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How to Improve Your Prose Style: Part 4

This lecture covers concept 7:

7. Stress Emphasis

© Karen Thompson, University of Idaho

This lecture has been adapted from Gopen and Swan’s

The Science of Scientific Writing.

The smallest of the URFs (URFA6L), a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frame overlapping out of phase the NIH2terminal portion of the adenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene has been identified as the animal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H+-ATPase subunit 8 gene. The functional significance of the other URFs has been, on the contrary, elusive. Recently, however, immunoprecipitation experiments with antibodies to purified, rotenone-sensitive NADH-ubiquinone oxido-reductase [hereafter referred to as respiratory chain NADH dehydrogenase or complex I] from bovine heart, as well as enzyme fractionation studies, have indicated that six human URFs (that is, URF1, URF2, URF3, URF4, URF4L, and URF5, hereafter referred to as ND1, ND2, ND3, ND4, ND4L, and ND5) encode subunits of complex I. This is a large complex that also contains many subunits synthesized in the cytoplasm.1

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Most readers would assume that the paragraph would be clear to the intended readers in this field of study. Well, let’s see how that might work.

Try reading this paragraph. It’s okay if you don’t finish it:

Intended audience would know the following:

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“URF" stands for "Uninterrupted Reading Frame," which describes a segment of DNA organized in such a way that it could encode a protein, although no such protein product has yet been identified;

Both ATPase and NADH oxido-reductase are enzyme complexes central to energy metabolism.

But that knowledge would not help themunderstand the meaning of this paragraph. Here’s why (next slide please).

Let’s remove the technical jargon, and this will reveal how the paragraph is not clear:

The smallest of the URFs, an [A], has been identified as a [B] subunit 8 gene. The functional significance of the other URFs has been, on the contrary, elusive. Recently, however, [C] experiments, as well as [DI] studies, have indicated that six human URFs [1-6] encode subunits of Complex I. This is a large complex that also contains many subunits synthesized in the cytoplasm.

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Notice how the sentences do not “add up” to anything.

1. The smallest of the URFs, an [A], has been identified as a [B] subunit 8 gene. (stuff has been identified)

2. The functional significance of the other URFs has been, on the contrary, elusive. (other stuff has been elusive)

3. Recently, however, [C] experiments, as well as [DI] studies, have indicated that six human URFs [1-6] encode subunits of Complex I. (new research indicates yet other stuff)

4. This is a large complex that also contains many subunits synthesized in the cytoplasm. (this what? the first stuff, the second stuff, or the last stuff? Also what about this stuff?)

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It’s important to understand how readers look for emphasis.

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Readers naturally place greater emphasis on information that is at the end of a sentence.

This emphasis is known as the “stress position” for sentences and paragraphs.

When writers place emphatic material any place other than the stress position two things can happen.

When writers place emphatic material elsewhere.

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In lengthy sentences with complex information, the reader may decide to emphasize something that the writer did not intend to be emphasized.

Or Readers will mistakenly think the material in the stress

position is important and then interpret this “imposter” material as the information worthy of emphasis.

Either way, the meaning intended by the writer is likely to be missed or misunderstood.

Keeping this in mind.

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Let’s add back the terminology and analyze the sentence using our subject/verb strategies from prose style 2.

The smallest of the URFs (URFA6L), a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frame overlapping out of phase the NIH2terminal portion of the adenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene has been identified as the animal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H+-ATPase subunit 8 gene.

Who has been identified?Answer: The smallest of the URFs

Count how many words between the subject and the verb.

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The smallest of the URFs . . . [23 words later] . . . has been identified.

The more words between the subject and its verb, the more difficult it is for readers to follow.

If you need to include information between a subject and verb, then readers need structural clues to follow the emphasis.

Let’s examine a possible revision that says the 23 word stuff is useful but not critical to the meaning.

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We’ll include the 23 word section by setting it apart from the main point of the sentence using a comma and a semicolon. These act as structural clues to say to the reader, “hey, here is some stuff you might need to understand what I’m talking about.”

The smallest of the URFs is URFA6L, a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frame overlapping out of phase the NH2-terminal portion of the adenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene; it has been identified as the animal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H+-ATPase subunit 8 gene.

Writers would need to ask themselves this: does the reader need the 23 word section to establish the context or do they know this?

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If readers know the information, then it isn’t needed.

The smallest of the URFs (URFA6L) has been identified as the animal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H+-ATPase subunit 8 gene.

In this revision, we’ve eliminated the 23 word section.

Only the writer could tell us which revision best conveys the intended meaning.

Stress position is a function of syntactical closure.

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The title of this slide is just a fancy way of saying that the stress position in a sentence isn’t always at the end of the sentence.

It can occur at the end of an order of words as long as the writer provides structural clues to identify where readers need to close out one point and be ready to identify how it relates to an new point.

In this example, I’ve assumed readers would need that 23 word section and added another.

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The smallest of the URFs is URFA6L, a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frame overlapping out of phase the NH2-terminal portion of the

adenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene; it has been identified as the animal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H+-ATPase subunit 8 gene, but this identification was demonstrated to be incorrect by researchers at the University of Idaho.

Punctuation provides the structural clues needed to help readers understand the meaning that is being emphasized.

BTW I made the last part up about UI researchers. Although we are very smart around here ).

What have we learned?

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Sentences can be lengthy and complex as long as writers provide the appropriate structural clues.

Grammatical subjects should be followed as soon as possible by their verbs unless there is important intervening information readers need to consider.

Every unit of discourse should serve a single function or make a single point.

Information to be emphasized should appear at stress points (places of syntactical closure).