HIGH SOCIETY

-Whose Son Is It Anyway?~

Written by

Robert Horn &:

Daniel Margosis

ffTY

REVISED TABLE DR.AFr

October 13 6 1995

HIGH SOCIETY

BWhose Son is it Anyway?B

Prod. #465053 A Look Mal Production A JVTV Production in association with 'Warner Bros. Television 'f

'Written by

Robert Horn &:

Daniel Margosis

REVISED TABLE PRAP"l'

October 13, 1995

,

HIGH SOCIETY

"Whose Son Is It Anyway?"

~ • • 8 • e @ 3 • • 3 • & e ~ 8 • • 0 • • • • • • • eo. • • • • • • • • ~ ~ e * • ELLIE.

DOTT. ~ $ 0 • • @ * 0 ~ @ • • G • • • • • @ e _ • • • • • • e • • • • • • • • • @ @ • • • 0

VAL. s e • $ e a ~ GOO e 0 * 0 • • a 9 • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • ~ @&O.

BRENDAN •• • 0 • • • • e a 6 • a • a 0 • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 3 $ • • ti

• 0 ~ e ca. & a $ e • ~ • • ~ • • • • • 0 • • • • • • • • • • • G • • • e e STEPHANa.

PETER. • 8 $ • ~ * • • • • ~ G e ~ • • a • @ • • • ~ • • • • • • • • • • • e • • Q @ • • e

ALICE. o G $ • ~ e & • ~ • • 9 • 5 G G • • • e • a • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • @ $ 6 ~ 0

WOLF •• • • • • • • • • • ~ a 8 e • • • e • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • e • • • & • $ • e

• JEAN SMART

• MARY McDONNELL

• FAITH PRINCE

• DAN 0 f DONAHUE

.LUIGI AMODEO

.DAVID RASCHE

.JAYNE MEADOWS

• TIMOTHY ELWELL

~

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING

DOTT'S OFFICE - MORNING

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

INT. KITCHEN - EVENING

SCENES

(TEASER, A)

(S, 0)

(e, H)

(B)

11:00A· 12:ooP 12:00?· 12:45P 12:45A -2:00P 2.:OOP • 3:ooP 3:00P·TBD

10:00A-'I:OOP 'I:oaP - 2:00P 2:00P· 3:30P 3:30P ~ 4:30P

'IO:OOA • 'I :oop 'I:COP • 2:OOP 2:OOP • S:OOP 5;00P.TBQ

9:15,1. - 2:00P 2:00P·3:00P 3:00P· TBD

10:00,1.·12 P 12:OQP·2:30 P 2:3OP • 3:3OP 3:3OP • S;3OP 53:>P-6:30P e:OOP • 8:3OP L1OP-7:ooP 711JP·TBA

HIGH SOCIETY Weekly production Schedule

DAY 1 W"dnesday. OCTOBER 11 1 &95

Production Meeting NetworWStudio read-thru Rehearsal LUNCH Rehearsal

DAY 2

Rehearsal LUNCH Rehearsal

Ihur.d.y. OCTOBER 12 1995

Producers f'1JD-thru and notes

Friday. OCTOBER 13. 1995 DAY 3

Rehearsal LUNCH Rehearsal Networ1( Run-thru

DAY 4 Mond.y. OCTOBER 16. ',95

Camera Blodcing LUNCH Camera Blocking

DAY 5 IUJ'.day. OCTOBER 17, lP9S

MUh-lairl Ward begins Camera Bb:king MUlHairfWard continues Pre-shoots as needed lUNCH Audience Load·ln Set tor showfWarrn-uplCast touch-ups Cast tntTOS Shoot show

,

I

HIQH SOCIETY - "Whose Son Is It Anyway" - #465053 SlBJItT RUNDOWrl SHeeTING SCRIPT October 17 1995 , I

'l- DAY l. Aa! 1, TEASER (l) Ilflf,. LIVING ROOM - MORNING (El:l..te, Dott, Val)

MAIN TITLE

COMMERCIAL #1, & PROMO 2:19 i I

2. DAY 1 ACT II SCENE A (3) INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING (Dott, Brendan, Val, Ellie, Wolf)

I :3. DAY 1 ACT I. ~CENE 12 (14) INT. POTT'S OFFICE - LATER THAT

I MORNING i (Stephano, Dett, Ellie, Wolf, I

Peter)

4. DAY 1 ACT I, ~CEN~ ~ ( 20) INT. LIVING ROOM - THAT EVENING (Dott l Alice, Val, Brendan)

COMMERCIAL 12 ,. PROMO 2:05 Co!

5. DAY 2 bel II, §~ENE t1 (26) INT. DOTT'S OFFICE - MORNING (Ellie, Wolf, Dott, Peter, Stephano)

I

6. NIGHT 2 I ACT fT" SCEN& ~ (35) I ...... ,

1 TNT ~ KITCHEN - EVENING ! ! (Dott Ellie, Val) i ! I

7. NIGHT 2 I I

ACT II, SCENE Ii (44) INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER THAT I NIGHT (Dott, Wolf, Ellie, Brendan, Val)

LOGO :06

NETWORK ID/END STATION BREAK 1:08

SHOW LENGTH:

TOTAL PROGRAM LENGTH: 23:04

CBS ELEMENTS: 6:56

TOTAL: 30:00

Whose Son Is It Anyway?

