Holy Mother Grammatica Guide to Good Writing

8/10/2019 Holy Mother Grammatica Guide to Good Writing

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HOLY MOTHER GRAMMATICA'S GUIDE TO GOOD WRITING

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/9414/hmg1.html

"Punctuation, grammar, and spelling are not things that only happen to other people."--Terry

Pratchett

ood writing doesn!t ust happen. "#ell, duh," you say$ %nd well you may, as long as you put it

in &uotation mar's and punctuate it correctly. % surprising num(er o) writers don!t 'now how todo that. *any either don!t 'now or don!t care a(out the rules o) grammar or o) writing )iction.

+ow, you say, "ules o) writing )iction$ #hat rules$" The rules that am a(out to tell you, o)course. That!s why you!re reading this, right$

#ho am $ am Holy *other rammatica, dispenser o) the rules, adisor to writers see'ing

guidance. do not wor' alone. %mong my colleagues are *r. 0position and %untie ontinuity.Together, we will attempt to help interested writers gain new s'ills and polish those they already

hae. #e will start with general rules, and moe on to speci)ic errors. 2et us (egin.

PLOT

*any writers o) )an )iction la(or under the mista'en (elie) that their stories do not re&uire a plot.Holy *other rammatica 3herea)ter 'nown as H* would li'e these writers to 'now that,

without a plot, what they hae is a )ragment, or perhaps a scene in search o) a story. These scenes

can (e well-written, een (eauti)ully so, (ut they are not stories. % story has a (eginning, middle,and end. % story has direction5 it is going somewhere and the reader is along )or the ride. The

parts can (e (ro'en down as )ollows:

Beginning: This is where at least one main character is introduced, along with the setting. t isusually a good idea to descri(e (oth characters and setting, so that the readers 'now who and

where these people are and can picture them in their own minds. #riting a(out characters

esta(lished on a teleision show or in other stories does not mean that the author should s'ipdescriptions. There is always the chance that someone who has neer seen the show (e)ore will

read the story. 6esides, H* is ery )ond o) descriptions o) delicious young anthropologists and

handsome, muscular sentinels.

The (eginning is also where the plot should (e introduced, pre)era(ly as soon as possi(le. The

shorter the story, the earlier the plot needs to (egin. Try to draw the readers in (y starting with

something that gra(s them and makesthem 'eep reading. #hich o) these e0amples would ma'eyou want to 'eep reading$

6lair lay in (ed, remem(ering what had happened that day, how Psycho 7. 8iller had held the

gun to his head and threatened to 'ill him in )ront o) 7im.

Psycho 7. 8iller ammed the gun into 6lair!s temple, gripping his arm so hard that 6lair!s )ingers

went num(. "!ll 'ill him, llison"


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Middle: This is where most o) the stu)) happens. This is where the characters are deeloped

along with the plot, where we get the details, the conersations, the relationships, and the clues.

n a longer story, this is where you can slow down and show the readers what you want them tosee at a pace that you set. This is where you (uild up the readers! e0pectations, ma'e them

wonder and guess, 'eep them in suspense. This leads to...

Clima: The clima0 should (e the most e0citing part o) the story. This is the payo)), the hold

your (reath or (rea' your heart. n the clima0, 7im catches the murderer or rescues 6lair )rom

Psycho 7. 8iller at the last possi(le moment, or 6lair )inally has that emotional (rea'throughyou!e (een (uilding up to all along. t can (e a &uiet (rea'through, (ut the readers hae to 'now

that this is what they!e (een waiting )or.

t is almost always a (ad idea to hae the clima0 happen o))-stage. ) you go to all the trou(le o)

setting up a murder inestigation, showing the readers the ictim3s, )ollowing 7im and 6lair as

they &uestion the suspects and search )or clues, then toss an o))hand, "h, (y the way, hie),while you were in the hospital, the murderer con)essed: the (utler did it," your readers will not (e

happy or satis)ied. They may )orm a lynch mo(, and H* will cheer)ully (e a part o) it.

