IN MY FATHER’S HOUSEARE MANY CLOSETSMarvin Rytting

everal years ago, I heardTruman Madsen tell abouta Protestant minister whohad remarked, "You Mor-mons have a wonderfulway of life, but your the-ology is an abomination."

~ My immediate reactionwas that he had it backwards--ourtheology is inspiring; the abomi-nable part is the lifestyle.

For the half of my life that Ihave been struggling with beingMormon, I have compared noteswith many "closet doubters." Inthe process, I have become awarethat we differ both in what wefind troubling as well as in whatwe find satisfying about beingMormon. I understand my ownpattern of religious affirmationand disaffection best by explainingit as a function of my personality,but have come to realize that noteveryone who doubts or strugglesshares my personality characteris-tics. We each have our own pat-tern of believing and doubting.Some have problems with thetheology; others with the lifestyle..

In my last column, "Gifts Differ-ing," I presented a Jungian typol-ogy of personality which combinesfour dimensions. The extraversion-introversion continuum reflects theextent to which a person is inter-ested mainly in the external worldof action, people, and things or theinternal world of concepts andideas. The sensing-intuition dimen-sion defines the preference forperceiving the immediate, real,practical facts of experience asopposed to looking for possibili-ties, relationships, and meaningsin experience. The inclination tomake decisions by objectively andimpersonally considering causesand effects rather than by subjec-tively weighing values and theirpersonal consequences is the basisfor the thinking-feeling scale. Andthe judgment-perception dichotomycompares the preference for livingin a planned, orderly, and control-ling way against living in a spon-taneous, flexible, and adaptingway.

Everybody uses both poles ofeach of these continua, and to

have a well-balanced life weshould attempt to develop bothsides. But most people have a clearpreference for one pole or theother on at least one of thesedimensions and at least a mildpreference on the others. The dif-ferent combinations of these pref-erences produce different person-ality characteristics and areas ofinterest. For example, people whoprefer sensing and thinking tendto be practical and matter-of-factand to do well with technical skills.Those who combine sensing withfeeling are inclined to be sympa-thetic and friendly and to enjoyproviding practical help and ser-vices for people. The ~:ombinationof intuition and feeling produc~speople who are enthusiastic andinsightful and like using their abili-ties in understanding and com-municating with people. And apreference for intuition plus think-ing results in logical and ingeniouspeople who enjoy theoretical andtechnical innovations.

All of these characteristics areuseful to a_religious organization.The sensing-thinking people makegood administratorsmthe proto-typical stake president. Thesensing-feeling types find satisfac-tion in providing Christian servicelike the stereotypic Relief Societypresident. Pastoral counseling isthe forte of the intuitive-feelingtypes--exactly what the idealbishop ought to be (but seldom is).Those who combine intuition andthinking would make great theolo-gians. Unfortunately, the lattertwo types and their skills areunderutilized in the Mormonchurch, which seems to be domi-nated by the sensing types.

Another set of combinations dif-ferentiates possible approaches toknowledge. Introverted-sensingtypes, for example, are thoughtfulrealists for whom knowledge isimportant to establish truth. Forthe more action-oriented realists(extraverted-sensing), knowledgeis valued for its practical uses. Theextraverted-intuitives are action-oriented innovators who seekknowledge for its potential tocreate change, while the

introverted-intuitives acquireknowledge for its own sake. Whileall of these approaches to knowl-edge are equally valid, we tend tovalue one over the others (even ifslightly) based on our personalitypreferences.

Earle C. Page has suggestedsome ways in which this Jungiantypology relates to different spiri-tual paths. The primary arena forthe extraverts is the externalworld, and their natural spiritualpath is action or activity. Theyseek participation and avoid exclu-sion and loneliness. Focusing onGod’s role as the Creator who isrevealed through scripture,events, and people, they take asocial approach to religious expe-

I feel Iike l do not need the Church,but l am not Inclined to fight it orleave it. I simply want to beallowed to follow my own path ofreflective awareness andspontaneous devotion. We seldomhear Mormon exhortations toreflection, awareness, devotion andspontaneity--well, maybedevotion.rience and enjoy group prayer.The natural spiritual path forintroverts, on the other hand, isreflection. Consequently, thesedisciples receive God’s revelationthrough individual experience andinspiration, and prefer privateprayer and solitary religious expe-rience. They seek fulfillment andavoid intrusions and confusion.

