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I am always stammering!

November 2011

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Booklet “I am always stammering!”

<Contents>

- Introduction

- Reports from FUKUSHIMA

PRAY+LIFE ~FUKUSHIMA VOICE~

- Sea of the Singing Sand

- The Loss

- Report from IWATE

volunteerAKITA

- the BIG CLEAN – Kamaishi field report

- Report from MIYAGI

My mission in Miyagi

Many thanks to our sponsors:

Aki Warasawa, Asti Goenawan, Atsuko Matsumoto, Emika Takahashi, Erick Laurentius, Hideharu

Abe, Hiromi Yamamoto, Hiroshi Nishi&Keiko Nishi, , Ken-ichiro Kawata, Kumiko Masaki, Kyoko

Soda, Mami Arai, Maya Kimura, Mayumi Oyama, Miho Yoshizaki, Nelly Daniel, Oyama family,

Rumah Kita Bunko, Shizuka Hayashi, Taiji Matsuno, Takako Yamada, Yuka Hamana, Yuki Tsujimoto

and friends. (Honorities omitted.)

PT. SEIKOU SEAT COVER Japan Indonesia Network (JIN)

- You can download the Booklet or get a copy at the shops*. (If you need it by mail, please let us

know your name, address, phone number and the quantity you need via email.)

- If you would like to contribute in our activities, we welcome financial support with the amount of

Individual: Rp50.000, Corporation: Rp200.000 valid in multiples*.

*Please visit our page on Facebook for more details.

http://www.facebook.com/groups/iamalwaysstammering

Contact: Kumiko Homma (Mobile: +62-81220369918, Email: kumikohomma@gmail.com)

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What is Booklet “I am always stammering!”?

―I am always stammering!‖ was initially the title of a discussion. I planned

the event as the place where people can discuss freely about any topic.

Then, on 11 March 2011, Japan was hit by the devastating disasters

caused by Earthquake and Tsunami. The nuclear accidents also occurred

in Fukushima. So the first ―I am always stammering!‖ discussion held two

weeks after the disaster was combined with charity event. The donations

made by a lot of warmhearted friends in Indonesia have been sent to the

relief project by Shigeru Ban Architects.

As time passed, the support activities have declined; however, the people

in affected areas are still living in fear. Nevertheless it is not easy for

Japanese residents overseas to go there. What can we do? Support

activity can be provided overseas as well as on site. At least we can send

out information in English and share them with friends around the world.

Indonesia also had experiences with Earthquakes and Tsunami. Disaster

can happen at any time anywhere. That‘s why we want to share

information, experiences and knowledge. We believe that ―Not to forget‖

is one of preparedness for disaster.

Then we decided to issue bimonthly Booklet ―I am always stammering!‖ in

English. We hope our small voices can reach you.

Thank you.

Kumiko Homma (editor)

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About “PRAY+LIFE”

On March 11, Fuskushima was hit by a devastating Earthquake, Tsunami and Nuclear accident.

The daily lives of people changed in an instant. The fact confronted us with something day

after day.

I could not accept the shock of the disaster because it was too big. In such a si tuation, I got

the idea to record the experiences and feelings lost with time as people‘s voices. If we can see

their faces through their voices, we‘ll find that we are the same. Then something will be

changed even a little. So I started to interview the people living in Fukushima and recorded

one story per person.

After the interviews, I knew that each of them lived with different thoughts, circumstances,

surroundings, information sources, families and friends. Life is constructed with a lot of

complicated things. It is impossible to judge which theory is correct, and which is not. There

are just the living itself.

I know what I can hear from the interviews and what I can tell you are only a part of them.

They are very little. Someone could be hurt. Someone wants to forget. It still makes me

hesitate. However, I decided to put their voices out because people I interviewed were very

appealing even in such difficulties. I felt their very existences have the power to produce the

future.

There are many problems remaining. I think it could happen not only in Fukushima but also

anywhere anytime.

