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How to Have an Intimate Relationship with God through Jesus in the Spirit

I. “I will be their God, and they shall be my people”

God has always desired to be with His people. The story of the gospel is about God creating

a people for Himself through His Son Jesus. Jesus was called “Immanuel” - “God with us.”

Exodus 29:45-46 I will dwell among the people of Israel and will be their God. 46

And they shall know that I am the Lord their God, who brought them out of the land

of Egypt that I might dwell among them. I am the Lord their God.

A. God’s presence in the tabernacle

In the book of Exodus, we find Israel coming to the holy mountain of God, His dwelling

place, but they are forbidden to go on the mountain under the threat of death. Only Moses is

allowed into God’s presence. But God plans to move from the mountain and dwell among his

people by means of a tabernacle. So, after the giving of the book of the covenant (Exodus 20

– 24), Moses receives the instructions for constructing the tabernacle (Exodus 25 – 31). But

after Moses comes down from the mountain, he finds the people engaging in idolatry among

other things, which sorely displeases God, who announces that He will not go with them on

their journey, but rather, will send an angel instead (Exodus 32-33). Moses recognizes the

inadequacy of this solution and intercedes:

If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will

anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go

with us? What else will distinguish me and your people unless you go with us?

What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the

face of the earth? (33:15-16).

God’s presence with Israel is what distinguished them, not the Law or other identity markers.

This in turn is followed by the further revelation of God’s character (34:4-7) and the actual

construction of the tabernacle (chapters 35-39), all of which concludes with the descent of

God’s glory upon the tabernacle, which “filled the tabernacle” (40:35). Many years later,

Isaiah speaks of the presence of God with Israel throughout their time in the wilderness with

the Holy Spirit (Isaiah 63:9-14):

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In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence

saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them

up and carried them all the days of old. 10 Yet they rebelled and

grieved his Holy Spirit. So he turned and became their enemy and

he himself fought against them. 11 Then his people recalled the

days of old, the days of Moses and his people — where is he who

brought them through the sea, with the shepherd of his flock? Where

is he who set his Holy Spirit among them, 12 who sent his glorious

arm of power to be at Moses' right hand, who divided the waters

before them, to gain for himself everlasting renown, 13 who led them

through the depths? Like a horse in open country, they did not stumble;

14 like cattle that go down to the plain, they were given rest by the

Spirit of the Lord. This is how you guided your people to make for

yourself a glorious name.

B. God’s presence in the temple

The promise of Deuteronomy 10:11 and 12:5 is finally fulfilled in the construction of

Solomon’s temple, and just as the glory of God came into the tabernacle in Exodus 40, God’s

glory once again descended and filled the temple (1 Kings 8:11).

Israel’s failure to drive out the nations, and their intermingling with pagan nations through

marriage and acceptance of idolatrous practices caused them to forfeit God’s presence. The

glory of God left the temple. The temple in Jerusalem, the place where God had chosen to

dwell, is destroyed and the people are carried away captive, and they are no longer a people

distinguished by the presence of the living God in their midst- although the return of His

glory is promised again in Ezekiel’s vision (Ezekiel 40-48). The temple was rebuilt (Ezra and

Nehemiah), but according to Haggai, it brought mixed feelings among the people. Compared

to Solomon’s temple and the promised future temple of Ezekiel, Haggai complains, “Who of

you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not

seem to you like nothing?” (2:3).

C. God with us through Christ

In John 1:1-3, 14 the eternal Word of God, who was with God, was God, and who made

everything that has been made, took on Himself a human body and came to the earth to

reveal God to man. God came to us through His only begotten Son. “The Word became flesh

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and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,

who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

Jesus said, “He who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). He also said that no one

could come to the Father except through Him (John 14:6). The Hebrew writer said that Jesus

is the exact representation of God Himself, and the radiance of His Father’s glory (Hebrews

1:3). Through Jesus, God came to be with us. The angel announced to Joseph, Jesus’ step

father, that the baby’s name would be, “Emmanuel” which means, “God with us.” God came

to be with us in the most unique and incredible way- through Jesus.

After Jesus’ atoning sacrifice for our sins on the cross and His glorious resurrection from the

grave, He said, before leaving the earth and ascending to heaven, “I will never leave you or

forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5); “I will be with you always” (Matthew 28:20); and “I will not

leave you...” (John 14:18).

D. God with us in His church through the Holy Spirit

The following passages describe God’s new covenant people as those whom He places His

Spirit within to be present with them and to enable them to obey Him, thus confirming them

as His people.

