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64 | NewScientist | 18 August 2012 FEEDBACK ANOTHER day, and another “scamference” invitation arrives – this one to a “Climate Change Volunteer Conference 2012”. It’s supposed to take place at the “Royal Eco Hotel”, 26 Brook Street, London, W1K 5DQ – which turns out to be the same shoe shop as the “London Eco Hotel” venue of the “Climate Change International Conference” to which we were previously invited (9 June). Meanwhile, marine researcher Phil Clapham writes to say that, “tired of receiving endless invitations to money-making conferences in China with no relevance whatsoever to what I do, [I have] started submitting ridiculous paper titles, authored by my dog”. Thus the organisers of a meeting on “artificial intelligence and automated control” received a proposal for a paper by Borzoi, Cleo V, entitled “Artificial intelligence in ziphiid whales and its application to automated control during the d’Medici papacy, with reference to nutritional benefits.” It was Carol Miles reports that her local supermarket sells packets of “Vegetarian meatballs in sauce” from the Bean Supreme company. What kind of animal would those be from? accepted immediately. Funny you should mention that, Phil. We, too, had sent off a proposal for a paper for the climate change volunteer conference, penned by “Jo De Selby of Dalkey University, Argentina”. Entitled “Hermeneutics of innovation in the panopticon”, it will consider the hypothesis that new technology gives innovators “access to a library of all possible plagiarism (Borges, 1941)”, referring to the Argentinian surrealist’s short story The Library of Babel. Further, innovators’ “endeavours and the memetic relations between them (Dawkins, 1976) are open to inspection. A methodology for deriving metrics for their inspirational networks will be presented.” For good measure, De Selby also promises to “explore the effects of nominative determinism (Cavonius, 17 December 1994) on the propagation, funding and implementation of proposals”. Imagine our joy when the paper was accepted! We are attempting to reserve a room at the alleged hotel and should have more to report soon. A RECENT article in the Queensland Courier Mail in Australia attempted to quantify the combined force of three “giant” Rugby League players due to play for New South Wales in a match against Queensland. NSW forwards James Tamou, Tony Williams and Tim Grant weigh a combined total of nearly 350 kilograms. The Courier Mail consulted “Australia’s premier orthopedic surgeon”, Merv Cross, who has been studying collisions between players in rugby league games. “It’s the momentum of the force that hits you,” he told the Mail. “That force is mass by acceleration. The longer their run-up, the harder the force. If all three hit you at once, it would be like colliding with a rhinoceros.” We don’t know if the three players involved were flattered or insulted by this analogy. “COLOUR your hair as nature intended,” says the ad for Herbatint hair dye that Emily Dubberley forwards to us. Herbatint, the ad claims, “harnesses the power of plant and herb extracts to not only gently colour your hair but also protect and nourish it”. The promo goes on to suggest: “Check out our ‘Pick A Colour, Any Colour’ for inspiration from Lana Del Rey’s strawberry blonde, Lauren Conrad’s pink tips or Katy Perry’s purple hue.” Emily is sceptical. “Surely,” she says, “nature intended my hair to be the colour it grows out of my scalp, rather than pink or purple.” HOW is this for an example of circular bureaucratese? Bill Corner’s son Sean came across this statement in a US Inland Revenue form he was completing. Line 9a of Part II of IRS Form W8-BEN states: “For treaty purposes, a person is a resident of a treaty country if the person is a resident of that country under the terms of the treaty.” Very illuminating. READER John Gledhill sends us a photo of a sign in a toilet with a picture of a cigarette with a line through it. It says in red letters: “WARNING. Toilet is fitted with automatic smoke detectors.” John is bemused. “I wonder how you would install a non-automatic smoke detector,” he says. “Perhaps a little chap with a sensitive nose and a big buzzer?” FINALLY, belated thanks to the several readers who commented on the advertisement placed in New Scientist by Gwent Police in Wales, UK. The advertisement seeks a “Scientist (Footwear/Glass) [to] examine and analyse evidence relating to glass, to examine and make comparisons with footwear from suspects and scenes and to prepare statements and attend court and give expert evidence in relation to these examinations.” Tony Harker presumes Gwent police are getting ready for the pantomime season. Steve Tunnicliff, on the other hand, notes with approval that the advertisement does not go so far as to suggest that preference may be given to applicants named Buttons. You can send stories to Feedback by email at [email protected]. Please include your home address. This week’s and past Feedbacks can be seen on our website. For more feedback, visit newscientist.com/feedback PAUL MCDEVITT