ACT ONE

TEASER

FAPE INi

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING (Day 1) (Ellie, Pett, Val)

DOTT AND ELLIE ENTER FROM THE BALCONY IN MID-CONVERSATION. VAL IS SITTING LISTENING.

DOTT

You know, it's just not safe

without them.

ELLIE

And everyone's using them.

DOTT

In this day and age we reallly must

protect ourselves.

ELLIE

But they can be so unattractive.

DOTT

Not necessarily. You know, they

come in all shapes and sizes.

ELLIE

But they just get in the way_

DOTT

Oh, after a while you don't even

know they're there.

1.

ELLIE

Can we share one?

nOTT

Why not?!

VAL

Ugh! This whole conversation is

just disgusting.

VAL STORMS OUT OF THE ROOM.

nOTT

What's her problem?

ELLIE

Really? What's so disgusting about

hiring a bodyguard?

ON THEIR PERPLEXED REACTIONS, WE,

FADE TO:

OPENING CREDITS

2.

..

"Whose Son Is It Anyway"

ACT ONE

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING - (DAY 1) (Dott, Brendan, Val, Ellie, Wolf)

BRENDAN IS READING THE PAPER AS DOTT RUSHES DOWN THE STAIRS, LOADED WITH MANUSCRIPTS. AS THE SCENE PROGRESSES SHE IS FRANTICALLY GETTING HERSELF READY FOR WORK AND SEARCHING THE REST OF HER MANUSCRIPTS.

DOTT

I'm late. I'm rushing. I didn't

sleep a wink all night.

BRENDAN

Is he still here?

DOTT

lim both offended by your

assumption and disappointed it

isn't true.

BRENDAN

You look exhausted.

DOTT

I was up all night forcing myself

to read some of the possible

candidates for our spring releases8

I mean really, "Heidi Pleiss: •

Gardening With A Hoe?" What ever

happened to the great American

novel?

:3 • lA)

BRENDAN

It's being written more cheaply in

Japan. Listen Mom, I need to talk

to you about something before you

go.

DOTT

Can it wait, sweetheart? I'm in a

rush and this is the only outfit

I've tried on so far this morning-

BRENDAN

It/s kind of important.

DOTT

Oh, Brendan, those pictures finally

surfaced. Darling, I was eighteen

and double jointed. I thought

they would make fun Christmas

cards.

BRENDAN

(DISMISSIVE) I saw those years

ago. Why do you think I have such

an aversion to candy canes.

THEY SHARE A LAUGH.

DOTT

You know Brendan, maybe it's time

XQY did something risque.

BRENDAN

Like what?

4. (A)

~--------- --,

DOTT

I don't know. Experiment. Pierce

something, darling.

BRENDAN

Mom. Ouch. And I still really

need to talk to you. You see ...

THE FRONT DOOR OPENS AND WOLF r A HUGE! VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN ENTERS. ELLIE FOLLOWS BERINO. WOLF SCANS THE PLACE AND SHADOWS ELLIE DOGGEDLY.

ELLIE.

Everyone, this is Wolf. My new

bodyguard.

DOTT

Ellie, you got one.

ELLIE

How could I not? It's the ultimate

in chic accessories. Isn't he big?

DOTT

You tell us.

BRENDAN

Mom, it can wait.

BRENDAN WALKS INTO THE MUSIC ROOM.

ELLIE

Wolf, this is Dott.

DOT'!'

Charmed. You're a very large and

big-chested man and it's a pleasure

to meet you.

s. CA)

WOLF

Thank you, ma'am. Mind if I check

the points of entry?

ELLIE

I'd be insulted if you didn't. Why

don't you wait for me by the

elevator.

WOLF

I'll wait for you by the elevator.

ELLIE

I won't be long.

WOLF

You won't be long.

ELLIE

Thank you.

WOLF

Thank you.

WOLF EXITS.

ELLIE

Isn't he incredible?

And so ••• what's the word? What's

the word? Repetitive? What

service did you get him through?

ELLIE

It's called "Body Gods."

6. (A)

•

•

•

•

*

DOTT

And have you sat atop Mt. Olympus

yet?

ELLIE

No. And I'm a"little worried.

It's been four and a half hours. I

mean, what's he waiting for?

DOTT

Well, since he seems to repeat

everything you say, just say "sleep

with me", he'll repeat "sleep with

me", and it's done.

ELLIE

I tried that, but he's also

dyslexic and ended up having sex

with himself. This whole thing is

giving me a splitting headache.

BRENDAN COMES IN FROM THE DINING ROOM.

BRENDAN

Mom ...

DOTT

Brendan, darling, would you get

Ellie some aspirin? She has a

sex-related migraine.