Service is the natural spiritualpath of the sensing types. Withtheir focus on the body, the mostsignificant aspect of God is theincarnation. Because they prefersensory reality, details, and thestatus quo, they see God revealedwithin society and institutions likethe church and have a practicaland literal approach to the Bibleand religious experience. Theyseek for obedience and faithful-ness and avoid ambiguity. In con-trast, the spirit is the primaryarena of the intuitives and theirnatural spiritual path is aware-ness. With their preference forpossibilities, patterns, and change,they receive God’s revelation

SUNSTONE 45

through insight and imagination,and tend to take a symbolic ormetaphorical approach to thescriptures and religious expe-rience. They seek harmony andmystical union and avoid restric-tion and repetition.

Because the primary arena ofthe thinking types is the mind,their natural spiritual path isknowledge, and they focus onGod’s principles which arerevealed through reason and specu-lation. They like cognitive prayerand have an analytical and abstractapproach to scripture and religiousexperience. Seeking enlighten-ment, justice, and truth, theyavoid inconsistency and ignorance.Feeling types, on the other hand,focus on the heart. For them, the

Like blind people arguingabout the nature of elephants, weexperience the Church differently

because we look from differentperspectives. Our differences often

arise at the level of personalexperience and personality

preference. Disputations at thislevel are Irrelevant, even

meaningless.

most natural spiritual path isdevotion. They see God in familialterms (Father and Mother) andexperience God’s revelationthrough relationships and emo-tions. Their approach to the scrip-tures and religious experience ispersonal and immediate and theyprefer affective prayer. They seekcommunion and appreciation andavoid conflict and estrangement.

Judging types naturally followthe spiritual path of discipline anddo so with initiative. They seekproductivity and closure and avoidhelplessness and disorder. As anatural result, they take a system-atic approach to religious expe-rience and prefer planned prayer.They see God as a judge and rulerwho is revealed through order anda set of "oughts." Perceptive types,however, have a natural affinityfor spontaneity as a spiritual path

which they follow in a responsiveway. They seek openness andreceptivity and avoid regimenta-tion and deadlines. For them Godis a redeemer and healer, expe-rienced through the revelatorywindows of serendipity and "what

None of these spiritual paths is ;inherently preferable and theyeach have pitfalls. This meansthat we should monitor the waywe follow our own spiritual pathsrather than try to change paths.For example, the discipline of thejudging types can produce compe-tence but can also lead to in-appropriate, rigid control and judg-ing of others. They are especiallyvulnerable to the temptation ofself-righteousness. The sponta-neity of the perceptive typesreflects an acceptance or serenity,but can also result in passivity,impulsiveness, and procrastina-tion. The special temptation forthem is their vulnerability torebelliousness and carelessness.

This analysis illuminates the dif-ficulties I have with the Mormonlifestyle, particularly regardingwhat people like me avoid (whichPage parenthetically labels as"hell"). Being introverted, intui-tive, feeling, and perceptive, I dis-like intrusions, restriction, repeti-tion, conflict, estrangement,regimentation, and deadlines--andI avoid them like hell. I oftenencounter these qualities in theChurch, which sometimes causesfeelings of conflict and estrange-ment. On the other hand, beingintroverted, I find it quite easy toignore the external conflict andfocus instead upon my personalrelationship to God. I feel like I donot need the Church, but I am notinclined to fight it or leave it. Isimply want to be allowed to fol-low my own path of reflectiveawareness and spontaneous devo-tion. This approach gives me areligious temperament, but not avery Mormon one. Indeed, we sel-dom hear Mormon exhortations toreflection, awareness, devotion,and spontaneity--well, maybedevotion. However, we are oftenencouraged to activity, service,knowledge, and discipline.

