Here’s What Works

Asperger Experts

Copyright © 2017 Asperger Experts, LLC

Here’s What Works

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1425 Broadway #20-6970

Seattle, WA 98122

ISBN-13: 978-1-945611-01-8 (e-book)

Disclaimer: We are not Psychological or Therapy Professionals. You should

always seek the advice of a Professional before deciding the right treatment

option for you or your child. Any advice we give is for educational and

informational purposes only, and should not be considered medical, legal or

financial advice.

Consult with a medical doctor before making any changes to you or your

child's lifestyle. This book, and the Asperger Experts website and associated

materials are for information only, and not a replacement for professional

diagnosis, medication, or therapy.

Seriously, please go see a competent medical professional

in addition to any advice from us you choose to implement.

Here’s What Works

Table of Contents

Introduction: What works when coping with the world in a non-neurotypical way? 6

What Works 8

Therapies and Treatment Modalities 8

Somatic Experiencing 9

Bowenwork 10

Beam Life Process 11

Ayurveda 12

Mentoring and Coaching 13

HRV Biofeedback 15

Food and Supplements 17

Essential Oils 18

Bach Flower Essences 19

Brain Octane Oil 21

Vitamins and Probiotics 22

Real, Actual Food 24

Environment 26

Float Tanks 27

Hydrotherapy 28

Being Out In Nature 29

Deep Listening 30

What Does Not Work 32

ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Therapy 33

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) 34

What Now? 35

Introduction: What works when coping with the world

in a non-neurotypical way?

One of the most frustrating things about having Autism (or for that matter,

seeking to become a healthier and more effective human being) is the

incongruency between what people claim will help, and what actually helps.

You interview a therapist who you think would be a great fit. Then after a

few months of working with them you slowly realize that the issues persist,

or it is even just making things worse, not better.

You try a new medication, hoping that this will be the one that finally helps

the anxiety and/or depression, but it ends up just making things harder. You

then have to go back to where you started, and try something else.

It gets extremely frustrating. Sometimes you lose hope. You were assured

that a new solution would help. If it does not help, the confidence of the

advisor can be very disheartening. You might feel like this lack of success is

your fault. Here at Asperger Experts, we have heard countless stories of

people who have given up hope to such an extent that they become utterly

convinced that nothing will help.

It stinks. A lot.

The good news is that there ARE therapies, treatment modalities, vitamins,

supplements and ways of living life that DO make things better. We should

know. Our job is to try and evaluate these ideas, and bring to you the best

of the best, as demonstrated through our personal experience of living with

and parenting people with Asperger’s.

At Asperger Experts, we don’t get to go home and escape from the job after

5 PM. This is our life. Having Asperger’s/Autism or raising a kid on the

spectrum is a 24/7 venture. There are no breaks. We really do live it. We

therefore look for and analyze what helps us. What eases our pain. What

stops our suffering. We then share it with you.

In the following pages you will find a list of tools, techniques and skills that

we personally test and use that have worked for us. The majority of these

things WILL work for most people (when done correctly), because they are

grounded in solid (albeit new) science.

You might think of it like feeling hungry. Eating food will always solve that.

There MAY, however, be distinctions in which types of food are right for you,

how often you should eat, how much to eat, etc. That depends on the

individual.

So when we recommend things like getting more Vitamin D if you are

deficient, we say that because Vitamin D works for humans in general. Our

headquarters is based in the Pacific Northwest, where people are usually

deficient in Vitamin D. Please, do not take our advice as medical advice. We

are not doctors. This is just what we have seen work in our own lives and

the lives of our clients and customers. Consult with a competent therapist

and/or doctor before making any changes in your life.

Again, we are not doctors or therapists, so please consult good ones when

making life and lifestyle changes. If any of these suggestions resonate with

you or your family, feel free to dive in and find out more!

Asperger Experts was not compensated in any way for any of these

recommendations. We do have a referral program with BEAM LiFE

International, but that is for people who choose to become clients, and not

for this referral. We find that these things just really do work.

And as always, thank you.