ELLIE

(SHE PERKS UP) Brendan. Hello@

7. (A)

BRENDAN

Ellie.

ELLIE

Brendan, if you're not busy, how

about you and I playa little game?

BRENDAN

Gee, Ellie. What could you have in

mind?

ELLIE

Whatever it is, I'll let you beat

me.

DOTT

(PULLING HIM AWAY) Brendan, you

wanted to talk? I'm all yours.

VAL ENTERS IN AN APRON, CARRYING A SMALL PILE OF WHITE FOLDED CLOTHING.

VAL

(SING-SONGY) Good morning . •

ELLIE

Make that some aspirin and a

muzzle.

VAL

Brendan, here's your

hand-washables ••• there were some

"trouble spots." But I got 'em.

BRENDAN

Uh. •. thank you?

s. (1\)

It

VAL

Not necessary. The expression on

your face is thanks enough.

DOTT

Oh , Val, there was a pile of

manuscripts there last night.

BRENDAN

And my report card was on top of

them for you to sign, Mom. I

wanted to make sure you'd see it.

VAL

I filed the manuscripts in the

study. And your report card is

signed and in your bag. It's so

refreshing to open a man's

briefcase and not find clues that

expose a lying, cheating son-of-a-

bitch husband. (SHE LAUGHS) But

that's all in the past.

DOTT

Val, about that report card. Did

you sign your name or mine?

VAL

Well"yours, of course. I would

never be so presumptuous.

VAL EXITS TO THE KITCHEN. DOTT IS LEFT STANDING THERE DtJMBFOUNDED.

9. (A)

ELLIE

I'd like to sign her death

certificate, if that wouldn't be

too presumptuous.

BRENDAN

Mom, I have to get to school. And

I guess this isn't a good morning

for us to talk, anyway.

DOTT

Darling, I'm sorry. Tell you what.

Let's have dinner tonight, just the

two of us, and we'll talk then.

BRENDAN

Fine. But not that chinese-mexican

place again. Those kung pao tacos

repeat on me.

BRENDAN EXITS AS ELLIE GOES TO GET A CIGARETTE.

ELLIE

Doesn't it seem strange to you

that ••• (SCREAMING AND LOOKING LIKE

SHE'S SEEN A GHOST) My God!

Nobody move! Nobody!

OOTT

What is it?

VAL RUNS IN FROM THE KITCHEN.

10. (A)

'*

VAL

What happened? Did we run out of

Vodka?

ELLIE

(POINTING TO A TABLE) Wbere's the

cigarette box?! It's gone! It was

there. It's always there.

VAL

I moved it into the library.

ELLIE

You what?

VAL

I didn't think it was a good idea

to have them around Brendan.

DOTT

Val, I don't think a cigarette case

is going to corrupt him.

ELLIE

And if he is going to be corrupted,

I'm the one who's gonna do it!

VAL

My apologies. I was just looking

out for him.

VAL EXITS. THEY WATCH VAL EXIT THE ROOM AND ENGAGE IN A CLIPPED AND SUSPICIOUS REPARTE.

DOTT

(BEAT) Did you see that?

11. (A)

ELLIE

Oh , I saw that.

DOTT

She signed his report card.

ELLIE

She moved the cigarettes.

DOTT

She ironed his underwear.

ELLIE

She's trying to get into his pants.

DOTT

Actually, she's trying to clean

them. Am I overreacting?

ELLIE

Do you want to snap her neck?

DOTT

Not yet.

ELLIE

What'll it take? I've got cash.

DOTT

She's got no life.

ELLIE

You're rationalizing.

DDTI'

I'm sympathizing.

12. (A)

'*

ELLIE

I don't trust her. My eyes are

wide open.

DOTT

And how many days can you claim

that, huh?

DOTT AND ELLIE EXIT AS WE,

CUT TO:

13. (A)

INT. POTT'S OFFICE - LATER THAT MORNING (DAY 1) (Stephano, Pott, Ellie, Wolf, Peter)

DOT'!' ENTERS, TO FIND STEPHANO AT HIS DESK.

STEPHANO

stop!

HE EXAMINES HER.

STEPHANO (CONT'D)

(LIKE A MAITRE/D) Chic, party of

one. Chic .•• ?

DOTT

Thank you.

THEY WALK INTO DOTT'S OFFICE. ELLIE WALKS-1N FOLLOWED BY WOLF.

DOTT (CONT/D)

Messages, Stephano? Stephano?

STEPHANO IS ENTRANCED BY WOLF'S BEAUTY.

ELLIE

stephano, this is my bodyguard,

Wolf.

STEPHANO

Well here is my body. On quard.

ELLIE

Wolf,' I'll be fine for a while.

I'll page you when I need you.

14. (:8)

WOLF

Page me when you need me.

ELLIE

Fine.

WOLF

Fine.

STEPHANO

So fine.

STEPHANO EXITS AS PETER ENTERS.

PETER

Good morning. (ALMOST BUMPING INTO

WOLF) Oh, excuse me.