Jeremiah 31:33 But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after

those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on

their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

Jeremiah 32:38-41 And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. 39 I will

give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good

and the good of their children after them. 40 I will make with them an everlasting

covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of

me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me.

Ezekiel 11:19-21 And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within

them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,

20 that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they

shall be my people, and I will be their God.

Ezekiel 37:23, 25-28; Zechariah 13:9; Jeremiah 30:22; Leviticus 26:11-13

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2 Corinthians 6:16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the

temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and

walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

Revelation 21:3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the

dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his

people, and God himself will be with them as their God.

Ezekiel 36:25-29 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all

your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. 26 And I will give you

a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of

stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit within

you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. 28 You

shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I

will be your God. 29 And I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses.

Jesus promised in John chapters 14 -16 that after leaving His disciples, He would send the

Holy Spirit to be with them. The promised Holy Spirit came upon them a few weeks later in

Jerusalem on the day of Pentecost in Acts 2. The new community of believers in Christ

received the gift of the Holy Spirit, and thus they became God’s dwelling place.

It is this complex of ideas and images in the history of God dwelling with His people in the

tabernacle and the temple that Paul picks up in 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 and 6:19. Paul’s

question, “Do you not know that you are the temple of God?” strongly suggests that this is

the rich history that he has in mind as he refers to them as God’s temple. The church,

corporately and individually, is the place of God’s own personal presence, by the Spirit. This

is what marks God’s new people off from “all the other people on the face of the earth.” It

was the living presence of God that made them his temple.

In Ephesians 2:19-22 Paul writes:

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow

citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built

on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus

himself as the chief cornerstone. 21 In him the whole building is

joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And

in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in

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which God lives by his Spirit.

Peter says in 1 Peter 2:4-5:

As you come to him, the living Stone — rejected by men but chosen

by God and precious to him— 5 you also, like living stones, are being

built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual

sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

Paul tells the church at Rome:

For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again,

but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we

cry out, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit Himself bears witness with

our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also,

heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with

Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. (8:14-17)

The fact that God lives in us through His Spirit is evidence that we are His people. The fruit

of the Spirit in the lives of His people make it unmistakable to all that they are the people of

God. To deny the indwelling presence of God in His church by His Spirit is to completely

miss the point of the new covenant. We are not a people justified through our own goodness

or works, but rather, by our faith in Jesus Christ. We are a people who are marked or sealed

by the Holy Spirit. We have help from above to do and be what we could never have done or

been on our own.

II. Coming to know God

In Exodus 33:12-13 Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, `Lead these

people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, `I know

you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your

ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you.”

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At that point in Moses’ life, he had obeyed God’s instructions. He had delivered the Israelites

out of Egyptian bondage, helped them pass through the Red Sea, and led them to Mount Sinai

where God gave them the Ten Commandments. Moses had obeyed God’s instructions, but, he

still did not know God in an intimate way - “I know you by name and you have found favor

with me. If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to

find favor with you.” It is possible that we can go through this life obeying God and His

commandments, but not have an intimate relationship with Him. Moses, in the beginning of

his ministry, had this type of relationship with God. Many Christians today follow God’s

commands and instructions, yet do not know Him in a personal and intimate way. Many are

scared to death of God and have a relationship of obedience out of fear instead of love and

intimacy. Others may obey God out of rote because of their parents, peer pressure, or habit.

Like Moses, we can come to know God better through recognizing His self-revealing

characteristics.

Exodus 34:5-7 - "Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him

and proclaimed His name, the LORD. And He passed in front of Moses, proclaiming,

"The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger,

abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving

wickedness, rebellion and sin."

Psalm 145:7-9 They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness and

will shout joyfully of Your righteousness. 8 The LORD is gracious and merciful; Slow

to anger and great in lovingkindness. 9 The LORD is good to all, and His mercies are

over all His works.

Psalm 103:8-11 "The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding

in love. He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever; He does not

treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the

heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear him."

People do not have an intimate relationship with God because they don’t know Him very

well. God has introduced Himself to us. He has made known to us His goodness. He

personally proclaimed Himself to us in Jesus. He has shown us who He is, so we can get to

know Him better and have a more intimate relationship with Him.

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III. Intimacy with God through Jesus Christ

Intimacy is the experience of knowing and being known by another person. James says,

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8).

We frequently use spatial language when describing this experience. An intimate friend is

someone we feel very close to; they know us at a deep level. If something happens that

damages the intimacy with our friend, they feel distant from us. Or a person who doesn’t

know us intimately knows us at a superficial level.

