From Natural Cutie to Natural Beauty

7/31/2019 From Natural Cutie to Natural Beauty

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PRESENT DAY

natural cutie (noun) nah-tur-all cue-tee: One who is naturally appealing

to the eye.

natural beauty (noun) nah-tur-all buy-tee: One who is naturally very

attractive to others.

Have you ever heard of a natural beauty? Of course you have.

Theres always that one girl in every school whos totally stunning and

just makes it look...effortless. Her hairs always perfect, her makeups

flawless, and her clothes just make her amazing body look even more

amazing.

Well, let me tell you something. That girl spends hours on her hair

every morning to get it to look like that, and has practiced for weeks to

learn to apply her makeup so precisely. And her body? Lets just sayshe works her butt off to keep her butt so perky.

How do I know? You may have already guessed. Im one of them.

I wasnt always a natural beauty. I wasnt even a natural cutie.

And dont try to tell me its some silly self-esteem thing, because at my

school, the guys make lists. Yeah, lists. Some computer geek must

have done the grunt work and made the website for the jocks who run it,

because its pretty intense. It lists (with pictures) the top ten Beauties

and the top ten Cuties in the school. Its updated almost daily, but the

lists dont change much. Oh, sometimes a top-ranking Cutie will have a

good day or two and will be bumped up to Beauty, or some unknown will

wear a revealing dress and get noticed for the first time, but the top

Beauties havent changed all year.

Sounds pretty stupid, right? But you wouldnt believe how much

importance is placed on these lists. Being on the Cuties guarantees you

a hot date whenever you want one, and being a Beauty pretty means

youre set for life.

Okay, maybe not life. But definitely for high school.

Now, Im number one on the Beauty list, and my best friends

number one on the Cutie list. Together, we rule the school. The once-popular witches now sit lonely in the corners, and weve got the hot

guys all to ourselves. Sounds pretty sweet, right? Heck yes it is. But it

was a lot of work to get there. Wondering how it happened?

Sounds like youre ready to hear my story.


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CHAPTER ONE

August 26th

10:16 A.M.

Heidi! Wake up!

Who is calling me at this ungodly hour? I moan and toss a pillowover my head. It sounds like my friend Kristin, but shes never awake

before noon on a weekend. And especially not a summer weekend.

I feel the bed wobble as someone throws themselves onto the

other side of the mattress. Kristin whips the pillow off my head and

laughs. Why are you still in bed?

I open one eye to glare at her. Why arent you?

She laughs again; I watch her, confused. Why are you in such a

good mood? I ask finally.

Because, silly, youre looking at Riverwood high schools number

one Cutie! she beams.

Now Im awake. Youre the number one Cutie? Seriously?

She lays back, suddenly glum. She never used to be this bipolar, I

think groggily. No. But Im going to be number one. I swear. By junior

prom this year, Ill be the number one Cutie.

I snort. Yeah, and Ill be the number one Beauty. I walk over to

my full-length mirror and examine my terrible tan line.

She doesnt pick up on the sarcasm. You know, you really could

be, she muses thoughtfully. Youve got real potential, Heidi.

Yeah, whatever. Ive heard this before.She puts both hands on my shoulders and spins me to face her.

Come on, Heidi! Dont you want to show up Monica?

Monica is the number one Beauty right now. Shes a junior like us,

and a witch. Honestly. Shes got this super pale skin and really dark,

shiny hair, but somehow it works for her. Shes also the most unnatural

Beauty youll find anywhere. Boob job, anyone? Plus, she completely


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hates me because I made varsity field hockey last year and she got

stuck on JV. Please. Like its my fault Im athletic and shes not.

There really arent any hot senior girls, Kristin continues, getting

excited. You could so be number one Beauty! And then well have the

best senior year ever. She spins in excitement and falls over on my

bed.

What about you? Dont you want to be number one Beauty? I

counter.

Please. Cuties get all of the perks without all of the pressure.

Plus, Im way more of a Cutie than a Beauty. She comes over and

stands next to me in front of the mirror.

Studying our reflections, Ive got to agree with her. Well, about

the part that shes a Cutie, not a Beauty. Shes your typical girl-next-

door. Slightly wavy brown hair, a good amount of freckles. Shes short

and has all the curves I lack. Me? Im not Cutie OR Beauty material.Im just long and leggy. Think model-like. Not that Im gorgeous, just

the lack of curves. Ive got blah dirty blonde hair and pale skin. Nothing

remarkable. She could definitely be a Cutie. Its just that I couldnt be a

Beauty.

Kristin, I sigh, flopping back on my bed. Why the sudden

interest in making the list?

Shes suddenly serious. Because Im tired of being ignored,

Heidi. We never get dates. We havent even ever had boyfriends!

I cant argue with that. Ive never had a boyfriend, ever. Ive

never even been kissed! Our love lives are completely pathetic. To be

fair, I wasnt even interested in guys until freshman year, but Ive had

two whole years and nothing ever happened with my crushes.

Yeah, I know. But those lists are just based on looks. You cant

just change what you look like.

She put both hands on my shoulders. Yes. You can. If you try

hard enough. Are you in?

I think about my freshman and sophomore years, about how sad

my life has been. Im athletic. Thats my only claim to fame. I play

three varsity sports: field hockey, basketball, and lacrosse. Other thanthat, Im really boring. I get decent grades, but nothing remarkable.

Ive got my circle of friends, but mostly its just me and Kristin. And the

guy Ive been crushing on for two years, Ryan Nolton, is my

archenemys boyfriend.

On a scale of one to ten, Id say my life ranks an eleven on

suckiness factor.


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I consider. One of Kristins best (and most annoying) qualities is

that she never gives up. Last year, I foolishly agreed to help her lose

ten pounds, and she wouldnt stop nagging me to exercise until she lost

all the weight. It took five months. Five months of early-morning yoga

and such.

Okay, I say slowly. On one condition.

Shes already hopping around my room, yelping with glee. She

sounds and looks like a spastic flamingo. At that, she turns and surveys

me, clasping her hands together. What? she asks cautiously.

Weve got to do this the real way. Not by using ten pounds of

makeup, or buying insane push-up bras, or whatever else you can think

of. Were going to be natural. I insist.

She looks me over, considering. Fine. Nothing too drastic.

Then she smiles happily. Lets get to work.

I pad into the bathroom and wash my face. Were doing thistoday?

Heidi, we have like five days until school starts, Kristin points

out. We have to get moving on this.

I frown. I guess. Wow, junior year really is starting soon.

Kristin whips out a notebook and plops down on my bed. Okay.

Well just write down everything we have to change and then we can do

it all tomorrow.

Tomorrow? I repeat curiously. Kristin seems so anxious to start

my new look. Im surprised she isnt pushing me out the door right now.

Why does she want to wait a whole day?

Tonights the block party, Kristin prompts, her eyes wide, like

she cant believe Id have forgotten such an important event. Everyone

who lives in our neighborhood goes. All the families pitch in and rent a

carousel and a moonbounce. Theres always tons of people there and

an excess of great food. It would actually be fun except for one little

detail.

I roll my eyes. Do we have to go to that? We go every year. And

its never any fun.

Ryan always goes, Kristin coaxes.And he always brings Monica! I remind her. Thats the little

detail.

Kristin shrugs. Maybe he wont! Maybe shell have something

better to do than go to some lame neighborhood party.

I hope so, I say fervently.

She looks at me pleadingly.


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And fine, well go. I sigh in pretend annoyance.

Kristin is too busy scribbling in her notebook to celebrate her

victory. I glance over her shoulder curiously, but she rips out the page

shes writing on and folds it tightly. There, she says, putting it on my

dresser. Thats what were going to do tomorrow.

I wrinkle my forehead incredulously. Thats it? Were done for

today?

Yup, says Kristin, bounding up. Thats it. Look over the list I

left so youre ready for tomorrow. Come to my house at six and we can

go to the block party together.

She heads to the door but I move and block her path. Hold up, I

say in real annoyance. You woke me up so you could spend five

seconds here and leave?

Kristin grins at me and dances right by. Pretty much! See you at

six!I groan and flop down on my pillow. Sometimes I really hate her.

August 26

6:12 P.M.

Kristin, come on, I whine. Were going to be late.

She stops applying mascara long enough to give me a look.