ELLIE

Peter, this is Wolf.

PETER

Really? Nobody told me it was

'Bring your trick to work day.'

DOTT

Wolf is Ellie's new bodyguard.

PETER

One day you're giving it away and

the next day you're guarding it.

ELLIE

Wolf, wait in the car. In the back

seat.

WOLF STARTS TO EXIT AND TURNS AROUND.

15. (B)

WOLF EXITS.

WOLF

Yes, ma'am. But just a warning,

this is an exposed area. Youfre

vulnerable to penetration,

ELLIE

Oh my God, yes.

DOTT

Peter, letts talk about our spring

list. We're in trouble. Doubleday

has Grisham's new book, and we have

(PICKS UP MANUSCRIPT) "Hymie, the

ostrasized Osmond"?

PETER

Dott, we're number one in travel

and leisure. Romance, th~!'mks to

Ellie, has never been more

profitable. And I think you are

totally overlooking our new

non-fiction title "Postal Workers:

We're Not All Killers. A Portrait

Of Herb."

DOTT

As I said, we have a lot of work to

do. Peter, round up the editors

and meet me in the conference room.

16. (B)

PETER

You're right, Dott. Complacency

has set in. We're getting lazy.

Everyone's got to know we're here

to work.

STEPHANO POPS HIS HEAD IN.

PETER EXITS.

SFX; PHONE.

STEPHANO

Peter. Your masseuse, she is

waiting in your office.

PETER

And she's ten minutes late. See,

that's just the kind of crap I was

talking about.

DOTT

Hello? Really? She did? (LOOKING

AT ELLIE) Oh, no •••

ELLIE

What? It's about me, isn't it?

It's the IRS. I don't understand.

They call it a free country and

then they hit you with this whole

tax tbing. I never know what to

claim. Am I a dependent or a

co-dependant?

17. (B)

*

*

18. (B)

DOTT

(INTO PHONE) But I thought we were

having dinner tonight. Okay. If

that's what you want to do, have

fun. No it's fine, I have a

mountain of work to do ~nyway.

SHE HANGS UP AND LOOKS DISTRAUGHT.

ELLIE

What?

DOTT

That was Brendan. He's cancelling

our dinner. Val surprised him with

tickets for "Sunset Boulevard."

ELLIE

Isn't that grounds for child abuse?

DOTT ..

So, she's taking him. Well, I

guess I won't be needing these.

nOTT GOES TO HER DESK, TAKES OUT TWO THEATER TICKETS AND TEARS THEM IN HALF.

ELLIE

Dott. (BEAT) Those are tickets to

the Chanel spring collection.

DOTT

I know. But ripping air wouldn't

have been nearly as dramatic.

ELLIE

She leaves you no choice. You have

to go home tonight and tell that

dust-busting Woolite junkie to lay

off our kid.

ON DOTT'S CONCERNED EXPRESSION, WE,

CUT TO:

19. (B)

INT. LIVING ROOM - THAT EVENING (DAY 1) (Dott, Alice, Val, Brendan)

CLOSE UP OF DOTT' S BLOOD RED NAILS TAPPING IMPATIENTLY. THE FRONT DOOR OPENS. ALICE ENTERS.

DOTT

Oh, it's you, Mother.

ALICE

No, dear, it's Madonna. Late

thirties are hard on Italian women.

DOTT

What are you doing here? It's

almost midnight.

ALICE

I'm still on Saudi time. What's

wrong? You look like you just

found out I lied about who your

real father is. Damn, well that

just slipped out, didn't it? (BEAT)

Kidding, dear.

DOTT

You know, mother. It's nice to see

that your age hasn't slowed down •

your sarcasm, regardless of what

it's done to your body.

20. (C)

ALICE

If I was a vain woman I'd resent

you for that. Fortunately for me,

I'm a spiteful one. What's wrong,

dear?

nOTT

Val and Brendan have been spending

a lot of time together. I guess

I'm feeling uneasy about it.

ALICE

Why? You should be thanking her

for taking him off your hands. I

paid good money to have someone

take you off of mine, and look how

close we are.

DOTT

There's hardly room for air.

ALICE

Now ff Dorothy, just because my

reproductive organs haven't so much

as flinched since the Eisenhower

administration, doesn't mean I

don't remember a thing or two about.

child. rearing. Just have patience.

I'm sure soon enough Brendan will

become just as intolerant of Val as

he is of you and Ellie.

21. (C)

*

*

*

DOTT

Maybe you're right.

22. ( C)

ALICE *

No :maybe about it, darling. NOw,

if you'll excuse me, along with age

and wisdom seems to come a bladder

that prefers spontaneity over

obedience. You understand.

ALICE HEADS UPSTAIRS.

DOTT

Mother. One, thank you. And two,

hurry. It's the maid's day off.

ALICE * I'm a tough act to follow. Good

job, darling.

ALICE EXITS. DOTT STARTS TO POUR HERSELF A DRINK AS BRENDAN AND VAL ENTER LAUGHING.

