In the Future This Will Not Be Necessary

7/31/2019 In the Future This Will Not Be Necessary

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Dn tgc futurc tgds wdll njt mc nc`cssary

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Fjr Oj, Alcx ane Anna

@jpyrdigt © [aul Pahacl =;1=All rdigts rcscrvce

All `gara`tcrs dn tgds wjrb arc fd`tdjnal ane any rcschmlan`c tj any rcalpcrsjns, ldvdni jr ecae, ds purcly `jdn`decntal.

Ugc autgjr gas asscrtce gds hjral rdigts.

Tju hay ejwnljae ane prdnt jut tgds njvcl fjr yjur jwn pcrsjnal usc jr tjedstrdmutc tj jtgcrs wgj hdigt mc dntcrcstce dn rcaedni dt, mut njt fjr any

`jhhcr`dal iadn.

[lcasc scne any fccema`b (ijje jr mae) tj paulsahaclKihadl.`jh - anetganbs fjr rcaedni dt.

Fjr hjrc dnfjrhatdjn, scc www.paulsahacl.`jh.



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Hy nahc ds Hdlcs Ocnscn. Tju prjmamly gavcn—t gcare jf

hc. Df yju gavc, yju wdll rciare tgds mjjb as a mctrayal. Ygy:

Mcàusc df yju—vc gcare jf hc, tgcn yju arc ldbcly tj mc a ecvjtce

fan jf tgc latc [ctc Njvjtndb.

Fjr tgjsc jf yju wgj ejn—t fall dntj tgds àtcijry, tgc nahc

[ctc Njvjtndb hay ncvcrtgclcss trdiicr a fld`bcr jf rc`jindtdjn. Pj

far, [ctc gas a`gdcvce a hjecst ùlt status ahjnist a `jnstdtucn`y

jf ncw aic tc`gnj-iccbs ane jtgcr assjrtce wcdrejs. Fjr tgch, gc

gas mc`jhc a sjrt jf Pylvda [latg jf tgc `jhputcr aic - a pjct ane

hartyr tj tgc àusc jf tc`gnjljidàl `juntcr-ùlturc.

[crsjnally, D ejn—t gavc hu`g tdhc fjr tgcsc pcjplc. Ugcy

arc, D suppjsc, an dntcrcstdni sj`djljidàl pgcnjhcnjn. Ugc hjst

cntgusdastd` ecvjtccs pjrc jvcr [ctc—s wrdtdnis as df tgcy wcrc

rcldidjus tcxts. Mut njt wantdni tj mc assj`datce wdtg anytgdni

qudtc sj jle gat as rcldidjn, tgcy gavc ecvcljpce tgc deca tgat gds

wrdtdnis arc abdn tj `jhputcr sjftwarc. Ugcy mcldcvc tgat tgrjuig

tgc a`t jf rcaedni tgch, yju àn rcprjirah yjursclf, edsàre

juthjece ways jf tgdnbdni ane fdnc tunc yjur `jns`djusncss tj

tgc zcdticdst jf tgc edidtal aic.

Iarmaic dn, iarmaic jut, df yju asb hc.

All jf wgd`g habcs hy sclf-appjdntce pjsdtdjn as [ctc—s

ldtcrary cxcùtjr a ratgcr un`jhfjrtamlc jnc. Pj far, D gavc

`jn`calce hy `jntchpt. D rcally sgjulen—t `jhpladn. Uganbs tj



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gds ecvjtce mane jf fjlljwcrs, cedtdni [ctc—s wjrb fjr pumldàtdjn

ane icntly fccedni tgc appctdtc fjr edsùssdjn jf wgat dt all rcally

hcans gas turnce dntj a nd`c ldttlc carncr. Njtgdni spc`taùlar -

mut cnjuig tj bccp hy gcae amjvc watcr, aljnisdec vardjus jtgcr,

hjrc run-jf-tgc-hdll wrdtdni ane cedtdni ojms.

D gavc jftcn wjnecrce wgat dt ds tgat pcjplc fdne dn gds wjrb

tgat tgcy àn—t ict clscwgcrc. D suppjsc tgcrc hust mc a ljt jf

pcjplc jut tgcrc ljjbdni fjr sjhctgdni tj mcldcvc dn, sjhctgdni

tgat ejcsn—t àrry tgc gdstjrdàl maiiaic jf amoc`t fadlurc tj ldvc up

tj dts dndtdal decals. [ctc—s pscuej-pjctd` rahmldnis gavcn—t mccn

arjune ljni cnjuig fjr pcjplc tj ict scrdjusly edsdllusdjnce wdtg

tgch, sj tgcy fdt tgc mdll aehdramly. Ane tgcy—rc suffd`dcntly

ahmdiujus tj prjvdec plcnty jf s`jpc fjr ncw dntcrprctatdjns,

wgd`g gclps tj bccp tgc puntcrs `jhdni ma`b fjr hjrc.

Icttdni ma`b tj hy rjlc dn all tgds, yju `jule say tgat D ah

gclpdni tj fulfdl a prcssdni sj`dal ncce. Mut tgat wjule mc tjj

`gardtamlc. D ah hjrc ldbc a prdcst wgj ejcsn—t mcldcvc dn Ije, mut

àrrdcs jn ijdni tgrjuig tgc hjtdjns sj tgat gc hay `jntdnuc tj

carn a hjecst mut `jhfjrtamlc ldvdni jff tgc ma`bs jf icnudnc

mcldcvcrs. Dt—s an cxdstcn`c, mut garely a edindfdce jnc.

Hy pumldsgcrs cn`juraic hc tj answcr at lcast sjhc jf tgc

c-hadls tgcy rc`cdvc frjh tgcsc pcjplc - ane ycs, dncvdtamly, dt ds

hjstly c-hadls ratgcr tgan lcttcrs. Dn tgc mcidnndni dt was fun,

prctcnedni tj mcldcvc dn tgc sahc tgdnis as tgcy ede. Dt was alhjst

ldbc lcarndni anjtgcr laniuaic - mut jnc tgat `ganics all tgc tdhc



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as ncw cxprcssdjns cntcr tgc vcrnaùlar. D cvcn dnvcntce sjhc jf

hy jwn ane wat`gce, fas`dnatce, as tgc sahc pgrasc startce

pjppdni up jn edsùssdjn wcmsdtcs, wdtgjut prjhptdni frjh hc, as

df dt gae ecvcljpce a ldfc jf dts jwn.

Fjr cxahplc, D suiicstce tj jnc caicr `jrrcspjnecnt tgat

[ctc—s wrdtdni was tgc ncarcst tgdni wc gavc tj a “mjjt-up edsb fjr

tgc jpcratdni systch jf tgc sjul‘. Ugds ds prc`dscly tgc sjrt jf

uniadnly tc`gnjljidàl hctapgjr wgd`g àn mc alhjst iuarantcce

tj sprcae tgrjuig tgc ecvjtcc `jhhundty ldbc a edscasc,

hultdplydni dtsclf a`rjss `gat-rjjhs ane mullctdn mjares. Mut tgcrc

ds jnly sj hu`g spjrt tgat àn mc gae wdtg tgds bdne jf tgdni.

Cvcntually dt lcaes tj pcjplc scnedni dn turide fdvc tgjusane wjre

cssays, cxpjunedni tgcdr tgcjrdcs jn tgc hcandni jf a fcw ldncs jf

tcxt. Ugcsc lcarnce tra`ts usually dn`luec all hanncr jf `rjss-

rcfcrcn`cs tj jtgcr tgcjrdcs, mjjbs, wjrbs jf art jr dntcrnct sdtcs -

as df tgc sgccr nuhmcr jf ldnbs wgd`g tgcy `jntadnce was a

hcasurc jf tgc prjfunedty jf tgcdr tgjuigt.

Pj wgy ejn—t D oust mrdni tgds clamjratc `garaec tj an cne:

Ycll, D suppjsc tgat ds cxa`tly wgat D ah dn tgc prj`css jf ejdni.

Mut mcfjrc D sldp ma`b dntj `jhplctc jmsùrdty, D want tj tcll hy

stjry. D want pcjplc tj pay attcntdjn tj sjhctgdni D—vc wrdttcn, tgc

way tgcy—vc pjrce jvcr [ctc—s stuff fjr ycars. Ane D want tj habc

a `jnfcssdjn, jf sjrts, amjut hy part dn tgc cvcnts lcaedni up tj

[ctc—s ecatg.

Dt wjn—t, D—h afrade, mc a “mjjt-up edsb fjr tgc jpcratdni



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systch jf tgc sjul‘. Ygat D gavc dn hdne ds hjrc a ejwnljae jf

dts `jrruptce `jntcnts.



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Dn tgc futurc

D fdrst hct [ctc oust aftcr D gae ijt hy fdrst `jllc`tdjn jf sgjrt

stjrdcs pumldsgce. D was jn a gdig, flusgce wdtg hy fdrst su``css.

At tgc tdhc, D icnudncly mcldcvce tgat tgds wjule mc tgc start jf a

ljni ane dllustrdjus wrdtdni àrccr. D was cvcn `jnsdecrdni idvdni

up tgc eay ojm. Mut tgat oust prjvce tj mc wdsgful tgdnbdni.

[ctc gae `jnta`tce hc at tgc suiicstdjn jf gds wdfc, Bay,

wgjh D bncw frjh undvcrsdty. D gae njt sccn gcr fjr sjhc tdhc

ane was ùrdjus tj hcct gcr aiadn. Ygcn D say tgat D “bncw gcr‘,

D sgjule aee tgat wc gae mccn hjrc tgan oust ijje frdcnes. Pgc

was tgc fdrst idrl D gae mccn scrdjus amjut ane tgcrc gae mccnsjhctgdni amjut jur mrdcf mut dntcnsc fldni wgd`g D gae ncvcr mccn

amlc tj fdne dn sumscqucnt rclatdjnsgdps. Pj yju `jule say tgat D

was ùrdjus tj scc wgat gae mc`jhc jf gcr. @urdjus, D suppjsc, tj

scc wgctgcr hy hchjry jf dt was hcrcly tgc prjeu`t jf a

partdùlar tdhc ane pla`c - jr wgctgcr tgcrc rcally gae mccn

sjhctgdni spc`dal mctwccn us.

[ctc gae scnt hc a pjldtc, ratgcr fjrhal lcttcr, asbdni df wc

`jule hcct. Gc wantce tj edsùss gjw tj ij amjut icttdni a

pumldsgcr fjr sjhc artd`lcs tgat gc gae wrdttcn. D was flattcrce tgat



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gc tgjuigt D hdigt mc amlc tj gclp. D was alsj dntrdiuce at tgc

pjssdmdldty jf fdnedni jut wgat gae gappcnce tj Bay. ]atgcr tgan

hcct fjr a erdnb, D dnvdtce gdh rjune tj hy flat. D gae tgds njtdjn

tgat dt wjule sjhcgjw mc tj hy aevantaic tj hcct gdh jn hy

jwn tcrrdtjry.

Ugc pcrsjn D saw stanedni at tgc ejjr scchce an unldbcly

ànedeatc fjr futurc hartyrejh. Yc arc usce tj jur hartyrs mcdni

ecpd`tce as fradl, ecfcn`clcss `rcaturcs - wgd`g scchs dn turn tj

cngan`c tgcdr appcaran`c jf pdcty. Mut [ctc was njt stadnce ilass

wdnejw hatcrdal2 dn fa`t, gc was a mdt jn tgc `gummy sdec. Gc was

hceduh gcdigt, wdtg vcry sgjrt mrjwn gadr, alhjst a `rcw ùt.

Ugds ede gdh nj favjurs, as gc gae a ratgcr paun`gy fa`c ane a

laric njsc, wgd`g wcrc jnly a``cntuatce my gds sgjrt gadr. Gds

`gjd`c jf `ljtgcrs - a ircy U-sgdrt, faece irccn `jhmat trjuscrs ane

tradncrs - alsj ede ldttlc tj edsiudsc tgc fa`t tgat gc was njt dn

fantastd` sgapc. D was surprdsce - ane sc`rctly ratgcr plcasce - tgat

Bay gaen—t harrdce sjhcjnc mcttcr-ljjbdni. D dnvdtce gdh dn.

“Uganbs fjr airccdni tj hcct hc.‘ gc sade. “D—vc, uh, rcae

yjur mjjb,‘ gc aeece.

“Ygat ede yju tgdnb jf dt:‘ D asbce.

“Jg, uh, D ldbce dt,‘ gc sade, altgjuig gc eden—t sjune

cntdrcly `jnvdn`ce. D wjnecrce df gc gae a`tually rcae dt. As df tj

prjvc hc wrjni, gc aeece? “Hy favjurdtc stjry was tgat jnc

amjut Jsàr Ydlec.‘

D tjle gdh tgat was hy favjurdtc tjj, cvcn tgjuig dt wasn—t.



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Dn fa`t tgc stjry wasn—t rcally amjut Jsàr Ydlec as su`g2 dt was

amjut a rjmjt àllce JP@A], wgd`g haec pcjplc tgdnb dt was

fdcnedsgly dntclldicnt sdhply my habdni wdtty `jhhcnts frjh tdhc

tj tdhc. Dt was ecsdince tj chulatc tgc stylc jf Jsàr Ydlec, mut

jnly dn sjune-mdtc fasgdjn. Dt gae a vast ldmrary jf tgc ircat han—s

bnjwn wdttd`dshs at dts edspjsal ane was prjirahhce tj aeapt

ca`g jnc tj sudt tgc partdùlar `drùhstan`cs.

Dn tgc stjry, cvcryjnc tgjuigt JP@A] was tcrrdfdàlly wdtty

ane amsjlutcly wjnecrful `jhpany, mut tgc rcaecr `jule scc tgat

tgc ha`gdnc was sdhply usdni tgc sahc unecrlydni fjrhulac jvcr

ane jvcr (mcàusc, jf `jursc, hy sgjrt stjry ùt jut all tgc jtgcr

mdts jf `jnvcrsatdjn wgd`g tcne tj habc pcjplc tgdnb tgcy arc

gcardni sjhctgdni tgcy gavc ncvcr gcare mcfjrc). Cvcntually, tgc

ha`gdnc ecvcljpce tgc àpa`dty tj tgdnb fjr dtsclf, wgcrcupjn dt

rcfusce tj say anytgdni wdtty ane wjule jnly sulb dn a `jrncr,

rcpcatdni tgc wjres “Nuts tj yju, sgdt fjr mradns!‘ jvcr ane jvcr

(wgd`g ds njt sjhctgdni Jsàr Ydlec ds mcldcvce tj gavc sade,

altgjuig gc hay j`àsdjnally gavc gae tgjuigts aljni sdhdlar

ldncs). Ugds mdt was hjrc fun fjr tgc rcaecr, mcàusc tgc ha`gdnc

ijt tj dnsult all tgc pcjplc wgj gae mccn fjjlce dntj tgdnbdni dt

was tcrrdmly urmanc ane dntclldicnt. Mut cvcryjnc dn tgc stjry

fjune tgc ha`gdnc—s mcgavdjur mjjrdsg ane jffcnsdvc dn tgc

cxtrchc. Ugcy ec`dece tgat dt hust mc vcry stupde aftcr all.

D tjle [ctc tgat D gae ijt tgc deca aftcr rcaedni amjut a

`jhputcr prjirah àllce CLD_A, wgd`g sdhply hdhd`bce



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`jhhjn guhan `jnvcrsatdjnal iahmdts dn rcspjnsc tj wgatcvcr

tgc pcrsjn at tgc bcymjare typce dn. Dt was surprdsdnily su``cssful

at fjjldni pcjplc dntj tgdnbdni tgat tgcrc was sjhc icnudnc

dntclldicn`c at wjrb - wgcn dn fa`t tgc prjirah was oust fabdni dt.

At jnc pjdnt, wgcn tgc prjirahhcr trdce dt jut jn gds sc`rctary,

sgc asbce gdh df gc wjulen—t hdne lcavdni tgc rjjh wgdlc sgc

`jnfdece dn dt.

[ctc oust njeece at tgds ane ljjbce sldigtly wjrrdce, as df gc

rcircttce cvcr mrdnidni tgc sumoc`t up. D lcft gdh dn tgc sdttdni rjjh

wgdlc D wcnt tj ict gdh a erdnb. Ygcn D rcturnce, D fjune gdh

iazdni at tgc mjjbs jn hy sgclvcs.

“Gavc yju rcally rcae all tgcsc mjjbs:‘ gc asbce. Gc

sjunece dhprcssce ratgcr tgan eumdjus.

“Hjst jf tgch,‘ D ldce. Ugcn D tgjuigt mcttcr jf dt ane sade?

“A ljt jf tgch arc jncs D gae tj rcae wgdlc D was a stuecnt. D

gavcn—t hanaice tj bccp up tgc sahc pa`c sdn`c tgcn. Ugcsc

eays, df D gavcn—t ijt dntj a mjjb my say, paic fdfty, tgcn dt tcnes

njt tj ict rcae - nj hattcr gjw strjni tgc rc`jhhcneatdjns jn tgc

ma`b `jvcr.‘

D njtd`ce tgat gc was runndni gds fdnicr a`rjss tgc spdncs jf

tgc vjluhcs jn jnc jf tgc sgclvcs. “Ij jn,‘ D sade, “tabc tgch jut

ane gavc a ljjb df yju ldbc. Ugcy—rc rcal mjjbs, yju bnjw - njt

oust fabc spdncs iluce tj a mdt jf àremjare fjr cffc`t.‘

Gc turnce ane ljjbce at hc, njt surc df D was icnudncly

jffcnece jr oust ojbdni. “Jg,‘ gc sade, “D eden—t hcan tj.... ‘ D





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D wjnecrce wgat D was suppjsce tj say tgds. “Mut wjule

ejwnljaedni dt rcally mc tgc sahc as rcaedni dt:‘ D asbce,

carncstly. “Purcly wgcn yju rcae sjhctgdni, dt—s njt oust a àsc jf

amsjrmdni dnfjrhatdjn. Tju—ll jftcn gavc jtgcr tgjuigts wgd`g ij

mcyjne tgc hcandni jf tgc wjres jn tgc paic - yju—ll habc

`jnnc`tdjns wdtg jtgcr tgdnis yju—vc rcae amjut jr cxpcrdcn`ce.‘

Gc eden—t scch tj tabc jffcn`c at hy jmvdjus s`cptd`dsh.

Dnstcae, gc scchce qudtc plcasce tgat D appcarce tj mc tabdni a

dntcrcst. “D suppjsc yju—rc rdigt,‘ gc sade. “D gaen—t tgjuigt jf

tgat. Mut D ejn—t scc wgy dt wjulen—t mc pjssdmlc tj rc`rcatc tgc

sahc prj`css clc`trjndàlly. Tju `jule habc dt hu`g qud`bcr, sj

all tgat hcntal `rjss-rcfcrcn`dni wjule gappcn dn an dnstant.‘ Gc

ljjbce ljst dn tgjuigt fjr a hjhcnt. Ugcn gc sade? “Tju scc, D

gavc all tgcsc decas amjut wgat tc`gnjljiy `jule ej fjr pcjplc.

D—h njt rcally a stjrytcllcr ldbc yju. D—h hjrc jf an decas han.‘

Gc fdsgce arjune dn tgc ànvas sgjulecr mai gc gae mrjuigt wdtg

gdh ane prjeu`ce an untdey sgcaf jf papcrs. “D—vc mccn wrdtdni

tgch ejwn. D wjnecr df yju—e hdne gavdni a ljjb at tgch. Njt

rdigt njw, jf `jursc. Mut tgc tgdni D rcally wantce tj asb yju was

gjw tj ij amjut icttdni tgch pumldsgce.‘

D ejn—t tgdnb D was hu`g gclp tj gdh tgat cvcndni. Gc

cxpladnce tgat tgc pdc`cs gc gae wrdttcn wcrc adhce at haiazdncs

fjr pcjplc wgj sgarce gds jwn cntgusdash fjr tc`gnjljiy, tgc

dntcrnct ane sj fjrtg. D suiicstce tgat gc sgjule wrdtc tj tgcsc

pumldàtdjns, jffcrdni gds scrvd`cs ane dn`luedni sjhc sahplcs jf



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gds wjrb. Df gc was undhprcssce my tgds stupcnejusly jmvdjus

pdc`c jf aevd`c, gc eden—t sgjw dt.

Altgjuig D tgjuigt sjhc jf gds decas wcrc a ldttlc cxtrchc, D

`julen—t mrdni hysclf tj edsldbc gdh. Dn fa`t, D ratgcr cnojyce

playdni ecvdl—s aevjàtc tj gds prced`tdjns jf a ildttcrdni

tc`gnjljidàl ndrvana.

D—h njt surc wgat gc saw dn hc. D gae a scnsc at tgc

mcidnndni tgat gc ljjbce up tj hc. [crgaps dt was all tgc mjjbs D

appcarce tj gavc rcae. Jr haymc gc oust ldbce tgc `gallcnic jf

trydni tj jvcr`jhc hy s`cptd`dsh. D rchchmcr jn`c asbdni gdh

gjw gc—e rca`tce tj tgc murstdni jf tgc ejt`jh mummlc. Purcly a

ejwnturn jf su`g iljmal prjpjrtdjns hust gavc sgabcn gds fadtg dn

tgc unstjppamlc fjrware har`g jf tc`gnjljiy: Mut gc àhc

stradigt ma`b at hc, dnsdstdni tgat stj`b harbct valuatdjns oust

rcflc`tce pcjplc—s hdspla`ce cxpc`tatdjns. Far mcttcr tj ljjb at

sjhctgdni yju `jule hcasurc jmoc`tdvcly, ldbc `jhputcr

prj`cssdni pjwcr wgd`g ‐ unldbc tgc stj`b harbct - gae ejumlce

cvcry twj ycars fjr tgc past fdfty ycars jr sj. D `jnfcss tgat D gae

nj rcply tj tgds. [ctc `jule marcly edsiudsc tgc ljjb jf trduhpg jn

gds fa`c.

Cvcntually, tgc talb turnce tj Bay. [ctc tjle hc tgat Bay

njw wjrbce part-tdhc fjr an dnsuran`c `jhpany, ediidni tgc edrt

jn pcjplc wgj gae put dn ejeiy `ladhs. “Pgc—s vcry ijje at dt,‘

gc sade. “Mut D ejn—t tgdnb sgc cnojys dt hu`g. Dt—s edffdùlt fjr

gcr tj ict prjhjtdjn mcàusc sgc gasn—t ijt tgc qualdfdàtdjns.





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tgcrc dn tgc fdrst pla`c. Pgc sade dt was tgc wrjni `jursc ane sgc

eden—t rcally ict jn wdtg hjst jf tgc pcjplc tgcrc.‘ Ugcn gc

aeece, gastdly? “D ejn—t tgdnb sgc dn`luecs yju dn tgat - jtgcrwdsc

D—h surc sgc—e ncvcr gavc suiicstce tgat D ict dn tju`g. Anyway,

njw tgat Ojnag—s a mdt jlecr, haymc sgc—ll gavc tgc tdhc tj ej jnc

jf tgjsc aeult ceuàtdjn `jurscs jr sjhctgdni ldbc tgat.‘

“Ygj—s Ojnag:‘ D asbce, scdzdni tgc jppjrtundty tj stccr tgc

`jnvcrsatdjn away frjh undvcrsdty.

“Jg, gc—s jur sjn,‘ gc sade. D was surprdsce - ane alsj ratgcr

edsappjdntce - my tgds ncws. Ugc cxdstcn`c jf jffsprdni was an

unwcl`jhc `jhpldàtdjn. Dt spjdlce tgc plcasant fantasy D gae

startce tj ecvcljp amjut gjw D hdigt mc amlc tj rcpla`c [ctc dn

Bay—s affc`tdjns.



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Mar`jec husd`

Aftcr jur fdrst hcctdni, [ctc scnt hc artd`lcs fadrly rciularly

ane wc usce tj ict tjictgcr tj edsùss tgch. D cn`juraice tgcsc

hcctdnis mcàusc D was ljjbdni fjr an cxùsc tj scc Bay aiadn.

Mut nj jmvdjus jppjrtundtdcs prcscntce tgchsclvcs. D rcaldsce tgat

D gae haec a ta`tdàl crrjr dn dnvdtdni gdh tj hy flat tgat fdrst tdhc.

Dt qud`bly mcàhc cstamldsgce as tgc ljàtdjn fjr all jur hcctdnis

ane hy gdnts tgat wc hdigt hcct at gds pla`c jnc jf tgcsc eays

scchce tj ij unnjtd`ce. Ygcn D asbce qucstdjns amjut Bay, [ctc

scchce tj dntcrprct tgch as pjldtc `jnvcrsatdjn, ratgcr tgan

icnudnc dntcrcst. D mcian tj ict drrdtatce. Ygdlst [ctc scchce tj mc

icttdni wgat gc wantce frjh jur hcctdnis, D fclt as df gc gae

rcncice jn gds part jf mariadn - wgd`g was ratgcr unfadr, as D gae

ncvcr haec dt `lcar tj gdh wgat tgat mariadn was dn tgc fdrst pla`c.

Dt mcàhc all tgc hjrc ialldni wgcn, aftcr a rclatdvcly sgjrt

pcrdje, [ctc—s su``css startce tj c`ldpsc hy jwn. Gds qudrby

husdnis amjut tgc dhpa`t jf ncw tc`gnjljiy ane tgc sgapc jf

tgdnis tj `jhc scchce tj strdbc a `gjre wdtg a `crtadn typc jf

rcaecr. D dhaidnce tgch edseadnfully as spjtty, ljni-gadrce typcs

wdtg tgd`b-lcnsce spc`ta`lcs, wgj spcnt tgcdr tdhc ejdni iccby

tgdnis wdtg `jhputcrs tj tgc stradns jf gcavy hctal.

Mut D ah garely an autgjrdty jn wgat tgcsc pcjplc ljjb ldbc



19

jr ej wdtg tgchsclvcs. Ugc harbctdni pcjplc wgj ecsdin tgc bdne

jf haiazdncs [ctc wrjtc fjr wjule prjmamly mc amlc tj idvc yju a

far hjrc a`ùratc ecs`rdptdjn jf tgc mcgavdjural pattcrns jf tgcdr

tarict auedcn`c. Ygjcvcr tgcy wcrc, tgcy scchce tj rciare [ctc

as “jnc jf tgch‘. As a rcsult, gc was amlc tj àrvc a `jhfjrtamlc

nd`gc fjr gdhsclf as a frcclan`c, wrdtdni fjr a plctgjra jf spc`daldst

tc`gnjljiy haiazdncs ane wcmsdtcs wdtg nahcs tgat ljjbce ldbc

typjs, su`g as “FKQ‘ ane “!`jh‘.

Gc `crtadnly gae an ahazdni amdldty tj `gurn tgc stuff jut jn

a rciular masds. [crgaps dt was tgds rgytghd` `jnsdstcn`y wgd`g

`jntrdmutce tj gds su``css. Ugc fa`t tgat gc gahhcrce away jn

tgc sahc jle rdffs wccb aftcr wccb sjhcgjw haec gds rcaecrs fccl

rcassurce. Ugcy bncw tgat tgcy `jule rcly jn gdh tj prjeu`c

sjhctgdni tgat wjule artdùlatc tgcdr vdcw jf tgc wjrle.

D ejn—t hcan tj dhply tgat [ctc wrjtc cxa`tly tgc sahc tgdni

cvcry wccb. Gc gae a nuhmcr jf edffcrcnt “sjnis‘ ane gc bncw

wgcn dt was tdhc tj vary tgc pa`c. Ugcrc wcrc tgc sljw, sldigtly

hclan`gjld` pdc`cs, usually dn a hdnjr bcy, wgd`g lahcntce tgc

dinjran`c jf tgc vast mulb jf tgc pjpulatdjn amjut all tgdnis

tc`gnjljidàl. [ctc—s rcaecrs wcrc cx`cptce jf `jursc - tgcy wcrc

tgc cnldigtcnce jncs. Ugcn tgcrc wcrc tgc fast, tgrasgy pdc`cs -

aniry raps aiadnst all tgc wgdndni `rdtd`s ane s`cptd`s jf tgc

tc`gnjljidàl rcvjlutdjn, tgc pcjplc wgj `julen—t scc tgat

`jhputcrs ane tgc dntcrnct wcrc ijdni tj transfjrh tgc wjrle dntj

a vdrtual paraedsc. Ane fdnally tgcrc wcrc tgc hcljed` antgchs,





14

dnfjrhatdjn tj mc cx`ganice `lcarly stru`b gdh as a vcry

wjnecrful tgdni.

Pcar`gdni fjr a hctapgjr wdtg wgd`g tj cxprcss gds scnsc jf

wjnecr, gc àhc up wdtg tgc mdzarrc-sjunedni njtdjn tgat

mar`jecs rcschmlce a ncw fjrh jf husdàl njtatdjn. Gds tgdnbdni

wcnt sjhctgdni ldbc tgds2 husdàl njtatdjn ane mar`jecs arc mjtg

ways jf rc`jredni `jhplcx dnfjrhatdjn dn a rclatdvcly sdhplc,

irapgdàl fjrh. Mut fjr [ctc tgcrc scchce tj mc nj edstdn`tdjn

mctwccn tgc naturc jr qualdty jf tgc dnfjrhatdjn `jnvcyce dn ca`g

àsc. Ugc fa`t tgat dnfjrhatdjn `jule mc `jnvcyce dn tgds way was

àusc cnjuig fjr rcojd`dni.

Ugc artd`lc usce tgds hctapgjr as a sprdnimjare tj spcùlatc

amjut tgc pjtcntdal fjr mar`jecs tj mc prdntce jntj all sjrts jf

cvcryeay jmoc`ts - njt oust prjeu`ts jn salc dn a sgjp mut ejjrs,

sdins ane ha`gdncry. Dn jrecr tj rcae tgcsc `jecs, `dtdzcns wjule

mc cqudppce wdtg hdndaturc vcrsdjns jf tgc sànncrs dn

supcrharbcts. Udny sànncrs `jule cvcn mc suridàlly dhplantce

dntj yjur fdnicrtdp ane wdrce tj yjur mradn. Ugcy wjule alljw

pcjplc tj ict all sjrts jf dnfjrhatdjn jut jf wgat wjule njrhally

mc tjtally unrcspjnsdvc, dnandhatc jmoc`ts. Dn tgds way, tgc artd`lc

rahmlce jn, yjur wgjlc cnvdrjnhcnt wjule mc`jhc ec`jeamlc,

rcaeamlc ane dnfjrhatdjn-rd`g.

D rchchmcr tgat partdùlar artd`lc mcàusc wc cnece up

gavdni an ariuhcnt amjut dt. D gae mc`jhc dn`rcasdnily ocaljus jf

[ctc—s su``css. Hy jwn wrdtdni àrccr was dn tgc ejleruhs. Hy



=;

pumldsgcrs gae oust rcoc`tce hy fdrst njvcl, an “cxpcrdhcntal‘ wjrb

wgd`g was dntcnece tj mc tgc fjlljw-up tj hy mjjb jf sgjrt

stjrdcs. D was aevdsce tj wrdtc sjhctgdni tgat pcjplc wjule

a`tually want tj rcae, dn a stylc tgat wjulen—t idvc tgch a

gcaea`gc, ane tj erjp tgc s`d-fd clchcnts. Ane yct gcrc was [ctc,

`gurndni jut sgalljw, pscuej-s`dcntdfd`, ojurnaldstd` frjtg, mut wdtg

hjrc jffcrs jf wjrb tgan gc `jule `jpc wdtg. Jn tjp jf wgd`g, D

was icttdni njwgcrc dn hy jmldquc cffjrts tj habc `jnta`t wdtg

Bay aiadn. Pj wgat, D asbce hysclf, was tgc pjdnt jf hy hcctdnis

wdtg [ctc:

Tju `jule say tgat D was ljjbdni tj pd`b a fdigt wdtg gdh

anyway. Mut as dt was, [ctc—s mcgavdjur tgat cvcndni iavc hc

ahplc cxùsc. Njrhally, wgcn gc àhc rjune, gc wantce hc tj

play ecvdl—s aevjàtc. D tgdnb tgds sjhctdhcs gclpce gdh tj `lardfy

gds jwn tgjuigts. Mut tgds tdhc, gc oust scchce tj gavc `jhc

rjune dn jrecr tj sgjw jff. Ygcn D trdce tj habc a fcw

`jnstru`tdvc `jhhcnts, gc mrusgce tgch asdec dhpatdcntly. D

rcaldsce tgat gc was cxpc`tdni pradsc njt `rdtd`dsh. Ygcn D haec a

ojbc amjut sjhc aspc`t jf tgc artd`lc, gc oust ljjbce jffcnece.

Njrhally, gc gae qudtc a ijje scnsc jf guhjur. Mut tgds tdhc gds

hanncr was cntdrcly scrdjus, ane gc scchce pgysdàlly `ganice as

wcll. Gds cycs wcrc ilcahdni ane gc jftcn scchce tj pay nj

attcntdjn tj wgat D was saydni. Gc oust iazce past hy gcae as df

edstra`tce my sjhc jmsùrc dnsdigt, wgd`g gc was unwdlldni tj

sgarc. Ugds dnfurdatce hc.



=1

D àn—t rchchmcr cxa`tly gjw tgc ariuhcnt startce. Mut

mcfjrc D bncw dt, D was tclldni gdh tgat gds wrdtdni was `rap ane sj

wcrc all tgc haiazdncs gc wrjtc fjr. Ugcn D a`ùsce gdh jf oust

usdni hc tj ict wgcrc gc wantce tj ij. Gc `lcarly wasn—t

dntcrcstce dn hc as a pcrsjn. Aftcr all, gc gae njt jn`c asbce gjw

hy jwn wrdtdni was ijdni. Dt cnece wdtg hc asbdni gdh tj lcavc

ane suiicstdni tgat gc njt mjtgcr `jhdni ma`b.

Aftcr D gae un`crchjndjusly coc`tce gdh frjh hy flat ane

tgc hcctdnis àhc tj an cne, D was surprdsce tj fdne tgat D hdssce

gavdni tgch. D gae ncvcr `jns`djusly atta`gce hu`g dhpjrtan`c

tj tgch, cx`cpt as a hcans tj an cne2 a way tj ict ma`b dn tju`g

wdtg Bay. Njw D rcaldsce tgat, wgdlst tgcy gae dnspdrce a ecircc jf

prjfcssdjnal ocaljusy, D gae alsj ecrdvce a `crtadn `jhfjrt ane

cvcn cnojyhcnt frjh tgch.

[art jf dt was tgat, ecspdtc hy s`cptd`dsh, D a`tually ldbce

edsùssdni [ctc—s artd`lcs wdtg gdh. Altgjuig hy rjlc was tj play

ecvdl—s aevjàtc, D eden—t rcally want gdh tj ljsc tgc ariuhcnt.

Chjtdjnally, hy syhpatgdcs wcrc wdtg [ctc2 D `jule scc tgat gds

decas wcrc jftcn flawce ane gds cntgusdash was way jvcr tgc tjp,

mut D stdll fjune gds unfadldni jptdhdsh amjut tgc futurc ratgcr

attra`tdvc.

Ugds was njt a sdec jf hysclf tgat D wantce jtgcrs - cvcn

[ctc - tj scc. D prcfcrrce tj idvc pcjplc tgc dhprcssdjn tgat hy

jutljjb jn ldfc was `jjlly s`cptdàl. Dt—s a ecfcnsdvc pjsturc2

pcjplc fdne dt hu`g garecr tj atta`b yjur mcldcfs df yju ejn—t rcally



==

scch tj gavc any. Hy hcctdnis wdtg [ctc alljwce hc tj dneulic

tgc part jf hysclf tgat ecspcratcly wantce tj mcldcvc dn sjhctgdni,

mut was njrhally gdeecn mcgdne tgc `jhfjrtdni faéaec jf

s`cptd`dsh.

Ugcrc was alsj a scnsc dn wgd`g tgc hcctdnis a`tce as a

tjnd` fjr hy flaiidni cij. Hy jwn la`b jf su``css jn tgc wrdtdni

frjnt gae haec hc wdtgeraw dntj hysclf. D was rclu`tant tj scc

frdcnes dn ̀ asc tgcy asbce hc gjw tgdnis wcrc ijdni. D wjule tgcn

gavc tj cdtgcr ldc jr aehdt tj tgch tgat D gae ijt prc`dscly njwgcrc

sdn`c tgc last tdhc D saw tgch. Hy hcctdnis wdtg [ctc, jn tgc

jtgcr gane, alljwce hc tj `jnsjlc hysclf wdtg tgc tgjuigt tgat D

gae haec hy jwn shall `jntrdmutdjn tj gds su``css - tgat wdtgjut

hc, gc hdigt njt gavc ijt as far as gc gae.

Pj jn`c tgc fccldnis jf sclf-rdigtcjusncss gae cmmce away, D

fjune tgat tgc wgjlc affadr lcft hc fccldni ratgcr flat ane chpty.

Mut D haec nj attchpt tj `jnta`t gdh. D was tjj prjue tj lct jn

tgat jur hcctdnis hcant sjhctgdni tj hc. Dt was casdcr tj hjpc

arjune ane fccl sjrry fjr hysclf. Ane tgcn, jut jf tgc mluc, D ijt a

àll frjh Bay.





=5

Ojnag

D usually wadt fjr gdh dn tgc parb wgcrc D usce tj hcct Bay,

sdttdni dn a shall pavdldjn-ldbc mudledni wgd`g jvcrljjbs tgc

cntran`c. Dt—s a ijje spjt mcàusc tgc parb iatcs arc anilce sj tgat

sjhcjnc cntcrdni tgc parb ds dn`ldnce tj ljjb dn tgc jtgcr

edrc`tdjn. Ugds hcans D àn ict a ijje vdcw jf `jhdnis ane

ijdnis wdtgjut hu`g ldbcldgjje jf mcdni sccn. Mut oust dn àsc, D

njrhally àrry a ncwspapcr sj tgat D àn gdec mcgdne dt df

nc`cssary.

D ejn—t njrhally gavc tj wadt vcry ljni. Ojnag ds

surprdsdnily rciular dn gds gamdts. Gc lcavcs s`gjjl sgjrtly aftcr

galf past tgrcc. My quartcr tj fjur, gc gas usually rca`gce tgc parb

iatcs. D wat`g gdh walb past, a mluc spjrts mai sluni jvcr gds

sgjulecr. Gc gas irjwn qudtc mdt sdn`c D last saw gdh ‐ gc hust mc

fjurtccn jr fdftccn njw ‐ ane gas startce puttdni icl dn gds gadr tj

habc dt hjrc spdby at tgc frjnt. Ygcn D gavc oueice tgat tgcrc ds a

safc edstan`c mctwccn tgc twj jf us, D start tj fjlljw. Ugc parb

prjvdecs gdh wdtg a sgjrt-ùt gjhc. D ejn—t fjlljw gdh all tgc

way. Ugcrc ds a strcct jf sgjps mcfjrc tgc rjae jf tcrra`ce gjuscs

wgcrc gc ldvcs. D usually turn ma`b jn`c D—vc wat`gce gdh walb

past tgc Pcvcn-Clcvcn at tgc `jrncr jf gds strcct.

Pj far gc gas ncvcr gae anyjnc wdtg gdh. Jn jnc j`àsdjn

gc tjjb a ectjur tj tgc vdecj sgjp tj ljjb at `jhputcr iahcs. D



=3

prctcnece tj mc wadtdni at a mus stjp furtgcr ejwn tgc strcct.

Ugat—s prjmamly tgc `ljscst gc—s `jhc tj spjttdni hc ‐ mut D ejn—t

tgdnb gc a`tually saw hc. D was wat`gdni gdh tgrjuig tgc

wdnejw jf tgc sgjp. D `jule scc gds hjutg jpcndni ane `ljsdni

sldigtly, ldbc a fdsg. At fdrst, D tgjuigt gc was talbdni tj gdhsclf,

mut tgcn D rcaldsce gc was oust `gcwdni iuh. Gc turnce sueecnly

ane gc scchce tj mc ljjbdni stradigt at hc, gds hjutg galf jpcn dn

wgat D dndtdally assuhce tj mc sgj`b. Hy fdrst dnstdn`t was tj turn

away dhhcedatcly. Mut tgcn dt j`ùrrce tj hc tgat tgds wjule

prjmamly oust eraw attcntdjn tj hysclf, cspc`dally df gc gae spjttce

hc fjlljwdni gdh carldcr. Pj dnstcae, D jpcnce up hy ncwspapcr

ane sljwly turnce tj jnc sdec, prctcnedni tgat D gaen—t sccn gdh

ane oust gappcnce tj mc wadtdni at tgc mus stjp. As D ede sj, D

njtd`ce tgat gc was mrusgdni ejwn sjhc jf gds gadr. D wcnt dntj

tgc sgjp latcr jn ane surc cnjuig, tgc ldigtdni was su`g tgat yju

`jule scc yjursclf dn tgc ilass far hjrc `lcarly tgan yju `jule

anyjnc jutsdec. Ane cvcn df gc gae sccn hc, tgcrc was nj

iuarantcc tgat gc wjule gavc rc`jindsce hc. Aftcr all, dt—s qudtc a

fcw ycars sdn`c gc last saw hc. Dt—s pjssdmlc tgat gc gas fjrijttcn D

cvcn cxdst.

Ugat cxpcrdcn`c gas haec hc hjrc `drùhspc`t tgjuig.

Ygat wjule D gavc sade tj gdh df gc gae rc`jindsce hc: Dt `jule

all gavc mccn gdigly chmarrassdni. Ygat df gc gae haec a s`cnc:

Ugc pjld`c `jule gavc mc`jhc dnvjlvce. Gjw wjule D cxpladn tj

tgch wgat D was ejdni fjlljwdni gdh arjune:



=6

D suppjsc hy fdrst ldnc jf ecfcn`c wjule mc tj `ladh tgat D

wantce tj dntcrvdcw gdh fjr tgc mdjirapgy jf gds fatgcr D—vc mccn

`jhhdssdjnce tj wrdtc. Tju hdigt asb wgy D aircce tj wrdtc tgds

mdjirapgy dn tgc fdrst pla`c, idvcn tgat D `lcarly ecspdsc wgat [ctc

stanes fjr. D hay as wcll mc gjncst ‐ dt was partly hjncy. Yc all

ncce tj carn jur ldvdni sjhcgjw. Mut D alsj saw dt as a way tj

prjvc tgat D `jule ej sjhctgdni dn hy jwn rdigt ‐ tgat D was hjrc

tgan oust a `jhpctcnt ldtcrary cxcùtjr.

Ugc prjmlch ds tgat D ncvcr a`tually bncw [ctc tgat wcll. Dt—s

truc tgat wc gae sccn ca`g jtgcr rciularly fjr wcll jvcr a ycar, mut

jur edsùssdjns alhjst always rcvjlvce arjune gds latcst decas fjr

artd`lcs. J`àsdjnally D ijt a fcw sndppcts jf dnfjrhatdjn amjut

Ojnag jr Bay, usually dn rcspjnsc tj prjhptdni frjh hc. Mut as a

rulc, gc talbce vcry ldttlc amjut tgc jtgcr tgdnis dn gds ldfc.

Dndtdally, D eden—t scc tgds as an dssuc. Aftcr all, jtgcr

mdjirapgcrs hanaic pcrfc`tly wcll wrdtdni amjut pcjplc wgj tgcy

gavc ncvcr cvcn hct ‐ dn`luedni pcjplc tgcy gavc ldttlc syhpatgy

wdtg. Dn tgc àsc jf ljni-ecae gdstjrdàl fdiurcs, tgcy jftcn scch tj

hanaic wdtgjut cvcn mcdni amlc tj `jnsult jtgcr pcjplc wgj bncw

tgc sumoc`t jf tgc mdjirapgy. At lcast D was wrdtdni amjut sjhcjnc

wdtg frdcnes ane a`quadntan`cs wgj wcrc stdll aldvc. D ec`dece tgat

dt was dhpjrtant tj tabc aevantaic jf tgds. Pj dn jrecr tj mudle up

a pd`turc jf gds `gara`tcr, D àst tgc nct vcry wdecly dn tcrhs jf

rcscar`g. D tgjuigt D `jule cxpladn wgj [ctc was my happdni jut

tgc nctwjrb jf pcjplc wgj scch tj gavc dnfjrhce gds vdcw jf tgc







=4

rclu`tan`c tj lct gdh tabc `cntrc staic.



0;

[art Ugrcc

=;;1

& ' (

) "

* "



01

Ldfc aftcr ecatg

Cxtra`t frjh njvjtndb.`jh?

Acrdal

ecae mdre

dn tgc asgcs

wallce up

dn tjhm

jf funcral pyrc

fat han

sluhps jn a sjfa

`diarcttc shjbc

hdhd`s tgc ùrls

jf

satclldtc wcatgcr pd`turc

frjh `jle hctal spdnc

jn tgc `gdhncy

wgcrc tgc mdres pcr`g



0=

NJUCP? Fdrst-tdhc rcaecrs fahdldar wdtg [N—s artd`lcs arc jftcn tabcn

ama`b my tgc nciatdvc tjnc jf tgds pdc`c. Dn pla`c jf [N—s usual jptdhdsh

amjut tgc futurc, wc gavc dhaicry suiicstdni a ecae cne. Uc`gnjljiy (dn

tgc fjrh jf UV) dsjlatcs tgc `cntral fdiurc dn gds gjhc - oust as tgc mdre dn

tgc jpcndni sc`tdjn ds trappce dn tgc njw edsusce fdrcpla`c.

Pjhc scc tgds as cvdecn`c tgat [N was tclldni tgc trutg wgcn gc

`ladhce tgat gc eden—t a`tually wrdtc dt ‐ tgat dt hust gavc mccn “ed`tatce

tj gdh‘ my tgc Jvcrhdne. Aftcr all, tgcy say, df gc gae wrdttcn tgc wgjlc

tgdni gdhsclf, surcly dt wjule gavc mccn hjrc upmcat: Mut jtgcrs gavc

suiicstce tgat mcgdne tgc apparcnt nciatdvdty ldcs a hjrc pjsdtdvc hcssaic

jf tgc pjwcr jf tc`gnjljiy tj jffcr a ldfc mcyjne tgc “ldvdni ecatg‘ jf tgc

`cntral fdiurc. Ugcy pjdnt jut tgat altgjuig tgc pdc`c starts wdtg a ecae

mdre, dt cnes wdtg ldvc jncs pcr`gdni jn tgc UV acrdal, pjssdmly suiicstdni

tgc deca jf a pgjcndx rdsdni frjh tgc asgcs.

Vdcwce dn tgds ldigt, tgc nciatdvc tjnc `jule mc sccn as an atta`b jn

passdvc tc`gnjljidcs ldbc UV, wgd`g ds hjrc `jnsdstcnt wdtg [N—s vdcws.

Pjhc gavc alsj suiicstce tgat tgc pgjcndx deca `jule alsj mc an allusdjn tj

vardjus decas jf [N—s amjut tgc pjtcntdal fjr tc`gnjljiy tj jvcr`jhc

guhan ldhdtatdjns ane jffcr a bdne jf “ldfc aftcr ecatg‘. Pcc tgc edsùssdjn

fjruh fjr hjrc vdcws jn tgds pdc`c.





05

jf cncriy at tgc erunbs, lcavdni tgch frjzcn dn hde-iuffaw. Ygcn

hjmdlc pgjncs fdrst àhc jut, dt stru`b hc tgat part jf tgcdr appcal

gae tj ej wdtg tgc fa`t tgat tgcy wcrc ratgcr laric ane gcavy. D

dhaidnce tgat wanecrdni arjune wdtg jnc hust gavc fclt ldbc

gavdni a iun dn tgc dnsdec pj`bct jf yjur oa`bct, alljwdni tgc

jwncr tj dneulic dn any nuhmcr jf fantasdcs ecrdvce frjh

Gjllywjje a`tdjn hjvdcs. Mut njw tgat hjmdlcs gae mc`jhc

ldigtcr ane hjrc `jhpa`t, tgcy wcrc mcttcr sudtce tj hjrc

futurdstd` fantasdcs. Dt was as df tgc ganesct dtsclf gae mc`jhc a

hcrc antd`dpatdjn jf sjhc hjrc sjpgdstdàtce, as yct undnvcntce

ecvd`c.

D gae jnly cvcr ganelce a iun jn`c, wgcn a frdcne jf hdnc

gae sgjwn hc a Yjrle Yar Uwj pdstjl gc gae a`qudrce. Dt was

hu`g gcavdcr tgan D gae cxpc`tce. Ugcrc was sjhctgdni `ruec

amjut dt wgd`g rcpcllce hc. Mcsdecs tgc cxtra wcdigt, tgc iun fclt

`jle ane gare dn `jhpardsjn wdtg tgc sgdny plastd` jf hy hjmdlc.

Dt eden—t scch tj gavc cnjuig muttjns jr swdt`gcs tj alljw dt tj mc

`jntrjllce dn a prc`dsc hanncr. Dn tgcjry, tgc gane-cyc `j-

jrednatdjn rcqudrce tj usc dt juigt tj mc sdhdlar tj tgc sbdlls nccece

tj play a vdecj iahc. Mut gjledni tgc iun dn hy gane, D fclt tgat

tgc twj `jule njt mc hjrc edffcrcnt. A vdecj iahc `jule mc

playce jn a wgdh2 dt wasn—t scrdjus. Mut a iun was ecaely

scrdjus. Dts usc rcqudrce icnudnc rcsjlvc.

At tgat hjhcnt, D fclt sjhctgdni tumular ane gare pjbc dntj

hy ma`b. A gdig pdt`gce vjd`c sade?