Heidi, you cant be late for a block party.

It started twelve minutes ago, I say, glancing at the clock on her

wall. Actually, thirteen.

Kristin pursues her lips. No one ever gets there in the first hour

anyway.

I cant argue with that one. In all honesty, I just want to get there

quickly so I can make a super-speedy appearance and get home. I have

field hockey at 8:00 tomorrow morning. Okay. I know that just made

me sound like a complete loser, but its not like this is the event of the

year anyway.

Kristin finishes her makeup application and then turns to me. She

surveys my outfit and then raises an eyebrow at my hair and makeup.Oh, really, Heidi? Youre not honestly going looking like that?

Im offended. Whats that supposed to mean?

She grabs my upper arms and steers me in front of her full-length

mirror. Look at you. I do. Im wearing cute denim cutoffs, flip-flops,

and a basketball t-shirt from a tournament last winter. My dirty blonde

hair is in low braids and I have just a touch of lip gloss on.


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What? I ask defensively. I think I look cute. This is the perfect

causal outfit.

Kristin shakes her head. Its okay, Heidi. I can fix this. She

tosses me a light blue halter top and a pair of white and tan wedges that

remind me of the beach. Put these on.

I dont fit into any of your clothes. I point out, balling up the

blue shirt and throwing it back.

Kristin raises an eyebrow.

Usually I would put up more of a fight, but it occurs to me that Im

going to have to get used to listening to Kristin about my appearance if

Im actually going to try this Beauty thing. Fine, I sigh. I take off the

offending shirt and shoes and replace them with Kristins suggestions.

Thank gosh were going shopping tomorrow, Kristin mutters

under her breath as she snaps the elastics out of my hair. We cant get

through the whole year with you borrowing my clothes. She puts somehair gel on her hands and twists my hair around her fingers. She fluffs it

up a little longer and then twirls me in front of the mirror. Ta-da!

I glance in the mirror. My hair looks summery and waves gently to

the small of my back. I twirl a strand around my finger reflexively. I

wish it was a little blonder or something; the color was a little drab. But

the texture was nice.

Kristin raised an eyebrow as she slapped some mascara into my

hand. Do you know how to use this or do I have to do this for you too?

Very funny, I say sarcastically as I turn to her mirror and begin

applying it. I turn back to her when Im finished. How do I look? Do I

pass inspection?

Kristin rolls her eyes. Youll do.

Ill settle for that. I grab my cell phone and slip it into my back

pocket. Lets go, then.

Kristin calls goodbye to her older brother, Sean, and we head

outside. Her parents are already out here, along with what looks like

half of Riverwood Public and mostly all of our town. Im a little wobbly in

her wedges on the stairs, but they really arent that hard to walk in once

we reach the level ground of the pavement.To our right is the carousel. Hordes of little kids swarm around it,

begging their parents to watch them ride and jostling in line for the first

pick of their steed. Directly ahead is the moonbounce, which is typically

the teenage hangout at these things. Dont ask me why. Personally, Id

think the high-school kids would be hanging out around the food (to our


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left) and drinks, because there are coolers and coolers of beer and the

adults in charge are very easy to distract.

Come on, lets get something to drink, Kristin says, and we walk

over. We both grab Sprites and I see Ryans best friend, Noel-the-

second-hottest-guy-in-school-who-might-even-be-hotter-than-Ryan-if-it-

wasnt-for-his-repuatation, sneaking two beers from an unguarded

cooler. He catches me watching him and smiles. I feel my heart speed

up.

Noel totallyjust looked at you, Heidi, Kristin whispers calmly,

but I can hear the excitement in her voice.

Yeah, but thats all any guy ever does: look, I say glumly.

Look at what? a voice sneers from behind us. I wince and Kristin

meets my eyes in horror as we both turn slowly around. Its her.

Monicas standing there, shadowed by Diane, whose curly hair has

so much volume that its leaning dangerously close to an afro. She curlsher mouth up in disgust. Theres definitely not much to look at here.

Monica is wearing a skintight cream sheath and strappy gold

sandals. I swear, she is the onlypale person I know who can pull off

gold accessories. Her wavy black hair is up in a pretty French twist and

her makeup, as always, is flawless. Next to her, I feel like Raggedy Anne

in the shadow of Supermodel Barbie.

Anyway, see what I mean? This girl is pure evil. She doesnt even

try to sugarcoat it.

Out of my way, losers. She pushes right through us. Diane

follows, sniggering. Boyfriends dont like to be kept waiting. Then she

looks back over her shoulder at us and widens her eyes innocently. Oh,

but I forgot. You two wouldnt know because youve never had any!

She throws her head back and cackles as she and Diane saunter

over to the drinks and sneak two beers each. Then they snake through

the crowd and I see Ryans messy brown hair and signature leather

jacket through a gap. Is it pathetic that I can tell its him from a hundred

yards away? Monica throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. I

turn away in disgust. I dont want to see that.

Come on, Heidi, says Kristin gently, pulling on my arm. Sheseems to sense how upset I am. Lets go home. We retrace our steps

and walk back up the street to her house. She pauses in front of the

steps and catches my arm before I can continue down the street.

You see why weve got to do this? she asks seriously, her face

illuminated only by the flickering streetlight above us. They cant be


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allowed to walk all over everyone like that. We have to change things.

And the Lists are our way to do that.

I set my jaw in determination. Believe me, Kristin, I am so ready

to take them down.

August 27

2:18 P.M.

Im sitting on my front steps, waiting for Kristin to pick me up.

Shes got a car. My parents think that I need to earn my first car, which

basically means Ill get one after college, since I only have a lousy-

paying part time job.

I look down at the crumpled list in my hand. We spent all

yesterday afternoon brainstorming ideas to turn me into a Beauty and

finally compiled a list to be completed before school starts. Then, Kristinsays, well unveil the new me. Whatever that means. I just hope this

doesnt interfere with field hockey training. I re-read it one more time.

1. CHANGE THE HAIR.

That sounds ominous, to say the least. I finger my hair. Whats wrong

with it?

2. LEARN TO APPLY MAKEUP.

I wince. Ive never been much of a makeup person. A little mascara and

lip gloss has been all Im able to handle.

3. KICK-ASS BODY.

Well, Ill definitely be in shape from field hockey. I hope thats what she

means. I frown, distinctly remembering telling her that we were going

to be natural. Hopefully she knows that Im stuck with what Ive got.

4. A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE.

Eek. Usually, this would be the biggest concern for me, since Ive got no

income of my own. But Kristin went above my head on this one. My

mom was her high schools Homecoming Queen, and Prom Queen, and

all those other Queens, so she could never figure out why I never


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became the super-popular cheerleader that she was. I guess she hoped

it was in my genetics. Well, she was wrong about that.

So, naturally, when Kristin went to my mom and told her I was

going to reinvent myself, my mom was falling all over herself to help.

Shes given me five hundred dollars to spend. That probably sounds

extremely generous. But I dont really cost my family much (especially

compared to my younger sister!) so I guess she seized the opportunity

to make up for that. Anyway, that money along with what Ive saved

from my part-time job at the ice cream store in town should be enough

for whatever Kristin has in mind.

A horn beeps impatiently and I look up to see Kristins in my

driveway. I hop up and get in the passenger seat of her old red car. Im

so jealous of this car.

She immediately notices what Im clutching in my hand. Ah, so

youve been studying the list! Kristin smirks as she puts the car inreverse.

Lists, lists, lists, I grumble. Is that all anybody talks about in

this town?

She looks at me and laughs. Get used to it, Heidi. The Lists are

going to a huge part of your life this year.

I raise my eyebrows at her. Someones sure cocky about what

she can do with me. You dont have much to work with for raw

material.

She waves an airy hand as we roll to a smooth stop at a red light.

Just leave it to me, Heidi. Leave it to me.

Im not so sure about this, I say timidly.

Kristin rolls her eyes. She and I both know I never go back on my

word. Come on. Dont you want Ryan Nolton?

Of course! But hes been with Monica for two years. You know

how long that is in high school? Its like the equivalent of an eighty-

year marriage! I moan.

Kristin laughs. Then youre the young Playboy bunny who breaks

up their marriage once Monica is all old and wrinkly.

