FORMYFAMILY,FRIENDS,COWORKERS,AND

ESPECIALLYTHEONEWHOBECAMEALLTHREE.

TODAY’SAGENDA

OPENINGREMARKSLETMETELLYOUWHATI’MGOINGTOTELLYOU

BEFOREITELLYOUAGAIN

PARTONE:SETTINGTHESTAGE

1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK:EnteringtheRoom2. GENERALMEETINGS:10KeyStrategies

forAppearingSmart3. WHITEBOARDTACTICS:21MeaninglessDiagrams

YouCanDraw4. ONE-ON-ONE:HowtoConvinceYour

CoworkerYouCare5. EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCEPLAN:WhattoDo

withYourFace6. CONFERENCECALLS:HowtoSoundSmartoverthePhone7. GOINGGLOBAL:HowtoAppearSmartinMeetings

aroundtheWorld

PARTTWO:CORECONVERSATION

1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK:OwningtheRoom2. TEAMMEETINGS:HowtoManageOpticsLikeaBoss3. LEANINGALLTHEWAYIN:AttendingMeetings

inaMale-DominatedWorkplace4. IMPROMPTUMEETINGS:HowtoHandleMeeting

SneakAttacksLikeaNinja5. HOWTOMAKEYOURMEETINGSEEMLESSLIKEAMEETING

EVENTHOUGHIT’STOTALLYAMEETING6. PRESENTATIONS:HowtoNailtheBigPitchby

NotSayingMuchofAnything7. MEETINGSPEAKCHEATSHEET:DecipheringWhat

EveryoneIsSaying8. BRAINSTORMINGMEETINGS:HowtoBePerceived

astheCreativeForceonYourTeam

PARTTHREE:NEXTSTEPS

1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK:LeavingtheRoom2. NETWORKINGEVENTS:HowtoBuildRelationships

withPeopleYou’llNeverSeeAgain3. WHATTODOWITHYOURHANDS

DURINGANETWORKINGEVENT4. TEAMBUILDINGOFFSITES:JoiningtheCorporate

CultureClub5. FAMOUSMEETINGSTHROUGHHISTORY6. ADVANCEDMEETINGPOWERMOVES

TOGETYOUPROMOTED(ORFIRED)7. BUSINESSDINNERS:HowtoAppearSmart

inForcedSocialSituations

FOLLOW-UP8. INBETWEENMEETINGS:DowntimeIsYourTimetoShine

OPENINGREMARKS

LETMETELLYOU

WHATI’MGOINGTOTELLYOU

BEFOREITELLYOUAGAIN

Likeeveryone,appearingsmartinmeetingsismytoppriority.Sometimesthiscanbedifficultifyoustartdaydreamingaboutyournextvacation,yournextnap,orbacon.Whenthishappens,it’sgoodtohavesomefallbacktrickstofallbackon.Thisbookwillgiveyou100fallbacktrickstofallbackon.Bylearning,internalizing,andactionizingallofthestrategieshere,you’llbe

wellonyourwaytobecomingamajorplayeratyourcompanywithoutevenknowingwhatthatmeans.

CanIaskyouaquickquestion?Doyouattendmeetings?Doyouwanttogetaheadinyourcareer?Doyouenjoyansweringpointlessrhetoricalquestions?Didyoubuythisbookforyouorforsomeoneelse?

Thenthisbookisforyou.Orforsomeoneelse.

WHYMEETINGS?SERIOUSLY,WHY?

Thereareanumberofreasons.Wegotomeetingsto“collaborate,”share“information,”provetoeveryoneour“job”isn’t“useless,”andmostlybecausewecouldn’tcomeupwithagoodexcuseintime.It’sestimatedthatwespend75percentofourwakinglivesinmeetings,

holding11millionofthemannually.Butmorethanathirdofthosemeetingsarespentplanninganothermeeting,whileanothersixtharespentaskingsomeoneto

repeatwhatshejustsaidbecauseIwasn’tpayingattention,whilestillanotherthree-sixthsreallyshouldhavebeenane-mail.Noonepaysattentioninmeetings.So,togetahead,youneedtonotpay

attentionbetterthaneveryoneelse.Thefactismeetingsareoneofthefewopportunitiesyouhavetoshowyourleadershippotential,softskills,andanalyticalcreativethinkingbrainabilities.Thesmarteryouappear,themoremeetingsyou’llbeinvitedto,themore

opportunitiesyou’llhavetoappearsmart,andthesooneryou’llbespinninginachairwhilestaringattheceilingandwhistling,liketheCEOalwaysdoes.

WHEREDIDTHISBOOKCOMEFROM?

Iwrotethisbookbecausesomeonepaidmeto.ButIalsowroteitbecauseIhadadeadline.Ibeganjottingdownmeetingtricksinthesummerof2007whileworkingfor

Yahoo!,asIobservedthemfirsthandinmeetingswithDirectors,VPs,SeniorVPs,andSeniorVPDirectors.SevenyearslaterIbecameamanageratGoogleandgotinvitedtoevenmoremeetingsthanIeverhadbefore.HowdidIachievesuchanintensetrajectoryoverthecourseofmyluminouscareer?Iwenttomeetings,andIlookeddamnsmartinthem.

TIMESPENTINMEETINGSSource:TheCooperReview.com

WHAT’SINTHISBOOK?

I’llbedivingdeep,deeperthananydeepdiveyoucouldimagine,intoeverykindofmeeting,fromone-on-onestopresentations,showingyousimplewaystonailyourmeetinggamenomatterwhatthesituation.Thenwe’llsyncuponhowyoucanlooklikeyou’resyncingupoutsideyournormalworkenvironmentandevenwhattodowhenyou’renotinameeting.Andwewon’tskipthethorny,complicatedmechanics—likewhattodowithyourface.

Thisbookwillgiveyouthetactics,methods,andothersynonymsfor“strategy”thatyouneedtopushyourcareerbeyondyourwildestdreamsbutwithouteverhavingtoapplyyourself.

TOCLOSEWITHAMOTIVATIONALSUMMARY

Perceptionisreality.IbelieveitwasChristopherColumbuswhosaidthat.Andhewasright.I’vepouredeverythingIpretendtoknowintothesepages,andIsincerelyhopethesetricksdoforyourcareerwhattheydidformine.*

*Iamnowonpermanenthiatus.

CAREERPOSSIBILITIESSource:TheCooperReview.com

HOWTOREADTHISBOOK

PARTONE

SETTINGTHESTAGE

1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK2. GENERALMEETINGS3. WHITEBOARDTACTICS4. ONE-ON-ONE5. EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCEPLAN6. CONFERENCECALLS7. GOINGGLOBAL

CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK

ENTERINGTHEROOM

Duringmeetings,whereyousit,stand,lean,orcrouchmaymeanthedifferencebetweenbeingperceivedasafuturevicepresidentorafutureseniorvicepresident.Followthissampleplay-by-playtoentertheroomliterallyreekingofintelligence.

1. Entertheroom;askifanyoneneedsanything.(SeeTrick#61)2. Leavetheroom,getsomecoffee,gotothebathroom,

takeyourtime.3. Returnbringingwaterandsnacks,evenifnooneaskedforany.4. Sitnearthemeetingleader,soitlookslikeyou’reco-runningthemeeting.

(SeeTrick#33)5. Writeafewkeywordsuponthewhiteboard.(SeeWhiteboardTactics)6. Makeeyecontactwithyournemesis.7. Leanbackandlookupattheceilingwhileclaspingyourhandsbehindyour

head,asifyou’redeeplyconsideringsomething.

GENERALMEETINGS

10KEYSTRATEGIES

FORAPPEARINGSMARTGeneralmeetingsgenerallyfallintooneofthreecategories:painful,useless,orsoul-crushing.Butnomatterwhichofthesetypesofmeetingsyoufindyourselfin,youcanbesurethatoneofthese10trickswillmakeyouappearsmart.

DrawaVenndiagram

GettingupanddrawingaVenndiagramisagreatwaytoappearsmart.Itdoesn’tmatterifyourVenndiagramiswildlyinaccurate;infact,themoreinaccurate,thebetter.Evenbeforeyou’veputthatmarkerdown,yourcolleagueswillbeginfightingaboutwhatthelabelsshouldbeandhowbigthecirclesshouldbe.Atthispoint,youcanslinkbacktoyourchairandgobacktoplayingCandyCrush.

Translatepercentagemetricsintofractions

Ifsomeonesays,“About25percentofallusersclickonthisbutton,”jumpinwith,“Soaboutoneinfour,”andmakeanoteofit.Everyonewillnodtheirheadsinagreement,secretlyimpressedandenviousofyourquickmathskills.

Encourageeveryoneto“takeastepback”

Therecomesapointinmostmeetingswhereeveryoneischimingin,exceptyou.Thisisagreatpointtogo,“Guys,guys,guys,canwetakeastepbackhere?”Everyonewillturntheirheadstowardyou,amazedatyourabilitytosilencethefray.Followitupwithaquick,“Whatproblemarewereallytryingtosolve?”and,boom!You’veboughtyourselfanotherhouroflookingsmart.

Nodcontinuouslywhilepretendingtotakenotes

Alwaysbringanotepadwithyou.Yourrejectionoftechnologywillberevered.Takenotesbysimplywritingdownonewordfromeverysentencethatyouhear.Nodcontinuouslywhiledoingso.Ifsomeoneasksyouifyou’retakingnotes,quicklysaythattheseareyourpersonalnotesandthatsomeoneelseshouldreallybekeepingarecordofthemeeting.

Repeatthelastthingtheengineersaidbutvery,veryslowly

Makeamentalnoteoftheengineerintheroom.Rememberhisname.He’llbequietthroughoutmostofthemeeting,butwhenhismomentcomes,everythingoutofhismouthwillspringfromaplaceofunknowablebrilliance.Afterheuttersthesedivinewords,followupwith,“Letmejustrepeatthat,”andrepeatexactlywhathejustsaid,butvery,veryslowly.Now,peoplewilllookbackonthemeetingandmistakenlyattributetheintelligentstatementtoyou.

Ask“Willthisscale?”nomatterwhatitis

It’simportanttofindoutwhetherthingswillscalenomatterwhatitisyou’rediscussing.Nooneevenreallyknowswhatthatmeans,butit’sagoodcatchallquestionthatgenerallyappliesanddrivesengineersnuts.

Pacearoundtheroom

Wheneversomeonegetsupfromthetableandwalksaround,don’tyouimmediatelyrespecthim?IknowIdo.Ittakesalotofguts,butonceyoudoit,youimmediatelyappearsmart.Walkaround.Gotothecornerandleanagainstthewall.Takeadeep,contemplativesigh.Trustme,everyonewillbeshittingtheirpantswonderingwhatyou’rethinking.Ifonlytheyknew(bacon).

