s a graduate student in computer science, I found myself tired, depressed, and unmotivated. I sat through meet-ings with my advisor with my heart pounding, afraid of
what he would say about my work that week. I withdrewfrom family and friends not associated with school to avoidthe dreaded questions, “How’s your research coming? Whenwill you be done?” I found myself wondering who I hadbecome. What happened to the straight-A undergraduate wholoved to program? How had I lost my passion and drive?Where did my confidence go?
Little did I realize that my experience was common. Lucki-ly, I found a wonderful resource that not only helped me tosuccessfully finish my degree but also to reconnect withmyself during the process. Students can use valuable survivalskills for graduate school, helping with advisor relations, find-
ing motivation, andfinding balance in life.
You may alreadyknow that being a gradu-
ate student is stressful.Graduate students deal with
low motivation, a lack ofsleep, and little pay, often at
the expense of extracurricularactivities or a social life. What
many do not realize, however, isthe toll that the stress takes on the
mental health of graduate students.The 2004 Berkeley Graduate Student
Mental Health Survey indicates thatalmost half of graduate students at
Berkeley report having emotional orstress-related problems that seriously
affect their well-being. Almost 10% have seriously consideredsuicide, and approximately one in 200 students have attempt-ed suicide. It is essential that graduate students equip them-selves with the skills to handle the life changes of graduateschool, yet there are few resources for gaining these skills.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), created by Dr. MarshaLinehan, offers such practical coping skills that have beenshown to be effective in lowering stress, anxiety, and depres-sion. These skills have been taught nationwide through work-shops and group sessions, and skills manuals and worksheetsare available. DBT skills can be directly applied to situationsthat graduate students face every day. Using DBT skills, thereare practical ways to manage the advisor/student relationship,overcome times of low motivation, and find a balancebetween research and a personal life. These are three of thefactors that can aid in being successful and mentally healthyduring graduate school.Digital Object Identifier 10.1109/MPOT.2008.925232
student and a thesis advisor isunique and ever changing. Inthe beginning, it is a powerrelationship, but by graduationit is more similar to a peerrelationship. Not only is italways evolving, but it is also avery important relationship; anadvisor’s feelings about therelationship and the research have adirect impact on the student’s success.Here are some tips for maintaining apositive relationship with your advisor.
Keep the relationship profes-sional. While many student/advisorrelationships can eventually grow into apersonal friendship, making thisassumption too early can be disastrous.It is part of the student’s job to con-vince the advisor that he or she is aprofessional worthy of a higher degree.Too often, being overly friendly oroverly emotional with an advisor taintsthe advisor’s image of the student,hindering the progress from studentto peer.
To maintain a professional advisor/student relationship, be prepared foreach meeting with written goals and anagenda. You should take good notesduring the meeting and make sure tobe attentive and listen. Finally, beforeleaving the meeting, both the studentand the advisor should have clear goalsfor the student to achieve for the nextmeeting. This model ensures that thereis clear communication in the relation-ship and that progress is being madewith each meeting toward the ultimategoal of completing the degree.
Set personal and professionalgoals for your meetings. While itis important to keep your relation-ship profess ional , you can andshould have relational goals in mindfor the meeting as well. What areyour relationship goals? How do youwant your advisor to feel about youas a result of the meeting? Rememberto add goals of respect, honesty, andopen communication to your moretangible goals. Finally, think aboutyour personal goals for the meeting.How do you want to feel about your-self after the meeting? Maintainingself-respect and staying consistentwith your core values are importantgoals for each meeting as well. Keep-ing a full picture of professional,relational, and personal goals willhelp you to remember that yourgraduate work is jus t one par t ,
although a very important part, ofyour identity.
Deal with the feedback. This isperhaps one of the most difficult aswell as one of the most essential,lessons to learn. As graduate students,the feedback we get most often fromadvisors is only on those things thatneed improvement. This is a naturaltime-saving technique: successfulendeavors are put away, and we moveon to whatever needs to be done next.As graduate students, we can feel unap-preciated or even incompetent when nopositive feedback is given. There areseveral ways to cope with this. First ofall, realize that if a part of your workgoes without comment from your advi-sor, it probably means that the workwas satisfactory. Try to release the needfor positive feedback from others formotivation. However, if you really needmore direct positive feedback, you canask your advisor directly, “What didyou think of my work on …”. Ofcourse, this question is open for bothpraise and criticism. Finally, you canask, “What part of my work this weekdo you think was the best?” Be clear,assertive, and direct with your ques-tions to avoid be perceived as “whiny”or “needy.”
You may have to ask directly forpositive feedback from your advisor, butthere will no doubt be plenty of adviceon what can be improved. Unfortunate-ly, some people are not good at givingcriticism that sounds like it is construc-tive. It is up to you to receive all criti-cism as constructive criticism. If youneed to, write down a better, moreobjective way to state your advisor’s cri-tique. Read and review it to allow your-self to hear the way the critique shouldhave been stated. You can write a sum-mary of the meeting with your reword-ed critique. Send the summary to youradvisor and ask for his approval. Thisexercise not only promotes clear com-munication but also provides a way foryour advisor to “sign off” on the newstatement. Above all, do not take nega-tive feedback personally.