However, intimacy is not spatial but relational. We know what it’s like to be sitting right next

to a person with whom we feel distant, and we can feel close to a person who is hundreds of

miles away. Scripture shows us that God is intimate with those who trust him. The more we

trust God, the more intimately we come to know him. A felt distance from God is often due to

a disruption in trust.

What makes us feel intimate with another person? While there are many ingredients to

intimacy and each intimate relationship we have has a different recipe, common to all of them

is trust. We cannot be intimate with a person we don’t trust. Trust is at the heart of intimacy.

The more we trust someone, the closer we let them get to us. The degree to which trust is

compromised in a relationship is the degree to which intimacy evaporates.

Common mistakes are thinking that nearness to God can be achieved through knowledge

accumulation or through subjective aesthetic experiences. We cannot conjure God’s nearness

to us. A candle-lit dinner with romantic music may encourage a sweet moment of relational

intimacy between a husband and wife, but only to the degree that the environment encourages

and deepens their mutual trust and love. If there’s relational distance between them due to a

lack of trust, the aesthetics themselves have no power to bridge the distance. Only restoring

the trust will do that.

Those who know the Lord have a sense of desperation for fellowship with him. He has

become their daily bread. He is not a priority; he is the priority. “One thing I ask of the

LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple,” (Psalm 27:4). “You will

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seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13). Paul stated

his priority by saying everything in his life was rubbish compared to knowing Jesus

(Philippians 3:7-8).

It is in the life of Jesus His Son that we come to know God’s person, character, and will. Jesus

is the exact representation of God and radiates the Father’s glory. If we come to see Jesus as

He really is, we will see God. We learn to love God by loving Jesus. We grow in our love for

Jesus by understanding and appreciating who He is and what He has done and continues to

do. To know Jesus is to love Him. The more accurate our vision of Jesus is, the greater we

will understand Him, the more we experience His presence and power, and the more we will

love Him. Colossians 2:9 tells us that “in Him (Jesus) all the fullness of Deity dwells in

bodily form.” Colossians 1:19 says, “For it was the Father's good pleasure for all the fullness

to dwell in Him (Jesus).” Jesus Himself said to His disciples, “If you have seen me, you have

seen the Father.” Jesus was a human body filled up with God. Ephesians 4:13 and 1:22-23

tells us that the body of Christ (the church) is to be filled with Christ. Just as Jesus was filled

up with God, we are to be filled up with Jesus. The incredible mystery of God’s plan of

salvation as revealed by the gospel is “Christ in you” (Colossians 1:27).

One thing we should do is to repeatedly pray our desire to see Jesus just as He is so that we

may have a clear understanding of what His life looked like. Not only should we see Him in

the gospels, but we should also see Jesus as He has lived in the lives of many of His disciples

in the past as well as the present. It may even be helpful to write out your prayer or to journal

your thoughts regarding your desire to truly see Jesus as He is.

The gospels allow us to see what Jesus’ life looked like. In John 8:31-32, Jesus makes it clear

that anyone who would be His disciple must abide or dwell in His word. It is Jesus’ words

(truth) that will set us free from all the bondage associated with a life of sin. This abiding or

dwelling in Jesus’ words involves making His teachings the priority of our life. Whether

through individual study, group studies, or corporate instruction, we will devote ourselves

completely to the words of Jesus. Yet as James instructs us, we must not only hear the word

of God, but obey it. Just as Jesus Himself was a living manifestation of the word of God in a

human body, so should we be living manifestations of God’s word. It is not enough to read,

study, and meditate upon the word of God, but it must impact our lives. We must incorporate

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the living word of God into our being. It must change our character and soul. Read through

the gospel accounts of Jesus’ life intently and purposefully, noting the kind of person He was,

and the things that He did.

When we learn of the greatness, glory, majesty, power, holiness, intelligence, wonder, and

love of Jesus, we are filled with love for Him. As we experience His infinite love and

amazing grace in dying for us on the cross, we are drawn to Him and filled with adoration and

praise for Him. When we love the things that He loves, and see things from His perspective,

and seek His will, we are filled with Him. We can be filled up with Jesus as we grow to have

hearts like He has, becoming the kind of person He is, and by following His example doing

the things that He did.

Jesus wants us to be His disciples and is ready and willing to assist us in our endeavor.

Becoming a true follower of Jesus is not going to just happen. It takes a conscious decision on

our part and a determination, conviction, and zeal to seriously follow Him.

