FROM CONFLICT TO RESOLUTION

Outcomes• Reflect on their personal response to difficult people

and conflict• Recognize the range and styles in which difficult

people present themselves• Examine a framework for response• Learn how to respond to difficult situations and

behaviour• Explore the principles of conflict resolution and

alternative dispute resolution• Identify ways in which conflict can be prevented• Interact and network with colleagues

Agenda

Individual ReflectionThink of a recent situation when you found itdifficult to deal with someone else’s behaviour.

How did you respond?

How would you have preferred to have handledthe situation?

What “hot buttons” got pushed for you?

Did you strike back?

Give in?

Break off the relationship?

The Conflict Triangle

Factors Influencing Your Reaction to Difficult People

• Attitudes/Value System/Culture of the Workplace

• Skills/Communications/Problem Solving (Can be learned)

• Personal Style: Task vs. Relationship

• Reactions to Conflict: Fight or Flight (Learned early)

How Do You Respond to Conflict?

Your Personal Conflict Resolution Style

1) Withdrawing/Avoiding (The Turtle)

2) Forcing/Competing (The Shark)

3) Smoothing/Accommodating (The Teddy Bear)

4) Compromising (The Fox)

5) Collaborating (The Owl)

CONCERN FOR RELATIONSHIP

CONCERN FOR PERSONAL GOALS

ACCOMMODATOR (Teddy Bear)

•LOW GOAL ORIENTATION

•HIGH RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION

COLLABORATOR (Owl)

•HIGH GOAL ORIENTATION

•HIGH RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION

AVOIDER (Turtle)

•LOW GOAL ORIENTATION

•LOW RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION

CONTROLLER (Shark)

•HIGH GOAL ORIENTATION

•LOW RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION

COMPROMISER (Fox)

•NEGOTIATED GOAL ORIENTATION

•NEGOTIATED RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION

(BLAKE, ROBERT AND MOUTOON, JANE, CORPORATE EXCELLENCE THROUGH GRID DEVELOPMENT, HOUSTON: GULF PUBLISHING, 1971)

Difficult People and their Differences

Hostile Aggressives

“What do you mean the teacher is out on yard duty? Have hercall me before lunch.”

The Complainer

“The communication book never gets home. How am I supposed to know that you’re going on a field trip?”

The Super Agreeable

“Of course I will make sure she does her homework. Yes, I do realize it is the Grade 6 testing coming up.”

The Clam

No response to the 8 messages you’ve left concerning a pupil.

Meyers-Briggs Personality Types and Conflict Resolution

Extrovert (E)

Introvert (I)

Sensing (S)

Intuitive (N)

Thinking (T)

Feeling (F)

Judgement (J)

Perception (P)

Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People

1. Hostile Aggressives

2. Complainers

3. Super Agreeables

4. Clams

Active Listening Techniques

Encourage

Clarify

Restate

Reflect

Summarize

Validate

Improving Your Listening Skills• Be motivated• Choose an appropriate area• Avoid ‘common mistakes’• Respect the speaker• Be aware of biases• Be aware of red flags• Actively listen• Take time to think• Avoid ‘emotional hijack’

Assertive, Aggressive and Unassertive Behaviour

ASSERTIVE

You Do: You Don’t:• Ask for what you want •Violate other people’s

rights•Expect other people

to guess what you want

•Freeze with anxiety

Assertive, Aggressive and Unassertive Behaviour

AGGRESSIVE

You Do: You Don’t:• Try to get what you want• Respond in whatever way

works• Often cause bad feelings in

others• Threaten, cajole,

manipulate, use sarcasm, fight

•Respect that others have a right to have their needs met

•Look for situations in which you both might be able to get what you want (win/win situations)

Assertive, Aggressive and Unassertive Behaviour

UNASSERTIVE

You Do: You Don’t:• Hope that you will get what

you want

• Stifle your feelings

• Rely on others to guess what you want

•Ask for what you want

•Express your feelings

•Usually get what you want

•Upset anyone

•Get noticed

Assertive Communication Techniques

• Assertive Body Language• Broken Record Technique• Requesting Specific Feedback• Acknowledging Criticism• Acknowledging the Truth

Moving From Positions to Interests

Principled Negotiation

• Agree that there is a problem• Separate the people from the problem• Assess various perspectives• Focus on interests• Create a variety of options• Choose solutions • Plan for action

Negotiation: Seven Key Elements1.Interests

2.Options

3.Alternatives

4.Legitimacy

5.Communication

6.Relationship

7.Commitment

Develop your BATNA

Best AlternativeTo aNegotiated Agreement

DON’T REACT

Go to the balcony

The Breakthrough Strategy

DON’T ARGUE

Step to their side

The Breakthrough Strategy

DON’T REJECT

Reframe

The Breakthrough Strategy

DON’T PUSH

Build them a golden bridge

The Breakthrough Strategy

DON’T ESCALATE

Use power to educate

The Breakthrough Strategy

Self Assessment

The Leader’s LamentOr

I Just Can’t Please Everyone!

CONCLUSION