ManualfamilycounselingLearnthemethodsandthengofurther

2020|SanneVandenBegin

TranslationbyElsNijs

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Tableofcontents

Preface ____________________________________________________________________________________________ 2

Introduction________________________________________________________________________________________ 3

1. Inconnectionwith(extended)familiesandcolleagues_________________________________________________ 5

2. Mainprinciplesoffamilycounseling________________________________________________________________ 8

2.1. Togetherwiththewholefamily _______________________________________________________________ 8

2.2. Togetherwiththeextendedfamily_____________________________________________________________ 9

2.3. AQuestioningapproach ____________________________________________________________________ 10

2.4. Focusedonstrengthsandresources___________________________________________________________ 10

2.5. Focusedongoalsandsolutions_______________________________________________________________ 11

3. Supportofthefamilyworker_____________________________________________________________________ 13

4. Comprehensivemanualoffamilycounseling________________________________________________________ 15

4.1.Startingthefamilycounseling:theintakephase_____________________________________________________ 15

4.2. DrawinguptheIndividualActionPlan _________________________________________________________ 24

4.3. Continuingcounseling______________________________________________________________________ 25

4.4. Follow-upoftheevolutioninfamilycounseling__________________________________________________ 32

4.5. Endofthefamilycounseling_________________________________________________________________ 33

5. Sourcesofinspiration___________________________________________________________________________ 34

5.1. Thesolution-centeredapproach______________________________________________________________ 34

5.2. SignsOfSafety____________________________________________________________________________ 35

5.3. PartneringForSafety_______________________________________________________________________ 35

5.4. TheResolutionsapproach___________________________________________________________________ 36

5.5. Non-violentresistance______________________________________________________________________ 36

5.6. Traumaandattachment____________________________________________________________________ 37

5.7. FamilyGroupDecisionMaking_______________________________________________________________ 38

5.8. FamilyFinding____________________________________________________________________________ 39

References ________________________________________________________________________________________ 40

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Preface

ProfessionalexpertiseandqualityinYouthCareisbuiltupthrougheducation,training,practice,study,

supervisionandcoaching,co-working,exchangingwithcolleagues,criticalthinking,appreciation,self-

evaluation and evaluation., organisations that stimulate learning and growing, support and control,

respect, confrontation,meeting children and families, authenticity, governmentpolicies, procedures

andprocesses,missionstatements,internalaudits,inspections,feedbackfromfamiliesandcolleagues,

yourownfamilylife,neighbourhoods,therapy,jobconditions,benchmarking,values,ethicalandjudicial

considerations,practicalexperience,scientificandpragmaticknowledge,morefeedbackfromfamilies

and colleagues, talking with children, your own attachments and relationships, gut feeling, mature

professionaljudgment,reducingownbiases,growingresilience,Children’sRightsDeclaration,setbacks,

art,emotionalintelligence,luck,admittingmistakesanderrors,givingchancesandtakingrisks,being

responsible,…

Thishandbookisalittlebitofsomeofthesethings,andhopefully,itcanofferasmallcontributionto

strengtheningyourprofessionalexpertiseandqualities.Thismanualforfamilycounselingconcretizes

ourapproach,assumptionsandvalues,intheproceduresandmethodsweuseinSporen,aYouthHelp

organisationinFlanders(Belgium).

Wevalueproceduresandmethodsasameansoftransferringgoodknowledgeandgoodpracticesfrom

workers toworkers, for theyoungprofessionalsasguidelinesand instructions toacquirenewskills,

experiencesand insights, fortheskilledprofessionalsasareferential frameworkfor(self-)evaluation

andcriticalthinking.

Beingtransparentandconsistentaboutourapproach,assumptions,values,proceduresandmethodsis

alsoaconditionsinequanonforthefamilies,andchildren,weworkwith.

Sowe assume that goodmethods, starting from a sound basic philosophy, evidence- and practice-

informed,arecrucialforprofessionaldevelopment,becauseifthey’rewellunderstoodandapplied,they

addtoyourpersonalandprofessionalagency.

Finally,IwouldliketothankSanneforweeksandmonthsofmeticulousthinking,talking,writingand

rewriting,andElsforherfeedbackonthemanuscriptandthedrudgeryoftranslatingthismanualinto

English.

JanTibo

DirectorSporenvzw

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Introduction

Sporensupportsfamiliesincomplexlifesituations.Inpartnershipwithparents,children,adolescents

andtheirextendedfamilies,wewanttoundertakethejourneytofindwaystoenablethesechildrenand

adolescentstogrowupwellandsafeintheirownenvironment(asmuchaspossible).

AllofthefamilieswhoaresupportedbySporen,willgetfamilycounseling.Familycounselingincludes

havingconversations/workingwiththefamilybutalsowithotherpeoplewhoaremeaningfultothem

(extendedfamilymembers,relatives,friends,teachers,…),andrelevanttoraisingtheirchildren.The

guidancewilltakeplacemostofthetimeathome.Thefrequencyofthecontactsdependonthekindof

supportthatthefamilywillneed.InSporenweuse‘OpgroeieninVeiligheid’asthebasisforourfamily

counseling.Thisapproachisdevelopedbyussoitisuniqueforourorganization.

Inthismanualwewanttoexplainwhatthemainelementsareof‘OpgroeieninVeiligheid’andwhat

familycounselinglookslikeinpractice.

In the first chapterweexplainhow towork in collaborationwith families, theirextended families,colleaguesandotherpartners.Agoodcooperativeandtrustingrelationshipisafirstconditiontobeabletoworktogether.Sucharelationshipdemandscoordinationonthecontent,ontheemotionallevel

aswellasontherelationitself.

Themainprincipleswhichweuseinourworkareexplainedinthesecondchapter.Theseprincipleswillclarifyhowwewillcooperatewithourfamiliesandhowwewillsupportthemintheameliorationof

theirsituation.Theywillgivedirectiontotheattitudeandthebehaviorofourfamilyworkers.Theywill

alsosupportourfamilyworkerssotheywillbeabletoadapttheirwayofworkinginawaythatfeels

comfortableforourfamiliesandforthemselveswithoutlosingsightofthecorevaluesofourwork.

Toworkwiththemainprinciplesof‘OpgroeieninVeiligheid’inawidevarietyoffamilies,requiresalot.

Also,makingconnectionswithothersandtokeepcommunicationgoing,canbeabigchallengeforour

familyworkers.Inthethirdchapterweexplainhowwesupportourfamilyworkersasgoodaspossibleinthischallenge.

Inthefourthchapterwetranslateeverythingmentionedabovetoaconcretefamilycounselingprocess.

Themanual‘familycounseling’istheofficialprocedureforfamilycounselinginSporen.Itdescribeshow

afamilycounselingprocessmustlooklikeandwhotakesresponsibilityforwhichsteps.Themanualisa

support for familyworkers in their jobwith families andextended families. It helps to focuson the

importantissues,meanwhilenotlosingsightofotherissuesandcontinuationofcooperation.Onlyafter

aprofessionalandjustifieddecisionandaftercounselingwiththesupervisor,deviationisallowedfrom

themanual.Ofcoursethereisroomforuseofadditionalmethodologiesandtechniqueswhichconnect

toourprinciples.Toofferour familyworkerssomemoresupport,ancomprehensiveexplanation isgiveninthismanualonhowtopracticefamilycounseling.

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The inspiration for this manual is mainly based on some specific approaches. These sources ofinspirationofferawidevarietyofopinions,methodsandtechniquesthatfitourvisionandhelpusto

offerfamiliesspecificsupport.Wedonotworkbasedsolelyononeofthesetheories.Eachofthesehelps

usshape‘OpgroeieninVeiligheid’.Weendthehandbookinthefifthchapterwithabriefexplanationof

thesesourcesofinspiration.

Somefinalremarks:

By‘family’wemeanthechildthatwillbesupported,butalsohis/herparentsandsiblings.Thefamily

members are the people who belong to this family. With ‘parents’ we mean the people who are

responsibleforraisingthechild.Whenthebiologicalparentshavenoroleatallinraisingthechild(eg.

becausetheypassedawayortheyareunknown),oftenotherpeopletakeoverthisrole(eg.anaunt

withwhomthechildisliving).Whenwetalkabout‘extendedfamily’wemeaneverybodywhoisrelated

to the family in a non-professional way (grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, friends,

acquaintances,…).Whenwetalkabout‘children’,wemightaswellmean‘adolescents’.Somewordsin

singular,mightalsoindicatepluralformsandviceversa(eg.child-children;parent-parents).Withwords

like‘he’or‘his’youmayalsoread‘she’or‘her’.

Theimprovementoffamilycounselingisacontinuousprocess.Thisimpliesthatthisdocumentisalways

susceptibletochangesandadditions.

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1. Inconnectionwithourselves,(extended)familiesandcolleagues

The quality of the dialogues between everyone who is involved and who supports the family,

predominantlydeterminesthesuccessoffamilycounseling.Whenweaskparentswhathashelpedthem

most,theyoftentalkabouttheindepthconversationswiththefamilyworker,whowasabletoreally

listenandsupportthem.Alsochildrendesiresupportfigureswhoofferthemabasistowhomtheycan

returnwhenthingsaregettingdifficult.Thesesupportfiguresallowthemtobeopen,showtheirfeelings

andmakemistakes.(SOSKinderdorpen&CachetVZW,2017).

A good relationshipwith familymembers helps the familyworker to discuss difficult situations and

issues,tokeepdiscussingworries,tokeeponfocusingongoalsandtokeeponaskingparentstotake

thenextsmallstep.Throughtheconnectionbetweenfamilyworkerandthechildorparent,thefamily

canletthefamilyworkerfeelwhattheyaregoingthroughwhenwordsaredifficulttofind(Rober,2017).

Alsotherelationshipsbetweentheprofessionalsaroundthefamilyhaveabiginfluenceonthecourse

ofthefamilycounseling.Howcantheyformthefamilycounselingtogetherwiththefamily,eventhough

theystartfromverydifferentframeworksandwaysofthinking?

Nexttoandwiththeother

Thequalityofthecooperationwithothersalwaysstartsduringthefirstcontacts.Youwanttogetto

knoweachother:whoisinfrontofme,whatisimportanttoher,howcanwemakecontactwitheach

other?

Also during the further course of the family counseling itwill always help to do firstwhat is reallynecessary.Sometimesthismeansjustbenexttoandwiththeother(Steens,2016).Thisimpliesdirecting

ourfocustowhattheotherwantstotalkaboutandgiveherthetimeandspacetofullyexpressherself

andtounderstandwhatshemeans.(Rosenberg,2011)(activelistening).Toacknowledgehowincredibly

difficultthingsarefortheotherwithoutimmediatelygivingreassurance,adviceorgoals(Steens,2016;

Rosenberg,2011).

The familyworker is allowed to showwhat this difficult situationdoes to her. The familyworker is

presentasapersonintheconversation,sosheisalsovulnerable.Itcanbeawholechallengetokeep

ondaringtotaketimefortheseconversations.

Conscioususeoflanguage

Howwellconnectionsaremade,alsodependsonthewordsandbodylanguagethatareusedandthe

contentoftheconversations.