I burst out laughing at the fact that she just compared me to aPlayboy bunny and dont notice where we are until Kristin turns the car

off. I glance up at the glossy black front of a luxury hair salon.

What are we doing here? I ask slowly. I always just go to Quick

Cuts- its right around the corner, I can show you the way.

Kristin shakes her head. You need a real haircut, Heidi. And this

is the best place to go. Trust me.


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Unwillingly, I allow myself to be dragged into the salon. A pretty

receptionist smiles at me and tells me to go right on into the back. I

walk down the hallway, feeling queasy.

I get to the back room, where everything is completely white, and

I feel nervous. Im not a big change person, so cutting my hair is never

easy for me. Thats basically why I just let it do whatever.

Ah, you must be Heidi! says an Italian man, coming up to me.

His accent is thick and I have to concentrate to understand him. Hes

dressed in head-to-toe glowing white clothes. How does he keep his

clothes so clean? Its all I can do to keep my field hockey uniform semi-

white and not completely green from grass stains.

He leads me over to a workstation and plops me down in the chair.

He places his hands on my shoulders and studies me in the mirror.

Now, your friend told me you want a real change. He wiggles his

fingers jazz-hand style. You want to turn heads! Well, Ive got theperfect look for you.

He spins me away from the mirror and notices my alarm. Oh,

dont worry. Its much more fun this way- you get the whole impact

when Im done.

I nod weakly. Im so going to get Kristin back for this.

The next hour passes quickly. I lose myself in daydreams, trying

not to think about what hes doing. I do a pretty good job, too. The only

time Im aware of what going on is when he puts something that smells

terrible in my hair and leaves it there for a while. My nose wrinkles and I

try hard to breathe only through my mouth.

You look beautiful, Heidi, he says, smiling.

I glance up. Does this mean hes done?

He spins me around and I let out a gasp of shock when I see my

reflection.

Japanese straightening treatment, Heidi. Semi-permanent, that

will last two or three months. Ive cut some side bangs, and of course

the color. I thought your old one was a bit drab... He trails off,

assessing my reaction.

I stare at the girl in the mirror. I barely recognize her. She starestimidly back. Her hair is a deep brown-black, impossibly glossy. It

stretches down her back, pin-straight and gorgeous. I notice that she

has pretty side bangs, which half-cover one of her eyes. Her eyebrows

are plucked to perfection and dyed the color of her hair- how did I miss

him doing that?


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The strangest thing, though, is that it looks natural. This new

color suits my skin tone even better than my old one did. I look like a

pale girl with natural, deep brown hair.

Wow, I whisper, finally. Wow. I look...

Gorgeous! a familiar voice shrieks. Oh, Heidi, its great!

Kristin appears behind me and hugs my stylist. You did a wonderful

job.

I cant help smiling as we head over to the glistening white

counter to pay. You had Antonio? the woman behind the counter

asks. Color and cut?

I nod yes to both questions and she punches something in the

register. A hundred and thirty-nine dollars, please, she requests.

Even thatcant completely bring me down when I keep catching

glimpses of a pretty dark-haired girl and realizing its me. Although Im

definitely going to run out of money if everything is this expensive.Im still dazed as we walk out to the car and start driving again.

Kristin catches me checking myself out in the side mirror. She laughs.

Cant get enough of yourself, huh?

I blush. Its just so different. But in a good way. Thank you.

She waves her hand. Thank me when youre the number one

Beauty. Next stop, Sephora.

When we reach the makeup store, Kristin recruits a professional to

come over and give me a makeover. I try to pay attention to everything

she does, because I like the results. I look like me, just better. And the

way shes applied the makeup makes me look fresh-faced, like Im

barely wearing any make-up at all. I end up purchasing everything the

woman used: a light tinted moisturizer, rosy blush, a palette of brown

eye shadows to bring out my blue eyes, very dark brown eyeliner, and

volumizing mascara. It comes to almost a hundred dollars, which leaves

me with just over five hundred for clothes.

Are you sure you dont want to buy any other makeup? Kristin

asks hesitantly as were walking out.

I hold up my bag of goods and wave it at her. I think I got

enough, I laugh.Kristin bites her lip. I know. She points to a mirror on the wall

next to us and I drink in my reflection. The makeup is subtle and just

emphasizes my blue eyes, which are my favorite feature.

You look good, Kristin hesitates, for school, she qualifies.

What about for parties and football games and stuff? You need darker

eyeliner, brighter eye shadow, something! You need a night look, too.


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I give her a look and she knows whats coming. I know, I know.

Were going to be natural, she says, mimicking me. No, Kristin, you

cant make me look amazing.

I snort. I do notsound like that. She made me sound like a

screechy old lady.

Its fine, Kristin says, skipping ahead of me out of Sephora. Just

wait until you get a taste of being a Beauty. Soon youll be begging me

to help you go more drastic.

I only shake my head. I know that will never happen, even if

Kristin is convinced otherwise.

We spend the rest of the day at the mall. Kristin tells me what to

buy: flowered skirts, tight denim miniskirts, lots of jeans, especially

skinny jeans, pretty graphic t-shirts, cardigans, sweaters, and jewelry. I

follow her advice, but shes skeptical.

You know, Heidi, youre going to have to dress yourself in themornings, she warns. I dont want you calling me every morning at six

A.M.

I run my hands over a pretty blue halter shirt with detailed

stitching on the back and hold it up for her approval. She gives me a

thumbs-up.

See? Im learning, I pull the shirt off the rack and drape it over

my arm, adding to the huge pile Ive already got.

Yes, but you need to know how to put together a good outfit by

yourself. Kristin looks around the large department store were in.

Youve got ten minutes. Find your look for the first day of school.

I look at her beseechingly, but her mouths set in a stubborn line

and I can tell she means it. Fine, I huff. I dash around the store,

trying to decide what to wear. Finally, Ive gotten something together

and I go into the dressing room to try it on.

I study myself in the mirror. Im wearing dark wash skinny jeans,

tucked into high grey suede boots. I have a navy v-neck graphic tee

with a pretty silver flower design on it. Ive layered two different long

necklaces.

When I step outside, Kristin grins in excitement. Youve got it,Heidi. Number one Beauty, here you come.

I twirl, admiring my reflection in the mirror. You think?

Totally, she gushes. Just one more stop.

I raise an eyebrow quizzically. Whats left? Once I pay for

everything Ive bought at this store, Ill be down to under a hundred

dollars. I really hope Kristin knows my funds arent unlimited.


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CHAPTER TWO

August 31

10:45 p.m.

Theres something I didnt tell you earlier. Im actually already on

the Cutie list, and so is Kristin. Before you get all excited, heres the

thing: Were numbers nine and ten, and were only on there because

were friends with this jock Mark and he makes his upperclassmen

friends vote for us, and everyone knows it. So its not like we get any of

the perks that Cuties get. And theres no one whos so pretty that she

definitely deserves to bump us off. Theres a bunch of girls who are

prettier than us, obviously, but theyre not far enough above us to

change anything.

Theres another list, too, but no one likes thinking about it

because its so mean. Its the Uglies, and your social life is o-v-e-r if

youre ever placed on there. The saddest part is, the girls on there are

so geeky or weird that they have no idea the List even exists, so its not

like they can defend themselves. Number one is this girl Annabeth,

whos number one in our class and the queen of all nerds. I always feel

bad when I look at the Uglies list. Everyone on there is just so nice (well,

except for Karen. Shes number three and is hard-core Goth, and shell

just about rip your throat out if you so much as say hi to her), and

theyve got no idea of the humiliation theyre suffering online.I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Now that Ive got the

hair, I know theres no going back. Is this even worth it?

Ryan Nolton.

Yes, its worth it. Anythings worth it if he dumps Monica and goes

out with me. The two things I want most in this world: Monica


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wont notice the similar color- God knows she thinks shes too important

to notice us normal people.

I sink back down, slightly reassured. With Monica, though, its

always better to be safe than sorry. Because she will make you sorry.

I get out of bed and go over to my desk. My laptop is still on, so I

open up the internet and quickly find RiverwoodLists.com. The home

page is always the number one of every spot: Beauty on the left, Cutie

in the middle, and Ugly on the right. Monica Hora. Casey Belle. Caseys

nice; I like her. Shes a senior with wavy brown hair and warm caramel

eyes. And Annabeth Parker. Poor Annabeth. With her thick glasses,

acne problems, and unfortunate haircut, shell be number one Ugly until

the day she graduates.