What Works

Therapies and Treatment Modalities

In the world of therapies, if you name it, we have probably tried it. What we

have found works best overall is a somatic based, trauma informed practice.

In short, most of the issues that people deal with are due to blocks in their

mind, body and nervous system (tight muscles, muscle clenching, low vagal

tone), which then lead to issues with thoughts, emotion, and cognition. If

you would like to learn more about our overall philosophy, read our overview

article on Defense Mode.

In essence, all of the following modalities are just different ways to support

Being With That.

On that note, let us proceed!

Somatic Experiencing

www.traumahealing.org and others

Somatic Experiencing (“SE”) is based around the ideas put forth in the book

“In An Unspoken Voice” by Peter Levine, which you should definitely read if

you want to REALLY understand Defense Mode and Asperger’s.

In short, SE therapy works by helping you connect with and understand your

emotional and somatic sensations, rather than fighting with them. Once you

learn to stop fighting with your sensations and embrace them, your body’s

natural trauma resolution mechanisms begins to activate. This is one of the

most powerful and simple modalities we know of, and we recommend

everyone at least investigate this amazingly life changing therapy.

It works especially well in people with Asperger’s and Autism, who have a

tendency to want to disconnect and avoid every uncomfortable feeling and

sensation.

Bowenwork

(www.americanbowen.academy and others)

Bowenwork is a very simple method of assisting the body to release tension

and old patterns. It is a clothed session. The practitioner does this via light

touch, followed by a pause in which the body is allowed to integrate the

resulting feelings.

In our experience, it is one of the most gentle, safe, and relaxing

methodologies because once you get up from the table, everything feels less

stiff, tense and achy. You can then calm down a lot easier and feel less

stressed out.

Another method that is similar is the Rosen Method

(http://roseninstitute.net/). This is a complementary mechanic as it involves

touch and massage with an experienced practitioner. The intensity of the

massage and results can vary according to the experiences of the individual.

The practitioner holds space for the client to process the feelings that come

up, and progressive resolution is facilitated by emotional safety and trust.

These methods do involve physical touch. If that is not comfortable for your

situation, you can try something a bit less personal, or something you do on

your own.

Beam Life Process

(www.beamlifecoaching.com)

Eva Angvert Harren is the creator of this process (and she also is the co-

facilitator of our weekend workshops and longer retreats). If you had to

choose one method to further investigate, this would be it. Around the

office, her work is known as “Getting Eva’d” because what she does is

almost magical. Without her and her process, we would not be where we are

in both our personal and professional lives.

It is very hard to describe what she does, but it has elements of Somatic

Experiencing, reframing and assorted cognitive tools, and other bodywork

practices in it. The work is yours - she allows you to occupy your body and

own your sensations. She works in person and remotely.

The best thing you can do is go to her website and read more. She offers

sessions both in person in the Bay Area of California, and via skype

worldwide. We cannot recommend her work highly enough. It truly is life

changing.

Ayurveda

(Many different websites. Google it)

Ayurveda is a 3,000+ year old system of medicine that is very popular in

India. It means “Life Science” and looks at the person holistically when

treating: What do they eat and drink? How do they sleep? How is their

posture? etc. There are clues in your way of living that can alert an aware

practitioner to subtle changes and improvements you might make in your

life. These subtle changes can have large benefits.

In terms of medical systems for long term chronic issues (as opposed to

something acute, like a broken wrist), we have found Ayurvedic medicine to

be the most gentle, understanding and effective approach.

Usually the first appointment with a practitioner is fairly lengthy, as they go

into your entire health history and your current life from a holistic

perspective. They may prescribe lifestyle changes in addition to herbs,

dietary suggestions, behavioral suggestions, environmental possibilities and

mindfulness, and other treatment methodologies.

Those treatments can range from simple things (like drinking warm water

instead of cold) to full dietary shifts, depending on your needs.

Mentoring and Coaching

(Many different websites. Use Google and see notes below.)

Coaching is simply sitting with another human being who will guide you

through a (usually) conversational journey which will help you focus on

holistically addressing and resolving current struggles and challenges that

you are facing.

