8/16/2019 Hypnotic Stories That Change Minds.pdf http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/hypnotic-stories-that-change-mindspdf 1/29 Hypnotic Stories That Change Minds and Shape Emotions Extract From “Conversational Hypnosis in Action” The way to a man (or woman’s) heart is through story. Stories are all around us, and form the bedrock of how we shape our beliefs and even our identities. Political candidates run for election based on the narrative they tell about their lives and how it ties in with the narrative of the country they are hoping to run. President Obama once even said that one of the biggest jobs an American President has is to tell the American people an overarching story which relates the events of the world and the country to the lives of the regular people. You are living your own personal narrative. What you think about yourself – your strengths, weaknesses and so on – all have their root in a story that you tell yourself. These stories aren’t factual, they aren’t real. Rather, they are remembered and interpreted by you, and spun and fr amed so that they support and feed the beliefs you have shaped for yourself. Successful people tell themselves a story about how they learn, overcome failure, grow and succeed. Unsuccessful people tell themselves a story about how the world is against them, and they lack the skills or opportunities others have.(c) Nathan Thomas .In order to influence somebody and really connect with them, you have to understand story. Since the dawn of civilisation story has shaped and defined the human species. Written or spoken, stories define a culture and a family, a friendship or marriage, work relationship and even a building or artwork or song. If you don’t understand story, you don’t understand life! So how do you use the power of story to influence others and change minds,
Here are 27 simple ways to hypnotize others and communicate hypnotically. Think about howyou can use these in a range of situations, there are no limits to this!1: Interrupt a pattern2: Use the word “imagine” 3: Describe in multiple sense – hear, feel, see, touch, smell4: Ask higher level questions “what does that mean” “whats important to you about…” 5: Go there first!6: Tell a story7: Speak with authority and confidence8: Speak to someone in their „language‟ 9: Be there to help, not exploit10: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” (the late Stephen Covey) 11: Relax, and project your voice from the belly, not the throat or nose12: Pause and be comfortable with managing silence13: Be in the moment and trust your subconscious mind
14: Describe a peaceful and relaxing situation15: Trigger „trance anchors;‟ thoughts, images or memories associated with relaxation orfascination16: Fascinate the mind and captivate the imagination17: Utilize ambiguity in the words you use to send subtle messages18: Vary your tonality as you speak to emphasize messages and speak more dynamically19: Be aware of the natural rhythms in which you speak and vary this situationally20: Always be conscious of your „hypnotic intent‟ – what do you want to achieve?21: Constantly learn from your interactions and attempts, there is no failure so long as you try!22: Paint a vivid mental picture and emphasize the imagery you create23: Be aware of peoples „primary modality‟ (what sense they use primarily to interpret the world)but don‟t exaggerate the importance of this 24: Utilize the awesome power of metaphor25: Speak to the subconscious mind, be aw are that there‟s more going on than we areconsciously aware of26: Actually listen, be aware of what people mean, not just what they say27: Use simple, clear language that is easy to understand when giving suggestions.Ok I‟m on a roll so I‟ll give you a few more good ones:28: Think in terms of emotional states, what do you want people to be feeling as you speak tothem?29: Revivify – use questions to connect to past experiences when people felt certain emotions
30: Beliefs are powerful but they are not set in stone, question them gently and they may fallapart, challenge them directly and they‟ll merely strengthen 31: Use presuppositional language- speak in a way which presumes that what you want toaccomplish has already happened32: People care more about themselves than they do about you, say “you,” not “I‟
A "party girl" is any woman who loves toparty. This can actually mean manythings. Some party girls love to justhave a good time - which may or maynot include drinking and/or havingsex. Others take the drinking aspect of"party girl" to more of an extreme. Yetothers will exhibit party girltendencies without drinking too much or having excessive sex – like the girl who loves to go out salsadancing two or three times each week. Ha ving a date or girlfriend who is a “party girl” is notnecessarily bad – it really depends upon how YOU feel about how she acts. Chances are that if youare bothered even a little by her party girl tendencies at first – then it will become more of a problemlater on … so keep that in mind!
I‟ve dated a number of party girls. The more recent was a nurse named Debi who was so muchfun! When she and I first started dating, I noticed that she could put away the drinks and hold herown. And when I first had her over at my home, we wound up drinking a little too much - and thenthe situation erupted into a powerful sexual encounter which just floored me because I was so
attracted to her. For the year and a half or so that we dated, we had a great time to gether … althoughover time it started to become obvious that she drank just a little too much fairly consistently. Shewound up dumping me because I came down on her about her drinking several times toward the end
– as her drinking had embarrassed me in several public situations. For the record though, Iabsolutely loved Debi – and I would never have driven her away on purpose.
Another type of party girl is the one who goes out dancing at clubs all the time – with or without herboyfriend. One of my friends dated a woman like this – her name was Mayra. Mayra was a mid 20sfull-blooded Mexican who absolutely loved to salsa dance … and she was extremely good atit. When Mayra danced, people often cleared the floor for her (just like John Travolta in SaturdayNight Fever). My friend, Antonio, was absolutely in love with Mayra … and it did not seem to botherhim that she went out dancing without him several times each week, often staying out until 2 or 3a.m. Sometimes he would go with her – but he could not dance like Mayra, and so many times hechose not to go just so she could have her fun. Now me, personally – I would probably have had aproblem dating a woman who went out without me that often … staying out that late. I never heardany stories of her cheating on him – so maybe I‟m just a little paranoid. Those two remain together tothis day – in fact, they got married last year.
As a midlife bachelor, you are less likely to encounter party girls who consistently stay out all night …as that is more typically found among younger women in their twenties. [However, if you are in yourforties or fifties and are dating younger women in their twenties, then you are a hero to the rest of usmidlife bachelors … and I salute you.] Most of the party girls in their late thirties or older are morelikely to take their drinking and/or sex to excess … which can be a lot of fun. Ultimately it is up to youas to whether you want to maintain a long-term relationship with a party girl. This type of woman canbe a lot of fun, so I suggest you at least explore them!
carpet, new bathroom fixtures, and all-new very high-end furniture – I found myself $30,000 poorer (in just a few months mind you). Then her car (an older-model Saturn) was stolen from outside myhome – and I felt obligated to get her a new one … so of course she chose a Lexus! When we wenton our first vacation to Cancun, she wanted us to stay at the Ritz Carlton. When I agree to take hershopping for clothes or shoes … it is off to Nordstrom we go. Now I‟m definitely not complaining – Iactually did not mind doing any of these things for her, or for us as a couple … but it all falls under the
category of "high maintenance" to be sure! And I‟d much rather be with a high maintenance womanversus anything else … the opposite maybe being a third world woman who carries huge buckets ofwater on her head for miles!
As a midlife bachelor, you are probably in the peak of your earning years – and assuming that youhave not lost everything in your divorce, you can probably afford one of these high maintenancewomen. You‟ve got to decide for yourself if the high maintenance type is right for you. Trust me – they are not bad … some of the other types can be much, much worse, such as the next type"psycho".
Psycho - that one word says it all. Itmeans completely nuts. Psycho womenwill do things that are completelycrazy ... lacking rational thought ...actions with no thought aboutconsequences. Sometimes they areviolent. Sometimes they break things orthrow things. Sometimes they screamand yell. Sometimes they do outrageousthings like vandalize your car, orembarrass or harass you at work. Theymight even threaten you or your newgirlfriend. You get the idea. Thesewomen are just plain crazy - and there isnothing you can do to changethem. Your best strategy after yourecognize that a women is psycho is tocut you r losses immediately … hopefullybefore she gets too attached to you, asthatmight minimize potential bad behavior that might be directed toward you.