I sincerely appreciate those who told me the stories and hope their voices to be a pray for the

future.

(Translated by Kumiko Homma)

Copyright of PRAY+LIFE

Each person has his own face.

Each person lives his own life within their jobs, circumstances, families and friends.

Even if each voice is small, any voice can be a segment for our future.

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Sea of the Singing Sand

White beach with the singing sand. Beautiful ocean. Wonderful nature.

Mr. Yoshida, a professional body-boarder was strongly attracted by the sea of Toyoma when

he visited Iwaki from Tokyo on business, then decided to settle down there. He bought his new

house just near the beach and went there every day with his body board.

―Just like heaven. The time for floating on the water or staying in the water is so nice. I just

need a good wave and the beautiful sea. Other things are not so important for me.‖

―Rocking Body-boarder‖—collaboration of music, wave riding and art. This is how he

expresses his own life style. Rock is music as well as wave-riding and art. This is the main

theme in his whole life. He, as an event producer of body-boarding, has carried out the

championship of body boarding named ―Emotion Cup‖ ten times in Fukushima. However, it is

hard to hold such events in Fukushima now.

―Show my life as what I am. This is the only thing that I can do by myself.‖

In the morning of March 11, Mr. Yoshida went to the beach as usual. The sea was incredibly

clear. The white sand was shining and the blue water spread far away. It was heavenly

beautiful just like the sea of south islands. The beauty of the sea that day deeply touched his

heart so that he took some photos.

The sea was quite gentle. ―I don‘t think I can get a good wave today.‖ Waiting until noon, he

gave up on riding waves and got out of the water.

He left the beach and drove into the city. Then, the big shake occurred. He hurried to his home,

thinking of his dog and cat there. The shortest way was closed. He tried another way to

Toyoma but the road near his house was already covered by rubble.

He parked his car and climbed up to the mountain of rubble on foot. It was getting dark. He

stepped on the rubble very carefully to get home. His house survived the Tsunami though the

wave almost reached up to its entrance hall. So he went back to his car with his dog and cat.

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In the next morning, the disaster like hell showed up in front of him. ―I might be in a bad

dream.‖ He knew it was real but his mind couldn‘t accept the fact so soon. Nobody was there.

Everything changed at a sudden as it got into the film.

Mr. Yoshida started to inform the people about the damaged areas and people‘s safety by

Twitter. He took photos of safety lists. If he met other people, he asked them about the

damage of their areas. When he was asked to check certain places, he went there and

reported what he found. He was the only one who took such actions at the seaside. He kept

walking around the rubble alone until it got dark.

―I‘ve been in despair. The view of damaged areas, smells, and thousands of lost lives. The

media couldn‘t give us enough information.‖ He just kept moving so as not to lose himself.

―Many people needed help, so I helped them as much as I could. I didn‘t think of myself but

just did what I had to do for somebody.‖

As he devoted himself in some volunteering work such as supplying food and removing rubble,

time went so quickly. However, even after 2 months have passed, he never felt like getting into

the water again though his friends asked him to ride waves in another province. The sea water

was totally polluted. The sea of Toyoma got too dirty to get in. The beautiful white beach

became muddy and it shrank into the sea by earthquake.

As he got back to his daily life after several months, he thought on impulse, ―I want to get into

the water. If not, I must be sick.‖

The date was June (the 6th month of the year) 9. ―6-9‖ can be read as ―rock‖ in Japanese. Mr.

Yoshida, a rock-lover man couldn‘t stand it any more. He prayed to the sea, thanked for the

chance to get into the water again, thought of the people who died there by Tsunami, and

finally sank his body into the water.

―The sea is just great. It tells us that we have to carry the problems of radioactivity and nuclear

plant throughout our lives. Our sea also tells us how we should carry those problems in order

not to be crushed by their weight.‖

Not only Mr. Yoshida but also some of other surf-riders and body-boarders came back to the

sea on their own responsibilities.