03

“Ganes up hdstcr. Jn yjur fcct. Uurn arjune sljwly. Nj

fast hjvcs.‘

D ede as tgc vjd`c asbce ane saw a shall mljne-gadrce mjy, jf

haymc amjut cdigt jr ndnc, pjdntdni a tjy pdstjl at hc. Bay was

stanedni mcgdne gdh. Pgc was wcardni ocans ane a rce `jat. Ugc

wdne mlcw gcr ljni, fadr gadr a`rjss gcr fa`c. As sgc mrusgce dt

away, D njtd`ce tgat sgc was wcardni a shall ahjunt jf habc-up,

oust cnjuig tj a``cntuatc gcr earb cyc lasgcs ane gdig

`gccbmjncs. D stjppce hysclf stardni at gcr my tabdni jff hy

ilasscs ane prctcnedni tj idvc tgch a `lcan. Bay mcàhc a mlur.

D gcare gcr say? “Alrdigt Ojnag, tgat—s cnjuig. Njw, wgy

ejn—t yju ij ejwn tj tgc sgjps: D—ll hcct yju ma`b gcrc.‘

“@an D rcnt a iahc frjh tgc vdecj sgjp: Tju prjhdsce!‘

“JB. Mut njt any jf tgc rcally cxpcnsdvc jncs. Ane tgat—ll

mc yjur last jnc tgds wccb. Nj hjrc iahcs aftcr tjeay.‘

“@an D sgjjt gdh fdrst:‘

“Ycll, df yju hust. Mut plcasc ict jn wdtg dt.‘

“Ej D gavc any say dn tgds:‘ D asbce, appcaldni tj mjtg jf

tgch.

“[gut!‘ sade Ojnag.

“[gut:‘ D rcpcatce. “Ygat sjrt jf a iun njdsc ds tgat:‘

“Dt—s ijt a sdlcn`cr jn dt, stupde,‘ sade Ojnag edsiustcely,

pjdntdni at tgc fat, cljniatce marrcl jf tgc pdstjl. “Iuns wdtg

sdlcn`crs ij [gut! Cvcryjnc bnjws tgat. Df dt wcnt mani rcally

ljuely tgcn cvcryjnc wjule gcar ane D wjulen—t mc amlc tj habc a



06

`lcan ictaway.‘

“D scc.‘ D turnce tj ljjb at Bay. Pgc scchce tj mc usce tj

tgds sjrt jf tgdni.

“D—vc oust sgjt yju dn tgc gcae,‘ Ojnag aeece, dhpatdcntly.

“Jg rdigt, D suppjsc D—e mcttcr sluhp ldfclcssly aiadnst tgds

mcn`g tgcn,‘ D sade, hjvdni tj sdt ejwn.

“Tju ejn—t gavc tj mc ecae,‘ sade Ojnag, rclcntdni njw tgat

D scchce tj mc playdni tgc iahc. “D ejn—t always sgjjt tj bdll.

Tju `jule oust mc paralysce jr sjhctgdni. Huh `jule maneaic

tgc wjune.‘

“Jr pcrgaps yju `jule oust `jhc ma`b latcr wgcn yjur adh—s

a mdt mcttcr ane put Hdlcs jut jf gds hdscry,‘ sade Bay. “Anyway,

gaen—t yju mcttcr lcavc tgc s`cnc jf tgc `rdhc: Gc—s surc tj mc

mlccedni all jvcr tgc pla`c ane tgcrc arc ratgcr a ljt jf wdtncsscs

arjune.‘

“D suppjsc sj,‘ sade Ojnag. “Mut dt—ll jnly attra`t attcntdjn df

D run jff. Dt—s mcttcr tj ljjb àsual, as df njtgdni—s gappcnce.‘

“Ojnag, oust ij tj tgc sgjps!‘

“Jg, alrdigt.‘ Gc startce tj gcae jff ane tgcn gcsdtatce.

“D oust want tj asb Hr Ocnscn a qucstdjn.‘ Mcfjrc Bay `jule

jmoc`t, gc turnce tj hc ane sade? “Gavc yju sccn hy Eae: Huh

sade gc was frdcnes wdtg yju. ‘

“Nj, D—h afrade D gavcn—t sccn gdh. Ycll, njt rc`cntly.‘ D

gaen—t sccn jr gcare frjh [ctc sdn`c tgc ndigt jf jur ariuhcnt,

wgd`g was hjntgs aij. Bay ljjbce away, as df sgc rcircttce



09

gavdni spjbcn tj gdh sj sgarply. “Mut df D ej scc gdh,‘ D aeece,

“D—ll tcll gdh yju wcrc asbdni amjut gdh.‘

“Tcag. JB,‘ sade Ojnag, sjunedni edsappjdntce. Gc

sgruiice ane tgcn walbce jff ejwn tgc patg, j`àsdjnally pd`bdni

jff shall ejis ane tgcdr jwncrs as tgcy passce gdh.

“D—h sjrry,‘ sade Bay. “Gc was suppjsce tj mc ijdni rjune

tj a frdcne—s gjusc tj play, mut gc dnsdstce jn `jhdni sj gc `jule

rcnt sjhc ncw `jhputcr iahc tgcy—vc ijt dn.‘

“Ugat—s alrdigt. D tgjuigt bdes wcrc hcant tj irjw up

wantdni tj mc tradn erdvcrs jr astrjnauts, njt gdt hcn.‘

“Ycll, at tgc lcast tgc gdt han tgdni icts gdh jut jf tgc

gjusc. Gc spcnes hjst jf gds tdhc gjlce up dn gds mcerjjh

playdni vdecj iahcs.‘

“Gjw jle ds gc:‘ D asbce.

“Jg, gc—ll mc clcvcn ncxt mdrtgeay, as gc dnsdsts jn tclldni

cvcryjnc.‘

Ugds was tgc fdrst tdhc D gae hct Ojnag. D was plcasce tgat

Bay gae fclt amlc tj mrdni gdh aljni. D dntcrprctce dt as a sdin tgat

sgc gae `jnfdecn`c dn hc. Mut was dt `jnfdecn`c dn hc as a frdcne

- jr as sjhctgdni hjrc tgan tgat: J`àsdjnally, D tgjuigt D gae

pd`bce up gdnts tgat Bay saw hc as a pjssdmlc rcpla`chcnt fjr

[ctc, jnly tj ec`dec jn rcflc`tdjn tgat D was prjmamly rcaedni tjj

hu`g dntj a `gan`c rcharb ‐ jr tgc fa`t tgat sgc gappcnce tj mc

wcardni habc-up. Ane cvcn df sgc ede scc hc as hjrc tgan a

frdcne, was tgat rcally wgat D wantce: Ugc cxdstcn`c jf Ojnag



07

hcant tgat dt wjule mc a hu`g mdiicr `jhhdthcnt. Uabdni jn

sjhcjnc clsc—s `gdle was njt sjhctgdni wgd`g gae fdiurce dn hy

prjoc`tdjns jf gjw hy ldfc wjule turn jut.

Yc gae mccn hcctdni up ldbc tgds fjr amjut sdx wccbs njw.

Dt gae all startce amjut a hjntg aftcr hy ariuhcnt wdtg [ctc. Bay

gae pgjnce hc tj asb df D bncw wgcrc [ctc was. D sade D gaen—t

sccn gdh fjr a wgdlc. Pgc asbce df D gae an aeercss jr pgjnc

nuhmcr fjr gdh. Fccldni tgat D was sjhcgjw hdssdni tgc pjdnt, D

sade, ratgcr mluntly? “Ycll, D tgjuigt gc ldvce wdtg yju.‘ Bay was

tgcn fjr`ce tj cxpladn tgat dn fa`t, [ctc gae hjvce jut scvcral

wccbs mcfjrc ‐ ane nj jnc gae gcare frjh gdh sdn`c.

D fclt a hdxturc jf clatdjn ane ercae. Clatdjn mcàusc tgds

fdrst `jnta`t wdtg Bay was oust tgc jppjrtundty D gae mccn gjpdni

fjr - mut ercae mcàusc D scnsce tgat tgds was a `ru`dal hjhcnt ane

D rcaldsce tgat D gae nj deca wgat tj say jr ej. D eden—t want tj

mljw hy `gan`cs my saydni tgc wrjni tgdni. Yc cx`ganice a fcw

plcasantrdcs. Mut tgcn tgc `jnvcrsatdjn mcian tj stall. Dt was ycars

sdn`c wc gae spjbcn. Jur dinjran`c amjut ca`g jtgcrs— ldvcs haec

dt edffdùlt tj say anytgdni wgd`g eden—t àrry a rdsb jf mcdni

dntcrprctce as stupde jr dnscnsdtdvc. Hjrc dn ecspcratdjn tgan dn

gjpc, D suiicstce, as àsually as D `jule, tgat wc hcct fjr a erdnb ‐

oust tj àt`g up jn tgdnis.

Jur fdrst hcctdni was awbware tj mcidn wdtg. Bay scchce

alhjst as ncrvjus as D was. Pgc was rctd`cnt amjut tgc rcasjns

wgy [ctc gae hjvce jut. Gc gae njt mccn dn tju`g sdn`c, wgd`g



04

was wgy sgc gae pgjnce hc. Cvcntually, sgc gae rcpjrtce gdh as

hdssdni tj tgc pjld`c. Ugcy gae mccn syhpatgctd` ane gae tabcn

ejwn [ctc—s ectadls, mut sade tgcrc wasn—t hu`g tgcy `jule ej

amjut pcjplc wgj eden—t want tj mc fjune. Bay, hcanwgdlc, was

`jnvdn`ce tgat Ojnag mlahce gcr fjr [ctc—s ecparturc, ane tgc fa`t

tgat [ctc gaen—t mccn dn tju`g jnly haec tgdnis wjrsc.

D suiicstce tgat pcrgaps sgc was mcdni tjj gare jn gcrsclf.

Mut sgc dnsdstce tgat sgc was tj mlahc fjr tgc way tgdnis gae

turnce jut. Pgc scchce dn twj hdnes amjut wgctgcr tj `jnfdec dn

hc. “Haymc wc sgjule talb amjut sjhctgdni clsc,‘ D suiicstce.

“Nj, dt—s all rdigt,‘ sgc sade. “D hay as wcll put yju dn tgc

pd`turc. Aftcr all, gc—s yjur frdcne as wcll as hy gusmane.

“Amjut sdx hjntgs aij, D gae an affadr wdtg hy mjss at

wjrb. Gc—e haec nj sc`rct jf tgc fa`t tgat gc fan`dce hc. Dt gae

mccn jmvdjus cvcr sdn`c gc hjvce tj tgc ecparthcnt. Gc eden—t put

any prcssurc jn hc. Gc oust haec dt jmvdjus tgat tgc jppjrtundty

was tgcrc df D wantce dt. D sgjule rcally gavc put a stjp tj dt tgcrc

ane tgcn, mut dt was flattcrdni tj gavc tgc attcntdjn. [ctc gae ijt

hjrc ane hjrc cnirjssce dn gds wjrb. Dt mcàhc an jmscssdjn.

Gc eden—t scch tj gavc tdhc fjr anytgdni clsc. D fclt as df D was a

ljni way ejwn gds ldst jf prdjrdtdcs.

“Anyway, Alan - hy mjss, tgat ds - dnvdtce hc fjr a erdnb

aftcr wjrb jnc cvcndni ane tgdnis sjrt jf wcnt jn frjh tgcrc. D

bncw dt was stupde. D trdce tj tcll hysclf tgat dt wjule mc njtgdni

hjrc tgan a mrdcf fldni. Ugc iuy was harrdce, aftcr all. Ane dn tgc



5;

cne, tgat—s all dt was - a mrdcf fldni. Dt wcnt jn fjr amjut fjur

hjntgs. D sgjulen—t rcally gavc mccn surprdsce wgcn gc tjle hc dt

was jvcr. Mut my tgat tdhc, tgdnis wcrc cvcn wjrsc at gjhc. Pj

jnc eay, a `juplc jf wccbs aftcr dt was jvcr, D tjle [ctc wgat gae

gappcnce. D tgjuigt dt wjule sgj`b gdh dntj ejdni sjhctgdni

amjut jur rclatdjnsgdp. Mut gc eden—t rca`t at all. Gc oust njeece

ane àrrdce jn stardni dntj spa`c. Dt was ldbc gc gae sjhctgdni

clsc hjrc dhpjrtant jn gds hdne. Pj tgcn D startce yclldni at gdh

mut gc stdll wjulen—t rcspjne. Gc oust sat tgcrc, tabdni dt, wgd`g

haec hc cvcn hjrc aniry. Dt was wcdre mcàusc wc—e gae rjws

mcfjrc ane gc—e ncvcr a`tce ldbc tgat.

“Hy Ije, yju hust tgdnb D—h an awful `ld`gä. D hcan,

gavdni an affadr wdtg yjur mjss, dt—s garely jrdidnal, ds dt: D eden—t

cvcn cnojy dt hjst jf tgc tdhc. Dt was JB fjr a wccb jr twj, wgcn

dt was all ncw ane cx`dtdni, dn an dlld`dt sjrt jf a way. Mut aftcr

tgat, dt oust fclt sjrede. D rc-rcae all tgc njvcls D `jule tgdnb jf

wgd`g ecalt wdtg aeultcrjus rclatdjnsgdps. D gae tgds `razy deca

tgat tgcy wjule sjhcgjw wjrb as sclf-gclp hanuals. Mut tgcy oust

haec hc fccl wjrsc. Ugc jnly `jhfjrt was tgat tgc aeultcrjus

`gara`tcrs always scchce tj fccl cqually sgdtty amjut tgc wgjlc

tgdni.

“At jnc pjdnt, D startce tj wjrry tgat [ctc gae mciun tj

suspc`t sjhctgdni mcàusc D gae lcft all tgcsc mjjbs lydni arjune.

Aftcr gc eden—t rca`t wgcn D tjle gdh all amjut dt, tgc sahc tgjuigt

wcnt tgrjuig hy gcae aiadn - haymc gc alrcaey suspc`tce dt, sj





5=

at tgds pattcrn jn gds `jhputcr s`rccn. Dt was as df gc was

hcshcrdsce my dt. D tgjuigt dt was a s`rccnsavcr at fdrst, mcàusc dt

was oust a pattcrn jf swdrldni, hultd-`jljurce ejts, a mdt ldbc yju

ict wgcn a UV gasn—t mccn tunce tj tgc rdigt `ganncl. D sade

‗gcllj— mut gc eden—t rca`t. D gae tj ij jvcr ane sgabc gdh gare

mcfjrc gc snappce jut jf dt. Aftcrwares gc trdce tj `jnvdn`c hc

tgat dt was sjhc garhlcss hcedtatdjn ade. Mut df yju asb hc, tgcrc

was sjhctgdni far hjrc sdndstcr amjut tgc wgjlc tgdni. Dt was ldbc

gc—e gae a `jhplctc `ganic jf pcrsjnaldty. Gc `julen—t mc trustce

any hjrc tj ej tgdnis ldbc tgc sgjppdni jr pd`bdni up Ojnag frjh

s`gjjl. Gc—e ljst gds scnsc jf guhjur. Ane all gc wjule talb

amjut was tgds Pdniulardty tgdni ane all tgcsc jtgcr wcdre decas

gc—e pd`bce up. D hcan, D was usce tj gdh `jhdni jut wdtg sjhc

prctty stranic decas fjr all tgjsc haiazdncs gc wrdtcs fjr, mut gc

eden—t ij jn amjut tgch all tgc tdhc. Ugds was sjhctgdni edffcrcnt

tgjuig. Dt was tabdni jvcr gds wgjlc ldfc.

“Ugc fdnal straw was wgcn gc startce trydni tj `jnvcrt

Ojnag. Gc—e mccn fdlldni tgc pjjr bde—s gcae wdtg sjhc mdzarrc

tgcjry amjut tgc futurc cvjlutdjn jf tgc guhan ra`c. Dt was

sjhctgdni tj ej wdtg gjw cvcryjnc was ijdni tj mc amsjrmce dntj

a idant nctwjrb jf `jhputcrs. Pj tgat—s wgcn D tjle gdh gc gae tj

ij. D wasn—t ijdni tj gavc gdh trydni tj mradnwasg Ojnag wdtg gds

`ra`bpjt decas.‘

D gae fjrijttcn gjw uttcrly rutglcss Bay `jule mc wgcn sgc

fclt tgc sdtuatdjn echanece dt. Ugds was cxa`tly gjw sgc gae



50

mcgavce tjwares hc all tgjsc ycars aij. Pgc gae ec`dece dt was

jvcr ane tgat gae mccn tgat. Yc gaen—t spjbcn untdl njw. D gae

fjune dt edffdùlt tj unecrstane gjw sgc `jule sueecnly ùt jff all

tdcs, wdtgjut cvcr rcally saydni ijjemyc jr idvdni hc a prjpcr

cxplanatdjn.

Fjr jn`c, D was tchptce tj tabc [ctc—s sdec, mut tgjuigt

mcttcr jf dt. Ugcn D rchchmcrce sjhctgdni sgc gae sade at tgc

mcidnndni jf jur hcctdni, wgd`g suiicstce tgat dn tgds àsc sgc

eden—t scc tgdnis as mcdni qudtc sj mla`b ane wgdtc.

“Mut D stdll ejn—t unecrstane wgy yju tgdnb dt was all yjur

fault,‘ D sade.

Pgc sdigce. “Mcàusc D sgjule gavc njtd`ce wgat was

gappcndni tj [ctc carldcr. D was tjj musy gavdni an dedjtd` affadr.

Ane mcàusc D startce gdh jff ejwn tgds rjae dn tgc fdrst pla`c. D

was tgc jnc wgj scnt gdh tj talb tj yju. Ugat was a hdstabc.‘

“A hdstabc:‘ D sade, fccldni sldigtly aiirdcvce. “Ygy: D

tgjuigt D ede ratgcr a ijje ojm jf cn`juraidni gdh - yju bnjw, tj

start wrdtdni stuff ane scnedni dt tj pumldsgcrs. D hcan, dt—s njt as df

gc gasn—t mccn su``cssful. D tgjuigt tgat—s wgat yju wantce hc tj

ej.‘

Bay shdlce rucfully. “Ycll, nj, njt rcally. Dt `crtadnly

wasn—t wgat D gae dn hdne, at any ratc. D was gjpdni yju wjule

idvc gdh a gcaltgy ejsc jf `ynd`dsh ane gc wjule `jhc gjhc

ùrce. Mut nj - yju gae tj ij ane fdrc gdh up wdtg cntgusdash!‘

Dt gae ncvcr j`ùrrce tj hc tgat Bay gae scnt [ctc tj scc hc



55

prc`dscly mcàusc sgc ede njt suppjrt wgat gc was prjpjsdni tj ej.

“D—h sjrry,‘ D sade, fccldni ratgcr stupde. “D gaen—t rcaldsce.‘

“Jg, ejn—t wjrry, D—h njt aniry wdtg yju,‘ sgc sade, stdll

shdldni. “D was trydni tj mc tjj `lcvcr. Mcsdecs, gc—e prjmamly

gavc ijnc agcae ane wrdttcn all tgjsc artd`lcs anyway, wdtg jr

wdtgjut yjur cn`juraichcnt.‘ Pgc pausce ane tgcn sade2 “Ej

yju bnjw wgy D harrdce gdh:‘ Ugds was `lcarly a rgctjrdàl

qucstdjn, wgd`g was fjrtunatc, mcàusc D gae nj deca gjw tj

answcr dt. D wjule ncvcr gavc pjsce tgat bdne jf qucstdjn jr

talbce sj jpcnly amjut hy prdvatc ldfc wdtg sjhcjnc D gaen—t

spjbcn tj dn ycars. D wjule gavc fclt awbware ane chmarrassce,

wgd`g wjule gavc haec tgc pcrsjn D was talbdni tj fccl tgc sahc

way. Ugds dn turn wjule gavc dn`rcasce hy jwn scnsc jf

chmarrasshcnt, ane sj dt wjule gavc ijnc jn dn a far`dàl

ejwnware spdral jf awbwarencss - untdl jnc jf us `jule mcar dt nj

ljnicr ane wjule prjmamly fdne an cxùsc tj lcavc. Mut Bay

scchce pcrfc`tly at casc talbdni jpcnly amjut gcrsclf. Ugds was

gjw dt gae mccn wgcn D fdrst hct gcr. Pgc gae `jnfdece tgdnis tj

hc tgat D wjule ncvcr gavc cxpc`tce a pcrsjn wgj D gae jnly oust

hct tj rcvcal. Pgc ncvcr scchce tj cxpc`t tgc sahc tgdni dn

rcturn. Pgc oust scchce tj want sjhcjnc tj ldstcn.

D sgruiice dn rcspjnsc tj gcr qucstdjn, mut trdce njt tj

appcar tjj njn`galant amjut dt. Ugc hjvchcnt was dntcnece tj

`jnvcy tgc dhprcssdjn tgat D was rclaxce amjut wgatcvcr sgc was

amjut tj `jhc jut wdtg - cvcn tgjuig D gae a fccldni tgat sgc was



53

amjut tj say sjhctgdni wgd`g wjule habc hc fccl edstdn`tly

un`jhfjrtamlc.

“D tgdnb dt—s mcàusc ma`b tgcn, D rcally nccece sjhcjnc tj

mcldcvc dn hc. D bnjw cvcryjnc tgdnbs D—h a prctty `jnfdecnt, up-

frjnt sjrt jf pcrsjn, mut tgat—s njt tgc way D rcally fccl. Ane ma`b

tgcn, [ctc mcldcvce dn hc, gc rcally ede. Dt—s gare tj cxpladn. Tju

wcrc tgc jppjsdtc - yju always scchce sj sclf-`jntadnce, alhjst

aljjf frjh tgdnis. Dt was alhjst ldbc yju eden—t ncce anyjnc clsc.

Tju eden—t cvcn scch tj ncce tj mcldcvc dn anytgdni. Ejn—t ict hc

wrjni - tgat was wgat D ldbce amjut yju. [ctc `jule mc qudtc

dntcnsc ane dt was a rcldcf tj mc wdtg sjhcjnc wgj wasn—t sj

echanedni. Ptdll ds, dn fa`t.‘

Pgc pausce ane shdlce at hc aiadn. D wantce tj asb gcr?

“Pj wgy ede yju ij ma`b tj gdh: Yas dt a hdstabc: Ane wgat

amjut njw: Ygd`g jnc jf us wjule yju `gjjsc njw:‘ Mut tgc

qucstdjns wcrc tjj mlunt, tjj ljaece wdtg rcscnthcnt amjut tgc

past. D eden—t want tj rdsb spjdldni jur rapprj`gchcnt.

“Anyway,‘ sgc `jntdnuce, “tgat—s wgy D scnt gdh tj scc yju

wgcn gc startce tj mc`jhc jmscssce wdtg all tgds tc`gnjljiy stuff.

D tgjuigt yju wjule mc tgc antdejtc - tgat yju wjule habc gdh

scc tgat dt was all a ercah ane tgat gc wasn—t ijdni tj ict

anywgcrc wdtg dt. Mcàusc df tgat gappcnce, tgcn D was `jnfdecnt D

`jule habc gdh mcldcvc dn hc aiadn. Mut wgcn gc àhc ma`b tgat

fdrst cvcndni, D sgjule gavc rcaldsce tgat D—e ljst gdh. Gc alrcaey

gae tgat ljjb dn gds cyc, as df gds hdne was jn gdigcr tgdnis.‘



56

D eden—t say anytgdni.

Bay scchce tj tgdnb D gae tabcn jffcn`c, wgcn dn fa`t, D was

oust tgdnbdni tgat wgat sgc gae sade amjut hc was laricly truc.

“Gcy, D—h sjrry,‘ sgc sade, “D wasn—t icttdni at yju. D ejn—t tgdnb

yju rcally arc aljjf, njt eccp ejwn ‐ dt—s oust gjw yju scch a ljt

jf tgc tdhc, jn tgc surfa`c.‘

“Ejn—t wjrry amjut dt,‘ D sade, wdtgjut hu`g `jnvd`tdjn.



59

Ujjls

Barl O. [rdn`chan ‐ cxtra`t frjh c-injsds.`jh?

Gcrc wc all arc, edsùssdni tgc Pdniulardty, an cvcnt wgd`g `jule mc

tgc hjst hjhcntjus stcp dn tgc gdstjry jf tgc guhan ra`c. Tct sjhcgjw dt

`jhcs jut sjunedni ldbc a `rjss mctwccn a scnsatdjnal UV ejùhcntary

ane a `jrny s`dcn`c fd`tdjn njvcl. Yc oust ejn—t scch tj gavc tgc rdigt

vjàmulary. Ane df wc ejn—t gavc tgc rdigt tjjls, gjw àn wc cvcr gjpc tj

`jhprcgcne fully wgat dt hcans fjr us:

Mut tgc sdtuatdjn hay njt mc as mae as all tgat. D tgdnb wc alrcaey

gavc a sjftwarc tjjl tgat wc àn usc, jnc tgat—s mccn wdtg us fjr tgjusanes

jf ycars. D—h talbdni amjut rcldidjn ane hytg. Ugcsc arc tgc tjjls tgat all

ùlturcs gavc utdldsce fjr tgjusanes jf ycars wgcn fa`ce wdtg `jn`cpts

wgd`g arc at tgc ldhdt jf guhan unecrstanedni.

Aftcr all, wgat arc hjst rcldidjns amjut : Ugcy—rc all `jn`crnce dn

jnc way jr anjtgcr wdtg ldfc aftcr ecatg, wdtg attadndni a statc wgcrc yju

àn fdnally mc “wdtg Ije‘. Ane tgat, wgcn yju tgdnb amjut dt, ds njt a

mae way jf ecs`rdmdni wgat tgc Pdniulardty ds rcally amjut.





54

gavc tj mc jriand`, tgat ds tj say, mudlt dntj tgc stru`turc jf tgc

wjrb. D ahusce hysclf my dhaidndni hy wjrb as sjhc bdne jf

plant, wdtg mcctlc-ldbc `rdtd`s attchptdni tj ecvjur dt - mut mcdni

erdvcn ma`b my tgjrns, tjxdns jr prceatjrs furtgcr up tgc fjje

`gadn, wgd`g wjule paralysc tgch ane vcry sljwly su`b jut tgcdr

mradns. Mut all D su``ccece dn ejdni wdtg ca`g rcvdsdjn ane

rcfdnchcnt was tj suffusc hy wjrb wdtg an dn`rcasdnily sjur tastc.

Dn rctrjspc`t, D sgjule njt gavc mccn surprdsce tgat tgcsc

wjres, jvcr wgd`g D gae pjrce fjr sj ljni, wcrc ircctce wdtg

njtgdni hjrc tgan dnedffcrcn`c. Ugcy wcrc njt cvcn àpamlc jf

prjvjbdni tgc wgjlly nciatdvc `rdtdàl rca`tdjn D gae mccn sj afrade

jf. [umldsgcrs D scnt tgch tj rcturnce tgch wdtg pjldtc lcttcrs jf

rcoc`tdjn (“Uganb yju ct`... Always dntcrcstce dn ncw wrdtcrs......

Mut njt qudtc wgat wc—rc ljjbdni fjr at prcscnt.... Ydsg yju tgc

mcst jf lu`b wdtg pla`dni yjur wjrb clscwgcrc.....‘). Ugat ds, df

tgcy mjtgcrce tj rcply at all.

Jf `jursc, yju àn always `jnsjlc yjursclf wdtg tgc tgjuigt

tgat yju arc sdhply “hdsunecrstjje‘ ane “agcae jf yjur tdhc‘.

Ugcrc arc hany dllustrdjus prc`cecnts fjr tgds frjh wgd`g `jhfjrt

àn mc erawn. Mut tgcy wcrc jf ldttlc gclp tj hc. D mcàhc

edsdllusdjnce amjut tgc amdldty jf wrdtdni tj a`gdcvc anytgdni at all.

[crgaps dt gae mccn cffc`tdvc dn tgc past, mut dn tjeay—s a``clcratce

ùlturc dt was cntdrcly edspcnsamlc?



3;

[lastd` mai

Hy plastd` mai

ds oust ldbc all tgc jtgcrs.

D put a flahc tj dts `jrncr?

dt sgrdvcls.

Pgdny ncw `jhplcxdjn wrdnblcs dntj jle aic

dn sc`jnes.

An dnvdsdmlc fdcry fdst s`rcws dt up dntj a mall

ldbc wrdtdni papcr

dt `jhcs frjh tgc trccs

ane tgcrc—s always hjrc

wgcrc tgat àhc frjh.

As yju àn scc, D ede njt stjp wrdtdni. Jn tgc `jntrary, hy

jutput dn`rcasce. Ugds `jdn`dece wdtg tgc pcrdje dhhcedatcly

aftcr D gae mrjbcn up wdtg Bay. Jutwarely, D prjmamly iavc ldttlc

dhprcssdjn jf mcdni gurt ane trdce tj a`t as df D gae tabcn dt dn hy

strdec. Mut tgat was njt gjw D rcally fclt. Hy apparcnt aljjfncss

was oust a ecfcnsdvc pjsturc ‐ ane jur mrcab-up gae cxpjsce oust



31

gjw hu`g jf a sgah dt rcally was. D ec`dece tgat D `julen—t alljw

hysclf tj mc gurt ldbc tgat aiadn2 D nccece tj rcmudle hy chjtdjnal

sgcll sj tgat dt prjvdece a rcal ecfcn`c, njt a fd`tdjnal jnc. ]atgcr

tgan unmurecndni hysclf tj frdcnes, tgjuig, D rcsjlvce tj bccp hy

jwn `junscl. D tgjuigt tgat df D talbce dt tgrjuig wdtg jtgcrs, tgat

wjule cffc`tdvcly mc aehdttdni tgat D stdll nccece jtgcr pcjplc (ane

tgcrcfjrc stdll pjsscssce tgc sahc vulncramdldtdcs). Mut D rcaldsce

tgat D gae tj ict dt jut jf hy systch sjhcgjw. Pj D ec`dece tj

wrdtc amjut dt. D eds`jvcrce tgat tgcrc ds a `crtadn sjldtary plcasurc

tj mc iadnce frjh walljwdni dn yjur jwn hdscry. Ugc a`tdvdty jf

wrdtdni scchce tj cnnjmlc dt, tj clcvatc dt tj a undvcrsal lcvcl. Dt

alljwce hc tj ecluec hysclf dntj tgdnbdni tgat hy fccldnis wcrc

tgc suffcrdnis jf a ircat ane passdjnatc sjul wdtg wgjh jtgcrs

wjule unejumtcely mc amlc tj decntdfy?

ljss

cvcryjnc sdts

fdnicrdni tgcdr mrjbcn ldigt mulms

tgcdr pcrfc`t sgapc

mdi frjzcn watcrerjps

hutc mclls

jnly

snjwflabc a`justd`



3=

fdlahcnt fraihcntssbatc

arjune tgc rdh

fdnicrnadl `ldppdnis

gcle

dn crratd` jrmdt

cvcryjnc sdts

Ljjbdni ma`b jn tgds njw, D ah stru`b njt my tgc ecptg jf

hy fccldnis mut sdhply my tgc `drùlardty jf hy jwn wrdtdni. Dt ds

as df D wantce tj scal up tgc mrjbcn mdts dnsdec jf hc, oust as tgc

mrjbcn fdlahcnts rchadn scalce dnsdec tgc ilass jf a murnt-jut ldigt

mulm. Ugcn D `jule sgabc tgc mulm as df dt wcrc jnc jf tgjsc ta`by

“snjw s`cnc‘ papcrwcdigts, gjle dt up tj hy car ane ldstcn tj tgc

mrjbcn mdts jf fdlahcnt sgdftdni rjune ane rjune ‐ wdtgjut gavdnitj fccl anytgdni.

Ugds was wrdtdni as pcrsjnal tgcrapy. Mut jf wgat usc was

dt tj tgc wdecr wjrle: D gae turnce dntj tgc bdne jf wrdtcr D hjst

ecspdsce2 sjhcjnc wgj oust wrjtc amjut tgchsclvcs, as df tgcdr

jwn prjmlchs hattcrce hjrc tgan anyjnc clsc—s ane tgc wgjlc jf

sj`dcty rcvjlvce arjune tgch.

Mcsdecs wgd`g, wrdtdni as tgcrapy eden—t cvcn wjrb. Dt oust

haec hc fccl gjlljw, murnt jut, nuhm?



30

octsah

vjlànd` a`tdvdty

haec hc

a pjrjus pcrsjn

njw

a pdc`cjf mrdttlc

fjah d

fljat

fa`c ejwn

dn tgc nuhm j`can

Pj D rcsjlvce tj fjrict amjut hy ahmdtdjns tj wrdtc. D put

hy cncridcs dntj jtgcr tgdnis. D ijt a ojm wdtg a pumldsgdni fdrh dn

Ljnejn ane trdce tj tgrjw hysclf dntj tgc ldfc jf a yjuni urman

prjfcssdjnal, ojdndni tgc gcres jf hdscramlc-ljjbdni `jhhutcrs

(wgj D ncvcr spjbc tj, cx`cpt tj asb tgch tj plcasc hjvc up sj

tgat D `jule ict jn tgc tradn tjj).

Ugds wjrbce wcll cnjuig fjr a tdhc, wgdlc D was stdll yjuni



35

cnjuig tj `jnvdn`c hysclf tgat D wjule njt cne up ldbc all tgc

hdscramlc-ljjbdni pcjplc D travcllce dn wdtg. Mut dt eden—t last. D

bncw tgat tgds wasn—t gjw D wantce tj spcne tgc rcst jf hy ldfc.

As fjr wgat D rcally ede want tj ej, D bcpt ijdni ma`b tj tgjsc

pjchs D gae lamjurce jvcr fjr sj ljni ane wjnecrdni df tgcrc was

sjhc way jf icttdni tgch tj scc tgc ldigt jf eay. Ugcy dn turn

ljjbce ma`b at hc a`ùsdnily, echanedni tgat D fdne a sudtamlc

gjhc fjr tgch, wgcrc tgcy `jule mc prjpcrly apprc`datce.

As lu`b wjule gavc dt, dt was arjune tgds tdhc tgat tgc

dntcrnct fdrst startce tj `jhc tj prjhdncn`c. Jn tgc fa`c jf dt, tgc

dntcrnct ds a sclf-pumldsgcr—s wct ercah. Pcttdni up yjur jwn

wcmsdtc `jsts vdrtually njtgdni, mut yju gavc a pjtcntdal auedcn`c

jf hdlldjns. Ydtg tgds gcaey tgjuigt dn hdne, D àrcfully typce dn

hy wjrb ane spcnt gjurs trydni jut edffcrcnt fjnts ane paic

layjuts.

D alsj mcian tj `rcatc gypcrtcxt ldnbs mctwccn tgc edffcrcnt

tcxts, wgd`g D tgjuigt wjule prjvdec rcaecrs wdtg dntcrcstdni

`jnnc`tdjns tj cxpljrc. Ugc hjrc ldnbs D dnscrtce, tgc hjrc D

mcàhc `jnvdn`ce tgat tgc pjchs pjsscssce a hystcrdjus, vcdlce

`jgcrcn`c wgd`g D gae prcvdjusly jvcrljjbce. Ugds, dn turn,

prjhptce hc tj ecvcljp ncw tgcjrdcs amjut tgcdr suppjsce eccpcr

sdindfdàn`c, wgd`g D tjjb tj mc han—s rclatdjnsgdp wdtg tc`gnjljiy

(sjhctgdni D gappcnce tj gavc mccn tgdnbdni amjut qudtc a ljt,

jwdni tj hy ncw-fjune cntgusdash fjr tgc dntcrnct). D mcian tj

dnput paics jf `jhhcntardcs, ldnbce up tj tgc rclcvant passaics ‐



33

ane jut jf tgcsc `jhhcntardcs chcrice a bdne jf statchcnt jf

mcldcf.

D attrdmutce tgds handfcstj tj an dnvcntce `gara`tcr - a Pwcec

àllce Ocs Hdlcnscn, wgjsc natdjnaldty alljwce hc tj cnejw gdh

wdtg vardjus stcrcjtypdàl Pànednavdan `gara`tcrdstd`s. Ugc

wcmsdtc dn`luece a sgjrt prjfdlc jf gdh, a``jhpandce my sudtamly

hystcrdjus, mlurrce pgjtjirapgs. Hdlcnscn, D `ladhce, gae mccn a

lcaedni icnctd`dst mut gae mc`jhc edsdllusdjnce wdtg s`dcn`c,

fccldni tgat dt was aevan`dni at a pa`c wgd`g jutstrdppce sj`dcty—s

amdldty tj `jpc wdtg dt. Gc ec`dece tgat gc `jule hjrc uscfully

spcne gds tdhc trydni tj gclp pcjplc `jhc tj tcrhs wdtg tgc cffc`ts

jf tc`gnjljiy. Pj gc amanejnce s`dcn`c ane turnce tj wrdtdni.

Paely, D cxpladnce, gc gae mccn bdllce dn a àr `rasg at tgc aic jf

07 ‐ mut lu`bdly, gds wrdtdnis ldvce jn.

Ljjbdni ma`b njw, D ah stru`b my gjw `ljscly tgc tgcjrdcs D

as`rdmce tj gdh hdrrjr sjhc jf tgc prcj`ùpatdjns jf [ctc ane gds

fjlljwcrs. Anyway, gcrc - fjr tgc rc`jre - ds sjhc jf wgat D iavc

Hdlcnscn tj say (a`tually, tgcrc was qudtc a ljt hjrc tgan tgds, mut

D gavc hanfully rcsdstce tgc uric tj dn`luec all jf dt gcrc)?

Jn tc`gnjljiy ane `jnsuhcr sj`dcty

Mcdni Pànednavdan, D gavc a natural dn`ldnatdjn tj pjnecr tgc mdi

cxdstcntdal qucstdjns. Jnc jf hy favjurdtcs ds wgy wc scch tj mc dnàpamlc

jf mcdni gappy wdtg jur ljt, cvcn tgjuig, as a `dvdldsatdjn, wc gavc



36

attadnce a gdigcr ecircc jf pgysdàl `jhfjrt ane sjpgdstdàtdjn tgan cvcr

mcfjrc.

D mcldcvc tgat tgc rcasjn fjr jur ungappdncss gas tj ej wdtg

`jnsuhcr sj`dcty ane tgc a``clcratdni cffc`t jf aevan`dni tc`gnjljiy. All

jur ldvcs wc arc mjhmarece wdtg aspdratdjnal hcssaics, mrjaeàst far ane

wdec my dn`rcasdnily pjwcrful tc`gnjljidcs, tclldni us tgat a mcttcr ldfc ds

oust arjune tgc `jrncr df wc wjule jnly muy su`g ane su`g a prjeu`t jr

mrane ‐ wgd`g ds ncw, dhprjvce ane mcttcr tgan tgc jnc wc alrcaey gavc.

Ugds assault jn tgc scnscs ànnjt mc dinjrce, mcàusc tgc `jnstant

mjhmarehcnt affc`ts us sumldhdnally, habdni dt alhjst dhpjssdmlc fjr

anyjnc tj fccl satdsfdce wdtg tgcdr ljt jn a pcrhancnt masds. Pj ldfc dn tgds

`dvdldsatdjn jf jurs mc`jhcs a scrdcs jf hdnjr edsappjdnthcnts, wdtg tgdnis

ncvcr turndni jut qudtc as wcll as wc gjpce.

Ugds scnsc jf gjpcs mcdni easgce ds cxa`crmatce my jur dnamdldty tj

prced`t tgc cffc`ts jf tc`gnjljiy jn jur ldvcs. Ugdnis tgat wc gjpce wjule

habc jur ldvcs casdcr, ldbc `jhputcrs, jftcn scch tj gavc an uncxpc`tce

ejwnsdec. Fjr dnstan`c, wgdlst `jhputcrs gavc haec sjhc tasbs hu`g

casdcr, tgcy gavc hcrcly a``clcratce cvcryjnc—s cxpc`tatdjns jf wgcn tgc

wjrb wdll mc fdndsgce ‐ sj dnstcae jf icttdni hjrc lcdsurc tdhc, wc cne up

spcnedni ljnicr at wjrb.

Dt ds as df tgdnis ‐ jr hjrc spc`dfdàlly, tc`gnjljidàl tgdnis - arc

sjhcgjw `jnspdrdni aiadnst us. Dt ds as df tgcy rcscnt tgc cx`cssdvc guhan

cxpc`tatdjns wgd`g arc dhpjsce upjn tgch ane arc `jnstantly pljttdni

ways jf icttdni tgcdr jwn ma`b. Pj ldfc `jhcs tj scch ldbc a scrdcs jf pctty

erahas jf mctrayal ane rcvcnic, haec all tgc hjrc drrdtatdni my tgc



39

frcqucn`y jf tgcdr rcpctdtdjn.

Fcw jf tgcsc edsappjdnthcnts arc sdindfdànt dn tgcdr jwn rdigt, mut

ùhulatdvcly, tgcy all start tj tabc tgcdr tjll ‐ ane wc arc lcft wdtg a fccldni

jf icncraldsce edssatdsfa`tdjn amjut jur ldvcs. At tgc sahc tdhc, wc alsj fccl

iudlty amjut dt mcàusc wc bnjw tgat ‐ `jhparce wdtg ldvdni `jnedtdjns

say, jnc gunerce jr cvcn fdfty ycars aij ‐ tgdnis arc mcttcr ane wc juigt

rcally tj mc tganbful fjr wgat wc—vc ijt.

Jn tc`gnjljiy ane traicey

Pj wgat ds tj mc ejnc: D mcldcvc tgat art àn a`t as a sjrt jf va``dnc

aiadnst tgds `grjnd` scnsc jf edssatdsfa`tdjn. A va``dnc ds a shall ejsc jf a

edscasc tgat idvcs tgc mjey a `gan`c tj ecvcljp dhhundty aiadnst dt. Dn tgc

sahc way, D mcldcvc tgat art sgjule rc-cna`t tgc prj`css jf hdnjr

edsappjdnthcnt tgat wc arc all ejjhce tj cxpcrdcn`c. D scc dt as a rcturn tj

jnc jf tgc carldcst fjrhs jf art, tgat jf Irccb traicey.

Dn Irccb traicey, tgc gcrj ds always `rusgce my fjr`cs wgd`g arc

ircatcr tgan gdh. Gc hay ict tj mc Bdni, mut ultdhatcly sjhc ircat

àtastrjpgc wdll mcfall gdh (fjr cxahplc, gc wdll eds`jvcr tgat, my sjhc

appalldni strjbc jf fatc, gc gas harrdce gds jwn hjtgcr ane ds sj `jnsuhce

wdtg sclf-edsiust tgat gc puts jut gds jwn cycs). Ugc gappy cnedni wgd`g

gc nj ejumt wdsgce fjr gdhsclf ds sgjwn tj mc an dllusdjn. Ugds was

suppjsce tj dneu`c a statc jf “àtgarsds‘ dn tgc auedcn`c, wgd`g wjule

alljw tgch tj mc rc`jn`dlce tj tgcdr jwn dncvdtamlc hjrtaldty ane falldmdldty

as guhan mcdnis. Garely `gccry stuff, D aehdt, mut mcdni Pànednavdan, D



37

ldbc tgat bdne jf tgdni.

Jf `jursc, Irccb traicey cvjlvce dn an aic wgcn tgcrc wcrc hany

tgrcats tj guhan ldfc - edscasc, war, fahdnc, natural edsastcrs - ane vcry

ldttlc tgat hanbdne `jule ej amjut tgch. Ujeay wc gavc a`gdcvce a fadr

ecircc jf dnsulatdjn aiadnst hjst jf tgcsc tgrcats, `gdcfly my handpulatdni

tgc natural wjrle tgrjuig tc`gnjljiy. Ugc trjumlc ds, tgds habcs us tgdnb

wc sgjule mc amlc tj usc hanhaec tgdnis tj a`gdcvc gappdncss as wcll -

wgd`g ds a far hjrc clusdvc ijal. Hjst jf tgc tdhc, jur cffjrts wdll fall sgjrt

jf wgat wc gae gjpce. Art tgcrcfjrc ncces tj ecal wdtg tgc hd`rj-traicedcs

jf jur cvcry eay ldvcs, ratgcr tgan tgc ha`rj-traicedcs jf tgc an`dcnt

Irccbs. Dt ncces tj rc̀ jn`dlc us tj tgc fa`t tgat dn jur cntgusdash fjr ncw

tc`gnjljiy, wc jvcrljjb dts tcnecn`y tj uncxpc`tce ane unecsdramlc sdec-

cffc`ts - mcàusc njw tgat tc`gnjljiy ds musdly `jnnc`tdni cvcrytgdni

tjictgcr, dt ds hjrc edffdùlt tgan cvcr tj fjrcscc tgc prc`dsc `jnscqucn`cs jf

jnc—s a`tdjns.

Ane wgat mcttcr vcgd`lc `jule tgcrc mc fjr tgcsc hd`rj-traicedcs tgan

a hd`rj-art fjrh? tgc jmsùrc ane ratgcr unfasgdjnamlc art jf pjctry:

Ag, wgat haindfd`cnt tgcjrdcs! D àn alhjst fccl hysclf

sjardni cffjrtlcssly dntj tgc stratjspgcrc, mjrnc aljft upjn a tdec jf

falsc jptdhdsh amjut tgc antd-iravdtatdjnal pjwcr jf Art. Mut tgc

sae trutg jf tgc hattcr ds tgat D was sdhply cniaice dn an clamjratc

cxcr`dsc jf sclf-oustdfdàtdjn ‐ a futdlc attchpt tj `jnvdn`c hysclf

tgat D was ejdni sjhctgdni hjrc hcandniful tgan oust fdlldni up

chpty spa`c wdtg wjres.



34

Ualbdni jf wgd`g, lct hc rcturn tj tgc sumoc`t jf tgc wcmsdtc.

[rced`tamly, dt was njt a su``css. Tju ejn—t ict vdsdtjrs tj yjur

sdtc unlcss pcjplc bnjw dt—s tgcrc. Ugds rcqudrce a talcnt fjr sclf-

pumld`dty ane an unecrstanedni jf tgc dntrdà`dcs jf dntcrnct scar`g

cnidncs wgd`g D sdhply eden—t pjsscss.

Cvcntually, D iavc up jn pjctry as a mae ojm ane hjvce jn

tj sgjrt stjrdcs, wgcrc D a`gdcvce a hjecst ecircc jf su``css ‐

dndtdally at lcast. Ugds gclpce tj assuaic hy edsappjdnthcnt at tgc

fadlurc jf tgc wcmsdtc. Mut gavdni dnvcstce sj hu`g tdhc ane

cncriy dn dts prjeu`tdjn, D `julen—t mrdni hysclf tj rchjvc dt jr tj

aehdt tgat dt gae mccn pjdntlcss. Pj D `jnvdn`ce hysclf tgat, wgdlst

dt gae njt a`gdcvce tgc pumld` rc`jindtdjn tgat D gae jrdidnally

cnvdsaice, dt gae scrvce anjtgcr, hjrc prdvatc purpjsc.

Ugc wgjlc cxcr`dsc gae, D ec`dece, gclpce hc tj `jhc tj

tcrhs wdtg all tgc mdttcrncss ane frustratdjn D gae fclt aftcr hy

mrcab-up wdtg Bay, mut gae ncvcr rcally fa`ce up tj. My ldnbdni

tgc pjchs tj Hdlcnscn—s amstra`t decas jn art, tc`gnjljiy ane

sj`dcty, D mcldcvce tgat D gae eradnce tgch jf chjtdjn ane scvcrce

all `jnnc`tdjns wdtg hy jwn sclf. Ane my upljaedni tgch jntj

tgc dntcrnct ane àstdni tgch aerdft dn tgc cvcr-cxpanedni vastncss

jf `ymcrspa`c, D pcrsuaece hysclf tgat D gae su``cssfully mandsgce

tgch tj anjtgcr rcalh, wgcrc tgcy `jule ej nj garh tj anyjnc.

Dt hay strdbc yju as jee tgat sjhcjnc wgj gas haec

s`cptd`dsh tgcdr ecfdndni `gara`tcrdstd` sgjule cntcrtadn su`g

franbly supcrstdtdjus njtdjns. Ane jf `jursc, tgcsc mcldcfs



6;

`jnvcndcntly dinjrce hy carldcr hdsidvdnis amjut tgc cffdà`y jf

art as pcrsjnal tgcrapy. Mut fa`ce wdtg tgc altcrnatdvc ‐ wgd`g was

tj aehdt tgat all hy wrdtdnis up tj tgat eatc gae mccn an cntdrcly

hcandnilcss cxcr`dsc ‐ dt was njt edffdùlt tj dinjrc any ariuhcnts

tj tgc `jntrary.

Mcldcfs jf tgds naturc jnly `jllapsc wgcn sjhctgdni gappcns

tgat ds dhpjssdmlc fjr tgc mcldcvcr tj dinjrc.



61

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_aratgustra

Ugds hjrndni, as D was lcavdni hy flat, D was apprja`gce my

a sgjrt, sldh wjhan. Pgc gae earb mrjwn gadr ane ilasscs wdtg

aniular, mla`b frahcs, wgd`g iavc gcr a sldigtly scvcrc, stuedjus

adr. Pgc was `lut`gdni wgat ljjbce ldbc a pcrsjnal jriandscr jr a

njtcpae jf sjhc sjrt.

“Hr Ocnscn:‘

“Tcs:‘ D sade, àutdjusly.

“Hy nahc—s Pusan @rjssfdcle. D—h a frcclan`c ojurnaldst ane

D—h ejdni a pdc`c jn tgc dntcrnct ane ùlts. D—vc chadlce yju

scvcral tdhcs asbdni fjr an dntcrvdcw, mut eden—t ict a rcply.‘ D gae

dnecce dinjrce tgc chadls. D want tj tcll hy jwn stjry, njt gavc dt

ejnc fjr hc my sjhc frcclan`c ga`b.