Askthepresentertogobackaslide

“Sorry,couldyougobackaslide?”They’rethesevenwordsnopresenterwantstohear.Itdoesn’tmatterwhereinthepresentationyoushoutthisout;it’llimmediatelymakeyoulooklikeyou’repayingcloserattentionthaneveryoneelseis,becauseclearlytheymissedthethingthatyou’reabouttobrilliantlypointout.Don’thaveanythingtopointout?Juststaresilentlyforseveralseconds,thensay,“OK,let’smoveon.”

Stepoutforanimportantphonecall

You’reprobablyafraidtostepoutoftheroombecauseyoufearpeoplewillthinkyouaren’tmakingthemeetingapriority.Interestingly,however,ifyoustepoutofameetingforan“important”phonecall,they’llallrealizejusthowbusyandimportantyouare.They’llsay,“Wow,thismeetingisimportant,soifhehassomethingevenmoreimportantthanthis,well,webetternotbotherhim.”

Makefunofyourself

Ifsomeoneaskswhatyouthinkandyouhonestlydidn’thearasinglewordanyonesaidforthelasthour,justsay,“Ihonestlydidn’thearasinglewordanyonesaidforthelasthour.”Peopleloveself-deprecatinghumor.Saythingslike,“Maybewecanjustusethelawyersfrommydivorce,”or“God,IwishIwasdead.”They’lllaugh,valueyourhonesty,considercontactingHR,but,mostimportantly,thinkyou’rethesmartest-lookingpersonintheroom.

WHITEBOARDTACTICS

21MEANINGLESS

DIAGRAMSYOUCANDRAWItcanbeincrediblyintimidatingtogouptothewhiteboardanddrawsomethingduringameeting—everyoneisgluedtotheirseatsinanxiety-riddenfearofmoving.Andthat’spreciselywhyit’soneoftheeasiestthingsyoucandotoappearsmart.Simplybeingupthereincreasesyourperceivedleadershippotentialbyathousandpercent.Butwhatshouldyoudraw?Itdoesn’tmatter.Youcouldgetupthereanddrawabunchofarrowspointingtoyourbuttandyou’dstillseemprettydarnsmart.Butifyouwantsomemoreideas,tryoneofthesemeaninglessdiagrams.

1.Writetheword“vision”withacirclearoundit.Remindeveryonethateverythingwedomustrevolvearoundourvision.

2.Drawatriangleandanarrowpointingtoit.Ask,“Arewefocusingontherightthings?”

3.Drawaweird-lookingbucketandcallitafunnel.Say,“Weneedtodeterminethebestpathforoptimumcustomeracquisition.”

4.Drawahorizontallineandthenaverticallinerightthroughit.Addsomelettersorcheckmarks.Askifwe’remeetingallourrequirements.

5.Drawabunchofboxesconnectedbylines.Bigboxesatthetopareimportantpeople,andsmallboxesatthebottomaren’t.Ask,“What’sthehierarchywe’retryingtoestablish?”andyou’lllooklikeabigbox.

6.Drawalinefromnowtolaunch,withdashesthatrepresentmilestones.Thiswillmakepeoplethinkyouknowhowprojectplanswork.

7.Write“backend”and“frontend”withanarrowconnectingthem.Saywejustneedtohookupthebackendtothefrontend.You’llseemverytechnical.

8.Drawapizzawithaquestionmarkinsideit.Sayeachprojecthasdifferentpiecesandweneedtofindoutwhicharethebigpiecesandwhicharethesmallpieces.

9.DrawanX-andY-axis,thendrawalinethatlookslikeahockeystickline.Circletheelbowinthehockeystickandask,what’sgoingtogetustohockeystickgrowth?What’sgoingtomovetheneedle10x?

10.Writeoneword,suchas“strategy,”“goal,”or“actionplan,”inbiglettersandwithadoubleunderline.Thenjustsitdown.Yourteamwillknowyoumeanbusiness.

11.Drawafewstickfiguresandsayweneedtotalkaboutourcustomers.Circleoneofthemandsay,“ThisisLucy.Lucy’samom.WhatdoesLucywant?Whocares.Whatdowewant?That’satrick.WhatdoesLucywant?”

12.Drawabunchofcirclesandsomerandomthingslike“money,”“data,”or“hotdogs.”Connecteachthingwithsomelinesandaskeveryoneifwecanjustconnectthedotshere,likeyoujustdid.

13.Drawalinewithtwoarrowsoneitherend.Walktooneendandsayoneword,thenwalktotheotherendandsaytheoppositeofthatword.Thenasktheteamwheretheythinkweshouldbe.

14.Drawaboxwithanarrowpointingoutsidethebox.Saywedon’twanttobeinsidethebox.

15.Drawacloud.Say,“Let’stalkbluesky,”orask,“Whataboutthecloud?”Eitheronewillmakeyouseemlikeakeydriverofinnovation.

16.Writetheword“roadmap”withasquarearoundit.Askyourcoworkers,“What’sourroadmap?”Thiswillmakeitseemlikeyoucareaboutaccomplishinggoals.

17.DrawthreecolumnslabeledA,B,andC.Asktheteamtoseparateourdiscussionintostreamsofthought.Thensitbackdownandletsomeoneelsedoit.

18.Writetheword“ideas”withasquigglylinearoundit.Thisshowsyoureallywanttohearideas,whilethesquigglylineshowshoworganicyourprocessis.

19.DrawalinewithAononeendandBontheother.Ask,“WhatwillgetusfrompointAtopointB?”Yourcoworkerswillappreciateyousimplifyingthesolutionlikethis.

20.Drawa1,2,3witharrowsbetweenthem.Askabouteachstepweneedtotakeandwhatthosestepsare.Thenjustwritewhateverpeoplethrowoutthere.

21.Drawatrianglewithquestionmarksateachangle.Saythatanygreatstrategyhasthreestrongcornerstones.Ask,“Whatareourcornerstones?”

ONE-ON-ONE

HOWTOCONVINCEYOUR

COWORKERYOUCARETheotherday,mycoworkerconfidedinmeabouthowhewasfeelingorsomething.TobehonestIhavenoideawhathewastalkingabout.Thepointis,listeningtoyourcoworkersishard.Andifyou’retheonlyotherpersonintheroom,yourabilitytoseemfullycommitted,deeplyengaged,andknowledgeablebeyondanyone’swildestexpectationswillbeunderamicroscope.Hereare10trickstogaintherespectofyourcoworkerwhilesimultaneouslymakingsureheneverrealizeshowlittleyouwanttobeinthisroomwithhimrightnow.

Sendalast-minuteinstantmessageaskingifthemeetingisstillnecessary

Sendamessagetoyourcoworkerrightbeforethemeetingandaskifthemeetingisstillnecessary.Sayyouwanttobecognizantofeachother’stimeandmakesurethereisn’tsomethingmorevaluableyoucouldbothbedoingforthecompany.Yourcoworkerwillbeimpressedbyhowmuchyourespecthertime.She’llalsolikelycancelthemeetingtoavoidtheburdenofcomingupwithsomethingimportanttodiscuss,leavingyouwithanafternoonfreetoleavelengthycommentsonrandomYouTubevideos.

Sayyou’rejustwrappingsomethingup

Gettothemeetingearlyandstartreadinge-mail.Whenyourcoworkerarrives,he’llgetthesensethathe’scomingintoyouroffice.Aftergreetinghimwarmly,sayyou’rejustwrappingsomethingupandaskhimtowaitaminute.Forextrapoints,askhimtowaitoutsidetheroom.Thisputsyouinapositionofpoweroveryourcoworkerthathe’lllikelybeunabletoovercome,nomatterwhathethrowsatyou.

Sayyoudon’thaveanagenda

Forweeklymeetings,putyourcoworkerateasebysayingyoudon’thaveanythinginparticulartotalkabout.Nothavinganagendamakesyouseemfriendlyandapproachable.Then,putthepressureonhimtocomeupwithsomethingtotalkaboutandgetannoyedifhedoesn’thaveanything.Suggestendingearly.Ifthishashappenedmorethanafewweeksinarow,suggestcancelingthemeetingaltogether.

Reacttoeverythingasifyoualreadyknewthat

Reacttowhatyourcoworkerissayingasifeverythinghe’ssayingisprettyobvious.Cuthimoffwithphraseslike,“right,”“sure,”“right,ofcourse,”“well,everyoneknowsthat,”or“duh.”

Suggesta“walking”meeting

Ifyourcoworkerwantstochatwithyou,it’salwaysgreattosuggesta“walking”meeting.Sayyouenjoywalkingmeetingsbecausetheyclearyourmind,justliketheydidforSteveJobs.

Whenyourcoworkerbringsupanissue,askforanexample

Whenyourcoworkerbringsupanissuehe’shaving,askforaspecificexample.Thenaskforamorespecificexample.Thensayyoureallyneedmorethanoneexampletoestablishapattern.Thensuggestdiscussingitnexttime,whenhehasmoreexamples.

WHATAREWEDOINGINONE-ON-ONES?Source:TheCooperReview.com

Makeanobviousstatementthatcan’tberefuted

Gettingyourcoworkertoagreewitheverythingyousayisagreatwaytoappearsmart.Andthebestwaytodothatis tosaysomethinghereallycan’tdisagreewith.Somegreatstatementsare:

Itiswhatitis.Weneedtobesmartaboutthis.Weshouldfocusonthepriorities.Wehavetochoosetherightchoices.Let’sdealonlyinfactsandopinions.

Sayeverythingyoudiscussisconfidential

Askyourcoworkertokeepeverythingyousayconfidential,evenifit’sallcommonknowledge.Thiswillmakeeverythingyousayseemextraimportant.Itwillalsomakeitmorelikelyforyourcoworkertosharesomethingwithyouthatsheshouldn’t,whichyoucanuseagainstherlater.

Sharean“objective”opinion

Allopinionsaresubjective,excepttheonesyouexplicitlylabelasobjective.Ifyoustartasentencewith,“Objectivelyspeaking,”anythingyousayafterwardmustbe100percentcorrectineverycontextandallcircumstancesnomatterwhatyourcoworkerthinks.Objectivelyspeaking,thisishowyoushouldstartallyoursentences.

Haveameta-conversationaboutthemeeting

Beveryconcernedaboutmakingsurethemeetingwashelpful,useful,andhelpful.Askhowthemeetingcouldbebetter,thensayyou’lltrythatfornexttimebutthendon’t.

EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE

PLAN

WHATTODO

WITHYOURFACEIt’simportanttomakefacesinyourmeeting.Makingtherightfaceattherighttimewillsetyouapartandcreatetheillusionthatyouactuallyunderstandwhat’sbeingdiscussed.Butsometimesit’shardtocomeupwiththerightfacetomakeornewfacestomakethatyouhaven’talreadymadehundredsoftimes.Ifyoufindyourselfinthatsituation,tryoneofthesefaces.