End: The end is where eerything winds down, where loose ends are wrapped up, hugs are gien

and receied, and (ad o'es are made. This is where you tell the readers what happened a)ter all

the e0citement was oer. ) you )eel li'e it. t is &uite possi(le to simply end the story directlya)ter the clima0 and neer tell the readers another thing. The end can (e as a(rupt or as long as

you wish, (ut it is adisa(le to aoid (oring the readers with too much in)ormation or con)using

them with too little. Though not always possi(le, coming up with a )inal sentence that!s ust asgood as the opening sentence is a eally +eat Thing.

n the case o) stories posted on the nternet, H* has )ound it necessary to write the words

"The nd" a)ter the last sentence o) the story. This aoids what seems to (e ineita(le con)usionand is there)ore reluctantly recommended.

E!POSITION

;ou all 'now *r. 0position. He!s the character who says, "#ell, 7im, as you 'now, the hopec

are a people who lie in Peru (ut occasionally ta'e ocean oyages to ascade in order to see'out the heads o) corporations that are destroying their lands." His is a than'less o(, that o)

e0plaining to the readers who a character is and e0actly what is going on, or o) giing

(ac'ground in)ormation.


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hae (een suc'ing it into their (rains. t is more )un )or the readers to (eliee they hae

discoered such tid(its on their own than to hae in)o-dump )orced upon them in large,

unpalata(le chun's. This leads us to the most important rule in )iction writing:

SHOW" DON'T TELL

+o )ooling. This is serious. =on!t TELLthe readers what is happening or what the character is

)eeling, SHOWthem.

Bad #$i%e$: 6lair really )elt terri(le a(out lying to 7im.

G&&d #$i%e$: h, od. 6lair put his head in his hands, tears stinging his eyes. How could he

hae lied to 7im$

Bad #$i%e$: 7im was so angry that 6lair was a)raid.

G&&d #$i%e$: 7im gra((ed the )ront o) 6lair!s shirt and slammed him into the wall. 6lair )ought

to (reathe, his heart hammering.

=raw the readers in, ma'e them a part o) what is happening. Try to aoid "#hile you were

gone" summaries o) scenes you should hae shown. =on!t tell them, "arlier that day, 6lair had

gone to the uniersity and run into


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to use an "omniscient" po, in which the iewpoint character is the author 3also 'nown as od

and there)ore 'nows eerything that goes on in eery character!s head simultaneously, it is

pre)era(le to use the po o) one character per scene. This means that the readers see only whatthe po character sees, and 'now only what the po character 'nows. This also means that the

readers are placed directly into the mind o) the po character and can see his thoughts. The writer

must remem(er that, unless he is telepathic, the po character cannot hear the thoughts o)another character5 and that, unless he is ga?ing into a mirror, the po character cannot see

himsel). inal note. @nless you are using the omniscient po, ne-e$use any ariation o) "2ittle did he

'now". This includes, "He would soon wish." ) the po character doesn!t 'now it, right now, 0&1

)an'% sa0 i%. %nd i) you can!t )ind some other way to (uild suspense, H* will whap your'nuc'les with a ruler.

TENSE PERSONS

Two (asic rules together:

2*S%&$ies a$e 3es% #$i%%en in %4e ,as% %ense*

S)$i,%sare written in the present tense. ) you are writing a script, do it that way and you will (e)ine. S%&$ieswritten in the present tense almost neer wor'. @se the past tense. @se it all the

time. +o arguments.

5* S%&$ies a$e 3es% #$i%%en in ei%4e$ 6$d &$ 2s% ,e$s&n*

H* has yet to see this in T< )an )iction, (ut occasionally, a writer will ta'e it into her head to

write a story in the second person. This is a strange and terri(le thing. +eer, eer do it. @se thirdperson, "he, she, it" or )irst person, "". t is possi(le to mi0 the two, i) you draw clear lines


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(etween scenes using )irst person and scenes using third, (ut it is not easy and o)ten loo's (adly

put together. H* does not recommend it.

DIALOGUE

%h, dialogue.


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" don!t get it," 6lair said.

7im raised an eye(row. "=on!t get what, hie)$"

"This case, man. t doesn!t ma'e any sense."

"Here it comes,"


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. ) what comes (e)ore, a)ter, or (etween the dialogue is not a description o) how the words are

spo'en, it must (e treated as a separate sentence, and the )irst word must (e capitali?ed.

