Fine: Episode I

"Funeral"

By: Ellen Charlotte Dawe

2016 Ellen Charlotte Dawe

ecdawe413@gmail.com

630-220-4238

1 EXT. CEMETERY (NEW YORK CITY)-DAY

A sizable group of mourners gather at a cemetery in New York

city. It is a crisp autumn day, too pretty to be somber,

yet somber it is. The mourners talk among themselves, so

crying, some consoling others, and some wandering about the

grounds. We eventually settle on MARGOT ALICE FINE and

SYLVIA PENELOPE FINE seated on a bench. Margot is a woman in

her seventies and a doctor. Her granddaughter, Sylvia is a

woman in her early twenties, she wear glasses and sits next

to Margot on the bench. They are tired, as though sitting on

the bench requires all of their energy. A piece of Sylvia’s

hair falls in front of her face as she moves her head,

Margot puts it back in place.

SYLVIA

Thank you

MARGOT

You’re welcome

They return to sitting silently. After a time, Margot leans

back on the bench.

MARGOT (CONT’D)

I think I like benches.

SYLVIA

Benches?

MARGOT

Yes, benches

SYLVIA

(pause)

Why benches?

MARGOT

I don’t know.

SYLVIA

But you just said you like

benches...why?

MARGOT

They’re just there, but not too

there. You know what I mean?

SYLVIA

Yes

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

MARGOT

They’re there when you need a place

to sit.

SYLVIA

But they’re hard

MARGOT

So you don’t sit too long.

SYLVIA

Just long enough

MARGOT

You can wait for a friend.

SYLVIA

Wait for a bus

MARGOT

Read the same page of a book over

and over again

SYLVIA

Watch birds be birds

MARGOT

Eat a sandwich

SYLVIA

Half a sandwich

MARGOT

Half?

SYLVIA

No one ever eats a whole sandwich

on a bench.

MARGOT

Yes they do.

SYLVIA

No, It’s too hard. Your butt starts

to hurt after half the sandwich so,

you get up and look for a new place

to sit but there are none and your

hungry so, you just eat while you

walk and then you throw your trash

away because...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3.

MARGOT

Give a hoot, don’t pollute

SYLVIA

Exactly

MARGOT

Benches are the perfect place to

figure out what you’re going to do

next.

SYLVIA

They should really put that on a

plaque, or at least write a folk

song about it.

Margot and Sylvia sit in silence again. a middle-aged man,

TIM DAHLGREN, approaches the bench and sits next to Sylvia.

Tim is not a bad man, he’s just a dumb man.

TIM

Hi. I just wanted to take a seat

for a minute. What a day, right?

Margot and Sylvia nod in agreement.

TIM (CONT’D)

I can’t believe it, 48 years old. I

mean it’s tough at any age, but a

48 year old man gets hit by a car

on a business trip to Boston...

(pause)

It makes you think.

(pause)

I was supposed to be on that trip.

I wanted to be on that trip. I was

told I wasn’t needed on that trip.

(pause)

It makes you think.

(pause)

I’m sorry, I never introduced

myself. I’m Tim Dahlgren, I worked

with Bobby. Well, I worked near

Bobby. We worked at the same firm.

How did you know him?

SYLVIA

He was my father.

MARGOT

He was my son.

Tim’s jaw drops and he sits speechless and in shock.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

TIM

Eeh...Oh...So...You’re

Sylvia and Margot shake hands with Tim.

MARGOT

Margot Fine

SYLVIA

Sylvia Fine

TIM

I...I didn’t...I...

(to Sylvia)

So you have no parents now.

SYLVIA

That’s correct.

TIM

(trying to real it in)

I’m so sorry.

SYLVIA

Thank you

There is an awkward pause

MARGOT

Well, I’m sure we’ll laugh about

this one day.

Margot grabs Sylvia by the collar and they stand up and walk

away from the bench. Tim still sits on the bench, sad and

angry at himself.

SYLVIA

Where are we going?

MARGOT

Anywhere

Sylvia and Margot walk through the group of funeral guests

who seem to have formed two parallel lines/masses. Everyone

looks at them as they walk through.

CUT TO OPENING TITLES

The OPENING TITLES are done in the style of The Mary Tyler

Moore Show and The Rockford Files with images and clips of

the main characters set to a theme song.

CUT TO:

5.

2 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT-ENTRYWAY-EVENING

This is Margot’s apartment. It’s classy yet lived-in and has

clearly been home for decades. It is a home full of art and

collected artifacts. The apartment door is closed and a dog

SIDNEY POITIER sits waiting for its humans to return. Margot

and Sylvia enter the apartment carrying bags of food and a

flower arrangement.

MARGOT

Hi Sid.

Sylvia puts the flowers on a table. Sylvia and Margot take

off their coats and hang them up.

SYLVIA

I’m going to go find Eliza.

Sylvia turns to walk down a long hallway.

3 INT. HALLWAY-EVENING-CONTINUOUS

Sylvia walks down a long hallway to a door that is partially

open. She pushes through the door and walks into a bedroom.

4 INT. SYLVIA’S BEDROOM-EVENING-CONTINUOUS

This bedroom has a bed and other furniture, but it’s full of

boxes and other containers not unpacked. Everything looks

rushed and Sylvia walks around the room looking among the

boxes and furniture. She opens the closet, pokes around

boxes and bins looking for a cat. This cat, ELIZA DOOLITTLE,

sits atop a tall pile of boxes kindly staring down at

Sylvia. Sylvia finally looks up and sees Eliza.