1.Furrowyourbrowandtiltyourhead.Thisfacesays,“Thatideasoundsfamiliar.Oh,yeah,becauseyoustoleitfromourcompetitor.”

2.Pointyourchindownandpurseyourlips.Thisfacesays,“Iloveitwhenyoutellmehowtodomyjob.”

3.Raiseyoureyebrowsandsmile.Thisfacesays,“Someonebroughtcupcakes??”

4.Looktired.Thisfacesays,“Whothehellkeepsschedulingmeetingsfor8a.m.?”

5.Squintyoureyesandfrownslightly.Thisfacesays,“Didyoujustoffermeplaintapwater?”

6.Smileslyly.Thisfacesays,“Yes,Iamstillworkingonthat.”

7.Closeyoureyes.Thisfacesays,“I’mlisteningveryintently,Iswear.”

8.Putyourchinonyourfist.Thisfacesays,“That’saninterestingperspective,Nathan;tellmemore.”

9.Raiseyoureyebrowsandpoint.Thisfacesays,“Oh,right!Wedidforgettodocumentthatdecision.”

10.Smilewidely.Thisfacesays,“Greatspeech,boss.”

11.Lookexcited.Thisfacesays,“Hey!Almostbeerthirty!”

12.Smileandturnyourheadtotheside.Thisfacesays,“Didn’tIseeyouatthegymlastnight?”

13.Getablanklookonyourface.Thissays,“Worst.Idea.Ever.”

14.Lookaroundtheroom.Thisfacesays,“Isanyonewritingthisdown?”

15.Furrowyourbrowandsmile.Thisfacesays,“Scheduleanothermeetingtodiscussthis?Sure.”

16.Scrunchyournose.Thisfacesays,“Wasthatafart?”

17.Recoilwithfear.Thisfacesays,“Youjustwroteonthewhiteboardwithapermanentmarker.”

18.Takeanairofsuperiority.Thisfacesays,“Mymerepresenceaddsvaluetothismeeting.”

19.Lookupandtotheside.Thisfacesays,“Hmm,Idon’tremembersayingI’ddothat.”

20.Takeabiteofyoursalad.Thisfacesays,“Ijusttookabiteofsaladsonoonecanaskmeanything.”

21.Getasheepishlookonyourface.Thissays,“Yes,we’vebeentalkingaboutstreamliningthisprocessfor18monthsnow.”

CONFERENCECALLS

HOWTOSOUNDSMART

OVERTHEPHONEWhenyoudialintoameetingfromsomewhereelse,it’sactuallyreallyhardforpeopletotellyou’vespentthelasthalfhourlookingatpicturesofyourcousin’sdogonFacebook.Infact,I’mwritingthisonaconferencecallrightnow,and,yes,Istillsoundlikethesmartestpersonintheroom.Why?Becauseofthese12tricks.

Askifeveryone’shere

Beforethemeetingstarts,askifeveryone’shere.Youmightevenpickoutaspecificpersonandaskifshe’shere,and,ifnot,askifsheissupposedtobehere.Notonlywillyourcoworkersappreciateyourdiligencebutalsoyou’llseemlikearealpeopleperson.

Talkabouttheweatherand/ortimezonewhereyouare

Leteveryoneknowwhereyou’redialinginfrom,andmentiontheweatherandaskwhattheweatherislikewhereeveryoneelseis.Talkaboutwhattimeitiswhereyouare,especiallyifit’sanypartoftheworldwherethefactthatyou’reevenawakeistrulyamazing.Yourdedicationtothecompanywillbewildlyapparent,butbestofalleveryonewillknownottoexpectyourfullparticipation.

Askeveryonewhoisn’ttalkingtoputthemselvesonmute

Everyonehatesbackgroundnoise,butonlytruebusinessleadershavethegutstogetridofit.Interruptwhoeveristalkingandask,“Where’sthatnoisecomingfrom?”Followupwith,“Ifyou’renotspeakingrightnow,couldyoupleasemuteyourself?”Nowthecallwillbesmootherandquieterdueinnosmallparttoyourexecutiveleadershipskills.

Stopthemeetingtopullupthedata

Stoptheconversationsoyoucanpullupthedata,andremindeveryoneweshouldbemakingdata-drivendecisions.Askifeveryoneelseislookingatthedata,too.Onceeveryonehasconfirmed,say,“OK,wecangoaheadnow,”thengobacktoreadingsportsorcelebritynews.

Ask“Who’sspeaking?”

Ifsomeonestartstalkingwithoutannouncingwhosheis,interruptandask,“Who’sspeaking?”evenifyouknowwhoitis.Thisisagreattricktousewhenyouknowyouprobablywon’tsayanythingelseonthecall.

Takethecallusingsome“cutting-edge”technology

Announcethatyou’rejoiningthemeetingusingyournewsmartwatchorsomeothercutting-edgetechnology.Yourcoworkerswillalwaysbeimpressedthatyou’retryingnewthingsbecausethey’llthinkitmeansyouknowmorethantheydoaboutthefuture.Apologizeinadvanceifyourcallisdroppedduetoyourgamechangingexperimentation.

Whensomeonementionsalargenumber,putitintermsofacityorcountry

Whensomeonementionsalargenumber,putitintermsofacity,country,orothergeographiclocation.Ifyoudon’thaveonehandy,justmakeupsomepopulationofpeople.Yourcoworkerswillbeimpressedbyyourdeepknowledgeoftheworldcensus.

Say“That’sexciting”or“Thatmakessense”or“Verycool”

Sincenoonecanseeyounoddingorsmilingthroughoutthemeeting,it’simportanttointerjectatleastonceeverytwominutessothatpeopleknowyou’rethereandyou’retotallyfollowingeverythingbeingsaid,eventhoughyou’rereallyplayingSudoku.Somegreatphrasestouseare:“Thanksforthatinsight,”“Yeah,totally,”

“Goingtohavetothinkaboutthatsomemore,”“Interesting,”“Wow,”or“Hmm.”

Instantmessageotherattendeesduringthecall

Sendquickinstantmessagestoothersduringthemeeting,suchas,“Isthismakingsensetoyou?”“Whatareyourthoughtsonthis?”and“Mylunchtodaywasthebombdotcom.”Yourcoworkerswillbeimpressedbyyourmultitaskingskills.

Suggesttakingthatoffline

Whenyouhavenocluewhatanyoneistalkingabout,suggesttakingthatoffline.Remindeveryonethatdeepdiscussionsarebetterinperson.Whensomeoneaskswhatconstitutesadeepdiscussion,sayyou’renotsure,butyou’reopentodiscussingit(offline).

Makesureeveryoneislookingatthelatestversionofthedocument

Whenreviewingadocument,interrupttosay,“Iknowthishasgonethroughafewrevisions;Ijustwanttomakesurewe’realllookingatthelatestone.”Everyonewillscrambletofigureouthowtoverifythateveryone’slookingatthesamethingandthankyouforpointingthatout.

Whensomeoneasksifwe’vecoveredeverything,say,“Ihadafewthoughts,butI’llsavethemfore-mail”

It’stheendofthecall,andtheorganizerwantstomakesurewecoveredeverything.Thisisagoodtimetosayyoustillhaveafewthingstocover,butyou’lldiscussthemseparately.Thismakesyouseemlikeyou’resavingeveryone’stimeandnoonewillremembertofollowuponyourfollow-upanyway.

PARTTWO

CORECONVERSATION

8. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK9. TEAMMEETINGS10. LEANINGALLTHEWAYIN11. IMPROMPTUMEETINGS12. HOWTOMAKEYOURMEETINGSEEMLESSLIKEAMEETING

EVENTHOUGHIT’STOTALLYAMEETING13. PRESENTATIONS14. MEETINGSPEAKCHEATSHEET15. BRAINSTORMINGMEETINGS

CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK

OWNINGTHEROOM

Duringthemeatofthemeeting,it’seasytolosefocusandfallapart.Here’showtoweaveafewtricksintoyourmeetingperformancesothatnooneknowsyoustoppedpayingattentionbeforeyouevengotthere.

8. Takeabiteoffoodtoappearalertandalsosothatnoonecanaskyouanything.Lookleftandrightsoyouappeartostillbeengaged.(SeeEmotionalIntelligencePlan)

9. Getupandstartpacing.Foraddedpoints,pacebehindthepersonwho’stalking.Thiswillmakeeveryonenervous.(SeeTrick#7)

10. Stareoutthewindowwithyourbacktotheroom,sighingdeeply.

11. Leavetotakeaphonecall.(SeeTrick#9)12. Returnandstandnearthedoor,asifyoumightleaveagain

atanytime.

13. Finallysitdowninadifferentchair,throwingeveryoneoff.

14. WonderaloudabouthowtheCEOwouldrespondtothisconversation.(SeeTrick#67)

TEAMMEETINGS

HOWTOMANAGEOPTICS

LIKEABOSSWhetherit’scalledastand-up,statusmeeting,orall-hands,thesetimesucksarethoseinescapabledaily,biweekly,weekly,monthly,quarterly,oryearlyrequirementsthatnever,evergoaway,longaftereveryone’sstartedwonderingwhyit’sstillontheircalendars.Ifyoucannaillookingsmartinthesemeetings,youmightbeluckyenoughtorunthemsomeday,atwhichpointyoucanquit.

Sitnexttothepersonleadingthemeeting

Sitnexttothepersonleadingthemeeting.Actasifyouareconferringwithhimabouttheagendaandbackinghimupattheappropriatetimes.Thiswillgivetherestoftheteamtheperceptionthatyou’recoleadingthemeeting.Andwhenfolksaregivingtheirupdates,itwillseemliketheyarepresentingtheirupdatestoyou,aswell.

Discusstheprocess

Whensomeonegivesherupdate,askifwe’rereallyusingtherightprocessthere.Thiswilllikelyderailthemeetingintoadiscussionofwhattherightprocessis,atwhichpointyoucanpointoutthatitwouldbegoodifourprocesswasclearer.Thiswillmakeyouseemlikeastrategic,goal-orientedteamplayer.

Interruptsomeone’supdate,thenlethimfinish(TheKanye)

Ifsomeoneisgivinganupdateonaproject,interrupthimandleteveryoneknowhowimportantthisupdateis.Thenaskthepersontocontinue.Thisestablishesyourdominanceoverthemeeting.

