Module 6 How To Write Direct
In this module, we’ll cover:
When to use direct mail How to write direct mail letters
How to open with a dramatic statement
Selling the benefits, not the features
Getting the consumer to take action
Using a ‘PS’
Increasing response rates
Avoiding common mistakes
Contact reports
2
When to use direct mail
As you read this, a company near you is thinking:
1. ‘How can we get more sales?’
2. ‘How can we get business from customers who have forgotten about us?’
3. ‘How can we launch our new product?’
All these problems can be solved using direct mail. If you can convince a company to use
direct mail regularly, you could earn some worthwhile income.
Likewise, if you can persuade an advertising agency to promote the idea of direct mail to its
clients, the work should flow.
Who uses direct mail?
Direct mail is ideal if you know the sort of person who buys your product. If you sell to
gardeners, pet owners or financial directors, you can get a personal message to them quickly
and cheaply.
Unlike many other forms of promotion, direct mail is easily tested, and researchers have
learnt what works. Now you can apply these lessons to your mailings to get better results.
Include a letter
This may sound obvious, but some mailings only contain a brochure. There’s a saying:
‘Brochures are sent by companies, letters are sent by people’. That’s why you need to
include a letter: they are a personal form of communication.
People will scan the letter very quickly to see if there is anything of interest or relevance to
them so it’s best to start with a catchy headline or a killer opening phrase.
You’ve got 3 seconds to capture people’s attention so you need to act quickly to ensure they
read on.
3
Other than the first line of the letter, the other section that they are most likely to read is the
end of the letter, and more importantly, the PS section of the letter. You should always
include a PS and you can even include PPS.
It stands to reason that if the PS section gets read, that’s where your most important point
should go. And the most important point of the letter should be The Offer. You should not
use the PS to reiterate a point that has already been made in the body of the letter. The
information in the PS section should be new, interesting and relevant to the reader.
If you client has any trade affiliations or awards e.g. member of CPA, Employer of the Year
etc, the letterhead is the best place to showcase these assets. List them at the bottom of the
letterhead in the footer section.
Get the envelope right.
The envelope is the first thing people see when they receive your mailer.
Some people advocate keeping the envelope plain and simple. Others suggest putting offers,
and headlines all over it.
There is no research to suggest that either is better as it is completely dependent on the
campaign.
However, put yourself in the shoes of a consumer.
What would make you open a letter?
If it had a window, and was clearly electronically processed, you would think it was an official
letter from a bank, the tax department or a direct mailing organization and it would not be a
high priority for you to open.
If it was handwritten, with a hand-applied stamp, in a good quality envelope, you would be
more inclined to open it immediately.
The moral of the story is: try to make the envelope look as personal as possible.
4
Virgin sent out a Christmas card advertising one of their services. The envelope used a font
that looked ‘home‑made’; the addressing was slightly skew-wiff which reinforced that it was
‘home‑made’, and it was in the shape of a Christmas card.
For all intents and purposes, it was a Christmas card from a friend. Upon opening, it became
clear that it was a direct mailer from Virgin but by then, the objective had been reached –
the envelope had cut through the clutter and been opened.
Here is a copy of that direct mail piece. Notice how much attention to detail has been
applied to reinforce the fact that the envelope, e.g. the hand written ‘card only’ text, should
look ‘home‑made’.
5
The Envelope
6
The Christmas card
7
The Offer
8
Write long letters if necessary.
Long copy does work.
There has always been much
debate about the merits of long
copy versus short copy. It depends
on what you hope the letter will
achieve. For example, if you want
people to buy a product right there
and then, using the sales letter as
the primary sales tool, then you
may need to write a three or four
page letter. Some companies write
letters that go on for 10 pages or
more! If an instant sale is your
objective, then you need to include
all the benefits in the letter, plus
the instructions on how to
purchase, delivery information,
etc.
If, however, the letter is only the first stage in the promotional cycle, then the pressure to
create an instant sale is reduced. This means that you may only need a one or two page
letter. But remember, a short letter will rarely encourage a reader to change their mind or
alter their behavior.
Below is a direct mail piece that uses long copy very effectively. The letter goes for 8 pages.
A good rule in direct mail is: keep selling until you run out of sales points. By the end of the
letter, the reader should know everything he needs to know about your product. Your letter
should include all major benefits and cover every major objection you can think of.
But make the text relevant. There is no point in writing long letters just for the sake of it.
This is an excellent example of long copy that compels the reader to take action.
True Story
“If the client is really interested in your product, he’ll
be hungry for more information.
That’s why you need a long letter.
An ad agency once had an argument with a client
called Max Hart, who owned a business. Max Hart said
no one read long copy. The agency bet Max he would
read a three page letter – given only the headline.
Max scoffed at this. So the agency handed him a
headline.
It said, ‘Here is the truth about Max Hart’.
Max had to admit he would read that three-page
letter. This story shows that people will read long copy
about the things that interest them.”
9
Long copy can work:
An 8-page direct mail letter.
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
Offer a friendly greeting
The ‘salutation’ is the greeting at the start of the letter. The worst type of salutation is ‘Dear
Sir/Madam’. It tells the reader ‘We don’t know who you are. And we don’t really care’.
Ideally, you should address your letters to a named individual as this will increase your
response rate.
But it can be costly and time-consuming, particularly if you are targeting companies where
executives regularly change jobs or where it’s difficult to source the correct names, eg.
