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Congratulations! You received the call to be, do, or have something more than you currently have and now you're ready to go for it! Right? Or, perhaps you got this great idea and while it sounded so good at the time you found yourself coming up with reasons of why itwouldn't work or how you would be crazy to even attempt to go for it. Welcome to the edges of your comfort zone!!
Fears and doubts are what show up when you make a decision to follow your heart. It's the natural response to moving outside of your comfort zone. Those fears sit at the edge ofyour comfort zone like sentries asking “Where do you think you're going – don't you know there are dangers outside of these walls? There is danger lurking out there – don't you remember what happened last time?
And while our soul hungers to expand, grow and learn, the part of us that yearns for safety and certainty can quickly start throwing up road blocks. We start to question ourselves: Am I smart enough? Can I do this? Do I deserve success? What if I fail? What if it's a huge success?!
“ We have been programmed to do whatever it takes to avoid discomfort. In order to use thecomfort zone to get what we want, we must feel what we currently call uncomfortable.”
Peter McWilliams, Wealth 101
“To risk means to move out of the familiar into the unfamiliar. It meansleaving your safety zone and stretching onto the edge of new possibilities”
Naomi Stephan
The Science of Fear
The purpose of fear is to protect you from loss: loss of certainty, loss of connections, loss of self esteem and self identity, and most importantly, loss of life. While we consciously desire to grow and change our unconscious mind is doing it's best to keep you from taking risksthat could potentially result in loss of some kind.
There is no mistaking the signals your body puts out when it feels fear! That pounding heart, sweaty palms, and rapid breathing is your brain activating it's “Action-Readiness Program” which is a specific program designed to get your body and mind ready to either run, duck, dodge, fight and avoid doing things that it perceives could lead to loss.
The fear response is never about nothing!! It's always about an object, place, person situation or a task. NOW fear is a fear in your immediate presence. Your Action-Readiness Program not only gets the body prepared to fight, flight, freeze or faint but it starts the program running! ANTICIPATED fear is about what might happen in the future. Our brain is capable of calculating that something you are thinking about doing in the future could have consequences that will result in harm and loss in some way. Anticipated fear causes your brain to start scheming – it starts figuring out a way to get you to NOT do it!
Fear: Friend or Foe?
Fear can be a great motivator! After all, it's the fear that you won't be prepared that leads you to be vigilant and disciplined when something needs to be done. Fear that is not overpowering can be directed into actions that prepare you for what is coming up, such as studying for a test, preparing for a presentation, or taking lessons to raise your level of confidence. It's the overwhelming, often paralyzing, fear that causes you to replace useful actions that relate to your goal with useless actions that do not make a contribution to learning, change or achievement that it becomes a problem.
The consequences of intrusive fear is that it affects your ability and your willingness to take actions, even actions that may not be threatening or threatening enough to warrant causing you to avoid it. After all, avoiding actions that will lead to a fear response is NORMAL! Fear becomes a problem when:
Problem #1: You cannot find it within yourself to INITATE actions that count✔ If you don't start then you don't have to experience failure!
Problem #2: You cannot find it within yourself to SUSTAIN action long enough to matter✔ Fear can cause you to quit before you have the change to learn and
grow confident✔ Lack of success can lead you back to Problem #1
Getting Into Action Strategies
Years ago there was a wonderful book called “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway” and it was the first book I had come across that helped me understand fear and, more importantly, showed me that I couldn't just let fear stop me. It helped me take actions even if I was still feeling the fear with the promise being that as I took the actions that I had feared I would either eventually grow out of the fear or I would learn how to power through them in spite ofthe fear. And it worked! Sort of. Once in a while.
It's true that most of us can get ourselves to do something that has some fear and anxiety around it every now and then (that will not be true for someone with a true phobia!) and it's great especially for 'one time actions'. But the truth is most people will not be able to to sustain that strategy and here's why:
✔ It takes work! You have to push yourself through your fear response.✔ The unconscious, default beliefs that drive the fear response haven't been addressed and
changed✔ Which means you will have to go through the process each time you need to take
action!
Most things we want to accomplish have elements that can stimulate a fear response – you will need to take action and therefore
you will need strategies to work with the natural and normal effects of fear
You will need ACTION STRATEGIES for the sake of learning and strategies to sustain those actions long enough to make a difference. Fear blocks motivation or ability to take action – a Action Strategy will get you unstuck. A Action Strategy enables you to stay in the game – it enables you to take another step toward your goal and into that expansion where your dreams and desires live.
Tapping is one of the best tools you have in your action-strategy toolbox because it releases and reduces those emotional hijackings that get triggered by your Action Readiness Program. You can:
✔ Tap for anticipated fears – the “what if''s, include it with visualization and affirmations✔ Tap for emotionally charged past events ✔ Tap on the physical sensations often associated with fear; the racing heart, sweaty
palms, queasy stomach, the desire to turn and run – whatever the feeling is for you.✔ Tap when you're feeling stuck and blocked✔ Tap on limiting beliefs that suck you into procrastination and sabotage✔ Tap to get motivated!