VAL

... l don't know. I still think !

should have bought that souvenir

shirt that said "My husband cheated

on me in the Big Apple, and all I

got was this lousy T-shirt" ••• Oh,

hi, Dott.

DOTT

Where have you two been?! I was

worried.

VAL

We've had the best evening

together.

BRENDAN

We really did. "Sunset Boulevard"

was great. And Queen Latifah was

incredible as Norma Desmond.

VAL

I haven't had such an exciting

evening since Mitchell's appendix

burst during over eighty night at

the Sizzler.

DOTT

Really? I do hope you're keeping a

diary.

VAL

Well, I'm just too pooped to pop.

I'm going to bed. Brendan, don't

stay up too late, it's a school

night.

BRENDAN

Promise.

VAL

And in the morning, I'll make my

special Americanized french toast.

I draw flags on it with Cheez Whiz.

I was famous for it back in Jersey.

23. (C)

*

*

*

DOTT

That and so much more, I'm sure.

VAL STARTS UP THE STAIRS.

DOTT (CONT/D)

Val ...

VAL

Dott ... thanks for lending me your

son for the night. It was almost

as if I had one of my own. Tonight

was so wonderful.

VAL CONTINUES UP THE STAIRS, THEN TURNS AROUND.

VAL EXITS.

VAL (CONT'D)

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr.

DeMille. (SHE LAUGHS) I've always

wanted to say that.

DOTT

You know, Brendan, you don't have

to be nice to Val on my account.

BRENDAN

Actually, I enjoy her company_ In

fact, tomorrow night I'm taking her

to a Rangers game.

24. (C)

DOTT

Oh. Bren, I know you wanted to

talk about something this morning

and I was rushed. How about now?

We could take a carriage ride?

There's nothing like a drive

through the park on a crisp New

York night, the sounds of muggings

and indescriminate sex all around

you, to really make you feel alive.

BRENDAN

Mom, Val's right. It's a school

night. Besides, she and I had a

long talk and I think I worked

everything out. But thanks.

25. ( C)

BRENDAN HEADS UP THE STAIRS. *

DOTT * Brendan ...

BRENDAN

Yes, Mom?

DOTT

Nothing, darling. Sleep tight.

BRENDAN EXITS. DOTT STANDS THERE LOOKING DISTRAUGHT, AS WE,

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. OFFICE - MORNING CpAY 2) (Ellie, Wolf l Dett, Peter, Stephane)

nOTT IS WORKING, ELLIE ENTERS WITH WOLF, WHO FOLLOWS PRACTICALLY ON TOP OF HER.

ELLIE

Welf, either grease up or give me

seme room.

WOLF

Regulation, ma'am. Four inches

between us at all times.

ELLIE

How disappointing. wolf, all these

threats have made me so tense. I

need a massage.

WOLF

There've been no threats, ma'am.

ELLIE

Oh. well, good job then. In fact,

it's bonus time.

WOLF

I'm w~ll paid, ma'am.

ELLIE

Fine! Go wait in the hall.

WOLF EXITS THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR, CLOSING IT BEHIND HIM.

26. (D)

PETER ENTERS.

ELLIE (CONT'D)

Dott, I'm at my wits end. Is

something wrong with me? Am I

unattractive?

DOTT

Your beauty is blinding.

ELLIE

Do I slurp my vodka when I drink?

DOTT

You're a total lady, drunk or

sober. Except when the olive and

toothpick gets caught in your

throat.

ELLIE

Then what is it?

DOTT

I don't know what to tell you.

ELLIE

What? You always know what to tp.ll

me. Dott? Are you alright?

PETER

I don't know why we bother paying

copy editors. Look at this typo.

DOTT STARTS TEARING UP.

27. (D)

'*

PETER (CONT'D)

My mistake, it was just a smudge.

Look, it's gone.

DOTT

live lost my son to Val.

ELLIE

See, I knew it!

DOTT

Where did I go wrong with him?

Have I ever lied to him?

ELLIE

Yes.

DOTT

Put work first?

PETER

Yes.

DOTT

Tried to make him into something

he's not?

ELLIE /PETER

Yes.

DOTT

Exactly. And still he abandons me.

28. (D)

PETER EXITS.

PETER

Dott, trying to be a good mother, a

successful business woman. and

maintain a social life is a woman's

hardest struggle.

DOTT

Peter, that's very sensitive of

you.

PETER

Yeah, chicks with some mileage on

them usually go for that. That's

why I prefer to date twenty-two

year-olds who think of a steady

relationship as sex that isn't on a

waterbed.

DOTT

Oh, El. The worst part is, it's

not even Val's fault. Brendan just

prefers spending time with her over

me.

DOTT STARTS TO CRY.

ELLIE

Oh , Dott, no, don't do that. Here,

I'll cry about Wolf and you can

console me. We're better at that.

(D)

DOTT

I'm sorry.

ELLIE

Look. (SHE PICKS UP A MAGAZINE AND

FLIPS TO A PAGE) Look. Maude

Frizon's new stiletto's. Lucite

heels. That's worth a smile.