Teachers in schools. If you haven’t got the individual’s name, you will have to use a title and
hope that the letter reaches its destination eg. Dear Science Teacher. If in doubt, start the
letter with “Hello”.
If at all possible, you should avoid salutations such as ‘Dear Householder’, unless it’s part of
the creative execution. (See Video Ezy example in this module). Put yourself in the
customer’s shoes: what do you do with a boring, white envelope addressed to The
Householder? You normally throw it in the bin without a moment’s hesitation. If you can’t
find the customer’s name and you absolutely have to send it unaddressed, you need to make
sure the headline is outstanding or else it will just end up in the bin and be a huge waste of
money. Here are some excellent examples of direct mail:
18
Digital printing now allows us to personally print brochures and flyers for every customer, a luxury
that was once unaffordable. This is sure to get your customer’s attention but the print costs will be
expensive.
19
Here are some examples of how effective personalized printing can be:
20
Part A: Outer envelope for a direct mail piece from a printing company.
21
Part B: Personalized brochure
22
If you can’t personalize your mailing for budget reasons or because you don’t have a
database of contacts, you need to ensure that the mailing has a strong enough headline or
offer to cut through the clutter of mass market mail drops.
This one certainly gets attention:
Front page
23
Back page
24
Use a strong headline
Headlines are the most important factor in a letter as they tell the reader why they should
read on. It can be a short or long headline. What’s important is that it gets the reader’s
attention. You may have heard of the acronym AIDA. All advertising material should adhere
to this formula:
A = Attention
I = Interest
D = Desire
A = Action
Attention:
If you can’t capture the reader’s attention, they’ll just throw the letter away. The objective of
the headline is to get the reader’s attention. Once that has been achieved, the reader will
continue reading the rest of the letter. If the headline fails to get attention, then it doesn’t
matter how good the product is or how attractive the offer might be. You must stop the
reader in their tracks with a headline that makes them think ‘Mmmm, that’s interesting. Let
me find out more.”
Women’s magazines use this principle. The next time you’re in a Newsagency, pick up a copy
and read the cover. You’ll notice that the headlines tap right into the needs of its readers eg.
Top 10 Tips To Catch That Man, Why GI Foods Burn
Calories, How To Land That Job In TV etc etc.
Interest:
Now that you’ve got the reader’s attention, you must keep their attention by creating
further interest in your product. You do this by outlining the features of the product and the
corresponding benefit. See the module on How To Write Brochures for more information on
Features and Benefits.
25
Desire:
You’ve got their interest and they have read the letter. Now you have to inspire them to
want the product. You do this by eliminating any doubts in their mind that this product is for
them. Techniques to eliminate doubt include offering a 100% money back guarantee,
providing testimonials from other satisfied clients, offering a trial of the product or making
the offer so compelling that they simply can’t refuse.
Action:
You’ve brought them this far – now all you have to do is get them to take action. To do this,
you have to make it easy for them to buy. This means that you offer them a variety of ways
to respond to you – call the toll free number, click on the website, send in the reply paid
envelope etc. You need to offer them numerous (and simple) ways to take advantage of the
offer or else they will perceive it as ‘’too hard” and move on.
Use subheads
Add subheads throughout the letter. These are smaller headlines that tell the reader you are
moving on to a new point. Like every word in the letter, the sub‑heads should sell the
product. Subheads should expand on what the headline has introduced and provide the
features and benefits of the product.
Make the opening powerful
If you are including a letter, give it a dramatic start. You have to gain the reader’s attention.
You have to remember that people are busy; that they haven’t necessarily requested your
letter and that they perceive unsolicited mail to be an interruption to their busy lives. The
opening phrase must leap out or else the letter will be consigned to the rubbish bin.
As mentioned earlier, women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire do this well.
Take a look at the way they start each article and you’ll see its generally provocative or
thought provoking.
The following example uses an interesting envelope to grab attention:
26
Front Back
27
Openers that sell
Here are some themes for openings:
Ask for what you want
Many letters are slow in asking for the sale. If you want the reader to buy your crockery, tell
him so. If you want him to take out a subscription, ask him to sign up. Don’t leave it until
half-way down the page. By that time the reader will have thrown away your letter.
Don’t carefully prepare the ground by explaining about your company’s expertise and its
tradition of quality. You can’t afford the wait. Plunge straight in with the benefit. Tell your
reader what you are offering him, and tell him why he needs it.
28
Sell the benefits
Like every type of promotion, it’s important to know what exactly you are selling. More than
just computer discs, lawn mowers and insurance, you are selling reliability, a beautiful lawn,
and peace of mind.
Decide which the most important benefit is, and sell that first. Then sell each of the
subsidiary benefits in turn.
Phrase every point as a benefit, not a feature. Don’t say: ‘The computer runs at 750MhZ’. Say
‘The computer runs at a very fast 750MhZ, which means that you don’t have to wait for
information to appear on the screen’.
Write from me to you
Direct mail is more personal than any other form of promotional writing, which is one reason
why it is so successful. Take advantage of this intimacy by having one customer in mind when
you write.