Adding Tapping to Your Toolbox
Energy therapy refers to a new class of techniques used as a therapeutic treatment modality for
a variety of emotional and physiological ailments. Energy Therapy techniques produce change
by gaining access to the energy system of the body through the complex network of meridians
or channels that move your life force or qi through our bodies.
This system of meridians access in Energy Therapy was mapped out by the Chinese over four
thousand years ago and is the basis of all acupuncture and acupressure treatment making it
one of the oldest, if not the oldest, form of therapy in the world. One of the most frequently
diagnosed problems in Chinese medicine is stuck or stagnant qi,(pronounced “chi”) indicating a
blockage in the healthy flow of vital energy through the network of meridians. This
disharmony is manifested by aches and pains in the body.
Thus, pioneers in the Energy Medicine field consider Energy Therapy to be a form of
“psychological acupuncture”. While acupuncturists use needles to facilitate movement of the
life force through the body, energy therapists us the fingers to tap the endpoints of these
meridians. By applying pressure along crucial meridians, you can release endorphins and other
natural substances in your body that block pain. By stimulating the flow of blood, you will
also sooth sore muscles and relax the body, promoting the body’s natural ability to heal itself.
This stimulation, combined with a particular mental and emotional focusing, restores balance
to the energy system, and frees the body and mind to resume their potent, natural healing
functions
The form of Energy Therapy you will be learning is called Emotional Freedom Techniques and
was developed by Gary Craig. EFT is safe, easy to apply, and is non-invasive. Built on the
Discovery Statement, “The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the energy system”,
we can tap on anything that with a mind/body connection. EFT has been successfully used for
curbing cravings (food, smoking, alcohol), phobias (flying, social), pain and procrastination.
EFT is an experimental therapy and is not meant to replace standard medical and/or mental health counseling. While there have been no documented negative side effects from using EFT when the proper treatment protocols have been followed, this does NOT mean that you will not experience side effects. By using these techniques on yourself or others, you must agree to take full responsibility for your own well-being.
Let's begin!
There are four basis parts to tapping
1. Find a target: EFT works best when you have a specific target that you can name and
measure. Let's say someone says something to you and you find yourself stewing about
it for hours after. Write down the words or phase they said that when you think about
it triggers the answer again. Also notice where you feel the anger in your body. That
feeling in the body and the words that were said can be your target for tapping.
2. Measure the intensity: On a scale of 0-10, with “0” being no feeling or intensity about
it and “10” being lots of feeling or intensity about it, give a number to the feeling you
experience when you say or think about the phase you wrote down.
3. Do a round of tapping:
Begin with the Setup Statement
THE SETUP Statement sounds like this:“Even though I feel/have…….. , I deeply and completely love and accept myselfanyway.”
The SETUP STATEMENT is repeated out loud while you tap the karate choppoint (KC) (see diagram of points).
Begin with tapping on the Karate Chop point with two fingers of the opposite hand:
KC
Then you'll tap with the Reminder Phase while tapping the 8 power points
THE REMINDER PHRASE
“This (state the problem or feeling)…”
The REMINDER PHRASE is repeated when you tap the sequence of “power points.” This directs your mind to focus on the negative thought patterns that block your ability to reach your goals and allows EFT to neutralize them.
Eyebrow – on the bone where the hair from the eyebrow begins Side eye - on the bone at the orbit on the outside of the eye Under eye – below the pupil of the eye, on the high cheek bone Under nose – right below the nose and above the top lip Chin – it’s above the chin, in the crease below the bottom lip
Collarbone – 1 inch from the notch at the throat and 1 inch on either side. You can also make a fist or use an open hand and tap where a man’s neck-tie would be.
Under arm – 4 inches below the arm pit, in-line with the nipple or where a bra strap would be
Top of head – drum the fingers around the top of the head
✔ Measure Again: Check in with your body – how does it feel when you think about the event or incident? How does it feel when you say those words or phase that triggered the feelings? Measure again, using the 0-10 scale, the remaining feeling. If there is still a charge on the event, do another round of tapping. The next time you do your Setup Statement you add the words: Even though I still have some of this... and your Reminder Phase will include, “this remaining (problem/feeling).
BONUS – Tapping Privately
So what do we do during those times when we're in public and it would feel just a little to awkward to tap? You know what I'm talking about
• When you're at that business meeting and you find yourself hijacked• When your family is driving you crazy• Someone said something and now you find yourself angry• You're in the middle of the market and start to feel your anxiety rising
You get the idea!
No worries – just do finger tapping!
It's easy to squeeze each finger while you're standing in line, or sitting at your desk, or talking on the phone. Who will know!? And what matters most is that you're taking action by relaxing your body's system.
When is NOW a good time?!