―We don‘t really talk about the risk of radioactivity among wave riders. Everyone might be

afraid.‖ Mr. Yoshida said, ―I personally don‘t worry so much since I don‘t have any child. But I

haven‘t seen either young girls or boys who get into the sea here. Cesium was detected in

Nakoso coast but not in Kita-Ibaraki. The distance would be a matter. The research should be

done at every single beach.

What I fear is to get used to everything.

To the sea, to the land (which is already polluted).

We can easily get used to unusual things as time goes by.

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Here, we have nothing to worry. We can even have a cup of coffee as we did before, but the

place just near here is shut off because of radioactivity. It is quite shocking and unusual, truly

like an atomic war. This kind of thought really makes me cry. It makes me wonder what I‘m

doing here.

We never understand or feel the pain unless we experience it. This disaster and nuclear issue

hit me with a huge shock, lost and despair. My way of thinking and living has totally changed.

Fukushima, a sort of conservative province has been used politically. We thought we were

living in the wonderful nature, but in fact, we were just deceived into such belief without

knowing the reality. Now we see it. I feel angry about the situation that this country might take

the same direction as before even after this disaster.

Why doesn‘t anyone speak out against the nuclear power? I haven‘t joined any anti-nuclear

movement before. But I think we should change our minds by this experience just as we can

change ourselves by wonderful music or fantastic waves.

It should be like this…We want it that way…Everyone desires but the reality never catches up.

People try to recover the place damaged by Tsunami but I can‘t go in without considering the

nuclear issue. We have to live here in this polluted land. Fukushima is already recognized as a

sort of unusual place, isn‘t it? What is done cannot be undone. The important thing is how we

face and deal with it.

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I, as a professional body-boarder, will keep saying ―no‖ to any of the wrong things. Riding

waves used to be simply fun, but not anymore. Tsunami might come. We might be exposed to

radiation in the water. But I still ride waves. Sadness couldn‘t be varnished, yet the culture of

wave riding surely survives. Then there‘s something that I need to do. I will be a transmitter of

the new culture of beach life.

I almost lose any hope but I‘ll never give up. I believe in a small light in despair at any time.

The change of the wave was already seen in the winter of 2010 according to Mr. Yoshida. The

wind blew from the west throughout the season and cold waves from the north didn‘t come.

The sea was like in the spring even during the winter. When the earthquake and Tsunami

occurred, he just felt that it was supposed to happen as one of the global changes in our

environment.

The white sand on the beach never sings again. It was only one of the three places in Japan,

which had beautiful sounds of pure sands.

―The beach and the sea in Toyoma would not be returned during our life-time.

In the long history of the earth and the universe, even the earthquake and Tsunami this time

must be a quite short moment. The sea tells me that. The sea tells us how small we are. I f we

realize that, we can be much nicer to everything. We can accept anything as long as it is

brought by the nature.

However, a man-made disaster must be stopped by us.

Just stop all the nuclear plants. That‘s it. It doesn‘t matter which political party is in power. I

don‘t care even if the tax and the electricity bill rise. Well, if we pay 1000 more yen, can we

stop nuclear plants? Really? Then I‘ll pay 2000 more. We cannot take back our lives in the

past. Things will be even worse if we do nothing. We used to live here without knowing the

risks, but now all of us know. This is not the issue only in Fukushima. Any province in Japan

holds the same risk in the electric power generation. The same thing could possibly happen

anywhere in Japan.‖

(Translated by Shizuka Hayashi)

The Loss

Home land has been lost, but still existed.

Dad and Mom are employed by TEPCO.

Feels like in the middle of endless Moebius.

A week after the 3.11 is, as dim memories.

Try to recall, feel nauseous.