Sounds scary, eh? The funny part is that most psycho women do not appear to be psycho rightaway. Often times it takes many months before their true colors start to show. You best bet as amidlife bachelor is to watch for early signs of psychosis, and then make your decisions. One thing tobe careful of – women who are psycho are often very passionate in nature … which means they aremost likely very good in bed. Remember what I said earlier when I was talking about “false starts” – good sex can mask over a lot of things. So when the sex starts off really, really hot … be extracareful. Watch the rest of her behavior very carefully, and see especially how she treats other people
– as that is one key method for early detection of a psycho woman.
Let me give you some examples. My good friend, Greg, has a psycho wife named Tiffany – who Ioften use as an example throughout this website. One thing that Tiffany still does to this day isharass the people that work in grocery or department stores if they are not super courteous to her. Inother words, if they do not extend a high degree of graciousness toward her, she is likely to cause ascene. Now I have never personally witnessed one of these episodes – but they apparently are badenough that my friend, Greg, will not go shopping with Tiffany. He also tells me that she will startyelling at other customers in a store if, for example, someone bumps into her accidentally. Thebottom line is that this woman is so psycho that she thinks the world must bow down to her.
A good example in my own life was a woman named Mia who worked at one of the local cardealerships. The service manager had fixed me up with her because he said she was without aboyfriend, and I (the midlife bachelor) was available at the time, plus I was a pretty decentguy. Anyway, I met this woman at a restaurant of her choosing – and she picked aSizzler. [Obviously her restaurant choice told me she was not high maintenance … which wasfine.] When I met her – wow, she was a really good-looking blonde. She had kind of a big ass, but Igo through phases where I like big asses – so I thought she was going to be a great ride. I knew thiswoman had manners and professionalism since she was the customer service manager at the cardealership … so everything was looking good at this point. Now if you know the Sizzler restaurants,you know that you order at the register and then the waitress brings the food out to you. Here‟swhere the early warning system started to kick in. When the waitress brought Mia her food – Miawas not happy at all with it. She said her steak was not done enough – but clearly both I and thewaitress could see that it was prepared “medium” with some pink … which was just the way sheordered it. So Mia had it sent back … and my food sat in front of me while we waited. A fewminutes later, the waitress brought Mia a new steak – this one was more “medium well” with barelyany pink (which was what Mia asked for). Again – this wasn‟t good enough … so Mia sent it back, asI watched my own meal get cold. The third try worked – but not before Mia had gotten pretty huffywith the waitress. My own take on the situation was – this is a Sizzler, not a five star restaurant … I
wanted to tell Mia to shut the fuck up, and eat the damn steak, but I never said a word. I did leavethe waitress a nice tip though.
Okay – so the psycho illustration of Mia continues. Mia was a single mom, and was not receiving anychild support. She lived in the poor part of town, and drove an older car. She asked me to comeover, and that she would make me dinner – but she only had hamburger helper, with nohamburger. To me this sounded like she might appreciate some help – so on my way over, Ipurchased a couple of packages of ground sirloin … one for that night, and one for her and her sonon a different night. When I showed up with the meat, she had a fit – she said she didn‟t need anyfucking handouts! I explained to her that I was just trying to help out, and she did wind up using themeat … but whole evening was weird because she had bitched me out so badly when I firstarrived. When it came time for me to leave, she walked me out to my car … and when I tried to giveher a kiss, she told me “Not in front of my son, you idiot!” Her son was inside playing a video game,and I was only looking for a peck, not a m ake out session … so as I drove away, I was 100% positivethat this girl was absolutely psycho, and I never called her again.
Everything that happened with Mia occurred right away – the signs of psychosis were very obvious,and any midlife bachelor would have to be blind not to notice them. Sometimes the signs can takequite some time to surface – as is the case of one of my earliest girlfriends, Michele. Michele was avery good-looking, very intelligent blonde that I had met in my youth. She and I dated, and wound upin bed together very quickly. The sex was absolutely fantastic – and I couldn‟t get enough of her …we were always knocking it out any chance we could. After the newness of the relationship started towear off, I began to notice that Michele had a pretty bad temper at times. She didn‟t yell at people inpublic (as in the Tiffany example), rather her anger was directed pretty much at me only, and wouldbuild up over time. Her anger would accumulate, and then just about anything would set her off – and she would actually punch me in the face, like a man! I had never seen anything like this before – ever … so I was unsure how to handle it. I never hit her back – but what I did do (when I saw thepunch coming) was stop her fist with my hand, and twirl her around into a bear hug until she calmeddown. Her behavior alarmed me so much that I insisted she go to a psychologist for therapy …which she did. But that violent behavior always came back. I thought about calling the police – butfriends had told me that anytime you call the police in a domestic violence situation, the man alwaysgoes to jail ... plus I thought it would look a little silly of me telling a police officer that this hot littleblonde was abusing me – it just sounded bad. Fortunately, she dumped me before things got anyworse. [I‟ve never had any other girlfriend ever behave violently toward me.]
You can see from these examples the different symptoms of a woman being psycho, and the varioustimeframes in which this behavior emerges. The bottom line – as a midlife bachelor, you‟ve got tokeep your eyes and ears open … you‟ve got to watch these women like a hawk, and know what youare getting yourself into. Sure – you can continue dating a psycho woman … bu t there will come atime when you may regret it. My advice is that you deal with it earlier rather than later, and jettisonany psycho woman you find yourself dating. Your next girlfriend is not likely to be as psycho! Next,please!
A dullard is someone who is just flat outdull, boring, uninteresting, and probablyuninterested in many things. Theyusually lack a colorful personality, andalso typically have low self-esteem. As amidlife bachelor, you can date a dullard
– just be prepared to be bored. And beprepared for the fact that YOU willalways need to create all of theexcitement in the relationship, as dullardwomen are followers, not leaders. Inthe past, when I have discovered myselfdating a woman who is boring and dull, Ihaveprivately nicknamed her “Betty Boring”. And when we as a couple have together become extremelyboring together, I have referred to us as “Bob and Betty Boring”. When I used the “Bob and BettyBoring” reference openly, my dullard girlfrien ds did not get especially upset with me – primarilybecause I‟ve always been a big joker, and they came to expect something like that from me. Plus I
was referring to both of us – not just her … and that makes a difference. But privately – I knew shewas really the boring one!
Don‟t confuse a dullard with someone who just has COMPLETELY DIFFERENT INTERESTS thanyou – because that is completely unrelated. [If you and a woman have absolutely no commoninterests, then unless you are temporarily having great sex with her – you should probably quit therelationship (since you have nothing in common but your “parts”).] A woman with some differentinterests is fine – that makes her interesting in my book. But a woman who is interested in nothing isa dullard! Let‟s visit a couple of examples to help you as a midlife bachelor differentiate between adullard versus someone who is just different.
I‟ll start with the dullard. The sister of a female friend of mine arranged for me to meet a very prettyyounger girlfriend of hers who happened to work in the same insurance department at a local bank. Iwasn‟t expecting much from this introduction because previous blind dates had been consistentwastes of my time. But I remember walking into the bank, and then meeting this woman – and WOWwas she ever hot stuff. She was about ten years younger than me, olive skin, nice full lips, greatsmile, and a great-looking rack – hot dog, I was thrilled. Since this was just a “Hello – how are you” -type introducti on, it only lasted maybe five or ten minutes … just long enough for each of us to checkthe other out. The sister of the female friend had vouched for both of us to the other already – andnow that I had seen this woman, I thought “Yep – I would definite ly go out with her”. And so I did – Itook her out several times, and each time I found myself struggling to keep the conversationmoving. It seemed that Tabitha (that was her name) was very attractive, but she had very little tosay. Now don‟t get me wrong – sometimes a quiet woman can be an enormous blessing … but whatI was reading from her went further than just quiet. She really did not do anything except work … shewas not really interested in shopping (huh?) … she didn‟t have any hobbies or play any sports(huh?) … and pretty much all she did was watch TV when she wasn‟t working. I did take her and her5 year old son out jet skiing once, and the child screamed bloody murder – and Tabitha told me shewouldn‟t want to do that again. I remem ber thinking to myself, “what exactly floats this woman‟sboat?” No – I didn‟t sleep with her … after a few dates, I just couldn‟t keep our conversations goingany longer, as I had run out of things to say. She was so dull that the only thing I could do was
ABANDON SHIP – which is a great strategy for a midlife bachelor to pursue in cases like this.