SYLVIA

(to Eliza)

Oh hi. Enjoying your throne?

Sylvia climbs around boxes to get to Eliza and picks her up.

SYLVIA (CONT’D)

(to Eliza)

You’re really making me work for it

aren’t you?

Sylvia walks around the bedroom with Eliza. She opens more

boxes, looking for something.

SYLVIA (CONT’D) CONTINUED

(to Eliza)

Where is it Eliza? Where are you

keeping it? Did you take it? Did

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

SYLVIA (CONT’D) CONTINUEDyou hide it in a secret place only

you know about? Did you hide it

somewhere so I’ll never find it and

I’ll spend the rest of my life

looking for it? Then when I die,

I’ll croak out one final

"Victoria", Citizen Kane style, and

then everyone will wonde who that

is and what it could possibly mean

even though it’s been in front of

them all along because it was right

here...Ah ha!

Sylvia reaches into a box and pulls out a hat, she is

disappointed as it’s not what she was expecting to find.

SYLVIA (CONT’D) CONTINUED

Naaah. Damn it.

(to Eliza)

That would have been pretty cool

though, right?

Sylvia searches through more boxes. Then, she climbs onto

the bed and sits with Eliza, leaning her chin on the

footboard of the bed.

5 INT. MARGOT’S KITCHEN-EVENING

Margot stands in the kitchen unpacking leftover food. The

dog, Sidney Poitier, wanders in and sits at attention in the

doorway. Margot notices Sid, who then puts his chin to the

floor. Margot turns around to face Sid.

MARGOT

(to Sid)

Sidney Poitier, a man after my own

heart.

Margot and Sid stare and each other.

MARGOT (CONT’D)

(to Sid)

You just want to look into each

others eyes...okay?

Margot continues to put food away. She then pauses and opens

a cupboard and Sid perks up a little, she pulls out a

container of dog food and shakes it. Sid runs to Margot

excited and joyful.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

MARGOT (CONT’D) CONTINUED

(to Sid)

I know you too well.

Margot feeds Sid who begins gobbling up the food. Margot

stands near Sid watching him eat. Sid stops eating and looks

up at Margot, noticing she’s sad. Sid walks to Margot and

paws at her, Margot picks him up.

MARGOT (CONT’D) CONTINUED

Thanks Sid.

Margot walks around with Sid, they hug each other.

6 INT. MARGOT’S LIVING ROOM-LATE NIGHT

This is Margot’s living room. There are no area rugs

anywhere in the entire apartment. This living room has a

wall of books behind the couch and is everything in it looks

as if it has a story. It’s around 2 o’clock in the morning

and Margot sits on the couch with Sid as they watch

"Lawrence of Arabia" on the television. Sylvia walks into

the living room carrying Eliza.

SYLVIA

Oh Hey. i couldn’t sleep.

MARGOT

Me neither

Sylvia sits down on the couch.

SYLVIA

I tried.

MARGOT

Me too. But alas..

SYLVIA

Sleep never came...

MARGOT

Nope. So, I came in here. I sat

down. Well, first I sat there

because Sid sat here; but then, we

switched spots because he

remembered this is my spot.

SYLVIA

He is a smart dog.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 8.

MARGOT

Yes he is.

SYLVIA

So, you switched spots with Sid...

MARGOT

We switched spots, I turned on the

TV, I saw beautiful eyes--

SYLVIA

Peter O’Toole

MARGOT

Exactly. And I was transfixed.

SYLVIA

It’s easy to be.

MARGOT

And then I looked at the sand.

SYLVIA

And how it’s perfectly smooth

MARGOT

Yes

SYLVIA

The entire time

MARGOT

And you know every time that camel

walks across the sand it messes up

the sand; so, every time they did

another take they’d have to wait

for the sand to be smooth again.

SYLVIA

That could take days.

Margot and Sylvia sit in silence and just watch the movie.

SYLVIA (CONT’D)

Grandma

MARGOT

Yes

SYLVIA

What do you think Stephen Colbert

is doing right now?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

MARGOT

Probably sleeping...or maybe he’s

on a boat somewhere.

SYLVIA

That checks out.

MARGOT

I wouldn’t like that.

SYLVIA

Being on a boat with Stephen

Colbert?

MARGOT

No, just being on a boat in

general. I have no idea why anyone

would want to get on a boat just to

nap. That seems like a lot of work

for a nap, which is

counter-intuitive to the concept of

naps.

SYLVIA

I think people like it because they

stay awake.

MARGOT

How on earth do they do that?

SYLVIA

I have no idea. I’ve never had much

success staying awake on boats

either. If I had been a passenger

on the Titanic, not even Billy Zane

would’ve awakened me.

MARGOT

That’s a shame, because that’s the

best part of that movie.

SYLVIA

Agreed

Margot and Sylvia sit in silence and just watch the movie.

SYLVIA (CONT’D)

Would you go on a train ride with

Stephen Colbert?

MARGOT

Of course, because trains rule.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

SYLVIA

They do

MARGOT

Never met a train I didn’t like.

SYLVIA

Accept for that one in Vermont.

MARGOT

That was unfortunate.

SYLVIA

That was traumatic.

MARGOT

We didn’t know it was "Thomas the

Tank Engine" day.

SYLVIA

Uh huh, sure.

MARGOT

We didn’t know!

SYLVIA

That’s 15 minutes of my life I’ll

never get back; and, it was

supposed to be 90 minutes of pure

antique train joy to remember

forever.

