchQuarterinNewOrleans,andIwanttovisitGalveston—”“Galveston...Texas?
Why?”
“Readabookoncethattookplacethere.Itdoesn’tmatter.IwanttoseeDallas,likerealcowboysandstuff.”Helaughedashetuckeda
strandofmyhairback.“Realcowboysarekindofhardtofind.”“We’llfindthem.I’m
positive.AndthenIwanttoseetheHollywoodsignandmaybeevenPortland.Itrainstherealot,right?NotsureI’d
wanttostaytherelong,butIthinkI’dactuallyliketoseeMountRushmore—Oh,andCanada.Icankeepgoing,”Isaid.“ButIthinkthat’sagoodstart.”Hiseyeshadthathooded
qualitythatbroughtaflushtomycheeks.“That’sagreatlist.”“Whataboutyou?”Iasked.
“Whatdoyouwanttodowhenthisisallover?”
“Forreal?”WhenInodded,heloweredhishead,droppingaquickkissonthetipofmynose.“Ican’tbelieveyouevenhavetoaskthat.Iplantobewhereveryouare.”Mylipsimmediately
curvedintooneofthosebig,funny-lookingsmilesasmyheartswelledinmychestlikeanold-schoolcartooncharacter’s.Iwaswaitingfor
myeyestoturnintoexaggeratedheartsthatpoppedout.“Thatis...thatistheperfectanswer.”“That’sbecauseIam
perfect.”“Well,thatwasn’tthe
perfectanswer,”Isaiddrily.Cayman’swarningcutoff
Roth’sansweringlaugh.“They’recoming.”Weturnedtowherehe
gestured.Offinthedistance,
theylookedlikegreatbirdspartingtheclouds.Mystomachdroppedastheydippedlow,cominginforalanding.Zaynewasdefinitelythere;hewasinthemiddleofthebunch,andeveninhistrueform,Iknewthatitwashim.ThreeotherWardenswere
withhim,andastheynearedtherooftop,IrecognizedthemasNicolaiandDez.A
bitoftheunease,notallofit,lessened.DezwasfromtheNewYorkclanandhe’dfirstvisitedDCwithhismate,Jasmine.Whilehe’dbeenunsureofmeatfirst,he’dquicklyseemedtolikeme.Isupposeitwasbecausewewerebothoutsiders,inourway.Nicolaihadalwayshadasoftspotforme,andIforhim.Hewasn’tthatmucholderthanZaynewhenhe’d
losthismateandchild.Nicolairarelysmiled,butwhenhedid,hecouldtakeyourbreathaway.Thefourthmemberoftheir
crewshockedme.IthadtobeDanika.“Interesting,”Rothsaid,
unfoldinghisarmfromaroundme.Hedidn’tmoveaway,though.Interestingdidn’treally
sumitup.Wardensdidn’t
allowtheirfemalesoutmuch,preferringtokeepthemingildedcages.ItwasoneofthemanythingsI’dhatedaboutourkind.Granted,IunderstoodthattheWardenpopulationwasdwindlingandfemaleswereprimetargetsforUpperLeveldemons,butstill,theideaofbeingkeptsequesteredmademewanttopunchsomething.JustlikeIknewitdrove
Danikanuts.Danikawasalotwilder
andcrazierthanheroldersister,Jasmine,andI’dspentthebetterpartofmyformativeyearshatingonherfornootherreasonthanthefactthatshelikedZayneandwouldbeabletomonopolizeallhistimewithaflickofherglossyblackhair.CaymanandEdwarddidn’t
movefromtheirpercheswith
theexceptionoffacingthedirectiontheWardenswerecomingfrom.Thecrewoffourlandedontherooftop,theirimpactcrackinglikethunder.ThenCaymanglancedatRoth,whonodded.BothCaymanandEdwarddisappeared,asiftheywereneverthere,butIcouldstillfeelthem.Theywerenearby,monitoringthesituation,andifIcouldfeelthem,socould
theWardens.Zaynestrodeforward,his
chinbentlowandhiswingstuckedback.MystomachfloppedunsteadilyasmygazeswervedtoNicolaiandthentoDanika.Theywereblockingher,keepingherbehindthem.Somethingsheclearly
wasn’ttoothrilledabout.Chargingforward,she
brushedpastZayne,whocast
hisgazetothesky,amusclethrobbingalonghisjaw.SheshiftedintohumanformassheheadedstraightforwhereRothandIstood,hergrayskingivingwaytoflawlessalabaster.DezmutteredsomethingunderhisbreathwhileNicolaifollowedafterher,alookofconcernpullingatthecornersofhislips.Withoutlookingbackat
themales,shethrewherhand
upintheirdirectionandallshesaidwas,“Don’teventrytostopme.”Nicolaiskiddedtoastop,
hisbrowsraised.Istiffened,asdidRoth.Absolutelyfearless,Danika
stalkedrightuptousandbeforeIcouldblinkaneye,she’dthrownherarmsaroundmeandsqueezed.Afruityscent,likeapples,surroundedmeasBambislitheredonto
myback,awayfromher.Danikawasasstrongasalinebacker,andIswallowedasqueakasIwaspressedagainstherhardchest.Thedullacheflaredintoasharpthrobbingsensationoneithersideofmyspine,reinforcingmyparanoidbeliefthatElijahmighthavebrokenoneofmywings—oneofmyfeatheredwings.“Careful,”Rothadvised,
onlyloudenoughforustohear.“She’sbeenhurt.”“OhGod!I’msorry.”
Danikaimmediatelyreleasedme,andIwould’vestumbledbackifRothhadn’tbeentheretosteadyme.“Whathappened?What’s—”“I’mallright,”Iassured
her,caughtoffguardbyherwelcome.Istillwasn’tusedtoournewfriendship.SheglancedatRothwarily
anditwasobviousshedidn’t100percenttrusthim.Hesmiledbackather,tight-lippedanddaring.“I’vebeensoworried,”shecontinued,takingasmallstepbackassheranherhandsalongherdenim-cladhips.“WhenZaynesaidyou
reachedoutbecausesomethinghappenedandtheywerecomingtomeetyou,Ihadtocome.Ineededtosay
I’msorry.”“Danika,”Nicolaicalled
gently.“Sorryforwhat?”Iasked,
lookingtowardtheotherWardens.ZaynewasnoweyeballingRothlikehewantedtotosshimofftheroof.Dezdidn’tlookentirelysurprised,butNicolai—well,helookedlikehewantedtoscoopherupandflyoff,whichwas...Thatwasodd.
“Forwhattheydidtoyou,”shesaid,hercheeksflushingpink.“Thisclan.Itwasn’tright,andIwantedtokickAbbotintheballs.”“Apologiesaregivenout
fartoooftentomeananything,butIlikeyou,”murmuredRoth.“Ireallydo.”Hergazedartedfromhim
tome,andshethentookanotherstepbackwhile
Nicolaimovedincloser.“Anyway,itwaswrong.YouwouldneverpurposelyhurtZayneoranyoneelse.”Well,thethingwas,Ihad
hurtZayne,evenifnotphysically,andtherewasnomistakingthat.Ihadtobelievethatsheknew.WhenIglancedathimagain,hestillhadn’tlookedinmydirection.Feelingickyaboutthat,Irefocused.“Thankyou,
Danika,I...um,Iappreciatethat.”IturnedtoNicolaiandDez.“AndIoweyouguyseverything,too.ThankyouforfindingRothandhelpingmegetoutofthatwarehouse.Youallhelpedsavemylife.”Andthatwastrue.Becauseofthem,Iwas
standingtoday.InsteadofgoingalongwithAbbot,theyhadfoundRothandstoodagainsttheirownclanatgreat
personalrisktosaveme.“It’sgoodtoseethat
you’rerecovered,”Dezsaid,andIsmiled.“Isecondthat.I’veknown
youmostofyourlife,littleone,andIneveroncebelievedyouwereresponsibleforwhatwashappeningatthecompoundoroutsideofit,”Nicolaiadded,andIgotwarmandfuzzyontheinside.“You
mightbegladtoknowthattheplaceishardlytrouble-freewithyougone.Westillhaven’tmanagedtoexorcisePetr’swraith.Wheneverwetry,hesensesitandleavesthehouse.”“He’sprovingtobeas
muchofajackassashewasinreallife,”Dezcommented,provingthatElijah’sson,myhalfbrother,hadnotbeenwellliked.Hepaused.
“Jasminesayshi,bytheway.”“Tellherhifromme,”I
repliedlamely,andlikeanidiot,Iraisedmyhandandwiggledmyfingers.Dezgrinnedashelooked
away,somethingheoftendidaroundme.Isortofwantedtojabmyselfintheeyeswithmyjazzfingers.“Whathappened?”Zayne
finallyspoke,andwhenhe
did,mygazeswungtohim.HewasstaringatRoth,andthatmademystomachtwistpainfully.“ThetextsaidtherewasanincidentwithElijahandnottotrusthim?”Nicolaicrossedhisarms
alonghischestashetuckedhiswingsback.RemaininginhisWardenform,liketheothertwo,hewasanimpressivesight.“WehavenevertrustedElijah.”His
eyeswerefocusedonme.“Hisbeliefsandactionshavealwaysbeenasourceofdiscontentamongus.”“Well.”Rothdrewthe
wordout.“Elijahisn’tgoingtobeasourceofmuchofanythinganymore.”AlltheWardens’gazes
shottohim,andhistight-lippedgrinspread.“Detailswouldbenice,”Zaynedemanded,thecoolbreeze
tossingfairstrandsaroundhisdarkhorns.Iwadedinbeforethe
conversationwentdownhill.“Elijahis...he’snomore,”Iexplained,andthenrushedonwhenIheardDez’ssharpcurse.“Wedidn’tkillhim.”“Notthatwedidn’ttry,”
Rothamended,andwhenIshothimalook,heshrugged.“Whylie,Shortie?WewereoutsearchingfortheLilin—”
“Wearehandlingthat,”Zaynecutin,hischinrising.“Sureyouare,”Roth
replied,andalthoughthatwasataunt,IknewhewascapableoffarmorewhenitcametobeinganassholetoZayne.Thiswaswatereddown.“Andhow’sthatgoingforyouall?”Zayne’sjawworkedasif
heweregoingtogrinddowneveryoneofhisteeth.When
therewasnoimmediateresponse,Roththrewout,“Anyleads?Nope.Didn’tthinkso.”Ishiftedmyweightfrom
foottofootwhileDeznarrowedhiseyesandDanikastartedstaringattheflooroftherooftop.“Anyway,asIwassaying,
wewereoutsearchingfortheLilinwhenLaylasawElijah.Heandthreeotherclan
membersweretrackingusfromtherooftops.Weconfrontedthemandtheyattacked.”“Hestillwantsmedead,”I
explained.“Nothingnewthere.”Zayneglancedinmy
direction,butdidn’tmakeeyecontact.“Sowhathappened?”“Well,Bambiateoneof
theWardens.Sokindofnotsorryaboutthat,”Rothwent
on,andBambiflickedhertailalongmyhip,asifshewashappyattheshout-out.Isqueezedmyeyesshutbriefly.“Isortofputanotheroutofcommission.Permanently.Self-defense.Iswear.”“I’msureofthat,”Nicolai
murmuredashemovedtostandslightlyinfrontofDanika.Shedidn’tappearallthat
bothered.“Iftheywerefromhisclan,theywon’tbemissed.”“Danika,”Dez
admonished.“What?”Shethrewher
handsup.“It’sthetruth.They’realljackasses.Weallknowthat.”Nicolai’slipstwitched.
“WhathappenedtothethirdWarden?”“Hewastakinganapon
therooftopwhenwelefthim.Notsureifhe’swokenuporsomedemonhascomealonganddonebad,badthingstohim.”Rothshruggedagain.“Don’tknow.Don’tcare.”“AndElijah?”Zayne
asked,hisvoicetight.IdrewinadeepbreathasI
reachedup,pushingtheloosehairbackfrommyface.“Iwasfightinghim—”“Youwerefighting
Elijah?”Nicolai’sbrowsflewup.“Uh.Yeah?”Danikasmiledbroadly.
“Awesome.”Ishookmyhead.“The
Lilinshowedupandgotbetweenus.IttookElijah’ssoul—itconsumedit.Therewasnowraith.Nothingleft,andthentheLilinchangeditsappearance.”“ItlookslikeElijahnow,”
Rothtackedon.“That’swhyLaylathoughtitwouldbeasmartideatowarnyou.TheotherWardenthatwaswithhim,ifthatWardenisstillalive,wasoutcoldwhentheLilintookElijah’ssoul.Hewouldhavenoideathatisn’ttherealElijahiftheLilingoesbacktotheclan.”“Damn,”mutteredDez.
“I’mnotsureifweknowwheretheyareholeduphere
towarnthem.PerhapsGeoffknows.”Nicolai’sexpressionturned
thoughtful.“Ifnot,IhaveafeelingAbbotmighthaveanidea.”Icringedinwardlyatthe
mentionofAbbot’sname,butforgedon.“LikeIsaid,wewantedtowarnyouall,justincaseittriestogotothecompound.”Thenextpartwastheworst.“Basedon
howtheLilinwasabletopulloffaSamimpersonationsoconvincingly,IthinktheLilingetstheperson’smemorieswhenitconsumesthesoul.”“Thatmakessense,”
Danikasaid,glancingbackatthemales.“Thesoulistheessence,theverycoreofourbeings.Itwouldholdeverything.”Nicolaiexhaledroughly.
“Ifthat’sthecase,thenthe
Lilinwouldknowalot.”“Toomuch,”Zaynestated,
andstartedtoturn,hisdeepgraywingsunfurling.“Weneedtotalktomyfatherandtheothers.”DezandNicolaiagreed
withthestatement.Danikalingered,glancingbetweenRothandme.“Don’tbeastranger,”shesaid,voicelow.“Okay?Weallneedtoworktogetherifwe’regoingto
stopthatthing.”Inodded,feelingweirdasI
watchedthem.ItwashardtothinkofatimewhenZaynewasleavingsomewhere,andIwasn’tgoingwithhim.AstheWardensturned,Isteppedforward.AlthoughdeepdownIknewIshouldjustletthemgo—lethimgo—Icouldn’tstopmyself.Thereweretoomanyyearsbetweenustosimplypretendwewere
strangers.“Zayne?”Icalledout.HewasattheledgewhenI
spokehisname,andIthoughtIsawhisshouldersbunch,butheknelt,andthenlaunchedhimselfintotheskywithoutlookingback.Withoutacknowledging
me.
eleven
NIGHTHADFALLENbythetimewemadeittothePalisadestomeetupwithCayman.TheclubunderRoth’s
apartmentbuildingwaspackedwithdemons,aswellashumanswithdark,murkyaurassurroundingthem.Therewasabitofchurningin
mystomach,butnothingsubstantial.Sultrymusicthrummedasthesuccubiswayedtheirdiamond-coveredhipsonthestage.TheyshimmeredandtwinkledliketheChristmaslightsstrungacrosstheceiling.TheChristmaslightswere
ironic,allthingsconsidered.Roth’shandwasfirmly
wrappedaroundmineashe
ledmearoundthestage.Aswepassedthedarkenedcorners,Istrainedtoseewhatwasgoingoninthere,butallIcouldmakeoutwasanothercardgamebetweenafemaledemonandahumanwhowasn’tlookingtoohot,iftheyellowishtinttohisskinwasanyindication.Oneofthedancersinthe
cagereachedouttome,andthengiggledwildlywhen
Rothshotherawarningscowl.Hishandtightenedaroundmine.“I’mnotgoingtowanderoffonyou,”Isaidtohim.Lasttimewe’dbeenthere,he’dtoldmenottodancewithanyone,and,well,Iendedupdancingwithasuccubusandanincubus.SometimesIneededanadult.Hislaughtraveledoverthe
music.“I’mreallynottakinganychancesrightnow.”
“Rightnow?”Lettinggoofmyhand,he
drapedhisarmovermyshouldersandtuckedmeagainsthissideaswemadeourwayaroundthetables.Heloweredhishead,brushinghislipsagainstmycheek,andthenhesaidintomyear,“HaveItoldyouhowmuchIlovethosepants?”“Huh?”Glancingdown,I
bitbackagroan.Theywere
skintight,andI’dpracticallyhadtoliedownthismorningtozipthemup.“YourandCayman’stasteinclothingsucks.”Hechuckled.“Icannot
stopstaringatyour—”“Eyes?”Isuggested
helpfully.“Mmm.”Hekissedmy
earlobeaswefinallypassedthestage.“Howaboutmynose?”
“Notquite,”hereplied.Igrinned.“Youmustbe
checkingoutmykneecapsthen.”“Closer.”Hepausedaswe
nearedthebar.“Later,Icangiveyouahands-onexplanationofwhatI’vebeenstaringatallday.”Mycheeksflushed.
“You’resohelpful.”“WhatcanIsay?You
bringoutmyaltruisticside.”
CaymansteppedoutfrombehindthebarbeforeIcouldrespondtothatlaststatement,tossingthewhiteragonthecounter.“Let’shittheoffice.”I’dneverseentheoffice
before,soIwascurious.CaymanledusthroughadoorjustoutsidethebarthatreadEMPLOYEESONLY,butsomeonehadscratchedoutallthelettersexceptthree,leavingLOLbehind.
Nice.Thehallwaywasnarrow,
litbyactualtorchesshovedintowallsconces.“Interestingdecoratingchoice,”Isaid.CaymangrinnedasRoth
closedthedoorbehindus,cuttingoffthehumofmusic.“Mysugarbear,youknowwelikeallflair.”Rothsnorted.Theofficewasthethird
doordownandtheroomwasn’tatalllikeIexpected;andtobehonest,Iwasn’tevensurewhatIexpected,butdefinitelynotthis.Thespacewasdeckedoutinpalecolors—robin’seggbluewalls,whitedeskandemptybookshelf.Afuzzypinkchairwassittinginfrontofthedesk,nexttoaleopardprintrecliner.Agrayleathercouchwasagainstthewall.Aboveit
wasagiantframedphotoofOneDirection.Anditwassignedbyall
themembers,eventheonewho’dleft.Mymouthdroppedopen.“Ididnotdecoratethis
office,”Rothexplained,seeingthelookonmyface.Caymandroppedintoa
rathernormal-lookingchairbehindthedeskandkickedhisfeetup.“Hewantedblack.
Blackwalls.Blackfurniture.Blah.Blah.Ilikealittlecoloreverynowandthen.”Keepingmyopinionto
myself,Ishuffledovertothecouchandploppeddown.Beforewehittheclub,I’d
sentStaceyatext,explainingwhathappenedwhileRothfilledCaymanin.Inreturnshesentalotofexclamationpointsandaslewoffrowniefacesoverwhathadhappened
withElijah.Thoughsheknewtherewasabsolutelynolovelostbetweenhimandme,shealsoknewthatseeingElijahdiehadn’tbeeneasy.Andknowingthat
whateverpartofhimremainedoutsideoftheLilinwasinHellalsodidn’tsitwell.Ihatedthedude,butaneternityinHell,amongcreatureshe’dhelpedputthere,couldn’tbeawalkina
park.Worseyet,nowthatIsaw
whathadhappenedwithElijah,IknewwhathadgonedownwithSam,andIfeltsicktomycore.SomewhereouttherewasSam’sbody,coldandforgotten,andIalreadyknewwherewhateverwasleftofhissoulwas.Ididn’twanttothinkabout
anyofthat,butIcouldn’tstopmyself.Mythoughts
wouldmovetoonething,andthenbouncebacktoSam,towhathadhappenedtohim.AfterRothfinishedupwith
Cayman,Ijumpedupfromthecouch.“Canwegouptoyourloftinsteadofgoingbacktothehouse?”“Ifthat’swhatyouwant,”
hesaid,pushingofffromwherehe’dbeenleaningagainstthedesk.“IdoubttheWardenswillcomelooking
forusnow.Itwillbesafe.”Relievedtohearthat,I
knewI’dbehappytoseetheloftagain.Iwasfeelingalittlenostalgic,andIactuallypreferreditoverthemassivehomeinMaryland.Sure,theMcMansionhadnicefeaturesandall,butitwastoobigandfeltcold,formal.Caymantweakedmynose
ashewalkedpast,headingouttheofficedoor.“I’llsend
somegreasygoodnessup.”Mystomachgrumbled,
remindingmethatIhadn’teatensincethatmorning.Wehadtotakethestairssincetheelevatorsonlywentdown,likedownthere,andbythetimeI’dhoofeditallthewaytothetopfloor,IkindofwishedIhadclimbedontoRoth’sback.Thelittleteacuphounds
weren’tguardingthedoor.
“Whereareyourfriends?”“It’sfeedingtime,”hesaid.
“Youdon’tneedtoknowmorethanthat.”Yikes.WhenRothopenedhisloft,
warmairgreetedus.Hesteppedin,flippingonthelights,andIwalkedintothemiddleoftheroom,lookingaround.“Everythinglookslikeit
usedto,”Isaid,eyeingthe
massiveking-sizebed.Blacksheetsweresmoothedandtuckedin,andasIlookedtowardthedoorthatleduptotherooftop,Isawthatnotasinglespeckofdusttarnishedthepiano.Themorbidpaintingsoffireanddarkshadowswerestillpreciselyhung.Rothmovedovertothe
bookshelffullofancient,boring-lookingtomesand
kickedoffhisshoes.“Noonewouldchangeit.”“Someonehasbeen
keepingitclean,though.”“Cayman.”Thatmadesense,I
supposed.“Didyouexpectittolook
different?”heasked,tugginghisshirtoffhishead.Mymouthdriedlikeithad
thefirsttimeIstoodinhisloftandwatchedhimdothat.
Hisbodywasachiseledpieceofart.“I...IguessIdid.”Hislashesloweredandhis
smilewassmug,asifheknewI’dbeenmorethanmomentarilydistractedbyhim.“Wehavebeengonefromhereforwhatfeelslikeforever.Hasn’tbeenthatlong,though.”Rothwasright.Butsomuchhadchanged
sincethen.Ihadchanged,so
itwasweirdtoseesomethinguntouchedfrom...frombefore.Hebrushedhishandoverhissternum,downtothebeltonhisjeans,nearthecolorfuldragontattoo,andsomethingaboutthemovementhollowedoutmystomach.Idrewinastutteredbreath.Hislashesliftedandheatedambereyesmetmine.Theheadytensionwas
there,pullingandtuggingus
towardoneanother.Ithadalwaysbeentherebetweenus,anditwasn’tweakening.Threeshadowsdriftedoff
hisbody,slowlyfloatingtothefloor.Theysolidifiedintotheformofthekittens.Twoofthemimmediatelydartedunderthebed.Thethird—Thor—trottedovertome,rubbedupagainstmyleg,purringlikeaminiengine,andthenalsodisappeared
underthebedwithoutdrawingmyblood,whichwasanimprovement.“Iwonderwhattheydo
underthere.”Rothraisedonebroad
shoulder.“Iactuallydon’twanttoknow.”“That’sprobablyawise
choice.”Imovedtothebedandsatonthecorner,tuggingoffmyboots.“I’mgladwe’rehere.I’vemissedthisplace.”
HesmiledslightlyasIpulledmyfeetoffthefloor,nottrustingthosedamnkittenseveniftheywereplayingnicewithmerightnow.“Itdoeshaveitscharm.”Istartedtorespond,but
Rothtookamomenttostretchandtherewasjustsomethingaboutseeingallthatmuscleandskinworkingtogetherfluidlythatmademe
losecompletetrackofmythoughts.“Whatsomethingto
drink?”heasked.Mute,Ishookmyhead.Asheloweredhisarms,he
prowledovertotheblackminifridgeandpulledoutabottleofwater.Screwingoffthecap,hetookahealthydrinkbeforeplacingthebottledown.Thenhefacedme.
Rothwatchedme,notlikeheexpectedmetobreakdownatanygivenmoment,butsimplylikehewasconcerned.Hedidn’thavetoaskashewalkedovertome.“I...Ikeepthinkingthat
washow...howSamdied,”Iadmitted.“I’llthinkofsomethingelseandthenhe’sbackinmymind.”Rothkneltbeforeme.
“Layla—”
“YousawwhattheLilindid.Hetookmy...HetookElijah’ssoulandthenswallowedit.Thesoulwasconsumedanditlookedlikehimafterward.”Liftingmygaze,ImetRoth’s.“ThatwashowSamdiedandthat’swhytheLilinwasabletolooklikehim.Ithadtohavebeensopainful.”Isqueezedmyeyesshutbriefly.“Butquick,right?Itlookedlikeit
happenedsoquickwithElijah.”Heplacedhishandsonmy
knees,rubbinggently.“Itwasquick.”Shouldersdropping,I
shookmyheadslightly.“I...I’mnotreallyupsetaboutElijahandhewasmyfather.Whatdoesthatsayaboutme?”Hisexpressionhardened.
“Thatsaysnothingaboutyou.
Thatassholedonatedsperm.That’sthetruth.Thatisall.Hewasnotyourfather.Youdon’towehimasinglemomentofsadness.Youowehimnothing.”Whathesaidwastrue,
but...“It’sstillhardnottofeelguilty.”Hedidn’trespondwhilehe
studiedmeclosely.“You...youaresohumansometimes,Layla,andyet,
thereisnotadropofhumanbloodinyou.”“Socialization?”Ioffered,
andRothlaughedunderhisbreath.“I’mserious,though.Staceyand...andSam’sinfluenceonme,Ithink.Theykeptmehuman,andIlikethat.IlikethatIfeelhuman.”“Ilovethataboutyou.”His
responsewasquick,surprisingme.
“Really?”Henoddedsolemnly,andI
smiledalittle.“Youdon’toweElijahanything,”hereinforced.“Pleasetellmeyouunderstandthat.”“Ido.”Butitwasharderto
acceptit.Hisgazereturnedto
searching.“You’renotplanninganything,areyou?”Istilled.“Likewhat?”“TogetSam’ssoul?”he
asked,hiseyeslatchedontomine.“Don’ttrytodenyit—Iknowthat’swhatyouwant.Iwillgoand—”“No.Youcannotgodown
there.Iknowthatifyoudo,they’llkeepyouthere,”Iinterrupted.“Youcan’t.”Hiseyesnarrowed.
“SomeonehasbeentalkingtoCayman.”Ididn’tdenythat.“Idon’t
wantyoutoputyourselfat
risk.”“NotevenforSam?”he
challenged.KnowingwhatIplannedto
domadeithardtosaythenextword.“No.”“AndIdon’twantyouto
riskitforhim,”hereplied.“Idon’tcareifthatsoundscruel.Youdon’twantmetotakethechance.Ifeelthesameaboutyou.”SayingwhatIdidnextwas
evenharderthanthatoneword,becauseIwasgoingtolieandIdidn’twantanyliesbetweenus,butIhadtodosomethingforSam.TherewasnowayarounditandIknewifItoldRoth,hewouldfindawaytostopmeorhewouldgowithme.Neitherofthosetwothingscouldhappen.“HowcouldIgetSam’s
soul?”Iasked.“Iwouldn’t
evenknowwheretobegin.”Rothdidn’treplyashe
staredatme,andIknewthathehadtheanswers.IfCaymandid,hehadto,butifCaymanalsoknewGrimwasn’tinHellrightnow,thentherewasabigchancethatRothwasawareofthat,too.AndIalsoknewtherewasapossibilitythatRothplannedongoingtoGrimdespitetherisks.
Iwouldhavetogettherebeforehedid.“Doyouthinkyoucan
shiftrealquick,beforeCaymangetsherewiththefood?Iwanttocheckoutyourwings.”DenyingRoththiswasjust
goingtodelaytheinevitableandIwasthankfulforthechangeinconversation.Ishruggedoutofmysweater.Thereweretwosmalltearsin
thebackfromwheremywingshadrippedthroughthematerialearlier,butthetanktopunderneathfeltintact.BeforeIchangedforms,I
triedwhatRothhaddonewiththekittens.IskimmedmyfingersovertheareaBambirestedonandlowandbehold,shecamerightoffmyskin.Neat.Bambimadeherwayto
Rothfirst,nudginghisthigh
withhernose.Hereacheddown,pattingherhead.Appeasedbythat,sheslitheredovertothelow-backedchairnearthepiano.Curlingup,sherestedherheadonthearmandappearedtostareoutthewindow.Shiftingwasn’thard
anymore.Ireallydidn’tevenhavetoconcentrateorevenstandup.Iwantedittohappenanditdid.Myback
tingledandthenmywingsstartedcomingout,theleftwingaching,andwhenIglancedbackatit,itdroopedslightly,likebabyIzzy’swingsdid.“Ithinkit’sbroken,”Itold
him.Rothwalkedovertothe
bedandsatdown,twistingtowardme.Hecheckedoutthewing.“Doesithurt?”“Itaches,”Iadmitted.“Not
toobad.”Hisgazemovedtomyface
andthenbacktomywing.“Itcould’vebeenbroken,butitlookslikeit’salreadyhealing.”Hisfingersbrushedalongtheedgeofthefeathers,notneartheachingpart.Whilehistouchwasgentle,itstillsentashudderthroughme.Heimmediatelypulledhishandback.“DidIhurtyou?”
“No.They’rejustsupersensitive.”Hearchedabrowashe
openedhismouthandthenclosedit.Igrinnedandsaid,“Ithinkyourmindjustwentintothegutter.”“Shortie,mymindexists
there.”Hewinkedatmylaugh,andthenstudiedmywingforafewmoremoments.“Ithinkifyoucangiveitarestforacouple
hours,adaytops,you’llbecompletelyfine.”Iglancedbackatthesad,
gimpywing.“Doyouthinkthefeatherswillfalloff?”“What?”Mycheeksburned.
“MaybeI’mgoingthroughsomekindofmetamorphosisandI’mgoingtoshedthesefeathers.”Helookedlikehewanted
tolaugh,butwiselykissed
mybareshoulderinstead.Standingfromthebed,hewalkedovertowherehe’dlefthiswater.“Youreallyhatethosethings,don’tyou?”“Idon’thatethem.Not
exactly.”Imovedmyrightwingclosertomeandgingerlyranmyfingersoverthefeathers.“Ijustdon’tunderstandthem.SosomeUpperLeveldemonshavethem.Igetthem,butI’mnot
anUpperLeveldemon.”Rothtookadrink,andthen
placedthebottledown.“YouknowyoufeellikeanUpperLeveldemonnow,tootherWardensanddemons,whichcouldbebecauseyou’rematuring.Maybethefeathersareanothersignofthatmaturity.You’renotliketherestofus—oranydemonreally.You’reablend,andthatmakesyourgrowth
patternstoughtopredict.”Heshruggedashoulder.“That’sthebestguessIcancomeupwith,anyway,butI’malittleoutofmyelementhere.Mostofuswerecreatedalmostfullyformedandthegrowththattakesothersdecadestoachieve,wefinishinaday.”“Aren’tyoujustspecial,”I
mutteredundermybreath.Hegrinned.“Thefeathers
andthewayyoulooknow
whenyoushift?Yeah,Idon’tunderstandthatmyself.Igetthatmyresponseisn’thelpful,butyou’rethefirstwhocarriesbothWardenanddemonblood—andnotjustanydemon’sblood,butLilith’s.Thiscouldjustbeastageofyoufinallycomingintowhoyoutrulyare.”AtthatmomentI
rememberedIhadn’ttoldhimabouttheotherdemoninthe
coffeeshop.“WhenIwenttotalktoZayneabout...well,youknowwhat,therewasanUpperLeveldemonwhocameintotheshopafterheleft.Youknowhowdemonsdon’tnormallysenseme,right?Thisonedid.”“UpperLeveldemonsare
different,Shortie.Someofthemprobablycouldsensewhatyouare.”Huh.
Iliftedmygazetohis.“Butthisdemon...itranfromme,Roth.”Bothbrowslifted.“Itlegitranfrommeandit
lookedscared,”Icontinued,unsettledbythememory.“I’veneverknownanUpperLeveldemontorunfromanything,noteventheWardens.”“Theydon’t.”Hisfeatures
tensed.“Theonlythingan
UpperLevelwouldrunfromwouldbetheBoss,me,or...”Myheartturnedover
heavily.“Orwhat?”Roth’sfrowndidnothing
todeterfromhisbeauty,butitmademystomachdropnonetheless.“They’drunfromoneoftheoriginals.”“Originals?”Heleanedagainstthewall,
eyeingmewithloweredlashes.“Theoriginals,
Shortie,theonesthatareliketheBoss.Theonesthatfell.”“Thatfell...?”Iwhispered
tomyself,andthenithitme.“Youmean,theangelsthatfellwhentheywerefirstsentheretohelpmankind?”Whenhenodded,myeyeswidened.“Theyhaveblackravenwings?”Hislipsdidthattwitching
thingagain.“Yeah.SodoestheBoss.”
Pressuresettledonmyshoulders.“Butthat...”“Thatdoesn’tmakesense,
Iknow.That’swhyIdidn’tbringitup.You’renotoneoftheoriginalonestofall.Obviously,”hesaid,draggingthepalmofhishandoverhischest.“That’swhyIthinkit’ssomekindofstage.Youjuststartedshifting,Shortie.Youdon’tknowallthatyou’refullycapableof.”
Isighed.Ifthistrulywasjustaphase,thenwhatwouldbenext?Hornsalongmyspine,likesomekindofdinosaur.OrmaybescaleslikeThumper’s.“Sowhydoyouthinkthedemonran?”“Yousmelllikeme.”“Uh...Comeagain?”Thecrookedgrin
reappeared.“Myscentisalloveryou.Otherdemonswouldbeabletopickitup.”
Iresistedtheurgetosmellmyself.“It’suniquetodemons,”he
explained.“Ourscents,thatis.Sortoflikeafingerprint.Mostdemonswithaworkingbraincellwouldpickuponmyscentandheadintheoppositedirection.”Iwasstilltryingnotto
smellmyselfwhenIrememberedthatZaynehadoncesaidhecouldsmellRoth
onme.Suddenly,whatIalwayssmelledaroundhimmadesense.“Yousmelllikesomethingsweetand...musky.”Thegrinfadedandalong
momentpassedasheeyedmeintensely.“Yousmelllikesunlight.”Mybreathhaltedinmy
throat.Ihadnoideawhatsunlightsmelledlike,butIimagineditwassomething
goodandIalsothoughtthatwassweetofhimtosay.Unexpectedlyself-
conscious,Ireachedover,toyingwiththeedgeofmyrightwing.“Ifeellikea...peacock.”“Backtobirdsagain,I
see.”Hisexpressionsoftened.“Manybelievepeacocksarebeautiful.”“Howaboutacockatoo?”Roth’seyeslightened.“I’m
suretherearesomethatfindthembeautiful,also.”“Apigeon?”Hechuckled.“Layla,
nothingaboutyouremindsmeofapigeon.”“That’sgoodtoknow.”Therewasapause.“Have
youreallylookedatyourselfsincethis...thischange,whileyou’reshifted?Exceptthefirsttime?”Loweringmygaze,Ishook
myhead.“Youshoulddothat
sometimesoon.Maybeyou’llseewhatIsee.Maybeyou’llseewhateveryoneelsesees,”hesaidquietly.“Becauseyou’rebeautiful,Layla,andwhileImaysaythatonewordtoyoualot,Idon’tsimplytossitaround.AndI’veseenmany,manybeautifulthings.Peopleasbeautifulasdemonsare
atrocious.You,byfar,shinebrighterthananyofthem.It’smorethanwhatisontheoutside.Itcomesfromwithinyou.I’veseenalotofthingsandnothing,nothingcomesclosetoyou.”Ohgosh,asIliftedmy
gaze,Ihadmyheartandallthestarsintheskyinmyeyes.Thatwaspossiblytheloveliestthinganyonehadeversaidtome,andIknew,
ineverycellthatmadeupmybeing,thathebelievedinthosewords.Theyweretruetohim.Thosewordswerehisreality.Caymanarrivedwiththe
foodbeforeIcouldformulateahalf-decentresponseandRothflippedontheTV.Ishiftedback,andthenwedelvedintoaplatterofhamburgers,chickentendersandfries.Hedipped
everythinginranchdressing,evenhisburger,somethingIhadn’tnoticedbefore.AfterwardIheadedtothe
bathroomtowashmyhandsandface,figuringIneededtoafterIbasicallyshovedmyfaceintheplateofthefood.WhenIreturned,onlythelightfromthetelevisionilluminatedtheroom.TheplatewasgoneandRothwasstretchedoutonthebed,arms
behindhishead.HisstomachwasimpossiblyflatwhileIknewIlookedlikeIwascarryingafoodbaby.Sometimes,andthiswas
oneofthosemoments,IfeltcompletelyinovermyheadwhenitcametoRoth.Walkingovertohim,I
climbedontothebedandlaydownonmyside,facinghim.MyheartwasracingasifI’drunfromthebathroomtothe
bedadozenorsotimes.Rothturnedhisheadand
lookedatme.Iwiggledcloser.Hewatchedme.Isquirmedevencloser,
untilthefrontofmybodywaspressedagainstthesideofhis.Withoutlookingupathim,Irestedmyheadonhischest.Amomentpassedandheloweredhisarms.“Theeveningdidn’tpan
outlikeI’dwanted,”hesaid.That’swhenIremembered
hissurprise.“That’sokay.”“Iwantedtotakeyouout
onadate,”hewenton,almostasifhehadn’theardme.“Somethingnormal.Dinner.Maybeamovie.”Liftingmyhead,Igazed
upathim,startled.Hiseyesmetmine.“I
knowthatsoundscrazywitheverythinggoingon,but
that’swhat...that’swhathumansdo.Theygoout.Eatfood.Watchamovieneitherofthemisreallypayingattentionto.”“Theydo.”Heshiftedontohisside
andscooteddownsohewaseyelevelwithme.“Ithinktheyspendthewholedinnerandmoviethinkingabouttheotherperson,aboutwhat’sgoingtohappenwhenit’s
timetoleave.Willsheinvitehimin?Willheinviteher?Willtherebeakiss?More?”Mytoescurled.“Isthat
howyouwouldspendthetime?”“Yes.Ahundredpercent
yes,”hesaid.“Iwantedtogiveyouthatdate,though.Iwantedtogiveyouthatnight.Thatwasmysurprise.”Movedthroughand
through,Istretchedoverand
kissedhimlightlyonthelips.“Iwantthatnightwithyou,butIdon’tneedit.WhatIneedisthis—thesesecondsandminuteswithyou.That’swhatI’llalwaysneed.”Hishandsettledonmy
arm.“Youdeservemorethanthat.”Becausehesaidthat,he
deservedanotherkiss.Andbecausehesaidthat,Ifellmoreinlove,evenwhenI
didn’tknowthatwaspossible.“WehaddinnertonightandtheTVisonnow.That’sasgoodasamovie.Andyou’vetakenmymindoffthebadthingsandyou’vetoldmeI’mbeautiful.You’vegivenmethenightyouwanted.”Hestaredatmefora
moment,andthenhislipscurvedupatthecorners.Hissmileracedacrosshisface,
softeningtheharshlines.Severalmomentspassedbeforehespoke.“DoyouknowwhysometimesIhavetomoveawayfromyou?”heasked,skimminghisfingersalongmyarm.Thestatementcaughtme
offguard.“No.”Rothtrackedthemovement
ofhishandwithhisgaze.“WheneverI’maroundyou,Ialwayswanttobetouching
you.”Muscleslowinmy
stomachtightenedinresponsetohisadmission.“I’mnotevensureifit’sa
wantormoreofaneedtodoso,”hecontinued,andhisthicklasheslowered,shieldinghiseyes.Hisfingersmovedalongmystomachtomyhip.“It’salwaysbeenthatway,fromthefirsttimeIsawyou.EventhenIwantedto
touchyou.Ithinkit’sbecause...thereisnothinglikeyouwhereI’mfrom.Yourinherentgoodness,”hesaid,liftinghisgazetomine.“Icanfeelit.Idon’tknow,maybeIjustlikethewayyourskinfeelsundermyhands.Whoknows?Imighthaveaboundariesproblem.”Igrinned.“Maybejusta
little,butIdon’tmind.”Welayinsilenceforafew
momentsandmythoughtsbegantowanderbeyondtonight,beyondallourmostpressingproblems,andintoaveryunknownfuture.“Iwasthinking.”“Ohno.”Ilaughedlightly,andthen
whateverhumorIwasfeelingvanished.“Whatarewegoingtodo?”Iwhispered.Rothstiffened.“That’sa
broadquestion,Shortie.”
“Iknow.”Snugglingclose,Iletthewarmthofhisbodystealinsideofme.“ButI’mthinkingaboutadecadefromnow.”“Hmm.Adecade.Ilikethe
soundofthat.”“Iwasthinkingabouttwo
decadesfromnow.Three.WhenI’minmyfortiesandlookforty,andyoulooklikeyoudorightnow,”Iexplained,staringintothe
darkness.“Isn’tthatgoingtobeweird?”“No.”Therewasn’tamomentof
hesitationonhisend,butIlaughed.“Ohcomeon,atsomepoint,you’regoingtolooklikemyson.TheWardenbloodinmemeansIage,Roth.ImightlookyoungerthanIamwhenI’molder,butIwillageandIwill—”
“Don’tsayit.”Hisvoicewasclipped.“Don’tfinishthatsentence.”IswallowedasIliftedmy
head,meetinghisbrightgaze.“Butitistrue.HowwillwebetogetherwhenI’mninetyandyoulookeighteen?How—?”“Idon’tknowhowwe’ll
makeitwork,butwewillmakeitwork.Somehow.Andwhoknowsifyouwill
continuetoage?Igetthatyou’veagedsofar,butmaybethatwillstop.Layla,you’repartdemon.Demonsdon’tage.MaybetheWardenbloodhaswatereddownsomeaspects,butlookwhat’shappenedwhenyou’veshiftedrecently.You’rechangingandyoudon’t—wedon’t—knowallofwhatthatmeans.”“Youmakeitsoundso
easy,”Isaidafteramoment.“Likemelookinglikeyourgrandmotheronedayisn’tabigdeal.”“It’snot.”Hecuppedmy
cheek.“Idon’tthinkyouunderstandwhatitmeanswhenademonfallsinlove,Layla.Itdoesn’tgoaway.Itdoesn’tfade,evenifwewantitto.Weloveuntildeath.That’snotjustsomethingwesay.Weloveandwelove
onceandit’sforever.Nomatterwhat.Andthat’sabittwistedifyouthinkaboutit,butluckilyyoufeelthesameway,sothisisn’tawkward.Youfeelme?”Paimon,theUpperLevel
demonwho’dlovedLilithandwho’dkick-startedallofthiswhenhetriedtofreeher,hadsaidsomethingsimilar,butcomingfromRoth,itwaslikethefirsttasteof
chocolate.Itdidn’twashawayallmyconcerns,butitmademefeelbetteraboutthem,gavemehopethatwecouldfacethemtogether,evenifIneededawalkerwhenwewerefacingtheproblem.“God,Roth,
sometimes...sometimesyou’rejustperfect.”Iexpectedasnarky
response,likehewould
normallygiveme,buthishandtraveleduptomycheek,andthenslidaroundthenapeofmyneck.HeguidedmesoIwasnestledagainsthim,myheadtuckedunderhischinandoneofhislegscurledaroundmine.“CanItellyousomething?”“Ofcourse.”Roth’sthumbmovedidly
alongthebaseofmyscalp.“It’smomentslikethesethatI
need,too.”
twelve
STANDINGINFRONTofthechair,IfeltlikeI’ddrunkacaseofhighlycaffeinateddrinks.Nervousenergyconsumedme,andIshiftedfromonefoottotheother,notunlikeI’dseenThumperdoatStacey’shouse.“Canthiswait?”Iasked,
wipingmydamppalmsalong
myhips.“Imean,Ireallythinkthiscanwait.”Grinninglikeacatthatjust
corneredaherdofmice,Rothknewbetterthantogettooclosetomeatthemoment,becausetherewasagoodchanceImightpunchhim.“Nowisasgoodatimeasany,Shortie.”IwrinkledmynoseasI
foldedmyarmsacrossmychestandglancedoverto
whereCaymanwasfiddlingwithamassivecontraptionthatlookedlikeapowertool,butIknewitwasn’t.“Canhereallydothis?”Liftinghisgazetome,
Caymansmiled.“Icandojustabouteverything,teacup.”“Noteverything,”Roth
remindedhim.Caymanshrugged,and
thenhehitsomethingonthe
toolheheldandadroninghumfilledtheofficeinthebackoftheclub.Myeyeswidenedasmymusclesstiffened.“Isit...supposedtobethatloud?”Caymanlaughed.“Shortie,you’vefaced
downNightcrawlersandRaverdemons,youcannotbethatscaredofgettingatattoo.”Iwhippedaroundtoward
Roth.“You’renottheonegettingthetattoo,somaybeyoushouldjustshutup.”Behindme,Cayman
snorted,andIwhirledtowardhim,shootinghimmybestdeathglare.“You,too.Shutit.”Heshutit.“Ihavefivetats,Shortie,I
knowwhatitfeelslike,”Rothcajoled,hishandsraisedathissides.“It’llsting,but
you’restrong.You’lldeal.”Ididn’twanttodeal.Ialsodidn’twanttobe
actinglikesuchababy,butIcouldn’tlookforwardtosittingdownandallowingsomeonetodiginkintomybody.WhyhadIthoughtthiswasagoodidea?Caymanrose.“Arewe
goingtodothisornot?BecauseI’msureallofushavestufftodo.Likeyouall
haveaLilintofindandIhavedealstobroker.”“It’suptoyou,Layla,”
Rothsaid.“Ifyoudon’twanttodothis,wedon’thaveto.”Ahugepartofmewanted
tojumpontheoutheoffered,butgettingafamiliartattooedonmyskinwasthesmartthingtodo.ItwouldmakemestrongerandI’dhavemyownbuilt-inbackupsystemifthingsgotoutofhand.SoI
neededtowomanup.“Iwanttodothis.”Rothsmiledatmewhile
Caymancamearoundthedesk.“Thenhopuponthechair,”thedemonordered.“Andwe’llgetthisshowontheroad.”Isatasinstructedand
nearlysquealedwhenCaymanhitsomethingonthesideandunexpectedlysetthechairtoarecliningposition.I
grippedthearmsofthechair,glaringathim.“Awarningwould’vebeennice.”“Andwhatfunwouldthat
havebeen?”hereplied.“Youknowwhatyou’regetting?”GlancingatRoth,Inodded
slowly.We’dtalkedaboutitlastnight,andithadbeenharderthanIimaginedwhenitcametopickingafamiliar.Mostofmyideaswerelame.Atonepoint,I’dsuggesteda
llama,whichwasaboutwhenRothhadannouncedthatitwastimeforbedsincemybrainclearlyneededtorecharge.“Afox,”ItoldCayman.
“Becausetheyarefastandclever.”“Likeme,”addedRoth.Irolledmyeyes.“Not
becauseit’slikeRoth.”“Afox?Interesting,”
murmuredCaymanashe
wavedhislefthand.Alowstoolappearedoutofthinair,andIthoughtthatwasrathernifty.“I’mgoingtoneedsomespacetodothat.Pullupyourshirt.”Roth’sheadswunginhis
direction.“Youmightwanttorethinkthatrequest.”Caymansnortedashe
lookedupthroughalockofhair.“Please.Asprettyasourlittlestrudelcakeis,she
doesn’tdoitforme.Youtakingoffyourshirt,however,floatsmyboatandanchor.”IpursedmylipsasRoth
muttered,“Whatever.”Takingadeepbreath,I
pulledmyshirtupsomystomachwasexposed.“Ihaveafeelingthisisgoingtohurt.”“You’llbefine.”Roth
movedbehindthechair,
placinghishandsonmyshoulders.“Yougotthis.”Caymanhandledthe
instrumentlikeheknewwhathewasdoingashestartedtoleanoverme.Itensedandheshookhishead.“You’relucky,butterbutts.Thisisgoingtogoalotfasterandeasierthanitdoesforthehumans.”“Why?”Heglancedupatme.
“Becauseofmagic.”HesaiditlikeIdidn’thavetwobraincellstorubtogether.“Andbecauseyouwillhealahellofalotfasterthanahumanwill.Youwon’tevenneedtocoverthetat.”“Okay.”Iwasgoingto
havetobelievehim.“Whatareyougoingtocall
yourfox?”Caymanasked.Iwassotensetherewasa
goodchancepartsofmybody
wouldstartbreaking.“Robin.”Hisbrowsrose.“Why
Robin?”“MyfavoriteDisneymovie
istheonewhereafoxisRobinHood,”Iexplained.“SoRobin.”“That’smygirl,”Rothsaid
frombehindme.“Throughandthrough.”Caymanglancedupat
Roth,andthenheplacedhis
handalongmyribs.Ijumpedalittleatthecontact,andthen,becauseIcouldn’tlookawayeventhoughIshould,Iwatchedhimbringthetattooguntomyskin.“Holyshit!”Ishrieked,
increasingmydeathgriponthearmsofthechair.Sharpstingingpain,likeI’drolledaroundinahornet’snest,litupmyentirestomach.“Justalittlebitofpain?Areyou
kiddingme?”“It’llgetbetter,”Rothsaid,
rubbingmyshoulders.Withoutevenlookingat
him,Icouldhearthesmileinhisvoice,andIwantedtopunchhimintheface.MystomachburnedasCaymandidthetattoo,andonlyafteraboutaneternitydidthepainlessen,andIthinkthatwasbecausemystomachjustwentnumb.ButIsatthere
andItookitlikeagoodlittlehalfdemon,halfWarden,andIfoughttheurgetoshiftinordertoprotectmyself.Rothdidhisbesttodistract
mebypreparingmeforwhatitwouldbeliketohavemyownfamiliarandnotjustonewesortofsharedjointcustodyof.Robin,myfoxy-fox
familiar,wouldprobablysleepforthefirstdayorso
andnotmovearoundalot,andhewouldn’tcomeoffmyskinduringthattime.RothexplainedthatRobinwouldbondwithmenotjustphysically,butemotionallyandmentally.AsRobinrested,thefamiliarwouldtapintomymemories.Itwouldlearnme,andyeah,thatwaskindoffreaky,butlikewithBambiandRoth,Robinwouldbeabletoproactively
sensewheneverIwasintroubleorneededhimtotakeform.Ijusthopedhedidn’t
appearasagiant,mutantfox,becausethatwouldalsobeextremelycreepy.Ihadnoideahowmuch
timepassed,butfinallyCaymanrockedback,turningoffthetattoogun.“Done,”hesaid,stretchinghisarmsabovehisback.
Glancingdownatmysorestomach,allIcoulddowasstare.Therewasahuge-asstattoothere,stretchingfromundermyrightribcagetomynavel.Maybethatwasn’tbigtosome,buttome,itwasginormous.Anditwasbeautiful.SinceIhadn’tbeenpaying
attentiontowhatCaymanhadbeendoingwhenhestoppedandstarted,whatIsawwasa
completesurprisetome.Thereddish-browncoatofthefoxwassorealisticthatIalmostexpectedtobeabletofeelthefurifIreacheddowntotouchit.Thefox’stailwasbushyandstreakedwithwhite.Itwascurledup,itshindlegstuckedclosetoitsbodyanditslongsnoutrestingonitsfrontlegs.Cayman’sdetailwasextraordinary,downtothethicklashes,thewhite
tuftsoffuraroundtheclosedeyesandtheblackwhiskers.Andwhatwasalsotruly
amazingwashowquicklytherednesswasfadingaroundtheedgesofthetattoo.Caymanhadn’tbeenjokingwhenhesaidIwaslucky.Withinanhourorso,Iknewtheskinwouldbecompletelyhealed.Withoutwarning,oneof
thefox’swhiskerstwitched
andIjumpedinthechair.Grinning,IlookedupatRoth.“Hiswhiskermoved!”Hissmilereachedhiseyes,
lighteningthecolor.“That’sfast.Ihaveafeelingthisoneisgoingtobeactive.”“IhopeheandBambiget
along.”Itwaskindoflikeintroducingthebigsistertothelittlebrother,andhopingshedidn’tpitchtheinterloperinfrontofaspeedingtruck.