Weknowthatithelpswhenthefamilyworkertalksinspecificwordsandwhenshewritesaboutthedailyactivitiesthatparentsandchildrenperformanddonotperform.

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Thismeansnolabels(thisboyhasanattachmentdisorder)orprofessionaljargon(motherhastolearn

howtostructurebetter).Shekeepshersentencesassimpleaspossible,especiallybecausestressmakes

itdifficulttounderstand.

Even more than our words can say, our body language has a major influence on our (further)

conversation(s).Bythiswemeanourgestures,postures,facialimpressions,looks,tears,movements,

butalsothevolume,timbre,paceandtheemotionalimpactofourchosenwords.Thebodysignalsadd

somethingimportanttoourwordsandmakeaconnectiononadifferentlevelpossible.Wealsofirst

reactwithourbodyonstoriesofothers(wenod,wesigh,welookaway)andourbodyunderstands

thesesignalsbeforetheyareprocessedbyourbrain.(Rober,2017).

Takeintoaccountourgutfeeling

The cooperation with others is mainly based on our gut feeling. This feeling is to a great extent

determinedbyouremotionalphysicaltensionorarousal.Thisphysicaltensiongivesusaspontaneousanddirectsignalabouthowwehavetoassessacertainsituation:ok,totallynotokornotsure.Ourbody

freesenergytoreactappropriatelyaslongasthistensionstayswithincertainlimits,wecanlisten,talk

tooneanother,empathizewiththeother,reason,…Whenthistensiongoestoohighortoolow,the

smooth connection between our head and belly gets under tension and this becomesmuchmore

difficult.

Unintentionallyweoftentakeoverthesametensionlevelasourpartnernexttous.Whenthispartner

becomesveryagitated,wewillalsotalkfasterandreactquicker.Whensheisveryslowortame,we

havetodoourbesttostayactiveourselves(Morisse,DeBelie,Blontrock,Verhasselt,&Claes,2017).

Tobeabletohelpfamilieswellwehavetostayinconnectionwithandhaveattentionforourownbody

andemotionalreactions.Apeacefulvoiceandafriendlyfacecanengagethesecuritysysteminthebrain

oftheother(vanderKolk,2016).Familyworkerswhoareabletosustainalot,cannotonlyinstallsafety

inacooperativerelationship,inadditiontheycanalsosupportfamiliestogrowindifficultsituations.

Our gut feeling is not only basedon our physical tension, but also on our intuitive knowledge.Our

intuitiveknowledgeofparents,childrenandtheextendedfamilyiswhatwerememberfromprevious

conversationsandfromthefeelingsthatwentalongwiththesecontacts.Alsotheexperiencesthatother

peoplehadwiththisfamilymayplayarole.Fromthisknowledgewesensethebehavioroftheother

andwereactonasensitivemanner.Theintuitiveknowledgethatwehaveaboutourselves,comesfrom

ourownneedsanddesires,ourattachments,ourownexperiencesandtheissuesthatplayaroleinour

lives(readmoreonpage12).

Oftenwearenotawareofourgutfeeling.Stillitisimportanttolistentoitoccasionally,aloneorgetin

touchwithothersaboutwhatishappening:‘Whatgivesmesomuchtension?Whatmakesmereactlike

thisinthissituation?’Moreinsightsintoourfeelingscanhelpustoconnectbetterwithothersonan

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emotionallevel,especiallyinsituationswherethespontaneousconnectionfailscompletely(Morisse,

DeBelie,Blontrock,Verhasselt,&Claes,2017).

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2. Mainprinciplesoffamilycounseling

Inthischapteryoucanreadmoreaboutourapproachtofamilycounseling.Followingaretheprinciples

thatformthecoreofourwork,namelyhowwecollaboratewithfamilies.

2.1. Togetherwiththewholefamily

Thefamilyworkercooperatesintensivelywiththewholefamily:theparents,thechildanditssiblings.

The parents play a crucial role because,what they do, has a great and sustainable impact on their

children.Familyworkersattempttoinvolvebothparentsasmuchaspossible,evenwhenbothorone

ofthemisnotalotornotinvolvedinraisingthechildren.Theself-esteemofchildrenwillbeboosted

whenparents,eventhoughmistakesweremadeinthepast,attempttomaketheirhomeabetterand

saferenvironment.Toinvolveallmeaningfulpeopleofthefamily,isalsowellforthesafetyofthefamily,

because things aremore openly discussed and less issues stay under the radar.When an intensive

cooperationisnotpossible,thenparentswillatleastbeinformedaboutthewell-beingoftheirchildren.

Childrenstayasmuchaspossibleathome.Growingupwiththeirownparentsoffers,althoughpossibleproblemsmayoccur,almostalwaysthebestchancesforanormalmentalhealth(Struik,2016).Safe

contact between parents and children will be stimulated.When necessary and desired, the family

workerwilltrytohealthebondbetweenparentsandchildren.

Thefamilycounselingisfocusedonthewell-beingandsafetyofallthechildreninthefamily.Thefamily

workermakessurethatthechildanditssiblingsknowwhyfamilycounselingishappeningandwhothey

can turn to with questions. She approaches every child as an individual with his own interests,

challenges,dreams,…

Onlyaftertheadultshavediscussedtheirworrieswitheachotherandtheseareclear,thefamilyworker

willask thechildrenexplicitlywhat theirworriesare.Whenchildrenare the firstones to talkabout

unsafe situations in their family, they are in a hazardous position. Moreover it is the adults’responsibilitytotakecareofsafety.

Conversationswithdifferentfamilymemberswilloftentakeplaceingroup.Thiswayeverybodyhasthe

sameinformationanddifferentperspectivescanbeimmediatelydiscussed.Thefamilyworkeralsohas

conversationswithparentsandchildrenseparatelysothattheycantellaboutissueswhichtheyarenot

(immediately)willingtosharewithothers.Sheiscurioustofindoutwhatthedifferentfamilymembers

think and feel about the situation and works with all these perspectives. When during these

conversationssafetyissuesconsideringachildoraparentarediscovered,thefamilyworkerneedsto

considerwhenitisnecessarytosharethisinformationwithothers.Shecandiscussthiswithcolleagues.

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2.2. Togetherwiththeextendedfamily

Everybodyneedspeoplesurroundinghertofeelwell,especially insituationswithhightensionandsetbacks(vanderKolk,2016;Vos&Verhaegen,2016).Themostpowerfulprotectionagainstbecoming

overwhelmedbystress,neglectorabuse,istobetrulyseenandheardbypeoplesurroundingus,toexist

forsomeoneelse(vanderKolk,2016;Shonkoff&Garner,2012;CenterontheDevelopingChild,2017).

Many families thatweworkwith, live in very challenging situations and are at the same time very

isolated.Therelationshipwhichtheyhavewiththeirfamilyworkercanbeverysupportive,butcannever

be enough. Everybody needs relationships that are guaranteed by love and that are lasting. This is

especiallytrueforpeoplethatarescaredtostartnewrelationshipsafterpreviousnegativeexperiences.

Experiencesofbeingabandoned,canonlybeprocessedwhenyouhavepeoplenowthatyoucancount

on(Struik,2016).Whatwentwronginrelationships,alsoneedstobehealedinrelationships(vander

Kolk,2016).

Thatiswhythefamilyworkerwillbelooking,fromthestart,withtheparentsandchildren,forpeople

thatcanbesupportfiguresforthem.Sheisespeciallyattentivetoeverybody’sfeelingsinrelationship

withothers.Whenpossible,thefamilyworkerwilltrytostrengthentiesandhealoldinjuries.

AnotherreasontoworkwiththeextendedfamilyintensivelyisthatweinSporenbelievethatchildrenhavetherighttokeeptheirfamilialandculturalties.Wealsobelievethatextendedfamilymembershavetherighttostayintouchwiththechild.Theyareallowedtofollow-uphowthechildisdoing,evenwhenshestaysinaresidentialgroup.Theparentsandextendedfamilymemberscanaccountbestforthewellbeingandsafetyofthechild.Asfamilyworkerswehavetoacknowledgethecapacitiesthat

theyhaveandwehavetoassistthemtodevelopthese(KempeCenter,2013).

In Sporen we bring people whom the family is connected with, together in family groupmeetings

(KempeCenter,2013).Duringthesefamilygroupmeetingsweworkonsafetyplansthatcanimprove

the situation of the children. Family members will take on the responsibility together by making

agreementsinthebestinterestofthechildren.Thepurposeisthattheywillbestayingaroundwhen

thefamilycounselinghascometoanend(Parker,2014).Theresilienceandthehopeforthefamilycan

growbecauseawholegroupisencouragingthemtochangethesituation(CenterontheDeveloping

Child,2017).

Everybody takes on a different role based on their own capacities and their unique bondwith the

childrenandtheirparents.Extendedfamilymemberscan,assupportfigures,takeoneachother’srole

whennecessary(Campbell&FamilyandChildren’sservicesoftheWaterlooRegion,2017).Itisoften

thestrengthofthecommonrelationshipsthatmakessurethattheextendedfamilycankeepsupporting

thefamily.

Alsoinatrajectoryofnon-violentresistancetheextendedfamilycankeepsupportingthefamily.The

extendedfamilyhelpstheparentstostay inchargeof theirownbehavior, tocontinueholdingtheir

positionagainstthedifficultandaggressivebehavioroftheirchild,toremainmorepresentinthelifeof

theirsonordaughter(Day,Heismann&Spyrou,2011).

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FinallyresearchshowsthatchildrenwholeaveYouthServices,needenoughsocialsupporttobeabletotransitiontoadulthoodinarightmanner.Itisimportantthatchildrenhaveabondwiththeirsupport

figuresandthattheyareabletoestimatehowthesepeoplewillreactwhentheyareaskingforhelp.

Thebuildingofasupportnetworkhastostartearlyenough(VanAudenhove,2015;Cachet,z.j.).Incase

ofruptures intherelationshipwiththeparents,supportingrelationshipswithotherpeoplearetruly

important.(Santens,Claes,Diamond,&Bosmans,2018).

2.3. AQuestioningapproach

Duringtheentireguidancethefamilyworkerwillstartfromquestions:“Howdoyouthinkaboutthe

situationofyourchild?”“Howdoeslifeatitsbestlooklike?”“Whatareyourbiggestworriesconcerning

yourchildren?”“Howdoyouthinkthejuvenilejudgelooksatyourfamily’ssituation?”“Whatdoyou

thinkyourmotherwouldsayaboutthis?”“Whatisalreadyworkingwell?”“Howdoyouthinkyourchild

feelsaboutthis?"

Doingso, the familyworkerprioritizesandexplores the family’sexpertise,andstarts, regarding thefamily’ssituation,froma‘notknowing’position,sincethefamilytrulyistheexpertofherownlife,her

ownhistory,everythingtheyhavetriedsofar,succeededorfailedin,theirprogressandtheirsetbacks,

theirdifferentperspectivesfromwithinthefamily.

This authentic questioning approach is also honoring and appreciating the family’s values and theexistentialautonomyofthefamilymembers,includingthechildren.

Humblequestioningreducesthepitfallsfortheworkertoprematurelyascertainherownassumptionsandconclusions.