Here‟s a different kind of example. At work I met this very smoking hot Latina engineer namedTrish. She had big eyes, full lips, and was very intelligent. She was the hottest female electricalengineer I‟ve ever met – so hot that I found myself stumbling in my words around her (which isembarrassing). To make a long story short, I was able to get her out for several dinner dates. As Igot to know her, it turned out that she was pretty much the polar opposite of me. She was notmaterialistic whereas I am extremely materialistic. She liked older beater automobiles, and was notimpressed with my brand- new BMW M3 … which I found very odd. One really big differencebetween us came out during our first dinner date – she told me that she had a very large tattoo on herass, and that it extended up from her leg, and around to her back. I was somewhat in disbelief
because Electrical Engineers are not typically tattooed – so I had her show me this monster tattoo …and sure enough, it was huge. [It was also a huge turn off for me – but I figured I would at least gether in the sack before passing further judgment (because she was so hot).] The next dinner datewith Trish came, and after dinner we walked around downtown Brea, CA – and wandered togetherinto a bookstore. She gravitated over to the magazine rack, and began looking at one of the hard-core tattoo rags on the shelf … and started pointing out to me which ones she thought were cool, and
which type she was thinking about to cover her back. Cover her back? I couldn‟t just sit there andlie to the woman by telling her that I thought heavily tattooed women are sexy … so I told her what Iwa s thinking at the time, that I couldn‟t possibly understand why anyone other than a rock star woulddo that to themselves, and that I thought it looked really ghetto. You should have seen Trish‟s face – she was so angry with me. I got no kiss goodnight – nothing. And once again, I pursued the
ABANDON SHIP strategy … which was entirely appropriate because I just couldn‟t go along with thiswoman‟s interests. So the point here is that Trish was NOT a dullard – she had interests … thoseinterests were just so different than mine that it made continuation of our dating ridiculous. Boy, shewas hot though. My message here – don‟t confuse a dullard with someone who has interests thatare extremely different than yours … but recognize that the end -result is often the same as with adullard, and that is that these relationships are often doomed.
My good friend in the entertainmentindustry, Kev, actually coined the term“housecat” (as it applies to women)during a telephone conversation I washaving with him about my currentgirlfriend. Kev had called me at homearound lunchtime on a handful ofoccasions, and each time I told him that Ineeded to keep my voice down becausethe little woman was sleeping. Kevfinallyasked me after pointing out that it was after 12:00 noon – “Did you marry a housecat?” After Istopped laughing, and several hours later, I realized that in a certain sense I am actually dating ahousecat … but not an actual cat, rather a particular type of wo man! After recognizing this, I thoughtmore about it – and I could point to several of my friends who also live with housecat women …although some of these women are more extreme housecats than others.
Okay – so the definition of a “housecat” type of wo man that I have settled on is: any woman
who spends a significant amount of her time at home, sleeping, watching TV, doing home-related chores, or doing nothing at all. There are different degrees of being a “housecat”. Forexample, my current girlfriend works full-time – but because she is a teacher, has periods of timewhen she is not working for weeks … and during those weeks, she often sleeps in until 1:00p.m. She is also very organized around our home – she keeps everything picked up, cleans anddusts a lot, and enjoys watching TV. Compared to the average woman, in my opinion she spendsabout twice as much time at home. None of this is bad or negative – I love this woman, and I wouldnot change a thing about her. She is not out part ying, or doing anything bad … she is just a littlemore of a home-body. And I think that is just fine.
Another example is a woman named Karen who lives with my friend, Ronnie. Karen has lived withRonnie for two years or so, and I do not think she has ever held one job for more than twomonths. She seems to prefer sitting at home, watching TV, smoking cigarettes, and chatting with hergirlfriends. Ronnie seems happy with this, and she also seems happy – so I am not criticizing …rather I am pointing out that she is also a “housecat”, but a more extreme type than the woman that Iam living with.
You as a midlife bachelor need to decide if you like the housecat type of woman. The upside todating a housecat is that your house will likely be cleaner and tidier than it would otherwise (assumingshe is not a LAZY HOUSECAT – ha!). You will also have more companionship than you otherwisemight. But if you like an independent woman who goes out, and makes things happen – then ahousecat woman is probably not the right fit for you.
A “housewife” is significantly differentthan a “housecat” woman – even thoughthey might seem to imply similarqualities, they actually do not. Thetypical universal definition of the term“housewife” is a woman who managesher own household as her career – like a“homemaker”. That type of housewife ismarried – and I am not referring tomarried women! Iuse the term, “housewife”, in a much more narrow sense … I mean i t to refer to a s ingle w oman – usual ly d ivorced, and of ten wi th k ids . She may drive a minivan (yikes), she may be overweight (ifyou are a chubby-chaser, then watch it jiggle), she may be receiving large alimony or child supportpayments (which can help you pay for stuff). I have dated a lot of housewives in my midlifebachelorhood – and I can tell you the single best quality they all share is that they are (more oftenthan not) sex-starved, and ready for some ACTION! Oh yeah! Housewives typica l ly g ive i t upquickly – in other words, it is relatively easy to get them into bed. So dating a housewife is actually agood thing – unless you hate children. [I will come back and address the subject of children from a
prior relationship later – right now, I am focusing on the mom … the housewife. ] To date a housewife,you have to be at the very least TOLERANT of children – although in some cases, you may neveractually see your housewife‟s children.
Examples – where do I begin? I have dozens and dozens of examples from my own past. Let‟s star twith the aerobic housewife I met at the gym a number of years ago. I actually knew this woman inhigh school, plus I did some business with her parents‟ company for which she worked for awhile. She had been married for as long as I could remember, and I knew that she had just had achild around two years ago. Anyway, I ran into Linda at the local grocery store – and as I was talkingto her in the aisle, I noticed that she was not wearing a wedding ring. When I asked her about this,she said that she had split up with her husband four months prior – and was getting a divorce. “Thatis a shame, Linda – I‟m so sorry to hear this. Maybe I can take you out for a drink or dinner orsomething sometime?” And her eyes lit up – and her lips said “Sure”. Next thing I knew I was out
with Linda – and before the end of the second date, her hot little skirt was down, down, down to theground. This woman was obviously sex-starved because she craved what I was giving her – and wewound up having it quite a lot. She had these DD size breasts, too – and they would clap togetherwhen I had her on all fours … which was extremely entertaining!
Here‟s another quick story – this woman named Margie worked at the local private postalcenter. She was around five years younger than me, and every time I came in – I noticed that shewould make it a point to interact with me. I knew from talking to her that Margie was divorced, andhad three children – which is a lot of kids! After a while, Margie started calling me from the privatepostal center – not just to tell me I had a package to pick up … but sometimes just to say “hi”. At thatpoint, I knew I had “one on”, and I asked her out. Margie and I started having sex almostimmediately. All I had to do was open the front door, and she was ready to go down. This was great
– except that right from the start, it kind of bounded the relationship to sex. As the months went by,we both realized that we didn‟t really have a lot in common except how happy the sex m ade us. Plus
– at that point in my life (early 30s), I really did not want to wind up marrying a woman who had threechildren from a prior marriage … so I kept her fairly distant from a relationship standpoint. Yet wemanaged to see one another at least once each week – and we always wound up in bed … usuallywithin the first ten minutes after she arrived.