Act confident. It wouldbe wonderful if we all wereconfident about our abilitiesand our work all the time.This is not a realistic goal.Graduate students are famil-iar with imposter syndrome,the feeling that one is animposter in the field, posingas an effective researcher.While there are ways to
build self-confidence, this is often along and personal process. When youare meeting with your advisor, it isimportant to act confident even whenyou do not feel confident. Again, it isthe job of the student to convince theadvisor that he is worthy of a degreeand to be thought of as a peer. Thisprocess can be facilitated by stayingprofessional and acting confident.
Be judicious with the word “no.”When your advisor asks you to dosomething that you do not want to do, itis important to realize that you do havethe right to say no, but that you shouldseriously consider the request first.There are always consequences to say-ing no to an authority figure, and beforeyou deny a request you should weighthese consequences with your reasonsfor not wanting to comply. Does therequest require that you violate yourcore values? Would compliance damageyour self-respect? In this case, it is rea-sonable to deny the request, under-standing that this may take a toll onyour student-advisor relationship.
Know how to ask. Just like youhave the right to deny requests fromyour advisor, you have the right tomake requests as well. When you needsupport or resources, you can ask in aneffective manner by communicatingclearly and assertively. The DBT skillsteach us that when we want to ask forsomething, or to say no, we can followthe acronym DEAR: Describe, Express,Assert, Reinforce. Start by describing thesituation, and then express your opin-ions and feelings about it. Assert your-self and be clear about either saying noor making a request. Finally, reinforceyour decision. If your advisor complies,how might he benefit? What can you doto negotiate? Following these steps givesyou a better chance of getting what youwant and ensures that you have beenheard.
Getting motivatedOne of the most pervasive issues in
graduate school is a lack of motivation.It is easy to get “burned out” on a thesis
There are always consequences to saying no to an authority figure,
and before you deny a request you should weigh these consequences with your reasons
for not wanting to comply.
JULY/AUGUST 2008 13
that has been your focus for sev-eral years. What can we do toovercome a lack of motivation?
Take breaks. Contrary topopular opinion, it is perfectlynormal to take a break! It isimportant to take breaks—bothsmall breaks during the day, andlarger breaks on a weekly andmonthly basis. However, a breakonly rests your brain if it is astress-free, guilt-free break. You mustgive yourself permission to take a break.This is the most effective way to over-come a lack of motivation, so let go ofthe guilt and take a break!
Be focused. One reason we loseour motivation is that we feel that ourentire lives revolve around our work.This can cause burnout quickly.Instead, realize that it’s okay to have alife outside of work. Whatever task youare engaged in, focus fully on that task.At work, focus on getting your workdone. When you get home, focus ondoing the things you do at home. Forexample, when you wash dishes, takethe time to really feel the sudsy waterslip on your fingers. When you take awalk, focus on your breathing and thesound of your footsteps. If you feel youwork all the time, it may be that youare in fact, engaging your brain in wor-rying even when you are supposed tobe doing other tasks.
Focus on the facts. If you feelunmotivated, examine the cause. It couldbe that you are telling yourself negativestatements that are not factual. For exam-ple, the common Imposter Syndromefeeling is when we assert to ourselves, “Iam not as good at research as my peers. Iam an imposter in my field.” These typesof statements are not factual, yet they arestated as fact. They are detrimental toyour self-image and motivation.
Begin by noticing and writing downall the things you say to yourself. Thenrewrite them with only the facts—things that can be proven. For exam-ple, the above statement may be restat-ed, “I do not feel as proficient as Iactually am. It is a known fact thatmany people feel this way. I am notalone in this. I am doing my work tothe best of my ability and having timesof slow progress is all a part of thegraduate school process.” Each timeyou are tempted to berate yourself,restate your feelings in a positive way.Motivation is likely to follow.
Start slowly, reward generously. Itis often difficult to come back to workafter a break. When you feel very unmo-
tivated, do not try to conquer too muchat first. Make a list of your overallresearch goals, and subdivide them intomedium and small goals. Make the smallgoals very small. Some days it is difficultto just turn on the computer. For eachgoal, have some reward associated withit. Small goals can have small rewardssuch as taking time to light a candle orpet your cat. Medium goals can be thingssuch as stopping for a short walk or afew minutes of Web surfing. Larger goalscan be more extravagant. Just be surethat all rewards are healthy and guilt-free.