“Theywill,”hesaid,curlinghishandaroundthenapeofmyneck.“Youdidgood,Shortie.Youdeserveareward.”Iarchedabrow,knowingI
hadn’treallydonethatgood.Frankly,I’dactedlikeagiantbaby.“Areward?”Rothnoddedandthen
leaneddown,kissingme,andnotjustaquickpeckonthelips,either.Allmysenses
refocusedsolelyonhim.Ididn’tevenfeelthedullachealongmystomach.Hishandslippedtomychin,holdingmeinplaceashedeepenedthekissandIgottocheckoutthatboltinhistongue.Oh,thatkiss...Itmademe
thinkofotherthings—thingsthatweren’tentirelyappropriatewhenitcametowherewewereandthefactthatthedayyawnedwide-
openinfrontofus.Lastnight,afterwetalkedaboutthefamiliar,we’dbeentoodrainedtodoanythingbutsleep,andnowIwaswishingwehadusedthatprivatetimemorewisely.Weneededtogetamoveonit,astherewasreallyimportantstuffthatneededtogetdone,butmybodyflushedandIreachedup,wrappingmyhandaroundthebackofhishead,
threadingmyfingersthroughhismessyhair.“Don’tmindme,”Cayman
said.“I’mnothere.Nope.I’mnottheawkwardthirdparty,havingtowitnessyoutwoeateachother’sface.”Liftinghishead,Rothcast
adarklookinCayman’sdirectionwhileIjustsatthere,enjoyingtheaftereffectsofthekiss.“Youknow,youcould’vesimply
left.”“Don’tbringlogicintothis
conversation,”hesaid,standing.WhenIlookedathim,Isawthatthetattoogunwasgone.HewinkedatmeasItuggedmyshirtdown.“LikeRothsaid,don’tbesurprisedifyourfamiliardoesn’tmovearoundmuchatfirst.He’sbasicallysleeping,butwhenhe’sreadyandhesensesyou’reinanykindof
danger,he’sprobablygoingtocomeoff.”Inoddedandthenscooted
offthechair,standing.Ididn’tfeelexactlydifferentnowthatIhadmyownfamiliar,butIwasabitexcitedtoseeRobininthefleshforthefirsttime.Nowitwastimetohitthe
streets.TherewasagoodchancethatsincetheLilinhadshownupyesterday,it
wouldagaintoday,butwewouldbepreparedthistime.Wehadtobe.Caymanbackeduptothe
deskandleanedagainstit,crossinghisarms.“Beforeyouguysleave,canyoudomeafavor,Roth?”“Depends,”hedrawled.“Youhaveabookupstairs
—theoneaboutlesserdemons.CanIborrowthat?”Rothraisedabrow.“Yeah.
Whenhaveyoueveraskedbefore?”“I’mturningoveranew
leaf.”Ambereyesnarrowedon
Cayman.“Youcanborrowit.”“Canyougrabitforme?”Rothstaredathim.“I’mletired,”Cayman
said,mimickingaFrenchaccentI’dheardonaYouTubevideoonce.“Plus,I
don’twanttopopinlaterandgetitifyouandLaylaareinthere,engagedinshenanigans,becausethenyou’dhavetohurtmeifIsawherladybitsand—”“Okay,”Rothcuthimoff,
scrubbinghisfingersthroughhishair,irritated.“Juststoptalking.”Caymansmiled.Mutteringunderhisbreath,
Rothwalkedtowardthedoor,
andthendisappeared.Iblinked,hatingwhentheydidthat.Resistingtheurgetopatmynow-tattooedbelly,Ikeptmyhandsatmysides.“Thatwasastrangerequest.”“Ireallydon’twantthe
book.Readingissoboring,”hereplied,pushingoffthetable.Ifrowned.“Thenwhy—”“Wedon’thavealotof
time.Iwentintotheloftthis
morningandshovedthatbookbehindabunchofotherdustybooksthatlookedboringasHell,buthe’llbedownhereinafewmoments,”heexplained.“IgotwordlastnightthatGrimreturnedearlytoHell.He’sthere.”Atfirst,allIcoulddowas
stareatCayman.Grim—theGrimReaper—wasbackinHell,theonlybeingthat
couldreleaseSam’ssoul.Excitementanddreadexplodedlikearocketinsideme.IcouldfinallydosomethingforSam,butIalsoknewthiswasn’tgoingtobeeasy.“Ifyou’rereadytogo
downthere,I’dsuggestyoudoitsoonincaseGrimchangeshisplans,”hewenton.“AndIhearhe’sinagoodmood.Sonowwouldbe
agreattimetobegandplead.Becausethat’sallyoureallyhavetoofferhim,right?Yourbegging?”Iblinked.“That’sallIcan
thinkof.He’stheGrim,andifhespendspartofhistimeinHeaven,hecan’treallybeallevil.”“Soyou’rehopingyoucan
appealtohisinnatesenseofgoodnessandjustice?”heasked,andwhenInodded,he
laughed.“Oh,LoopyLayla,youaresocute.”Foldingmyarms,Iexhaled
loudly.“WhatelsedoIhavetoofferhim?Ifyouhaveasuggestion,itwouldbehelpful.”“Idon’t.”Heflickeda
blondlockoutofhisfaceasheshrugged.“Truthis,Idon’tevenknowwhatGrimcouldwantinreturnorifhe’dwantanythingatall.You’ll
justhavetofindout.Areyoustillwantingtodothis?”Inthebackofmyhead,I
fullyrecognizedwhatahorribleideathiswasturningouttobe.WhowasItowaltzintoHellanddemandthatwhatwasvirtuallytheangelofdeathdosomething,butwhatotherchoicedidIhave?Icouldn’triskRothdoingit,knowingthatifhewentintoHellrightnow,hemightnot
comebackout,andIcouldn’tleaveSaminthere.Icouldn’tbecomplacentandIhadtotrysomething.“I’min,”Isaid,andmy
nervesstretchedtight.Heinclinedhisheadand
thetypicalplayfulnesswasgonefromhisexpression.“When?”Myheartwaspoundingas
Iglancedatthedoor.BeinginHellwasgoingtobeas
dangerousaswalkingacrossthebeltwayduringrushhour.Somanythingscouldgowrong,andifIleftrightnow,RothpoppingoutofthisroomcouldpossiblybethelasttimeIsawhim.ThetextsIhadwithStaceycouldbeourlastcorrespondenceever,andwhenIsawZayneyesterday,thatcouldbethelasttime.Havinganothercoupleofhoursordays
wasn’tgoingtofixanythingwithZayne,butitwouldgivemetimetoseeStaceyanditwouldgivemetimewithRothto...Tosqueezeaforeverintoa
fewshorthours.Toexperienceeverything
wehadn’tyetexploredbeforewelostthechance.“CanIhavetonight?”I
asked.Caymaneyedmeandthen
nodded.“Meetmeinthelobbyinthemorning.Makethemostoftoday.Anythingispossibletomorrow.”
thirteen
THATEVENING,IstoodinthebathroomofRoth’sloftandstaredatmyreflection.Myfacewasflushed,eyeswaytoobig,asusual,andnothingreallylookedthatdifferentaboutme.ButIfeltdifferent.Oldersomehow,andIwasn’tsurewhathadsparkedthat.
Outsideofthebathroom,IcouldhearRothmovingaroundandthesofthumoftheTVwascomforting.Iglancedatthedoor,andmyheartturnedintoasledgehammer.Itwasn’tuntilthemomentCaymantoldmethatGrimwasbackinHellthatitreallyslammedintomethatIwasgoingtogotraipsingintoHelltotalktotheGrimReaper.Cayman
didn’tneedtowarnmethatitwouldbedangerous.Iknewitwouldbe.Anythingcouldgowrong,andtonightcouldbemylastnightwithRoth.Iwanted—no,needed—to
beclosetohimtonight.Ifsomethingwentwrong
tomorrow,IwantedtoexperienceasmuchasIcouldbeforethen.IwantedtoexperienceRoth.Itwasn’tadecisionItooklightly.I’d
beenobsessingoveritalldaywhileweroamedthestreets,comingupempty-handed.WhatIwantedfromtonightwasabigdeal.WhileRothandIhaddonethings,wehadn’tdonethatonething,andIassumedthenervousnessIfeltwasnormal.Rothhadwaymoreexperiencethanmewhenitcametothis,butasmygazeshiftedbacktothemirror,I
knewIwasready.IjusthopedI...Ididn’tembarrassmyself.Thathedidn’tthinkIwasnaiveorhadnoideawhatIwasdoing,becauseIseriouslyhadnoideawhatIwasdoinginthisarena.Mygazedippedtothe
strapsonmycamisoleandmyskinheatedinaflash.WhenIenteredthebathroom,I’dbeenfullyclothed.Ofcourse.Butnowmyjeansand
thesweaterIworewerefoldedontherimofthebathtub,andshovedinbetweenthemwasmybra.Thematerialofthecamiwasthin,somuchsothatIdidn’tneedtolookdowntoknowexactlywhatcouldandcouldnotbeseen.AndIdidn’tneedthetinychillbumpsracingupanddownmylegstoremindmethatwhilemyundiesweren’texactlyskimpy,they
sureasheckdidn’tcoverallthatmuch.I’dneverroamedundressedlikethis,andIhadnoideawhatmybuttlookedlikeintheseundiesandIreallydidn’twanttoknow.Iwiggledmytoesonthe
cooltilefloor.“Icandothis,”Iwhispered
atmyreflection.“Iamabadasshybrid...notadonkey...creature.Withfeatheredwings.Thatare
prettyandweird.Icandothis.”Mypeptalkwasn’t
helping.Ijustneededtoopenthe
doorandwalkmyconfidentbootyoutintothebedroom,grabRothbytheshoulders,tosshimontothebedtotalShe-Rastyle,andgetdowntobusiness.Ifrowned.Well,noneofthatsounded
exactlyromantic,andreally,Ijustneededtowalkoutofthisroomwithoutlookinglikeatotalidiot.Forgeteverythingelse.Tuggingmyhairovermyshoulders,Itookadeepbreath,threwupalittleinmymouth,andthenturnedtothedoor,yankingitnearlyoffitshingesasIhauleditopen.Itooktwostepsandthen
stopped.Rothwasstandinginfront
ofthebed,staringattheTVwithhisarmextended,remoteinhishand.Heglancedinmydirectionandfroze.Myheartwaslodgedinmy
throat,andIcouldn’tgetasinglewordoutasheturnedtome,theremoteslippingoutofhisfingers,fallingtothefloor.Itcrackedlikethunder,butneitherofusreactedtothesound.
Hisgazestartedatthetopofmyheadandglidedallthewaydowntothetipsofmycurledtoes,andthenslowlymadethetrekbackuptomyeyes.Theintensityinhisgazecreatedaflutterlowinmybelly.Whenhespoke,hisvoicewasrough,sendingaseriesofchillsupanddownmyspine.“Idon’tknowwhatmadeyouchangeyoursleepingattire,butIjustwant
toletyouknowthatIamahundredandfifty-fivepercentbehindit.”AllIcouldthinkwasthat
helikedwhathesawandthatwasagoodsign.“Actually,ifyouwantto
dresslikethatwheneverwe’realone—toeatdinner,watchtheTV,readabookorwhatever,Ialsosupportthat.”Anothergreatsign.Hisheatedgazedipped
oncemoreandhemadethissoundinthebackofhisthroat,elicitinganotherroundofshivers.“Damn,Layla,I...”Heseemedtorunoutof
words,andthatmademefeelalittlebetterstandingthere,myhandstrembling.Hewasobviouslyaffected,andthataffectedme,causingweighttosettleincertainareasofmybody.
Mylegscarriedmetowardhimandtheyfeltstrangelyweak.ThecloserIgottohim,themoretensionpouredoffhim.Hestiffened,hispupilsdilatingslightly,andIcouldbarelygetairintomylungsasIplacedmyhandsonhischest.Theheatofhisskinburnedthroughhisshirt,andIfelthischestrisewithadeepbreath.Istretchedup,pressingthelengthofmy
bodyagainsthis.Ididn’thavetoask.Rothmetmehalfway,
loweringhismouthtomine,andalthoughIwastheonetoinitiatethekiss,hewastheonewhostartledmewiththepassionbehindit.I’dsetouttoseducehim,whichwaslaughableifIreallythoughtaboutit,butIwasn’treallythinking.Themomenthislipstouchedmine,Iwas
consumedwithhowhetastedandfelt,howmyheartwasjackhammeringwhenhecircledanarmaroundmywaistandliftedmeupsothatmyfeetwereatophisbareones.Hisotherhandclosedaroundthenapeofmyneck,andwewerekissing,reallykissing,andIcouldfeeltheboltinhistongue.Therewasn’taninchofspacebetweenourbodies.Ifolded
myarmsaroundhisneck,myfingersslidingthroughthesoftlocksofhair.Hesuddenlyliftedhis
mouthfrommine.Eachbreathhetookashestareddownatmewasragged,andIfeltitineverypartofme.“Ican’tbelieveI’mgoingtosaythis,butwe...weneedtoslowitdown.”Mylipsfeltswollenand
myskinwasbuzzing,butmy
heartwasabouttocomeoutofmychest.“I...Idon’twanttoslowdown.”Hiseyesflaredabright,
tawnycolorashisarmtightenedaroundme.“Layla—”“Idon’twanttostop.”My
skinfeltwaytootightasIrushedon.“Idon’twanttoslowdown.Iwanttogofast.”Themomentthosewordswereoutofmymouth,I
wantedtosmackmyself.“Imean,Iwant—”“Igetwhatyou’resaying,”
hesaidthickly.“Damn,doIever.”Swallowinghard,Istarted
forhismouthagain,butthehandatthebackofmyneckstilledme.Confused,Ifeltthetendrilsofembarrassmentstarttobuild.“Idon’t...understand.Youdon’twantthis?”
“Isthataseriousquestion?”“Yeah.”Withhisarm,heliftedme
upjustafewmoreinches,untilourbodieswerepiecedtogetherinallthewaysthatcounted.“Whatdoyouthinktheanswertothatquestionis?”Heatburstthroughmy
veins,notoutofembarrassment,butbecauseI
couldfeeleverypartofhim.“I...Ithinkyoudo.”“There’snothingelseI
wantmorethanthatinthismoment.Layla,Iwantyou.IwantyousobadlythateverytimeI’malonewithyou—Hell,wheneverI’minthenearvicinityofyou—ittakeseveryounceofrestraintIhavenottohaveyou.Makenomistake,theverythoughtofbeingwithyouundoes
me,”hesaid,hisvoicegruff,andIshiveredattheintensitybehindhiswords.“ButIonlywanttogothereifyou’reready.There’snomiddleground.There’renomaybes,andI’llwaitforhoweverlongthattakes.”Absolutewonderfilledme
—flooredme.Itwassuchanun-demon-likeresponse,yetagain,andactuallysounlikemostguysofanyspecies.
Deepdown,Iknewatinypartofmehadn’tbeenentirelyreadyupuntilthisverymoment,thatIwasdoingthisbecauseofthepotentialofneverseeinghimagainaftertomorrow.Iwasrushingtowardit,becauseIwasafraidwewouldn’tgetthechanceagain,andthatwasreallythewrongreasontowanttotakeourrelationshiptothenextlevel.
Butthis—whathe’djustsaidtome—erasedallmydoubts.Nottheinherentnervousnessthatcamewithsuchamajorthing,butitvanquishedanylingeringconcernsIhad.Iwasready.Iwasreadybecausehewas
willingtoslowitdown.Hewaswillingtowait.Hewaswillingtoletmesetthepace.Myhanddidn’ttrembleas
Iplaceditagainsthischeek,
andmygazewassteadywhenImethis.“I’mready,Roth.”Hiseyesslammedshut.
“Layla.”Hesaidmynameharshly.“I’mnotasaint.Youknowthis.Iwantto—”“Idon’twantyoutobea
saint.Iwantyoutobeyou,”Itoldhim,movingmythumbalonghislowerlip.“IloveyouandIwantthis.”Hedidn’tseemtobreathe
asthesecondsstretchedout
betweenus.“Areyousure?”“Yes.”ThenInoddedfor
extraemphasis,justincasehewasconfused.Alongmomentpassed
beforeRothshowedanyreactiontowhatIsaid,andthenhesmiled.Notthebig,breathtakingone,butasmaller,moreintimateonethatwrappedaroundmyheart.Andthenhekissedme.Theinitialtouchofour
mouthswasdifferentfromtheearlierkiss.Itwasfeathersoft,heartbreakinglytender—akissofreverence.Ididn’tevenknowyoucouldbekissedlikethat.Butthecontact...itevolvedwiththesecondpassofhislips,andmineparted,welcominghim,andthatkisswasfarmorethansomethingphysical.Inthatkiss,Icouldfeelour
loveforoneanother,our
acceptanceofeachother.Itwasliketakingallourhopesanddreamsandrollingthemupintoonekiss,anditpackedsomuchpowerfulemotion,thatitwasapunchtotheverycoreofbothofus.Itwasjustakissanditwasnearlytoomuchanditstillwasn’tenough,anditwasjustbeautiful.Rothliftedhisheadagain,
butthistimeitwasn’ttostop
us.Ourgazeslocked,andawealthofemotionshowedinhistawnyeyesashestareddownatme.“Youmakeme...”Heswallowedagain.“YoumakemewishIhadasoulsothatIcouldbeworthyofyou.”Idrewinasharpbreath.
“Youareworthyofme.”Rothheldmygazeand
thenhislipswereonmineagain.Weweremovingand
whenthebackofmylegshitthebed,heguidedmeuntilIwaslyingdownthemiddleofit.MyhandsflutteredtothecomforterasIwatchedhimstandingaboveme.Hissmilewassoftashe
reacheddownandtuggedhisshirtoff,tossingitsomewherebehindme,andmystomachhollowedashisleanmusclesmovedwithfluidgrace.Thekittenswere
offhim,mostlikelyhiddensomewhereintheroom.Bambi’stailwasvisiblealongthestretchoftautskinandthedragonwaswherehealwayswas.Hewenttothenightstand
andgrabbedasmallpackage,tossingitonthebed.“Idon’tknowifwecanproduceachild—ifIcanoryoucan.SoIthinkwejustneedtobecareful.”
Myfacewasonfire.“Goodcall.”Inclininghisheadtothe
side,hegrinned.“Yeah.Maybeoneday,we’lltestthatout.”Ithinkmyheartmight’ve
stopped,becausemakingababywasn’tsomethingI’devenbrieflyconsidered.Growingup,I’dassumedthatitwasneverinthecardsbecauseofwhatIwasand
wasn’t.I’dbeentaughtthatIdidn’thavetheattributesforchildbearing,andwhetherthatmeantitwasgeneticallyimpossibleformeorjustnottheWardens’preference,Ididn’tknow.Buttheideaofdoingsoonedayinthefuturewasstrange,elatingandscary.Movingtowardthebed,he
placedhiskneesoneithersideofmylegsashecrawled
aboveme.Airconstrictedinmylungsashecagedmein.Oureyesmet,andIsworeRothstoppedbreathingforamoment.Thenheslowlyloweredhimselfdown,andtheweightofhimwasshattering.Hestareddownatme,the
tipsofhisfingerstrailingoverthecurveofmycheek.“Iwantthistobeperfectforyou.”
Myheartswelled.“Itwillbe,becauseit’swithyou.”Onesideofhislipskicked
up.“IfeellikeI’ve—”Achokedlaughcuthimoff.“LikeI’veneverdonethisbefore.”“Well,thatmakestwoof
us.”Ismiled.“Sothiscouldbereallygoodor—”“It’sgoingtobemorethan
reallygood,”hesaid,dragginghisthumbalongmy
lowerlip,mimickingmyearliercaress.“Yeah,it’sgoingtobemore.”Ishiveredashelowered
hishead,stoppingjustshortofkissingme.“Ifforwhateverreason,youwantmetostopatanypointinthis,tellme.Okay?Promiseme.”“Ipromise,”Iwhispered,
wrappingmyarmaroundhisneck.
Somethingsoftandamazingflashedacrosshisfeatures,andthenwewerekissing,andwekissedforwhatfeltlikeforever.Eachkisshadadruggingsortofeffect,looseningtherigidnessinmymuscles.Andeachkisswaslikeaneraser,removingeverythingoutsidethislittleworldwewerecreating.Ilostmyselfinhim,andhelosthimselfinme.Timeslowed
andrushedby,andwewerehotandflushedasthekissesincreased,twistingagainsteachother.WhenRothliftedhishead
oncemore,hedidn’tspeakormoveforalongmoment,andmychestsqueezedasIdraggedmyfingersthroughhishair.Hedippedhishead,kissingmycheek.“Rememberyourpromise.”Iremembered,butIwasn’t
goingtostophimandIwasn’tgoingtodenywhatbothofuswanted.Heseemedtorealizethatbecauseashesettledovermeagain,notquitetouchingme,heclosedhiseyes,expressionstrained.Electricitysnappedbetweenus,tuggingatusasarawfeelingpulsed.Iturnedmyhead,seekinghismouth,andwhenIfoundit,IpouredeverythingIfeltforhiminto
thekiss.Myhandsslippedoverthethickcordsofhisneck,traveledthemuscleswheretheybunchedinhisshoulders,downhisleansides,andthenaroundtohisabs,goinglower—overeachtautridge,andlowerstill.HedrewinasharpbreathasIreachedthebuttononhisjeans.Hecaughtmyhand,
tuggingitawayandpressing
itdownintothemattress.Myheartjumpedasheatrolledoffhisbody.Hisskinseemedtoothinandtherewereshadowslingeringjustbehindthelayeroffleshashedrewhishanddowntothehemofmycamisole.Ireallywasn’tthinkingasI
liftedmyshouldersandthecamiendedupsomewherewithhisshirt,orwhenIliftedmyhipsandthelastbitof
clothingwasgone.Iwasn’tthinkingwhenhisbodybowedandhekissedthespacejustbelowmynewtattoo.Andtherewerenothoughtswhen,withtremblinghands,hebegantoexploreme.Myheartwastrippingoveritselfandthefireinmystomachhadturnedintoawaveofmoltenlavacoursingthroughmyveins.Thenhisclothescameoff,
andhewaspossiblythemostbeautifulthingI’deverseen,andwhenhislipsmetmine,Iwasnearlyovercomebythestrengthoftheemotionsflowingbetweenus.Andeverything—everythinghebegantodowasdownrightdelicious.Wewerepressingagainstoneanother,straininguntilIwasfloatinginheavysensations.Myskincamealivewhereverwetouched,
andourhandswereeverywhere—Iwaslostinhimashislipsblazedafierypathdownmythroatandlower,muchlower,likehe’ddonebefore,andlikebefore,Iflewapartwitheachprecise,measuredtouch,andhepiecedmebacktogetherwithdeep,slowkisses.Whenheroseaboveme
oncemore,hisfingerswereatmyhipsandheshookashe
restedhisforeheadagainstmine.Ourskinwasdamp,ourbodiesflushed.“Ineed...Ineedaminute,”hesaidinarough,lowvoice.Ilookedathim,really
lookedathim,andsawthathewasclosetolosingcontrolofhishumanform.Hisskinhaddarkenedandsmoothedtogranite.WhenIsawhiseyes,theyweregolden,butthepupilshadstretched
vertically.EmboldenedbytheeffectI
hadonhim,Itouchedhim,rememberingthecommenthe’dmadesolongagoaboutbeingpiercedinotherareas,andhesohadnotbeenjokingaboutthat.Hemadethissoundthatcurledmytoes.Hiseyesclosedashischestrosedeeplyandwhentheyreopened,hispupilswerebacktonormal.
Hishandswerebackonmeandheslowedeverythingdown,untilbothofuswereclamoringatoneanother,unabletowait,andthenithappened.Iwasn’tentirelysurewhat
toexpectsinceitwasn’tsomethingI’dgottendetailsonbefore,notevenfromStacey.Therewasasparkofpainthatstolemybreath,butRoth...hesmoothedoverthat
painandturneditintosomethingutterlyamazing,exquisitelybeautiful.Itfeltlikebeingonarollercoaster,abouttoplummethundredsoffeetdown,andwhenIdid,Rothwasthere.AndI’dneverexperienced
anythinglikethisbefore.Itwasperfectandpowerful,andasRothwhisperedthosethreewordsoverandover,ourbodiesmovedagainsteach
other.Inthismoment,Rothwasn’ttheCrownPrinceandIwasn’t,well,whateverIwas.Wewerejusttwopeopleinlove,andthatwaseverything.Minutesmighthave
passed,maybeevenhours;Icouldn’tbesure,buteventuallyourheartsslowedandwewerelyingtangledtogetherinthemiddleofthebed,hisarmsaroundme,
holdingmeclose.“Youokay?”heasked,
soundinglikehehadn’tspokeninages.Ittookmeamomenttoget
mytonguetowork.“Ifeel...perfect.”Hislipsbrushedmine.“I
didn’thurtyou?”Ishookmyheadasmy
eyesdriftedshut.“No.Youwere...”“Amazing?Divine?Mind-
blowing—”Laughingsoftly,Isnuggled
inagainsthim.“Yes.Toallofthosethings.”Hisembracetightenedand
neitherofusspokeforalongmomentashesmoothedhishandupanddownthecenterofmyback,lullingmeintoapleasant,blissed-outhaze.“Thankyou,”hesaid.“Whatareyouthankingme
for?”Iwhispered.
Rothkissedmybrow.“Foreverythingyouhavegivenme.”
fourteen
IDOZEDOFFinRoth’sarms,butwhenIstretchedoutmyarmssomeunknowntimelater,Ifoundthebedwasempty.Blinkingopenmyeyes,Iwasmetwithdarkness.Itwasstillnight,andasIwiggledmytoes,Irefusedtoallowthoughtsofthemorningtocreepintomy
languidhappiness.Rollingover,Iwaiteduntil
myeyesadjustedtothedark.Ithoughthemightbeinthebathroom,butasmygazeflittedacrosstheroom,Isawhimbythepiano.Myheartspedup,mymindimmediatelyveeringtowhatwe’ddone,whatwe’dshared.Thesheetswerepooled
aroundmyhipsandIwastoolazytofixthem.Instead,I
looselyfoldedmyarmsacrossmychest.Hewassittingonthe
bench,facingme,withhisarmsdrapedoverhisbentknees.Icouldn’tmakeoutmostofhimasIsnuggledontomyside.“Whatareyoudoing?”Rothstoodandglidedout
oftheshadows.Hisexpressionwasrelaxedandopen,buthedidn’tlook
normal.Rothcouldneverlookjustnormal,butashestoodthere,helookedascloseashe’deverbe.“I’mprobablygoingtosoundlikeacreep,butIwaswatchingyou.”“Thatisahallmarkofa
creeper.”Onesideofhislipscurled
upandadimpleappearedinhisrightcheek.“Ican’thelpmyself.You’rejusttoo
beautifultolookawayfrom.It’strue.I’mademon.Idon’tlie.”Istaredathim.Hisgrinspread.“Igotup
togetsomethingtodrink,”headmitted.“AndIglancedbackatyou.Idon’tevenknowwhy.IjustdidandthenIstopped.”Hissmilefadedabit.“MaybeIcan’tbelievethatyou’rereallyhere.Thatwe’rehere.”Heraiseda
shoulderandsmoothskinstretchedovertautmuscles.“AndthenIsatdownandIstartedthinkingabout...abouteverythingwiththeLilin,andnowI’vebeenentertainingtheideaofgatheringyouupwhileyousleptandbasicallykidnappingyou.Hawaiistillseemslikeagoodplace.ScrewwhateverhappenswiththeLilinandallofthat.Wecouldsurvive.I’dmakesure
ofthat.”Reachingdown,myfingers
curledaroundtheedgeofthecomforter.“Roth...”Hesighedasheraiseda
hand,scrubbinghisfingersthroughhismessydarkhair.“Iknow.Youcan’twalkawayfromanyofthis.Noneofuscan.”Hedroppedhisarm.“SothatwaswhatIwasthinkingaboutwhileIwasstaringatyou.”Thoseamber
eyesflashedwithmischief,andIrelaxed.Iwasn’treadyfortheworldoutsidetointrude.“DidItellyouthatyou’rebeautiful?”“Yes.”Liftingmyhandto
thepoofthatwascurrentlymyhair,IlaughedasIpressedmycheekagainstthepillow.“ButIdon’tknowhowyoucouldthinkso.I’mamess.”Hetippedhisheadtothe
sideandpivotedaround,headingtowardthebathroom.Afterafewseconds,hereturnedwithahairbrushinhand.Withhisjeansunbuttoned,theyhungindecentlylow.IcoulddefinitelyseewhereThumper’stailwasheading.NotthatIhadn’treally
seenthatearlier.Cheeksflaming,Ipressed
myentirefaceintothepillow,
hidingwhathadtobethegoofiestsmileknowntoman.Despiteallthecrazinesswewerefacingandtheuncertaintyofwhatthenexthourortomorrowcoulddroponus,mylittlepieceoftheworldfeltbrightandwarm.WhatRothandIhad
shared,whatwehaddone,wasbeyondbeautifulandwasn’tsomethingIcouldsimplifywithwords.Foritto
havebeenthatwaybetweenus,wehadtobeinlovewitheachother—madly,deeplyinlove.Iwasthecorniestcornball
inacornfieldfullofpopcorn.Rothtouchedmyshoulder.
“Situp.”“Meh,”Imurmuredinto
thepillow.Hechuckled.“Situp.
Please.”Demonsrarelysaidplease.
Iwasbeginningtothinkitwasawordnotintheircorevocabulary,soIsatup,tuggingthecomfortertomychest.Rothslippedinbehindme.Onelegwasbentagainstmyside,theotherdangledofftheedgeofthebed.Ilookedbackathim,but
beforeIcouldspeak,heloweredhismouthtomineandkissedme.Thetouchofcoolmetalagainstmytongue
wasalltoobrief.HepulledawayandgentlyturnedmychinsoIwasfacingawayfromhim.“LetmeseewhatIcando
withthis,”hesaid,gatheringupmyhair.“You’reright.Thisisamess.Youlooklikeyoucould’vebeeninan’80smusicvideo.Whatdidyoudotoit?”“Ididn’tdoanything.That
—”Ipointedatmyhead“—
isallyourdoing.”Hestartedtoeasethebrush
throughmyhair.“Blamethedemon.Iseehowyouare.”AsRothworkedhisway
throughthetangles,itreallyhitmethattheCrownPrinceofHellwasactuallybrushingmyhair.Thatwasbeyondbizarrebutalsoincrediblysweet.Mywarmandfuzzyglowfromearlierwasturningintoemotionalweepiness.
Tearsprickedatmyeyes.Ineededamoodstabilizer.Rothwasextraordinarily
patientwhenitcametoworkingouttheknots,moresothanme.Atthispoint,Iwasusuallycussingandyankingthebrushthroughmyhair.Hehummedunderhisbreathasheworked,andIimmediatelyrecognizedthetune.“Is‘ParadiseCity’your
favoritesong?”Iasked.“Thesongjustkindofgot
stuckinmyhead,”hesaid.“Foracoupleofyears,allwecouldgetdownbelowwastheclassicrockstation,andthe‘grassisgreen’linealwaysstuckouttome.”IgrinnedasIpicturedHell
gettingSiriusradio.“Why?”Therewasabeatof
silence.“Thegrassisnevergreendownbelow,Shortie.”
Mylipsslippeddownatthecorners.“It’snot?Whatcolorisit?”“Gray,”heanswered.
“Everythingisprettymuchgray.Exceptfortheblood.Andthere’salotofblood.”Ashudderworkeditsway
downmyspine.“Soundslovely.”“It’saweirdplace.LikeI
saidbefore,itmimicstopsidebutdoesashittyjobatit.
Everythingisshinyatfirst,almost...pretty.EverysingletimeIgodownthere,it’slikethat—it’slikethatforeveryone,butitdoesn’ttakelongforthingstostarttogodownhill.Itfades.Buildingscrumble,theskylookslikeit’spollutedwithdirt,andthegrass...yeah,it’sgray.”Heeasedthebrushthroughmyhair,stoppingatanothertangle.“Everythingistwisted
andtarnisheddownthere.Thingsarerealuphere.Downbelowtheyaresadreplicasthatfallapart.”IrememberedwhenRoth
hadadmittedbeforethatthiswasoneofthereasonsheenjoyedcomingtopside.Myheartturnedoverheavily.“Will...willyouhavetogoback?”Hedidn’tanswer
immediately,causingknotsto
forminmybelly.“Idon’tknow,Shortie.IftheBosscallsmeback,Icanonlydisobeyforsolong.”Closingmyeyesagainst
theacheinmychest,Iknewthiswassomethingweweregoingtoeventuallyhavetoface.“HastheBosscalledyoubackyet?”“No.”Hepaused,pressing
akissagainstmybareshoulder.“TheBosskindof
letsmostofuscomeandgoasweplease,unlessweareneededforsomething.AslongasIstayontheBoss’sgoodside,Ishouldbegood.”Thatwasn’treassuring.
“ButIthoughttheBosswasdispleasedwithyou.”“TheBossisalways
displeased,”hereplied.“There’sabigdifferencebetweenhimbeingdispleasedandmebeingontheBoss’s
badside.”Itookthatstatementto
heart,butIcouldn’timagineRothstayingontheBoss’sgoodsideforever.“Don’tworryaboutit,”he
said,returningtomyhair.Icouldfeelhimseparatethenow-untangledstrandsintothreesections.“Rightnow,that’snotthebiggestofourproblems.”Isnorted.“True.ButI
can’thelpbutworrythatoneday,you’regoingto...thatyou’regoingtojustdisappear.”“Iwantyoutolistenwhen
Isaythis.”Herestedhischinonmyshoulder,andwhenIturnedmyheadtowardhis,hewaspeeringupatmethroughthicklashes.“Nothinginthisworldordownbelowisgoingtokeepmefromyou.Nothing,Layla.
That’sapromiseIwillneverbreak.”Adeep,powerfulemotion
stirredinsideme.“Iwillmakeyouthesamepromise.”Thosethicklashesswept
down,shieldinghiseyes.“Youwill?”“Yes.”AndImeantmy
nextwords.“I’mnotgoingtoletanythingkeepyoufrommeandthatincludesyourBoss.”
Rothchuckledasheliftedhishead,pausingtopressakissagainstthesideofmyneck.“Ilikeitwhenyougetallfeisty.”Hereturnedtomyhair,movingitbackintothethreesections.Severalmomentspassed.“WhenIwasinthepits,Ireallydidn’tthinkIwasgoingtogetoutofthere.IfiguredtheBosswouldeithernotcareenoughtopullmyhappyassoutofit
orwouldforget.”Ibitdownonmylipashe
spoke.Rothhadnevertalkedabouthistimeinthepitswithoutbeingsarcasticaboutit.“Ihonestlyhavenoidea
howlongIwasinthere.Timemovesdifferentlydownbelow,”hecontinued,twistingthesectionsofhairaroundeachother.“Itwasn’tpleasant.”Adrylaugh
crackedoutofhim.“Actually,itfreakingsucked,butyougotmethroughit.”Ittookamomentforhis
wordstosinkin.“How?”“Easy.Ithoughtaboutyou.
YouwereallIthoughtabout.”Hisvoicewasquietasmyheartsqueezedpainfully.“Ifocusedonthetimewespenttogether,andascrazyasitsounds,Ithoughtaboutyoubeing
topsidewithZayne.”Iwinced.Howwasthat
helpful?Secondslaterheanswered
myunspokenquestion.“Knowingthatyou’dbesafeandwouldeventuallybehappymadeitsomewhatmorebearable.AndIknow—Iknow—thatZaynewould’velaiddownhislifetoprotectyou.Probablystillwould.You’dbeokay.Soknowing
thathelpedwhenitgot...well,whenitgothard.”Alumpformedintheback
ofmythroat.“IwishIcouldtakeawaythetimeyou’vespentinthepits.”Hisknucklesbrushedalong
thecenterofmybackashecontinuedwiththebraidhewasmaking.“Youalreadyhave.”Thelumptripled.“AndI
wishyouneverhadto
sacrificeyourself.”“Iwouldn’tchangea
thing.”“Iknow,”Iwhispered,
closingmyeyesagain.Ittookmeamomenttofindtherightwords.“YouknowthatIcareaboutZaynedeeply.That’snevergoingtochange.Eventhoughrightnowhe’dprobablyratherpunt-kickmeintotrafficthantalktome,I’malwaysgoingtolove
him.”Pausing,Idrewinadeep
breath.“Itoldyouthisbefore.IloveZayne,butI’mnotinlovewithhim,andIdon’tknowifthatwould’veeverchanged.CouldIhavebeenwithhim?”Iraisedashoulder.“Yeah,Icould’vebeen,butitwouldneverbelikethis—likeitisbetweenyouandme.Idon’tknowhowlongIwould’vestayed
happywithZayneifheandIgottogetherandyounevercameback.Orifhewould’veremainedhappywithithimself,butatsomepoint,whatIfeltforhimwouldn’thavebeenenough.That’sunfairtohim.SoI’mgladthatknowingIhadsomeonehelpedyougetthroughthat,andtobehonest,thatblowsmymind,butIwantyoutoknowthatitwould’ve...it
would’veneverbeenenoughforme.”Rothreachedaroundme,
placinghishandabovemyheart.Heflattenedhispalm,andIliftedmyarm,foldingmyhandoverhis.Hisbreathwaswarmagainstmyshoulderwhenhespoke.“Iknow.”Drawingback,heflipped
thebraidovermyshoulder.“Alldone.”
Ireachedupandsmoothedmyfingersoverthethickbraid.“You’rereallygoodatthis.Betterthanme.Didyoupracticeonyourdemonfriends?”“Onlyonallmydolls.”IlaughedasRothtossed
thebrushaside.Itbouncedoffthefootofthebedandhitthefloor.Asecondlater,Furydashedoutfromunderthebedandpouncedonthe
brush.Itsblack-and-whitehairwasraisedanditsearswerepinnedback.Thekittengrabbedholdofthehandleofthebrush,andthendraggeditunderthebed.Ihadnoideawhatitplannedtodowithitunderthere.Twistingatthewaist,I
facedRoth.Oureyesmet.Hegrinned.ThenextbreathItookwasshaky.“Iloveyou.Justwantedtothrowthatout
there.”“Idesireyou.”Lowering
hishead,hislipsskatedupthesideofmyneck,tothesensitivespotbelowmyear.“Iwantyou.Ineedyou.”Henippedthefleshypartofmylobe,causingmetogasp.“AndIloveyou.”ThenextthingIknewI
wasonmybackandRothwassettlingoverme,andthoselittlenipswere
travelingdownmyneckandlower,anditwasn’ttoolongbeforealltheworkhe’ddoneonmyhairwenttocompletewasteinthemostgloriousofways.
***
Iwasstaringatmyreflectionagain.Myeyesstillseemedtoo
bigandmyfacewasflushed,
butthistimeIwasn’thalf-naked.Which,honesttoGod,seemedlikeamajorfeatconsidering—well,oncewecrossedintothatnewlevelofourrelationship,Rothreallywas...Myfaceburnedeven
brighterandIloweredmygazeasItuggedonthecollarofmysweater.Okay.Ineededtofocus.Lastnightandinthemiddleofthenight
andthismorningwereamazing,buttodaywasgoingtobeinsane.IwouldbegoingintoHell.Nervousnessdidn’teventouchwhatIwasfeeling,andIstillhadnoideahowIwasgoingtodistractRothsohewouldn’tknowwhatIwasplanning.HethoughtwewereheadingouttolookfortheLilin.He’dmentionedswingingbyanotherdemon-runclubin
thecity.WhileIwaskindofexcitedtoseethat,itwasnotgoingtohappentoday.AndIalsodidn’tknow
whatIwasgoingtodowhenIgotback—ifIgotback—becauseRothwasgoingbesomad.Bambishiftedonmyback,
flickinghertailalongtheleftsideofmyribs,comingclosetonudgingRobin.AssoonasI’dgottenupthismorning,
she’dplasteredherselfontome,whichhadn’tbeenapartoftheplan,butitwasn’tlikeIcouldpitchafitaboutherbeingonme.Rothwouldknowsomethingwasup,whichsucked,becausethelastthingIwantedtodowasputBambiinaprecariousposition.Shewaspracticallyour
kid.Twistingmyhairup,I
shovedamillionbobbypinsin,andthenleftthebathroom.Rothwasloungingagainstthewall,hislonglegscrossedattheankles,handsshovedintothepocketsofhisjeans.IsawhimandImight’veforgottenwhatIwasdoing.Rothwasstriking.Withhisblackhairfalling
intoambereyesandtheshirtclingingtoalltherightareas,hewasbreathtaking,butit
wasthatsmile,theonethatshowedoffhisdimplesandtransformedhisentirebeingwhenhelookedatmethat—thatownedme.Andhewassmilingatmelikethatnow.“Ilikeyourpants,”hesaid.Iglanceddown.Theywere
black.Leather.Isighed.“I’mneverallowingCaymantogoshoppingformeagain.”Hechuckledashepushed
offthewall.“Ihopeheshops
foryoufromnowon.”Walkingpastme,towardthedoor,heslidhishandovermyleather-cladlegs.“Oratleastkeepthese.”IrolledmyeyesasIturned
around.“Mmm.”Hisgazetraveled
overme.“Pleasekeepthem.”Laughing,Iplantedmy
handsonhisbackandshovedhimtowardthedoor.“Onlybecauseyouaskednicely.”
“Andbecauseyourasslookssumptuousinthem?”“Geez,”Ichokedout,
shakingmyheadasheclosedthedoorbehindus.Outinthehallway,he
drapedhisarmovermyshouldersandhauledmeclosetohisside.Westarteddownthehall.“Ithinkthat’savalidreason.”“I’msureyoudo.”Hishandmovedupand
downmyupperarmaswehitthestairwellandbeganthelong,longjourneydowntothelobby.“Howyourasslooksisaveryimportantthingwhenshoppingforpants,Shortie.”Ipressedmylipstogether
tokeepfromlaughing.“I’msuretherearethingsthatareevenmoreimportant.”Hescoffed.“Likewhat?”“Oh,Idon’tknow.How
aboutcomfort?”“Boring.”“Whataboutusefulness?”Hesentmealook.“There
isnothingmoreusefulthanleatherpants.They’llprotectyourasswhilemakingitlookfine.”Wewerenearingthefirst
floor.“Youhaveananswerforeverything,don’tyou?”“Yes.”“It’sannoying,”Imuttered,
glancingatthegray,cementdoor,andmypulsekickedup.“Youstillloveme,”he
replied.“True.”Isquaredmy
shouldersasRothopenedthedoor.Westeppedoutintothe
grandioselobbywithhisarmstillhangingovermyshoulders.LikethefirsttimeI’dseenthelobby,itwasawe-inspiring.Ididn’tgetto
seeitalot,becausewealwayscameinthroughtheparkinggarageorthebasementclubentranceandthenwestucktothestairwell.Anenormouschandelier
hunginthecenterofthelobby,castingbrightlightintoeverycorner,butitwasthemuralpaintedontheceilingthatreallydrewtheeye.Angels.Lotsofangelshoveringabove,engagedina
hard-corebattle,fightingoneanotherwithfieryswords.Somewerefallingthroughsudsywhiteclouds.Otherswereraisingtheirblades.Thedetailwasextraordinary,downtothered-orangeflamesandthegrimacesofpain.Eventhevirtuousglintintheireyeswasthere.Iquicklylookedaway
fromthepainting,unsettledbyitwhenbeforeI’djust
beenamused.Vintageleathercouches
wereeverywhere,andtheyweren’tempty.Peopleofallageswerescatteredabout,sittingaloneoringroups,talkingandlaughing.Somewerechattingonphones.Thescentofcoffeewasthickintheair.Toahuman,they’dalllooknormal,buttheireyesgaveoffweirdglints.Theyweren’texactly
people,notinthetechnicalsense.Afewgavemeaweird
look.Othersdownrightignoredme.One,ayoungwomandressedinsomekindofbustierIcouldeasilyseeCaymanpurchasing,stoodfromarecliner,herwideeyesglitteringasshehurriedacrossthelobby,disappearingdownahallway.Ihadnoideaifthathadto
dowithmeorwithRoth’spresence.Ireallydidn’tgetthedemondynamicswhenitcametoRoth,butnoneofthedemonsmillingaboutinthelobbycamenearus.AsIstartedtoturntoRoth,
Caymanappearedinthemiddleofthelobby,underthechandelier.Stiffening,Iwatchedhimswaggertowardus,hisfloralpinkandtealHawaiianshirtpossiblythe
gaudiestthingI’deverseen.“Okay.Iofficiallychange
myopiniononCaymanshoppingforyou,”Rothsaid.Isnickered.Caymanignoredthe
comments.“It’sagreatmorning,isn’tit?”hesaidbrightly,steppingtothesideofRoth.“Thesunisout,butthey’recallingforsnowtonight.Lotsofsnow.Somuchsnow—”
Thecrackjoltedme.Hehadmovedsofast,I
didn’trealizewhathe’ddoneuntilRoth’slegsfoldedandcollapsed.Heartleapingintomythroat,ItriedtograbRoth,buthewastooheavyandIendedupgoingdownonmyknees.Caymanhadsnapped
Roth’sneck.
fifteen
HORRORFILLEDMEasRoth’sheadfelltothesideatanawkwardangle.“OhmyGod!”Ishouted,lookingupatCayman.“Whatdidyoudo?Whatdidyou—?”“Weneededtodistract
him.”Hegesturedatthefloor.“He’sdistracted.Andyouhavenoideahowlong
I’vewantedtodothat.Letmehavemymoment.”Mymouthdroppedopen.Ademonwalkingacross
thelobbycarryingcoffeeinwhiteto-gocupspivotedonherpointyblackheel.“Idon’twantanypartofthis,”shesaid,hurryingaway.MyhandsshookasI
glanceddownatastillRoth.Icouldn’tbreathe,andasIstood,myskinstartedto
harden,theskinoneithersideofmyspinetingled.“Whoa.”Caymanthrewup
hishands.“Simmerdown,crouchingdemon,hiddenWarden.He’sfine.Look,ifhewasseriouslyindanger,Bambiwouldbeoffyouintwoseconds.He’sgoingtowakeupinacoupleofminutes,beatthecrapoutofme,realizeyou’regone,andwhenIsnaphisneckagainto
stophimfromgoingafteryou,we’regoingtorinseandrepeat,soplease—pleasedon’ttakeforever.”Myhearthadn’tslowed
down.“Ifhe’shurt—”“He’snot,”ademonfrom
thecouchsaid,hisfaceashenashestaredatRoth.“Youcan’tkillthePrincethatwayandwhenhewakesup—”“Yeah,he’sgoingtobe
pissed.”Caymansighed.
“Ididn’tevengettosaygoodbyetohim,Cayman.”Isuckedinashallowbreath.“WhatifI—?”“Don’tfinishthatsentence.
Youwillbeback.Layla,youneedtogetamoveonit.Don’tletthebutt-whuppingI’mgoingtoreceivebeallinvain.Youneedtogo.”Hepointedbehindme,andIlookedbacktowardthegold-paintedelevators.
Ineededtogo.Heartpounding,Ikneltand
brushedmylipsalongRoth’scheekasIsmoothedmyhandoverhishead,brushinghishairbackfromhisface.Ididn’twanttoleavehim.Iwantedtositthereuntilhiseyesopened,butIcouldn’t.“Iloveyou,”Iwhispered,
voicechokedasIcurledmyrighthandintoafist.Standing,Iturnedto
Caymanandcockedbackmyarm,punchinghimrightinthestomachashardasIcould.Severaldemonsgasped.“Omph,”hegrunted,
doublingoverandclaspinghisstomach.“SweetMosesinmolasses.”Feelingaweebitbetter
aboutthesituation,Iforcedmyselftopivotaroundandwalktowardtheelevator.I
didn’tlookback,becauseifIdid,Iwasn’tsureIwouldkeepwalking.IlikedtothinkthatIwould’ve,thatIwould’verecognizedthatthissituationwasbiggerthanmeandRoth,butIwasn’tsureifIwasthatgoodaperson,thatselfless.Thegoldelevatorswaited
formeandIsmackedtheoneroundbuttononthepanelalittleharderthannecessary.
Withasoft,almost-human-soundinggroan,thedoorsslidopen.Isteppedinside,turningaroundtofacethehall.Caymanappearedinfront
oftheelevators,rubbinghisstomach.“Becareful,Layla.Remember,nothinginHelliswhatitseems.”BeforeIcouldrespond,the
doorssealedshutandtheelevatorjerkedinto
movement.Isteppedback,swallowinghardasitstartedaslowdescentdown.Therewasnomusic,noinsidepanelsontheelevator,andthedoorseemedtobemadeofsomekindofweirdmaterial.Ibrushedmyfingersalongtheinsideofthedoorandthenjerkedmyhandbackwithastartledgasp.Itfeltlike...likeskin.Mystomachcramped,and
IthoughtImighthurlasitrippled.Astrangeorangeyglow
reflectedoffthewallsoftheelevator.Liftingmygazetotheceiling,Ismackedmyhandovermymouth.Therewasn’treallya
ceilingaboveme.Aroofofflamesrolled,
burningbright,lickingalongtheedgesofthewalls.MyeyeswidenedasIexpectedit
toengulftheentireelevator,buttheflamesdidn’tspread.Theelevatorjoltedandthatslowdescentspedup.Iwasknockedbackagainst
thewall.Throwingmyhandsout,Igrippedtherailastheelevatorsuddenlydroppedatarapidclip.Heartthumping,myknucklesachedfromhowtightlyIwasgrippingthepieceofmetal.Theelevatorfeltlikeitwasgoingtosplit
apart.Withoutwarning,itjerked
toastop,throwingmeoffbalance.Mykneescrackedoffthefloor,thepaindullcomparedtothesuddendizzinessseizingme.Ittookseveralmomentsforthewoozinesstosubside,andIrealizedthen,theelevatorhadstoppedmoving.Pushingmyselfup,I’djust
straightenedwhenthe
elevatordoorspartedsoftly.MymouthdroppedopenasIgotmyfirstglimpseof...Hell?Notatall.Whatlaybeyondtheopen
elevatordoorswaswhitewalls—awhitefloor,awhiteceiling.Shinywhite.Pristine.Myfeetcarriedmeoutoftheelevator,intoawideandvastcircularlobbywithhundredsifnotthousandsofhallways.Therewasmusicplaying.
Horrible,jauntylobbymusic;thekindthatwoulddriveyoucrazyifyouhadtolistentoitforlongerthanfiveminutes.Icouldn’tbelievewhatIwasseeing.Hellhadalobby.Nothingwasguardingthe
lobby.Nodemonswaitedtopounceonme,andthatsurprisedme.Thenagain,CaymanhadwarnedmethatnothinginHellwaswhatitseemed.MaybeIjust
couldn’tseethedemons.AsIwheeledaround,searchingforhiddendangers,Irealizedthereweregoldplacardsonthewallsneareachhallway,displayingthenamesof...“Holycrap,”Iwhispered.Namesofallthedemons
wereclearlyetchedintothegoldplacards.SomeIdidn’trecognize.Othersmademystomachtwistandthendrop.ABADDON.VINE.