Askforatimecheck

Remindeveryonetobebriefwiththeirupdates,becausewewanttokeepthismeetingbrief.Anytimeyoutrytoshortenthemeetingyou’llseemlikeahero,evenifitresultsinlongerormoremeetings.Whenyoustartyourupdate,askhowmuchtimeyouhave.Ifthere’sonlyfiveminutesleft,sayyoureallyneedsixsoyou’llsaveyourupdatefornexttime.

THEMEETING–E-MAILCYCLESource:TheCooperReview.com

Usetheroyal“we”evenwhenyouaren’tinvolved

Whendiscussingsomeoneelse’sproject,alwaysusetheroyal“we,”evenifyouhavenothingtodowithit.Saythingslike,“Whendoyouthinkwe’llbedonewiththat?”“Weshouldreallyfocusonthat,”or“Wow,wereallyf*ckedthatoneup,didn’twe?”

Remindeveryonethatwehavelimitedresources

Doeseveryonealreadyknowwehavelimitedresources?Yes.Doyoustilllooksmartwhenyoubringitup?Definitely.

Whensomeoneasksaquestion,lookatthepersonwhoyouthinkhastheanswer

Oftentimesyou’llhaveabsolutelynoideawhattheansweristoanyquestionthat’sbeingasked.Butthatdoesn’tmatter.Youcanstillappearsmartbylookingaroundtheroomtothepersoneveryoneelseislookingat,whohopefullyhastheanswertowhateverthequestionis.Ifnoonehastheanswer,seemreallydisappointedsoeveryoneknowshowmuchheorshehasletyoudown.

Asthemeetingisending,askafewpeopletohangbacktotalkaboutaseparateissue

Whenyouaskoneortwopeopletostayafewextraminutes,itmakestherestofthegroupwonderwhatyou’llbediscussing,whytheyweren’tinvited,andwhattopsecretprojectyou’vegotbrewingupyoursleeve.They’llassumeit’ssomethingbig,eventhoughyou’rejustseeingifmaybeweshouldhavedoughnutsnexttime.

LEANINGALLTHEWAYIN

ATTENDINGMEETINGSINA

MALE-DOMINATEDWORKPLACE

Likemostwomen,I’mnotaman.Butasaworkingwomanintheworkingworld,I’msurroundedbythem.Thesausagefactoryhasinundatedeveryindustryfromgovernmenttotechcompaniestoactualsausagefactories,soit’simperativethateveryoneknowsyou’renottheretoservecoffee.Herearemy8favoritetricksfordominatingthemale-dominatedworkplace.

1.USESPORTSMETAPHORSIfthere’sonethingmenunderstand,it’ssportsmetaphors.Ifsomeonedidagoodjob,sayitwasahomerun.Ifyou’regoingtothebathroom,sayit’sparforthecourse.Usingasportsmetaphorishandsdownthebestwaytoskatetowherethepuck’sgoingtobeandkeeptheballrollingbeforeyouthrowinthetowel.

2.GIVEGOODHIGHFIVESYou’llbesurprisedtolearnthathigh-fivingisacornerstoneofmalecongratulationsintheworkplace.Givingagoodhighfiveisappropriateinalmostanysituation—nailingthatbigpitch,freebagelsinthebreakroom,washingyourhandsafteryoupee.Slamyourhighfivehardtoassertyourstrength.Makesurenooneislookingbeforeyouwinceinpain.

3. LEARNHOWTOTALKABOUTCARSThemeninyourofficeareallgoingtotalkaboutcarseventually,soyoumayaswelllearnwhattheyknowthesamewaytheylearnedit—byvisitingferrari.com,porsche.com,andlamborghini.com.

4.NEVERMAKEANYSTATEMENTTHATSOUNDSLIKEAQUESTION,EVENQUESTIONSMostwomensoundlikethey’realwaysaskingaquestion,evenwhenthey’renot?Don’tdothat.Makeeverythingyousaysoundlikeaforcefulstatement.Yourmalecounterpartsmightbeintimidatedbyyourconfidenceandeventuallyavoidyou,buttheywillcertainlyrespectyou.

5. COMPLIMENTHISSOCKSMenhaveonlytwoopportunitiesinlifetoexpressthemselvesfashion-wise:theirleftsockandtheirrightsock.Sofocusonhisfeetandcomplimentthehelloutofthem.Makehimfeellikethehundredsofhourshewastespickingoutsocksistotallyworthit.

6.WHENYOU’REASKEDTODOSOMETHINGBECAUSE“THEYNEEDMOREWOMEN,”LAUGHITOFFYoumightbeaskedtogiveapresentation,gotoabusinessdinner,orattendaneventspecificallybecause“theyneedmorewomen.”Alwayslaughoffthiscompleteinsulttoyourworthasahumanbeingandnevermakeabigdealaboutit.Saveyourcomplaintsuntilyou’rewithyourgirlfriendsanddon’tcryaboutituntilyou’rehomealoneinbedwherenoonecanseeyourtears.

7. PRANKEARLY,PRANKOFTENCoverhispencollectionwithglitter.Switchhisregularcoffeewithdecaf.Leavehimavoicemailmessageinyourboss’svoicesayingthathiscompensationwillbereducedsignificantlynextquarterduetomarketfluctuations.Youmaythinkprankingisharshorinsensitive,butyouneedtorubthatcompassionrightoutofyourheartifyou’regoingtofitin.

8.QUOTETHEBIGLEBOWSKIOrAnimalHouse.OrRudy.OrHoosiers.Orwhateverstupidmovietheycan’tstoptalkingabout.

IMPROMPTUMEETINGS

HOWTOHANDLEMEETING

SNEAKATTACKSLIKEANINJAAnimpromptumeetingmightbedisguisedasa“quickquestion,”“quickcheck-in,”or“quickchat,”butthesemeetingsneakattacksfeelmorelike“quickreasonsyoushouldhaveworkedfromhometoday.”Thekeytoappearingsmartinanimpromptumeetingistoseemexcited,available,andopentoanydiscussionwhilealsothwartinganyattemptatmeaningfulconversation.Thisway,they’llwalkaway(quickly)thinkingyouarethesmartestpersoninthehallway.

Openlywelcomethemeeting

Immediatelystopwhatyou’redoingandaskyourcoworkerhowheis.Seemgenuinelyexcitedtoseehim.Thiswillmakeyouseemapproachableandtransparent.Whenothersdescribeyou,theywillusethewords“friendly”and“warm.”Thiswilldistractfromanyshortcomingsyouhaveinknowledgeortalent.

Giveacompliment

Givingacomplimentisagreatwaytoseemtrulyinterestedinyourcoworkerwhilealsomakingherfeelalittleself-consciousandawkward.She’llmomentarilyforgetwhyshecameovertotalktoyouinthefirstplace,whichwillmakeherseemdisorganized.Bycomparison,thiswillmakeyouseemlikeyoureallyhaveyourshittogether.

Startwithahardstop

Starttheconversationwithahardstop.Thiswillmakeyourcoworkerthinkthateveryminuteofyourdayissmartlyaccountedfor.Yourcoworkerwillnowfeeltheneedtogettothepointquickly,andifhecan’t,hecansendyouane-mailinstead.

Say“IjustneedtomakesureI’mnotmissinganythingelserightnow”

Ofcourseyou’dlovetotalk,butyouneedtojustmakesureyou’renotmissinganythingelserightnow.Takeyourtimecheckingyourcalendarande-mailonyourlaptop.Thencheckyourphone.Thencheckyourtablet.Thengobacktoyourlaptop.Thensayitlookslikeyou’refree,untilsomethingcomesup.

Pullsomeoneelseintotheconversation

Pullingsomeoneelseintotheconversationwillgiveyou“connector”status—andmakeyouseemlikeyouknowwhomtotalktoaboutwhat.Oncethethirdpersonjoins,rememberthatyouhaveanothermeetingandleaveyourtwocoworkerstocontinuetheimpromptumeetingwithoutyou.

Sayyou’dlovetodocumentthisconversation

Ifyourcoworkerbeginstalkingindetailaboutaproject,saythatane-mailmightbebettersothattheconversationcanbedocumented.Iftheysaytheyalreadysentyouane-mailaboutit,askthemtosenditagainbecauseitprobablygotburied.Thenspendfiveminutescomplainingabouthowmanye-mailsyougetandhowsomanypeoplearewaitingonyourinputonseveraldifferentthings.

Sayyou’relisteningeventhoughyoucontinuetotype

Interjectwithafewuh-huhsandmm-hmmseverynowandthenwhileyoutyperandomwordsintoadocument.Yourmultitaskingskillswillseemveryimpressive.

Asktoseethedata

Prideyourselfon“data-based”decisionmakingandalwaysasktoseethedatabeforetheconversationcanmoveforward.Ifyourcoworkerhasthedata,askformore.Ifshehasmore,askhertosummarizeit.Bythetimeyougetthesummary,thedatawillbeoutofdate,soaskforthelatestdata.

HOWTOMAKEYOUR

MEETINGSEEMLESSLIKE

AMEETINGEVENTHOUGH

IT’STOTALLYAMEETING

Onewaytomakemeetingslesspainfulistodowhateveryoucantotrickpeopleintothinkingit’snotameeting.Sure,everyonestillknowsit’sameeting,butthislittletrickwillmakepeopleexpectsomethingdifferent,productive,evenenjoyable.ButSarah,yousay,won’tthisjustleadtoanevengreatersenseof

disappointmentwhenthepersonrealizesitis,infact,anothermeeting?Yes.Herearethreefuntricksformakingyourmeetingseemlesslikeameeting

eventhoughit’stotallyameeting.

1. CALLITSOMETHINGELSEIt’sagoodideatoavoidusingtheword“meeting”whenschedulingyourmeeting.Trycallingyourmeetingbyadifferentnametothrowfolksoffthescentofthefactthatitisreallyameeting.Herearesomefunalternatenamesforyourmeeting:

huddleofficehoursstand-uppowwowpulsecheckfuntimeextravaganzarallyforumquorumsummitcometoJesusbraindatecirclebacktagupcheck-infollow-upTGIFteatimemeet-uptownhall

2.GIVEYOURCONFERENCEROOMSFUNNAMESThepracticeofgivingconferenceroomscoolnamesdatesbackto1976,whenitdidn’tworkthen,either.Simplypickafunthemeforyourconferenceroomsandnowilleverrealizethatthisiswheretheirhappiness

willgotodie.Hereareafewconferenceroomthemesyoucanuseforyouroffice:Loftygoalsyou’llneverachieve:Singularity,TimeTravel,TheRespectofMyFather,RevenueGeniuseswhoaresmarterthanmostofthepeopleyou’lleverworkwith:Einstein,Plato,BuscemiTeamqualities:LackofCommitment,AvoidanceofAccountability,InattentiontoResultsAgrabbagoftechbuzzwords:Gamechanger,Disruption,UberforConferenceRooms

3.MAKEUPFUNMEETINGRITUALSMakeupfunmeetingritualstoforcepeopletohavefun.Theserulescanbehowyoustartthemeeting,ifyousitorstand,orwhohasthepowerinthemeeting.