Therapy often focuses on root cause analysis, which can include situations

that go back to childhood. This process can take years to work through.

Therapy is very often talk-based (meaning you sit and talk about the issues

at hand), and is generally considered a more conservative approach.

Coaching usually starts from where you are on that day, and focuses on

struggles you are currently having. That could be something like anxiety,

depression or trauma. But it could just as easily be what to make for dinner,

how to get a job, or how to say hi to the cutie at the bar. The main goal of a

good coach and mentor is to help you achieve whatever goals you

established at the beginning.

You can read more about the distinction between coaching and therapy here.

To find a coach, start by identifying the goal with which you would like

assistance. There is coaching out there for everything! You can find nutrition

coaches, who will help you meet certain nutritional goals, to exercise

coaches, commonly called personal trainers, to hug coaches. Yes, really.

There is someone who has made a career about being a cuddle coach.

Bottom line: determine your goal, then search google for that term + coach

(Life coach, cuddle coach, dating coach, nutrition coach, etc.)

Asperger Experts also has extremely limited availability for 1-on-1

Asperger’s coaching (for both parents and kids). Email

help@aspergerexperts.com and mention you are interested in VIP coaching

to see if we have availability.

HRV Biofeedback

(www.hearthmath.org and others)

HRV is short for Heart Rate Variability which, as the name suggests, is the

measure of the variance in your heart beat between times of cardiac

excitation and cardiac rest. The reason why this is important is because HRV

is one of the best measurements we have for vagal tone.

Vagal tone being the measurement of how toned your vagus nerve is (Think

of it like muscle tone. Same concept. More muscle tone=stronger muscle).

The reason why we focus on the tone of your vagus nerve is because the

vagus nerve is in charge of what is known as the vagal brake.

The reason we care about the vagal brake is because the vagal brake is

responsible for inhibiting the fight or flight response. So in plain english:

Better HRV makes you less afraid (and more settled!) This makes it

easier to get out of Defense Mode.

Just as you can do pushups to get stronger, you can train your HRV to get

less reactive. There are many ways to do that (See here and here for further

scientific details), but here are 2 of our favorites:

#1 - Heart Math and The Inner Balance Sensor

This little device looks like headphones and plugs into your iPhone (or iPad).

There is also a standalone unit for those without an iPhone available.

In the iPhone version, it clips onto your earlobe and measures your HRV by

passing light through your ear, measuring your heartbeat, and thus your

HRV. Then it displays the information on the screen, and coaches you to

breathe in a certain way that syncs your breathing and heart rate to get

better HRV. As you practice this for a few minutes each day, your HRV gets

better, thus causing you to become less in Defense Mode.

#2 - Dunk your face in ice water for 30 seconds (ish)

No, it is not as bad as you think. It actually feels quite refreshing. To do this,

you will want to get a big bowl, fill it with cold water and then ice. Then hold

your breath and dunk your face in for as long as is comfortable. (You can

blow out of your nose! Please, surface to breathe!)

The reason why you want to do this is because you will go into a slight

startle response from the sudden cold, which will cause your vagus nerve to

activate and dampen the MINOR amount of fight or flight response that just

happened. Keep doing it and it acts like a pushup: It strengthens the vagal

brake.

If you perform this remedy when you are stressed, it can actually reset your

vagal tone and HRV in the moment. That can help you make mindful choices

in your life to steer clear of situations that inspire Defense Mode, and to

cope better with Defense Mode when it does occur.

Food and Supplements

This section is all about the different types of food, vitamins and supplements we have used that

work well for us. Especially in this section, PLEASE consult with a doctor who will be able to

determine what you or your child need. Do not just randomly assume, for example, that you

need more magnesium, and then go out and get some.

With things like Essential Oils and Flower Essences, it is ok to buy some and use them without

getting extensive testing done, but we still recommend consulting with a doctor.

Essential Oils

(Many, many, many different purveyors. We just get them from

Whole Foods or Amazon.)

Essential oils are made from a process of extracting the oil (or “essence”)

from part or all of a plant, vegetable or fruit, in mediums of water, oil or

alcohol. They can be used as aromatherapy (like we use them), or they can

be used in other ways. (See a qualified professional.)