Soon our relationship with God becomes the best thing in our lives and takes precedence over

everything else. No other pursuit is more valuable. All the possessions, power, pleasures, and

prestige this world offers are empty after experiencing the fullness of knowing the Lord. He

captures our thoughts and emotions. Do you remember what it feels like to be in love? No one

had to tell you to think about your loved one; your thoughts just automatically flew to him or

her. That’s what it’s like when we love the Savior. The joy of being in His presence satisfies

us as nothing else can.

God becomes our shelter in life’s storms when we crawl under His wings of protection and

cling to Him in total dependence. Those who know intimacy with Him feel the safety that

comes with submission to His will. Since they know His heart and trust His goodness and

wisdom, they have no cause for fear.

Even though God is invisible and inaudible to our physical senses, a close relationship with

Him is cultivated the same way human friendships are—through time spent together,

communication, vulnerability, and shared interests.

We will never achieve closeness with the Lord unless we invest time and effort in getting to

know Him. Deep and abiding relationships take time to develop. A neglected relationship

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simply won’t grow in richness or depth. Are you too busy to spend time each day with Him?

If that is the case, the immediate demands of your schedule are robbing you of an awesome

eternal treasure—deep, satisfying communion with God.

The most obvious way to become better acquainted with the Lord is through two-way

communication. But our prayers are often monologues rather than dialogues. We come to

Him with our list of concerns, but how often do we take time to listen for His response?

Although God delights in hearing our prayers, He also wants us to be still and listen to Him.

Since He speaks to us primarily through His Word, that’s where we will most likely hear His

voice. Try interacting with the Lord by praying as you read Scripture. Meditate on His words

and ask Him questions: “What are You saying to me? How does this apply to my life?” Then

be still and listen, giving Him time to speak to your spirit. Just remember that whatever He

says will never contradict His written Word. The more you listen, the more you’ll hear His

voice, and soon your time with Him will become your greatest delight.

Another important factor is our willingness to be open and honest, exposing every area of our

lives to the Lord. No one can be forced into an intimate friendship with God. In fact, the depth

of this relationship is limited by the extent of our transparency with Him. Although the

natural response is to shrink from such vulnerability, we need to remember that He already

knows us inside and out and loves us more than we can comprehend.

If we’re going to grow in oneness with God, we must learn to share His interests. David was a

man after God’s own heart. Do we have a heart for God? What would our lives look like if we

were people of God’s own heart? He is always attentive to our concerns, but do we care about

His desires and purposes? Are you more interested in the Lord or in what He can give you?

Self-focused prayers, neglect of His Word, and overly busy schedules send an unspoken

message to Him: “I’m not interested in You!” If your relationship with the Lord seems

stagnant, maybe you have drifted into a self-centered focus that is hindering your friendship

with Him.

Make personal worship a daily priority. Worship is how you can express affection to the

Savior. It is how we give our admiration and love to our heavenly Father.

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Share in his work. Whether that means interceding for someone he loves, teaching his Word

to someone, or bringing a message of healing to someone who has been wounded, there is

nothing like doing God’s will here on earth. Jesus modeled this pattern of intimacy with the

Father. He regularly sought solitary time to pray, worship, and meditate. Out of that

fellowship came his Father’s work. He knew the Father’s mind and felt the Father’s heart.

In Philippians 3:10, we note the intimacy with Christ Paul was seeking: "That I may know

him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made

conformable unto his death." Paul wanted a share in the power of Christ's resurrection, but

why did he desire to know the fellowship of Christ's sufferings and be conformed to His

death? There is a special blessedness known only to those who suffer for Christ's sake. Those

who would desire true intimacy with Him must be willing to endure what He endured.

Intimacy with Christ comes through desiring Him, communicating with Him through reading

and prayer, confessing and sharing your vulnerabilities, sins, worries and fears, sharing His

interests, getting involved in His work, personal worship, following His example, obeying

Him, and suffering.

Life in God’s kingdom is a matter of experiencing the practical reality of the presence of

Jesus in our lives. That is what the kingdom of God on earth is. This is eternal life (John

17:3), often described as being “in Christ.” Jesus said the kingdom of God is within us. The

Spirit of Christ with us is how Jesus stays with us throughout our life until He comes again

(Matthew 28:20). His abiding Spirit in us is how we experience the reality of His presence,

and how our spirits our transformed to be like His Spirit.

IV. Intimacy with God through the Spirit

In fulfillment of Jesus’ promise, the Holy Spirit came to the disciples in Acts 2 on Pentecost

day. They were immersed or engulfed by the Spirit. These Christians came to understand that

Christ continued to abide with them through His Spirit.

