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Issue 48 | March 2016 | 5 Pages | For free circulation only

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From the Editor

Once again our contributors have done us proud. This issue features articles that bear on the themes of the International Women's Day, celebrated throughout the world on March 8th. Not quite on a tangent we visit the women of the little known country of Nepal. On a totally different note we explore the fascinating and exotic world o f sp i ces . Then we a re privileged to explore the real bonds within in two generations of women and between a mother and her daughter!

We feel sure you readers are in for a treat.As always we welcome your feedback and most of all we count on you to source for articles from your friends so that FEMNET can go from strength to strength.

While Easter still seems a long way off, it’s much closer than it seems. And so, we would also like to take this opportunity to wish al l our readers joy, happiness, peace and success this Easter and hereafter.

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY

HAPPY EASTER.

And happy reading!

For The Editorial Team

FOUNDER

Sister Thecla Pereira, P.B.V.M. (Goa, India)

BEYOND LOOKS!

INDEXBeyond Looks!

The Reminder of Equality

My Daughter: Her Strength and Resilience

Parenting Our Digital Natives

I Look Through the Window on Woman's Day

Spice Mama

The Amazing Women and Girls of Nepal

Let Her Works Praise Her

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the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides... Meeting ourselves again, also happens at that distorted view we have of ourselves in the mirror. There is more to us beyond looks. We are beautiful!

Good thoughts and actions help us not in attracting others only, but, also keep relationships going. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but self knowledge springs back at us from the things we behold, a lovely sunset, a dew drop, mother birds feeding their young in the nest, so on and so forth. Beauty arises from the fullness of a person. It never depends on what some one looks like. It flowers from deep within. It is love in the heart that makes us beautiful and it is love which unlocks all of us and brings us to life. We are beautiful! Walk tall and don't miss what is best and most promising about us .We give birth, we carry on with life and overcome problems with new and creative responses. Let us hang on to the truth that life gives us strength to enlarge our lives. women do not think lack, but instead believe in God's abundance. Just as the widow's oil and flour did not run out and she did not go hungry, the spring of blessing will never run dry for the one who willingly gives from the heart. Happy women's day! May it provide for us places on the journey where we women, can catch our breath and look freshly at ourselves, where we can feel free to be who we are meant to be, a mother, a sister and a carrier of life and not to be considered as the 'weaker, left out' category. We are capable of doing almost anything. Climbing a mountain flying a plane and protecting our country! So keep hearing this of you, 'A beautiful women, a great friend and wonderful mother you are all this to me and much more. Happy Women's Day!Wishing you a day as beautiful as you are!

Every such day as 'International Women's Day', should be filled with signals of hope, and stories of courage. Despite campaigns and awareness programmes some parts in our country, cultures and religions, women still continue to be in the weaker “left out” category.

Vidya declares she is of a very average looks, but that she inherited the best mental, intellectual spiritual and emotional traits. She said her body shape and not very good facial skin prompted reactions from acquaintances, family and friends, and she grew up with all this fed into her and could never learn to love who she was. She worked on herself, a journey to self discovery at 44 she began to wonder what was that, she lacked as a woman, and came to realize “No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.” Eleanor Roosevelt. Beauty is in the woman who is comfortable with her many unique roles in life, a life that is not a cabinet of neatly ordered boxes, a life that can be messy and unpredictable.

What lies within a person's beautiful looks she's attractive no doubt, but is she endowed with kindness, generosity, modesty and simplicity? Beauty needs no ornaments. Of Mother Teresa i t was sa id “Humble compassionate loving and hard working as she was, the wrinkled smiling face of Mother Teresa is most attractive to me (Rita Singh Readers Digest 2011) and she continues, why do women obsess about their shapes and are hell bent on perfection or smitten with a totally unrealistic ideas about beauty? I have a feeling nothing will ever stop the never ending debate on women and beauty; I guess that's what makes it fascinating, moreover one can never define or limit beauty. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is

Jagriti Shankar (Goa, India)

Jagriti is a Gender Trainer, content developer and writer, based in Vasco, Goa.

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THE REMINDER OF EQUALITY

to education, or that mothers will still die during child birth. Are we going to let it happen?

We all have to work towards achieving this dream. You and I have to work for it. And we will do it. Take a step forward, join the noble cause of Gender Equality and Women's Empowerment by taking just one action. The action could be as simple as showing respect to women. As an individual, an action could be to help women and girls in your life to achieve their ambitions. As an employer, it could be to respect the value of work of your women employees and pay them the same salary as of your male employees. No act is a small act, as long as it is done with good intention and it makes a difference to someone's life.