Address the reader as if you were sitting beside them, in their home or office. Use the word
‘you’ frequently. You often find letters where each paragraph begins with ‘We.’ This is boring
for the reader because it means the letter has been written from the perspective of the
company. A great trick to counteract this tendency is to always turn a ‘we’ sentence into a
‘you’ sentence. This automatically converts the sentence into a benefit to the reader. For
example, instead of saying, ‘Our shirts are smart’, say ‘You’ll look smart in one of our shirts’.
Or ‘Our duvets are warm and comfortable’ to: ‘You’ll feel warm and comfortable in one of
our duvets.’
Underline important words
Use underlining to identify the most important words. This helps the reader to decipher the
most important points in the letter as it enables them to scan the letter quickly to see which
bits are of interest to them. Use underlines sparingly, and only underline relevant words or
clauses.
29
Indent to emphasize
Another way to focus the reader’s attention is by indenting a paragraph.
An indented paragraph stands out from all the normal paragraphs and attracts the eye. You
can use it to emphasize special information, to add an example, or to include a benefit which
doesn’t relate to the rest of the text.
By breaking up the text you make it easier for the eye to fix on the detail, and the letter looks
easier to read. But keep indentations for special thoughts. If you use an indent for a minor
point, the reader will feel cheated and she will lose confidence in you.
Each page can take two indented paragraphs. Any more than this, and the letter will look like
a jumble of words, especially if it is decked out with underlining’s, sub‑heads and all the
other trappings of direct response.
Use a legible format
On normal letter paper, your text should be about 150mm wide, with even margins on either
side. Common sense will tell you that a letter whose text spreads to the edge of the paper
will looked cramped and difficult to read. A letter with abnormally wide margins will look
equally odd.
A four-page letter is better printed on a double-sized sheet of paper and then folded once.
This makes the letter simpler to produce, and it is easier for the reader to hold.
Use 12 point text, or bigger. Keep in mind whom you’re targeting. If you’re targeting seniors
aged over 65, you’ll need to use at least 14 point font so that it’s legible.
30
This website is for people aged 50+, so they’ve used to a font that is larger than usual and
easier to read.
Let the story unfold
The letter must flow properly. Each point must logically follow the other. List the main
benefits first and then follow with the less important benefits. The objective is to keep the
reader engaged so that they finish reading the letter.
Don’t make the mistake of saving your ‘best bits’ for the end. People may never make it to
the end of your letter so make sure you bring out the big guns early on.
31
You should list the benefits in order of importance to your audience. Put yourself in your
target market’s shoes: what is the first thing they should know about this product? What’s
the second thing they should know?
You need to think of the questions the target market will ask and you need to answer them.
Each answer should incorporate a benefit and each point should flow smoothly, one after
another.
Guide the reader gently from one point to another, and she won’t realize you are keeping
her longer than she intended.
To flow properly the letter should obey two rules. The sentences should be linked; and the
ideas should develop in a logical order.
To link sentences and paragraphs, you should use joining or linking words (like, ‘What’s
more,…’ or ‘But…’).
As for the logical sequence of ideas, you can’t simply put your thoughts on paper and then
send out the letter. Sales points have to be carefully structured. Start with a strong opening,
followed by a series of connected major benefits. Follow this by minor benefits, interspersed
with case studies and testimonials.
Your letter can move from simple ideas to complex ones. Or it can move from benefits that
affect everyone to those that affect fewer people.
As an exercise, summarize your letter in bullet-point form. This helps you check whether the
points follow a logical order, and whether you have included every point.
Get the reader to act
By the end of the letter, the reader has read all the benefits, and becomes progressively
more interested in your product. Now he says ‘What do I do next?’You must tell him clearly
what to do. This is the ‘Call to Action’.
32
Every letter needs a paragraph which prompts the reader to act. This paragraph should stand
on its own and be clearly marked. Don’t complicate the issue by providing a lot of
alternatives. For example, you could request that they:
Ring now for a demonstration
Fill in the reply paid card
Send $15.95 to the address below
Ask for a technical representative to call
Don’t offer too many choices as it will confuse the reader. Research has shown that the
fewer the choices, the higher the response rate. People like to keep things simple so don’t
give them too many choices.
Add an offer or incentive
Try giving an incentive. This will improve the offer, and overcome the reader’s inbuilt inertia.
Here are a few examples.
Reply by September 15th, and we’ll give you a free pocket calculator
Buy during the promotional period, and get 15% off
There’s a free menu planner with every order
Reassure the reader
If we can encourage the reader to take action, we have succeeded in our job. But to do that,
we need to reduce the risk that the reader feels they are taking by purchasing this product.
We can do that by offering them a guarantee. In today’s competitive marketplace, it is
imperative that we offer a money back guarantee as this gives the reader the confidence to
respond. When there is no risk to them in purchasing, they feel predisposed to buying our
product, especially if the competitors don’t offer a similar guarantee. Show him he can’t lose.
Make the guarantee big and bold. Tell him that if the product doesn’t work he can have a
replacement or a refund. Tell him you won’t cash his cheque until the goods are dispatched.
Or tell him you won’t bill him for 90 days. All these techniques will help overcome the inertia
that most people feel prior to buying a product.
33
Make it simple to order
Make the ordering process as simple as possible. Consumers rarely have notepaper,
envelopes or stamps handy, so if you can help them order their products quickly and with
minimal effort on their behalf, you’ll get a better response rate. If you can offer them a reply
paid envelope, a toll free number or an easy online ordering system, they’ll reward you with
their custom.