Aquestioningapproachalsoconstructsamoreequitablerelationshipbetweenfamilymembersand

familyworker.

Notallquestionscanorwillbeansweredinstantly,butatfirstinstance,itisanadvantageifthequestions

aremoreimportantthantheanswers,sincetheyinstigatenewreflexiveprocesses.Aquestionthatis

notimmediatelyansweredpossiblyopensnewavenuesforthinking,feelingandacting.

Inthisperspective,solutionfocusedquestions–suchascircular,coping,exceptionandscalingquestions

-arenotmerelyusefulindevelopingsolutions,butprimarilyarepromotingreflexivefunctions,allowing

toexchangeperspectives,createnewmeaningsandunderstandings,fosterhopeandresilience,reduce

stressinconnectingwithbroaderperspectives,andbuildanenrichedandmutual(mental)framework.

2.4. Focusedonstrengthsandresources

Duringallconversationsthefamilyworkerisbeingattentivetoeverythingthatgoeswellinthefamily

andtheirenvironment.She isalsoattentivetothestrengthsofthe individual familymembers.Shedemonstratesappreciationfortheireffortandintentionsbyaskingwhatexactlytheyaredoing,with

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whichintentiontheyaredoingthis,whichbeliefsorvaluesareplayingaroleforthemandwhatthey

wanttodointhefuture(Mertz,z.j.)

Inadditionthefamilyworkerwillalwaysaskwhoorwhatisalreadysupportingtheparentsandtheirchildren.Isitpossiblethatthehelpwhichisalreadyinplacewillbeusedmoreoftenorinadifferent

manner?(eg.Isitpossiblethatthecousinwhoisaregularbabysitforthechildrenalsosometimespicks

upthechildrenfromschoolorcandadworkfromhomemoreoften?)Suchanexplorationofwhatkind

ofhelpisinplacealready,mayalsoleadtodifferentideas(eg.Ithelpsthatdadworksfromhomemore

oftenbecausethenhecanalsopreparedinner,andwhoisabletodosoonotherdays?)

Duringtheseconversationsattentionisalsogiventoexceptions:situationsduringwhichtheproblem

didnothappen. In thebehaviorof the familymembersduring thesesituationsoften lies thekey to

solutions.Thatiswhythefamilyworkerspecificallywillaskaboutsituationswherethingsaregoing(a

littlebit)betterandaboutthingsthatalreadyhaveworkedbefore.Whathasthefamilydonedifferently

duringthesesituations?Howwillitworkagain?

Thequestionsthatthefamilyworkerwillask,createhopeandperspectiveandmakefamiliesreflect.

Theycanbeaimedattheexplorationofthesituationtogether,withoutformulatinggoalsoractions.By

lettingparentsandchildrentakeadifferentperspective,lettingthemdreamabouttheirfuture,letting

themdwellontheirfeelingsortheirbehaviororlettingthemtellabouttheirpast,changecanstartto

grow.

2.5. Focusedongoalsandsolutions

Familieswillrelatetothefamilyworkerwhytheystartedcounselingandwheretheywanttogo.Talkingaboutthepreferredsituationdevelopshopeandpositive feelingsand increasesthe longing for thissituation.Itmakesclearwhateffortscanaccomplish(deJong&Berg,2004;Berg&Dolan,2002).Thisis

especially important for familymemberswho in the pastwere exposedoftenor for a long time to

situationsinwhichtheydidhavenocontrolorfromwhichtheycouldnotescape(vanderKolk,2016).

Byaskingwhatparentsandchildrenfindimportantfortheirfamilyandwhattheywanttochange,it

getsclear to themwhattheirgoalsare.The familyworkerdoesnot imposeherownstandardsand

valuesabout‘whatitshouldbelike’inthisfamily.Thefamilychoosesthemselvesabouthowtheywant

toorganizetheirlives(Spanjaard&Haspels,2005).

It becomes different when, besides the goals of the (extended) family, there are also additional

conditionsfromamandatoryagency

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orjuvenilecourt.Sometimesit isnecessarytointensivelystart

workingonsafetyfirst.

1HetOndersteuningscentrumJeugdhulp(OCJ)ofhetVertrouwenscentrumKindermishandeling(VK).Thesearethemandatoryagenciesthatdecidewhethersocietyhastointerveneinfamilies(righttointervene).

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Parentsdonotalwaysagreewiththeconcernsoraccusationsthatareexpressed.Thefamilyworker

doesnotattempt to search for the truthatall costaboutwhathashappenedornot,but takes the

different scenarios into consideration. Because she can associatewith the different opinions of the

different people involved, she can stay a ‘facilitator’ andbuild the bridge betweenparents and the

mandatoryagency

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orjuvenilecourt.Duringthecounselingofthefamily,thefamilyworkerwillfocus

onthefuture.Sheworkswithparentsonasafetyplanthatwilldemonstratethesafetyofthechildren

inthefutureandthatwhichisstatedintheaccusationsorconviction,willnothappen(again).

Whoever formulates the goals and conditions, the familyworker always talkswith the parents and

childrenabouthowtoreachthese,whocanhelpthemandwhoisallowedtohelpthem.Peoplefeelmostlyconnectedtotheirownideasandaremoreintrinsicallymotivatedtoworkonsolutionsthatthey

havedeveloped themselves.Theirownsolutionsalso fitbetterwith the strengthsandhabitsof the

familyandtheirenvironment,whichimpliesahighersuccessrate(Berg,2000).Tofacilitatefamiliesto

thinkoutofthebox,thefamilyworkercanaskthemhowimportantpeoplesurroundingthemwould

experiencetheirsituationorwhattheythinktheyshoulddo.Sheencouragesthefamilytotakesmallsteps.Thehigherlikelihoodofsuccessismotivatingandsmallstepsstartschange(Vinnicombe,z.j.).The

familyworkerwillhonoreachprogress.

Togetherwiththefamilymembers,thefamilyworkertriestofindouthowmuchsupporttheywillneed.

Inthismannerthe intensityof thefamilycounselingwillbeadjustedasmuchaspossible.Themost

importantisthatthefamilyworkerstaysincommunicationwiththefamilyandthateachtime,during

each home visit, they decide togetherwhatwill be discussed andwhatwill be done to help them.

Sometimesthisimpliestakingalotoftimetoconsiderwhysomefamilymembersdonotstartcertain

actionsorgoingtoanotherservicetogetherforanintakeconversation.Sometimesthismeansjustbeing

nexttoandwiththeother.

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3. Supportofthefamilyworker

Thefamilyworkerhasmanydifferenttasksandworkstogetherwithavarietyofpeopleconcerningvery

difficultandvaryingthemes.

Oneofthemostdifficulttasksistoassessthesafetyandwellbeingofthefamily.Onthebasisofwhich

signalsdoesonedaretosaythatthereisenoughsafetyandhowsurecanyoubeofyourconclusion?

Howdoyoulimitdangerandhowdoyougivethefamilyenoughchancestotakecareofthechildrenas

muchaspossible?

Knowledgeofscientificevidenceandgutfeeling

Thefamilyworkerneedsknowledgeaboutthesignsofabuse,maltreatmentandneglectbecausethesesituationsareoftenambiguousanddifficultto identify.For instance: it isgoodtoknowthatwhena

parentobstructs contactbetweenherpartnerandothersand limitshis freedomofmovement, this

mightindicateemotionalviolence(vzwZijn,z.j.).Thefamilyworkeralsoneedstoknowwhatworksandwhatdoesnotwork.

Theknowledgewhichsheusesneedstobebasedonrecentscientificinsights.Itisalsoimportantthat

thiswillbeusedinacorrectmanner:eachsituationisdifferentandthenuancesofaparticularcontext

must not be forgotten. Family workers gather knowledge by education, discussing cases with co-

workers,supervision,andconsultingthe(digital)library.

Thefamilyworkercomplementsthisknowledgewithhergutfeeling.Apitfallofourgutfeelingisthatitgivesusa(false)senseofsecurity:wethinkthatweknow‘howitworks’andwearenot inclinedto

investigateourreasoning(Munro,2011).Asupervisororcolleaguecanhelpthefamilyworkertokeep

herlogicalandintuitivethinkinginbalance.Shecanaskthefamilyworkerwhatshefeels,helpherto

structureherintuitivethinking,askcriticalquestionsaboutherreasoningandconclusions,handnew

(scientific)insights,…

Thefamilyworkerisalsoabletocontactasupervisorintheeveningoratnight,andduringtheweekend,

todiscussdifficultsituationsandtoaskforadviceorsupport.

Basedonquestions

Thesupervisorandherteamsupportthefamilyworkeralsotoapplytheinstructionsandtheunderlying

principlesoffamilycounseling.Theycanalsoassistherwiththeapplicationoftheprocedures(eg.When

sheisconcernedaboutafamilysituation).

Theyhelphertomakeabroadevaluationofthesituation:whatcanthe(extended)familytellabout

whatisgoingwellandwhatnot?Whataretheirbestsolutionstoamelioratethesituation?Whatisthe

worstthatcanhappen?Theyhelpthefamilyworkertolookatthesituationoverandoveragain:what

ifcircumstancesarenowchanging?Whatdoesitmeanthattheseadditionalpeopleareinvolved?

Byaskingquestions,thefamilyworkercomestogripwithwhatshewillbedoinginhisfurtherguidance

withthefamily.Thesupervisorstartsfromtheinitiativesofthefamilyworkerandletshermakeherowndecisions.Thefamilyworkergetsthespacetochangeideasandtoadmitpossiblemistakes.When

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afamilyworkerexperienceswhatitfeelsliketobequeriedinasolutioncenteredandappreciativeway,

thishelpshertoactsimilarlywithfamilies.

Attentiontorelationshipsandfeelings

Thesupervisorsupportsthefamilyworkertoassesshowsherelatestothedifferent(extended)family

membersandwhatshecandotostrengthentheserelationships.

Specialattentionneedstobegiventohowthefamilyworkerrelatestothefamily.Becausethefamilyworkeralwayscommitsherselfpersonallyincontacts,herownfeelings,thoughtsandexperienceswillplayaroleduringtheconversations:whatdoesitfeelliketodiscusscertaintopics?Whatmotivatesher?

What are the challenges? How can she connect (again) with the family? What does she need to

continue?When the family worker gets in conflict about a certain ‘issue’ for an extended time or

repeatedly,acoachingtrackcanbestarted.

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4. Comprehensivemanualoffamilycounseling

4.1 Startingthefamilycounseling:theintakephase

Themanualof familycounseling is theofficialprocedure for familyguidance inSporen.Themanual

describesbrieflywhatfamilycounselingwilllooklikeandwhotakesresponsibilityforwhichsteps.

Theintroductorymeetingandintakeconversations

Thefirstcontactbetweenfamiliesandfamilyworkerisoftenanintroductorymeetinginwhichthechild

andherfamilybecomeacquaintedwiththeservice.Thefamilyworkerwillimmediatelyindicatethat

shewillhelpthefamilytofindgoodsolutionsthemselves(insteadofrepairingthingsbyherself).The

parentsandchildrenalsowilllearnthatshewillworkwithallthechildrenofthefamilyandthatpeople

fromtheirenvironmentwillbesearchedforwhocansupportthem(more).