StartwithpersonalsharingaboutweekendplansHavesomeoneelserunthemeetingeachweekGivea“successoftheweek”awardBeginwithathree-minutemeditationsessionSitonbeanbagchairsTodirectaquestionatsomeone,shootherwithaNerfgunPassarounda“talkingstone”Endwithasecrethandshake

PRESENTATIONS

HOWTONAILTHEBIGPITCH

BYNOTSAYINGMUCH

OFANYTHINGThekeytoanysuccessfulpresentationistonotmakeanassofyourselfinfrontofyourcoworkers.Forsome,thismeanslotsofpracticeandcarefulpreparation.Forpeoplewhodon’tfeellikedoingthat,itmeansfollowingthese12tricks.Thesesubtletrickswillcarefullymaskhowlittleyouknowaboutthatthingyou’resupposedtobeanexperton.

Startwithashockingfact

Beginyourpresentationwithsomethingstrongandmemorable,suchasapersonalstoryyoustoleorashockingfactthatnooneisquitesureistrue.Thiswillimmediatelygeteveryone’sattentionforaminuteortwoandthenbestuckintheirheadsfortherestofthepresentationsotheydon’tlistentoanythingelseyousay.

Holdapenandafewpapers

Makesureyou’realwaysholdingsomething,whetherit’sapen,afewloosepiecesofpaper,orboth.Thismakesyouseemoverlyprepared,givesyousomethingtousewhilepointing,andmakesiteasytoquicklyrefertoyour“notes”orpretendtobetakingnotes.

Introduceyourprojectbycomparingittoothermoresuccessfulprojects

Aneasywaytomakewhateveryou’representingseemincrediblyimportantistoputitattheendofalistofmemorablysuccessfulthings.Talkaboutthewheel,electricity,theinternalcombustionengine,theiPhone,orovernightshipping.Thensaythatthethingyou’retalkingaboutfollowsinthefootstepsofthoseincredibleinventions,likeyoutrulybelievethat.

Sayyoureallywantthistobeinteractive

Allowingyouraudiencetostopyouatanypointisaneffectivewaytoavoidhavingtogiveyourpresentationatall.Thisishelpfulespeciallywhenyoutotallyforgottoprepareanything,orprocrastinateduntilthelastmunutethenfellasleep.Askopen-endedquestionssuchas,“Whatdoyouwanttohearabout?”ormorepointedonessuchas,“Jenna,whatdoyouthinkaboutourearningslastyear?”Whenpeoplegivetheirresponses,leanagainstthewallandnod,thenlookaroundtheroomandask,“Anyoneelse?”

Putonelargewordoneachslide

Whendesigningyourslides,simplyputonelargewordinthecenterofeveryslide.Thiswordcanbeinwhitetextoveradarkbackground,inblacktextoveralightbackground,orinwhitetextoverahalf-opaquefieldoveraphotoyoustolefromGoogleImages.Readthewordaloud,thenlookattheaudienceandsay,“I’mjustgoingtoletthatsinkin.”Iftheyaren’tcompletelyoverwhelmedbyyourintelligence,they’llatleastbewonderingwhytheyaren’t.

Asksomeoneelsetocontroltheslides

Askingsomeoneelsetoruntheslidesforyouimmediatelyputsyouinapositionofpowerwhereyoucansaythingslike,“Nextslide,please,”“Justgobackafewslides,”and“Pleasetryandkeepupwithme,Janet.”Italsogivesyouleewaytowalkaroundtheroom,putyourhandsonyour

hips,andkeepeveryoneontheirtoesaboutwhereyou’llroamnext.

Beforemovingon,askifit’sOKtomoveon

There’snothinglikeacondescending,“IsitOKformetomoveon?”tomakeyouraudiencefeellikeaclassofsecondgradersatstorytime.Askforaverbalconfirmationthatit’sOKtomoveon.Makesuretoaskthisofthewholeroombutwhilelookingatonlyoneperson.Thenpauseandsay,“Nextslide,please.”

Skipoverseveralslides

Grabseveralslidesfrompreviouspresentationsorpresentationsfromyourcoworkersandputtheminbetweentheslidesyoumade.Thenjustskipoverthesequicklysaying,“Oh,wecanskipthisfornow,”or“I’llcomebacktothisifwehavetime.”Yourcoworkerswillthinkyouspenthoursandhoursoverpreparingforyourtalk.

Say“That’sagreatquestion”beforeyouavoideachquestion

Besidesbeingagreatwaytostalluntilyoucanthinkofawaytoavoidthequestion,complimentingtheaskeralsomakesyoulooklikeagenerouspresenter.Afteryoucommentonhowgreatthequestionis,noonewillevennoticewhenyousaysomethinglike,“You’llseetheanswerifyoujustkeeplistening,”“Letmeaddressthatattheend,”or“Let’sfollowupaboutthatoffline.”

WhenaVPmakesacomment,stoptowriteitdown

IfaVPorotherhigher-upmakesacomment,immediatelystopyourpresentationtowriteitdown.Say,“Greatpoint,Sheila,letmejustmakeanoteofthat,”beingsuretocallherbyherfirstname(oranickname)soeveryoneknowsyouguysarepals.

Sitontheedgeofthetable

Sittingontheedgeoftheconferencetablewillmakeyouseemmoreinformal,withouttakingawayyourairofsuperiority.Trycallingsomeone’snameandspeakingdirectlytohim.Thenlookoffintothedistancelikeyou’redeeplycontemplatingsomething.Youraudiencewillbemesmerized.

Asktheaudiencetocomeupwithkeytakeaways

Everygoodpresentationendswithkeytakeaways,butsmartpresentersalwaysasktheaudiencewhattheythoughttheywere.Don’tworryabouttheinitialawkwardness.Ifthesilencebecomesdeafening,justcallonsomeoneandactlikewhatevershesaysistotalbrilliance.Makeanoteofit.

DECIPHERINGWHATEVERYONEISSAYING

MEETINGSPEAKCHEATSHEET

BRAIN-STORMINGMEETINGS

HOWTOBEPERCEIVEDAS

THECREATIVEFORCE

ONYOURTEAMInabrainstormingmeeting,thepressureofcomingupwithincrediblenewideascanbedebilitating.Luckily,thelastthingmostcorporationswantarenewideas.Duringtheselargelypointlessexercises,thepointistocontributeusingthemeregravitasofyourpresence,makeotherpeople’sideasseemlikeyourideas,andlooklikeatrueleaderbyquestioningtheefficiencyofthewholeprocess.That’showyoukickassatabrainstormingmeeting,andhereare12trickstolooklikeyou’redoingjustthat.

Leavetogetwaterandaskifanyoneneedsanything

Justbeforethemeetingstarts,getupandaskifanyoneneedsanything.Peoplewillthinkyou’resothoughtful,kind,andgiving,plusyou’llbeabletodisappearfor10minutesnoquestionsasked.Evenifnoonewantsanything,returnwithbottlesofwater,soda,andsnacks.Yourcoworkerswillfeelcompelledtostartdrinkingandsnacking,andyourforesightwillmakethemthinkyoucanreallypredictthefuture.

Grabapadofstickynotesandstartdrawing

Whilethetopicsarebeingintroduced,graboneofthosestickynotepadsandstartdrawingmeaninglessflowcharts.Yourcoworkerswilllookoveratyouwithworriedinterest,wonderinghowyou’recomingupwithsomanycomplexideasevenbeforeyouknowwhatthismeetingisfor.

Makeananalogythat’ssosimpleitsoundsdeep

Wheneveryoneistryingtodefinetheproblem,makeananalogyaboutbakingacake,orsomethingjustascompletelyunrelated.Yourcoworkerswillnodtheirheadsinagreement,eveniftheyreallydon’tunderstandhowwhatyou’resayingisrelatedtowhatthey’retalkingabout.Talkingcompletelyovertheirheadswillmakeyouseemwildlytranscendentandintimidatinglycreative,eventhoughthetruthisyoureallyjustlikecake.

Askifwe’reaskingtherightquestions

Nothingmakesyouseemsmarterthanwhenyouquestionthequestionsbyaskingifthey’retherightquestions.Ifsomeonerespondsbyaskingyouwhatyouthinktherightquestionsare,sayyoujustaskedone.

Useanidiom

Usinganidiomtoquestionanideaisasubtle,smartwayofquestioningit.Herearesomeidiomstochoosefrom:

Isn’tthatgildingthelily?Isn’tthatputtinglipstickonapig?Seemslikewe’repolishingaturd.

Developaquirky,creativehabitthat“getsyourjuicesflowing”

Developaquirkyhabitthat“helpsyouthink”and“getsyourcreativejuicesflowing.”Thiscouldbeanythingfromshowingupinyourpajamas,meditatingonthefloor,jogginginplace,throwingaballagainstthewall,airdrummingwithyourfavoritedrumsticks,orallofthosethingsatthesametime.Evenifyou’renotactuallycomingupwithanyideas,yourcoworkerswillbeintimidatedbyyouruncontrollablecreativeenergy.

HOWTOSTRATEGICALLYSHOOTDOWNSMALLIDEAS

Source:TheCooperReview.com

HOWTOSTRATEGICALLYSHOOTDOWNBIGIDEAS

Source:TheCooperReview.com

SayhowyouthinktheCEOwouldrespond

MakeyourcoworkersthinkthatyouhaveaverycloserelationshipwiththeCEObybringinguphowyouthinkshewouldrespondtoanidea.MentionyourCEObyherfirstname.Sayyoumightrunthisbyherduringyournextpowwow.Congratulateeveryoneforcomingupwithsomethingshe’dlike.ByassociatingyourselfsocloselywiththeCEO,peoplewillstarttothinkofyouassomekindofCEO-in-training.

Ifsomeonecomesupwithagoodidea,sayyouhadthatsameideayearsago

Ifsomeonecomesupwithanideathateveryoneseemstolike,sayyouhadthesameideabefore.Thiswayyou’vealignedyourselfwiththegoodideabyindirectlytakingcreditforit.

Whenanideahaspotential,challengeitbyplayingdevil’sadvocate

Whenanideahaspotentialandeveryoneseemstolikeit,that’sagoodtimetoplaydevil’sadvocate.Takeanassumptionthateveryone’smakingandturnthatassumptiononitshead.Thensayyou’rejustplayingdevil’sadvocate.Yourcoworkerswillseeyou’reconsideringtheproblemmoredeeplythananyoneelseandbeimpressedwithyourabilitytocontinuetalkingincirclesaboutthisforanotherthreehours.