My friends all made fun of me for dating these housewives. They said that I‟m getting someoneelse‟s leftovers … that worrying about their kids is a burden … and that these women being maybeslightly chunky were unattractive … WRONG! These women were all very good-looking, andextremely sexy. I would tell my loser friends that I‟d rather date a housewife than do what they weredoing – which was jacking themselves off alone in the shower every night. I just love the housewives
– I‟m telling you they are a great category of woman for a midlife bachelor to be with … oh yes theyare!
I use the term “caterer” here to describea woman who is attentiv e to a man‟sneeds (versus a woman who cooks for aliving … although that might benice!). A woman who is a caterer issomeone who is very easy-going, andwho will want to help you out withwhatever it is you are into, or are doing,etc. These caterer women can be veryhandy to have around – they will do mostof the work for you. They typically aremore of the housewife and/or housecattype – and usually are not professionallyemployed. These women arePLEASERS … they want to make youhappy, and willgo through a lot of extra effort in trying to make you happy. What am I talking about,specifically? Sex? Maybe – but to a true caterer, sex would be only one symptom. Other
symptoms of a caterer here might include baking you cookies, offering to make your friends dinner,bringing you an unsolicited present, cleaning your house, washing your car, walking your dog, pullingweeds in your garden, etc. In other words, a caterer is often chore-oriented! And there is nothing Ilike better than watching a woman work! [You cannot ever tell that to a woman though.] Midlifebachelors deserve to have a caterer in their lives … but sadly, in American culture today, there arerelatively few caterers to be found. At least I have not met too many of them.
My friend, Gordy, seems to attract more than his share of caterer women. His current girlfriend, Kim,is most definitely a caterer – as she often makes treats for all of Gordy‟s friends whenever peoplecome over to watch TV. She has even made us dinner – and she is a great cook. Gordy likeskaraoke, and so does Kim – they have these karaoke parties, and Kim shares the microphone justlike Gordy. [Enough alcohol, and everyone sounds great.] Aside from cooking, the one quality thatsticks out in my mind about Kim is that she genuinely wants to make Gordy happy. Everything she
does is centered not on her – but on Gordy, and how he thinks or feels about something. Now Gordyis not necessarily the kindest of boyfriends toward her at times – so I suppose that sometimes thesecaterer women are attracted to or influenced by some level of negative feedback … hard for me tosay. I, myself, have not dated too many caterer women – so I have to rely on what I see inothers. One thing I have noticed about Gordy‟s current caterer, and also at least one of his previouscaterer girlfriends is that they most definitely have low self-esteem. Perhaps catering is the way theyseek approval and validation of their persona? We might have to consult a psychologist orpsychiatrist in order to continue with a detailed analysis – but for now, for midlife bachelor purposes – caterers can be good for you, and for your friends!
f you are a new midlife bachelor, thenyou probably have forgotten whathaving great sex is all about. Youmay have also forgotten what havingsex frequently means … as often sexin long-term relationships slows downto a crawl in terms of frequency. [Alot of guys I know in long-term multi-year relationships are lucky to get laidonce every two weeks.] If as amidlife bachelor you suddenly findyourself dating a nymphomaniac,then yourworld is changing drastically for the better – at least for the short-term. A nymphomaniac is a womanwho loves to have a lot of sex as often as possible. And if she is attractive and only interested in you
– then life is truly a happy place!
How do you explain a nymphomaniac? She’s just GOT to have you – it is that simple … and there
is nothing more attractive to a midlife bachelor than a woman who has GOT to have him! It is justsex all the time … hot, sloppy, repeated sex ALL THE TIME. Nevermind why – it doesn‟t matter(at least not in the short-term). You have to take it for what it is – a blessing that God has bestowedupon you (I say it this way, and I‟m not a religious man). Women like this don‟t grow on trees – theyare not everywhere. In fact, I believe they are few and far between. Some people go a lifetimewithout dating one. But if you are one of the fortunate few to date one, you will smile when you thinkof her for the rest of your life! Now there are a few problems associated with nymphomaniac women
– but I‟ll come back to that after my examples.
In my own past, I believe that I‟ve only dated one nymphomaniac. To me, a nymphomaniac is awoman who wants to have sex more than twice a day … and in my example, we were having it four orfive times a day. I actually discussed this particular nymphomaniac girlfriend, Becky, in the “GreatSex Hides the Truth ” section of Fundamental Truth #3 – but I‟m going to elaborate here. As Imentioned, I had known Becky as a friend for many years … and I always thought she was hotstuff. She was very pretty, blonde, and had a nice curvy shape to her. She wasn‟t fat, but shewasn‟t skinny either – I think she probably weighed around 130. She was always super sweet to me
– very polite, personable … and I could tell that she was interested in me even though for as long as Ihad known her, each of us had a girlfriend or boyfriend at any given time. To make a long story short,Becky was breaking up with her long-term boyfriend – and she started hanging out with me duringlunchtime, strictly as friends. Over a period of months, however, there was this chemistry between usthat became so obvious that neither of us could ignore it. It started with one hardcore makeoutsession kiss – and it quickly progressed into the bedroom. After the first night of sex, she startedcoming over at all hours of the day or night. Sometimes on weekends, we would spend the entirelate morning and afternoon in bed … having sex time after time. I was in my very late thirties at thispoint in time, and honestly I hadn‟t had sex with a woman more than twice in one session since mylate teens or early twenties … I didn‟t even think it was possible for me to do it that many times – but Idid. Becky just craved me – and she was the perfect sex partner for me. I was so hyper-attracted toher that I could not help having sex with her. It was the most intense experience of my midlifebachelorhood.
Of course, that whole relationship with Becky came crashing down within several months. As Iexplained earlier in the “Great Sex Hides the Truth ” section of Fundamental Truth #3 - as I got moreentwined in Becky‟s life, I discovered things about her that I really didn‟t like and couldn‟thandle. Becky wasn‟t a bad person – although she did wind up cheating on me. Instead I think thatBecky was in a stage of her own life where she needed attention and gratification – and even though Iwas very sad to see her go, I‟m glad she did go.
Another midlife bachelor example of nymphomania is from my good Midwestern friend, Cornfed
Ed. Cornfed lives in Nebraska – and had been married for roughly twenty years, with twochildren. For various reasons, he and his wife split up – and Cornfed found himself age 40, and alonein the Midwest. Now Cornfed is a former US Marine, a pretty physically-fit guy overall. He has all his
hair, and he is not gray. He doesn‟t really look 42 today – although he was age 40 when all of thiswas happening. He met one of his new apartment neighbors – a younger woman named Tracy whowas 28 at the time. I don‟t know all of the details of their relationship because I live in SouthernCalifornia, and heard much of this second-hand from Cornfed Ed. But he would tell me that thiswoman was a former stripper with a large pair of hooters … and that she would just lo ve to have sexwith him repeatedly (four or five times a night). Tracy is apparently a very emotional woman – as Ed
has told me that she makes his life very difficult at times. He says that she is very moody, and yellsand screams and carries on quite a bit. It has been two years, and Ed is still with her – but he hasmoved out from living with her … as she was making his life, and that of his 10 -year old son, fairlyuncomfortable. But whether Ed lives under the same roof as her or not, he tells me that to this day,they still knock it out at least several times each day. Probably not EVERY day, but most days, Iimagine.
You (the midlife bachelor) are probably reading this, and thinking “Wow – I must find me one of thesenymphomaniac women”. Well you should probably experience something like this at least once inyour life BUT REMEMBER that there is a price to pay. What I mean here is that in my mind, anytimethere is extreme behavior involved – there is usually a downside that you might not see right away. Isaid much earlier that “Great Sex Hides the Truth ” … you should definitely remember that. Whenthings are new and very hot, you tend to overlook potential incompatibilities. Plus both of you aretypically on your best behavior at the beginning … so just try to stay grounded no matter what thecircumstances. In case you missed the lessons from both my and my friend, Cornfed Ed‟sexperiences with nymphomaniac women, here they are:
1. Nymphomaniac women may need attention from more than just one person.2. Nymphomania may be a symptom of a mood disorder.3. Be prepared to quickly cut your losses, and move on – but always smile when you think of the
nympho maniac woman because she was God‟s gift to your midlife bachelorhood!