Many organizations take out rallies, run campaigns and do special activities to mark the day. In recent years due to popularity of social media, many

campaigns are run online. M a k e s u r e t o j o i n t h e celebration on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram with your messages. And don't forget to check out hashtags #IWD, #IWD2016, #PledgeForParity, #MakeitHappen.

I n t e r n a t i o n a l Women's Day, 8th March, has passed us. For some it is a day to c e l e b r a t e w o m e n ' s achievements, and for others it is a day to express their love and respect for women in their life, like Mother's day, Sisters' day, or Valentine's day.

International Women's Day (IWD) had been observed since early 1900 as a symbol of women's struggle to gain social, economic and political rights, or to say a struggle for gender equality in all spheres of life. It was the time when women's movements of many countries joined hands and called for Women Empowerment in one voice.

Earlier different countries used to celebrate women's day on different dates, but then in 1977, the United Nations General Assembly invited member states to proclaim March 8 as the UN Day for women's rights and world peace. In many countries of the world the day is a national holiday.

Every year a theme for International Women's Day is declared, and the theme for this year is "Planet 50-50 by 2030: Step It Up for Gender

Equality". It is the aspiration that by year 2030, the planet earth will see

equality between women and men, they w i l l h a v e e q u a l r i g h t s , e q u a l representation in political bodies, equal chances of work and promotions, equal privileges of health care and education.

Women have achieved a lot from the struggles, advocacy and untiring efforts, and there is a lot to celebrate, but the progress towards gender parity has slowed down in many places in recent years. The World Economic Forum predicted in 2014, that it would take until year 2095 to achieve global gender parity. Then one year later in 2015, they estimated that a slowdown in the already glacial pace of progress meant the gender gap wouldn't close entirely until 2133. In simple terms it means that till year 2133, there will still be discrimination against women and they will be paid lesser at work, that the girls will be denied chances

MY DAUGHTER: HER STRENGTH AND RESILIENCE

Dr Pam O'Connor (Western Australia)

Dr Pam O'Connor is a practising psychologist in Western Australia and specialises in women's issues.

resourcefulness.

In the last 20 years, my daughter has had to face huge obstacles in her life like domestic violence, separation and divorce, Family Court proceedings for 11 years, bringing up two children without child support and her own health issues. She has had stresses from finances, buying and selling houses, and starting up her own accounting business.

How has she managed to survive?

She would acknowledge that her greatest strength is her faith in God. This is a constant in her life, bringing support and solace to her. She ha s made s t r ong connect ions with other women, and has learned that change is part of living. Today's catastrophe and

challenge is tomorrow's success.

She has set goals and has just finished extra study in her field of accounting, preparing her for a better career. This has required self-discipl ine and determination. She has had to grasp the

o p p o r t u n i t y f o r s e l f -i m p r o v e m e n t , a n d t o maintain a positive, hopeful and optimistic image for the future for herself and her children, who are thriving. Her older son has Type I diabetes and has set himself the goal of being Dux of the school, and her younger son is proving a leader at school.

M o s t o f a l l , s h e h a s developed and built on a strong emotional core. I am so proud that she has b e c o m e a w o m a n o f s u b s t a n c e – c a r i n g , compassionate, generous and resilient.

Resilience, in psychological terms, is the ability to properly adapt to stress and adversity. I am sure that every one of you has faced up to adversity in your life as it is a part of living. Every day, in counselling sessions, I see women who are facing overwhelming odds like homelessness, poverty, loss of family members and loss of jobs, separation, divorce and mental health issues.

Why do some people seem to be able to cope better than others? A great part of the issue lies in our ability to change attitudes and perspectives throughout our lives. If a person is exposed to trauma and not given acknowledgment and support, then they do not learn to cope and adapt.

My PhD study involved interviewing women in the slums of Mumbai who were infected or affected by HIV/AIDS. They really impressed me with their ability to dig deep within themselves to f i n d t h e i r s t r e n g t h s a n d

Susie, Pam’s daughter

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PARENTING OUR DIGITAL NATIVES

Dr. Merle Coutinho (Mumbai, India)

A Goan by origin, Merle was born and brought up in Mumbai. Now married with two children, she is a consulting Homeopath Doctor (BHMS) and a Counsellor (MSc CFT) practising in Borivli. Her forte is 'Child and Adolescent' counselling. She is passionate about writing articles on the subject that she counsels on a regular

basis, and actively involved in sharing her research studies and experiential learning with local communities through group training sessions and presentations.

immigrants who are able to learn technology but will need some time to do so and his grandparents are digital retards who are absolutely naive in this area.