The family counseling starts officially after one or several intake conversations. During these

conversationsanassessmentofthesituationwillbemadebytheparents,thechildandherfamily,the

supportivefamilyandthereferrer.

Thetoneofthefamilycounselingwillalreadybeset.Parentsandchildrenexperienceimmediatelyhow

theyarelookedatandwhichvoicetheywillhaveatthetable.

Tobringtheseconversationsintoasuccessfulprocess,thefamilyworkerwillimaginewhatshewould

lookforinafamilyworker.Shetalksasmuchaspossibleinsimplewordsandusesthelanguageofthe

family.

The family worker starts out with putting everybody at ease and by explaining the role of all the

attendeesandthegoalandthecourseoftheconversation.Shealsoexplainswhatshewillwritedown.

Thefamilyworkerasksthefamilytobrieflyexplainthesituationandwheretheywanttogoto.

Elizabeth,howwouldyoulikethingstogoinyourfamily?

Subsequently she asks all attendees separately what they are concerned about and why they areconcerned.

Whatarethethingsyouareconcernedabout?

You’retellingmethatyouarenotateasewhenyourhusbandistakingthechildrenout.Whatdidhappeninthepastsothatnowadaysyouareworriedwhenthisoccurs?

These questions will be addressed at the parents and the family first, so they can speak freely.

Sometimestheywanttohearsomethingfromthereferrerfirst,suchaswhytheyneedtogetfamily

counseling.Theconcernsofthechildrenwillnotbeaskedbeforetheadultswillhavediscussedtheir

mostimportantconcerns(alsolaterinthischapter).

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Thefamilyworkerconductstheconversationwithcare.Sheacceptshowthefamilymemberslookat

theirsituationandtheexplanationstheyaregiving.

When she has questions, shewill ask the family for amore detailed explanationwithout starting a

discussion.

Nextthefamilyworkerwillaskallfamilymemberswhattheywanttobehelpedwith,howtheyimagine

theirfutureandwhattheirgoalsare.Somefamiliesneedhelptofocustheirattentiononwhatexactly

theywant.

DoIunderstanditcorrectlythatforyouthemost important issue isthatyourfamilycanstaytogether?

Whatneedstobechangedfirstforyou?Onwhichissuesareyouwillingtowork?

Whatwouldbedifferentwhenallproblemswouldbesolved?Whatwouldyoudodifferently?(deJong&Berg,2004)

When the family counseling is not completely voluntary, the referrer decides which changes are

necessaryaccordingtosociety.Wecallthis‘minimaldemands’.Thefamilyworkerwillaskthereferrer

veryspecificquestions,sothefamilywillknowwhatawaitsthem.

Sometimesthe(extended)familymembershave(almost)noowngoalsortheydonotwanttoshare

themwiththeyouthservices.Eventhentheyoftencanstillbemotivatedtocooperatewithjuvenile

courtorthemandatoryagency

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sothechildrencanliveathomeagainorcounselingcanstop.

Thefamilyworkeralsoasksallattendeeswhatthestrengthsandtheresourcesofhelpandsupportareofthisfamily.Shegivesspecialattentiontosituationswherethewellbeingandsafetyofthechildrenis

increased.

Canyoutellmeaboutamomentwhereyoubothwerereallyangryateachotherbutinsteadofshoutingateachotherandstartingafightinthepresenceofthechildren,youdidsomethingelsetoresolveyourproblemssothechildrendidnotbecameafraidorgotinjured?

Withwhomcanyoutalkaboutthis?

I saw that someone dropped you off by car today, so is that someone you can count on fortransportation?

Sheasksthefamilymembersaboutdetailsoftheirdailylife.Asaresult,theyexperienceaninterestand

connectiontotheirlivesandthefamilyworkerwillgetalotofvaluableinformation.

Attheendoftheintakeconversation,alladultscanberequestedtogiveanestimateaboutthesafety

andwellbeingofthechildrenbasedonascalingquestion.Theanswerwillbewrittendowninthecolumn

‘whataretheconcerns’.

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Onascaleof0to10,where10meansthateverybodyknowsthatthechildrenaresafeenoughandthatthefileatthejuvenilecourtcanbeclosedand0meansthatthesituationissobadforthechildrenthattheynolongercanliveathome,whichnumberwouldyougiverightnow?

Thesequenceofthequestionsandtopicsisuncertainduringanintakeconversation.Thefamilyworker

startsoffwiththestrengths,concernsorgoalsdependingonthesituationorherownassessment:

Eg.Startwithaskingaboutthingsthataregoingwell.Afamilywithbadexperienceswithcounseling

cangetsomefaithinthemselvesandcounselorsinthisway.

Eg.Whenafamilyisfocusedontheirproblemsandcomplaints,sometimesitisindicatedtostarttalking

abouttheirconcernsfirst.

Todeterminethesequence,thefamilyworkerdrawsonherexperience,intuitionandexpertise:How

can I best connectwith this family andwhat ismost useful to themat themoment?What ismost

indicated?Orshecanalsoaskthefamilyhowtheywouldprefertostart.

Intheintakephasethefamilyworkercreatesopennessaboutthefamilysituation.Shealsoexplainshow

sheworks(eg.Bysupportingtheparentstomakeastoryfortheirchildrenandbyinvolvingthefamily).

Also the time framewill beagreedupon:howoften the conversationswill takeplaceandwhenan

evaluationwillbeconducted.Inthisway,thecooperationcanstartwithoutmisconceptionsandhidden

agendas.Duringfamilycounseling,shewillrepeatthisinformationonaregularbasis.

Thereport

Tostructureallinformation,themostimportanttopicswillbewrittendowninthreecolumns.

The three column report will contain the most important concerns, strengths, safety goals and

agreements.Thosearethenecessaryissuesthefamilyandthefamilyworkerneedtoknowinorderto

makesomeprogress.Detailsareomitted,difficultissueswillnotbehidden.Thisassessmentwillbedone

togetherbyeveryonewho ispresentduring these conversations. Theassessment is thebasis fora

furthercooperation.Itensuresthatweallknow‘whatitisabout’and‘wherewewanttogo’. Theinformationinthethreecolumnreportwillbeadjustedeverysingletimeduringcounselingsothateveryonecanfollowprogress.Thereportprovidesanoverviewandhelpstoensurethatimportantissues

arenotoverlooked.

Thefamilyworkerliterallywritesdownsentencesoffamilymembersduringconversations.Shefirst

givestheopportunitytoarticulatethingsthattheysaidbeforetheyarewrittendown.Whennecessary

thefamilyworkercanproposewordsthatareunderstandableandacceptabletofamilymembersand

thattheycanexplicitlyagreewith.Shewritesineverydaylanguageandinspecificwords.Thismeans:

withoutlabels,diagnosesorprofessionaljargon.Conclusionsandjudgmentsalsodonotbelonginthe

threecolumnreport(unlessinascalequestion).

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Ithinkyousaid:"Iamtired,Ihavetorestduringtheweekend.Idon'tknowwhenIcanvisittheresidentialgroup."MayInoteitthatway?

Thefamilyworkerexplains the family that theywillget thereports.Everyone involvedreceivesthesamereport,includingthejuvenilecourtormandatoryagency.Sincedecisionsaboutthefamilywillbe

madeonthebasisofthesereports,itisextremelyimportantthatthecontentiscorrectandbalanced.

Whenallintakeinterviewshavebeenconducted,thefamilyworkermakesareportoftheseinterviews

intheIntakereporttemplate.Shegivesthisreporttoeveryoneinvolvedandregistersit.

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Areportinthreecolumns

Whataretheconcerns? Whatgoeswell? Whatarewegoingtodo?

Futuredanger:

Whatarewe(mom,dad,grandma,uncle,…referrer)concernedaboutthatmayhappeninthefuturewiththechildreninthecareoftheirparents?

Damageinthepast:

Whatdidhappeninthepastwhichraisesconcernaboutthechildrenintheirparent’scare?

Complicatingfactors:

Whatiscausingdifficultiesincooperationandincreatingwell-beingand/orthesafetyofthechildren?

Existingstrengths:

Whichstrengthsdofamilymembersandtheirextendedfamilyhave?Whatistheirmotivation?Whatistheircommitment?

Existingsafety:

Whatisthefamilyandtheirextendedfamilyalreadydoingthatincreasessafetyofthechildren?Whendoesthiswork?

Minimaldemands:

Whatdoesthereferrerwanttheseparentstodowhiletakingcareoftheirchildrentoensurethereissufficientsafetysocounselingcancometoanend?Inwhichtimeframedoesshewanttoseethishappen?

Goalsofthe(extended)familyfocusedatthesafetyanddevelopmentofthechildren:

Whichgoalsdoesthisfamilyandtheirextendedfamilywanttoworkon?

Whatdoesthefamilyandtheextendedfamilythinktheyshoulddotolookafterthechildrensothatthechildrenaresafeandcounselingcanend?

Nextsteps:

Whatwillbethenextstepsinworkingtowardsachievingthesegoalsaccordingtothefamilyandtheirsignificantothers?

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Whataretheconcerns?

Theallegationsorconcernsmentionedduringtheintakeinterviewsarewrittendown

ascoreconcerns ordanger statements. It statesby namewho is concernedabout

whichbehavioroftheparents,whyandwhatthepossiblerisksareforthechildren.

Risksareonlywrittendownthatarelikelytooccurinthisfamily(forexample,when

these children do not attend school sufficiently, there is a high risk of learning

deprivation,butnotofsocialisolationsincethefamilyveryregularlyreceivesvisitors

athome).

Thecoreconcernsareasshortandplainaspossible,sothatchildrenandadultscan

understand themevenwhen theyexperience stress.When familyand relativesare

concerned, their names will be mentioned. The name of the family worker is not

mentioned.Thishelpshertobetterconnectthedifferentpointsofview.

Mommy,daddy,grandmaTienenandChildProtectionAgencyworkerElsareworried thatmommyand daddy can't pay enough attention to the childrenwhentheyaredrunkandthatthechildrenmightgethurt.

Thereisnosearchforasingletruthoracompromise.Differentperspectivesareplaced

nexttooneanother.Thepeopleinvolvedacceptthattherearedifferentperspectives

andthattheyarementionedinthesamereporteverytime.Thismeansthereisone

mutualframeofunderstanding.

The juvenile judge is concerned that when mum is under the influence ofmedicationwhenthechildrenarestayingwithher,sheislessalertanddoesnotsupervisethechildrensufficiently.Thisallowsthechildrentofeelalone,notgethelpwhen theyneed it,andaccidents couldhappen.Mom isnotworried: ‘Ineverusepillswhenthechildrenarecoming’.Grandma:‘IamoftenthereandIhaveneverwitnessed/seenthatthisisaproblem’.

Thefamilyworkerreflectsasmuchaspossibletogetherwiththefamilyabouthowthe

coreconcernsarewrittendownbecauseeachsuggestionofthefamilyworkerreduces

thefreedomofthe familytocomeupwiththeirown ideas.Tobeabletoworkon

solutionsitisalsoimportantthateverybodyunderstandswhatitmeans.Furthermore

thefamilyworkerwillalsoinquirethefamilywhytheseconcernshaveriseninthepast.