Remember, that Jesus dwells in us through the Holy Spirit whom He has given us. The

earthly, fleshly sphere controls man’s existence in this sin cursed world. But when man

becomes a disciple of Jesus, he enters a realm where he is controlled by the heavenly or

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spiritual. He enters the realm of the Spirit. Christ has entered the sphere of divine glory

through His resurrection and ascension. Consider the significance of this: The glorified

spiritual body of Christ embraces all the members of His body. This is what it means to be

“in Christ.”

1 Corinthians 6:17 But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

1 Corinthians 12:13 For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether

Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

there is liberty.

1 Corinthians 15:45 So also it is written, "The first MAN, Adam, BECAME A

LIVING SOUL." The last Adam became a life-giving spirit.

Christ, like Adam, encompasses a whole humanity within Himself. Jesus’ resurrection placed

Him in the sphere or realm of the Spirit, and our union with Him is what gives us spiritual

life, which is only found in His body, the church (Ephesians 2:22). Through the Holy Spirit,

we experience the presence and power of our risen Lord Jesus. The Christian who has been

given the Holy Spirit, is led or guided through life by this indwelling personal presence.

“The Holy Spirit helps us in our infirmities.” We are not left alone! The Greek word for help

is a compound word literally meaning, “to take hold of together with us over on the other

side.” The verse is telling us that the Holy Spirit will come alongside of us, take hold of us,

and together go with us to the other side. He doesn’t leave us because we are damaged or

imperfect in our performance. The Holy Spirit offers His continuous enabling presence and

power, not because we are good, but because we need Him to be good. God loves and

accepts us unconditionally. Jesus identifies with our wounds, infirmities, and sins through the

cross, and the Holy Spirit lives in us to help us daily. Romans 8:27 tells us that the Holy

Spirit works in our deep inner self to bring emotional healing, cleaning out old wounds,

bringing forgiveness, repairing damages, and pouring in the love of God (Romans 5:5). By

healing us, God takes all the bad things that have happened to us and makes good come from

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them (Romans 8:28), as we are able to comfort others who need it, as we have been

comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:3-7).

V. Intimacy with others who are in Christ: Community

In our search for intimacy with Christ, we are transformed into Jesus’ likeness and grow into

a closer walk with Him through our relationship with the body of believers, the family of

God. As Christians, we are members of the body of Christ. Every aspect of our lives as

Christians relates to our being part of the body. Being a part of the body necessitates

community. We are a society of believers in Jesus Christ: the Jesus society. The community

of people around us is the incubator in which we grow. The depth and quality of our growth

will depend on the community that surrounds us. In living the Jesus way of life together with

others in the local body of Christ, we encourage, empower, and enliven one another. In

Christ, we share a common life together.

One of the most important aspects of community is growing in our relationship with Christ

through knowing and being known by others within the body. Nearly everyone seems to have

an inherent need to know and be known. The body of Christ supplies the environment for

transparency, honesty, and intimacy. In Christ, we should be able to share our deepest needs,

struggles, concerns, problems, joys, victories, and dreams. We need to learn to pour out

ourselves to one another, rather than to be constantly on guard, living in fear, isolation,

loneliness, and keeping everyone at arm’s length. Yes, it can be risky to be open and

transparent with others, but we will likely never learn to be intimate with Christ so long as we

remain distant from His body. We must pray that God will help us become willing to be more

open, honest, and even vulnerable with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Another important matter to grow in Christ through community is loving and being loved. If

we are serious about loving God, then we must love people, especially those that are our

brothers and sisters in Christ. Love sincerely desires through action what is in the best

spiritual interests of the other person. We must devote ourselves to them. Paul explained that

this was Jesus’ attitude toward others, and that we should emulate it (Philippians 2:1-4). To

love one another is simply to obey the law of Christ’s kingdom, treating people as Jesus

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treated them. To love one another, we must learn to see people as through God’s eyes. We

must see the value in them.

Love changes people, including ourselves. Love creates change from the inside out. Our

responsibility is to love one another as Jesus loves us. We can love because we are loved

perfectly and fully by God. We can love because the Holy Spirit empowers us to do so

(Romans 5:5). Our love for one another matters. It draws us to Christ, gives power to our

lives, and brings glory to God. As we learn to love one another unconditionally without self-

protection, we move toward the reality of abundant living in Christ. Our spirituality is

measured by improvement in the depth and quality of our relationships through Christ.

