Everybody Loves Bertie, Chapter 4
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- 1. To recap: This is my attempt at a Polyamory Project
Challenge, created by princedeej28, full rules available here. The
point of the challenge is to romance more than one Sim and earn
enough points to make Hugh Hefner jealous. Last time, there were
various assorted low-level romantic interactions (plus points), a
slapfest (minus points), and two weddings and a birth. (No points
whatsoever.) My current total is 145. All caught up? Good! Lets get
started. When we last left off, Bertie and Corey were having
- 2. Corey is not dealing with this very well. COREY: Spy on me,
will you? Well, Ive had about enough of this lack of respect, and I
wont put up with it anymore, do you hear me, you stupid old
- 3. He should really pick the targets for his frustration a bit
better. JASMINE SCOTT, CRIMINAL MASTERMIND: Excuse me? All I have
to do is say the word, and your body will never be found, young
man. Youll be the next Jimmy Hoffa or Amelia Earhart. (darkly) You
dont want to know what really happened to her, trust me. Although
Corey might be furious at them, there are still people who care
about him and dont want to see him disappear. Oh, you know what I
- 4. Thats why the name of the game is Apologize To Corey Early
- 5. Emphasis on Often. VANESSA: Corey, Im really, really sorry
COREY: Yeah, okay, Vanessa. I get it. Thank you for your apology.
Again. Can I pee now? VANESSA: Oh. Sorry.
- 6. Vanessa is focused on regaining her friendship with Corey to
the exclusion of much else. Seriously. She taught Little Bertie to
talk, because I forced her to, but most of her autonomous
interactions are either Put In Crib (which any adult within a
two-mile radius of a tired toddler will do) or a pre-programmed
response to Little Berties autonomous Ask interactions.
- 7. Bertie spends just as much time playing Apologize to Corey.
BERTIE: Cowey, I compwetewy see youw point. Its just not faiw to
tweat my lovews diffewentwy. COREY: Well, it depends on whos
getting the better deal BERTIE: No, no, its not faiw at aww. I need
to be even-handed with evewyone. COREY: You could be biased in my
favor, you know. I am your husband. BERTIE: No, no thats a swippery
swope. If Im biased towawds my husband, then what about the mothew
of my chiwd? What about VANESSA (grumpily): Are you guys going to
keep this up all night? Some of us have to work in the morning, you
know. COREY and BERTIE (together): Good night, Vanessa.
- 8. Bertie seems pretty committed to treating all his partners
equally, though. The anti- gravity device on that car wont last
much longer if this keeps up.
- 9. And unlike some people I could mention, Bertie spends lots
of time with his son. BERTIE: Hey thewe, big guy! Awe you paying
attention? Huh? Because I think I see the tickwe monstew coming!
ALBERT: (shrieks of delighted laughter) And now its time for some
Little Bertie picspam! Music, maestro
- 10. My lord the Marquis of Carabas My lord the Marquis of
Sauerkraut My lord the Marquis of Nowhere-At-All (Mmm-hmm)
- 11. My lord the Marquis has rabbits plump My lord the Marquis
has a castle fine My lord the Marquis has the sense to learn My
lord the Marquis is mine
- 12. Who raised him up And guided him to you? Who made him fine
And taught him all I knew? Oh A word of thanks is all I ask I love
my Marquis with a love so rare Thats why I found him you
- 13. My lord the Marquis of Carabas My lord the Marquis of
Sauerkraut My lord the Marquis of Nowhere-At-All (Mmm-hmm)
- 14. COREY (softly): There, see, Albert? See those three stars
in a row, right there? ALBERT (sleepily): Free starz. COREY
(softly): Thats right. Those three stars in a row, those are Orions
belt. And theres his left shoulder, and thats his right shoulder,
and thats the tip of his sword, and that star there is his left
knee. See? Orion is right outside the window. ALBERT (barely
audible): wion (yawns, snuggles into Coreys shoulder, and starts to
snore gently) COREY (to himself, really): Your daddy taught me to
recognize Orion when we were in college. We lay on the grass and
looked at the stars, and he put his arm around me and pointed out
Orions belt Esme, I miss him.