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―Do not talk about it lightly. Do not swallow every story. Please gain a proper knowledge, think

by yourself and talk.‖

Whenever I hear the word ―Earthquake‖ ―Nuke‖ ―Exposure‖ or ―Tsunami‖ in the conversation,

chills run down...and I slip away. Take a train alone and look outside dazedly. Childhood

memories are coming back, very hard to hold back my tears. Scene of crumbling and

collapsing flashes in. Torturous…as my heart is grabbed in real.

―Please remain as you are.‖

He grew up in place 15km from the nuke-plants. He knew what the nuke-plants were, partially.

Observation-tour and learning about the nuke-plants became a part of the curriculum in his

elementary school. He had a feeling of security arising from his parents and friends who work

for the nuke-plants, at the same time, had an awareness of danger that he would be the first to

be killed if something happen, but never imagine that it will come true.

―Far beyond my imagination. I never imagined that this would happen. Anguish. Can‘t stop

conceiving about our collapsing home...when we return to our home after 20 years or 30 years,

it‘s no longer as we can live. Everything is crumbling and will be gone. The affected area by

Tsunami will collapse without any recovery. Others talk about returning to normal, but, you

know, we will never be. We are now under the afflicted situation. Not finished yet.

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If I appeal for compensation, it will come from the company where my parents work for. What

shall I do?

I can‘t bear to find housing and a new job under this circumstance. People get the partial

refund money from TEPCO and public administration. People get temporary unemployment

insurance if they lose the jobs. If you have kids, it may run out in less than a year. House rent

is charged, so I need a job. My parents still work at the Second Reactor. They pass the side of

our home everyday. They said ―If radiation affected us after decades, we‘d like to stay at our

home rather than to pass it everyday. We are old enough.‖

Awareness has changed. Neither knowledge of nuke-plants nor understanding of risk were

enough. Actually, we should monitor the nuke-plants as citizens who live near by. We should

speak out and appeal regularly, ―Is this truly correct?‖ Although, I understand the situation that

local society can not exist without the nuke-plants, so I don‘t stand for anti-nuke nor advocates.

Despite the small population, we don‘t need to synoecize other villages because of financial

resources from the nuke-plants. We got J-Village (National Football Training Center) too.

Senior care was also fulfilling. The roads had been established considering small population.

Elementary school was renovated with good facilities. Yes, there were the benefits.

However, there is a lurking danger, and for whom we take risks! You shall keep your nuke-

plants at your place.

Rather, I‘d like to say, ―Thank you‖. Don‘t blame TEPCO for your own lack of understanding.

I‘d like to question those blaming the increase of electricity bill, ―Have you ever been against

nuke-plants? You voted for advocate party, didn‘t you??‖ What a shallow people...be tamed

and no own judgment. The thoughts are only superficial with borrowed knowledge. Maybe,

because of flood of information. I was also one of this kind.

In fact, we should decide on our path with observing policies by ourselves, not just the people

who live in Fukushima but also who live in Kanto-area. They should know the fact of the nuke-

plants. I became insensitive to know what kind of energy moves my belongings.

Although, I do think that anyone must not fall into the situation like us. It‘s enough. It‘s far from

a risk. Too much to lose.

But...I don‘t want to appeal ―anti-nuke‖ easily. We need to think about the local society

depending on the nuke-plants economically. We should set up the alternatives and absorb

them to the local economy. We also need to develop sense of perspective for judging the

validity and unnecessity of energy supply. Searching the energy for the local needs is one of

the ways. Maybe it is the time to build a self-reliant way, including energy supply. Tokyo also

needs to do so.

So, I‘m going to be active.

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This occurred at the right moment in my life inevitably. I‘d like to prepare to take action more

speedily and more powerfully with my knowledge and experience.

When I return to my home land, if it will still be remained as it was, that is the greatest

happiness. Then, to make it more attractive with our people is wonderful, isn‘t it?‖

(Translated by Kyoko Soda)

Thanks to PRAY+LIFE.