Bad: ";ou can!t do that," 7im wal'ed away )rom her.

G&&d9 ";ou can!t do that." 7im wal'ed away )rom her. O$";ou can!t do that," 7im said, wal'ingaway )rom her.

Bad: " li'e that," the anthropologist smiled, "t )eels good."

G&&d: " li'e that." The anthropologist smiled. "t )eels good."

G&&d 5: "#hat is that$"


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In%e$nal Dial&g1e: This is what you hae when your character tal's to himsel) in his head.

There are arious accepta(le ways to indicate internal dialogue. The most common is italics.

Eam,le9Why am I so stupid?6lair thought.How could I have told Ellison he was a throwback

to pre-civilized man?

Eam,le 59Why am I so stupid?6lair shoed his hair (ac'.How could I have told Ellison he

was a throwback to pre-civilized man?

;ou can also use &uotation mar's, either dou(le or single.

Eam,le9"6rilliant,


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resort. The rule is clarity a(oe all else. ) the readers can )ollow the action, you are doing your

o( as a writer.

Bad: He gra((ed his arm and slapped him. He struggled to raise his (ound hands.

G&&d: 2ash gra((ed 6lair!s arm and slapped him. 6lair struggled to raise his (ound hands.

Bad: He gra((ed his arm, li)ted his hand, and slapped him.

G&&d+Las4's ,&-.: 2ash gra((ed 6lair!s arm, li)ted his hand, and slapped the struggling man.

G&&d 5 +Blai$'s ,&-.: 2i)ting his hand, 2ash gra((ed 6lair!s arm and slapped him.

Bad9 He gra((ed his arm and slapped him. 2i)ting his hair away )rom his nec', he gagged him.

Sill0: 2ash gra((ed 6lair!s arm and slapped him. 2i)ting 6lair!s hair away )rom 6lair!s nec',2ash gagged 6lair.

G&&d +Las4's ,&-.: 2ash gra((ed 6lair!s arm and slapped him. 2i)ting the (rown curls away)rom 6lair!s nec', he gagged the struggling man.

G&&d 5 +Blai$'s ,&-.: 2ash gra((ed 6lair!s arm and slapped him. 2i)ting the hair away )rom6lair!s nec', 2ash gagged him.

#hy are the )irst e0amples )rom 2ash!s point o) iew$ 6ecause 6lair would not thin' o) himsel)

as "the struggling man", now, would he$

RAGMENTS

%s a general rule, sentence )ragments are (ad things. They are accepta(le in dialogue, (ecause

people do not always spea' in complete sentences. To (e a(solutely correct, howeer, )ragmentsshould not appear in your narratie.

That said, H* is going out on a personal lim( in )aor o) style oer rules. n H*!s personalopinion, sentence )ragments, when employed udiciously, are use)ul dramatic deices. Please

note that H* speci)ied #4en em,l&0ed


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care)ully, praying he wouldn!t set it o)).

Eam,le 5: 6lair ga?ed down at the (om(. h, od. He had to de)use it himsel). How$ He

didn!t 'now anything a(out (om(s. Taggert spo'e in his ear, and he li)ted the coer o)).


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The only time you need to use an apostrophe to ma'e a plural is with num(ers, and only in

numerical )orm, not written out: EF!s, 9F!s, 1FF!s

;ou can use apostrophes, or not, with initials or acronyms: How many *%!s does


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Bad: 7im pre)erred 7ac' 8erouac (oo's moies and standing on his head while 6lair meditated

wheneer possi(le.

G&&d: 7im pre)erred 7ac' 8erouac, (oo's, moies, and standing on his head while 6lair

meditated, wheneer possi(le.

G&&d 597im pre)erred 7ac' 8erouac (oo's, moies, and standing on his head, while 6lair

meditated wheneer possi(le.

ommas are also used to isolate phrases within a sentence. ) you do this, you must use a comma

at the (eginning and at the end o) the isolated phrase. 3*any than's to *7 )or pointing out toH* her )ormer incorrect usage o) the word "clause".

Eam,le97im 'new, somewhere in the depths o) his soul, that he could neer hae suried thislong without 6lair at his side.

Das4es: =ashes can also (e used )or this purpose.