Byknowingwhatexactlyhashappened,when,thedegreeoftheevent,howoftenthis

has happened,…. a better assessment can be made about the seriousness of the

worriesandwhichgoalsneedtobeobtained.

Marthe was 35 days absent from school between 1 September and 20December.

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Whenpreviousharmfuleventsareevidenttoeverybody,theydon’talwayshavetobe

repeatedinthethreecolumnreport.Whenthereisnewinformationaboutthepast,

thenitmustbeadded.

Finally,complicatingfactorscanalsobementionedinthethreecolumnreport.These

arefactorsthatinthemselvesmakethesituationmoredifficult,buttheydon’tharm

thechildren.Complicatingfactorsthoughcanevolvetorealworriesandtheotherway

around.

Momanddaddon’thavealotofmoneytomakeendsmeet.

Daddyisn’tabletohelpMirawithherhomeworkbecausehedoesn’tmastertheDutchlanguage.

Whatisgoingwell

Thestrengthsarealsoincludedinthethreecolumnmodel.

Thefamilyworkerasksfamilymemberswhatisgoingwellandwhattheyareproudof.

Strengths don’t ‘characterize’ families. They indicate how families put into practice

whattheythinkmattersmost. Itcanthereforebeveryvaluabletoknowwithwhat

intentionsomebodydoessomething(Mertz,z.j.).

Dad30/05:‘IsaidnotoCharlotteyesterdaywhensheaskedforatoyinthestore.IthelpedmethatIalreadyhadboughtapresentforherbirthday.Ibelieveitisimportantthatmychildrenlearntheycan’talwaysgetapresent.’

Thefamilyworkeralsoaskswhichhelpandsupportisalreadyinplace.Thisinformation

isvaluabletoperformspecificactionsandtomakespecificagreementslateron.

Finallyaninquiryisalsomadehowtheactionsofthe(extended)familyandtheactions

performedbyotherscanreducetheirworries.Wecallthisexistingsafety.

Mom:‘ThedaybeforeyesterdayIbecameangrierandangrierafterthatphonecall.ItookSteftoJeanne(ourneighbour)andaskedherifhecouldstaywithherforawhile.’

Whatneedstobedone

Furthermorethespecificgoalswillalsoberecordedinthethreecolumnmodel.They

focusonthesafetyanddevelopmentofthechildrenandarewrittenunderstandably

andinspecificactions.

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AlsoothermethodsforassessmentsexistsuchastheFamilyRoadmap(SonjaParker2014).

Involveallimportantpeople

Evenwhenoneparentislesspresentinthechildren’slives,bothparentswillbeinvolvedinfamily counseling.When the intake interviewwas performedwithout all familymembers

present,asecond interviewwillbeplannedassoonaspossibleby the familyworkerwith

thosewhowereabsent.Shewillupdatethemabouttheintakeandwilllistentotheiropinion

concerningtheworries,goalsandstrengths.

Thefamilyworkerwillalsoaskthechildandparentswhotheyhaveagoodrelationshipwith

andwhoissupportingthem.Withwhomdotheyfeelateaseandsupported?Shewillalsoaskatthestartwhotheycanturntowhentheyneedhelpandwhocanhelpthem

tomakearrangements.Thesequestionsare in the first instanceaddressedat theparents.

Adultsaresearchedforwhocansupportthemtomakelifebetterfortheirchildren.Support

Thegoalsdescribewhat the parents, childrenandextended familywant to change

and/orwhattheassignmentisofthejuvenilecourtormandatoryagency1.

Thereisalways(dayandnight)anotheradultwiththechildrenwhendaddyistakingcareofthem.

Thereareamaximumof4overarchinggoals.Itisimpossibletoeffectivelychangetoo

manyobjectivesat the sametime.When thecrucial objectivesare reached, thena

whole lotofothergoalswillalsobe reached. (Stroobants,Vanderfaeillie&Andries,

2013).Eachmainworrywillalsocorrelatetoanendgoal.Thiswaythemainconcerns

willbedealtwith.

Theparents,childrenandtheirextendedfamilydeterminethemselveshowtheycan

reach their goals. Also the agreements for follow-up, monitoring, evaluation and

adjustment of the proposed actions are their responsibility. The group of adults

(parentsincooperationwiththeextendedfamily)areexecutingthepreparationand

implementationofthe(safety)plan.

Workisbeingdoneonasinglesafetyplan.Thisplanneedstobegoodenoughforall

involved,includingthejuvenilecourtormandatoryagency1.

The three column report is formalized, amongst others, on insights of Turnell and

Edwards(1999)andSonjaParker(2012).

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figures for the children also play an important role, even when they are not yet adults

themselves.

Therearemanymethodstoexplorewiththefamilywhotheywanttoinvolveincounseling,

liketheFamilycirclesofSonjaParker(Parker,2012b):

Mom,whichpeopledoalreadyknowwhathashappenedbeforethatledyoutohavingfamilycounseling?

Whoknowsalreadyalittlebitaboutwhathashappened?Whoknowssomethinghashappened,butnotindetail?Whoisalreadygivingyouhelp?

Whoknowsnothingaboutwhathashappenedatthismoment?

Notallfamilymembersneedtoknoweverythingwhatisgoingonorwhathashappened.This

dependsonthemutualrelationshipsandtheroletheyhaveinthefamily.

Theparents, and the children, not theprofessionals,decidewho canparticipate in theirsupportnetwork.Sometimestherewillhavetobesomenegotiationsbetweentheparents,

betweentheparentsandchildrenorbetweentheparentsandfamilymembers.

Thefamilyworkertriestokeepthesupportiveextendedfamilyactive,byhonoringthemfor

thehelptheyarealreadyoffering.Whendesired,sheencouragesthemtodoevenmoreor

she looks forotherswhocansupport them.The familychooseswhowillbe involved.The

familyworkermakessurethattheextendedfamilyeffectivelytakeonasupportive(andnot

toocriticalortoocontrolling)role.Shedoesthisbycheckingwiththeparentsandthechild

howtheyneedhelp(Jacob,2016).

WhatisauntBieallowedtododuringtheconversation,soyoucanstillfeelXander’smom?

Familyworkerswill certainly also ask for peoplewithwhom the family has a blood bond

because these are often very strong and meaningful bonds. But also friends, neighbors,

acquaintances,…commit themselvesoften.Otherprofessionalswhoareworkingwith the

familycanbeinvolved,foraslongastheownnetworkofthefamilyisinthemajorityandhas

theloudestvoice.

Many families find it difficult to relate to others about their challenges and ask for acommitmentfromthem.Theyareafraidofbeingconvictedorrejected,theydonotwantto

burdenothersorthinkthatanoldfeudmustberesolvedfirst.

The family worker acknowledges that this is a big step and listens to their reserves and

arguments.Shetalkstothemabouttheshameandfearthattheymayfeel.Togethertheylook

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forwhatisholdingthechildorparentbackandwhatcanhelpthemtogiveitatry.Sheseeks

abalancebetweengivingtimeandcontinuingtotalkaboutthisissue.

3.2. DrawinguptheIndividualActionPlan

Thefamilyandthefamilyworkerdrawupanindividualactionplan(IAP)within45daysafter

thestartoffamilycounseling.Theworkercollaboratestogetherwiththefamilyandprimarily

withtheparents.

Theactionplancontainsallimportantinformationthatissharedwithoneanotheratthattime.Thecontentsometimesdoesnotdiffermuchfromthatoftheintakereport.Alsothe

actionplanwillbenotedinthreecolumns.Becausethisplanispartoftheofficialprocedure,

itdefinitelyneedstoberegisteredandgiventoallinvolvedparties.

Theintentionistoarriveatadetailedplanasquicklyaspossible,statingwhatwillhappenwhilethefamilycounselingisinprogress.

Inthecolumn‘whatneedstobedone’ intermediategoalsandagreementsarewrittenfor

eachendgoal.Thesearetheinterimstepsthatneedtobetakentoreachtheendgoals.They

are very specific and also formulated in a positivemanner so that it is clearwhat exactly

(extended)familymembersneedtodointhecomingperiod.

Finalgoal:Thereisalways(dayandnight)anadultwhoissoberwhocanlookafterthechildren.

Intermediategoal:Whendaddyandmommyfeel theywill startdrinkingorstart todrink alcohol, there will be other adults whowill come over to the house becausemommyanddaddyhaveaskedso.

Agreement: OnMonday and FridayMom and Dadwill call Grandma Tienenwhennecessary.Shewillbeavailable from3PMtill thenextmorningto takecareof thechildrenandcanbereachedonhercellphone.

Theagreementsarefeasibleandmeasurableanditmustbespecifiedhowlongtheymustbe

appliedandwhatwillhappenwhentheyareachieved.

Whowillbethefirstonetonoticethatthegoalisachieved?Whatexactlywillthesepeoplenotice?

Theagreements focusonthechildrenandcanbeunderstoodbyeveryone– includingthe

children.

Theintermediategoalsandagreementswillbedeterminedbythefamily.Whenthejuvenile

court or a mandatory agency is involved, they must agree that compliance with the

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agreements,contributestoachievingthegoals.Itmustbecleartothe(extended)familywhen

thefinalgoalsareachieved.

Tohelpthefamilydetermineintermediategoalsandagreements,thefamilyworkerhelpsthe

familytosplitthe–sometimesdifficulttoachieve-endgoalintosmallsteps.

Yousaidyouwanttoquitsmokingjoints.Whichisthesmallestpossiblestepyoucouldtake?

Imaginethatinafewyearsfromnow,Iwouldmeetyouagainandyounolongerareindebt,whatwouldyouhavedonetomakethischange?What isthefirststepyouwouldhavetaken?Whowouldhavehelpedyou?

Thefamilyworkeralsoasksthefamilyforexceptions:situationsinwhichthingsarealready

goingwell. Inthiswayshecheckswhatalreadyhasworkedinthepast.This informationis

notedinthe‘whatgoeswell’column.

Whenistheproblemlessorabsent?Whatareyoudoingdifferentlyinthatsituation?Whatisdifferentinthatsituation?Whatwouldyoursonnoticeasadifference?Howdoyoumanagethat?Howcouldyoudothatagain?

Talking about solutions creates hope and offers starting points for formulating the

intermediategoalsandactions.Thefamilyworkerwillalsoalwayshelptofindouthowto

resetactions.

Whatcanhelpyoutocallsomeoneagainwhenyoufeelthatyouaregettingangry?

Also the column with ‘what are the concerns’ will be filled in for the IAP with themost

importantinformationthatisgatheredtillthen.

3.3. Continuingcounseling

Duringthehomevisits, therewillbediscussed infurtherdetailhoweveryone looksatthe

concerns,strengthsandgoalsfromthedifferentperspectives.

Workisbeingdonebothonthegoalsthefamilysetsforitself,andontheconditions(minimal

demands)setbythejuvenilecourtormandatoryagency.Theparents,thechildandthefamily

workerdeterminethepreciseagendaoftheconversations.

Thewell-beingandsafetyofthechildrencomesfirst.Sometimesurgentagreementsmust

bemadeormeasuresmustbetakenimmediately.Itisoftenalsonecessarytofirstworkon

whatfamilymembersaremostconcernedaboutatthetime.Problemsconcerninghousing,

problemsatworkorproblemstopaythebillscreatealotoftensionandreduceattentionfor

thechildren.Familymembersandotherorganizationscansupportthis.