Use a PS
As the reader picks up a letter, her eye skips all over the page, looking for sections that are
easy to read. And there at the bottom of the letter is a P.S. It seems to say, ‘Oh, I nearly
forgot. There’s something I should add before I run to the post office’.
So the P.S. isn’t something the writer overlooked: it is much more artful. The PS stands out. It
demands to be read, and research shows it is a powerful place to put an important point.
Separated from the main text and placed below the sender’s name, it is easy to see.
Sadly, the PS is often misused. The writer finishes her letter and thinks, ‘I need a PS, because
a direct mail letter is supposed to have one’. She can’t think of anything to say, so she
summarizes a sales point she has already made:
P.S. Remember, this directory is the most comprehensive that money can buy.
The word ‘Remember’ is a give-away. It shows the PS contains nothing new. There are times
when it is worth repeating a key benefit, but the PS deserves something better. The PS
should be reserved for a ‘just remembered’ benefit, a sales benefit kept until last:
P.S. The directory has a special new section on wholesalers. It lists all the products
they stock, and it’ll save you lots of time.
34
Make it a package
You can mail people more than just letters. The more creative the package, the higher the
response rate is likely to be.
When a mailer has a ‘lump’ in it, it’s bound to get opened. The lump could be a lolly, a coin, a
sachet, a key – it doesn’t really matter what it is. Our objective is to get the package opened
and a lump in the parcel always creates intrigue.
Here’s a sample of a direct mail piece that was sent using a transparent plastic sleeve as the
envelope. It’s slightly unusual, a little bit intriguing and is bound to get opened.
35
You can also send a sample of your product. Or you can include promotional items which will
last longer than the letter – wall charts or mouse mats, for example. Here’s a direct mail
piece that promoted a new range of fabric. The mail piece looked like a shirt packet and the
message was written on the fabric.
36
Enclosing fake money is a tried and trusted method as people can’t resist seeing how much
money they can make/save. As you can see in this example, the lure of money is impossible
to resist.
37
But however sophisticated the package is, you will need a reply device – normally a reply
paid card – to make it easy for the reader to respond.
A reply device boosts response
Reply paid cards save the reader time and effort, and tick-boxes simplify his decision making.
If you can print the reader’s name and address on the reply card, you’ll make it even easier
for him to reply. In fact, the best reply card doesn’t require the reader to do anything other
than drop the card into a letter box or take it to a store to redeem. The following example
combined a direct mail piece with a reply paid device to great effect.
Back of card
Front of card
38
Having got your reader to the point of replying, there is a moment of hesitation when he
stops reading your letter and picks up the card. The flow is broken, and he is confronted with
a different piece of writing. At this point he has to commit himself, and he hesitates.
This is a dangerous moment, so you need to reinforce all those positive feelings by re-stating
the benefits on the reply card. Many consumer cards start with an affirmation from the
reader:
Yes! I want my name to be entered in the free raffle.
Please send me my free catalogue.
For business-to-business reply cards, the tick boxes could include:
Please send me more information
Please send me a sample pack
Please ask a representative to call
You may also want to collect some useful sales and marketing information, such as:
Current computer system
Type of boat owned
The reader is doing you a favor by filling out your form. So don't ask for information he may
not want to give at this stage (such as his telephone number or the size of his sales force).
Keep the order form as simple as possible, and lay it out clearly. To reduce indecision, you
should limit the reader's choice of color or size.
The reader may not be in a position to buy yet. Perhaps his stationery supplier is letting him
down, but he isn't sure whether a new supplier would be any better. He doesn't want you to
pester him with phone calls. But he is interested in knowing a little more and being kept up-
to-date.
So your coupon may need to distinguish between enquirers with immediate needs and those
who might become customers sometime in the future.
39
For example:
My need is urgent. Please phone me.
Please put me on your mailing list, but don’t contact me yet.
Letters responding to an inquiry
The most disappointing letters are the ones sent to people who have responded to an
advertisement. These letters are often typeset, giving them an impersonal look that real
letters never have. The text is short and uninspiring. Here is what you can expect to receive.
Dear Sir/Madam,
Thank you for your recent inquiry about our services. I now have pleasure in enclosing a
selection of brochures.
Yours faithfully
FOR AND ON BEHALF ON INTRANSIGENT HOLIDAYS LTD
Marsha Hughes p.p. A G Morris, Sales Director
This letter is a wasted opportunity. If you’re going to send a letter to your customer, you may
as well use the opportunity to build the relationship. You can do this by reinforcing a key
message, highlighting a recent success, offering a special service, cross selling another
product etc.
Listed below is a sample letter of what could have been sent. As you can see, it actively sells
and cross sells other products that may be of interest to the reader.
40
Dear Holiday Maker
Superb holidays — for less than you’d pay elsewhere
This is where your holiday begins. Just weeks from now, one of our Boeing 737s could be
whisking you away to a sunny shore of your dreams.
We have hand-picked holidays in the best places. Many of them you won’t find in any other
holiday brochure. Why? Because we take more care in selecting our holidays. Our senior
staff have personally visited every single hotel and beach. And if they wouldn’t stay there, it
doesn’t go into our brochure.
We also offer a no-quibble money-back guarantee. If your holiday doesn’t come up to your
expectations, we’ll refund the full amount.