MARGOT

Would you rather we’d gone on a

train ride where everything went

according to plan, like they do in

Europe?

SYLVIA

No. Then I wouldn’t have my go-to

tight five.

MARGOT

You use that one too?

Sylvia nods yes and smiles.

SYLVIA

i also wouldn’t have learned the

potential pitfalls of an out of

date guide book.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 11.

MARGOT

That wasn’t my fault. I didn’t

choose that book.

SYLVIA

I didn’t either.

Margot and Sylvia sit in silence and somberly stare at the

screen.

MARGOT

Have we ever talked about how there

are basically no women in this

movie?

SYLVIA

Yes

MARGOT

Do we talk about it every time we

watch this movie?

SYLVIA

Yes

MARGOT

Well remind me to bring it up again

the next time we watch this movie.

SYLVIA

I will.

7 INT. MARGOT’S LIVING ROOM-LATER

Sylvia and Margot sit in silence. They see Peter O’Toole as

Lawrence stand atop a high hill/rock/point and look out onto

the horizon as his robes flow around him in the wind. They

both sigh and smile.

SYLVIA (CONT’D)

I’m hungry.

MARGOT

Do you want something to eat?

SYLVIA

No

MARGOT

There’s leftovers.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 12.

SYLVIA

What leftovers?

MARGOT

From today

SYLVIA

Oh. I don’t want anything.

MARGOT

But you’re hungry.

SYLVIA

Yeah, but I’m that hungry where you

can’t eat.

MARGOT

Like sleepy where you can’t sleep.

SYLVIA

Yes

(pause)

What kind of leftovers are there?

MARGOT

It’s the stuff from today

SYLVIA

What kind of stuff?

MARGOT

Food

SYLVIA

You have no idea what any of it is.

MARGOT

I didn’t eat any of it.

SYLVIA

Me neither

MARGOT

I was standing near the meatballs

and every time I went to reach for

a meatball some person would show

up and feel the need to remind me

that my son just died. Then they

would just walk away like they’d

just told me the secret code word

and had to re-infiltrate the crowd

to remain inconspicuous.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 13.

SYLVIA

I wouldn’t want a meatball after

that. I never thought I’d encounter

a situation that could make me not

want a meatball, but that would do

it.

MARGOT

I tried to get across the room to

you because I saw you talking to

someone I did not recognize.

SYLVIA

I tried to signal.

MARGOT

I saw.

SYLVIA

It was defcon 4.

MARGOT

I thought we weren’t calling it

that anymore, too political.

SYLVIA

You really think "Red Alert" is

better?

MARGOT

We’re not Communists so it’s fine.

SYLVIA

(thinking)

As much as I want to, I just can’t

argue with that logic.

(pause)

You didn’t miss much anyways.

MARGOT

Huh?

SYLVIA

It was just a lot of people asking

me: what are your plans? I didn’t

really know what they meant by

this, but they definitely expected

me to. And I think my not

understanding their ambiguity left

them deeply concerned so, you might

be getting some calls.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 14.

MARGOT

Well, I will be too busy in Florida

to answer any of them.

SYLVIA

(concerned)

You’re going to Florida?

MARGOT

No. All of these people today kept

telling me to go to Florida as

though it’s the pinnacle of peace

and tranquility, like that’s

something I so often seek.

SYLVIA

It is not.

MARGOT

Correct. And if I were to seek it,

I would not go to Florida. You know

my feelings about sand.

SYLVIA

I do. They’re nearly identicle to

my feelings about sand which are

pretty much the same feelings

Gilbert had about Sullivan.

MARGOT

Exactly

SYLVIA

Do any of these people live in

Florida?

MARGOT

Not a one.

SYLVIA

At least your brothers were

surprisingly well behaved.

MARGOT

They were, I was quite proud.

SYLVIA

Uncle Cliff only made three people

deeply uncomfortable.

MARGOT

And I only had to tell Everett to

stop looking for wife number five,

twice.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 15.

SYLVIA

Is that a new low?

MARGOT

I believe it is.

8 INT. MARGOT’S LIVING ROOM-LATER

Margot and Sylvia sit in silence again. Sylvia leans her

head on Margot’s shoulder.

SYLVIA

If you went to Florida, would you

tell me?

MARGOT

Yes...

FADE OUT

9 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT- LATE MORNING

Sylvia exists her bedroom with a backpack and a few other

bags of stuff. She walks down the long hallway with Eliza

following. She stops near the front door where she sees

Margot standing in the kitchen doorway.

MARGOT

Come here.

Sylvia walks to the kitchen doorway. Margot is in the

kitchen putting containers of food into a bag.

10 INT. MARGOT’S KITCHEN- LATE MORNING- CONTINUOUS

MARGOT (CONT’D)

What do you want?

SYLVIA

Nothing

MARGOT

Just take some of it.

SYLVIA

I don’t want it.

MARGOT

Here’s couscous. Take the couscous.

You love couscous.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 16.

SYLVIA

Couscous, the food so nice they

named it twice.

MARGOT

Yes.

SYLVIA

I don’t want it.

MARGOT

Well I don’t want it either.

SYLVIA

Then why are you making me take it?

MARGOT

Because you’re in college, and this

is free food. The math all made

sense in my head.

SYLVIA

Well applied mathematics isn’t

working today.

Margot picks up a bag of food and presents it to Sylvia.

MARGOT

just take this bag of food so we

can end this conversation. Please.

SYLVIA

Okay

Sylvia takes the bag and they walk out of the kitchen

towards the door.