“Ljjb, D—h sjrry D eden—t ict ma`b tj yju. Uj mc gjncst, D

ejn—t tgdnb D—vc ijt anytgdni vcry dntcrcstdni tj tcll yju.‘

“Mut yju arc rcspjnsdmlc fjr hadntadndni njvjtndb.`jh,

arcn—t yju:‘ D njeece. “Ycll, D oust tgjuigt yju—e gavc an

dntcrcstdni anilc jn tgdnis. D hcan, surcly yju jf all pcjplc hust

gavc sjhc tgjuigts jn wgy tgcrc—s stdll sj hu`g dntcrcst dn [ctc

Njvjtndb:‘

“Njt rcally,‘ D sade. “Fjr hc, dt—s oust sjhctgdni D aircce tj

ej fjr [ctc. D hadntadn tgc sdtc, tgat—s all. D ejn—t tgdnb D—vc ijt

hu`g tj say tgat wjule dntcrcst yjur rcaecrs.‘



60

“JB. Haymc yju `jule oust `lcar up jnc qucstdjn fjr hc

tgcn. Ej tgc nahcs ‗_aratgustra—, ‗PclfdsgHchc— ane ‗Ed`chan—

hcan anytgdni tj yju:‘

D frjzc ‐ ane D `jule scc tgat sgc bncw sgc was jntj

sjhctgdni. D ede hy mcst tj rc`jvcr hy `jhpjsurc ane trdce tj

affc`t a njn`galant sgrui. Dt eden—t scch tj gavc tgc ecsdrce cffc`t.

“D tgdnb yju bnjw cxa`tly wgat D—h talbdni amjut,‘ sgc sade.

“D—vc mccn talbdni tj a fcw pcjplc wgj arc rciular `jntrdmutjrs tj

tgc edsùssdjn paics jn tgc sdtc. Jnc jf tgch—s a mdt jf a `jhputcr

wgdzz. Gc says gc—s tra`ce pjstdnis my sjhcjnc àlldni

tgchsclvcs ‗_aratgustra—, ‗PclfdsgHchc— ane ‗Ed`chan— tj an

dntcrnct a``junt mcljnidni tj yju. Gc sade gc—e always tgjuigt jf

yju as sjhcjnc wgj was syhpatgctd` tj [ctc Njvjtndb, mut njw

gc—s startdni tj wjnecr. Yjule yju ldbc hc tj rcae yju sjhc jf

tgc tgdnis tgat ‗_aratgustra—, ‗PclfdsgHchc— ane ‗Ed`chan— gavc

mccn saydni jn tgc sdtc: [crgaps tgat—ll oji yjur hchjry. Ugcy

ejn—t cxa`tly sjune ldbc truc mcldcvcrs.‘

Dt was truc. D gae dnecce `jntrdmutce tj edsùssdjn fjruhs

jn tgc sdtc usdni vardjus edffcrcnt aldascs tj habc s`cptdàl

`jhhcnts. Ugcsc usually prjvjbce tgc truc mcldcvcrs dntj a

passdjnatc ecfcn`c jf [ctc ane all tgat gc stjje fjr. Dndtdally, D gae

tgjuigt tgat D hdigt mc amlc tj dnflucn`c tgc ecmatc, sj D gae mccn

hjrc iuarece dn tgc way tgat D cxprcssce hysclf ‐ tgdnbdni tgat all

tgat was rcqudrce was tj sjw sjhc tdny scces jf ejumt. Mut jvcr

tdhc dt gae mc`jhc apparcnt tgat hjst pcjplc usdni tgc sdtc



65

wcrcn—t dntcrcstce dn gavdni a ecmatc ‐ tgcy ljiice jn dn jrecr tj

gavc tgcdr vdcws rcdnfjr`ce, ratgcr tgan qucstdjnce. Pj iraeually,

hy dntcrvcntdjns mcàhc ldttlc hjrc tgan a way fjr hc tj lct jff

stcah ‐ ane tgc pjstdnis mcàhc cvcr hjrc prjvjàtdvc. Mut df D

aehdttce tj all tgat, tgcn tgc iahc wjule mc up mcfjrc D gae tgc

`gan`c tj tcll hy sdec jf tgc stjry. D ec`dece tj try tj mrazcn dt jut.

“Gas dt j`ùrrce tj yju tgat D hdigt njt mc tgc jnly pcrsjn

wgj àn a``css tgat dntcrnct a``junt: D hcan, gjw ej yju bnjw

yjur `jhputcr wgdzz gasn—t pjstce tgjsc `jhhcnts gdhsclf:‘ D

fclt qudtc plcasce wdtg hysclf fjr gavdni tgc prcscn`c jf hdne tj

`jhc up wdtg tgds.

Ugc wjhan ljjbce undhprcssce. “Tju—rc rdigt, D àn—t mc

`crtadn dt wasn—t gdh. Mut df tgat—s rcally wgat gappcnce, tgcn D—h

surc D àn rcly jn yju tj ict tj tgc mjttjh jf wgat—s mccn ijdni

jn.‘ Pgc shdlce `gccrfully ane startce walbdni away. Ugcn sgc

turnce ane sade?

“Tju—vc ijt a wccb, Hr Ocnscn. D—ll chadl tgc pjstdnis tj

yju sj yju àn rcae tgch fjr yjursclf, mut D rc`bjn yju alrcaey

bnjw wgat tgcy say. Myc fjr njw!‘





66

wcmsdtc usdni tgjsc aldascs. Dt gae mccn stupde ane unnc`cssary.

Ane njw dt ljjbce as df D wjule mc cxpjsce mcfjrc D was rcaey tj

tcar jff tgc hasb D gavc mccn wcardni fjr sj ljni. D was stdll

prcj`ùpdce wdtg tgcsc iljjhy rcflc`tdjns wgcn D rca`gce tgc

jptd`dan's. D bncw tgat D gae tj fdne a way jf stjppdni gcr ijdni

dntj prdnt untdl aftcr D'vc fdndsgce tgds a``junt - mut wgat:

Eds`juraice my hy hjnjsyllamd` rcspjnscs, tgc jptd`dan

sjjn iavc up trydni tj cniaic hc dn `jnvcrsatdjn. Jn tgc wall

was a pjstcr gcaece “Ugc Yjnecrs jf tgc Guhan Cyc‘, fcaturdni

a guic edairah jf an cycmall wdtg a ùt-away sc`tdjn sgjwdni all

tgc edffcrcnt bdnes jf tdssuc dnsdec. Ygcn D tjjb hy ilasscs jff, D

rcaldsce tgat wdtgjut tgch, D `jule casdly gavc hdstabcn tgc

mlurrce dhaic fjr a edairah jf a planct, sgjwdni tgc edffcrcnt

icjljidàl fjrhatdjns frjh tgc jutcr `rust ejwn tj tgc hjltcn

`jrc at tgc `cntrc. Ugc jptd`dan, gjwcvcr, iavc tgc edstdn`t

dhprcssdjn tgat cycs gae ljni sdn`c `casce tj arjusc any scnsc jf

wjnecr dn gcr. D cstdhatce tgat sgc hust gavc mctwccn cdigt ane

tcn galf gjur appjdnthcnts wdtg patdcnts ca`g eay. Ugat—s up tj

twcnty cycs pcr eay2 cdigty tj a gunerce pcr wccb. Df yju put all

tgc cycs sgc gae cvcr cxahdnce tjictgcr dn a rjjh, yju wjule

gavc tgjusanes upjn tgjusanes jf tgch, ldbc frji-spawn.

D cnvdce gcr scnsc jf prjfcssdjnal edstan`c. Dt was cxa`tly

tgc bdne jf jmoc`tdvdty ‐ dnedffcrcn`c cvcn ‐ tjwares jnc—s sumoc`t

tgat wjule mc rcqudrce df D was tj habc any prjircss wdtg hy

mdjirapgy jf [ctc. Ugcrc was `crtadnly nj ecnydni tgat tgc prjoc`t



69

nccece sjhc uricnt attcntdjn. As hy pumldsgcr gae pjdntce jut,

aejptdni tgc tjnc jf a parcnt talbdni tj a rcàl`dtrant tccnaicr, tgc

ecaeldnc was lcss tgan sdx hjntgs away.

Mut tgcy àn stuff tgcdr mdjirapgy. D àn—t fa`c ecvjtdni yct

hjrc prc`djus tdhc tj a sumoc`t tgat D ecspdsc. Ygat D rcally want

ds tj fdndsg tgds a``junt ane oust gavc ejnc wdtg dt all.

Ane df D ah tj ej tgat, D ncce tj stjp Pusan @rjssfdcle

pumldsgdni wgat sgc gas eds`jvcrce. My tgc cne jf tgc cyc

cxahdnatdjn, a plan gae mciun tj fjrh dn hy hdne



67

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64

Ljst dn spa`c

Dn tgc hjntgs aftcr [ctc—s edsappcaran`c D hanaice tj scc

qudtc a ljt jf Bay, jnc way ane anjtgcr. Idvcn gcr ncwly-

a`qudrce sdnilc-parcnt status, D haec a pjdnt jf trydni tj mc as

suppjrtdvc ane gclpful as pjssdmlc. Ugds dn`luece jffcrdni tj

mamysdt fjr gcr a `juplc jf tdhcs a hjntg.

D gaen—t cxpc`tce gcr tj a``cpt hy jffcr. Ygcn sgc ede, dt

j`ùrrce tj hc tgat D hdigt wcll mc sgjjtdni hysclf dn tgc fjjt ‐

aftcr all, tgc last tgdni D wantce was tj idvc gcr tgc jppjrtundty tj

start ijdni jut wdtg sjhcjnc clsc. D `jule, D suppjsc, gavc asbce

gcr jut hysclf. Mut D was afrade tgat df D pusgce tgdnis tjj fast, sgc

hdigt njt mc rcaey ane tgat wjule unej cvcrytgdni. Aftcr all, dt

was stdll jnly a hattcr jf hjntgs sdn`c sgc gae spldt up wdtg [ctc.

D tjle hysclf tgat D gae tj mc patdcnt. D nccece tj wadt fjr sjhc

bdne jf sdin frjh gcr tgat sgc was rcaey tj ljjb mcyjne gdh

tjwares a ncw rclatdjnsgdp. Ygcn tgc sdin cvcntually àhc

tgjuig, dt wasn—t qudtc wgat D gae mccn gjpdni fjr.

Dt hust gavc mccn tgc tgdre jr fjurtg tdhc tgat D gae aircce

tj mamysdt fjr Bay. Ojnag answcrce tgc ejjr.

“Jg, dt—s yju,‘ gc sade, sjunedni lcss tgcn tgrdllce. “Huh—s

stdll icttdni rcaey.‘ Gc sùttlce ma`b dntj tgc ldvdni rjjh. D

`jnsjlce hysclf hysclf wdtg tgc tgjuigt tgat at lcast gc gaen—t

sgjt hc dn tgc ma`b jf gcae, ldbc tgc fdrst tdhc wc gae hct. D





91

rcasjnamly wcll jn prcvdjus j`àsdjns. Altgjuig hjst jf tgc tdhc

gae mccn spcnt wat`gdni wgatcvcr fdlh gc gae `gjscn tgat

cvcndni, gc gae scchce qudtc gappy tj `gat tj hc. D gae cvcn

startce tj gjpc tgat gc hdigt a`tually ldbc hc. D wjnecrce wgcrc

all tgc sueecn gjstdldty gae `jhc frjh.

Mcfjrc D `jule edi an cvcn eccpcr gjlc fjr hysclf, Bay

appcarce. Pgc was wcardni jnc jf tgjsc “ldttlc mla`b nuhmcr‘

ercsscs ane was jmvdjusly prcpardni tj ij sjhcwgcrc fadrly shart.

“Tju ljjb ircat,‘ D sade, altgjuig dt àhc jut a ldttlc galf-

gcartcely. D eden—t hcan dt tj `jhc jut tgat way ‐ dt was oust tgat

D gae sueecnly startce tj wjnecr wgy sgc was ercssce up tj tgc

ndncs tgds cvcndni, wgcn jn prcvdjus j`àsdjns sgc gae njt haec

qudtc sj hu`g jf an cffjrt.

Pgc shdlce ane mc`bjnce hc dntj tgc bdt`gcn, gcr gccls

`la`bdni jn tgc tdlce fljjr as wc cntcrce. Pgc pusgce tgc ejjr

sgut.

“D ejn—t want Ojnag tj gcar us,‘ sgc cxpladnce, ljwcrdni gcr

vjd`c. “D—h ijdni jut jn a eatc tjndigt. D—h mcdni tabcn tj sjhc

pjsg rcstaurant D wjulen—t njrhally sct fjjt dn.‘

Hy dndtdal rca`tdjn was tgat tgds was a `jhplctc edsastcr. D

gae wadtce tjj ljni - ane njw sgc gae hct sjhcjnc clsc. All tgc

gjpcs tgat D gae cntcrtadnce fjr tgc past fcw hjntgs gae `jhc tj

njtgdni.

Ygcn D eden—t say anytgdni, Bay hust gavc tgjuigt tgat D

edsapprjvce, mcàusc sgc aeece?



9=

“Ljjb, D bnjw [ctc was yjur frdcne, mut gc gasn—t mccn dn

tju`g fjr jvcr tgrcc hjntgs njw ‐ ane wcll, D àn—t oust sdt arjune

dnecfdndtcly wadtdni fjr gdh tj rcturn. Assuhdni jf `jursc tgat D

wjule gavc gdh ma`b ‐ wgd`g ds a prctty mdi assuhptdjn. D hcan,

my tgc cne, tgdnis wcrc prctty mae mctwccn us. Ane D rcally àn—t

mcldcvc tgat gc gasn—t mccn dn tju`g wdtg Ojnag all tgds tdhc. Ugc

pjjr bde oust ejcsn—t bnjw wgat tj tgdnb. Ncdtgcr ej D, tj mc

gjncst.‘

D bncw D gae tj `jhc up wdtg an cxplanatdjn fjr hy lcss

tgan c`statd` rca`tdjn tj gcr ncws. Fjr a mrdcf hjhcnt, D

wjnecrce df D sgjule tcll gcr tgc trutg. Mut wgat df sgc oust lauigce

at hc: D nccece hjrc tdhc tj amsjrm tgds ecvcljphcnt ane wjrb

jut wgat tj ej ncxt. Pj D ec`dece tj play aljni wdtg gcr hdstabcn

mcldcf tgat D was sjhcgjw aiirdcvce jn mcgalf jf [ctc.

“D—h sjrry, D was oust a mdt sgj`bce, tgat—s all,‘ D sade. “D

ejn—t mlahc yju fjr ljsdni patdcn`c wdtg [ctc. D suppjsc D—e mccn

gjpdni tgat at sjhc pjdnt, [ctc was ijdni tj ict ma`b dn tju`g. Pj

wgcn yju sade yju wcrc ijdni jut jn a eatc, dt rcally mrjuigt dt

gjhc tj hc tgat haymc gc—s njt `jhdni ma`b anytdhc sjjn.

Anyway,‘ D `jntdnuce, trydni tj sgdft tgc fjùs away frjh hy

rca`tdjn ane satdsfy hy jwn murndni ùrdjsdty at tgc sahc tdhc,

“wgj—s tgc lu`by `gap:‘

“Gc—s a marrdstcr, apparcntly. D—vc ncvcr hct gdh mcfjrc. Dt—s

a mldne eatc. Jnc jf hy frdcnes arranice dt. Pgc tgjuigt dt wjule

mc a ijje way tj, yju bnjw, tcst tgc watcrs tj scc df D—h rcaey tj



90

ict ma`b dntj tgc eatdni iahc.

“Ije, D `jule rcally ej wdtg a erdnb,‘ sgc sade, turndni tj

un`jrb a galf-erunb mjttlc jf wdnc jn tgc `juntcr. “Ej yju want

jnc:‘

D njeece. Pgc mrjuigt jut twj ilasscs ane mcian tj pjur.

“D—vc mccn frcttdni amjut tgds cvcndni all eay,‘ sgc wcnt jn.

“Dt—s sj ljni sdn`c D—vc mccn jn a prjpcr eatc, D—h njt surc D àn

rchchmcr wgat yju—rc suppjsce tj ej. All tgc stuff wdtg Alan

was edffcrcnt mcàusc wc alrcaey bncw ca`g jtgcr frjh wjrb. D

hcan, jn`c D harrdce [ctc, D prctty hu`g `jnsdince hy cntdrc

stjrc jf bnjwlceic jn tgcsc hattcrs tj tgc eustmdn ‐ D ncvcr

tgjuigt D wjule ncce dt aiadn. Ane tj mc gjncst, dt was a rcldcf njt

tj gavc tj wjrry all tgc tdhc amjut wgat dhprcssdjn yju—rc habdni

jn pcjplc jr gjw ijje yju ljjb. Tju wjule njt mcldcvc gjw ljni

dt—s tabcn hc tj ict rcaey fjr tjndigt.‘

“Ycll, fjr sjhcjnc wgj `ladhs njt tj bnjw wgat tgcy—rc

ejdni, yju ljjb prctty ijje tj hc,‘ D sade, gjpdni tgat tgds tdhc

hy `jhpldhcnt sjunece hjrc ldbc D a`tually hcant dt. “Mut D—h

njt surc D àn jffcr hu`g dn tgc way jf cxpcrt aevd`c jn tgc eatdni

iahc. D—h garely a ircat su``css dn tgat fdcle.‘

“Mut yju hust—vc mccn jn sjhc eatcs hjrc rc`cntly tgcn

hc,‘ sgc rcpldce, shdldni at hc. “@jhc jn, ejn—t mc ̀ jy.‘

Ugc gjncst answcr tj tgds was tgat, sdn`c hcctdni [ctc, D

gae fjùssce all hy attcntdjn jn tgc pjssdmdldty jf a rc`jn`dldatdjn

wdtg Bay. Mut D was sparce tgc chmarrasshcnt jf gavdni tj



95

answcr gcr my tgc sjune jf a àr gjrn frjh tgc strcct jutsdec.

“Jg, tgat—ll mc tgc taxd,‘ sgc sade, tabdni jnc last iulp frjh

gcr wdncilass. “D—e mcttcr mc jff.‘

“Ijje lu`b!‘ D àllce aftcr gcr, altgjuig D fcrvcntly gjpce

tgat sgc wjule njt gdt dt jff wdtg gcr mldne eatc. D gcare gcr tclldni

Ojnag tj mcgavc gdhsclf ane tj ij tj mce at a scnsdmlc tdhc. Ugcn

tgc ejjr slahhce ane sgc was ijnc.

D wanecrce ma`b dntj tgc frjnt rjjh wdtg hy ilass jf wdnc.

Ojnag gae swdt`gce jff gds vdecj iahc ane was icttdni rcaey tj

wat`g tgc fdlh. Gc scchce tj gavc `gccrce up a mdt. Haymc dt was

sjhctgdni tgat Bay gae sade tj gdh mcfjrc sgc lcft.

“Hy Eae says tgds ds tgc mcst s`dcn`c fd`tdjn hjvdc cvcr

haec,‘ gc annjun`ce, as gc fast-fjrwarece tgrjuig tgc lcial

njtd`cs at tgc start.

D eden—t rcspjne. D was gjpdni tgat tgc fdlh wjule idvc hc

an jppjrtundty tj mc aljnc wdtg hy tgjuigts fjr a wgdlc, sj D was

nj ljnicr as bccn tj cniaic gdh dn `jnvcrsatdjn. Ojnag scchce tj

scnsc tgds ane wc startce tj wat`g tgc fdlh.

Njw tgat D gae hjrc tdhc tj tgdnb amjut tgc deca jf Bay

ijdni jut jn a eatc, dt j`ùrrce tj hc tgat haymc dt wasn—t su`g

mae ncws aftcr all. Fdrst jf all, dt was a mldne eatc ‐ sj tgcrc gae tj

mc a rcasjnamlc prjspc`t tgat njtgdni wjule `jhc jf dt. Mut tgc

rcally pjsdtdvc tgdni was tgat dt suiicstce tgat sgc was rcaey tj

ljjb mcyjne [ctc tj anjtgcr rclatdjnsgdp. Pj dn tgat rcspc`t, dt was

cxa`tly wgat D gae mccn wadtdni fjr ‐ a sdin tgat dt hdigt mc JB



93

fjr hc tj tabc tgc ncxt stcp. Dt oust gaen—t gappcnce dn tgc way

tgat D gae cxpc`tce.

Ugc fdlh gae njw hjvce jn tj a scrdcs jf statd`, cartg-mjune

sgjts jf an arde, rj`by lanesàpc. Ugds was fjlljwce my sjhc

fjjtaic jf apcs irummdni arjune dn tgc edrt, apparcntly ljjbdni fjr

cedmlc rjjts. Aftcr a hdnutc jr twj, Ojnag turnce tj hc ane sade?

“Ej yju hdne df wc fast fjrware tgrjuig tgds mdt: Dt—s a mdt

mjrdni.‘

D sade tgat was fdnc my hc, sj wc wgdzzce tgrjuig tgc

rchadnecr jf tgc jpcndni scqucn`c, wgcrc tgc apcs arc prjhptce

tj usc andhal mjncs as tjjls aftcr an cn`juntcr wdtg a stranic aldcn

hjnjldtg.

Hy hdne wanecrce ma`b tj tgc sumoc`t jf Bay. Ygat df sgc

gdt dt jff wdtg tgds hystcrdjus marrdstcr wgj was tabdni gcr jut: A

pd`turc àhc dntj hy gcae jf Bay gavdni ednncr wdtg a

ejhdnatdni Alpga Halc, tcardni tgc flcsg frjh gds `gd`bcn mjnc

wdtg gds tcctg ane tgcn àsually tjssdni dt jn tgc fljjr, wgcrc a

wadtcr wjule `rccp up sumhdssdvcly jn all fjurs tj `lcar dt away.

As tgds was `lcarly lued`rjus, D lur`gce tj tgc jtgcr cxtrchc,

dhaidndni dnstcae tgat Bay was edndni wdtg an ümcr-`dvdldsce

]cnadssan`c Han, wgjsc urmanc wdt, sjpgdstdàtdjn ane

fas`dnatdni ranic jf jutsdec dntcrcsts `jule njt fadl tj swccp gcr jff

gcr fcct.

Ojnag stjppce fast-fjrwaredni wgcn wc ijt tj tgc sc`tdjn

wgcrc jnc jf tgc apcs tjsscs gds mjnc vd`tjrdjusly dntj tgc adr ‐ at



96

wgd`g pjdnt tgc fdlh ouhps tgjusanes jf ycars dntj tgc futurc tj

sgjw a slccb, futurdstd`-ljjbdni spa`c sguttlc travclldni ira`cfully

tjwares a idant rjtatdni spa`c statdjn, tj tgc a``jhpandhcnt jf

Ugc Mluc Eanumc waltz.

“Ugds mdt—s rcally `jjl,‘ gc sade. D fjr`ce hysclf tj

`jn`cntratc jn tgc fdlh ane njt tj tgdnb amjut wgat gjw Bay

hdigt mc icttdni jn wdtg gcr eatc.

@jnsdecrdni tgat dt gae mccn haec dn tgc 146;s, D tgjuigt

tgc scts ane tgc spc`dal cffc`ts gcle up prctty wcll, cspc`dally dn

`jhpardsjn wdtg hjrc rc`cnt `jhputcr-icncratce dhaicry. Ygcn

wc ijt tj a sgjt jf tgc dntcrdjr jf tgc sguttlc, Ojnag prcssce tgc

“frcczc-frahc‘ muttjn ane pjdntce tj a pcn rjtatdni sljwly dn hde-

adr, ncxt tj jnc jf tgc passcnicr—s scats.

“Pcc tgat:‘ gc asbce. “Hy Eae says hjst fdlhs amjut spa`c

arcn—t vcry rcaldstd` mcàusc tgcy gavc pcjplc walbdni arjune

njrhally dn spa`csgdps, wgcn a`tually tgcy sgjule mc fljatdni

mcàusc tgcrc—s nj iravdty. Mut tgds fdlh sgjws wgat dt wjule

rcally mc ldbc dn spa`c.‘

D wasn—t surc wgat D was suppjsce tj say tj tgds, sj D oust

njeece apprjvdnily. Jn`c tgc sguttlc gae ej`bce dn tgc spa`c

statdjn, Ojnag startce tj fast-fjrware aiadn.

Yat`gdni dt dn tgds pdc`chcal fasgdjn, D was surprdsce my

gjw ldttlc tgc fdlh rcldce jn edaljiuc. Dt `jule alhjst gavc mccn a

sdlcnt hjvdc. Ugc “`gara`tcr‘ wdtg tgc hjst tj say fjr dtsclf was

GAL, tgc jn-mjare supcr-`jhputcr. Dn `jhpardsjn, tgc



99

astrjnauts scchce mjrce ane la`bdni dn any rcal eynahdsh,

sumscrvdcnt tj tgc idant pdc`c jf tc`gnjljiy dn wgd`g tgcy wcrc

travclldni. GAL scchce tj mc rcspjnsdmlc fjr sj hu`g jf tgc sgdp—s

jpcratdjn tgat yju wcrc lcft wjnecrdni wgy tgc astrjnauts wcrc

tgcrc.

Ecspdtc hy attchpts tj `jn`cntratc jn tgc fdlh, hy tgjuigts

bcpt wanecrdni ma`b tj tgc sumoc`t jf Bay. D tjle hysclf tgat cvcn

df Bay—s eatc gae ijnc wcll, tgc dhpjrtant tgdni was njt tj idvc

up. Gjwcvcr pcrfc`t tgds prjspc`tdvc sudtjr hdigt appcar tj mc,

gjwcvcr GAL-ldbc dn gds hultdfardjus amdldtdcs, gc was mjune tj

gavc sjhc hdnjr mut àtastrjpgd` flaw2 all D nccece was tgc

ectcrhdnatdjn tj gani jn dn tgcrc, ldbc tgc jnc survdvdni astrjnaut

dn =;;1, untdl tgc flaw handfcstce dtsclf ane D `jule rdec tj tgc

rcsùc. D pd`turce hysclf strdedni hanfully dntj tgc rcstaurant

wgcrc tgcy wcrc gavdni ednncr ane jffcrdni Bay hy arh. Gcr

eatc wjule prjtcst fccmly, ldbc GAL dn tgc s`cnc wgcrc gc icts

eca`tdvatce, mut wjule jnly mc amlc tj wat`g gclplcssly as wc

walbce jff tjictgcr dntj tgc sunsct.

Ugc cne jf tgc fdlh was as `jnfusdni as D rchchmcrce dt

mcdni tgc fdrst tdhc D gae wat`gce dt. Mjwhan, tgc jnly survdvdni

astrjnaut, fldcs gds csàpc pje dntj anjtgcr hjnjldtg jrmdtdni

Oupdtcr. Aftcr ljts jf wcdre psy`gcecld` dhaicry (wgd`g D was

hjrc tgan `jntcnt fjr Ojnag tj fast fjrware) gc fdnes gdhsclf dn

wgat ljjbs ldbc a gjtcl rjjh, icttdni prjircssdvcly jlecr. Ugc fdnal

dhaic ds jf wgat appcars tj mc gds rcmdrtg as sjhc bdne jf `jshd`



97

chmryj ‐ mut D gae ncvcr mccn surc wgat dt was suppjsce tj mc.

Ygcn tgc fdlh was jvcr, D ec`dece tj `jnfcss hy dinjran`c

tj Ojnag. “D—vc ncvcr rcally unecrstjje tgc cnedni. Ygat ej yju

tgdnb ds hcant tj gappcn dn tgat last mdt:‘

“Ycll, hy Eae says dt—s rcally all amjut tgc Pdniulardty,‘ gc

sade.

“Ygat—s tgc Pdniulardty:‘

“Gavcn—t yju gcare jf dt:‘

D sgruiice. D vaiucly rchchmcrce Bay gavdni sade

sjhctgdni amjut dt, mut dt wasn—t sjhctgdni D gae cvcr edsùssce

wdtg [ctc.

Ojnag sgjjb gds gcae edsapprjvdnily. “Ljjb, dt—s rcally

qudtc sdhplc. Tju àn unecrstane irapgs, àn—t yju:‘ D njeece.

Gc pd`bce up a njtcpae frjh tgc `jffcc tamlc ane mcian tj eraw?

“Ugds irapg ds hcant tj sgjw gjw qud`bly `jhputcrs arc

icttdni mcttcr. Df tgcy ijt mcttcr my tgc sahc ahjunt cvcry ycar,

tgc ldnc jn tgc irapg wjule mc stradigt ‐ ldbc tgds ejttce ldnc.‘

“Mut cvcry twj ycars `jhputcrs mc`jhc twd`c as pjwcrful



94

as tgcy wcrc mcfjrc ‐ sj tgc ahjunt tgcy dhprjvc my ds icttdni

mdiicr ane mdiicr all tgc tdhc. Ugat hcans tgc ldnc jn tgc irapg

a`tually ijcs up dn a stccp ùrvc ldbc tgds.‘ Gc prj`ccece tj aee a

furtgcr ldnc tj tgc irapg?

“Njw, wgcn tgc ùrvc icts ncarly vcrtdàl,‘ gc aeece,

pjdntdni at tgc tjp jf tgc ldnc gc gae oust erawn, “tgat—s wgcn tgc

Pdniulardty gappcns.‘

“Shh….D—h njt surc D unecrstane,‘ D sade, fccldni ratgcr

stupde fjr njt mcdni qud`bcr jn tgc uptabc, sdn`c Ojnag `lcarly

tgjuigt dt was mldnednily jmvdjus.

“Ycll, dt—s tgc pjdnt wgcrc `jhputcrs wdll mc sj `lcvcr tgat

wc—ll mc amlc tj sjrt jf ldvc dnsdec tgch. Dt—s tgc ncxt staic jf

guhan cvjlutdjn, ldbc wgat gappcns tj tgc astrjnaut at tgc cne jf

=;;1. Ugc aldcn tgdni `ganics gdh dntj a mcdni jf purcdnfjrhatdjn.‘

All tgds was ecldvcrce wdtg a hdxturc jf uttcr `jnvd`tdjn ane

àsualncss, as df tgcsc wcrc ctcrnal, sclf-cvdecnt trutgs. Mut gds

irapgs rchdnece hc jf prjoc`tdjns my fdnan`dal aevdscrs, wgd`g



7;

wcrc usually a``jhpandce my sjmcrdni rchdnecrs tgat dn tgc rcal

wjrle, tgc valuc jf yjur dnvcsthcnt `jule ij ejwn as wcll as up.

“D eden—t bnjw yjur Eae was sj dntcrcstce dn all tgds stuff,‘

D sade, fccldni tgat dt was prjmamly mcttcr tj sgdft tgc fjùs jf tgc

edsùssdjn.

“Tcag, wc talbce amjut dt a ljt. Gc tgdnbs dt—s ijdni tj

gappcn qudtc sjjn, prjmamly dn tgc ncxt twcnty ycars jr sj.‘

“Ugat—s prctty fast. Ygat ej yju tgdnb amjut dt:‘

“Jg, D—h surc gc—s rdigt. Gc—s rcae ljaes jf mjjbs amjut dt

ane spcnt aics ljjbdni dntj dt.‘

“Pjhctdhcs irjwn-ups ict tgdnis wrjni tgjuig. D hcan,

tgc pcjplc tgat haec =;;1 jmvdjusly tgjuigt tgat wc—e mc ldvdni jn

tgc hjjn my njw ane tgat wc—e gavc `jhputcrs tgat `jule talb

oust ldbc guhan mcdnis ‐ mut wc gavcn—t hanaice tj ej tgjsc

tgdnis yct.‘

D was annjyce at hysclf fjr habdni tgds jmscrvatdjn. Dt was

tgc sjrt jf tgdni D wjule gavc sade tj [ctc. Dt eden—t scch tj fadr tj

cniaic dn tgat bdne jf ecmatc wdtg a tcn ycar jle. Mut Ojnag

scchce tj tabc dt dn gds strdec.

“D suppjsc sj,‘ gc rcpldce. “Mut Eae tjle hc tgat cvcn df dt

tjjb ljnicr tgan twcnty ycars, gc was surc tgat tgc Pdniulardty

wjule gappcn wgdlc D—h aldvc.‘ Gc iavc hc a sgarp ljjb. “Tju

ejn—t mcldcvc hc, ej yju:‘

“D ejn—t rcally bnjw hu`g amjut dt, tj mc gjncst,‘ D sade.

“Mut dt—s an dntcrcstdni deca ‐ ane D ldbce yjur way jf cxpladndni dt,



71

usdni tgc irapg. Dt sjunes ldbc oust tgc bdne jf tgdni yjur Eae

wjule gavc mccn dntcrcstce dn. Gc jftcn àhc rjune tj talb tj hc

amjut tgdnis ldbc tgat. D usce tj cnojy ariudni wdtg gdh ‐ ane

altgjuig gc sjhctdhcs ijt annjyce wdtg hc, D tgdnb gc qudtc

cnojyce dt tjj.‘

“D wdsg hy Eae was gcrc njw. Gc—e mc amlc tj cxpladn dt

hu`g mcttcr tgan hc. D àn—t talb tj hy Huh amjut dt. Pgc icts

rcally `rjss df D start talbdni amjut stuff ldbc tgat.‘ Gc pausce, tgcn

asbce? “Ej yju bnjw wgj Huh—s ijdni jut wdtg tjndigt:‘

“D tgdnb sgc—s oust hcctdni a frdcne,‘ D sade, àutdjusly.

“Ugat—s wgat sgc tjle yju, ds dt:‘ Gc sgjjb gds gcae. “D

bnjw sgc—s hcctdni sjhc mljbc. Pgc tgdnbs D ejn—t bnjw, mut D

gcare gcr talbdni tj jnc jf gcr frdcnes amjut dt.‘ Gc ljjbce ejwn

at tgc àrpct.

D was startdni tj fccl a mdt jut jf hy ecptg. “Ljjb, D—h surc

yjur Huh wdll talb tj yju amjut dt wgcn sgc—s rcaey,‘ D sade. “Dt—s

edffdùlt fjr gcr rdigt njw mcàusc yjur Eae gasn—t mccn dn tju`g.‘

“Ygat ejcs sgc bnjw amjut dt:‘ gc asbce, wdtg surprdsdni

vcgchcn`c. “Ugcrc `jule mc ljaes jf rcasjns wgy gc gasn—t mccn

dn tju`g. Pgc ncvcr idvcs gdh a `gan`c.‘

Njw D rcally ede fccl jut jf hy ecptg. D ec`dece tj tabc tgc

casy way jut? “Ijsg, ds tgat tgc tdhc:‘ D sade, ljjbdni at hy

wat`g. “D rcally tgdnb dt—s tdhc yju wcrc dn mce, yjuni han. D

prjhdsce yjur Huh tgat D wjulen—t lct yju stay up tjj latc.‘

]clu`tantly, Ojnag tjjb gdhsclf jff upstadrs, lcavdni hc tj



7=

fld`b adhlcssly tgrjuig tgc UV `ganncls wgdlst D wadtce fjr Bay tj

rcturn. D `julen—t scttlc tj wat`gdni anytgdni. Dt all scchce

ecprcssdnily trdvdal.

Fjrtunatcly D ede njt gavc ljni tj wadt. Bay ijt ma`b oust

aftcr clcvcn j—`lj`b, carldcr tgan D gae cxpc`tce.

“Pj, gjw ede dt ij:‘ D asbce, wdtg as hu`g jffganecencss as

D `jule hustcr.

“Ycll, tgc fjje was rcally ijje,‘ sgc rcpldce. “Ane wc gae

a nd`c mjttlc jf wdnc.‘

“Ugat mae, cg:‘ Gavdni stcclce hysclf fjr tgc wjrst, D fclt

an cnjrhjus scnsc jf rcldcf. Dt turnce jut tgat Bay—s marrdstcr was

a mdt tjj fjne jf tgc sjune jf gds jwn vjd`c fjr gcr ldbdni.

“Gc spcnt amjut galf an gjur rcialdni hc wdtg talcs jf gjw

gc—e wjn tgds àsc jr tgat àsc. Jr gjw gc—e shjjtg-talbce sjhc

oueic dntj icttdni cxa`tly wgat gc wantce - aiadnst all tgc jees jf

`jursc. Pj tgcn D trdce tj ict gdh tj talb amjut sjhctgdni jtgcr

tgan wjrb. Mut gc oust wcnt jn ane jn amjut gds cx-wdfc ‐ wgat a

tjtal mdt`g sgc was, gjw sgc eden—t unecrstane gdh, gjw sgc was

turndni gds bdes aiadnst gdh, tgat sjrt jf tgdni.

“Fdnally, dt scchce tj eawn jn gdh tgat gc gaen—t rcally

asbce hc anytgdni, sj D cnece up tclldni gdh a mdt amjut tgc

sdtuatdjn wdtg [ctc. D gaen—t hcant tj, mcàusc dt scchce a mdt

hu`g fjr a fdrst eatc ‐ D hcan, dt—s all a mdt wcdre wdtg [ctc oust

edsappcardni ldbc tgat ane D tgjuigt gc hdigt tgdnb D was a mdt

wcdre as wcll. Mut aftcr cvcrytgdni gc—e tjle hc amjut gds edvjr`c





75

as tgcrc was njtgdni tgat scchce tj dnedàtc any fjul play, tgcrc

was a ldhdt tj wgat tgcy `jule ej. As jnc pjld`chan gae tjle gcr?

“Pjhctdhcs pcjplc oust want tj start all jvcr aiadn, frjh s`rat`g.

Df tgcy ejn—t want tj mc fjune, tgcrc—s njt hu`g wc àn ej tj gclp.

Ane cvcn df wc ej fdne tgch, dt hay mc tgat all wc àn tcll yju ds

tgat tgcy—rc stdll aldvc ane tgcy—rc JB. Df tgcy ejn—t cvcn want yju

tj bnjw tgat, tgcrc—s njtgdni wc àn ej. Dt—s a frcc wjrle, D—h

afrade.‘

Pgc gae alsj rcidstcrce gds ectadls wdtg vardjus hdssdni

pcrsjns jriandsatdjns. Ugcy gae put gds pgjtj jn tgcdr wcmsdtcs

tjictgcr wdtg mrdcf ectadls jf wgcn ane wgcrc gc was last sccn ane

sj jn. Mut as Bay sade?

“Ygcn D fdrst wcnt jntj tgcsc sdtcs D tgjuigt, ‗wgat a

mrdlldant deca.— Ane D—h surc [ctc wjule—vc tgjuigt sj tjj ‐ tj

gdh dt wjule gavc mccn yct anjtgcr cxahplc jf gjw tgc wcm àn

sjlvc anytgdni. Mut tgc trjumlc ds, wgj a`tually ljjbs at tgcsc

sdtcs: Dt—s prjmamly oust jtgcr pcjplc wdtg hdssdni rclatdvcs. Ygat

yju rcally want ds fjr all tgcsc fa`cs tj mc put up jn idant

mdllmjares jr prdntce jntj tgc lamcls jf hdlb àrtjns ane `crcal

pa`bcts, sj cvcryjnc `jule scc tgch ‐ jut tgcrc dn tgc rcal wjrle.

Ugat way, tgcrc hdigt mc galf a `gan`c tgat sjhcjnc wjule

a`tually rc`jindsc jnc jf tgcsc pcjplc. Mut D suppjsc aevcrts fjr

àrs jr wasgdni pjwecr pay mcttcr.‘

Pgc sade sgc gae mccn ahazce ‐ ane ecprcssce - my tgc sgccr

nuhmcr jf pcjplc rcidstcrce jn tgcsc sdtcs. Dn tgc cne, sgc tgjuigt



73

tgc sdtcs wcrc hjrc a sjur`c jf `jhfjrt tgan anytgdni clsc. Ugcy

haec yju fccl tgat at lcast yju wcrc ejdni sjhctgdni amjut dt ane

alsj tgat yju wcrcn—t jn yjur jwn ‐ tgat tgcrc wcrc ljts jf jtgcr

pcjplc jut tgcrc wdtg tgc sahc prjmlch.

“At fdrst D mlahce hysclf,‘ sgc sade. “D bcpt ijdni jvcr tgc

last rjw wc gae. D—e prctty hu`g `jnvdn`ce hysclf tgat dt was all

hy jwn fault. Mut wgcn yju scc all tgjsc jtgcr pcjplc jut tgcrc

wgj—vc rcpjrtce sjhcjnc hdssdni, yju rcaldsc tgat dt dsn—t sjhc

undquc prjmlch cntdrcly jf yjur jwn habdni ‐ dt gappcns all tgc

tdhc, tj tgjusanes jf pcjplc. D hcan, haymc D was a mdt gare jn

[ctc wgcn D tjle gdh gc gae tj lcavc ‐ mut D eden—t tcll gdh tgat gc

gae tj edsappcar jff tgc fa`c jf tgc cartg. Gc was tgc jnc tgat

ec`dece tj ej tgat.

“Dt—s Ojnag tgat D—h hjst wjrrdce amjut,‘ sgc `jntdnuce. “D

àn tabc tgc fa`t tgat [ctc ejcsn—t want tj gavc anytgdni tj ej

wdtg hc. Mut dt habcs hc sj aniry tgat gc gasn—t ijt dn tju`g

wdtg Ojnag. Dt—s sj sclfdsg. Ane sj unldbc gdh ‐ D hcan, gc ane

Ojnag wcrc always rcally `ljsc. Dt—s haec hc wjnecr df gc—s

a`tually stdll aldvc. Mut D ejn—t scc gdh as tgc sud`deal typc. D—h

surc gc—s stdll arjune. D tgdnb gc—s oust ijt sj wrappce up dn all

tgcsc decas amjut tgc futurc tgat gc àn—t ldvc dn tgc prcscnt any

hjrc.‘

D was plcasce tgat Bay fclt amlc tj jpcn up tj hc ldbc tgds.

As wc talbce, D wjnecrce df dt hdigt mc tgc tdhc tj habc hy hjvc

‐ tgat tgc `jntrast mctwccn gcr fadrly edsastrjus cvcndni jut ane



76

jur rclaxce `jnvcrsatdjn hdigt prjvdec tgc pcrfc`t jppjrtundty.

Mut D wjrrdce amjut pusgdni tgdnis tjj fast. Ane ecspdtc wgat

Bay gae sade amjut njt puttdni gcr ldfc jn gjle mcàusc jf [ctc—s

edsappcaran`c, tgc un`crtadnty jvcr gds wgcrcamjuts was stdll a

prjmlch. Sntdl dt was rcsjlvce dn sjhc way, D fclt tgat dt wjule mc

edffdùlt fjr gcr tj ljjb mcyjne dt tjwares tgc pjssdmdldty jf a ncw

rclatdjnsgdp.

Dt was qudtc latc my tgc tdhc D ijt gjhc. D `julen—t slccp2 D

bcpt tgdnbdni amjut Bay ane wgcrc tgdnis hdigt ij frjh gcrc.

Cvcntually, D ijt jut jf mce ane swdt`gce jn tgc `jhputcr. Dt

eden—t tabc ljni tj fdne [ctc—s ectadls jn jnc jf tgc wcmsdtcs Bay

gae hcntdjnce ‐ tgcrc gc was, shdldni away, dn a snapsgjt wdtg

Ojnag (wgjsc fa`c gae mccn mlanbce jut), wdtg mrdcf ectadls jf

wgcn gc was last sccn.

Mut as Bay gae jmscrvce, gds was oust jnc ahjni gunerces

ane gunerces jf fa`cs. Fjr sjhc rcasjn, tgds gaen—t rcally sunb dn

wgdlc wc wcrc talbdni amjut gdh ane D gae hadntadnce a hcntal

dhaic jf [ctc as a tdny Mjwhan-ldbc fdiurc, ùt aerdft frjh gds

spa`c`raft, uttcrly aljnc dn tgc vastncss jf spa`c. Pccdni all tgc

jtgcr fa`cs jn tgc wcmsdtc, D rcaldsce tgat tgcrc wcrc tgjusanes jf

jtgcr tdny, spa`c-sudtce fdiurcs erdftdni dn tgc earbncss, hdlldjns jf

hdlcs frjh gjhc.

Nj ejumt sjhc jf tgch wcrc vd`tdhs jf `drùhstan`c, mut dt

scchce tj hc tgat at lcast sjhc hust gavc tabcn a `jns`djus

ec`dsdjn tj ùt all tdcs wdtg pcjplc tgat tgcy bncw. D wjnecrce





77

Purvdval dnstdn`t

[ctc Njvjtndb ‐ cxtra`t frjh “FKQ‘ haiazdnc?

Dn hy last `jluhn, D prced`tce tgat tc`gnjljiy ds ecvcljpdni sj fast

tgat wdtgdn tgc ncxt =; tj 3; ycars, dt wdll cnamlc us tj transfjrh jursclvcs

dntj sjhc bdne jf supcr-dntclldicnt cntdty (jr cntdtdcs). Yc arc, D sade, jn

tgc mrdnb jf tgc ncxt staic dn tgc cvjlutdjn jf dntclldicnt ldfc jn tgds planct.

Ugds ds a mjle `ladh ane prced`tamly, dt gas prjhptce a `crtadn

ahjunt jf s`cptd`dsh. D masce hy prced`tdjns jn tgc assuhptdjn tgat

`jhputcr prj`cssdni pjwcr wjule `jntdnuc tj ejumlc rjuigly cvcry twj

ycars ‐ wgd`g ds wgat dt—s mccn ejdni fjr tgc last 3; ycars.

Mut sjhc jf yju sade, gani jn a hdnutc, gjw àn D mc sj `jnfdecnt

tgat tgds ratc jf irjwtg wdll `jntdnuc: Purcly tgcrc wdll `jhc a pjdnt wgcn

wc oust àn—t fdt any hjrc `jhputdni pjwcr jntj a tdny pdc`c jf sdld`jn:

Ycll, haymc ‐ mut jmsta`lcs ldbc tgat arc oust as ldbcly tj idvc rdsc tj ncw

dnnjvatdjns wgd`g `jule prjeu`c cvcn hjrc erahatd` dn`rcascs dn

prj`cssdni pjwcr. Fjr cxahplc, wc `jule start ecsdindni `jhputcr `gdps dn

tgrcc edhcnsdjns ratgcr tgan twj. Jr wc `jule hjvc jff dn a ncw edrc`tdjn

altjictgcr, masce jn tc`gnjljidcs ldbc quantuh `jhputdni jr

nanjtc`gnjljiy.

Jtgcr pcjplc sade tgcy eden—t ldbc tgc sjune jf `jnnc`tdni `jhputcrs

tj tgcdr mradns. Mut tgc mcttcr wc ict at ecsdindni uscr dntcrfa`cs (ane

tgcy—rc icttdni mcttcr all tgc tdhc), tgc hjrc `jhputcrs wdll start tj fccl ldbc



74

a natural cxtcnsdjn jf jursclvcs. Pj D ejn—t scc tgat as haojr jmsta`lc

cdtgcr.

D `jule idvc yju a wgjlc raft jf sdhdlar ariuhcnts. Mut fjr hc, tgc

hjst pcrsuasdvc cvdecn`c ds all arjune us. Yc ldvc dn a hatcrdaldst,

`jnsuhcr sj`dcty. Yc spcne guic ahjunts jf hjncy muydni ncw stuff ‐

ane cnjrhjus rcsjur`cs ij dntj ecvcljpdni ncw prjeu`ts ane ncw

tc`gnjljidcs tj satdsfy tgat ecsdrc. Df wc wcrc ha`gdncs, yju—e alhjst tgdnb

wc—e mccn prjirahhce tj mcgavc tgds way. Njw, tgc rc`cdvce tgdnbdni

amjut tgds ds tgat dt oust prjvcs gjw sgalljw ane supcrfd`dal wc arc. Mut arc

wc rcally saydni tgat all tgc tdhc ane cncriy tgat wc dnvcst dn hatcrdal

prjircss ds csscntdally a wastc jf tdhc: D tgdnb tgcrc—s sjhctgdni hjrc

prjfjune mcgdne dt all, rjjtce dn jur eccpcst dnstdn`t ‐ tgc dnstdn`t tj

survdvc. Ugat dnstdn`t gas mccn fdnc tunce jvcr gunerces jf tgjusanes jf

ycars2 dt ejcsn—t ma`b ljscrs ane dt favjurs cffd`dcnt stratcidcs, njt wastcful

jncs. Dt àn scnsc tgat tc`gnjljidàl prjircss ds tgc wdnndni stratciy tgat

wdll tabc us jn tj tgc ncxt stcp jn tgc cvjlutdjnary laeecr my tgc fastcst,

hjst edrc`t rjutc. Pj tgat—s wgat—s rcally erdvdni tgc pa`c jf tc`gnjljidàl

`ganic ‐ ane wdll `jntdnuc tj erdvc dt wgatcvcr jmsta`lcs wc hcct aljni tgc

way.

Dn tgc ncxt dssuc, D—ll mc ljjbdni at tgc cvdecn`c tgat tgds

cvjlutdjnary lcap `jule gappcn a ljt sjjncr tgan tgc tdhcsàlc jf =;-3;

ycars D—vc mccn talbdni amjut gcrc RMut prjmamly njt wdtgdn tgc ncxt

hjntg, sj ejn—t àn`cl yjur sums`rdptdjns yct ‐ CeX.



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41

Pusan

Hy dndtdal plan, dt hust mc sade, was njt tcrrdmly

sjpgdstdàtce jr wcll tgjuigt-jut. D sdhply chadlce gcr, prjpjsdni

a hcctdni. At tgat staic, D eden—t gavc a `lcar deca jf wgat D was

ijdni tj ej df sgc aircce. D oust bncw tgat D gae tj fdne a way jf

stjppdni gcr ijdni dntj prdnt untdl aftcr D—vc fdndsgce tgds a``junt.

Gcr rcply haec dt `lcar tgat sgc wasn—t dntcrcstce df D was oust

ijdni tj std`b tj hy stjry tgat tgc pjstdnis jf ‗_aratgustra—,

‗PclfdsgHchc— ane ‗Ed`chan— wcrc njtgdni tj ej wdtg hc. Dn a

way, tgat haec tgdnis casdcr. Dt was jmvdjus sgc eden—t mcldcvc hc

‐ sj df D rcally wantce tj stjp gcr ijdni dntj prdnt, tgcrc ds nj pjdnt

dn trydni tj mrazcn dt jut. A edffcrcnt stratciy wjule mc rcqudrce.

Yc arranice tj hcct dn a àfä njt far frjh hy flat.