To me, these three are stereotypical of high school. The Beauties-

Monica are always fake and unnatural, but still gorgeous. The Cuties-

Casey are sweet and well-liked, but will never be knockouts. And theUglies- Annabeth vary the most, but always hate high school.

I click on Monicas face, and the entire Beauty list pops up. I scan

it hungrily, assessing my competition. Kristins right- theres not many

pretty girls in the senior class. Theres actually only one senior on here,

and shes just gotten pregnant, so she wont be Beautiful for long. I feel

bad for thinking it, but its true. These lists are based purely on looks,

and when youve gained thirty pounds youd be lucky to stay off the

Ugly list.

I scan the rest of the list. Five of the girls are an unnatural shade

of blonde. I smile to myself. Everyone knows that guys actual prefer a

natural color to a color that only comes in crayons. Number three is

Lexi, a stunning girl with natural honey-blonde hair. I wince; shell be

hard to pass. The last three are Monicas cronies- another unnatural

blonde, a curly brown-haired girl, and a redhead. Michelle, Diane, and

Katie. I study their pictures reflectively. Theyre all attractive,

definitely, but nothing special. Theyre only on here because theyre so

popular.

I return to the mirror and stare at my reflection, my key to a

better life. Whatever Antonio did to my hair worked because its stayedstick-straight for days, through multiple showers. My eyebrows are

perfectly shaped and frame my blue eyes, which look huge and enticing

because of my artful makeup. I even have a decent tan (and notan

unnatural spray tan), and Ive never been in better shape.

I smile at my reflection, and the pretty girl in the mirror grins back

excitedly. If Im honest with myself, Im pretty eager to showcase the


17/41

new me tomorrow. Kristin hasnt allowed me out anywhere so that no

one will see me before the appointed time and ruin the impression. But

its been days and even though its almost eleven, I just really need to

get out. I know just what to do.

I grab my cell phone and text Mark quickly. Mark, Kristin, and I all

live in the same neighborhood, but Mark lives half a block away from me

and Kristin lives at least a ten-minute walk away. Im about to walk

downstairs when I glance in the mirror and reconsider. Mark hasnt seen

the new me yet, and for some reason I dont want him to find out

tonight. I slip off my white miniskirt and trade it for a pair of denim

cutoffs. I pull my glossy dark hair into a ponytail and pull on a

sweatshirt. I yank the hood up and glance in the mirror. Almost back to

normal. I swap my strappy gladiator sandals for flip-flops, scrub all the

eye make-up off my face, and then re-inspect my reflection.

There. I look almost like I did before all this. My skin still looks tooperfect from the tinted moisturizer and my eyebrows are still much

darker and shapelier than before, but I doubt Mark will notice.

Where are you going? my dad calls out as I slip by him in the

kitchen.

Taking a walk with Mark, I answer.

He nods and turns back to the basketball game. Be home soon,

okay? You have a big day tomorrow.

I smile to myself. If only he knew.

Marks waiting for me at the corner of our streets, sitting on the

wooden bench thats our usual hang-out spot. Hey, Heidi, he says,

leaping up and giving me a hug.

Hey, Mark, I say, returning it gladly.

Some girls think Mark is hot, but Ive never seen him that way.

Hes a total jock, playing varsity soccer, basketball, and baseball, so hes

pretty well-muscled. Hes also one of the few people I knew with really

green eyes. His hair is usually long and floppy, but the skater look kind

of works for him. Like always, hes wearing his letterman jacket. I

smile. Sometimes Mark is such a stereotypical Riverwood male.

Can you believe were juniors? Mark asks, sitting down andpatting the spot next to him.

I cant believe it, I say truthfully. And we just have this one last

night of summer before another crazy school year.

Mark leans back and stares up at the stars. Im excited, he

admits. Now that Im an upperclassman, I can vote on the Lists. Im

the new starting center midfield for soccer. And Ive kind of been talking


18/41


19/41


20/41

We walk into homeroom- weve gotten lucky this year, and were

all together. I sit down at my desk, and take a deep breath. Then I

sneak a glance around the room.

Dont worry, Kristin whispers encouragingly. No ones looking

at you.

Hey, Kristin! Hey, Heidi! bubbles our friend Lindsay, twisting

pieces of her black bob around her finger. You look great, Kristin!

Shes right; Kristins hair falls in natural-looking waves and her body

looks great in her tight jeans and t-shirt. She turns her attention to me.

Ohmygosh, Heidi, why didnt you tell me you were dying your hair? I

love it.

I didnt know I was, I admit.

You look so good, Lindsay repeats, and then dances off.

See? Kristin hisses. I told you!

Its just Lindsay, though. Lindsay throws compliments like thataround every day. It doesnt mean anything, unfortunately. Personally,

I think she does it because shess kind of drab and needs to be noticed.

Okay, everyone in their seats, please! calls the teacher. Finally.

She starts the roll call, and I doze off. Do I have field hockey

today? Wait, did we have a game? Crap, I left my uniform at

home...would my dad have time to drop it off after...

Heidi! Kristin hisses. I glance up. She jabs her head toward Mrs.

Gilligan, whos staring at me expectantly.

Oh, sorry, I apologize. Here.

Satisfied, she turns her attention to the next student, but mostly

everyone else continues staring. Whats their problem? I look down at

my notebook and sigh. Its going to be a long day.

September 1

12:12 pm.

Dont look now, but Ryans totally staring at you, Kristin whispers. I

immediately start to turn around and she grabs my head, forcing it to

stay looking at her. I said, dont look! Okay, look now.I turn around. Shes right; a few tables away, Ryans staring past

Monica to me. When I meet his eyes, he grins in embarrassment and

looks down.

This new look is so working for you, Heidi, Melissa says

confidentially. Easy for her to say; shes the number three Cutie. Shes


21/41

also one of my closest friends, but shes a complete social butterfly, so

its hard to hang out with her outside of school.

Oh no! Kristin mutters, staring over my shoulder.

What? I hiss.

Monicas staring at you...she looks curious...shes hitting Ryan,

shes kissing-okay, its safe now.

Thanks, I grumble. Like I needed a play-by-play of my crush

making out with Satan.

She looks pissed! Melissa says gleefully, tossing her head back

and running a hand through her short, wavy blonde hair. Shes so

jealous of your hair. Bet she regrets cutting hers now.

Her hair? Kristin says. We both whip around, being completely

obvious, but Monicas got her hair up in a bun and its impossible to tell

what she did.

She cut it to just above her chin, Melissa confides. Only like aweek ago, too. But, she adds, leaning in, Ive heard Ryan was pissed.

Guess hes told her over and over again he likes long hair.

This day has suddenly got so much better.

Watch out! Melissa warns suddenly, straightening up and

fussing with her hair. Shes on the move, she hisses at us.

I drop my head and start picking at my salad, but its no use. I

can tell by the whiff of flowery perfume that Monicas arrived at our

table. Hey, she chirps in an unconvincingly friendly voice, dropping

into the empty seat beside Melissa. I glance up. Behind her, Michelle

and Katie are standing with their arms crossed. I dont mean to, but I

automatically glance over their new looks, assuaging my competition

since theyre both on the Beauty list. Michelle is so bronzed she looks

practically orange. Her platinum blonde hair is cut to just beneath her

chin, too. Did she do it with Monica? My eyes flicker to Katie, whose

wavy red hair looks the same as ever. She looks unchanged.

We were just talking about your new hair, Heidi, Monica says,

smiling at me. Werent we?

Katie and Michelle nod in agreement but say nothing. Im unsure

how to respond, since theyve neither complimented nor insulted it yet.I finally settle on, Thanks.

Oh, but I didnt say I liked it, Monica says sweetly. Because to

me, it looks like youre trying too hard. Like youre trying to be like

someone.


22/41

No, it was my idea, Kristin jumps in. I flash her a thankful

glance. Ive never been great at this confrontation stuff. Because Ive

heard guys like long hair. Some guys in particular.

Monica flushes and stands up, completely rattled. I cant believe

Kristin just said that. Michelle and Katie are clearly taken aback, too.

They look to Monica for how they should react, but Monica is flustered.

