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Options For Trl.•StateStay Affiliated with Natldnal SA \ tl~rI, ld, Sd ahd _-Love Addicts To varying degrees. these programs areHere are three alternatives undet lfH~op- A.OOhyfflo~, similar to Overeaters Anonymous in th:1t

the members determine what behavior isStaH Out OWN S~xU~1Ft~ov~ry "acting out- tor themselves. then try toprogram, live within these guidelines with the help

.This choice would allow us to openly use and support of their Twelve Step fellow-- our sobriety definition. write our own ship. Unlike out view of SObriety. theirs

literature. choose our own name (e.g. lacks a statement th:lt cetblh behavior is, Sexual Sobriety Anonymous). etc. This clearly not saber (e.g .• ffiitstUtbaliort).

choice (I) would give us a fresh start • Other Programs Sirriilar to Tri-Slate.- without fear of confllct with other We could change our affiliation to

regions, (ii) would allow us not to dis- another existing progr:lJi1 that (I) has acriminate against members on the basis of Sobriety deflhitioo similar to bur own rindsexual orientation and (Ui) would let us with wfiich we are comfortable. (ii)abide by the Twelve Traditions in all our would not discriminate :lgrlinst membersaffairs. However. this choice might re- on thc basis of sexual orientation and (iii)quire a long start-up process. would abide by the Twelve Traditions in

Atf1l!<il.e_wtth -AnoH~f ExlsUng -- ~_~i~;~~~~~;~;~:~~vu~~~~~-Sexual Ftecovery Program . affiliation would end our conflict with• "Sex Plan- Type Programs. There Me National SA. and would keep lhe Tri-~ree ~xisting sexual recovery pr~grams State fellowship intact. while avoiding10 w~lch ~e members defin~ their .own disruption. dislocation and possible legalsobriety: . Sej{ual Compulsive s action This choice would not require aAnonymous. Sex Add~cts Anonymous long siart-upprocess.:1I\dSex and Love AddlCIS Anonymous.

tion:• Keep the Status Quo. Tri-State, couldcontinue its affiliation with National SAand accept our outsider stams, we c6i1I.dcontinue not to have our sobriety defini-tion Slated. and continue to wall fof N3-tional SA to accept :l broader ~brietydefinition. which appears unlikely. Thisoption leaves Tri-State wailing fot othersto change. ' .:

• Go Public with Our Definition. Tri-State could openly state and publish oursobriety definition. This co~ld result inlesal intervention from National SA asth~e:lIened in the leiters quoted above.JL}bv.e it .National-s-Way. Dlscsrd-eusobriety definition and accept NationalSA's definition of sobriety. This mightcause a significant number of members t.odrop out of SA in New York. Recently thiS.occurred in Long Island. where a numberof SA !:'F:etings changed program affllia-

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Recommendatlons of Tri-State INtergroupAs we look nt ourselves in light bf the bers define Iheii own sobriety. SRA has aabove and we compare ourselves to the clear Sobriety definition;other Twelve Step recovery programs, we "Sobriety is the release from all com-have to honestly admit we are not SA. !\Or pulsive and destructive sexual be-are we a program in which members haviors. We have found through ourdefine their own sobriety. Moreover. in, , experience ·that ~lJbtltt' Includesexamining these sexual recovery freedom from masturbatioit Jlhd sexprograms. their defin~tioriS of. ~b~ttr· outside of a mutually committedand their spiritual points of View, It IS relationship,'"clear we are already. in essence. Sexual ,Recovery Anonymous. Therefore. for ~e Th~ition is clear arid sim~ie.1t nur-

-~~v.a-t-t-...m-fo-liow-mld-irr:l c:iesire1o~~~rors an affirms our experience andthe Tri-State fellowship together. we beliefs in Tri-State. First, we have chosenrecommend that the members ot Tri- the path of a clear definition because weStale change the.ir program amUntioh know that for us. sex with self Is notto Sexual Recoverv Anonymous. optional. it is part of our compulsive and

. sexually destructive behavior. Second.Reasons fot Affiliating WitH' sex between individuals in a mutuallySexual Recmtt!ry Anonyt'HoU~ C:6fnmitttd ref:ilionship need not lead to• The Sexual Recovery Anonymbu~ fel- sexu:tl acting oul any more than sex be-lowship ("SRA ") is the ahernative Id SA tween couples in :i "legal heterosexualthat marches what we are already practic- marriage."ing in New York. Although the term "committed relation-Unlike other sexual recovery programs ship- is nOI 3S specific 3S "legal(Sexual Compulsives Anonymous. Sex heterosexual marriaze," it does describeAddicts Anonymous and Sex and Love the nature of a p3J1nership which supportsAddicts Anonymous) in which the mem- healthy and sober sexuality. Mall itd or

nol. people in sexual relationships aU facethe same problem of st:lying Sober while

, beihg sexual with their partner.

Mariiage is no guarantee that sex in iherelationship will not trigger more ~ctingout or' that the sex in a m:uri:Jge will notbe addictive irt arid of itself. The evidenceis very clear that addicts in marriageshave slips and act out sexually as fre-quently as addicts in com..!!'med ~lation-Ships. IriS also cle3l' that addicts in :myrelationships can be in denial about theircommitment and in turn be in denialabout their true sobriety.