MOLOCH.BAEL.Thenameswentonandon.StraightacrossfromtheelevatorwasthehallwaylabeledTHEBOSSandbesideitwasonethatcaughtmybreath.ASTAROTH.Ialmoststartedtowardit,
becausesomethinginsideofmewantedtoseehowRothreallylivedwhenhewasdownhere,butIstoppedmyself.Ididn’thavetimefor
this.Acrossfromthosenames
wasTHEPITS.Andthere,threedownfromthat,wasthenameI’dbeenlookingfor:GRIM.Takingadeep,fortifying
breath,IwalkedbrisklytowardthehallbearingGrim’snameandthendownthelong,brightlylit,relativelycooltunnel.Therewerenowindows.Noscents
tospeakof.Theairwasstagnantbutclean,andstill,thehairsallovermybodybegantorise.Ireachedadoublesetof
windowlessdoorsandbeforeIcoulddoanything,theyopenedsilently,revealingaworldI’dneverseenbeforeasablastofoppressiveheatsmackedintome.Stoppinganinchfromthe
exit,Ibitdownonmylip.
This...thiswaswhatI’dexpected.Inaway.Theskybeyondthehallwasaburntred.Therewerenoclouds.Nosunormoon.Justadeep,orangeyredthatseemedtohavenosource.ThescentofsulfurandsomethingIcouldn’tquitemakeoutturnedmystomach.Aroadmadeofsomekind
ofstoneseparatedtall,ash-coloredbuildings.Theyrose
likeskyscrapers,reachingintothatstrangesky,theirwindowsdarkwithnosignoflifeinsidethem.Mygazetrackedovertheformidable,intimidatingbuildingstothemassivestructureattheendoftheroad,severalcityblocksaway.Itwasthelargestofallthebuildings,butdesignedlikesomethingstraightoutoftheMiddleAges.Twinsteeplesrose
fromeithersideofthepitchroof,anditgavetheimpressionthatitwasmoreofafortressthanahome.SortoflikethecompoundI’dgrownupin.Iswallowedhard,knowing
thatwaswhereIwasgoingtohavetogo,becauseofcourse,itwasn’tlikeGrimcouldliveinacutehousewithapicketfenceorsomething.Ohno,ithadtobetheLordofthe
Rings-typecastleallthewaydownthere.KnowingIdidn’thavealot
oftimeandthattimeingeneralworkedvastlydifferentdownhere,Ipulledupmybig-girlundiesandsteppedoutofthehallway.Ithappenedimmediately.Withoutanywarning,a
shiverrippledacrossmyskinandIfeltBambiandRobinleavemybody.Panicked,I
triedtostopthem,becauseIwasn’tsureifRobinwasreadyforthat,buttherewasnocallingthemback.Twoshadowsdriftedout
fromunderneathmyshirt,formingtwoirregularshapedcircles.Theytrembled,andthendroppedtothestoneroadway,spillingintoamilliontinyballsthatshottogether.Theinkyblackballsroseintotheair,butthey
didn’tdroptothegroundliketheynormallywould.Thedotsspunandspun
untilathickshadowformed.Beforeme,asmymouthhungopen,legsformed,alongwithtorsosandarmsandheads.Forasecond,theyweretwopeople-shapedpoolsofblackoil,andthen,withinaheartbeat,themurkinessgavewaytodetail.Aboyandagirlstoodin
frontofme.Myjawwasstartingto
achefromhowlongIwasgaping,butIcouldn’tsnapmymouthshut.Theyweren’tlittleboysandgirls.Actually,theylookedslightlyolderthanme,buttheyweredefinitelyofthemaleandfemalehumanoidvariety.Theguywastalland
slender,withauburnhairthatfellintocrimson-colored
eyes.Shirtless,hewasallwirygrace.Afinedustingofreddishhaircoveredhisbareskin.Standingnexttohimwasawomanwithhairadeepred,nearlymatchinghereyes.Dressedinablacktanktopandjeans,shealmostlookednormal.Almost.Patchesofherskinweren’texactly...skin.Moreliketinyscalesbreakingthrough,allsovery...snake-like.
OhmyGod.Thewomangrinned
brightly.“Hey,girl,hey.”“Hey,”Isaidslowly,
glancingbetweenthetwo.“Um...”Raisinghischinina
greeting,theguy’snosetwitchedandthen...thenhisearsdidthesame.“Hi.”OhmyGod.“Isoknewyouwereupto
shenanigans,andIwas
right!”Turningtotheguy,thegirlraisedherhand,flippinghimoff.“Toldyouso.Toldyouthatshewasgoingtocomehere.SoyoushouldbegladI’mhere,soyoudon’tgeteatenbydragons.Andyes,therearedragonshere.AndnotasniceasThumper,either.”“You’rejustsosmart,”he
replieddrily.“Damntootin’.”Shespun
towardme.“He’snotveryhelpfulrightnow,sincehe’slikenewtoallofthis.Ineededtocomealong.”“You...Youare...”Ialmost
couldn’tbringmyselftosayit.“You’reBambi.”Hopping,sheclappedher
handstogether.“Andyou’reLayla.Andhe’sDumbass.”Dumbasssighed.“I’m
Robin.Youknow,yourrealfamiliar.Nottheparasitewho
needstogobacktoDaddy.”Bambisnorted.“How
aboutyougobacktoyourself.Huh?Howaboutthat?”Thatdidn’tevenmake
sense,butthefactthatIwasstaringatBambiandRobinandtheylookedlikehumansdidn’tmakesense,either.“Soyoutwo...Thisiswhatyoureallylooklike?”Shenodded.“Yep.When
wecan,whichtragicallyisn’tveryoften.Butwecantalktooneanothereveninouranimalforms.Sortoftelepathically.”Shepouted.“Robinhereisabore.He’sreallyjustsleptthiswholetime.”Hescowledinher
direction.“BecauseIneededtogetchargedup.”“Whatever,”shequipped.
“Imissmyboys.Nitroand
FuryandThor.They’refun.Thumperislikeyou.Anotherborewhojustsleepsallthetime,andwhenhedoesn’t,he’sagrumpytool.”IblinkedslowlyasBambi
raisedherarmsaboveherhead,stretching.Hertoprose,flashingatautstomach,anditsuddenlyhitmethatRothhadachickonhim.Rothseriouslyhadachickalloverhim,allthetime!Onlotsof
partsofhisbody.AndIhadadudeonmystomach!RothandCaymanhad
failedtomentionthislittledetailtome.Anugly,insidiousfeeling
creptintomeandIcouldn’tstopmyselffromsaying,“YouareonRoth.”“Um,yeah.Andsometimes
I’monyou.Duh.”Shefrowned.“Didyouhurtyourheadorsomething?”
Okay.Isqueezedmyeyesshutbriefly.Thejealousywasridiculous.Icouldn’tbejealousoverBambi,whomightbeahotgirlbutalsowasasnakemostofthetime—alegit,giantsnakethatategrossthings.Besides,Ihadadudeon
me—“OhmyGod,”Igroaned,lookingatRobin.“Youwereonmelastnight.Youwereonme—”
“Themomentyouallstartedlosingclothes,Itotallycheckedout.”Heraisedhishands,wrinklinghisnose.“Didnotwanttoseeanyofthat.Didn’tfeelanyofthat.”“I...”Therewerenowords.“Look,”Bambisaid,“for
mostofthetimewe’reonyou,wearen’tpayingattentiontowhatyou’redoing.Well,nottrue.WhenyouwerewithZayne,Iwas
sopayingattention.”Ipinchedthebridgeofmy
nose.“Sothekittens?They...”“Theyarehot.Ohmygolly
God,they’retriplets,”Bambisaid,smackingmyarmwithenoughforcetostaggerme.“Triplets,Layla.Thereareactuallythreeofthem.”“Igotthat.”Irubbedmy
stingingarm.“Thanks.”Robinfoldedhisarmsas
hecasthisgazetotheorangeysky.“Ihaveafeelingweshouldnotbehere.”“Thisisunspeakably
weird,”Imuttered,tryingtograspthefactthatIwastalkingtothefamiliars.Bambiflippedthatcrimson
hairoverhershoulder.“Ithinkit’sfantasticallydelightful.”Prancingforward,shestuckouthertongueinRobin’sdirection.Eveninher
humanform,thetonguewasstillforked.“Butyouknowwhat’snotdelightful?Yourtasteinmen.Iwasreallyhopingyou’dhookupwithZayne.Helookedyummy.”“You’vealreadyeatenone
Warden—”“Honey,that’snotthekind
ofeatingI’mthinkingofwhenIclapeyesonthatbig,blondballofsweet,sweetloving.”
MyeyeswidenedasRobinrolledhis.“I’m...uh,sorrytodisappointyou?”BambicontinuedasifI
hadn’tspoken.“IlikeditwhenhewouldpetmeandIthinkyoulikedit,too,”shesaid,andmyfacewentupinflames,becauseIknewexactlythemomentshewasreferringto.“ButIwonderhowhe’dfeelifheknewwhatpartofmehewas
actuallyfeelingup.Itwasn’tmyneck.”“That’sdisgusting,”Robin
said.Shesnickered.“Itwas
amazing.”Okay.IknewIneededto
focusontheimportantstuff,butIwasstillstuckonthefacttheywerehere.“Howisthispossible?”Iasked.Bambiopenedhermouth,
butitwasamale’svoice
frombehindmethatanswered.“Ah,spokenlikeatruenewcomer.Allowmetoenlightenyou,younginnocent.WheneverfamiliarsareinHell,theyautomaticallytakethisform.Obviously,noonethoughttotellyou,becausetheybelieveditwouldbeanonissue.”Spinningaround,Ifought
theurgetobackup.Instinct
demandedthatImovefar,farawayfromthetallmanwhostoodinfrontofthedoorsleadingtothehallway.Tallreallydidn’tdohimjustice.Hehadtobenearsevenfeetinheight.Aruggedlyhandsomeman,ifdarkbeardsandhard,glacialeyeswereyourkindofthing.“Theycanalsotakethis
formtopside,”hecontinued.Bambigiggledfrombehind
me.“Astarothletsmedothat.Notoften.Butwhenhedoes,it’salwaysfun.Iwishhewoulddoitmoreoften.”Themanarchedabrow.
“Probablynotthewisestofdecisions.Yousee,”headded,directinghisattentiontomeagain,“thefamiliarshaveverylittleimpulsecontrolandtheydonotoperatebyanyhumanmoralcompass.”
“Damnskippywedon’t,”Bambiagreed.“YouandIneedtotalk,”
themantoldme,raisinghishand.Hesnappedhisfingers,andIfeltmorethansawthatthefamiliarsweregone.“Don’tworry.They’refine.Well,theywillbeprovidedtheystayawayfromthepitsandanydemonwhomaybeabitangrywiththePrince,butI’msurethosetwowillcause
moretroublethananytroublethatcanfindthem.Restassuredtheywillbereturnedtoyouonceyouleave.”Myeyeswidenedasmy
heartratekickedup.Isawnoauraaroundtheman,butifIhad,Iimagineditwouldbedarkandvast.Powerradiatedoutfromhim,thesupremekind.Hehadn’tmadeonemovetowardme,butIknewwithinasecond,hecouldend
me.Hecouldendusall.“Iknewyouwouldcome,”
hecontinued,hislipscurvingupslightlybehindthebeard.“Ievenhastenedmyarrivalfromthepearlygatesinanticipationofthismoment.Buthaveyounothingtosay,child?Afterall,youwantedtoseeme.AndhereIam.”ThiswasGrim—theGrim
Reaper.
sixteen
HOLYCANOLAOILinmyface,Iwasdoingmybestnottospazout,butthiswastheGrimReaper,andhehadbeenexpectingme.Ofcoursehehadbeen,becausehewaswhohewas,andheprobablysaweverything.Whichwasawkwardto
thinkabout.
Atremorofuneasecoursedthroughmeasamillionquestionssprangforth,onesIknewbetterthantoaskhim.ButIwantedto.Iwantedtoknowifhereallywastheangelofdeath.IfhecouldtakemetoSamnow?IfheknewLilith?IfhesawwhereElijahhadgone,aftertheLilinhadkilledhim?Andwhataboutallthoseotherpoorpeople?Thequestions
keptburstingfree,andittookeverythinginmetoremainsilent.Grimsmiledbehindthe
trimmedbeard.“ThePrinceisgoingtobeveryupsetwithyouwhenyoureturn.”“Yeah.”Therewasno
denyingthat.IjusthopedIwouldreturn.Hissmilespreadbutdid
notreachhiseyesorsoftenhisface.Frankly,itmadehim
morecreepy.“EspeciallyconsideringI’veblockedanyentranceintoHell.Hecannotcomeforyou.Ididnotwanttobeinterrupted—weneedourtimetogether,andyes,Ihavethatkindofpowerandthensome.”Myheartturnedover
heavilyasmymouthdried.Ourtimetogethergavemetheheebie-jeebies.Icouldn’tgoback,though.“Ihadto
come.Ihadto—”“Iknowwhyyou’rehere,
butIdon’twanttotalkaboutthat.”Hestartedtowalkpastme,towardthefortress.“Notyet.”Iturnedtofollowhim.
“But—”“Ifyouwerewise,you
wouldnotquestionme.Pleasetellmeyouarewise.”Chagrined,Iheldback
whatIreallywantedtosay.“I
liketothinkIam.”“Thenyouwillwalkwith
me,”herepliedwithmockcourtesy,tossingthewordsoverhisshoulder.“AndyouwilltalkwithmeaboutwhatIwanttotalkabout.”IhadnoideawhatGrim
couldwanttotalkaboutwithmethatdidn’thavetodowithSam,butIhurriedtocatchupwithhim.“That’sasmartgirl,”he
murmuredashewalkeddownthecenteroftheemptyroad,hishandsshovedintothepocketsofhistrousers.Thebuildingssurroundinguswerequiet.“Pity,though,thatyou’renotveryobservant.”Pressingmylipstogether
tokeepmyselffromsayingsomethingIwassuretoregret,Ifocusedonthestonesintheroad.Theytoohadareddishtonetothem.
“Forexample,whatdoyouthinkyouknowaboutyourmother?”Grimasked,startlingme.“Yes,Lilith.That’swhatIwanttotalkabout.Didyouknow,child,thatLilithisnotademon?Well,notexactly?”Foramoment,Icouldn’t
speak.“Sheisademon.Everyonesays—”“Everyonecansay
whateverthey’dliketosay,
butthatdoesnotmeantheyarecorrect,andthetruthissometimeslostintranslationwhenthefactsarenotunderstood,”hereplied,thecornersofhislipstippingup.“Andthetruthis,thefactsare,thatLilithisnotmerelyademon.”Wepassedahut-type
building,smushedbetweenthetaller,fiercerskyscrapers.Outofthecornerofmyeye,I
thoughtIsawmovementinthehovel’swindow,butwhenIlooked,Isawnothing.“I...Idon’tunderstand.”“Ihaveafeelingyou
understandverylittle.”Hedeliveredtheinsultquitesmoothly.“YouknowLilith’sbackground,correct?ShewaskickedoutofEdenbecauseshewas,well,demanding.Fromthere,shecoupledwithdemons,andoutofthatshe
createdawholenewbreedofthem—butnoneofthathappenedimmediately.Ohno.Yousee,Lilith’splighthadgainedherthesympathyofaverypowerfulbeing.Shebecame...friendswiththeunlikelyally,andwhenEdenfellapartandallitsformerinhabitantswerestrippedoftheirimmortalityduetosin,sowasLilith.Andhernewfriend,well,thatbeingdid
notfeelitwasrightthatLilithwouldbe...punishedyetagain.”“IthinkIcanguesswho
thatbeingwas,”Isaid,hopinghedidn’tknockmeintothenextcenturyfortakingastabatit.“TheBoss?”“Correct.Atthetime,they
weretwopeasinaratherdisturbedpod.TheBosshadn’tcreatedanydemons
beforemeetingLilithandhadnoideahowitwasdone,buttheBossrefusedtoallowLilithtodieamortaldeath.WhoknowsiftheBosshadarealfondnessforLilithorsimplydidthisasawayof...ofgivingthebigguyintheskythemiddlefingeroncemore.Thewhyofitalldoesn’treallymatterintheend.“TheBossdiscoveredthat
thebloodofanoriginalangelthathadfallen,ifingested,grantedimmortalityamongotherthings.ThatbloodwasgiventoLilithandherimmortalitywasrestored.”HepausedwhileIprocessedthatnewknowledge.“I’msuretheBossregretsthatgiftnow,buthindsightisuseless.”Hesmiledbroadlyaswe
approachedanarrowbridge
builtwiththesamestonewewalkedupon.Thescentofsulfurandmetalgrewstronger.“SoLilith...shereallyisn’t
ademonthen.Shewas,well,whateverthefirstpeoplewere,thenmademortal,andthengiventhebloodofafallenangel.”Myfrowngrew.“Yeah,that...Whatintheworldisshethen?”Oneshoulderroseashe
glanceddownatme.“Whatintheworldareyou?”Acoldchillsnakeddown
myspinedespitethestifling,acidicair.“IguessIdon’treallyknow.”“It’sinterestinghownature
alwaystakescareofitsown,developingachecksandbalancesystem,itsownLawofBalance.Despitehavingherimmortalityrestoredtoher,Lilithhadoneweakness,
basicallyanoffswitch.Ifsheweretodeliverachildnaturally,ifanythinghappenedtothatchild,itwouldendher.Bygivinglifetoyou,sheultimatelysetintomotiontheonlytrueweaponthatcouldkillher.Nature.That’sthetruebitch.”Myeyeswidened.Then
thatmeant...whenIdied,sowouldLilith?Iwasheroffswitch.Wow.
“Tobehonest,Ineverunderstoodwhyshedecidedtotaketheriskofcreatingyou.Nooffense.”“Nonetaken,”Imuttered.
“Maybeshedidn’tknowaboutthe...offswitch?”“Oh,I’msuresheknew.
HerarrogancerivalsthatoftheBoss,”hereplied,andIstiffened,halfexpectingtheBosstoappearinfrontofustomakeuspayforhisinsult.
“Shethoughtthatherchildwouldbejustlikeher—traitorous,obsessedwithpowerandcontrol.Anditwasadeviousplan.FornicatingwithaWarden,leavingthechildtoberaisedamongtheenemyinordertoultimatelyusurptheWardensandpossiblyeventheBoss.Lilithwantedtheworldsinceshefeltitallhadbeentakenfromherwhenshewasexiled
fromEden.Itdidnotmatterthatshehadbeengrantedimmortalityanewandcouldhavefoundsomesenseofpeace.Shewantedrevengeagainstallofmankind—alwaysdidandalwayswill.Birthingyouwasadeviousplan,butultimatelyafailedendeavor—foryouarenotlikeher.Notinthatway.”“No,”Iwhispered,
steppingontothebridge.I
didn’tknowhowIfelttohaveitconfirmedthattoLilith—mymother—Iwasnothingmorethanatool,aweaponinanever-endingwar.Angeranddisappointmentroiledtogether,andIforcedoutaroughlaugh.WhatIhadmeanttoLilithcouldn’tmatternow.Ithadn’tmatteredbefore.“I’mnotlikeher.”
“ButyouarealsonotliketheWardens,orsoyouthink.”Hechuckledsoftly,stoppingtogazeoverthestonewallofthebridge,downtotheriverbelow.Andwhatariveritwas.Adeepred,theriver
bubbledandfoamedwithsludge,andIhadafeelingthatwaswherethenastyscentwascomingfrom.Ididn’twanttoknowwhatthe
riveractuallyconsistedof,butitlookedchunky,soIdoubteditwaswater.“I’mgoingtotellyoua
littlestory,onethatyoushouldpayverycloseattentionto.”Iwasn’tsureIcould
handleanotherstory,butIforcedmyselftofocus.Removinghishandsfrom
hispockets,helightlyplacedthemonthewall.“Whenthe
angelsweresenttoenlightenman,theyfailedinthemostgloriousway.Theysuccumbedtoevilandtemptation,becamegluttonouswithfoodanddrink.Theyfornicated.”Pausingtogrin,heglancedatme.“Andthereweremanyfailures,Layla.Somanythatthebigguyintheskyknewhehadamajorproblemonhishands.Theseangelswere
powerful,createdafterhisownvirtues,andtheywerecorrupt.Theycouldundoeverythinghecreated,sotheyweretobedealtwith,punishedbytheAlphas.”Lostinapartofhistory
thathadneverbeenwillinglysharedorspokenof,IwassilentasIlistened.Iwasalsotryingnottobreathetoodeeply,becausethestenchwasclosetoknockingme
out.“Someofthosethatfell,
theoriginalangelssenttoman,escapedpunishmentbydescendingintoHell.TheBosswelcomedthemwithopenarms.Theyareyourfallen,theoriginalsthatotherdemonsfear.Therearethosethatrefertothemasdemons,buttheyarenotandhaveneverbeencreatedbytheBossorspawnedbyanother
demon.Itwouldbewisetorememberwheretheycamefrom,”heexplained,tiltinghischinup.Hisshoulderstensedundertheplainwhiteshirthewore.“Thentherewerethosewhofellwhotooktheirpunishment,thosepiouscreatureswhorealizedthattheywereatfaultandwhoselovefortheircreatorwasgreaterthantheirdesireforfreedom.Andtheywere
punished.Doyouknowhow,Layla?”Mynamedriftedoffhis
lipslikeanarcticblastandIshivered.“No.”Hetwistedtowardme,
leaningagainstthewallwithaconfidenceinthecraftsmanshipIdidnotshare.“Theywereturnedtostone.”Igaspedasunderstanding
flooredme.“Youseemymeaning.”
Hiseyesglitteredcoldly.“Thosewhofellandacceptedtheirpunishmentwereturnedtostone—andweregivenhorrifying,bestialappearancesnotjusttoremindmankindthatevilexisted,buttoserveasatangiblelessontothosewhoshouldbeabovetemptationthattheytoocanfallfromgrace.”“Whoa.”Myheadspun.
TheWardensoriginallywereangelsthathadfallen?SuddenlywhatRothtauntinglycalledthem—heavenlyrejects—madesense.He’dknown,buthadalwayssaidithadn’tbeenhisstorytotell.“Formanycenturies,those
penitentfallenremainedentombed—untiltheAlphaswokethemtocombattherapidlyexpandingdemon
populationandtheLilinwhowerecreatedsomanycenturiesago,”Grimwenton,turninghisgazebacktotheriver.“Theydidn’twakeallofthem,Layla.Somestillslumber.Evenyourclanwouldn’tknowthat,butthosewhosesinsweremostoffensivearethosestilltrappedintheirpunishment.”“God,”Ibreathed,thinking
ofallthegargoylesadorning
thebuildingsjustinDCalone.ThiswholetimeI’dbelievedmanhadsimplycarvedthem.“Thosewhowere
awakenedbecamethefirstWardens,buttheirpunishmenthadchangedthem.Thatiswhytheyhavetwoforms,anditisalsowhy,intheirtrueform,theyresembletheverycreaturestheyarechargedwith
dispatching.Ironic,isn’tit?”Hesmiledagain.“Iamsureyourclanhasn’tforgottentheirtruehistory,buttheywouldloveto,wouldn’tthey?TheonlybeingsmorearrogantthantheAlphaswouldbetheWardens.”TherewasanotherthingI
couldn’tdeny.“Thisisallfascinating,but—”“WhyamItellingyouthis,
thehistoryofyourmother
andtheracethatraisedyouastheirown?Youwantsomethingfromme,butIwantyoutounderstandwhatyouare.”Hepushedawayfromthewall,facingmefromamerefootaway.“Youstandbeforeme,coweringlikeahelplessgirl.”Thehairswerestanding
alongthebackofmyneckagain.“That’sbecauseyouare...youaretheGrim—”
“IknowwhatIam.AtleastIcansaythat.Youcan’t.”“Yeah,Igetthat,but—”Hishandsnappedout,
wrappingaroundmythroat.I’dtakenmylastbreathbeforeIknewit.PanicfloodedmeasIreachedup,grippingthemassivehand.Iwilledmybodytoshift,butGrimsmiledasheliftedmeclearoffmyfeet.“Youcan’tshift.Nothere.
Caymandidnottellyouthat?Foolishdemon,hetendstoleaveoutimportantinformation.You’renotfromthisrealm,child,thereforeyoucannottakeyourtrueformhere,”hesaid,liftingmeevenhigher.“Icouldsnapyourneckinasecondanddoyouknowwhatwouldhappen?”Iwoulddie.Wasn’tlikeIcouldsaythat
sinceIwasbusytryingtoconservewhateveroxygenwasleftinmylungs,whichwasn’tmuch.Mychestwasburning,myheartpoundingfiercely.“Itwouldhurt.Itwould
knockyouout,butno,youwouldnotdie,”hecontinued,asifhecouldreadmythoughts.“Frankly,theonlythingthatwillkillyouisanirondaggertotheheartorif
someonecutsoffyourhead.”Hiswordswerebreakingthroughtheburninghaze,buttheymadelittlesense.“Fire?Nope.Fallingfromahundredstories?Itcannotkillyou.Gutted?No.Onceyouunderstandthat,youwillbestrongerandfiercerthananyWardentowalktopside,andevenUpperLeveldemonswillfleeyourpresence.”Suddenlyhereleasedhis
holdonme.Ihitthebridge,staggeringintothestonewall.Itcrumbledlikeashundermyweight,fallingintotheteemingwaterbelow.Iteeteredontheedge,armsflailing.Hecaughtmebythearm,
haulingmeawayfromtheedgeandagainsthischest.Thefullbodycontactwaslikecuddlinguptoasnowman—apsychotic
snowman.Myskinchilled,andasIexhaledroughly,thendraggedinairinhugegulps,amistycloudformedinfrontofmylips.“NowdoyouseewhatI’ve
beentryingtoshowyou,thepurposeofallmystories?Youarenotademon.Youhaveneverbeenademon,yousillygirl.”
seventeen
YOU’RENOTAdemon.Istoppedstrugglingforair
asIstaredintohiscoldeyes.Whathe’dtoldmeaboutLilithandtheWardenshadrockedme,butnowIwasstruckstupidbypuredisbelief.“Thatdoesn’tmakesense,”Igaspedout.“Why?Becauseyourclan
believesyoutobeone?BecausethePrincehasneversaiddifferently?That’swhathe’sbeentoldbytheBoss,becauseiftheUpperLeveldemonsknewwhattheBosshaddoneforLilithallthoseyearsago,theywouldnotbehappy.NodemonlikestheideathattheBosshasplayedfavoritesandstilldoes.ThePrincehadnoreasontobelievedifferently.Toallof
them,youfeellikeademon,onlybecauseyoufeellikeanoriginalfallenangel.”Hisgripwastight,borderingoncruel.“Ifyoupaidattentiontomystory,youcanfollowwhereI’mgoingwiththis.”Partsofmybodywere
frozenfromcontactwithhim,soIreallywasn’tfollowingjackrightnow.Grimloweredhishead,and
Istiffenedashismouth
stoppedamereinchfrommine.“YouwerepartWardenandpartwhatevertheHellLilithiswhenyouwereborn,whichmakesyousomethingentirelydifferent.TheWardenbloodinyouweakenedwhateverLilithpassedon.Youwereasmortalasanyofthem,notnearlyaspowerful,withyouronlygiftadeadlykiss,butthosedamnwitches...”He
laughed,andhisicybreathcoastedovermylips,causingmetoshudder.“Thosewhoworshipyourmother.Theygaveyousomethingtodrink,didtheynot,followingyourstabbingandthePrince’sheroicrescue?Whiskingyououtofmygraspquiteefficiently.Didn’tthey?”“Yes,”Igrittedout.“We
didn’tknowwhatitwas.Rothdidn’tknow—”
“Butcanyouguesswhatitisnow?Proveyou’vebeenpayingattentiontomylittlehistorylesson?”Bloodthunderedinmy
head,andIknewwherehewasgoingwiththis,butIcouldn’tbelieveit—theideathatI’dbeengivenbloodfromoneoftheoriginalfallenangels.Firstoff,thatwasfreakinggross.Secondly,I...“Whywouldtheydothat?
Howdidtheyhaveit?”“That’sforthemto
answer.”Hislasheslowered,shieldinghiseyes.“Butwhattheydid—itzeroedoutwhateverWardenbloodyouhadinyou.Now...youaresomethingelseentirely.”IthoughtabouthowZayne
andDanikahadsaidthatIfeltlikeanUpperLeveldemon,butthatwasbeforethewitcheshadgivenme
that...thatbrew.Butitallstartedtoconnecttogether.Rothwaspartlyright.Iwasstilltransforming,andsinceIwasn’twhatanyoneexpectedmetobe,whattheWardensweresensingcould’vebeenwhateverIwasmaturinginto.PlusademonhadrunfrommesinceI’ddrunkthatstuff,andIdidlookdifferent.“OhmyGod,”Iwhispered,
forgettingwhowasholding
me.“That’swhyIhavefeathersinmywings.”Hismouthtwitched.
“Amongotherthings.”“I’m...I’mimmortal?”Heletgoofmeand
steppedback,butIwassoflooredthatIbarelyregisteredthewarmthslowlycreepingbackintome.“AsimmortalasanythingthatcanonlybekilledthosetwowaysImentionedbefore.The
momentyouconsumedthebloodoftheoriginals,youbecamewhattheAlphaswouldcallanabomination.Butwhattheyfailtoappreciateisthatyoualonecanultimatelystopwhatiscoming.”Stunnedbyeverythinghe’d
said,Iraisedashakyhand,pushingthehairthathadcomeloosebackfrommyface.I’dcomeheretoretrieve
Sam’ssoulandendedupdiscoveringthateverythingIthoughtI’dknownaboutmylife,myidentity,hadbeenwrong—again.Partofmedidn’tknowwhattothinkaboutthat.Theotherpartwasbubblingwithsweetawareness.Incrediblyselfish,sure.ButtherewouldbenowalkersinmyfuturewhileRothremainedageless.“YouarelikeLilith—
utterlyunique.Somethingthatshouldnotexistbutdoes.So,too,istheLilin.Itshouldnotexist,butyou...youcanstopit.”Mygazetrackedtohimas
Iloweredmyhand.“Iwillstopit.”“Really?”Heinclinedhis
head.“Becauseallyou’vedonesincetheLilinrevealeditselfismournyourfriend,pout,indulgeinrelationship
dramaIwouldnormallyonlyexpectfromapitifulhumanteenagerandsurrenderyourchastity.”Ijerkedback,arigidness
takingovermymuscles.“What?”“IthinkIspokeclearly.”
Hestalkedtowardme,andthistime,Ididn’tbackup,thoughmythroatstillachedfromthelasttimeIheldmyground.“Youneedtostopthe
Lilin,buttheonlythingyou’vereallyaccomplishedisthelossofyourvirginity.Still,Isupposecongratulationsareinorder.Itisamilestone,afterall.PleasepassmygoodtidingstothePrince.”Embarrassedandfurious,I
feltmymouthdropopen.“That’snottrue!”“It’snot?”Grimtippedhis
headbackandlaughed
darkly.“Tellme,whatelsehaveyoumanaged?”Iopenedmymouth,ready
tofireoffeverythingthatI’d—thatwe’dbeenworkingon—buttheonlythingshe’dreallyfailedtomentionwereourbotchedattemptsatlocatingtheLilin,theendofElijah,andmynewtattoo,whowasnowoffdoingGodknowswhatwithBambi—who,bytheway,shouldn’t
evenbehere.Verballybackedintoa
corner,Isaidthefirstthingthatshottothetipofmytongue.“Ididn’taskforanyofthis!”Themomentthosewords
leftmymouth,Iknewtheywereamistake.Besidesthefactitdidn’tdomuchfortheconversation,itwaspossiblythemostincrediblychildishthingI’deversaid.
Andthatwassayingsomething.Grimsmirked.“Noone
everasksforwhatlifedealsthem.Youarehardlyspecial.”Mygazeloweredtohis
boots,andthenIsqueezedmyeyesshut.God,hewasright.NomatterwhatIhadgoingoninmylife,Ihadn’tdoneenoughtostoptheevilI’dinadvertentlyhelped
createwhenPaimonhadperformedtheritualinhisattempttofreeLilith—andmoreinnocentpeoplewoulddieasaresult.Iwasn’tsurewhatmoreIcould’vedone,butobviouslytherewassomething.Takingadeepbreath,I
liftedmyeyestohis.“You’reright.Ihaven’tbeendoingenough,butIwilldoanythingtostoptheLilin.”
Hiseyesglintedstrangely,asiftheyheldtheirownlightsource.“Anything?”“Anything,”Irepeated,
thoughthewordsdidnotchangewhyIwashere.“ButI’mnotgoingtoforgetaboutSam.Hissoulishereanditdoesn’tbelonghere.”Hemovedagain,lightning
quick,butIjumpedbackasIthrewupmyarm,blockinghisattemptatanotherthroat
grab.Painpulseddownmyarm,andthere’dprobablybeabruisetherelater,butbettertherethanaroundmyneck.Grimdrewback,andI
thoughtIsawapprovalflaringinhiseyes.“Perhapsyoustilldonotunderstandwhatisatriskhere.”Then,withoutanywarning,
hegrippedmywrist,andwewerenolongeronthebridge;wewereinsomekindof
buildingandawallofflamesloomedinfrontofus.Heatrolledofftheburningwallascracklingflamestouchedthefloorandceiling,butsomehow,likethefireintheelevator,theydidn’tspread.Thrownoffbythesudden
change,IstumbledbackandintoGrim.Jerkingaway,Ididn’tmakeitveryfarbeforeastrongarmclampeddown,aroundmywaist,drawingme
back.Airpunchedoutofmylungs.“Ithinkthere’ssomeone
youneedtomeet,”hesaid,voicelowinmyear.Theflamespulsed,and
thendroppedfromtheceiling,disappearingintothefloorandrevealingwhatexistedbeyond.Itwasaroom—abedroomofsorts,withagreat,ornatebedandrichfurscoveringthebarestonefloor.
Therewasasmalltableandtwochairs,evenaTV,andahystericallaughbubbledupinsidemeasIrememberedwhatRothhadsaidaboutthereceptiondownhere.Fromtheceilingtherewasathicksteelboltconnectedtoachainthatrandownthewall,andItrackedthelengthofthechaintotheneckofthewomanwhostoodtotheright,herslimhippropped
againstthewall.Mybreathcaught.Sheworeallwhite,a
gossamergownthatshowedeverythingfromthecollartothehem,andalltheshadowyplacesinbetween.Thiswoman,withherhairsoblonditwasalmostwhiteandeyesthatwereapaleshadeofgray,wasstartlinglybeautiful,unusuallysowitheyestippedatthecornersand
alush,redmouth.Andthatredmouthcurved
upinasmugsmile.Thenshespokeinavoice
thatwasancientandheavyasthefursliningthefloor.“Well,it’sabouttime.”“Lilith,”Ibreathed.
eighteen
FORTHEFIRSTtimeinmylife,IwasstandinginfrontofLilith—mymother—andshewasaliving,breathingcreature.Idon’tknowwhythatshockedmethemost,butshe’dalwaysbeenmoremyththanrealinmymind.Therewassomething
insidemethatwasrepelled
bythechainaroundherslenderneck.Itwasaweirdfeeling,oneoffamilialbonding.Afterall,nomatterwhat,shewasmymother,andshewaschained.Ididn’tlikeit.Ididn’tevenlikethefeeling,andIdidn’tknowwhattomakeofanyofthat.“Motherwould’vebeena
moreappropriategreeting,”shesaid,andthatvoicewaslikeathousandBambis,
slitheringundermyskin.“Butthenagain,Ishouldnotexpectsuchcourtesyfromyou.”Iblinkedatthethinly
veiledinsult.Wellthen...Lilithdidn’tsomuchas
walktowardthecenteroftheroomasshedrifted.Iwasn’tsureherfeettouchedthestoneatall.“Whyisshehere?Idonotbelieveitisto
freeme,notwithyouhere.”“Youknowyouwillnever
befreed,”Grimrepliedacidly.“NomatterwhattheLilinthinks,yourtimedownhereishardlyfinite.”Achangesweptoverher
face,softeningtheetherealbeauty.“Myson?Doyoubringwordofhim?”Thebreathlessnessofher
voicewasakicktothechestthatwokemeup.“Yourson?
Youmean,thatinsanethingrunningaroundtopside,wreakinghavoc?”Herpaleeyesnarrowedon
me.“Thatisyourbrotheryou’retalkingabout.Havesomerespect.”“Mybrother?”Isnorted.
“Yeah.No.”Sheshookherheadandthe
longwavesdancedaroundherface.“Youcannotdenywhatis.Heisapartofyou.
Youareapartofme.Thethreeofusareconnected.”Istiffened.“I’mnotapart
ofyouorhim.”Lilithraisedherchin.“You
alwaysweresuchadisappointmenttome,”shesaid,andIflinched,unabletohelpmyself.“Ihadsuchgreathopeforyou.Youweretobetheonetonotonlyfreeme,buttorisewithme.Wewould’vechangedtheworld,
butthis?”Shepaused,raisingherhands.“ThisiswhatIhavetoshowforit.Youdonotrespectme.Youdonothonorme.”“Wow,”Imurmured,
drawinginashakybreath.“Justwow.Haveyouevercaredforanyone—lovedthem?”“Love?”Shewrinkledher
nosedistastefully.“Paimonlovedyou,”I
replied.Sherolledhereyes.“That
fool.Hefailedatreleasingmeandheisthereasontheyallwatchtoocloselynow.Thereisnosuchthingaslove,andplease,donotexposeawholenewlevelofidiocybyarguingwithme.I’llaskagain.”ShecasthergazetoGrim,whowasstillholdingmefrombehind.“Whyisshehere?”
“I’llaskthequestions.”Grim’sholdonmywaistdidn’tloosen,asifheexpectedmetoraceforwardandtearthechainfromtheceiling.Needlessworry.Thatwasn’tgoingtohappen.“WillyoucallbacktheLilin?Youknowyoucan.Evenfromthiscell,youcanstopthis.”“Whycan’tyoumake
her?”Iasked.Grimallbutgrowled.“Itis
notthatsimple.”Lilith’sgazeflickered
betweenus,andthenshetossedherheadback,lettingoutathroatylaugh.“Isthataseriousquestion?Youaskmetostopmyson?”Loweringherhead,hergazeflashedlikesteel.“IfIcannothavemyway,thenIcannotwaitforthedestructionhewillheapuponmankind.Hewillbringabouttheonethingthat
Icouldneveraccomplish—theend.”“Why?”Idemanded.
“Whywouldyouwantthat?Noonewinsinthatscenario.Notevenyou.”“Why?”Disbeliefflooded
herface.“HaveyounoideawhatI’vesuffered?Firstthankstotheonewhocreatedmeandthenatthehandsofman?HaveyounocluewhatI’velost?Myfreedom
strippedfrommetimeandtimeagain!Mychoicesthrownaway!IwascastfromEden,lefttofendformyselfinadarkworldfullofhorror!YouhavenoideawhatI’veexperienced.Donotdaretoaskwhy.”“Youhavesuffered,”Grim
saidquietly.“AndsohavethemanysoulsI’veclaimedbecauseofyourhand.”Shelaughedbitterly.“And
Idonotregretasinglething.”Sheglanceddownatme.“Well,maybejustafewthings.”Ijoltedandblurtedoutthe
firstthingthatcametomind.“I’myourdaughter.”Herfacetensed.“Then
honorme.”“Ican’t,”Iwhispered,
choked.“Notifhonoringyoumeansmillionsofpeoplewilldie.”
“Thenwearedonehere.”“Soweare,”murmured
Grim.Thewallofflames
returnedwithathunderouspop,andthenwewerenolongerthere.Wewerebackatthebridge,andGrimreleasedme.Istumbledawayfromhim,tothewall.Istareddownatthewater
forseveralmoments,feelingnauseousand...andheartsick.
Therewasawoundthere,oneI’dspentthebetterpartofmylifeignoringorpretendingwasn’tabigdeal,butitwasanditdidhurt.NomatterwhatLilithwas,shewasmymother,andneithershenormyfatherhadevercaredforme.“Whydidyoubringmetoher?Otherthantoproveshedoesn’tandneverhascaredaboutme?”“Itmighthaveseemed
cruel,butyouneededtoseewhatshetrulyis,becauseitshowsyouwhattheLilintrulyis.Nothingwillchangeeitherofthem.Noamountofrationaleornegotiation.TheLilinmustbestopped.”“Iknow.Ididn’tneedto
meethertounderstandthat.”WearyfromeverythingGrimhadtoldmeandfrommeetingthemotherforwhomI’dbeensuchadisappointment,I
facedhim.Iwasdonewiththis.“IwantSam’ssoul.Youcanreleaseit,soitcangowhereit’ssupposedto,andIwillstoptheLilin.ButIwanthissoulreleased.”Grimstaredatme,his
expressionapathetic.“Icannotdothat.”Preparedforthatresponse,
Iclaspedmyhandstogethertokeepfromswinginganddiscoveringhoweasyit
wouldbeforGrimtotakemeoutdespitemynewlydiscoveredimmortality.“Please.Hedoesn’tdeservethis.Please.I’lldoanythingyouwantmetodo.”“Youshouldneveroffer
suchabargaintoanyone.”Hisgazeheldnocruelty,butIshiverednonetheless.“Especiallynotme,becauseImayrequestfromyousomethingyouarenotwilling
togive.”Theshiverhitmeagain.“I
havetodothisforhim.Youdon’tunderstand.Samwasagoodperson—atrulygoodperson.Hissoulwasnearlypure.Hedoesn’tdeserveaneternityofbeingtormented.”“Idonotdisagree,but
thereisnothingIcando.”Myhandsstartedtoshake
andIseparatedthem.“No.Iknowyoucan.Youcontrol
thesoulsthathavepassed.You’rethe—”“IknowwhatIam,girl,as
Itoldyoubefore,”hesnapped,thepassivityinhisexpressionbleedingintoirritation.“AndIknowIcannotreleasewhatIdonothave.”Frustrationpouredoutof
myvoice.“Thenwhohashissoul?WhodoIneedtobeg?BecauseIwill.”
“Youdonotunderstand.”Grimshookhishead,almostsadly.“Hissoulisnomore.Canyoucomprehendthat?DespitewhatLilithsaid,whatyouareandwhataLilinisaretwoverydifferentthings.”“What?”Iwhispered,my
heartsuddenlybeatingtoofast.Iunderstoodwhathewassaying,butIwantedtobewrong.Ineededtobewrong.Mylowerlip
trembled.“Whereishissoul?”“TheLilinconsumedit,
girl.Youknowthat.Howelsecouldittakeonhisformoranyother?WhentheLilinconsumesasoul,itisnotthesameasstrippingit.ThatiswhyanyLilin,evenonlyone,issoincrediblydangerous.”Horrorswampedme.No.
No.No.Ididn’tknowthis.Therewasn’taLilin-handling
manualthatexplainsthesethings.I’dassumedthattherewouldstillbesomepartofSam’sessencethatwould’vebeensenttoHell.IhadassumedthattheLilin’sabilitywaslikemine.Ihadn’tallowedtheideaofanythingelsetocrossmymind.“Areyou...?”Icould
barelygetthewordsoutfromaroundtheballofbitteremotionforming.“Areyou
tellingmethereisnothingthatyoucando?”“Thereisnosoulformeto
release,”heansweredquietly.“OhGod.”Iclosedmy
eyes,turningawayasrawpainanddisappointmenttookmybreathaway.Itwasn’tfair.Notatall.
Samhadneverhurtasinglepersonandnowhejust...Ceasedtoexist?Somewouldarguethatwasbetterthanan
eternityoftorment,buttome,itwasworse.ThateverythingSamhadeverbeen,allthathehadeverdone,simplydidnotmatter.Hewasgone,nothingleftofhiminthisworldoranyother,andthatwassowrong.Andwhatintheworldwas
IgoingtotellStacey?This—thiswoulddestroyher,buthowcouldIlie,knowingwhatIknew?ButI’drather
shoulderthatburdenthanhavehercarrythatknowledge.“Ididn’tsaytherewas
nothingthatcouldbedone.”MyeyesshotopenandI
spuntowardhim.“What?”“TheLilinconsumedthe
soul,andthatsoulisinhim,alongwithanyothersoulshe’sconsumed.Allisnotlost.”Forasecond,Ididn’tdare
breathe,andthenIlostit.“Howaboutstartingtheconversationoffwiththatinsteadoflettingmethinkhewassimplyjustgone!”“Howaboutyouwatch
yourtone,”herepliedtartly.Everyounceofmybeing
wantedtorageagainsthim,butIforcedmyselftocalmdown,becauseheheldalltheknowledge.“I’msorry,”Ipushedout.“It’sjustthat
Samisimportanttome.”Grimarchedabrow.“Ican
seethat.”Foldinghisarmsacrosshischest,heeyedmewithstarkintensity.“YouandIwantthesamething.YouwanttofreeSam’ssoulandIwanttheLilinstopped.Ibelievethisiswhathumanswouldtermtwobirds,onestone.KilltheLilin.Samandeveryothersoulhe’sconsumedwillbefreed.”
“Done.”Notasecondofhesitation.“Bewarnedthatitwillnot
besoeasy.Soulsdon’tlastindefinitely,trappedlikethat.I’veneverheardofonemakingitpastahandfulofmonths,”hesaid.“Timeisoftheessence.”Samhadbeengonefora
while.“Isittoolateforhim?”“No,”heanswered,andI
tookhiswordforit,because
hewaswhohewas.“Butyoudonothavelong.Foravarietyofreasons.”Inodded,notonlygrasping
ontothehopethatIcouldstillhelpSamfindthepeacehedeservedbutfullyunderstandingthatthemomentIgottopside,IneededtofindtheLilin.“Donotfailinthis.Itisnot
justyourfriend’ssoulatrisk,”headded,andablastof
icywindbeatbacktheoppressiveheat.“IftheLilincontinuesunchecked,theAlphaswillstepin.TheywilleradicateallthedemonsandWardenstopside,andifthathappens,Hellwillhavetoretaliate.ThereisnowayHellcouldstandasideandallowit.TheBosswillreleasethefourhorsemen.”Iswallowedhard.“Iguess
you’renottalkingaboutthe
KentuckyDerbykindofhorsemen?”“No.”Hedidn’tsound
amused.“Theywillride,andtheywillbringabouttheapocalypse.Billionswilldie,Layla,andtheearthwillbelaidtowaste.OnlyLilithandtheLilincouldtrulywantthat.NotI.NottheBossortheBigOneintheSky.Noneofuswantthat,becauseallofuswillgotowar.”
“Nopressureoranything,”Imurmured,sighing.“I’mjuststoppingtheapocalypse.”Hislipstwitchedintoa
grin,butitwasgonesoquicklyImight’veimaginedit.“Unlikeyourmother,Ihavefaithinyou,Layla.Butrememberonething.Everyonepaysapriceinbloodintheend.”
nineteen
BAMBIANDROBINwerereturnedtomerightbeforeIsteppedbackintothesignificantlycoolerhallway.Themomentthey’dappeared,they’dstartedbickeringwithoneanother.Aboutwhat,Iwasn’tsure,becauseIwasconsumedwitheverythingGrimhadtoldandshowed
me.Overwhelmed,Ididn’tfeel
thefamiliarsresumetheiranimalformsandattachthemselvestome,orreallyremembermuchofthewalkbacktotheelevatororthetriptopside.Mythoughtswerestillswirlingaroundinaviciouscirclewhentheelevatordoorsslidopenoncemore.Gleamingambereyesmet
mine,andbeforeIcouldsayaword,ortellhimhowrelievedIwastoseehim,Rothwasinfrontofme.Barelyrestrainedfurytightenedthelinesofhisfaceashestormedintotheelevator.“Haveyoubeenhurt?”he
demanded.“What?No.”“InjuredinanywaythatI
cannotsee?”
WhenIshookmyhead,someofthetension,ifonlyateenyamount,fadedfromhim.Istartedtoraisemyhands.“I—”Mywordsendedina
squealasheliftedmeoffmyfeet.Withinasecond,Iwasswingingthroughtheair.Igruntedasmymidsectionhithisshoulder.Outofinstinct,Igraspedtheleatherbeltaroundhiships.Hepivoted
aroundandtheelevatorwhirledashesteppedoutinthelobby.“Roth—”“Don’t,”hegrowled.Mygriptightenedashe
stalkedforward.“Putmedown!”“Notgoingtohappen.”Heturnedtowardthehall
leadingtothestairwellandIliftedmyhead.Thelobbywasemptywiththeexception
ofCayman.Hewasbythecouchesandchairs,andhisusuallyhandsomefacewasmarredwithavarietyofpurplishandredbruises.Ihadnoideademonscould
evenbebruised.Caymangrinned,butit
lookedpainful.SmackingRoth’slower
back,Itriedtogethisattention.“Putmedown.Now.”Whenhedidn’t
respond,Istartedtokickmylegs,buthisfreearmclampeddownaroundthebackofmyknees.“Roth!”“Don’t,”hesaidagainas
thedoortothestairwellflewopen,bangingoffthecementwalls.Iwincedasthesoundechoed.“Justdon’tsayanotherworduntilwegetupstairs.”Mymouthdroppedopen.
“Don’ttellmenottotalk!”
Hechuckleddarkly,withoutanyhumor.“That’swhatIjustdid,Shortie.”TellingmyselfI’dknown
hewasgoingtobeupset,thattheangerhadtobearesultofhimbeingsoconcernedovermywell-being,Istruggledtoremainlevelheaded.Ireallyjustwantedtokickhim.“Iknowyou’reangry—”Thearmaroundmylegs
tightened.“Youhavenoidea
howangryIam.Nonewhatsoever.”Squeezingmyeyesshut,I
countedtoten.Imadeittofive.“Okay.Iunderstand.Butyoudon’tneedtocarrymeupthestairs.”Insteadofresponding,he
putalittlebounceinhisstep,jarringmeashetookthestairstwoatatime.Whenwereachedthefourthorfifthfloorlanding,I’dhadit.Igot
thathewasangry,butthiswasridiculous.TappingintothestrengthI
knewIhad,IraisedmyhandsandgrippedhisshouldersasIswungmyweightbackatthesametime.ThemovecaughtRothoffguardandhisarmloosenedenoughformetobreakthehold.Isliddownthefrontofhis
bodyandthecontactsentaflashofheatthroughmy
veins.Ignoringit,Ibackedup,immediatelyputtingadistancebetweenus,whichprobablywasoneofthesmartestthingsI’ddonesofar.Rothwasfurious.Angerpouredoutofevery
cellofhistightlycoiledbodyandflashedbehindhisgoldeneyes.Hisskinwasthinner,exposingthedarkertonethatexistedbeyondtheflesh.My
eyeswidened.Notoutoffear,becauseIwouldneverbescaredofhim,butbecausetherewasmorethanjustangerIsawinhisfeatures—therewasstarkanxiety.Yes,helookedfierce,buthealsolookedlikehe’dexpectednottoseemeagain.“Roth,”Isaidsoftly,and
hiseyessqueezedshutinagrimaceatthesoundofhisname.“Iknowyou’reupset.