Askifwe’recreatingtherightframework,platform,ormodel

Youwillalwaysappearasifyou’rethinkingbiggerthaneveryoneelsebybringingupaframeworkformovingforward,oramodelofthinking,orhowwecanturnthisintoaplatform.It’saverymetawayofblowingeveryone’smindsandmaskingthefactthatyouhavenoideawhateveryone’stalkingabout.

Wheneveryoneseemstolikeanidea,yellout“Shipit!”

There’llcomeapointwheneveryoneseemstobereallyexcitedaboutanideaordirection.Atthispointyoushouldtrytobethefirstpersontoyellout“Shipit!”Sure,it’safunnythingtosaythatwillmakepeoplelaugh,butdoingthiswillalsoconveysomeauthorityonyourparttobothendthemeetingandmakeafinaldecision,eventhoughyouhavenopowertodoeither.

Takepicturesoftheideasattheendofthemeeting

Afterthemeetingisover,staybackandtakepicturesofthewhiteboard,corkboard,chalkboard,andanyboardthathasanythingonit.Thene-mailyourpicturestotherestoftheattendeesandthankthemforsuchafruitfuldiscussion.Thenimmediatelydeletetheimagesbecauseyou’llnever,everdoanythingwiththem.Ever.

PARTTHREE

NEXTSTEPS

16. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK17. NETWORKINGEVENTS18. WHATTODOWITHYOURHANDS

DURINGANETWORKINGEVENT19. TEAMBUILDINGOFFSITES20. FAMOUSMEETINGSTHROUGHHISTORY21. ADVANCEDMEETINGPOWERMOVES

TOGETYOUPROMOTED(ORFIRED)22. BUSINESSDINNERS

CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK

LEAVINGTHEROOM

Thefinal20minutesofthemeetingisakeytimetomakesureeveryoneleavestheroomrememberingyourcontributions.Sinceyoudidn’tmakeanycontributions,though,you’llhavetomakethemthinkyoudidbyusingthesefinal,meeting-winningtricks.

15. Nodvigorouslywhiletakingnotesinyournotebook.(SeeTrick#4)16. Write“roadmap”onthewhiteboard,thenputasquarearoundit.(See

WhiteboardTactics)17. Leanagainstthewallandwonderifwe’rethinkingbigenough.18. Makeananalogyaboutbakingacake.(SeeTrick#63)19. Whensomeoneasksifwe’vecoveredeverything,returntoyourseatand

sayyouhadafewmorethoughtsbutyou’llfollowuplater.(SeeTrick#32)

20. Askthattwopeoplehangbacktotalkaboutaseparateissue.(SeeTrick#40)

21. Excuseyourselfandleavethemontheirown.

NETWORKINGEVENTS

HOWTOBUILD

RELATIONSHIPSWITHPEOPLE

YOU’LLNEVERSEEAGAINThemostimportantthingtorememberatanetworkingeventisnottopuncheveryoneyoumeetintheface.Mostpeoplehatenetworkingevents,butIseethemasagreatopportunitytoappearinfluentialandwell-connectedtopeopleI’venevermetandwillnevermeetagain.Fromyournametagtoyourhandshaketopretendingtobeinterestedinotherpeople’slives,eachpartofanetworkingeventisimportant.Keepinmindthese10trickswhileyouwalkaroundwishingyouwereanywhereelse.

Whensomeoneaskswhatyoudo,usewordslike“proprietary”and“technology”and“exciting”

Spiceupanyboringoralrésumébydescribingyourworkas“proprietary”orappendingtheword“technology”toanyterm.Andbesuretosayhowyou’reveryexcitedaboutalltheincrediblyexcitingthingsyou’redoing.

Don’twearyournametag

You’llalwayslooksmartifyoudon’tfollowalltherulesandappeartobedoingthings“yourway”(meaning,whatItellyoutodointhisbook).Onewaytodothisistonotputonyournametag.Whensomeoneasksyouwhereyournametagis,sayyoudon’tbelieveinnametagsandyouthinkpeopleshouldjusttalktoeachother.Peoplewillfindithardnottoagreewithyou.

Whensomeonementionssomethingyou’veneverheardof,pretendyou’veheardofit

Alwaysnodinagreementwhensomeonestartstalkingaboutanapp,book,orpersonyou’veneverheardof.Iftheyaskyouaboutyourexperiencewithsaidapp/book/person,saysomethinggenericabouthowyou’renotsureit’stherightplatform,ortheconceptwasfuzzy,oryouthoughtshehadagreathandshake.Thenexcuseyourselftogetanotherdrinkandavoidthispersonfortherestofyourlife.

Drinkwheneveryoneelsedoes

Whenthepersonyou’retalkingtodrinks,takeadrink,too.Thisisasubtlecuetoletpeopleknowyou’rereallyfittingin.Italsoensuresthatnooneexpectsyoutofillthesilence.

Sayyou’reheretobuildyournetwork

Letpeopleknowthatyou’reheretobuildyournetwork.Thismakesitclearthatyoualreadyhaveanetworkandyou’rejustheretomakeyournetworkevenbiggerthanitalreadyis.Usecomputerscienceyanalogiestodescribeyourrelationships.Talkaboutthenodesandconnectionsinyournetworkandhowyouwanttobeabridgebetweenthefirewallsoffree-flowingknowledgesharing.

WHATAREWEDOINGATNETWORKINGEVENTS?

Source:TheCooperReview.com

Introducepeopleasiftheyshouldalreadyknoweachother

Whenyouhavetheopportunitytointroducetwopeople,makeareallybigdealaboutthefactthattheydidn’tknoweachotherbefore.Saythingslike“Ican’tbelieveyoudon’tknowDevin!”or“Howhaven’tyoumetAllisonyet?”Yourcolleagueswillfeeltheinexplicableneedtothankyoufortheintroductionandmentiontotheirfriendsthatyouintroducedthem,andworshipyoulikethegodofnetworkingyouare.

Whensomeoneasksforabusinesscard,sayyoumighthaveoneleft

Alwaysmakeitseemlikeyoumighthavejustgivenyourlastbusinesscardawaybutthenfinallyfindone.Thiswillmakeitseemlikeyou’vealreadygottenalotofimportantnetworkingdone.Itwillalsomaketheotherpersonthinkthebusinesscardyougaveherwasyourlastone,soshemightwaitafewextrahoursbeforethrowingitaway.

Askpeopletotellyoutheirstory

Neverasksomeonewhatshedoes.Askhertotellyouherstoryinstead.Ifthepersonanswerswithwhatshedoes,say,“Sure,that’swhatyoudo,butthat’snotwhoyouare,”andaskhertotellyouherstoryagain.Thisisakintoaskingsomeoneaquestionshe’llneverknowifshe’sansweringcorrectly,whichwillmakeherfeelsortofdumbandthinkyoumustbemuchsmarterthansheis.

Ifsomeoneasksyouwhatyou’reworkingon,sayit’sprettyconfidential

Avoidgettingintospecificsaboutwhatyou’reworkingonbysayingthatyourprojectis“hush-hush,”“underwraps,”or“onthedownlow.”Sayyoucan’tsayanythingmorewithouthavingthemsignanondisclosureagreement.Themoresecretiveyourresponse,themorepowerfulyou’llseem,andthemoretheotherpersonwillbelieveyou’reworkingonsomethingimportant,anddefinitelynotspendingalldayreadingWikipediaarticlesaboutdinosaurs.

Togetoutofaconversation,sayyouhavesomepeoplewaitingonyou

It’snevereasygettingoutofapointlessconversation,letalonegettingoutof18pointlessconversationseveryhour.Onegreatwaytodothisistosayyouhavesomepeoplewaitingonyou.Thefactthattherearepeoplewaitingonyouisimpressiveenough,butaddtothatthefactthatyoudon’twanttokeepthemwaiting,and,well,you’reboundtobeseenassomesortofcorporatecelebrity.Yourcolleagueswillsecretlybewonderingwho’swaitingonyou(yourLyftdriver).

WHATTODO

WITHYOURHANDS

DURINGA

NETWORKINGEVENTThenumber-oneareaoffailureformostpeopleduringanetworkingeventisanobviouslackofthingstodowiththeirhands.Evenifyouhavethemostinterestingjobtitleintheworld,noonewillwanttotalktoyouifyourhandsareflailingaboutaimlessly.Toavoidthisnetworkingeventcatastrophe,tryoneofthesehandyactivities.

1.Holdadrinkcasuallywithonehand.Thenswitchtotheotherhand.Thenswitchback.

2.Whensomeoneasksyouhowthedrinksare,usethishandgesture.

3.Buryyourhandsinyourpocketstoaddanairofmysterytoyourmaritalstatus.

4.Crossingyourarmsletspeopleknowthatyouaren’teasilyimpressed,andalsoit’schillyinhere.

5.Callthewaitertobringhorsd’oeuvresandshowpeopleyou’renostrangertobeingserved.

6.Pointandwaveatthebusboytomakeitseemlikeyou’realwayspolitetothestaff.

7.Coveryourmouthinshockwhensomeonetellsyoushejustmovedbackinwithherparents.

8.Holdupyourcreditcardtoleteveryoneknowyou’regettingsomepointsforthesedrinks.

9.Holdingyourjacketmakespeoplewonderwhyyoudon’ttrustcoatcheck.

10.Thisdeeplyintrospectiveposeshowspeoplehowdeeplyintrospectiveyouare.

11.Claspyourhandsbehindyourbackwhileslowlypacingandsilentlyjudgingeveryone.

12.Thoughtfullyadjustyourglassesasyoulistentosomeone’sbusinessplan.

13.Who’sgottwothumbsandlovesconferences?Thisguy!

14.Groomingyoureyebrowsshowsyoucareaboutyourneatappearance.

15.Usethisgesturetogetsomeonetorepeattheamountoffundinghisstart-upjustgot.

16.Playfullychallengeyourdrinkingpartnertoakaratematchandpretendyouknowkarate.

17.Yawningmightbeconsideredrude,butsayyou’rejusttiredfromanall-nighter,notboredoutofyourmind.

18.Scratchyourheadwhennoonethinksit’sweirdhoweveryoneherehas“VP”intheirofficialtitles.

19.Whenyouseesomeoneapproachingwhomyoudon’twanttotalkto,takealargebiteoffoodandthenpointatyourmouth.

20.Leteveryoneknowyou’regonnagominglewithacasualthumbovertheshoulder.

21.Airdrummingshowseveryonehowmusicallyinclinedyouliketopretendyouare.