11 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT/FRONT DOOR- LATE MORNING- CONTINUOUS

MARGOT

You don’t have to eat it. You don’t

even have to look at it. You just

have to take it.

SYLVIA

I’m taking it. I’m taking it.

MARGOT

You can give it away if you want.

SYLVIA

I’m taking it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 17.

MARGOT

(brief pause)

You don’t have to leave now if you

don’t want to. I’m not forcing you

out of here.

SYLVIA

I know.

(brief pause)

If I don’t leave now, I’ll never

leave, and you don’t want that.

MARGOT

You’re right, I don’t

(brief pause)

But if that’s what you want...

SYLVIA

I don’t

MARGOT

Okay

Sylvia puts on a coat and picks up her bags. She looks at

Eliza Doolittle who is sitting next to Sidney Poitier.

SYLVIA

You’ll take care of Eliza?

MARGOT

Of course.

Sylvia bids goodbye to Eliza and Sid

SYLVIA

(to Eliza and Sid)

Be nice to each other.

MARGOT

She’ll be alright.

Sylvia opens the door and begins to exit. Margot grabs a

coat and keys and follows quickly.

SYLVIA

If she seems depressed, I’ll come

over; or, we can FaceTime.

18.

12 EXT. STREET- EAST SIDE- LATE MORNING

Margot and Sylvia exit the apartment building and begin

walking down the street with Sylvia carrying all of her

stuff accept for the bag of food which Margot holds. They

continue the conversation they’ve been having.

MARGOT

I promise. If Eliza Doolittle so

much as yawns for longer than usual

you will be my first call, not

Henry Higgins or Colonel

Pickering--

SYLVIA

Ha ha

MARGOT

And don’t even get me started on

Mrs. Pierce.

SYLVIA

I appreciate the sentiment, not the

bad joke.

MARGOT

That was my goal.

(pause)

Now if you feel sad, or upset, or

confused, or nervous, or

anything...call me.

SYLVIA

Okay

MARGOT

I mean it.

SYLVIA

I know.

MARGOT

Anything, I swear. If tomorrow

you’re doing laundry and your red

sweater bleeds onto your white

socks, and that upsets you, I will

come to school and comfort you, I

can be there in 20 minutes. Or, you

can come over here. Or, we can go

to an alternate location. Whatever

you want.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 19.

SYLVIA

I got it.

MARGOT

We can talk about it why it upset

you. We can not talk about why it

upset you. If it’s the laundry

situation we will have to discuss

how it happened in the first

because you should know how to

prevent something like that.

SYLVIA

Separate lights, darks, and colors

MARGOT

Or you can use a color catcher.

SYLVIA

I don’t like those.

MARGOT

Me neither

SYLVIA

I mean it’s not that difficult to

sort clothing...unless you’re color

blind.

MARGOT

Exactly

Sylvia notices that Margot has been walking with her down

the street.

SYLVIA

Are you going somewhere?

MARGOT

No

SYLVIA

Then why are you walking down the

street?

MARGOT

Well when you left we were

mid-conversation, and it felt wrong

to stop mid-conversation, so I came

with.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 20.

SYLVIA

Oh, okay. That makes sense.

(pause)

I should go now.

MARGOT

Alright. Call me.

SYLVIA

I will. You can call me too.

MARGOT

I will.

SYLVIA

I’ll come over and unpack all of

those boxes.

MARGOT

You don’t have to.

SYLVIA

No I’ll come do it. I have to do

it. I can’t find any of my stuff.

MARGOT

Whenever you’re ready

SYLVIA

Okay

Sylvia and Margot stand facing each other. They hug for a

fairly long time. After the hug, they look at each other.

Then, Sylvia turns and walks away. Margot stands still

holding the bag of food. She looks down, noticing it.

MARGOT

God damn it!

Sylvia runs back to Margot and grabs the bag of food out of

her hand and runs away.

SYLVIA

Sorry!

13 EXT. COLLEGE DORMITORY- LATE MORNING

A young man in his early 20s, CHRIS ARATO sits in front of a

college dormitory in New York City. He is a very tall

gentlemen and has the personality of a camp counselor or a

choir director. He sits reading a book awaiting someone’s

arrival. He sees Sylvia approaching and sends a quick text

message on his phone before standing up.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 21.

CHRIS

(warm and enthusiastic)

Hi

SYLVIA

Hi. What are you doing?

CHRIS

Nothing

SYLVIA

It’s a Sunday before noon, what are

you doing?

CHRIS

Enjoying the day.

SYLVIA

Come on Chris; I know you; you’re

awake, dressed, and outside before

noon on a weekend. That’s my thing.

CHRIS

I was just--

SYLVIA

Don’t lie to me, I’m not in the

mood.

CHRIS

Okay fine. Everyone is up in your

room waiting for you to come back

because we thought it would be a

good idea to surprise you given the

recent events in your life. And

when I say we, I mean me, it was my

idea because you know I love

surprises. Then last night I

thought it might not actually be a

good time for a surprise because

it’s not exactly a happy time and

surprises are usually for happy

things like birthdays, puppies, or

pie--because, why not? But then, I

didn’t want to tell anyone I was

having second thoughts because I’d

already convinced them all to do

this and they were telling me what

a great person I was, so my clout

had risen which is my ideal life

status. So, I decided for the first

time in my life to keep a thought

to myself. And now you’re here, and

I just told you everything.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 22.

SYLVIA

(shocked but touched)

Wow! That’s really nice.

CHRIS

We don’t have to go if you don’t

want.