I’msorry,butIhadtogodownthereandIknewitwasn’tsafefor—”“Yes,let’stalkabout
safety!”Hisvoicethunderedthroughthestairwell.“Doyouevenknowhowmuchyouriskedbygoingdownthere?Howincrediblyluckyyouaretobestandinghere,unscathed?”“Yes,but—”“Thereisn’tabutinthis,
Layla.Thereareanynumberofextremelydisturbedandtwistedthingsthatcouldhavehappenedtoyou.Andforwhat?”“Forwhat?YouknewI
hadtohelpSam.ThatIcouldn’t—”“Icould’vehelpedyouif
youhadallowedme!”Hiseyesflashedanintenseamber.“Iknowwhatcanhappendownthere,andI
don’tcarewhatCaymansaidtoyou,therewasnowayyoucould’vebeenprepared.Anynumberofdemonscould’vetakenyou,andtheywould’vedonethingsthatwouldmakeyoubegfordeath.”Ishudderedatthethought,
butforcedmyvoicetoremainsoothing.“Nothinghappenedtome,Roth.I’mokay—”“Ididn’tknowthat,now,
didI?Iwokeupafterthat
assholesnappedmyneckandyouweregone,Layla,intoHell,andIcouldn’tgoafteryou.Itried,butthedamnelevatorwouldn’tcomeup.Iknewtheentrancehadbeenblocked,andyouhavenoideawhatthatmademethink.Ididn’tknowifyouwereokay.Ispentadayandahalffearingtheworst!”heyelled,andmystomachdropped,becauseI’dforgottentime
moveddifferentlydownstairs.Whatfeltlikeanhourtopstomehadbeenhoursandhoursofuncertaintyforhim.Iswallowed.“Roth,I’m
sorry.Ireallyam.Ididn’twantyoutoworry.”“Ifyoudidn’twantmeto
worry,youneverwould’veconspiredagainstme.Iofferedyoumyaidandyoustrippedthatchoicefromme.”Hisjawwassetina
hardline.“AndIwasleftutterlypowerlesswhenitcametohelpingyou.Dammit,Layla,Iwanttothrottleyou.”“Well,that’snotreally
helpingme.”Hiseyesnarrowed,andI
realizedmylameattemptathumorhadprettymuchswan-diveddownthestairs.“Doyouthinkthisisajoke?”“No,”Imuttered,starting
tolosemypatience.Hesteppedforward,a
musclethrobbingalonghisjaw.“Youriskedtoomuch,Layla.You—”“Iwasn’tgoingtorisk
you!”Ishouted,mycontrolstretchingandthensnapping.Isteppedforward,plantingmyhandsonhischestandshovinghard.Hestumbledbackonlyhalfastep.“Doyouunderstandthat?Ihadto
godowntheretohelpSam,butIwasnotgoingtoriskyouandIwouldn’tgobackandchangethatifIcould.Sorry!Youcanbemadallyouwant.”“I’mpissedoffbecauseI
loveyou,Layla,andtheideaoflosingyoufuckingterrifiesme!”“AndIwasn’tgoingto
chancelosingyou!BecauseIloveyou,youannoying,self-
importantandovercontrolling—”Rothshotforward,
claspingmywristsinhis.Pressingmebackagainstthewall,hepinnedmyhandsabovemyhead.Ourbodieswereflushed,andmyheartpoundederraticallyashedippedhishead.Roth’smouthwasonmine,
anditwasarawkiss,onethatbrookednoroomfordenial.
NotthatIcouldeverwanttodenyhim.Thekisswasalmosttoopowerful,tooprimitive.Itrippedopentheballofdreadthatrestedlowinmybelly,becauseitwasthekindofkisswroughtfromthefearoflosingsomeone,andthatmadeoursituationallthemorereal.ItmadewhatIhaddoneall
themorepainful.Ikissedhimback,justas
hungrilyandjustasdemanding.Hegave.Itook.Andasweclutchedateachother,Iknewthattherewasmoreloveinhiswordsthantherehadbeenanger.Afterwhatfeltlikeforever,
heliftedhismouthfrommine.Restingourforeheadstogether,hekepthishandsovermywrists.Hewasbreathingheavily,andIcouldfeelhisheartracingagainst
mychest.“Ican’tloseyou,”hesaid
inahoarsemutter,hisvoicetwistingupmyinsides.“Ican’t.”“Youwon’t,”Iwhispered
back,butthosetwowordsrangemptytome,evenafterwhatGrimhadtoldme.“Areyoustillmadatme?”Hisbreathwaswarmon
mylips.“Istillwanttostrangleyou.”Hepaused.
“Butinthemostlovingwaypossible.”Ipressedmylipstogether.
“Okaythen.”Roth’slipsbrushedover
mybrow,andthenhewassteppingback,hishandstrailingoffmywristsanddownmyarms.Hismovementswerestiffasheturnedtothestairs,andwhileIcouldtellmostoftheangerhadfadedaway,itwasn’t
completelygone.Hestartedupthestairs,
andaftertakingacoupledeepbreaths,Ifollowedhim.Wedidn’ttalkonthewayuptohisloftorwhenwesteppedinside.Heslammedthedoorshutbehindus.“Bambi.Off.”Thefamiliarleftmyskin
immediately,andinsteadoffloatingtowardhim,theshadowdartedunderthebed.“Ithinkyouhurther
feelings,”Isaid,facinghim.“Andyoufailedtomentiontomethatthefamiliarsareactuallypeople.That’saprettybigthingtoforget,youknow,thatyouhaveagrownwomancrawlingaroundonyourskin.”Hestopped,bothbrows
raised.“Areyoujealous?Becauseyouhaveaguyonyourightnow.”Ishuddered.“Thanksfor
remindingmeofthat.”Hestaredatme.
“Seriously?You’renotjealous,areyou?”Sighing,Iwalkedoverto
thebenchinfrontofthepianoandploppeddown.“Atfirst,yeah,Iwas.ButthenIrealizedhowstupidthatwas.Andbesides,sheapparentlyhasthehotsforZayne.”“Whydoesn’tthatsurprise
me?Bambi’salwayshadbad
taste.”Mylipspursed.“You
could’vetoldme.”Rothshotmeadarklook
ashecrossedtheroom.“Tobehonest,ithadn’tcrossedmymind.Sillymeforthinkingthere’dbenochanceofyoutakingastrollthroughHell.”Iresistedtheurgetoroll
myeyes.“Bambimadeitsoundlikeyoulethertake
thatformwhileshe’stopside.”“Sometimes.”Hefolded
hisarmsacrosshischest.“Notoftenenoughthatit’ssomethingIthinkabout.”“Still,itwould’vebeen
handytoknow.Imaginemysurprisewhentheyjustpoppedrightoffme.”Ireacheddown,towhereRobinwascurledalongmyhip.“Idon’tthinktheylike
eachother.Alltheydidwasargue.”Iglancedatthebed.“Ireallydothinkshe’shiding.”“Ofcoursesheis,”he
replied,eyeingthebedwithamixtureoffondnessandirritation.“Sheknewyouweregoingdownthere,oratleastsuspectedit.Sheshould’vestoppedyou.”Irestedmyhandsonmy
knees,meetinghishardgaze.
“WhenIsaidIwassorry,Imeantit.Ididn’tknowCaymanwasgoingtodistractyouinthatmanner.Ipunchedhim,ifthatmakesyoufeelanybetter.”Hearchedabrow,looking
unappeased.Iwenton.“ButIhadtotry
tohelpSam.Ihadto.”Rothwassilentforalong
momentandthenheexhaledloudly.“YousawGrim?Did
yougetwhatyouwerelookingfor?”“IgotawholelotofwhatI
wasn’tlookingfor,”Isaid,slidingmypalmsalongmyknees.“HetoldmewhattheWardenswerebefore—whotheywere.”“Heavenlyrejects,”he
said,hisfaceimpassive.“Itwasnevermystorytotell.Iwasn’tevensureyou’dbelievemeifIdid.”
“Inthebeginning?Probablynot,”Iadmitted,andthenforgedon.“Hetoldmethatsomeofthemwereneverawakened,thattheyarestillencasedinstone.Ineverknewthat.Didyou?”Rothshookhishead.“I
hadheardrumors,butsomegargoylesarejuststonecarvingsandnothingmore.”“Healsotoldmeabout
Lilith.Thatshewasnevera
demon.”Hisbrowsfurrowed.“I
thinkhewasmessingwithyou,Layla.Lilithisademon.”Ishookmyheadtiredly,
andthenexplainedeverythingthatGrimhadtoldmeaboutLilith.IsawthemomentwhenRothbelievedme,whenItoldhimhowtheBosshadcovereditup.“So,Ifeellikeademon.SodidLilith,
butonlybecausenooneknewwhatwereallywere,andIguesswiththeBosstellingeveryonethatshewasone,noonethoughttoquestionit.Peopleseewhattheywanttosee.Evendemons,Iguess.”Rothhadmovedcloserto
measItoldhimwhatGrimsaid,butnowhekneltinfrontofme.“You’renotademon.”“No.Notaccordingto
Grim,anditmakessense.
Youknow,howthedemonscouldneversensemeinthebeginning,notuntilrecently—notuntilthewitchesgavemewhattheydid.”Understandingflareddeepinhiseyes,andseeingthatmadeiteasiertotellhimwhatelseI’dlearned.“Theygavemethebloodofoneoftheoriginalfallenangels.Thesamethingthey’dgivenLilith.That’swhyIlook
differentnowwhenIshift.IguessitovercamewhateverWardenbloodIhadinme.Andeversincethen,Idon’thavethesameurgesto...tofeed.It’sstillthere,butit’snothinglikebefore.Idon’tneedanythingtoeaseit.Icanignoreit.Anyway,goodnewsis,I’mkindofimmortal,soyoudon’tneedtoworryaboutmelookinglikeyourgrandmotheroneday.”
Hestaredupatmeinsilenceforalongmomentandfinally,whenIstartedtoworry,hesaid,“Ifailtoseewherethereisanybadnewsinvolvedinwhatyou’vejusttoldme.”Ialmostsmiled.“Well,I’m
kindofabiggerfreakthanyouthoughtIwasinthebeginning.”“Idon’tcareifyougrowa
thirdboobwhenyoushiftor
ifyouarepartHellion,”hesaidfervently.“Orifthreedaysamonthyouendupneedingtoconsumethefleshofthedead.”Um.Thatwashard-core.“I’mgoingtoloveyouall
thesame.”Heplacedhishandsovermine.“ButknowingthatI’mnotgoingtohavetomakesomecrazydealinthefuturetopreventyoufromdyingofoldageonme
istheicingonmycake,babe.”Icouldn’tevenstopthe
smilefromtuggingatmylips.“You’reridiculous,youknowthat?Youreallywouldmakeadeal?”Hisgazewassteady.“I
woulddoanythingforyou.”“Ditto.”Iwatchedhimlift
myhandstohismouthandpressedhislipstotheknucklesofeachone.“I
didn’tgetSam’ssoul.”“I’msorry,”hesaid,and
althoughhiswordswerespokenlow,Iknewtheyweretrue.AndIalsoknewthattheonlythinghetrulycaredaboutinthismomentwasthatIwassittinginfrontofhim,unhurt.Icurledmyfingersaround
him.“TheLilinstillhasSam’ssoul.Anysoulthatitconsumes,itkeeps.Killing
theLilinreleasesthesouls,butGrimsaidhedidn’tknowifhissoulwouldlastmuchlongerinsidetheLilin.”Rothsmiled,showingoff
onedeepdimple.“Well,thenthat’salsonotbadnews.WeplanonkillingtheLilinanyway.Thattakescareofbothproblems.”Ididn’tliketothinkabout
whetherornotSamwasawareofwhatwasgoingon
whilehewastrappedinsidetheLilin.“That’sbeenourplan,buthow?IimaginetheLilinwon’tbeeasytokill.”“Itwon’tbe.”Lettinggoof
myhands,heroseandwalkedovertohisdresser.Openingthetopdrawer,hecarefullypulledoutsomethingwrappedinthickleather.Hecarriedittothetopofthepiano,whereheplaceditdownandpulledthematerial
back.“Butwe’lldoitthesamewaywe’dkillanydemon—withanironstake.”Unabletosuppressthe
shudderuponseeingthreeironstakeslaidoutsoinnocuously,IglancedupatRothassomethingoccurredtome.“IfI’mnotademon,thenhowdidironinjuremebefore?”“Because,asfarasIknow,
it’sfataltotheoriginals,too.
Whilethey’renotdemons,theyarestillcursedinmanyofthesamewaysdemonsare.Afterall,theysinnedinwaysthatwerebelievedtobeunforgivable.”Hesmiledslightlyashelookedatme.“You’veknownaboutmylittlecollection.ThisisallthatIhaveleft.”Rothdidn’thandlethe
weapons,becausetheywouldsearhisflesh.Thebindingat
thethickerendofthestakeonlyprotectedhimforsolong.Itwasn’tthatwayformebeforesinceIcouldhandlethem,whichIhadalwaysthoughtwasduetomyWardenblood,butnowIwasn’tsure.Ireachedout,quickly
brushingmyfingersalongthecoolmetalbeforeRothcouldstopme.Heutteredaharshcurseashegrippedmyhand,
yankingitback.“Itdidn’tburn,”Itoldhim.“Sameasbefore.IguessI’mspecial.”Henarrowedhiseyes.
“That’sonewayofputtingit.”Imadeaface,andhe
chuckledashefoldedtheleatherclothbackoverthestakes.Warm,Ipushedthesleevesofmysweaterup.“WeneedtostoptheLilin.Iknowwe’vebeensayingthat,
but—”“Whatisthis?”Hetook
holdofmyfingers,liftingmyarmupintheair.AtfirstIdidn’tgetwhathewaslookingat,butasheturnedmyarmover,Isawthebruises,shapedlikethreefingershadpressedin.Hiseyesflashedfrommyarmtomyface,hisfeaturestensing.“DidIdothis?”“What?”Ishookmyhead.
“No.”Uneasebubbledforthas
hispupilsstretchedvertically.“Whodidthis?”“Um...”Hetiltedhisheadtothe
side.“Tobruiseyourskin,someonewould’vehadtohavegrippedyourarmwithenoughforcethatifyouwerehuman,itwould’vesnappedyourbone.”“Myarmisfine.”
“Thatdoesn’tanswermyquestion.”“Idon’tthinkIneedto
answeryourquestion,becauseyou’llflipout.”Roth’slipsthinned.“I’m
totallycalm.IwouldjustliketoknowwhomarredyourskinsothatIcanputanameandfacetothecreatureI’mgoingtokillveryslowly.”“Ithinkwemighthave
differentdefinitionsofcalm,”
Isaidwryly.“I’veneverbeencalmerin
mylife.”WhenIshothimadisbelievinglook,hischestrosewithadeepbreath.“ItwasGrim,wasn’tit?Touchy,impatientbastard.”Ididn’tanswer.Notreally.
“Ihaveafeelingyoucan’tkillhim.”“Icantry.”Hisvoicewas
deadserious.“Whatgoodwouldtrying
do?Wehaveenoughproblemswithoutaddingtothem,andyougoingafterGrimwouldbeamajorheadachewedon’tneedrightnow.”Rothloweredhischinashe
closedhiseyes.“Itisintheveryfabricofmybeingtoseekrevengeagainstthosewhohurtmyown.”Onecouldneverforget
whatRothwas.Ishouldbe
concernedormaybeevenangrythathe’dbewillingtoseekrevenge,buttherewasapartofmethatwassecretlythrilledbythelevelofhisprotectiveness.Becausethetruthwas,ifthesituationhadbeenflipped,I’dwanttomurderwhoeverhurthim.“I’llletitgo,”he
continued,raisingmyarmtohismouth.Hepressedalightkissagainstthebruise,and
mychestgotallmushy.“Fornow.”Igroanedasheletgoof
myarm.“Hey,that’sbetterthanme
bargingintoHellrightnow,isn’tit?”“Yeah,whenyouputitthat
way,sure.”Hewalkedtothebedand
satdown.“Grimsaidsomeotherthings,”Isaid,castingmygazetothebruises.I
tuggedmysleevedown.“Thingshewasahundredpercentcorrecton.”“LikehowI’mgoingto
breakeveryfingeronhishand?”Hepattedthebed.“No,”IsighedasBambi
peekedoutfromunderthebed.Sherosegracefully,nudgingRoth’slegwithhersnout.“HeprettymuchcalledusoutfornotreallydoinganythingabouttheLilin.”
BambiplacedherheadonRoth’skneeandheabsentlypettedher.Immediately,IthoughtofwhatshehadsaidaboutZayneandwherehehadactuallystrokedher,andIhadtotellmyselfnottowalkoverthereandmoveRoth’shandtothetipofhersnout,becauseIfiguredthatcouldn’tbeaninappropriateplaceonherbody.God,Ineededtostop
thinkingaboutthat.“We’rehardlysittingidly
by,”hesaid,smilingdownatBambi.“FindingtheLilinisnoteasy.It’snotlikehe’saligninghimselfwithanyone.”“Whatabouttheclubyou
mentioned?”“Oh,theoneIplannedon
investigatingbeforeyousnuckofftoHell?”“That’stheone,”Isaid
sheepishly.Rothpattedhischestand
withouthimhavingtosayaword,Bambimeldedtohisskin,disappearingunderthehemofhisshirt.“Wecanstillcheckthatout,but,Layla,IknowhowGrimcangetunderyourskin.Couldwealwaysdomoretofightevil?Yes.Shouldwestoplivingourlivesintheprocess?No.We’redoingwhatwecando
—morethanwehavetodo.”Istartedtorespond,but
therewasaknockonthedoor.Roth’seyesnarrowedoncemore.“Comeinifyouhavetheballs.”Mybrowsflewup,but
thenthedooropenedtorevealCayman,andIsortofunderstoodthegreetingasthedemonsteppedintoroom.Thenormalhumorand
arrogancewasgonefromhis
expression,andtherewasasickpinchtohisappearancethathadn’tbeentherewhenI’dseenhiminthelobby.IknewimmediatelyithadnothingtodowiththetensionbetweenhimandRoth,butCayman’sgazewastrainedonhim.“What?”Rothbeganto
stand,apparentlyalsosensingtrouble.“I’msorry,”Caymansaid,
hisshouldersstiff.“Thewitchesarehere.They’vecomeforwhatIhadtopromise.”
twenty
ISQUEEZEDMYeyesshut,swallowingagroan.Thiswasthelastthingwe
neededtobedealingwithrightnow,butthewitcheshadsavedmylife.Theywerealsoresponsibleformycurrentstate.Iwasn’tsureifIshouldbeupsetwiththemforgivingmesomethingas
powerfulasthebloodofafallenangel.HowcouldIbe?God,itwasgrossjustthinkingaboutthefactthatI’dconsumedanyone’sblood,butthey’dgivenmetheclosestthingtoimmortality,somethingIhadn’treallyhadthechancetofullywrapmyheadaroundyet.RothandIhadnoidea
whatthewitchescouldwant
inexchangefortheirhelpthenightMaddoxhadstabbedme,butbythelookonCayman’sfaceandthedejectedwayhewalkeddownthehallwayleadingtotheclub,itwasacauseforgraveconcern.Ialreadyknewthiswas
goingtobebad.Rothplantedbothhandson
thedoor,swingingitopenashestalkedintothemainfloor
oftheclub.Itwassilent,awhollydifferentatmospherefromwhatIwasaccustomedto.Noneofthedazzlinglightswereon,andthespacelookedalmostordinaryinthebrightglareoftheoverheadones.Nodancersgracedthehorseshoe-shapedstageandtheshadowycornersoftheclubwereabsentofdemonsandcardgames.Thewitchessatatoneof
thehigh,round-toptablesjustbeyondthestage.Thereweretwoofthem:theoldermanwho’dreceiveduswhenwe’dgoneintotherestauranttomeettheircroneandlearnmoreabouttheLilin,andayoungerwomanwhocouldn’thavebeenmucholderthanme.Bothweredressednormally,whichwassuchastupidthingformetobesurprisedabout,becauseit
wasn’tlikemostmalewitchesranaroundwearingablackwarlockcloakorfemalesawhite,billowydress.Theysharedsimilarcharacteristics—brownhairandeyes,smallnoseandmouths,andIwonderediftheywererelated.Fatheranddaughter.ThecroneIremembered
fromourlastmeeting,theonewho’dseemedtocallthe
shots,wasn’twiththem—butIwasn’tsurprised,becauseIdoubtedthatwomancouldtravelmuch.ShewassooldthatwhenIfirstmether,I’dexpectedhertofalloverdeadatanygivenmomentandexplodeinacloudofdust.Witcheswereavery
strangebreed.Theywerehuman,mostly,butsomewhereintheirbloodlinewasdemonicbloodandthat
waswheretheygottheirabilities.Buteventhoughtheyhaddemonicancestors,theydidn’tclaimtheconnection.Witchesdidn’ttrustthedemonsandtheydidn’ttrusttheWardens,either.Tome,theywereneithergoodnorevil,andtypicallytheystayedfar,farawayfromthedrama.Thecoventhetwositting
beforeusbelongedto
worshippedLilith,andIimmediatelywantedtolaunchintoalectureaboutwhatahorribleideathatwas.“What’sup?”Roth
announcedasheswaggeredrightuptotheirtable,completelyfearlesswhileIhadthecommonsensetolingerafewstepsback.Wedidn’tknowwhatthewitcheswerefullycapableof.ThemaneyedRothwarily
beforeflippinghisgazetowhereIstoodbesideCayman.“Iseethatyouarewell.”“Thankstoyouall,”I
repliedwhileRoth’seyesnarrowed.Iforcedmyselftotakeastepforward,hopingtokeepeveryonecool.“I’msorry,butyourname?”Heraisedhischinslightly.
“I’mPaul.”“Paul?”repeatedRoth.
“Funny,somehowIthought
you’dbeaEugeneoranOmar.”IturnedtoRothslowly.Paulignoredthecomment.
“AndthisisSerifina.”“That’saprettyname,”I
said,andthegirlsmiledatme.“IknowwhatyourcovengavemewhenIwashurt.”WhenPaulwassilentonthat,Ihadtoaskmynextquestion.“Howdidyouhavethebloodofafallenangel?”
“Doesthatmatter?”hequeried.“Iguessnot,butI’m...well,
I’mnosy.”Ishrugged.“It’snotsomethingthatIimaginepeople,evenwitches,justhavelyingaroundinabundance.”“It’snot.AndIcantellyou
itwasnoteasytoobtainnordidwepartwithitwithoutgreatconsideration,”Paulexplained.
BoredompulledatRoth’sexpressionasheleanedbackagainstthestage.“That’s...interesting.”Paul’ssmilewastight.“All
ofushaveheardofthePrince’sarrogance.Howreassuringtoseethatthisrumoriscorrect.”IstiffenedasRoth’slips
tippedupononecorner,andwhenhespoke,hisvoicewasasthickasmolasses.“Did
youalsoheartherumorofhowIstrungawitchupbyhisteethonce?Becausethatwasalsotrue.”Paulpaled,andthenhis
cheeksflushedredwhilemyeyeswidened.“Thisisgoingtogo
downhillquick,”Serifinasaid,hervoicesoftashergazedartedbetweenRothandme.“Wedonotwantthat.We’vecomeforwhatwe
werepromisedandthatisall.”“Andwhatwereyou
promised?”Rothdemanded.“Let’sgetthisoverwith.”Paulglancedbackat
Caymanwithabjecthorroretchedintohisagingfeatures.“Youdidnottellhim?”Ohno.Thisdidnotsound
good.“Ihaven’tasked.Ithasn’t
beenapriorityofmine,”Roth
replied,anddismissivenessdrippedfromhistone.Paulexhaledroughly.
“Youwillhonorthepromise.”“DidIsaythatIwould
not?”Serifinawasaghast,
shaken.“Butyoudon’tevenknowwhatwasaskedforinreturn.”ShelookedatCaymanandseemedtopaleevenfurther,tothepointI
fearedshemightpassoutandtopplefromthechair.“Mypatienceiswearing
thin,”Rothwarned.Paulclearedhisthroatand
appearedtomanup.Partofmewantedtostophimfromspeaking,becausethefeelingthatwhateverhewasgoingtosaywasgoingtobedisastrouswasallconsuming.“Inexchangeforsavingherlife,”hesaid,“weaskedfor
yourfamiliarinreturn.”Isuckedinasharp,
stingingbreathashiswordsbouncedaroundinmyhead.No.Theycouldn’thavemeantwhatIthoughttheydid.Rothslowlyunfoldedhis
arms.“Excuseme?”“Inexchangeforsavingh-
her,weaskedforyourfamiliar,”Paulanswered,hisnervousnessseepingintothe
room.“Thatwasthed-dealwemade.”Dumbfounded,Iturnedto
CaymanandhewasstaringatRoth’sback.“Itoldyouthatyouwouldnotlikewhattheywantedinreturn,butyousaidgive—”“Itoldyoutogivethem
anything,”Rothcutin,voiceharsh.“IknowwhatIsaid.”Caymanflinched,andthen
loweredhisgaze.
“Wait,”Isaid,shakingmyhead.“Youguyscan’tbeserious.Whywouldyouwantoneofhisfamiliars?”Serifinacarefullyslipped
offherchairandstoodbythetable,obviouslyhavingmorecouragethanPaul.“Familiarsareverypowerfulbeings,especiallywhentheybondwithaperson.Theyarelikeasiphon,oraconduit.WhenthePrince’sfamiliarsbond
withsomeoneelse,afteraperiodoftime,thenew—”“Thenewpersontheybond
withwoulddevelopsomeofthoseabilitiesoftheoriginalhost,”Rothinterrupted.“Youwantmytalents.”Sheswallowedthickly.
“That’snotthemainreason.”“That’senoughformeto
hear.”Hesteppedforward,andthegirlshrankback,buthedidn’tmoveanycloser.I
knewRothwasfurious,butIalsoknewthathewouldnotharmher.“You’redemandingalot.”“Adealisadeal,”Paul
saidquietly.“AndIhavethedistinctfeelingthereisnopriceyouwouldn’tpayforthelifewesaved.Whichiswhywedonotwantjustanyfamiliar.Wewerequitespecificinourdeal.”Caymanclosedhiseyes.
“Theywere.Veryspecific.”Rothsneeredinthe
directionofthewitchesasmythoughtsracedtodiscoverawayoutofthis.“Whichone?”Neitherwitchlookedlike
theywantedtospeakthename,butPaulfinallymannedupandsteppedforward.“Wemadethedealforthesnake.”“No!”Thewordburstout
ofmymouthbeforeIcouldstopmyself.IturnedwildeyesonRoth.“NotBambi.Noway.”Rothdidn’tsayanythingas
hestaredatthewitches,hisshouldersimpossiblytensed.“Whycan’titbeadifferent
one?”Idemanded.GivingupThumperorthekittenswouldbehard,butlettinggoofBambiwouldbetheworst.“Whyher?”
“Becausesheisthemostpowerful,”Paulrepliedsimply.“ShehasbondednotonlywiththePrincebutwithyou.Nootherfamiliarhasproventhat.Shehasmoreofachanceofbondingwithoneofourown.”IspuntowardRoth.“No.
Youdon’thavetodothis.Screwit.Theycan’thurtmeoryou.”Well,Iassumedthattheycouldn’t,butwhatever.
“Wedonothavetodothis.”Paulturnedanincredulous
stareonme.“You’dhavehimbreakhisword?”“I’dhaveyoushuttheHell
up,”Isnapped,myhandsclosingintofists.Guiltchurnedinthepitofmystomach.Thiswashappeningbecauseofme.Ihadn’tpurposelygottenmyselfstabbed,butgettinginvolvedwithZaynewithouttruly
questioningwhyI’dbeenabletokisshimhadledtotheincidentofhimkissingme.Whichledtoeverythingelsethathadhappenedafterward.“She’sright.”Cayman
rubbedtheheelofhishandalonghisbruisedjaw.“Roth,she’sright.Youknowthere’sawayoutofthis.Iwouldnot...holditagainstyou.IknowhowmuchBambimeanstoyou,andIknewthat
whenIbrokeredthedeal.”Rothwheeledaroundto
faceCayman.“YoubrokeredthedealbelievingthatIwouldnothonorit?”Caymannodded.Disbeliefflickeredacross
Roth’sface.“YouknowwhatwillhappenifIdonothonorthisdeal.”Caymannoddedonce
more.Rothcursedashereached
upandthrusthisfingersthroughhishairbeforestalkingtowardtheotherdemon.Ibracedmyselfforabrawlofepicproportions,butRothclampedhishandaroundthebackofCayman’shead.“Youstupidsonofabitch,”hesaid,butitwasn’toutofanger.Myheartwrenchedinmychest.PainfilledRoth’stone.“Youwoulddie?Youknowthat’s
whatwouldhappen.Ifyoubrokeradealandit’snotupheld,youdie.”OhGod.“Youwoulddoanythingto
saveher,”Caymanwhispered,meetingRoth’sgaze.“AndIwoulddoanythingtoserveyourbestinterests,evenifthatmeansmydeath.IneverexpectedyoutogiveupBambi,butthat’swhatittookforthemto
saveLayla.Sothat’swhatIpromised.”Myheartmight’vestopped
asthewordssankin.CaymanhadmadethedealknowingthatRothmightnotsurrenderBambi.Hemadeittosaveme,becausethatwaswhatRothwanted.TheloyaltyCaymanfelt
forRothwasheartbreaking.Iturnedtothewitches.
“Youguyscancalloffthe
deal,can’tyou?”Serifinashookherhead.
“Thecronewantsthefemalefamiliar.”“Andthecronegetswhat
shewants,”Paulfinished.Tearsprickedthebackof
myeyes,andIfeltRobinshiftalongmyside,obviouslysensingmywhirlingemotions.Thiswasnotright,notfairatall.Stillholdingthebackof
Cayman’shead,Rothclosedhiseyesbriefly,andthenletgo,pivotingtofacethewitches.Thehardsetofhisjawwould’vesentmanyawisemanscurryingaway.“Shewillnotbeharmed,”
Serifinainsisted,attemptingtoappeaseus.“Shewillbetreatedlikeaqueen.”Hearingthatdidn’thelp,
becausewedidn’tknowthem,andBambi—itwasn’t
likeshebelongedtous.TherewassomuchBambihaddoneforus—forme,andnowweweresupposedtojusthandherovertostrangers?Shewasapartofusandtheywereaskingthatwegiveherup—thatRothgetridofher.IwalkedovertoRoth,
unsureofwhattosay.Oureyesmetforamoment,andthehardglintwasgonejustlongenoughformetoseethe
trueextentoftheturmoilhewasfeeling.Iplacedmyhandonhisarm,andhenodded.“Bambi,”hesaid,hisgaze
stillholdingmine.“Off.”Ididn’twanttoseeit,but
likeallthetimesbefore,Bambicameoffhisskinandspilledintothespacebesidehim,rapidlypiecingtogether.Bambirose,twistinghernecktowardthewitchesbeforenudgingRothinthehip.
Shehadtoknow.Iknewthat,becausethatwashowthebondingworked,andmychestachedasshestretchedover,pokingmyarmwithhersnout.TearsblurredmyvisionasIreachedout,runningmyhandonthesoftscalesbetweenhereyes.“Therehastobesome
otherway,”Isaidhoarsely.“There’snot,”hesaid,his
voicelow.“Caymanisnotat
fault.Hedidwhathewassupposedtodo.”“Iknow.”“AndIwillnotdothatto
him,”hecontinued.“Whendemonsdie,it’snotlikehumans.Itinvolvesthepits.”Thatwouldn’tbefair
either,andeventhoughRothandCaymanhadgoneateachotheryesterdayovermegoingtoHell,thosetwowerefriends.Frankly,Iwaspretty
sureCaymanwasRoth’sonlyfriendoutsideofme,andRothhadtochoosebetweentwobadoptions.GiveupBambitoacovenofwitchesorsentencehisfriendtodeath.BambiturnedtoRothand
roseuptoherfullheight.Sherestedherheadonhisshoulder,andwhensheliftedit,Rothpressedakissbetweenhereyes.“Which
oneofyouisshesupposedtogoto?Idoubtthatyouplanonwalkingoutwithherinthisform.”“No.”Serifinasmoothed
herhandsoverthedarktrousersshewore.“That’swhyI’mhere.”“Isit?”Rothasked,and
thenheraisedhiseyestoher.Whenshenodded,hesmiledcruelly.“Ifyousomuchascauseheradropofpain,I
willknow.AndIdonotcarewhatconsequencesIwillface,Iwillhuntnotonlyyoudown,butyourentirecoven.”“Noharmwillcometo
her,”shepromised.Rothlookeddownat
Bambi,andhetriedtosmile,buthefailed.“Go.”Butthefamiliarhesitated,
andRothhadtotellhertogoagain.AveryrealpainrippedthroughmeasIreachedup,
brushingthebackofmyhandacrossthewetnessgatheringonmycheek.Finally,afterwhatfeltlikemyheartbeingcutoutofmychestandtossedonthefloor,Bambislitheredawayfromus,herheaddown.Rothsteppedforward,asif
hewasgoingtogoafterher,butstoppedhimself.Walkingupbehindhim,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhiswaist.His
handssettledonmyarms,butinsteadofpullingthemaway,heheldontothem.Pushingupthesleeveof
herthicksweater,exposingherarm,Serifinawaitedwithtrepidationclearlyoozingoutofher.Aboutafootinfrontofher,Bambicameapart,formingathickshadowthatsettledontoherarm.SerifinajoltedasBambi
meldedontoherskin,
clenchingherjawasBambidisappearedunderthesweater.Thegirljerkedandthentwisted,doublingoveratthewaist.Asecondlatershestraightened,herbackbowingasBambiappeared,circlingaroundherneck.Paulcursed,gripping
Serifinabythearms.Bambiletup,though,andIfigureditwasherlittlewarningthatshewasn’tverycoolwiththis.
Thesnakedisappearedbackunderthesweater,andbythesuddenwayherfaceflushed,IdoubtedBambiwascurrentlymakingherselfathomeinaverycomfortableplace.Itwasdone.Neitherofuscouldhave
predictedthis.IgotwhyCaymanhadn’tsaidanythinguptothispoint,becauseIbelievedknowingthatthis
wascomingwould’vebeenaharsherblow.Ormaybenot.Losswasbitterwhetheritwasexpectedorunanticipated.Andthiswasaloss.“Get.Out.Of.Here,”Roth
growled,eyesflashinganintensecrimson.Therewasamomentof
hesitation.PaulandSerifinamovedmorequicklythantheyprobablyeverhad.They
pivotedaround,andIwatchedthemgo,wantingtograbherbrownhairandpullhertothefloor,demandingthattheygiveBambibacktous.ButIcouldn’t.Ademondidnotgoback
onhispromises.Serifinahaltedatthedoors
andturnedbacktowherewestood.Pauldippedhishead,speakingtoolowforusto
hear.Serifinadrewabreathandlookedateachofusinturn.“WeunderstandhowserioustheissuewiththeLilinis.Pleasedonotthinkthatwedon’t.It’swhyweneedthefamiliar.”“BecauseBambiwillhelp
yousurvivetheapocalypse?”Ilaughedhoarsely.“She’samazing,butevenshecan’tdothat.”Painpinchedherface.
“That’snotwhatwethink,butshewillmakeusstronger.Youknowthat.Andshewillprotectusfromallsides,includinghis.”HergazedartedtoRothbriefly.“Hewillmakesurenoharmcomestous,notwhenwehaveher.”Dammit.Shewassoright
andyetitfeltsowrong.“So,she’sahostageinsteadofaqueen?”Ifiredback.
“Let’sgo,”Paulurged.“There’snouseinreasoningwiththem.”“Yes,go.”Rothstepped
forward,chintippeddown.“GobeforeIregretmyactions.”Serifinaappearedtorn,but
sheheldherground.Ihadtoadmireherforthat,becauseRothlookedmurderous,andIwassureIdidn’tlookthatdifferent.“TheLilinhasnot
gonefar,”shesaid,steppingawayfromPaulwhenhewhirledtowardher.“Thereisadarknessgatheringinthecity,onethatwe’veneverseenbefore,butwecanfeelit.”Achillskateddownmy
spineasshecontinued.“Wedonotknowwhatitis,butwhatelsecouldbethecause?Somethingunnaturalisoccurringthere.”
“Thecityisaprettybigplace,”Isaid.“Thatdoesn’treallynarrowitdownforus.”ShelookedatPaul
pointedly.“Tellthem.”Whenhehesitated,sheraisedhervoice.“Iftheydon’tstoptheLilin,therewillbeveryfewplacesanyofuscanhide.Tellthem.”Disgruntledandred-faced,
Pauldrewhisshouldersup.“We’vebeenkeepingaclose
eyeontheChurchofGod’sChildrenforawhilenow.”Ohman,I’dallbut
forgottenaboutthem,whichwasinsane,butalothadbeengoingon.TheChurchdidn’tbelongtoanymainstreamsectsandtheyweresomeoftheworstkindofhumanbeingsI’deverhadthedispleasureofmeeting.Notonlydidtheyhatedemons,theyloathedWardens.
Andtheyreallydislikedme.Itriednottothinkofthe
daytwoofthemhadfollowedusintotheparkinggarage,orhowI’dlostmycool,doingsomethingreallyhorriblethatinvolvedabibleandaman’sface.Myactionshadledtooneoftheirdeaths,andalthoughtheywerereallyterrible,knowingI’dcausedthedeathofahumanwas
hardtoswallow.“Theirfanaticalbeliefs
makethemjustasdangerousasanydemon,”Paulcontinued.“They’vebeenactiveupuntilthispastWednesday.Notasinglememberhasbeenseenorheardfromsincethen.”Hepaused,lipsthinning.“Weinfiltratedthemlongago,butourbrotherhasalsonotbeenincontactwithus.”
“Wearenotfoolishenoughtocheckitout,”Serifinasaid.“Wearetoovulnerabletoputourselvesinharm’sway,butassumingoursuspicionsaretrue,ifyoufindtheChurch,youmayfindthedarkness—andtheLilin.”
twenty-one
THEWHEREABOUTSOFtheChurchofGod’sChildrenwasnosecret.ItsaddresswasplasteredalloverthemanyflyersI’drippeddownfromstorefrontsandtelephonepoles.ItwasnearAdamsMorgan,whichI’dalwaysthoughtwasastrangelocationforthechurchsince
thatneighborhoodwasprettylivelyandknownforitsnightlife.Itwasbecomingmoreandmoreofanentertainmentdistrict,sothebuildingusedasachurchtrulydidstickoutlikeasorethumb.Butwedidn’trushoffto
AdamsMorgan.Thethreeofusremainedin
theemptyclubafterthewitchesleft,takingBambi
withthem.Rothwastheembodimentofbarelyleashedangerashestoodinthecenterofthedancefloor,hishandopeningandclosingrepeatedlyathisside.Hewasthefirstoneto
speak.“IthinkweneedtobesmartaboutthisinsteadofbumrushingtheChurch.IftheLilinreallyisthere,Idoubtit’ssittingandsinginghymnswiththosepeople.”
IglancedatCayman,whostilllookedstrickenbywhathadjusthappened,andthenIrefocused.WhyintheworldwouldtheLilinbewiththem?Andviceversa?“AsmuchasIhateto
suggestthis,weneedtocalltheWardens,”Rothcontinuedashewalkedtowherethewitcheshadsat,pickeduponeofthechairsandcarefully,meticulously,
placeditunderthetable.“Yeah,theirperfectpearlysoulswouldbeatrisk,buttheycouldactasbackup.”“Roth...”Istepped
forward.Heignoredme,fixingthe
otherchair.“WehavethenecessaryweaponstotakeouttheLilin.SodotheWardens.Let’sdothis.”“Roth,”Irepeated,this
timestrongerandlouder.His
dilatedeyeslockedontomine.Theglintinthemwasdownrightmurderous.“Let’sstopforasecond.”“Howaboutwenot?”he
repliedcalmly—toocalmly.Theacheinmychest
tripled.“Whatjusthappened...wehavetoacknowledgethat.”Hislipswerepressedintoa
thin,formidableline.“Dowe?Becausedwellingonit
seemsprettypointless.Whatdoesitchange?”“Itdoesn’tchange
anything,”Isaid,asCaymanturnedsideways,thrustinghishandthroughhisfairhair.“Butwecan’tpretenditdidn’thappen.Bambi—”“Ithinkit’sbestthatI
pretendexactlythat.”Shadowshadbeguntoformunderhisskinashisfeaturessharpened,formingharsh
angles.“BecauseIamthisclosetorippingthatcovenapart,andifIdothat,it’sgoingbackonthedealCaymanmade.”Caymanhunghisheadas
heplacedhishandsonhisleanhips.“Ihadhopedthattheywouldnotcometocollect.”Rothdidn’trespondtothat,
andIdidn’tknowwhattosaytomakethisbetter.Hehad
lostalovedone.Itdidn’tmatterthatthelovedonewasafamiliarwhomostlytooktheformofagiantsnake.ThosetwowerebondedonalevelthatevenIcouldn’tfullycomprehend,andIhadbondedwithBambi.Iplacedmyhandovermyside,whereRobinrested.Iwasalreadybondingwiththefox.“I’msorry,”Isaid.Hisshoulderstensed.
“Whyareyouapologizing?Youdidn’ttakeher.”“Ifanyoneshould
apologize,itisme.Ibrokeredthedeal,”Caymaninterjectedmorosely.“Iknew—”“Youweredoingyour
job,”Rothsnapped,hisangersurfacing.“ItoldyouI’dgiveanything,thereforeyoumadethedeal.Thereisnothingyoushouldbesorryfor.”Iclosedmyeyes,forcing
myselfnottosaywhatIwantedto.Guiltbeatatme,butIknewhedidn’tneedtohearthatfrommerightnow.AsmuchasIwantedtorageaboutlosingBambi,thiswasn’taboutme,andwhateverIfeltwasnothingcomparedtowhatRothhadtobefeeling.Tuckingmyhairback
behindmyears,Ipulledmytatteredemotionstogether,
shovedthemdownandfocused.“Okay.IcanreachouttoZayne.”Rothnoddedandwe
headedbacktohisloftsoIcouldgrabmyphone.Caymandidn’tfollow,andIfeltjustasbadforhimasIdidforRoth.WalkingintohisroomandknowingIwouldneverseeBambislitherherwayovertothepianoagainkickedthebreathoutofmy
chestasIwalkedtomybag,byhisdesk.“She’llbeokay,”Rothsaid
quietlyasIdrewmyphoneout.Iturnedaroundandfoundhimstaringatthepiano.“Iknowshewillbe.Bambiwon’tallowherselftobemistreated.”Ibitdownonmylip.The
backofmythroatburned.Sighing,helookedupat
meandtheangerwasstill
there,brimmingjustbelowthesurface,butsowastheshattereddisappointment.“Ireallyhopethosewitcheswereright,becauseIhavealotofpent-upaggressionIneedtogetoutofmysystem.”“I...”Itrailedoff
helplessly,clutchingthephone.Histhicklasheslowered.
“It’llbeokay.”
Walkingovertohim,Iplacedmyfreehandonhisshoulder,andthenstretchedup,kissinghischeek.Hestiffenedforamoment,andthenhefoldedhisarmsaroundme,buryinghisfaceinthecrookofmyneckforonlythebriefestofmomentsbeforehepulledaway,rubbinghispalmalonghischest.“TextZayne.”Andthat’swhatIdid.
***
RothandIwaitedfortheWardensontherooftopofabankneartheAdamsMorganareaafterthesunhadset.Nervousenergymadeit
hardtostandstill,andRobinwaspickinguponit,racingacrossmystomachlikeitwashisownpersonaldragstrip.Luckily,onlyabouttenminutespassedbefore
movementintheskydrewourattention.Fromadistance,they
lookedlikebirdsofpreyatfirst,asifthey’dswoopdownandsnatchpeoplefromthegroup.Butastheydrewcloser,therewasnomistakingwhattheywere.Eventhosedownonthestreetsbelowwouldbeabletopickoutthedifferences.Icouldalsotellthata
wholecraptonofWardenswerecoming.“Damn,”Imuttered,
stiffening.Rothwasbesidemein
underasecond.Ishouldn’thavebeensurprised.Obviouslywhatwasabouttogodownwasabigdeal,andI’dknownthateventuallyIwasgoingtohavetofacemorethanjustZayne,DezandNicolai.
Butapartofmewasn’tready.Nope.“Thisisgoingtobe
awkward,”Isaid,brushingmyhairbackoutofmyface.“No.”Rothplacedhishand
onmylowerback.“Butitmaybebloody.”Ishothimalook.
“Behave.”“Icannotpromisethat
whatsoever.”
“Thesearenottheonesyouneedtotakeoutyouraggressionon.”Hesmirked.“Letmebethe
judgeofthat.”Thiswassonotgoingtogo
well,butitwastoolatetochangeourplans.ThepearlywhiteglowsfadedandZaynelandedfirst.Inhistrueform,hewasmassive.Hisskinadarkgray,hishornscurvedback,partinghisblondhair.
Notuglyorfrightening,tomeatleast,buthisgazewasanarcticblastasitdriftedoverus,apainfulreminderofhowmuchhadchanged.Iwantedtohidefromthat
gazeandeverythingitdredgedup,butIfoundmyladyballsandheldthemclose.I’dputmyselfinthissituationwithhimandIhadtodealwiththeconsequences.
DezandNicolaiwerenext,followedbytwomoreclanmembers,butitwasthefinalarrivalthatcauseddreadtoexplodelikebuckshotinmystomachandpunchedaharshcurseoutofRoth.Abbotwashere.Theroofshookwhenhe
landedbehindtheclansmenandstraightened,agoodhalfafoottallerthantherest.Withhishairasgoldenashis
son’s,brushingbroadshoulders,he’dalwaysremindedmeofagreatlion.Inaway,Abbotwasking.Foryears,I’dtrembledat
themeresightofhiminhishumanandWardenforms,ashehadbeenthegreatestauthorityI’dknown.Andforyears,I’dstruggledtoobtainthesmallestsliverofpridefromhim.I’dbasicallyoperatedonthetheorythat
anyattentionwasgoodattention,likeapuppy.Now?UnfetteredragewaswhatshookmeandIsureasHelldidn’tcareifhewasproudofthatornot.Abbothadbelievedthe
worstofmewithlittleornoevidencebackingitup.ItwasnowonderwhyI’dhadsuchloserself-esteemandhadalsothoughttheworst.Whilehehadn’tbeentheonewho
shovedafreakingdaggerintomystomach,hehadmecagedlikeananimal,andthenchainedlikeone.Thatwaskindofhardtolet
goof.“Whatishedoinghere?”
Rothqueried,andalthoughthequestionsoundedlikehewasaskingabouttheweather,Iknewhewasn’tnearlythatcalm.Abbotwalkedtothefront,
hisclan—evenhisson—stickingclosetohisside.HisgazedriftedoverRoth,andhebarelymanagedtokeepthecontemptoffhisface,butthenhewaslookingatme,andallthehardlinesofhisgranitefacesoftened.“Layla,I—”“Don’t.”Theonewordthat
burstoutsurprisedme.“Don’tapologize.Ahandfulofwordsdon’tmakeupfor
whatyoudid.”Hedrewhimselfuptohis
fullheight.“IknownothingIsaywillevereraseanyofwhathappened,butI...IregrettheroleIplayedinitall.”Theroleheplayed?Tome,
he’dbeenthefreakingcaptainleadingtheKillLaylaparadedownMainStreet.Abbotwasn’tdone.“You
wereminetoraiseand
protect.Ifailedyou.”“Yes,youdid,”Roth
replied.“Iwon’t,buthere’sthething,andthismessagegoesouttoeveryone.Shedoesn’tneedprotection.Notanymore.”Igotallwarmandfuzzy
uponhearingthat,butthesmugfeelingquicklyevaporatedwhenmygazecaughtZayne’sandhelookedawaywithoutsomuchasa
glimmerofanyemotion.“I’veheardfrommyson
thatyouare...somethingelse.”Abbotspokedirectlytome.“Thatyoudonotlooklikeusanymore.”“I’mnotlikeyou.”My
handscurledintofistsandRobinstartedtogetantsy.“Turnsout,Iwasneverademon.”ThatgotZayne’sattentionandanemotionoutofhim.Surprise.“Yeah,I
havesomedemonicabilities,but...Well,doesanyofthatmatter?”“No,”Zayneanswered,
shockingme.“Itnevermatteredbefore.Nottoanyofus.Itdoesn’tmatternow.”Therewasatugging
sensationinthegeneralvicinityofmyheart.“Yousaidthatyouhavea
leadontheLilin.”Nicolaispokeup,alwaysthe
peacekeeperofthebunch.“ThatitmaybeholedupwiththeChurchofGod’sChildren?”RothwaseyeingAbbot
likehewantedtoriptheWarden’sheadoff,andhewould’ve,backonthenightIhadbeencaptured,ifIhadn’tstoppedhim.“Yes.LaylaandIaregoingtocheckitoutandiftheLilinisthere,we’regoingtoneedbackup.”
“That’swhywe’rehere,”Dezresponded.“Youtelluswhatyouwantustodo.Thisisyourshow.”Abbot’sshoulders
hunched,anditwasobviousthathewasn’thappywiththatdecision.Rothlookedsmugashesaid,“Weneedyoualltostaycloseby.Ifthingsgethairy,you’llknow.”“Howisthat?”Nicolai
asked.
OnesideofRoth’slipscurvedup.“Nitro.Off.”Mygazeshottohimasthe
tinyblackcloudappearedbeforehim.Itdroppedtotherooftop,andthenrapidlypiecedtogether,formingatinykitten.Zayneshookhishead.
“Whatisitwithyouandruntsofthelitter?”“Patience,Stony,
patience.”
BeforeRothfinishedthosewords,thelittleanklebiterincreasedbeforeoureyes.Frailshouldersexpandingintopowerfulhunches.Thebacklengthenedintothickmusclescoveredbysleekwhitefur.Whatstartedoffasasoftgrowlturnedintoamenacing,reverberatingsnarlthatraisedthehairalongthebackofmyneck.Nitrolookedlikeapanther,
ifpantherswerewhite.Goodness.“Nitrowillletyouknowif
thingsgetoutofcontrol,”Rothexplained.“Itwillbeobvious.”Icouldn’tstopstaringat
thecat.Itploppeditsbuttdown,itspinktonguemovingoveritsteeth.Itlookedhungry,andtheWardenslookedvery,veryunhappy,especiallywhenitcoughed
outwhatsoundedsuspiciouslylikealaugh.Rothturnedtome.
“Ready?”“Yep.”Thebladewas
tuckedintomyboot,justlikeRothhadhis.Wewalkedtotheledgeoverlookingthealleybelow.Thefastestwaydownwastojump.Rothshiftedquickly,tuckinghiswingsbacksohedidn’tknockmeofftheedgewith
them.Knowingthatalleyeswere
onus,Iallowedmyownshifttotakeplace.Myskinbuzzedwiththechange,anditwaslikefinallywakingupafterbeingasleepfordayswhenithappened.Mywingsunfurled,arcinghighaboveme,thefeatherstickledbythewind.Someonemurmuredan
expletivebehindus,andit
soundedalotlikeAbbot.IglancedatRothandgrinned.“Meetyoudownthere,”he
said,andjumped.“Show-off,”Imuttered.Insteadofjumping,Isort
ofwalkedofftheledgeandemptyspaceimmediatelyreacheduptograbme.Gravitywasabeast.Thealleyracedtowardme,andIletmywingsspreadout,slowingthedescent.