The idea behind essential oils is that each oil has a different effect. Some are

for relaxation (like lavender), some are for grounding (sandalwood), some

are for brightening (orange), etc. We recommend you start by diffusing

some lavender into a room. It smells good and is highly relaxing.

Read more about essential oils and see if any might help you!

Bach Flower Essences

(www.bachflower.com)

Bach Flower Essences are a grouping of 38 “flower remedies” that help bring

you back into emotional balance. In addition to the 38, there is also a

popular combination known as “Rescue Remedy” that is sold widely in most

drug stores, and is available in creams, gums, candy, sprays, drops, etc.

The idea behind the essences is that when you are in a state of emotional

imbalance (such as being anxious, stressed, etc.), you take one of the

remedies and it brings you back into balance. It allows a gentle reset.

How long does it last? Until you get out of balance again. That could be a

minute. It could be a month.

Put another way: If you are in a very high stress situation (such as a war

zone) and you take some Rescue Remedy to relieve your stress, the relief

will not last very long, because you are still actively being stressed.

However if you are at home in a calm environment, you will feel at ease and

stay that way until stressed again.

You can take the remedies in multiple different ways, but we like rubbing it

on our skin or putting a few drops in water and then drinking it.

Since there are 38 different remedies (39 if you include Rescue Remedy), it

can often get confusing as to which ones to use when. Some of our favorites

are: Aspen, Elm, Olive, Rescue Remedy and Rock Rose. Consult the Bach

Flower website for specific guidelines for what to use and when to use each

of the 38.

Brain Octane Oil

(www.bulletproof.com)

Brain Octane Oil is made from coconut oil, and is our favorite way to get

non-sugary energy when needed. Instead of getting your energy from a

sugar high and then crashing, the energy in Brain Octane Oil comes from

fat. Specifically “Medium-chain triglycerides”.

Essentially it is pure brain energy. It puts you into a calm, even-keeled, and

non-jittery energetic state.

Here is our big rule to follow when using it: start small. Respect the oil or it

will not respect you. If you take too much, it will feel like the worst stomach

ache of your life, so start with a teaspoon at most the first time you use it. It

is VERY potent stuff.

Brain Octane Oil can be blended into a beverage, or served on food or

snacks (like popcorn!)

Vitamins and Probiotics

(Consult with a doctor)

When you have a vitamin deficiency and do not know it, life feels miserable,

like a giant uphill struggle. When you find out that you can feel better just

by getting some more vitamin D, or calcium, or magnesium, etc., magic

happens. Those feelings of struggle are your body’s way of asking for what it

needs. When you get what you need, your body’s function improves, and

sometimes it improves dramatically.

The same goes for probiotics. The right probiotic can do wonders for gut

health (when combined with diet changes). And since the gut is considered

the “second brain”, and is a place where a large amount of your

neurotransmitters (like serotonin) are produced, having good gut health can

literally change your thoughts, behaviors and attitudes. This improved

balance can also help with nutrient absorption. Malabsorption can be a

hidden cause of vitamin or nutrient deficiency. (Plus it can help you get out

of Defense Mode.) Standard western diets have been shown to have a

negative effect on the gut biome.

Do not suddenly decide to randomly take certain vitamins or probiotics.

PLEASE go to a doctor and have them run the appropriate evaluations or

tests on you or your child to figure out what nutrients you need before you

go start supplementing. A food journal or dietary record can go a long way

towards helping a professional evaluate your nutritional health. Thanks to

modern science it is usually a questionnaire or very simple blood test away.

In the Ayurveda method they can usually tell what nutrients you are

deficient in simply by considering your history, looking at your tongue,

feeling your pulse and joints, etc. and a few other simple and noninvasive

metrics.

Real, Actual Food

(Your local farmer’s market or healthy grocery store)

This is a big one. Since we literally are what we eat (as in, the food becomes

us), it is extremely important to be eating real, actual food. Especially when

you have other health issues going on in life.