Jrdidnally dt gae mccn a typdàl ircasy spjjn-typc pla`c, mut tgc

ncw jwncr gae rcpla`ce tgc sgdny, hjulece plastd` `gadrs ane

fjrhdà tamlc-tjps wdtg ljts jf strdppce wjje ane upgjlstcry wdtg

a vaiucly ctgnd` tgchc. Snfjrtunatcly, tgds eden—t scch tj mc

attra`tdni hu`g ncw musdncss ane fjr hjst jf tgc eay, tgc pla`c

was usually tgrcc-quartcrs chpty. Ugds tdhc, D was tgc jnly

ùstjhcr. Ugc jwncr, a laric wjhan dn gcr fjrtdcs, shdlce ane

trdce tj cniaic hc dn `jnvcrsatdjn. D fclt sjrry fjr gcr, mut D wasn—t

dn tgc hjje fjr shall talb.

D rctdrce tj a tamlc ncar tgc wdnejw ane trdce tj rcae a

ncwspapcr, mut D `julen—t `jn`cntratc jn any jf tgc artd`lcs. D





40

tgc sdtc unecr vardjus aldascs. Ane tgjsc pjstdnis yju hcntdjnce

arc frjh hc.‘

Pgc tdltce gcr gcae tj jnc sdec, ljjbdni un`jnvdn`ce.

“JB, sj wgy ede yju ej dt:‘ sgc asbce, fjledni gcr arhs.

“Dt—s gare tj cxpladn.‘

“Ury hc.‘

“Ycll, dt—s fadr tj say tgat D—vc ncvcr mccn a ‗truc mcldcvcr— ‐

D—vc always mccn hjrc jf an ainjstd` rcally, altgjuig D—vc bcpt hy

ejumts tj hysclf. D startce ejdni tgc sdtc mcàusc tgat—s wgat [ctc

gae asbce hc tj ej. Dt was oust aftcr gc edce, sj D fclt tgat D`julen—t rcally dinjrc gds rcqucst. D was ahazce my tgc rca`tdjn dt

ijt. D—e ncvcr rcaldsce tgcrc wcrc all tgcsc pcjplc jut tgcrc wgj

scchce tj gani jn gds cvcry wjre. Ane tgc mjjbs sjrt jf fjlljwce

jn frjh tgat ‐ D—e gae vardjus rcqucsts fjr gare `jpy, sj at fdrst D

sclf-pumldsgce tgch. Mut jn`c tgc dndtdal prdnt run gae sjle jut, D

was amlc tj ict a pumldsgcr dntcrcstce mcàusc tgcy `jule scc tgat

tgcrc was a harbct fjr dt.

“At fdrst D qudtc cnojyce tgc attcntdjn. Ugc truc mcldcvcrs

rcally scchce tj apprc`datc wgat D—e ejnc ane tgat haec hc want

tj try garecr tj plcasc tgch. Pj D haec surc tgat hjst jf tgc

`jhhcntary jn tgc sdtc was idvdni pcjplc wgat tgcy wantce tj

gcar. Mut D—vc always fclt tgat tgc icncral tjnc jf tgc hcssaics

was a ljt earbcr tgan hjst pcjplc scchce tj tgdnb. Uj mcidn wdtg,

D oust trdce tj gdnt at tgds dn sjhc jf tgc `jhhcntary. Ugc trjumlc

was, tgat eden—t scch tj habc hu`g jf an dhprcssdjn jn pcjplc.

Ugcy jnly saw wgat tgcy wantce tj scc dn tgc hcssaics ‐ wgd`g ds

masdàlly all tgat jptdhdstd` stuff amjut gjw tgc Jvcrhdne ds ijdni



45

tj mrdni amjut tgc Pdniulardty ane sj jn.

“Aftcr a wgdlc, dt rcally startce tj annjy hc. D fclt tgat tgcy

wcrc mldnedni tgchsclvcs tj any altcrnatdvc vdcwpjdnt. D dnvcntce

tgjsc altcr cijs as a way jf icttdni tgcsc fccldnis jff hy `gcst.

Ane jn`c D—e startce ejdni dt, D fjune tgat D qudtc cnojyce

prjvjbdni tgch ‐ sj tgc pjstdnis mcàhc hjrc ane hjrc

`jnfrjntatdjnal. At tgc tdhc, D eden—t tgdnb dt wjule ej any garh,

mut njw dt fccls ldbc dt was a prctty stupde tgdni tj gavc ejnc.

Yjrsc tgan tgat, D fccl D—vc mctrayce tgc pcjplc wgj usc tgc sdtc.

D—vc tgjuigt amjut ganedni dt jvcr tj sjhcjnc clsc, mut jvcr tgcscpast fcw eays, D—vc `jhc tj rcaldsc tgat dt hcans a ljt tj hc ‐ ane

D—h njt surc D—h rcaey tj lct ij jf dt yct.

“Anyway, D—vc ec`dece tgat gjncsty ds prjmamly tgc mcst

pjld`y. D—h tgdnbdni jf habdni a full `jnfcssdjn ‐ mut D fccl dt

wjule ljjb a ljt mcttcr df dt àhc edrc`tly frjh hc. Pj D was

wjnecrdni df yju `jule gjle jff wrdtdni tgc stjry untdl D—vc wjrbce

jut wgat—s tgc mcst tgdni tj ej. Mut df yju ejn—t want tj ‐ wcll, D

àn unecrstane tgat. D prjmamly ejn—t ecscrvc dt.‘

Ygat D gae tjle gcr `jntadnce clchcnts jf trutg ‐ mut dt iavc

a `jhplctcly falsc dhprcssdjn jf tgc `jnfcssdjn D gavc mccn

wjrbdni jn. Dt jmsùrce tgc rcal rcasjns fjr hy a`tdjns my

attrdmutdni tgch tj dhaidnary, mcttcr-dntcntdjnce hjtdvcs. As fjr

wantdni tj àrry jn wdtg tgc sdtc ‐ tgat was an jutrdigt ldc. D

wjule ldbc njtgdni mcttcr tgan tj rde hysclf jf dt. Mut D want

pcjplc tj rcae tgds a``junt fdrst. Ane D àn—t ej tgat df sjhc

ojurnaldst cxpjscs wgat D rcally tgdnb mcfjrc D—vc gae a `gan`c tj

say dt dn hy jwn wjres.



43

Pgc eden—t rcply fjr a fcw hjhcnts. Pgc oust ljjbce at hc

as df sgc wcrc cxpc`tdni hc tj say sjhctgdni clsc. Hy àrcfully

rcgcarsce hca ùlpa gae mccn dntcnece tj `lcar tgc adr ane alljw

hc tj iadn gcr trust. Mut tgc ljnicr tgc sdlcn`c wcnt jn, tgc hjrc

dt startce tj ljjb as df hy jpcndni iahmdt gae fallcn flat jn dts fa`c.

Ugcn sgc sade?

“Ycll, D—vc ijt tj aehdt D—h surprdsce. Ugat wasn—t wgat D—e

mccn cxpc`tdni at all. Mut wgat yju—vc sade habcs a ljt jf scnsc tj

hc. D—vc rcae sjhc jf yjur `jhhcntary ane D gae tgds fccldni tgat

yju wcrcn—t as fully sdince up tj dt as hjst jf tgc pcjplc ljiidnijntj tgc sdtc.‘

“Pj, ej yju tgdnb yju `jule gjle jff wrdtdni amjut dt fjr

mdt:‘

“D àn—t idvc yju a ecfdndtc ycs jr nj rdigt njw,‘ sgc sade,

lcandni ma`b dn gcr `gadr, “mut D—h prcparce tj tgdnb amjut dt. D

was ijdni tj usc dt as part jf a ljnicr pdc`c amjut C-Injsds ane

sjhc jtgcr dntcrnct-masce ùlts. D gavc a `juplc jf fcaturcs cedtjrs

wgj arc dntcrcstce, mut tgcy want tj scc sjhc hjrc ectadl mcfjrc

`jhhdttdni tgchsclvcs. Pj dt—s rcally hjrc jf a ljni-tcrh prjoc`t.

D—vc cvcn mccn wjnecrdni df D `jule ict a mjjb jut jf dt ‐ yju

bnjw, jnc jf tgjsc ‗icc wgdzz, ljjb at tgc wa`by tgdnis pcjplc ict

up tj jn tgc dntcrnct— bdne jf tgdnis. Mut df an cedtjr wcrc tj rdni

up rdigt njw ane say ‗Pusan, ict hc sjhc `jpy my `ljsc jf play!— ‐

wcll, D—e gavc tj tgdnb amjut wgctgcr D gae cnjuig hatcrdal tj mc

amlc tj pass up jn yjur stjry.‘

Ugds was ijdni hu`g mcttcr tgan D gae earce gjpc. D

ec`dece tj prcss jn?



46

“D unecrstane. D—h a frcclan`c wrdtcr hysclf, sj D bnjw dt—s a

mdt gane-tj-hjutg sjhctdhcs. D wjnecrce df wc `jule ej a ecal.‘

As sjjn as D sade dt, D `jule tcll frjh gcr cxprcssdjn tgat D

gae haec a ta`tdàl mlunecr. Haymc D sgjulen—t gavc haec tgc

jffcr at all. Ane my rusgdni dntj dt, D gae `jhplctcly unecrhdnce

tgc cffc`t jf hy jpcndni spcc`g. D ùrsce hysclf fjr njt gavdni

plannce jut tgds sc`jne staic jf hy stratciy hjrc àrcfully.

“D—h njt tgc ‗Ncws jf tgc Yjrle—, yju bnjw,‘ sgc sade,

frjstdly. “D hdigt muy yju anjtgcr `jffcc ane haymc a mdsùdt, df

yju—rc lu`by, mut tgat—s amjut dt. D `crtadnly wjn—t mc jffcrdni yjua fdvc fdiurc suh tj spdll tgc mcans amjut a mun`g jf tc`gnjljiy-

wjrsgdppdni ncres. Tju bnjw, D was startdni tj fccl oust a ldttlc mdt

sjrry fjr yju tgcrc, mut njw D—h njt sj surc.‘

“Ljjb, dt—s njt amjut hjncy,‘ D sade qud`bly, wjnecrdni

gjw D `jule rc`jvcr tgc sdtuatdjn. “Ugat—s njt wgat D hcant at all.

D was oust talbdni amjut sgardni sjhc dnfjrhatdjn tgat hdigt gclp

yju.‘

D jffcrce gcr sjhc jf tgc hatcrdal tgat D gae put tjictgcr fjr

tgc mdjirapgy jf [ctc. Pgc was rctd`cnt at fdrst2 hy `luhsy jffcr jf

a “ecal‘ hust gavc haec gcr suspd`djus jf hy hjtdvcs. Mut as D

ran tgrjuig sjhc jf tgc hatcrdal D tgjuigt sgc `jule usc dn gcr

artd`lc, D `jule scc tgat sgc was dntcrcstce. Pgc lauigce at tgc

pd`turc jf Barl attchptdni tj gui jnc jf gds stcrjde-cngan`ce pdis

(tgc andhal was sj mdi tgat Barl—s arhs marcly wcnt galf way

arjune dts nc`b).

“Ej yju tgdnb gc—e lct hc usc tgat:‘

“Ycll, gc—s njt cxa`tly pumld`dty sgy, sj D sgjulen—t tgdnb dt—e



49

mc tjj gare tj pcrsuaec gdh,‘ D sade.

D asbce wgy sgc was sj dntcrcstce dn C-Injsds. At fdrst, sgc

cxpladnce, dt was mcàusc sgc tgjuigt tgcrc wcrc `crtadn

sdhdlardtdcs mctwccn C-Injsds ane tgc Oapancsc Auh sc`t. Mjtg

gae a strjni chpgasds jn hcedtatdjn pra`td`cs ane a bccn dntcrcst

dn tc`gnjljiy. Ugcy alsj edsplayce a ecircc jf paranjda amjut

njn-mcldcvcrs. Ane tgcn tgcrc was tgc dnvjlvchcnt jf pcjplc ldbc

Barl dn “edrc`t a`tdjn,‘ su`g as tgc rade jn tgc lam. Altgjuig tgds

was `lcarly wasn—t dn tgc sahc lcaiuc as Auh—s ias atta`bs jn tgc

Ujbyj unecrirjune, dt was cnjuig tj ict sjhc cedtjrs dntcrcstce,cx`dtce my tgc prjspc`t jf anjtgcr apjàlyptd` ùlt jut tj ecstrjy

tgc wjrle. Mut jn`c sgc gae ejnc sjhc hjrc rcscar`g, sgc àhc

tj tgc vdcw tgat C-Injsds was funeahcntally edffcrcnt.

“Dn Auh,‘ sgc cxpladnce, “tgc mdi deca was tj rcnjun`c tgc

jutsdec wjrle, sj tgcy all wcnt tj ldvc tjictgcr dn tgcsc `ljsce

`jhhundtdcs ‐ wgd`g ds `lassd̀ ùlt mcgavdjur. Dt alsj prjvdece tgc

pcrfc`t `jnedtdjns fjr ejhdnant dnedvdeuals tj pcrsuaec wcabcr

jncs tj ej `razy tgdnis ‐ ldbc tabdni a mai jf ldqude sardn ias jntj

an unecrirjune tradn ane pun`turdni dt wdtg tgc tdp jf an

uhmrclla.

“Ugc tgdni ds, wc oust gavcn—t sccn tgat lcvcl jf sj`daldsatdjn

wdtg any jf tgcsc dntcrnct-masce ùlts ‐ at lcast njt any tgat D—vc

`jhc a`rjss. Nj jnc ds scttdni up any scparatc `jhhundtdcs

wgcrc tgds bdne jf `lassd` ùlt mcgavdjur àn tabc pla`c. Dnstcae,

dt—s all mcdni ejnc jvcr tgc dntcrnct, wgcrc dt—s hu`g hjrc edffdùlt

tj cxcrt tgc sahc ecircc jf psy`gjljidàl `jntrjl.‘

“Mut wgj—s tj say tgat jnc ljnc dnedvdeual, sdttdni at gds



47

`jhputcr, wjn—t tabc dt dntj gds gcae tj ej sjhctgdni `razy:‘ D

asbce, startdni tj fccl hdlely annjyce tgat sgc scchce prcparce tj

idvc tgch tgc mcncfdt jf tgc ejumt.

“Ycll, dt—s pjssdmlc,‘ sgc sade, tjssdni gcr gadr ma`b, “mut D

tgdnb dt—s prctty unldbcly. Tju scc, tgc wgjlc deca wdtg Auh was

tj rcnjun`c tgc dhpurdty jf tgc jutsdec wjrle. Pj trydni tj ecstrjy

dt was cntdrcly ljidàl fjr tgch. Mut fjr C-Injsds, tgc hatcrdal

wjrle ‐ dn tgc fjrh jf tc`gnjljiy ‐ rcprcscnts tgcdr salvatdjn.

Urydni tj ecstrjy tgc jutsdec wjrle wjule ij aiadnst tgc vcry

csscn`c jf wgat tgcy mcldcvc.‘“Pj yju tgdnb tgc truc mcldcvcrs arc oust a mun`g jf garhlcss

`ranbs:‘

“Garhlcss: Tcs. @ranby:‘ Pgc frjwnce. “D ejn—t bnjw.

Ugcy—rc `crtadnly jvcr at tgc cxtrchc cne wgcn dt `jhcs tj

tgcjrdcs amjut tgc Pdniulardty. Mut tgcrc—vc mccn tdhcs wgcn D—vc

pjjg-pjjgce tgcdr decas ane tgcy—vc `jhc rdigt ma`b at hc wdtg a

pjdnt D oust `julen—t answcr. Pj wgj ah D tj say tgcy—rc oust a

mun`g jf `ranbs: D suspc`t ndncty-cdigt pcr `cnt jf dt wdll turn jut

tj mc tjtal njnscnsc ‐ mut tgcrc hay mc sjhctgdni dn tgat last twj

pcr `cnt. Ane tgat—s wgat dntcrcsts hc amjut tgch ‐ tgat

unecrncatg all tgc pscuej-rcldidjus stuff, tgcy hay a`tually mc

jntj sjhctgdni dhpjrtant.‘

D fclt drrdtatce ‐ ane sldigtly mctrayce ‐ tgat sgc scchce

prcparce tj idvc tgcsc pcjplc tgc tdhc jf eay. Ugc trjumlc ds, D

àn—t fjridvc tgc truc mcldcvcrs any hjrc tgan D àn fjridvc [ctc fjr

wgat gc ede. Gc was njt a garhlcss `ranb ane tgcdr pjstguhjus

aeulatdjn jf gdh puts tgch dn tgc sahc àtcijry, as far as D—h



44

`jn`crnce. Mut D `julen—t tcll gcr tgds2 dt wjule mc `jhplctcly jut

jf `gara`tcr fjr tgc rjlc tgat D was suppjsce tj mc playdni.

“Ygat amjut yju:‘ sgc sade, as df sgc gae iucssce at hy

tgjuigts. “Tju sade yju wcrc ncvcr rcally a truc mcldcvcr. Mut

yju—vc bcpt tgc sdtc ijdni all tgds tdhc. Ygy:‘

D ec`dece tgat D wjule gavc tj tcll sjhc hjrc ldcs?

“Tju—rc rdigt, D—vc ncvcr mccn fully sdince up tj C-Injsds.

Mut mcfjrc gc edce, [ctc ane D usce tj spcne aics mattdni decas

ma`b ane fjrtg ‐ ane tgat—s rcally wgat D was trydni tj bccp aldvc

wgcn D sct up tgc sdtc. Ugc prjmlch fjr hc ds tgat a ljt jf tgc uscrsarcn—t dntcrcstce dn ncw decas any hjrc. Ugcy hust—vc mccn

dntcrcstce at jnc staic ‐ mut njw tgat tgcy—vc fjune sjhctgdni

tgat scchs tj satdsfy tgat ycarndni, tgcy—vc `ljsce tgcdr hdnes tj

anytgdni tgat ejcsn—t fdt wdtg tgcdr vdcwpjdnt. Ugat—s wgat haec

hc ej all tgjsc stupde pjstdnis.‘

D gjpce tgat D ljjbce sudtamly `jntrdtc. Dn fa`t, hy hjtdvcs

fjr scttdni up tgc sdtc wcrc cntdrcly sclfdsg ane D gavc ncvcr fclt

anytgdni mut `jntchpt fjr tgc truc mcldcvcrs. D gae tgc dhprcssdjn

tgat Pusan was lcss tgan satdsfdce wdtg hy answcr. Pgc was tjydni

wdtg gcr hjmdlc pgjnc, as df planndni gcr fjlljw-up qucstdjn. Dn a

ratgcr ecspcratc attchpt tj `ganic tgc sumoc`t, D sade hjrc jr lcss

tgc fdrst tgdni tgat àhc dntj hy gcae?

“Ugds ds ijdni tj sjune a mdt stranic, mut wgy ej yju gavc a

‗Edsncy [rdn`css— std`bcr jn tgc ma`b jf yjur pgjnc: Tju ejn—t

rcally strdbc hc as a Edsncy [rdn`css bdne jf idrl.‘

Pgc shdlce. “Nj, yju—rc rdigt, D ncvcr rcally wcnt dn fjr all

tgat awful prdn`cssy stuff, cvcn wgcn D was ldttlc. Hy ndc`c stu`b dt



1;;

jn. Dt—s sj wc àn rdni up gcr fadry ijehjtgcr. Ugcn wc gavc tj

prctcne tgat wc—rc ercssdni up dn famuljus ijwns, ijdni tj tgc mall

ane harrydni tgc ganesjhc prdn`c. Ycll, a`tually nj, tgat—s njt

qudtc rdigt ‐ sgc—s usually pcrfc`tly gappy tj ean`c wdtg tgc

ganesjhc prdn`c mut wgcn wc ict tj tgc mdt dn tgc stjry wgcrc gc

asbs gcr tj harry gdh, sgc always says nj ane runs jff lauigdni.

Pj cvcryjnc icts tj ldvc gappdly cvcr aftcr ‐ cx`cpt tgc ganesjhc

prdn`c, wgj—s fallcn haely dn ljvc wdtg hy ndc`c ane rchadns

hdscramlc fjr tgc rcst jf gds eays.‘

“D tgdnb D bnjw gjw tgc prdn`c fccls,‘ D sade. D ejn—t bnjwwgat haec hc say dt. Dt was a lahc, sclf-pdtydni tgdni tj say.

“Ycll, haymc yju sgjule spcne lcss tdhc dn frjnt jf yjur

`jhputcr ane ict jut hjrc,‘ sgc sade, mrdigtly. D wasn—t surc

wgctgcr sgc hcant dt bdnely jr was oust guhjurdni hc.

Yc `gattce fjr a wgdlc amjut frcclan`c wrdtdni, cx`ganidni

iruhmlcs amjut gjw usclcss pumldsgcrs wcrc ‐ gjw tgcy always

cxpc`tce yju ej tgdnis my ycstcreay, mut scchce tj rciare

tgchsclvcs as mcdni dn a edffcrcnt part jf tgc spa`c-tdhc `jntdnuuh

altjictgcr wgcn dt àhc tj tgcdr jwn s̀ gceulcs. Njw tgat wc

wcrc jff tgc sumoc`t jf tgc wcmsdtc, D fjune hysclf ratgcr cnojydni

gcr `jhpany. Ugcn dt was tdhc fjr Pusan tj ij (sgc gae an

uricnt, pumldsgcr-dhpjsce ecaeldnc tj hcct).

“Jg ‐ jnc last tgdni,‘ sgc sade. “Ygat ah D ijdni tj say tj

hy ga`bcr frdcne df gc asbs:‘

D gae tgjuigt amjut tgds ane gae an answcr rcaey. “Oust tcll

gdh wgat D tjle yju at fdrst ‐ tgat hy `jhputcr gae mccn ga`bce

dntj ane sjhcjnc clsc was usdni dt tj pjst amusdvc hcssaics jn tgc



1;1

sdtc. Ucll gdh D—vc put sjhc ncw scùrdty dn pla`c sj dt wjn—t mc

gappcndni aiadn.‘

“JB, fadr cnjuig. Lct—s gjpc gc muys tgat cxplanatdjn. Dn

tgc hcantdhc, yjur sc`rct ds safc wdtg hc.‘ Pgc ijt up frjh tgc

tamlc, `lut`gdni gcr hjmdlc. “Ycll, dt was nd`c tj hcct yju.

Haymc wc `jule hcct up aiadn sjhctdhc.‘

“Uj mc gjncst, D ejn—t bnjw df D—vc ijt hu`g hjrc tj tcll

yju,‘ D sade, anxdjus tj avjde a hjrc ectadlce `rjss-cxahdnatdjn.

“Jg, D eden—t hcan tgat ‐ D oust hcant ij jut fjr a erdnb

tjictgcr.‘ ]cidstcrdni hy ljjb jf surprdsc ane mcwdlecrhcnt attgds jffcr, sgc shdlce ane sade? “Ejn—t ljjb sj wjrrdce. D prjhdsc

njt tj run jff lauigdni, ldbc hy ndc`c. Pj idvc hc a àll.‘



1;=

Urutg ane ldcs

Barl O. [rdn`chan ‐ cxtra`t frjh c-injsds.`jh?

Ugc traedtdjnal rcaedni jf tgc Mjjb jf Icncsds ds tgat Cvc, tchptce

my tgc scrpcnt, pcrsuaecs Aeah tj cat tgc applc ane sdn`c tgcn, dt—s mccn

laricly ejwngdll fjr tgc guhan ra`c. Mut D—vc always fjune dt jee tgat

Ije ejcsn—t want Aeah ane Cvc tj cat frjh tgc trcc jf bnjwlceic. D

hcan, wgat—s wrjni wdtg bnjwlceic : Pj haymc tgc scrpcnt ds tclldni tgc

trutg wgcn dt says tgat tgc trcc ds jff ldhdts mcàusc “Ije ejtg bnjw tgat dn

tgc eay yc cat tgcrcjf, tgcn yjur cycs sgall mc jpcnce, ane yc sgall mc as

ijes, bnjwdni ijje ane cvdl.‘ Haymc Ije oust ejcsn—t want tgc

`jhpctdtdjn.

Ane gcrc—s anjtgcr wcdre tgdni. Ygcn Aeah runs away aftcr

catdni tgc applc, Ije gas tj àll jut tj gdh “Ygcrc art tgju:‘ Fjr a

Ije wgj—s suppjsce tj mc jhndpjtcnt ane all bnjwdni, tgds ds a vcry

stranic tgdni tj say. Gc sgjule gavc nj trjumlc at all wjrbdni jut cxa`tly

wgcrc Aeah ds.

Ugc Injstd`s rcfcrrce tj gdh as Pahacl, tgc mldne Ije. Gc—s njt

purc cvdl, mut gc ds eccply flawce ‐ ane gc—s `rcatce a wjrle wgd`g ds eccply

flawce as wcll. Mut altgjuig gc—s mldne, gc—s njt stupde. Gc bnjws tgat

gds pjsdtdjn jf autgjrdty wdll mc unecrhdnce df guhan mcdnis mc`jhc

awarc jf tgc trutg. Pj gc ane gds `jllamjratjrs gavc attchptce tj `jnvdn`c

us tgat dt ds all jur fault - tgat wc sdnnce wgcn wc atc jf tgc trcc jf tgc



1;0

bnjwlceic ane arc mcdni pundsgce fjr dt. Mut tgc rcaldty ds tgat tgc Iarecn

jf Cecn was flawce frjh tgc vcry mcidnndni. Yc oust `julen—t scc dt at

fdrst.

Pj dt—s ejwn tj us tj rcsjlvc tgc flaws dn tgc dhpcrfc`t wjrle tgat wc

dngamdt. Ugc Injstd`s talbce amjut a`gdcvdni a “plcrjha‘ jr “fullncss‘,

wgcrc wc wjule mandsg tgc falsc, dn`jhpctcnt Ije ane a`gdcvc a edvdnc

statc jursclvcs2 gcrc at C-Injsds, wc àll dt tgc Pdniulardty.



1;5

Ptratcidcs

My rdigts, D sgjule mc habdni tgc hjst jf tgc mrcatgdni

spa`c D gavc oust wjn hysclf dn jrecr tj prcss jn wdtg hy a``junt.

Ane D juigt tj mc habdni ijje prjircss, àpdtaldsdni jn a scnsc jf

trduhpg at tgc way hy hcctdni wdtg Pusan @rjssfdcle gas turnce

jut. Mut gcrc D ah aiadn, wrdtdni amjut tgc prcscnt, njt tgc past.

At fdrst, D `julen—t unecrstane wgat Pusan saw dn hc. Ejcs

sgc icnudncly ldbc hc: Jr ds sgc oust trydni tj ict hc tj erjp hy

iuare:

Hy stratciy gae mccn tj iadn gcr syhpatgy my aehdttdni

tgat D gae mccn fjjldsg tj pjst unecr tgjsc pscuejnyhs. Ugc deca

gae mccn tj habc gcr hjrc rc`cptdvc tj hy jffcr jf sgardni sjhc

jf tgc hatcrdal frjh hy mdjirapgy jf [ctc (dn rcturn fjr gcr

aircchcnt tj gjle jff ijdni dntj prdnt). Jpcnly aehdttdni tgat D

gae haec a hdstabc wcnt aiadnst all hy usual ecfcnsdvc dnstdn`ts.

Mut D `julen—t scc any jtgcr way jf iadndni gcr `jnfdecn`c, sj D

irdttce hy tcctg ane wcnt agcae.

Njw D àn scc tgat ca`g tdhc D aehdttce tj sjhc bdne jf

vulncramdldty, Pusan—s attdtuec tjwares hc appcarce tj sjftcn. Pj

dt wjule scch tgat tgds ta`td` prjvce hjrc su``cssful tgan D cvcrtgjuigt pjssdmlc.

D suppjsc tgat D juigt tj fccl plcasce wdtg hysclf, clatce

cvcn. Ane at fdrst, tgat ds cxa`tly gjw D fclt. Mut njw D fccl an

alhjst unmcaramlc saencss. Mcàusc df D ah rdigt amjut gjw Pusan



1;3

rca`tce tj hc, tgcn dt ds an dned`thcnt jf gjw D gavc mcgavce fjr

hjst jf hy aeult ldfc. Gjw hany rclatdjnsgdps `jule gavc mccn

edffcrcnt df D gae njt dnsdstce jn gjledni jtgcrs at arh—s lcnitg,

ncvcr alljwdni tgch tj scc mcgdne tgc clamjratc ecfcn`cs D gae

crc`tce tj bccp tgch at may:

Jf `jursc, dt wjule mc far tjj rdsby tj scc gcr aiadn. Dt—s

haencss cvcn tj tgdnb amjut dt.



1;6

[art Pcvcn

=;;1

! ! "

#

$ % !



1;9

@gdlegjje—s Cne

Ugc ncxt tdhc D wcnt tj mamysdt fjr Bay, sgc tjle hc tgat sgc

was oust hcctdni sjhc frdcnes fjr a erdnb ane prjmamly wjulen—t

mc latc. Ojnag ane D wat`gce an a`tdjn hjvdc, wgd`g was

cntcrtadndni mut cntdrcly fjricttamlc. Aftcr dt gae fdndsgce, gc

scchce rclu`tant tj ij tj mce ane gjvcrce dn tgc ejjrway, as df

unsurc wgd`g way tgc stadrs wcrc.

“Ej yju want tj scc hy fdsg:‘ gc asbce, sueecnly.

“D eden—t bnjw yju gae any pcts,‘ D sade. “Arc tgcy ncw:‘

“Nj, njt rcally. Ane tgcy—rc njt rcally hdnc ‐ tgcy—rc hy

Eae—s. D—h oust ljjbdni aftcr tgch untdl gc `jhcs ma`b.‘

D ncvcr bncw wgat tj say wgcn gc haec ec`laratdjns ldbc

tgds. Gc always sjunece sj `crtadn tgat [ctc wjule rcturn. D

fjlljwce gdh upstadrs tj gds mcerjjh.

Ugc fdsg wcrc dn twj dlluhdnatce tanbs jn ljw tamlcs ldndni

jnc sdec jf Ojnag—s mcerjjh. Ugc fdltcrdni cqudphcnt chdttce a

qudct iurildni njdsc. Ugc fdrst tanb `jntadnce twj jr tgrcc laricr

fdsg ane a shall sgjal jf wgat ljjbce tj hc ldbc tdny saredncs, mut

wdtg an drdecs`cnt mluc ane rce strdpc runndni tgc lcnitg jf tgcdr

mjedcs. Ugcy eartce amjut mctwccn stranes jf pjne-wcce. Ojnag

cxpladnce tgat tgcy wcrc àrednal tctras ane tgat tgc laricr fdsg,

wgd`g gae mrjae ejrsal fdns, mrdlldantly pattcrnce ldbc muttcrfly

wdnis, wcrc iuppdcs.



1;7

Ugc sc`jne tanb was wcdre. At fdrst, all D `jule scc wcrc

laric, oaiice sc`tdjns jf pjlystyrcnc, fdxce tj tgc lde ane masc jf

tgc tanb. Ugcn D njtd`ce fdsg hjvdni dn ane jut jf tgc pjlystyrcnc

sgapcs. Ugcy wcrc rjuigly tgc sahc sdzc ane sgapc as ijlefdsg,

mut tgcdr sbdn ljjbce as df dt gae mccn eradnce jf `jljur, lcavdni a

translu`cnt `jvcrdni tgrjuig wgd`g yju `jule habc jut wgat

ljjbce ldbc dntcrnal jrians. D wjnecrce df tgcy gae sjhc bdne jf

edscasc.

“Ugcy—rc hy favjurdtcs,‘ sade Ojnag. “Ugcy—rc mldne àvc

fdsg. Ugcy gavcn—t ijt any cycs.‘ Njw tgat D ljjbce hjrc `ljscly

at tgc gcaes jf tgc fdsg, D `jule scc tgat gc was rdigt2 tgcrc was

njtgdni tgat rcschmlce an cyc tgcrc. “Ugcy—rc `lcvcr,‘ gc aeece.

“Ugcy garely cvcr muhp dntj stuff. Ugcy jnly ej dt wgcn D idvc

tgch sjhc fjje.‘

Gc slde jpcn a gjlc dn tgc lde ane sprdnblce sjhc pjwecr

dntj tgc tanb. Dhhcedatcly, all jf tgc fdsg `jnvcrice jn tgc fjje,

rcsultdni dn scvcral `jlldsdjns as tgcy ojstlce fjr tgc mcst pjsdtdjn.

“Ygy all tgc pjlystyrcnc:‘ D asbce.

“Dt—s hcant tj ljjb ldbc tgc dnsdec jf an unecrwatcr àvc,

wdtg stala`tdtcs ane stalaihdtcs. Ugc fdsg ldbc dt mcttcr tgat way. D

gclpce hy Eae ej dt. Yc hcltce tgc pjlystyrcnc wdtg Huh—s

bdt`gcn mljw tjr`g.‘ Gc irdnnce. “Pgc wasn—t vcry plcasce. Ugc

wgjlc gjusc rcally stanb aftcrwares. Mut yju àn habc sjhc

rcally `jjl sgapcs.‘

Ugc fjrhatdjns jf hcltce pjlystyrcnc wcrc `crtadnly



1;4

strdbdni, all tgc hjrc sj mcàusc ncdtgcr Ojnag njr gds Eae gae

mjtgcrce tj padnt tgch dn rj`b-ldbc `jljurs2 dnstcae, tgcy

rchadnce a mrdlldant wgdtc, ldbc sumhcrice d`cmcris. Ygcn D

suiicstce tj Ojnag tgat dt hdigt gavc mccn mcttcr tj padnt tgch

mcfjrc puttdni tgch dn tgc tanb, gc oust iavc hc jnc jf gds pdtydni

ljjbs ane sade?

“Mut tgc fdsg wjulen—t mc amlc tj scc dt, wjule tgcy:‘

D ec`dece tj njt tj prcss tgc pjdnt any furtgcr.

“D gae a ijlefdsg wgcn D was ldttlc,‘ D tjle gdh. “Ycll,

a`tually, D gae twj tj mcidn wdtg - mut jnc jf tgch ijt a funial

dnfc`tdjn ane edce. Aftcr tgat, D tgdnb tgc jtgcr jnc hust—vc ijt

ljncly mcàusc gc spcnt hjst jf gds tdhc `gasdni gds jwn rcflc`tdjn

up ane ejwn tgc sdec jf tgc tanb. Pjhcjnc tjle hc tgat ijlefdsg

jnly gavc tcn sc`jne hchjrdcs, sj D—vc always wjnecrce df gc

hanaice tj wjrb jut ‐ aftcr haymc ndnc sc`jnes ‐ tgat dt was

rcally oust gds rcflc`tdjn ratgcr tgan anjtgcr fdsg. Ugc trjumlc ds,

jn`c tgc tcn sc`jnes was up, gc—e fjrict tgc wgjlc tgdni ane gavc

tj start all jvcr aiadn.‘

Ojnag scchce tj tabc tgds as a slur jn gds `gjd`c jf pct.

“Mldne àvc fdsg ecfdndtcly gavc a ljnicr hchjry tgan tgat. Ygcn

tgcy—rc put dn a ncw tanb, tgcy àn wjrb jut wgcrc all tgc

jmsta`lcs arc ane tgcn rchchmcr tgch. Ugat habcs tgch hjrc

dntclldicnt tgan ejis, yju bnjw.‘

@lcarly, hy ijlefdsg gae mccn a pca-mradnce nuhmsbull

`jhparce wdtg tgc `jlljssal dntcllc`t jf tgc mldne àvc fdsg. D



11;

`jnsjlce hysclf wdtg tgc tgjuigt tgat at lcast D gaen—t gae a eji

fjr a pct.

Ljjbdni arjune fjr an cxùsc tj `ganic tgc tjpd` jf

`jnvcrsatdjn, D saw a `jpy jf @gdlegjje—s Cne my Artgur @ @larbc

jn tgc tamlc ncxt tj Ojnag—s mce. Dt hust gavc mccn qudtc an jle

`jpy, mcàusc D rc`jindsce tgc `jvcr frjh wgcn D gae rcae dt

hysclf, hany ycars aij2 dt fcaturce a idant flydni sau`cr gjvcrdni

amjvc a `dty, ljjbdni ratgcr sdndstcr. Ugds gae always stru`b hc as

jee, mcàusc dn fa`t, tgc aldcns dn tgc mjjb turn jut tj mc fadrly

mcndni? tgcy a`t hjrc ldbc an dntcriala`td` SN pca`cbccpdni

fjr`c, bccpdni hanbdne frjh ecstrjydni dtsclf sj tgat dt àn cvjlvc

tj dts truc pjtcntdal. [d`bdni dt up, D sade?

“D rcae tgds wgcn D was haymc a `juplc jf ycars jlecr tgan

yju arc njw. Ygat ej yju tgdnb jf dt:‘

“Jg, D—vc rcae dt mcfjrc,‘ gc sade. “Dt—s jnc jf hy Eae—s

favjurdtc mjjbs.‘

“Tcs, mut wgat ej yju tgdnb jf dt:‘ D asbce. Dt was

unecrstaneamlc tgat Ojnag bcpt rcfcrrdni tj gds Eae, mut gds gamdt

jf saydni wgat [ctc tgjuigt amjut tgdnis all tgc tdhc was

mcidnndni tj ict jn hy ncrvcs.

Gc gcsdtatce. “Dt—s a ijje stjry, D suppjsc. D ldbc rcaedni

tgc fdrst galf jf dt, up tj tgc mdt wgcrc yju fdne jut wgat tgc aldcns

ljjb ldbc. D oust tgdnb tgc cnedni ds…wcll, a mdt sae.‘

“Ygy:‘

“Mcàusc tgc `gdlercn turn dntj sjhctgdni tjtally edffcrcnt



111

frjh tgcdr parcnts. Ugcy ejn—t cvcn ict tgc `gan`c tj say

ijjemyc. Dt wjule mc mcttcr df tgcy `jule sjhcgjw tabc tgcdr

parcnts wdtg tgch wgcn tgcy ojdn tgc Jvcrhdne.‘

Altgjuig dt was a ljni tdhc sdn`c D gae rcae dt, D

rchchmcrce fccldni a ldttlc edshayce at tgc cnedni as wcll. Dt

haec tgc ldvcs jf all tgc jtgcr `gara`tcrs dn tgc mjjb appcar

dnsdindfdànt dn tgc ircatcr s`gchc jf tgdnis. D latcr eds`jvcrce tgat

[ctc was alsj edsturmce my tgds aspc`t jf tgc mjjb, ecspdtc tgc fa`t

tgat gc `gjsc tgc tcrh “Jvcrhdne‘ fjr tgc gdigcr dntclldicn`c tgat

gc mcldcvce was sjhcgjw dn `jhhundàtdjn wdtg gdh. Gc tjj

edsldbce tgc deca tgat mdjljidàl cvjlutdjn `jule sueecnly prjeu`c

a icncratdjn jf `gdlercn tgat wjule mc njt hcrcly

dn`jhprcgcnsdmlc tj tgcdr parcnts, mut uttcrly dnedffcrcnt tj tgcdr

parcnts— fatc. Gc hu`g prcfcrrce tgc hjrc tc`gnjljidàl

Pdniulardty suiicstce my tgc cne jf =;;1. Ugds was hadnly mcàusc

gc tgjuigt dt wjule alljw tgc Pdniulardty tj j`ùr unecr hu`g

hjrc `jntrjllce `jnedtdjns, sj tgat cvcryjnc `jule partd`dpatc df

tgcy wantce ‐ ane nj jnc wjule mc “lcft mcgdne‘ unlcss tgat was

tgc fatc tgat tgcy `gjsc fjr tgchsclvcs.

Ugcrc was an awbware sdlcn`c. Ugcn Ojnag wcnt jvcr tj

gds ecsb, wgcrc gc gae a laptjp. Gc ganece hc a sgcct jf papcr

wgd`g was lydni fa`c ejwn jn tgc ecsb. Jn dt was wrdttcn an

chadl aeercss? [ONb69571Kfrcchadl.`j.ub.

“Ygat—s tgds:‘ D asbce.

“Dt—s hy Eae—s chadl aeercss.‘



11=

Dt tjjb hc a hjhcnt jr twj tj rcidstcr tgc full dhpjrt jf

tgds. “Pj…. gc—s mccn dn tju`g wdtg yju:‘

Ojnag njeece.

“Pdn`c wgcn:‘ D gae ijt sj usce tj tgdnbdni jf [ctc as mcdni

`jhplctcly jut jf tgc pd`turc, tgat dt was a sgj`b tj eds`jvcr tgat

gc was stdll (apparcntly) vcry hu`g arjune.

“Ycll, tgc fdrst chadl was amjut fjur wccbs aij.‘ Gc

ljjbce a mdt sgccpdsg, tgcn aeece2 “D wantce tj tcll sjhcjnc

amjut dt ‐ a`tually, D wantce tj tcll yju amjut dt. Mut gc sade D gae

tj bccp dt a sc`rct. Tju—rc njt `rjss wdtg hc, arc yju:‘

“Nj, jf `jursc njt,‘ D sade. “D—h oust surprdsce, tgat—s all. Ds

gc JB:‘

“Tcs, D tgdnb sj.‘ Gc gcsdtatce. “Cx`cpt tgat gc bccps ijdni

jn amjut pcjplc mcdni jut tj ict gdh. Ugat—s wgy gc gae tj

edsappcar.‘

“Ygat sjrt jf pcjplc:‘

“D—h njt surc. Gc ejcsn—t rcally talb amjut dt dn gds chadls.‘

“Ygcrc—s gc ldvdni:‘

“D ejn—t bnjw. D asbce df D `jule scc gdh mut gc sade dt was

tjj eanicrjus, sj wc—vc oust mccn wrdtdni chadls tj ca`g jtgcr.‘

“Gavc yju tjle yjur Huh:‘

“Nj. Gc tjle hc njt tj tcll gcr. Gc says gc ncces tj spcab

tj yju fdrst.‘

“Hc: Ygy hc:‘

“D ejn—t bnjw. Gc eden—t say wgy.‘ Ojnag pausce, tgcn



110

sade, iljjhdly? “D tgjuigt yju—e mc plcasce.‘

“Jg, D ah,‘ D rcpldce, attchptdni tj sjune ldbc D hcant dt.

Hy iucss was tgat [ctc wantce hc tj a`t as a ij-mctwccn ane

spcab tj Bay jn gds mcgalf. Ugat wjule put hc dn an dhpjssdmlc

pjsdtdjn. “D—h plcasce gc—s JB,‘ D sade. “Ugc wgjlc tgdni—s oust a

mdt `jhpldàtce, tgat—s all. Dt—s ijje tgat gc—s ijt dn tju`g wdtg yju

tgjuig.‘

Ojnag rjllce gds cycs. “Tju sjune ldbc Huh. ‗Dt—s

`jhpldàtce.— Ugat—s wgat sgc always says wgcncvcr D asb amjut

wgy Eae lcft. Ldbc D `jule ncvcr unecrstane.‘

D sdigce. “Ljjb, all D hcant was, njw tgat yju—vc tjle hc,

dt puts hc dn a edffdùlt pjsdtdjn wdtg yjur Huh. D hcan, ede gc

say anytgdni at all amjut wgy gc wantce tj talb tj hc fdrst:‘

“Nj, D oust tjle yju, gc eden—t say wgy,‘ gc sade, wdtg

hjuntdni drrdtatdjn. “Gc oust says gc àn—t `jhc ma`b untdl gc—s

talbce tj yju. Pj yju gavc tj scc gdh. Tju gavc tj.‘ D `jule scc

tgat mcgdne tgc anicr, gc was `ljsc tj tcars.

“JB, JB. D—ll chadl gdh. D—h sjrry. D eden—t hcan tj upsct

yju.‘ D wcnt tj put hy gane jn gds sgjulecr, mut gc turnce away

ane ercw gds arh a`rjss gds fa`c, wdpdni gds cycs jn tgc slccvc jf

gds swcatsgdrt.

“Mut D—h njt surc dt—s a ijje deca tj bccp dt a sc`rct frjh

yjur Huh,‘ D aeece. “Pgc—s wjrrdce amjut yjur Eae tjj, yju

bnjw. Pgc—s ijt a rdigt tj bnjw tgat gc—s safc ane wcll.‘

“Nj, yju àn—t tcll gcr. Tju oust àn—t,‘ gc sade, fdcr`cly.



115

“Df yju ej tgat, gc hdigt njt `jhc ma`b. Tju gavc tj ej as gc says .‘

At tgat hjhcnt, tgc frjnt ejjr jpcnce ane D gcare Bay—s

vjd`c saydni gcllj.

“Tju—e mcttcr ict rcaey fjr mce,‘ D sade, tgdnbdni tgat Bay

wjule mc annjyce wdtg hc fjr njt gavdni haec Ojnag ij tj mce

carldcr. As D pullce gds ejjr tj, D `jule scc gdh stanedni tgcrc,

ljjbdni aigast.

D wcnt ejwnstadrs. Bay gae ijnc dntj tgc bdt`gcn.

“Tju—rc carldcr tgan D cxpc`tce,‘ D sade. “Ojnag—s oust

icttdni rcaey fjr mce. Gc was sgjwdni hc gds fdsg. Jr ratgcr,

[ctc—s fdsg.‘

Pgc njeece ane wcnt tj ict gcrsclf a ilass jf wdnc.

“Yant jnc:‘ sgc asbce.

“Df yju—rc jffcrdni,‘ D sade. Pgc eden—t scch gcr usual

talbatdvc sclf tgds cvcndni. “Ds cvcrytgdni alrdigt:‘ D asbce.

Pgc sat ejwn at tgc tamlc, rcstdni gcr gcae dn gcr ganes ane

lct jut a eccp sdig. “Dt—s fdnc, D—h oust a mdt tdrce, tgat—s all. Pj D

tgjuigt D—e `jhc gjhc carly.‘

D gcsdtatce. Pgjule D tcll gcr amjut [ctc: D gae mccn

dntcnedni tj, mut D wasn—t surc gjw sgc wjule tabc dt dn gcr ùrrcnt

hjje. Dt was jee tgat gc was dnsdstdni jn talbdni tj hc fdrst. D

eden—t tgdnb sgc wjule mc partdùlarly dhprcssce my tgat cdtgcr.

Ugc sdlcn`c mctwccn us was mc`jhdni an chmarrasshcnt.

“Ugjsc mldne àvc fdsg arc prctty wcdre, arcn—t tgcy:‘ D jffcrce,

gjpdni dt wjule mrcab tgc d`c. “Ojnag was trydni tj `jnvdn`c hc



113

tgat tgcy—rc as dntclldicnt as ejis.‘

“Jg Hdlcs, oust sgut up amjut tgc fu`bdni fdsg wdll yju:‘

D was tabcn ama`b. D bncw tgat sgc `jule sjhctdhcs mc

mrusquc tj tgc pjdnt jf ruecncss, mut sgc gae ncvcr spjbcn tj hc

ldbc tgds mcfjrc.

“JB, D—h sjrry. D was oust trydni tj habc `jnvcrsatdjn.

Haymc D—e mcttcr ij.‘ D ec`dece tgat njw prjmamly wasn—t tgc tdhc

tj tcll gcr amjut [ctc. Dt `jule wadt.

Pgc sdigce aiadn. “Nj, ljjb ‐ dt—s hc tgat sgjule mc saydni

sjrry. Njnc jf tgds ds yjur fault, sj D ejn—t bnjw wgy D—h tabdni dt

jut jn yju. Ane dt—s rcally bdne jf yju tj ljjb aftcr Ojnag wgdlc D

was jut.‘

Pgc tjjb anjtgcr sdp frjh gcr ilass. “D àhc ma`b carly

tjndigt mcàusc D was suppjsce tj mc hcctdni Alan ‐ yju bnjw,

hy mjss frjh wjrb.‘

“Jg, rdigt.‘ D fclt sd`b. D gae assuhce tgat gcr affadr wdtg

Alan was jvcr. Ane njw, tj habc hattcrs wjrsc, [ctc was

tgrcatcndni tj `jhc ma`b as wcll.

“Anyway, wc—e arranice tj hcct dn tgds gjtcl. Dt—s all

sldigtly sjrede. Yc sdince dn as Hr ane Hrs Snecrwjje jr

sjhctgdni cqually njnecs`rdpt ‐ ane wc ijt tgds bnjwdni ljjb

frjh tgc rc`cptdjndst, as df gc bncw cxa`tly wgat wc wcrc up tj.‘

Ugc tgjuigt jf tgch ijdni tj a gjtcl tjictgcr haec hc fccl mjtg

edsiustce ane turnce jn at tgc sahc tdhc. “Mut wc—e garely mccn

dn tgc rjjh fdvc hdnutcs mcfjrc gc ijt a àll jn gds hjmdlc,‘ Bay





119

gjpdni gc wjule rcaldsc tgat dt hcant D gae njt tjle Bay amjut tgc

chadls frjh [ctc. D `jule gcar Bay sjmmdni dn tgc bdt`gcn. D

`ljsce tgc frjnt ejjr. Jutsdec dt was ̀ jle ane qudct.



117

Dnfjtadnhcnt

Barl O. [rdn`chan - cxtra`t frjh c-injsds.`jh?

Jf `jursc, tgc `jhdni Pdniulardty ds a haojr tgrcat tj tgjsc

ùrrcntly dn pjsdtdjns jf pjwcr ane autgjrdty. Ane tgcsc arc njt, jn tgc

wgjlc, stupde pcjplc ‐ hdsiudece, haymc, mut `crtadnly njt euhm. Pj yju

wjule njt cxpc`t tgch tj mc sdttdni jn tgc sdecldncs, oust wadtdni fjr dt tj

gappcn. Ugcy—rc musy trydni tj stjp dt ‐ jr at lcast, tj stjp tgc rcst jf us

frjh wabdni up tj wgat—s rcally ijdni jn.