Ilandedinacrouch,proppinguptofindmyselfateyelevelwithanoldmanwithadirty,unshavenface.“Holymother,”hegasped,
stumblingbackagainstthewallandthenslidingdownit,clutchinghisbrownbagtohischest.Iwincedasmywings
foldedin,disappearing.“Whoops?”Rothchuckled,backtohis
humanform,ashereacheddown,takingmyhand.Isentthepoormananapologeticlook,andthenwehurriedaroundthesideofthebuildingtothemainstreet.Myheartwasthumpingaswejoinedthethincrowdonthesidewalks.“Ihopethatdoesn’tcount
asexposure,”Isaidaswecrossedthestreet.Hesqueezedmyhand.“I
reallythinktheAlphashavebiggerproblemstodealwithrightnow.”Thenheshrugged.“Andseriously,youshould’veseenthelookontheman’sfacewhenhesawme.Thatwaskindoffunny.”Ishookmyhead,buta
littlegrinpeekedthrough.Rothwasinafarbettermoodthanhehadbeenimmediatelyafterthewitcheshadleftwith
Bambi.Distractinghimselfwithwhatlayaheadwasworkingforhimanditwasastrangethingtobegratefulfor,butIwas.“Thereitis,”Isaid,two
buildingsdownfromthebuildinghousingtheChurch.Hearchedadarkbrowas
hestudiedthefour-storystructure.“Havethewindowsalwaysbeenlikethat?”Inoddedasadoortothe
buildingwestoodinfrontofopened.Ablastofmusicandlaughterfollowedtheyoungmanout.Hisaurawasasea-mossgreen,swirlingsmoothlyashehunkereddowninhisjacket,headingintheoppositedirection.“Yeah,”Ianswered.“They’vealwayshadthewindowscoveredfromtheinsidesoyoucouldn’tseeanything.Itjustaddstothe
shadiness,doesn’tit?”Hesnorted.“Remember
theguywhothrewholywateronyou?”Irolledmyeyes.“Not
somethingI’dforget.”“Ireallyhopehe’sin
there.”“Ohdear,”Imurmured.“YouknowwhatIjust
thoughtof?”Ilookedathim.“What?”Someofthemischievous
sparklewasbackinhisambergaze.“Ididn’tgettodefloweryouinmyPorsche.”“OhmyGod.”Igapedat
him.“Whatintheworldmadeyouthinkofthatrightnow?”“It’scalledmultitasking.”
Hewinked.“AndIstillplanonbreakingthatbabyin,justsoyouknow.”“You’reridiculous.”
Slippingmyhandfree,I
startedtowardthebuildingandthegrinIwasrockingfadedlikeanoldmemoryassoonaswenearedthedoor.“Doyoufeelthat?”“Feelslikehome.”Iignoredthat,becauseI’d
beentoHell,andHelldidn’tevenfeellikethis—likeagallonofoilhadbeendumpedoverourheads.Walkingwaslikepushingthroughslime.Itwasthickin
theair,aheavyevilthathadtobewhatthewitcheshadbeentalkingabout,andneverinmylifehadIfeltanythinglikethis.Rothedgedaroundme,
reachingthehandleofthedoor.“Locked.”Hetwistedsharply,likehe’ddoneinthebasementoftheschoolwhenwe’dbeenhuntingdownthesourceofaveryrotten,demonicsmell,snappingthe
lockwhilehittingitwithadoseofnotsoheavenlyheat.“Andunlocked.”Themomentheopenedthe
door,thesmellaboutknockedusbackagoodthreefeet.“OhmyGod.”Ismacked
myhandovermymouth,clampingdownonmygagreflexasIglancedaroundthedimlylitlobby.“Jesus,”mutteredRoth,his
lipspeelingbackina
grimace.Thescentwasthatofmeat
leftouttoolongmixedwithsomethingIcouldn’tquiteplace.Worsethansulfuroradirtybackalleyinthecity.Carefully,Iloweredmyhand,tryingtonotbreathethroughmynose.Ifthesmellwasanyindication,thingswerereally,reallybadhere.Behindthevacant
receptionistdesk,therewasa
hugebannerhanging.CrudelydrawnWardens,wholookedmorelikeovergrownbatsthangargoyles,wereoneithersideofthewordsTHEENDISNIGH.“Socliché.”Rothstarted
aroundthedesk,towarddouble,windowlessdoors.“You’dthinkthey’dcomeupwithsomethingnew.”Ifollowed,disappointed
thatthesmellwasgetting
worse.“Buttheendisnigh.”“You—”heglancedover
hisshoulderatmeashereachedthedoubledoors“—areadorable.”Iwould’vesmiledatthat,
butthedoorshadopened,andallIcoulddowaspressmylipstogethertokeepfromhurlingalloverRoth’sback.Candleswereeverywhere,
castingaflickering,softlightthroughoutalargeatrium-
styleroomthathadbeenconvertedintoaplacewheresermonswouldbeheld,completewithpewsandthechancel,araisedplatform.Thepewsweren’tempty.Theywerealsothesource
ofthewretchedsmell.Theywerefullofbodies.
twenty-two
IDREWINadeepbreath,andwhileIimmediatelyregrettedit,thestenchwasovershadowedbythehorrorofwhatwewerestaringupon.Dozensanddozensof
bodieswerescatteredthroughoutthepews,someslumpedoverwhileothers
werestillsittingup,theirheadsfallenback,jawsslackedopen.Theywereinvariousstatesofdecomposition.ForasmuchasI’dexperiencedinrecentmonths,neverinmylifehadIseenanythinglikethis.“GoodGod,”Isaid,
horrified.Rothstiffenedas
movementnearthechanceldrewourattention.Ithad
beenvacantmomentsbefore,butnowafigurestoodinfrontofthealtar.Iwinced.ItwastheLilin—andhe’dtakentheformofSamoncemore.“Ithinkthisis
appropriate,”theLilinsaid,spreadingitsarmsupathissides.“Ihaveacongregationofthedead.”“Mostpeoplewouldaim
higher,”Rothsaid,eyeingthe
carnagewithdistaste.“Iamnotmostbeings,
now,amI?”Itgrinnedslightlyfromitselevatedperch.“I’vebeenwaitingforyoutocome,sister.”“Iamnotyoursister,”I
grittedout.“Acceptanceisthefirst
stepofrecovery,orsotheysay.”TheLilinwalkedtotheedgeofthechancelandcrouched.“You’rehereto
helpme.”Thatwasn’tsomucha
question,butIansweredanyway.“No.I’mheretostopyou.”Thethingchuckled
smoothly.“Youcannotstopme.NeithercanthePrince.”“Iwouldn’tputmoneyon
that,”Rothretorted.Milkywhiteeyesdriftedto
RothastheLilinsmiledmysteriously.“Iguesswe
willseeaboutthat,won’twe?”TheLilin’sgazefoundmine.“Weneedtofreeourmother.Itisatravestythataforcesuchassheshouldremainchained.Weareinthistogetherand—”“Youcanstopthesales
pitchrightthere,”Iinterrupted.“Thereisnothingthatyoucansaythatwillswayme.Youwon’tbeabletofreeLilith.Don’tyou
understandthat?Nothingwillfreeher.AfterPaimonattemptedtodoso,extraordinarymeasureswereputinplacetopreventherfromgettingout.”“True,”remarkedRoth,
rathersmugly.“TheBosshasheronlockdown.It’snotgoingtohappen.”“Thatiswhereyouare
wrong,”theLilinrespondedfromitsperch.“IfIsucceed
inraisingHelltoEarth,noonedowntherewillbepayingattentiontoLilith.Shewillbetheleastoftheirworries.”Muscleslockedupall
alongmyback.“IfyoubringHelltoEarth,theAlphaswillstepin.Theywillwipeusallout,includingyou.”“It’snotliketheycan
throwamagicswitchandthenwe’regone.”
Rothsighed.“Ithasapointthere.”“That’snothelping,”Isaid
undermybreath.“TheAlphaswillfightus
andwewillfightback,eventhosewhodonotwanttoseeLilithfreeorforHelltoopenitsgates.Theywillfight,”theLilincontinued.“AsIwill,andwhileweallarefightingtosurvive,theworldwillfallapart.IfIcannotfreeour
mother,thenItrulyhavenothingtolose.”WhatGrimhadwarnedme
aboutwascomingtrue,butitreallywasn’tasurprise.TheLilinreallyhadnothoughtsofitsown.AllitwasconcernedwithwasfreeingLilith,andifitcouldn’thavethat,thenitwouldsettleforchaosandabsolutedestruction.TheLilinrosefluidly.
“Youwillsee.Intheend,youwillhavenochoicebuttohelpme.”Thedarknessalongthe
wall,whichhadbeenstillandunnoticeableatthispoint,suddenlymoved.Thickshadowsshiftedandgrew,slippingupandovertheceilinglikeamuddyoilslick.Thestenchoftheroomrose,buttheevilinitbecamesuffocating.Therewasthe
sourceofthedarknessandwe’dbeenstandinginthemiddleofittheentiretime.“Wraiths,”Igasped,
steppingback.Theyswarmedacrossthe
ceiling,likesomethingstraightoutofahorrormovie,andthendroppedtothefloor,amongthebenches.Butthatwasn’tall.Wecouldseethewallnow,
couldseethattherewere
severalstatueslinedup.Theylookedlikethestonegargoylesperchedatopsomanyofthecity’sbuildings,butcruder,moregrotesquethantherealthing.Somelookedlikegoblins.Otherswerepartlionandafewlookedlikebirds.Notthehappy,dovekind.Morelikepterodactyls.Therewereabouttwentyofthestatues.“Theycreatedthemoutof
stone.”TheLilingesturedatthebodiesinthepews.“Sobizarre.Theyusedthemasareminderoftheeviltheysobadlywantedtofight.Ironic.”Aheartbeatpassed.Thefirstrowofpewsshot
upstraightintheair,shatteringapartandsendingbodiesineverydirection.Thesecondrowfollowedandthenthethird,thefourth...
Boardswereflying,alongwithpiecesofthoseleftbehind.Eachburstofpewswasacrackofthunder.“Somebodybettercallthe
Ghostbusters,”Rothmuttered.“Becausewedon’thavetimeforthis.”Iwould’velaughed,
wantedto,butapieceofwoodwingeditswayinmydirection.Idippeddown,narrowlyavoidinggetting
plowedover.Theboardsmashedintothewallbehindus.Ishiftedimmediately,
welcomingthechange.Rothdidthesameashejumped,snatchingaratherlargepieceofboardoutoftheair.Snappingitinhalf,hetosseditdown.Sparksflewandflames
rosefromthefarthestcornerastheknocked-overcandles
startedafireamongthedebris.Reachingdown,I
withdrewthedaggerfrommyboot,andthenstarteddownthecenteraisle,towardthechancel.Thewraithsdidn’tlikethat.Theycameatme.Shapedlikehumans,butnomoresubstantialthansmoke,theyweretrickybeaststofight.Onemanagedtogetaholdofmyhair,yankingmy
headback.IhissedasItwistedoutofthewraith’sgrip.TheLilinshouted
somethinginanancient,guttural-soundinglanguagethatmeantnothingtome,butthewraithsresponded.Theypulledback,andthendartedtothewalls.“Ohcrap,”Rothsaid.“It’s
abouttogetugly.”Ididn’thavetowaitlong
toseewhathemeant.Thewraithshitthestatues,drapingthemselvesoverthemlikeablanket.Ididn’tknowwhattheyweredoing,buteveryinstincttoldmeIwasn’tgoingtolikeit.Theshadowspulsed,and
thentheydisappeared,seepingintothestatues,wigglingtheirwaythroughthecracksandopenings.Somewraithsremainednear
theceilings,theirformstwistingandtrembling.Agreatandterrible
shudderworkeditswaythroughthebuilding,scatteringthebrokenboardsandbodies,andtheshudderturnedintoagroancutoffbythesoundofstonegrindingagainststone.Thenthestatuesmoved.“Whatinthe...?”Isaid.Rothgrowledlowinhis
throatasthethingsstraightenedandstretched,asifwakingupfromaslumber.Thelion-shapedgargoylethrewitsheadback,lettingoutadeafeningroarthatwassorealistic.Agoblin-likegargoyle
pushedawayfromthewall.Onlyaboutfivefeettall,itsfootstepsthunderedasitracedtowardRoth,cacklinginalow-pitchedvoice.
Rothsteppedtotheside,spinningaround.Hegrabbedthegoblin’sarm,andthenshottotheceiling.Arcingswiftly,Rothflewbackdownataharrowingrate,slammingthegoblinintothefloor.Thefloordentedasthe
stonecreatureshatteredintolargechunks,releasingthewraith.Theblackshadowpouredoutoftheremains,knockingRothbackseveral
feet.Myfamiliarshiftedonmy
stomach,peelingitselfoffbeforeIcouldstopit.Robinappeared,atfirstthesizeofafoxandthenhegrew,takingonthesizeofaDoberman,andboy,thatwasfreaky.Robindarteduptheaisle,
hisoverlylargebutsleekbodymovingincrediblyfast.Hejumped,snatchingthetailendofthewraith,draggingit
backdown.Mymouthdroppedopen.Ihadnoideathatfamiliarscouldtouchwraiths,butRobinwasn’tjusttouching.Hewasshakinghisheadlikeapitbullwithaneveningsnack,whirlingthewraithfromsidetoside.Theotherstatues
convergedonus,andinaminute,IlostsightofRoth.Knowingthatthebladewoulddonothingagainst
thesethings,Isheatheditbackinmyboot.Shriekingfromtheceiling,
thepterodactyl-typegargoyledive-bombedme,itsbeakopeningasifitplannedonswallowingmewhole.Ijumpedtotheside,butthebirdtwisted,andthat’swhenIsawitstail.Itcaughtmeinthehip,knockingmeover.Ihittheground,myhands
landinginsomethingwetand
sticky.Isodidn’twanttothinkaboutthatasIpushedmyselfoffthefloorandstaredthroughthecurtainofmyhair.Thecreaturedivedatmeagain,andIrolledontomyback.Usingmylegs,Ipulledthemup,andthenswungthembackdown,poppingupinacrouch.Thebirdcameatmeagain,
butthistimeIwasbetterprepared—Ilaunchedupand
caughtoneofitswings.TappingintothestrengthI’dalwayshadinme,butneverreallyused,nevertrulyunderstood,Ibrokethewingnearthesmallhorn.Screeching,thebird
spiraleddowntothefloor,crashingintothedestroyedpews.Pickingupaboard,Ifollowedittowhereitrolledtoastop,atthefootofthechancel.Iraisedtheboard
andasthestonecreaturerosetoitshindlegs,Ismackedtheboardintoitshead.Woodbrokeandstoneshatteredfromtheneckup.Therestofthestatuetoppledoverasblacksmokepouredtowardtheceiling,remindingmeofthatTVshowSamhadgottenmeaddictedto.Spinningaround,Icaught
sightofRothkickingoneofthestatuesintothewall,and
thentwistingtocatchtheonebehindhim.Hemovedwithbrutalgrace,destroyingeverythingthatcamewithintouchingdistanceofhim.Robinhadcornered
anotherwraith,soIturnedtotheraisedplatform,wheretheLilinstoodsurveyingthecarnage.Hesmileddownatme,somuchlikeSamthatIwantedtogetupthereandbeattheever-loving—
Astatueslammedintome,throwingmeseveralfeetintotheair.Mywingsexpanded,stoppingmefrombeingthrownagainstthewalllikeoneofRoth’sstatues.Ihoveredforamoment,spyingthelioncreature.Itwasmassive,its
powerfulmusclescoilingandtensingasitstalkedtowardme,mouthopentorevealstonefangs.
ThatwasonecreatureIdidnotwanttogetaholdofme.TurningtowardtheLilin,I
landedonthechancel,andasIexpected,theliondidn’tcometowardme.Itbackedawayjustasthedoubledoorsexplodedopen.Wardenswerehere.“Perfect,”theLilinsaid,its
smilespreading.Ishottowardit,butthe
Lilindodgedme,jumpingoff
theplatform.Cursingundermybreath,Ifollowed.ImadeittwostepsbeforeRothappearedbesideme,grabbingmyarmandspinningmetotheleft,outofthewayofanothergoblin-lookingcreature.“Thanks,”Imuttered.“Mypleasure.”Rothshot
up,andthendrewbackfromthethickeningcloudofsmokefromthefire.“We
needtogetoutofherebeforethiswholeplacegoesup.”Firewaslickingitswayup
thewalls,hungryasitconsumedeverythingittouched.Asectionoftheceilinghadalreadycomedown.StalkingtowardtheLilin,I
stoppedanddippedasanotheroneofthepossessedstonecreaturesmadearunatme.Itsmeatyhandssnagged
myshirt,butIjerkedback,breakingitshold.Spinningaround,Ikickedout,plantingmyfootintoitschestandknockingitback.Armsflailing,itfellback
intotheflames,butimmediatelycamebackout,thistimeonfire.“GoodGod,”Igroaned,
crouchingdown,andthenjumpingoutofitsgrasp.Landingseveralfeetaway
fromit,IcaughtsightofRobindartingbetweenthebrokenpews,chasingafterawraith.Thefierycreatureveered
off,distractedbyNicolai.TheWardeneasilyavoidedit,listeningwhenRothshoutedinstructionsonhowtobreakthemapart.IturnedbacktotheLilin,seeingthatithadreachedoneoftheWardens,intentonfeeding.Outofthe
cornerofmyeye,IsawAbbothadoneofthecreaturesbytheneck.Pickingupspeed,Iraced
uptheaisle,aimingtopowerbombthejerk,butitwhippedaroundatthelastmoment,sawmeandlauncheditselfatme.Therewasnostoppingthecollision.Wesmackedintoothers
andhitthefloor,rollingseveraltimes,comingtoa
stopafewfeetfromthefire,withtheLilinontop.Itsmileddownatme.“Giveup.”“Notgoingtohappen.”
Liftingmylegs,Icircleditswaistandthrewmyweightbehindtheturn,flippingitoffme.Imoved,raisingthedagger,secondsfromplungingitdeepintoitssmirkingface.Somethingcrashedinto
me,knockingmetothesideandchasingtheairoutofmylungs.Risingup,Icameface-to-facewiththedamnlion.BeyonditandtheLilin,IsawZaynecreepingupthecenteraisle,adaggerinhishand.SlowlyIbackedup,eyesonthedisturbinglysharpclaws.TheLilinlaughed.“Doyou
likemypet?”“Doyoulikethis?”Zayne
growled,bringingdownthe
daggerinawideswoop.TheLilinwhirledand
twistedatthewaist,butwasn’tfastenough.Thedaggerhitafewscantinchesabovetheheart.Mybodyspasmedandthe
daggerfellfrommyfingersasanintense,breath-stealingfireexplodedinsideme.Screamingattheburstofsuddenunexpectedpain,Istumbledbackandtripped
overaleg—humanorstone,Icouldn’tbesure—andIhitthefloor.Itriedtodraginair,butmylungsseized.Iglanceddown,sawthatalineofredwasbleedingthroughmysweater,justabovemyheartandclosertomyshoulder.Whatthe...?Rothspuninmidair.His
wideeyesmovedfrommetotheLilin,thentoZayne,who
raisedthedaggeragain.Ipressedmyhandjustbelowmyshoulder,stanchingtheflowofbloodasIstruggledtomyfeet.“No!”Rothshouted,
changingdirection.“Zayne!No!”HehitthegroundbesideZayne,slamminghimintheshoulderandforcinghimbackseveralsteps.Hereachedup,graspingthewristthatheldthedaggerashe
staredintothebewilderedfaceofZayne.“Stop.”TheLilinchokedouta
laughasitstaggeredtotheside,comingclosetotheflames.Bloodpoureddownitschestasitheavedforbreath.“Youkillme,”itgruntedout,“youkillher.”
twenty-three
THELILIN’SWORDSbouncedaroundinmyhead,buttherewaslittletimetofocusonthem.Thedoorsburstbehindmeandthefightspilledoutintothelobbyandthesmokebecametoodensetoseeorbreathe.Thefireragedoutofcontrol.Zaynetorehimselffreeof
RothastheLilinbackedintothesmoke,disappearingfromsight.Iturned,doublingoverastheburningsensationinmyshoulderspread.Isearchedthemessformyfamiliar,panickedwhenIcouldn’tseebeyondtwofeetinfrontofme.“Robin,”Icalledout,
grittingmyteethagainstthepain.Hecameoutfromthe
cloudofsmoke,shrinkinginsizeasheracedtowardme.Jumpingup,hehitmyhand,andthentooktheformofmytattoo.Rothwassuddenlybesideme,wrappinganarmaroundmywaist.Zaynewasonmyother
side,hisfacemarkedwithconfusionashesawthebloodonmyshirt.Wemovedoutoftheroom,hittingthelobby.There,Dezandoneofthe
stonecreaturesweredukingitout,goingfisttofistuntilanotherstonegargoylecamethroughthedoors,slammingintoDez’swaist,throwinghimthroughthewindow.Glassshattered,andthenthefightwasoutside,inthestreet.Nicolaiwasinfrontofus,
hisgazedartingbackandforth.“Whathappened?”“Idon’tknow.Istabbed
theLilinandthishappenedtoher.Youneedtoshiftintoyourhumanform,”Zaynesaidaswesteppedoutintothefresher,cleanernightair.“Bothofyou.Youstandouttoomuch.”RothshiftedbackbeforeI
did.Ittookamoment,becauseadrenalinewaspumpingwaytoofastinmysystem,butmywingsfoldedinandwhenIliftedahand,
pushingmyhairbackfrommyface,Isawinsanity.Peoplestreamedintothe
streetsfromthebarsandbuildingsnearby.Intheirpanicked,terrifiedstate,theyprobablycouldn’ttellthedifferencebetweentheWardensandgargoyles.Alltheysawwasabrutalbattle.Screamsrose,asdidthesmoke.Itnowpouredoutofthebuilding.
Thefirehadspread,reachingthetopfloorsoftheChurch’sheadquartersandjumpingtotheroofsofthebuildingsnexttoit,givingtheskyaburnt-orangetint.“I’mokay.”Pushingdown
thepain,IsteppedawayfromRothandZayne.“Where’s—?”BeforeIcouldfinishthe
question,thedamnlionexplodedoutofthebuilding.
IthadsprungitselfintotheairandnowhitZayneinhisback.Thetwoofthemfellintoaparkedcar.Metalcrunchedundertheircombinedweight.Theyrolled,takingoutthewindshield.“Stayoutofthefight,”
Rothsaid,andIdidn’tgetachancetorespond.Inhishumanform,heranovertowherethelionhadZayne
pinnedonthehood.Eveninhishumanform,
Rothwasaforcetobereckonedwith.Hegrippedthelion’sshouldersandhauleditback.Twisting,hetossedthecreature.Acabracingdownthe
streetslammedonitsbrakes,butnotintimetoavoidtakingadirecthit.Thelionslammedintothepassenger-sidedoor,tippingthecabup
onitssideevenasthelionlandedonitsfourstonepaws.Thatthingwouldnotdie.Withoutwarning,ahot
gustofairblewintomyback,andIturned,spyingthestonecreaturethathadbeenonfire.Disregardingthepain,Ispunoutbeforeitcouldgrabme.Dezappeared,hiswings
stirringtheashsettlingaroundontheground.Helandedinacrouch,andthen
rose.Withtheepickickofthecentury,heknockedthecreaturebackintothebuilding.BeforeIcouldsomuchashigh-fivehimforthat,anotheroneslammedintohim.Iturned,spyingtheLilinas
itstumbledoutoftheburningwreckageofthebuilding,itsfacecoveredwithsoot.Oureyeslocked,andthenitpivoted,startingtorundown
thestreet.Iwasn’teventhinkingasIracedafterit.Becauseitwasinjuredfar
morethanme,Iimagined,Icaughtuptoit.Ilaunchedmyselfatit,slammingmygoodshoulderintoitsback.TheLilinwentdown,meontopofit.Itimmediatelybucked,butIwasn’thavingit.Ishovedmyhandatthe
backofitshead,forcingit
down,butitfoughtmeasIplantedmykneesoneithersideofitships.Itmanagedtoliftitshead.“Areyoutrulythisstupid?Youcan’tkillmewithoutkillingyourself.Weareinthistogether.”Mystomachdroppedathis
words.“Thatdoesn’tmeanIcan’tbeatthecrapoutofyou!”Islammeditsheadbackdownandstarsexplodedbehindmyeyes,causingme
tocryout.“God,”Igrunted.“Idiot.”Itwheezedouta
laugh.“Youhavetolearneverythingthehardway.”Uncaringatthispointifit
hurtme,Icockedbackmyarmandslammedmyfistintoitsribs.Ibarelyfeltthatnewkissofpain.Iswungbacktodeliveranotherpunchthatwasprobablygoingtohurtmemorethanit,butthatwouldgivemeasicksenseof
satisfactionwhenalowgrumblestoppedme.Lookingovermyshoulder,
IsighedwhenIspottedthelion.“You.Again.”TheLilinrearedup,
knockingmeoffit.Ihitmyback,andwasslowtogettomyfeet,myeyesfastenedonthenewthreat.IwasawareoftheLilinrunningoff,butIdidn’tdaregivechase.Itdidn’tseemlikeanyofthese
monstershadgottenthemessagethatkillingmekilledtheLilin.Thelionstalkedme,itsstonetailswinging.Thattailhitanothercar,shatteringawindow.Someoneshouted,butI
didn’tknowwhothesourcewas.Thelioncrouched,preparingtoattack,andIknewthiswasgoingtoseriouslyhurt.Itlaunchedintotheair,andallIcould
seewasitsclaws.Madeofstone,theywerehuge.Butsuddenly,therewasamassiveWardeninfrontofme.Tallandbroad,hisgoldenhairwasasbrilliantasareallion’s.TheWardentookthedirect
hitintheupperbodyandstaggeredundertheforceoftheattack.Igaspedashegrippedthesidesofthecreature’sheadwhilethe
monsterduginwithitsclaws,rippingthroughthegranitetextureoftheWarden’sskin,sprayingblood.Withashatteringcrack,the
Wardentwistedthecreature’sheadcleanoff.Darkshadowsjoinedthecrowdingsmoke,butthecreaturewasdown,finally.TheWardenturnedtome,
andterrorseizedmeasIlockedeyeswithAbbot.The
vibrantbluebrokefreeashisskinstartedtopink,revealingthehorroroftheinjuries,theruthlessextentofthedamage.“No,”Iwhispered,
steppingforward.Abbotopenedhismouth,
buttherewerenowords,justairbubblingthroughhistornneck.Hislegscavedunderhim,andIshotforward,tryingtostophisfall.Butwithhisweightandmy
injury,itwasauselessendeavor.Webothwentdownonthesidewalk.HelandedonhisbackandIbesidehim.Therewassomuchblood.Iclampedmyhandsonhis
neckasIliftedmyhead,scanningthestreetasIscreamedforhelp.Idon’tevenknowwhoIscreamedfor,butRothfinallyemergedfromthesmoke,hissteps
falteringashesawwhatwasleftofthelioncreatureandofAbbot.Iscreamedagain,thistimeforZayneandthenforDez,forNicolai,becausesomeonehadtohelphim.Someoneneededto.Rothsteppedaround
Abbot’slegsandkneltbesideme,hishandsreachingformine.“Whatareyoudoing,Layla?”Hisvoicewashoarse,andwhenIlookedat
him,Isawabruiseformingalonghisjaw.“Whatareyoudoing?”Ithoughtitwasobvious.
“I’mstoppingtheblood.I’m—”“Layla.”Heshookhishead
ashewrappedhishandsaroundmine.“It’stoolate.”“No,”Isaid,glancing
downatAbbot—atthemanwhohadraisedme,whohadbetrayedme,buthad
ultimatelysavedme.Itcouldn’tbetoolate.Abbot’seyes,onceso
vibrantandblue,wereadullshadeandfixedon...onnothing.Therewasnoauraaroundhim,nomatterhowhardItriedtoseeit.ButIsawthattheinjurieswerenotlimitedtojusthisthroat.Hischest...“OhGod.Oh.God,no.”Rothpulledmyhands
back,andIdidn’tfighthim,becausehehadbeenrightandtherewasnopoint.Itwastoolate.MyheadrebelledatwhatIwasseeing,atwhathadhappenedsoquickly.Outofthesmokeand
chaos,otherswerecomingtowardus.FirstNicolai,andhehaddrawnupshort,andthentheonepersonIdidn’twanttoseethis,butthatIwasalsotoolatetostop.
Zaynesawhisfather.Hefelltokneesonthe
othersideofAbbot,andhereachedforhisfather,butstopped,hishandshoveringoverAbbot’sstill,ruinedchest.Hetrembled.“Father?”Therewasnoanswer.
Thereneverwouldbe.Timeseemedtostop,and
noonemoved,andIheardnosoundeventhoughtherehadtobescreamsandshouts,
sirensandflamescracklingasthefiredevouredthebuildings.TherewasnothingbutZaynestaringdownathisfatherwithhorroretchedintohisface.Therewasjustnothingbut
Zayne.IclamberedfreeofRoth
andcrawledaroundAbbot.IcametoZayne’sside,dippedunderhiswingsandwrappedmyarmsaroundhim.He
shooksofiercelythatmyteethrattled,butIheldon,andwhenZaynereacheddownandgrippedmyarms,hedidn’tpullmineaway.Heheldonsohe...sohewasn’talone.Abbotwasdead.
twenty-four
THENEXTHOURwasablur.IrememberedZayneand
NicolaigentlygatheringupAbbot’sbodyandgettinghimintoalargeSUVIwasn’tevensurebelongedtoanyofthem.Irememberclimbinginwiththem,alongwithRoth.Irememberedhearingsirens
andseeingflashingblueandredlightsasNicolainavigatedthecrowdedstreetfullofdestroyedcarsandpanickedpeople.Thenwewereatthe
compound,aplaceIhadn’tthoughtI’deverreturnto,andtherewasGeoffandJasmineandDanika.EachoftheirfaceswasmarkedwithshockedhorrorasAbbotwascarriedoutofthecarandinto
thehouse.ButitwasMorriswho
killedmyheart.Ithadbeensolongsince
I’dseenhim,theWardens’manofallwork,andIhadtostopmyselffromrushingovertohimwhenhewalkedoutofthekitchen,sadnessetchedintothedeepgroovesofhisface.Whenhesawme,hesmiledslightly,butitdidn’treachthosedark,
soulfuleyes.Jasmine—practical,fast-
thinkingJasmine—hadgrabbedasheetandlaiditoutonthefloor.Abbothadbeenplaceduponit,andMorrishadtakenholdoftheedges,wrappingthemaroundAbbot,formingadeathshroud.Zayneremainedbyhis
father’sside,hisheadbowed,andIremainedcloseby,justincaseheneededme.I
wasn’tsureifhehadneedofmeorwhatIcoulddoforhim,butI’ddowhateverIcould.RothandIwereforgottenasthemembersoftheclandriftedinandoutoftheroom.IlearnedwhenDezphoned
inthatallthestonecreatureshadbeendestroyedandthatheandtheotherWardenswerecurrentlyhuntingdownthewraithstheLilinhad
created.FromwhatIheard,theywerealsotryingtodosomedamagecontrolamongthehumans.Someofthepeopleonthestreetshadseenthewraiths,andtothem,wraithswouldlooklikestereotypicalghosts...alevelofexposuretheWardensdidn’twanttorisk.Dezwasgoingtohavetodoalotoffasttalkingtoconvinceeveryonethathadn’tbeen
whatthey’dseen.Luckily,thosewho’dbeenatthescenehadn’tbeenabletotellthestonecreaturesapartfromtheWardens.Itwasgoingtobeamess.
Itwasamess,andonlytimewouldtellhowbad,butIdoubtedanyofuswasreallythinkingbeyondthismoment.“Whydon’tyousitdown?”
Rothasked,hiseyesfullofconcern.
IshookmyheadasIshiftedmyweightfromonefoottotheother.“I’mokay.”Helookedatmeandthen
towhereZaynewas.IcouldtellRothwantedtosaymore,butwasforcinghimselftostayquiet.Finally,afterwhatfeltlike
forever,Zaynepulledtheremainingfoldsoftheblankettogether,coveringAbbot’sface.
“Areyouready?”Geoffaskedstoically.Zaynepressedhishands
intohisthighsandstood.“Yes.”Nicolaisteppedforward
andthemenliftedAbbot’sbody,carryinghimoutoftheroom.MyheartstartedtopoundandIknewtheyweregoingtotakehimsomewheremoreprivate,topreparehisbody,tocleanhimupasbest
theycould.Wardens—whentheydied,
theirbodiesdidwhatanyhumanbodywoulddo,buttheprocesswasfasterforthem.Withinaday,therewouldbenothingreallyleftbeyondbones.Thatwaswhytheyburnedtheirdead.Hourshadpassedbythe
timeDezandtherestoftheclanreturned,andeventhoughmylegs,myentire
bodyfeltnumb,IwastherewhenAbbotwasliftedupthehastilymadepyreandIwastherewhenZaynecarefullyplacedalittorchatthefeetofhisfallenfather.IwastheretoseeNicolaiplacehisarmaroundDanika’sshoulders.Iwastherewhennothing
butashremained.Whenitwasallover,Roth
carefullyplacedhisarmaroundmywaist,startling
me.Itwasn’tthatI’dforgottenthathewasthere,butIwas...Iwassimplyoutofit.Lookingback,I’dprobablybefascinatedbythefactthattheCrownPrinceofHellhadbornewitnesstotheritualisticfuneralofaWarden.Rothguidedmebackinto
thehouse,butwedidn’tmakeitveryfarbeforeJasmineappearedinfrontofus.
Sadnessradiatedfromhereverypore,butalookofsteelydeterminationhadsettledonherbeautifulface.“Comewithme,”she
ordered,turningtowardthestairs.WhenIdidn’tmove,Roth
tookmattersintohisownhands.Orarms.Turningtome,hethrustonearmundermykneesandinthenextbreath,Iwasupoffmyfeet
andcradledagainsthischest.“Whatareyoudoing?”I
demanded.“You’vebeenonyourfeet
thiswholetimeandyouwereinjured.”Hestartedforthestairwell,behindJasmine.“Don’ttellmethatyou’refine.LetJasminelookyouover.”Istartedtoprotest,buthe
wasalreadyhalfwayupthestairs,andithitmerightthen
—everythingthathadhappenedinthelastcoupleofdays.Exhaustiongrabbedholdofmeanddidn’tletgo.ItdugindeepandIwaswearytomyverybones.Jasminestoppedinfrontof
whatusedtobemybedroom,andwhenthedooropened,awaveofnostalgiasmackedintome.IlookedaroundasRothwalkedmetotheperfectlymadebedandset
medown.Helingeredclose,sittingontheotherside.Nothinghadreallybeen
touchedwiththeexceptionofthebedbeingmade,becausethatseriouslyhadn’tbeenme.Mydeskwasstillclutteredwithnotebooks,loosepapersandbooks.Theclosetdoorwasajar,revealingthemessofclothinghalfdanglingoffitshangersandstrewnaboutthefloor,mixedamong
collegeapplications.Itwastooweirdbeingback
here.Ilookedoveratthe
windowAbbothadonceboltedshutandsawthedollhouse.Mychestcontracted,becauseIcouldn’thelpbutthinkofthepast—ofZayne.Inafitofrage,Ihaddestroyedthedollhouse,andhehadrebuiltitbacktoitsformerglory.Thedollhouse
alsoremindedmeofhowBambihadmadeitherhome.Tearscloggedthebackof
mythroat,butIdidn’tletthemfall.Instead,IfocusedonJasmine,who’dputvariousherbsandherbagoftorturedevices,otherwiseknownasasewingkit,onthebed.“Canwegetthesweater
off?”sheasked,twistingherlongdarkhairbackand
securingitwithahairtie.Reachingdown,Itugged
theruinedsweaterovermyhead.Ihadatanktopunderit,butevenifIhadn’t,Iwould’vebeentootiredtocareifIwasshowingoffmygoodies.Rothtookthesweaterfrom
me,tossingittothefloor,andthenplacinghishandonmyshoulder.Hiseyeswerefastenedtomyface.
Jasminemadeasoft,cluckingsoundassheeyedthewound.“Whathappened?”“Ireallydon’tknow.”I
clearedmythroat.“ZaynestabbedtheLilinandthisiswhathappenedtome.”“TheLilinwasstabbed
withanirondagger,”Rothadded.“Butitdoesn’tlooklikeshehasthesymptomsofbeingstabbedwithone.”
Jasmineshookherheadasshepouredantisepticonacloth.“No.Shewouldbeveryillifthatwasthecase.I’msorryifthishurts.”Sheplacedtheclothagainstthewound,andyeah,itdidsting,butI’dfeltworse.“Howhaveyoubeen?”“Okay.”Ididn’twantto
talkaboutmyself.IglancedatthedoorandthenatRoth.“Zayne...he’llbeokay,won’t
he?”Rothwasslowtonod.“He
hastobe.”“He’sright.”Jasmine
moppedupthebloodonmyshoulderandarm.“Withhisfathergone,Zayneisinlinetobetheheadofthisclan.”Myeyeswidened.Ihadn’t
eventhoughtofthat.“He’stooyoungto
completelytakeover,”shecontinued.“Anditwill
probablyfalltoNicolaitostepinuntilZayneisready.”Itwastheendofaneraand
wouldbethebeginningofanother.Mybodywaspresentwhile
Jasminetalkedasshecleanedmywound,andyet,mymindwasathousandmilesawayitseemed.Icouldn’tbelievewhathadhappened.Thisoutcomehadnevercrossedmymind.Iwasn’tmentally
oremotionallypreparedforanyofthis.“Goodnews,”Jasmine
said,drawingmyattention.“Thewoundisalreadystartingtoheal.Idon’tneedtostitchitclosed.”ThankGod,becausethe
lasttimeIhadthathappen,Ihadtobehelddown.Jasminesmoothedsomekindofcooling,minty-smellingsalveonmyarm,andthenrose.
“Youshouldgetsomerest,”shesaid.“It’slate.I’msuretheclanwillhavenoproblemwithyoubothstayinghere.”Rothraisedbothbrowsat
that.“Yousure?”Shesmiledtiredly.“IfI’m
wrong,thensomeonewillbeupheretotellyoutoleave.Meanwhile,areeitherofyouhungry?Icanhavefoodsentup.”“I’mfine.”Rothlookedat
me.“You?”“I’mgood.”Ireachedout,
grabbingJasmine’shandassheturnedtoleave.“Thankyou.”“Nothanksareever
needed.”Withthat,shelefttheroom.Glancingdownatmy
shoulder,Isawtheglisteningpuckeredskin.Thewoundwasnowherenearasbadasithadoriginallyfelt.
“Wantmetograbyouanewsweater?”Rothasked,andwhenInodded,heheadedtomycloset,returningwithathickchunkyonethatbuttonedupthefront.Hewasquietashetookcareofthebuttonsandthenknelt,pullingoffmyboots.Ashekickedhisownoff,
Morrisappearedinthedoor,carryingtwoglasses.Bothhadorangejuiceinthem,and
thatbroughtawaterysmiletomyface.Hewalkedthemovertothenightstand,andasalways,hedidn’tsayaword.Whenheturned,hereachedout,cuppingmycheekwithacoolhand.Thesmilewasbackonhisfaceandthistimeitreachedhiseyes.Thenhepattedmycheekandlefttheroom,leavingthedoorhalf-open.“Thatman...heisstrange,”
commentedRoth.“He’swonderful,”I
immediatelydefendedMorris.Rothshookhishead
slowly.“I’mnotdisputingthat,but...”“Butwhat?”“Idon’tknow.He
just...givesmethecreeps.”Rothfrowned.“Andnothinggivesmethecreeps.”Imadeaface.“There’s
nothingcreepyabouthim.Morrisisthebestandhe’sanoldman—notexactlyathreattoyou.”“LikeIsaid,Idon’tknow
howtoexplainit.”Turningtome,hescrubbedhisfingersthroughhishair.“Tonighthasbeen...”“Acompletemess?”I
scootedover,restingagainstthebackoftheheadboardasIpickedupthecupofOJ.
Rothsatbesidemesowewereshouldertoshoulder.Hestretchedhislegsout.“Yeah,thataboutsumsitup.”Itookasipandthen
anotherbeforesettingitaside.WhenIlookedathim,Isawthatthebruisealonghisjawwasalreadyfading,butIbrushedmyfingersaroundit.“Areyouokay?”Hisbrowsknitted.“Don’t
worryaboutme.”
“Ido.”“There’snoneed.”Isighed.“Roth.”“I’mfine,”hesaidfinally.
“Itdoesn’tevenhurt.”“Good.”Istruggledtotake
anevenbreath.“Tonight...Idon’tevenknowwhattothink.Ican’tbelieveAbbotisgone.”Hetookadeepbreath.
“YouknowhowIfeelaboutthatman,whatheaidedin
doingtoyou,butIknowheraisedyou.”Heslidhishandaroundmineandsqueezed.“Iknowwhathappenedisn’teasyforyoutoaccept.”Closingmyeyes,Ileaned
back.“Hediedprotectingme.Ican’t...God,Idon’tevenknowwhattosay.Iwassoangrywithhimbeforethis,butintheend,hecamethrough.I...”Istopped,openingmyeyes.Theyfelt
wet,andwhenIspoke,myvoicewashoarse.“Istilllovedhim,youknow?”Rothbroughtmyhandto
hismouthandpressedakissatopit.“It’sobviousthathestilllovedyouaswell.”“Yeah.”Iblinkedmytears
awayanddrewinashakybreath.Therewasapause.“Do
youwanttogocheckinonZayne?”
Iturnedmyheadtowardhim,notassurprisedbythethoughtfulnessasIoncemighthavebeen.“Yes,butIthink...Ithinkheprobablyneedsalittlebitoftime.”“Probably,”hemurmured,
reachingoverandtuckingastrandofmyhairbackbehindmyear.Forcingmythoughtstothe
newestproblemwe’ddiscovered,Ipulledour
joinedhandsintomylap.“TheLilin...ittoldmethatwewereinthistogether.Youhearditsaythat.Iguesswedidn’trealizehowliterallyweshouldtakehiswords.”Rothmadealow,angry
soundinthebackofhisthroat.“Ididn’tseethiscoming.”“Me,neither,”Ireplied
drily.“Butitmakessense.Partofmecreatedit.Asdida
partofLilith.Grimtoldmethatwewerejoined,thethreeofus,buthefailedtoreallygointodetailaboutwhatthatmeant.”“Ofcoursehedid.”“Thatwould’vebeengood
toknow,”Iwentontiredly.“Imean,that’saprettybigdetail.IfwekilltheLilin,thenitkillsme.AndI’massumingthatworksbothways.”
Roth’sgazeturnedintent.“Therehastobeanotherway.Ifthere’snot,we’lljustfindawaytokeepit...outoftrouble.”Iarchedabrowatthat,
becauseforonething,Ididn’tthinktherewasanythingwecoulddotokeeptheLilinoutoftroubleshortofkillingit.Butevenifwedidmanagetocontainitwhilelettingitlive,wheredidthatleaveSam?
Hissoulwouldbelost,plusallthesoulsofthecongregationtheLilinhadtakenout.Granted,thosepeoplewerefanatics,butthatdidn’tmeantheydeservedthatkindoffate.Roth’seyesshiftedtothe
doorway,andIfollowedhisgaze,mybreathcatchingwhenIsawthatitwasZayne.Iopenedmymouthbuthespokefirst.“CanIcomein?”
“Ofcourse.”Ipulledupmylegstogivehimroom,buthelingeredbythedoor,justinsidetheroom.Myheartachedforhim,foreverything.“Areyou...?”“Idon’t...Idon’teven
knowwhattothink.”Heshovedhishandsintothepocketsofhispants.“Butthat’snotwhyI’mhere.Iwantedtoapologize.”Mymouthdroppedopen.
“Ididn’tknowthatwhenIstabbedtheLilinitwasgoingtohurtyou.”Hiscrystallinegazemetmine.“Iwouldneverhurtyou.Nomatterwhat.Ididn’t—”“Iknow.Iknowyou
didn’t.Ineveroncethoughtyou’ddothatifyou’dknown.Wedidn’tevenknow,”Iinsisted.“Youdon’tneedtoapologize.That’sthelastthingyouneedtodoright
now.Seriously.”Someoftheconflicteased
outofhisfeatures.Notalot,butsome.“Doweknowwhythishappened?”Partofmewantedtotell
himhedidn’tneedtoworryaboutthis,butthenIrealizedthathemightbeseekingtodistracthimself,andIdidn’twanttotakethatfromhim.ItoldhimwhatRothandIhadjustdiscussed.
“There’sgottobeawaytofixthis,”ZaynesaidwhenIwasfinished.“ToseparateyoufromtheLilin.”“Butwhatifthereisno
wayaroundit?”Atremorworkeditswaythroughme.“WhatiftheLilinandIarereallyjoined,likeweappeartobe,and—”“Don’tsaythat.”Roth’s
eyesbrightenedfiercely.“Don’tevenfinishthat
thought.”“He’sright,”Zaynesaid,
rubbinghishandoverhischest.“Therehastobeanotherway.Wejustdon’tknowwhatitisyet.”Iwantedtobelievethat
therewassomethingelse,butifwewereconnected,wewereconnected.“Wecouldcheckwiththe
seer,”Rothsuggested.Turningtohimslowly,I
staredathim.“Thelittlekid?”Henodded.“Ifanyone
mightknow,itwouldbehim.Thekeyisjustgettinghimtospill.”“Theseer?”Zaynelooked
confused.“Thekidwhokindof
communeswith,well,Idon’tknowwhathecommuneswith,buthedoesn’tworkforeithertheheavensorHell.”I
paused,grinningslightly.“Helikestoplay‘Assassin’sCreed.’”“Andhelikeschicken,”
Rothadded.Isnorted.“Wecancheck
withhimtomorrow.”AmomentpassedandIfrowned.“He’llprobablyknowwe’recoming.”Rothsmirked.MygazeflippedtoZayne.
Shadowshadblossomed
underhiswearyeyes,andhelooked...Helookedlost.“Layla,youknowyoucan
stayhere.”Hisshoulderstensed.“Bothofyoucanstayhereaslongasyouneed.Okay?Andifyouleave—justbecareful.Ihave...Ineedtogo.”Slippingoffthebed,I
walkedovertohim.Beforehecouldleave,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim.He
stiffened,andthenheturnedinmyembrace.Reachingdown,hefoldedhisarmsaroundme.Againstmycheek,hewhisperedinagruffvoice,“Thankyou.”Andthenheletgoandleft
theroom,closingthedoorbehindhim.Iclosedmyeyesagain,
squeezingthemshut.Idon’tknowhowlongIstoodthere,butwhenIturnedaround,I
mademywaytothebed.Climbingin,IreturnedtothepositionIwasinbefore,shouldertoshoulderwithRoth.“Idon’tthinkheknows,”I
said.“Knowswhat?”Rothasked
quietly.Ilookedathim.“Idon’t
thinkheknowshowhisfatherdied.ThatAbbotwasprotectingme.He’salready
so—”“Stop.”Rothcapturedmy
chin,holdingmygaze.“Thatguythatwasjustinhere?Ihatetosaythisoutloud,buthe’sagoodguy.Hedoesn’thateyou.Henevercould.Hemightnotlikeyourightnow,butthathasnothingtodowithhisfather.Idon’tknowifheknowshowAbbotwentdown,butiforwhenhefindsout,he’snotgoingtoblame
you.Becauseitwasn’tyourfault.Andheknowsthat.”ForasecondIdidn’tknow
whattosay.“Ihateitwhenyou’reright.”Rothchuckledashe
wrappedhisarmcarefullyaroundmeandheldmeclosetohim.Mycheekfounditswaytohisshoulder.Somuchhadhappenedinaspanofdaysthatmyheadconstantlybuzzedwithallofit.Butin
thissecond,rightnow,myheadwasquiet.“Iwouldn’thavechangeda
thing.”IblinkedasIliftedmy
head.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”“TheofferIhadCayman
maketothewitches.”Hedraggedhisthumbundermylowerlip.“EvenifI’dknownthatthey’daskforBambi,Istillwould’veagreedifit
meantsavingyou.IcanonlyguessZaynewouldfeelthesameaboutthewayAbbotdied.”“Oh,Roth...”“Ijustwantyoutoknow
that.Okay?”Heleanedover,kissingmyforehead.“Imissthatsnake.I’malwaysgoingtomissher,butifIhadtodoitalloveragain,Iwould.Noquestionsasked.I’ddoitalloveragainforyou.”
twenty-five
IREALLYWASN’TsurehowZayneandStaceyendedupinthebackseatoftheMustangthefollowingmorning.Staceyhadshowedupfirstthing,momentsafterI’dsteppedoutoftheshower,bangingonthefrontdooranddemandingtobeallowedin.Ahugepartofme—okay,
allofme—wishedI’dbeeninthecommandroomtoseeGeoff’sfacewhenthatwentdown.Inallourtimeasfriends,Staceyhadneverbeenallowedatthecompoundbefore.FromwhatIgathered,the
WardenshadrefusedtoallowherentranceuntilZayneappeared.Turnedoutshe’dlearnedofmynow-minorinjurythroughZayneatsome
pointthenightbefore,becauseneitherRothnorIhadbeenansweringtexts.ThefactthatsheandZayne
weretextinginthefirstplacewasahugesurprisetome.Ididn’tthinkthey’deverexchangednumbersbefore.NotthatStaceywould’vebeenagainsthavingZayne’snumber,butIwasn’tsurewhenthewholebecomingtext-buddiesthinghad
happened.ProbablywhenIwasin
Hell.Wasthatonlyyesterday?
Thedaybefore?Icouldn’tkeeptrackofthetimeanymore.Rightnow,shewas
supposedtobeinclass,notthatIcouldreallytakehertotaskonthatsinceIhadn’tsteppedfootinsidetheschoolinwhatfeltlikeforever.
SinceZaynehadbeenintheroomwhenRothhadsuggestedpayingtheseeravisit,he’dbroughtitupwhileStaceywasvisitingmeinmyoldroom.Shedemandedtogowithus,andafteraboutahalfanhourofarguing,I’dgivenupontryingtoreasonwithher.Ididn’twantheranywherenearanyofthis,noteventheseer,butasshehadpointedoutmorethan
once,shewasalreadyknee-deepinit.Itwasalsogoodtoseeher
animatedandactiveinsteadofawashed-outghostversionofthefriendIloved.IwassurprisedthatZayne
hadjoinedus.Hewasquiet,hisexpressionstoic.Ididn’tknowhowhewasprocessingthegriefoflosinghisfathermerehoursago,buthewasholdingittogether,andthat
strengthwasadmirable.WhenI’dseenElijahdie,
I’dfeltgriefbutithadbeenadifferentkind.Withhisdeath,Ilostthepotentialofwhatcould’vebeen.NotthatIeverfooledmyselfintothinkingonedayhewouldwakeupandacceptmeashisdaughter,butI’dmournedtheloss...thelossofwhatneverwas.WhenAbbotdied,I’dfeltthelossoftheonlyfather
figureI’dknown,yeteventhoughmygriefwassharp,itwasnothingcomparedtowhatZaynemustbefeeling.AndmygriefoverSam
stilldidn’treachtheheightsofwhatStaceyhadexperienced.Itseemed,thatthroughallofthis,Iwasjustgettingatasteoftheconsequencesofwhatwashappening,notthewholeswallow.
Ihadafeelingthatwouldchange,though,verysoon.Theridetotheseer’shouse
wasawkward,becauseitstartedwithatriptothelocalgrocerystore.ThePerduechickenwas
tuckedbetweenZayneandStacey.TheformerwasshootingdaggersatthebackofRoth’sheadanytimeIglancedbackathim.Rothwasonhisthirdroundof
humming“ParadiseCity,”appearingoblivioustothedeathglaredirectedathim.Iwastryingtopretendlikeeverythingwasdandyandtotallynotaboutsevenlevelsofawkward,andStaceylookedlikesheneededabucketofpopcorn.Whenwefinallypulledup
infrontoftheoldhomewithitswoodenfenceandstonewallsneartheManassas
Battlefield,Iwasreadytodive-bomboutofthecar.“Ithinkit’sbestthatyou
twostayinthecar.”Rothturnedofftheignition,andthentwistedback,eyeingourtagalongs.“Tonyispeculiar.Wedon’tneedtopisshimoff.”Zayneglancedatthe
chicken.“Youhavetobringhimachicken?”“Eh...”Rothdidn’tanswer.