Yes, we know that is much easier said than done. (Our guide for resolving

picky eating can be found here.) If you are working on getting out of

Defense Mode and resolving picky eating issues, then these goals are

already in your sights, and you are already on the path to success. It takes

patience sometimes.

The problem: What do you define as real, actual food? There are so many

different diets out there, and they all seem to contradict each other. Certain

diets may be right for certain people, but not for others (and again, a doctor

or Ayurvedic practitioner can help you with specific diet guidance). A diet is

the system of decisions you use to make choices about what to eat. It is that

simple. Sometimes it just is not so easy. With increasing food allergies,

environmental sensitivities and a greater awareness of biology, food choices

are more important than ever.

Here are the rules that apply across the board:

If it exists naturally in nature (and is not toxic), eat it. This is loosely defined

as anything you could get on a farm. This excludes red dye #40, high

fructose corn syrup, and some preservatives. You will always be doing

yourself a favor by staying away from things that are not whole,

unprocessed food.

Can you make it in your kitchen? There are some produced foods, whole

food alternatives and approachable items (like whole grain bread or pasta)

that are minimally processed and healthy.

In today’s world, it is generally easy to find equivalent products that cost the

same or close and do not contain artificial flavors, colors or preservatives.

Start reading the ingredients! Checking labels can be the most time

consuming part of going to the store. Plan that time into your schedule (and

take your magnifying glass, because sometimes the print is really tiny)

because it is worth it. You might not even realize what is in the food you eat!

Ingredients can be tricky, and are often labeled in unclear ways. Learn about

what you are eating. Many items such as refined dairy products have a lot of

names that do not sound like dairy related products, so that takes a bit of

information and familiarity.

Environment

This next section is about things that you can do to change your

environment. We have found that just being in certain environments (like

nature), or even a quick change of scenery can completely alter your state

of mind, and help you feel immensely better very quickly.

Float Tanks

(Google “Float tanks near me”)

Float tanks, sometimes known as sensory deprivation tanks, are a

rectangular tank of water that has a door that can seal out outside light, is

heated to body temperature and made super-buoyant through the addition

of large quantities of Epsom salts.

What this means is that when you get in and shut the door, you are almost

weightless in a quiet chamber. It allows you to completely relax and deeply

emotionally process. The door opens from the inside too, so you have

control over the whole experience.

This is one of those things that is best experienced, rather than simply read

about, so we highly encourage you to find a place near you that offer float

tanks, and try it out.

Even people who experience discomfort in enclosed spaces find the tanks

spacious (there is room to stretch out), and safe. They have internal lighting

and lighting controls, and can even play relaxing sounds, such as rain or

birdsong.

If you are in a stressed out state when you enter the float tank, you will not

be when you leave an hour later. Regular floating can improve vagal tone

and improve mood over time.

Hydrotherapy

(Use the web to find a place near you)

Hydrotherapy is the use of water as a means of therapy. This is just a fancy

way of saying a spa has a hot tub, sauna, steam room and cold plunge. The

trick is having both the hot AND cold temperatures; otherwise you just get

overheated quickly.

When you cycle temperatures between hot and cold, your circulatory

patterns change, and the body begins to really relax and destress. It is one

of our favorite ways to hold some space for ourselves and emotionally

process the day or an event.

If you cannot find a hydrotherapy spa near you, you can achieve the same

effect by taking a hot bath, then jumping into a cold shower (as cold as you

can stand), then back to the hot bath in quick succession. Repeat a few

times, drink plenty of water, and you will feel the difference.

Being Out In Nature

(Look for accessible nature. Go to it. Hang out for a while.)

The Japanese have a practice called “shinrin-yoku” which literally means

“forest bathing”. In essence, it means immersing yourself in nature through

a mindful walk through the woods or something similar.

The link between our biome (internal microbes) and brain is becoming well

documented. Nature is a great way to reconnect with healthy

microorganisms, improving the immune system, mental and emotional

health, and even behavior.

Science has shown there are immense, measurable benefits to being out in

nature. Another of our favorites is that being near trees regulates your heart

rate variability, which helps you get out of Defense Mode.