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the BIG CLEAN—Kamaishi field report

Kathy Cillis

September 23, 2011 – Our crew was off to an early start on Friday September 23rd. Nikki (our

dedicated driver), Ben, Ali and I set off just after 5am in the morning. Our destination:

Kamaishi, Iwate-Ken. What a beautiful drive! We enjoyed the sweeping, majestic mountains

and lovely rural landscapes the whole way there.

The small city of Kamaishi is located on the Sanriku rias coast of Iwate. Much of this area was

devastated by the tsunami on March 11th. We were early for our registration and orientation at

the Kamaishi City Volunteer Centre. Our crew decided to do a little exploring in the area. It

didn‘t take long before we came across buildings that had been toppled by the tsunami. The

remaining buildings had suffered from severe damage to the first storey. We can only imagine

that these buildings will all have to be completely torn down and rebuilt.

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The most shocking site for us was a massive cargo ship called Asia Symphony that was

beached on the Kamaishi pier. The 175, 000 tonne ship left us breathless and in awe of the

power of the tsunami. We were reminded of just how lucky we had been in our areas of Akita-

Ken where some food shortages and fuel shortages were our main concerns after the great

earthquake and tsunami. It was humbling to see the amount of damage and loss suffered in

Kamaishi.

A few days before our journey to Iwate, we had signed up over the phone to volunteer. At the

moment, the nature of the volunteer positions available are changing and slowing down but by

no means stopping. There is so much to do! We were picked up at the volunteer centre by a

man called Ebihara-san. He works for a volunteer association called Let‘s Walk Together!

which will stay open for two years to help with various tasks related to clean-up and relief.

Several Christian denominations are working in cooperation to run this organization. That day

we worked alongside Deacon Yoshino from Chiba and Miyuka-san from Hokkaido.

We were put to work cleaning photographs that had been salvaged from the wreckage. The

photographs were cleaned using wet wipes, cotton ear buds, water and tissue. Some of the

photographs had been so drenched by seawater that much of the picture just wiped away. We

were told to concentrate on preserving the faces. The faces in the photographs would be

important to the owner of the photograph or possibly family members. After the photographs

were repaired, they were dried and then put in photo albums. Amazingly, though many of the

photographs had been badly damaged, they were made beautiful again as a collection of

memories. We were told that the albums would be displayed and members of the community

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would search through them to find their missing treasures. During the day we cleaned many

photos that included the same cute and fun-loving woman. Through her rescued album, we

were privy to her adventures and friendships over the years. We nicknamed her Keiko-san.

Miyuka-san and I had a touching conversation in mixed Japanese and English. I explained that

I hoped that Keiko-san would find her charming photos again someday. Miyuka-san agreed but

explained that Keiko-san could be ‗sleeping‘. It‘s a heartbreaking possibility, and so, we hoped

that the photos would end up with someone who cares/cared about Keiko. For someone they

will be memories well worth the rescue.

Cleaning photos is not a very physically demanding task but we felt that it was an amazing

experience and an important task in a very personal way. That day we got to play a part in

saving something very special for people who have lost so much. We were moved by the

long-term efforts of the volunteers in Kamaishi, some of who were long ways from home. Our

crew was inspired to work in the community again. Maybe next time we will spend a couple of

days in Kamaishi. Not only will we most certainly have another rewarding volunteering

experience but we‘ll also get a chance to check out the exquisite Dai Kannon statue holding a

fish and looking out over Kamaishi Bay. She is an incarnation of Bosatsu and symbolizes

maritime safety and good fishing. Hopefully she also stands as a symbol of hope for a

community that is in the midst of rebuilding.

Thanks to volunteerAKITA.

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My mission in Miyagi

Saho zehra KANAYAMA

I am a Japanese Moslem woman, a welfare service worker for PWD (people with disabilities)

in Yamanashi, Japan. After the Earthquake and Tsunami that occurred in March 2011, the

workers from all over Yamanashi, including myself, were sent to the day-care centers in

affected areas by one week rotation. The activity has ended at the end of September. To

remember what I experienced, I have decided to write something about it.