Rework your schedule. In times oflow motivation it may be helpful tochange your work schedule. If you usu-ally procrastinate during the day andwork at night, try viewing your studiesas a traditional nine-to-five job for awhile. Work during the day and relax atnight guilt free. If you generally workon one task until it is complete beforegoing to the next task, try to rotatetasks in and out. It may help to seesteady progress on many facets of yourresearch rather than getting stuck onone issue. If your workday is definedby time (“I will work eight hourstoday!”) try defining your workday bytasks instead (“I will get five thingsdone from this list today”). The varia-tion in your routine can often aid ingetting out of an unproductive mindset.
Build your confidence. Sometimeswe are unmotivated simply because wedon’t feel confident that we can tacklethe task ahead. There are several tech-niques for building your confidence.First, you can practice doing things notnecessarily related to research that youknow you do well. For example, areyou a master chess player? Do you liketo paint? Can you knit? Do some ofthese things that highlight your otherunique talents. Not only will you be tak-ing a break, but you will be remindingyourself that you are a talented person.The confidence you build in this areawill spill over into the rest of your life.
Finally, don’t be ashamed to be yourown cheerleader. Having a statement like“Eyes on the Prize!” at your desk can
help you visualize gradua-tion when you feel over-whelmed. Tell yourselfthat you are strong,unique, and talented. (Youare!) Remind yourself thatyour dissertation is onlyone part of your life, and itshould not consume you.
Finding balanceEven with these tips, you may find
yourself distressed under the load ofgraduate school. In addition to usingyour graduate school’s mental healthresources, here are a few exercises to try.
Don’t isolate yourself. Hopefullyby now you realize that having difficul-ties with motivation, stress, or guilt ingraduate school is perfectly normal. Youare not alone, and that realization itselfcan be very helpful. In addition, it isimportant to find a network of supportin your peers, family, friends, or coun-selors. While I do not advocate relyingon faculty for moral support (keep thatrelationship professional) it is very help-ful to find other graduate students withwhom you feel comfortable sharing. Noone else understands your situationquite like they do. If you feel uncom-fortable with other students at yourinstitution, there are several online grad-uate support networks, some of whichprovide one-on-one mentoring.
Distract, soothe, relax. When youare really feeling distressed about yourwork, it is time for an intentional break.Often it helps to distract yourself for awhile to give your mind a break fromthe worry. You do not want to avoid theissue for an extended period of time,but a short distraction can help youthrough a particularly rough day. Sootheyourself by experiencing pleasant sens-es. See if you can engage as many ofyour senses as possible. For example, ifyou take a cup of tea into the bathtuband put on soothing music, you cansmell and taste the tea, hear the music,feel and see the warm water. Engageyour senses and mind in this experi-ence, and resist thinking thoughts like,“I don’t have time for this!” (The truth is,this may be your fastest track back towork.) In addition, you can try relax-ation techniques such as deep breathingor meditating. There are also many greatbooks and CDs on relaxation.
Re-examine your goals. Thistime, when you write down yourgoals, focus not on your work goalsbut your life goals. Too often itemslike “achieving personal happiness,”
A common imposter syndrome feeling is, “I am not as good at research as my peers.”These types of statements are not factual
and detrimental to your self-image and motivation.
14 IEEE POTENTIALS
“maintaining a successful marriage,”and “keeping myself healthy” are goalswe have but never acknowledge. Theytake second place behind professionalgoals, when in reality our long-termhappiness may depend more on ourmeeting these goals than on meetingour academic goals.
Take time to remember why youdecided to come to graduate school inthe first place. What do you want to doafter graduation? (There is life aftergraduation, after all.) Remind yourselfwhat is really important.
ConclusionIf you are a graduate student strug-
gling with feelings of inadequacy, lackof motivation, or just plain stress,please know that you are not alone.You may feel incapable, but you arevery capable of these things: You canact confident with your faculty whilecultivating real confidence. You can
deal with your advisor in a profession-al manner, asserting yourself whilebeing respectful and open to criticism.You can give yourself permission totake breaks and reward yourself forgetting work done.
You are a uniquely talented, brightperson who can survive graduateschool. Getting a higher degree is animportant career goal, but it is just oneof your life goals. Your success is notdefined as what degree you obtain orhow long it takes you to obtain it. Youshould not feel guilty for takingbreaks, staying fit, having friends, orhaving a hobby. These activities willhelp give the mental healthiness andconfidence you need to succeed atgraduate school as well as at life.
Read more about it• Berkeley Graduate Student Men-
ta l Heal th Survey, Report by theBerkeley Graduate and Professional
Schools Mental Health Task Force(2004) [Online]. Available: http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~gmhealth
• Grad’s Menta l Makeover .[Onl ine ] . Avai lable : h t tp ://www.gradmentalmakeover.com/
• M. Linehan, Skills Training Man-ual for Treating Borderline PersonalityDisorder. New York: Guilford Press,1993.
About the authorShannon Duvall (sduvall2@
elon.edu) earned an M.S. and Ph.D. incomputer science from Duke Universi-ty. She has been teaching computerscience at Elon University since 2003.She owns and maintains www.grad-MentalMakeover.com, which containsinformation on graduate student men-tal health.