“He’sreallyakid?”Staceyasked,glancingatthehouse.Acurtainswayedacrossawindownearthedoor.“Likeakid,kid?”“Yeah,he’sprobablyonly
nineorten,”Iexplained,reachingforthedoor.“Geez,”murmuredStacey,
slowlyshakingherhead.“Youtwogoingtobeokay
here?”Ihesitated.Rothsnorted.“I’msure
they’llbejustfine.”Ishothimalook,andhe
turnedaninnocentstareonmewhilehereachedbehindhim.“Someonehandmethechicken?”ItwasStaceywhohanded
itover.“Thisissoweird.”“Youhavenoidea,”I
muttered.Rothwaitedformeonthe
othersideoftheMustang,lightlyplacinghishandon
mylowerback.“Youfeelingokay?”heaskedaswesteppedthroughthegateandpassedtheneatlytrimmedbushes.“Justalittlesore,”I
admitted,becausesayingIwas100percentfinewouldn’tbebelievable.Dippinghishead,he
brushedhislipsovermyforeheadbeforeweclimbedthestairs.Iglancedbackat
thecarandfoundthatZaynehadnotstayedinsideasinstructed.Hewasstandingbesidethecar,hisbacktothehouse.Hewasrightthere,butlookingathimfeltlikeIwasseeingarecordedimageofsomeone.Hewastherebutnot.Thedooropenedbeforewe
knocked,drawingmyattention.Thefaintblueaurafaded,revealingTony’s
mother.Shewaswearingawhitecardiganthistime,butthepearlsIrememberedwerestillclaspedaroundherneck.“I’mstillnothappytosee
you,”shesaid.Rothraisedashoulder.
“AndI’dsayI’msorry,butIstillwouldn’tmeanit.”GoodLord,notthisagain.“Letthemin,”camethe
voicefrombehindthewoman.
Shesteppedasideandtherehewas.FirstIsawthewhiteglowaroundhim,brighterthanwhatclungtoZayne.Apuresoul,totallyrare.TheurgeIusuallyfeltatseeingapuresoulwasminimal,almostforgettable.Theboywasallblondcurlsandhadthefaceofacherub.Hewasadorable—withtheexceptionofthewhitepupilsinthemiddleofhiscobalteyes.
Becausethoseeyeswerestillfreaky.Tonyglancedatthe
grocerybagRothheld.“Anotherchicken?Areyouserious?”“Hey.IhearPerdueisthe
best,”Rothreplied.“AndIhearTysonisnot
thatbad,either.”Sighing,thepint-sizeseergesturedathismom.“Takeit.”Thewoman,whowas
probablywellversedinthebizarreness,tookthebag.“It’sTacoTuesday.Thiswillhavetowait.”“Youbetitwill.”Theseer
motionedustofollowhim.Thehousesmelledofpineandapples,makingmeyearnforChristmas.“Youknow,youcould’veallowedyourfriendstocomein.Insteadthey’reoutthere,beingallbroodyandprobablycreeping
outtheneighbors.”“They’reprobablytheleast
creepythingyourneighborshaveseen,”Rothpointedout.“Dependsonwhatyou
thinkiscreepy,eh?”IsmackedRoth’sarm
whenheopenedhismouth,obviouslyformingyetanotherretort;ifIdidn’tstophim,heneverwould.Heshotmealook,butTonyletoutaverychildlikegiggle.
Wefollowedhimintothelivingroom.Therewasamassivetreealldeckedoutwithornamentswithamountainofpresentsalreadytuckedunderit.AnothervideogamewaspausedontheTV,butthistimeitdidn’tlooklikeamedievalgame.Therewasacarandwhatlookedlikeapoliceofficerchasingafterit.Tonyploppeddownona
beanbag,andsomehowhemadethatlooklikeathrone.“Iknowwhyyouguysarehere.”“Ofcourse,”Imurmured,
sittingdownonthecouch.Heraisedablondbrowas
heglancedatRoth.“Justsoyouknow,whenyouendedupchainedinthefierypits,Iwasn’tlaughinglikeIpredicted.”Roth’seyesnarrowedat
thereminderashesatonthearmofthecouchbesideme.“Maybejustalowchuckle
ofamusement,”Tonyaddedslyly.“Areyousureitwasn’ta
high-pitchedgiggleofamusement?”repliedRoth.“Sinceyouhaven’thitpubertyyet?”Ohdear.Tonyliftedachubbyhand
andflippedRothoff.
“Ah,didIupsetthewee,littlebaby—”“Roth,”Isighed,punching
hisleglightly.“Ican’ttakeyouanywhere.”“Nottrue.”Hewinkedat
me.“I’madaptableinanysituation.”Tonyproppedhislegsup
onthecoffeetable,crossingthemattheankles.“WhileIthinkit’sgreatthatyoutwohaveobviouslycometoterms
withwhatyoubothareandyourfeelingsforoneanother,Ihavebetterthingstodothanwatchyoutwo—”“Tony!”hismom’svoice
rangoutfromsomewhereinthehouse.“Getyourfeetoffthecoffeetablenow!”Ipressedmylipstogether
tokeepfromlaughingasTonyrolledhisweirdeyesbutdidashe’dbeentold.Hisfeetthumpedoffthe
hardwoodfloors.“YouwanttoknowhowtokilltheLilin,”hesaid,staringbalefullyinRoth’sdirection.“Youknowtherules.Icannothelponesideovertheother.”“Screwtherules,”Roth
ordered.“Easyforyoutosaywhen
it’snotyourlifethatwillbeontheline,”theseerretorted.“Thethingis,youbothshouldalreadyknowthe
answeryouseek.”“Weknowhowtokillthe
Lilin,”Isaid,scootingforwardonthecushion.“Stabitintheheartordecapitateit,andwealmostsucceededwithastabtotheheart,but—”“Butyoudiscovereda
smallcomplication?”Heturnedawoefulstareonhisscreen,asifspendingaminuteawayfromhisgame
wastorture.“AfatalwoundtotheLilindeliversafatalwoundtoyou.”Inodded.“It’sexpected.Apartof
youwasusedtocreatetheLilin,justasapartofLilithwasusedtocreatebothofyou,”hecontinued,tiltinghisheadtotheside.Severalblondcurlsfloppedover.“Allthreeofyouarejoined.”Thathadbeensaidbefore,
butnoonehadmentionedthefactthatkillingtheLilinwouldalsokillme.Thatlittletidbithadbeenleftout.NotthatIwasentirelysurprised.“Weneedtoknowhowto
separatethetwo.”Rothopenedandclosedthehandclosesttome.“That’swhywe’rehere.”“AndIknowthat.”Tony
barelydraggedhisattentionfromthepausedgame.“This
conversationiswastingmytimeandyours.”“Doyounotcare?Iknow
yourstupidgameisimportant,butifwecan’tstoptheLilin,you’regoingtodie.Everyoneisgoingtodie!”Ishottomyfeet,wantingtograbthelittleseerandshakehim,but—buttherewasapartofmethatunderstoodhewasn’tbeingobtuse.Weweretheones
whowere.Frustrationpoundedthroughme.“Ifwedon’tsucceed,theLilinwilljump-starttheendoftheworld.Evenyouwarnedusofthislasttimewewerehere.”“Lasttimeyouwerehere,I
sawthattherewasagoodchanceforthattohappen.”Hispupilswereatonceabrilliantwhite.“NowIseethatitwillnothappen.Youwillstopit.”
Itensed.“But—”“You,”herepeated,eyeing
meintently,“willstopit.Andyoualreadyknowhow.Thestoryisover.Theend.”Rothsuckedinashrill
breath,butIthinkIstoppedbreathingforasecond.Whatnoneofuswantedtoacknowledgeinthehoursafterwe’dgonetoe-to-toewiththeLilinwasnowsmackingusinthefaceagain.
KillingtheLilinmeantkillingmyself.“You’renothelpingusout
here,bud.”Roth’svoicewascalm,butangerandsomethingelse,somethingakintodesperation,wererollingoffhim,becomingatangibleentityintheroom.“WeneedtoknowhowtokilltheLilinwithoutharmingLayla.”“AndasI’vesaid,you
alreadyknowtheanswertothat,”Tonyrepliedfromhisbeanbagthrone.“Youjustdon’twanttoacceptit.”Iclosedmyeyesbriefly.
“Sowhatyou’resayingis...viceversa.Ifwekillme,wekilltheLilin?”“That’sbullshit,”Roth
spat,andhewasonhisfeetbythetimeIopenedmyeyes.“It’sanunacceptableanswer.”
Alookofremorseflickeredacrosstheyoungseer’sface.“It’stheonlyanswer.”RothstartedtowardTony,
andIsnappedmyhandout,grabbinghisarm.Hebreathedindeeply,hischestrisingsharply.Asecondlater,Tony’smotherwasintheroom.Sheheldacasseroledish
aboveherhead,asifshewas
readytopitchitatoneofus.“Ithinkit’stimeforyoualltoleave.”Mygriptightenedon
Roth’sarm.Shewasright.Itwastimetogo,becauseweknewwhattheanswerwas.We’dknownwhatitwasbeforewe’devencomehere,oratleastIhad.Rothwasstillmadeyeballingtheseer,soItuggedonhisarm.“Roth,”Iwhispered.“Let’s
go.”Heturnedasharpglareon
me.“You’rejustgoingtoacceptthat?”HethrewanarmuptowardTony.“Thatthere’snootherway?”“No,”Isaid,anditwasn’t
somuchalieasitwasanattempttoendthisbeforeweendedupwearinggreen-beancasserole.“Butwe’redonehere.”Whenhestillhesitated,Ipulledonhisarmagain.
“We’llfigurethisoutonourown.”Mywordssoundedweakto
myownears,butRothfinallyrelented.Westartedtowardthefronthallway,passingTony’ssternmother.“Everythingisfora
reason,”theseercalledaswenearedthearchwaytothefoyer,andwhenIlookedback,hewasstanding,hisexpressionsolemnandwise
beyondhisyears.“Notonethinginthisworldhappenswithoutapurpose.Everyone’sactions—thoseofthePrinceandofyourWardens—haveallbeenleadinguptothis.They’veallsacrificedforyou,forthis.Anditwillnotbeinvain.”
***
Stacey’sfacewasthecolorof
apieceofnotebookpaperandherdarkeyeswerewide.“No,”shesaid,andthenlouder,“No.”Twistingaroundinthe
frontpassengerseat,IglancedatRoth.Athishands.Hisknuckleswerebleachedwhitefromgrippingthesteeringwheel.Hehadn’tsaidmuchsincewe’dreturnedtotheMustang.Hestaredstraightahead,a
muscletickingalonghisjawashedroveusbacktodropStaceyoffatthehighschool.“Isthereliterallynothing
thatcanbedone?”Zayneasked,hishandsrestingonthebackofmyseat.“Orisitjustthattheseerdoesn’tknowwhatitwilltake?”“Idon’tthinkthereisa
way,”Ireplied,flickingmygazebacktoZayne.Hedidn’tlookjustangryorconfused,
butmorelikeacombinationofthetwo.“Itmakessenseinaway,thefactthatit’sconnectedtomeandbothofusareconnectedtoLilith.OurbloodcreatedtheLilin.”“Maybeitmakessenseto
you,”Staceysaid,pullingonelegupandtuckingitagainstherchest.“Noneofanyofthiscrapreallymakessensetome,butwhatever.Whatarewegoingtodonow?Ifwe
can’tkilltheLilin...”“Ifwedon’tkilltheLilin,
weloseSam.WeloseallthosesoulsthattheLilinhastaken,”Iremindedher.Herfacecontortedasshe
lookedaway,staringoutthewindowasthelawnsandhomesgavewaytowalls.“Ihaven’tforgottenthat.Ijust...”Zayneleanedbackinhis
seat,rubbinghishandsdown
hisface.“There’sgottobesomething.There’ssomanydamnbooksinmy...myfather’sstudy.I’llcheckthemwhenIgetback.I’llgetDezonit,too.”Loweringhishands,hesighedheavily.“We’renotgivingup.”ThefactthatZaynestill
caredenoughaboutmetowanttohelpeasedalittleoftheburdenIcarriedwithmefromhurtinghimsoterribly.
Thenagain,Ishouldn’tbeallthatsurprised.Therewasprobablyapartofhimthathatedme,understandablyso,butunderitall,hewasagoodguy—agreatguy.“Didyouhearme?”Zayne
asked,drawingmygazebacktohim.“We’renotgivingup.”“Iknow,but...butwe’re
runningoutoftimeforSam.Andhowmuchlongerarethe
Alphasgoingtoallowthisviolencetocontinue?”Iwasaskingdamngoodquestions.OnesthatneitherZaynenorRothcouldanswer.“TheLilintookoutanentirecongregationofGod’sChildren.Andyeah,I’msuretheyweren’tonthebigguy’sfavoritelist,butit’sonlyamatteroftimebeforetheLilindoessomethingthatcannolongerbeoverlooked.It
almostexposedallofuswhenitwokethosegargoyles.Howmuchtimedowereallyhavetofigureoutawayaroundthis?”“Whatareyousaying?”
Roth,finallyspeaking,barkedoutthequestion.Startled,Ilookedathim.
Hiseyesweretrainedontheroad.“Idon’tknow.Justthatwe...wedon’thaveanytime.”Rothlapsedbackinto
silence,andthenwewerepullingupinfrontofthehighschool.Seeingit,afterwhatfeltlikeforever,triggeredamixedresponseinsideme.Partnostalgiaandpartkeendisappointment—Iwasn’tabletoforgethowmuchI’dlookedforwardtogettingupeverymorningandgoingtoschool.Withinthosewalls,IusedtobeabletopretendthatIwasnormal.Lookingback
now,Isawhowfoolishthatwas,thatchildishurgetohidefromwhatIwas.Itwasn’tsomethingIcould
doanymore.Staceygrabbedher
backpackofftheflooroftheMustangandclimbedout.Ifollowed,sothatIcouldgiveheraquickhug.Wecouldn’tlinger,though.Ifanyoftheschoolofficialssawmeoutside,thatwouldraisea
slewofunwantedquestionswedidn’thavetimefor.“Youokay?”Iaskedwhen
Ipulledbackfromthehug.Nodding,shebrushedher
overlylongbangsoutofhereyes.“Yes.No.”Shehitchedupthestrapofthebagfartheruphershoulder.“WhyareyouevenaskingifI’mokay?You’retheonewho’svirtuallyaSiamesetwinwithapsychoticdemon.Don’t
worryaboutmerightnow.”“It’skindofhardnotto.”“Orisitjusteasierto
worryaboutmeinsteadofyourself?”Iopenedmymouth,but
whatcouldIsaytothat?Itwasboldlyonpoint.Glancingatthethickclouds,Isighed.“Idon’tknowwhattothinkrightnow.I...”Itrailedoff,shakingmyhead.Staceyreachedout,
graspingthesleeveofmysweaterandtugginggently.“Youknowyou’rethesisterIneverreallyaskedfor,right?”Igrinned.“Yeah.”“AndIloveyou,nomatter
what.Youknowthatalso.Andyouknowhowmuchit...itkilledmetoloseSam.”Tearsfilledhereyes,buthergazewassteady.“Ican’tloseyou,too.”Herstatementunnerved
me.“Whydoyouthinkthat’sgoingtohappen?”“BecauseIknowyou,”she
replied,hervoicehoarse.“Promisemeyou’renotgoingtodoanythingstupid.”“Me?”Iforcedalaughthat
soundedlikedrybonesrattling.“Notdosomethingstupid?”Thejokedidnothingto
easehermind.“YouknowwhatImean.Promiseme,
Layla.Iwanttohearyoupromiseme.”“Ipromise,”Iwhispered.AsIpartedwayswith
Stacey,Iknewthatmypromisehaddoneverylittletoreassureher.Truthwas,thepromisewasoneInevershould’vemade.BecauseIhadalotofstupidleftinme,andIknewwhatIhadtodo.
twenty-six
ROTHANDIhelpedZayneandDezskimthroughtheancienttomesthatfilledthefloor-to-ceilingbookshelvesinAbbot’sstudywellintotheevening.WewereevenjoinedbyDanikaandNicolaioncenightfell.Aswewentfromonedustypagetothenext,Icouldhearthehigh-
pitchedgigglesfromIzzyandtheshrillcriesfromDrakeonandoffallevening—clearlyJasminewashavingatoughtimewearingthemoutenoughtogetthemtobed.Bythetimewecalleditanight,Ihadn’tactuallyseenthetwinsandwehadn’tfoundanythingofuse.ExceptIdidcomeacrossa
smallcreaturecalledaPukwudgieinoneofthe
tomes,atinytroll-likecreatureI’dheardaboutonlyoncebefore,whenDezhadbroughtJasminetoourcompoundallthoseyearsago.She’dbeenbittenbyoneandhadbeenveryillasaresult.Istillsortofwantedtosee
onewithmyowneyes.Snowwasfallingbythe
timeRothandIleft.WeheadedtothePalisadessince
itwascloserthantheMcMansion,parkinginthegarageandbypassingtheclubdownbelow.AssoonasIwalkedintotheloft,hecalledoffthekittens.Iwatchedthemscatterabouttheroom.Oneheadedtothepianowhiletheothertwodartedunderthebed.“Wantmetogetsome
food?”heasked,droppinghiskeysatopthebookshelf.
Iwasn’treallyhungry,butIknewRothhadn’teatenallday.“Sure.”“I’llgograbussome
stuff,”hesaid,insteadofsummoningCaymanlikehenormallywould.“Anythinginparticularyouwant?”Pressingmylipstogether,I
shookmyheadandwatchedRothstarttowardthedoor,stopasifhewantedtosaysomethingandthenleave.
Uneasechurnedinmystomach.Askingaboutfoodwasthemosthe’dsaidsincewelefttheseer’shouse.Suspicionblossomed.Whatwasheupto?WhatwasIupto?Restless,Ilookedaround
theroom,andthencalledforRobin.Hepeeledoffmyarm,afox-shapedshadowuntilhehitthefloor.There,hisreddish-orangefurwas
twitchingashelookedbackatme,headcockedtotheside.Heknew.Ofcoursehedid.Chirping,heprancedover
totheopenclosetdoor,totheclothinghe’ddraggedoffhangersandhadfashionedabedoutof.Iwatchedhimcurlhisbushytailclosetohisbody,andthenIwalkedtotheroofentrance.
ColdairgreetedmeasIopenedthedoorandclimbedthenarrowstaircase.Afinelayerofsnowcoatedtheemptypotsandthecanopyabovethechaiserolledsilently.Allthetreeswerebare,butnotdead.Lifewouldberenewedinthespring,ifmankindmadeittothespring.Imademywaytothe
ledgeandstaredatthe
glisteninglightsofDC.AmistycloudformedeverytimeIexhaled,butitwaspleasantouthere,abovethenoiseofthecityandthenoxiousfumes.Calmeven.WewereahandfulofdaysawayfromChristmas,andwewererunningoutoftime.Wewereoutoftime
actually.AlthoughZayneandDez
hadplannedtocontinue
scouringthebooksforawaytoendtheLilinorsomehowincapacitateit,Idoubtedtheywouldfindanything.Besides,evenifwecoulddisabletheLilin,thatdidnothingforthesoulsithadconsumed,nothingforSam.Itookadeepbreath,butit
gotstuckinmythroatasarazor-edgedpanicroselikeaghostinthenight,threateningtodragmeunder.BeforeI
couldgiveintoit,IfeltRoth’spresence.Swallowinghard,Ipushedthefeardown,allthewaydown,andfacedhim.Hestoodjustoutsidethe
door,thebreezerufflinghisdarkhairassnowpepperedthestrandsandhiseyesglitteringliketawnyjewels.“Whatareyoudoinguphere?”Ishruggedashoulder.“I
don’tknow.It’skindofpretty,withthesnow.”“Andit’sfreezing,”he
commented.“Neitherofusisaffected
bythat.”“Iknow.”Onesideofhis
lipscurvedup.“Ijustfeltlikepointingthatout.”Hepaused.“You’renothungry,areyou?”“Notreally.”Aneyebrowroseashe
walkedacrosstheroof.“Wanttostayouthereforawhile?”“Yeah.Yes.Ido.”Thehalfsmileremainedas
Rothsatdownonthechaise.Thecushionhepattedwasprotectedfromthesnow,butonlyifthewinddidn’treallystartpickingup.Iwalkedovertohim,andwhenheextendedhisarm,Iplacedmyhandinhis.
Rothtuggedmedownbetweenhislegs,positioningmesothatmybackwaspressedagainsthischest.Hisarmsfoldedaroundme,andIclosedmyeyes,smackinganythoughtoutofmyheadjustsoIcouldtakethemomenttoenjoythewarmthofhisbodyandthecomfortofhisembrace.Idon’tknowhowlongwe
sattherewatchingthesnow
fallsilentlybeforeRothspokeagain,butthesnowontheflooroftheroofseemedtohavethickened.“I’vebeenthinking,”hebegan.“Aboutyouinoneofthosereallyskimpybikinis.Thekindwherethebacksideofthebottomsarereallyjustdentalfloss.”“OhmyGod.”Ilaughedas
Itrailedmyfingersoverhishands.“WhyamInot
surprisedbythis?”“Now.Now.Hearmeout,”
hereplied,restinghischinonmyshoulder.Iturnedmycheektohim,waiting.“Youwouldn’tbetheonlyonewhowouldbewearinglessclothingthanwhatwe’vegotonrightnow.”Ireallyhadnoideawhere
thisconversationwasheading,butIwasthrilledthathewastalkingandIwas
alsowillingtojust—tojustletitallgoforrightnow,forthesepreciousmoments,tohumorwhateverwascomingoutofhismouth.“Wouldyoualsobeina
barelytherebikini?”Iasked.Ifelthislipscurveintoa
smile.“Youwouldnotbeabletocontrolyourselfifyousawsomethingsoamazing.”HetuggedmebackintotheVofhislegswhenIhadstarted
totwisttowardhim.“You’dtreatmelikeapieceofmeat.”“Ohreally?”Ilaughed.Rothleanedbackagainst
thecushion,bringingmealongwithhimsothatwewerestretchedoutasthesnowcontinuedtofall.“Uh-huh.SoIwouldjustbewearingswimtrunks.”“Speedo?”“EvenIwouldn’tweara
Speedo,”hereplied.
“HowisaSpeedoanydifferentthanmewearingwhatisbasicallydentalfloss?”“Itis.Justtrustmeon
this.”HetiltedhisheadtothesidesoIcouldseehisexpression.“Anyway,theswimtrunksanditsy,bitsybikiniwouldalsoinvolveasandywhitebeach.You’veneverbeentoabeach,right?”“Right.”Ibitmylipwhen
heshiftedsothathislipsbrushedthelobeofmyear,sendingashiverdownmyspine.“Sowhataboutthisbeach?”“Thebeachwouldexistin
atropicalarea,whereit’salwayswarmandalmostalwayssunny,”hewenton,onehandtoyingwiththehemofmysweater,theotherlazilyroamingupanddownmyleg,fromthightohip.
“Thebeachwouldbeaplacefarawayfromhere.”“Howfar?”Iwhispered.“Asfaraswewant.”One
handtraveleduptomychinandhisfingersguidedmyheadback.“IwasthinkingalongthelinesofTurksandCaicos.”Hekissedmyforehead.“Ihaven’tbeenthere.”Hislipscoastedovermybrows.“ButI’veheardofthisplacecalledGraceBay.”
Hedroppedakissoneachofmyeyelids.“Whitesands.Waterthecolorofturquoise.”Thenhekissedthetipofmynose.“Paradise,orsoI’mtold.Weshouldgo.”Ismiledfaintly.“We
should.”Hisgazemetmineashe
drewback.“I’mbeingserious.Wecanleaveinthemorning.”Mysmilestartedtofade.
“What?”“Itwilltakenothingforme
togetusaprivatejet.Justafewwordsspokentotherightperson,andthenwe’reonourway.It’salittletoofartoflyourselves.”Hiseyessearchedmineintently,andIstiffened,becausehereallywasn’tjokingaround.“Wecouldbetherebytomorrownight.”“Roth—”“Wecanleaveallofthis,”
hepushedon,hishandcuppingmycheek.“Letthepiecesfallwheretheymay,butyouandIwillbefarfromthis—”“There’snowherewecan
gototrulyescapethis.TheAlphaswillintervene.TheLilinwantsthat,andevenGrimhascalledit.Theywillbringabouttheendoftheworld.Hidingoutatabeachisn’tgoingtosaveus.”
“Wecouldtry,dammit.Wecouldtrytosurvive,”heinsisted,hiseyesflashingbrightinthedarkness.“Leavingherepromisesusatleastatomorrow—maybeevenaweekoramonth,butstayinghere—whatdowehave?”Isuckedinasharpbreath.
“Whatdoyoumean?”“YouthinkIdon’tknow
what’sbeengoingoninyour
headsinceyourealizedyourlifewastiedtotheLilin’s?”Hishandcurledaroundthenapeofmyneckasheleanedin,pressinghisforeheadtomine.“Dammit,Layla,Iknow...”Myeyessqueezedshut
againstthesuddenburn.“You’retoogood.You
don’tseethat,butIdo.You’retoogood,butI’mnot.”Hisvoicehoarsened.
“Letmebeselfishenoughforthebothofus.”“WhataboutSam,Roth?”“Idon’tknow.Idon’thave
ananswerforthatyouwanttohear,”headmitted.“I’msorry.You’remypriority.Forgettherest.”Iwrappedonearmaround
hisneck,sayingnothingasItuckedmyheadunderhischin.Hishandremainedatthebackofmyneck.“Iknow
youthinkthereisonlyonewayoutofthis.YougiveupyourlifetostoptheLilin,”hesaid,hisvoicethickerthanbefore.“ButIcan’tletyoudothat.”“Idon’twanttodothat.”Hisotherarmcircledmy
waistasheshiftedhishead,hislipsbrushingmycheekashespoke.“Thendon’t.”Rothmadeitsoundso
simple.Thethingwas,even
heknewitwasn’tthateasy.Ifweleftthisplacetomorrow,therewasagoodchancewe’dhavedays,maybeevenweeksormonthsbeforetheAlphassteppedinandattemptedtowipeusallout.ButhowcouldIseriouslyenjoythosedaysorweeksknowingthatIturnedmybackonSam...God,onmankind?Whatwashappeningwassomuchbiggerthanus,somuchmore
importantthanwhatwewantedordesired.Hishandspasmed,andhe
forcedoutthewordsinaharshwhisper.“I’mterrified.”Myheartturnedoverand
thendoubledup.Hearinghimadmitthatwasashocktomysystem.Ipulledback,meetinghisgazeoncemore.“You’reneverscared.”“I’mnotscared.I’m
terrified,”herepeated,threadinghisfingersthroughmyhair.“I’mterrifiedoflosingyouandthattherewillbenothingthatIcandotostopit.”Therewasapartofmethat
wantedtosimplyreassurehim,butinthismoment,allmydefensescamecrumblingdown.Thepanicthatrestedinthepitofmybellyexpanded.Rothmust’veseen
thefearinmyeyesbecausehetuggedmebacktohischest.“Iwon’tletthishappen,”
hesaid.“I’mthePrince.TherehastobesomethingIcando.IcangototheBoss.”Butiftherewassomething
theBosscould’vedone,wouldn’tithavealreadybeendonebynow?OrcouldtheBossevenstepinatthispoint?Itdidn’tmatter.AsI
clungtoRoth,Iknew,deepdown,wereallydidn’thavetomorrow.IfIdelayedwhatIneededtodo,IwouldnotonlyloseSamandtheothersoulstheLilinhadalreadytaken,butIrantheriskofmillionsoflivesbeinglostiftheapocalypsewasinfactsetinmotion.IrantheriskofRothdoing
somethingevenmorestupidthanwhatIplanned,andifI
couldn’tsavemyself,thenatleastIcouldsaveSam.Icouldsavetheothersouls.Icouldsavetheinnocentpeoplewhowoulddiebecausetheendwascoming.IcouldsaveRoth.WhenRothliftedmyhead,
heopenedhismouthtosaysomething,butIdidn’twanttheretobeanymorewordsbetweenus.Iclosedthedistance,kissinghim.He
triedtoturnhishead,butIgraspedhischeeks,refusingtoallowwhateverwordshewantedtospeaktoformonhislips.Andwhenthekisswasn’t
enough,whenhetriedtospeakagain,Iliftedup,plantingmykneesoneithersideofhiships.Ipressedourbodiestogether,andwhenhismouthfinallyparted,myheartachedintheworstway,
buthewaskissingmebackanditwasscorching.Hishandsfelldownmyback,andhisdesperationamplifiedwhatIfelt.Hismusclessuddenly
tensed,andthenhewasstanding.Iwrappedmylegsaroundhiships.Ourmouthswerefusedtogetherandwesteppedoutunderthesnow.Windpickedup,tossingmyhairaroundus.
Ididn’tthinkwe’dmakeitbacktothestairwell.Webarelydid.Onceinsidethenarrow
hallway,thedoorslammedshutbehindus,andRothturned,pressingmybackagainstthewall.Weweretangledineachother,ourbreathscominginshortpantsasthehardestpartofhimwaspressedagainstthesoftestpartofme.Thesnowthathad
fallenonushadmelted,dampeningourskinandhair.Wekissed.Weclungto
eachother,andtheoutsideworldwentonholdoncemore.Rightnow,thesestolenmomentswerejustaboutus.Nothingelsematteredthenexcepthowhefeltandourloveforoneanother.“Holdon,”hetoldme,and
Iwasn’tplanningtoletgo.Rothcapturedmybreaths
withhislipsasheturned,startingdownthestairsagain.Hekickedthedoorshutbehindus,sealingoutthecold,andwhenheturned,heknockedintothepianobench,topplingitover.Wealmostdidn’thearit.Hecarriedmerighttothe
footofthebed,thewholetimekissingme,drinkingmein,anditwasn’tenough.Notevenwhenhenippedatthe
sensitiveskinbelowmyear,draggingaheatedsoundoutofme.Wepartedlongenoughto
getridofeverythingbetweenus,andthattooklongerthannecessary,becausewekeptstopping...andwekeptgettingdistractedeachtimeashirtcameofforabuttoncameundone.Ourhands.Ourfingers.Ourmouths.Everythingaboutuswas
greedy.Whenmybackhitthebed
andIstaredupathim,thinkingwascompletelyimpossible.Heconsumedme,butIknewitwentbothways,becausehishandtrembledashetouchedmeandhisvoiceshookwhenhetoldmethatIwasbeautiful;whenhesaidthathelovedme,overandover.Hisvoicequakedeachtime.
Whatcamenextwassimplyhimworshippingmeandmerepayingthehonor.Therewasn’tapartofmehedidn’texplore,fromthearchofmyfoottothemanyvalleysonthewaytomylips.Oureyesandhandswerelockedaswestartedmovingtogether.Andwhenitwasover,welaytogether,hishandtrailingovermyribs,tomyhips,andthenwestarted
alloveragain.Weexhaustedourselvesinallthelovewefeltandweheldofftheshadowsbysheerwillpoweruntiltherewasnothingleft.Sleepdidnotcomeforme
afterward,eventhoughIwantednothingmorethantosnuggleintoRothandignoreeverything,Icouldn’t.IfIdid,everyoneIcaredaboutwouldbelost,andcountless,namelessinnocentpeople
wouldbecaughtinthecrossfire.KnowingthatIwastheonlythingthatcouldtrulystopthis,walkingawaywasn’tsomethingIcouldlivewith.Besides,turningmybackwouldonlygiveusafewdays,maybeonlyhours,becauseoncetheLilinpushedtoofar,exposedtoomuch,theAlphaswouldwipeusallout,andthey’dbeenwaitingoh-sopatientlyforagood
reasontodoso.Ihadtodothis.Iknewthat
therewasnootheroption,butasIwatchedRothwhileheslept,whatIwasabouttodocutdeepintome.Ithurt.Aknothadformedinthebackofmythroat,aheavinesspressedintomychestandmyeyesstungastearsfilledthem.Myfingersitchedtotouch
him,justonelasttime,butI’d
riskwakinghimbydoingso.Isettledformemorizingeverybeautifulangleofhisface,fromthesharpnessofhischeekbonestothehardlineofhisjaw,onlyslightlysoftenedbysleep.Icommittedtomemorythethicknessofhislashesandthenaturalarchofhisbrows.IlookedmyfillwhenitcametohisfulllipsandIwishedI’dgettoseethosedimples
oncemore,orthewaythetawnyamberofhiseyeswouldbrightenwhenhelookedatme.Iyearnedtothreadmyhandthroughhishairjustoncemore,feelingthesilkysmoothnessasthestrandssiftedthroughmyfingers.IachedtohearhimsayI
loveyouonemoretime.Noneofthatwasgoingto
happen.
Squeezingmyeyesshutagainsttherushoftears,Icarefullyrolledoutofthebedandtiptoedtowheremyclotheswerepiledonthefloor.Inthequietdarkness,Idressed,grabbedtheirondaggeroffthepiano,andthencreptovertowhereRothlayonhisside,facingthespaceI’drestedon.“Iloveyou,”Iwhispered,
myvoicechoked.“Iloveyou
somuch.”AndthenIdidtheone
thingIneverplannedtodo,buttheonlythingIcould.IleftRoth.
twenty-seven
ASISORTofexpected,itdidn’ttakemelongtofindtheLilin.I’dleftRoth’sloftthroughtherooftopexitandhadtakenflight,lettingthecoldwindrufflemywingsonelasttime.Itwasalmostironic—this
wholething.Rothhadsacrificedforme.
Zaynehad.EvenAbbot,intheend.Allofthemhadgivensomethinguptokeepmealive.Duetowhatthewitcheshadgivenme,I’dgainedimmortalityandforasweet,shorttime,I’dhadatasteofforeverwithRoth.AndonceIfullyunderstoodwhatIwas,I’dbeengivenunbelievablestrength.Mymerepresencestruckfearintotheheartsofdemonsand
Wardensalike.I’dbecomeaforcetobereckonedwith,atotalbadassofahybridmess.Andultimately,allthose
sacrificesandeverythingeveryonehadeverdonehadleduptothismoment—whenIwouldtakeallofthataway.Iwantedtolaugh,butIhadafeelingthatitwouldbethecrazykindoflaughandIwouldbreakdown,becauseIdidn’twanttodie.
BecauseIwasn’tthatbrave.BecauseIwasn’tthis
selfless.Iwasjustonegirlwithno
otheroptions,noothercardupmysleeve.LandinginRockCreek
Parkamongthethick,tallsnow-tippedtrees,I’dwalkedthetrail,oddlycalm.Okay.Maybenotcalm.AsIstaredupatthemoonbreakingfree
fromtheclouds,Ifeltnothing.Iwasempty—determined,
butcompletelyempty.Onlyafewminutespassed
beforeIheardasoftchucklefrombehindme.Thestakewasinmybackpocket,whereI’dhaveeasyaccesstoit,butIleftitthereasIslowlyturnedaround.Alightdustingofsnow
coatedthegroundandflurries
drifteddowntoEarth.TheLilinwasstandingaboutfivefeetfromme,anditlookedlikeSamagain.Angerprickedatmyskin.Ihateditwhenthatthingtookonhisimage.Anditknewit.TheLilinsmiledatme
fromacrosstheshortdistance.“Haveyoufinallycometoyoursenses?”Iraisedmybrows.“If
comingtomysensesishelpingyoufreeLilith—”“Ourmother,”it
interrupted.Ignoringthat,Icontinued.
“Thenyou’reoutofyourmind.Iwillneverhelpyoufreeher,becausefreeingherwouldmeantheendofeverything.”“Notfreeinghermeansthe
endanyway,”theLilinresponded,takingastep
forward.“Don’tyouunderstandthat?IwillcontinuestrippingsoulsuntiltheAlphashavenochoicebuttostepin,untiltheyeradicateeverydemonandWardentopside.”Myhandstightened.“Why
wouldyoudothat?Youwouldbekilledrightalongwiththerestofus.”“Ah,yes,that’strue,butI
knowHellwillnotstandfor
theAlphasgoingafterallthedemons.Theywillretaliate,anditwillbeArmageddon.”TheLilinthatlookedlikeSamsmiledasifitwaspicturingasunnydayatthebeach.“Mydeath—yourdeath—willbeworthknowingthatriverswillrunwithbloodandthesehumans,theseovergrownparasites,willdiebythemillions.”Absolutelythunderstruck
byhiswords,Ishookmyhead.“You’re...ahundredpercentcertifiable.”“No.Ijusthavenothingto
lose.Mylife?ThisshellI’musing?”Itpatteditselfonthecheek.“It’snothing.Ihavenothingtogiveup.AndevenifIdid,Iwoulddoitforourmother.Iwoulddoanythingtodeliverhertherevengeshedeserves.”Iblinked.“That’skindof
sad.”Oneshoulderrose.“Itis
thetruth.”Somethingsparkedinmy
chest,andittastedlikehope.“Itdoesn’thavetobe.Don’tyouunderstandthat?Youhavechoicestomake.Youcanstopwhatyou’redoingandtrytomakesomethingoutofthislifeyouweregiven—”TheLilinthrewitshead
backandlaughed.“Wehavefreewill,”I
insisted,grapplingontoanythingthatcouldsomehowchangeitsmind.“Allofus,notjustthehumans,havefreewill.Youcanchange.Youcanstopthisrightnow.You—”“Freewill?Youarenaive,
sister.Thereisnosuchthing.Wearebornwithourfatesclearlylaidoutinfrontofus.
Thereisnochangingthat.”“Youarewrong,so
incrediblywrong.”Iwantedtostompmyfoottodrivethepointhome.“Anyonecanchangetheirpaths,includingdemons.LookatRoth.Heneverusedtothinkfreewillexisted,butwhenhemadeachoicetosaveme,herealizeditdid.Lookathim!”Itgrinned.“Ah,thePrince.
IlookathimandIsee
someonewhowasoncegreatandfearedbyall,butwhohasbecomenothingmorethanthelackeyofastupid,sillylittlegirl.”Iclenchedmyjaw.“I’m
nottheonewho’sstupid,bud,andhe’snoone’slackey.”“Enough,”itsighed.
“Really.Thisconversationboresme.Youknowyoucannotstopme.Youhavetohaverealizedthatbynow.
Youcan’tkillme,becausedoingsowouldkillyou.Iamapartofyou.”“Youarenothing,”Isaid,
fullofbittervenom.Itinclineditshead.“IfI
hadfeelings,youmighthavehurtthem.”AsIstaredattheLilin,that
tinysparkofhopeflickered,andthenwentout.Therewouldbenoreasoningwithit,justasGrimhadsaid.
MaybeifIhadtakenthatapproachfromthebeginning,therewould’vebeentimetotrytochangeitsmind,buttherewasn’tenoughtimetodothatnow,anditwastoomuchofarisktochanceit.Theweightpressedfarther
downonmyshouldersandmychestastheLilininchedclosetome.Iheldmyground,takingadeepbreath.“What...whatdoyoureally
looklike?”Surpriseflickeredacross
thefaceImissedsobadly.“What?”“Youheardme.You’renot
Sam.You’renotElijah.Iwanttoknowwhatyoureallylooklike.”Theflurriesaroundus
seemedtoeaseupastheLilinstudiedmethoughtfully,thefinedustingofsnowcoatingitsdarkhair.“Whatdoesit
matter?”Iwantedtoseeitsreal
face,justonce,butthatwasn’texactlythemostconvincingargument.“Idon’tknow.Maybe...maybeitwouldhelpmeunderstandyoubetter.”Itseyesnarrowed,andthen
itcastitsgazetothesky.Itsigheddramatically.“Youaresohuman.”WhenRothsaidit,those
wordshadbeendippedinwarmthandlove.WhenthoseverysamewordscameoutoftheLilin’smouth,theywereaninsult.TheLilinsuddenlyshot
forward,stoppingnomorethantwofeetinfrontofme,itseyespureblack.“YouwanttoseewhatIreallylooklike?”itdemanded.“Youwantthat?”“Yes,”Iwhispered.
Itsmiled,andthenitbegantotransform.Itsentirebodytrembled,andthenshookviolently.Iwantedtostepback,becauseatthispoint,Isortofexpectedittoexplode,butfoundmyselfunabletomoveasitshortenedandbecameslimmer,asthebrownhairgavewaytohairsoblonditalmostappearedwhite.Bonessnappedandrefusedagainintodifferent
lengths.ItsfeaturescontorteduntilIwasstaringintoeyesthatwereapaleshadeofblue,leachedofalmostallitscolor.Suckinginasharpbreath,I
feltlikeIwasstaringintothemirror.Anexactreplicaofmestoodthere.“Iamyou,”itsaid,inmy
voice.“No.”Myheartstarted
thumping.“Youarenotme.”
“Iam.I’vealwaysbeenyou.”Asmallsmileappeared,revealingjustonesideofitsteeth,andallIcouldthinkatthatpointwas—wasthatwhatIlookedlikewhenIsmiled?God.“Weareoneandthesame,”itadded.“Wearenodifferent.Doyouunderstandthat?”Ahandfulofmonthsago,a
sightlikethiswould’vedeliveredablowtomy
confidence.I’dhavebeenshakentothepointthatIwouldn’thavebeenabletorecoverfromit.ThinkingthatIwasapartofsomethingsocruelandevilwould’vecrippledme.ButIwasn’tthesamegirl
nowasI’dbeenthen.“Thisissomekindof
trick.”MyvoicewassteadyasIstaredatmyself.“Howdoyoulooklikeme?You
haven’t—”“Weareapartofone
another,”itreplied,glancingdownatitself.Withalowgiggle,itransmallhandsdownitssidesandthenacrossitsfront,thenup.Wow.Thatwasdisturbingto
see...myselfkindoffeelingmyselfup.“Youhelpedcreateme.”
Reachingupahand,itstarted
twirlingastrandofhairarounditsfinger.Onepalebrowrose.“Wesharethesameblood.”“That’sallweshare,andI
knowthisisn’tyourrealform.”Thesmileturnedcoyasit
raisedoneshoulder.“Ifyousayso.”Idrewinadeepbreath.
“You’reacoward.Youknowthat?Youcan’tevenshow
mewhoyoureallyare.”“Iamnotacoward.”The
smileslippedfromitsface.Mimickingitsearlier
movements,Ishruggedashoulder.“Nowonderyoucan’tshowmewhatyouactuallylooklike.Youdon’tseeyourselfclearly.”Cheeksflushingred,the
paleeyesdisappearedinafloodofblack.TheLilinbegantochangeformagain.
ThistimemymirrorimagewasstretchedlikeGumby.Asbonescracked,theicy-blondhairshortenedtoshouldersthatwerebroader.TheLilinstoppedtremblingandwhatstoodbeforemewassomethingaltogetherfamiliarandyetdifferent.AndIknewdeepdownthis
wasreallytheLilin.Theeyeswerepoolsof
blackandthecomplexion
pale.Cheekboneswerehighlikemine,butbroaderandthetiltofthejawwasmoremasculine,thelipslessfull.TheLilin,initstrueformwasamale,wasaheadtallerthanmeandalittlebroader,muchslimmerthanRothorZayne.It—he—wasbeautifulinacreepysortofway,afragilemasculinesortofbeautythatlookedlikeitwouldshatteratanymoment.
HelookedlikeLilith.Helookedlikeme.Ifsomeoneputthethreeof
usinaroomtogether,itwouldbeobviousthatwewererelated.Notuntilthisverymoment,staringathim,didIreallyseeit.Thiscreature...thisthingtrulywasapartofme.Wedidsharethesameblood.Itwasmybrother.Theknotfromearlier
returnedtomythroatandIwantedtocry.Asstupidanduselessasitwouldbe,Iwantedtoflopdownonthecold,snowygroundandcry,becauseIreallywasstaringatsomethingIwasapartof—myowntwistedfleshandbone.“Areyouhappynow?”he
asked,andhisvoicewasdeep.Ishookmyhead,blinking
backtears.Roth’sfaceformedinmythoughts,andIhopedwitheveryounceofmybeingthathecouldforgivemeforthis.“No.Notatall.”Confusionflickeredacross
hisfaceandthenhisexpressionevenedout,turningbland.“I’mdonewiththisfoolishness.”“SoamI.”Reachingbehindme,I
pulledthedaggeroutofmybackpocket.ImovedasfastasIcould,fasterthanIeverhad,andmybrainwasavast,emptycanvasasImoved.Ididn’tthink,didn’tregisterthereturnofbewildermentmarkinghisfeatures.Butthen,inasplitsecond,
realizationthunderedthroughmeasIsteppedforward,thrustingthedaggerintotheLilin’schestwithevery
ounceofmystrength.Iwasbrave.Shocksplashedacrosshis
featuresatthesamemomentpainexplodedinmychest.TheintensityofitwassojarringthatIletgoofthedagger,jerkingback.Thepainwaslikefire,engulfingmychestandspreadingintoeverylimb.ItwassomuchmorepowerfuleventhanwhentheWardenshad
stabbedmeinthestomach,anintensitythatwasfinal.Wetwarmthpoureddownmyfront.Myheartbeat,andthentherewasasharpwrenchingsensationfromdeepinsideofme.Blackeyeswerewideand
hishandswerepaleashegrippedtheendofthedagger.“What...whathaveyoudone?”Iwouldn’tanswerevenifI
could.Becauseitwashappening.Thewoundinhischestlit
up,pulsingwithablue-tingedlightthatseemedtocomefromwithinandthelightspreadrapidly,asifhisskinhadbeenpeeledback.Thelightburstinflaresofdifferentcolors,softpinksandblues,andbutteryyellows,andthoselights,almostlikelittleballs,shot
straightup,disappearingintotheskyaboveus.Notlights,Irealized
dumbly,butthesouls—thesoulsofeveryonetheLilinhadconsumed.IknewinmyheartofheartsthatElijahwasamongthem,andsowasSam.Icouldalmostfeelhim,Ithought,almosthearSam’schuckleandfeelhishandbrushovermine.Hewasfree.
Iknewit.Therewasn’tanother
heartbeat.Ourlegsfoldedatthevery
samesecond,andwecrumpled,foldinglikeapapersack.Ididn’tfeelthegroundstopmyfall.Ididn’tfeelanything.AllIsaw,throughthedarknesscreepingintomyvision,wasthesnowbeginningtofallagain,atinyflakecoastingtotheground.
AndthenIsawnothingatall.
twenty-eight
IDIDN’TREMEMBERclosingmyeyes,notevenblinking.YetsomehowIwasnolongerlyingonthecoldgroundinRockCreekPark,butstandinginstead,anditwasthepark—butnotduringthenight,orduringthewinter.Sunlightbeatdownthroughtheleafylimbsanda
warmbreezetoyedwiththehairsaroundmyface.Whatinthewhat?Mygazedroppedtothe
ground,andtheLilinwasn’tthere.ConfusionpoundedthroughmeasIstaredattheemptyspotbeforemeandthendownatthefrontofmysweater.Itwasbloodied,asexpected,buttherewasnopaininmychest.AndthiswastheparkinDC,butit
alsowasn’t.Somethingseemedwrong.
Fragile.Thin.AsIwalkedclosertoatree,Ibrushedmyfingertipsalongitsbark.Bitsofitfleckedoff,turningtoash.Ijerkedmyhandback.“Whathaveyoudone?”Spinningtowardthesound
ofthevoiceI’donlyheardoncebefore,Icouldn’tsuppresstheweirdshudderatthesightofher—ofLilith.
DressedinthesamebarelytherewhitegownI’dseenherinlasttime,shelookeddifferent.Mainlybecausetherewasasplashofredcoursingdownthefrontofherdress,matchingmine.“How...howareyouhere?”
Iasked,glancingaround.“Areyoufree?”“Free?”Herpaleeyes
widened.“Iwillneverbefreebecauseofyou—becauseof
whatyou’vedone.You’vekilledmyson—you’vekilledme!”Maybedyingmademea
littleslowontheuptake,butherresponsedidn’tanswermyquestion.“Idon’tunderstand.”“Howcanyounot?”She
driftedtowardme,herbarefeetsnappingoutfromunderthelonggown.“Youkilledhim,knowingthatwouldbe
thedeathofyou—thedeathofme.”Okay.Ihadnoideathat
myactionswouldkillher.Nope.Noonehadfilledmeinonthat.I’dassumedshewaslikeaTwinkie,wouldsurviveanuclearfallout.“Wherearewe?”Herblood-redlipcurled
up.“Inthein-between.”“Thewhat?”“Areyoupleasedwith
yourself?”sheranted,ignoringmyquestion.Hercheeksleechedofallcolor.“Youthinkkillinghim—killingme—willchangeanything?Evilwillstillbeevil.Hellwillnotceasetoexist.Darkdeedswillstillbecarriedout.”“Butitwill...itwillstop
Armageddon,”Isaid,blinking.Shescoffed.“Forawhile,
but,child,doyouknowhowmanytimestheworldhascomeclosetobeingobliterated?Theendisinevitable.”Iclosedmyeyes,suddenly
feelingwoozy.“Butitwon’thappennow.”“I’veneverbeenmore
disappointedinthatwhichIcreated,”sheseethed,andwhenIopenedmyeyes,shewasdirectlyinfrontofme,a
tallandterrible,beautifulapparition.“Doesanyofmybloodcoursethroughyourveins?”“Yes.”Iswallowed,butit
didnothingtoeasythenausea.Hereyes,thesamecoloras
mine,rolled.“Doubtful.Iwouldhavebredsomethingmoreintelligent,withgreatercunningandactualsurvivalinstincts.”
Isteppedbackfromher,forcingairintomylungs,butitfeltlikeIwasonlygettingasliverofwhatIneeded.“TothinkthatIhave
survivedthousandsofyears,overcomingsomuch,tobetakenoutbythehandofmyowndaughter.”Shehuffed.“Andinsocowardlyaway.Butmyson—hehonoredme.Heworshippedme,asheshould,butyouendedhim.
Youarenochildofmine.”“I’myourdaughter,”I
grittedout,focusingonher.“Thedaughteryouleftatbirth.WhatintheHelldoyouexpectfromme?”“Loyalty?”shereturned.Istaredather,wantingto
laughinherface,butmylipsfeltstrange.Numb.Cold.“Youleftmewiththemanwhowantedtokillme.”“Buthedidn’t,didhe?
Obviouslynot.”Shakingmyhead,I
immediatelyregretteddoingso.Theworldspunalittle.“IhadtostoptheLilin.Thereweretoomanypeople’slivesatstake.Maybeyoudon’tcareaboutthat.Maybeyou’venevercaredaboutanyofthat,butthat’swherewe’redifferent.”Legsweak,Ileanedagainstthetree,butthemomentmyweight
touchedthetrunk,itgaveway.Staggeringtotheside,I
watchedthegreatoakcaveintoitself,breakingapartinchunksthatdisintegratedintoflakes.Itcrumbledsoundlessly.Oneminutethetreewasasolidpartofthisworldandthenextitwasgone.“What’s...happening?”I
turnedwideeyesonLilith.
Shepursedherlipsassheeyedmewithherchinraised.“You’redying.Thatiswhatishappening.”“I’mnotdeadnow?”“Yesandno.Yourbody
hasalreadygrowncold,hasitnot?Butyou’renotallthewaydead.Notyet,butyouwillbesoon.”Shewavedherhands,gesturingatthetrees.“AsI’vesaid,you’reinthein-between.Whenyou
entered,thebondbetweenusdrewmehere.Whenyouperish,sowillI.CreatingyouwastheriskItook.Wewerejoined,andyouweredestinedforgreatness.Ithoughtyouwouldbelikeme.”NowsomeofwhatGrim
hadsaidmadesense,aboutthedangerLilithcreatedforherselfwhenshecreatedme...naturally.ButwherewastheLilin?Whywasn’the
herewithus?ThenitoccurredtomeasI
staredatmymother.Ihadasoul.Shehadasoul.TheLilindidn’t.Whenitdied,itceasedtoexist.Notsoforus.Iguessednoneofthat
reallymatterednow.“Destinyisbull,”Isaid,
myhandsicyasIcurledthemagainstmypalm.Icouldn’tfeelthem.“Nooneisdestinedforanything.We
controlourownfates.”“Obviously,”shemuttered
withanotherrollofhereyes.“Butlookatyounow,theroadyou’vechosen.Whatdoyouknowoflife?Yourentireexistencewaspointless.”Behindher,anothertree
gaveway,fallingintoitself,breakingapartinaplumeofdust,andthenanotherandanother.“Nottrue.”Mylegsshook,
andIwasn’tsurehowlongIcouldremainstanding.“Iknowoffriendship.Iknowof...oflove.Youknownothingofthosethings.”Lilithflinchedandfora
longmomentshewassilent.“Thatisnottrue.Ididknowoflove,thepurestkind.”“Isthatso?”Iwhispered.