TEAMBUILDINGOFFSITES

JOININGTHE

CORPORATECULTURECLUBToappearsmartatateambuildingoffsite,youmustbepreparedforintensepretendingonbothaphysicalandmentallevel.Althoughmostoffsitesthesedaysdon’tinvolvetraditionaltrustfalls,you’lllikelystillhavetolevitateacopperrodinunison,playanimprovgame,orotherwiseappeartoreallyconnectwithyourteam.Thismeansshowingthatyou’vegrownandlearnedsomething,encouragingothersintheirlearningandgrowth,andwishingforevenmorelearningandgrowthinthefuture.

Wearrunninggearoryogapants

Showupwearingyouryoga,running,lifting,ortennisoutfit.Dosomelightstretchesbeforetheactivitiesstart.Thiswillmakepeoplethinkyou’veexercisedinthepastyear.Bonus:Whenyougettiredafteraboutanhour,youryogapantsaregreattonapin.

Sayyouwishwecoulddothiseveryday

Seemgenuinelyexcitedtobeoutoftheoffice,evenifyou’rejustinaconferenceroomatahotelandyou’dreallyratherbesleepingunderyourdesk.

Makeavaguestatementabouthowthisactivityrelatestowhatwe’refacingonourteam

Playingtug-of-war?Relatethistohowyou’realwaysfightinginternallyforthesameresources.Settingupahumanshield?Saysomethingabouthowyouoftenfeellikeyourcompanyisn’tprotectingyou.Solvingamathriddle?Sayhowmuchyouhatemath.Relatingeverymind-numbingexercisebacktotheteamwillmakeyouseemdeeplyabstract.

Wonderhowwecanincorporatetheseactivitiesintoourstaffmeeting

Makeacommentabouthowfunthisisandhoweveryoneisworkingtogethersowell.Thenask,“Howcanweworkthisintoourday-to-day?”Sayit’sarhetoricalquestionthatyou’dlikeeveryonetothinkaboutforthefuture.

Askforan“energycheck”

Afterlunch,askhoweveryone’senergylevelsaredoing,andsayyouwanttomanageeveryone’senergy.Leteveryoneknowthathavinggoodenergyisimportantandifwehavelowenergy,weshouldreallydosomekindofenergeticexercise.

Cheerrandomly

Everyonceinawhile,letouta“Woohoo!”ora“Goteam!”orboth.Yourenthusiasmwillmakeyoulooklikeatrueteamplayer.

Sayhowmuchyougenuinelylikeyourcoworkers,asifit’sahugerevelation

Pretendtolookatyourcoworkersasifyou’reseeingthemforthefirsttime,beforeyouknewhowannoyinglypassive-aggressivetheywouldbeonadailybasis.Sayhowmuchyoureallylikethemandhowluckyyouaretoworkwithpeoplewhoaresocool.Thiswillmakeyourcoworkersfeelspecial,asifyoutrulycareaboutthem.

Askforagrouphighfive

Whentheeventisover,askforateamhugorahighfive.Thensayhowimpressedyouarewithhowitwasorganizedandaskforaroundofapplausefortheorganizer.Thiswillensurethatwhoeverorganizedthiseventgetsstuckwiththenextone,too,sothatyoudon’thavetodealwithit.

FAMOUSMEETINGS

THROUGHHISTORYWhatcanwelearnaboutmeetingsfromthemostfamousmeetingsthathaveevertakenplace?Usethesegoldennuggetstonudgeyourteamtowardsuccess,andyourabilitytoappearsmartwilltranscendtimeandspace.

ThePyramids2630BC

Canyouimagineworkingaprojectwithoutbeingabletotrackanysuccessmetricsuntiltheafterlife?That’swhattheancientEgyptiansdid.Theirabilitytoundertakeprojectsthatspannedhundredsofyears

canteachusalotaboutquarterlyplanning.

TheTrojanHorse1190BC

Whennothingelsewasworking,theGreekspretendedtogiveupbutactuallywerehidinginsideagiantwoodenhorse.Needlesstosay,whenthisideacameup,everyonethoughtitwascrazy—andifithadn’t

worked,someonedefinitelywouldhavelostajob.

TheLastSupperWednesday,April1,33AD

Youthoughtyouweretheonlyonewithamandatorybusinessdinneronhumpday?JesuswastheVPofhistime,makingsuretogetfullapprovalforalavishdinnerfromhisCEO.Shortlythereafter,hereceivedthe

highestpromotion.

TheKnightsoftheRoundTable450AD

KingArthur’stablewasroundbecauseeveryonehadequalpower.SiliconValleyisjustgettingintotheholacracygame,butdistributedauthorityexistedlongagoandtheirtacticalmeetingswereincredibly

efficient,accordingtolegend.

SistineChapelMay10,1508

It’stoughtofindgoodcontractorsthesedays,isn’tit?Anditwastoughbackin1508,too.IttooksevenyearstoconvinceMichelangelotosignonthedottedline,andthenittookhim11yearstofinishtheproject.

Luckily,hewasabletogiveconsistentstatusupdatesthatkepteveryonefocusedonthebigpicture.

Women’sSuffrage1756

Finally,awoman,LydiaTaft,isallowedtovoteinthetownmeetinginUxbridge,Massachusetts.Itwasthefirstvictoryforwomeninmeetings,andnowwomenareencouragedtospeakupinmeetingsaroundthe

world,aslongastheystillsmileandagreewitheverything.

SecondContinentalCongress1776

Nooneinthismakeshiftgovernmenthadanyrealauthoritytodoanything,buttheywentaheadanddiditanyway.Itwasoneoftheearliest-knowninstancesofateamthatdecidedtoapologizelaterinsteadof

askingpermissionfirst,settingthestageforGoogle’s“20percenttime,”whereemployeesareencouragedtodowhatevertheywantaslongasit’soutsidetheirnormal60-hourworkweek.

MeetingoftheFiveFamilies1931

ThefirstmeetingoftheNewYorkFiveFamiliesestablishedaruleofconsensusamongtheMafiaandwascertainlyanearlierpredecessortotoday’sPayPalMafia.However,therealheroeshereweretheonesdoingthescheduling.Findinganeveningwhereeachofthesemobsterswasfreewasalogisticalnightmare10

timesworsethanadeadbodyfloatingintheriver.

Recordingof“WeAretheWorld”January28,1985

Ifyou’veeverhadtopullanall-nighterwithcolleagueswhodescribethemselvesas“rockstars,”youmighthaveasenseofwhatrecording“WeAretheWorld”waslike.Thankfullyforthisgroupproject,theyallleft

theiregosatthedoor(becausetherewasasignonthedoorthatsaid,“Leaveyouregosatthedoor”).

ADVANCEDMEETING

POWERMOVESTOGET

YOUPROMOTED(ORFIRED)

Atinyhandfulofyouhavelikelyalreadymasteredappearingsmartinmeetingsandhavebeenpromotednumeroustimesasaresult.Thisistrueformostmidcareerexecutiveswho’veclockedinover15,000hoursofmeetingtime.Butwhataboutthenext15,000hours?Forthat,you’llneedtomoveontosomeadvancedtactics.Findsomeinspirationinthese(unverified)storiesofunabashedmeeting

brilliance,successfullyexecutedbythemostpowerfulleadersinthecorporateworld.

CONFERENCECALLWHILESKYDIVING

Inthesummerof2012,awell-knowntechexecutivegaveapresentationfromahelicopterhoveringovertheconventioncenterwherehiscompany’skeynotewastakingplace.Thenhejumped,puttingeveryothervideoconferencecallinhistorytoshame.

LUNCHMEETINGEXCEPTYOU’RETHEONLYONEBEINGSERVEDFOOD

AcertainSanFranciscoexecutiveneverattendsmeetingsintheoffice.Instead,heinviteshisteamtohishouseoverlookingthewater,wheretheymeetinhisgranddiningroom.Healoneisservedlunchbyhispersonalchef,whiletheypresenttheirweeklyreportstohimandgohungry.

BRINGALONGYOURMASSEUSE

Anotherwell-knowntechexecutiveisknowntoattendmeetingswhilereceivingamassage,sayingithelpshis“processoforganicdecisionmaking.”Hearriveswithhismasseuse,whocarrieshismassagechair,thenproceedstodeliverhis“uh-huhs”and“mm-hmms”whilethekinksinhisneckareworkedout.

SCHEDULEANINTENSE,MULTIDAYMEETING

Whatproblemcan’tbesolvedbysittingtogetherinaconferenceroomallday,everyday,forfivedaysstraight?Championthisasagreatwaytotackletheneedforbigideas,teamdynamics,orproductfixes,andgetsomeoneelsetoplanitandrunitbypromisinghimapromotionattheendofthequarter(butstilltakecreditforcomingupwiththeidea).

Keepinmindthereisadirectcorrelationbetweeninsanemeetingbehaviorandhowsmartpeoplethinkyouare.Buttrythesetacticsonlyifthere’slittletonochancetheycanfireyou(likeifyou’retheCEOorifyou’reaprettyreliablewitnessinanongoingsexualharassmentlawsuit).

BUSINESSDINNERS

HOWTOAPPEARSMARTIN

FORCEDSOCIALSITUATIONSIfyouhaveabusinessdinneronyourcalendar,thatmeansyou’rewellonyourwaytobecomingaveryimportantperson.Notonlycanyounowtellyourcolleaguesthatyou’releavingearlytoattendabusinessdinnerbutalsoyoucantellyourfamilyyou’renotcominghomebecauseofabusinessdinner,andyoucansaytoyourmom,“Sorry,Mom,I’matabusinessdinner.”Onceyou’reatthebusinessdinner,however,youneedtodoeverythingyoucantoensurenoonerealizesyouprobablyshouldn’thavebeeninvited.

WHATTOTALKABOUTATABUSINESSDINNER

Source:TheCooperReview.com

TOPICSTODISCUSSLeonardCohenYourMastermindgroupMeditationNightvs.daydoulasBroadwayHowtocookduckTheimportanceofstorytellingRealHousewivesofNYYourloveforkaleYourtriathlontrainingSpaceXHumanitarianmissionsThefutureoftechnologyPorchetta

TOPICSTOAVOIDToastmastersofAmericaBeinganevangelistofanythingYour“experiments”YourfavoriteshotgunAlienconspiracytheoriesYourstruggleswithinvitroRealHousewivesofNJThecareeryouwishyouhadYourteenager’slatestarrestBodilyfunctionsBacon

Bringyourlaptopbag

Alwaysbringyourlaptopbagtobusinessdinners.Yourlaptopdoesn’tactuallyhavetobeinthebag;simplyhavingthebagmakesyoulooklikeyou’regoingtobeheadinghomeafterdinnertocontinueworking.

Whispersomethingtothepersonnexttoyou,thenlaugh

Leanoverandsaysomethingintotheearofthepersonnexttoyou—itcanbeanythingfrom“It’skindofcoldinhere,isn’tit?”to“Wherearethebreadsticks?”or“Doyouknowwhenthisthingissupposedtobeover?”Whateveryousay,it’llmakeyoulooklikeyou’rediscussingsomethingsecretiveandimportant.