Of course, my path is not theonly one that can have rocky ter-rain. Any form of affirrnation canbecome a path of disaffection. Theextraverts, for example, are likelyto feel participation and inclusionin the Church, but they are alsovulnerable to taking seriously anyfeelings of exclusion--the type ofMormon who goes inactive

because of something the bishopsaid or did not say. Sensory typestend to be faithful and obedient,but they can be bothered bychanges in the Church and if theysense too much ambiguity or learnabout too many historical skele-tons, they are apt to be convertedto another set of absolute truths.The Saints Alive people fit thispattern of leaving the Churchover theological issues. OtherMormons likely to have problemswith the theology are the thinkingtypes who can become dissatisfiedwith inconsistencies or perturbedby the rejection of critical analysis.The judging types tend to fit weltinto the Church, but could easilydecide that it has become tooworldly and needs a good

Those of us uncomfortablewith the Church’s lack ofbalance need to avoidmaking the same mistake.We need to recognize thatour closets are not the same:We certainly do not wantto waste our time andenergy criticizing eachother’s wardrobes.

retrenchment. As a result, theymay form a group that will adhereto a strict observance of the rules.There are many ways of fallingaway.

Like blind people arguing aboutthe nature of elephants, we expe-rience the Church differentlybecause we look from differentperspectives. Our differencesoften arise at the level of personalexperience and personality prefer-ence. Disputations at this level areirrelevant, even meaningless. It ismore productive not only to acceptour differences but to value them,actively promoting the expressionof every spiritual path, knowingthat we are all enriched by a diver-sity of perspectives.

In Jungian psychology, thepsyche is most at risk when it isone-sided--when the preferredpoles of these dimensions are

48 SUNSTONE

relied upon too heavily and theopposite ends are neglected.Psychological health comes frombalance, from developing all modesof perceiving and judging. Thepreferences are not eliminated bybalance, however, because thedevelopment is never exactlyequal.

I believe that the Church suffersfrom one-sidedness in notacknowledging the value of theintroverted, intuitive, and percep-tive spiritual paths, and that itneeds the influence of these per-spectives for its own spiritualhealth. Those of us for whom thislack of balance makes it uncomfor-

table to be typical Mormons needto avoid making the same mistakein the opposite direction. We needto recognize that our closets arenot the same and may not containthe same clothes--nor the samedoubts. We certainly do not wantto waste our time and energy criti-cizing each other’s wardrobes.

THE TONGUE OFTHE DUMBMichael Hicks

s you read this, you towhom I am blind are mute.Your tongue may be mov-ing in your jaw, the mus-cles of your cheek maytighten and relax, your lipsmay touch and part as

~ though to speak. But youare silent, and you have been thisway before on an earlier page, ona chapel bench while someoneprayed, as you lay sleeping orawake. You may even be quiteliterally speechless, by birth or byinjury. But your silence now prob-ably bespeaks the act of your mindas it transforms black shapes on aclean page into a voice in yourthoughts, with all its dimly feltgestures and quiet images.

"But, gentlemen of the jury,there are many kinds of silence."So spoke Cromwell at ThomasMore’s trial in A Man for All Sea-sons. "Silence can, according to cir-cumstances, speak." The stilling ofspeech, like speech itself, hasintentions, has an attitude and arhetoric. So as you silently read,and I speak only in the voice ofyour mind, the telling of silence ismy theme.

There is a silence of affirmation.More spoke of it: qui facet consentire,silence gives consent. Refusing todisrupt the existing order of soundand thought, speechlessness con-sents to and affirms things as theyare. Worshipful silence, what weteach to children as "reverence," isnot in its pure state a suppressionof the word but rather the expres-sion of the absence of necessity:The presence of The Word is suf-ficient. No speech arises to the lipsto confound the balance of God’sworld. The cultivation of thissilence has always been the labor

of mystics, whose surrender toGod is affirmed by the extinctionof thought. The word--the pre-cious definer of humanity--is sac-rificed that man may return toGod and banish the curse of Babel.