While the child is still in the formative years we can still mould him as the neural plasticity of the brain is at its maximum functioning. Neural plasticity is the process by which the experiences the child encounters in his or her life reorganizes the neural pathways in his brain and the repetition of these experiences further enhances the learning process in the child. So while rich experiences will yield a positive growth in the child, poor experiences will lead to a downhill in the child's life. So what do we want to see as a biologically compelled habit in our child? T H U S ' T H E A T T E N T I O N A N D ENVIRONMENT YOU PROVIDE SHAPES YOUR CHILD'S BRAIN DEVELOPMENT FOR LIFE'. I guess we need to tighten our reins and offer the best to our child. As parents in this tech savvy world we can be -

PROTECTIVE – teach our child net safety measures - not revealing personal identity to strangers. We need to be updated ourselves on the latest so that we can guide our child.

'Technology is a queer thing. It brings

you great gifts with one hand and stabs you in the back with the other.'- Carrie Snow

'Its not only teenagers who are wired up nowadays but babies in diapers as well.' (Rideout)

This could begin with newborns listening to music which substitutes the feeling of security which the mother's warm touch and lullaby creates in the baby. The television and the laptops substitute the nannies. The memory cards in the phones and the tabs have substituted the grey matter in our brains which due to reduced repeated stimulation starts degenerating prematurely. The whats app emotives have substituted the real emotions within us. Our old aged habit of finding information through reading is substituted by various search engines. We are in a way progressing to be in an autopilot mode and tend to use less of our mind and the emotions.

The toddler thus calls himself a digital native since he is born in this world and is comfortable using technology, whereas he calls his parents digital

AUTHORITATIVE – a parenting style used in order to create a secure relationship with your child.

R E C I P R O C A T I V E - t r y i n g t o acknowledge the little that the child does for us.

ENTHUSIASTIC - about doing activities with the child that will give them a sense of happiness and empowerment.

NEVER reveal your child's mistakes to others but rather change them to teachable moments.

TRUST your child and build the trust bridge with him. Spend quality TIME with the child.

SHARE AND COMMUNICATE as a family and discuss your child's problems.

Thus as parents and as mothers especially since we are with the child for most part of the day we can be the change we would want to see in our children and the world at large.

'Technology comes with a manual. But Life doesn't come with a manual, It comes with a MOTHER.'

So … the choice is ours ...

Marneta Viegas (Oxfordshire, U.K.)

Marneta has trained in Performing Arts and Mime and worked as a children's entertainer before setting up Relax Kids.

disheartening to note that even after over sixty years of independence, the lot of women has yet to come of age.

To quote Swami Vivekananda, “It is impossible to think of the welfare of the world unless the condition of women has improved.” ”It is impossible for a bird to fly only on one wing.” A nation needs to empower its women and educate its men about women.

On Woman ' s day I sa lu te the go–getters, the achievers, the women with a never-say-die attitude, the Laxmi's who have risen from the ashes, (Laxmi , an acid victim is now the face of an advertising campaign for a new range of apparel) the homemakers who hold it all together, the domestics, widows, our sunny seniors and every righteous woman that I know.

Men: If you ever wanna know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2,857 tabs open. All.the.time.

I look through the window on Woman's Day …and what do I see?

“You can't live with them and you can't live without them” is a line often humorously attributed to the fairer sex. The fairer sex, I say hardly has it fair as she often has to row in rough seas. Yet she has evolved – A far cry from the coy maiden of yore she can hold her own and stand proud of all that she has achieved. Her life today is not confined to a series of household chores. She is able to supplement a household income and in s ome ca se s even be t he s o l e breadwinner of a family.

A woman is an embodiment of kindness, compassion, patience, love and hope. She generally is the pillar of the family, forging bonds and keeping the family united. As a working homemaker or stay-at–home mum she is pretty adept a t c r e a t i n g , i n n o v a t i n g a n d multitasking. She learns on the job.

The urban woman of today is literate,

I LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW ON WOMAN'S DAY

educated, able to make independent decisions regarding career and marriage, works alongside her male counterparts, enters professions that were solely male dominated in the past, draws an equal wage or even more than her male peers, climbs the corporate ladder , breaks the 'glass ceiling.' She is aware of her rights and endeavours to seek justice whenever need be.