SYLVIA

No, let’s go. I want to.

CHRIS

Are you sure?

SYLVIA

Yes.

CHRIS

Let’s go

Sylvia and Chris walk to the building door.

SYLVIA

How did you get in my room?

CHRIS

Oh, Kevin took the master key from

the R.A. office.

14 INT. COLLEGE DORMITORY HALLWAY-LATE MORNING

Sylvia and Chris walk down a hallway of a college dormitory.

There are decorated bulletin boards and doors throughout the

hall as well as posters/flyers for different events and

groups.

SYLVIA

It’s not allowed

CHRIS

We know

SYLVIA

He can’t just take the master key.

That’s against the rules.

CHRIS

He knows.

SYLVIA

Does he though? We went through the

same training and I’d say one of

the top five takeaways was: the

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 23.

SYLVIA CONTINUEDmaster key is for lock-outs and

emergencies only, not personal use.

CHRIS

Yeah, Kevin told me not to tell you

about it. So, once we get in your

room--zip. Okay?

SYLVIA

Okay

CHRIS

And remember you’re very surprised.

You don’t suspect a thing. I just

bumped into you and decided to walk

you to your door like a true

gentlemen.

SYLVIA

A true gentlemen who didn’t offer

the carry anything.

CHRIS

Oh I can--

SYLVIA

Don’t bother

CHRIS

Remember, You’re very surprised!

Sylvia unlocks her door with her key and they walk inside.

15 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM-LATE MORNING

This is Sylvia’s dorm room. The furniture is standard and

basic, but the decorations make it unique and exciting. The

bed is made with a quilt and the room is very neat. Books

are stored all over the place, wherever they will fit. The

walls are adorned with posters, photographs, and all

varieties of unique decor. In the room, Sylvia’s friends:

KEVIN, AMY, CLAIRE, AND GAIL (all the same age as Chris and

Sylvia) shout surprise when Sylvia enters with Chris.

KEVIN/CHRIS/GAIL/CLAIRE/AMY

Surprise!

KEVIN

We love you!

CLAIRE

We made you cookies!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 24.

GAIL

Welcome back!

AMY

Welcome!

SYLVIA

Oh my gosh! You guys! This is so

nice! Chris told me you were all up

here.

CHRIS

Wha--?

CLAIRE

I knew you couldn’t handle it.

CHRIS

Amy was putting unnecessary

pressure on me!

AMY

No I wasn’t. I’m the reason you’re

awake for this.

CHRIS

You called me in the middle of the

night!

AMY

I called you at 10 o’clock this

morning.

CHRIS

I need my beauty rest.

AMY

Please

CHRIS

How do you think I’ve looked this

good for this long?

GAIL

Definitely not because of your

attitude.

Claire high-fives Gail

CLAIRE

Oh Yes!

KEVIN

(to Chris)

You walked into that one man.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 25.

SYLVIA

Speaking of walking into things,

Kevin. You can’t just walk into the

R.A. office and take the master key

for personal use.

KEVIN

Chris! I told you that in

confidence!

CLAIRE

I wish I’d brought popcorn

CHRIS

What is happening?

SYLVIA

Kevin!

KEVIN

What?

SYLVIA

That is in violation of procedure,

policy, and protocol.

KEVIN

Those are three words that all mean

the same thing.

SYLVIA

Not in this context.

KEVIN

What context is this?

SYLVIA

They’re three separate sections of

the handbook!

KEVIN

Are you going to report me?

SYLVIA

No. But the next time we do rounds

we’re switching. Which means you’re

taking evens; which means you have

to go the 12th floor; which means,

you will have to go to room 12C.

KEVIN

No!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 26.

SYLVIA

Yes!

AMY

What’s going on in room 12C?

KEVIN

I’m afraid we cannot share that

information at this time.

GAIL

What are you bound by the rules of

the Geneva Convention?

KEVIN

Not really...

SYLVIA

Yet, kind of...

16 INT. MARGOT’S APARTMENT-SYLVIA’S BEDROOM-LATE MORNING

Margot stands in the doorway of Sylvia’s bedroom looking in

at all of the unpacked boxes and bins. She walks into the

room and looks around, Sid and Eliza follow. She casually

opens a box, but walks away to another pile in the room.

Eliza jumps in the box. Sid follows Margot around the room

as she starts unpacking boxes. She opens another box and

removes a couple of throw pillows.

MARGOT

(to Sid)

Need a nap? Or a throne?

Margot tosses the pillows onto the bed, Sid jumps on the bed

and sits with the pillows.

MARGOT (CONT’D)

(to Sid)

Enjoy!

Margot pulls some blankets out of a box. She then reaches in

and pulls out an old Teddy Bear that has physically seen

better days, but still has sparkle. This bear has been

patched and re-stuffed countless times. It has red fabric on

the bottom of its feet and hands (paws). Somehow, this red

fabric is the only untarnished part of the bear. Margot

holds the bear and then hears a purr from another box. She

walks to the box and pulls Eliza, who has gotten stuck, out

of a box. Margot sits down on a bench at the foot of the bed

holding the bear and sitting with Sid and Eliza. She looks

around the room, it’s overwhelming and she quickly exists

the room.

27.

FADE OUT

17 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM-AFTERNOON

Sylvia, Chris, Kevin, Gail, Amy, and Claire are scattered

around Sylvia’s dorm room reading and studying. They eat

snacks and their backpacks are scattered around the room.

Claire is hugging one of Sylvia’s pillows.