But then she takes a deep breath and regains her composure. I brace

myself for the worst.

It was great talking to you guys, Monica says brightly. Ill see

you later! Weve got to catch up more. Then she and her cronies

march back to their table.

Im completely confused as to the turn the conversation just took,

but Kristin catches my eye and jerks her head toward the aisle. Principal

Herkins is just walking by. Ah. I nod in understanding. Monicas got to

keep her good-girl image with the faculty.That was brilliant, Kristin, Melissa says in awe. I cant believe

you just said that.

Kristins a little red, too, but her eyes are bright and she looks

excited. I know, me neither. But I just got so mad when she was

jumping down Heidis throat.

Shes going to get you for that one, I warn. That wasnt

smart.

Kristin waves a hand. Shell have forgotten about it. Its not like

a bunch of people heard, either. So much happens on the first day of

school that shell be concentrated on keeping her number One spot.

Its true. The first and last days of school are always the days

when the lists fluctuate the most. Its because on the last day of school,

all the senior girls have to be removed from the list. But mostly change

happens on the first day, when everyone reinvents themselves to try to

get placed higher.

Im just hoping that I could get a Beauty spot this year, Melissa

confides.

Yeah, and I want a higher Cutie, Kristin adds. They both look at

me.Going higher would be nice, but Im not really fussed about the

Lists, I say neutrally. Kristin catches my eye and smirks before turning

back and hastily talking to Melissa before she notices.

Kristin and I have already decided that were going to keep our

plan between us. Around here, its best to act like you dont care where


23/41

youre placed. If it gets out that youre working too hard, itll look like

youre desperate and youll just go down.

I look down at my salad and spear a piece of lettuce with my fork.

I know I did the right thing. So many friendships have been broken

when friends pass each other on the Lists. The worst of all is when one

friend knocks another off a List completely. I dont want to risk

attracting Listed girls wrath so early, when I havent even moved yet. I

sigh and glance over at Monica, whos staring at me with hatred in her

eyes. Even if I wasnt the one who made the dig about her hair, shes

clearly taking it out on me. But instead of looking away like I would

have done last year, I glare right back. Things are changing, Monica.

And your Beauty spot is going to be one of them.

7:45 P.M.

September 1

I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. My mirrors

all fogged up, so I rub a circle and peer at my reflection. Even without

makeup and with my hair wet and limp, I actually do look sort of pretty.

The eyebrows and the hair color really make a difference.

I slip into my room and notice a shopping bag sitting on my bed. I

frown; I didnt put it there. I pad over to it and dump the contents out.

Inside are a variety of self-tanning products. I sit on the bed and

examine one. It promises an even, natural-looking tan for people with

light skin. On the back is a Post-it in Kristins handwriting. Youll still

look natural.

I have to smile. Leave it to Kristin to find a way around any rule I

put on her. I slip into a pair of sweats and an old T-shirt and open my

laptop. This is it. The first chance Ive had to check the Lists all day,

since a grueling field hockey practice meant I hadnt gotten home until

pretty late. I type in RiverwoodLists.com and am about to hit the link

when my cell phone rings. I answer.

Hello?

Its Mark. Checked the Lists yet today?No, I was just about to. I pause when he says nothing. Why? I

add casually.

Check them now. You wont believe some of them! he says. I

dont think I remember the Lists ever changing this much.

My mouse is poised over the link, but I refuse to click it just yet.

How can you be surprised? Dont you vote on the lists this year? All


24/41

junior and senior boys who play at least one varsity sport get a say in

the Lists.

Yeah, he admits. And its way cool! I can totally get Kristin up

higher now.

Im a little hurt by this. What about me?

Heidi, youre not going to need any help, he says seriously.

Just check the Lists, okay?

My heart leaps and I click on the mouse, then jump back as if

shocked. Slowly the blue background loads, and then the three faces

pop out at me like normal.

Monicas still number one Beauty, I say as the Beauty list loads

first.

Then Michelles face appears next. Michelles the number one

Cutie!

I know! he crows in delight. Its because shes so orange, Ithink. It looks terrible, I dont know why she did it.

Poor Casey, I mutter absentmindedly. Thats what sucks about

the Lists. Beauties who fall from the top list always bump the Cuties

down, even though technically the Beauty and Cutie lists are supposed

to be about different things. The final list loads and Annabeths face is

looking at out me from the left.

Poor Casey? Shes a Beauty now, he says.

Thats surprising. I click on Michelles face and the entire Cutie list

pops up. Michelle, Melissa-shes been bumped up a spot-, an

underclassmen I dont know, a senior girl named Laura, Kristin-shes

cracked the top five-, two other girls in our grade, and three

sophomores. My face falls. Monicas probably gotten me demoted to

Ugly for the way Kristin showed her up at lunch.

Mark, I didnt even make the Cutie list, I said sadly.

Yeah, youre not on there, he agrees. But check the Beauty

list.

My breath catches and I click on Monicas face and wait that

endless second for the page to load. Monica, Lexi, Katie, Diane, two

unnatural blondes, a dark-haired girl, some sophomore, me!Im ninth! I shriek. On the Beauty list!

I can hear Mark laughing. Yeah, and the only reason youre not

any higher is because some of the guys didnt see your new look today.

Caseys tenth. Thats good; Im happy for her. She deserves it.


25/41

Im so happy, I say, and am surprised to find its true. I thought

I didnt care about the Lists that much, but the truth is, everyone does

on some level. Even if they wont admit it.

Yeah, well, wear something pretty tomorrow because you can bet

every girl who dropped is going to be clawing her way back up, he

advises. I stifle a laugh. Only at Riverwood would boys be giving girls

advice on how to look good.

My phone suddenly beeps. Ill keep that in mind, Mark, but Ive

got to go. I have another call. I hang up and answer the other person.

Youre ninth for Beauties! someone screams.

I hold the phone away from my ear while Kristin screams herself

out. Its a testament to how good of a friend she is that shes this

excited for me when Ive effectively passed her.

And youre the fifth Cutie now, I remind her.

We have so got this, Heidi. This year is ours, she says excitedly.Woah, calm down there. Its only been a day. You know the lists

dont change much after the first day, I point out.

Still. Look whos ahead of me. Michelle, who everyone knows

shouldnt be a Cutie. She shouldnt really be a Beauty, either, but thats

your problem if she gets on that list, not mine. Melissa. Then some

underclassmen- Ill scare it out of her- and Laura.

Its true. Underclassmen barely ever stay on the lists because

jealous junior and senior girls congregate on them in the hallway and

either bully them into getting an unfortunate haircut or force an ironclad

promise to avoid tight clothes and makeup for months. Somehow,

Monica avoided this fate and had a spot on the Beauty list ever since

she stepped through Riverwoods doors as a freshman.

I was talking to Mark and he thinks we need to step it up for

tomorrow, I say. All the girls who dropped down are going to make an

extra effort to make up for it.

Hes right, Kristin agrees. Im doing something different with

my hair, and you should wear that red dress I picked out.

I bite my lip. The dress is a really cute halter dress, but its a little

short. For school? Id been thinking to wear it to one of theSeptember parties.

You have to wear it at least once before it gets too cold, she

insists.

Okay, I concede. We talk for a little longer about our new

classes and teachers, but then hang up because Ive still got homework

to do. After finishing a history assignment, I lay out my outfit for


26/41

tomorrow because Im always stressed in the morning. The red dress. A

long silver necklace with a pretty key at the end. Silver strappy sandals-

but flat, of course, because of my height. But then I turn my attention to

my sports bag and start packing for my game. I fall asleep with field

hockey plays running through my head.

September 2

8:34 a.m.

I walk into homeroom and immediately see Mark waving me

over. Hey, Beauty, he says, smiling.

Dont call me that, I sigh. Ive already gotten so much

attention today and school hasnt officially started yet.

Hey, Heidi! Wow, your hairs so shiny! says Lindsay, coming

over and flashing me a bright smile. I meet Marks eyes and he gets upto go; he hates being around girls when they start talking girl talk. He

says the only exception is me and Kristin.

Thanks, Lindsay. She doesnt have to know that all I did was

brush it out and run a straightener through it for three minutes.

I tried calling you last night, but I think you changed your

number, she pouts. I have to hide my smile. My number changed like

a year ago.