- 15. COREY: Bertie, I Im still mad at you, okay? Really mad. I
just want to be clear about that. BERTIE: Okay COREY: But I miss
you, too. I miss you something awful. I want to try again. If youll
let me. BERTIE: Of couwse! But awe you suwe? COREY: I do miss you.
I do want to try again. But I want to be the one who sets the pace
- 16. And I guess its true that a rising tide lifts all
- 17. In the middle of all the dramaz, Little Bertie Grew Up
Well, for a cool 20 points.
- 18. That got him a hug from his mother. At my prodding,
unfortunately. And only after autonomously canceling it out of her
queue a few times. Vanessas lucky Bertie likes her, because I sure
- 19. COREY: You did good with Albie, hon. Hes growing up so
well. BERTIE: Me? I think it was you. Youwe the one who spends aww
that time with him. I think he thinks youwe his daddy. COREY: You
spend time with him too. And he knows youre his real daddy. BERTIE:
Cowey COREY: Just a little more time, okay? Im sorry it must be
difficult for you
- 20. BERTIE (V.O.): Oh Dont wowwy about me. Weawwy. COREY
(V.O.): Really? BERTIE (V.O.): Weawwy. Take aww the time you need.
Id feel bad about using Robert if he wasnt so enthusiastic about
being used. I really need to find out what his aspiration is.
- 21. And eventually COREY: Bertie, I think Im ready to try
starting again. BERTIE: You awe? COREY: Yes, I am. Youre still the
man I fell in love with, and you just get more attractive everyday.
BERTIE (coquettishly): Oh, stop it! Im getting old is what Im
getting. COREY: I like older men.
- 22. COREY: So Ill have you back if youll have me. BERTIE: Of
couwse Iww have you!
- 23. COREY: Oh, Ive missed you so much, Bertie! BERTIE: But we
wiv in the same house. COREY: Not missed you like that Ive missed
you missed you. And in fact
- 24. COREY: How long do you think it would take us to warm up
the car? BERTIE: With owe without the keys? ALBERT (coming into the
room unexpectedly): Why do you need to warm up the car? Are you
going for a drive? Where are you going? Can I come? I want to go
for a drive too! (Bertie and Corey look at each other and sigh
resignedly) COREY: Sure, monkeybutt. Where do you want to go?
- 25. And here is where I will leave you, with this pleasant
picture of Little Bertie being a refined and polite little boy.
This chapters song was The Marquis, by Prince of Charming. I spent
all of ten minutes on it, and it no doubt shows. However, if you
make any money off it, just remember that I get 50% of the gross.
Until next time, Happy Simming! Score for this round Woohoo x 2: 60
Kissing x 5: 20 Assorted romantic interactions x 8: 40 Offspring
Grew Up Well: 20 TOTAL: 140 Score as of last round: 145 GRAND
- 26. I have now beaten the official high score of 200 points.
Lets see just how much I can beat it by, shall we? Relationship
standings (Daily/Lifetime) Albert > Bertie: 98/100. Best
friends. Albert > Corey: 98/85. Best friends. Albert >
Robert: 0/0 Albert > Vanessa: 66/65. Best friends. Bertie >
Albert: 98/98. Best friends. Bertie > Corey: 98/98. Married,
best friends. Bertie > Robert: 100/100. Love. Bertie >
Vanessa: 98/98. Love. Corey > Albert: 90/43. Friends. Corey >
Bertie: 100/75. Married, best friends. Portrait is 3/8 red. Corey
> Robert: 0/0 Corey > Vanessa: 98/60. Friends. Vanessa >
Albert: 58/58. Best friends. Vanessa > Bertie: 98/100. Love.
Vanessa > Corey: 96/98. Friends. Vanessa > Robert: 0/0