There are often hard to handle issues in our soul that keep us from relating to others deeply

and constructively, and it is easier for us to ignore them, and cover them up with social

courtesies and appropriate language. We then, allow superficial behavior to suffice as a

barometer of spiritual health. Yet superficial behavior and relationships divert attention away

from the troubling realities that exist within our soul. Superficiality helps us get by spiritually

because we think that conforming our behavior to whatever standards we set creates

spirituality. But changing behaviors in this case is largely external. It is not from the inside

out. External change only increases a deep sense of pressure, not the freedom that we can

experience by a transformation of our heart.

Change is usually based on human effort, more information, greater knowledge, and more

determined attempts at obedience. These efforts do not necessarily draw us more deeply into

relationship with Christ. Jesus made it clear that doing right in His eyes required far more

than the performance of certain activities. The entire law can be summarized in two

commands: Love God and love others. We cannot honor these without serious internal

change. Moral effort alone can never produce genuine love.

It can be argued that every personal or behavioral problem one might wish to change (bad

temper, perverted sexual desires, depression, anxiety, overeating) results ultimately from

violations of the command to love. If that is true, then learning to love is not only necessary

for spiritual maturity, but also central to overcoming psychological problems. When we are

convinced that every problem in life, both between people and inside of them, reflects a

misunderstanding or misapplication of relating that violates God’s standard of love, and when

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we see that learning to love requires far more than moral effort, perhaps we will be willing to

take an honest look inside ourselves to see whether we love God and love others.

A. The problem of disconnectedness

25% of all Americans suffer from serious loneliness.

90% of all male’s do not have a true friend.

“Loneliness is the leprosy of modern society” Mother Teresa

“There is no more destructive influence on physical and mental health than

isolation.”

Social connectedness is at its lowest point in history.

God has the answer: Fellowship

We need each other. “The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the

head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” (1 Corinthians 12:21)

The quality of our relationships is the single biggest predictor of our happiness.”

Elizabeth Bernstein

Lonely people live significantly shorter lives. Dr. James Lynch, The Broken Heart

“Connectedness has the power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and restore it

to health.” Dr. Larry Crabb

“I have never known anyone who failed at relationships- who was isolated,

lonely, unconnected, had no deep friendships- yet had a meaningful and joy-filled

life. Not a single person.” John Ortberg

VI. Things that destroy, prevent, or inhibit relationships

A. Low self-esteem

Failure to receive forgiveness often results in a failure to forgive others. People who have

been hurt and disappointed at those who should give them affection, love, security, and

affirmation, often feel worthless, guilt, resentment, insecure, and anxious. They see

themselves as unforgiven and unacceptable, and in turn, they become unforgiving and

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unaccepting of others, especially those closest to them. They have not received God’s grace

for themselves, and therefore cannot give it to others.

Some people struggle with a constant, overall feeling of never doing well enough or being

good enough. Such people are always reaching, stretching, trying, struggling, but never quite

making it. If someone feels they are never quite good enough, they feel a continuous sense of

self-deprecation. Then, it becomes inevitable that God is never pleased with them either.

Since they always fall short, they feel inadequate, and that God is not satisfied or happy with

them. All this produces guilt, anxiety, and condemnation. There is a general sense of divine

disapproval, and comprehensive self-condemnation in their soul.

Remember that most people develop basic patterns for relating to other people from the

patterns of their family relationships. Many have had parents who could not be pleased.

Conditional love, little to no affirmation, constant criticism, and uncertain approval produce

unreachable goals and unattainable standards. When unattainable, absurd, and unrealistic

demands weren’t met, guilt and punishment were given.

Others have had parents who were wildly inconsistent. If parents were unable to control their

emotions, a child never knew what kind of response he was going to get from them. Such

home situations are the breeding ground for crippled emotions. Seeds of hurt, humiliation,

and hate are sown into little minds that someday infect adult personalities. There will be no

healing until these hurts are acknowledged, confronted, and resolved. Resolution includes

forgiving every person involved in the hurt and humiliation.

False or perverted ideas and images are how Satan tries to defeat us. He drew Eve away from

God with the idea that God could not be trusted and that she needed to act on her own for her

best interests. Satan’s lie was that God was depriving her of good, so she acted contrary to

what God said, replacing Him with herself on the throne.

Images increase the danger of inadequate ideas. The image one has of oneself can override

everything else and cause one to act in ways contrary to reality and good sense. These images

are constantly present to one’s mind by Satan through others. Individuals who suffer from a

poor image of themselves are caught up in self-rejection and have no defenses against the

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pressures of Satan’s lies and false images. They do not see themselves as the objects of God’s

love, and they have no foundation to overcome the distorted self-images.