SYLVIA

You know Claire if that pillow ends

up fused to your body, it’s okay,

you can just give me one of yours

CLAIRE

That’s okay, I’m fine here. I’m

never leaving the supple crevases

of this hypo-allergenic pillow.

GAIL

You know, I’m not the jealous type,

but even I’m starting to question

our relationship.

CLAIRE

Sorry. I didn’t sleep well last

night

SYLVIA

Me neither

CHRIS

I too was awakened--

AMY

Let it go!

KEVIN

I slept great

SYLVIA

No one asked you.

KEVIN

That was very Emily Blunt of you

SYLVIA

Kevin, we’ve been over your use of

puns what 2, 3, 46 dozen times and

the conclusion is always...?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 28.

AMY

You should stop with the puns.

KEVIN

I think that was for me to answer.

SYLVIA

No, that was for Amy.

AMY

It was, I could feel it.

KEVIN

You can feel when someone wants you

to finish their sentence?

AMY

When it relates to bad puns, yes.

KEVIN

Impressive

AMY

Thank you. You’re still bad at

puns.

CHRIS

Maybe there just aren’t good puns.

SYLVIA

Of course there are good puns.

CHRIS

This is coming from two people

who’ve cringed at nearly every pun

Kevin’s ever made.

CLAIRE

That’s because they’re bad puns!

KEVIN

Oh now you’re an expert on puns

too...?

CLAIRE

Yes. I am.

GAIL

She is. In her free time, when

she’s not playing tennis, she’s

mastering the art of puns.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 29.

CLAIRE

(to Gail)

Thank you.

GAIL

No problem

KEVIN

I can’t win.

CHRIS

Please. Can someone answer my

question? It’s just a simple

request!

AMY

Like the time you requested I help

you carry a bag of books to the

train, and then we ended up at your

aunt and uncle’s house in

Pennsylvania? That type of simple

request...

Chris glares at Amy with friendly annoyance.

SYLVIA

(to Chris)

What do you need to know?

CHRIS

Let’s pretend I’m a hobbit.

SYLVIA

You’re too tall.

CHRIS

That’s why we’re pretending.

SYLVIA

Okay, fine

CHRIS

So, I’m a hobbit and I’m walking on

a thing, and passing a place, and

digging, and fighting, and meeting

Ian McKellen...

CLAIRE

You might need to revisit those

books.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 30.

KEVIN

And those movies, and Ian

McKellen’s twitter.

CHRIS

Anyways, I’m hobbit, I’m on a

journey looking for puns. Where do

I find them?

SYLVIA

Sylvia picks up a pretzel and bites it.

The Larry Gelbart seasons of MASH

AMY

Agreed

CHRIS

You agree? You agree that the Larry

Gelbart seasons of MASH are sources

of good puns?

AMY

I do

CHRIS

As though "the Larry Gelbart

seasons of MASH" is a concept that

everyone just understands.

SYLVIA

Yes

CHRIS

That’s crazy. That’s ridiculous!

CLAIRE

Hey, do not mock the 4077,

heroes--every last one of them!

CHRIS

I’m not mocking the 4077

CLAIRE

Right...

KEVIN

You can’t just gave a conceptual

answer to a specific

question. That’s petty.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 31.

CLAIRE

It’s not petty. It’s efficient.

CHRIS

I want an example.

SYLVIA

What?

CHRIS

I want an example of a pun from

"the Larry Gelbart seasons of

MASH".

SYLVIA

I can’t

CHRIS

You can’t? Is that because you

don’t know an answer? You can’t

think of one! You can’t think of a

pun from "the Larry Gelbart seasons

of MASH", thus weakening your own

argument!

SYLVIA

No. I just have a lot of other

things on my mind right now, so my

knowledge of MASH might be tertiary

for the time being.

CHRIS

(sincere)

Oh, well I can’t argue with that.

Sylvia picks up a book and hands it to Amy

SYLVIA

Oh Amy, you left your LSAT practice

book here.

AMY

Oh thanks, I’ve been looking for

it.

SYLVIA

I read it. I learned a lot.

32.

18 INT. GRISTEDES- AFTERNOON

Margot stands in the produce section of Gristedes looking at

Carrots. A couple, DIANE and CALVIN, see Margot from down

the aisle and approach her.

DIANE

Margot

MARGOT

Hello

Margot hugs Diane and Calvin.

DIANE

Oh my gosh!

MARGOT

What?

DIANE

You--

CALVIN

Diane

DIANE

How are you?

MARGOT

Uh--

CALVIN

Diane--?

DIANE

(to Calvin)

What?

CALVIN

You can’t ask that.

Margot bites a carrot

MARGOT

(over it)

Ask what?

CALVIN

(to Diane)

You can’t just ask "how are you?"

to a person whose son was recently

crushed by a car.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 33.

DIANE

(to Calvin)

I think it’s better than just

announcing that someone’s son was

crushed by a car in front of them.

MARGOT

It’s alright, I’m just--

CALVIN

Well now we’ve done it twice.

DIANE

No we haven’t.

CALVIN

Yes we have.

DIANE

No we haven’t.

Margot just eats a carrot

CALVIN

We brought it up twice, but we did

it while trying not to bring it up

twice, but we brought it up twice.

DIANE

Well we should have prepared how we

going to bring up this subject.

CALVIN

How would we prepare when we didn’t

know we were going to run into her.

DIANE

Who?

CALVIN

Margot

MARGOT

Hi

DIANE

We should have discussed it.

CALVIN

But we didn’t

Margot continues to eat a carrot and nods along.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 34.