Get what you can out of your relationship with a nymphomaniac woman – and be prepared to cut yourlosses in a hurry, and move on. [This is sometimes known as “guerrilla dating” … where you hit herhard, and then get out of there in a big hurry! I do not mean physically strike her – rather I mean
sleep with her quickly, and then vanish into thin air as if you were never there to begin with
How many of us know a woman whofrequently puts on some kind ofshow? I‟m talking about a woman whooften has some kind of drama aroundher - whether real or imagined, andalways has to be talking about it. Thistype of woman is a showgirl ...sometimes known as a "dramaqueen". She is often the center ofattention where ever she is. She wantseveryone (especially you) to noticeher. She wants you to hear herstory. She will make a scene if she ismad, and will be completelyunapologetic. She is also alwaysright. Sometimes these women dress inways that draw excessive attention tothemselves - like
wearing something a little too low-cut, or tight. These women are often very good-looking, and usedto getting their way – but they can be so annoying. SO ANNOYING!
What causes this showgirl type of woman to behave this way? Who knows – I‟m not a psychologis t orpsychiatrist. All I know is that they are easy to spot. Sometimes they are fun to watch. I actuallyenjoy a good showgirl – as long as she is not practicing her drama too often. If there is no showwhatsoever, then a woman might be considered boring. So there is some happy medium that eachman can tolerate – but you will find women of all variations out in the world.
In my life, I‟ve dated several showgirls. I wrote earlier about Nurse Debi – the very hot Latina nursewho probably drank more than her fair share. She was so much fun. Debi dressed a little hoochie – which means she sometimes wore very tight clothes that were a bit overkill considering she was inher mid-forties. But I liked the way she looked. I often wanted to bang her just because she dressedthat way. I remember one time we went to lunch, and she was dressed a little hoochie – and afterlunch I just couldn‟t resist propping her up on my dining room table, and having sex with her. Shewas not wearing any underwear so I just lifted up her skirt, and made it happen. That was so right-on
– wow.
Other than dressing a little hoochie, Debi definitely put on a show from time to time. As I mentioned,she enjoyed drinking maybe a little too much. Sometimes when she drank too much, she would getloud and obnoxious – and if I ever asked her to quiet down, then holy cow would there be hell topay … as she would yell and fuss and leave the venue after creating a big scene. Many times, shewould come to my house after work and then proceed to drink two full bottles of wine over about athree hour period. At least a dozen times, she would get annoyingly drunk – and I would tell her toplease slow down or calm down, and then she would run outside my front door … then from themiddle of my quiet street, she would yell at the top of her lungs “GREG IS AN ASSHOLE”, then jumpin her car and burn rubber down the street as she drove away. [The two cops that lived next door tome loved watching this – it seemed to happen around once each week, and they thought it waspriceless comedy.] Unfortunately, Debi did not last. On one such drama night when she ran outinto the street to yell out my status, instead of my usual attempt to coax her back – I just closed thedoor, and tur ned off the light … and that was the end of her. She never came back – which was sadfor me, but probably best for both of us. I do miss her a lot though – as I have very fond memories ofher and me together.
There are certainly many other types and extremes of showgirls already illustrated in thiswebsite. Regina the fireball Latina who was always going through my stuff looking for evidence ofcheating – she was a showgirl in the sense that she demanded my full attention. So is my buddy,Greg‟s wif e, Tiffany – she is a constant showgirl. I suppose “showgirl” is thus often not an exclusive
category – it is often coupled with other interesting attributes or qualities which can be good orbad. My advice – as a midlife bachelor, the best thing to do is to watch the show, and decide foryourself if it is worth it. If nothing else, the show makes for great stories to tell your friends, right?
religion. If today‟s world had more widespreadparticipation and belief in religion, then I‟m sure itwould be a better place than it is now. Religionis good – you can quote me on that, if youwish. And for the record, I am Catholic – RomanCatholic to be specific. I‟m just not really what iscalled a “practicing Catholic” … perhaps becauseI had too much practice growing up? That isanother story entirely.
I used to consider religious women to be apuzzle.By default, I respected them a lot more than an ordinary non-religious woman. I thought they wereperhaps a little bit better than me … and better than the av erage woman, too. The reason I thoughtthis way was that I had never really dated or been with a religious woman – so my predispositionswere based on perception and hearsay. In general, I thought that all religious women had extremelyhigh moral values, and were more likely to be understanding and level-headed than typicalwomen. And I‟m sure that some religious women do live up to those lofty expectations that I once
had.
In my life, independent of women, I have run into two distinct types of religious people – “real” and“somewhat”. The “real” religious people take religion to an extreme, and believe that if you do notconform or subscribe to their brand of Christianity, then most assuredly you are going to hell. Andthat is fine for them to believe this – I, myself, do not think that way. These “real” Christians are notwhere I am going to focus this section on. Let me just say that what I‟m calling a “real” Christianwoman needs is a “real” Christian man … and if you are not an extreme Chris tian, and you are tryingto date a “real” Christian woman, then good luck. You will either need to find Jesus, and commityourself totally to him – or you won‟t be able to date her. I would think that converting to born-againstatus just to date a particular woman represents fraud, in a sense – so I would advise against it.
No – in this section, the type of religious woman that I address is what I refer to as “somewhat”Christ ian. “Somewhat” in the sense that she goes through some or all of the motion s of being aChristian, but does not live out her life in a true puritanical fashion. Thank goodness for thesesomewhat Christian women … as this way, you get some good guiding influences of Christianitywithout the rigors or confines of modern Christian extremism.
So what about these somewhat religious women? Who are they, and how do you recognizethem? Actually it is pretty easy. They will do things like teach Sunday school, or adult Christianeducation classes. They will attend church regularly, and be active in their church, and possibly wantto take you to church with them. They may subscribe to certain faith-based codes – such as Mormonwomen who wear garments (which are essentially grandma underwear). They typically are morefamily-oriented than non- religious women … meaning that they like to spend time with their parentsand siblings and children and other relatives. They typically don‟t drink heavily or do drugs. All ofthis is fine – very healthy and wholesome … clean -living is a word that comes to mind. Noweverything I‟ve just described is really their lifestyle – notice that I didn‟t say anything about high moralvalues with respect to these “somewhat” Christian women … and that is because of ten the h ighmoral va lues associa ted wi th th is type of w oman are more of a goal than a real i ty.
These “somewhat” Christian women, as I call them, are basically just like every other woman – theymay just have a slightly harder shell. This means that sometimes (certainly not always) they requiremore effort in order to get them into bed, and into what a normal midlife bachelor considers a normalrelationship. The harder shell I mentioned is really just their own mental goal of having high moralvalues. Once that shell is broken through, then these women are usually a lot of fun – probably theopposite of what one initially expected. Or at least that is true with me. So what I‟m saying here is – don‟t be intimidated by someone who goes to church a lot, and appears to be active in herchurch. Unless she is preaching gospel to you (indicating she is what I referred to as a “real”
Christian), then she is just like every other woman out there … just waiting for you (the midlifebachelor) to be her next love!