Gardening is an easy and accessible way to touch base with nature. Even a

small square of dirt can produce flowers and edible plants, and there is

tremendous satisfaction from growing food and beauty, and eating what you

grow.

Deep Listening

(More on Deep Listening here)

When you are having a conversation, how often do you listen? Really, TRULY

listen, and not listening just to formulate your next sentence. How often do

you listen just to hear the other person? How do you show someone that

you are listening?

If you are like the majority of people the answer is “hardly ever.” Deep

listening (listening for the sake of listening) is one of the most valuable

communication skills you can ever learn. It shows the person you are

conversing with that you care, and it allows you to engage more fully with

the world as an informed being.

By listening for the sake of listening you validate the other person’s

emotional feelings and help them feel connected, and less isolated and

alone.

For people with Asperger’s, being deeply listened to provides a space to

process emotions WITHOUT getting freaked out by them, shutting down and

going into Defense Mode (which is what usually happens). It allows space to

process that we might not be able to hold for ourselves just yet. It is a gift.

In all of our conversations with families, caregivers, doctors, teachers,

therapists and people with Asperger’s, we have found that the #1 thing that

most people with Asperger’s are severely lacking in is simply someone who

will truly listen to them without judgement (so that they can finally be with

their sensations and process.)

More on how to do Deep Listening is available on our website here.

What Does Not Work

This is a short list of things that we have found that DO NOT work, and are

not aligned with the AE Process. That is not to say they do not work for

everyone. If you feel that something on this list would be helpful for your

family, then it just might be. You know your family best. We have found the

previous suggestions more helpful than the following suggestions.

ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Therapy

There are many things that are called ABA therapy for the sake of insurance

billing purposes, but for this discussion we are solely referring to ABA as the

philosophy that you can extinguish certain behaviors and promote other

behaviors through rote systems, training, and feedback.

First off, this is extremely dehumanizing and demoralizing to someone with

Asperger’s. It treats them like cattle. (Funnily enough, ABA has its roots in

using cattle prods to “shape behavior”. Yes, really. Read the book

“Neurotribes”, by Steve Silberman for more on that). The inherent message

is that you need for them to behave a certain way so badly that the internal

experience does not matter. If results are seen, that is all that matters.

Instead of trying to control behaviors through punishment and reward,

(which has disastrous long term consequences), instead focus on building a

strong foundation of love, trust and connection.

As you help someone with Asperger’s learn to trust themselves and get out

of Defense Mode, their behaviors will automatically change for the better.

We find that behavioral issues are not usually the root problem. The problem

is the experience the individual is having at any given moment, influencing

now they feel and using up their resources. When you can improve the

experience, you can help the behaviors become more positive or functional.

Getting to the root of the problem allows for development of a respectful,

organic, and lasting solution.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works great for issues that are cognitive or

behavioral in nature. People with Asperger’s often have issues that are

somatic and trauma based in nature. These issues are limbic; pertaining to

emotions and the parasympathetic nervous system (which is not under our

conscious control.) Those types of issues cannot be worked through with

CBT because you cannot truly heal them by simply talking.

There is a body component to most Asperger’s issues that 99% of CBT

practitioners miss. (See the Somatic Experiencing section above for a much

better alternative). When these missed elements come into play outside of

the therapy office, the techniques can fail. This dynamic leaves the person

feeling like a failure because they were assured these techniques would

work.

Once you have dealt with the trauma, CBT can be GREAT for cleaning up

thought patterns that need some attention. We have found the best results

happen when following the Sensory Funnel.

What Now?

Now that you have the list it is time to get to work! We recommend following

the AE Process and researching the techniques, modalities and treatments

described above.

If you would like more help on specific issues, you can find a wide variety of

courses, books and guides on every aspect of Asperger’s life on our website

at www.aspergerexperts.com/courses.

We also highly recommend you join our AE+ support community because

going through this journey alone is tough. With AE+ you will be supported

through Q&A helpline calls with AE staff, a worldwide support group and a

whole library of AE courses. You can join AE+ here.