Self-rejection comes from false images of God and one’s self. Henri Nouwen said, “Success,

popularity, and power can present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes

from the way they are part of a much larger temptation of self-rejection.” We come to believe

in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, so things like success, popularity, and

power are perceived as attractive solutions. We accept it as a fact that we deserve to be

pushed aside and rejected. We see ourselves that way. Nouwen continues, “Self-rejection is

the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us

‘beloved’ of God, which constitutes the core truth of our existence.”

What are some distorted images you have of yourself?

What have been some of your solutions to these images?

If you consider yourself inferior or worthless, you will think that God really must not love

and care for you. If you are critical of the design, it won’t be long until you feel resentful

toward the Designer. A sense of inferiority and inadequacy will cause you to isolate yourself.

The most common way to cope with feelings of inferiority is to pull inward and have as little

contact with others as you can. When you devalue yourself, you become absorbed in and

with yourself, and you don’t have anything left to give to others. The most difficult people to

get along with are those who don’t like themselves.

If you have low self-esteem, you ask others to do for you what they can’t possibly do- to

make you feel adequate and able- when you are already convinced that you are inadequate

and unable. That puts too heavy a burden on your wife, your children, friends, neighbors, or

church family.

B. Legalism

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Legalism usually accompanies this oversensitive conscience and comprehensive guilt.

Legalism rigidly overemphasizes externals, do’s and don’ts, rules and regulations. With a

fragile conscience, low self-esteem, and constant guilt, one is very sensitive to what other

people think about him/her. Since he cannot accept himself, and is sure that God disapproves

of him, he desperately needs the approval of others. This makes him easy prey to the opinions

and evaluations of others. The do’s and don’ts keep piling up because more and more people

must be pleased. The halo becomes a yoke of bondage (Galatians 5:1).

Legalism eventually results in anger towards the do’s and don’ts, the rules and regulations,

and those perceived as promoting and enforcing them. All the people one tries to please and

win approval from often turn out being the ones whom they resent and are angry with.

Ultimately, it results in anger at God. When one serves a god who can never be satisfied and

who is always disappointed no matter how hard one tries, they will become angry at him. This

anger is often suppressed and denied until deep emotional problems set in. Mood changes

become so great that such a person seems to be two different people at the same time.

Under the stress and strain of trying to live with a self he can’t like, a God he can’t love, and

other people he can’t win the approval of, one of two things usually happens. Either there is a

breakaway or a breakdown.

VII. Re-orienting the way we think: Believing the truth rather than Satan’s lies

Christians are “delivered from the power of darkness, and transferred into the kingdom of his

beloved Son” (Colossians 1:13). “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus”

(Philippians 2:5). “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:1-2).

Recognizing and accepting truth undermines false ideas and images. “If God is for us, who

can be against us? “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how

will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” (Romans 8:31-32). We must think

about what the word of God says in passages such as these as it relates to our own lives.

Devote your power to think on understanding the facts and information of the gospel of

grace. This will keep Jesus on your mind, and the ideas that governed His mind will possess

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us become our own. To serve God well, we must think right. Believing Satan’s lies always

produces evil.

We can decide what we think about. To bring the mind to think about God will cause us to

love Him passionately, which will cause us to think of Him more often. He will always be

before our minds. Thinking on God brings us to a life of worship. Worship is the single most

powerful force in completing and sustaining the restoration of a soul. In worship, evil is

absent from our lives.

As we constantly and thoughtfully engage ourselves with the ideas, images, and information

provided by God through His word, His Son Jesus, other followers of Christ, and their

experiences of God, we are nourished by the Holy Spirit in ways beyond our efforts and

understanding. We will either allow the world’s view of God to determine our view of God

and will cut him down accordingly, or we will allow the truth of God to determine our view

of God and elevate Him accordingly. Our thoughts and images of God are so weak and low

that it has tragically caused us to accept the lies of Satan about God and ourselves.

A. Accepting that God loves me

The truth that Jesus loves me is the answer to false and destructive images that control

people. God is love. Jesus’ death was understood by his early disciples to be an ultimate

revelation of the heart of God: “God proves his love for us in that while we were still

sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

If we are going to develop an intimate relationship with Jesus our Lord and Savior, we are

going to have to realize how much He loves us. Love and intimacy go together. Love and

intimacy grow together. We don’t become intimate with someone we do not love, nor

someone who does not love us. In our search for intimacy with Jesus, we begin by asking

you to think about how much He loves you.