I give her the new number and nod like Im listening while she

prattles on about finally being upperclassmen and her new schedule.

But then Kristin walks through the door and Im stunned. Shes wearing

an adorable floral dress cinched around the waist with a twisted brown

leather belt. Strappy brown sandals and an elegant heart necklace add

to the effect. But the look is complete because of her hair, which is

curled into individual ringlets and highly glossed.

Your hair looks amazing, I tell her as she drops into the seat

next to me.

Thanks, she beams, twisting a curl around her finger. It took

forever, but weve got to keep our game up.

Thats for sure, I say glumly as I watch Lexi float by in sky-highstilettos and tiny white shorts. Remind me why we thought we could

do this?

Kristin adjusts her necklace and glares at me, pointing a

manicured finger in my direction. None of that, Heidi. Were going to

do this whether you like it or not.


27/41

I swallow heavily as attendance begins. That definitely sounds

like a threat. I fidget with the hem of my new dress under the desk until

the bell for first period rings.

Hey, Beauty, says a teasing voice.

I look up, ready to spit some cutting remark at Mark, but its not

Marks beautiful blue eyes that are watching me. No, those eyes belong

to Noel, the second-hottest guy in school. His sandy shaggy hair and icy

blue eyes would definitely make him crush-worthy, except for one fact:

Hes Ryans best friend. And I could obviously not date Ryans best

friend. Best friends exes are always off-limits, and Ryans such a good

guy that I know hed never hurt Noel like that. What am I saying? I

blink in confusion. Like theres any chance that Noel Ruben would be

interested in me. It would never come up.

Hey, Noel, I squeak nervously. We start walking down the hall

together. I dont think Noels in my first-period history class, but Im notabout to point that out to him.

Congrats on the List, he says mischievously. Its a big deal,

right?

Hardly, I mutter, rolling my eyes and blushing.

Oh, come on, Noel smirks at me. You girls get so worked up

over the Lists. Its great to watch. And a great way to know if everyone

else thinks the girl youre into is as hot as you think she is. His blue

eyes smolder at me. Is heflirting with me?

What do I say? I have no idea what to say to that! Of course, I

end up awkwardly changing the subject and blurt out the first thing that

comes to mind.

How was your summer? I wince inwardly. Lame.

It was cool. He flashes me a blindingly white smile. Lots of

training for the upcoming season.

Oh, definitely. Over his shoulder I see Kristin hopping up and

down in excitement. She stays still long enough for me to read what

shes furiously mouthing to me. Flirt. Okay, I could try that.

I move a little closer to Noel and smile up at him. Definitely, I

repeat. Lots of lifting weights, right? I put a hand on his bicepplayfully.

Uh, more running and ab workouts, he tells me, looking

confused. Only the goalies really need to have arm strength.

Right! Noel plays soccer! Its Ryan that plays football! How did I

mix that up? Do I really have a thing for Noel?

I giggle nervously. Right, right. I knew that.


28/41

He looks at me, clearly still taken aback by my obvious I.Q. of a

kindergartener. Rightwell, see you around, Heidi. He melts into the

crowd, falling in with a bunch of his soccer- not football! buddies.

Kristin immediately replaces him at my side. Oh my gosh, Noel

totally just talked to you! she shrieks.

I know! I squeal back. That was amazing! Except he thinks Im

a complete idiot because I forgot he plays soccer. I giggle at the

memory.

Kristin waves a hand. Whatever! I have to go to math, she

pouts, but Ill see you at lunch! She dances off down the hall, and I

slip into my history class feeling strangely energetic, definitely a side

effect of having talked to the second-hottest guy in school before

drinking any caffeine.

Heidi! Mark waves to me. Hes saved me a seat in the back row.

I grin at him gratefully and am about to sit down, but Monica slides infrom the other side before I can. Sorry, she spits insincerely. She has

her hair up again today, which makes me even more curious to see what

it looks like, but is wearing a verylow-cut top and judging from the slack

expression on Marks face, hes definitely noticed. I can expect no help

from him. In fact, I should count myself lucky if he doesnt start

drooling.

Its fine, I mutter, slinking to the other side of the room and

sitting down. Kristin may have stood up to Monica for me yesterday at

lunch, but I dont have the guts to say anything to her myself. I glance

over my shoulder. Monica is touching Marks arm, and she throws back

her head and laughs hysterically at something he says. I roll my eyes.

She has no business flirting with Mark when shes got Ryan. I know

shes just doing it to get at me. Mark isnt that funny.

I spend all of history trying desperately not to look at Monica and

Mark whispering to each other. When the bell rings, Monica catches up

with Diane and leaves after smirking triumphantly at me. I walk over to

Mark cautiously.

What were you talking to Monica about? I ask, twirling a piece of

my hair nervously.He colors slightly. Nothing.

Want to walk to biology with me? I persist hopefully, thinking

that I could maybe coax it out of him en route.

He doesnt meet my eyes as he grabs his bag and pushes by me.

Sorry, I cant. See you later.


29/41

Okay, Mark, I say in annoyance, watching his retreating back.

Nice talking to you, too.

Is nothing sacred? Even my one male friend is subject to Monicas

unexplainable allure. And Mark knows how evil she is. He despises her

just as much as Kristin and I do. Well, at least he did. I think back to his

behavior. He certainly wasnt acting like it.

CHAPTER THREE

September 2

10:57 P.M.

I drop my books down on the table in relief and sink down into my

chair happily. Gosh, Ive forgotten how heavy textbooks get even after

four minutes. After this mornings disastrous history class and thendouble math, Im happy to just unwind in study hall for a bit.

Melissa plops down next to me. Whew! One and a half days of

school and Im alreadyexhausted, she announces to the room at large.

Most people mumble their assent. Its the sort of thing you can get

away with when youre number two on a List.

I nod fervently. Me too.

Melissa looks over at me and I can tell she didnt notice I was here

until I spoke. Theres a very pregnant pause while she decides what to

say.

Congrats on the Beauty thing, she finally says magnanimously.

I wince inwardly. Once again, this is awkward. Friends passing friends

on the Lists is always tense. Kristin and I are so close (and aiming for

different things) that she didnt mind, but I can tell thats not the case

with Melissa.

Thanks, I say timidly. Congrats on the Cutie thing- number

two, right?

She nods, and thankfully that seems to thaw her out a little. Its

crazy how much theyve changed, isnt it? She raises an eyebrow as

she waits for my reply.Im not exactly sure how to respond to that, since my leap from

tenth on the Cutie list to ninth on the Beauty list is practically unheard

of. I cross my legs nervously. Yeah, I say finally. Its a little weird

how different people treat you.

Melissa smiles, but it doesnt reach her eyes. Youll get used to

it. She twists her pen around in her hand for a few seconds and then


30/41

finally blurts out what its clear shes been dying to ask. Really,

though, Heidi. Why did you do it? Youve always been so fine with not

being on the Lists.

My mouth dries and Im taken aback. The way she said that made

me feel really insulted. I was on a List already, is all I can think to say.

Melissa rolls her eyes. I mean, yeah, but you werent reallyon

one. Everyone knew it wasnt real.

Even though I knew this myself, it still hurts coming from one of

my good friends. I know, I say acidly. And I didnt do anything on

purpose. Kristin and I just went shopping the other day.

Melissa raises an eyebrow skeptically. Yeah, sure, she drawls,

emphasizing the last word to indicate her disbelief. She looks pointedly

at my hair. And I guess you supposedly just decided to dye your hair

and start wearing makeup at the same time?

Yeah, I say fiercely. Thats right.Melissa rolls her eyes. Okay, Heidi. Whatever. Theres nothing

more pathetic than a wannabe. And once everyone figures out what a

loser you are, youll be lucky to keep your fake Cutie spot. This is

getting way too intense. People are starting to look over at us. I lower

my voice, but shes got me upset and I cant back down now.

Oh, really? I fire back. Im the wannabe? Yesterday at lunch

you kept talking about how you wanted a Beauty spot this year.

Melissa flushes. Whatever, she repeats. She turns away from

me and slips her iPod in. The conversation is clearly over.