Thesunwasgonenow,theskyamottledshadeofvioletandthegrassacrispybrown.
“Yes.”Hervoicewasquiet,faraway,andIrealizedthenthatIwasnolongerstanding.Iwasontheground,andIwasn’tsureIwaseventhereanymore.IknewIwasslippingaway,forrealthistime,intonothingandmyeyesdriftedshut.ThelastthingIheardwas,“WhenIheldyouinmyarmsandyoustaredupatme,onlyafewminutesold,Iknewthe
purestbrandoflove.”
twenty-nine
WHENIOPENEDmyeyesagain,itseemedlikeonlyahandfulofmomentshadpassed,andIfeltoutofit,likeI’dfallendownsomekindofrabbithole.IttookmeafewsecondstorealizeIwasstaringupatsnowcappedbranches.Thesightwas
really...beautiful.Tinyicicleshadformedon
theendsofthebranchesandthesnowglistenedinthesunlightlikeathousandwhitediamonds.Wasthisheaven?Ididn’tthinktherewassnowinHellorthatitwouldbethispretty.Thenagain,Rothhadsaidthatthingswerealwaysprettyatfirst.I’dseenwhathe’dmeantformyself.Painslicedthroughmychest,as
realasthebladeI’dusedtokilltheLilin.Roth.God.Ithurttothinkofhimandwhathemustbegoingthrough.Myfingerswerecold.Soweremytoes.Wait.Myfeetwerebare?
MygazelowereddownthelengthofmybodyandIcouldseethetipsofmytoes.Thebluepolishwaschipped,andifIwasdeadandinheaven,Ithoughtatleastmy
nailswouldlooklikeIrecentlyhadapedicure.Exceptmyentirebodywas
cold,waytoocold.Iexhaledandamistycloudpuffedbeforemylips.So,IwasbreathingandIwascold,andIwasgoingtotakealeapoflogicandgowiththeideathatImightnotbedead,dead.Sittinguptookeffort.The
branchessurroundingme
dancedabitasdizzinesswashedoverme.Snowclungtomyhair,tomyeyelashes.ThesweaterIworewasthesameoneIremembered,stainedwithmyblood.Gingerly,Ireacheddownandtuggedupthehem.Isuckedinaroughgaspofair.Therewasnowound.Liftingmygaze,Iletthe
sweaterfallbackinplaceasIlookedaround.Myheart
jumpedinmychest.Realizationkickedin.Istumbledtomyfeet,swayingunsteadily.IwasontheobservationdeckofthetreehouseneartheWardencompound.Abarrageofmemoriesrushedme.EscapingtothetreehousewhenIwasachildandgotlonely,andtheendlesshoursofZaynelyingnexttome,shouldertoshoulder,aswe
countedstars.ButhowintheworldhadIendeduphere?ThenItuggedonthecollar
ofmysweaterandIsawRobin’stattoo.Hewascurledaroundmyshoulder,andhistailtwitchedasIstudiedhim.Hewashere,too.Buthehadn’tbeenonmewhenI’dleftRoth’splace.HadRobinfoundmesomehow?Istartedtojumpoffthe
deck,butthoughttwice.My
legswereshakingasIwalkedacrossthedeckandduckedintothehouse.TheclimbdownthetreewasslowandthesnowgavewayundermyfeetwhenIhittheground.FollowingthepathI’d
walkedsomanytimesIcoulddoitblind,Islowlymademywaytowardthehouse.Whenevermykneesstartedtoknocktoobadly,Istoppedforacoupleofminutes.
Weaknessinvadedeverycell.ItwasasIimaginedhavingmonofelt.AllIwantedtodowasliedownandnap,thentakealongernap.ExceptIneededtokeepwalking,becauseI...Ididn’tknowifIwasreallyaliveorifthiswassomekindofweirdafterlifeorsomething.Whenthecrumbling
retainingwallcameintoview,Ialmostdroppedtomy
knees.AsIdraggedmygazeupandsawthemansion,Icouldbarelycatchmybreath.Thedetail,downtothebrokencurbnearthefrontdoors,wastooaccuratetobeanythingbutreal.Thepavementwasicy
undermyfeetasIforcedmyselfacrosstheroundabout.Imadeittothecurbwhenthefrontdoorburstopen.Nicolaistoodthere,his
handsomefacepaleashestareddownatmefromthetopofthesteps.“Layla?”Mythroatfeltthick.“Hi?”Hedidn’tmove,only
seemedcapableofstaringatme,andtherewasagoodchancethatIwasgoingtoface-plantonthesteps.Anicybreezerippledacrosstheentryway,stirringthedarkstrandsofhishair,tossingthemacrosshisface.
Thenhemoved.Itensedandstumbledback
ashecamedowntheirwidesteps,threeatatime.Withinaheartbeat,hewasinfrontofme,clutchingmyupperarms.Hisvibrantblueeyeswerewide.“Wethoughtyouwere
dead,”hesaidhoarsely.“I’mnot?”Heshookhishead.“No,
littleone.Ifyou’restanding
here,you’renot.”Confusionswampedme.
“That’s...goodnews.”Nicolaichokedoutalaugh,
andmygazewanderedoverhisshoulder.IsawGeoffstandinginthedoorway,andDanikawashalfwaydownthesteps,hermouthformingaperfectO.Mygazeswungbackto
his.“Idon’tknowwhathappened.”
Henodded,andthensteppedawaysothathestoodbesideme,curvinghisarmaroundmyshoulders.“Let’sgetyouinsideandwe’llfigurethisout.”Ididn’targuewithhimas
heledmeupthestepsandintotheblessedwarmthofthehouse.EverythingseemedthesameasithadthelasttimeI’dbeenhere,rightafterAbbothadpassed,exceptit
feltlikeyearssinceI’dcrossedthethreshold.Nicolaiguidedmeintothe
sittingroom,theverysameoneI’dsatinsomanytimes.Heplacedmeonthecouch.“I’mgoingtograbJasmine.”IwantedtotellhimthatI
wasokay,buthewasgonebeforeIcouldsayaword,andthenDanikawasthere,drapingaheavyquiltovermyshoulders.Igraspedtheedges
ofthequiltwithnumbfingers.“Thankyou.”Shekneltinfrontofme,
shakingherhead.Hermouthopened,andthensherosequickly,backingoff.Withoutevenlookingup,Iknewwhyshe’dretreated.Zaynewasthere,onhis
kneesinfrontofme.HesharedthesameawestruckexpressionthatNicolaiandtherestoftheWardenswore.
Hismouthworked,buttherewerenowords.“Hi?”Icroakedoutagain,
provingoncemorethatIwasthelamestwhenitcametospeakingingeneral.“Howareyouhere?”He
graspedmyknees,hisgriptightasheleanedforward.Thefreshwinter-mintscentsurroundedme,butitdidn’tfillmewithyearninglikeitusedto.No,nowitwaslike
beingwrappedinablanketoffamiliarity.Itwasbittersweet,stillpowerful,yetultimatelynolongerthesourceofmylonging.“Shedoesn’tknow,”
Nicolaiansweredfromthedoorway.Glancingup,Isawthathe
wasn’talone.DezwasthereandJasminewasbrushingpastthem,headingstraightforus.
“Didyou...?”Zaynedidn’ttakehiseyesoffme.AtfirstIthoughthewas
talkingtome,butitwasDezwhoanswered.“Yes.Afewsecondsago.”BeforeIcouldaskwhat
theyweretalkingabout,Zaynesaid,“Layla,whathappened?”Iclearedmythroat,
figuringitwastimeformetoactuallystringtogethermore
thanafewwords.“Idon’tknow.ImetupwiththeLilinandI...”“Youkilledhim,”he
finishedforme,hisexpressiontensing.“Youkilledyourself,Layla.”“Ihadto,Zayne.Itwasthe
onlyway,butI’mnotsosureifIsucceedednow.”IglancedatJasmineasshesatbesidemeonthecouch.“IreallythinkI’mokay.”
Jasminesmiledwarmly.“Ijustwanttomakesure,allright?”“Thefrontofyoursweater
iscoveredwithblood,”Zaynereasoned.“Letherlook.Please?”Exhalingslowly,Inodded
andletJasminecheckmeoutasZaynerosestiffly.Heseemedtoleantowardmeatfirst,butsteppedaway.Therewasaweightonhisshoulders
thathadn’tbeentherebeforeashestoodaboveus.Iwonderedifitwasbecausehewouldtakeovertheclaninafewshortyears,orbecauseofwhathadhappenedwithus.“YoukilledtheLilin,”
Zaynesaidafteramoment.“TheAlphastoldusthattheLilinwasdead.Theypulledback—nolongerthreateningtowipeoutallofus.That’showweknewsomething
happened—thatsomethinghadtohavehappenedtoyou.”Jasminetuggedthequilt
closeraroundmyshouldersasshefinishedcheckingmeout.“She’sfine,”shesaidtoZayne.“FromwhatIcansee.Nowounds.”Zayneliftedahand,
scrubbinghishandthroughhishair.“WhenRothshowedup,weknew.”Hisvoicewas
rough,andmyheartsqueezedlikesomeonehaddroppeditintoajuicer.“Hesaidyouleftinthemiddleofthenightwithouthim.I...Idon’tevenknowwhyhecamehere,whathethoughtwecoulddoforhim.Hesaidthatoneofhiscontactshadconfirmedthatyou...thatyou’ddoneit.Rothwas...”Hisbrowsknittedtogetherashelookedaway.“Wehadafuneralfor
you,Layla.”Mystomachdropped.
“Youdidwhat?”“Youweregone.There
wasnobody.”Nicolaifrownedfromthedoorway,andIsuddenlyfeltlikehurlingbecausehewastalkingaboutmybody.“ButweknewyouweregoneandI...wehadtogiveyouthatrite,afterwhatyousacrificed.”
Greatguacamole,Ihadnoideawhattothinkaboutthat.Imissedmyownfuneral!Well,ifI’dbeendead,deadIwould’vemissedmyfuneralanyways.“Thatseemsalittlequick,”Isaidfinally.Zaynesteppedtowardme,
hisexpressionsevere.“Layla,itwasn’tquick.You’vebeengoneforsixdays.Thefuneralwastwodaysago.”“Sixdays?”Myeyes
widened.“Itcouldn’thavebeensixdays.Itwasjustlastnight...”Itrailedoff,rememberingwhatRothhadsaidabouttimemovingdifferentlydownbelow.ThedisconnecthadhappenedwhenIwentdowntoseeGrim.ThoughIdidn’tthinkI’dgonetoHellthistime.IhadafeelingIhadbeeninsomethingmorelikeawaitingroomofsorts.Time
must’vemovedslowlythen,too.Ishookmyheadandcool,damphairclungtomycheeks.“IthoughtIdied.IwasinthisplaceandIsaw—”Acommotionrosefrom
thehallway,cuttingmeoff.IlookedupasJasminerosefromthecouch.Arushofwarmtinglestiptoedacrossthenapeofmyneck.NicolaiturnedandIsawDezstepto
theside,awayfromtheroom.“It’shim,”Dezsaidsoftly.IwasstandingbeforeI
realizedwhatIwasdoing,theblanketslippingoffmyshoulders.Mysensesstartedcomingonline,firingallatonce.Shiversracedupanddownmyspine.Myheartstuttered,and
thenskippedabeatasatallformpartedtheWardenscrowdingthedoor.Messy
raven-coloredhairfellforwardintoochereyesthatweredeeplyshadowed.Wrinklesclungtotheblack
shirthewore.Itlookedlikehe’dsleptinitfordays,asdidthedarkjeans.Thelacesonhisbootswereuntied.Hewasamess,everyinchofhim,buthewasstillthemoststrikingthingI’deverseen.Rothstrodeintotheroom,
stoppinghalfway.Hisfull
lipsparted,andIcaughtaquickglimpseoflightreflectingoffthemetalball.Ourgazeslocked,anditwasliketheworldaroundusjustslippedaway.Itwasonlyhimandme,andIdidn’tremembermovingandIdidn’tseehimmoveeither,butinaheartbeat,IwasstandingbeforeRoth,staringupathim.“Layla?”Hisvoicecracked
halfwaythroughmyname.Hereachedout,claspingmycheekswithhandsthatshook.Ashockjumpedfromhisskintomine.TearsfilledmyeyesasI
inhaleddeeply.Thesweet,darkscentofhissettledoverme.Inthatverymoment,therewasnolingeringdoubtinmymindthatIwasaliveandthiswasn’tsomekindofbizarrehallucination.
“I’mhere,”Iwhisperedasthetearsbrokefree.“I’mreallyhere.”Roth’shandsslippedoff
mycheeks,andthenhisarmswerearoundme.Hehauledmeupagainsthischest,ontothetipsofmytoesasheburiedhisfaceinthecrookofmyneck.Hestaggeredbackastep,andIguessedhislegshadgivenout,becausethenextthingIknew,hewason
hisassandIwasstraddlinghislap,mykneesoneithersideofhiships.Hisentirebodytrembledas
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim,holdinghimjustasfiercelyasheheldme.WeweresocloseIcouldfeelhisheartpoundingandtherapidriseandfallofhischest.Tearsrandownmycheeksunchecked,andIhadnoideahowlongwesatlikethat,
clingingtooneanotherasRothrockedbackandfortheversoslightly.Icouldn’tgetcloseenough.Iwantedtoburrowmywayin,becausethis—this—IneverthoughtI’dfeelanyofitagain—hisarmsaroundmeorhiswarmthorhisuniquescent.Onlyatinypartofmehadhopedthatsomehow,someonewouldlethimseemeafterIpassedon,butI
hadn’tbeencountingonit.I’dlefttofacetheLilinneverexpectingtoexperiencethisagain.Rawemotionexpanded
insideme,anditwasalmosttoomuch,butinanoddway,notenough.Rothjerkedback,lifting
hishead.Therewasasheeninhisambereyes,aglassyqualitythattoreatmyheart.I’dneverseenademoncry,
didn’tevenknowitwaspossible,butI’dbeenwrong.Thenmycheekwaspressedagainsthisshoulderagain,andhewasholdingmesotighttherewasagoodchanceI’dturnintoasqueaktoy,butitwouldbeworthit.Therewerenowordsbetweenus.Noneneededtobespoken.Everyactionwasdrenchedinwhatwefeltforoneanother.Oneofhishandstraveled
upthelineofmyspine,fistingaroundmyhairatthenapeofmyneck.Hedraggedmymouthtohis,andhekissedme.Therewasnothingsoftaboutit.Thekisstastedofdesperationandjoy,ofpainandrelief,andofthebrightrediscoveryoftomorrowthathadoncebeenstolenaway.Thekisswastheactof
someonewhoneverthought
he’dhavethechancetoexperienceitagain.ItastedbloodandIwasn’tsureifitwasfromhimorme,butitdidn’tmatter.Ourtearsmingledandourhandsclutchedatoneanother.Hewassoverymuchwarmandaliveundertheclothes,andIwassoverymuchhere,withhim.Rothpressedhisforehead
againstmine,andmyhands
trembledasIpressedthemagainsthisdampcheeks.Hehadn’tshavedandtheroughbristletickledmypalms.“Iloveyou,”hesaid,andthenspokeinalanguageIdidn’tunderstandbeforeswitchingback.“Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.”
thirty
HOURSLATER,WElayinbed,ourarmsandlegstangledasnightfellandsnowcontinuedtoblankettheground.Thetripbacktothe
McMansionhadbeenablur.TheWardenshadleftusalmostimmediately,whichwasshocking.Thingshad
mostdefinitelychangediftheywerenowwillingtoleaveademonand,well,whateverIwasaloneintheirsanctuary,eveniftheywerestandingguardoutsidethesittingroom.Noonestoppeduswhen
weleft,andIhadn’tseenZayne.OnlyNicolaiandDezhadbeenvisiblewhenweexitedtheroom.Iwasinnoshapetoflythefriendlyskies,
soweendeduphavingCaymanpickusup.He’dbeenoverlyexcitedat
theideaofplayingchauffeur.Ilayonmyside,thefront
ofmybodypressedagainstRoth’s.Iwascurledaroundhimandhishandslidupanddownmyspineinacontinuous,smoothcaress.Sincethemomenthe’dwalkedintothesittingroomatthecompound,therehadn’t
beenonesecondwhereweweren’ttouchingoneanother.Andonlyahandfulof
secondshadpassedbetweenthemomentwe’dsteppedintothebedroomandwhenourclothingendedupinaforgottenpileonthefloor.Again,therehadbeenlittlesaidbetweenus,butwhatwefeltforoneanotherwasexpressedineachbrushofourfingertips,sweepofour
lipsandinthewaywemovedagainstoneanother.Iwasn’tsurehowmuch
timehadpassedafterourheartsslowedandthefinesheenofsweatcooledonourskin.Thetipsofhisfingers
followedthelineofmyspine.“IwenttoHelllookingforyou.”Iliftedmychin,peeringup
athimfromwhenIwas
snuggledupagainsthischest.“Youdid?Roth,thatwassodangerous.Theycould’vekeptyou.”Helookeddownatme,
darkeyebrowraised.“Ithoughtyouweredead.ThelastthingIwasworriedaboutwastheBossthrowingmyassinthepit.Andasitturnsout,Iwasinsuchapatheticway,theBosstookpityonme,andjusttossedmyassoutofHell
aftertellingmeyouweren’tthere.”Restingmyhandabovehis
heart,IfeltitbeatstronglybeforeIspoke.“Still,itwasdangerous.”“Iwas...Iwasdesperate.”
Hishandmadeanothertripupmyback.“I’veneverfeltthatbefore.Imean,whenthatassholeWardenstabbedyou,Ifeltfear,tasteditfortheveryfirsttimewhenyouwere
inmyarmsandIthoughtyoumightdie,butthiswassomuchstronger.Itwasdifferent.WhenIwokeupthatnightandyouweregone,Iknew...Ijustknewwhatyou’ddone,andIwasn’tevenmadatyouforit.Iwastoodamnafraidtofeelangeratfirst.”Hetippedhischinback,staringattheceilingasheswallowedhard.“Somekindofmissivewentoutfrom
Hell.Likeafreakingtextmessage,sayingthattheLilinwasdead—actually,itwasatextmessage.Agrouptextmessagetoeverydemontopside.IsawitonmyphonewhenIgotoutofbed.”Forsomehorriblereason,I
hadtheurgetolaugh.Hellsenttextsmessages—grouponesatthat?Itkindoffit,sincetherewasnothingworsethanbeingonthereceiving
endofagroupmessage—sortoflikebeingheldhostage.ButnothingwasfunaboutanyofwhatRothwastellingme.“ThemomentIreadthat
text,Iswearmyheartstopped.IlefttheroomandfoundCaymandownstairs.Thelookonhisfaceconfirmedit.YouweregoneandI...Icouldn’tdealwiththat.That’swhenIwentto
Hell,butyouweren’tthere,andIthought...you’dgoneupthere.Andthatmadesense.Thatnomatterwhatraninyourblood,youwouldendupthere.”Hishandstilledmidwaydownmyback.“Butupthere,youweretotallyoutofmyreach.Forever.”Myheartbrokewhenhis
voicecracked.“I’mademon,Layla.I’maselfishprick.EventhoughIthoughtyou’d
ascendedtoaplacelikethat,Icouldn’tevergettoyou.Neveragain.Iwantedtobehappyforthat,butIcouldn’t.Icouldn’tdeal.Thesesixdaysyou’vebeengone,I...”Heclearedhisthroatasheloweredhischin.Hiseyeswereopenandtherewasthatpainfulglossinessheighteningtheambercolor.“Therewasnothingbutangerandpain.Itwasn’tfair.Not
forus.Itwasn’tfair,andwhentheangerfinallyfadedaway,Iwasdeadinside,Layla.That’sthedamntruth.Iwasdeadinside.”Tearsblindedme.“I’m
sorry.IdidthattoyouandI’msosorry—”Rothshiftedandsuddenly
wewerebothonoursides,facingoneanotherandateyelevel.Thehandonmybackendedupalongthenapeof
myneck.“Thereisahugepartofmethatwantstothrottleyou—old-schoolstrangleyou,butwithlove.”Mybrowsclimbedupmy
forehead.“There’sahugepartofme
thatwantstorageatyouformakingthechoicethatyoumade.There’saginormouspartofmethatwantstoshakeyouuntilyouunderstandthatyoumadeadecisionthat
brokeme.”Hishandtightenedatthebackofmyhead.“Youbrokeme,Layla.”Emotioncloggedmy
throat.“I...Ididn’thaveanotherchoice.”Brighteyesfixedonmine.
“Andyouknowwhat?That’sthepartthatkilledmethemost.Youdidn’thaveachoice.Igetthat.Igotthatthen,andyouknow,therewasapartofmethat
understooditthemomentwespoketotheseer,butIdidn’twanttoacceptit.MaybeifIdidthenwecould’vefacedthistogether.Soyou...youwouldn’thavedoneitalone.”“No,”Iwhispered,placing
myhandonhischeek.“Therewasnothingthatyoucould’vedone.You’renotatfaultforanyofthis.”Hisgazesearchedmineas
ifhewaslookingforahintof
insincerity,andwhenhedidn’tseeit,hiseyesdriftedshut.“Thethingis,Layla,eventhoughtherearepartsofmethatfeelthatway,itdoesnothingtotouchtheelationofholdingyouinmyarms,thethrillthatcomesalongwithfeelingyourheartbeatandhearingeachbreathyoutake.That’swhatmattersmost.”Rothwasgivingmeapass.
Therewasnodoubtinmy
mindhewantedtolayintome,buthegotwhyIhadtodowhatI’ddoneandhewaslettingitgo.Heneverceasedtoamazemewithhisveryun-demon-liketendencies.He’doncesaidthatpeoplewiththepurestsoulscouldbecapableofthegreatestevil,andIknewthatworkedbothways,especiallywhenitcametohim.Imightnotbeabletoseeasoularoundhim
andeveryonemightsayhedidn’thaveone,butathiscore,hewasbetterthanmosthumansandWardensIknew.Hislashesliftedasheslid
hisfingersoutfrommyhairandfollowedthecurveofmyjawtomymouth.Hedraggedhisthumbalongmylowerlip.“Iwishyouhadn’thadtobebyyourself.Youmusthavebeensoscared.”I’dbeenterrified,butI
didn’tthinkheneededtoknowthat.“Youcouldn’thavebeentherewithme,”Itoldhimquietly.“Youwould’veneverallowedittohappen.”“True,”heremarked.
“What...Howdiditgodown?”Isearchedhisface.“Do
youreallywanttoknow?”“Yeah.Yeah,Ido.”Drawinginadeepbreath,I
movedmyhandtohisbarechest.“AssoonasIlefthere,theLilinfoundme.IguessheknewI’dcometohimeventually,buttojoinhim.Andhe’s...Hereallyisahe.Iaskedthatheshowmewhohewas.First,heshiftedintome.LikeIwaslookingintoamirror.”“Youarenothinglikethat
thing,”Rothgroundout.Mylipsslippedintoa
smallsmile.“Iknow.Hefinallyshowedhimself.Hekindoflookedlikeme,ifIwasadude.Itwasweird.Maybenot,sincehereallywassortofmybrother.Ihaveareallymessed-upfamily.”Hesnorted.“Shortie,that
isonethingIcanunderstand.”Iarchedabrow.“Istabbed
himintheheart.Hedidn’tseeitcoming.”Atthatpoint,
Ileftoutthegorydetailssurroundingthewholedyingpart.“Iendedupinthisbizarre,in-betweenplace.Isaw...Isawmymotheragain.”Shocksplashedacrosshis
strikingface.“What?”“Itreallywasn’ther.More
likeherspirit.Allofuswereconnected—areconnected.WhentheLilindiedandIwasdying,shewasableto
cometome.”Ipaused,frowning.“Shewaskindofabitch.Again.”Rothletoutasurprised
laugh.“Icould’vetoldyouthat.”Inarrowedmyeyesathim,
buttoldhimwhatLilithhadsaidtome.“Shetalkedtomeforalittlebit,andthentheworldstartedfallingapartaroundme.IthoughtIheardhersaythatshehadlovedme
whenshe’dfirstheldmeasababy,butI’mnotsure.Thatreallydoesn’tmatcheverythingelseshesaidtome.“Anyway,Lilithtoldme
thatIwasdyinganditfeltlike...ItfeltlikeIblinkedandthenIwasinthetreehouse.Itdidn’tfeellikedayshadpassed.Maybeminutes,atthemostanhourorso.Ididn’tthinkI’dgetthis—asecond
chance.I’mstillnotsurehowIdid.”Painflickeredoverhis
face,anditresonatedwithinme.Hisvoicewaslowwhenhespoke.“IneverthoughtI’dseeyouagain.ThatI’dspendaneternitywantingyou—mourningyou.Icould’vedealtwiththatifIknewyouwerealiveandhappy.Itwould’vebeenhard.Iprobablywould’vespentalot
oftimebangingmyheadoffawallifyouendedupwithStony.”Hepaused.“AndIprobablywould’vealsobeenacreepystalkerkeepingtabsonyou.Imean,I’mademon.Whatdoesanyoneexpect?Butashardasthatwouldhavebeenonme,Icouldbearitbecauseyouwould’vebeenalive.”Turningmyhead,Ikissed
hispalm.“Thisisn’tsome
kindofdreamorhallucination,isit?”“Idon’tthinkso,butif
that’sthecase,Idon’twanttowakeupfromit.”Hisnosebrushedmineashespoke.“Icouldspendforeverlikethis.”Ibitdownonmylip,
knowingsomuchmorestillneededtobesaid.“Itwassohardleavingyourbed—leavingyou.Iwantyoutoknowthat.Ididn’tdoit
lightly.Ithurt,Roth,anditwasthehardestthingI’deverhadtodo.AllIcould’vehopedwasthatonedayyou’dforgivemeandfindsomesortofpeace,becauseIhadtodoit.Ihadto...”“Youneededto...savethe
world,”hesaidsoftly.“Andyoudid.Lookatyou,youlittlehero,savingmankindfromtheapocalypse.”“IguessIdid.”Thatfelt
weirdtothink,tobelievein.Ikindoffeltlikesomeoneowedmealifetimesupplyofsugar-cookiedough,myfavoritethingintheworldtoeat.“Thisisgoingtosoundterribletoadmit,butwhenI...well,aftereverythinghappenedandIwaslyingthere,Ithoughtthatsavingtheworldreallywasn’tworthit,becauseI—”“Igetwhatyou’resaying.
Youdon’tevenneedtofinishthesentence,andno,itdoesn’tmakeyouaterribleperson.IfI’dhadmyway,we’dbelounginginsomefar-offislandastheworldarounduswenttoshit.”“No,youwouldn’thave
left.”Asingledarkbrowrose.
“Yougivemetoomuchcredit,Layla.That’sexactlywhatIwasplanning.Iwas
prettymuchgoingtokidnapyouandwhiskyouaway.Ifiguredwecouldsurvive,evenagainsttheAlphas,whiledrinkingmojitosandgettingasuntan.We’dtryatleast,andIwaswillingtowatchtheworldburnifthatmeantbeingtherewithyoutowatchit.Iwouldn’thavesacrificedyou.My...compassionforothers,withtheexceptionofyou,
doesnotrunthatdeep.”Hewasbeinghonestand
hewasademon,soitwasn’treallylikeIcouldfaulthimforanyofthat.“Sothatwasallwith
Lilith?”Hesmoothedhisthumbalongmycheek.WhenInodded,hefrowned.“Idon’tunderstand.Howdidyougetbackhere?”“YoumeanhowamI
alive?”
Hislipspursed.“Iwastryingtoavoidsayingthat,soIdidn’tsoundungratefuloranything.”“Idon’tknowhow,Roth.I
waswonderingifyoudidsomething.Madeanotherdeal,maybe?”“Itried.Wenttothe
witches,buttheysaidtherewasnothingtheycoulddo,”heexplained.“IdidgettoseeBambi.Well,Bambipeeled
herselfoffthatwomanthemomentIshowedup.Itwas...Ineededtoseeherthen.”Hetookadeepbreath.“Ididn’tdothis,Layla.Trustme.IfIcouldgloataboutsavingyou,Iwouldbealloverthat,butthis...Ihadnothingtodowiththis.”“Thenwho?”Iwhispered.Hegavealittleshakeof
hishead.“Idon’tknow.Hadtobeahigherbeing.Maybe
theAlphas?”Isnort-laughed.Real
attractive,butIcouldn’thelpit.“Doubtful.Theyhateme.TheyprobablythrewapizzapartyinthecloudswhentheylearnedIwasgone.”“Pizzaparty?”he
murmured,thecornerofhislipstippingupslightly.“Morelikeakegger.”“Thanks.”Thatslightgringrewa
littlemoreasheliftedhisgazetomine.“Youknowwhat?Doesn’tmatter.You’rehere.That’sallthatmatterstome.”Iwasn’tsureifitdid
matterwhosavedme,buttherewasapartofmethatstillworried,becausewhatifsomerandomcreaturecametocollect,likethewitcheshad?Ididn’tliketheideaofsomeoneshowingupto
demandpaymentatanygiventime.UnlessithadbeenCastiel,
becauseIwastotallycoolwithhimrisingmeupfromperditionifthatwaswhathappened.Rothguidedmyheadback
andhekissedme,lingeringinawaythatmademytoescurl.“Rightnow,allIwanttothinkaboutisthefactthatyou’rehere.That’sallIcan
focuson.”Hecaughtmylowerlipinaquick,deliciouslittlenip.“Ifsomeoneorsomethingcomesknockingonedaylookingforpayback,we’llfaceittogether.”Wigglingsoourbodies
werepressedclose,Iburiedmyfaceagainsthischest.“Together,”Iwhispered.“Together,”herepeated.
“Neveragainwillyouhavetofaceanythinglikethatalone.
Nomatterwhat.I’mgoingtobegluedtoyourfreakinghipifneedbe.”ForthefirsttimesinceI
wokeupinthetreehouse,anacutetensioneasedoutofmymusclesandIsmiled.Evenduringallthebeautiful,hands-onwelcomehomeRothhadgivenme,Ihadn’treallysmiled.I’ddonealotofotherthings,butnow,ashekissedthetopofmyhead,
allIcoulddowasbeam.Nomatterwhat,wewould
faceanythingthatcameourwaytogether.Rothrolledmeontomy
back.Hoveringovermewithhisweightsupportedonpowerfularms,hegrinnedthatone-sidedgrinthatusedtoinfuriatemetonoend.ButnowitwasaglimpseoftheRothIfellinlovewith;theRothIwasgoingtodomy
damnedesttospendeternitywith.
thirty-one
“SO...WHAT’SITFEELliketodieandcomebacktolife?”IshookmyheadasI
frowneddownatthecellphone.“You’veaskedmethatquestion,like,threetimesalready.”Stacey’ssnortechoed
throughthebathroom.“I’maskingeverydayItalktoyou
justtomakesurenothinghaschangedandyou’renotgoingtoturnintoazombie.Idon’twannahavetogoallRickGrimesonyourass.”Rollingmyeyes,Itwisted
thelengthofmyhairinatopbun,andthenshovedaboutahundredpinsintokeepitinplace.“That’snotgoingtohappen,andI’dbeawalker,notazombie.”“Semantics,”shereplied.
“AmIgoingtoseeyoutoday?”Inodded,andthen
realized,likeanidiot,shecouldn’tseeme.“Yeah,IthinkRothandIwereplanningtoswingbythisevening.Hementionedsomethingaboutpickingupcheesefries.”Staceyandhermom,along
withherbabybrother,werestillstayingathermom’s
sister’shouse.Theyhopedtobeinanewhomebyspring,butheraunt’shousewasasniceastheMcMansionCaymanhadacquired.“HaveItoldyoulately
howmuchIlikeRothandallhisgoodideas?”shesaid.Laughing,Ipickedmy
sweaterupoffthecounter.“Youlikehimbecausehebringsyoufood.”“I’dlikehimevenbetterif
heactedlikearealdemonandturnedmybrotherintoafrogorsomething,”shemuttered.AsIdraggedthethick
sweateronovermyhead,Robindartedacrossmyshoulderandendedupstretchedoutalongmylowerback.“Idon’tthinkRothhasthecapabilitytodothat.”“Hecouldtry,”washer
response,andIcould
practicallyhearthepoutinhervoice.Pickingupthephone,IturneditoffSpeakerasIheadedintothebedroom.IfrownedasIspiedoneofthekittenscurledupinafuzzylittleballatopthescarfIplannedonwearing.ItwasThor.Dammit.Afamiliarpangoflosshit
meinthechestasIcautiouslyapproachedthebed.Imissed
Bambi.Afterthingshadsettleddownalittle,I’drememberedthatRothhadmentionedseeingher.We’dreachedouttothecovenandsurprisinglythey’dallowedustovisit.SeeingBambihadhealedsomeofthehurtinginmychest.Iknewshewashappyandshewasokay,treatedlikeaprincess,butstill,eventhoughtheapocalypsewasaverted,she
nolongerbelongedtous.“So...”Staceydrewthe
wordout.“AreyougettingreadytogotalktoZayne?”Istoppedafewfeetfrom
thebed,mybrowsknitting.“What?HowdoyouknowI’mdoingthat?”“Zaynetoldmehe’dtexted
youyesterday,”sheanswered.Thorlifteditshead.“Ididn’tknowhetoldyou
that,”Imurmuredabsently,distractedbywonderinghowIwassupposedtogainaccesstomyscarfwithoutsheddingblood.“Itdoesn’t...botheryouthat
ZayneandItalk,doesit?”“What?”Iignoredtheway
thekitten’searsflattened.“No.Itdoesn’tbotherme.Whywouldit?”“Idon’tknow,”Stacey
murmured.“Ijustwantedto
makesure.”Ishookmyheadeven
though,again,shecouldn’tseeit.“Ithinkit’sgreatthatyou’respendingtimewithZayne.”AndIreally,trulymeantthat.StaceyhadlostSam,andZaynehadlosthisfather...and,inaway,he’dlostme.Atleastthatwashowitfeltsometimes.“Youguysarethereforeachother,andthat’samazing.Ijustdidn’t
knowhetoldyouabouttextingme.”“Good,”shereplied.“I’m
happytohearthat,becauseit’snice...It’sjustgoodtohavehimaroundrightnow.”Therewasapause.“IsRothgoingwithyou?”Isnorted.“Uh,no.IfRoth
wentwithme,theywouldspendtheentiretimetryingtooutsnarkoneanother.”Staceygiggled.“You
know,ifitwasn’tforyou,Ithinkthey’dhaveanepicbromance.”ZayneandRoth
bromancingitout?Doubtful.“Well,I’llletyougo,but
callmewhenyougetdoneandletmeknowhoweverythinggoeswithZayne.Okay?”“Allright.I’lltalktoyou
soon.”AftersayinggoodbyetoStacey,Islippedthephone
inmybackpocket,andthentookadeepbreath.Imaybeonebadasshalfdemon,halfWarden,halfsomethingelseentirely,butthesedamnkittensterrifiedme.Snappingforward,I
grabbedtheedgeofmyscarfandyankedhardasIjumpedbackfromthebed.Thelittledemonicballoffurfloppedontoitsback,fourpawsstickingupattheceiling.It
justlaythere,swirlingitstailbackandforthoverthecomforter.“Sorry?”Isaid,backing
away.Thorturneditshead
towardmeandmeowedthemostpitifulsoundknowntoman.Ialmoststartedtowardit,tomakesureitwasokay,butthenIcaughtmyself.“I’mnotfallingforthat.You’refine.”
Thekitten’searspinnedbackasitrolledontoitsside.Thenitpoppedontoitslittlepawsandstruttedacrossthebed,andImean,itstrutted,tailswayingandall.Whatanevillittleturd.Loopingthescarfaround
myneck,Iheadeddownstairs.IcouldhearCaymantalkinginthekitchen,somethingaboutbastingversusbrining,and
whileIwantedtobelievehewastalkingaboutaturkey,Iwasn’twillingtoputmoneyonit.I’dtakenonestepoffthestairswhenRothwalkedthroughtheentryway.Myheartdidacartwheel.
Thesightofhimalonedidthattome,andIdoubtedthatwouldeverchange.AstallasRothwas,the
heightandbreadthofhisshoulderswasstriking
enough,butthrowintheworkofartthatwashisfaceandeyesthatshoneliketopazjewels,hestolebreathandheartseverywherehewent.Hewaswearingalong-
sleeveddarkbluethermalandevenwiththestuddedbelt,hisblackjeanshungdistractinglylow.Ashereacheduptoscrubhisfingersthroughhishair,pushingthechoppylengths
offhisforehead,thethermalroseandIwasgreetedwithquitetheglimpseofgoldenskinandthosetwolittleindentsoneithersideofhiships.RothwasgrinningwhenI
finallydraggedmygazetohis.“Youkeeplookingatmelikethat,Shortie,andyou’renotgoingtobeleavingthishouseanytimesoon.”Heatfloodedmycheeksas
ItoyedwiththeloopI’dmadeinmyscarf.“Iwasn’tlookingatyouinanyparticularway.”“HowmanytimesdoI
havetotellyouwhataterribleliaryouare?”Iwrinkledmynoseathim.
“Whatever.”Hecrossedthedistance
betweenus.Catchingmyhands,hepulledthemawayfromthescarf,andthenhe
startedreadjustingithimself.“You’releavingtogotalktoZaynenow?”“Yeppers.”Ieyedhim
cautiously.Iknewhewasn’texactlythrilledwiththeideaofmyheadingofftomeetupwithZayne,butheknewhowmuchitmeanttome,sohewasbasically—surprisingly—keepinghismouthshutaboutit.“Robin’swithyou?”
Fixingthescarftohisapparentsatisfaction,whichlookednodifferentthanhowI’ddoneit,hethendroppedhishandstomyshoulders.Inoddedjustasthefox’s
tailswitchedalongthebaseofmyspine.“Onmyback.”Hefrowned.“Istilldon’t
likethatideaofyougoingoutthere.Ican—”“Roth,”Isaid,stretching
upandplacingmyhandson
hischest.“I’mgoingtobeokay.Youknowthat.I’mofficiallyprettybadass.”“I’mnotquestioningyour
badassery,butjustbecausetheLilinisgoneandtheWardensareplayingnicerightnow,thatdoesn’tmeaneveryoneispukingrainbowsoutthere.”Yuck.Icould’vedone
withouttheimaginary.“Iknow.”
Hestudiedmeforamoment,andthensighed.“I’mbeingoverprotective.”“Yepperspeppers.”Hishandsslidupmyneck,
elicitingashiverfromme.Hecuppedmycheeks.“It’shardnottobe,atleastforalittlewhile.”“Understandable.”“Textmewhenyou’re
done.I’llmeetyou.”Guidingmychindown,hekissedmy
forehead,andIthinkhealsokissedthetopofmybun,whichwasreallycute.“Okay?”“Okeydokey.”Iwas
evidentlyinarhymingkindofmoodasIstartedtoslipaway,buthecaughtmyhandandtuggedmeback.Badasserywentrightoutthewindow,becauseIendeduppressedagainsthischest.“Roth—”
Circlinganarmaroundmywaist,hebentmebackwardasheloweredhishead.Rothkissedme,andhe...wow,hekissedmelikewe’dneverdoneitbefore,likeitwashisfirsttimelearningthecurveofmylips,andhetookhistimedoingso.Thekisswasthorough.MypulseracedasImeltedintohim,wrappingonearmaroundhisneckasIclutchedhisarmwithmy
otherhand.“Ohfortheloveofmy
innocent,virtuouseyes,couldyouguysnotdothatwhereIhavetoseeit?”Cayman’svoicecarriedfromthekitchendoorway.Rothliftedhishead,andas
hestraightened,Iwatchedinadazeashegrinnedslylyatme.“Justwanttomakesureyoudon’tforgetme.”Caymansnorted.“Idon’t
thinkshe’sgoingtoforgetthatanytimesoon.”Sotrue.Rothappearedrather
pleasedwithhimself.“SayhitoStonyforme.”Ishothimalook,andhe
appearedcompletelyunrepentantashewinkedandthenswoopeddown,kissingmeoncemorebeforeheletgo.ButtherewasapartofmethatthoughtRothwasn’t
beingajerkwhenitcametohisrequest,andthatalonewaskindofamazing.
***
ColdgrasscrunchedundermybootsasIcrossedthelawn,headingforthebench.Thetempshadjumpedoverthepastcoupleofdays,meltingthesnow,andthesunwasout,andeventhoughit
wasstillchilly,peoplewereouteverywhereontheNationalMall.Sittingdown,I
immediatelywincedastheicinessfromthewoodseepedthroughmyjeansandchilledmybum.Ihunkereddowninmysweater,squintingatthebrightwintersun.Humansmilledabout,
headingforthemuseums,somesittingonbenches
playingchess,othersoutjoggingandbeingallhealthy.Didanyofthemknowhowclosethey’dcometothelegitendoftheworld,likethetrumpetsblaringandriversrunningwithbloodkindofendoftheworld?Ireallydidn’tevenhaveto
askmyselfthatquestion,becauseIalreadyknewtheanswer.Evenwiththegargoylesawakeningand
wreakinghavocandevenwithallthosepoorpeoplewho’dseeminglydroppeddeadonthestreets,mankindseriouslyhadnoideawhatanearmissthey’dhadwiththeapocalypse.We’dsavedtheday.I’d
savedtheday,andtheywouldneverknow.Man,itwaskindoflike
beingBatman,butwithoutthecoolcape.
ButifIwereBatmanwouldthatmakeRoth,Robin,theBoyWonder?Ah,no.Icouldn’tseehimbeingdownforthat,butthethoughtmademegrinfromeartoear.Thesoundoffootsteps
drewmyattention,andIlookedup.Zaynewasafewfeetawayfromme,oneofhishandsshoveddeepinthepocketsofhisjeansandtheotherholdingasquareblack
bag.Hisshoulderswerehunched,hischindippedlow.Mystomachdidaweirdwiggle,notentirelypleasant.Myfamiliardidn’taffectmyabilitytoseeauraslikeBambihad,butnowIalmostwisheditdid.Thatwouldbebetterthanhavingtoseehow...howdulltheglowaroundZaynehadbecome.Theantiquewhiteofhisaurawasaconstantreminderof
whatI’ddonetohim.Andithadn’tbeentheonly
thing.Mygrinweakenedabit,
butIdidn’tletitfadeaway,becausedespiteeverything,Iwashappytoseehim.“Hey,”hesaid,andhe
smiled,butitdidn’treachthosevibranteyes.God,Imissedthatsmile,howhediditwithhisface—hiswholebeing.“Youcame.”
Igavealittleshakeofmyhead.“OfcourseIcame.ItoldyouIwould.”“Yeah,youdid.”Hesat
besideme,placingthebagontheotherside,andthenshovedbothhandsinhispocketsashestaredstraightahead.Severalmomentspassed.“Ijustthoughtmaybeyouwould’vechangedyourmind...orsomething.”Understandingseepedin.
“Iwouldn’tchangemymind,andRothwouldneveraskthatofme.”Zayne’sheadswunginmy
direction.Heopenedhismouth,closedit,andthentriedagain.“I...Ilikeyourhairlikethat.”“Oh.”Ireachedup,
gingerlypokingatmybun.“Ihonestlydidn’tfeellikedoinganythingwithit.”“It’sdifferent.”Heglanced
atmeandthenquicklyavertedhisgaze.“Anyway,Iwantedtoseeyou,totellyouthatI’mgladthatyou’reokay.Ididn’tgetthechancetotellyouthatwhenyoushowedupatthehouse.Allofuswereprettyshockedtoseeyou.”Thelongerhespoke,themoresomeoftheawkwardnessfellbythewayside.“Whenwe’dheardthattheLilinwasdead,
well...weknewwhatthatmeant.Iknewwhatthatmeant.”“I’msorry,”Isaid.I
realizedthatI’dbeensayingthatalot,butIstillmeantit.IjustwishedIcouldsaysomethingelse.Aquickgrinappeared
beforevanishing.“Iknowyouare.Whatyoudidwasincrediblybrave.Crazy,butbrave.I’mnotgoingto
lectureyouforit.I’msure...I’msureRothhasalreadydonethat.”Hepaused,takingadeepbreath.“Youknow,youcan’tdoubtwhatyoureallyare,anymore.Inside.Youhavetoknow.Tomakethatkindofchoiceyoumade,youcannolongerdoubtyourworth.Ijust...Ijustwantedyoutoknowthat.”Isqueezedmyeyesshut
andletoutashakybreath.
“I...Thankyou.”ThatwasallIcouldsay,becausehewasright.IknewwhatIwasontheinside.BeingademonoraWardendidn’tmakemewhoIwas.Mydecisionsandmyactionsdid.AndIwasn’tperfect—andIwasn’tevil.Iwasjustme.Abreezetossedastrandof
hisblondhairacrossthechiseledlineofhisjaw.“Enoughaboutme,”Isaid,
andZaynechuckled.“What?”Iasked.Heslidhishandsoutofhis
pocketsasheleanedbackagainstthebench,relaxing.“Layla-bug,youdiedandcamebacktolife.Kindofhardnottofocusonthat.”Atthesoundofmy
nickname,Igotalittlegiddyinside.“Okay.Goodpoint...”Irackedmybrainforsomethingtosayandfound
it.“I’mgoingbacktoschoolnextweek.RothandCaymandidtheirthingandtheschoolofficialsthinkI’vebeenoutwithmonoorsomething.Icancatchupandgraduateontime.”“That’sgood.”Sincerity
clungtohisvoice.“Whataboutcollege?”Ishiftedonthebench.“I
thinkI’mgoingtoapplyforspringsemester—tosomeof
thecollegesaroundhere,butonceI’mdonewithschool,Ikindofwanttotravel.”ThinkingbacktotheconversationI’dhadwithRothaboutseeingtheworld,Ismiled.“I’veneverbeenanywhereandIwanttoseethings—thebeach,themountains—adesert.Ihavetimetodothat.Lotsoftime.”“That’sright.Idon’tknow
howIkeepforgettingthat
you...you’renotgoingtoageoranything.”Hisjawtightened.“Ithinkit’sgood,though—thewholetravelthing.You’llhavefun.”“Yeah.”Itwasweirdand
somethingIhonestlydidn’tobsessover,butIwasforevergoingtolooklikethis...unlesssomeonemanagedtostabmeintheheartorchopmyheadoff.Ireallyneededtochangethesubjectagain.“Butreally,
enoughaboutme.Iwanttoknowhowyou’redoingwitheverything.”Heraisedonebroad
shoulder.“Takingitdaybyday,tobehonest.Acoupleofthenearbyclansarecomingin,toscopeeverythingout.It’snothingtoworryabout,”headdedwhenItensed.“It’sjustproceduralcrapfromwhatNicolaiandDezhavesaid.”
“They’vebeenalotofhelp,haven’tthey?”“Yeah.I’vegotacouple
moreyearsbeforeIneedtotakeover,andIknowbetweenthetwoofthem,theywilldothingsright.They’regoingtobringaboutsomeofthechangethatisneeded,especiallywithhowcloseNicolaiandDanikaaregetting.”Igrinned,stilllikingthe
ideaofthosetwotogether.“Changeisdefinitelyneeded.Thingshavebeenabit...archaic.”IfDanikahadherway,andIcouldn’tseeherstoppinguntilshedid,thenthefemalesoftheclanwouldhaveaheckofalotmorechoicesinthefuture.“Butasidefromyourresponsibilitiestotheclan,howareyou?”Hisbrowsknittedtogether.
“It’shardsomedays,”headmittedquietly.“TalkingtoStaceyhasbeengood.She...sheunderstands,youknow?”HepausedwhileInodded.“IknowmyfatherandIdidn’tseeeyetoeyeonalotofthingstowardtheend,buthewasmydad,andIlovedhim.”Heglancedatme.“Helovedyou.Youknowthat,right?Underneathitall,hedidcareforyou.”
RecallingtheconversationZayneandIhadafterAbbotdied,Inodded.“Iknow.”“Imisshim.”Istartedtoreachoverto
squeezehisarm,buthaltedhalfway.Iwasn’tsureifhewantedthatkindofcomfortfrommenow.Zaynemusthavecaught
themovementoutofthecornerofhiseyes,becausehehalfturned,pickingupthe
blackbag.“Ibroughtyousomething.”Mybrowsflewup.“You
did?”Henoddedashereached
inside.“Ithoughtyoumightbemissingthis.”Curious,Iwatchedashis
armliftedandaraggedy,furrybrownheadcameintoview.Iclaspedmyhandstogether,mymouthdroppingopenasZaynepulledoutan
old,beat-upteddybearthathadseenbetterdays.“Mr.Snotty,”Ibreathed,reverently.ZaynehadgivenmeMr.
SnottythenightAbbothadfirstbroughtmetotheWardens’compound.I’donlybeensevenandterrifiedofthewingedcreatureswiththeirhard,stone-likeskinandjaggedteeth.I’drushedthroughthehouse,founda
closetandhidinituntilZaynehadcoaxedmeoutofit,offeringaonce-pristineteddybear.I’dlovedthatthing.AsmuchasIlovedZayne.Itookthebear,clutchingit
closeasZayneclearedhisthroat.“Iknowyou’renotalittlegirlanymore.Heck,Iknowifpushcomestoshove,youcouldkickmyassnow,butIthought...well,you
couldalwaysuseMr.Snotty.Hebelongstoyou.”TearsburnedmyeyesasI
buriedmyfaceinthetopofMr.Snotty’sheadandbreathedindeeply.Thescentofwhatusedtobemyhomeclungtothelittlebear,andIalmoststartedsobbingrightthere.Huggingthatbear,IwantedtogobackintimejustsoIcouldgetonemorehugoutofAbbot,before
everythingwentdownhillbetweenus.Blinkingbacktears,Ilifted
myfacetoZayne.“Thankyou.Thankyousomuch.”Heclosedhiseyesbriefly.
“Imissyou,Layla.”Mychestsqueezedlikeit
wasinavise.“Youdon’thaveto,”Iwhispered,anglingtowardhimasIheldthebear.Andherewewere,finallyattheheartofthereasonwhy
weweresittingonthebench.“I’mrighthere.Imissyou,Zayne.Iwanttobefriends.”“Iknow.It’sjust...I’mnot
readyforthat,”hesaid,flippinghisgazetothesky.Hischestrosewithadeepbreath.“IliketothinkthatonedayIwillbe.Well,IknowIwill.Oneday.”“Iwillbewaiting,”Itold
him.“Imeanit.I’llbewaitingforthatday.”
SomeoftheweightIcarriedaroundmyhearteasedasZaynenoddedslowly.Thenhesmiledashelookedoveratme,reallysmiledthatfull-facedgrinthatIgrewupadoring,andinthatmomentIknewthattherereallywouldbea“oneday”tolookforwardto.
thirty-two
ZAYNEANDIchattedforalittlewhilelonger,andwhenitcametimetoleave,Iwasreluctanttopartways.Ididn’tknowwhenI’dseehimagain.I’dbeensoclosetojumpingonhimandhugginghimlikeIdidwithMr.Snotty,butIknewitwasstilltoosoonforthat.