This silence is the perfectembodiment of divine mystery,unutterability. It consents to acosmic order of which man has noright to speak. For either his con-ceptions will be fragmentary andmisleading or that which heunderstands well he will expose tothe uncomprehending darkness.Key words, revealed by God insecret places, must not be spokenopenly where beasts may mimicthem. For this reason the ProphetJoseph’s motto concerning theendowment was "be faithful andsilent." And regarding those whospeak out of turn, not knowingwhat they say, Joseph prayed thatthey would "shut their mouths ineverlasting silence."

Speaking has perils, but so hassilence, as when affirmation isstood on its head. There is asilence that Cromwell called the"most eloquent denial." It does notconsent, nor surrender, butrefuses to surrender. It is thesilence of protest. Summoned toobey, More confronts the princeswith silence, just as Christ hadheld his tongue before the priestsand elders. For Jesus and SirThomas it was as though to speakwould be to release the soulthrough the tongue, never to re-cover it, to break the shell ofsilence, let the spirit slip like anegg into the fire. We who believeand who think are not all called toface princes, but I believe we areall sometime called to be bereft ofwords in the face of foolishness or

malignancy, even though oursilence may leave a scar in thepalms, or worse.

In those instances there comesat last the silence of the consuma-tion of belief and the completionof thought. There is a mentalcadence that comes when thoughtand belief have created, if only for

I believe we are all sometimecalled to be bereft of words inthe face of foolishness or malignancy.In those Instances there comesat last the silence of the consumationof belief and the completion ofthought. There is a mental cadence thatcomes when thought and belief havecreated, if only for a moment, a smallorder amid the chaos.

a moment, a small order amid thechaos. (Not that God has failed,but that he corrects himselfthrough human lives well lived.)Here is the silence of More’ssevered head. The profoundsilence of the death of great menand women is an ordinary quiet-ness raised to a higher power, notunlike in its essence the still smallawe at the close of a nicely turnedphrase or a shadow of thought.Good lives, like good books oreven good essays, find theirseriousness confirmed in theperiod that closes them, sealingtheir last rhythm with a sign ofsilence. Only those who truly thinkand solemnly believe can hear it.You and I approach one now to-gether, a period, a metaphor of theclose of life, a quiet completion ofthought in which, faintly, thetongue of the dumb does sing.

SUNSTONE 47

WORDS OF WISDOMJames N. Kimball

ne of the best kept secretsin the Kimball family wasUncle Golden’s problemswith the Word of Wisdom.He struggled with it all ofhis life and his diary re-veals some very interest-

~ ing insights into his han-dling of this problem. He said thatby the time Heber Grant gotserious about it, it was a little toolate. He had been drinking coffeesince he was a young boy workingin the Bear River Valley drivingmules. He said oftentimes that’sall there was for breakfast. Evenin the mission field he relates thatif he ever had a dime in his pocket,which was very rare, he wouldtake a nickel of it and buy a stampand write his mother and take theother nickel and buy a cup ofcoffee.

When he heard that PresidentGrant was changing the emphasisin the Church and making theWord of Wisdom a matter ofenforcement, his diary states thatGolden went to the President, say-ing, "Hell, Heber, what are youdoin’? You know my problem withthis." President Grant reportedlysaid, "Well, Golden, you do thebest you can."

Later on in life Uncle Goldensaid, "Well, I’ve almost got theproblem licked. I’m eighty nowand in a few more years I think I’llhave it completely under control.’"

Golden sometimes said, "If itweren’t for my nephew, RanchKimball, it would be a lot easierfor me to overcome this habit ofdrinking coffee. But Ranch comesdown and picks me up at theChurch Office Building every nowand then and on a nice day wedrive all the way up City CreekCanyon, way up to the top.Nobody’s there; we’re just by our-selves, and on a beautiful day we’llpark and Ranch’ll put a pot of cof-fee on. When it perks, he’ll pourout two tin cups full and we’ll sitthere and drink coffee and remi-nisce about the family, the days inRound Valley, and the things thatare happening in the Church andin the world. I remember one dayRanch turned to me and said,’Uncle Golden, does this botheryou sitting up here and drinkingcoffee with me .and being aGeneral Authority?’ and I said to

him, ’Hell no.’ And he said, ’Whynot?’ and I said, ’It’s simple, Ranch;the eighty-ninth section doesn’tapply at this altitude.’"