You are loved by God. But do we really understand what that statement means? Sometimes

love is difficult to define. In fact, love virtually defies description, so much so, that most

attempts to capture its true essence in words inevitably fall short. Love is powerful and

transforming. Love is amazing, incredible, and awe inspiring. When we experience true

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love, how is it possible to describe all the wonderful feelings and thoughts that

simultaneously converge in the depths of our heart? In fact, we may sometimes struggle to

find the right words or expressions to convey our love to someone in a way that accurately

reveals and describes the feelings inside that we have for them. Love is a many splendored

thing. A few important facets of love certainly include consuming desire, warm contentment,

quiet confidence, fulfilling delight, and wonderful peace. Love is truly one of the glorious

mysteries of life.

It is important that we take the time to try and get our arms around love. John 3:16 tells us

that God so loved us that He gave His Son Jesus to die for our sins. Love needs to express

itself, and one of the ways it does so is in giving. That’s what grace is- giving or expressing

love. In fact, the Greek word for grace is charis, which is where our English words charity

and charitable come from, which both convey the idea of giving out of love. Paul felt it so

important that we understand how much God loves us that he prayed,

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower

you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make

his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow

down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the

power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how

long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the

love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you

will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that

comes from God. (Ephesians 3:16-19 NLT)

Although God’s love for us is too great to fully understand, we need to realize how much

God loves us because the more we grasp God’s love for us, the more we become

transformed into the likeness of Christ. Love is reciprocal. As we understand the love God

has for us, we learn to love God. Paul wrote to the Corinthians and said that “the love of

Christ controls us” (2 Corinthians 5:14). John said, “We love God because He first loved us”

(1 John 4:19).

To try and grasp how much God loves you think about those who love you the most, and

those whom you love the most. Think about how much you love them. Think about how

your love for them causes you to respond to them. Learn from the loving relationships that

are most meaningful to you to enable you to understand how fully God loves you.

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God helps us to know His love for us. Romans 5:5 says, And this hope will not lead to

disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy

Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. As we come to know how much God loves us, we live

in that love. Living in the love of God empowers us to love those whom God loves. 1 John

4:16 says, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is

love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” “We know what real love

is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers

and sisters” (1 John 3:16).

Understand how much God loves you. Live in His love. Allow it to control you. Let His love

fill you, flood you, and change you forever. Live loved. Others may abandon you, divorce

you, embarrass you, ignore you, insult you, and hate you, but God will always love you.

There is nothing you can do to cause God to love you more, and there is nothing you can do

to cause God to love you less. God loves you. God’s love changes people. Let it change you.

The process of spiritual formation in Christ is one of progressively replacing those

destructive images and ideas with the images and ideas that fill the mind of Jesus Himself.

We come to see “the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2

Corinthians 4:4).

In Colossians 3:8-9, the human way is one of anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive

language, and lying. This is so very true of human life. But Paul says, “Do not lie any more

since you have put off the old self and its behavior and have put on the new self, which is

being renewed in knowledge after the image of God.” In verse 10 he says that usual human

distinctions, perceptions, stereotypes, and prejudices do not matter because Jesus is in all

people. The ideas of the world can only be escaped by spiritual union and transformation in

Christ, who changes our ideas and images into His.

Once we are given life from above by the Spirit, we must take initiative in retaking our

thought life for God’s kingdom. The Holy Spirit will help us to do so. We are not passive in

spiritual formation. We must first learn and accept the truth about who God is and what He

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is like, and that real life comes from Jesus. “…no man knows the Father except the Son and

anyone to whom the Son reveals Him” (Matthew 11:27; John 6:46).

What ideas or thoughts cause you to believe God does not love you?

B. Accepting the gospel of grace

The good news of grace brings God’s favor to us. God’s being pleased with us, is a love-gift

of His grace through Jesus. God’s loving acceptance of us has nothing to do with our

worthiness. Grace is God’s response to our imperfections, sin, weaknesses, and failures.

Grace is what God freely gives the unworthy and undeserving.

One programmed to unrealistic expectations, impossible performance, conditional love, and a

theology of works cannot overcome this pattern of thinking quickly or easily. Such a one

needs healing of the mind with its distorted concepts, healing of feelings with their damaged

emotions, healing of perception with its degrading evaluations, and healing of relationships

with all their contradictions.

God says, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). God accepts us as we are, not

whenever we shape up to meet His approval. God is as pleased with you when you are in this

healing process as loving parents are when their child starts learning to walk.

VIII. Conclusion

Christianity, simply put, is experiencing life with God. Great relationships never happen

accidently. They happen with purposeful intent, desire, and effort. God’s purpose and longing

is to have an intimate relationship with us, and He has worked and is working to

accomplished that end.

What disciplines help you best experience God?