So where will you go this year? Take a look at the new Cairns holiday on page 17. Your hotel
has saunas and a gym, and the vast sandy beach is completely secluded from prying eyes.
Look at the special interest holidays we’ve lined up on page 24. As well as getting a tan, you
could learn to scuba dive or go pony trekking.
To book your holiday, ring our Holiday Line on 9382-4751, or send off the booking form.
Yours sincerely,
Customers Response Coordinator
P.S. Book within 7 days of receiving this letter, and you’ll receive a free 30‑page guide to your
chosen destination.
This letter starts selling as soon as it is let out of the envelope. It tells the reader what makes
the company different from other holiday firms. It tells the reader what is new this year. It
sells the dream of a perfect holiday. It builds confidence and reassurance.
And it has hardly started.
41
The letter could get one of last year’s holiday makers to talk about the wonderful time she
had. It could get a hotel manager to say what a discerning company Intransigent Holidays is.
Or it could include other benefits – perhaps a child minding service, free coach trips or a free
disposable camera.
Letters should always sound friendly and charming. Too many are curt, not because the
writer is intentionally rude, but because the letter is brief. If your letter is short, it will sound
brusque even if you think you are sounding efficient. Writing flowing relaxed letters comes
naturally to a few people, but most of us have to make a conscious effort.
The trick is to imagine that you’re writing for one individual. Picture them in your mind and
then write to them as if you were having a personal conversation with them. Writing letters
that flow occurs when we write as we speak. A handy technique is to ‘speak’ your letter into
a dictaphone and then type it up afterwards. By speaking it out loud, you’ll find that you’ll
use language that is conversational and relaxed in tone.
Ways of improving response
Include an endorsement
Endorsements are powerful persuaders. An endorsement can be provided by a customer
(preferably named), an academic, an opinion former (such as a doctor), or through market
research (‘93% of our customers have used us for more than five years’).
Put it another way
There may be other ways you can express the benefits of your product. You can tell the
reader what he will miss if he doesn’t buy your product (‘without this device, you’ll face
increased electricity bills and less control over your energy use’).
You can also compare it with other products which may be less sophisticated, more
complicated or less attractive.
42
Involve the reader
It is vital to keep your reader involved all through the letter. You must stop him from
throwing away your half-read letter. You can do this in a number of ways. Ask him
rhetorical questions (‘what would you do if you lost your job?’). Put questions that he
himself might ask (‘so how much does it cost?’). Or give a vivid example:
“When Bleak Brothers bought our system, they halved their accounting costs
overnight.”
Talk about his industry (‘if your shoe repair equipment has to be replaced too often, you’ll
become less competitive…’)
Share your hopes with him. Confide in him. You might imagine that this approach isn’t
appropriate for (say) a big bank. But why not? Here is part of a letter that a bank manager
might write asking for your company account:
Like you, I’m running a business. I’ve managed the Altona branch for three years,
so I know something of the problems that local businesses face.
Like you, I have staff to manage; and so I share your concerns. Take the monthly
payroll – a big headache for most companies. Did you know that we offer a staff
payroll service?
Strike out the first paragraph
After you have written the letter, go back and get rid of the first paragraph. You may find
this improves the letter. First paragraphs are often dull and wordy. They’re often an
introduction which delays the real selling information.
Justify the deal
If you’re making a bargain offer, explain why you’re doing so. Readers are inclined to fear
the worst. A money-off deal implies shoddy merchandise, while a free trial implies that
the reader will be stuck with the product.
43
So be open with your reader. Tell her that by selling more you can reduce the price. For a
free trial offer, tell her: ‘Only by trying the product can you see how well it works’.
For an introductory offer, tell her the truth: ‘We want you to get used to our product in
the hope that you’ll carry on buying it’.
Overcome objections
A great way to get started when writing a letter from scratch is to imagine every possible
concern that the customer could have with the product; all the things that could stop her
buying it. Then decide how you would overcome each of these objections. If you can outline
the problem and then provide the solution, the customer is more likely to take up your offer.
This technique is a great tool for a copywriter because it helps you identify what it is you want
to tell your reader and it helps you establish the order of priority for each point. The more
important it is to the customer, the earlier in the letter it should appear.
Once you’ve worked out what concerns your customer has, and you’ve identified what the
solutions are, you’ll find that the letter text is half way written. Here are some examples.
44
Mistakes to avoid in direct mail
Don’t write on both sides of the paper when using staples. It’s difficult to read the back of
stapled sheets, and the print on the reverse side is visible through all but the heaviest paper.
It is, however, all right to use both sides of the paper when you are printing a four-sided letter
on to a single sheet of A3 paper. In other words, you can use both sides of the paper for
multi-page letters which don’t use staples. But use good quality stock so that the print from
the other side doesn’t show through.
Don’t use justified type, the sort that has smooth right hand margins. In a letter it makes the
text more difficult to read, and it loses the homespun look that makes letters so powerful.
Don’t put the date on the letter. Many direct mail organisation’s letters leave out the date
altogether because it gives them more flexibility. If the letter is undated, it doesn’t matter if
the mailing is delayed for a few days. If you want to include a date but you’re unsure when
exactly the mailing will go out, you may just list the month and the year and avoid listing the
actual day.
Don’t use unnecessary words. Don’t say ‘the building and specification market’ if you mean
‘building’. When you have the choice, always opt for the simple way of saying something. You
might be tempted to use a long or impressive word that makes you sound knowledgeable but
really, the customer will find the use of simple, short words much more appealing.
