To recap: This is my attempt at a Polyamory Project Challenge, created by princedeej28, full rules available on the official Sims 2 website. The point of the challenge is to romance more than one Sim and earn enough points to make Hugh Hefner jealous. Last time, Bertie was forgiven by Corey (plus points), got romantic with Vanessa (plus points), and tried to move Robert in (plus a few points, although not enough – but plus lots and lots of frustration). Bertie also got engaged to Corey, got Vanessa pregnant, and allowed his friends’ significant others to move in. (No points whatsoever.) My current total is 125. All caught up? Good! Let’s get started. When we last left off, Vanessa was expecting. Well, the wait is over.

Vanessa went into labor surrounded by the rest of the household. Of course. At least it wasn’t in the bathroom. PROFESSOR ARIANNA: ¡Ay, Esme mia! BERTIE: Vanessa? Awe you okay? COREY: Oh, I did not need to see this during breakfast. ZENON: Why can’t we be somewhere else while this girl stuff is happening? GERARD: Beverly? Shouldn’t you be helping? BEVERLY (through a mouthful of toaster pastry): Why? She seems to be doing okay. Please don’t be twins, please don’t be twins… COREY: I’ll second that. No twins, no twins…

And whaddya know? It worked! This is Albert Adams, and there’s only one of him. Since Bertie is also a nickname for Albert, we now have Bertie and Little Bertie. My readers realize I’m doing this to them on purpose, right?

Vanessa wasted no time in handing off Little Bertie and going for pancakes and a bubble bath. COREY: Hey, cut her some slack. She just had a baby – I think she’s entitled to let someone else do the work for a bit. And I don’t mind. This little guy is awful cute. (to Albert) Aren’t you, monkey butt? Huh? Are you cute? Are you? Of course you are! ALBERT: (giant belch)

Everyone other than Mommy and Daddy has been raised to honorary uncle or aunt status, and they take their responsibilities very seriously. They all love little Bertie and fight over who gets to take care of him.

Even when he’s stinky. BERTIE: Whoa, somebody needs a new diapew, huh?

Daddy was all dressed up for Tia Ariana and Tio Zenon’s wedding – not that anybody paid any attention to it. Zenon Rudelansky is now Zenon Miguel. Although you’re probably no more interested in that than anybody else is. I think this next part will work best as a montage.

One-eye, are you sleeping? One-eye, are you waking?

One-eye, are you sleeping? One-eye, are you waking?

In the quiet of the meadow

Feel the softness of the air

Smell the perfume of the flowers

I will come and meet you there COREY: Mmmnnnn – Hang on a second. Bertie, hold up. BERTIE: Wha – ?

COREY: We had such a good date, I just had to leave you flowers. BERTIE: Cowey! COREY: What? Don’t you like roses? BERTIE: Wiww you just get back in the caw? No negative points for this, but there really should be some, don’t you think?

Two-eyes, are you sleeping? Two-eyes, are you waking?

Two-eyes, are you sleeping?

Two-eyes, are you waking? (guitar solo)

So, yeah. Little Bertie became a Toddler, and he seems to be a good blend of his parents. I get points if the kid Grows Up Well, but I honestly don’t know if he did or not. Does that even apply to Baby-into-Toddler? Babies have no Aspirations, so I can’t see how it could... I’m not going to take the points at this transition. That seems fairest.

Everyone helps out with Little Bertie. Tia Arianna was actually the one who helped him with his birthday, Tio Zenon reads him lots of stories, Auntie Beverly is in charge of bath time, and Uncle Corey is in charge of general snuggles. Uncle Corey and Little Bertie are already good friends. BERTIE: Hey, Cowey – do you mind if, uh, Awbewt spends the night with you tonight? COREY: Um… No, no, that’s okay. I like having sleepovers. (to Albert) Don’t I, monkey butt?

Let the song of the cicadas Softly send you now to sleep

As I leave you, never doubt me Slumber long and slumber deep

Three-eyes, are you sleeping? Two-eyes, are you waking?

Three-eyes, are you sleeping? Two-eyes, are you waking?

COREY: You – you Ottomas! BERTIE: We have a pwe-nup! COREY: Yes. Yes, we do. And I sleep right above you! And how come she gets the bed and I only get the car? That gearshift gets really personal, and not in a good way!

BERTIE: Cowey, I – COREY: I’ve had it with you, Bertie! I can’t take being treated like a second-class citizen. I feel – I feel dirty. BERTIE: But Cowey, wisten – VANESSA: Hey, you guys obviously have some stuff to work through, but I’m really wiped so I’m just going to go up to my room, okay? Try to keep it down. COREY: Try to keep it down? Try to keep it down?! (Vanessa leaves) COREY (yelling after her): Don’t you talk to me about “keep it down”!

ALBERT: (wails) COREY: Hey there, buddy. What’s the matter? ALBERT: No! No go! No mah! No mah, no mah, no go! (wails louder) COREY: Oh. Oh, Albert. I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you, never! I love you, monkey butt. ALBERT: No mah! No yeh! No go! (buries his face in Corey’s neck and sobs inconsolably) COREY: I won’t yell anymore, Albie, I promise. I’m not mad at you. And I will never, never leave you. Not ever.

VANESSA: Corey? I’m sorry about my comment the other night. You know, about “keep it down”? COREY (coldly): I remember. VANESSA: Anyway, we used to get along well and you’re one of my best friends. I didn’t mean to tick you off. I’m really really sorry. COREY: I accept your apology. VANESSA: Friends again?

“I accept your apology” is not the same as “I forgive you.”

BERTIE: Cowey, pwease bewieve me – COREY: It doesn’t matter, Bertie. Save your breath. BERTIE: But – Love abandoned, love discarded Love that births only despair

COREY (V.O.): You chose your family. And you’re not the one I’m staying for anymore. In the beauty of the meadow I will never meet you there

The song used during this chapter was “Lullaby,” the first single off Prince of Charming’s second album Blue Door. Like all of Bertie’s songs, it’s TM, copyright, all rights reserved, patent pending, and the sole property of yours truly. If you make any money off it, I get half the gross. Score for this round Woohoo: 30 Kissing x 2: 10 Assorted romantic interactions x 4: 20 Slapfest: -40 TOTAL: 20 Score as of last round: 125 GRAND TOTAL: 145 Relationship standings (Daily/Lifetime) Albert > Bertie: 63/-14. Friends. Portrait is 3/4 red*

Albert > Corey: 90/46. Friends. Albert > Robert: 0/0 Albert > Vanessa: 12/-10. Portrait is 3/4 red* Bertie > Albert: 100/84. Friends. Bertie > Corey: 99/52. Portrait is 5/8 red. Married. Bertie > Robert: 84/84. Love. Bertie > Vanessa: 98/98. Love. Corey > Albert: 90/43. Friends. Corey > Bertie: 13/-52. Portrait is 7/8 red. Married. Corey > Robert: 0/0 Corey > Vanessa: -38/-36. Portrait is 13/16 red. Vanessa > Albert: 59/48 Vanessa > Bertie: 98/98. Love. Vanessa > Corey: 54/26. Portrait is 7/8 red. Vanessa > Robert: 0/0 *I have no idea why Albert is furious with his parents, but it showed up after the slapfest. Perhaps because he’s always had the best relationship with Corey?