However, we can't quite paint a pretty picture of the Indian woman. Despite her liberation, sadly she remains a victim of her gender. Rape, molestation, acid attacks, sexual harassment, forced prostitution, dowry harassment continues unabated. The rural woman in some cases is subjected to a miserable life where the word of the male is law. She is to be 'married off' as soon as possible. In her husband's home, more often than not she is a doormat. In spite of the various laws and acts that have come into force for the protection of women in India, it is rather

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Shaheen Hughes (Perth, Western Australia)

Shaheen Hughes was born in Bombay and lived there till she was eight. She has lived around the world, studying for her Bachelors and Masters degrees in the UK before moving to Perth nearly 20 years ago. In 2015, Shaheen

founded Spice Mama, a culinary history project aimed at celebrating the memory of her grandmother Zena De Souza, sharing old recipes collected by generations of amazing cooks in the family.

connecting with the past despite living so far away. I love reading my granny's own memoirs of life in Girgaum when she was young, and the sad story of her father Valentine Fernandes, who went to World War One as a surgeon and died in Mesopotamia in 1915, never having met her. I still have all the letters he wrote to Olive from the war, so poignant and full of love.

I am learning about my diverse ances t r y, I nd i an , Po r tuguese , Indonesian, Dutch. I want to go back and see where my grandparents grew up, in Bombay and in Goa, where the house my grandfather was born in still stands.

By cooking all our traditional foods again, coconut curries, spicy vindaloos, hot cutlets, melting potato chops, green chutney, aromatic pilaus… I am sharing my memories and my stories with my own family, and ensuring the traditional knowledge I have gets passed down to a new generation.

(You can read about my great grandfather's letters and my Bombay stories on www.spicemama.com.au)

From the moment Proust tasted his

famous madeleine, we have had an understanding of the importance of food to our memories. The sight, the smell, the taste of a particular food can bring back with crystal clarity a memory from long ago. Many migrants use food as a way to reconnect with their past, a source of nostalgia and to satisfy a longing for home.

I left India permanently when I was eight years old, but my stock of memories of life in Bombay was generous. My grandparents had a large and airy flat just off Colaba Causeway, and when I was young I spent hours hanging of the verandah watching the hawkers and chai sellers and street food vendors sell their wares.

I remember my granny sitting imperially on the verandah with her tea every morning discussing the important subject of the days food, after which her cooks would head to the market and lunch preparations would begin: freshly ground coconut, roasted masala; I would still have chicken curry, rice,

cutlets and potatoes for lunch every day if I could.

Moving to Australia was hard at first: the food, particularly, was not the same. The cold, sterile supermarket, the noise, colour, taste and atmosphere of shared enjoyment was missing. We would always look forward to my granny visiting so she could bring us food from home, most special was the East Indian Bottle Masala that we all grew up on.

When she died three years ago, I inherited all of my granny's old handwritten recipe books, that both she and her mother Olive had carefully kept. Cooking from these books made me feel closer to her again, and I soon learned to make the masalas I remembered from my childhood.

I began Spice Mama in 2015 as a tribute to her, and I now make and sell my own bottle masala and vindaloo masala online and through shops in Perth. I love that people are enjoying our traditional home food again. When I'm in my kitchen roasting and grinding masala, I can hear the voices of my female ancestors, telling stories as I cook.

I love that I have found a way of

SPICE MAMA: A CULINARY HISTORY

Claire Rogers (Queensland, Australia)

Claire is currently pursuing her PhD in International Health and is a passionate advocate for women's sexual and reproductive health and rights. @ClaireRogersttN

children who had become separated from their families and help support their fellow community members while waiting for government aid and support

N e p a l i s a country of soaring

s n o w - c a p p e d moun ta i n ranges ,

hillsides dense with lush, green forests and flat tropical planes that seem to stretch on forever. While the vast and varied splendour of this country is clearly evident, it is the beauty and warmth of her people that has made Nepal feel like home to me. Although I am from Australia, I have had the privilege to visit and work in Nepal over the last nine years.

A small landlocked country, Nepal lies between India and Tibet and is home to around 29.3 million people. Nepal has suffered from a 10-year civil war that ended in 2006; horrific earthquakes that devastated the country in April and May of 2015 killing nearly 9,000 people and injuring more than 22,000 more; and more recently, blockades at the India/Nepal border that have restricted

the import of essential living supplies. However, t h r o u g h o u t t h e s e hardships, I have always been amazed by the s t rength , res i l i ence , humour and generosity of Nepali women.

When the first earthquake struck on April 25 April, 2015, many men within the hardest hit regions were working in foreign countries at the time, a common practice for men of working age in Nepal.