Don’t type ‘Dear’, and hand-write the customer’s name. This tells your reader she has
received a standard letter to which her name has been added. If you want to prepare a stack
of pre-printed letters, you have two choices. You can leave the salutation line blank and write
the whole greeting by hand (‘Dear Mrs. Wright’) or write a general greeting such as ‘Good
Morning’ or ‘Hi there’..
Don’t write long sentences. Here is a 56-word sentence from a company that is, unbelievably,
selling Sample Sales Letters:
45
To help you ensure that every letter you or your colleagues write is well-phrased, well-
presented and above all gets results, there is now a source of hundreds of tried and
tested Sample Sales letters you can draw on that will save you time and money and cut
your writing time in half.
If you find that you’ve written a long sentence, go back over it and break it up into two
sentences or more.
To work out if the sentence is too long, read it out loud and see if you can do it with one
breath. If you run out of breath before finishing it, chances are the sentence is too long.
Don’t over-use direct mail devices. If your letter is choked with indentations, underlines and
bold words, nothing will stand out. By emphasizing everything, you emphasize nothing.
What about printing?
In some cases, you may be
asked to project manage the
job. This means you’ll take
responsibility for organising
the design of the
letter/brochure etc, as well
as the printing.
If you decide to take on this
responsibility, ensure that
the costs of printing and
graphic design are borne by
the client, not you. This will
save you having to outlay
potentially large sums of
money that could seriously
impact your cash flow. So,
where possible, avoid taking responsibility for design and printing. Let the client do this. Your
responsibility ends with the draft copy.
Contact Report
Date: 16 August 2006
Place: Phonecall
Client: V. Robbins
The client asked the writer to go ahead with the
printing of the direct mail letter, following receipt of
Quick Print’s quotation. The approved quote to print
1000 A4 letters is attached.
Signed
F. Jenkins
46
But if the client wants you to do the whole job, here are some suggestions:
• Get the client to settle the bill directly with the printer. Put this in writing to the printer, so
that there is no misunderstanding.
• Before you issue work to a printer, get the client to approve it in writing. She does this by
signing the proof, i.e. the final version of the work before it goes to print.
• Before you commit the client to any expenditure, write a Contact Report (a sample of which
is shown below).
Putting it all together
So how do you take all this information and create a powerful direct mail letter? Here’s a
process you can use that’ll help you write your direct mail letters, as well as every other form
of copy.
It’s a great process as it short circuits your writing time and enables you to come up with
flowing copy that gets people’s attention.
How to write a Direct Mail letter from scratch:
This example will give you a step-by-step guide to writing a direct mail letter that gets results.
This process can be used for any product or service.
Step 1:
As always, complete the Creative Brief form before beginning the job.
In this example, we’re using an existing brochure as the basis for the letter we’re about to
write. This brochure outlines some of the major features of a tour to Philip Island to see the
penguins. As you can see, it only mentions the features but does not elaborate on the
associated benefits.
We have used this brochure to give us some raw material to work with and have completed
the brief based on the information listed in the brochure. As will become evident, we have
extrapolated from this to work out what the benefits might be.
47
48
Here’s the completed brief form. As you can see, we have taken the raw data from the
brochure and then used our imagination to work out what the rest of the brief might have
been.
CREATIVE BRIEF
1. Job Title
Phillip Island One Day Tour
2. Client Name
Otway Discovery
3. Client Contact
N/A
4. Product/Service
Day trip to Philip Island
5. Description of Product/Service
This is a one-day trip to Philip Island, incorporating numerous stop offs to areas of
interest. It includes lunch, wine-tasting, a swim in the ocean and pick up and drop off at
any hostel.
6. Date Required
N/A
7. Task: What needs to be made?
1 or 2-page Direct Mail Letter
8. Background to this job
We are losing ground to a new competitor.
Our price is still cheaper than his and we offer more for the price but we are losing
market share.
We need to target our core audience and tell them why we’re the best company to
choose for their tour to Penguin Island.
9. Objectives
49
We want to increase the number of people who call us to enquire, from 12 phone calls
per day to 24 phone calls per day.
Of those 24 leads, we want to convert 50% of them to book a tour ie. 12 new bookings
per day.
10. Target Market
English-speaking backpackers from England, Denmark, Canada, Israel, USA, France,
Germany, New Zealand.
Men and women aged 18-30.
They are cashed up but are frugal in their spending and want the best possible value
for money.
They are very selective with their choice of tour operators and will choose a ‘fun tour’
over other considerations like price and tourist stop offs, so long as they get to meet
other backpackers like themselves.
Their objective is to see a bit of Australia and meet a fellow backpacker for fun and
frivolity afterwards.
11. Features and Benefits
See below for a full description.
12. Creative Proposition/Single Minded Proposition
Have fun and get everything included for the one low price.
13. Supporting Evidence/Proof of Claim
None
14. Product Personality/Tone of Voice
Friendly. Youthful. Informal.
15. Call To Action
Pick up the phone and book a tour.
16. The Offer/The Incentive
50
We will pick you up from your hostel/hotel
We run everyday so you never miss out
17. Media Considerations
The 1 or 2-page letter will be sent to the backpacker hostels and dropped under the door
of every room.
18. Campaign Timing
The letter will be sent out on the first day of summer so any reference to summer can be
used.