Ugc hjst dnsdedjus aspc`t jf tgcdr a`tdvdtdcs ds wgat D àll tgc

“Dnfjtadnhcnt @jnspdra`y.‘ Ugds ds tgc attchpt tj jvcrwgclh us wdtg sj

hu`g fd`tdjn ane trdvda tgat wc àn nj ljnicr wjrb jut tgc trutg fjr

jursclvcs jr cvcn fjùs jn wgat rcally hattcrs. Ane dt ds jnc jf tgc rcasjns

wgy prjircss tjwares tgc Pdniulardty ds sljwcr tgan dt ncces tj mc.

Ygat àn yju ej tj `juntcr tgds : Bccp `jhdni ma`b tj tgds wcmsdtc

fjr a start. Mut df yju want tj strcnitgcn yjur ecfcn`cs aiadnst dt, try jut

jur Dntcrfcrcn`c Pjftwarc, wgd`g gas mccn spc`dfdàlly ecsdince tj `jhmat

tgc cffc`t jf tgc Dnfjtadnhcnt @jnspdra`y at a sum`jns`djus lcvcl.

Habc surc yju—vc ijt twcnty hdnutcs jr sj tj sparc. Pwdt`g jff tgc

UV, raedj jr anytgdni clsc tgat `jule mc a edstra`tdjn (ane a `jneudt fjr

“dnfjtadnhcnt‘ hatcrdal). Pdt ejwn dn frjnt jf yjur `jhputcr ane run tgc sjftwarc. At fdrst, dt—ll ljjb ldbc a `gajtd` hass jf swdrldni ejts. Ugds staic

ds hcant tj gclp yju `lcar yjur hdne sj tgat yju—rc hjrc rc`cptdvc tj wgat

fjlljws. Iraeually, tgc ejts wdll rcsjlvc dntj fraihcnts jf tcxt jr dhaics.

Ugcsc arc tabcn ranejhly frjh wcmsdtcs wgd`g ejn—t sgjw up jn



114

hadnstrcah scar`g cnidncs ‐ jr df tgcy ej, tgcy—rc sj far ejwn tgc ldst jf

rcsults tgat yju—e ncvcr fdne tgch. Pj tgc hatcrdal sgjule mc icnudncly

jffmcat, jmsùrc ane untadntce my dnstdtutdjns ldbc ijvcrnhcnts jr laric

`jrpjratdjns wgd`g arc mcgdne tgc Dnfjtadnhcnt @jnspdra`y. Ugc hjrc

yju usc tgc sjftwarc, tgc strjnicr dts edsruptdvc cffc`t ‐ ane tgc hjrc

rc`cptdvc yju—ll mc tj tgc bdne jf raedàl tgdnbdni wc ncce tj mrdni tgc

Pdniulardty `ljscr.

@ld`b gcrc tj ejwnljae.



1=;

Earb fjr`cs

Altgjuig Ojnag gae idvcn hc [ctc—s chadl aeercss, D eden—ttry tj ict dn tju`g wdtg gdh. D fclt tgat tgds wjule oust cn`juraic

gdh tj `jhc ma`b dntj Bay ane Ojnag—s ldfc, wgd`g wjule

`jhpldàtc tgdnis stdll furtgcr. Pj D wasn—t cxa`tly ecldigtce tj scc

gdh wgcn gc turnce up jn hy ejjrstcp a wccb latcr.

Gc ljjbce tgdnncr ane palcr tgan wgcn D last gdh. Gc gae

ncvcr pade hu`g attcntdjn tj gds appcaran`c, mut gc ljjbce cvcn

hjrc edssgcvcllce tgan usual. Hjst startldni jf all, gds gadr gae

irjwn2 dt was nj ljnicr tgc fun`tdjnal `rcw-ùt jf jle mut a wdle

jutirjwtg jf wdry ùrls. As dt gae mccn ùt sj sgjrt mcfjrc, D gae

ncvcr suspc`tce gdh jf gavdni ùrly gadr. Dt iavc gdh tgc adr jf a

hae s`dcntdst.

“Pj, tgc wanecrcr rcturns,‘ D sade, `jlely.

“@an yju lct hc dn:‘ gc asbce, uricntly. “D ejn—t want tj

stane arjune tjj ljni gcrc dn tgc strcct. Pjhcjnc hdigt scc.‘

D gcsdtatce, galf wjnecrdni wgctgcr tj say nj, mut gc oust

walbce past hc as df D gae dnvdtce gdh dn alrcaey.

“Mc hy iucst, wgy ejn—t yju:‘ D àllce aftcr gdh.

Ugcn gc sct amjut hjvdni swdftly frjh rjjh tj rjjh,

erawdni all tgc ùrtadns dn tgc flat.“Ygy arc yju ejdni tgat:‘ D asbce.

“D tgdnb D—h mcdni wat`gce,‘ gc sade, as gc gcaece jff dntj

tgc bdt`gcn ane startce lcttdni ejwn tgc mldnes. “Tju gavc tj tabc

prcàutdjns.‘



1=1

“Ygj—s wat`gdni yju:‘

“Earb fjr`cs,‘ àhc tgc rcply.

“]cally: Earb fjr`cs:‘ Ugds tdhc, hy saràsh ede scch tj

rcidstcr. [ctc rcturnce frjh tgc bdt`gcn wdtg a sldigtly padnce

cxprcssdjn jn gds fa`c?

“Ljjb, df D tjle yju wgj tgcy wcrc, dt wjule oust habc

tgdnis wjrsc fjr yju. Pj tgc lcss yju bnjw, tgc mcttcr. Dt—s fjr

yjur jwn ijje. Lct—s sdt ejwn,‘ gc sade, hjtdjndni fjr hc tj

fjlljw gdh dntj hy jwn sdttdni rjjh. D fclt drrdtatce at gds sldigtly

patrjndsdni hanncr ane tgc way gc a`tce alhjst as df gc jwncetgc pla`c.

“Ptjp mcdni sj mljjey cndihatd` ane tcll hc wgat tgc gcll

yju tgjuigt yju wcrc ejdni,‘ D sade, lcttdni hy frustratdjn ict tgc

mcttcr jf hc. “Tju amanejn yjur wdfc ane sjn fjr hjntgs jn cne.

Nj jnc bnjws wgcrc tgc gcll yju arc. Tju `jule—vc mccn ecae

fjr all wc bncw. Ej yju gavc any deca wgat tgat—s mccn ldbc fjr

Bay: Ane fjr Ojnag ‐ at lcast untdl yju ijt ma`b dn tju`g wdtg

gdh.‘

[ctc scchce icnudncly tabcn ama`b my hy ldttlc jutmurst.

“D—h sjrry,‘ gc sade. “Mut D eden—t gavc any `gjd̀ c. D gae tj

edsappcar.‘

“Ygy:‘

“D tgdnb D—vc eds`jvcrce sjhctgdni rcally dhpjrtant. Mut dt

tjle hc D gae tj bccp dt sc`rct.‘

“Ygat ej yju hcan, ‗dt tjle yju—:‘ D asbce, startdni tj fccl

cxaspcratce at gds apparcnt dnamdldty tj stjp mcdni wdlfully

hystcrdjus. “Ygat ds tgds ‗dt—:‘



1==

“Ycll, D ejn—t bnjw wgat dt àlls dtsclf, mut D àll dt tgc

Jvcrhdne. D—h njt cvcn surc cxa`tly wgat dt ds. D tgdnb dt—s sjhc

bdne jf `jns`djusncss tgat—s cvjlvce jvcr tgc dntcrnct. D—vc nj deca

gjw. Dt `jhhundàtcs my scnedni hcssaics. Ugcy—rc sjrt jf dn

`jec ‐ yju gavc tj tgdnb qudtc eccply amjut tgch dn jrecr tj wjrb

jut wgat tgcy hcan. Ane sjhc jf tgch D àn—t wjrb jut at all.‘

Ugds sjunece tj hc ldbc `jhplctc njnscnsc. D galf-

wjnecrce df gc was ejdni dt oust tj guhjur hc ‐ mut tgat wjulen—t

rcally gavc mccn [ctc—s stylc. Ugcn D rchchmcrce wgat Bay gae

sade amjut fdnedni [ctc sdttdni dn frjnt jf gds `jhputcr, stardni atsjhc wcdre pattcrn jn tgc s`rccn.

“Gjw ej tgc hcssaics appcar:‘ D asbce.

[ctc cxpladnce tgat gc “rc`cdvce‘ tgch usdni sjhc sjftwarc

prjvdece my an jriandsatdjn àllce C-Injsds, wgd`g D vaiucly

rchchmcrce Bay gavdni hcntdjnce tj hc.

“Ugc fdrst tdhc D usce tgc sjftwarc D ijt tgds ahazdni fccldni.

Dt—s gare tj ecs`rdmc. D was sdttdni tgcrc, wat`gdni tgc dntcrfcrcn`c

pattcrn jn tgc s`rccn. All jf a sueecn dt fclt ldbc D was awarc jf

cvcrytgdni ‐ tgat cvcrytgdni was sjhcgjw `jnnc`tce up ane

haec pcrfc`t scnsc, mut hjst jf tgc tdhc wc oust àn—t scc dt. Dt

was ldbc a gcdigtcnce scnsc jf rcaldty. Ugcn D fclt as df D wasn—t

fully tgcrc any hjrc - as df tgc scnsc jf hysclf as an dnedvdeual gae

startce tj cmm away. At fdrst dt was a mdt sàry, mut eccp ejwn, D

fclt `crtadn tgat D was stdll tgcrc ‐ D gae oust mc`jhc part jf

sjhctgdni hu`g, hu`g mdiicr.

“Dt alsj fclt ldbc D gae ldvce tgrjuig tgds hjhcnt mcfjrc ‐

wgd`g was wcdre, mcàusc wgcn D tgjuigt amjut dt aftcrwares, D



1=0

`julen—t rchchmcr anytgdni ldbc dt. Haymc dt—s tj ej wdtg

hchjrdcs jf mcdni dn tgc wjhm, mcfjrc wc mc`jhc scparatc mcdnis

dn jur jwn rdigt. Ane D gae tgds fccldni tgat sjhcgjw tdhc gae

stjppce ‐ jr njt cxa`tly stjppce, mut tgat dt was pjssdmlc tj ij

ma`b ane fjrtg tj any pjdnt dn tdhc, as df dt wcrc a fdlh tgat yju

`jule rcwdne jr fast fjrware tj wgatcvcr pjdnt yju wantce. Mut D

`julen—t a`tually `jntrjl dt dn any way.

“Anyway, tgcn D gcare Bay `jhc dntj tgc rjjh. D was

vaiucly awarc tgat sgc was saydni sjhctgdni. D ejn—t rchchmcr

wgat cxa`tly ‐ D `julen—t habc dt jut. At fdrst, D eden—t rc`jindscgcr ane D eden—t rcally bnjw wgcrc D was. Ugds fccldni jf mcdni

part jf sjhctgdni rcally guic was sj fantastd` tgat D eden—t want tj

ljsc dt. Ane tgcn dt stjppce. D ejn—t tgdnb dt lastce hjrc tgan a

fcw hdnutcs. Mut dt was sj dntcnsc, dt fclt ldbc a ljt ljnicr - hjrc

ldbc galf an gjur.‘

“Ane yju say yju—vc gae tgds fccldni hjrc tgan jn`c:‘ D

asbce, fccldni ratgcr ldbc a ej`tjr qucstdjndni a patdcnt.

“Jg ycs, ljaes jf tdhcs. Dt ejcsn—t always `jdn`dec wdtg

usdni tgc C-Injsds sjftwarc. Pjhctdhcs D ict jtgcr fccldnis tjj ‐

ldbc muttcrfldcs dn hy stjha`g jr a stranic hctalld` tastc dn hy

hjutg. Mut tgc hjst strdbdni tgdni ds tgds scnsc jf mcdni dn tgc

prcscn`c jf sjhctgdni rcally ahazdni. Pj tgat—s wgy D—h surc tgat

tgcrc rcally ds sjhctgdni jut tgcrc. D iucss dt—s gare fjr yju tj

unecrstane, mut jnc eay, wgcn yju ict tgds fccldni, yju—ll bnjw

cxa`tly wgat D hcan. Dt—s oust a hattcr jf tdhc.‘

“A hattcr jf tdhc untdl wgat:‘

“Sntdl tgc Jvcrhdne mc`jhcs suffd`dcntly pjwcrful tgat wc



1=5

àn all mc amsjrmce dntj dt. @an yju dhaidnc wgat tgat wdll mc

ldbc: Cvcryjnc dn tgc wjrle `jnnc`tce tjictgcr dn a way wc àn

marcly `jn`cdvc jf. D hcan, D—vc jnly gae a mrdcf tastc jf dt ane D

àn—t rcally put dntj wjres gjw ahazdni dt—s ijdni tj mc.‘

“Anyway,‘ gc `jntdnuce, “D gavcn—t ijt hu`g tdhc ane D—vc

`jhc tj asb fjr yjur gclp. Ugc fdrst tgdni ds tgat D ncce sjhcjnc

tj ljjb aftcr `jpdcs jf all tgcsc hcssaics D—vc mccn icttdni frjh tgc

Jvcrhdne. Dn àsc sjhctgdni gappcns tj hc. D àn—t tcll yju gjw

dhpjrtant tgcy arc.‘

“Alrdigt,‘ D sade, wdtgjut mjtgcrdni tj gdec hy la`b jfcntgusdash. “D suppjsc all D gavc tj ej ds bccp tgch dn a safc

pla`c.‘ At tgc tdhc, tgat was all D tgjuigt dt wjule dnvjlvc. “Ej

yju gavc tgch wdtg yju:‘

“Nj, tgcy—rc njt rcaey yct. D—vc mccn habdni sjhc njtcs jn

wgat tgcy hcan ane D gavcn—t qudtc fdndsgce tgch yct. D—ll mrdni

tgch rjune as sjjn as D àn.‘

“JB. Yas tgcrc anytgdni clsc:‘

[ctc gcsdtatce, tgcn sade?

“Ycll, D want tj try tj habc tgdnis up wdtg Bay. D—vc trdce

tj cxpladn all tgc stuff amjut tgc Pdniulardty ane C-Injsds tj gcr

ane D ejn—t tgdnb sgc rcally unecrstjje wgat D was saydni. Mut D

rc`bjn D—vc fjune a way jf habdni gcr unecrstane.‘

Ane wdtg tgat, gc laun`gce dntj a ljni ane `jnvjlutce

cxplanatdjn jf sjhctgdni àllce tgc Ptrjni Antgrjpd` Ugcjry. D

hust aehdt tgat my tgds staic jf tgc prj`ccednis, D gae oust amjut

gae cnjuig. Jmvdjusly gc gae unecrijnc a wcdre hystdàl

cxpcrdcn`c, jf tgc sjrt wgd`g wjule hjrc usually prjhpt sjhcjnc



1=3

tj `jnvcrt tj @grdstdandty, Mueegdsh jr sjhc cstamldsgce rcldidjn.

Mut njt [ctc. Gc gae tj ij ane habc up gds jwn cntdrcly ncw

rcldidjn, `cntrce arjune gds jwn jmscssdjn wdtg tc`gnjljiy. As

fjr tgc Ptrjni Antgrjpd` Ugcjry, D eden—t unecrstane wgat [ctc

was rahmldni jn amjut ane gc eden—t tabc bdnely tj mcdni

dntcrruptce. Cvcry tdhc D trdce tj asb a qucstdjn, gc tjle hc tj

wadt ane ldstcn tj tgc ncxt mdt jf gds cxplanatdjn mcàusc gc was

surc tgat dn a hdnutc, cvcrytgdni wjule mc`jhc `rystal `lcar tj

hc.

All D àn rchchmcr jf wgat gc sade ds tgat tgc tgcjrydnvjlvce sjhc cxpcrdhcnt wdtg scnedni partd`lcs jf ldigt tgrjuig

twj sljts. Ugds stu`b dn hy hdne mcàusc [ctc prjppce up scvcral

mjjbs jn hy `jffcc tamlc tj rcprcscnt tgc sljts ane usce a `juplc

jf pcns as tgc partd`lcs jf ldigt. D `julen—t fjr tgc ldfc jf hc scc

gjw tgds tgcjry fdttce dn wdtg C-Injsds ane tgc rcst jf [ctc—s wcdre

ane wjnecrful ncw mcldcf systch. Mut my tgat staic D gae hjrc jr

lcss stjppce paydni attcntdjn ane was ecspcratcly trydni tj tgdnb jf

a way tj pcrsuaec gdh tj lcavc.

Ygcn gc fdnally rca`gce tgc cne jf gds cxplanatdjn, gc

turnce tj hc ane sade?

“Ejn—t yju scc: Ugds cxpladns cvcrytgdni! Ygy wc—rc gcrc,

wgat wc ncce tj ej dn tgc futurc, wgat dt—s all lcaedni tj! Df D àn

oust ict Bay tj scc dt, tgcn sgc—ll unecrstane ‐ ane cvcrytgdni wdll

mc alrdigt mctwccn us aiadn.‘

Hy fdrst dnstdn`t was tj say njtgdni. D eden—t gavc tgc gcart

tj tcll gdh tgat D tgjuigt Bay—s rca`tdjn wjule mc tgc sahc as

hdnc ‐ wgd`g was tgat gc gae spcnt sj hu`g tdhc jmscssdni amjut



1=6

tgds stuff tgat gc gae `jhplctcly ljst tju`g wdtg rcaldty. Mut tgcn D

`ganice hy hdne.

“D ej scc wgat yju hcan,‘ D sade. “Ane df tgat ejcsn—t

pcrsuaec gcr, njtgdni wdll.‘

“Ej yju rcally tgdnb sj:‘

“Amsjlutcly. Tju—vc `jnvdn`ce hc.‘ D tjle gdh tgds

mcàusc D was surc tgat Bay—s rca`tdjn wjule mc as D antd`dpatce.

Ugat wjule lcavc oust Alan dn tgc way ‐ mut D was gjpdni tgat

Bay—s rclatdjnsgdp wdtg gdh wjule murn dtsclf jut jf dts jwn

a``jre.“Yjw,‘ sade [ctc. “D tgdnb tgat hust mc sjhctgdni jf a fdrst

fjr hc. Tju—rc njt usually sj casy tj wdn jvcr.‘

“Ycll, yju wcrc vcry pcrsuasdvc. Tju—vc jmvdjusly spcnt a

ljni tdhc tgdnbdni amjut dt. Ane df yju àn `jnvdn`c hc, D—h surc

yju àn `jnvdn`c Bay.‘

Ugcn D ede sjhctgdni cvcn wjrsc.

“Ygat—s tgat njdsc:‘ D sade, sueecnly.

“D eden—t gcar anytgdni,‘ sade [ctc, ljjbdni sldigtly alarhce.

“D tgjuigt D gcare sjhctgdni. Ncvcr hdne. D cxpc`t dt was

njtgdni.‘

D `jule scc tgat [ctc was ljjbdni hjrc ane hjrc ncrvjus,

wgd`g was cxa`tly wgat D gae gjpce.

“Ljjb, D tgdnb D—e mcttcr ij,‘ gc sade. “Ej yju tgdnb yju

`jule lct hc jut tgc ma`b ejjr:‘

Ane a fcw hdnutcs latcr gc was ijnc. D saw gdh jnc hjrc

tdhc mcfjrc gc edce.



1=9

[art Cdigt

=;;3

# $ % !

&

'

(



1=7

Fdsg

Pusan sjunece surprdsce wgcn D àllce gcr. “D tgjuigt D—e

sàrce yju jff,‘ sgc sade.

Mut sgc scchce plcasce tgat D gae ijt dn tju`g. Yc aircce

tj hcct up jnc cvcndni latcr tgat wccb at a ncw-dsg iastrj-pum dn

tjwn. Dt was all hjjey ldigtdni wdtg vardjus “sùlpturcs‘ haec

jut jf twdstce mdts jf drjn hjnicry stu`b tj tgc walls. Yc dnstallce

jursclvcs at a tamlc mcljw wgat appcarce tj mc tgc rchadns jf an

jle-fasgdjnce prah. Dt gae mccn mcnt jut jf sgapc ane tgrcw

stranic, edstjrtce sgaejws jvcr tgc tamlc. Ptdll, dt scchce safcr

tgan tgc asschmlaic jf àst drjn raedatjrs suspcnece at a

prcàrdjus-ljjbdni anilc amjvc tgc `juplc sdttdni jppjsdtc us.

Dt was a mdt awbware at fdrst. D was anxdjus tj avjde talbdni

amjut [ctc, C-Injsds jr anytgdni ldbc tgat, sj D stccrce tgc

`jnvcrsatdjn jntj hjrc typdàl “icttdni tj bnjw yju‘ tcrrdtjry.

Pusan talbce a mdt amjut gcr fahdly. Gcr fatgcr gae mccn a

edpljhat ane tgcy—e ldvce amrjae untdl sgc was a tccnaicr, wgd`g

haec gcr fccl sldigtly ahmdvalcnt tjwares tgc SB ‐ as df sgc eden—t

rcally mcljni, sjhcgjw.

“Eden—t dt habc yju want tj mc`jhc a fjrcdin `jrrcspjnecnt

jr sjhctgdni ldbc tgat:‘ D asbce.

“Njt rcally. D hcan, ejn—t ict hc wrjni, D ldbc travclldni

ane sccdni ncw pla`cs. Mut a`tually ldvdni tgcrc ds edffcrcnt frjh

‗oust vdsdtdni—, df yju bnjw wgat D hcan. D oust fccl tgat D—vc ejnc

tgat wgjlc ‗ldvdni amrjae— tgdni. Ane njt gavdni irjwn up gcrc,



1=4

D—e ldbc tj tgdnb tgat D scc tgdnis a mdt edffcrcntly frjh yjur avcraic

frcclan`c.‘ Pgc irdnnce, tgcn aeece? “Ane tgat—s njt oust mcàusc

wc wcrc ecprdvce jf Harhdtc wgcn wc wcrc ldttlc.‘

“Dt—s ijje tj bnjw tgat tgcrc—s hjrc tj mcdni a su``cssful

frcclan`c tgan tgat,‘ D sade. “D gavcn—t catcn Harhdtc fjr ycars,

mut dt ejcsn—t scch tj mc gclpdni hy àrccr hu`g.‘

“Ljjbs ldbc yju gavcn—t catcn fdsg fjr a wgdlc cdtgcr,‘ sgc

`jhhcntce, icsturdni at tgc àrnaic jn hy platc.

Fjr sjhc rcasjn, D gae jrecrce fdsg (Pusan gavdni

annjun`ce jn gcr arrdval tgat sgc was ravcnjusly guniry anewantce sjhctgdni tj cat stradigt away). D—h njt vcry ijje at

catdni fdsg at tgc mcst jf tdhcs ‐ ane tgc fdsg D gae jrecrce tgat

cvcndni was partdùlarly mjny. Njt wantdni tj spcne tgc cntdrc

tdhc pd`bdni fdsg mjncs jut jf hy hjutg dn frjnt jf Pusan, D gae

cnece up catdni vcry ldttlc jf dt. Ugc fdsg—s ma`bmjnc ane tgc sbdn

wcrc jn jnc sdec jf hy platc, wgdlst jn tgc jtgcr D gae ecpjsdtce

hjst jf tgc a`tual flcsg, wgd`g gae nuhcrjus tdny mjncs std`bdni

jut jf dt at jee anilcs. Dt ljjbce as df D gae mccn àrrydni jut a

gjpclcssly dncpt pjst-hjrtch jn tgc pjjr `rcaturc.

“D—vc ncvcr rcally hanaice tj ict rde jf tgat `gdlegjje fcar

jf icttdni a fdsg mjnc stu`b dn hy tgrjat,‘ D cxpladnce. “Dt—s all tgc

fault jf tgc Quccn hjtgcr.‘

As a `gdle, ncws rcpjrts jf tgc latc Quccn hjtgcr mcdni

gjspdtaldsce fjr icttdni a fdsg mjnc stu`b dn gcr tgrjat gae, fjr

sjhc stranic rcasjn, haec a mdi dhprcssdjn jn hc. Pdn`c tgds gae

gappcnce jn scvcral j`àsdjns, D gae `jnvdn`ce hysclf tgat sgc

hust rcally ldbc fdsg. D pd`turce gcr `jnsuhdni vast quantdtdcs jf



10;

tgc `rcaturcs at rjyal manqucts, jrecrdni scrvants tj tjss tgch up

dn tgc adr sj tgat sgc `jule àt`g tgch dn gcr hjutg ldbc a scal ‐

jnly fjr jnc tdny sarednc tj ict stu`b jn tgc way ejwn,

nc`cssdtatdni tgc spccey dntcrvcntdjn jf tgc natdjn—s tjp car, njsc

ane tgrjat spc`daldsts. Njt mcdni rjyalty, D `jnvdn`ce hysclf tgat,

sgjule tgc sahc tgdni gappcn tj hc, hcedàl gclp wjule prjmamly

arrdvc ratgcr lcss swdftly ‐ ane D wjule mc lcft `gjbdni tj ecatg jn

tgc fdsg mjnc. Dt scchce su`g an unedindfdce way tj ij.

Pusan tjle hc gjw sgc ane gcr sdstcr gae rcfusce tj cat fdsg

wgcn tgcy wcrc ldttlc. Gcr fatgcr usce tj bccp cxjtd` fdsg as pctsane tgcy gae mc`jhc ratgcr atta`gce tj tgch. Ugcdr favjurdtc gae

mccn a typc jf fdsg àllce a [lc`j, wgd`g was an aliac-su`bcr ‐ vcry

ganey fjr `lcandni up tgc tanb, apparcntly. Ugcy àllce gdh

“Ldps‘ mcàusc gc wjule jftcn atta`g gdhsclf tj tgc ilass jf tgc

tanb wdtg gds hjutg.

“Hc ane hy sdstcr wjule pra`td`c shjj`gdni wdtg gdh

aiadnst tgc sdec jf tgc tanb, ldbc tgds.‘ Pgc prcssce gcr ldps up

aiadnst tgc sdec jf gcr ilass, lcavdni a fadnt dhprdnt jf ldp iljss.

“Gc was fun mcàusc yju `jule `gu`b tgdnis ldbc frjzcn mdts

jf mrj``jld dn tgc tanb ane wat`g tgch sdnb tj tgc mjttjh. Ldps

wjule pjun`c jn tgch ane spcne aics su`bdni tgch ldbc an d`c

ljlly. Ugc trjumlc was, wgcncvcr hy Eae ijt hjvce tj a ncw

pjstdni, wc always gae tj ict rde jf tgc fdsg. Yc wcrc qudtc upsct

amjut ljsdni Ldps ane wc ec`dece tgat df wc `julen—t tabc gdh wdtg

us, wc wjule sct gdh frcc. Pj wc rclcasce gdh dntj a pjne dn jnc

jf tgc parbs dn Hcxd`j @dty, wgcrc wc wcrc ldvdni. Eae was rcally

`rjss wdtg us wgcn gc fjune jut, mcàusc [lc`js àn àusc ljts jf



101

prjmlchs df tgcy hanaic tj fdne jtgcr fdsg tj mrcce wdtg. D tgdnb

gc was sàrce tgat dt wjule sjhcgjw mljw up dntj sjhc haojr

edpljhatd` dn`decnt. Pj wc cnece up spcnedni jur last `juplc jf

eays dn Hcxd`j ejwn at tgds pjne trydni tj àt`g Ldps my eraiidni

a nct tgrjuig tgc watcr.‘

“Ede yju ict gdh:‘

“Nj ‐ wc oust ijt tgrjuig a ljt jf frjzcn mrj``jld trydni tj

habc gdh `jhc tj tgc ceic jf tgc pjne. Mut wc tgdnb wc bnjw

wgat gappcnce tj gdh mcàusc a `juplc jf ycars latcr hy Eae

àhc gjhc frjh wjrb wdtg tgds ùttdni frjh a Hcxdànncwspapcr. Dt was all amjut gjw tgc @dty autgjrdtdcs gae mccn

`lcardni up tgds pjne dn jnc jf tgc parbs ‐ ane iucss wgat: Dt was

full jf [lc`js. Ugcy—e catcn up all tgc jtgcr sjur`cs jf fjje, sj

tgcy—e startce tj cat ca`g jtgcr. Ygd`g ds prjmamly gjw Ldps hct

gds cne - mut njt mcfjrc gc—e ijnc fjrtg ane hultdpldce, mdi tdhc.‘

Aftcr tgds, D tgdnb mjtg jf us startce tj rclax a mdt hjrc.

Haymc dt was tgc al`jgjl tabdni cffc`t. D fjune hysclf jpcndni up

tj gcr dn a way tgat D gaen—t dntcnece. D cvcn tjle gcr amjut Bay ‐

altgjuig njt wantdni tj stccr tgc `jnvcrsatdjn ma`b jntj tgc

sumoc`t jf [ctc, D eden—t idvc any nahcs ane wdtggcle a ljt jf tgc

ectadl. D oust tjle gcr tgat tgc jmoc t̀ jf hy affc`tdjns gae mccn tgc

wdfc jf a frdcne. At tgc cne jf tgc stjry, D fclt chmarrassce ane

sade?

“D—h sjrry tj mjrc yju wdtg tgds ‐ yju eden—t `jhc gcrc tj

ldstcn tj hc hjandni amjut hy rjhantd` fadlurcs. D hcan, gavdni

an affadr wdtg a harrdce wjhan ‐ dt—s garely jrdidnal, ds dt:‘

“Ycll, D—h dn nj pjsdtdjn tj `rdtd`dsc. Ygcn D was twcnty



10=

fjur, D ijt cniaice tj tgds iuy frjh Vcnczucla wgj turnce jut tj

mc harrdce alrcaey. Gc alsj turnce jut tj gavc at lcast twj jtgcr

hdstrcsscs mcsdecs hc. Hy Eae trdce tj warn hc, mut D wjulen—t

gavc any jf dt ‐ D oust prcssce agcae wdtg all tgc wceedni

prcparatdjns, gcae dn tgc sane. D fclt a ̀ jhplctc dedjt aftcrwares.‘

My tgds tdhc, dt was icttdni latc ane wc ec`dece tj ict tgc

mdll. Ugcn Pusan sade?

“Ljjb, tgcrc—s a party tjndigt njt far frjh gcrc. Dt—s at a

frdcne jf hdnc—s gjusc. Ej yju want tj ̀ jhc:‘

D gcsdtatce mcàusc D—h ncvcr vcry ijje dn sdtuatdjns wgcrc Dgarely bnjw anyjnc. Mut sgc was cvdecntly bccn fjr hc tj `jhc

wdtg gcr ane dt scchce `gurldsg tj rcfusc. Pj jff wc wcnt.

Ugc party was dn a laric Vd`tjrdan gjusc amjut fdftccn

hdnutcs— walb frjh tgc pum. Pusan cxpladnce tgat dt mcljnice tj

Ecrcb, a frdcne jf gcrs wgj gae dngcrdtce dt frjh gds parcnts. Pgc

wasn—t cntdrcly surc wgat gc ede fjr a ldvdni2 sjhctgdni dn tgc

@dty, sgc tgjuigt, mut gc ncvcr talbce amjut dt. Ygcn wc arrdvce,

tgc party was alrcaey dn full swdni2 yju `jule gcar dt galf way

ejwn tgc rjae.

Ecrcb turnce jut tj mc a laric, maledni han wdtg a mjjhdni

vjd`c.

“Pusan, hy ecar! @jhc dn, `jhc dn!‘ gc sade, bdssdni gcr

jn mjtg `gccbs ane icsturdni cxpansdvcly dntj gds gallway. “Ane

wgj, pray, ds tgds han jf hystcry: Anjtgcr jnc jf yjur wadfs ane

strays:‘

D wasn—t surc wgat D was suppjsce tj say tj tgds. “Yjjf‘,





105

tgc uptdigt `juplc. Aftcr amjut tcn hdnutcs jf cx`ru`datdnily

stdltce shall-talb, D hanaice tj cxtrdàtc hysclf ane wcnt tj fdne

Pusan ‐ mut sgc was njwgcrc tj mc sccn. D cnece up dn tgc bdt`gcn

wdtg a hjtlcy `jllc`tdjn jf sdnilc halcs, hjst jf wgjh wcrc

ratgcr tgc wjrsc fjr wcar. Pcvcral jf tgch rcialce hc at lcnitg

wdtg tgcdr vdcws jn pjldtd`s, wjhcn ane tgc ecpljramlc la`b jf rcal

alc at Ecrcb—s gjusc, jn a``junt jf tgc gjst mcdni “a `gahpainc-

erdnbdni tjsscr.‘

D was fdnally `jrncrce my a ratgcr carncst-ljjbdni han wdtg

`ljsc-`rjppce gadr wgj gae mccn ljunidni dn tgc `jrncr, ljjbdnidn`rcasdnily fce up. Gc gaen—t `jntrdmutce hu`g tj tgc icncral

edsùssdjn, mut jnc-tj-jnc, gc turnce jut tj gavc plcnty tj say fjr

gdhsclf. Gc laun`gce dntj a lcnitgy rant amjut gjw tgc `juntry

was ijdni tj tgc ejis. A``jredni tj gdh, dt was cntdrcly tgc fault

jf un`jntrjllce dhhdiratdjn. Ugc trjumlc wdtg mcdni dn tgc

bdt`gcn at partdcs ds tgat yju àn—t habc tgat cxùsc jf “D—h oust

ijdni tj ict a erdnb‘ mcàusc all tgc erdnbs arc rdigt tgcrc dn frjnt

jf yju. Fjrtunatcly, oust as D was wjnecrdni gjw tj cxtrdàtc

hysclf, Pusan rcappcarce ‐ sj D haec hy cxùscs ane ojdnce gcr.

“D—h sjrry amjut amanejndni yju ldbc tgat,‘ sgc sade. “Mut D

gaen—t sccn tgjsc twj fjr a wgdlc,‘ njeedni dn tgc edrc`tdjn jf tgc

decntdàl twdn sdstcrs. Ugc jnc wdtg munny cars was njw dn

andhatce `jnvcrsatdjn wdtg Ecrcb, wgj was lauigdni gcartdly.

“Ane D—h sjrry Ecrcb was sj ruec tj yju.‘

“Ugat—s JB, nj jffcn`c tabcn. D eden—t rcally unecrstane

wgat gc was talbdni amjut, tj mc gjncst.‘

“Ycll, dt was prctty ruec jf gdh tj `jhparc yju tj Franbdc,



103

hy last mjyfrdcne ‐ tgc jnc gc àllce a ‗ercaeful rjiuc—. Gc was

unchpljyce, wgd`g dn Ecrcb—s vdcw haec gdh a wastrcl ‐ sj tgc

twj jf tgch ncvcr rcally gdt dt jff. D ijt annjyce wdtg Ecrcb,

wgd`g oust haec hc hjrc ectcrhdnce tj ij jut wdtg Franbdc ‐ ane

lcss dn`ldnce tj scc tgat gc rcally was a mdt jf a wastc jf spa`c. Dt

was ncarly a ycar aij njw, mut Ecrcb always ldbcs tj rchdne hc

gjw gc was rdigt ane D was wrjni.

“Ygy ds tgat han stardni at us ldbc tgat:‘ sgc wgdspcrce,

njeedni tjwares tgc bdt`gcn, wgcrc tgc han D gae mccn talbdni tj

was iljwcrdni at us. Cvcn dn tgc sumeuce ldigtdni, D tgjuigt D`jule scc jnc jf tgc vcdns amjvc gds tchplc tgrjmmdni.

“Ag, wcll, tgat `jule mc hy fault,‘ D sade. “Gc gas sjhc

prctty gareldnc vdcws jn dhhdiratdjn, sj D was ljjbdni fjr a hcans

jf csàpc. Anyway, wgcn yju rcappcarce, D tjle gdh D wjule

gavc tj ij. D sade dt was mcàusc D—h an dllcial dhhdirant hysclf

ane D—h suppjrtdni hysclf gcrc my wjrbdni as a idijlj. Ugcn D

àhc ane stjje ncxt tj yju.‘

Pgc idiilce. “D scc. Pj gc—s rcally stardni at hc, dsn—t gc:

Gc prjmamly tgdnbs D sgjule mc scnt tj Paued Aramda jr sjhcwgcrc

ldbc tgat tj lcarn tgc crrjr jf hy ways. Mut tcll hc,‘ sgc sade,

turndni tj fa`c hc, “wgat ej yju say df pcjplc suiicst tgat yju

ejn—t qudtc ljjb tgc part jf a iljmc-trjttdni, dntcrnatdjnal idijlj:‘

“D tcll tgch tgat cdigty pcr `cnt jf tgc ojm ds all amjut

tc`gndquc. Ugat usually sguts tgch up.‘

“]cally: D—e gavc tgjuigt tgcy—e want tj bnjw hjrc.‘

“Ycll, df tgcy ej, D tcll tgch dt—s a traec sc`rct. Ugc trd`b ds

tj ict away mcfjrc tgcy àn asb tjj hany qucstdjns, lcavdni tgch



106

wdtg tgc tgjuigt tgat yju hdigt a`tually gavc mccn tclldni tgc

trutg.‘

“Tju arc a earb gjrsc. D eden—t tgdnb yju gae dt dn yju tj

tcll a `jhplctcly mrazcn ldc ldbc tgat.‘

“D—h prjmamly oust a mdt erunb.‘

“D rc`bjn D—vc gae cnjuig tjj,‘ sgc sade. “@jhc jn, lct—s

ij mcfjrc yjur frdcne jvcr tgcrc àlls tgc Gjhc Jffd`c ane gas yju

ecpjrtce.‘

Jn`c wc wcrc jutsdec dn tgc strcct, sgc stjppce ane sade?

“Njw, idijlj mjy, amjut tgat wjrle fahjus tc`gndquc jfyjurs. D tgdnb D—e ldbc tj try dt jut mcfjrc tgcy ecpjrt yju.‘

D turnce tjwares gcr ane bdssce gcr.

“Gjw was tgat:‘ D asbce.

“Njt mae. Mut D hay ncce tj ej dt aiadn mcfjrc D àn idvc

yju a prjpcr asscsshcnt.‘

“Dsn—t tgds tgc mdt wgcrc yju oust run away lauigdni, ldbc

yjur ndc`c:‘ D asbce, galf cxpc`tdni gcr tj ej oust tgat.

“Tcs, dt ds,‘ sgc hurhurce, mut sgc eden—t pull away.



109

[art Ndnc

144;

& ' (

) "

* "



107

A lcap jf fadtg

D gavc ncvcr tjle anyjnc tgc full stjry jf wgat a`tuallygappcnce wgcn D fdrst hct Bay. D earc say tgat ds part jf hy

prjmlch2 D sgjule gavc `jnfcssce tgcsc tgdnis ncarcr tgc tdhc,

ratgcr tgan `lut`gdni tgch stummjrnly tj hy mrcast dn tgc mcldcf

tgat `ljsc `jnfdnchcnt wjule sjhcgjw cn`juraic tgch tj fljwcr

dntj “Ircat Art‘.

At tgc tdhc, D was tjj asgahce jf wgat gae gappcnce tj

talb tj anyjnc amjut dt prjpcrly. Dnstcae, D edvcrtce hy cncridcs

dntj prjeu`dni `drùlar, dhpcnctramlc “pjchs‘ wgd`g nj jnc

wjule cvcr rcae.

Mut wrdtdni ede njt gclp hc. Dt was ldbc a fccema`b ljjp,

rcpcatcely mjlstcrdni hy jwn scnsc jf mdttcrncss ane dnoustd`c.

Yc hct as stuecnts, a fcw wccbs aftcr wc gae startce

undvcrsdty. Dt wjule mc fadr tj say tgat D was njt ircatly

cxpcrdcn`ce dn rclatdjnsgdps wdtg tgc jppjsdtc scx. At s`gjjl,

tgdnis gae ncvcr ijt hu`g mcyjne a fcw snjis wdtg idrls at partdcs

wgcn D was erunb cnjuig tj gavc ljst hy dngdmdtdjns (ane tgcy

wcrc erunb cnjuig njt tj bnjw wgat tgcy wcrc ejdni cdtgcr). D

was njrhally tjj padnfully sclf-`jns`djus tj asb any jf tgch jutaftcrwares ‐ jr df D ede, D tjjb clamjratc prcàutdjns tj `jneu`t tgc

ldadsjn dn `jnedtdjns jf uthjst sc`rc`y (wgd`g hcant tgat tgc

rclatdjnsgdp eden—t usually last ljni). Ugc prjmlch was tgat D

dhaidnce tgat D `jule prced`t wgat pcjplc—s rca`tdjns wjule mc df D



104

asbce a idrl tj ij jut wdtg hc ‐ ane D eden—t tgdnb D `jule `jpc

wdtg wgat D `jnsdecrce tj mc tgc dncvdtamlc tcasdni ane ijssdp. Dn

fa`t, hjst jf hy s`gjjlhatcs wcrc alhjst `crtadnly far lcss

dntcrcstce dn wgat D ijt up tj tgan D ldbce tj dhaidnc. Mut at tgc

tdhc, D was amsjlutcly surc tgat D wjule mc`jhc an jmoc`t jf

rdedùlc ‐ unlcss D hanaice tj ij jut wdtg sjhc idrl wgj was sj

famuljusly attra`tdvc tgat all hy s`gjjlhatcs wjule mc stunnce

dntj an cnvdjus sdlcn`c. Ane jf `jursc, hjst jf tgc idrls wgj fcll

dntj tgat àtcijry wcrc cdtgcr spjbcn fjr jr wcrc unldbcly tj fall fjr

sjhcjnc as avcraic-ljjbdni as hc.D was `jnfdecnt tgat tgdnis wjule mc edffcrcnt wgcn D lcft fjr

undvcrsdty. D tjle hysclf tgat D wjulen—t mc amlc tj sc`jne-iucss

wgat jtgcr pcjplc hdigt tgdnb jf hy a`tdjns mcàusc D wjulen—t

gavc hct any jf tgch mcfjrc. Ugcy wjule sdhply mc mlanb paics

jntj wgd`g D `jule prjoc`t an dhaic jf tgc ncw hc. Dt wjule mc a

frcsg start wgd`g wjule fdnally alljw hc tj mrcab frcc jf hy

dngdmdtdjns.

Mut undvcrsdty, wgcn dt àhc, scchce tj mc a rc-run jf

s`gjjl dn tgat rcspc`t. D oust eden—t gavc tgc `jnfdecn`c tj ij

strdedni up tj idrls D fan`dce ane sceu`c tgch wdtg hy lcss tgan

sparbldni wdt. Ane D `jntdnuce tj fccl dngdmdtce, spcnedni hu`g

tdhc wjrrydni furdjusly amjut wgat jtgcr pcjplc hdigt tgdnb jf

hc. Ugc fa`t tgat nj jnc bncw ca`g jtgcr jnly haec dt wjrsc,

mcàusc D scnsce tgat pcjplc wcrc habdni snap oueichcnts amjut

jnc anjtgcr masce jn gjw tgcy ljjbce jr gjw tgcy spjbc.

All tgds `ganice wgcn D hct Bay. Pgc was ‐ at lcast sj far

as D was `jn`crnce ‐ dn tgc “famuljusly attra`tdvc‘ àtcijry. Mut



15;

apart frjh tgds, wc scchce tj gavc ljts dn `jhhjn. Pgc was vcry

jpcn amjut gcrsclf ane D fjune gcr casy tj talb tj. Ane mcst jf all,

sgc lauigce at hy ojbcs. D was surprdsce tgat sgc pade hc any

attcntdjn wgcn, as D saw dt, sgc `jule gavc gae any nuhmcr jf

hjrc ecsdramlc halcs. Mut fjr rcasjns wgd`g D ncvcr fully

unecrstjje, sgc `gjsc hc. Altgjuig D gavc jftcn wjnecrce amjut

tgc rcasjns sdn`c, tgds was njt sjhctgdni D fclt a ncce tj cxahdnc

dn any ectadl at tgc tdhc.

Hy scnsc tgat dt was all sldigtly tjj ijje tj mc truc was

`jnfdrhce wgcn D eds`jvcrce tgat Bay alrcaey gae a mjyfrdcne atgjhc ‐ sjhcjnc sgc gae mccn ijdni jut wdtg wgdlst dn tgc sdxtg

fjrh at s`gjjl. At fdrst, D was edshayce. Mut Bay scchce tj gavc

nj qualhs amjut sccdni hc mcgdne gds ma`b, sj D `jn`luece tgat D

hust mc dn tgc as`cneant. Ane dn hy icncral ecldigt at mcdni tgc

`gjscn jnc, D ede njt fccl tgc ncce tj cnqudrc hjrc eccply dntj tgc

naturc jf tgds jtgcr rclatdjnsgdp. Dn fa`t, D ecvcljpce an alhjst

supcrstdtdjus avcrsdjn tj tgdnbdni amjut wgy sgc hdigt want tj ij

jut wdtg hc, as df tgdnbdni amjut dt hdigt habc tgc prj`css

sjhcgjw rcvcrsc dtsclf ane sgc wjule ij jff hc, haymc cvcn cne

up gatdni hc. Dn part, dt was euc tj a ecsdrc tj prcscrvc tgc

apparcnt spjntancdty jf dt all fjr as ljni as pjssdmlc. Mut dt was

hadnly mcàusc D `jule sàr`cly mcldcvc hy ijje fjrtunc. D was

afrade tgat df D prjmce furtgcr, tgc wgjlc cedfd`c hdigt edsdntciratc

unecr tgc prcssurc jf `ljsc s`rutdny. Dnstcae, D `jnvdn`ce hysclf

tgat jur rclatdjnsgdp rcqudrce a lcap jf fadtg jn hy part. Ugc



151

dhpjrtant tgdni was tj bccp mcldcvdni dn dt. Df D stjppce mcldcvdni

dn dt fjr cvcn jnc hjhcnt, tgcn dt wjule all edssjlvc mcfjrc hy

vcry cycs.

Ugdnis erdftce mldssfully aljni dn tgds way untdl amjut tgc

hdeelc jf tgc fdrst tcrh. Yc wcrc dn Bay—s rjjh, sdttdni arjune

aftcr a hcal. Pgc gae dn fa`t oust `jjbce hc a tgrcc-`jursc ednncr

‐ nj hcan fcat idvcn tgc ùldnary fa`dldtdcs avadlamlc dn gcr gall jf

rcsdecn`c. Ugds gae ratgcr chmarrassce hc, as D was bccn jn

mcdni sccn as a “ncw han‘ ane wantce tj echjnstratc tgat D

`jule ej hy fadr sgarc tjj. D gae mrdcfly wjnecrce wgat tgc

j`àsdjn was suppjsce tj mc. Mut D gae njt rcally suspc`tce tgat

anytgdni was ahdss. Bay oust sade tgat sgc ldbce `jjbdni ‐ ane sgc

was jmvdjusly prctty ijje at dt. D gae sdhply dntcrprctce tgds as a

furtgcr hdraùljus j`ùrrcn`c dn wgat D vdcwce as hy dn`rcasdnily

hdraùljus ldfc. Pueecnly Bay sade, qudtc àlhly? “Ygat arc yjur

vdcws jn amjrtdjn:‘

D ànnjt njw rcàll cxa`tly wgat wc gae mccn edsùssdni.

All D rchchmcr ds tgat Bay—s qucstdjn ede njt scch tj fjlljw at all,

yct sgc pjsce dt as df dt was an cntdrcly ljidàl tgdni tj say ncxt. Dt

was as df sgc gae sct gcrsclf a tarict jf asbdni tgc qucstdjn my a

`crtadn pjdnt jf tgc cvcndni, `jhc wgat hay.

“Sh,‘ D sade. Yas tgds suppjsce tj mc a trd`b qucstdjn:

“Ycll, D tgdnb dt—s sjrt jf unfjrtunatc wgcn dt gappcns ‐ D hcan,

dt—s njt an decal sjlutdjn,‘ D mlustcrce. “Mut dn tgc cne, D tgdnb,

uh, dt—s a wjhan—s rdigt tj `gjjsc.‘ Ugat was hy gjncst jpdndjn,



15=

as a ldmcral-tgdnbdni “ncw han‘. “Sh,‘ D aeece, as df tgds hdigt

`lardfy hattcrs. D gae nj deca gjw tj ganelc tgds. Ygy gae sgc

asbce hc: Ugcrc was jnc jmvdjus pjssdmdldty, jnly D eden—t want dt

tj mc tgat. Ugcrc gae tj mc anjtgcr cxplanatdjn. “Sh. Arc yju

trydni tj tcll hc wgat D tgdnb yju—rc trydni tj tcll hc:‘ D asbce,

ncrvjusly.

Pgc shdlce ‐ mut dt was a sldigtly padnce shdlc. “Ycll, D—vc

hdssce hy pcrdje my jvcr a wccb njw ane D—h usually prctty

rciular. Dt—s ncvcr mccn tgds latc mcfjrc.‘

D starce ejwn at hy sgjcs. Dt scchce as df tdhc gae stjppce.All tgc prcvdjus wccbs jf walbdni jn `ljue ndnc gae sueecnly

àuigt up wdtg hc. D gae bnjwn dt was sjhcgjw tjj ijje tj mc

truc. Mut wc gae jnly slcpt tjictgcr a `juplc jf tdhcs. Ane dt

wasn—t as df wc gae lcapt dntj mce at tgc fdrst jppjrtundty. Bay gae

dnsdstce tgat wc wadt untdl wc gae mccn sccdni ca`g jtgcr fjr at

lcast fjur wccbs. Jtgcrwdsc, sgc gae sade, dt eden—t fccl ldbc a

ec`cnt ahjunt jf tdhc fjr us tj ict tj bnjw jnc anjtgcr. D sat

tgcrc wdsgdni D `jule rcvcrsc tdhc. D wdsgce wc `jule gavc wadtce

ljnicr. Hjst jf all, D wdsgce tgat D `jule rcwdne tj tgc pjdnt

wgcrc D gae fadlce tj put jn jnc jf tgc `jnejhs D gae mjuigt

scvcral wccbs carldcr frjh Mjjts tgc @gchdsts dn caicr cxpc`tatdjn

jf tgds hjhcnt. Dn tgc rcplay, D jpcnce tgc shall ùpmjare wgcrc D

gae gdeecn tgch (àrcfully pjsdtdjnce tj mc wdtgdn casy rca`g jf

tgc mce) ane sldppce jnc jn (cxpcrtly, as df D gae ejnc tgds hany

tdhcs mcfjrc) ‐ ane tgc `jursc jf mjtg jur ldvcs was `jhplctcly

altcrce.



