IN THE 1980s, IN A REMOTE LOCATION SOMEWHERE IN INDIA,

A BUNCH OF YOUNGSTERS OD’ING* ON MAHABHARAT CHANTED THE SOS# MANTRA –

SOMEWHERE UP THERE, IT TOOK EFFECT

AND FROM A PLANET NAMED CHAUHANUS, A SHOT OF LIGHT BLAZED TOWARDS EARTH

*OVERDOSING#SAVE OUR SOUL

IN A WORLD WHERE SPORTSMEN ARE TURNING INTO ACTORSACTORS ARE TURNING INTO POLITICIANSPOLITICIANS ARE TURNING INTO BUSINESSMENAND BUSINESSMEN ARE THRONGING TO GURUS,WE HAVE A DEARTH OF REAL GURUS

OUR OPTIONS WERE LIMITEDOUR OPTIONS WERE USELESS

BUT, NOWWE HAVE A

NEW SAVIOUR

THE LANDS OF IIM BANGALOREHAVE BEEN BLESSED BY THE PRESENCE OF ONE OF THE FEW SURVIVING TRUE GURUS.

GOING BY CURRENT NAMING STANDARDS,HIS HUMAN NAME ISGAU**V CH***AN

BUT THE LORDS HAVE ANOINTED HIM AS GURU GAURI

GURU, DURING HIS ANOINTED CEREMONY, AWARDED FOR BEING THE YOUNGEST GURU

GURU GAURI GYAAN

1. THE CORRECT WAY OF PRAISING SOMEONE IS “TU PHODU HAI”

2. WHILE TAKING PHOTOS, BEND

3. IT IS OKAY TO NOT DRINK, BUT WHEN YOU DO, YOU MUST MAKE IT COUNT

4. WHILE DANCING, BEND

5. THE ONLY WAY TO ATONE YOUR BODY OF SINS IS BY SHARING YOUR GYAAN

6. WHILE TALKING TO STRANGERS, BEND

7. THE TRICK TO LOOKING YOUNG IS SIMPLE - ALWAYS HANG AROUND WITH ONE PERSON WHO’S OLDER THAN YOU.

8. WHEN IN DOUBT, BEND

THE FIGHT BETWEEN MUMBAI – DELHI IS FARCICAL.

LUCKNOW IS THE BEST CITY.

GURU GAURI BENDING (OR BUSTING) MYTHS

USE OF “ABE CHUTIYA” DOESN’T AMOUNT TO PROFANITY.

IT HAS COSMIC POWERS

PRO GENDER EQUALITY MAX.

THAT’s ABSURD, GAURI.

WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SANDWICHES.ONLY SANDWICHES. WITH CHEESE. AND NO TOMATOES.

GURU GAURI’S KEYTO A HAPPY LIFE

1. TRULY LOVE YOUR FAMILY

2. SUPPORT YOUR PARTNER, EVEN IF SHE’s NOT WATCHING

3. SPEND A LOT OF “ME” TIME

GURU GAURI’S KEYTO A HAPPY LIFE

4. DRINK WINE*. IT’S THE LORDS DRINK

5. FOLLOW YOUR PASSION, EVEN IF IT IS ‘POSING AS A PIMP’

6. SMILE. BEND. REPEAT.

* - (drink BEER. Wine is only to keep the ladies and the gods happy)

TODAY ON THE AUSPICIOUS DAY THAT MARKS MY BIRTH,

I HAVE AGREED TO ACCEPT ALL FORMS OF GURU DAKSHINA –

INCLUDING YOUR LOVE.

GURU DAKSHINA PROCESS STARTS AT L SQUARE AT 0000 AND RUNS FOR 24 HOURS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GURU GAURI

FROM YOUR DISCIPLES ALL OVER THE WORLDINCLUDING

ABHISHEK KUMAR | AMAN CHINDALIA | AKSHITA PANT | AVINASH UNNI DYLAN FERNANDES | ISHITA KAYASTHA | JUHI JAIN | GAURAV KUMAR | VARSHA RAWAT