DOTT

I called. They're out of my size.

ELLIE

Uho •• uh ... Hey, did you hear that

Tippi Von Schlagger's implants

shifted during a photo shoot for

Town and Country?

DOTT

Really? Did they run the pictures?

ELLIE

Well, no ... but everyone knows, and

she's in tremendous pain.

DOTT

Nice try. But even that good news

can't change the fact that I'm a

bad mother.

ELLIE

You are the best mother money can

buy.

30. (D)

*

SUDDENLY STEPHANO COMES FLYING IN AND HOLDS A LETTER OPENER POINTED AT THEM LIKE A GUN.

STEPHANO

(YELLING) That's it. I've a lost

my mind and I'm going to kill you,

Ellie Walker!

SUDDENLY, WOLF COMES RUNNING TO THE RESCUE, Bu~ ONCE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL, CAN'T FIND THE DOOR. HE STARTS RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE HALLS, PANICKING.

STEPHANO (CONT'D)

Kill, kill, kill.

FINALLY, IN FRUSTRATION, STEPHANO GOES TO THE DOOR AND

31-(D)

*

OPENS IT FOR HIM, WHILE MUMBLING TO HIMSELF "WHAT AN IDIOT" * IN ITALIAN. WOLF RUNS IN I GRABS STEPHANO FROM BEHIND AND LIFTS HIM IN A BEAR HOLD.

STEPHANO (CONT/D)

Yes. I'm a bad man. Yes.

Tighter. I must be punished.

ELLIE

Wolf. Put him down.

WOLF EXITS.

ELLIE (CONT'D)

stephano, he's not interested.

STEPHANO

I see. (HE STARTS TO TEAR UP)

Look at me. I'm the boy who cried

Wolf.

STEPHANO EXITS.

DOTT

You know what, El? I have no one

to blame but myself. I'm never

around. I'm a mother in absentia.

ELLIE

Is that where we are?

DOTT

That's it. (INTO INTERCOM)

stephano, bring in my calendar.

(TO ELLIE) My son has taken a back

seat to my business for far too

long. I'm going to cut down my

hours.

ELLIE

Great. Let's go to Mykonos.

DOTT

You're missing the point, darling.

STEPP~O ENTERS AND OPENS HER CALENDAR.

DOTT (CONT/D)

stephano. What do I have for this

afternoon?

STEPHANO

Four o'clock with Publicity.

DOTT

Great ... I can miss that.

STEPHANO MOANS AND SHAKES HIS HEAD DISAPPROVINGLY.

32. (D)

*

*

*

*

*

*

DOTT (CONT'D)

! can't miss that. What next?

STEPHANO

Four thirty with John Michael

Michael John John.

DOTT

(CONSIDERING) My hairdresser?

ELLIE

Cancel that and it's a six week

wait.

STEPHANO

'!'wo, if I call.

DOTT

(FEELING HER HAIR) What do I have

tomorrow night?

STEPHANO

Nothing.

DOTT

I don't care. Cancel tomorrow

night. I'll take him out to

dinner. No. Better yet, I'll

cook him a meal.

STEPHANO AND ELLIE EXCHANGE LOOKS OF SHOCK.

33. (0)

..

ELLIE

Oh dear God. She's lost her mind.

DOTT

Yes. I'll cook a meal.

ON THEIR WORRIED EXPRESSIONS, WE,

CUT TO:

34. (D)

iNT. KITCHEN - EVENING - (NIGHT 2) (~tt, Ellie, Val)

OOTT AND ELLIE WALK INTO THE KITCHEN. THERE IS AN ASSORTMENT OF FOOD AND COOKING SHERRIES ON THE COUNTER. DOTT IS CARRYING VARIOUS COOKBOOKS, ELLIE IS CARRYING BOTTLES OF ALCOHOL.

DOTT

You know, this room is bigger than

I remember.

ELLIE

I don't think I've ever been in

here.

DOTT

I had Stephano send these cookbooks

home. Let's see. "Twenty Ways To

Cook Lambchops, by Shari Lewis."

No. "French Masterpieces, Cooking

For The Rude And Self Important."

Hmm.

ELLIE

"Sonny Von Bulow's Cooking For The

Inactive Woman."

DOTT

(LOOKING IT OVER) It's all

vegetables.

35. (E)

ELLIE

OkaYI what should we make?

DOTT

His favorite meal.

ELLIE

What would that be?

DOTT

(BEAT) Well, he loves that chicken

dish he always orders at Lutece.

ELLIE

What's it called?

DOTT

(BEAT) The usual?

ELLIE

We'll improvise.

DOTT

Let's turn the stove on.

THEY BOTH STARE BLANKLY AT THE FLAT SURFACED, ULTRA MODERN STOVE TOP IN FRONT OF THEM.

DOTT (CONT'D)

Is there a remote?

ELLIE

Wait. It's coming back to me. I

was in this room once before, and I·

accidentally turned the stove on.