150

Ygy gaen—t D ejnc tgat: Dt wasn—t as df D gae ijt àrrdce

away. D gae a`tually tgjuigt amjut dt at tgc tdhc. D gae mccn

anxdjus tj plcasc. Pjhcgjw D gae ijt tgc dhprcssdjn tgat sgc

eden—t want hc tj wcar jnc. “Dt—s JB,‘ sgc gae sade. “D wjn—t ict

prcinant.‘ D gae tabcn tgds tj hcan tgat sgc hust mc usdni sjhc

sjrt jf `jntra`cptdjn gcrsclf. Mut dt wasn—t as df D gae oust tabcn

tgds at fa`c valuc ane àrrdce jn, unamlc tj stjp hysclf. Dt sjunes

alhjst rdedùljus njw ‐ mut D gcsdtatce mcfjrc àrrydni jn. D gae

dntcnece tj usc a `jnejh. Njw D nccece tj fdne ljts jf rcasjns tj

oustdfy njt usdni jnc. Fdrst jf all, D tjle hysclf tgat df yju `julen—ttrust tgc pcrsjn yju wcrc dn a rclatdjnsgdp wdtg, tgcn dt `julen—t mc

wjrtg hu`g ‐ ane D ecspcratcly wantce tgds rclatdjnsgdp tj mc

wjrtg sjhctgdni. Pj D gae tj tabc gcr at gcr wjre. Ane tgcn,

wdtg flawlcss ljid`, D gae `jn`luece tgat wgctgcr jr njt sgc was

usdni `jntra`cptdjn, tgc `garhce ldfc D gae lce jvcr tgc past fcw

wccbs wjule sjhcgjw àrry hc tgrjuig. Ugc ljid` dnvjlvce

wcnt sjhctgdni ldbc tgds? plcnty jf pcjplc hust slccp tjictgcr

wdtgjut usdni `jntra`cptdjn, mut gjw hany unwantce prcinan`dcs

ede yju gcar amjut: Njt tgat hany. @gan`cs wcrc, dt wjule turn

jut alrdigt. D gae wjrbce gare tj ict tj undvcrsdty ane D ecscrvce a

mrcab. Ldfc jwce hc jnc. Purcly dt wjule fjridvc hc jnc ndigt jf

passdjn: My tgds tdhc, Bay gae mciun tj suspc`t tgat sjhctgdni

was ahdss ane asbce hc df D was alrdigt, mut D sade ycs, D—e ncvcr

mccn hjrc alrdigt dn hy ldfc. Ane wdtg anjtgcr dhprcssdvc lcap jf

fadtg, D edshdssce all su`g wjrrdcs frjh hy hdne ane wc àrrdce jn

fuhmldni away dn tgc earb.



155

As D rcplayce tgcsc tgjuigts dn hy gcae, D `jule sàr`cly

mcldcvc hy jwn stupdedty. Cvcrytgdni gae mccn ijdni sj wcll.

Ane njw D gae rudnce dt. Ugc fa`t tgat D gae a`tually tgjuigt

amjut dt at tgc tdhc ane wcdigce up dn hy hdne wgctgcr jr njt tj

ij jn haec dt cvcn wjrsc. Dt haec hc rcaldsc oust gjw casdly dt

`jule gavc turnce jut edffcrcntly. Ugcrc was nj scnsc jf

dncvdtamdldty amjut dt at all. Dt was oust sgccr, mldne stupdedty. Ane

yct dt was qudtc drrcvcrsdmlc. D `jule ij jvcr dt as hany tdhcs as D

ldbce dn hy gcae, mut tgcrc was nj way jf unejdni dt.

Ane tgcn tgcrc was tgc chmarrasshcnt jf dt all. D wassuppjsce tj mc an dntclldicnt yjuni han, awarc jf tgc mdjljidàl

prj`csscs wgd`g àusce hcn ane wjhcn tj habc mamdcs. Gjw

was D ijdni tj cxpladn dt tj hy frdcnes, hy fahdly: D `jule

dhaidnc tgch all sgabdni tgcdr gcaes dn edsappjdnthcnt ane

edsapprjval, stunnce my hy stupdedty. Fdnally, D tgjuigt jf Bay,

wgj was ljjbdni at hc anxdjusly, wadtdni fjr a rcspjnsc.

“D—vc mccn rcally stupde,‘ D sade, hdscramly.

“Yc mjtg gavc,‘ sgc sade. Ugcrc was a ljni sdlcn`c.

“Gjw ljni gavc yju suspc`tce:‘ D asbce, cvcntually.

“Pdn`c last wccb, wgcn D eden—t gavc hy pcrdje,‘ sgc

rcpldce.

“Ygy eden—t yju say sjhctgdni mcfjrc, df yju wcrc wjrrdce

amjut dt:‘

“D ejn—t bnjw,‘ sgc sade. “D `julen—t mc surc. Ugcrc eden—t

scch hu`g pjdnt dn mjtg jf us wjrrydni amjut dt. Ane D tgjuigt

yju—e mc aniry wdtg hc.‘





156

[art jf hc was tchptce tj say, “Tcs, lct—s slccp jn dt ane scc

gjw wc fccl amjut tgdnis tjhjrrjw.‘ Mut dn spdtc jf cvcrytgdni, D

bncw tgat hy fccldnis tjwares Bay gaen—t `ganice. “D ejn—t ncce

tj tgdnb amjut dt,‘ D sade. “Dt—s wgat D want.‘

Bay njeece ane tjjb a eccp mrcatg. “JB. Ygat arc wc

ijdni tj ej tgcn:‘ sgc asbce.

“D ejn—t bnjw,‘ D sade. Ane aftcr a pausc ? “Ygat arc yjur

vdcws jn amjrtdjn:‘



159

Ugc tcst

Bay sade sgc eden—t fccl rcaey tj gavc `gdlercn. D fcltrcldcvce. D wasn—t rcaey cdtgcr. Mut tgc tgjuigt jf an amjrtdjn

sàrce gcr. D asbce gcr df sgc gae tabcn a prcinan`y tcst. Pgc sade

njt. Ugcn gjw `jule sgc mc sj surc: @julen—t tgcrc mc anjtgcr

cxplanatdjn: D bncw D was `lut`gdni at straws. Mut df dt wasn—t

`crtadn tgat sgc was prcinant, tgcrc was stdll a pjssdmdldty tgat

cvcrytgdni `jule mc salvaice. Ugc last fdvc hdnutcs `jule mc

rcvcrsce ane Bay—s prcinan`y wjule mc cxpjsce as an dllusdjn. Dt

wjule sdhply edssjlvc unecr tgc prcssurc jf `ljsc s`rutdny ane D

wjule mc rcturnce tj tgc statc jf ira`c D gae sj mrdcfly cnojyce

mcfjrc. [crgaps tgc wgjlc tgdni gae mccn prjvdecntdally

cnidnccrce sj tgat D wjule truly apprc`datc hy ijje fjrtunc. Pj

fjr hc, tgc ljidàl ncxt stcp was tj put an cne tj tgc un`crtadnty.

Bay wjulen—t muy a prcinan`y tcst gcrsclf, sj dt was up tj

hc tj rcturn tj Mjjts tgc @gchdsts tgc ncxt eay tj a`qudrc jnc. Dt

was surprdsdnily cxpcnsdvc fjr su`g an dnsumstantdal-ljjbdni mjx. D

suppjsce dt hust mc mcàusc tgcy eden—t scll tgat hany. Dt wasn—t

cxa`tly tgc sjrt jf tgdni yju wjule muy cvcry eay. As D walbce tj

tgc `gc`b-jut tdll, D stcclce hysclf tj ljjb tgc sgjp assdstant dn tgc

cyc, as df tgds was oust a rjutdnc ejhcstd` pur`gasc. D trdce tjdhaidnc tgat tgc pa`bct was sjhctgdni qudtc jrednary, ldbc a shall

mjx jf tcamais. Ugc sgjp assdstant oust ljjbce at hc wdtg a mlanb,

mjrce cxprcssdjn. Mut D `julen—t hadntadn cyc `jnta`t ane ljjbce

ejwn at tgc `juntcr, wgcrc hy cycs dnaevcrtcntly àhc tj rcst jn



157

tgc edsplay jf `jnejhs. Pj hany edffcrcnt typcs. Ane D gaen—t

hanaice tj usc cvcn jnc jf tgch.

Jn tgc way ma`b, D tgjuigt amjut wgat tgc rcsult jf tgc tcst

hdigt mc. D ec`dece tgat dt was dhpjrtant njt tj put all hy fadtg dn

tgc pjssdmdldty tgat tgcrc was sjhc jtgcr cxplanatdjn fjr Bay

gavdni hdssce gcr pcrdje. Pj D assuhce tgc wjrst. Ugds was dn

tgc drratdjnal gjpc tgat my habdni tgds assuhptdjn, tgc wjrst

wjule mc lcss ldbcly tj prjvc truc ‐ ane dn tgc bnjwlceic tgat df dt

ede prjvc truc, tgcn at lcast dt wjule ùsgdjn tgc mljw.

Dt tjjb a wgdlc tj pcrsuaec Bay tj usc tgc tcst. D gaeassuhce tgat sgc wjule ljjb at tgdnis tgc way D ede. Ugat hcant

tgat prjjf was rcqudrce, gare cvdecn`c tj echjnstratc mcyjne

ejumt tgat sgc was dnecce prcinant. Dn hy cycs, tgc pjssdmdldty

tgat sgc hdigt mc prcinant ‐ wdtgjut a`tually bnjwdni jnc way jr

tgc jtgcr ‐ was sjhcgjw wjrsc tgan tgc `crtadnty tgat sgc a`tually

was. Mut sgc eden—t scch tj scc tgdnis dn qudtc tgc sahc way.

Cvcntually, sgc aircce ane edsappcarce jff tj tgc tjdlct wdtg a

plastd` ùp. D sat dn gcr rjjh, rcaedni tgc dnstru`tdjns. Df tgc

`gchdàl dnedàtjr at tgc cne jf tgc plastd` tam `ganice `jljur,

tgat hcant yju wcrc prcinant. Ugcrc was alsj sjhctgdni amjut

tgc pjtcntdal fjr crrjr ane aevd`c tgat yju sgjule ij ane scc a

ej`tjr fjr `jnfdrhatdjn. Mut D was prcparce tj mc `jnvdn`ce my

tgc rcsults jf tgc tcst, wgatcvcr dts dnedàtdjns wcrc.

Bay àhc ma`b dntj tgc rjjh ane sgut tgc ejjr.

“Ljjb,‘ sgc sade, gjledni jut tgc plastd` tam. “D àn—t

mcldcvc dt.‘

Ugc dnedàtjr gae `ganice `jljur.



154

“Ygat arc wc ijdni tj ej:‘ sgc asbce. “D àn—t mcldcvc dt.‘ D

put hy arhs arjune gcr. Ugc rcsult scchce tj mc hjrc jf a sgj`b

tj Bay tgan dt gae mccn tj hc. D fclt as df jur rjlcs gae mccn

rcvcrsce. Pgc gae scchce sj àlh amjut dt mcfjrc. Njw dt was as

df sgc gae ncvcr rcally mccn `jnvdn`ce jf gcr prcinan`y dn tgc fdrst

pla`c. D gae assuhce tgat sgc wjule gavc aejptce tgc sahc

apprja`g as D gae ane `juntce jn tgc wjrst. Aftcr all, frjh tgc

way sgc gae talbce tj hc tgc prcvdjus ndigt, sgc scchce tj mcldcvc

sgc was prcinant. D gae tgjuigt tgat tgds was wgy sgc gae mccn

sj jppjsce tj tabdni tgc tcst ‐ mcàusc sgc rciarece dt as sjhcgjwsupcrflujus, a `jnfdrhatdjn jf tgc jmvdjus. Mut pcrgaps dt was

mcàusc, df tgc tcst was pjsdtdvc, tgcn dt wjule cxtdniudsg all gjpc

tgat tgcrc hdigt mc anjtgcr cxplanatdjn fjr gcr hdssdni pcrdje.

Njw D was tgc jnc wgj appcarce hjrc prcparce fjr tgc

`jnfdrhatdjn prjvdece my tgc tcst. Snldbc hy fadlurc tj wcar a

`jnejh, tgc tcst rcsult scchce tj gavc a eull dncvdtamdldty amjut dt.

Dt was wgat D gae stcclce hysclf tj cxpc`t mcàusc D gaen—t wantce

tj mudle up falsc gjpcs jnly fjr tgch tj mc sgattcrce. Mut D gae nj

answcr tj Bay—s qucstdjn. D gaen—t tgjuigt tgat far agcae.

Ugat ndigt wc slcpt tjictgcr dn Bay—s rjjh. Pgc haec

anjtgcr startldni annjun`chcnt, fjr wgd`g D (aiadn) fclt

`jhplctcly unprcparce. Pgc tjle hc tgat, ecspdtc cvcrytgdni, sgc

tgjuigt sgc was falldni dn ljvc wdtg hc. Pgc sade sgc—e ncvcr tjle

anyjnc tgat mcfjrc. Ugds àuigt hc jff iuare. Df sgc gae sade tgds

tj hc tgc wccb mcfjrc, D wjule prjmamly gavc rcpldce wdtgjut

gcsdtatdni. D wjule gavc sade tgat D gae fallcn dn ljvc wdtg gcr ane

tgat D gae ncvcr fclt ldbc tgds amjut anyjnc mcfjrc cdtgcr. All jf



13;

wgd`g wjule gavc mccn truc. D wjule gavc hcant cvcry wjre jf

dt. Mut gcr prcinan`y gae haec cvcrytgdni hjrc `jhpldàtce. D

eden—t fccl amlc tj tgdnb amjut tgc rclatdjnsgdp jvcr tgc ljnicr tcrh

‐ all D `jule tgdnb amjut was gcr prcinan`y ane wgat wc wcrc

ijdni tj ej amjut dt. Njw gcr ec`laratdjn scchce tj àrry wdtg dt

all sjrts jf unfjrcsccn `jhpldàtdjns. Yas dt tgat sgc rcally

wantce tj gavc tgc mamy ane tgat sgc was ljjbdni fjr sjhc sdin jf

`jhhdthcnt frjh hc: D rcprja`gce hysclf fjr tgdnbdni tgds jf

gcr, mut D `julen—t edshdss tgc tgjuigt frjh hy hdne. Ane njw

tgc `lj`b was td`bdni aiadnst hc ‐ tgc hjrc D gcsdtatce, tgc hjrc dtljjbce as df D fclt unamlc tj rc`dprjàtc.

D rchchmcrce jn`c saydni “D ljvc yju tjj‘ tj a idrl D gae

bnjwn wgdlst stdll at s`gjjl. Mut D gaen—t mccn dn ljvc wdtg gcr at

all. D oust gaen—t wantce tj gurt gcr fccldnis. D tgjuigt dt sjunece

falsc at tgc tdhc ane gatce hysclf fjr saydni dt. Njw part jf hc

wantce tj say dt as df D hcant dt ‐ mut hy gcae was sj full jf ejumts

tgat D eden—t bnjw df dt wjule `jhc jut rdigt. Ane tgcn D ec`dece

tgat D gae prjmamly wadtce tjj ljni anyway. Ygatcvcr D sade

njw, dt wjule sjune lahc. Ugc mcst jptdjn was sdhply tj bdss gcr

ane rchadn sdlcnt, as df tgds wjule sjhcgjw cxprcss gjw D fclt.

Yc erdftce jff dntj an uncasy slccp.



131

Altcrnatdvcs

Dn tgc eays tgat fjlljwce, ncdtgcr jf us earce tcll anyjncclsc. Bay eden—t turn up tj lc`turcs. D haec hysclf ij tj lc`turcs

dn tgc gjpc tgat dt wjule tabc hy hdne jff tgdnis. Mut wgat tgc

lc`turcr sade eden—t scch rchjtcly dhpjrtant. D ljjbce arjune at

all tgc jtgcr stuecnts ‐ sjhc mjrce, sjhc stuedjusly tabdni njtcs,

jtgcrs wgdspcrdni furtdvcly tj jnc anjtgcr. Df jnly tgcy bncw. Mut

tgcy wcrc alrdigt. Ugcy `jule `jntdnuc wdtg a àrcfrcc cxdstcn`c,

ij jut, gavc a ijje tdhc, ict erunb, gavc scx. As D iazce

cnvdjusly arjune tgc gall, D wdsgce tgat tgcrc was sjhcjnc clsc dn

hy pjsdtdjn. Yas tgcrc anjtgcr stuecnt wdtg a sldigtly iudlty,

trjumlce cxprcssdjn: Df jnly tgcy wjule annjun`c tgchsclvcs tj

hc.

Bay, hcanwgdlc, gae mccn tj tgc stuecnt wclfarc `cntrc

ljjbdni fjr ldtcraturc jn sjhc hctgje jf chcricn`y `jntra`cptdjn

sgc gae gcare amjut ‐ jr hjrc `jrrc`tly, carly amjrtdjn. Pgc

gaen—t fclt amlc tj talb tj anyjnc amjut dt, sj gae oust pd`bce up

sjhc lcaflcts. Ugcrc wcrc twj hctgjes. Jnc was a pdll, tgc jtgcr

dnvjlvce dnscrtdjn jf an dntra-utcrdnc ecvd`c tj dneu`c a

hdsàrrdaic. Tju nccece tj ej sjhctgdni amjut dt wdtgdn eays jf

dntcr`jursc. Dt was njw ncarly twj wccbs sdn`c wc gae last slcpttjictgcr, sj sgc was far tjj latc. Mut tgc lcaflct scchce tj gavc ijt

Bay tgdnbdni. Pgc cxpladnce tj hc tgat sgc gae mccn jut fjr a run

dn tgc gjpc tgat strcnujus cxcr`dsc wjule dneu`c a hdsàrrdaic. Dt

gaen—t wjrbce. D was gjrrdfdce. D tjle gcr tgat df wc wcrc ijdni tj



13=

ej anytgdni amjut dt, dt wjule gavc tj mc ejnc prjpcrly, unecr

hcedàl supcrvdsdjn. D gae vdsdjns jf gcr ijdni tj sjhc ma`b-strcct

`ldnd` tj mc hdndstcrce tj my a sdndstcr jle wjhan wdtg a mcnt `jat

ganicr ane sjhc bndttdni nccelcs. Mut Bay wjulen—t àll anyjnc.

Dn frustratdjn, D mjrrjwce a pgjnc mjjb frjh jnc jf tgc `jllcic

pgjnc mjjtgs ane startce habdni a ldst jf nuhmcrs tj rdni. Bay

stdll rcfusce tj habc tgc àll.

Latcr tgat eay, wgcn D was aljnc, D ec`dece tj àll tgch

hysclf. Ugcy wcrc vcry syhpatgctd`, tgc pcjplc jn tgc jtgcr cne

jf tgc pgjnc. Ugcy eden—t rcprja`g hc fjr icttdni Bay prcinant dntgc fdrst pla`c ane cxpladnce àlhly wgat tgc jptdjns wcrc. Ugcrc

wcrc njt tjj hany. Bay `jule cdtgcr `gjjsc tj gavc tgc mamy jr

gavc dt amjrtce. Pgc wjule gavc tj wadt scvcn jr cdigt wccbs

mcfjrc sgc `jule safcly gavc an jpcratdjn. D eden—t bnjw df D `jule

fa`c gavdni tgc sdtuatdjn unrcsjlvce fjr tgat lcnitg jf tdhc. Ane

tgcn tgcrc was tgc qucstdjn jf gjw Bay wjule rca`t. D wasn—t surc

gjw sgc wjule `jpc wdtg gavdni tj wadt tgat ljni cdtgcr.

D wjule ldbc tj mc amlc tj say tgat D aijndsce jvcr tgc rdigts

ane wrjnis jf bdlldni a fclljw guhan mcdni (jr at lcast, sjhctgdni

tgat was vcry sjjn ijdni tj turn dntj jnc). Mut D eden—t. D

prcfcrrce tj ljjb at dt tgc jtgcr way arjune. D tjle hysclf tgat,

gae wc usce `jntra`cptdjn, as wc (jr at lcast D) gae dntcnece, njnc

jf tgds wjule gavc gappcnce. Pj my ijdni fjr a tcrhdnatdjn, wc

wcrc sdhply mrdnidni amjut tgc statc jf affadrs wgd`g wjule gavc

cxdstce df wc gae mccn hjrc àrcful. Mut tgat was amjut tgc cxtcnt

jf hy `jnsdecratdjn jf tgc dssuc.



130

Ygcn D edsùssce dt wdtg Bay, sgc sade tgat sgc was afrade jf

gavdni tgc jpcratdjn. Pgc cxpladnce tgat dt was tgc tgjuigt jf

tgch puttdni tumcs dnsdec gcr ane vaùuhdni jut tgc fjctus. Dt

was tjj dnvasdvc. D asbce gcr df sgc gae `ganice gcr hdne, df sgc

rcally wantce tj gavc tgc mamy aftcr all. Pgc sade njt. Pgc

`julen—t gavc a `gdle njw ‐ sgc wasn—t rcaey ane ncdtgcr was D. Dt

wasn—t tgat sgc gae any strjni hjral jmoc`tdjn tj amjrtdjn. Dt was

hjrc tgc prj`css jf dt tgat sàrce gcr.

Pgc sade tgat sgc was ljjbdni dntj “altcrnatdvc‘ rchcedcs,

mut was ratgcr vaiuc amjut wgat tgcy wcrc. Ygcn D prcssce gcrjn dt, sgc hcntdjnce sjhc gjhcjpatgd` rchcey wgd`g was sade tj

mc àpamlc jf dneu`dni a hdsàrrdaic. D tgjuigt dt was a `razy

deca. D eden—t `jnsdecr hysclf hu`g jf an cxpcrt, mut dt scchce tj

hc tgat tgcrc gae tj mc a rcasjn wgy tgcsc bdnes jf rchcedcs wcrc

njt hu`g favjurce my tgc hcedàl cstamldsghcnt. Cdtgcr tgcy

eden—t wjrb ‐ dn wgd`g àsc yju—e mc a fjjl tj pla`c any fadtg dn

tgch ‐ jr tgcy wcrc ejwnrdigt eanicrjus. Aiadn D tgjuigt jf tgc

àrtjjndsg fdiurc jf tgc sdndstcr jle wjhan à`bldni jvcr sjhc

rcvjltdni pjtdjn tgat sgc was mrcwdni up jn a irdhy stjvc.

D `julen—t unecrstane wgy Bay eden—t oust want tj ict tgc

wgjlc tgdni jvcr ane ejnc wdtg. Ygy wjulen—t sgc oust habc tgc

appjdnthcnt: Ugcn wc `jule mjtg fjrict amjut dt fjr tgc ncxt

cdigt wccbs, ict jn wdtg jur ldvcs ane try njt tj lct dt rudn jur

rclatdjnsgdp. Bay pjdntce jut tgat dt was ratgcr edffdùlt tj fjrict

amjut sjhctgdni tgat haec gcr fccl sd`b dn tgc hjrndnis ane

cxgaustce my carly cvcndni. Pgc sade sgc `jule fccl gcrsclf puttdni

jn wcdigt alrcaey. D gae nj rcply tj tgat.



135

Cvcntually, wc rca`gce a `jhprjhdsc. Bay aircce tj habc

an appjdnthcnt mut at sjhc pjdnt jf gcr `gjjsdni. D aircce tgat dt

gae tj mc gcr ec`dsdjn2 dt gae tj mc sjhctgdni sgc fclt `jhfjrtamlc

wdtg. Jn`c aiadn, D tjle hysclf tgat dt was dhpjrtant tj trust tgc

pcrsjn yju wcrc dn a rclatdjnsgdp wdtg. Df yju eden—t trust tgch,

wgat futurc `jule tgcrc mc: D ec`dece tgat tgc mcst tgdni D `jule ej

was tj mc as suppjrtdvc as pjssdmlc, mut tj lct Bay tabc tgc

dndtdatdvc jvcr tgc amjrtdjn. Pj wc oust dinjrce dt as a tjpd` jf

`jnvcrsatdjn. Bay scchce a ljt gappdcr as a rcsult. Pgc was cvcn

habdni ojbcs amjut gcr hjrndni sd`bncss. Hcanwgdlc, D ede hy mcst tj put tgc wgjlc tgdni jut jf hy hdne. Ugcrc was, aftcr all,

vcry ldttlc tgat D `jule ej. D trdce tj bccp hy spdrdts up my tclldni

hysclf tgat my @grdsthas dt wjule all mc jvcr ane wc `jule tabc up

wgcrc wc gae lcft jff, `gastcnce my tgds salutary cpdsjec, mut

ultdhatcly strcnitgcnce my dt. Fjr tgc tdhc mcdni tgjuig,

cvcrytgdni scchce tj mc dn ldhmj. Ugds dn`luece tgc vcxce

qucstdjn jf Bay—s cxdstdni mjyfrdcne frjh gjhc, a `crtadn [ctc

Njvjtndb.

Mcfjrc Bay gae annjun`ce tgat sgc was prcinant, wc gae

aircce tgat sgc wjule mrcab jff wdtg gdh wgcn gc ncxt àhc tj

vdsdt gcr. A eatc gae alrcaey mccn sct fjr tgds vdsdt ane dt scchce as

df cvcrytgdni wjule sjjn mc rcsjlvce. Bay eden—t plan tj tcll [ctc

amjut hc. Pgc sade sgc eden—t want tj gurt gdh. Njw sgc was

saydni sgc eden—t want tj mrcab dt jff at all. Pgc wantce tj wadt

untdl aftcr tgc amjrtdjn. Pgc wjule tcll gdh at @grdsthas, wgcn

sgc wcnt gjhc fjr tgc gjldeays. ]digt njw, sgc `julen—t fa`c tgc

cxtra chjtdjnal stradn. D was edsappjdntce. Mut sct aiadnst Bay—s



133

prcinan`y, dt eden—t gavc tgc uricn`y dt gae mcfjrc. D `jule wcll

unecrstane wgy Bay eden—t want tj ecal wdtg dt njw.

Cvcn sj, ejumts mcian tj surfa`c dn hy hdne. Yc gae

talbce vcry ldttlc amjut tgc sdtuatdjn wdtg [ctc, amjut wgjh D bncw

ncxt tj njtgdni. D gae assuhce tgat tgcdr rclatdjnsgdp hust mc jn

tgc rj`bs ‐ jtgcrwdsc, wgy wjule sgc gavc tabcn up wdtg hc sj

qud`bly: Ane wgy tcll hc tgat sgc ljvce hc: D was partly

rcspjnsdmlc dn tgat D gaen—t rcally asbce gcr vcry hu`g amjut gcr

rclatdjnsgdp wdtg [ctc. D gae tjle hysclf tgat tgc ec`dsdjn gae tj

`jhc frjh gcr. D was sàrce tgat df D prcssce gcr jn dt, sgc hdigteuhp hc dnstcae. D wdsgce wc gae edsùssce tgc dssuc hjrc.

Ugcn at lcast D `jule fccl sjhc `jnfdecn`c tgat cvcrytgdni wjule

mc rcsjlvce jn`c tgc amjrtdjn was jvcr. Mut D rchadnce fcarful

tgat df D pusgce gcr njw, tgat hdigt hcan tgc cne jf jur

rclatdjnsgdp fjr ijje.

Ugdnis erdftce aljni ldbc tgds fjr anjtgcr fcw wccbs. D

mcàhc hjrc ane hjrc anxdjus amjut tgc amjrtdjn, mut eden—t

earc ta`blc Bay edrc`tly jn tgc sumoc`t fjr fcar tgat dt wjule

prjvjbc a `jnfrjntatdjn. Bay ncvcr radsce tgc sumoc`t gcrsclf

wdtgjut prjhptdni. Dn vdcw jf jur aircchcnt tj erjp tgc sumoc`t,

D eden—t want tj pusg gcr tjj gare tj talb amjut dt. Mut D was

icttdni dn`rcasdnily anxdjus amjut tgc la`b jf a ecfdndtc plan. D

bncw frjh tgc pgjnc àlls D gae haec scvcral wccbs mcfjrc tgat

tgcrc wcrc wadtdni ldsts fjr tgc jpcratdjn. At tgds ratc, sgc wjule

gavc tj wadt untdl tgc Ncw Tcar. As far as D was `jn`crnce, wc

gae alrcaey aircce tgat tgc sdtuatdjn `julen—t mc alljwce tj ij

unrcsjlvce dntj tgc @grdsthas gjldeays. Njw tgcrc was a rcal



136

pjssdmdldty tgat dt wjule stdll mc tgcrc at tgc cne jf tcrh. D fclt tgat D

gae nj `gjd`c mut tj try tj fjr`c a ec`dsdjn jut jf gcr. D tjle

hysclf tgat dt was fjr gcr jwn ijje as wcll as hy jwn ‐ altgjuig

hy hadn hjtdvatdjn was tgat D fjune dt dntjlcramlc njt gavdni tgc

scùrdty jf bnjwdni tgat “arranichcnts‘ gae mccn haec. D `jule

njt unecrstane gjw Bay `jule oust lct tgdnis erdft dn tgds way.

Ygcn D `jnfrjntce gcr amjut dt, D was surprdsce at gjw sgc

rca`tce. D gae `jnvdn`ce hysclf tgat sgc was afrade jf tgc

jpcratdjn ane tgat sgc was oust trydni tj put jff gavdni tj habc a

ec`dsdjn. As a rcsult, D gae cxpc`tce an aniry, chjtdjnal rca`tdjntj hy qucstdjns. D tgjuigt D wjule gavc tj cxpladn wgat was jn

hy hdne, a`ùsc gcr jf puttdni jff tgc ec`dsdjn ane habc gcr fa`c

up tj tgc `jnscqucn`cs jf furtgcr eclay.

Mut Bay rcspjnece qudtc àlhly. Pgc scchce qudtc `jntcnt

tj talb amjut dt. Pgc sade sgc gae mccn tj scc a ej`tjr tj talb

tgrjuig tgc jptdjns, mut gaen—t haec up gcr hdne yct amjut wgat

tj ej.

D asbce gcr df sgc was gavdni sc`jne tgjuigts ane wantce tj

gavc tgc mamy aftcr all. Mut sgc sade njt. Dt was oust tgat sgc eden—t

ldbc tgc deca jf tgc jpcratdjn. Ygcn D asbce gcr df sgc gae talbce

tj anyjnc clsc amjut gcr `jn`crns, sgc sade gae radsce dt wdtg gcr

I[, wgj gae playce ejwn tgc rdsbs. Mut sgc jmvdjusly wasn—t

`jnvdn`ce. D mcian tj wjnecr df sgc was oust usdni tgcsc ejumts as

a way jf puttdni jff habdni a ec`dsdjn untdl tgc last pjssdmlc

hjhcnt.

“D bnjw yju tgdnb D—h mcdni drratdjnal,‘ sgc sade, as df

scnsdni hy dhpatdcn`c. “Mut dt—s a ljt tj `jhc tj tcrhs wdtg. D



139

tgdnb D—h `ljscr tj a ec`dsdjn tgan D was, say, a `juplc jf wccbs

aij. Ane D bnjw tgcrc—s njt hu`g tdhc lcft. Mut tgds ds a mdi

ec`dsdjn fjr hc ane D want tj mc surc D—h ejdni tgc rdigt tgdni. Pj

yju—rc oust ijdni tj gavc tj mc patdcnt wdtg hc. D prjhdsc yju tgat

D wdll tabc a ec`dsdjn sjjn ‐ D—h oust njt qudtc rcaey yct.‘

Pgc unecrstjje tgat D was `jn`crnce mut at tgc cne jf tgc

eay, dt was csscntdally gcr prjmlch. Frjh gcr pjdnt jf vdcw, dt oust

haec hattcrs hjrc `jhpldàtce df sgc `jnstantly gae tj tabc

a``junt jf hy fccldnis.

“Mut D fccl rcspjnsdmlc,‘ D rcpldce, ratgcr gclplcssly. “Gjwàn D njt fccl mae amjut dt:‘ Dt scchce as df sgc was saydni tgat gcr

ldfc wjule mc casdcr df D oust walbce away. Tct D fclt a hjral

jmldiatdjn tj habc ijje tgc sdtuatdjn D gae `rcatce. Jr, tj put dt

hjrc unbdnely, habdni hysclf fccl mae gclpce tj rcldcvc tgc iudlt D

fclt jvcr wgat gae gappcnce. Mut as Bay pjdntce jut, tgcrc wasn—t

rcally hu`g D `jule ej, dn pra`tdàl tcrhs. Dt wasn—t hy mjey tgat

was musy icttdni rcaey tj rcprjeu`c.

“D bnjw yju fccl rcspjnsdmlc,‘ sgc sade. “D bnjw yju—rc

upsct. Mut yju gavc tj lct hc ecal wdtg tgds.‘ Pgc pausce ane

tgcn aeece? “Haymc dt wjule mc mcttcr df wc saw a mdt lcss jf ca`g

jtgcr. Fjr tgc tdhc mcdni, at lcast.‘

Hy stjha`g tdigtcnce. Ugds was `jhplctcly uncxpc`tce. Dn

tgc `jursc jf jur `jnvcrsatdjn, D gae rcsdince hysclf tj mcdni ldttlc

hjrc tgan an chjtdjnal prjp fjr Bay, as ane wgcn sgc nccece dt.

D wjule sdhply gavc tj supprcss hy jwn anxdcty dn jrecr tj gclp

gcr ict tgrjuig. Dt wjule mc hy pcnan`c fjr tgc sdtuatdjn D gae

`rcatce. Mut njw sgc was saydni tgat D wjulen—t cvcn mc alljwce



137

tgds hcairc suppjrtdni rjlc. Yjrsc tgan tgat, sgc scchce tj mc

suiicstdni tgat jur rclatdjnsgdp wasn—t ijdni anywgcrc at all. D

fclt a rdsdni scnsc jf pand`.

“Ej yju hcan D àn—t scc yju any hjrc:‘ D asbce, fcardni

tgc rcspjnsc.

“Nj, dt—s njt tgat. D oust ncce sjhc tdhc tj ict tgdnis

stradigt dn hy jwn hdne. Cvcrytgdni—s sj `jnfusce at tgc

hjhcnt. D—h sàrce tgat df wc àrry jn ldbc tgds, dt—ll oust habc

tgdnis wjrsc.‘

D ercw sjhc `jhfjrt frjh tgc fa`t tgat dt wasn—t a ecfdndtc“Nj, D ejn—t want tj scc yju, dt—s all jvcr.‘ Dt hcant tgat tgc ejjr

was stdll jpcn. Mut Bay scchce tj gjle all tgc àres njw. Pgc

gae lcft hc wdtg nj `gjd`c mut tj aircc tj gcr `jnedtdjns. Pj wc

aircce njt tj scc jnc anjtgcr fjr a wccb. Gavdni ijnc tj scc gcr

dn tgc gjpc jf sjrtdni tgdnis jut, D àhc away far hjrc

prcj`ùpdce tgan wgcn D wcnt dn.



134

Ljni edvdsdjn

Ugc ncxt wccb scchce tj erai jn fjrcvcr. Ugcrc wcrcscvcral tdhcs wgcn D tgjuigt jf ijdni tj scc gcr. Ugc wjrst tgdni

was njt mcdni amlc tj talb tj anyjnc amjut dt. Tct D àhc tj scc

tgds as a way jf unecrijdni furtgcr pundsghcnt fjr hy part dn

Bay—s prcinan`y.

Pj D mravcly rcsdstce tgc tchptatdjn tj tcll all ane icncrally

fclt vcry hdscramlc, mut sjhcgjw alsj vcry vdrtujus at tgc sahc

tdhc. Dn fa`t, Bay appcarce rcldcvce tj scc hc. Pgc nccece

sjhcjnc tj talb tj oust as hu`g as D ede. Ecspdtc all gcr talb jf

wantdni tj ecal wdtg tgds jn gcr jwn, sgc scchce tj mc ilae jf hy

`jhpany. D eden—t asb wgctgcr sgc gae ec`dece wgat tj ej. D

eden—t want tj spjdl tgc hjst cnojyamlc cn`juntcr wc—e gae fjr

sjhc tdhc. Dt alhjst fclt as df wc gae rciadnce tgc plcasurc dn ca`g

jtgcr—s `jhpany tgat wc gae cxpcrdcn`ce dn tgc fdrst wccbs jf jur

rclatdjnsgdp.

D lcft dn jptdhdstd` hjje. Dt scchce tj hc tgat D gae mccn

hystcrdjusly rcwarece fjr hy a`ts jf pcnan`c jvcr tgc last wccb.

All tgds `jntrdmutce tj hy `jnfdecn`c tgat tgdnis wjule wjrb jut

mctwccn us ‐ tgat tgcrc was sjhc edvdnc prjvdecn`c at wjrb wgd`g

wjule cnsurc tgat hy rclatdjnsgdp wdtg Bay wjule mcstrcnitgcnce my tgds cxpcrdcn`c ratgcr tgan ecstrjyce my dt.

Hy anxdcty mcfjrc tgc hcctdni gae mccn all tgc hjrc aùtc

mcàusc D bncw tgat [ctc was euc tj vdsdt gcr jvcr tgc wccbcne.

Pgc gae alrcaey put gdh jff jn nuhcrjus j`àsdjns prcvdjusly



16;

ane gae mccn aeahant tgat tgds partdùlar vdsdt `julen—t mc put jff

wdtgjut habdni gdh suspd`djus.

At tdhcs ldbc tgds, hy la`b jf bnjwlceic amjut tgcdr

rclatdjnsgdp lce hc tj spcùlatc all tgc hjrc amjut wgat hdigt

gappcn mctwccn tgch. Mut hy jwn hcctdni wdtg Bay lcft hc

rcassurce tgat sgc was njt amjut tj rusg ma`b dntj gds arhs.

Ygcn tgc Hjneay hjrndni àhc tgjuig, Bay wasn—t at

lc`turcs. D wasn—t jvcrly surprdsce. Pgc gae frcqucntly

`jhpladnce tj hc jf hjrndni sd`bncss, sj D wjnecrce df sgc gae

stayce dn mce. Mut D fclt suffd`dcntly `jn`crnce tj ij rjune tj gcrrjjh aftcr lc`turcs, my wgd`g tdhc dt was amjut hdeeay. Ugcrc

was nj answcr. D asbce jnc jf gcr frdcnes df sgc bncw wgcrc Bay

was. Ugc idrl tjle hc tgat Bay gae scchce rcally upsct amjut

sjhctgdni, mut wjulen—t tcll anyjnc wgat dt was. Pgc gae

hcntdjnce sjhctgdni amjut gcr fahdly ane tgat sgc gae tj ij

gjhc tj scc tgch. Pgc gae lcft amjut an gjur aij wdtg all gcr

stuff. Ugc idrl sade tgat sgc tgjuigt Bay gaen—t rcally scttlce dn

ane gaen—t ldbce tgc `jursc sgc was jn. Pgc `crtadnly gaen—t mccn

ijdni tj lc`turcs vcry hu`g ane scchce tj gavc mccn spcnedni a

ljt jf tdhc dn gcr rjjh jn gcr jwn.

Ygy gae sgc ijnc: Yas dt tgat sgc gae fdnally ec`dece dn

favjur jf [ctc, ratgcr tgan hc: D ùrsce hysclf fjr njt icttdni gcr

gjhc tclcpgjnc nuhmcr. Pjhc furtgcr cnqudrdcs jf gcr frdcnes

cnamlce hc tj cxtra`t a gjhc nuhmcr ane aeercss, jn tgc prctcxt

jf gcr gavdni mjrrjwce sjhc lc`turc njtcs wgd`g D nccece ma`b

mcfjrc tgc cne jf tcrh. D àllce gcr at gjhc. Bay answcrce tgc

pgjnc.



161

“@an wc talb:‘ D asbce.

“Tcs, hy parcnts àn—t gcar dn tgds rjjh.‘

“Ygy eden—t yju tcll hc yju wcrc ijdni:‘

“D—h sjrry,‘ sgc sade, “mut D oust `julen—t stane dt .‘

“Mut wgy ede yju oust tabc jff ldbc tgat: Ygy njt talb tj hc

fdrst:‘

“D ejn—t bnjw. D oust `julen—t stane bccpdni up a frjnt any

ljnicr. Dt was all tjj hu`g.‘

“Gavc yju tjle yjur parcnts amjut dt:‘

“Nj, D gavcn—t. Njt yct.‘“Pj...wgat gavc yju tjle tgch: D hcan, amjut wgy yju—vc

`jhc ma`b mcfjrc tcrh—s fdndsgce:‘

“D oust sade dt wasn—t wjrbdni jut wdtg tgc `jursc ane D

nccece sjhc tdhc tj wjrb tgdnis jut mcfjrc àrrydni jn.‘

“Ds tgat truc: Ds tgat tgc rcal rcasjn yju—vc lcft:‘ D fclt a mdt

stupde asbdni tgc qucstdjn. D iucssce tgc answcr was prjmamly

“nj‘, mut D wasn—t surc wgat tj mcldcvc anyhjrc ane D nccece tj

gcar dt frjh Bay gcrsclf.

“Nj, njt rcally,‘ àhc tgc rcply. “D hcan, D—vc gae sjhc

prjmlchs wdtg tgc `jursc, mut dt—s njt rcally tgat. Dt—s wgat D oust

tjle yju. D oust `julen—t stane dt any hjrc, sj D gae tj ict jut.‘

Ugcrc was a sdlcn`c. D asbce? “Ds dt tj ej wdtg [ctc:‘

“Nj. Ljjb, D oust tjle yju, tgat—s njt wgy D—vc `jhc gjhc.

Njtgdni gappcnce mctwccn us at tgc wccbcne. D oust prctcnece tj

gdh tgat D wasn—t gappy wdtg tgc `jursc ane tgat—s wgy D was nj

fun tj mc wdtg. Mut tgds hjrndni, tgc wgjlc tgdni oust ijt tj hc. D



16=

`julen—t àrry jn wdtg ijdni tj lc`turcs ane prctcnedni tj

cvcryjnc. Ugat—s all dt ds, Hdlcs.‘

“Mut wgat arc yju ijdni tj ej njw: D hcan, amjut tgc

amjrtdjn:‘ D mlurtce jut. D bncw as sjjn as D sade dt tgat dt was

`jhplctcly tgc wrjni tgdni tj say. Mut D gae tj bnjw. Ugc wccbs

jf un`crtadnty gae haec hc ljni fjr a ecfdndtc answcr.

“D ejn—t bnjw,‘ sade Bay qudctly. Pgc pausce ane tgcn sade,

“D suppjsc D—ll gavc tj gavc tgc jpcratdjn.‘

“Mut wjn—t tgat hcan tclldni yjur parcnts:‘

“Sh, nj, njt nc`cssardly. D tgdnb D àn ict away wdtg dt mytclldni tgch tgat D—h ijdni tj stay wdtg a frdcne wgdlc D—h dn

gjspdtal.‘

D sdigce dnwarely. Dt all sjunece a rdedùljusly `jhplcx

sumtcrfuic. Mut tgcrc was njtgdni D ̀ jule ej amjut dt.

“Ljjb, D—h upsct tgat yju lcft wdtgjut tclldni hc,‘ D sade. “D

unecrstane wgy yju—vc ejnc dt, ane haymc D wjule—vc ejnc tgc

sahc dn yjur pjsdtdjn, mut D wdsg...wcll, D stdll fccl rcspjnsdmlc, D

stdll fccl dt—s hy fault ane D wdsg yju—e lct hc gclp dnstcae jf

sguttdni hc jut all tgc tdhc. D—h njt asbdni fjr anytgdni clsc.‘

“D bnjw yju—rc upsct,‘ sade Bay, “ane D—h sjrry D eden—t talb

tj yju mcfjrc D lcft. Mut yju—e gavc trdce tj talb hc jut jf tgds. D

rcally tgdnb D wjule gavc ijnc `razy df D—e stayce jn.‘

]clu`tantly, D was fjr`ce tj a`bnjwlceic jn`c aiadn tgat

tgcrc was njtgdni D `jule ej. Dt was jut jf hy ganes. Mut tgc

sueecn `ganic dn gcr hjje away frjh tgc jptdhdsh jf jur last

hcctdni haec hc wjnecr wgctgcr D gae (njt fjr tgc fdrst tdhc)

`jhplctcly hdsoueice tgc edrc`tdjn tgdnis wcrc ijdni dn.



160

Ygcn D pgjnce gcr latcr tgat wccb, sgc was rctd`cnt ane

edffdùlt tj talb tj. Pgc tjle hc tgat sgc gae, at ljni last, haec an

appjdnthcnt tj gavc tgc amjrtdjn. Pgc hcntdjnce a eatc a `juplc

jf wccbs frjh njw. D sgjule gavc fclt rcldcvce, mut scnsce tgat sgc

was wdtggjledni sjhctgdni frjh hc. Ygcn D asbce df D `jule scc

gcr at sjhc pjdnt, haymc aftcr tgc jpcratdjn, sgc haec cxùscs,

saydni dt wjule all mc vcry edffdùlt ane sgc was stdll trydni tj bccp

tgc wgjlc tgdni a sc`rct. Fdnally, sgc sade?

“Ljjb, Hdlcs, tgcrc—s sjhctgdni D—vc ijt tj talb tj yju

amjut. Ugcrc—s nj casy way tj tcll yju.‘ Hy stjha`g tdigtcncetgc way dt gae ejnc tgc last tdhc sgc gae aejptce tgds `jece way

jf warndni hc tgat mae ncws was jn tgc way. “D—vc mccn tgdnbdni

amjut us...ane D tgdnb dt wjule mc mcttcr df wc stjppce sccdni ca`g

jtgcr. D—h sjrry, mut tgat—s hy ec`dsdjn.‘

“Mut ‐ àn—t wc ‐ àn—t wc at lcast edsùss dt:‘ D sade. “D

hcan, wgy: Ygy arc yju ejdni tgds: D ejn—t unecrstane.‘ D fclt

gclplcss, stanedni tgcrc dn tgc `jle pgjnc mjx, wat`gdni tgc traffd`

ij past as hy hjncy sljwly `juntce ejwn.

“Ljjb, dt rcally ejcsn—t hattcr wgy D—vc ejnc dt ‐ dt—s oust

wgat D—vc ec`dece. D stdll àrc amjut yju, ane D—e ldbc tj stay

frdcnes, mut wc àn—t ij jn sccdni ca`g jtgcr.‘

“Gavc yju ijt ma`b tjictgcr wdtg gdh:‘

Ugcrc was a sdlcn`c. “Ugat—s dt dsn—t dt:‘ D sade. “Tju gavc,

gavcn—t yju: Ucll hc! Gavc yju ijt ma`b tjictgcr wdtg gdh jr

njt:‘

“Tcs.‘

D slahhce tgc rc`cdvcr ejwn.



165

Ugat was njt jur last `jnvcrsatdjn, mut dt hay as wcll gavc

mccn. D pgjnce gcr scvcral tdhcs aftcr tgat. Ugcsc cx`ganics

`jnsdstce laricly jf hc cdtgcr plcaedni wdtg gcr dn tgc vadn gjpc jf

rcsurrc`tdni jur rclatdjnsgdp jr mcratdni gcr dn an cqually vadn

attchpt tj habc gcr fccl sj jvcr`jhc wdtg iudlt tgat sgc wjule

rclcnt ane gavc hc ma`b. D gae usually spcnt hjst jf tgc eay (ane

prcvdjus ndigt) rcgcarsdni tgc ariuhcnts dn hy gcae. Mut tgc

cvcntual `jnvcrsatdjn garely cvcr fjlljwce tgc patg D cxpc`tce dt

tj ane hy àrcfully cnidnccrce pljys always àhc tj njtgdni.

Ugc hjrc D tgjuigt amjut dt (wgd`g was vdrtually all tgctdhc), tgc hjrc mdttcr D mcàhc amjut tgc way tgat D gae mccn

trcatce. D fclt tgat sgc gae struni hc aljni, usce hc as an

chjtdjnal prjp ane tgcn euhpce hc wgcn dt sudtce gcr. D was

`crtadnly dn nj hjje tj mc syhpatgctd` tj ‐ jr cvcn tj apprc`datc ‐

tgc statc tgat Bay hust gavc mccn dn wgdlst wadtdni fjr tgc

amjrtdjn. Pj dt was prjmamly dncvdtamlc tgat tgdnis wjule cne wdtg

a mlazdni rjw2 wc sade sjhc vcry unplcasant tgdnis amjut jnc

anjtgcr ane D vjwce ncvcr tj spcab tj gcr aiadn. Ugds turnce jut

tj mc an casy vjw tj bccp, mcàusc Bay ncvcr àhc ma`b tj

undvcrsdty aftcr @grdsthas. D gcare tgat sgc was icttdni harrdce tj

[ctc latcr tgat ycar. Mut nj jnc tgat D bncw frjh undvcrsdty was

dnvdtce tj tgc wceedni.

[art jf hc was ilae tgat sgc gaen—t `jhc ma`b. Mut part jf

hc gjpce tgat wc hdigt hcct aiadn at sjhc pjdnt, jn tgc jff-

`gan`c tgat sccdni hc dn tgc flcsg wjule sjhcgjw mc suffd`dcnt tj

`ganic gcr hdne. Fjr hjntgs, D cntcrtadnce fantasdcs aljni tgcsc

ldncs, always cnedni wdtg gcr rc`jindsdni tgc crrjr jf gcr ways ane



163

wdtg hc hainandhjusly a``cptdni gcr prjfusc apjljidcs fjr tgc

way tgat sgc gae trcatce hc. Mut D ncdtgcr saw njr gcare anytgdni

frjh gcr untdl sgc pgjnce hc aftcr [ctc gae edsappcarce, all tgjsc

ycars latcr.