Eam,le: 6lair 'new--he ought to 'now (y now--that 7im would sae his li)e no matter what thecost.

Semi>)&l&ns:


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*ost o) these are two 3or more words which hae (een con)used with each other regularly.

H* will try to put them in alpha(etical order, (y the )irst word in the pair.

a88e)%?e88e)%: This is a toughie. *any people )ind these two words con)using. H* can only as'

you to remem(er that when something a))ects you, it has an e))ect. 3ne can also e))ect change,

(ut that is a much less common usage.

Eam,le: The ear )lushing a))ected 7im!s hearing. This had an un)ortunate e))ect on his temper.

ne o) the side-e))ects was increased irrita(ility.

all $ead0?al$ead0: The )irst means that eeryone or eerything is ready5 the second means "so

soon" or "now".

Eam,le9 #e!re all ready to go,


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Eam,le 5: 6lair doesn!t lie in the warehouse anymore. don!t thin' should eat chili anymore5

it upsets my stomach.

an0 #a0?an0#a0?an0#a0s: s there any way that H* can e0plain this to you so that you will

understand$ %ny way at all$ +o$ #ell, tried, anyway. %nyway, thin' you should loo' this up

on your own. 6y the way, there!s no such word as "anyways".


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Eam,le:


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lie?la0: This one con)uses a lot o) people. % su(ect lies5 one lays an o(ect down. 3hic'ens and

se0ual acts do not count. Howeer, the past tense o) lie is lay, ust to ma'e things di))icult.

Eam,les92ie down, 6lair. 6lair laid his (ac'pac' on the ta(le and lay down on his (ed. 2ying

there, 6lair thought a(out a time when he had lain in one position )or three days, with only his

teddy (ear lying ne0t to him. He lay there contemplating the meaning o) li)e. or the

proper use o) "would hae", see #&1ld*


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&-e$d&?&-e$d1e: To oerdo is to do too much5 oerdue means late.

Eam,le: =on!t oerdo the studying,


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pictures, (ut he wanted to see )or himsel), een though he didn!t hae 7im!s sentinel sight. He

wished he had seen 7im when he lied among the hopec. #hat a sight that would hae (een

sneak?sn1)k: The past tense o) snea' is snea'ed. T4e$e is n& s1)4 #&$d as :sn1)k:* ;es,

people use it, and H* will allow you to get away with it in dialogue, i) you must. 6ut you may

not use it in narratie.

Eam,le9 7im snea'ed to the re)rigerator, hoping to get the last o) the herry arcia withoutwa'ing 6lair. He had snea'ed a spoon)ul earlier, (ut he wanted it all.

s%$aig4%?s%$ai%: H* will &uote her )riend again:


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%4e$e?%4ei$?%4e0'$e: There is where it is, and a lot o) other things H* won!t attempt to de)ine.

Their means (elonging to them. They!re is a contraction o) "they are".

Eam,le: They!re late. There isn!t any sign o) them. There they are #here$ There

=o they hae their guns with them$

+o, they!re unarmed.

%4&1g4% %& 4imsel89 T4is is an&%4e$ 8a-&$i%e* I8 0&1$ )4a$a)%e$ is %4inking" i% is a gi-en %4a%

4e is %4inking %& 4imsel8. t is there)ore not necessary to tell the readers that. @nless your

character is telepathic, "he thought" will do nicely.

%i$amis1: +ot "tiara misu". There are no rhinestones on this particular talian dessert.

%&?%&&?%#&: H* )inds it di))icult %&(eliee that she has %&include these words. The distinction

should (e o(ious, (ut a reader as'ed her %& include them (ecause she has )ound %&& manye0amples o) incorrect usage in stories she has read.


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Eam,le: or those in search o) synonyms, a thesaurus is a use)ul tool. oget!s is the (est 'nown

thesaurus. Howeer, H* cautions against running to the thesaurus to )ind unusualreplacements )or per)ectly use)ul, simple words. There is really no need to say "gangle-shan'ed"

when "tall" will do.

There are numerous (oo's that teach grammar and style. The (est 'nown are Elemen%s &8 S%0le(y

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Holy Mother Grammatica Guide to Good Writing

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