I turn back to my own desk, a little shocked. Sure, I knew that the

Lists were a big deal. But after only a day, one of my closest friends

turns against me over them? Girls are so bloodthirsty here. I bite my

lip. Im just as guilty as Melissa, though. Shes clearly jealous that I

passed her, and I just rubbed it in her face.

I sigh. I should have just let her say whatever she wanted about

me trying too hard. Correcting her wasnt worth a major fight like this.

Hey, Heidi, says a friendly voice to my right. I look over. Its

Sean, Kristins cute older brother. Hes a senior here at Riverwood.

Hi, Sean. Whats up? Im a little confused. Sean doesntusually talk to me in school.

He checks to make sure Melissa isnt watching before leaning in

confidentially. Then he jerks his thumb in her direction and whispers,

Someones sure jealous, huh?

I laugh uneasily. Im not really comfortable talking about my

friends with guys I barely know, but Seans chocolate brown eyes are


31/41

deep and inviting. Seems like it, I admit. Its weird. Everyones

treating me different this year. Im not sure if I like it.

Sean leans back in his seat and nods wisely. He runs a hair

through his curly auburn hair thats so similar to Kristins. Thats

understandable. He grins at me sheepishly. I know this is just

another example of people treating you differently, but the soccer team

is having a bonfire at Noels on Friday.

I nod, unsure why hes telling me this. Then something clicks. Is

he inviting me?

Its kind of a tradition to have all the Beauties there, Sean

continues, smiling apologetically, and Im a captain, so its my job to

make sure they come

If youre a Cutie you can get into pretty much any event, but to be

invited to parties and things hosted by varsity sports teams (like Seans

soccer team), you have to either be a Beauty or a senior. You can alsoget in if you come with one of the players on the team. But Im sure Ill

be able to get Kristin in since Im a Beauty, shes a Cutie, and shes

related to Sean. It wont be a problem.

Im catching on now. Okay, Sean. Ill make you look good in

front of your team, I tease. Ill come.

Great, Sean looks relieved. He scribbles something on a scrap

of paper and tosses it on to my desk. Theres Noels address.

Sean? A pretty sophomore taps him on the shoulder and starts

flirting madly with him. She tosses me a cold, calculating look and I

realize she looks oddly familiar. Oh. Shes one of the underclassmen

Cuties. I roll my eyes. Freshmen and sophomores who manage to get

Listed are always so full of themselves.

I hope youre happy now, Heidi, a nasty voice says, and I turn to

see Melissa glaring daggers at me. Now youre getting everything that

I wanted and you wont even admit that you want it too! God, youre so

fake. She gathers up her purse and her books and storms out of the

room angrily.

Okay. Just so far, Ive been placed on the Beauty List, Kristins

number five on the Cutie List, Marks told me he likes Lexi, Noel sort offlirted with me, Sean invited me to a party at Noels house, Monica hates

me even more because of the hair thing, and Melissa and I are in a huge

fight. Not necessarily in that order.

I am getting a major headache.

September 2


32/41

12:34 PM

Thanks, I say, smiling at the sweet old lunch lady who always

mans the register during lunch as she hands me my change. She smiles

back at me. At least one person is treating me the same in this crazy

school.

I weave my way through the tables, balancing my tray carefully. I

pass Monicas table, where shes holding court with Katie, Michelle, and

Diane. Katie nudges the others as I approach and they all fall silent and

glare. As soon as Im past them, they all put their heads together and

start giggling. Well, thats just great for my self-esteem.

I head to my table, where Melissa and Kristin are already sitting

with their heads together. I slow my pace as I near them. Im not really

sure how Melissa is going to react to me. I havent seen her since our

disastrous conversation in study hall.I put my tray down across from Kristin. Hi guys, I say brightly,

watching Melissa nervously.

Melissa purses her lips when she sees me and then grabs her tray

and stalks off. I slide into my seat.

So, Im guessing she told you were in a fight? I say to Kristin,

who looks amused.

Kristin rolls her eyes. You know what it is. Shes just jealous.

I lower my head. Do you think shell get over it?

Soon, very soon, Kristin lies unconvincingly.

Lindsay sits down in the seat next to me. Hey, Heidi. Hey,

Kristin. Congrats on the Lists! she says earnestly.

Thanks, Kristin smiles sweetly. I echo her unenthusiastically.

Are you guys going to Monicas party on Saturday night?

Lindsay asks, her eyes wide.

We hadnt heard about it yet, Kristin comments. She looks at

me meaningfully, her eyebrows raised. The message is clear. Do you

want to go?

I laugh. Lindsay, if you havent heard, Monicas not the biggest

fan of me or Kristin, I tell her.Lindsays eyes widen even further and she pushes her tray aside,

leaning in and propping her elbows on the table. Oh yeah! I heard

about that. Something happened yesterday at lunch, right?

Kristin looks just as surprised as I feel. You heard about that?

Who told you?

Whatdid you hear? I interject.


33/41

That you guys totally stood up to her and made her back down,

Lindsay says in admiration.

I lean back in my seat and groan. Once Monica gets wind ofthat

rumor, were done for. She doesnt allow anyone to oppose her. I think

of how she treated us at the block party and at lunch yesterday. Its

only going to get worse if she thinks were trying to usurp her power or

something.

Kristin looks panicked, too. No, no, its was nothing like that,

she assures Lindsay quickly.

Lindsay looks a little disappointed. Oh. Well, you guys are both

on the Lists, so you automatically get in to all the parties.

Thats true. I consider. Monica wouldnt like it if we came, but

being on the Beauty or the Cutie list means youre guaranteed

admission to any party. Well, except for the varsity sport ones. But

anyway.We might go, Kristin says neutrally, catching my eye. I nod ever

so slightly. Its the right call. I dont want to commit to anything just

yet. Well see how the rest of the week goes.

I take a big breath. I think Im going to have to start making

weekly trips to see Antonio at the salon so he can color all of the grey

hairs that Im going to start sprouting.

September 2

2:46 P.M.

I twist the dial on my locker, carefully lining up the numbers.

Kristin and I lucked out this year. Weve got lockers right next to each

other, and Marks is only a few down from us since hes in our

homeroom, too.

How are you liking your first official day as a Beauty? someone

singsongs. Kristin appears at my side in a cloud of flowery perfume and

opens her own locker with ease. I tug on mine, which remains

determinedly shut. Stupid locker.

It was terrible, I say in a low voice.Kristin gives me a skeptical look. Mhm. Noel walking you to

class mustve been so awful. Poor, poor Heidi.

Okay, well thatpart was good, I concede. Then I launch into the

convincing part of my argument. But the rest was terrible! Melissa

hates my guts, some sophomore Cutie has got it out for me too, and

Monica thinks were trying to over throw her! I say all this in a hushed


34/41

voice, but Kristin still glances around nervously to make sure were not

being overheard. I look around, too. Mostly everyone is concentrating

on correctly dialing their new combinations (I know it always takes me

until at least December to learn the new one every year), but Melissa is

staring at us from across the hall. She realizes shes been caught and

hastily drops her eyes and turns away. I quickly return my attention to

my locker and finally get the dumb thing open.

Heidi, saying stuff like that is notgoing to help you get up any

higher, Kristin says in an undertone, giving me a stern look. It makes

you seem ungrateful.

Ungrateful? I snort. No one seems to understand that these

Lists are just freaking lists, damnitt.

I clap a hand over my mouth, shocked. I never swear. Kristins

just as taken aback. After a moment of surprise, we both start giggling.

I know, I know, Kristin placates me after we both composeourselves. But if were actually going to try this, we really have to

commit.

I shut my locker and turn to face her. Yeah, I get that. But is it

even worth it? Its been two days and I dont think getting Monica back

is a good enough reason for doing all this.

Kristin cocks an eyebrow. Even though Noel talked to you?

I hesitate but then remember Melissa. Yeah.

Even considering how she treated you at lunch yesterday?

Kristin persists. Even with what she said to you at the block party?

She does do it to everyone, I reason. And its not like it was in

public or anything.

Oh, would youpreferI humiliate you in public next time?

My stomach drops and I can tell by the horrified expression on

Kristins face that the person standing behind me is exactly who I think it

is. I turn slowly around. Monica, can we just drop this? I say evenly.

I dont even know what you have against me.

Monica is standing there, towering over me (shes tall too) in four-

inch stilettos. As always, shes accompanied by her little posse. Katie,

Diane, and Michelle surround her. All three have their eyebrows raisedand their arms crossed.