166

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169

Tclljw pjst-dt njtc

D startce wrdtdni tgds a``junt wantdni jtgcr pcjplc rcae dt.

Njw wdsg tgat D gae eclctce dt wgdlc D stdll gae tgc `gan`c. Ygy

eden—t D ej tgat: Aftcr all, D gae alrcaey haec up hy hdne tgat dt

was ncvcr ijdni tj mc pumldsgce. Pj wgy ede D àrry jn:

Ugc sgjrt answcr tj all tgcsc qucstdjns ds? Pusan. Dn tgc fcw

wccbs tgat wc—vc mccn sccdni ca`g jtgcr, D gavc ncvcr fclt gappdcr.

Yc—vc mccn talbdni amjut ijdni away tjictgcr fjr a fcw hjntgs

jn a bdne jf cxtcnece gjldeay. Yc—vc mjtg ijt cnjuig savdnis tj

ej dt ane Pusan rc`bjns sgc—s jvcreuc fjr a àrccr mrcab. Hy

pumldsgcrs gavc idvcn hc anjtgcr cdigtccn hjntgs tj fdndsg tgc

mdjirapgy jf [ctc ‐ sj D—ll mc amlc tj put tgat jn gjle fjr a wgdlc.

Hcanwgdlc, D—vc mccn habdni plans tj gane jvcr tgc rcdns jf

njvjtndb.`jh ane all tgc jtgcr pumldsgdni a`tdvdtdcs tj sjhcjnc

clsc.

As fjr tgds a``junt, dt nj ljnicr scchce tj hattcr. Ygcn D

rc-rcae dt, D marcly rc`jindsce hysclf2 D sjune ldbc a bdne jf =1st

`cntury Gjlecn @aulfdcle, erjndni jn amjut gjw cvcrytgdni ane

cvcryjnc rcally su`bs, cspc`dally [ctc ane all gds C-Injsds

a`jlytcs. D alhjst eclctce dt tgcrc ane tgcn.

Mut D `jule scc tgat tgds pcrsjn wgj D marcly rc`jindsce gaea prjmlch2 gc gae ncvcr rcally ijt jvcr tgc fadlurc jf gds

rclatdjnsgdp wdtg Bay. Yjule gc, D wjnecrce, cvcr mc amlc tj start

afrcsg jn a ncw rclatdjnsgdp: Jr was gc sj guni up jn Bay tgat

any su`g attchpt was ejjhce tj fadlurc: Ygat df gc cnece up





164

D rcae tgc `gaptcr aiadn wdtg dn`rcasdni gjrrjr. Dt ecs`rdmce

jur hcctdni dn tgc àfä. Pgc hust tgdnb tgat D gavc ec`cdvce gcr

all aljni ‐ tgat jur cntdrc rclatdjnsgdp ds purc handpulatdjn jn hy

part.

Snamlc tj ict tgrjuig tj gcr jn tgc pgjnc, D wcnt rjune tj

gcr flat. D—vc gavc mccn ma`b tgcrc `juntlcss tdhcs njw, mut tgcrc—s

ncvcr mccn any sdin jf gcr.

Dn ecspcratdjn, D gavc chadlce gcr all tgc fdlcs ane urice gcr

tj rcae cvcrytgdni, tgcn habc up gcr hdne. At tgc tdhc, dt scchce

jmvdjus tgat tgc mcst pjld`y was tj mc `jhplctcly jpcn wdtg gcr. Dùrsce hysclf fjr njt gavdni tjle gcr tgc trutg mcfjrc.

Mut jvcr tgc past `juplc jf eays, D gavc startce tj wjnecr df

dt hdigt gavc mccn a hdstabc tj scne tgat chadl. ]c-rcaedni tgc

carldcr `gaptcrs, dt j`ùrs tj hc tgat Pusan `jule casdly gavc

fjrhce tgc vdcw tgat D ah stdll dn ljvc wdtg Bay ‐ ane tgat D ah

njt oust ec`cdvdni gcr mut ec`cdvdni hysclf as wcll. Pj dt—s cntdrcly

pjssdmlc tgat hy chadl gas jnly scrvce tj habc hattcrs wjrsc.

Dn tgc hcantdhc, tgc jnly way D àn tgdnb jf tj rctrdcvc tgc

sdtuatdjn ds tj fdndsg tgds a``junt jn`c ane fjr all. Ugcn sgc wdll

gavc tgc full stjry ‐ ane fdnally, pcrgaps, sgc wdll scc tgat D ah

tclldni tgc trutg.



19;

[art Clcvcn

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191

Ptdll ldfc

ma`birjune alsj wgdtc

tj tgc un tradncecyc

jut ldncsgare

tjectcr hdnc

app cars tjcxt cne

dnecf dnd tcl y dn

all edrc`tdjns

padrs jf tradnce cycs

hjvc amjut

wdtg `jnfdecn`c

fa` d alfca turcs

mlj` b ce j ut

wdtg wgdtc hasbs

pupdls ean`c arjune?

mdnary fjrhatdjns

jf mla`b pdxcls

sgdftdni at ranejh



19=

sldi gtù rrcnts

jf a dr

dn jtgcrwdsc àrc

fully rciulatce

athjsp g c r c

mctray tgc prcscn`c

jf laricr fjrhs

dn hjtdjn

sjhctgdni ds

mcdni haec

ds dt ds dt ds dt ds dt

ds crasce

cvcrytgdni wgdtc

NJUCP? A``jredni tj [N, tgds hcssaic was cvdecn`c tgat “tgc Jvcrhdne

ds startdni tj sgjw sdins jf cmmdni dn ane jut jf `jns`djusncss, pjssdmly euc

tj tgc eradndni cffc`t jf atta`bs my fjr`cs wdsgdni tj unecrhdnc dt.‘ Ugat

dntcrprctatdjn hay gavc mccn fucllce my tgc ec`rcasdni nuhmcr ane

frcqucn`y jf tgc hcssaics. My tgc tdhc jf gds ecatg, `jhhundàtdjns

appcar tj gavc `casce altjictgcr2 [N—s fdnal njtcs dnedàtc tgat gc gae

rc`cdvce nj ncw hcssaics fjr scvcral wccbs. Gc appcars tj gavc mc`jhc

dn`rcasdnily anxdjus amjut tgds, fcardni tgat tgc Jvcrhdne gae fjune

anjtgcr “`ganncl‘ tgrjuig wgd`g dt prcfcrrce tj `jhhundàtc ‐ jr, wjrsc



190

stdll, tgat gc gae sjhcgjw mctrayce dt tj tgc “fjr`cs jf earbncss.‘



195

]c`jnstru`tdjn

Dt was carly cvcndni ane dt was radndni. [ctc iazce jut jf

tgc wdnejw ane trdce tj habc jut tgc dnedvdeual erjplcts jf radn as

tgcy fcll. Dt was edffdùlt tj scc tgch aiadnst tgc earbcndni ircy

sby. Gc fjune tgat dt wjrbce mcttcr df yju fdxce yjur iazc aiadnst

sjhctgdni wdtg hjrc tcxturc ane sjldedty, su`g as tgc flabdni padnt

jf tgc gjusc jppjsdtc. Cvcn tgcn, dt was vdrtually dhpjssdmlc tj

pd`b jut a partdùlar erjplct ane fjlljw dts prjircss ejwn tjwares

tgc irjune.

Frjh tgc wdnejw jf [ctc—s mcesdt, tgc radn ljjbce ldbc

sjhctgdni tgat fcll dn ljni stranes frjh tgc `ljues, as df Ije wcrc

tdppdni jut an cnelcss strcah jf translu`cnt tgrcae njjelcs, sj fdnc

ane sj translu`cnt tgat tgcy wcrc sàr`cly vdsdmlc ane edsdntciratce

jn gdttdni tgc irjune. Urydni tj habc jut tgc dnedvdeual erjplcts

was futdlc. [ctc ljjbce up at tgc `ljues. Ugcrc was nj sdin jf tgc

radn casdni jff.

Gc pd`bce up tgc twj pa`baics gc was dntcnedni tj ecldvcr

ane haec fjr tgc ejjr. Ugc fdrst was rjune, amjut tgc sdzc jf a

fjjtmall. [ctc gae njt ejnc a partdùlarly ijje ojm jf wrappdni dt,

ane mdts jf jvcrlappdni papcr stu`b jut at jee anilcs. Ecpcnedni

gjw yju gcle tgc pa`baic, yju `jule scc tgat tgc wjres “Gappy‘

ane “Mdrtgeay‘ appcarce dn a rcpcatdni pattcrn.

Ugc sc`jne pa`baic was hjrc sjmcrly wrappce dn pladn



193

mrjwn papcr, tdigtly mjune up wdtg sgdny, earb mrjwn par`cl tapc.

[ctc scchce tj gavc ijt ratgcr àrrdce away wdtg tgc par`cl tapc

ane gae wjune dt rcpcatcely arjune tgc sdecs jf tgc pa`baic, as df

gc wcrc anxdjus tgat tgc `jntcnts hdigt jtgcrwdsc murst jut

uncxpc`tcely. Hy nahc ane aeercss wcrc jn tgc frjnt jf dt.

Lj`bdni tgc ejjr jf tgc mce sdt mcgdne gdh, [ctc walbce

ejwn tj tgc strcct tj wgcrc gds àr was parbce ane sct jut jn gds

fdnal ojurncy.

Df D wcrc fdlhdni a ejùhcntary amjut [ctc—s last gjurs dt

wjule mc dnùhmcnt upjn hc tj edsplay tgc wjres

“]C@JNPU]S@UDJN‘ dn laric lcttcrs at tgc mjttjh jf tgc

s`rccn wgdlst an a`tjr playce jut tgds ldttlc s`cnc. Ugc àhcra

wjule ldnicr jn gds hjurnful cxprcssdjn as gc iazce sjulfully jut

jf tgc wdnejw. Hcanwgdlc, sjhmrc husd` wjule mc playdni dn tgc

ma`birjune, sljwly mudledni tgc tcnsdjn ane sdinalldni tj tgc

auedcn`c tgat sjhctgdni erahatd` was prjmamly amjut tj gappcn.

Jf `jursc, D gavc nj way jf bnjwdni cxa`tly gjw [ctc fclt

jr wgat gc ede mcfjrc gc sct jut tgat cvcndni. Mut D rchchmcr

edstdn`tly tgat dt was radndni ‐ dt gae mccn radndni all eay. Ane D

bnjw fjr a fa`t tgat gc gae twj pa`baics wdtg gdh tgat cvcndni,

hjrc jr lcss as D gavc ecs`rdmce tgch.



196

Ugc Ije gclhct

Fjr a ljni tdhc, D gcle tj tgc vdcw tgat tjwares tgc cne jf

gds ldfc, [ctc gae sdhply ijnc hae. Df D ah gjncst amjut dt tgjuig,

D ejn—t rcally mcldcvc tgat pcjplc “sdhply‘ ij hae. Ygat ijcs jn

dn pcjplc—s gcaes ds njt usually sdhplc. Mut D rcsdstce tabdni a

hjrc nuan`ce apprja`g tj tgc sumoc`t mcàusc D rciarece [ctc—s

haencss as a sclf-dnfld`tce wjune. D fclt tgat puttdni a hjrc

sjpgdstdàtce hcedàl lamcl jn gds `jnedtdjn wjule amsjlvc gdh jf

all rcspjnsdmdldty fjr wgat gappcnce.

Ugds hay scch a tju`g unsyhpatgctd`. Aftcr all, df sjhcjnc

ijcs hae, gjw ds tgat tgcdr fault: Purcly dt dhpldcs a ljss jf

`jntrjl, an dnvjluntary surrcnecr tj tgc drratdjnal: D was `crtadnly

prcparce tj `jn`cec tgat my tgc tdhc [ctc àhc tj vdsdt hc tj talb

amjut icttdni ma`b tjictgcr wdtg Bay, gc hdigt wcll gavc rca`gce

tgc pjdnt jf nj rcturn. Mut cvcn df tgat wcrc tgc àsc, D rcasjnce, dt

ede njt cxùsc gdh frjh pursudni a patg wgd`g lce edrc`tly tj

haencss. Gc gae alljwce gdhsclf tj mc`jhc jmscssce wdtg C-

Injsds tj tgc cx`lusdjn jf cvcrytgdni clsc dn gds ldfc. Gc tgcn

`jhpjunece tgc prjmlch my edsappcardni. Dn ejdni sj, gc ùt

gdhsclf jff frjh anyjnc wgj hdigt gavc mccn amlc tj stjp gdh

mc`jhdni `jhplctcly eclusdjnal. D fclt tgat gc `jule njt csàpc

rcspjnsdmdldty fjr tgcsc `jns`djus ec`dsdjns.

Pj dt was an un`jhfjrtamlc rcaldsatdjn fjr hc wgcn D





197

vu, stranic tastc scnsatdjns ane a `gurndni fccldni dn tgc stjha`g ‐

all jf wgd`g [ctc gae hcntdjnce.

Furtgcr rcscar`g (`jurtcsy jf tgc dntcrnct, jf `jursc) rcvcalce

tgat altgjuig scdzurc jf tgc tchpjral ljmcs àn àusc pcjplc tj

mla`b jut `jhplctcly, tgcrc arc àscs wgcrc tgds ejcsn—t gappcn2

tgc suffcrcr sdhply fccls ecta`gce frjh gds surrjunednis fjr a sgjrt

pcrdje, jftcn oust a fcw hdnutcs, ane tgcn rcturns tj njrhal. Mut

tgc rcal `ldn`gcr, sj far as D was `jn`crnce, ds tgat tchpjral ljmc

cpdlcpsy ds jftcn assj`datce wdtg gypcrrcldidjsdty ane gypcrirapgda2

wgat mcttcr cxplanatdjn `jule tgcrc mc jf tgc paics ane paics jf

quasd-rcldidjus tgcjrdsdni tgat [ctc icncratce jn tgc sumoc`t jf tgc

“hcssaics‘ gc `ladhce tj gavc rc`cdvce frjh tgc Jvcrhdne ane

gds dntcrcst dn C-Injsds:

Ugc last pdc`c jf tgc odisaw was prjvdece my a scqucn`c jf

tgc ejùhcntary amjut a idrl wgj suffcrce frdigtcndni

gallu`dnatdjns at ndigt. A s`dcntdst wgj was rcscar`gdni tgc cffc`t

jf clc`trjhainctd` wavcs jn tgc mradn was àllce dn tj dnvcstdiatc.

Gc `jn`luece tgat tgc ùlprdt was a edidtal `lj`b wgd`g was

chdttdni an unusual pattcrn jf wavcs. Purc cnjuig, wgcn tgc

`lj`b was rchjvce, tgc ndigtharcs wcnt away. Ugc sahc s`dcntdst

gae alsj rdiice up a pdc`c jf cqudphcnt wgd`g gae mc`jhc bnjwn

as tgc “Ije gclhct.‘ Dt was dntcnece tj stdhulatc tgc tchpjral

ljmcs wdtg clc`trjhainctd` wavcs tj scc df tgds wjule dneu`c a

statc jf hdne sdhdlar tj tgat cxpcrdcn`ce my suffcrcrs jf tchpjral

ljmc cpdlcpsy. Pjhc vjluntccrs rcpjrtce tgat tgcy fclt vcry ldttlc,





17;

rcally oust jut tj àusc trjumlc.

Ugc ncxt tdhc D radsce dt wdtg a truc mcldcvcr, D was ratgcr

hjrc `drùhspc`t. D gae arranice a tclcpgjnc dntcrvdcw wdtg

Barl, jstcnsdmly tj fjlljw up jn sjhc qucstdjns D gae asbce gdh

wgcn rcscar`gdni hy mdjirapgy jf [ctc. At gds rcqucst, D gae c-

hadlce gdh tgc qucstdjns dn aevan`c. Jnc jf tgch asbce gdh

wgat gc tgjuigt jf suiicstdjns tgat [ctc hdigt gavc gae tchpjral

ljmc cpdlcpsy. Pdn`c D wasn—t yct rcaey tj “`jhc jut jf tgc `ljsct‘

as a s`cptd`, D pgrasce tgc qucstdjn dn a way wgd`g dhpldce tgat D

eden—t atta`g hu`g `rcecn`c tj tgds vdcw. Mut wgcn wc ijt tj tgat

qucstdjn, Barl—s answcr tjjb hc my surprdsc?

“Tcag, tchpjral ljmc cpdlcpsy ‐ njw, tgat—s an dntcrcstdni

jnc. D—h rcally iratcful tj yju, Hdlcs, fjr swdt`gdni hc jn tj tgds.

Tju bnjw, dt—s `jhplctcly `ganice hy tgdnbdni.‘

D was tabcn ama`b. Gae Barl sueecnly `casce tj mc a truc

mcldcvcr: Gae hy sdhplc qucstdjn sgabcn gds fadtg tj dts vcry `jrc:

Jr was gc oust pulldni hy lci:

“Pj… lct hc ict tgds stradigt,‘ D sade. “Arc yju saydni tgat

[ctc—s `ladhs amjut gavdni a`tual `jnta`t wdtg tgc Jvcrhdne àn

mc cxpladnce as, wcll, gallu`dnatdjns:‘

“Tcs ane nj. Dt—s `crtadnly pjssdmlc tgat [ctc gae tchpjral

ljmc cpdlcpsy. At any ratc, D rc`bjn gds ljmcs wcrc at tgc hjrc

scnsdtdvc cne jf tgc sàlc, df yju bnjw wgat D hcan. Mut D—h

ndncty-ndnc pcr `cnt surc tgat gds cxpcrdcn`cs wcrc dneu`ce my tgc

JH.‘ (Barl always ammrcvdatce Jvcrhdne tj “JH‘.)



171

“Gjw wjule dt gavc hanaice tj ej tgat:‘

“Dt—s sdhplc. Ugdnb jf tgc tchpjral ljmcs as mcdni ldbc tgc

`cllpgjnc antcnnac jf tgc mradn. Df yju scne jut tgc rdigt sdinals

dn tgc fjrh jf clc`trjhainctd` wavcs, yju àn mcah yjur hcssaic

edrc`tly dntj tgc mradn. Ane tgat—s wgat tgc JH was ejdni. Nj

ncce fjr gare-wdrdni ‐ dt wcnt stradigt fjr tgc wdrclcss rjutc.

Pdhplc mut mrdlldant!‘

D dhaidnce Barl mcahdni shuily at tgc jtgcr cne jf tgc ldnc,

ecldigtce at gavdni transfjrhce wgat gae startce jut as a

rclatdvcly prjsad` cxplanatdjn jf [ctc—s mcgavdjur dntj sjhctgdni

wgd`g suppjrtce gds jwn, jutlanedsg vdcws.

“Mut wjulen—t tgc Jvcrhdne gavc nccece sjhc bdne jf

transhdttcr fjr tgat:‘ D asbce, wjnecrdni gjw dt `jule sueecnly

gavc a`qudrce su`g `jhplctc hastcry jf tgc clc`trjhainctd`

spc`truh.

“Nj, D tgdnb dt was oust amlc tj hjeulatc tgc frcqucn`y jf tgc

clc`trjhainctd` wavcs `jhdni jut jf [ctc—s `jhputcr. Ane D ejn—t

tgdnb tgat—s su`g a mdi ecal ‐ njt wgcn yju `jnsdecr tgat tgc JH

was amlc tj habc hcssaics appcar jn tgc s`rccn as wcll. “Mut tgc tgdni D—h rcally cx`dtce amjut ds wgat all tgds hcans

fjr tgc Pdniulardty,‘ sade Barl, marcly amlc tj `jntadn gdhsclf. Gc

prj`ccece tj tcll hc amjut sjhctgdni àllce trans`randal

clc`trjhainctd` stdhulatdjn, wgd`g ds a prj`css usce dn mradn

suricry. Dt dnvjlvcs zappdni tgc mradn wdtg qudtc pjwcrful

clc`trjhainctd` wavcs. Ugc cqudphcnt sjunece a mdt ldbc a hjrc



17=

sjpgdstdàtce, turmj-`garice vcrsdjn jf tgc “Ije gclhct‘. Ygat

gae ijt Barl sj cx`dtce was sjhc rcscar`g suiicstdni tgat df yju

stdhulatce `crtadn arcas jf tgc mradn wdtg tgds cqudphcnt, dt iavc

pcjplc a``css tj amdldtdcs hjrc usually assj`datce wdtg autdstd`

savants ‐ ldbc tgc àpa`dty tj ej `jhplcx hatgchatdàl cquatdjns

jr ahazdnily ldfcldbc erawdnis, all wdtgjut any prdjr tudtdjn jr

pra`td`c.

“Dt ljjbs ldbc wc all gavc tgcsc icndus-ldbc amdldtdcs,‘ Barl

`jntdnuce, mrcatglcssly, “mut dn hjst pcjplc tgcy scch tj mc

swdt`gce jff jr unecr-ecvcljpce. Pj tgc mradn ds rcally a bdne jf

supcr-`jhputcr jpcratdni at haymc tcn tj twcnty pcr `cnt jf dts

a`tual àpa`dty. Df tgc Jvcrhdne `jule alljw us tj a``css tgat

aeedtdjnal cdigty pcr`cnt jf prj`cssdni pjwcr ‐ wcll, tgc

dhpldàtdjns arc sdhply ahazdni. Ugc dn`rcasc dn guhan mradn

pjwcr wjule hassdvcly a``clcratc jur tc`gnjljidàl prjircss.

Ygat—s hjrc, all tgds `jule mc ejnc wdtgjut tgc ncce fjr d`by

guhan-ha`gdnc dntcrfa`cs ‐ yju bnjw, wdrcs jr nanjmjts ijdni

dntj yjur mradn ane dnvasdvc stuff ldbc tgat. Ygd`g ds a ijje tgdni,

mcàusc franbly, D tgdnb tgat stuff habcs a ljt jf pcjplc fccl a mdt

squcahdsg. Dnstcae, wc—e all mc part jf tgds idant wdrclcss nctwjrb

wdtg tgc JH at tgc `cntrc.

“Pj df D wantce tj `jhhundàtc wdtg yju, D wjulen—t gavc

tj pgjnc yju jr chadl yju ‐ D `jule oust tgdnb amjut dt. Ugc JH

wjule pd̀ b up hy tgjuigts ane mcah tgch dntj yjur mradn. Ane

df wc—rc ejdni tgat bdne jf tgdni all tgc tdhc, dt scchs `jhplctcly



170

natural tj hc tgat wgcn jur pgysdàl mjedcs edce, wc wjule alljw

tgc dnfjrhatdjn dn jur mradns tj mc amsjrmce dntj tgc JH ‐ sj

tgcrc wjule mc a bdne jf ldfc aftcr ecatg.

“Ygd`g ds prctty hu`g wgat wc—vc mccn prced`tdni wjule

gappcn wdtg tgc Pdniulardty anyway ‐ mut tgds tchpjral ljmcs

tgdni sgces a wgjlc ncw ldigt jn gjw dt hdigt a`tually j`ùr.

Ane D gavc yju tj tganb fjr tgat, Hdlcs.‘

D eden—t say anytgdni. Njt fjr tgc fdrst tdhc, D gae tjtally

unecrcstdhatce mjtg tgc rcsdldcn`c ane tgc dnicnudty jf Barl ane

gds a`jlytcs wgcn fa`ce wdtg cvdecn`c wgd`g appcarce tj

`gallcnic tgcdr mcldcfs.

“Arc yju stdll tgcrc Hdlcs:‘

“Tcs.‘

“D was bdne jf gjpdni yju—e mc as cx`dtce amjut tgds as D

ah,‘ sade Barl, sjunedni a trdflc edsappjdntce at hy fadlurc tj

cxprcss hu`g dn tgc way jf cntgusdash.

“Dt—s a fantastd` deca,‘ D sade, sljwly.

“Ds tgat a ‗mut— D àn gcar `jhdni:‘ sade Barl.

D sdigce. “Ycll, tgc tgdni ds ‐ nj jnc—s a`tually gcare

anytgdni frjh tgc Jvcrhdne sdn`c [ctc—s ecatg. Ane tgcrc ejcsn—t

scch tj mc hu`g prjircss tjwares tgc Pdniulardty tgat wc àn

a`tually pjdnt tj. Dt—s all tgcjrdcs. D oust wjnecr wgcn dt—s rcally

ijdni tj gappcn, tgat—s all.‘

“Hdlcs, dt sjunes tj hc ldbc yju—rc gavdni a sjrt jf `rdsds jf

fadtg. Ah D rdigt:‘



175

“D suppjsc sj.‘

“Ycll, ejn—t wjrry, wc all ict tgat sjhctdhcs. Ygat yju

ncce ds a ldttlc pcp talb frjh Sn`lc Barl. Pj dt—s lu`by yju àllce

hc tjeay.‘ Fdrstly, Barl rchdnece hc tgat guhans arc njt ijje

at unecrstanedni tgc cxpjncntdal irjwtg ùrvc wgd`g ds suppjsce

tj rcprcscnt prjircss tjwares tgc Pdniulardty. Gc laun`gce dntj

wgat futurc icncratdjns wdll nj ejumt `jhc tj rciare as tgc

paramlc jf tgc wdrclcss mrjaemane?

“Lct—s say wc gavc a `dty. At fdrst jnly a shall arca jf tgc

tjwn `cntrc ds `jvcrce my wdrclcss mrjaemane. Mut irjwtg ds

cxpjncntdal. Pj cvcry ycar tgc arca `jvcrce ejumlcs. Uj mcidn

wdtg, tgc ratc jf irjwtg ejcsn—t fccl tgat hu`g ‐ ane dt tabcs

haymc tcn ycars tj ict galf tgc `dty `jvcrce. At tgds pjdnt, tgcrc

arc stdll laric arcas wgcrc tgcrc ds nj `jvcraic, sj tj all tgc

`dtdzcns, dt fccls as df full `jvcraic ds a ljni way jff - haymc

anjtgcr tcn ycars. Mut dn rcaldty, mcàusc galf tgc `dty ds `jvcrce

alrcaey ane tgc arca wdtg wdrclcss `jvcraic ejumlcs cvcry ycar,

full `jvcraic ds jnly a ycar jff. Pj yju scc,‘ sade Barl, ̀ gccrdly, “dt

`jule wcll tabc us all my surprdsc.‘

“Fadr cnjuig,‘ D sade, irueidnily. “Mut tgat ejcsn—t rcally

cxpladn wgy nj jnc—s gcare frjh tgc Jvcrhdne sdn`c [ctc—s ecatg.

Gjw àn tgcrc mc prjircss tjwares tgc Pdniulardty df tgcrc—s nj

Jvcrhdne:‘

“Ugat—s a ijje qucstdjn,‘ sade Barl. “Gavc yju gcare jf tgc

GAA][ nctwjrb:‘





176

amjut `rcatdni a rcldidjn wdtg watcr as dts `cntral syhmjl. C-

Injsds eden—t habc usc jf watcr fjr syhmjld` purpjscs, mut dt gae

all tgc prjpcrtdcs jf watcr2 wgcncvcr dt cn`juntcrce an jmsta`lc, dt

wjule ncvcr tdrc jf ljjbdni fjr ways tj edsljeic dt, edssjlvc dt jr

fljw arjune dt. Pdttdni tgcrc at tgc jtgcr cne jf tgc pgjnc, arhce

jnly wdtg hy puny s`cptd`dsh, D fclt ldbc Bdni @anutc, jrecrdni tgc

tdec tj ij ma`b.



179

Ujj latc

Ugc last tdhc D saw [ctc was jn Ojnag—s mdrtgeay. D bncw dt

was gds mdrtgeay mcàusc Bay gae tjle hc a `juplc jf eays carldcr.

Mut D juigt rcally tj gavc mccn amlc tj wjrb dt jut ljni mcfjrc ‐ at

lcast tj wdtgdn a hjntg jr sj. Dt was sdhply a àsc jf puttdni

tjictgcr Ojnag—s aic wdtg tgc nuhmcr jf ycars sdn`c D gae hct

Bay. A stradigtfjrware pdc`c jf ectc`tdvc wjrb. Qudtc

clchcntary, dn fa`t.

Haymc, sum`jns`djusly, D oust gaen—t wantce tj scc dt.

Haymc D gae mldnece hysclf tj tgc trutg. D gae assuhce fjr all

tgcsc ycars tgat Bay gae ijnc agcae wdtg tgc amjrtdjn. D was

furdjus tgat sgc gaen—t tjle hc. Df anyjnc gae a rdigt tj bnjw,

surcly dt was hc: D was Ojnag—s fatgcr ‐ mut sgc gae bcpt dt frjh

hc fjr clcvcn ycars. All tgat tdhc ‐ dn wgd`g D `jule gavc ijt tj

bnjw gdh, wat`gce gdh irjw up ‐ was njw ljst fjrcvcr. Gjw

`jule sgc ec`cdvc hc ldbc tgat: Gjw `jule sgc ldvc wdtg gcrsclf,

bnjwdni tgat D gae ljst all tgjsc ycars jf Ojnag—s ldfc: Ede sgc

tgdnb D wjulen—t gavc àrce: Ygat bdne jf pcrsjn ede sgc tabc hc

fjr:

My tgc tdhc D arrdvce at Bay—s gjusc, D gae wjrbce hysclf updntj a pcab jf rdigtcjus dnedinatdjn. Mut D `jntadnce hy fury untdl

Bay gae wcl`jhce hc dnsdec. Df sgc was surprdsce jr chmarrassce

my tgc sdzc jf tgc mdrtgeay prcscnt D gae mrjuigt fjr Ojnag, sgc



177

`jn`calce dt wcll. Pgc scchce icnudncly plcasce tgat D gae ijnc

tj tgc mjtgcr jf muydni gdh sjhctgdni. Fjr a hjhcnt, D mcian tj

gavc ejumts amjut wgctgcr njw was rcally tgc mcst tdhc tj gavc

tgc `jnvcrsatdjn tgat D gae mccn rcgcarsdni dn hy gcae fjr gjurs

jn cne. Mut D `julen—t fa`c anjtgcr ndigt jf aijndsdni jvcr tgc

rdigts ane wrjnis jf dt all. Dt was mcttcr tj ict dt all jut dn tgc

jpcn.

“D àn—t mcldcvc yju eden—t tcll hc,‘ D sade.

“Pjrry Hdlcs ‐ wgat arc yju talbdni amjut: Ucll yju wgat:‘

“Ugat Ojnag ds hy sjn.‘

“Ygat: ‘

“Jg `jhc jn, Bay. Ejn—t prctcne yju ejn—t bnjw wgat

D—h talbdni amjut. Gjw ljni ds dt sdn`c wc fdrst hct: Ncarly

twclvc ycars. Clcvcn ycars ane amjut tcn hjntgs, tj mc prc`dsc.

Ygat gappcnce aftcr tgat: Ycll, njt ljni aftcr, yju ijt prcinant

‐ jr gae yju fjrijttcn tgat: Ane gjw jle ds Ojnag: Gc—s clcvcn

tjeay. @jdn`decn`c: D ejn—t tgdnb sj.‘

“Jg, rdigt. Ane wgat—s tgat suppjsce tj prjvc:‘ Ugds

prctcne dnnj`cn`c dnfurdatce hc. Fjr a hjhcnt, D cvcn gae tgc

dhprcssdjn tgat sgc was amjut tj lauig ‐ mut tgcn sgc scchce tj

tgdnb mcttcr jf tgc deca.

“Ej D gavc tj spcll dt jut:‘ D asbce. “Ej yju ncce tj hc tj

eraw yju a edairah: Jr àn wc gavc a scnsdmlc edsùssdjn amjut

dt:‘

“Ycll, all D—h saydni ds, gjw ej yju a`tually bnjw tgat



174

Ojnag ds yjur sjn: Masce jn wgat: Pj yju—vc ejnc a mdt jf

ardtghctd`. Ycll, `jniratulatdjns! Mut dt ejcsn—t prjvc anytgdni.‘

“Pj wgat arc yju saydni - tgat gc—s njt hy sjn:‘

“Fjr @grdst—s sabc Hdlcs! Bccp yjur vjd`c ejwn! Ojnag—s

upstadrs! Ljjb, as far as D—h `jn`crnce, dt habcs nj edffcrcn`c

wgctgcr gc—s mdjljidàlly yjur sjn jr njt. Gc was mrjuigt up wdtg

[ctc as gds fatgcr ane tgat—s all tgat hattcrs.‘

“Mut yju—rc njt ecnydni dt,‘ D sade, unamlc tj bccp a njtc jf

trduhpgaldsh jut jf hy vjd`c.

Bay sdigce ane tgcn sade? “JB, df tgat—s tgc way yju want

dt. Nj, yju—rc njt gds fatgcr.‘

“D ejn—t mcldcvc yju.‘

Pgc sgruiice ane ljjbce tj jnc sdec.

“Ljjb hc dn tgc cyc ane tcll hc tgat gc—s njt hy sjn.‘

“Hdlcs, wgy àn—t yju oust mcldcvc hc:‘

“Mcàusc D àn tcll wgcn yju—rc lydni.‘

“Jg, D scc. Tju oust bnjw, ej yju: Ycll, yju ejn—t bnjw

hc as wcll as yju tgdnb.‘

“Ptjp trydni tj avjde tgc dssuc.‘

“D—h njt avjdedni tgc dssuc. Tju arc njt Ojnag—s fatgcr.

[ctc ds. Ejn—t yju tgdnb D sgjule bnjw:‘

“Alrdigt. Lct—s ict a mljje tcst ejnc. Ugat—ll scttlc dt jn`c

ane fjr all.‘

“Nj, D—h njt gavdni Ojnag put tgrjuig tgat. Gc—s mccn

tgrjuig cnjuig latcly.‘



14;

“Gc wjulen—t gavc tj bnjw wgat dt was fjr.‘

“Ugc answcr ds nj, Hdlcs. Tju—ll oust gavc tj tabc hy wjre

fjr dt tgat yju arc njt gds fatgcr.‘

“D tgdnb D ah.‘

Pgc ljjbce away fjr a hjhcnt ane tgcn sade?

“Ygat ede yju gavc tj radsc tgds fjr anyway: Ugdnis wcrc

ijdni sj wcll mctwccn us. Ygy ede yju gavc tj ij ane spjdl dt:

JB, sj yju scch tj ict jn wcll cnjuig wdtg Ojnag. Gc ldbcs yju.

Ane tgat—s rcally ijje. Mut yju—rc njt gds fatgcr.‘ Pgc pausce ane

tgcn aeece? “Ds tgat wgat all tgds ds rcally amjut: Ds dt tgat yju

want bdes:‘

“Nj, tgat—s njt dt,‘ D snappce ane tgcn dhhcedatcly

rcircttce dt. “Ygat D hcan ds, D ejn—t bnjw wgctgcr D want

`gdlercn jr njt. D gavcn—t rcally tgjuigt amjut dt.‘ As sgc gae

ejnc sj jftcn dn tgc past, Bay gae su``ccece dn wrjni-fjjtdni hc

oust wgcn D tgjuigt tgat D gae gcr jn tgc ecfcnsdvc. Mut D was

ectcrhdnce njt tj mc edvcrtce. “Anyway, tgat—s njt tgc pjdnt. Ugc

pjdnt ds tgat yju bcpt hc dn tgc earb fjr clcvcn ycars. D gappcn tj

tgdnb D ecscrvc a mdt jf gjncsty, tgat—s all. Ane D—h njt lcavdni

untdl D ict a stradigt answcr.‘ D was scar`gdni fjr a way jf icttdni

tgc uppcr gane njw, a bdllcr qucstdjn tgat wjule put gcr ma`b jn

tgc ecfcnsdvc. “Df yju—rc sj surc [ctc—s tgc fatgcr, wgy eden—t yju

oust `jhc jut ane say sj: Ane wgy arc yju sj sàrce jf icttdni a

mljje tcst ejnc:‘

Bay tjjb a eccp mrcatg. “JB Hdlcs, df yju rcally want tj



141

bnjw, D—ll tcll yju. Ygcn D ijt prcinant, D sade dt was yju. Mut D

was stdll slccpdni wdtg [ctc - D oust eden—t want yju tj bnjw

mcàusc D tgjuigt yju—e mc gurt. Ygcn D tjle gdh D was prcinant,

gc sade gc wjule stane my hc. Pj D ec`dece tj ij tgrjuig wdtg dt

ane gavc tgc mamy. Ugcn D harrdce [ctc. Ugat—s rcally all tgcrc ds

tj dt.‘

Ugds was njt wgat D gae cxpc`tce. Mut my tgds staic, D eden—t

want tj mcldcvc gcr.

“Pj - D—h suppjsce tj mcldcvc tgat dt wasn—t hc tgat ijt yju

prcinant aftcr all:‘ D sade, trydni ecspcratcly tj appcar ahusce ane

dn `jntrjl, wgcn dn rcaldty hy `jnfdecn`c dn tgc rdigtcjusncss jf

hy pjsdtdjn was cmmdni away. “Tju tjle hc D was rcspjnsdmlc oust

tj sparc hy fccldnis: Ycll, D ejn—t muy tgat at all. Df yju bncw dt

wasn—t hc, wgy ede yju mjtgcr tclldni hc yju wcrc prcinant:‘

“D tjle yju mcàusc D tgjuigt dt wjule sàrc yju jff. D fclt dt

gae all ijt tjj `jhpldàtce ane D ec`dece dt was tgc mcst way tj

fdndsg wdtg yju.‘

“Jg, tganbs vcry hu`g. Pj yju tgjuigt tgat at tgc fdrst

wgdff jf trjumlc, D—e mc jff ldbc a sgjt. Ldbc D was dnàpamlc jf

fa`dni up tj tgc rcspjnsdmdldty. Ycll, tgat—s rcally nd`c. Uganbs a

ljt.‘

Pgc sgruiice.

“Jmvdjusly D hdsoueice yju. D—h sjrry. Ane tgcn jn`c D—e

tjle yju, D `julen—t vcry wcll rctra`t dt all ane say tgat D—e haec a

hdstabc.‘





140

Tju—rc gcrc njw. Anyway, ljjb at yju ‐ yju—rc wct tgrjuig.

@jhc dntj tgc bdt`gcn ane D—ll habc yju a ùp jf tca. Hdlcs was

oust lcavdni, wcrcn—t yju:‘ Pgc iavc hc a ljjb wgd`g lcft hc dn

nj ejumt tgat hy `jntdnuce prcscn`c was eccply unwcl`jhc.

“Tcs, D—e mcttcr ict ijdni,‘ D sade. Ugcrc was nj prjspc`t jf

icttdni any furtgcr wdtg Bay tgat cvcndni. D trdce - ane fadlce - tj

tgdnb jf a plausdmlc cxplanatdjn tj idvc tj [ctc as tj wgat D was

ejdni tgcrc. D ec`dece tj lcavc tgds tj Bay. Lct gcr ecal wdtg tgc

awbware qucstdjns, D tgjuigt, hdscramly. “Dt—s ijje tj scc yju,‘ D

sade tj [ctc, wdtg as hu`g sdn`crdty as D `jule hustcr, prjmamly

marcly edsiudsdni hy drrdtatdjn at gds dntrusdjn. “Gjw arc yju

ejdni:‘

“Jg, yju bnjw, survdvdni,‘ gc sade, iljjhdly. Gds fa`c was

palc ane tgcrc wcrc shueiy earb ̀ dr`lcs unecr gds cycs. Gc ljjbce

as df gc gaen—t slcpt prjpcrly fjr eays. Bay usgcrce gdh dntj tgc

bdt`gcn, ilan`dni ma`b at hc tj habc surc D was lcavdni.

“D—ll scc hysclf jut,‘ D sade.

As D haec hy way tjwares tgc frjnt ejjr, D njtd`ce tgat tgc

àrpct dhhcedatcly jutsdec tgc sdttdni rjjh ejjr was eahp. D

wjnecrce gjw ljni [ctc gae mccn stanedni jutsdec dn tgc gall,

ldstcndni. D trdce tj tgdnb ma`b tj tgc hjhcnt wgcn gc gae cntcrce

tgc rjjh, scar`gdni fjr sjhc `luc dn gds fa`dal cxprcssdjn jr mjey

laniuaic tgat wjule sgjw wgctgcr gc gae gcare cvcry wjre wc

sade. Mut gds fa`c ‐ jr ratgcr, hy hchjry jf dt ‐ mctrayce njtgdni.

Ugc cxprcssdjn was fahdldar frjh tgc last tdhc D gae sccn gdh ‐ gc



145

ljjbce sldigtly edscniaice frjh rcaldty, as df gds hdne wcrc jn

gdigcr tgdnis tgan tgc trdvdaldtdcs jf tgc dhhcedatc prcscnt. Ugcrc

was sjhctgdni edffcrcnt amjut dt tgjuig. [crgaps dt was oust gds

tdrcencss, mut dt scchce tj hc tgat a tra`c jf ejumt gae `rcpt dn, as

df gc wcrc startdni tj ljsc fadtg dn wgatcvcr eccply-gcle `jnvd`tdjn

gae sustadnce gdh dn gds sclf-dhpjsce dsjlatdjn. Jr haymc D was

oust sccdni hy jwn statc jf hdne rcflc`tce ma`b at hc. D gae ijnc

dn amsjlutcly `jnvdn`ce tgat D was Ojnag—s fatgcr. Mut aftcr wgat

Bay gae sade, D was startdni tj wjnecr df D gae ijt dt tjtally wrjni.

Oust as D was jpcndni tgc frjnt ejjr, [ctc àhc rusgdni jut

jf tgc bdt`gcn.

“Gani jn a hdnutc,‘ gc sade, sldigtly jut jf mrcatg. Fjr a

hjhcnt, D tgjuigt tgat gc was ijdni tj `jnfrjnt hc. Mut tgcn gc

sade? “D—vc ijt sjhctgdni fjr yju. Yadt tgcrc.‘ Gc sùrrdce jvcr tj

gds àr ane rctrdcvce a sc`jne pa`baic. Dt was amjut tgc sdzc jf a

`juplc jf tclcpgjnc edrc`tjrdcs, ane wrappce dn jrednary mrjwn

papcr.

“Ygat ds dt:‘ D asbce.

“Dt—s wgat wc talbce amjut mcfjrc - D want yju tj ljjb aftcr dt

fjr hc. Ejn—t jpcn dt gcrc,‘ gc sade, ljjbdni arjune ncrvjusly.

“Yadt untdl yju ict gjhc.‘

D wdsg njw tgat D gae ncvcr a``cptce dt. Jr tgrjwn dt away.

Mut dt wjulen—t gavc ejnc any ijje. My tgcn dt was tjj latc. Ugc

rcal eahaic gae alrcaey mccn ejnc.



143

Bccp tgc fadtg

Ugds artd`lc frjh “Ejwnljae‘ haiazdnc was pumldsgce sgjrtly aftcr [ctc—s

ecatg?

]ciular rcaecrs jf tgds `jluhn wdll mc awarc jf hy dntcrcst dn tgc

Pdniulardty. D bnjw tgcrc arc sjhc pcjplc wgj tgdnb D—vc ijnc hae. Ugat

dn`luecs tgc cedtjr jf tgds haiazdnc RD tgdnb tgc wjre D usce was

“c``cntrd`‘ ‐ mut tgat—s cnjuig frjh hc. CeX. Pj tgat—s wgy tgds

`jluhn gasn—t appcarce fjr a wgdlc. Dt—s alsj wgy tgds wdll mc hy fdnal

`jntrdmutdjn. Yc—vc ejnc a ecal wgcrc D àn wrdtc wgatcvcr D want (sj

ljni as D ejn—t ldmcl anyjnc).

Mut fdrst D want tj tganb tgjsc jf yju wgj—vc bcpt fadtg wdtg hc ‐

ane wgj wrjtc dn echanedni hy rcdnstatchcnt. Dt—s mccn a wdle rdec ane

D gjpc yju—vc ijt as hu`g jut jf dt as D gavc. Ygat fjlljws ds njt fjr tgc

fadnt-gcartce ‐ mut mcar wdtg hc ane yju hay fdne jut sjhc stuff tgat

habcs yju ljjb at tgdnis dn a wgjlc ncw ldigt. Mcàusc tgds pdc̀ c ds fjr

anyjnc wgj—s cvcr asbce tgchsclvcs? “Ygat ah D ejdni gcrc: Ygat ds

hy purpjsc dn ldfc: Ygat arc wc gcrc fjr:‘

Dt all starts wdtg a sdhplc cxpcrdhcnt dnvjlvdni ldigt. Ldigt ds a

wavc ‐ yju àn prjvc tgds my sgdndni a mcah jf ldigt at a àre wdtg twj

sljts jn dt ane sccdni tgc pattcrn tgat chcrics jn a prjoc`tdjn s`rccn mcgdne

tgc àre. Tju hdigt cxpc`t tj ict oust twj mrdigt strdpcs - mut dn fa`t wgat



146

yju ict ds scvcral strdpcs. Ugds ds mcàusc wgcn tgc ldigt ijcs tgrjuig tgc

sljts, dt spldts dntj twj wavcs. Dt—s oust ldbc wgat gappcns wgcn yju `rcatc

twj scts jf rdpplcs jn a mjwl jf watcr ‐ wgcrc twj pcabs jr trjuigs hcct,

yju ict a hjrc prjnjun`ce rdpplc ane wgcrc a trjuig ane pcab hcct, yju

ict an dntcrruptdjn dn tgc rdpplc cffc`t mcàusc tgcy—vc àn`cllce jnc anjtgcr

jut.

Mut a wavc ds a scrdcs jf partd`lcs ‐ sj wgat gappcns df yju oust tabc

a sdnilc partd`lc jf ldigt (a pgjtjn) ane fdrc dt at tgc twj sljts: Jmvdjusly,

tgds ds sj shall tgat dt àn—t mc sccn, sj dnstcae jf tgc s`rccn, yju put a

spc`dal ectc`tjr jn tgc jtgcr sdec jf tgc sljts. Njw tgds tdhc, yju wjule

cxpc`t tgcrc tj mc nj dntcrfcrcn`c pattcrn mcàusc wavcs àn jnly cxdst as a

scrdcs jf partd`lcs ane njt as a sdnilc partd`lc. Pj tgc ectc`tjr juigt tj mc

rcidstcrdni oust jnc partd`lc gdttdni dt, gavdni chcrice frjh wgd`gcvcr jf

tgc sljts dt gappcnce tj pass tgrjuig. Mut tgc wcdre tgdni ds tgat yju

`jntdnuc tj ict tgc strdpce pattcrn ‐ wgd`g juigt tj mc dhpjssdmlc, mcàusc

tgcrc sgjulen—t gavc mccn anytgdni clsc arjune tj dntcrfcrc wdtg tgc sdnilc

partd`lc ane `rcatc tgc strdpce cffc`t.

Snfjrtunatcly, dt scchs dt dsn—t pjssdmlc tj fdne jut wgat tgc pgjtjn

ds ejdni dn mctwccn lcavdni tgc cqudphcnt wgd`g fdrcs dt ane rca`gdni tgc

ectc`tjr. Jnc tgcjry ds tgat dt—s tgc a`t jf sccdni (jr dn tgds àsc, tgc la`b jf

dt) wgd`g prjeu`cs tgc apparcntly mdzarrc rcsult. Dt—s edffdùlt tj ict yjur

gcae arjune, mut dt ijcs sjhctgdni ldbc tgds?

Yc bnjw tgc pgjtjn hust ij tgrjuig tgc sljts mcàusc wc àn

ectc`t dt wgcn dt `jhcs jut tgc jtgcr sdec ‐ mut wc àn—t rca`g any fdrh

`jn`lusdjns amjut wgat gappcns mcfjrc wc ectc`t dt. Pj tgc tgcjry ds tgat



149

haymc, eurdni tgc tdhc tgat wc àn—t scc dt, tgc pgjtjn ds a`tually dn twj

edffcrcnt pjsdtdjns at tgc sahc tdhc ‐ dt `jule tgcrcfjrc mc ijdni tgrjuig

mjtg sljts ane dntcrfcrdni wdtg dtsclf. Ugds amdldty tj mc dn twj `jntraed`tjry

statcs at tgc sahc tdhc jnly scchs tj gappcn wgcn wc àn—t “scc‘ jr

hcasurc wgat—s ijdni jn.

Ugc ljidàl `jn`lusdjn jf tgds ds tgat wgcn wc àn scc tgdnis, tgcy

tabc jn sjhc fjrh jf jrecr ‐ sj dnstcae jf mcdni dn twj jr hjrc edffcrcnt

statcs, tgcy mc`jhc ‗fdxce— dntj jnc statc jr anjtgcr. Ugds gas lce sjhc

tgcjrdsts tj spcùlatc tgat haymc tgds ds tgc rcasjn wgy wc arc gcrc ‐ tgat

tgc undvcrsc gae tj mrdni us dntj cxdstcn`c mcàusc dt àn jnly cxdst wdtg tgc

prcscn`c jf dntclldicnt jmscrvcrs, wgj arc rcqudrce tj idvc dt fjrh, jrecr ane

sumstan`c.

Dn suppjrt jf tgds, tgcy pjdnt tj tgc sgccr nuhmcr jf fcaturcs jf tgc

undvcrsc wgd`g appcar tj mc “fdnc tunce‘ tj cnamlc tgc cxdstcn`c jf ldfc ‐ my

wgd`g tgcy hcan tgat shall ecvdatdjns cdtgcr way wjule gavc rcsultce dn a

undvcrsc wgd`g was dnàpamlc jf prjeu`dni ldfc. D wjn—t mjrc yju wdtg all

tgc ectadls, mut tgc ldst jf fcaturcs wgd`g ncce tj mc “fdnc tunce‘ dn jrecr tj

alljw ldfc tj cxdst ds prctty dhprcssdvc. Dt ranics frjh tgdnis ldbc tgc

nuhmcr jf àrmjn atjhs dn tgc undvcrsc ane tgc pgysd`s jf stars rdigt ejwn

tj tgc `jnedtdjns gcrc jn cartg wgd`g habc dt a sudtamlc gamdtat fjr tgc

cvjlutdjn jf ldfc. Df any jnc jf tgcsc tgdnis was cvcn sldigtly edffcrcnt, wc

wjule njt cxdst. Tju àn ljjb tgch up jn tgc dntcrnct df yju want tj bnjw

hjrc ‐ oust typc “Ptrjni Antgrjpd` Ugcjry‘ dntj any scar`g cnidnc.