The aim of our activities was to resolve the shortage of manpower caused by the disaster and

to reduce the huge workload of the local workers who were also the victims. Workers from

Yamanashi had stayed there and worked as staffs for a week. First they said female workers

were not enough, after that, male workers were also needed.

I went to Miyagi as one of the team of 4, three males and one female in August 21-27. My

original working place is mainly for the people with visual disability, and it is accommodation

type. In Miyagi, our mission was at the Day-Service. There were some differences in the

people and schedule. But it was just slight and all right for me.

In August, the buildings in that area looked normal to some extent. However, a second look

confirms that Tsunami came there obviously. Here and there we saw the temporary houses,

damaged structures and unnatural pool of water just like pond or river. We have a new

temporary facility for Day-Service. However, I couldn‘t say it was the best of course for the

facility and also for the workers. They sometimes told me the memories of their former

workplace damaged by the Earthquake and Tsunami. I was so sorry.

We usually felt the aftershock at night. Of course, aftershocks were active at daytime too but

we didn‘t feel much because we were working. On the local radio or TV, there was a lot of

news about the disaster in details and the difficulty of life after the earthquake. It was

completely different from what we knew in Yamanashi.

Only sometimes the team members asked me about Islam. We mostly talk about our job and

people with disabilities both in Miyagi and in Yamanashi. It was such a nice and meaningful

time. We were sent from every corner of Yamanashi for the task, so we met each other for the

first time. Then, we could work and talk together.

I was born and grew up in Osaka, Japan. I underwent the devastated earthquake of Kobe and

Osaka on January 17, 1995. The March 11, 14:46 was the second one for me. I didn‘t get any

physical damages, but I was really shocked. The shock deeply remained in me for a month or

so. Yet, I am a Moslem. We, Moslems know that Allah knows all. So I brace myself and keep

doing what I have to do as a Moslem now and in the future. I wish so.

Thanks to Saho.

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Editor’s note

Today is the day of the eighth month after 3.11. Can we call it ‗Post-disaster‘? The life looks

like normal. This is the problem. People living overseas (including Japanese) no longer pay

attention to what is happening now. I hear a lot of bad news about radioactive materials that

were found here and there everyday. So, in my feeling, it is getting worse. That‘s why I chose

the contents of the Booklet more carefully. Yes, the messages are quite strong.

―Sea of the Singing Sand‖ and ―The Loss‖ tell us how big Fukushima Dai -ichi nuclear accident

is. What did the people in Fukushima lose? Houses? Belongings? Family? Friends?

Hometown? Memories? Smile? Then, when will they get it again? Nothing is finished and no

one knows when it will be finished. How should we think about such situation caused by

nuclear power plants?

Kathy Cillis reported ―the BIG CLEAN‖. We realize that voluntary work was not only for

physical recovery. Cleaning photographs will bring back the special memories to the people.

Saho, a Japanese Moslem woman, reported ―My mission in Miyagi‖. She told us about how

unusual situation has made the life of people with disabilities difficult. Probably it‘s same for

elderly people and children too. All of the people lived in difficulty and many people still do.

From anywhere, by anyone, with any religion, we can make solidarity.

Kumiko Homma

“I am always stammering! November 2011” issued on 12 Nov. 2011

Editor: Kumiko Homma

Designer: Emika Takahashi

Collaborators (honorities omitted):

Shizuka Hayashi, Kyoko Soda, Kathy Cillis, Saho zehra Kanayama,

Peony Maeda and Grace Marcellina Pasaribu.

Special thanks to PRAY+LIFE and volunteerAKITA

("Sea of the Singing Sand" and "The Loss" are copyrighted by PRAY+LIFE.

―the BIG CLEAN‖ is copyrighted by volunteerAKITA.)

Copyright: ―I am always stammering!‖ All rights reserved.

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I am always stammering! Nov.2011