I have dated several “somewhat” C hristian women before. All were divorcees. One was protestant(don‟t remember which denomination), and another was LDS (Mormon). The protestant woman,Linda, was freshly divorced when I met her. I actually went to high school with Linda, plus I saw herevery week at the gym. Linda was a just a little bit chunky – but it was all in the right places, andwhen I did see her in the gym, I always thought to myself that I‟d like to get a piece of heraction. Anyway, Linda and I hooked up for a date after she revealed to me that she had left her
husband months before, and was bored. I knew she was religious because she was always talkingabout her church, and teaching Sunday school – and how her little boy at the time enjoyed playingwith the other children at church, etc. Now I had two competing ideas in my head about Linda. FirstI thought to myself that she was as fresh a divorcee as there gets – and usually that means fun, fun,fun. My next thought was that she was religious, and might not let me into her pants at all until herdivorce was final. Before we really started dating, Linda came over one evening to say “hi”, and tohang out for an hour or so. Her son was really tired, so we let him knap on my bed in the masterbedroom while Linda and I watched TV in the living room. Now nothing had ever happened betweenme and Linda prior to this – but as we were watching TV, I thought to myself about the golden rule ofbachelorhood, ALWAYS GO FOR IT, and so I put my arm around her, and started kissing her. Icould tell that she was surprised by this, but also really turned on – so within ten minutes or so, I putmy hand underneath her skirt and started to rub her from outside her underwear. This woman justabout came after five minutes of this – she was so ready for everything … but her son was in the next
room, and so we stopped. However, I knew at this point that all of that religion was not going to holdLinda back – and sure enough, on our very next date it all happened just like I thought it would. Andas a general comment, Linda turned out to be one of the hornier women I dated – she always wantedto have sex. She had great big wonderful breasts, and a really perfect round ass … the type I lovedto get from behind, or from the front for that matter.
The LDS (Mormon) woman I dated was another lesson in religion for me. I met this woman at one ofthe local outdoor mall places – she was around twelve years younger than me, and just seemed reallyfriendly. As I befriended her, I noticed that she kept talking about how fat she had gotten after havinghad three children (she was also divorced). Well she was chunky, but she was not what I would callfat or obese … and I would tell her this, and I think it endeared her toward me. Kristy would alwaystalk about going to church, and what was going on there – what her kids and parents and Mormonfriends were doing, etc. It sounded like all of her life (except for me) was centered around the LDSfaith and institution. It seemed strange that she appeared interested in me – and I couldn‟t helpwonder if her real interest was in getting me to church and converting me. That turned out NOT to bethe case, as I found out the first night that I took her to dinner. The first thing she asked for when wesat down was a big margarita – strange because Mormons are not allowed to drink. Then she hadanother margarita.
During dinner I remember her looking at her watch, and telling me that she had to be home by 11:00p.m. because her parents we re watching her kids … and since it was already 8:00 p.m., we mightwant to go over to my house, and watch some TV between now and then. In case you have notfigured this out, when someone wants to go to your house or theirs and “watch some TV”, what tha treally means is they want some action! Wooohooo – the young Mormon woman was about to turnon to me! So we went to my house, and I‟ll always remember what happened next. She was alwaystalking about being Mormon, and she knew that I did not know an ything about the LDS faith … so sheasked me if I knew what “garments” were. No – I didn‟t. She explained that they are big underwearthat all LDS women are required to wear – so as to cover up their womanhood as much aspossible. I told her that I had never heard of such a thing, and to please show me. Off came herdress, and there is this 28-year old LDS woman standing there in front of me wearing what looked likea cross between thermal underwear and the type of underwear I would expect a grandmother towear. Wow – I told her I had never seen anything like that before, and now could she please take allof that underwear off … and she did. And the next thing I noticed was that she was shaved clean – Brazilian style. Holy smoke, was that a turn on – and you can guess what happened next. I onlydated this woman for a month, but she turned out to always want to come over and havesex. Definitely NOT what I was initially expecting.
You as a midlife bachelor need to decide for yourself if you w ant to date one of these “somewhat”
Christian or religious women. I personally don‟t think they are any different than women who are notreligious – although they may have some more pent-up sexual demand in them. I suppose what I‟msaying here is that even if you are not religious yourself, don‟t write off this segment of society as un -
datable – because you may be missing out on some good experiences. I‟m very glad I dated thosetwo religious women.
Hitting the "jackpot" basically means you won the lottery, or somethingsimilar. And that is exactly how I use this term with respect to agirlfriend. A " jackpot" g i r l f r iend pos sesses a ll of the qual i ties youcould ever hope for! And every man‟s “jackpot” is going to be
different. For exam-ple, a devoutly religious man‟s jackpot is probably a very good -looking virgin that goes to the samechurch as he does, and whose father is the minister. The term “jackpot” as it applies to women in myown vocabulary actually came from a period of dating in my mid-twenties. At the time, my friendsand I were still in the phase of doing whatever drugs we could get our hands on – even though mostof us had transitioned into professional careers. I had started dating this really cute woman namedKim who lived in my apartment complex. Turned out that Kim was a pharmacist – and when I toldthis to one of my stoner friends, he screamed out the word JACKPOT, and gave me a high five. [Wethought she was going to be able to give us great pills to party with – but exactly the opposite turnedout to be true.] I‟ve used the term “jackpot” ever since.
Since the days of my youth, the term “jackpot” has proved to be evolutionary. In my mid-twenties, apharmacist was a jackpot. In my later twenties, I considered women who were good looking, and whowere great sex partners to be jackpots. In my thirties and beyond, I‟ve always thought that hotLatinas were my jackpot. In my late thirties, I went through a phase where women with DD-sizebreasts were the jackpot – oh yes! [I have since decided that those DDs are more of a luxury itemthan a requirement for jackpot status.] I have always considered nice teeth to be a jackpotprerequisite. Just a few years ago, I thought that the blonde bombshell nymphomaniac Becky was
my jackpot (but she only proved to be a jackpot for a few months … waste not, want not!). So for me,the definition of jackpot really has evolved over time.
Now I never dated a really wealthy woman, but such a woman would automatically be considered a jackpot – probably for most any ordinary guy, right? Oprah would clearly be a jackpot … as wouldnews anchorwoman Katie Couric … or any of the current female movie stars. A woman CEO wouldalso be considered a jackpot – as would a trust fund heir, or a lottery winner. I suppose that I soundshallow and materialistic here, but please – who wouldn‟t want to date a very wealthy woman? I‟mnot saying to love someone under false pretenses … I‟m not sugges ting that one feign love in order tolead a life of luxury. Rather – I‟m saying that if you love a woman who happens to be rich, then youhave obviously hit the damn jackpot!
While a caterer centers her life aroundyou, and does many things to make youhappy – a stalker takes things to a wholenew level. You can find yourself datinga stalker, or (more likely) the stalker is awoman who you recently broke upwith. If are dating a stalker, it probablywon‟t last – or maybe shouldn‟t last toolong … because she will fast drive younuts. What is a stalker exactly? Theformal definition of a stalker is someonewho persistently observes a person outof obsession or derangement … and thisis definitely true. My def in i t ion of
“stalker” is a little more detailed – Iwou ld descr ibe a s talker as someonewho is cons tant ly concerned wi thwh ere you are, what you are doing,and what you are th inking. A woman stalker will always want to talk to you … so she will ca ll youoften. When you are not around, she may go through your belongings (to search for something – anything such as evidence of cheating). She may follow you without your knowledge, if she is boldenough. And this is all while you are dating her! It could get a lot worse once you get tired of her,and break up. Think about all the TV shows or movies you‟ve seen where women do crazy things …like follow you when you are out on a date, or watch your home from across the street, or drive-by abunch of times each day … yikes! All of this stalker behavior is really rooted in low self-esteem, anda desire to be needed or wanted by someone. There are different degrees that a woman can be astalker – mild cases are fairly common, but more troublesome cases can be extremely menacing, andmight indicate a need for intervention on the part of law enforcement, the court system (restrainingorder), and/or psychiatric care. As a midlife bachelor, you‟ve got to keep a look out for early signs ofstalker behavior – so that you can recognize the path the woman is on, and make your own personaldecisions accordingly.