SRA states the foifowing about sexuality.addiction and committed relationships;•.ls there any sex which is not addictive?We believe that spirituality is an antidoteto the addiction, Sex which expressesmutual love between people is the begin-ning of healthy Sexuality. Scrupuloushonesty is needed 10 assurethat the addic-tive process does not enter the relation-ship. because addicts C3n ration:rl·m: 3llY-

thing to avoid feelings."

Report ot tne Program Al1iliaUon Com mitt"

"In keeping with the spirituality ofTwelve Step programs, we do not feel wehave the right to tell you what 3 mutuallycommitted relationship is. If your choiceis not right. you will soon find that outWith the knowledge of what is not heal-thy for you. you can make the changesnecessary."

SRA Is committed to being a. spiritual program and not a .moralistic programThe following quote is from the SRAWelcoming Pamphlet:

"<Mutually committed relationship' is allinclusive regardless of sexual orientation.We are working toward the formation ofa spiritual program rather thana moralis-tic one. We are walking towards a healthysexuality:'When a definition of sexual sobriety re-

Tr i-State Intergroup has sought toevaluate the continuing rift with NationalSA. the options for its resolution and theneeds of the Tri-State fellowship. Ob-viously. no single solution will satisfyevervone and the final choice must be leftto th~ individual meetings and ultimatelyto the conscience of each individualmember. We feel that one option bestserves the needs of the Tri-State fellow-ship and best resolves our conflict. We

quires marriage it makes a moral judg-ment on those in committed relationshipswho have .not chosen to marry or are

... unable 10 do so legally. In the spirit of theTwelve Traditions. moral judgments arebest left to the individual's conscienceand omitted from the precepts of the pro-gram.There are those who-say "we are onlyfollowing our experience about marriagebeing necessary for sobriety. - Inresponse. we say 1h:1Ithey are ignoringthe experience in Tri-St:ue.Being in acommitted relationship and being soberis possible. II exists today in our fellow-ship. Conversely. legal marriage is ab-solutely no guarantee of sexual sobriety.

SRA Is Open to GroupconscienceTri-State members will have a full say inihe SRA fellowship. Members ana

Conclusionrecommend i1 I~ewaffili:llion with SRAand a severance of ties to National SA.whose narrow sobriety definition restrictsour membership and encourages dis-crimination.

SRA promotes a sobriety definitionwhich emphasizes the spiritual commit-ment in a relationship rather than the legalcommitment. SRA would embrace ourmembers whose partnerships Iall outside

groups of SRA are committed to creatine:I General Service Board to address th~needs of the membership. A General Ser-vice Boord ensures that "there is but oneultimate :lUthorily-a loving God as Hem3Y express Himself in Our group con-science:' This ensures that principlesremain before personalities.• SRA describes our addiction (disease)without .using the word "lust. - 11describes our disease with terms such assexual compulsivity and sexual obscs-sion. These terms are devoid of moraljudgment. This program encourages us totake moral responsibility for our ac-tions=consisiem with other Twelve Stepprograms-without promoting. moraljudgments.

of a legal marriage. While National SAhas no mechanism to take a nationwidegroup conscience on this subject. SRA is .eager to employ group conscience 011 allmatters of importance,

Finally. !I new affiliation with SRA canresolve our conflicts peacefully and pro-vide us with the least disturbance to me

. continuing recovery of those in our fel-lowship.

Fellowship-Wide Examination and DiscussionTrl-State SA Fellowship-WIdeMeetings and Group CensusAccording 10 me Twelve Tradiuons. theissue of affiliation must be decided on ameeting-by-meeting basis. SA Tri-StateIntergroup cannot dictate to the meetings:if call tlllly "~c01IUI/I!IId. II is important foreveryone 10 have all of the informationabout Tri-State's situation in order tomake :1II informed decision.

• Distribution of this report In an ef-fort 10 eliminate rumors. Tri-State Inter-group recommends that copies of thisreport he distributed to 311 SA meetingsimmediatelv.

• Fellowship-Wide Meeting. After thisreport has been avaiiable 10 the fellow-

ship for a minimum of two (2) weeks. thefirst of two (2) fcllowshio-wide meetin!!swould be held to CormaIly present anddiscuss the issues raised in this report. Abrief presentation will be made. followedby a fellowship-wide discussion. No ac-lion will be taken at this firsl meeting. Itspurpose is strictly informational.

• The Second Fellowship-Wide Meet-ing and the Group Census. The secondmeeting should be held atleast two weekslater to allow members lime 10 considerthe issues raised by the first meeting.After !I period of discussion, this secondmeeting would take :Inon-binding "sense.of the fellowship" VOle.The purpose of a"sense of the fellowship vote" is to helpus. as a [eltowship, jinA:eed with the least

amount of disruption. The outcome oftll!S group co •.•sc icnce wouid giveeveryone a sense of where we are going.Should we keep our affiliation with N:!-tiona I SA? Should we charter our ownfellowship? Should we affiliate withSRA?

• Group Conscience. After the secondmeeting. each individual meeting wouldbe asked to vote on the issues. This votewould be the final decision. Once theindividual meeting had decided. thatrneerings Intergroup representativewould report the group conscience 3t thenext Intergroup meeting. Tri-State Inter-.group could then implement the groupconsciences of the meetings. e.g .• form atransition committee, etc.J

Report 01the Program Alliliation Committee 4