ELLIE GETS ON TOP OF THE STOVE, LEGS SPREAD AS IF HAVING SEX I AND REACHES HER ARM DOWN ALONG THE SIDE OF THE OVEN AS SHE SCREAMS IN ECSTASY.

36. eE)

*'

DOTT

Well done.

ELLIE

That's what he said.

DOTT

liow, here we go.

THEY OPEN A COOKBOOK AND READ.

DOTT. ( CONT ' D)

Let's try this one. "Pour two cups

of wine in saucepan."

ELLIE

(POURING) This sounds delicious.

DOTT

"Then reduce by half."

ELLIE POURS HALF BACK INTO HER WINE GLASS.

ELLIE

Well that was a waste of time.

DOTT

Apparently.

THEY START TO DRINX.

DOTT (CONT'D)

Now, "Blanche the asparagus."

THEY LOOK CONFUSED.

ELLIE

(YELLING TO ASPARAGAS)

are, Blanche, you are!

THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY.

But you

(E)

..

..

..

DOTT

Very good.

ELLIE

This is fun. What next?

DOTT

"Pare the potatoes." (GRABBING TWO

POTATOES) These two look nice

together.

ELLIE

Dott, come on! (BEAT) They look

awful together. Here! (SHE

REARRANGES) What next? 1

DOTT

"Let statid for fifteen minutes."

ELLIE

In these shoes?

DOTT

Good point.

THEY POUR MORE WINE AND TOAST, AS WE:

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. KITCHEN - A WHILE LATER

THE KITCHEN IS A MESS AND SO ARE DOTT AND ELLIE. THEY'VE BEEN DRINKING. DOTT TAKES OUT A RAW, WHOLE CHICKEN.

OOTT

Shoulan't we marinate it?

ELLIE

Oh, good thinking_

36. (E)

ELLIE PICKS UP A BOTTLE OF VODKA, POURS A LITTLE IN, THEN POURS THE ENTIRE CONTENTS INTO THE POT.

ELLIE (CONT'D

Look, Absolut chicken!

DOTT

This isn't so hard.

ELLIE

Shouldn't ~~ marinate?

THEY SLING BACK THEIR COCKTAILS. DOTT RAISES THE CHICKEN INTO THE AIR BY ITS LEGS }~D DROPS IT ONTO THE FLOOR. THEY LAUGH. ELLIE PICKS UP THE CHICKEN.

ELLIE (CONT/D)

(A LA JULIA CHILD) For this

particular dish, make sure the

floor is clean.

DOTT

I think we killed it.

ELLIE

Maybe we can save it.

DOTT

You think so, doctor?

ELLIE

Yes, nurse. But we have to hurry.

It's code blue!

DOTT TAKES TWO SMALL POT LIDS AND APPLIES THEM TO THE CHI CKEN I S BREASTS.

DOTT

Clear!

39. (E)

T.~EY BOTH STEP BACK. nOTT JUMPS BACK AS IF THE POT LIDS WERE CHARGED.

ELLIE

I'm sorry, nurse. He's gone.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. KITCHEN - A LITTLE LATER.

DOTT AND ELLIE ARE A LITTLE DRUNKER.

VAL ENTERS.

DOTT

I was there for Brendan when ... he

was born ... I sure as hell wasn't

going to miss that! And the pain!

ELLIE

Sorry, Dott. I know that epidural

was meant for you ..• but I was

cramping.

DOTT·

I understand.

ELLIE

You understand everything. You're

such a good mother.

DOTT

That's what I've been saying. So

why are we cooking?

VAL

What in heavens name are you doing?

40. (E)

DOTT

We're cooking.

VAL

Well, you obviously need some help.

ELLIE

Yes, we're out of olive oil. Could

you run to Italy and pick some up?

VAL

Maybe I should get my instamatic,

'cause no one will ever believe

this. I mean, since when do you

like to cook?

DOTT

Oh, you know, whenever I'm feeling

productive, or inspired, or like a

friend whom I gave refuge to stabs

me in the back by stealing my son

out from under me. It comes in

waves.

VAL

I stole your son?

ELLIE

See. She admits it.

VAL

Is that what you think?

41. (E)

VAL RUNS OUT.

DOTT

That's what I see. That and six

walls in this room.

VAL

Dott, I would never do that.

ELLIE

Oh, please, hand me a shovel.

VAL

Why, Ellie? Run out of make-up

remover?

ELLIE

Aren't you ever afraid a house will

fallon you?

DOTT

That's enough! Both of you. You

want to sleep with my son, you want

to mother him. Exactly where do I

fit in anymore?

VAL

Dott, if I stepped over the line, I

apologize. I didn't mean to.

Perhaps I've overstayed my welcomeG

ELLIE

On the planet.

DOTT

She can't leave.

42. (E)

ELLIE

Why not?

DOT'!'

El, Mon Chapeau, it's the maid's

night off. Who the hell is going

to clean up this mess?

THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY AS WE,

CUT TO:

43. (E)

H

IN!. KITCHEN- LATER THAT NIGHT - (NIGHT 2) (Dott, Ellie l Wolf, Brendan, Val)

DOTT AND ELLIE SIT. DOTT IS CLEARLY DEPRESSED.

WOLF ENTERS.

DOTT

That's it. It's over. I can't

even cook a meal. I've lost my son

forever. I'm Julia Childless.

WOLF

There you are.

ELLIE

I've been thinking_ Wolf, dear,

you're fired.

WOLF

Fired? That's great.

ELLIE

Great?

44. (H)

WOLF * Bodyguards have a credo. Don't qet

emotionally attached to your

clients •. You lose a lot of them • •

But now that I'm fired, Ms.

Walker .•. I want you.

ELLIE

Wolf, it's too late. You had your

chance and you chose your rules.

Sorry.

WOLF

I have to have you.

ELLIE

Wolf, I've made up my mind. Why

should I change it now?

WOLF WHIPS HIS SHIRT OFF. DOTT AND ELLIE JUST STARE AT HIM

ELLIE (CONT'D)

Alright. Suppose we take multiple

orgasm out of the equation. (BEAT)

I'm sorry, Wolf. Goodbye.

WOLF

If that's what you want.

ELLIE

That's what I want.

45. (H)

HE EXITS. '* ELLIE (CONT'D)

(BEAT) I guess the least I can do

is go down with him in the

elevator.

ELLIE RUNS OUT. BRENDAN ENTERS.

BRENDAN

What happened in here?

'*

DOTT

Ellie and I tried to cook a meal.

BRENDAN

Why on earth did you do that?

DOTT

I was trying to prove I could be a

good mother.

BRENDAN

Why would you think that, the

obvious reasons aside momentarily.

DOTT

Bren, I know I wasn't the best

mother to you and your sister.

BRENDAN

I don't have a sister.

DOTT

Oh. Well then, I've been a better

mother than I thought.

BRENDAN

It's true you weren't there for ~y

first bloody nose, or my first

soccer match, or my first piano

recital.

DOTT

And you resent me.

46. (H)

*

BRENDAN

No, I'm glad. I learned to be

independant. Look at me. I think

I turned out pretty great if I do

say so myself. Granted, I'm a

heterosexual Republican.

DOTT

Well, everyone's allowed some

character flaws. But Val and you

seemed to be getting so close.

BRENDAN

I guess I was feeling a little

ignored, so I played that up a bit.

DOTT

So you manipulated my feelings. My

God, there's hope for you yet.

(THEY HUG) So now will you tell me

about that problem you had?

BRENDAN

Oh, that. See, Dad has this new

girlfriend. Monique.

DOTT

Monique?

BRENDAN

It's French.

47. (H)

*

I

DOTT

I know. It means bitch with a big

butt.

BRENDAN

Anyway, I don't really like her and

they're going away for the weekend

and Dad wants me to go. Val told

me I need to do it for him 'cause

he's my father.

DOTT

Yes. That's one solution. Here's

another.

DOTT PICKS UP THE PHONE AND DIALS.

DOTT (CONT/D)

Hello, Richard? Listen, Brendan

hates your new lady friend and

until she's done spending your

money and you dump her, he wouldn't

think of going away with you, nor

would I think of letting him. Is

that clear? Good. Dott. Very funny.

DOTT HANGS UP SATISFIED AS ELLIE ENTERS.

DO'rr (CONT/D)

That was quick.

(H)

BRENDAN EXITS.

ELLIE

I know. I'll never learn. The

height-endurance ratio never works

in my favor. Brendan, how tall are

y-ou'?

BRENDAN

Taller than I look. Good night. I

love you, mom.

DOTT

You know what? I'm a lucky mother

and a damn good one.

YhL ENTERS. SHE SURVEYS THE ROOM.

VAL

Dott, I was thinking. Those were

pretty strong accusations you made.

If you don't want me keeping your

son occupied and helping around the

house, that's just dandy as candy

and fine as wine with me.

VAL PUTS ON .AN APRON AND STARTS TO CLEAN AS THEY WATCH.

VAL (CONT'D)

I've got plenty of other things to

do with my life. There·'. more to

Val Brumberg than meets the eye.

You know, I'm not just some haus

(MORE)

VAL (CONT'D)

frau who lives to pick up other

peoples' messes .•• ~RE: A STAIN)

You think this is going to come out

easy? This is not going to come

out easy. This is a pesky stain •..

You don't have to hit me over the

with a skillet to get the message.

(LIFTING A SKILLET) And look at

this skillet. We're talking steel

wool. Two pads.

DOTT AND ELLIE RETREAT OUT THE DOOR.

VAL (CONT'D)

And look at this floor. Call me

Cinderella. I'll be scrubbing this

stainfest for days and I bet you

think this is funny.

VAL TURNS AROUND TO THEM.

VAL (CONT'D)

Thank God they're gone. I can

clean my kitchen in peace@

VAL STARTS HUMMING AS WE FREEZE FRAME.

fAPE OUT.

END OF SHOW

50. (H)