Monica narrows her dark eyes. Its not what I have againstyou,

even though you stole my spot on the varsity field hockey team last

year. But Im on varsity where I belong this year. She smirks and takes

a step closer to me. Now were practically nose to nose. Its what I

have on you. If I were you, Id be playing nice. Unless, of course, you


35/41


36/41


37/41


38/41

Wow. I didnt know that Lindsay felt the same way as me and

Kristin. But, then again, Monicas one of those people who steps on

everyone in her climb to the top. She mostly just stays in control

because the jocks like her and the girls are afraid of her. Simple as that.

Its kind of scary how a combination of fear and good looks can get

someone so far, instead of, oh, I dont know, kindness or something? I

wish I could say that was my mission, but Im no Gandhi. This is high

school. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

She definitely has, I agree.

What did she do to you? Kristin asks in interest. Im just as

intrigued. The fury behind Lindsays words doesnt come from plain old

jealousy. Monica has definitely done something to her.

Lindsay widens her eyes at Kristin impatiently. Dont you

remember?

Oh, right, Kristin says, with a look of comprehension slowlydawning on her face. I forgot about that.

I cant forget, Lindsay mutters angrily.

If either of you ever feel like cluing me in, just let me know, I

interject.

Lindsay draws her eyebrows together and heaves a great sigh

before continuing. Okay, you know last year, the Sadie Hawkins

dance?

Kristin and I both nod. Every March our school has a traditional

Sadie Hawkins dance, where the girls ask the guys. Kristin and I have

gone stag both years- I didnt want to be rejected.

Im distracted for a moment as a group of soccer players passes

us, moving in the opposite direction. The jocks are all flocking around

Noel, who sees me and smiles. He lifts his hand in a casual wave and I

grin back. Kristin notices me and snickers. Then she elbows me in the

ribs and jerks her head towards Lindsay, whos beginning what is clearly

an intense story.

I was planning on asking Ken, Lindsay continues. I told Casey

and Melissa, and you know how Melissa is.

I nod as I consider what shes saying. She means that Melissa has

a bit of an issue keeping her mouth shut. She doesnt do it on purpose.

The thing is, Melissa has so many friends and is such a gossip that it

comes naturally to her to tell everyone what her other friends have

confided in her. Thats why Im not surprised about the Ken thing- I

knew Lindsay wanted to ask him, because Melissa- who else? told me.

Kens cute enough, but I never would have pegged him for Lindsays


39/41

type. Shes pretty, I guess, but shes kind of a popularity wannabe, and

hes the scholarship student-athlete who couldnt care less about social

standing.

Anyway, a bunch of people heard. I didnt really care, you know?

Ken was going to know when I asked him, Lindsay told us. So I found

him after school one day and asked him. But apparently Diane had

already asked him.

I nod. I have a fuzzy memory of Diane dumping her boyfriend,

who happened to be Sean, Kristins older brother, to ask Ken.

I was obviously upset, but what can you do? Dianes one of

Monicas group, so shes super popular, and shes pretty, so of course

Ken said yes. I wasnt mad at Diane that much- I mean, I was upset and

stuff but she liked him too. It wasnt her fault.

Kristin nods while I puzzle that over. That certainly wouldnt have

been how I viewed the situation- I think of how I hate Monica becauseshes dating Ryan. But thats only part of the reason.

Only, Sean told Kristin that two days after the dance, Diane was

begging for him back. She said she hadnt wanted to break up with him

and ask Ken, but Monica had made her do it! She wanted him back.

Even though I know perfectly well what kind of a person Monica is

(see, I told you! The proof just keeps on coming!), my jaw drops in

shock. Thats low even for her. I cant believe shed treat her friends

that way- forcing them to dump their boyfriends just to crush some girls

self-esteem.

Thats terrible, I say in astonishment. And I know youre not

going to want to hear this, but I almost feel bad for Diane, too. I cant

believe she lets Monica manipulate her like that. Did Sean take her

back? I ask Kristin. Its hard to keep track of the couples in our school,

and I have no particular interest in Diane or Sean so I never heard about

this.

Nope. He didnt talk to her for months, but they started talking

and hanging out again over the summer and I think its headed in that

direction, Kristin confides.

Theyre this close to getting back together, Lindsay seconds.Kristins brown eyes suddenly fly open in excitement and she

turns slowly to look at Lindsay. Which means if something happened to

force them apart now, they would never be together again. Diane would

be devastated.

For some reason Lindsay grins widely and glances at me out of

the corner of her eye. Youre a genius, Kristin.


40/41

Once again, Im lost, I remind them impatiently. Someone

explain.

Kristins full lips slowly twist up into a slight smirk. You know how

evil Monica is, right, Heids? You want to take her down?

Of course I say slowly. Obviously I agree wholeheartedly, but

theres something in Kristins eyes thats making me a bit leery. Not

that I would know from experience or anything, but to me it looks like

the expression a sociopath would have when luring in his unsuspecting

victim.

Well, this is the perfect way to start. To show Monica you really

mean business. Youre powerful enough to mess with her friends. That

would send a real message to her, Kristin continues. Get Diane and

itll be like stabbing Monica in the side.

Diane? You want to do something to her? I ask in confusion.

Stop her and Sean getting back together, Lindsay jumps in, hereyes sparkling.

I roll my eyes. And how, exactly, am I supposed to do that?

Im starting to think Kristin and Lindsay have some mental

telepathy thing going on or something, because they just look at each

other and a plan seems to instantly develop. Diane just needs to see

you and Sean kissing or something. Itll be easy. We can do it at Noels

on Friday.

You want me to kiss Sean just to get back at Monica? I ask

hoarsely.

You dont actuallyhave to kiss him, Lindsay interjects quickly.

It just has to look like it.

I shake my head and decide Ill deal with thatparticular issue in a

second. More importantly, I turn to the auburn-haired girl next to me,

who couldnt possibly be my best friend. Let me get this straight. You

want me to screw up Seans chances of getting back with Diane? You do

realize this isyour own brotherwere talking about here?

Kristin waves a hand dismissively. No, I want you to screw up

Dianes chances of getting back with Sean. If he really liked her then I

wouldnt even be suggesting this. But she wasnt good for him and henever really liked her.

I study her, unconvinced. She sighs and continues. You know

Sean- hes just so nice. I always thought the reason he stayed with

Diane was because it was easier than all the drama that breaking up

with her would create. Even these past few weeks look, Heids. I know


41/41

my own brother, and he doesntreally like Diane. If he did, Id be all for

it. But thats not the case.

I narrow my eyes at her.

Ipromise, she adds. That convinces me. Kristin may be a lot of

things, but shes my best friend and shed never lie to me.

I sigh and plop down on the bench weve just reached and glance

around the courtyard, which is mostly empty except for a few clusters of

freshmen. Thats why Kristin and I like coming here after school; this

courtyard is not one of the popular after-school hangout spots and you

can usually get a decent amount of privacy for important conversations

like this one.

Lindsay and Kristin are both staring at me expectantly, so I look

away again while I try to think of another reason notto agree to this

crazy plan. Got it! I settle on something Lindsay said just a few seconds

ago. Lindsay, you said I dont actually have to kiss him?Kristin nods impatiently. If you dont want to, all we have to do is

get you and Sean alone somewhere where it looks like somethings

happening. Simple as that.

I hesitate. I dont know They sense weakness and close in for

the kill.

Please? Ill owe you big! Lindsay says earnestly.

Dont you think Monica deserves it? Kristin pleads.

I have to admit, Im wavering.

Its like in Mean Girls, Kristin tells me. You cant attack a

dictator directly- youll get crushed. You have to target what makes her

popular. First, we go after her friends, and that begins with Diane.

And after Diane? I ask.

Kristin smiles evilly. Dont worry about that. One thing at a time.

So. Are you in?

A few days ago, I wouldnt have had the guts to even dream of

directly sabotaging Monica like this. But things have changed. The last

two years, Ive managed to stay out of most of the drama (and,

consequently, the fun) of high school. And now Im outright trying to

destroy Monica, instead of daydreaming about it like everyone else. Imstarting to understand that, sometimes, the end justifies the means.

I start to smile. Im in.

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