Handling Difficult Discussions - Clemson...

Handling Difficult Discussions

January 2016

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All you need to know…

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Objectives of the training:

• Understand why discussions can be difficult and how we may avoid them

• Review rater biases and how they impact review discussions

• Draft straight-forward review language to avoid confusion or ambiguity

• How to handle difficult reactions during the review meeting

• Answer questions about specific situations

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Reasons we avoid difficult conversations• We convince ourselves that talking about the problem will

make the problem worse rather than resolving it• The cure may be worse than the disease • We do not want to feel bad and/or do not want the other

person to feel bad• We may hear things in the conversation about ourselves that

we do not want to hear • We and/or the other person may get emotional• We are not sure where the conversation will end • We fear the consequences, retribution


Difficult discussions during performance reviews – if you are honest – may be unavoidable

• Not everyone is “Exceptional” in every facet of their job all of the time

• “Successful” is a good rating – it means an employee is doing his/her job and meeting expectations

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Other reasons for difficult discussions• Proper planning was not completed

• Supervisor expectations of the employee’s performance were not clear

• Timely and/or candid feedback was not provided throughout the year

• Work performance was not monitored

• Employee did not ask questions or request assistance

• Unresolved issues between co-workers

• Supervisor message(s) not received by employee

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Change your mindset

• Labeling a discussion as “difficult” will likely make you feel nervous and upset beforehand

• Approach the discussion as a positive opportunity to address and/or resolve an issue

– For example, you’re not giving negative performance feedback; you’re having a constructive conversation about development.

• A difficult conversation tends to go best when you think about it as just a normal conversation

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Rater Biases - Non-job related tendencies that may impact the performance rating

• Halos and Horns - a supervisor's tendency to judge an employee as either

good or bad and then to seek out evidence that supports that opinion, is regarded as one of the major problems for organizations

• Central Tendency - a tendency for raters, or managers to evaluate most of

their employees as "average" when they apply a rating scale

• Recency Effect – the rating is influenced by the most recent behavior ignoring

the commonly demonstrated behaviors during the entire appraisal period

• “Similar to Me” Effect - managers who are biased toward employees who

are similar to themselves

• Strictness or Leniency - depending upon the rater’s own standards, values

and physical and mental makeup at the time of appraisal, employees may be rated very strictly or leniently

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Preparing for the EPMS discussion• Ask each employee to perform a self-assessment

of their performance– Use their EPMS

– Ask for an honest review of their performance• Use examples

• No ratings required

• Ask for customer feedback

• Consider discussions that should have occurred during the year, but didn’t

• Identify any issues that may result in a conflict – Know the facts

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Writing the Evaluation• Be factual and objective

– Be constructive

• Don’t generalize - use examples that help illustrate the performance / behavior

• Evaluate your evaluations for biases

• Be consistent

• Don’t compare employees

• Don’t stress the negative

• Ask for help

• Prepare yourself for difficult reactions

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Please do not use these statements!• Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has

started to dig.• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of

morbid curiosity.• She sets low personal standards, then consistently fails to

achieve them.• This employee should go far --- and the sooner he starts,

the better.• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.• Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all

together.• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.• If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.


Avoid clichés and generalizationsAvoid: You’re not living up to your potential.Use: For this specific objective, your progress reports were

late 4 times and you missed the final deadline by 1 month.

Avoid: You make very good use of your time.Use: For this project, you were able to complete all of the

assigned tasks accurately and on time.

Avoid: You sometimes act very immature. Use: The handling of this specific customer complaint was

inappropriate. You lost your temper and told the person to handle the issue themselves. This is unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated in the future.

12Source: Productive Performance Appraisals – Randi Toler Sachs


How could these statements be improved?

• You need to improve your productivity.

• You don’t get along with others.

• Your skills are not up to par.

• You’re not trying your best.

• You’re a pleasure to supervise.

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If the news is bad…• Determine if a Performance Improvement Plan is

needed• Have the documentation available – with specific

examples• Dates/times that you spoke to the employee• Prepare a list of changes that you’d like the

employee to make• Be positive about the employee’s ability to

improve• Set short-term goals for the employee to work

toward

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Addressing attitude issues

• Focus on the problem/behavior that needs to change

– Your communication to your co-workers is too abrasive towards

– You have a bad attitude

– It’s too bad you’ll never succeed with your attitude

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When handling difficult reactions:• Be aware of your own feelings and anticipate how

you will respond to your employee’s reactions− Be mindful of what you say and how you say it− Non-verbal communication is as important as verbal− How will you respond?

• Passive• Aggressive• Assertive

• Make sure that the employee knows she/he is responsible for improved performance

• Stay firm in your decision• Set or remind the person of acceptable limits• Either Clear-The-Air or respond with HEART


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Taking the difficulty out of the discussion

• Respond with HEART

• Hear the story

• Empathize

• Apologize

• Respond

• Thank

18Source: The Cleveland Clinic


Hear the story• Show compassion and a positive presence (body

language)

• Listen attentively and do not interrupt

• Ask open-ended questions to get the whole story

• Don’t argue or be defensive; don’t take it personally

• Don’t let your non-verbal actions speak for you

• Don’t share your own frustrations

• Gives you time to take a deep breath, pause and get ready to help

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Empathize

• Listen to the content of the message as well as the feelings behind the words

• Acknowledge their difficulty

• Respond to the person’s feelings with spoken words

−“I can see that you are very upset about this rating.”

−“I can sense your disappointment in this decision.”

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Apologize

• Make the apology blameless

−“I’m sorry you feel this way.”

−“I’m sorry you felt that this took too long.”

−“I’m sorry you hear that you struggled with completing this assignment.”

• Be genuine and convey sincerity

• Effective apologies are sincere, personal, immediate and specific

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Respond to the problem

• Respond as immediately as possible

• Be factual and professional – provide examples

– If you cannot handle it immediately, tell them what you’ll do and what they can expect

• If you sense that the problem is still unresolved, identify your feelings and re-engage the problem

• Make a commitment and follow through

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Thank the person

• For bringing this to your attention

• For being willing to share with you

– “I appreciate you telling me about this so we can do something about it.”

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Example

During an annual review, you have just told an employee that their performance rating is “Successful.” The employee is expecting an “Exemplary” rating. Based on the employee’s body language, she is clearly upset with the rating.

Possible HEART response:

I can tell from your body language that you are disappointed with this rating. Can you tell me why you are upset?

<LISTEN>

I can understand your disappointment since you have been rated “exemplary” in the past. I’m sorry you feel this way, however, a successful rating is a very good rating – you have met my expectations.

To receive an exemplary rating, you need to perform above expectations the majority of the time. You have certainly have had times that your performance this year has been exemplary, such as <examples>. I very much appreciate your solid contribution this year.

I would like to schedule another meeting that we can discuss ways in which you can achieve an exemplary rating. I appreciate you being honest with me.

Be sure to follow-up and plan.

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Your employee comes to you and explains that they were unable to complete an assignment that you gave to him two weeks ago and is due today. How do you respond?

25Passive AggressiveAssertive

? ? ?


Prepare for the upcoming year• Develop SMART Planning Stage documents

• Be very clear on employee expectations

• Provide timely and/or candid feedback throughout the year

• Monitor work performance as needed

• Provide assistance as needed – follow-up to make sure the employee is on track

• Resolve issues assertively as they occur

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Questions?

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Thank you

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Handling Difficult Discussions - Clemson...

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