Okay let's do this thing! Here's where the rubber meets the road. Knowing 'why' you'restuck is great BUT it doesn't necessarily translate into taking action. In fact it's fear that can keep you turning your wheels looking for more answers while you're “getting ready” to take action. What you want to control is your ability to motivate yourself to take action – nothing changes without action so the control you want is over the actions you take. Doing this allowsyou to continue on the path to achieving your goals
Ramp up your Motivation
Research shows that we're more likely to get motivated, and stay motivated when the thing we want has a great deal of meaning to us. Change will require doing something we haven't done before or no longer doing something we've been doing and it will take some time to develop the new habit so the mind will need to be convinced that it's worth the effort.(By the way, research also tells us that even with a highly desired outcome fear can still create procrastination which is why you will need a toolbox full of Action Strategies)
Formula to Ramp-Up Your Motivation:Having a strong desire for the thing you want is the beginning step to getting motivated
but you'll need more than than to keep you motivated. Take a moment to see if your dreams and desires meet all four of these criteria:
➢ You must have a Strong desire for it! ➢ Be able to define Something you want to be, do, or have➢ You need to be Unhappy with things staying the way they are ➢ And it Wouldn't be okay if it didn't change
So here's your first action step! Action Step #1: Take no more than 3 minutes to answer these questions:(No over-thinking! Go with the first thing that comes to your mind and know that you'll get todecide again)
1. What is it you want to be able to do, be or have?
2. Why do you want it? What will having/doing this give you?
3. Where are you stuck and not moving forward? What are you not doing?
4. What are the consequences of making this decision to move forward?
5. What do you think you'll have to do if you make this decision?
6. What about that is scary, or threatening?
7. What happened the last time you made a decision, took a chance, or made a change?
Action Principle:
DECIDE – it's a must to be, do or have your desireACCEPT - that it will take effort at first
COMMIT - to taking small focused actions on a regular basis
Stuck at Decide?
Just thinking about making a decision to move forward can send a jolt of juice through your body so strong that there is no mistaking the message – DANGER – RUN!
That's okay – this is a great place to star! Begin by just Deciding and committing that you will tap on the fear that's showing up in the moment. That's all you are deciding and committing to do right now, that's your first small step.
Loading up Your Action-Strategy Toolbox
A carpenter or mechanic has dozens of different tools in their toolbox, each with a different purpose to get the job done. In your Action-Strategy toolbox you will need an assortment of tools to get you started and to keep you moving. As a matter of fact, having multiple tools is one of the tools in your toolbox! Having a variety of tools at your disposal serves to satisfy your need for variety so you don't bored, plus when one tool isn't getting the job done you can reach for another. The intention is that you find someway to take a focusedaction no matter how big or small. Your Ultimate Goal is to stay in the game and having and using the tools in your toolbox are designed to do just that.
Here is your list of Action Strategies – print them out and keep them handy for quick reference.
Action Strategy Toolbox
Action Strategy #1: Just Start – Don't think
Action-Strategy #2: Do lots of what you can do
Action-Strategy #3: What's the smallest thing I can do to touch this goal right now?
Action Strategy #4: What can you do in 5 minutes?
Action Strategy #5:Chunk it down
Action Strategy #6:Set Yourself Up For Success
Action Strategy #7:Be A Completer
Congratulations – You're on your way!You've DECIDED that you're worth the time and energy to learn some new strategies
that will help you create the life that you want. You've ACCEPTED that it will take some conscious effort of your part, at least initially, to learn and acquire new and empowering habits. And you are now COMMITED to doing whatever it takes to get into action – Right!?
There are 3 Ways to go about learning this:4. You can do it on your own
There is no reason you can't do this work on your own. You already have four powerful toolsin your toolbox (Remember, tapping is one of your tools!). If you're willing to stay motivated and you're good at setting up a routine and sticking to it, you will be successful.
5. Do it with a friendHaving someone to work with may help to stretch you further than you would stretch yourselfFind a buddy who is motivated to change things in their lives and set up an accountability schedule with each other. Make sure you set up regular check-in's at least every two weeks. You run the risk of losing momentum and backsliding if you have too big of a gap between meetings. One idea is to find a program that you can both follow and then utilize the partnership to support each other.
6. Find a coachA coach will help you...
✔ Clarify your direction ✔ Strategize your actions ✔ Upgrade your skills ✔ Optimize your environment ✔ Master your psychology
When people have help doing these 5 things, they are 20-2000% more likely to achievethe results they are looking for and achieve results 20-2000% FASTER than they would without help. People hire a coach for results, speed, short-cuts, to make things easier, to find the core beliefs that are holding them back and to do the things they already know they need to do, but just aren't doing.
You can find more Action-Strategies, tapping programs and resources, group and individual coaching at www.tapintoaction.com.
Mary Ayers has her doctorate in Human and organizational systems, a masters degree in human development, a masters degree in counseling and a bachelors in psychology. She is the author of the Tap Into Finding Your Passionate Work and The Law of Attraction IN ACTION. She has been the featured presenter for The Tappers Insiders Club, andThe Tapping World Summit since 2011.
As a therapist for over two decades, Mary utilizes a strengths based, solution-focused approachto therapy which enabled her to make the smooth transition into coaching in 2002. As a Anthony Robbins Results Coach for over five years, she brings together ground breaking coaching tools with the power of EFT to help people turn their fears into action.
When you need to take action, she is the person to turn to!Her programs are filled with practical strategies you can use immediately to get results.She offers a variety of programs, all geared to Get You INTO ACTION. Whether you take part in the coaching groups, or one-on-one coaching you WILL find yourself creating the life you desire.