Teary-eyed,IwatchedZayneheadacrossthelawnandIhopedthat“oneday”becamesomedaysoon.Ireallydid.IgentlyplacedMr.Snotty
backinthebagandwhenIstood,Istartedacrossthelawnintheoppositedirection,towardthemuseums.IwasgoingtotextRothsoon,butIneededacoupleofminutestosort
throughallIwasfeeling.IwashappythatIgottoseeZayneandtoknowhedidn’thateme,butImissedhimsomethingfierce.IwisheditcouldbethewayitwasbeforeheandIhadgonedownthatroad,butIcouldn’tfinditinmyselftoregretanyofwhatheandIshared.Weneededtoexperienceeverythingwehadforbothofustoknowwherewereally
stoodwitheachother.AlthoughIwantedtoforcehimtobemyfriendrightnow,Irespectedandcaredforhimtoomuchtonotgivehimallthetimeheneeded.Inthemeantime,IcouldonlybegladhehadStaceytotalkto.Icutthroughthebenches
andtables,focusingontakingdeepandevenbreathsasthebagholdingMr.Snottyswunggentlyatmyside.Out
ofthecornerofmyeye,IthoughtIspottedafamiliardarkface.Stoppingmidstep,Iturnedtomyright.Morrissatatoneofthe
woodentables,hisbushybrowsfurrowedinconcentration.Onefingerlessglovedhandwasballedunderhischinandtheotherhoveredoverblackandwhitechesspiecesthatwerestrategicallyplacedonthegameboard.
Idon’tknowwhatshockedmemore—thefactIwasseeingMorrisoutandaboutwhenIhadn’tseenhimatallsincethenightAbbotdied,notevenwhenI’dreturnedfromthe...well,fromthedead,orthefactthathewasn’talone.Acrossfromhimsataraven-hairedwoman.Dark,oversizeglassescoveredmostofherface,butfromwhatIcould
tellfromherseatedposition,shewastallandslender,thetawnyskinofherhandasitmovedoverthechesspieceswasflawless.Morrishadfriends?Lady
friends?Ladyfriendswhoappearedmuch,muchyoungerthanhim?Go,Morris...Thewomanmovedoneof
herknights,takingwhatIguessedwasapawnofher
opponent’s.Asshescoopedthedarkpiece,athickcloudcreptoverthesun,blockingitoutsuddenly.Startled,Iglancedupandfrowned.Itwassodarkitwasalmostdusk.Anoddshivercurledits
waydownmyspineasIloweredmygazetothem.Theshiverspreaditschillyfingersacrossmyshoulders.Robingrewrestless,sliding
offmybackandcrawlingtorestjustbelowmyribs.Morrisglancedup,his
soulfulgazefindingmine.Theskinaroundhiseyescrinkledashesmiledwidely.IraisedmyhandasthesunbrokefreefromtheinkycloudandIwiggledmyfingersathim.Thiswasweird.Heshiftedhisattention
backtothechessgame,andI
hadafeelingthatIwasdismissed,whichIwasoddlyokaywith.Ididn’tknowwhatwasgoingonthere,butI’dstartedtowalkpastthem,tothesidewalkwhenasoft,liltinghumcaughtmyattention.Everymuscleinmybody
lockedupasmyskintingled.Thehum—Irecognizedit,wouldalwaysrecognizeit.“ParadiseCity.”Thesame
songRothconstantlyhummed,butthistime,itwascomingfromawoman.Ithadtobeacoincidence,I
toldmyselfasIslowlyturnedbackaround.TheamazinglyonpitchtonewascomingfromthewomansittingacrossfromMorris.Shestoppedhummingand
herredlipscurledintoahalfsmileasshereachedup,removingtheshades.Then
sheturnedherchintowardme,andIsawherface.Thewomanwasshockinglybeautiful.Everysinglefeatureperfectlypiecedtogether.High,definedcheekbones,tinynoseandimpossiblyfulllips,butitwashereyesthatknockedtheairrightoutofmylungs.Theywerethecoloroftwo
amberjewels...identicaltoRoth’s.
“Youknow,”shesaid,speakinginavoicethatwasthicklikesmoke,“he’salwaysbeenmyfavoriteCrownPrince.”Myjawunhinged,andI
gapedatherlikeafishoutofwater.MyfavoriteCrownPrince?My?Wasshe...?OhmyGod.OhmyGod!TheBosswas
awoman!Thewomantiltedherhead
tothesideandherblackhairslippedoverhershoulder.“Ah,Icanseethewheelsturninginyourlittlehead.ItwarmsmybitterhearttoknowthatmyPrinceiswithsomeonewhoisatleastmarginallyintelligent.”Therewasagoodchance
myeyesweregoingtopopout,sothatinsultprettymuchwentrightovermyhead.“You’re...”
“Ibetyoucanguessmyname.Likethatonesongsays,Idogobymany.”Thesunglassesdangledfromherfingersasshestudiedme.“Haveyouwonderedwhyyou’rehere,Layla?”WhenIstartedtoglancearound,shelaugheddarkly.“Nothere,inthispark,youlittlefool,butstandingtherewithbloodcoursingthroughyourbodyandyourheartbeatinginyour
chest?”Morrisraisedhisbrows
again—whetheratherlatestinsultoratthereminderofmynear-demise,Iwasn’tsure—butheremainedsilent,asalways.“Itwasyou?”Isaidaftera
moment.“Youbroughtmeback?”Shedidn’tanswer
immediately.“AsIsaid,Astarothismyfavorite
CrownPrince,butIwillnotraisethedeadevenforhim.Atleastnotwithoutgainingsomethingfromit.”Ishookmyhead.“Idon’t
understand.Ifitwasn’tyou...?”“Oh,itwasme.Andyou’re
welcome.”Sheslippedthesunglassesbackon,butitstillfeltlikeshecouldseerightintome.“Butitwasbecauseofyourmother.”
Ifthewindhadblownthatsecond,Iwould’vefallenrightover.“Lilithsavedme?”“Lilithpromisedtonever
attemptanescapeagainifIsavedyou,andthatwasanofferthatevenIcouldnotpassup.SoImadeheradeal,andhereyouare.”Athousandemotions
swampedme,andmykneesfeltweak.Lilithsavedme?Disbeliefswirled,mingling
withhope,elationandjustmoreshock.Hadshefinallyrecognizedmeasherdaughterandhaddonesomethingredeeming?ThebagstartedtoslipfrommyfingersandItightenedmygrasp.Andthenitstruckme.IfIhaddied,thenLilith
would’vedied,too.TherewasnopointfortheBosstomakethisdealunless...unless
shehadpartlydoneitforRoth.Holycrackerjacks,wasthe
Bosscapableofcompassion?Ohman,theworldhadjustturnedupsidedown.“Now,don’tgetallooey
andgooeyinside,mydear.Ifyoudied,thenshewould’vedied.Sodidshefeelamotherlybondforyouorwassheintheend,justsavingherself?Perhapsshehopes
thatonedayyouwillchangeyourmindandfreeher.Afterall,thenshewouldn’tbeescaping,nowwouldshe?Whoknows?Ireallydon’tcare,”shesaid,raisingoneshoulderinadelicateshrug.“Neithershouldyou,becauseyouknowwhatyoushouldcareabout?ThefactthatbesidestheAlphas,I’mtheonlybeingthatcanundoAstaroth’sexistencewithjust
asnap...ofmytwolittle,bittyfingers.”BothLilithasmypossible
saviorandtheBossbeingawesomeforgotten,Ifeltmybackstiffenandmyeyesnarrowasherthreatsmackedintome.FurytookholdandIhadtouseeveryounceofrestraintnottoshiftrightthereandfreaksomepeopleout.Ididn’tevenrecognizethe
voicethatcameoutofmeinalowgrowlthatcausedthosewalkingnearbytogivemeawideberth.“Imaynotbeabletodefeatyou,butIknowIcangotoe-to-toewithyou.SoifyouharmonehaironRoth’shead,Iwillbatheinyourbloodandmakeanecklaceoutofyourentrails.”ThenIbracedmyselffor
somemajorwhoopassthatwasprobablygoingtobring
theAlphasscreamingdownonus,andmaybeIshould’vehadRothcomewithmetodayafterall,becausemylittletriphadsuddenlytakenareallybadturn.ButthenMorrissmiledand
hisshouldersshooksilentlywhileshetossedherheadbackandlaughedloudly.NothingaboutwhatIsaidwasfunny.OratleastIdidn’tthinkso.Iglancedaround,
unsureofwhatwashappening.“Ilikeyou,”shesaidonce
shestoppedlaughing.“Ireallydo.YouaredeservingoftheCrownPrince.”“Um...”“AndIcanseethatyou
andI...Well,Ithinkwe’llgetalongfamously.”Sheturnedbacktothegame.“Visitwheneveryoulike,butonelastthing.”
“Uh...”Shepickedupaknightas
shelickedherlips.“Threatenmeagain,andIdon’tcarewhatyourmotherhaspromised,whatfriendsyouhaveinhighplaces,orwhatitwilldotoAstaroth—youwillbewearingentrailsasanecklace,buttheywon’tbemine.”Alrightythen.Iwasn’tstupid,soIknew
whenitwastimetomakeanexit.Iwalkedawayfromthetableinadazeanditwasn’tuntilagoodfiveminuteslaterthatIstoppedinthemiddleofthecrowdedsidewalktowonderoutloud,“IfthatladyistheBoss,thenwhatorwhointheHellisMorris?”
***
InsteadoftextingRoth,I
endedupheadingbacktothehouse.Iwalkedinthroughthefrontdoor,placingthebagthatcontainedMr.Snottyonthechairinthesittingroom.AssoonasIcrossedintothelivingroom,Rothwasthere.Movingasquickasashadow,withinasecond,hisarmswerearoundmeandhislipswereskatingupthesideofmyneck.Immediately,asoftsound
escapedmeasmybloodheated.Oneofhishandsfounditswayundermysweaterandsmoothedovermybareskin,sendingahotshiverthroughme.“Youdidn’ttextme,”he
saidtothespacejustbelowmyear.Myeyesdriftedshut.
“Huh?”Hisdeepchucklewarmed
me.“Youweresupposedto
textmeandIwassupposedtocometoyou.”“Oh.Yeah.That’sright.”I
bitdownonmylipwhenhekissedthespacehislipshadbrushedagainst.Whyhadn’tItextedhim?Myeyespoppedopen.“Dammit.You’resodistracting.Ineedtotellyousomething.”“Mmm.Tellme
something.”Hisotherslippeddownmyback.“I’m
listening.”Iwashavingtrouble
breathing.“Ican’ttalkwhenyou’redoingthat.”“Doingwhat?”hesaid
innocently.“Youknowwhat.”
Reachingbehindme,Icaughthishandandpulleditawayfrommybehind.“It’snotmyfaultyoucan’t
multitask,”hesaidashestartedwalkingmebackward.
Hetwistedusaroundandthensat,pullingmedowninhislapsothatIwasfacinghimandmylegswereshovedagainstthearmsofthechair.“Now.I’msitting.You’rehereinmylap,whereIlikeyoutobe,andI’mlistening.”“Okay.”Iblinkedslowly
whilehegrinnedupatme.Heloopedhisarmsaround
myhipsloosely.“YoumetwithZayne?”
“Yes,butthat’snotwhatIwantedtotellyou.”Ashisbrowsdrewdown,Ipokedhiminthechestwithonefinger.“I’lltellyouallaboutthatlater.Itwasgoodchattingwithhimandall.”“But?”Hisgazedroppedto
mymouth,andIhadafeelinghewasgoingtokissme.Ineededtogetthisout
beforeheendedupsucceedinginobliteratingmy
sensesanditwashardenoughwhenhisfingersstartedmovingalongthebandofmyjeans.“ButIthinkImetyourmother,Roth.”Hisfingerstilledashislips
parted.Adarklookcreptintohisface,tighteningtheskinaroundhiseyes.“Mymother?”“Yeah.Youknow,the
Boss.ShewasattheMall,andIheardherhumming
‘ParadiseCity.’”Everythingcameoutinarushatthatpoint.“Iturnedaroundandthereshewas.Andwow,she’sreallypretty.Imean,shelooksalotlikeyou.Notthatyou’repretty.You’rehandsomeandhot,reallykindofbeautifuland—”“Igetwhatyou’resaying,”
heinterrupted.“Andthanks.Butjustthisonceweshouldtalkaboutsomethingother
thanmyhotness.DidtheBosssayanythingtoyou?Doanything?”“Well,shetoldmethat
LilithmadeadealtoneverescapeHellandthatwaswhyIwassaved,butthatdidn’tmakealotofsense,becauseLilithdeadsolvestheproblemofLilith.Ithinkshe...shetookthedealforyou—theBoss.Andshealsosaidthatyouwereherfavorite
CrownPrince.”Crossingmyarms,Ifrowned.“Shealsosaidthatshecouldundoyourexistence.”Hiseyesnarrowed.“Why
wouldtheBosssaythat?”“I...um,Ikindof
threatenedher.”“Youdid?”Bitingdownonmylower
lip,Inodded.“IsortoftoldherthatI’dbatheinherbloodandwearherentrailsasa
necklaceifsheharmedyou.”Onecornerofhislips
twitched.“Youdidwhat?”Iliftedmychin.“Iwanted
hertoknowthatIdidnottakekindlytothinlyveiledthreatsagainstyou.”Roth’sfacesoftened.“Oh,
Shortie...youdomeproud.”Blushing,Ilookedawayas
Irolledmyeyes.“Whatever.”“I’mserious.Yousought
toprotectme.”Hisfingers
curvedaroundmychinandguidedmyeyesbacktohis.“I’mhonoredthatyouwoulddothat.I’msuretheBosswasn’ttoohappyaboutthat.”“Well,shekindof
laughed...andthensaidshelikedme.AndthenshebasicallytoldmeI’dwearmyownentrailsifIeverthreatenedheragain.Itwasweird.YounevertoldmethattheBosswasafemale,and
yourmother.AndIthoughtyoucalledtheBossahebefore.OramImakingthatup?Itdoesn’tmatter.”Talkaboutcrazyin-laws,
dearLord.“Afemale?”Helaughed
deeply.“TheBossiswhateverandwhoeveritchoosestobe.”NowIwastheonegaping
athim.“What?”Hetrailedhishandalong
myjaw,cuppingthenapeofmyneck.“TheBossisn’tmymotherormyfather.Morelikemycreator,andforsomereasonrecently,theBosshasfavoredlookinglikeawomanwhosortofresemblesme,buttheBossisneithermaleorfemale.”Iopenedmymouth,closed
it,andthenopeneditagain.“Um...”“Weird,right?”
“Yeah.”Myheadhurt.Afterafewmoments,Roth
frownedthoughtfully.“WhatwastheBossdoingattheMall?”“Shewasplayingchess—
ohmygoodness,Ialmostforgot!ShewasplayingchesswithMorris!Youknow,Morrisasinthechauffeurandjack-of-all-tradesattheWardencompound.Hewastherewithher.”Irockedwith
excitement,causingRothtogetaninterestinglystrainedlookonhisface.“Whywashewithher?Whyweretheyplayingchess?Holycanolaoil,theywereplayingchess!Howcliché!Ohmygoodness,whatifhe’s—”“Idon’tknowwhatheis,”
hecutin.Myeyeswerewide.“He
neverspeaksandhe’sawesomewithagunandcan
breakoutsomekungfumoves,butwait...Ican’tpicture—”Iloweredmyvoice“—youknowwhoshootingagunorusingkungfu.”Hislipsweretwitching
again.“Yeah,toughtoimaginethebigguyupstairsneedingaweaponormartialarts.”True.Ideflatedlikea
balloonwithapinprickinit.
Forasecond,I’dthoughtIwasontosomethingamazing.“Buthehastobesomething.”“Anythingispossible.”His
fingerseasedthemusclesinmyneckashisgazelockedontomine.“Soaboutyourmom...”Itiltedmyhead,giving
himbetteraccess.“Your—Imean,theBosstoldmethatshemadeadealtoneverescapeifIwassaved,andat
first,Ithought,wow,Lilithfinallydidsomethingforme—herdaughter—butthentheBossremindedmethatifIhaddied,thenLilithwoulddie,thatLilithknewthat.Shewasbasicallysavingherself.”Ishrugged.“So,Iguessweknownow,huh?HowIcameback.I’mstillgrateful.Itdoesn’tmatterhowIgotback,onlythatI’mhere.”Hisexpressionlostitshard
edgesagain.“You’reright.You’rehereandthat’sallthatmatters,buthere’sthething,Layla.TheBoss...Well,theBosshasmomentsofgreatcompassionandsometimestheBossdoeseverythingpossibletoavoidtakingcreditforthat.”Heleanedin,pressinghisforeheadagainstmine.“AndLilithcouldbethesameway.Doessomethinggoodandthen
hidesit.Ormaybeshewasjustsavingherownass,butyouknowwhat?”“What?”Iwhispered.Hetiltedhishead,kissing
thetipofmynose.“You’llneverknowtherealreason,butyoucanchoosetobelievewhateveryouwantaboutit.Youdon’thavetomakeyourchoicenow,butnomatterwhatyoudecidetobelieve,itdoesn’tchangewhoorwhat
youareorhowmuchyoumeantomeortoZayneortotheotherWardensandStacey.EvenCayman,”headded.“EvenCayman?”Ilaughed
hoarsely.Hekissedthecornerofmy
mouth.“Evenhim.Noneofthatchanges.Thatfemale—Lilith—ifshedidwhatshedidtosaveyou,that’sgreat.Ifshedidittosaveherown
life,thenforgether.Eitherway,itdoesn’tchangeyou.”IclosedmyeyesasI
leanedintohim,andhetookmyweight,wrappinghisotherarmaroundme.“You’reright.”“I’malwaysright,
Shortie.”“No,you’renot.”Igrinned
whenhesnorted.“Butyouarerightnow.ItwouldbenicetoknowthatLilithcared
formeandmadeachoicetosaveme,becauseI’mherdaughter,butitdoesn’treallymatterintheend.”“Nope.”Hekissedthe
othersideofmylips.“Notatall.”“Imatter,”Iwhispered,
andherewardedmyresponsewithadirectsmackeronthelips.“Youmatter.Wematter.”Igotanotherkissforthat.“Zaynemattersand
NicolaiandDezandalltheotherWardensmatter.Staceymatters.EvenCaymanmatters.”Hislipscurledintoasmile
againstmine.“Iwouldn’tgothatfar.”“Shushit.”Thistime,I
kissedhim.Rothclaspedmycheeksas
hepulledback.“Areyouokay?”Iknewhewasaskingnot
justbecauseofwhathappenedwithLilith,butalsowithZayne,andIlovedhimsomuchforthat—so,somuch.“I’mokay.”“Ah,thenyoubetterhold
on,Shortie.”“Holdon—”Isquealedas
hestoodsuddenly,andIdidholdon,wrappingmylegsaroundhisleanhipsandmyarmsaroundhisneck.“Yougotit.”Thenhe
kissedmeagainashemadealowsounddeepinhisthroatthatsentshiversallacrossme.Hislipsglidedovermineagain,nibblingandclingingtothemuntilhedeepenedthekisswithaplungeofhistongue,andIfeltthemetalball.Everysensefiredinalldirections,anditwasexplosive,andmyheartfluttered,alongwithmany,manyotherpartsofmybody.
Afamiliaryearningsurgedinsideme,andinsteadofsendingfearskitteringthroughmysystem,itshotdartsofsublimepleasurethroughmyveins.“Don’tstopholdingon,”
Rothordered,anddarksensualitydeepenedhisvoice.“I’mgoingtomakeyoumorethanokay.”Andheliveduptothat
promise.
Sixmonthslater...
Awarmwindliftedmyhair,tossingthepalestrandsacrossmyfaceandstirringthetiny,sensitivefeatherslayeringmywings.Themoonwashighandcloudswerethick,aperfectnightforflight.Iwasperchedontheroof
ofOneWorldTrade,onefootontheledge,theotherdanglingoff.Mywingswere
arcedhigh,keepingmefromtopplingrightoff.Downbelow,dazzlinglightslitupthestreets.Icouldn’tmakeoutpeople,butIcouldseetheirshapes,abunchoftinyblursmoving.Aroundmewereotherbuildingsstretchingtallintosky,windowslitupwhileothersdarkened.Noneofthemwereashighasme.Reachingbehindme,I
placedmyhandflatagainstthebuildingandclosedmyeyes.Thesadandyetpowerfulhistoryofrebirthandrenewalthathadtakenplaceonthispatchoflandwashardnottofeel,nottotakeamomenttorecognize.Ihadlearnedalongtime
agothatsometimeshumanscouldbemoreevilthananydemonrisingupfromthepitsofHell.
AsharpwhistledrewmyattentionandmyeyesopenedasIletmyhandfallbacktotheledge.ThewhistlehadcomefromsomewhereonWallStreet,andagrintuggedatmylips.Istoodslowly.AndthenItookflight.Windrushedup,
immediatelycatchingmywingsastheyspread.Arcingupwithclosedeyes,Iflewhigher,andcoldairswirled
overmyheatedskin,downthecenterofmybackandovermywings.ItwasjustlikeJasminehaddescribeditwhenIopenedmyeyes.IstretchedoutmyarmandIreallythoughtIcouldpossiblygraspthestarsinmyhandandtugthemclosetomychest.MaybeIcouldevenfly
straighttotheheavens,butIseriouslydoubtedtheAlphas
wouldbetoothrilledaboutthat.ThemerethoughtofknockingontheirpearlygatesbroughtasmiletomyfaceasIallowedmyselftospinlikealittlemissilebeforeIhitthepartoftheatmospherewhereIcouldeasilybeclippedbyaplaneandwouldstarttohavetroubletakinginoxygen.IknewifIwentanyfarther,Iwouldn’tbeabletobreathe,
butIalsoknewinstinctwouldtakeoverandmybodywouldforcemebackdown.I’dlearnedthatthehardwaylastnight.Oneglancebelowandit
waslikethewholeworldwasrightbeneathme.Buildingsjuttedoutatme,likedozensanddozensoffistsreachingup.Millionsofpeoplelivedandbreathedinanareathatnowappearedsoincredibly
small.Whatanawesomeviewof
NewYorkCity.Atorrentofwindsmacked
intomywings,butIspunoutofthegust,andthenswoopeddown.Tuckingmywingsback,Iletmyselfgetcaughtinanepicfreefall.Ipickedupspeedandforamoment,therateatwhichIfellstolemybreath,buttherewasnofearorpanic,justan
incrediblerushofadrenalineandjoy.Halfwaybacktothecity,I
unfurledmywings,slowingmydescentsoIdidn’tpancakeintothesideofabuilding,becausethatwouldhavebeenoneheckofawaytoendthenightandmylittlecross-countryjaunt.Coastingoverthecity,I
avoidedtheareasIknewtheotherWardensfrequentedand
glidedbacktowardthefinancialdistrict.TheNewYorkclanknewwewerehere.Dezhadevenphonedahead,warningtheclanhe’dcomefromnottomesswithus,butIdidn’twanttopushourluck.ThoughIdoubtedIwasenemynumberoneforthemandweallhadworkedtogetherhalfayearagotostoptheLilinandtheapocalypse,mypartnerin
crimewouldalwaysbeanotherstory—averytrickystory.Slowingdown,Ilandedin
acrouchontheroofofwhatIthoughtwasabank.I’djustfoldedmywingsbackwhenaheavyformlandedbesideme,causingtinypiecesofstonetoloosenfromtheledgeandfalltotheground.Archingabrow,Ilookedup.Rothstoodwithhislegs
wideandwingsspread.Hisskinwasinkylikeonyx,shinyandhard.Bare-chested,heblendedintothenightaroundhim.Orhewould’veifhehadn’tflashedhisfangsatme—andiftheskullonthebuckleofhisbeltwasn’tbrightwhite.“Yourhair,”hesaid.MyeyesnarrowedwhileI
resistedtheurgetoreachupandseewhathemeant.
“Whataboutit?”Hegrinnedasheknelt
besideme,quicklyslippingbackintohishumanform.“YoulooklikeyoujustrolledoutofaGunsN’Rosesvideo.”“Thanksforthat.”“Possiblyeventhe
‘ParadiseCity’video.”“Betterandbetter.”Leaningover,hekissedmy
templeandthenmybrow.
“Freakingsexyashell,though.RemindsmeofwhatitlookslikeafterIgetmyfingersinitandwe’re—”“Igetthepicture.”I
laughed.“Totallyknowwhereyou’regoingwiththat.”“What?Iwasgoingtosay
whenwe’rewakingupinthemorning.”Isnorted.“Oh,whatever.”Hisdeepchucklesenta
shiverthroughme.“Youknowmetoowell.”Thatwastrue.Closingthe
distancebetweenus,Igavehimaquickpeckonthecheek.“Didyouseeme?”“Yes.”Heclosedahand
aroundmynape,keepingmefrompullingaway.“Isawyoukissthestars.”Mylipsspreadinawide
smile.Ilikedthewaythatsounded.“Wanttoseeme
kissmyownpersonalstar?”Yeah,thatwascheesy,buteventhoughIcouldn’tseehissmile,Icouldfeelitineverycellinmybody.Hiscloseness,hishappinessandmine,practicallyhadmybodyhumming.“Always,”hemurmured.Tiltingmyhead,Ibrushed
mylipsoverhisonceandthentwice.ThehandalongmynecktightenedasIranthe
tipofmytonguealongtheseamofhiswonderfulmouth.Hislipsparted,andItookthekissdeeper,andlikeeverytime,hetastedlikedark,sinfulchocolate,andlikeeverysingletime,onekisswasneverenough.Thereweremoreaswecrouchedontheledgeofaroof,sixty-somestorieshigh,andIknewifwedidn’tcomeupforairsoon,wewouldstarttoget
greedy,firstwithourhandsandthenotherpartsofus.Thathadalsohappened
lastnight.Pullingback,Iletoutthe
breathIwasholdingasIcuppedhisjawinmyhandwhilehemadethemostpitifulsound.Igiggledintheminutespacebetweenourmouths.“Later,”Ipromised.Thesoundturnedtoa
deeperrumblefullof
approval.Anticipationswelled,formingahungermuchgreaterthantheoneIlivedwitheveryday.“Laterbettercomesoon,”hegrowled.Heslidhishandfrommy
neck,downmyback.Throughtheloose,thintanktop,Icouldfeelhisheat.“Tomorrowweleave?Canadanext?”Inodded.“Canadaitis.”
Hesaidnothingasherestedhishandonmyhip,andIwasquietasIstaredoutatthecitydownbelow.IwasstaringatmyfuturewhileIcrouchednexttomyeternity,andthatwasawonderful,beautifulfeeling.Istillhadn’tpickedouta
collegeyetordecidedonwhatIwantedtomajorin,butthatwasokay.IhadtimeandIdidn’twanttorushasecond
ofit.“Isitlateryet?”Roth
asked.Castinghimalingering
look,IgrinnedasIrosefluidly,withagraceIneverthoughtI’deverbecapableof.“Onlyifyoucancatchme.”Rothroseatonce,
capturingmyhandbeforeIcouldeventakeoff,threadinghisfingersthroughmine.
“Alreadydid,Layla.”Andsohehad,alongtime
ago,whenhestruttedintoadarkalleyandtookoutaPoserdemon.Truthbetold,Ireallydidn’tevenwanttorun.Thiswaslove,andlove
couldchangepeople,evenifthatpersonwasreallyademonandtheCrownPrinceofHell.“Iloveyou,”Itoldhim,
andItoldhimthateverydayandIwouldtellhimthatoverandoveragain.Rothloweredhisforehead
tomineashebroughtourjoinedhandstohischest,placingthemabovehisheart.“AndIloveyou,”hesaid.“WitheverybreathItake,Iwillalwaysloveyou.”
*****
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TheProblemwithForever
byJenniferL.Armentrout
one
THREESUGARS.Everysinglemorning,Carl
Newportdumpedthreehuge
spoonfulsofsugarinhiscoffee.Well,whenhethoughtnoonewaslooking,he’daddtwomore.Foramaninhisearlyfifties,hewasfitandtrim,buthehadonemeansugaraddiction.Inhisstudy,thehomeofficefullofthickmedicaljournals,therewasadrawerinhisdeskthatlookedlikeacandystorehadthrownupinit.Hoveringnearthesugar
bowl,hereachedforthespoonagainasheglancedoverhisshoulder.Hishandfroze.IgrinnedfromwhereIsat
atthehugeisland,anemptycerealbowlinfrontofme.Hesighedashefacedme,
leaningbackagainstthegranitecountertop,andeyedmeovertherimofhismugashetookadrinkofthecoffee.Hisdarkblackhair,combed
backfromhisforehead,hadstartedtoturnsilveratthetemples,andwithhisdeepoliveskin,Ithoughtitmadehimlookfairlydistinguished.Hewashandsome,andsowashiswifeRosa.Well,handsomewasn’ttherightwordforher.Withherdark,exoticfeatures,shewasverypretty.Stunning,really,inthewaysheheldandcarriedherself.
Iplacedmyspooninthebowl,carefullysoitwouldn’tclangagainsttheceramic.I...Ididn’tliketomakeunnecessarynoises.AnoldhabitI’dbeenunabletobreak.Glancingupfrommy
bowl,IfoundCarlwatchingme.“Areyoureadyfortoday,Mallory?”Myheartskipped
unsteadilyinresponseto
whatfeltlikeaninnocentquestion,butwasreallytheequivalentofaloadedassaultrifle.IwasreadyinallthewaysIshouldbe.Likeanerd,I’dprintedoffmyscheduleandthemapofLandsHigh,andRosahadcalledahead,obtainingmylockerassignment,soIknewexactlywhereeverythingwas.I’dstudiedthatmap.Seriously.Asifmylifedependedonit.
There’dbenoneedtoaskanyonewhereanyofmyclasseswere.RosahadevenmadethetripwithmeyesterdaytothehighschoolsoIgotfamiliarwiththeroadandhowlongthedrivewouldtakeme.Todaywasthefirsttime
I’dbeattendingpublicschool.Well,notthefirsttime.Thereweretimesbefore,whenIwasyounger,
butIbarelyrememberedthem,soIdidn’tcountthem.Thentherewastheothertime,afterCarlandRosahadtakenmein,andthatfirstdayatmiddleschoolhadbeenanepicfail.Thatwasfouryearsago.ButnowIwasready.I
shouldbeready.“Mallory?”Iglancedupandgavea
curtnodasIpressedmylips
togetheranddroppedmyhandstomylap.Iwastotallyready.Carlloweredhismug,
placingitonthecounterbehindhim.“You’resureyouknowthewaytoschool?”Noddingagain,Ihopped
upfromthebarstoolandgrabbedmybowl.IfIleftnow,Iwouldbefifteenminutesearly.Probablyagoodidea,IguessedasI
placedthebowlandspooninthestainlesssteeldishwasher.“Andyouhaveeverything
youneed?”heasked,andasIstraightened,hetwistedhisbodytowardme.Carlwasn’tatallman,maybearoundfivefooteight,butIstillonlycameuptohisshoulders.“Useyourwords,Mallory.Iknowyou’renervousandyou’vegotahundredthingsgoingoninyourhead,but
youneedtouseyourwords.Notshakeyourheadyesorno.”Useyourwords.Isqueezed
myeyesshut.Dr.Tafthadsaidthatphraseamilliontimesover,ashadthespeechtherapistthathadworkedwithmethreetimesaweekfortwoyears.Useyourwords.Wordsflewthroughmyheadlikeaflockofbirdsmigratingsouthforthe
winter.Wordswerenevertheproblem.Ihadthem,alwayshadthem,butitwasthepluckingthewordsoutandputtingavoicetothemthathadalwaysbeentricky.Idrewinabreathandthen
swallowed.“Yeah.Yes.I’m...ready.”AndIhadtobeready,
becausetodaywasabigday.Itwentbeyondattendinganewschool.IfIhadanyhope
ofattendingcollegenextyearlikeanormal,functioningperson,Ihadtomakeitthroughoneyearofpublicschool.Ihadto.Asmallsmiletippeduphis
lipsashescoopedalongstrandofauburnhairbackfrommyface.MyhairwasmorebrownthanreduntilIsteppedoutside.ThenIturnedintoaliving,breathing
crimsonfireengineofredheadedawkwardness.“Youcandothis.Icompletelybelievethat,”hesaid,dippingtoplaceakissonmyforehead.“Youjusthavetobelievethat,Mallory.”Mybreathhitchedinmy
throat.“Thankyou.”Twowords.Theyweren’tpowerful
enough,becausehowcould
theybewhenCarlandRosahadsavedmylife?Literallyandfiguratively.Whenitcametothem,I’dbeenattherightplaceattherightmomentforallthewrongreasonsintheuniverse.OurstorywassomethingstraightoutofanOprahspecialoranABCFamilymovie.Unreal.Sayingthankyouwould
neverbeenough.Ihurriedtotheislandand
grabbedmybookbagandkeysbeforeIbrokedownandstartedcryinglikeakidthatjustdiscoveredSantawasn’treal.Asifhereadmymind,he
stoppedmeatthedoor.“Don’tthankme,”hesaid.“Showme.”Istartedtonod,but
stoppedmyself.“Okay.”Hegrinnedthen,crinkling
theskinaroundhiseyes.
“Goodluck.”Openingthefrontdoor,I
steppedoutonthenarrowstoopandintothewarmairandbrightsunofalateAugustmorning.Mygazedriftedovertheneatlylandscapedfrontyardthatmatchedthehouseacrossthestreet,andwasidenticaltoeveryhouseinthePointesubdivision.Everyhouse.
SometimesitstillshockedmethatIwaslivinginaplacelikethis—abighomewithayardandflowersartfullyplanted,andacarintherecentlyasphalteddrivewaythatwasmine.LikeI’dwakeupandfindmyselfback...Ishookmyhead,pushing
thosethoughtsawayasIapproachedthedecade-oldHondaCivic.Keptingreatcondition,thesilverpaint
hadn’tfaded.ThecarhadbelongedtoRosaandCarl’srealdaughter,ahighschoolgraduationgiftgiventoMarquettebeforeshe’dleftforcollegetobecomeadoctor,likethem.Exceptshenevermadeitto
college.Ananeurysm.Thereoneminuteandgonethenext,andtherehadbeennothingthatcouldbedone.Iimaginedthatwassomething
RosaandCarlhadalwaysstruggledwith...Theysavedsomanylives,butcouldn’tsavetheirdaughter.Itwasalittleweirdsince
thecarbelongedtomenow,likeIwassomehowareplacementchild.TheynevermademefeelthatwayandI’dneversaythatoutloud,butstill,whenIgotbehindthewheelIcouldn’thelpbutthinkabout
Marquette.BeforeIbackedoutofthe
driveway,thereflectionofmyeyesintherearviewmirrorsnaggedmyattention.Theywerewaytoowide.Ilookedlikeadeerabouttogetslammedbyasemi,ifdeerhadblueeyes,butwhatever.Theskinaroundmyeyeswaspale,mybrowsknitted.Ilookedscared.Sigh.
Relaxingmyfacetookeffort,andpracticallytheentiretwenty-eight-minutedrivetoLandsHigh,andthemomentthethree-storybrickschoolcameintoview,beyondthebaseballandfootballfields,allthateffortwenttowaste.Mystomachtwistedasmy
handstightenedonthesteeringwheel.Theschoolwashugeandrelativelynew.
Thewebsitesaidithadbeenbuiltinthenineties,andcomparedtootherschools,itwasstillshiny.Shinyandhuge.Ipassedthebusesturning
todotheirdrop-offintheroundaboutandfollowedanothercararoundthesprawlingstructure,tothemall-sizeparkinglot.Parkingwasn’thard,andIwasalittleearly,soIusedthatfifteen
minutestodosomethingakintoadailyaffirmation,justascheesyandembarrassing.Icandothis.Iwilldothis.
Overandover,IrepeatedthosewordsasIclimbedoutoftheHonda,slingingthebagovermyshoulder.MyheartpoundedasIlookedaroundme,takingintheseaoffacesstreamingtowardthewalkwayleadingtothebackentranceofLandsHigh.
Differentfeatures,colors,shapesandsizesgreetedme.Foramomentitwaslikemybrainwasasecondawayfromshort-circuiting.Iheldmybreath.Eyesglancedoverme,somelingeringandsomemovingonasiftheydidn’tevennoticemestandingthere,whichwasokayinaway,becauseIwasusedtobeingaghost.ButIwasn’tsupposedto
beaghostanymore.Christ—thatwasthewholepointofbeinghere.Myhandflutteredtothestrapofmybagand,mouthdry,Iforcedmylegstomove.Firstbigstepwasjoining
thewaveofpeople,slippinginbesidethemandfocusingontheblondponytailofthegirlinfrontofme.Mygazedipped.Shewaswearingajeanskirtandsandals.Bright
orange,strappygladiator-stylesandals.Theywerecute.Icouldtellherthat.Strikeupaconversation.Isaidnothing.Herlegsweretoned,asif
shewasarunnerlikeRosa.Thegirlinfrontofmehadgorgeouslegs.Mineweretheequivalentoftwigs,muchlikemyarms.WhenIwasyounger,IrememberedbeingtoldI’dblowawayinastrong
gustofwind.Notmuchhadchanged.AndIreallyneededtostop
staringatherlegs.Liftingmygaze,myeyes
collidedwithaboynexttome.Sleepclungtohisexpression.Hedidn’tsmileorfrownordoanythingotherthanturnhisattentionbacktothecellphoneheheldinhishand.Iwasn’tevensureifhesawme.
Themorningairwaswarm,butthemomentIsteppedintothenearfrigidschool,IwasgratefulforthethincardiganI’dcarefullypairedwiththetanktopandjeans.Fromtheentrance,
everyonespreadoutindifferentdirections.Smallerstudentswhowereroughlyaroundmyheight,butweredefinitelymuchyounger,speed-walkedoverthered
andblueVikingpaintedonthefloor,theirbookbagsthumpingofftheirbacksastheydodgedtallerandbroaderbodies.Otherswalkedlikezombies,gaitsslowandalmostroamingaimlessly.Iwassomewhereinthemiddle,movingatanormalpace,average.Butthereweresomewho
racedtowardothers,huggingthemandlaughing.Iguessed
theywerefriendswhohadn’tseeneachotheroverthesummerbreakormaybetheywerejustreallyexcitablepeople.Eitherway,IstaredatthemasIwalked.SeeingthemremindedmeofAinsley.Likeme,she’dbeenhomeschooled—stillwas—butifshewasn’t,Iimaginedwe’dbelikethemrightnow,hoppingtowardoneanother,grinningandexcited.Normal.
Ainsleywasprobablystillinbed.Itookthestairwellatthe
endofthewidehall,neartheentrancetothecrowdedcafeteria.Evenbeingclosetothelunchroomhadmyheartthumping.Ididn’tevenwanttothinkaboutthatrightnow,becauseImightendupinthatcorneragain.Mylockerwasonthe
secondfloor,middleofthe
hall,numbertwo-three-four.Ifounditwithnoproblem,andhey,itopenedonthefirsttry.Twistingatthewaist,IpulledoutabinderIwasusingformyclassesintheafternoonanddroppeditonthetopshelf,knowingthatIwasgoingtobecollectingmassivetextbookstoday.Thelockerbesidemine
slammedshutandmychinjerkedup.Atallgirlwithtiny
braidsalloverherheadflashedaquicksmileinmydirection.“Hey.”BythetimeIgotmy
tonguetoformthatone,stupidlittleword,she’dalreadyspunandwashalfwaydownthehall,andIwasmurmuringatair.Feelingabouttenkindsofslow,Irolledmyeyesandclosedmylockerdoor.Turningaround,mygazelandedontheback
ofaguyheadingintheoppositedirection.Idon’tevenknowwhyor
howIendeduplookingathim.Maybeitwasbecausehewasagoodheadtallerthananyonearoundhim.Likeatotalcreeper,Icouldn’tpullmyeyesawayfromhim.Hehadwavyhair,somewherebetweenblondandbrown,anditwascutshortagainstthenapeofhisbronzedneck,
butwaslongeronthetop.Iwonderedifitfloppedonhisforehead,andtherewasanunsteadytugatmychestthatmademethinkofaboyIusedtoknowyearsago,whosehairalwaysdidthat—fellforward.Aboyitkindofhurtmychesttothinkabout.Hisshoulderswerebroad
underablackT-shirt,bicepsdefinedinawaythatmademethinkofsomeonewho
eitherplayedsportsordidalotoflabor.Hisjeanswerefaded,butnotintheexpensiveway.Iknewthedifferencebetweenname-brandjeansthatlookedwell-wornandjeansthatweresimplyoldandontheirlastwear.Hecarriedasinglenotebookinhishand,andevenfromwhereIstood,thenotebooklookedaboutasoldashispantsdid.
Somethingweirdwiggledinmychest,afeelingoffamiliarity,andasIstoodinfrontofmylocker,IletmyselfthinksomethingIhadn’tallowedmyselftoreallyconsider.Imightactuallyknow
someofthepeoplehere.KidsI’dgrownupwith,sleptinthesamehousewith.Maybetheywouldn’trememberme.Ithadbeenfouryearssince
I’dseenanyofthem,butI’drememberthemandIespeciallyrememberedhim.
***
MostofmyclasseswereAP,andIblendedrightin,takingmyseatintheback.Noonetalkedtome.Notuntilbeforelunch,atthestartofEnglish,whenadark-hairedgirlwithsloe-coloredeyessatinthe
emptyseatacrossfromme.“Hi,”shesaid,smackinga
thicknotebookontheflatsurfaceattachedtothechair.“IhearMr.Newberryisarealjerk.Takealookatthepictures.”Mygazeflickeredtothe
frontoftheclassroom.Ourteacherhadn’tarrivedyet,butthechalkboardwaslinedwithphotosoffamousauthors.Shakespeare,Voltaire,
Hemingway,EmersonandThoreauwereafewIrecognized,andIprobablywouldn’trecognizethemifIdidn’thaveendlesstimeonmyhands.“Alldudes,right?”she
continued,andwhenIlookedbackather,thetightblackcurlsbouncedassheshookherhead.“Mysisterhadhimtwoyearsago.Shewarnedmethathebasicallythinks
youneedadicktoproduceanythingofliteraryvalue.”Myeyeswentwide.“SoI’mthinkingthisclass
shouldbealotoffun.”Shegrinned,flashingstraight,whiteteeth.“Bytheway,I’mKeiraHart.Idon’trememberyoufromlastyear.NotthatIremembereveryone,butIthinkIwould’veatleastseenyou.”Sweatcoveredmypalms
asshecontinuedtostareatmefromdarkbrowneyes.Thequestionshewasthrowingoutwassimple.Theanswerwaseasy.MythroatdriedandIcouldfeelheatcreepingupmyneckasthesecondstickedby.Useyourwords.Mytoescurledagainstthe
softleathersolesofmyflip-flops.“I’m...I’mnew.”There!Ididit.Ispoke.
Takethat,Dr.Taft.Wordsweretotallymybitch.Allright,perhapsIwasexaggeratingmyaccomplishmentsinceItechnicallyonlyspoketwowordsandrepeatedone,butwhatever.Keiradidn’tseemtonotice
myinternaldumbassery.“That’swhatIthought.”Andthenshewaited,andforamoment,Ididn’tgetwhyshe
waslookingatmesoexpectantly.ThenIdid.Myname.Shewas
probablywaitingformyname.Airhissedinbetweenmyteeth.“I’mMallory...MalloryDodge.”“Cool.”Shenoddedasshe
rockedhercurvyshouldersagainstthebackofthechair.“Oh.Herehecomes.”Wedidn’ttalkagain,butI
wasfeelingprettygoodabout
thesumtotalofsevenwordsspoken,andIwastotallygoingtocounttherepeatones.Thiswas,byfar,somuchbetterthanmiddleschool.I’dmadeitthroughfourclasses,spokentosomeone,andeventhoughMr.Newberryspokewithanairofpretentiousnessthatevenanewbielikemecouldpickupon,Iwasfloatingonamajoraccomplishment
high.Thencamelunch.Forthemostpart,Iwasa
completefailatit.Nerveshadtwistedmy
stomachintoknots,andeventhoughImadeitthroughthelunchline,allIgrabbedwasabananaandabottleofwater.Thereweresomanypeoplearoundmeandsomuchnoise—laughter,shoutingandaconstantlowhumof
conversation—thatIwascompletelyoutofmyelement.Everyonewasatthelongsquaretables,huddledingroups.NoonewasreallysittingalonefromwhatIcouldsee,andthesmellofdisinfectantandburntfoodwasoverwhelming.AsIleftthecafeteria,I
thoughtmygazedriftedoverKeirasittingatahalf-fulltable.Forasecond,Ithought
shesawme,butIhurriedoutintothesomewhatquieterhallandkeptgoing,passingafewkidslingeringagainstthelockersandthefaintscentofcigarettesthatsurroundedthem.Iroundedthecorner,andatthelastmoment,avoidedahead-oncollisionwithaboynotmuchtallerthanme.Hestumbledtotheside,
bloodshoteyeswideningout
ofsurprise.AscentclungtohimthatatfirstIthoughtwassmoke,butwhenIinhaled,itwassomethingricher,earthyandthick.“Sorry,chula,”he
murmured,andhiseyesdidaslowglidefromthetipsofmytoesrightbackuptomine.Hestartedtogrin.Attheendofthehall,a
tallerboypickeduphispace.“Jayden,whereinthefuck
yourunningoffto,bro?Weneedtotalk.”TheguyIassumedwas
Jaydenturned,rubbingahandoverhisclose-croppeddarkhairashemuttered,“Mierda,hombre.”Adooropenedanda
teachersteppedout,frowningashisgazebouncedbetweenthetwo,andIfigureditwastimetogetoutofthehallway,becausenothingaboutthe
tallerboy’sfacesaidhewashappyorfriendly,andtheteachersortoflookedlikehewantedtocutsomeone.Iendedupinthelibrary,
playingCandyCrushonmycellphoneuntilthebellrang,andIspentmynextclass—history—furiouswithmyself,becauseitprobablywasKeirainthelunchroomandIcould’veapproachedhertable.Sheseemednice
enough,butinsteadIhidinthelibrarylikeadork.Doubtsettledovermelike
atoo-heavy,coarseblanket.WhatifIcouldn’tdothis?WhatifIwasalwaysgoingtobethis—whateverthiswas—fortherestofmylife?Maybeschoolwasabadidea.Collegewould’vebeendifferent,lesspressuretofitin,andIcould’veeasedintoit.Myskingrewitchybythe
timeIheadedtomyfinalclass,myheartrateprobablysomewherenearstroketerritory,becausemylastperiodwastheworstperiodeverinthehistoryofever,ever.Speechclass.Otherwiseknownas
Communications.WhenI’dregisteredfortheschool,I’dbeenfeelingallkindsofbravewhileCarlandRosa
staredatmelikeIwashalfcrazy.Theysaidtheycouldgetmeoutoftheclass,eventhoughitwasarequirementatLandsHigh,butI’dhadsomethingtoprove.Ugh.NowIwishedIhad
employedsomecommonsenseandletthemdowhateveritwasthatwould’vegottenmeexcused,becausethiswasanightmarewaiting
tohappen.WhenIsawtheopendoortotheclassonthethirdfloor,itgapedatme,theroomultrabrightinside.Mystepsfaltered.Agirl
steppedaroundme,lipspursingwhenshecheckedmeout,butIwantedtospinandflee.GetintheHonda.Gohome.Besafe.Staythesame.No.Tighteningmyfingers
aroundthestrapofmybag,Iforcedmyselfforward,anditwaslikewalkingthroughknee-deepmud.Eachstepfeltsluggish.EachbreathItookwheezedinmylungs.Overheadlightstwinkledandmyearswerehypersensitivetotheconversationaroundme,butIdidit.Myfeetmadeittotheback
rowandmyfingerswerenumb,knuckleswhite,asI
droppedmybagonthefloorbesidemydeskandslidintomyseat.Busyingmyselfwithpullingoutmynotebook,Ithengrippedtheedgeofmydesk.Iwasinspeechclass.Iwas
here.I’ddoneit.Knucklesstartingtoache,I
loosenedmydeathgripasIglancedatthedoor,slidingmydamphandsacrossthetop
ofthedesk.ThefirstthingIsawwasthebroadchestdrapedinblack,thenthewell-formedbiceps.Andtherewasthattirednotebookthatlookedsecondsfromfallingapart,tappingagainstaworndenim-cladthigh.Itwastheboyfromthis
morning,fromthehallway.Morethancurioustosee
whathelookedlikefromthefront,Iraisedmylashes,but
hehadturnedtowardthedoor.Agirlwascominginbehindhim;theexpressiononherfacesaidhegavegreatfullfrontal,butheseemedtobelookingatsomeoneoutinthehall,andhelaughed.Thegirlgotallgoogly-eyed.Tinyhairsroseallovermy
body.Thatlaugh...Itwasdeep,richandsomehowfamiliar.Ashivercreptovermyshoulders.Thatlaugh...
Hewaswalkingbackward,andIwasratheramazedthathedidn’ttripoveranything,actuallysomewhatenviousofthatfact.AndthenIrealizedhewasheadingtowardtheback,andholycrappers,thereweretwoseatsopen,oneoneithersideofme.Heturnedattheendofthe
desks,steppingbehindtheoccupiedchair,andmygazetrackedupnarrowhips,over
thestomach,upandup,andthenIsawhisface.Istoppedbreathing.Mybraincouldn’tperceive
whatIwasseeing.Itdidnotcompute.Istaredupathim,reallysawhim,sawafacethatwasfamiliaryetunknowntome,morematurethanIrememberedbutstillachinglybeautiful.Iknewhim.OhmyGod,Iwouldknowhimanywhere,evenif
ithadbeenfouryearsandthelasttimeI’dseenhim,thatlastnightthathadbeensohorrible,hadchangedmylifeforever.Icouldn’tmove,couldn’t
getenoughairintomylungsandcouldn’tbelievethis.Myhandsslippedoffthedesk,fallinglimplyintomylapashedippedintotheseatnexttome,hisgazeontheopendoor,andhisprofile,the
strongjawthathadonlybeenhintedatthelasttimeI’dseenhim,tiltingashiseyesmovedoverthefrontoftheclass.Helookedlikehedidbackthen,butbiggerandeverythingmore...moredefined.Fromthedarkerbrowsandthicklashestothebroadcheekbonesandtheslightscruffcoveringthecurveofhisjaw.Goodness,he’dgrownup
inthewayI’dthoughthewouldwhenIwastwelveandstartedtoreallylookathim,toseehimasaboy.Myheartwastryingto
clawitselfoutofmychestaslips—lipsfullerthanIremembered—tiltedup,andaknotformedinmybellyasthedimpleformedinhisrightcheek.Theonlydimplehehad.Nomatchingset.Justone.
Leaningbackinthechairthatseemedtoosmallforhim,heslowlyturnedhisheadtowardme.Eyesthatwerebrownwithtinyflecksofgoldmetmine.EyesI’dneverforgotten,
neverreallystoppedthinkingordreamingabout,andneverstoppedworryingabout.Theeasy,almostlazysmile
I’dseenamilliontimesinpersonandinmyhead
slippedoffhisface.Hislipspartedandapalenessseepedunderthenaturallytannedskin.Thoseeyeswidened,thegoldflecksseemingtoexpand.Herecognizedme;Ihadchangedalotsincethen,butstill,recognitiondawnedinhisfeatures.Hewasmovingagain,leaningforwardinhisseattowardme.Don’tmakeasound.
“Mouse?”hebreathed.
Copyright©2016byJenniferL.Armentrout
ISBN-13:9781460379424
EveryLastBreath
Copyright©2015byJenniferL.Armentrout
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