I cannot say that I‟ve ever dated an extreme stalker – so I don‟t have a true horror story to relate. ButI do have some good examples. One woman I dated was from out-of-state – she was a customerservice representative for the company I was working for, and we got together at a conference. Sheseemed really nice – she had long flowing red hair, and appeared intelligent and fun when I first mether. During the first weekend that I brought her out here, however, she revealed a side of her thatwas difficult to digest … she kept telling me that I had been with too many other women before her,and that she thought I was “dirty” (say what???). I had sex with her anyway, and it was really awful – no fun. She cried, and I felt bad. So I basically told her at the end of the weekend that I really didn‟tthink we were compatible – then I put her on a plane, and I thought I would be all done with her. Noway – little did I know that despite all the drama she that she output, she really loved me deeply(huh?) … and she kept calling me and calling me. She would call me 15 or 20 times each day …leaving messages if I didn‟t pick up. It was driv ing me nuts, and having polite but firm talks didn‟t
seem to slow her down any. I eventually had to be mean, and told her to stop fucking callingme! That slowed her down quite a bit … and as I continued to ignore her, she finally “got themessage”, and stopped calling. Thank goodness she lived in another state, and not locally – as Iknow she would have been at my doorstep every single day. Yikes!
I‟ve dated a few other women who had stalker tendencies. One woman (that I had only been datingfor several weeks) used to call my home often from a FAX machine phone at work. As soon as Ianswered, she would hang up. And when I did the *69 trick (which calls the number that just calledyou), it would always be a FAX. Since I had caller ID, I could see the number of the FAX – so I calledthe receptionist of where this new girlfriend worked, and asked the receptionist for their FAXnumber … and it matched up with the number that was pestering me. That same day I promptlydumped the woman for phone stalking me. If you think that I overreacted, then think to yourself – ifthe woman was calling my home ten or so times each day before we even slept together, what mightshe be capable of after a physical relationship starts? I didn‟t want to hang aroun d and find out – noway!
A really good stalker story that you already read about concerned my friend, Gerard – this was underthe False Starts section. He wouldn‟t take “no” for an answer … went to her work … called her all thetime … peaked in her window at night … forced a confrontation. That was a true horror story for thewoman involved, and my friend to this day doesn‟t recognize that he was a major stalker! Things likethat (and worse) do happen out there – so you‟ve got to be careful! My best advice to all midlifebachelors (and bachelorettes, for that matter) is to watch out for any odd stalker-like behavior – andwhen you see it, deal immediately with it very firmly. In other words, make it painfully clear thatstalker-behavior is unacceptable. If they persist, then dump the person ASAP. If they continue thebehavior, ignore them at all costs … do not engage them any further. If things continue for more thana week or so, then get a restraining order, if possible. If their stalking is not severe enough for arestraining order, then just totally ignore them – and sooner or later, they will go away. Just don‟t leta stalker interfere with your ability to enjoy your life
Okay, Mr. Midlife Bachelor – you just finished fantasizing about dating anymphomaniac, and how wonderful and glorious that must be … even iffleeting. Now you can come crashing back to reality with an image that isall too often total reality … that of a jealous woman. Almost all women are
jealous to some extent - some more than others. Somewomen are so jealous that it overwhelmingly defines their personality, and their behavior towardyou. Women can be jealous of other women, or the potential of other women possibly wanting to bewith you. Or they can be jealous of EVERYTHING that takes your attention away from them. Theycan be jealous of your friends, your family, your job, and your hobbies. So jealousy is not just limitedto your interactions or potential interactions with other women – it can possibly encompass manythings.
Here is a great video I found of a PERFECT JEALOUS WOMAN. Check out how ridiculous this is ...
Dealing with jealousy is often painful. You may be a jealous person yourself and thus unwittinglyfoster, magnify, or amplify the situation. Jealously is always rooted in feelings of insecurity – so keepthat in mind. Sometimes women are jealous because of things that have happened to them in theirpast, or (more likely) in the recent past … such as having had their last boyfriend cheat on them. Thefact is - the more secure you can make a woman feel, the more likely you are to potentially minimize
her jealous feelings and actions. I say “potentially” because I have seen s ome crazy women whowere so jealous that it didn‟t matter what a guy did – they were always crazy-jealous. And wow – arethose the tough ones to deal with. Sometimes you have to make the call that it is not worthcontinuing.
Okay – now for some examples. The first comes from my own past, a woman named Regina who Iloved dearly, who I had the best and most glorious sex with, and who lived with me. [I also wroteabout Regina and some of her episodes in the crazy woman section entitled, “Crazy Woman Exa mple
– She is Always Upset with You ”, and also “Crazy Woman Example – She Hates YourFriends ”.] Regina was kind of a fireball Latina who I met at work during a sales conference. Sheworked in customer service, and I was one of the Southern California sales staff. To be honest, inthe five years or so prior to dating Regina, I had made my roun ds through her department … and hadearned the reputation of being a guerrilla dater (hit and run). When I met Regina, and we spentsome time together – I thought that she was the perfect woman for me in every way … she wasbeautiful, seemed to have a great attitude, wanted children, and had just come out of a bad marriagewhere her husband had cheated on her. Things were great – for a while … and then over time, asalways, a person‟s true inner persona gradually appears.
Regina believed that I was cheating on her left and right. The reality is that I never did cheat on herat all. Yes – I spoke to other women (oh nooooo – not that), but there was really no basis for her tothink I was out scamming on other women. I was even engaged to Regina, and that did not calm herdown. Now I did tend to perhaps drink a little more than I should have during that time period – andRegina was certainly no fan of me coming home drunk … but being drunk and cheating are twoentirely different things. The reality of that time period was that Regina was always on me … shewas constantly asking me where I had been, who I had met up with, where I was going, what timewould I be back. Granted – these questions might not seem entirely strange to someone reading thisright now … but at the time, I was constantly being hammered with this stuff. Even if I was going towork, I got the third degree – and it got old in a hurry. Now things got really political if Regina sawme actually talking to another woman – holy cow! I remember one time in particular, I was trying tobe extra nice to one of my friend‟s wife (in front of my friend, of course), and Regina thought that I waspaying way too much attention to her … and she made such a fuss that it was embarrassing. It wasalmost child-like.
After Regina moved in with me, I thought that things would calm down. Surely she would see that Iam not out cheating on her. In fact, I‟m normally kind of a home -body type … I like hanging aroundmy home, watching TV, doing yard work, washing my cars, doing home improvement projects, etc. Ihave to admit that before Regina moved in with me – knowing that she was extremely jealous, I wentthrough my entire home, garage, storage, everything … and got rid of absolutely ANYTHING fr om anyprevious girlfriends or women. I did this JUST IN CASE Regina might stumble upon something, andhave a fit. Well guess what – while I was at work each day, sure enough Regina was going throughliterally EVERYTHING … looking for even the slightes t evidence of me cheating. Well you knowwhat is coming, right? Yes – she found something. Not a love letter, not a photo nor a gift oranything like that. No – she looked in the one place that it honestly never occurred to me tosanitize … my email ! Now today, one would think that email is so common that this would be the first
place to clean out. This however was back in 1998, and although email was used, to me it was not amainstay in terms of communication (like it is today). What I‟m saying here is that there wasn‟t muchif anything for me to clean out in my email. But if someone is looking, really looking, for something – they ARE going to find it … and what she found was one email thread between me and a Persiangirlfriend that I had parted ways with prior to meeting Regina. I read the email after Regina pointed itout to me, and it was fairly incriminating … but it all was before I met Regina. So my response at thetime was,
“Look – I‟m sorry you read this … but it was before I knew you, and you really had no businesswhatsoever going through my private email.”
All of this actually pissed me off enormously because I realized how hard she must have been lookingto find that one email out of many hundreds … plus it also tipped me off that she had probably gonethrough everything else in my house, too. As all of this registered in my head, I got angry – Iremember adding to my previous statement something to the effect of,
“SOMEONE has a little too much time on their hands. If you spent as muchtime and energy looking for a fucking job as you have going through my stuff,then you‟d be employed right now and we wouldn‟t be having this conversation.”