I n c o m m u n i t i e s throughout Nepal, women have lead the recovery effort by coordinating with grassroots organisations to distribute essential living supplies, establish space spaces for women and children, clear rubble, reunite

THE AMAZING WOMEN AND GIRLS OF NEPAL

Women in the fields in Nepal

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LET HER WORKS PRAISE HER

Chari Kingsbury (Athi River, Kenya)

a family their primary calling in life. In this age of women CEOs

and surgeons, lawyers and politicians, the 'ordinary' stay at home mother can feel rather like a dinosaur. They are the unsung heroes of our day. Today, I want to sing a song of praise for those influential women that helped shape me, helped make me the woman I am today.

I remember my Granny Burleigh as a rather loud woman, her voice shrill in my little ears as she spoke in that rapid fire way of hers. As a quiet, shy girl, I wondered why she always shouted… until I realized my grandfather was deaf as a post! Granny B was my very favourite grandparent; unorthodox, always moving with a lot of energy, and she loved us kids. I loved the big old barn style house my grandparents lived in up in the country. To this day when I catch a whiff of old, polished wood, worn smooth from years of wear, my mind goes immediately to Granny B's place and all the fun we had with this fiery old lady. This woman endured many difficult years with an alcoholic husband and sons, but she persevered, never stopping in her devotion and never losing her zest for life. I always admired her strength, perseverance and indomitable spirit – even when she succumbed to severe dementia in her old age and could no longer recognize who I was. She lived well into her 90s.

Then, there's Mom – another strong woman, though she would laugh at the idea. She suffered abuse at the hands of older alcoholic brothers, occasional beatings from a husband and suffered

the relinquishing of her own dreams of being an artist in order to stay home and raise her four children. My mother was a strict disciplinarian, yet, I never doubted she loved me. She was never o n e f o r m u s h y w o r d s o r sentimentality. Her love, you just knew was there – a fact, like the very air we breathed. My mom taught cooking, health, about keeping an organized and smooth running home – all of which help me in my work today. Mom also taught me how to persevere and how to preserve an optimistic view of life. Somewhere around my late teens, my mother became more than mom… she became my friend. We would go out for mother/daughter dates, have lunch together, shop and then sit in the car a long time talking about life. Sadly, Mom has gone down the same road of dementia as her own mother did. I miss our chats and our girls' day out.

These two women, though they never had amazing, high powered careers, have touched lives in the most intimate and powerful ways – just by being at home and influencing their children – teaching and loving them. Who knows what my grandmother and mother could have become had they been able to pursue their dreams? Nevertheless, I want to honour them among the great women achievers, so sing the praises of these unsung heroes. “Her children arise and call her blessed… give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise.”

A lot is

said these days about women being able to be whatever they want in

life – to aim for top positions as CEOs of

compan ies , to a im, literally for the stars as

astronauts, to become r e n o w n e d d o c t o r s ,

researchers , l i t e ra l l y anything. This conjures up visions of super women – always strong, and of course very famous. This is great. I strongly believe that every girl should be taught from the time she is born, that she can and

should strive t o b e w h a t e v e r G o d h a s placed in her heart

t o b e . B u t sometimes, I suspect that there

are women who are left out of the l imelight that should be there.

They are left out simply because

they chose to stay at home, to make raising

to arrive. Admits the pain and suffering, there have been many stories shared of the leadership, compassion and fortitude Nepali women and girls have displayed during this time of horrific natural disaster.

A l though Nepa l s t i l l has much improvement to make in gender equality, since my first visit to Nepal in 2007, I have seen slow progress away from its traditional patriarchal culture towards a more inclusive society. Over the last 15 years, emphasis placed on the sexual and reproductive health of women has helped to dramatically decrease the maternal mortality rate and to increase posit ive health outcomes for women and girls. During the time I have spent in this wonderful country, I have seen more and more Nepali women stake claim to their rightful place in society and share their

ago: “Travellers will come to Nepal for her mountains, but will return for her people”.

skills and wisdom for the betterment of all Nepali people.

Through my studies in women 's hea l th in Nepal, I have had the privilege of speaking with women and girls throughout the country, learning about their lives, their families, their work and their plans for the future. It is a humbling and often profound experience to be allowed a glimpse into the thoughts and experiences they so generously share with me. To paraphrase a little sign, I saw hanging in a colourful shop in Kathmandu many, many years

The Amazing Women and Girls of Nepal - continued

A Mural of a Nepali Woman