FINISHING WELL!

Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017

SESSION ONE: RUN LONG, FINISH WELL!

“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,

being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light”

(Col. 1:9-12).

VISION FOR A FRUITFUL MARRIED LIFE

Vision, defined: “a thought, concept, or object

formed by the imagination”

Fruitful, defined: “conducive to an abundant

yield, abundantly productive”

THREE HELPS . . .

• Your SHARED sense of

PURPOSE

• Your SHARED VALUES

• Your SHARED PICTURE of

Maturity

VISION = OPPOSITE OF A MEMORY

What is one of your

favorite memories as a

couple?

How do you picture it?

VISION = SEEING INTO THE FUTURE

How do you picture

yourselves down the road

as a couple?

What are some key words

or images you could draw

upon to describe this

picture?

BIBLICAL PICTURE OF FRUITFULNESS (1)

Psalm 128: 1-4 (NIV)

“Blessed are all who fear the LORD,who walk in obedience to him.

2 You will eat the fruit of your labor;blessings and prosperity will be yours.

3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vinewithin your house;

your children will be like olive shootsaround your table.

4 Yes, this will be the blessingfor the man who fears the LORD.”

TWO OTHER BIBLICAL VISIONS OF

FRUITFULNESS IN MARRIED LIFE

Proverbs 31: 10 – 14

Ephesians 5: 21 - 33

YOUR VISION SHOULD BE . . .

Simple (something you can

picture or “see”)

Sharable (something you can

describe or share)

Meaningful (something you

would WANT to pay the price to

live out)

WAYS TO DESCRIBE YOUR VISION . . .

Put it into a statement –

Put it into a symbol –

Put it into a photo or a picture –

Other (put it into a song, a poem, etc)

NEXT . . .

Tie it to God’s Word

Tie it to God’s plan

Tie it to God’s

mission

ROBIN AND ME

VISION DESCRIPTION

• Same roots in God’s Word and

God’s Son

• Our opposites make us stronger

• Fruit = children and

grandchildren

• Flowers = our ministries and

vocations

FRUITFUL TO THE END

Spiritually

Emotionally

Intimately

Financially

Vocationally / Ministry

Family Life

“We have lived a good life with God”

YOUR VISION PROJECT . . .

ASK YOURSELVES . . .

What are our greatest strengths?

What are our greatest gifts?

What makes us “US”?

What might our children or others admire about us as a couple?

What is one of the best things we have ever pulled off as a couple (and how did we do it)?

How has our marriage changed me for the better? How has it changed my spouse?

What is our marital superpower?

When did we recognize God’s call to come together as a couple?

I BROUGHT . . .

T- shirts:

($15 ea) CDs

($5 ea)

How Healed?

($10 ea) coming

soon…

FINISHING WELL!SESSION TWO: GROWING THROUGH CRISIS, PART ONE

Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017

SESSION TWO – GROWING THROUGH CRISIS

A crisis can begin as a HINDRANCE to our

quest to run long and finish well – but it

may be possible for it to be turned to a

HELP, instead!

WHAT IS A CRISIS?

“a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or

danger.”

“a time when a difficult or important

decision must be made.”

“the turning point of a disease when an

important change takes place, indicating

either recovery or death”

WHAT IS A MARITAL CRISIS?

A marital crisis occurs when a couple

encounters an unusually high level of stress or

conflict.

The relationship becomes submerged in:

* Anger * Resentment * Distrust

* Dissatisfaction * Pain * Hopelessness

A PATTERN OF NEGATIVITY

BECOMES ESTABLISHED

Attempts to resolve disintegrate into either withdrawal and disengagement or destructive escalation of conflict.

Outside help is needed inasmuch things become “stuck” or go into full reversal.

COMMON TYPES OF COUPLE CRISIS

An emotional or sexual affair

Compulsive use of pornography

Alcohol or substance abuse

Unemployment

Health problems or injury

Financial mismanagement, compulsive shopping, gambling

Spiritual crisis

Negative influence of in-laws or family members

Mental health crisis

Crisis involving children (including infertility)

HOW CRISIS WORKS . . .

2 Types: SUDDEN ONSET or SLOW-

BURNING

Key Factor = UNMANAGEABLE

JOB ONE becomes Manageability

INEFFECTIVE CRISIS MANAGEMENT

Denial

Avoidance

Rage

Blaming

Total Withdrawal

Religiosity (versus emotionally healthy

spirituality

EFFECTIVE CRISIS MANAGEMENT

Joining forces

Facing facts

Communicating needs and solutions

Getting Help Via –

- Increasing Spiritual Resources

- Confession of Faults, Sins & True Repentance

- Making a plan, adopting a strategy

- Learning about the crisis and how to best address it

GOD’S PLAN = GROW FROM CRISIS!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and

sisters, whenever you face trials of

many kinds, because you know that

the testing of your faith produces

perseverance. Let perseverance finish

its work so that you may be mature

and complete, not lacking anything”

(James 1: 2-4).

POTENTIAL FOR GROWTH

Important decisions are finally made and adopted

Habits change for the better

New spiritual growth is fueled

Increase in openness, honesty between partners and between partners and other trusted friends, family, Christian companions, etc.

Resources are found and implemented including medications, counseling, recovery, discipleship/mentoring, and the like address the whole person, the whole couple, and the whole crisis

EXAMPLE: THE “SMITHS”

WHERE IS GOD IN CRISIS?

With You!

“When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…”

(Isaiah 42: 2, 3)

SINGLE BIGGEST ASSETS

God’s Presence

God’s Commitment

God’s Understanding of What You Need

Plus…

Courage Complete Honesty Time

Other Healthy Couples Learning

Humility – Including a Willingness to Truly Change

A Desire to Glorify God

Faith Safe Places, Healing Environments Your Marriage Vows

NOTABLE HINDRANCES TO GROWTH

* Cheerleaders who won’t tell you the truth

* “God’s Little Helpers” who will give you advice but not walk the road with you

* Worldly Thinking

* Phony Forgiveness

* Phony Repentance

* Bitterness

* Failure to address the Whole Person / Whole Marriage

* Demanding, Forcing, or Pitiful Begging

GOD’S PROMISES!

Comfort, Presence, Wisdom, Strength,

Redemption, Healing

LETTING JESUS BE THE HERO OF OUR

STORY

TEAMING

“Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”

(Eccl. 4: 9-12)

DIALOGUING WITH CRISIS

Where is God present in this mega-challenge?

What does He want me to hear from Him at this time?

Who can help me / us navigate these waters?

How can I turn my spouse into a teammate in overcoming the crisis?

How does Satan hope to use these troubles to undermine God’s work in our lives? How can we team to defeat his dark intentions?

How can I / We actually grow from this crisis?

DON’T JUST WALK WITH CRISIS, WALK WITH

GOD – AND EACH OTHER – THROUGH CRISIS

“Let us not become

weary in doing good, for

at the proper time we will

reap a harvest if we do

not give up” (Galatians 6: 9).