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Thefamilyasexpertsoftheirownlives

Thefamilymembersaretheexpertsoftheirsituation:theyknowthedetailsandthenuances

oftheirlivesandareinthebestpositiontoassesswhichsolutionscanwork.Theirmotivation

totakestepstoachievetheobjectivesisgreaterwhentheydeterminethesteps(deJong&

Berg,2012).Thefamilyworkerwillhelpthefamilytousetheirownknowledgeaboutpossible

solutions(thisisalsocalled‘leadingfromonestepbehind’).

Thisrequiresthefamilyworkertoputasideherownopinionsandexpectationsabouthow

thefamilycanbestworktowardstheirgoals.Shetakesanattitudeofgenuinecuriosity,ofnot-knowing(deJong&Berg,2004).Thefamilyworkershowsthatshewantstolearnmore

aboutwhatfamilymemberssay(deJong&Berg,2012).Shedoesthisforinstancebyasking

open questions, by paying attention to the positive issues and by introducing different

perspectivesintotheconversation.Duringtheconversationthechildorparentoftengains

insightintoandagriponwhatcanhelpherandwhathernextstepswillbe(deJong&Berg,

2004).

‘Whicheffectwouldthishaveonthechildren?’

‘Whatdoyouthinkthejuvenilejudgewantstosee?’

The family worker helps the family members focus on what they want instead of the

difficulties.Sheencouragesthemtotakesmall,feasiblesteps.

Supposewetakeascalefrom1to10.10indicatesthatyoursoncanliveathomeagainand1indicatesthestartofthecounseling.Whatratingdoyouthinkwearenowonthisscale?Whatratingwouldyoursongive?Whatwouldbedifferentwhenyouwere1pointhigher?Whatshouldyoudotoget1pointhigher?Whatwouldyoursistertellyou?Whatwouldyoursisternoticeaboutyouthatshedoesn’tnoticenow?

During the interviews, the family worker always seeks a balance between support andchallengeforthefamily.Shebothchallengesthefamilytotakefurtherstepsandstrongly

supportsthemintheprocesstheyfollow.Afterall,whenthechallengeandstressbecomes

toohigh,itishardertothinkandfeelandlearnfromnewexperiences.Sometimesitisexactly

thisstressthatmakesitimpossibletoactthewayyouwant.

Whenthefamilyworkerexperiencesresistancefromtheparent,childorfamilymember,she

canassumethatthispersonisworkinghardtomakecleartotheworkerwhatshedoesnot

yet understand in relation to her situation (De Shazer, 1984). This is therefore a signal to

questionfromanattitudeofnotknowingwhatthisresistancemeans.

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Useofthethreecolumnreport

Thefamilyworkergoesoverandevaluatestheagreementsmadewiththefamilyandhelpsthemadjustthem.Sherecordswhathasbeencheckedandworkswellunder‘whatgoeswell’.

Shenoteswhatwentwrongat‘whataretheconcerns’.However,goodattemptsandefforts

arealsopossibleat‘whatgoeswell’.Sherecordsnewagreementsunderthecorresponding

goalat‘whatneedstobedone’.Whennecessary,stepsaremadesmalleroradjusted.She

onlynotesthemostimportantissues(theneedtoknowandnotthenicetoknow).

Thefamilyworkerlistenstothevariousperspectives.Sheasksforspecificanswersandnotes

themliterallyforeach(extended)familymember.

Thecontentofthethreecolumnreportisconstantlychanging.Forexampleaconcerncan

disappearwhenallrelatedobjectivesandagreementshavebeenachieved.Goalscanalsobe

changedoraddedwhennewinformationcomesaboutoneoftheconcerns.

Thereportingisopen:theoriginalremainsinthefamily,thescangoestotheclientfile.There

isnohiddenagenda.Thismakesreportingaslittleaspossibleanadditionalsourceofstress

andclients retainownershipof their file;at itsbest the report isamutual tool for shared

understanding,planning,evaluationandadjustingforbothfamiliesandworkers.

Location

Counseling preferably continues at home (outreaching). The family worker thus implicitly

givesthemessagethatwhathappensaroundthekitchentablemattersmost.Sheobserves

howfamilymembersbehaveathome(face-to-face)andwhatopportunitiesandlimitations

occurintheenvironment(eg.aneighbourwhogoestothemarketforthemorlittleroomfor

thechildtohavesomeprivacy).Onecanalternatewithconversationsattheofficewhenthisismorepracticalorcomfortableforthefamily.Athomethefamilyworkersometimesalso

meetspeoplewhodonotcometotheoffice(eg.Childrenfromanothermarriage).

Whensafetyispossiblycompromised

Thefamilyworkerhelpstoensuresafetyinthefamily.Whenshemakesanassumptionthatthesafetyofsomefamilymembersisthreatened,itisherdutytosharewhatshenoticeswiththefamily.Shedoesnotimmediatelyjudgethesituationbutgivesthefamilymembers

theopportunitytoexplaintheirexperienceandperspective(Steens,2016).When,afterthis

conversation,thefamilyworkerandherteamstillfeelthatthesafetyisthreatened,theteam

will report the situation to amandatory agency1 or juvenile court. The family is always

informedaboutthis.Itisthemandatoryagencyy1orjuvenilecourtthatdetermineswhether

additionalgoalsareimposedandwhetherthefamilywillbe(further)assistedinanobliged

context.Evenwhenthisisthecase,attentionremainsfocusedonthegoalsthatthefamilyset

foritself.

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Whentherearedifferentexplanations

Therearesituationsinwhichtherearedifferentexplanationsforsignalsoreventsonaregular

basis.Forexample,aparentcanclaimthatsheiswronglyaccusedofbeatingupherchildren.

Thefamilyworkerthenworkswiththeparentstofindouthowtheycanclarifyforthejuvenile

courtormandatoryagency1thatwhatissaidtohavehappenedinthepast,cannothappen

(anymore)inthefuture.Thefamilyworkerdoesnotlookforthetruthaboutthepastordoesnotblameanyone.Togethertheyworkonasafefutureforthechildren.InthiswayparentscanoftenbemotivatedtomakeastrongsafetyplansothatinterventionofYouthCarecanbe

reduced or stopped and the defendant protected from future allegations or

misunderstandings(Turnell&Essex,2010;McAdam,E.,2002).

Conversationswithparents

Thefamilyworkerhelpstheparentstothinkabouttheirchildren.Becauseofthecomplex

difficultiesthatfamiliesface,thefocusofcounselingsometimesriskstodeviatefromwhat

the children need. Sometimes it is also difficult for parents to imaginewhat the situation

meansforthechildrenandwhattheythinkandfeel.Thefamilyworkercanchangethisby

askingmanyquestions,bytellingparentswhatshesees inthebehaviorofthechild,orby

makingastoryinWordsandPictures(W&P)togetherwiththeparents.

Duringcounselingitisoftendiscussedhowparentscancontroltheirfeelingsandreactions.Whenparentssucceed, thishasadirect influenceonhowthechildrenareable tocontrol

themselvesandescalationsareoftenavoided.

Peoplewhoareclosetothefamily,canhelpparentsstaycalm.Togetherwiththeparents,the

family worker will look how they can be supportive without taking over the situation

(Jacob,2016).Whenparentsfeelhelplessordesperate,thefamilyworkerwilllookwiththe

parentsandextendedfamilyhowtheycandealwiththeirchildinanonviolentmanner.

Tofeelenergeticenoughtobeabletohandlethesituation,itisnecessarythatparentsalsotake good care of themselves. They can get support from the family worker to look for

activitiesthattheyaregoodat,activitieswhichgivethemenergy,activitieswhichmakethem

relax,…Sometimesrestartingahobbyortakingtimeforoneselfcanmakeabigdifference.

Encouragingparentstogivetimeandattentiontotheirrelationshipcanalsotriggerpositive

change.

Thefamilyworkerhasalotofattentionandrecognitionforthedifficultiesthefamilyfaces.

Atthesametimeshewillalwayslookforthepossibilitiesandstrengthswhichthefamilyhas

tohandleproblems(Vinnicombe,z.j.).

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Mom:‘Thereisnopoint.Mylifeisamessandthatwon’tchangeanymore.MaybeI’mnotgoodatanythinganditwillneverworkout,asmymotheralwaystoldme.’

Familyworker:‘Youaresomeonewhobelievesthatwhatyourmothersaysaboutyouistrue,soIunderstandthatyoucansometimeshavelittlefaithinyourself.Howdoyoumanagetogoon?Howdidyoumanagetogetoutofbedthismorning?’(Berg,2000)

Co-operatewiththechildren

Thefamilyworkeralsoworksintensivelyfromthestartofthecounselingwiththechildrenin

thefamily.Sheensuresthatallchildrenknowwhyyouthcareisinvolvedintheirfamilyandwhat this involvement entails. She knows how the children are doing and how theyexperiencethecounseling.

First it is agreed with the parents when and how conversations will take place with the

(different)childrenandhowthisinformationwillbedealtwith.Onlywhentheconcernsoftheadultshavebeenclearlyexpressed,thechildrenwillbequestionedaboutthisconcernsandabouttheirownconcerns. Italwaysputschildren inadifficultpositionwhentheyare

invitedtobethefirstone(s)totalkaboutdangeroussituations.Inaddition,itistheadults’

responsibilitytokeepthesituationsafe.

Intalkingwiththechildrentheworkerlearnshowtheyfeelandthink.Thisenablestheworker

to convey the perspective and emotional experience of the children to the other family

members. Children need to know in advance which information will be shared in

conversationswithparentsandreferrers,andwhichinformationwillbeaddedtothereport.

Workingwithchildrenmaynotbeusedtoobtaininformationthatparentsarenotwillingto

give.Whenchildrendosharedelicateinformation,itisimportanttoinstallsafetyregulations

forthemwhenthisinformationissharedwithothers.Thechildrenalsoneedtoknowwhich

furtherstepswillbetaken.

Engagementofextendedfamilymembers

Thefamilyworkermakessurethathomevisitsdonotonlyentailpracticalissuesandlifein

theresidentialgroup(whenthechildrenarethere).Animportanttopicishowparentstake

careoftheirchildrenathome.Thefamilyworkerencouragestheparentstorelyonresources

Doing activities together and usingmethodsmay help to talk with children. Interesting

methodsare: theThreehouses, theHouseof the future, theSafetyhouse, thepassport

exercise,powerhands,Miraclequestionwithanimals,KidsSkills,….

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andsupportpersonsfromtheirownenvironmentbecausethissupportwillstay,alsowhen

familycounselinghascometoanend.

Eg. It ismoredesirable thataparent iswokenupbyheralarmclocksoshecanbringher

childrentoschoolontime,thanafamilyworkerwhogivesherawakeupcall.Itisalsomore

sustainablefortheneighbortocomeoverandcheckeveryoneisawakeinsteadofthefamily

worker.

Toencourage that thechild isalso surroundedbyherownnetworkand tocommit family

members(evenmore)tothefamily,theywillbeinvolvedindividuallyaswellasingroup.