19. Essential Requirements/Mandatory’s
Include phone number of Otway Discovery.
20. Constraints
No.
21. Competitors
Key West Tours offer a similar tour for $60 but it doesn’t include wine-tasting.
Step 2:
a. Identify the Features and Benefits of the service.
b. To do this, we need to first identify every feature that the product or service offers. There
could be dozens of features. It’s your job as the copywriter to find as many features of the
product as possible. You may not list every feature and benefit in the final copy, but you
need to work out what they are before you discard them.
We then need to convert that feature into a benefit. (Remember, people buy benefits, not
features).
To deduce what the benefit is, you simply insert the words “which means that” after the
Feature.
51
You’ll see in the following summary that each feature has a corresponding benefit. To
highlight the principle behind this process, we have bolded the three words ‘which means
that’ so you can see how it converts a feature into a benefit.
Feature #1:
1800 toll-free number
Benefit #1:
You get a Free Call, which means that you don’t have to pay anything to contact us which
means that you can spend your money on other fun things like food, booze and
entertainment.
And you don’t have to mess around with strange foreign coins in a phone box trying to work
out how much it costs to make a local phone call.
Feature #2:
It costs $70.
Benefit #2:
This tour is good value compared to the others which means that you get to save money
and spend it on other things you want like food, booze and entertainment.
You also get a bbq, free wine-tasting and tea and biscuits included as part of the fee which
means that you don’t have to spend any more money on food during the day. It also means
that you don’t have to worry about packing lunch or preparing anything as we provide it all.
We also go for a full day which means that the trip is good value as you get to see lots of
different attractions, lots of different scenery all for the one low price.
Feature #3:
Free Wine
Benefit #3:
You don’t have to bring any alcohol with you which mean that you save money, and you get
to taste some great Australian wines. This creates a relaxing environment which means that
it helps you meet other people, share stories, find new friends and new travel mates.
52
Feature #4:
See the Penguins, koalas, kangaroos, etc
Benefit #4:
You get a unique experience. You get to see extraordinary Australian wildlife that few
people in the world get to see which means that when you get home and show your pix to
family and friends, you’ll feel a special source of pride at being able to say that you’ve been
somewhere special and have seen unique, exotic creatures that most people will never get
to see.
Feature #5:
Take a swim in the ocean.
Benefit #5:
You get the unique experience of swimming in Australia’s famous beaches.
You’ll be supervised which means that you can relax and enjoy the warm surf, the golden
sands and the thrill of the waves crashing on the shore. It also means that you’ll have a safe
experience as Australian beaches can be dangerous to novices.
We will take you to some of the most beautiful beaches all as part of the cost of the day,
which means that you won’t have to take a second trip to see these attractions. This means
you can spend your money on another adventure because you’ll have covered every tourist
stop in this part of Victoria when you take our tour.
There are numerous other features you could mention. Things like:
We pick you up from your hostel and drop you back
Tours run every day
Witness the penguins in their natural habitat
Step 3:
You now have all the information you need to start writing the letter.
Note: Keep a mental picture in the forefront of your mind of the person for whom
you’re writing, i.e. the target market. Can you imagine what they look like? How they
53
speak? How they dress? What they talk about with their mates? Visualise them as much
as you can.
Step 4:
Pretend that this person is sitting in front of you. Right there. They ask you a question
and you’re happy to answer it.
The question they ask you is:
“Mate, why would I want to see these Penguins at Phillip Island and why would I
choose this Otway Discovery company over another? Can you tell me?”
Step 5:
Now, speaking out loud, (and you will sound silly but that’s okay), tell your friend, in your
own words, why this tour is absolutely the best tour to take. Speak to him as if he was really
there, sitting in front of you.
Step 6:
As you’re telling him the benefits, he keeps interjecting with the question:
“But what’s so good about that?” so you have to tell him that “this particular feature is
great because… which means that…”
Step 7:
Record this ‘conversation’ on a digital recorder or tape cassette if you can as it will produce
some absolute gems that you can use in your direct mail letter.
You are effectively writing your letter as you speak!
This is one of the quickest and easiest ways to create compelling copy for any product or
service.
54
This may sound like a strange exercise, but it works and it will take hours off your
writing time and create a letter that will flow like water.
Step 8:
Type up your letter as you’ve spoken it.
Step 9:
What you now have is a series of benefits in no particular order. They are probably in a
‘list’ form.
So how do we now turn this listing of benefits into a good story that people will want to
read?
We use Linking Words.
Read the chapter on Words That Sell for a full description of how to use Linking Words
work before moving on to the next module.
Step 10:
For your convenience, here’s a copy of all the linking words listed in that module.
Linking Words
Linking words help the reader see how the argument flows.
Some words let you add more information:
Also Even more importantly
For Indeed
In fact In addition to
Including Likewise,
Look at Moreover,
Not only that, but Not to mention
Plus, Similarly,
55
That includes The really good news, though, is
that
What’s more Then
Explain. Other words allow you to explain, or take the argument a stage further:
Actually As a result
Because Consequently
For example Hence
Provided that Hence
Provided that Take (the XYZ model for
example)
Which means that That’s why
You see
A different perspective. Some words let you look at the subject from a different point of
view:
Above all Although
At the same time But
But what about Consider
Conversely Despite
For our part However
In comparison In contrast
Look at it this way Mind you,
Nevertheless Some people think
56
Still The result is
Unfortunately When you think
Yet
Other words let you move to another, unconnected idea:
Again Since
While You’ll find
Of course Remember
Whatever your need
Introductory words.