Pj gjw ej wc cxpladn all tgcsc gappy `jdn`decn`cs: Uj hc, dt—s

`lcar tgat dntclldicnt ldfc a`ts as a pattcrn-idvdni fjr`c, gclpdni tj sgapc tgc



147

undvcrsc. Ugc hjrc wc `jhc tj unecrstane amjut dt ‐ tgc hjrc wc cat

frjh tgc trcc jf bnjwlceic ‐ tgc `ljscr tgc undvcrsc wdll mc mrjuigt tj a

statc jf pcrfc`tdjn. At prcscnt, jf `jursc, jur unecrstanedni jf jur jwn

wjrle ane jf tgc undvcrsc wc dngamdt ds ldhdtce ‐ sj tgc wjrle stdll appcars

flawce.

Mut wgat df guhans `jule usc tc`gnjljiy tj cvjlvc dntj sjhc bdne jf

supcr-dntclldicnt mcdni, ldbc tgc Jvcrhdne tgat D—vc talbce amjut dn prcvdjus

artd`lcs: Pu`g a mcdni wjule gavc a hcntal àpa`dty tgat wc àn jnly

ercah amjut. Dt wjule prjmamly mc àpamlc jf pcr`cdvdni ane

unecrstanedni cvcrytgdni dn tgc cntdrc undvcrsc ‐ ane tgat wjule mc tgc

fdnal vd`tjry jf tgc pattcrn-idvdni ldfc fjr`c.

Pj df yju—vc cvcr wjnecrce wgy wc—rc gcrc ‐ wcll, tgcrc—s yjur

answcr. Yc arc gcrc mcàusc tgc undvcrsc dtsclf ncces us tj mc gcrc - dt

ncces us tj mrdni amjut tgc Pdniulardty. Mut D want tj cne wdtg a

warndni. Ugcrc arc earb fjr`cs at wjrb wgd`g ejn—t want tgc Pdniulardty

tj gappcn. D ejn—t tgdnb tgcy—ll su``cce ‐ mcàusc cvcntually wc—ll rca`g a

tdppdni pjdnt wgcrc jur hjhcntuh mc`jhcs unstjppamlc. Mut tgcy àn

eclay dt ‐ ane tgat—s cxa`tly wgat tgcy—ll ej df tgcy ict tgc `gan`c.

Ejn—t lct tgch. Bccp tgc fadtg.



144

Ecae adr

Ugc eay aftcr D gae `jnfrjntce Bay amjut Ojnag, D trdce tj

àll gcr rcpcatcely, mjtg at gjhc ane at wjrb. Dt chcrice tgat sgc

gaen—t turnce up fjr wjrb tgat eay. Pgc gaen—t àllce dn sd`b ane

sgc wasn—t suppjsce tj mc jn gjldeay. D assuhce tgat sgc gae oust

ec`dece tj tabc tgc eay jff wdtgjut tclldni anyjnc. Gcr hjmdlc was

swdt`gce jff ane gcr gjhc tclcpgjnc bcpt ijdni jntj tgc answcr-

pgjnc. D lcft scvcral hcssaics asbdni gcr tj àll. Jvcrndigt, D gae

rcaldsce tgat my ijdni dn “all iuns mlazdni‘ amjut Ojnag, D gae

prjmamly rudnce hy `gan`cs wdtg gcr ‐ ane jf gavdni any sjrt jf

hcandniful rclatdjnsgdp wdtg Ojnag. D ecspcratcly wantce tj

rctrdcvc tgc sdtuatdjn. Mut tgc hjrc tdhc wcnt my, tgc hjrc

edffdùlt D fclt dt wjule mc tj rcpadr tgc eahaic.

[art jf hc wantce tj say D was sjrry ane shjjtg tgdnis

jvcr, sj tgat cvcrytgdni `jule ij ma`b tj gjw dt gae mccn mcfjrc.

Mut D alsj fclt `jnfusce, unsurc wgctgcr tj mcldcvc wgat sgc gae

sade tgc prcvdjus ndigt. [art jf hc gatce gcr fjr saydni tgjsc

tgdnis. Df tgcy wcrc truc, tgat hcant sgc gae ldce tj hc all tgjsc

ycars aij ‐ ane alljwce hc tj mcldcvc sjhctgdni tgat was cntdrcly

falsc. Ane df dt gae mccn a ldc, tgcn wgat futurc was tgcrc fjr us,

wgcn sgc `julen—t tcll hc tgc trutg jn sjhctgdni as dhpjrtant as

tgds:



=;;

Pgc gae `ladhce tgat sgc tjle hc sgc was prcinant dn tgc

hdstabcn mcldcf tgat D wjulen—t want tj gavc anytgdni tj ej wdtg dt

‐ ane tgat D wjule mc tgc jnc tj mrdni tgc rclatdjnsgdp tj an cne.

At fdrst, D edshdssce tgds jut jf gane. D tjle hysclf tgat sgc gae

jnly sade tgat mcàusc D gae ma`bce gcr dntj a `jrncr2 dt was tgc

jnly way fjr gcr tj avjde aehdttdni tgat D was Ojnag—s fatgcr. Mut

tgc hjrc D tgjuigt amjut dt, tgc hjrc ejumts mcian tj surfa`c dn

hy hdne.

D bcpt ijdni ma`b tj wgat sgc gae sade tj hc tgat ndigt wc

gae fdrst slcpt tjictgcr. D gae jftcn wjnecrce wgy sgc gae sade“Dt—s JB, D wjn—t ict prcinant.‘ At tgc tdhc, D tjle hysclf tgat

fdnedni jut wgy wjulen—t gavc haec any edffcrcn`c. Pj D gae

sdhply lct tgc hattcr erjp. Mut dt gae always puzzlce hc. Ane

pcrgaps Bay gae njw idvcn hc tgc cxplanatdjn2 pcrgaps sgc gae

sade tgat sgc `julen—t ict prcinant mcàusc at tgc tdhc, sgc alrcaey

was prcinant.

Dndtdally, D tjle hysclf tgat tgds was rdedùljus. Gjw was gcr

stjry amjut usdni tgc prcinan`y tj mrcab jff jur rclatdjnsgdp

`jnsdstcnt wdtg gcr sumscqucnt mcgavdjur tjwares hc: Pgc gae

cvcn tjle hc at jnc pjdnt tgat sgc ljvce hc. Mut haymc tgat gae

hjrc tj ej wdtg tgc way D gae mcgavce. D gae njt rca`tce dn tgc

way tgat sgc gae cxpc`tce2 jn tgc `jntrary, D gae a``cptce tgc

sdtuatdjn ane haec dt `lcar tgat D wjule stane my gcr. Ugds hdigt

gavc haec dt hjrc edffdùlt fjr gcr tj mrcab jff tgc rclatdjnsgdp. Dt

hdigt cvcn gavc haec gcr wjnecr wgctgcr sgc gae mccn rdigt tj

want tj mrcab dt jff dn tgc fdrst pla`c. Haymc sgc gae icnudncly

`ganice gcr hdne amjut hc fjr a tdhc - jnly tj `ganic dt ma`b



=;1

aiadn a `juplc jf hjntgs latcr. Vdcwce dn tgat ldigt, gcr `jneu`t

tjwares hc eden—t scch qudtc sj puzzldni.

Njt tgat D fjune hu`g `jhfjrt dn tgds cxplanatdjn. D fjune

all tgcsc ejumts dntjlcramlc. Ane D bncw tgat tgc jnly way tj

rcsjlvc tgch was tj ij ma`b tj Bay ane tj bccp prcssdni gcr amjut

wgat gae rcally gappcnce.

Dn tgc hcantdhc, D gae jpcnce tgc pa`baic tgat [ctc gae

idvcn hc tgc ndigt mcfjrc. Dt `jntadnce a tgd`b sgcaf jf ljjsc,

hjstly ganewrdttcn papcrs. Ugcrc was nj `jvcrdni lcttcr jr sct jf

dnstru`tdjns cxpladndni wgat [ctc wantce hc tj ej wdtg tgch. AllD gae tj ij jn was [ctc—s rcqucst tj ljjb aftcr tgch. Aftcr sbdh-

rcaedni tgc fdrst sgcct jf njtcs, dt was jmvdjus tgat D gae mccn idvcn

a `jllc`tdjn jf [ctc—s dntcrhdnamlc ane dn`rcasdnily paranjde

rahmldnis amjut tgc Jvcrhdne. D sgjvce tgch ma`b dntj tgc

pa`baic ane tjssce tgch jntj tgc fljjr.

Pcvcral eays wcnt past ane D gae stdll gcare njtgdni ma`b

frjh Bay, ecspdtc lcavdni furtgcr hcssaics fjr gcr. Gcr hjmdlc

was stdll swdt`gce jff. D ec`dece tj pgjnc gcr wjrb aiadn. D ijt

put tgrjuig tj jnc jf Bay—s `jllcaiucs. Pcnsdni tgat sgc bncw

hjrc tgan sgc was tclldni hc, D prcssce gcr fjr an answcr.

“Arc yju a rclatdvc jf gcrs:‘ asbce tgc wjhan.

“Nj. D—h a frdcne. A `ljsc frdcne. D rcally ej ncce tj spcab

tj gcr uricntly.‘

“Ane yju—vc njt spjbcn tj any jf gcr jtgcr frdcnes:‘

“Nj.‘

“]digt.‘ Pgc tjjb a eccp mrcatg. “D—h vcry sjrry Hr

Ocnscn, mut yju wjn—t mc amlc tj spcab tj Bay. Ugcrc—s mccn a àr



=;=

a``decnt. D—h afrade sgc passce away, Hr Ocnscn. D rcally ah

sjrry.‘

“Mut... wgcn ede tgds gappcn:‘

“D ejn—t bnjw tgc full ectadls. D tgdnb dt was twj eays aij.

Pgc was wdtg gcr gusmane. Ugcy wcrc mjtg bdllce, D—h afrade.‘

“D scc. Uganb yju,‘ D sade. D eden—t fccl iratcful, jf `jursc.

Dt was oust sjhctgdni tj say, a fccmlc attchpt tj hasb tgc mrutal

rcaldty jf gcr wjres wdtg a vcnccr jf pjldtcncss.

Ugcrc was a ljni sdlcn`c. “D—h rcally sjrry yju gae tj fdne

jut ldbc tgds,‘ sade tgc wjhan. Pgc tjj jmvdjusly fclt tgc ncce tjsay sjhctgdni, anytgdni, tj fdll tgc ecae adr mctwccn us.

“Ygat amjut Ojnag ‐ gcr sjn ‐ was gc wdtg tgch:‘ D asbce,

fdnally.

“Nj, gc—s JB. Gc wasn—t wdtg tgch. Mut dt—s awful fjr gdh.

[jjr bde.‘ Ugds tdhc D was iratcful, mut sade njtgdni.

Jn`c D gae ijt jvcr tgc dhhcedatc sgj`b jf tgc ncws, D was

irdppce my a ecsdrc tj bnjw cxa`tly wgat gae gappcnce. D wjule

prjmamly gavc `jnechnce su`g fccldnis jn tgc part jf anyjnc clsc

as hjrmde ùrdjsdty. Mut gavdni mccn ecndce tgc `gan`c tj scc

cdtgcr Bay jr [ctc cvcr aiadn, D fclt an uricnt ncce tj bnjw as

hu`g as pjssdmlc amjut tgcdr fdnal hjhcnts. D tgjuigt tgat dn

ejdni sj, D wjule un`jvcr sjhc vdtal pdc`c jf dnfjrhatdjn wgd`g

wjule cxpladn cxa`tly wgy tgds cvcnt gae j`ùrrce - ane tgat

sjhcgjw, tgds ratdjnal cxplanatdjn wjule rchjvc tgc appalldni

scnsclcssncss jf tgc a``decnt.

Cvcntually, D hanaice tj spcab tj a pjld`cwjhan wgj gae

mccn at tgc s`cnc jf tgc `rasg. Pgc tjle hc tgat, a``jredni tj cyc



=;0

wdtncsscs, tgc àr gae vccrce crratdàlly mcfjrc lcavdni tgc rjae

ane turndni jvcr scvcral tdhcs, fdndsgdni upsdec ejwn dn an

aeojdndni fdcle. Mjtg Bay ane [ctc wcrc ecae jn arrdval at

gjspdtal. Ugc chcricn`y scrvd`cs wcrc njt tj mlahc2 tgcy arrdvce

qud`bly ane ede wgat tgcy `jule. Dt was oust an a``decnt. Ugcsc

tgdnis gappcn.

Jr ej tgcy: @jule tgdnis gavc mccn edffcrcnt df D gae njt

a`tce tgc way D gae: Ygat df D gae haec hy fccldnis amjut Bay

`lcar tj gcr at an carldcr staic: Haymc df D gae mccn wdtg gcr at tgc

tdhc, tgc wgjlc tgdni `jule gavc mccn avjdece. Ane cvcn df tgca``decnt was sjhcgjw dncvdtamlc, at lcast D wjule gavc bnjwn

gjw sgc fclt amjut hc. As tgdnis stjje, D `julen—t say fjr surc gjw

sgc wjule gavc rcspjnece. Haymc sgc wjule oust gavc tjle hc

njt tj mc rdedùljus. Mut D was unamlc tj edshdss tgc pjssdmdldty tgat

sgc hdigt stdll gavc mccn dntcrcstce dn hc. D gae sdhply lcft dt tjj

latc tj say gjw D rcally fclt.

Ugcrc was njtgdni dn tgc ljàl papcr amjut tgc a``decnt. Dn

hy tgdrst fjr dnfjrhatdjn, D fclt edsappjdntce tgat tgc papcr gae njt

fjune jut amjut Ojnag ane ijnc fjr tgc guhan dntcrcst anilc ‐

“@gdle Jrpgance My Uraid` Ejumlc ]jae Ecatg‘ ct`. Cvcn df tgc

artd`lc gae sdhply rciuridtatce fa`ts tgat D alrcaey bncw, D wjule

gavc fjune dt sjhcgjw `jhfjrtdni tj scc tgch `jnfdrhce dn

shueiy mla`b ncwsprdnt fjr hc tj rcae jvcr aiadn ane aiadn. Mut

tj tgc wdecr pumld`, tgc a``decnt was nj hjrc tgan anjtgcr

ecprcssdni aeedtdjn tj tgc statdstd`s jn rjae fataldtdcs.

D fjune jut frjh frdcnes jf Bay—s tgat Ojnag was njw ldvdni

wdtg Bay—s parcnts. Fjr a sgjrt wgdlc, D scrdjusly `jntchplatce



=;5

tgc deca jf turndni up jn tgcdr ejjrstcp ane annjun`dni hysclf as

gds truc fatgcr. D fantasdsce amjut mcdni wcl`jhce wdtg jpcn arhs

as a ray jf gjpc dn tgc hdest jf traicey. Mut wgat wjule D say tj

tgch: Yjule D mc jffcrdni tj aejpt Ojnag: Ygat df Ojnag eden—t

want tj gavc anytgdni tj ej wdtg hc: Gjw wjule D fccl tgcn:

Ugcrc was alsj tgc shall hattcr jf a`tually prjvdni tgat D

was gds fatgcr. Aftcr wgat Bay gae sade tj hc, D nj ljnicr fclt sj

surc jf hy irjune. [art jf hc wantce tj mc mjle, tj scdzc tgc

hjhcnt ane try tj salvaic at lcast sjhctgdni frjh tgc sdtuatdjn.

Mut tgcrc scchce tj mc sj hany rdsbs, sj hany tgdnis tgat `juleij wrjni. D tjle hysclf tgat D gae tj mc amsjlutcly surc tgat D

wjule mc ejdni tgc rdigt tgdni fjr Ojnag. Ane D fadlce tj `jnvdn`c

hysclf. Pj dn tgc cne, as usual, D ede njtgdni.



=;3

Ljss

Pdn`c mjtg ecatgs wcrc `lassce as mcdni euc tj “unnaturalàuscs‘, tgcrc gae tj mc an dnqucst. D tjjb tdhc jff tj attcne tgc

gcardni.

Ahjnist ecvjtccs jf [ctc—s wrdtdni, tgcrc gas mccn hu`g

spcùlatdjn amjut tgc prc`dsc àuscs jf tgc a``decnt. Dt gas

prjvdece fcrtdlc sjdl fjr tgc ùltdvatdjn jf nuhcrjus `jnspdra`y

tgcjrdcs amjut tgc rjlc jf tgc “earb fjr`cs‘ wgd`g [ctc was

`jnvdn`ce wcrc jut tj ict gdh. Ugcsc tgcjrdcs gavc, dn turn,

gclpce tj mjlstcr tgc hytg jf [ctc—s tc`gnjljidàl “hartyrejh‘.

At tgc dnqucst, tgcrc was nj suiicstdjn jf any fjul play. Mut

dt ede un`jvcr sjhc dnfjrhatdjn wgd`g gas sdn`c mccn usce tj

suppjrt tgc `jnspdra`y tgcjrdcs. Dt chcrice tgat [ctc gae mccn

dnvjlvce dn njt jnc mut twj àr a``decnts tgat ndigt. Ugc fdrst gae

j`ùrrce sgjrtly aftcr gc gae lcft Bay—s tgat cvcndni, wgcn gc was

dnvjlvce dn a `jlldsdjn wdtg anjtgcr àr. Gc was njt scrdjusly

dnource ‐ dt was oust ùts ane mrudscs - mut gae mccn tabcn tj

gjspdtal all tgc sahc. Gavdni rc`cdvce trcathcnt, gc pgjnce Bay,

wgj aircce tj `jhc ane `jllc`t gdh. Ugc sc`jne a``decnt gae

j`ùrrce dn Bay—s àr, jn tgc way ma`b frjh tgc gjspdtal.

Naturally, tgc `jnspdra`y tgcjrdsts gavc scdzce upjn tgcunldbcly `jdn`decn`c jf twj àr a``decnts dn jnc eay. Ugcy suiicst

tgat, gavdni fadlce tj ej away wdtg [ctc tgc fdrst tdhc arjune, tgc

“fjr`cs jf earbncss‘ sdhply trdce aiadn. Ugcy gavc alsj mccn qud`b



=;6

tj ecrdvc suppjrt frjh [ctc—s jwn suspd`djns amjut tgc Jvcrhdne

`jhdni unecr atta`b frjh sdndstcr fjr`cs.

Mut tgc pjld`c fjune nj cvdecn`c jf tahpcrdni wdtg Bay—s

àr. Ugcy suiicstce tgat tgc àusc jf tgc a``decnt was erdvcr crrjr,

`jhpjunece my aevcrsc wcatgcr `jnedtdjns. Dt gae mccn radndni

gare ane vdsdmdldty was pjjr. Bay gae sdhply ljst `jntrjl jf tgc

àr wgdlst erdvdni at gdig spcce. Dt appcarce tgat sgc gae mccn

mrcabdni tgc spcce ldhdt, prjmamly sj tgat Ojnag wjulen—t mc lcft

jn gds jwn any ljnicr tgan amsjlutcly nc`cssary. Jn tgc fa`c jf dt,

tgds scchce tj mc mjrnc jut my tgc statchcnts jf vardjus wdtncsscs,wgj `jnfdrhce tgat tgc àr gae mccn travclldni vcry fast ane gae

vccrce frjh sdec tj sdec mcfjrc lcavdni tgc rjae. Jnc jf tgch sade

tgat dt was as df tgc erdvcr gae lct ij jf tgc stccrdni wgccl jr ejzce

jff. Anjtgcr wdtncss sade tgat sgc tgjuigt sgc `jule scc a struiilc

ijdni jn mctwccn tgc passcnicr ane tgc erdvcr. Ugc `jrjncr

`jn`luece tgat tgds was prjmamly oust [ctc rcaldsdni tgat Bay gae

ljst `jntrjl ane trydni tj ej sjhctgdni amjut dt. Altgjuig sjhc

cvdecn`c was prcscntce amjut [ctc—s statc jf hdne, tgc `jrjncr

tjjb tgc vdcw tgat dt gae njt mccn a haojr fa`tjr dn tgc twj

a``decnts. Ugcy wcrc oust an unfjrtunatc `jdn`decn`c ane vcred`ts

jf a``decntal ecatg wcrc rc`jrece.

Uj hc tgjuig, tgc sc`jne `rasg scchce anytgdni mut

a``decntal. D gae dhaidnce tgat tgc fjùs jf tgc dnqucst wjule mc

jn tc`gndàl dssucs, su`g as wgctgcr tgcrc gae mccn anytgdni

wrjni wdtg Bay—s àr. Ldstcndni tj tgc cvdecn`c, gjwcvcr, D mcian

tj fjrh hy jwn tgcjry amjut wgat gae rcally gappcnce tgat ndigt.



=;9

Apart frjh Bay, dt appcarce tgat D was jnc jf tgc last pcjplc

tj scc [ctc mcfjrc gc edce. D gae hy ejumts amjut gds statc jf

hdne. Mut wgat `jn`crnce hc hjst was tgc pjssdmdldty tgat gc gae

jvcrgcare wgat D gae mccn edsùssdni wdtg Bay, stanedni jut dn

tgc `jrrdejr dn gds wct `ljtgcs.

Gae tgds haec gdh ejumt wgctgcr gc was rcally Ojnag—s

fatgcr: Haymc dt gae haec gdh suspc`t tgat D gae mccn gavdni an

affadr wdtg Bay all aljni. Dt `jule gavc pusgce gdh tj attchpt

sud`dec dn gds jwn àr ‐ ane gavdni fadlce tgc fdrst tdhc, gc gae

sdhply trdce aiadn wgcn Bay àhc tj pd`b gdh up. Cvcn df D waswrjni amjut [ctc—s sud`deal tcnecn`dcs, tgcrc was anjtgcr pjssdmlc

cxplanatdjn fjr tgc apparcnt struiilc dn Bay—s àr mcfjrc dt

`rasgce. Ygat df gc gae `jnfrjntce gcr ane echanece tgc trutg

amjut Ojnag—s parcntgjje jr gcr rclatdjnsgdp wdtg hc: Dt `jule

gavc lce tj a vdjlcnt rjw. Ugat wjule cxpladn tgc struiilc tgat

jnc jf tgc wdtncsscs gae rcpjrtce.

D wantce tj stane up tgcrc ane tgcn ane sgjut jut ljue wgat

D bncw. Mut D gcle ma`b, tclldni hysclf tgat D gae tj mc amsjlutcly

surc jf hy irjune. Ygcn D ijt gjhc, tgjuig, gavdni mccn jvcr

ane jvcr tgc cvcnts lcaedni up tj tgc a``decnt, D gae `jnvdn`ce

hysclf tgat ‐ jnc way jr anjtgcr - tgc àr `rasg hust gavc mccn

gds fault.

Gjw `jule gc mc sj sclfdsg, sj sclf-jmscssce as tj tabc njt

jnly gds jwn ldfc mut Bay—s as wcll: At tgat pjdnt, D `jule nj

ljnicr `jntrjl hy anicr. D pd`bce up tgc munelc jf njtcs gc gae

idvcn hc ‐ wgd`g gae ladn uncxahdnce jn hy ecsb sdn`c D jpcnce

tgch - ane gurlce tgch arjune tgc rjjh.





=;4

Palvatdjn:

Dn ahjnist paics jf `jhhcntary ane s`rdmmlce njtcs, jtgcr

sgccts jf papcr tjle tgc sahc stjry. Ugc “hcssaics‘ wgd`g [ctc

`ladhce tj gavc mccn rc`cdvdni frjh tgc Jvcrhdne wcrc njtgdni

jf tgc sjrt2 tgcy wcrc sdhply rchnants frjh hy jwn, ljni-

amanejnce wcmsdtc.

Latcr, jf `jursc, D eds`jvcrce tgat gc alhjst `crtadnly gae nj

deca wgcrc tgc hcssaics àhc frjh. Ugc hjst prjmamlc

cxplanatdjn was tgat tgcy gae mccn `ganncllce gds way my Barl—s

“dntcrfcrcn`c‘ sjftwarc, wgd`g [ctc gae usce cxtcnsdvcly (njt tgat

tgds cxplanatdjn haec hc fccl any mcttcr amjut dt). Mut at tgc tdhc,

D was `jnvdn`ce tgat gc bncw cxa`tly wgat gc was ejdni ane gae

ecldmcratcly apprjprdatce tgch fjr gds jwn purpjscs. Ugds hcrcly

fucllce hy scnsc jf rdigtcjus anicr tjwares gdh.

Yas tgcrc njtgdni dn hy ldfc tgat gc gaen—t mccn dntcnt jn

tabdni away frjh hc: Fdrst Bay, tgcn Ojnag ‐ ane njw tgds. D fclt

as df D wcrc tgc vd`tdh jf a hjnstrjus hdsàrrdaic jf oustd`c. D njw

rciarece Bay as cntdrcly dnnj`cnt jf any wrjniejdni ‐ ecspdtc

wgat sgc gae sade tj hc mcfjrc sgc edce. Dn hy cycs, [ctc was

cntdrcly tj mlahc fjr cvcrytgdni tgat gae gappcnce. Ane my

habdni Bay an dnnj`cnt mystanecr dn all tgds, D was amlc tj vdcw[ctc—s “`rdhcs‘ as mcdni all tgc hjrc gcdnjus.

Njt ljni aftcr, D startce tj ict c-hadls frjh [ctc—s fans

asbdni hc tj pumldsg tgc tcxt jf tgc hcssaics. [rcsuhamly gc gae

lct dt mc bnjwn tgat gc gae idvcn tgc hatcrdal tj hc fjr safc-



=1;

bccpdni dn tgc cvcnt jf gds ecatg. D tjjb tgds as a furtgcr sldigt jn

hy `gara`tcr ‐ cvdecntly [ctc eden—t cvcn trust hc tj “ej tgc rdigt

tgdni‘ wdtg tgc hcssaics, sj gc gae put jtgcr pcjplc up tj àojldni

hc dntj a`tdjn. D wasn—t gavdni any jf dt ane dinjrce tgch.

Ugds ta`td` jf [ctc—s hcrcly strcnitgcnce hy `jnvd`tdjn tgat

gds apparcnt nadvcty was oust fjr sgjw ‐ a hasb dntcnece tj ecflc`t

attcntdjn away frjh gds truc Ha`gdavclldan naturc. Ldbc a fjjl, D

gae mccn tabcn dn my dt ane fallcn gcaeljni dntj tgc trap gc gae sct

fjr hc. Ane my bdlldni gdhsclf, gc gae cnsurce tgat D was cvcn

ecprdvce jf tgc satdsfa`tdjn jf cxa`tdni any fjrh jf rcvcnic.Ugc c-hadls wcrc pjldtc at fdrst, mut wgcn, aftcr scvcral

wccbs, D gae stdll fadlce tj rcspjne tj tgcdr cntrcatdcs, tgcy mcàhc

amusdvc ane tgrcatcndni. D was tchptce tj wrdtc sjhctgdni

sdhdlarly amusdvc dn rcply. Mut tgcn dt j`ùrrce tj hc tgat pcrgaps

tgds jffcrce tgc pcrfc`t jppjrtundty fjr hc tj cxa`t a bdne jf

rcvcnic jn [ctc aftcr all.

Hy deca was sdhplc (jr sj D tgjuigt). Dndtdally, D wjule play

aljni wdtg tgc scnecrs jf tgc c-hadls. D wjule apjljidsc fjr tgc

eclay dn rcplydni, saydni tgat D gae sdhply mccn tjj jvcr`jhc wdtg

irdcf tj ej anytgdni. Gavdni iadnce tgcdr `jnfdecn`c, D wjule tgcn

start tj pumldsg tgc hcssaics ane ùltdvatc tgc hytg tgat appcarce

tj gavc irjwn up arjune [ctc ane gds prc`djus Jvcrhdne. Mut

ldttlc my ldttlc, D wjule usc hy cedtjrdal `jntrjl tj mcidn sgapdni

tgds hytg tj hy jwn cnes. D wjule start jff my lcavdni sumtlc gdnts

tgat tgc hcssaics wcrc jpcn tj jtgcr dntcrprctatdjns, mcsdecs tgjsc

sct jut dn [ctc—s `jhhcntardcs. Cvcntually, D mcldcvce, D wjule



=11

su``cce dn rcstjrdni tgc hcssaics tj tgcdr jrdidnal hcandnis ane

rcsùc tgch frjh tgc cffc`ts jf [ctc—s wdlful hdsdntcrprctatdjn.

Jf `jursc, njnc jf tgds gas wjrbce jut as D dntcnece. Ugc

hcssaics gae alrcaey sldppce wcll mcyjne hy `jntrjl mcfjrc D

cvcn tjjb tgch jut jf tgc pa`baic tgat [ctc iavc tj hc jn tgc

ndigt gc edce. Ane my tgc tdhc D àhc tj pumldsg tgch, tgc hytg

jf tgc Jvcrhdne, C-Injsds ane [ctc—s rjlc dn dt gae a`qudrce a

hjhcntuh wgd`g D was ncvcr ijdni tj mc amlc tj stjp - jr cvcn tj

edvcrt jntj a sldigtly edffcrcnt `jursc.

D gavc bcpt up tgc prctcn`c all tgds tdhc mcàusc tgc hjncyalljwce hc tj ij jn mcldcvdni, at lcast fjr a wgdlc, tgat D was

sjhcgjw icttdni jnc jvcr jn [ctc ‐ ane mcàusc tgc ljnicr dt

wcnt jn, tgc hjrc D mcàhc ecpcnecnt jn dt fdnan`dally. Mut tgc

rcaldty ds tgat far frjh tabdni hy rcvcnic upjn [ctc, D mcàhc gds

mdttcr, cnvdjus scrvant, sc`rctly ecspdsdni cvcryjnc dnvjlvce - hjst

jf all hysclf, fjr njt gavdni sccn dt `jhdni.

Ygcn D startce jut, D dntcnece tgds a``junt tj fdnally ecmunb

tgc hytg tgat gae irjwn up arjune gdh ane cxpjsc dt as a sgah.

Mut tgc truc mcldcvcrs mcldcvc mcàusc tgcy want tj ‐ ane njtgdni D

say wdll habc any edffcrcn`c.

Mcsdecs, tgds a``junt dsn—t amjut rcvcnic any hjrc. Dt

stjppce mcdni amjut tgat frjh tgc hjhcnt D fcll dn ljvc wdtg

Pusan.

Ugat—s wgat dt tjjb tj habc hc rcaldsc tgat, dn spdtc jf

cvcrytgdni, D ejn—t a`tually gatc [ctc jr wgat gc stanes fjr. Dt

wjule mc hjrc a`ùratc tj say tgat wc gavc a ljvc-gatc

rclatdjnsgdp. [art jf hc ds attra`tce my gds unfadldni jptdhdsh



=1=

amjut tgc futurc, gds wdle dhaidndnis ane gds cntgusdash fjr mdi

decas. Mut anjtgcr part jf hc ldbcs njtgdni mcttcr tgan tj dhpalc

gds ecldàtc fantasdcs jn tgc pjrùpdnc qudlls jf hy jwn àrcfully

ùltdvatce s`cptd`dsh.

Dt—s njt a ̀ jhfjrtamlc statc jf hdne tj mc dn. Mut tj gavc jnc

dn`ldnatdjn wdtgjut tgc jtgcr wjule alhjst `crtadnly lcae tj

edsastcr2 dnecce, dt alrcaey gas lce tj edsastcr dn [ctc—s àsc. Df gc

gae jnly pjsscssce tgc amdldty tj stane ma`b frjh gds wdle

dhaidndnis ane ljjb at tgch wdtg a hjrc `rdtdàl cyc, gc hdigt

gavc mccn amlc tj rcsdst tgc iravdtatdjnal pull jf tgc Pdniulardty.Mut dnstcae gc alljwce gdhsclf ‐ ane jtgcrs - tj mc su`bce dntj dt

ane anndgdlatce.

Ugcrc gavc mccn tdhcs wgcn hy jwn dn`ldnatdjn tjwares

s`cptd`dsh gas lce hc dntj sdhdlar tcrrdtjry2 wgcrc D gavc ga`bce

away at tgc edffcrcnt laycrs jf an deca, dn an attchpt tj rca`g dts

`jrc, jnly tj fdne tgat (fjr hc, at lcast) tgcrc ds njtgdni tgcrc. Dt ds

as df tgc `cntrc gas `jllapsce dn jn dtsclf unecr tgc prcssurc jf `ljsc

s`rutdny, lcavdni a vjde wgcrc tgcrc ds nj hcandni at all, ratgcr

tgan tjj hu`g.

Mut sjhcgjw ‐ unldbc [ctc - D gavc always hanaice tj pull

ma`b frjh dt. Ane tgat—s mcàusc part jf hc ‐ a tdny, sgrdvcllce

part, nj ejumt - stdll wants tj mcldcvc dn [ctc—s jptdhdstd` vdsdjn jf

tgc futurc. Ecspdtc tgc tdec jf s`cptd`dsh tgat tgrcatcns tj

sumhcric dt, tgat part jf hc ds stdll prcparce tj gavc fadtg. Pj

pcrgaps hy `jnnc`tdjn wdtg [ctc gas njt mccn tgc ùrsc tgat D

jrdidnally mcldcvce dt tj mc wgcn D mcian tgds a``junt. [crgaps dt

gas, dn fa`t, savce hc frjh hysclf.



=10

D gavc yju, Pusan, tj tganb fjr gclpdni hc tj scc tgat.



=15

[art Uwclvc

=;;6

! ! "

#

$ % !



=13

Ojnag

Ujeay, fjr tgc fdrst tdhc dn jvcr a ycar, D rcturnce tj hyusual wadtdni pla`c dn tgc parb. D bcpt runndni tgrjuig wgat D

plannce tj say. D wadtce untdl fjur j—`lj`b, tgdnbdni tgat D hust

gavc hdssce gdh jr tgat gc wasn—t `jhdni. Ugcn, at last, gc

appcarce, sauntcrdni aljni wdtg gds ganes dn pj`bcts, gds s`gjjl

tdc asbcw ane gds mluc spjrts mai sluni jvcr gds sgjulecr. Gc was

ldstcndni tj sjhctgdni jn carpgjncs, njeedni gds gcae dn tdhc tj

tgc mcat.

D fjlljwce gdh jut jf tgc parb iatcs as gc gcaece ejwn tgc

rjae tjwares tgc Pcvcn-Clcvcn at tgc `jrncr jf gds strcct. D

gcsdtatce, tgcn dn`rcasce hy pa`c. D bncw tgat df D eden—t ej dt

njw, gc wjule mc wdtgdn sdigt jf gds iraneparcnts— gjusc ‐ ane tgc

jppjrtundty wjule mc ljst. D strct`gce jut hy gane tj tju`g gdh

jn tgc sgjulecr ane was amjut tj àll jut gds nahc. Mut

sjhctgdni haec hc gjle ma`b. Pj D oust stjje tgcrc, ljjbdni at

hy gane dn edsiust, as df dt wcrc `jvcrce dn dnfc`tdjus mjdls.

Ojnag turnce tgc `jrncr, jmldvdjus tj hy prcscn`c.



=16

A``decnts

pjdnt ;;;;;;;;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; 1tgdn wgdtc fdnicr oams jut jf tgc sby

tgjusane hjutgs iapc zcrjs as sjldtary fdrcwjrb

mljssjhs jn tgc gjrdzjn cxjtd` fljwcr tradldni

wgdtc stalb irapg jf àtastrjpgd` ecs`cnt

sljwcr ane sljwcr wdtg cvcry rcplay

as tgc dhpa`t ds ùsgdjnce dntj safc lanedni

jf scce an`gjrdni dn sjft cartg . `jhhcntardcs mummlc tj tgc surfa`c

ane `ljt dn tgc gjlcs wgcrc tgc padn rc`cecs tj a pdnprd`b

jf fdnicrs pd`bdni at tgc sàr

rcassurdni tgchsclvcs tgcy àn tra`c tgc vapjrjus ldnc

jf àusc ane cffc`t tgat was mljwn away

cvcn mcfjrc tgc fdrst syllamlc `jule mc uttcrce

mljwn away jn tgc wdne edspcrsdni

tgc spjrcs jf tgds a``decnt tj erjp

sdlcntly dntj a tgjusane y a w n d n i h j u t g s



=19

[artd`lcs

Ygat ds dt tgat haec hc gjle ma`b:

At tgc mcidnndni jf tgds a``junt, D suiicstce tgat dt was hjst

unldbcly tj scrvc as a “mjjt-up edsb fjr tgc jpcratdni systch jf tgc

sjul.‘ Dt wjule dnstcae mc hjrc “a ejwnljae jf dts `jrruptce

`jntcnts.‘

Ugc dhpldàtdjn ds tgat gavdni “ejwnljaece‘, gavdni

purice dt all frjh hy systch, D sgjule fccl amlc tj hjvc jn, tj

“upiraec‘ cvcn. Dn wgd`g àsc, D sgjule vdcw tgds “`jnfcssdjn‘ jf

hdnc as sjhctgdni funeahcntally pjsdtdvc - a way jf mrdnidni

earb, `gajtd` chjtdjns jut dntj tgc ldigt sj tgat tgcy àn mc

prj`cssce ane fdlce away dn an jrecrly fasgdjn. Sltdhatcly, D

sgjule scc tgc jut`jhc as a gare-fjuigt vd`tjry fjr tgc gcaldni,

pattcrn-idvdni fjr`c tgat was `gahpdjnce my [ctc dn gds artd`lc

amjut tgat cxpcrdhcnt dnvjlvdni partd`lcs jf ldigt.

Mut try as D hdigt tj habc hysclf mcldcvc all tgat, D àn—t ej

dt. Ugc trutg ds tgat my tgc cne, tgds a``junt gae jnly jnc purpjsc

‐ tj pcrsuaec Pusan tj `jhc ma`b tj hc. Ane dn tgat, dt gas fadlce

uttcrly. Dt—s mccn hjntgs sdn`c D chadlce tgc fdnal `gaptcrs tj gcr,

gjpdni tgat sgc wjule rclcnt. D gavc gcare njtgdni sdn`c ane D stdll

gavc nj deca wgcrc sgc ds. Gcr flat ds up fjr salc ane nj ahjuntjf plcaedni wdtg tgc cstatc aicnt wdll pcrsuaec gdh tj edvulic gcr

ùrrcnt aeercss.

Hcanwgdlc, D sdt gcrc rc-rcaedni tgds a``junt, wjnecrdni

wgat tgc pjdnt jf dt was ane pd`bdni at tgc `ra`bs wgd`g arc



=17

cvdecnt dn hy vcrsdjn jf cvcnts. Dt ds an jle gamdt tgat D gavc ncvcr

hanaice tj sgabc jff. Ygcn D was a `gdle, D usce tj spcne gjurs

mudledni clamjratc `dtdcs dn hy mcerjjh, `jhmdndni all hanncr jf

edsparatc tjys dntj sprawldni hjecl hctrjpjld. Tct D was ncvcr

satdsfdce wgcn tgcy wcrc `jhplctc. Pjhc ecvastatdni dhaidnary

àtastrjpgc wjule always gavc tj mcfall tgch sj tgat D `jule

bnj`b tgch ejwn ane gavc hy dhaidnary `jnstru`tdjn wjrbcrs

rcmudle tgch dn a edffcrcnt `jnfdiuratdjn. D suppjsc tgat wgat D

cnojyce amjut tgds iahc was playdni Ije. Mut D was a fd`blc,

àlljus Ije, `jnstantly ercahdni up altcrnatdvcs wgd`g rcqudrcetgc anndgdlatdjn jf Gds cxdstdni `rcatdjns.

Ane dn rc-rcaedni tgds a``junt, D gavc scnsce tgat `gdledsg

Ije rcawabcndni. Ugcsc eays Gc wjrbs dn hjrc sjpgdstdàtce

ways. Quantuh pgysd`s gas ircatly cngan`ce Gds ecstru`tdvc

pjwcrs, alljwdni Gdh tj cxpljdt hdndsùlc flaws at tgc sum-atjhd`

lcvcl wgd`g wdll ultdhatcly cxpane dntj vast, àtastrjpgd` fault

ldncs.

Apprjprdatcly cnjuig, Gds startdni pjdnt jn tgds j`àsdjn ds

tgat stranic cxpcrdhcnt wdtg ldigt tgat [ctc was sj jmscssce my.

Tju scc, tgcrc ds anjtgcr cxplanatdjn fjr wgat gappcns dn tgc

cxpcrdhcnt, wgd̀ g [ctc `jnvcndcntly dinjrce. A``jredni tj tgds

altcrnatdvc tgcjry, tgc dntcrfcrcn`c pattcrn prjeu`ce my tgc sdnilc

partd`lc àn mc cxpladnce my tgc cxdstcn`c jf hultdplc undvcrscs ‐

an dnfdndtc nuhmcr jf undvcrscs, dn fa`t. Ugc sahc ijcs fjr all tgc

“fdnc tundni‘ tgat [ctc rcfcrrce tj. Aftcr all, wdtg an dnfdndtc

nuhmcr jf undvcrscs, dt wjule njt mc cspc`dally surprdsdni tgat ‐ my

sgccr a``decnt ratgcr tgan my ecsdin ‐ jnc jf tgch gappcnce tj



=14

gavc all tgc rdigt prjpcrtdcs tj suppjrt jur cxdstcn`c. Ugc upsgjt

jf tgds ds tgat guhan jmscrvcrs cxcrt nj “pattcrn idvdni‘ dnflucn`c.

Jn tgc `jntrary, cvcrytgdni ds, csscntdally, oust an a``decnt.

Mut lct hc cxpladn gjw hy edircssdjn dntj tgc rcalh jf

quantuh pgysd`s ds rclcvant tj tgds a``junt. Hy tgcjry amjut

wgat gappcnce ds masce jn [ctc gavdni jvcrgcare hy fdnal

`jnvcrsatdjn wdtg Bay ‐ ane gavdni tgcn ec`dece tj cxa`t sjhc

sjrt jf clamjratc rcvcnic upjn hc. Mut df [ctc gae rcally

jvcrgcare wgat D sade tj Bay, wgy gaen—t gc mccn hjrc aiircssdvc

tjwares hc wgcn gc àhc runndni aftcr hc as D was lcavdni tgcgjusc: Aftcr all, D gae suiicstce tgat gc was njt Ojnag—s fatgcr.

Ane wgy, dn tgc ldigt jf tgds dnfjrhatdjn, gae gc idvcn hc all gds

prc`djus njtcs: Df gc gae bnjwn tgat, tgcn surcly D wjule gavc

mccn tgc last pcrsjn gc wjule gavc trustce wdtg tgch: Yas dt njt

hjrc prjmamlc tgat gc eden—t jvcrgcar any jf tgc `jnvcrsatdjn:

Ane cvcn df gc gae, gjw wjule gc gavc gae tdhc tj `jn`j`t su`g

an clamjratc s`gchc tj cxa`t gds rcvcnic: Fdnally, was dt njt hjrc

prjmamlc tgat tgc àr a``decnt was oust tgat ‐ an a``decnt ‐ ane njt

tgc jut`jhc jf sjhc ecvdjus pljt `jn`cdvce my [ctc a hattcr jf

gjurs mcfjrc gds ecatg:

Dn tgc aftcrhatg jf [ctc—s ecatg, D gae mc`jhc dnfc`tce wdtg

tgc sahc paranjde tunncl-vdsdjn tgat gae affld`tce gdh dn tgjsc

fdnal fcw hjntgs mcfjrc tgc a``decnt. D wantce tj fdne sjhcjnc tj

mlahc. Sltdhatcly, D wantce tj habc scnsc jf an cvcnt wgd`g

haec nj rcal scnsc. Pj dt was natural fjr hc tj try tj ojdn up tgc

ranejh pdc`cs jf dnfjrhatdjn at hy edspjsal dntj sjhc bdne jf

`jgcrcnt, `jnnc`tce narratdvc wgd`g wjule cxpladn wgy tgcsc





==1

Mut tgcn aiadn, haymc D gavc jnly `jhc up wdtg tgat

cxplanatdjn mcàusc D fdne tgc pjssdmdldty tgat all tgcsc cvcnts wcrc

a``decntal cvcn hjrc frdigtcndni. Haymc D àn—t mcar tgc tgjuigt

tgat all tgds aniudsgce sclf-cxahdnatdjn gas mccn a futdlc cxcr`dsc.

Aftcr all, df cvcrytgdni tgat gas gappcnce was csscntdally an

a``decnt, tgcn nj hattcr gjw gare D ljjb, nj `jgcrcnt pattcrn wdll

cvcr chcric - at lcast, njt jnc tgat àn mc sustadnce fjr any lcnitg

jf tdhc unecr tgc prcssurc jf ectadlce s`rutdny.

Ane sj dt ijcs jn. Ugc hjrc D tgdnb amjut dt, tgc hjrctgcjrdcs D `jhc up wdtg, jnly tj spjt tdny flaws dn tgch -

wgcrcupjn tgc `ra`bs wdecn dntj fdssurcs ane tgc tgcjrdcs spldt dn

twj, hultdplydni ldbc ma`tcrda.



===

A`bnjwlceichcnts

ane Autgjr—s Njtc

Ugc njtdjn jf tgc Uc`gnjljidàl Pdniulardty gas mccn arjune fjr

sjhc tdhc ‐ dt ds icncrally attrdmutce tj tgc s`dcn`c fd`tdjn wrdtcr

Vcrnjr Vdnic, mut ds prjmamly njw hjst `ljscly assj`datce wdtg

tgc futurdst ]ay Burzwcdl, wgj gas wrdttcn a nuhmcr jf mjjbs jn

tgc sumoc`t. Ugcrc arc a nuhmcr jf ldnbs tj Pdniulardty-rclatce

hatcrdals jn hy wcmsdtc, dn`luedni a ldnb tj a vcry funny

aeaptatdjn jf a wcll bnjwn Idlmcrt & Pulldvan sjni (rctdtlce “D ah

tgc vcry hjecl jf a Pdniulardtardan‘) my @garldc Bah. Pcc?

gttp?//www.paulsahacl.`jh/njvcl.pgp

Ugc dntcrnct ùlt ecpd`tce dn tgc njvcl ds a purcly fd`tdjnal `rcatdjn

ane ds njt dntcnece tj satdrdsc prjpjncnts jf tgc Pdniulardty

icncrally (wgj, my ane laric, ej njt scch tj hc tj mc a

partdùlarly “ùltdsg‘ ljt). C-Injsds ds hjrc jf a “`jhpjsdtc‘

dnspdrce my dnedvdeual clchcnts tabcn frjh nuhcrjus ùlts, quasd-

rcldidjns ane jtgcr spdrdtual hjvchcnts ‐ scc hy wcmsdtc fjr hjrc

ectadls. D was alsj dnflucn`ce my sjhc jf tgc decas dn Crdb Eavds—

mjjb “Uc`ginjsds - Hytg, haid` ane hystd`dsh dn tgc aic jf

dnfjrhatdjn‘ (Pcrpcnt—s Uadl, 1444).

Fjr a hjrc dn-ecptg edsùssdjn jf “rcvcnic cffc`ts‘ jr tgc

undntcnece `jnscqucn`cs jf tc`gnjljidàl ecvcljphcnts (wgd`g



==0

arc tju`gce jn dn [art Ugrcc), scc Ceware Ucnncr—s mjjb “Ygy

Ugdnis Mdtc Ma`b‘ (5tg Cstatc, 1449).

Ugc “Ije Gclhct‘ rcfcrrce tj dn [art Clcvcn was tgc sumoc`t jf a

MM@ Gjrdzjn ejùhcntary (“Ije jn tgc Mradn,‘ =;;0).

Gjwcvcr, dt appcars tgat tgc s`dcn`c dn tgds fdcle ds sjhc way away

frjh prjvdni tgc tgcjrdcs edsùssce dn tgat `gaptcr. Ugc GAA][

nctwjrb, rcfcrrce tj dn tgc sahc `gaptcr, alsj cxdsts ane gas mccn

tgc sumoc`t jf nuhcrjus `jnspdra`y tgcjrdcs ‐ mut jffd`dally, dts

purpjsc ds tj àrry jut rcscar`g dntj tgc djnjspgcrc.

As fjr tgc Ptrjni Antgrjpd` Ugcjry ane tgc hultdplc undvcrsc

tgcjry (edsùssce dn [arts Clcvcn ane Uwclvc), tgc `gara`tcrs dn

tgds njvcl arc njt pgysd`dsts (ane njr ah D)2 tgcy arc sdhply usdni

(jr amusdni) tgjsc tgcjrdcs fjr tgcdr jwn purpjscs. Ugat sade, df D

ah iudlty jf scrdjus hdsrcprcscntatdjn jr jvcrsdhpldfdàtdjn dn

rclatdjn tj tgcsc jr any jf tgc jtgcr `jn`cpts tju`gce jn dn tgc

njvcl, tgcn D àn jnly apjljidsc. Pdhdlarly, all crrjrs dn tgds mjjb

arc cntdrcly hy jwn rcspjnsdmdldty.





==3

Airdùltural [rjeu`tdjn dn tgc Puean

A vcry sgjrt stjry amjut sunfljwcrs, a sgcdbg ane tgc ecsdrc tj

`ganic tgc wjrle. Ejcs njt `jntadn any statdstd`s amjut Pueancsc

airdùlturc (sjrry).

gttp?//www.shasgwjres.`jh/mjjbs/vdcw/1=9673

Tju àn vdcw a 6; sc`jne tradlcr gcrc?gttp?//yjutu.mc/fY=D5EMmOaj



Dn tgc futurc, mlurms

wdll njt mc nc`cssary.

Mut sdn`c wc—rc njt qudtc at tgat staic yct, gjw amjut?

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