This often starts by a meeting between the family worker, the family and the different

extendedfamilymembers.Inpreparationofthesemeetings,thefamilyworkerdiscussesthe

differentrelationshipsthefamilymembershavewiththeextendedfamilymembers.Duringthefirstmeetingthecurrentassessmentissharedwiththethreecolumnreportorwitha

WordsandPictures.Thefamilyworkerasksthefamilymembersabouttheiruniquebondwith

the family, how they are already involved, what still needs to be done and what their

commitmentmaybe.

The three column report is complemented by the perspectives and assessment of theextended familymembers.When the parents and children were not present at the first

meetingswiththeextendedfamilymembers,thefamilyworkerwillkeepthemupdatedof

whatissaid.

GrandmaMartheisworriedthatShanamighthaveanaccidentbecausemomleavesShanaalonewhenshegoesoutforshoppingthegroceries.

UncleJannoticesthatthechildrenalwaysgohomehappyafterhehastakencareofthemacoupleofhoursafterschool.

Adi:‘MohammedwantedtogohomeontimelastSaturday.Acoupleoffriendswantedtostay,butheleftinstead.’

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Theindividualconversationswithfamilymembersevolveintofamilymeetings.

Familymeetings

Afamilymeetingisagatheringofparents,child(ren)andextendedfamilymembers.All

thesepeopleareawareofthemostimportantissuesmentionedinthethreecolumn

reportbeforethefamilymeeting.

Theparentsandthechildchoosewhotheywill inviteonthesefamilymeetingsand

howthiswilltakeplace.Theinvitedparticipantsareinthefirstplacepeoplethatwill

supporttheparentsintheirtaskofraisingthechildren.Inmanycases,especiallywith

teenagers,therewillbesupportfiguresforthechildrenaswell.Thesepeoplewilloften

showadifferentsideofthechild(eg.Certaintalents,positive intentions)soamore

completepictureoriginatesandtheconversationcontinuesona(more)positivenote.

Thechildisnormallypresentinthesefamilymeetings.Variousfactorswillplayarole:

age,preferenceofthechild, topicofthemeeting,riskof conflict,….Sometimesthe

decisionismadetoletthechildjoinattheendofthemeeting.

Thefamilyworkerpreparesthemeetingwellwiththe(extended) family.Thefamily

chosesthefocusandgoalforthemeetingbeforethemeetingtakesplace.Everyone’s

expectations will be discussed as well as what attendees are scared about or feel

uncomfortablewith. It iscarefully consideredforeachpersonwhatagreementsare

neededtomeetthis. It isalsoagreedwhich informationwillandwillnotbeshared

duringthefamilymeeting.

Thepriorconversationswithfamilymembershavetheadvantagethattherewillbeless

discussions during the meetings itself. They also diminish the likelihood of

confrontationalmessagesatthattime.Familymemberswillbeacknowledgedmorefor

theirefforts(fromthepast)andcanindicatewhattheyarewillingtodoandwhatnot.

Soduringthemeetingthefocuswillstayonchangesthatcanbemadeandonmaking

aplantogether.

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Itisimportanttostayintouchwiththeextendedfamilymemberswhoarecommittedtothe

family.Thisprovidesinformationaboutlastingcontactsinthefamilyandonhowagreements

arecompliedwith.Itisalsoworthwhiletoknowthemotivationofthefamilymembersthat

aregettinginvolved.Oftenthisisaboutfeelingrespectedandreceivingappreciationfromthe

family.Sometimesthefamilyworkercomesacrosslesshelpfulintentions(eg.Agrandmother

wholikestotellherdaughterwhattodo).Thenthefamilyworkersometimesmediatesor

helpsthefamilymaintaincontactwithotherfamilymembers.

3.4. Follow-upoftheevolutioninfamilycounseling

During family counseling, there is a continuous evaluationof the situationby everybodyinvolvedandofthenextsteps.Attentionisalsopaidtotheconnectionbetweenthefamily,

Duringfamilymeetings,concernsareusuallyfurtherrefinedandnewperspectivesare

added(whoisstillconcernedaboutthisandwhy?).Thestrengthsarediscussed,what

isalreadysafe,andfurtherworkongoalscanbedone.Familymembersareaskedhow

theywanttobe involvedandhowtheycanbesupportive.Specificagreementsare

madeandnotedindialoguewiththefamily.

Thegoalistocometoonesafetyplanorplanofactionwhichisintheinterestofall

childrenofthisfamilyandwhichisgoodenoughforeverybodyinvolved.Thismeans

thatalsotheChildProtectionAgencyworkerorjuvenilejudge(ifapplicable)needsto

approve this plan. Also notes aremade how the familywill take over the control,

evaluationandadjustmentoftheplan.Whenthefamilymembers,togetherwiththe

parentscanfollowuponwhatisgoingwell,what(still)needstobechangedandwho

candowhattoguaranteethesafetyofthechildren,thereisamuchhigherchance

thatfamilycounselingwillhavelong-lastingeffectsandcancometoanend.Theplans

thatwillbemade,aremoreinlinewiththefamily,aremoreextensiveandthechance

ofimplementationisgreater(Merkel-Holguin,Nixon&Burford,2003;Merkel-Holguin,

2005).Oftenseveralfamilymeetingsarenecessarytodrawupaplanandfollowupon

it.Incaseofdifficultiesorcrisissituations,familiesshouldbegiventheopportunityto

implementtheirplanandifnecessarytoadjustit.

Thefamilymeetingsoftenwillbeledbyadifferentsocialworkerthantheirownfamily

worker. After the family meeting, the family worker will deliver the report to all

attendees.Whenthechilddidnotattendthemeeting,anexplanationwillbegiven

aboutwhathasbeensaidandheropinionwillbeasked.

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theextendedfamilyandthefamilyworkerandhowthe(broader)familyexperiencestheguidance.

At leastevery sixmonths there isa formalevaluationof the family counseling.Duringan

evaluationthe(extended)familymembers,thefamilyworkerandthereferrer(ifapplicable)

will be present. During this discussion, the familywill tell how they are doing. The family

worker ismaking sure that attention is given to the goals that the (extended) family has

workedonduringthistime;whatdidalreadyworkandisgoingwell,whichconcernsarestill

there,andwhatstillneedstohappen.Attheendoftheevaluation, itneedstobeclearat

whichpointthefamilyisrightnowand(ifnecessary)whatstillneedstobedoneinthecoming

period.Regularevaluationshelptofocusonthechosengoals,themethodsandtechniques

thatareusedandthequalityofthecollaboration.

Inpreparationoftheevaluationthefamilyworkercan,afterconsultingtheparents,makea

summary of the reports of the past period. The family worker will make a report of the

evaluation itself that she will register and hand out to everyone who participated in the

conversation.

3.5. Endofthefamilycounseling

Whenthefamilyandjuvenilecourtormandatoryagency1(ifapplicable)concludethatfamily

counselingmaycometoanend,afinalevaluationwillfollow.Thisconversationincludesthefamily, the family worker and the referrer. Extended family members are also welcome.

Duringthisfinalconversation,anagreementismadehowthefamilyandextendedfamilywillcontinuetakingcareofthechildreninthefuture.Thereisalsoanagreementwhichcontacts

willbepermittedbetweenfamilyworker,thefamilyandtheextendedfamily(aftercare).Thefamilyandtheextendedfamilywillknowhowandwhentheycancontacttheserviceagain.

Oftentherewillalsobearrangementswithothersocialworkers.Thefamilyworkerwillmake

a report of the final conversation, that she will register and hand out to everyone who

participated.

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5. Sourcesofinspiration

Thefollowingapproachesprovideuswithinspirationfordevelopingourmethod.Thelistis

not complete. We also do not adopt the insights, techniques and materials of these

approachescompletelyorwithoutacritical look.Wealwayslookathowtheycanofferan

addedvalueforourown,specificpractice.

5.1. Thesolution-centeredapproach

Thesolution-centeredapproach isaboutbuildingsolutionsandnotaboutresearchingandanalyzingproblems(Vinnicombe,z.j.).Theunderlyingideaisthat‘whenaproblemisgiven

attention to, it only gets bigger’ and the experience that a thorough analysis and

understandingoftheproblem,mostoftendonothelptofindasolution.

Thestartingpointisthatafamilyhasallqualitiesandresourcesthatarenecessarytosolve

theproblem.Thefamilymembersarenotalwaysawareofthisorhavedifficultydeployingit

(Beumer-Peeters,2010).

Thesocialworkerhelpsthembyaskingquestions.Bylettingfamilymembersthinkaboutwhat

theywantinsteadoftheirproblems,theywillcomeupwithmeaningfulandspecificgoalsfor

themselves.Togetherwiththesocialworker,theyagreewhentheirgoalsareachievedand

thefamilyisabletocontinueindependentlyagain(Beumer-Peeters,2010).

Thesocialworkerspecificallyasksforexceptions:situationswhereeverythingwentwell(ornoteverything)orwhatworkedwellpreviously.Whathasthefamilydonedifferentlyonthese

occasions?Fromhere the familywilldecidewhichsmall stepswillbe taken towards theirgoals.Thefamilyworkershowsaninterestineachsignofprogress,inthesupportthefamily

alreadyreceivesandinthepeoplethatcansupportthefamilyevenmore(Beumer-Peeters,

2010).

Thesolution-centeredapproachassumesthereisno‘good’waytolookatthesituation.The

socialworkerhelps the family togain insight intodifferentperspectives (Beumer-Peeters,

2010).Thefamilyisconsideredanexpertoftheirownlifeanddecideswhatisandwhatisnot

goodforthem(Bolt,2017).

The socialworkerwill useplainandclear language and is true to the followingprinciples(Beumer-Peeters,2010;Vinnicombe,z.j.):

Donotrepairwhatisnotbroken

Domoreofwhatdoeswork

Stopdoingwhatdoesn’twork

Thesolutionsarenotalwaysrelatedtotheproblems

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ThisapproachwasdevelopedbySteveDeShazerandInsooKimBergfromtheBriefFamily

TherapyCentre in theUS.BenFurman,amongothers,developedanattractivemethod to

workwith(young)childreninasolution-centeredapproach.

5.2. SignsOfSafety

Signs of Safety has been developed by Andrew Turnell, Steve Edwards, Sonja Parker and

others.Themethodhelpstodealwithsituationsinwhichthesafetyofchildrenis(possibly)

atriskinastrength-orientedway.Thecoreofthemethodisbasedonastrongcollaborationwithparents,childrenandtheirfamilies,evenwhencounselingisobliged.Thefamilyworker

hasattentionforsignalsofsafeandunsafesituationswithrespectforthefamily(Turnell&

Edwards,1999;ResolutionsConsultancy,2018).SignsofSafetyhasgrownfromworkinchild

protection and short-term solution-oriented approach and is strongly influenced by the

Resolutionsapproach.