DIANE

(to Margot)

We’ve been very busy

CALVIN

So busy

MARGOT

Yeah, I think I’m going to go.

CALVIN

Don’t go

DIANE

We’ll go. We’re busy.

MARGOT

So you said

CALVIN

We’re so sorry we weren’t at the

funeral.

DIANE

We were busy.

CALVIN

We were

DIANE

We heard it was lovely.

MARGOT

(momentarily elated)

Really? Who told you?

Diane and Calvin look at each other guiltily.

CALVIN

No one

DIANE

We made it up

MARGOT

Well, at least you tried to lie.

CALVIN

Sorry

DIANE

We’re going to go.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 35.

MARGOT

Okay

DIANE

Bye

Diane and Calvin leave. Margot stands holding carrots.

MARGOT

I’m just trying to buy carrots.

FADE OUT

19 INT. PIZZERIA- EVENING

Sylvia stands in a pizzeria waiting for her food. A young

man, ALEX, approaches her casually.

ALEX

Hey....hey...hello....

Sylvia does not respond.

ALEX (CONT’D)

I’m Alex...are you deaf?

SYLVIA

Are you rude? Oh wait I’ll answer

that for you: yes, you’re rude.

ALEX

Sorry

SYLVIA

Don’t apologize to me, apologize to

Helen Keller.

ALEX

Why?

SYLVIA

I’m not explaining that to you. I

will tell you, Helen Keller’s dead,

so you’ll have to go the Nationak

Cathedral to offer your apology.

ALEX

Okay, I don’t know--

SYLVIA

You didn’t know she was buried

there? Well thank goodness I was

here to tell you.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 36.

ALEX

What else are you going to tell me?

SYLVIA

Nothing, because I’m going to leave

very soon.

ALEX

Where are you going?

SYLVIA

No where

ALEX

But you’re leaving. You must be

going somewhere.

SYLVIA

I’m not in the mood for this. I’m

not answering you.

ALEX

Come on...

Sylvia doesn’t respond.

ALEX (CONT’D)

See this is where you’re supposed

to answer me, thus giving me the

upper hand in this situation.

Sylvia still doesn’t respond.

ALEX (CONT’D) CONTINUED

That’s how it usually works.

(Pause)

It’s cute. It’s funny. It’s

charming.

Sylvia remains unresponsive to Alex

ALEX (CONT’D) CONTINUED

What happened to you today?

Sylvia’s pizza is ready, she grabs it and exits the pizzeria

leaving Alex behind.

ALEX (CONT’D) CONTINUED

Break us are tough. Not all men--

37.

20 EXT. STREET- EVENING- CONTINUOUS

Sylvia, exits the pizza place and starts walking down the

street. As she starts to take a bite of pizza, A MOM,

standing with her SON and DAD addresses Sylvia.

MOM

Excuse me...excuse me...Miss

Sylvia turns and looks at the woman.

DAD

Would you be able to take our

picture? Please.

SYLVIA

What?

MOM

Would you take our picture?

SYLVIA

Your picture, of all of you?

MOM

Yes, we’re from out of town.

SYLVIA

Uh huh

DAD

Yes, we just wanted one photograph

of the three of us Somewhere.

SYLVIA

Um...

SON

Please.

SYLVIA

Okay...sure...wait, I have pizza.

The Dad hands Sylvia his phone.

MOM

Oh don’t worry, we can hold.

SON

I’ll hold it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 38.

SYLVIA

But it’ll be in the picture.

DAD

That’s alright.

MOM

We like it. It’s very "New York".

SYLVIA

Uh huh

Sykvia hands her pizza to the Son.

SYLVIA (CONT’D)

Okay, let’s do this.

The family gathers close together. The boy drops the pizza

on the sidewalk. Sykvia looks shocked. The family looks

apologetic.

SON

Oops

MOM

Oh my gosh.

DAD

We’re so sorry.

SON

I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do

it. It was an accident.

SYLVIA

(To Son)

You just made a huge mistake with

your life! A huge mistake! And

maybe one day you’ll understand the

magnitude of this mistake. One

day...one day.

Sykvia hands the Dad his phone and Walks away down the

street. The family looks on as she walks away. Sykvia walks

down the street upset and exhausted.

21 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM- NIGHT

Sylvia sits on her bed in her pajamas (they’re the matching

traditional button down variety) reading a physics textbook.

She is a bit tense and on edge. The phone RINGS, she

answers.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 39.

SYLVIA

Hello

22 INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM- NIGHT

Margot sits on her bed in her pajamas (also the matching

traditional button down variety).

MARGOT

Hello, I just wanted to see how you

were since the last time I saw you,

you know 12 hours ago.

INTERCUT--PHONE CONVERSATION

SYLVIA

Oh. Well, my friends surprised me

by breaking into my room, which is

against the rules, but it was a

very nice gesture and I appreciated

it; then, we studied for a while

and argued about puns. Then I went

to get pizza where I encountered a

man, whom I will describe as the

personification of raccoon vomit.

He treated me the way I imagine a

lounge singer might treat a martini

glass on a low rent cruise ship,

but my knowledge of the high seas

is limited to that one chapter of

Brideshead Revisited, so my

analysis may be flawed. After that,

a nice family asked me to take

their picture, and then I yelled at

their the kid.