Well you know what is coming next. She moved out – and my heart was broken. I felt bothresponsible for it happening, and also not responsible. I mean – I blew my top when I found out shewas going through all of my stuff and my email … but I also knew that she definitely had a realproblem with jealousy for her to go to those extreme lengths. I loved her so much though. I neverreally got over her.
Another great example of jealousy has to do with my good buddy, Greg, and his wife, Tiffany. Tiffanyhas appeared throughout this site in various examples. She is the very attractive blonde who isextremely insecure about her looks … and who is so jealous of anything or anyone that takes theattention of my buddy, Greg, away from her – that she forces that person or thing out of my friend‟slife by making it such a major issue. I have previously described Tiffany as a crazy woman whohates Greg‟s friends, and also as a woman who is never happy. She actually shares these traits withmy former love, Regina – but Tiffany takes it way past anything or anyone else I‟ve ever seen. Gregand I were the best of friends before he met Tiffany. We were such good friends that we used torefer to ourselves as “The Gregs”. Each of the Gregs could always tell what the other would say in agiven situation – we thought about stuff exactly the same. The Gregs were a couple of happy friendswho hung around a lot, and had a lot of fun playing pool, barbequing, going jet skiing, going to dinner,etc. We were best buddies. And then Tiffany showed up, and started dating my buddy, Greg. Aftera year or so (when people typically start letting their true colors show), Tiffany began getting more andmore critical of me. She didn‟t really enjoy my sense of humor, and used it against me by tellingGreg that she didn‟t like my jokes or my sarcasm … and that she didn‟t want me around them. Andthat was fine. Actually, as it turned out – I was just the first to go. Greg‟s father was next – asTiffany decided that Greg enjoyed being around his Dad just a little too much, so she got Greg to thinkthat his father took advantage of him financially, and that his father drank too much, etc. So Greg‟sfather was banned – at least for a while. To make a long story short, it became very obvious over asix-month period or so that anything that took Greg‟s attention away from Tiffany was going to causea problem. Getting Greg to recognize this was somewhat of a chore. He married Tiffany, andbecause he is a Christian believed that nothing should interfere with a man‟s relationship with hiswife. For a time, Greg even told me that he and I could not be friends – and man did that ever pissme off. Over time, Greg realized that what he really had on his hands was a crazy wife – and that heneeded his friends and his family in his life to help him cope with her craziness. There is no happyend to this particular story – Greg is still married to Tiffany, and she continues to make his life difficult.
Just about all of us have had a crazy jealous girlfriend of some sort in our past. The extremeexamples of Regina and Tiffany are good lessons – just in case you have not had a REALLY jealousgirlfriend before. They are out there – and they are evil, even though they don‟t realize it. These twowomen are really good-looking – so the insecurity behind their jealousy is unrelated to anythingphysical, rather it is all mental on their part. When faced with a jealous girlfriend, you the midlifebachelor have got to make a conscious decision as to whether the woman is worth the mental painand anguish she is causing you. If the sex is great, then that may mask your ability to think clearly …
but sooner or later you will see the light, and know whether you did the right thing by staying with thewoman. Don‟t try to cure jealousy – that is what mental health professionals (and years of therapy)are for. As a midlife bachelor, you don‟t have that kind of time on your hands – you‟ve got otherplaces to go, other women to meet!
You probably know this – but just about ALL women really want to be “theboss”. Some want to be the boss inbed, others want to be the boss with thechildren, or maybe just in certainsituations - others want to be the boss atall times! The challenge that we menface is to let them THINK they are theboss, when in fact we know that we menare really the boss, right? Isn‟t that the
key to a successful relationship? I‟llcome back tothat question. For now - what does “the boss” really mean here in the context that I‟m using it? Itrefers to a wo man wh o needs to th ink tha t she i s the one in contro l of the re la t ionship .
The modern woman comes in all types of personality configurations, and levels of bossiness. Firstrecognize that there is a huge difference between a woman who THINKS she is the boss versus awoman who IS actually the boss. How do you know the difference? If you find yourself following herinstructions at all times, then she is the boss. If instead you accomplish your own personal goals andobjectives while appearing to comply with her wishes – then your woman only thinks she is theboss. I suppose some of us men need a woman to order us around, and give us purpose – NOT. Yuck – that last sentence left a bad taste in my mouth. I guess what I‟m trying to say is –
never let a woman be your boss … as it is pathetic and demeaning and counter -cultural. If womenwere supposed to be the boss, then we would be taking on their last name when we marry them. Ifwomen were supposed to be the boss, then we would have had female Presidents of the UnitedStates by now. I could go on – but you get the idea. Women should not be your boss in arelationship – it is just too much power to give them.
Now – everything I have been saying refers to women as the boss of the relationship – which isbad. However, occasionally putting women in charge of certain things can be entertaining … such asmaking them the occasional boss in bed. Now I have to admit that I have not had too many bossywomen in my life (probably because I am pretty bossy myself) – but there have been several. I oncebriefly dated a Persian woman named Mehrnaz who was so intensely beautiful and charming. I usedto like to make her the boss for our sexual activities – mostly because she was so horny, and alwaysinsisted on having sex. Her being the boss of our sexuality worked out well – many times, all I had to
do was pick her up … and within an hour or so, she was unzipping my pants in the car, and wouldinsist that I park somewhere and make love to her. We did this literally all the time. It was
crazy. And if I were the boss, I probably never would have even thought of doing that. Actually, Ithink I‟ve only done that a handful of times with other women since.
Okay – so the beautiful Persian woman as the boss of our sexual activities worked out well …because she was the boss of one specific part of the relationship. I mentioned that I have not reallydated any women who had a bossy personality type – mostly because I, myself, am consideredbossy. Actu ally, I have had a fair number of women tell me that I am “domineering, controlling, andmanipulative”. Some have used those exact words, while others expressed these same ideas lessconcisely – but that pretty much says it. I am the boss! I once TRIED to date a bossy woman – avery hot Mexican girl who was a college student at the local university. I met Karen because sheworked at the local dry cleaners, and she told one of the other girls who worked there that she wantedto go out with me … the o ther girl told me that Karen liked me, and so I asked Karen to dinner. Wow
– was Karen a handful. At the end of our dinner, she told me that she wanted to go back to mycondo and watch TV. [Remember – if a woman says she wants to go to your house and watch TV,then something good is about to happen to you.] So I took Karen back to my condo, and she askedme to show her around. We hadn‟t been at my condo for more than five minutes, when she justgrabbed me and started making out with me. It was crazy – she was all over me … but she would notremove her top or pants. Not yet anyway. She actually left fairly suddenly, and the whole episodewas over as quickly as it began. Now a few more days passed, and I think I was just finishing upsome yard work, when the phone rang – and it was Karen … who told me that she was comingover. Now since I like to be presentable, and clearly would not be for at least an hour – I told her toinstead come over after an hour. Her response was that she would find something else to do – andwould catch up with me later. Huh? That was really strange. In the interest of keeping this storyshort, I‟ll say that I discovered over the next week or so that anytime I had an idea that was differentthan Karen‟s – that it would piss her off. If she was not in control of everything, then nothinghappened. Guess what wound up happening between me and Karen? You guessed it – nothing. In hindsight, I‟m thinking now that maybe I should have played her game long enough to getinto those luscious panties of hers … and just cut her loose after a month or so. But no.
We have learned here how having a woman as THE BOSS can work either for or against you. Keepwhat I‟ve explained here in mind the next time you think a wom an is getting a little bossy withyou. You have to decide for yourself if it is worth it, if you can control it, or if you need to direct thatbossiness into a particular component of the relationship. Bottom line – if a bossy woman makes youfeel subjugated, then it is probably time to move on.