An important working document is the three-column framework in which the risks areassessedonthebasisoftheconcernsandstrengthsofthefamily.Theframeworkoffersa

placewherecareprovidersandthefamilycanfindacommonlanguagetorecordtheirideasaboutthedangers,strengthsand(desired)safety.Theexpertiseofthefamily,theextended

family and that of the care providers is therefore put together (Turnell& Edwards, 1999;

ResolutionsConsultancy,2018).Withinthesethreecolumns,asafetyplanisalsodrawnupstatingwhichconcretebehavioroftheparentsandthefamilycontributestogoodcareforthe

children(Movisie,2017).

The families and the extended families handle the assessment of the situation and the

preparationand implemenationofthesafetyplanasmuchaspossiblebythemselves.The

goalisthattheadultsaroundthechildtogetherensurethesafetysothatfamilycounseling

canbeended. (ResolutionsConsultancy,2018).Thevoiceof thechildrenwill notbe lost.Usingdifferentmethodologies,familyworkerstalktothemabouthowtheyexperiencewhat

ishappening(SignsOfSafety,2014).

5.3. PartneringForSafety

PartneringforSafety,justlikeSignsOfSafety,focusesoncooperation,safetyandthefamily.SonjaParker,togetherwithPhilDecter,gavethisnametotheapproachthatwascompiled

fromvariousothermethodologiesandtechniques,includingSignsOfSafety.PartneringFor

Safety helps everyone focus on assessing and, if necessary, increasing the safety of the

children. The cooperation starts with a comprehensive and balanced assessment of thesituation.Theparents,thechildrenandthefamilyareseenastheexpertsoftheirownlives.

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Thecounselorbelievesthatchangeispossibleandthateveryonecancontributeintheirown

waytosolutionstothedifficulties.

The family worker searches with the family, the extended family and the referrer for a

common language for the (possible) abuse, for what goes well and for their goals. Allinformation comes in a single assessment framework that is constantly adjusted during

counselingbasedonwhatparents,familymembers,referrerandchildrenwilltell.Thefamily

workerexploresthethoughts,questions,wishesandconcernsofthechildrenthroughvarious

methods.

Basedontheassessmentframework,thefamilywillmakeupadetailedsafetyplanstatingwhowilldowhattoensurethatthechildrenaresafe.Familymembersalsoplayaroleinthis.Theyare informedoftheconcernsandare invitedtoworkout,executeandfollowupthe

plans(Parker,z.j.).

5.4. TheResolutionsapproach

TheresolutionsapproachwasdevelopedbySusieEssex,JohnGumbletonandColinLuger.The

approachhelpsfamilyworkerstodealwithsituationsinwhichthereisasuspicionofabusebutinwhichparentsdonotrecognizethatthereisabuseorthattheythemselvesarebeing

partofit.Situationsliketheseoftencausefrustrationandpowerlessnessforthefamilyand

forthefamilyworkerandcausedifferencesofopinionbetweenthem.Cooperationoftengets

verydifficultwhereitisnotpossibletoworktogetheronthesafetyofthechildren.

Intheresolutionsapproach,thefamilyworkerabandonstheideathataconfessionistheonly

waytoasafesituation.Hestrivesfortheparentstocommitthemselvestoafutureinwhichitiscleartoeveryoneinvolvedthattherecanneverbesuchathingaswhattheallegationsor

convictionisabout.Theparentsworkonguaranteeingsafetyinthefuturethroughasafetyplan.Inthiswaytheyshowthattheytaketheconcernsseriously.

Asmanypeople as possible in and around the family are awareof theproblems and the

accusationsandparticipateintheplan.Themoreserioustheaccusations,thestrongerthe

safetyplanwillhavetobe.Theparentsalsoworkwiththefamilyworkeronastoryinwhichtheyexplaintothechildrenwhathashappened.

Thiswayofworkingprotectsthechildrenagainstabuseandthoseaccusedoftheabuseare

protectedagainstfutureallegationsormisunderstandings.(Turnell&Essex,2010).

5.5. Non-violentresistance

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NonviolentresistanceisanapproachdevisedbyHaimOmerandhasitsoriginsinthePeace

Movement.Theapproachisusedwhenchildrenshowverydifficultorviolentbehaviorand

conversationsarenolongerhelpful(Omer&Wiebenga,2015).

Nonviolentresistancewantstostrengthenparentsbyteachingthemtobemorepresentintheirchild'sworldinanon-violentwayandsupportedbyotheradults(Omer&Wiebenga,

2015).

The approach helps parents to bridge the gap between setting boundaries and showing

understandingforthechild.Parentslearnthattheycandothingsthatconveytotheirchild"I

amyourparent!IwillnotgiveuponyouandIwillnotgivein!"Andthattheyshowthatcertain

behaviorisreallynotallowedandthattheylovetheirchild(Omer&Wiebenga,2015).

Parentsdonotenterintoafight,nordotheyconcede.Theyknowthattheyarenotincontroloftheirchild'sbehavior,buttheyarestronglycommittedtocontrollingtheirownbehavior.Theirsteadfastnessmakesthemfeellesspowerless(Omer,2011)

Parents do no longer conceal their problems. Together with family members, teachers,

counselors,...theyformacommunityandapowerfulnetworkwithsufficient(self)confidenceandauthoritytobetherefortheirchild(Omer&Wiebenga,2015).

5.6. Traumaandattachment

Thefamiliesweworkwithhaveexperienceddifficultthings.Long-termlivingunderdifficultcircumstancesandstressorexperiencingoneormoreshockingeventshaveahugeimpact

onhowyourbodyandmindfunctionandthereforeonhowyoufeelandthink.Yourbodyand

yourmindlearntoadaptinordertodealwithdifficultcircumstances(Struik,2016).

Familyworkersmustthereforebearinmindthatsensitivethemesmustbediscussedwithgreatcareandattention.Theyshouldalsoknowthatparents'andchildren'sbehaviorthatthey do not understand, can be a way to deal with past experiences. People who have

experiencedalot,processeventsdifferently,lookatthingsinadifferentway,oftenhavea

hardertimerecordingnewinformationandanalyzinginformation.Thismakesitmoredifficult

for themto learn fromexperiencesandtobe fullypresent inconversations (vanderKolk,

2016).Thepaceofthecounselingmustbeadjustedaccordingly.

InordertoreallytalkwithfamiliesandworkonaSafetyplan,familymembersmustfeelsafe

enough,beingseenandheard(vanderKolk,2016).Parentsshouldalsohavetheopportunityto think, feelanddecideabout their children.This ispartlydeterminedby thedegreeof

calmnessandtrustthatthefamilyworkerradiatesandconveys(Struik,2016).Thedegreeof

openness that the familyworkerhas fordifferentwaysof lookingat relationshipsandthe

worldalsomakesabigdifference.

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Althoughtraumaticeventscanhavealong-termimpact,therearealsomanyopportunitiesto

alterthings,namelytohelppeoplewithtraumatoconnectagainwithothers.Relationshipsbring physical and emotional safety and are themost powerful protector against getting

overwhelmedbystressandtrauma(vanderKolk,2016).Knowingthatsomeoneelsecares

aboutthemhelpsfamiliestohavehopeandseeopportunitiesforchange.Strengtheningor

re-establishing connections with people who can stay there for the family is therefore

important(CenterontheDevelopingChild,2016).

5.7. FamilyGroupDecisionMaking

InFamilyGroupDecisionMaking(FGDM),theextendedfamilyasagroupisinvolvedbythefamilyworker inmakingdecisionsforchildrenwhoneedcareorprotection.Thegroup isbroughttogethertoworkonthewell-being,safetyandpermanentresidenceofthechildren.

Thejuvenilecourtormandatoryagencycommitstoagreewiththeplanthattheextended

familymakes if the planmeets their concerns. The idea is that decisionsmade purely by

professionals and focusing only on children and parents deprive them of their extended

family's support and prevent the professionals from involving family members as

indispensablepartnersintheprocess.

FamilyGroupDecisionMakingisbasedonthefollowingvalues:

-Childrenhavetherighttomaintaintheirfamilialandculturaltiesduringtheirentire

life.

-Childrenandtheirparentsarepartofanextendedfamilywhonurturethemandare

responsibleforthem.

-Itisthefamily’sresponsibilityandnotthefamilyworker’stoensurethewell-being

ofthechildandtomakethedecisionsneededtoprotectthechild.

-Allfamilieshavetherighttoberespectedbythegovernment.Thegovernmentmust

make an extra effort to show respect to those who are poor, socially excluded,

marginalizedorhavenoaccesstoresourcesandservices.

- The competence of the family to care for and to protect their child should be

recognized,supportedandpromotedbythegovernment.

-Familiesareexpertsoftheirownfamilyhistoryandcanusethisknowledgetomake

strongSafetyplans.

-Familiesshouldbegiventheopportunityandencouragedtoactivelyparticipatein

youthcareandtotakeleadership,asthisisnecessaryforthelong-termwell-beingof

children.Theinequalityinpowerthatexistsbetweenfamiliesandfamilyworkersmust

firstbetakencareof.

- The government has the responsibility to defend families against unnecessary

interferenceandtopromotetheirstrengths(Kempecenter,2013).

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FGDMiscentraltothepracticeofKelliDeCook(OlmstedCountyMinnesotaUS).Sheandher

teamhaveextensiveexperienceinfullyinvolvingfamiliesinyouthcare.

5.8. FamilyFinding

Family Finding is an approach developed by Kevin A. Campbell. It offers methods and

strategiestofindandengageextendedfamilymembersofchildreninyouthcare.Thegoalis

to connect every childwith her extended family so that shehasmeaningful and lastingrelationshipswithadultswhosupportherthroughoutherlife.

IntheFamilyFindingprocess,extendedfamilymembersarecontactedwhodonotknowthe

child or withwhom they have lost contact. Extended familymemberswho arewilling to

connectwithherforlifearebroughttogetherinmeetings.

Fromtheirconnection,affectionandconcernforthechild,theyformher"lifelongnetwork"

thathelpsherhealafterdifficultexperiences.Theaimisthatthechildcan(again)stayina

safemannerinafamilyandispartofacommunity.Theextendedfamilymembersarehelped

bythefamilyworkerstomakerealisticandsustainableplanstomeetthelong-termneedsof

the child (Campbell, K. & Family and Children's Services of the Waterloo Region, 2017;

NationalInstituteforPermanentFamilyConnectedness,2019)

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Berg, I. K.,&Dolan Y.M. (2002).De praktijk van oplossingen.Gevalsbeschrijvingen uit deoplossingsgerichtegesprekstherapie.Amsterdam:HarcourtAssessmentB.V.

Beumer-Peeters,C.(2010).Missionpossible.Kidsskillsvoorjongeren.Amsterdam:Uitgeverij

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deJongP.,&Berg,I.K.(2004).Dekrachtvanoplossingen.Amsterdam:PearsonAssessment

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deJong,P.,&Berg,I.K.(2012).Interviewingforsolutions.Boston:CengageLearning.

DeShazer,S.(1984).Thedeathofresistance.FamilyProcess,23,11-17.

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KempeCenterforthepreventionandtreatmentofchildabuseandneglect.(2013).Family

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Morisse,F.,DeBelie,E.,Blontrock,M.,Verhasselt, J.,&Claes,C. (Red.) (2017).Emotioneleontwikkeling in verbinding. Coachingsmethodiek voor begeleiders van cliënten metprobleemgedrag.Antwerpen:GarantUitgeversnv.

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