MARGOT

I tried to unpack some of those

boxes, but it was upsetting; so I

went to the grocery store where I

ran into Diane and Calvin, whom as

you can imagine were their usual

"you should feel so honored we took

time away from looking at ourselves

in the mirror to talk about you,

not to you, right in front of you"

selves. Then I paid for the carrots

I ate while they were talking. I

ate dinner. I took Sid for a long

walk, and had to carry him home

because he thinks any walk over 10

blocks might as well be that big

spiritual journey across Spain. I

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 40.

MARGOT CONTINUEDwatched the pilot of Cheers again,

no Frasier, but Coach was there--I

really miss him. And now I’m

talking to you.

SYLVIA

Okay.

(thinking)

Coach really is an American

treasure

MARGOT

I know. What a guy!

SYLVIA

Everything I know about Albania I

learned from him.

MARGOT

Every time I see chrome I think of

him. And then I think about Sid,

because he’s afraid of chrome.

SYLVIA

His vanity really gets the best of

him at times.

MARGOT

Chrome is too foggy to see himself

clearly.

SYLVIA

At least he has a great

personality.

MARGOT

He does, and he knows it. I’m so

proud.

SYLVIA

Speaking of vanity, why are you

friends with Calvin and Diane?

MARGOT

I don’t know.

SYLVIA

Do you even like them?

MARGOT

I don’t know.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 41.

SYLVIA

What are the odds of us coming to

any sort of conclusion about this?

MARGOT

I don’t know.

SYLVIA

Then we’ll skip it.

MARGOT

Good. Do I need to put some lech in

a headlock for you?

SYLVIA

No. It’s handled.

MARGOT

Good, because that’s not really my

style. I prefer the eyebrow

take-down.

SYLVIA

It’s your specialty.

MARGOT

Well, it’s taken years of practice.

Don’t worry, you’ll get there.

SYLVIA

I can’t wait

MARGOT

Did you say you yelled at a kid?

SYLVIA

Yes

MARGOT

You yelled at a kid?

SYLVIA

I didn’t say it was my finest

moment.

MARGOT

What on earth are you yelling at a

kid about?

SYLVIA

He dropped my pizza.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 42.

MARGOT

Oh, that’s understandable

(pause)

Well, not really

(pause)

I get it. But don’t do that again.

SYLVIA

I won’t

MARGOT

Don’t worry about it. Kids these

days are too coddled anyway.

SYLVIA

Thank you. In my day if someone

called you a half blind rabies

infected wolf cub while playing

hopscotch, you just had to deal

with it.

MARGOT

(dryly)

I was just trying to make you feel

better about yourself...but I take

it back now.

SYLVIA

Thank you for your support.

MARGOT

You’re welcome. What are you doing

tomorrow?

SYLVIA

That’s a terrible segway.

MARGOT

I know. I wasn’t trying to make a

good segway.

SYLVIA

Oh, okay. I just know you love

transitional phrases.

MARGOT

I do love them, just not at this

time.

SYLVIA

Got it

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 43.

MARGOT

So, what are you doing tomorrow?

SYLVIA

Oh right. I have class, and a lab,

and then I have to work in the

other lab, and then I have studying

to do; I’ll probably eat at some

point, and then I think I’ll watch

Twin Peaks because it does amazing

things for my dreams.

MARGOT

Sounds like a plan.

SYLVIA

I hope so. You’re going to work

tomorrow?

MARGOT

Of course. I don’t have anything

else to do. I can’t go buy carrots

again, that was a disaster. I’m not

good at doing whatever it is people

do when they don’t work. What do

people do, walk down the street

wearing a coat, and look in store

windows? Or, you know eat lunch for

much longer than it takes to eat

lunch; going to the grocery store

when no one’s on line. Or, I’m sure

there are more, but I just don’t

know what they are.

SYLVIA

Yeah, go to work

MARGOT

(sincere)

It’ll be alright. I went right back

to work after your grandfather died

and it was fine.

SYLVIA

(sincere, but a bit timid)

Everything will be alright...I

think

MARGOT

I think too. We’ve done this

before.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 44.

SYLVIA

(with confidence)

We have.

MARGOT

Alright, we should go to bed.

SYLVIA

Okay. Good night.

MARGOT

(sudden realization)

You know the best puns are in the

Larry Gelbart seasons of MASH.

SYLVIA

Thank you!

MARGOT

Good night

SYLVIA

Wait! Have you seen Victoria?

MARGOT

Victoria?

SYLVIA

Yeah, I haven’t been able to find

her. I’ve looked everywhere. Maybe

she’s in one of those boxes.

Margot looks at Victoria the teddy bear, who is seated on

the bed next to her.

MARGOT

Uh, no I haven’t seen her. I’ll

look tomorrow.

SYLVIA

Okay, thanks. Good night.

MARGOT

Good night.

GOING TO BED MONTAGE

45.

23 INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM- NIGHT

Margot hangs up the phone and looks at Sylvia

MARGOT

(to Victoria)

Shhhhh--don’t tell

Margot gets under the covers and holds Victoria. Sid and

Eliza jump up on the bed, and Margot turns out the light.

She stares at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

24 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM-NIGHT

Sylvia hangs up the phone. She climbs under the covers,

takes off her glasses, and turns out the light. She shifts

around a lot in bed, unable to sleep

25 INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM- LATER

Margot sits up in bed with the light on. Sid and Eliza sleep

soundly. Margot starts reading next to Victoria the bear.

26 INT. SYLVIA’S DORM ROOM- LATER

Sylvia sits up in bed, reading. She stops reading, tries

blinking a few times to force sleep upon herself. It doesn’t

work. She keeps reading.

CUT TO BLACK