There are powerful introductory words and phrases:
For just one week How many times have you
wanted…
It’s the only Now
New Only
Sale It’s your biggest nightmare
There are words that make it sound easy:
All you have to do Just flick a switch
Naturally Quite simply
One simple answer The most common problem
What more could you ask for?
57
You can entice your reader:
You’ll also benefit from Discover how
Imagine Take advantage of
You can share experiences:
Have you ever It’s happened to me
Like us, Most people
Not everyone Sometimes
Some of us You probably
Or you can look ahead:
We’ll send you You’ll now be able
You can put the arguments in order:
From… to First, second, next, and finally
Meanwhile Next
Then Thereafter
To begin with While
You can add detail:
For example For instance
Further Furthermore
Specifically
58
Make a comparison:
Some… others… A few… many…
Today… tomorrow… Not everyone… but all of us…
At home… abroad… At home… at work…
Consider… analyse…
Or give reassurance:
Our money-back offer… Thousands of people have already…
You can’t lose We’re the biggest name in…
All orders are dispatched by the next post
You can summarize the argument, or re-state it:
All in all Briefly
Finally In conclusion
In other words In short
In summary Simply stated
Therefore So
Thus
At the end of the copy, call for action:
To find out more For a demonstration
Ring, or write for For further information
To book, Post the coupon today
For immediate details
59
Step 11:
Our goal is to use as many linking words as possible in this letter. If you were writing for a
real client, you would be judicious with how many linking words you’d use but for the
purposes of this exercise, use as many as you can.
The general rule of thumb is that the more refined and elegant your product is, e.g. Chanel
or the Grand Hyatt, the fewer linking words you use.
In the sample letter we’ve written for this exercise, 31 linking words have been used.
We’ve taken the benefits we’ve already identified and connected them using link words.
We’ve also used the ‘which means that’ technique.
The link words have been underlined so you can see how often they are mentioned.
60
Dear Backpacker,
Have you always wanted to see some of Australia’s most stunning tourist attractions, all in the one day
with everything you need provided?
Have you ever wondered what it’d be like to swim in one of Australia’s most famous beaches, as well
as see the world renowned Philip Island penguins all without lifting a finger?
Well, now you can.
Indeed, this is one of the most popular tours for backpackers because everything is included in the price.
For just $70, you’ll receive a delicious Aussie BBQ lunch, all the wine you can drink, plus a dinky-di
afternoon tea with freshly brewed coffee and mouth‑watering biscuits to take the edge off your hunger
after your dip in the sun drenched Aussie surf. Not to mention see every tourist attraction on the Great
Ocean Road in the one day.
The really good news though, is that you get to do it all in the company of backpackers just like
yourself. Most people like to travel with like-minded company and we think you’d be the same, which is
why we tailor our tours to suit backpackers looking for a fun and friendly day out.
You probably want to meet some new people, hook up with travelling companions or maybe even find
that special someone who’d like a little company along the way : )
All in all, this has to be one of the best value trips because everything is done for you – the cooking, the
tidying up, the driving – all you have to do is book your seat and wait for us to turn up at your hostel (we
pick you up wherever you are).
We run every day so it means your trip is guaranteed, no matter what the weather is like or how many
people have booked.
We know you like to keep things flexible so that’s why you can book a seat with us 24 hours a day. You
don’t even need coins to make the call – just call 1800 123 456 and you’ll be connected through to us
free of charge. It’s quick and easy to book and you could be on the bus the very next day. In summary,
you can’t lose. All you have to do is pick up the phone and book.
See you there,
Mike Grainger
Tour Leader
P.S. What’s more, if you don’t enjoy the day or don’t think it’s as good as we say, we’ll happily refund
your $70 plus give you a free koala teddy to take home to mum. That’s how certain we are you’re gonna
love travelling with Otway Tours.
61
To summaries this process of writing direct mail, this is what we did. We:
Identified the features of a product
Established what benefit this feature offered
We found out what the benefit was by asking ‘which means that’ for every feature.
Created a clear picture of the target market in our mind’s eye and wrote specifically for
that person.
Spoke out loud into a Dictaphone, outlining to our imaginary friend why this product
was great and why they should consider buying it
Typed up the letter into a listing of benefits
Inserted the linking words to create a flowing feel to the letter
Included as many linking words as possible.
That’s it. If you can follow this process every time you have to write a letter (or a brochure
or ad) you’ll find that your writing time will be cut in half and the daunting prospect of
writing a letter from scratch will be eliminated.
62
Module 6 Assignment: How To Write Direct Mail
Task: Write a Direct Mail letter
Step 1:
Write a 1 or 2-page direct mail letter for Otway Discovery’s Phillip Island Penguin
one-day tour.
Step 2:
You can use the brief that we created in the chapter as the basis for your letter. The
brief has already been completed for you.
You now have all the raw material you need to write a letter.
Step 3:
Write the letter for the backpackers as per the Creative Brief.
Step 4:
You must use at least 15-20 link words in your letter.
Don’t worry if the letter sounds corny because of all the linking words.
Go over the top and see how many linking words you can incorporate.