But then he went on to say thatit wasn’t always that easy for him.For example, in the wintermonths, he could hardly getstarted in the morning without alittle stimulant, and sometimes itwas a source of great embarrass-ment to him. He tells the story ofPresident Grant’s calling him onthe telephone one winter day andasking him to go up to BrighamCity to a Deseret Sunday Schoolconference. Golden was to takethe new superintendent of theDeseret Sunday School that Presi-dent Grant had just set apart thatday. Uncle Golden asked who itwas and was told the man’s namewas David O. McKay. "You takehim along, Golden, and you breakhim in," said President Grant."He’s a nice young man."

At 4:00 A.M. the next morningBrother McKay and Uncle Goldenleft Salt Lake and drove with ateam of horses north to BrighamCity. In some places where therewere heavy snow drifts, they hadto get out and change from awagon to a sled borrowed from afarmer. Finally about 8:00 in themorning they got to BrighamCity. It was cold, and UncleGolden was frozen right to thebone. He said he needed a littlestimulant to get him going, but hedidn’t know quite how to handle itwith Brother McKay. The meetingdidn’t begin until 9:00, and UncleGolden noticed a restaurant, theIdle Isle, on Main Street. Heturned to Brother McKay andsaid, "Why don’t we go over andhave a l~ttle breakfast; we’ve gotan hour and it’s not fast Sunday."Brother McKay thought it amarvelous idea.

When they went into the res-taurant, no one else was there.The waitress came up to theirtable and said, "What could I getfor you two gentlemen?" Accord-ing to Uncle Golden, BrotherMcKay blurted out, "Well, we’llhave some ham and eggs and twocups of hot chocolate, please."Uncle Golden almost died; thiswasn’t what he had in mind at all.But after a few minutes an ideacame to him. He excused himself,

saying he needed to go to themen’s room. Golden then walkedback into the kitchen and grabbedthat waitress and said, "Say,would you mind putting a littlecoffee in my hot chocolate, please?"She said no, she ’wouldn’t mind atall; they did that kind of thing allthe time up in Brigham City.

Golden washed his hands andwent back to the table and satdown. In a few minutes the wait-ress came with the ham and eggsand the hot chocolate. When shegot up to the table, she looked atboth men and said, "Now whichone of you wanted coffee in hishot chocolate?" Flustered, UncleGolden looked at her and said,"Ah, hell, put it in both of them."

Golden later related thatBrother McKay thought that wasawfully funny, and he laughed sohard and so long that he couldn’teven.eat his breakfast. But theproblem was thai: after thatBrother McKay would go aroundthe Church and every time he wasasked to speak, he would tell thatstory to people. In his diary, UncleGolden wrote he wished McKaywould keep his damn mouth shut,but then added, "Maybe Heberwill release him, and we won’thear any more about him."

As he got older’ and later on inhis life, he said that people beganto tell him how wonderful he wasand what a marvelous person hewas. He remarked no one eversaid a damn thing like that until hegot old and ready to die. But onone occasion, a group of non-Mormon businessmen had a din-ner to honor Uncle Golden. It wasat the Rotisserie Restaurant onsouth Main Street just belowBroadway. Uncle Golden attendedand was a little embarrassed by itall because they had a big bannerup on the wall which read,"Golden Kimball: Friend of Man."He said they were all Gentilesthere, but they were all hisfriends. He sat at the head table.Next to him was the gentleman incharge of the dinner and master ofceremonies. He and Uncle Goldenwere talking when the waitercame up to take their order. Whenasked what he’d like to drink,Uncle Golden said, "I’ll have somewater." But the gentile friend sit-ting next to him grabbed thewaiter and said, "No, you bringMr. Kimball some coffee; he likescoffee." As the waiter left theroom, Uncle Golden said to himself,"The Lord heard me say water."

~ SUNSTONE