Askthewaiterforarecommendation,thenordersomethingthatisn’tonthemenu

Askingforadvicemakesyoulooksmart.Completelyignoringitandleavingeveryonewonderingwhyyoubotheredtoaskforanyone’sopinioninthefirstplacemakesyoulooklikeaCEO.

Orderadrink

Dependingonwhatyouordertodrink,thereareseveralwaystoappearsmart.

Ifyouorderaglassofwine:Askwhenthebottlewasopened.Thismakesitseemlikequalityisveryimportanttoyou.

Ifyouorderbeer:MakesureyourbeerisasdarkasyourCEO’ssoul,ifthat’sevenpossible.

Ifyouorderaspecialtycocktail:Ordersomethingexoticthatnoone’severheardof;thiswayyou’llseemlikearealtrailblazer.

Ifyouorderwater:Giveyourwaiteradisapprovinglookifheoffersyoutapwater.(SeeEmotionalIntelligencePlan)

Lookyourcolleagueintheeyeandsay“Cheers”inaforeignlanguage

Remindeveryonethatit’ssevenyearsofbadsexifyoudon’tlookeachotherintheeyeswhiletoasting.Itwillmakeyouseemlikeyoucareabouttraditionandknowhistoryorsomething.Thenlearnhowtosay“cheers”insomeforeignlanguage.Thiswillmakeyouseemworldly,likeyoureallycouldhandlethoseinternationalaccounts.

Whensomeoneasks,“Whatareyoumostexcitedaboutinthecomingquarter?”say,“Innovation”

Whenthetopicofwhatyou’remostexcitedaboutcomesup(anditwill),talkaboutinnovation.Mentionsomethingaboutinnovationeffortsandinnovationopportunities.

Volunteersomeonetogiveaspeech

Volunteerthemostseniorpersonatthetabletogiveaspeechaboutthefuture.Ifyou’rethemostseniorperson,volunteerthenewestpersontotalkaboutwhathelovesmostabouthisnewteam.

Tellsomeoneshe’smadeagoodpointandthenpulloutyourphonetojotitdown

Whenoneofyourcolleaguesmakesapointaboutsomethingheseemstothinkisinteresting,pretendtobeimpressedandsayyoudon’twanttoforgetit.Pullyourphoneoutandmakeanoteofit.Thismakesyoulooklikeyouhaveanypoweratalltodoanythingaboutwhathejustsaid.Italsogivesyouachancetocheckyourmessageswithoutappearingrude.

Suggestaseatswitch

Longdinnertablesforceyoutohaveaconversationwiththesamepersonallnight.Askforaseatswaptogiveeveryoneachancetomingle;it’llmakeyoulooklikeyoucareaboutcamaraderieandgetyououtofhavinganyconversationsthataretoodeep.

Say“Pingmeaboutthattomorrow”

Ifanyonebringsupwork-relateditems,askhimtopingyouaboutittomorrow.Sincetheboozeisgoingonthecompany’sdime,thereisliterallynowayhewillremembertoactuallydoit,butyou’llseemimportantinthemoment.Andafterall,isn’tthatwhatreallymatters?

FOLLOW-UP

INBETWEENMEETINGS

DOWNTIMEIS

YOURTIMETOSHINE

Evenwhenyou’renotinameeting,it’simportantthatyoucontinuetoappearsmart.

1. SENDATHANK-YOUE-MAILAftereachmeeting,sendane-mailtoallattendeesandthankthemfortakingthetimetomeet.Andthanktheorganizerfororganizingandthankthenotetakerfortakingnotes.Andthankthepersonwhobroughtsnacks.Andifnoonebroughtsnacks,suggesttherebesnacksnexttime.

2.WALKAROUNDWITHYOURLAPTOPOPENUseanantiglarescreenonyourlaptopsothatnoonecantellyou’reactuallyreadingthenews.

3.ALWAYSUSEA“SENTFROMMYPHONE”E-MAILSIGNATUREUsea“sentfrommyphone”signature,evenwhenyou’renotsendingfromyourphone.Thismakesyoulooklikeyou’realwaysbusyandonthegoandalsogetsyououtofproofreading.

4. SAYYOUDIDN’TSEETHATONYOURCALENDARInsteadofshowinguptoameeting,simplydon’t.Whenyouarepingedaboutjoining,sayyoudidn’tseeitonyourcalendar.Thefactthattheycouldn’tstartthemeetingwithoutyouwillmakeyoulookveryimportant.

5. SUGGESTAMEETINGWhenane-mailthreadgetspast25replies,acontestofefficiencyhasbegunandthefirstpersontosuggestameetingisthewinner.Bethatwinner.Suggestthatmeeting.

6. REQUESTAPOSTMORTEMWhenaprojectgetscanceled,requestapostmortemtodeterminewhatwentwrong.Sayyou’dreallyliketobetherewhenthepostmortemispresented,soyoucanlearnfromothers’mistakes.

7. COMPLAINABOUTHOWMANYMEETINGSYOUHAVEAlwayscomplainabouthowmanymeetingsyouhave,butneversayexactlyhowmany—justtakehowmanymeetingsotherpeoplehaveanddoubleit.That’showmanymeetingsyouhave.

8.WRITEAMEMOABOUTUNPRODUCTIVEMEETINGSSendamemosayinghowyouwishmeetingscouldbemoreproductive.

9. SCHEDULEAMEETINGCALLED“QUICK

CHAT”WITHONEOFYOURMOREANNOYINGCOWORKERSThenkeeppostponingitatthelastminutewithoutanyexplanation.Whenheaskswhatthemeetingisabout,sayyou’lldiscussitinthemeeting,whichyouknowwillneverhappen.

10. SCHEDULEAMEETINGABOUTREDUCINGTHENUMBEROFMEETINGSGeteveryonetogetherinaroomandwonderifthereshouldbemeeting-freedays,ormeeting-freeafternoons,ormeeting-freemornings.Runoutoftimeanddecidetocontinuethediscussioninanothermeeting.

Many,manythankstoeveryonewhoreadandsharedtheoriginalarticleonMedium,Facebook,Twitter,andeverywhereelse;allofmyextendedsocialmediafamilyfortheircontinualsupport,ideas,andfeedback;MattEllsworth,TamaraOlson,andDavidBishopforreadingandimproving

eachandeveryearlydraft;ChristianBaxter,SophieGassée,andJeffreyPalmforbeingmyfearlesslybelievablemeetingmodels;OssieKhan,myskydivingexpert;themostkick-assagentandbestlunchdateintheworld,SusanRaihofer(andChristinaHarcarforbringingustogether);themostpatienteditorintheworld,PattyRice;theentireteamatAndrewsMcMeelforsupportingthisprojectandwelcomingmetothefamily;mysister,Charmaine,forenduringendlesstextmessages;Mom,Dad,Rachael,George,Susie,Ryan,Tyler,IrenetheFourth,IrenetheFifth,and,mostofall,myhusband

Jeff,thepersonwhocracksmeupandkeepsmegoing.Iloveyou.

100TrickstoAppearSmartinMeetingscopyright©2016bySarahCooper.Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybeusedorreproducedinanymannerwhatsoeverwithoutwrittenpermissionexceptinthecaseofreprintsinthe

contextofreviews.

AndrewsMcMeelPublishingadivisionofAndrewsMcMeelUniversal

1130WalnutStreet,KansasCity,Missouri64106

www.andrewsmcmeel.com

ISBN:978-1-4494-8187-2

LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2016937784

Editor:PattyRiceDesigner,ArtDirector:DianeMarshProductionManager:TamaraHausProductionEditor:ErikaKusterEbookDeveloper:KristenMinter

ATTENTION:SCHOOLSANDBUSINESSESAndrewsMcMeelbooksareavailableatquantitydiscountswithbulkpurchaseforeducational,business,orsalespromotionaluse.Forinformation,pleasee-mailtheAndrewsMcMeelPublishingSpecialSalesDepartment:

specialsales@amuniversal.com.

SarahCooperhasappearedsmartinvirtuallyeverymeetingshe’severattended,eventhevirtualones.DuringhertimeatYahoo!andGoogle,Sarahbeganjottingdownthesetrickswhilepretendingtopayattention.Soonafter,shecreatedthesatiricalblog,TheCooperReview.com,readbyhundredsofthousandsaroundtheworld.Sarahliveswithherhusband,Jeff,inSanFranciscoand,whennotmakingfunofeverything,enjoysstand-upcomedy,90srock,andbothsunnyandcloudydaysequally.

Sharingyourthoughtscanhelpusimproveourebooks.Wewouldappreciateyourfeedback.Thankyou!

ebooks@amuniversal.com

CheckouttheseothergreattitlesfromAndrewsMcMeelPublishing!

TableofContentsLetMeTellYouWhatI’mGoingtoTellYoubeforeITellYouAgainPartOne:SettingtheStage1.ConferenceRoomPlaybook:EnteringtheRoom2.GeneralMeetings:10KeyStrategiesforAppearingSmart3.WhiteboardTactics:21MeaninglessDiagramsYouCanDraw4.One-on-One:HowtoConvinceYourCoworkerYouCare5.EmotionalIntelligencePlan:WhattoDowithYourFace6.ConferenceCalls:HowtoSoundSmartoverthePhone7.GoingGlobal:HowtoAppearSmartinMeetingsaroundtheWorldPartTwo:CoreConversation8.ConferenceRoomPlaybook:OwningtheRoom9.Teammeetings:HowtoManageOpticsLikeaBoss10.LeaningalltheWayIn:AttendingMeetingsinaMale-DominatedWorkplace11.ImpromptuMeetings:HowtoHandleMeetingSneakAttacksLikeaNinja12.How toMakeYourMeetingSeemLessLike aMeetingEvenThough it’sTotallyaMeeting

13.Presentations:HowtoNailtheBigPitchbyNotSayingMuchofAnything14.MeetingSpeakCheatSheet:DecipheringWhatEveryoneIsSaying15.BrainstormingMeetings:HowtoBePerceivedastheCreativeForceonYourTeam

PartThree:NextSteps16.ConferenceRoomPlaybook:LeavingtheRoom17.NetworkingEvents:How toBuildRelationshipswithPeopleYou’llNeverSeeAgain

18.WhattoDowithYourHandsDuringaNetworkingEvent19.TeambuildingOffsites:JoiningtheCorporateCultureClub20.FamousMeetingsThroughHistory21.AdvancedMeetingPowerMovestoGetYouPromoted(orFired)22.BusinessDinners:HowtoAppearSmartinForcedSocialSituations23.InBetweenMeetings:DowntimeIsYourTimetoShine