Influencing for Goal Achievement - April 2011

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MMMaaasssttteeerrr TTThhheee DDDNNNAAA OOOfffSSSuuucccccceeessssssfffuuulll IIInnnfffllluuueeennnccciiinnnggg

From Jeremy Francis

CEO of Buy and Train.Com


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CCoonntteennttssFFoorrwwaarrdd 22

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CChhaapptteerr TTeenn IImm ssppeecciiaall.. YYoouu nneeeedd mmee 9966


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FFoorrwwaarrdd

About the book.

Have you ever wondered why some people are such successful influencers and some simply fail to

exercise a positive influence over others? Why it is that some people build effective long term

relationships with others and others fail to? Why are some people so natural in their interactions

and others struggle? Then this book is for you.

To unlock the keys to successful influencing there are six steps, known as the DNA of influencing.

Learn to use these six steps and you will, as a result, be a more effective influencer.

Use the simple but effective ideas in this book to advance your career, build successful relationships

in your private life and influence in the wider community. And enjoy a new found confidence in all

three areas.

Note The book contains a number of useful links for which you will need an

INTERNET CONNECTION. The exercises contained in the book are not

interactive. To complete these you will need to use a PAPER COPY of the

book.

About Jeremy Francis

About Jeremy Francis

Jeremy Francis has worked in human resource development for over 30 years.

From a background in Training and Development within leading British and American banks in 1982

he became a self-employed Human Resource Development Consultant working with blue chip

corporates. He founded Rhema Group in 1985 with the aim of providing customised human

resource development solutions globally through the use of consultancy, instructor led training,

coaching, psychometric assessments and learning and development resources.

He is now CEO of Buy and Train (www.buyandtrain.com) which provides online, downloadable

learning and development resources.
http://www.buyandtrain.com/http://www.buyandtrain.com/http://www.buyandtrain.com/http://www.buyandtrain.com/


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Jeremy is an author and keynote speaker frequently speaking at International Human Resource

Development Conferences.

His most recent keynote speaker assignments were an address to the HR Directors of leading

and a presentation at The Middle East HR Conference and Expo in Dubai

Testimonials

scenarios. I first hired Jeremy to work with me on a global change management programme that

required my staff to embrace and adopt a range of new behaviours and competencies in order for

the business to continue delivering accelerated growth.

Jeremy is an expert in leadership, management and staff behaviour issues. He is highly professional,

has a fine eye for detail and is able to engage with the client at a very detailed level to ensure

optimum results. His preparation and delivery are exemplary and once the job is complete he will

ensure on-going contact to help measure overall effectiveness of the programme and that his work

Andy Soloman, Global Business Director, Platts

of many programmes for managers within the English Language Teaching Division of Cambridge

University Press.

He has always been meticulous in the creation of the content, which he customises as appropriate,

and his style of delivery is very engaging. The feedback we have received from his sessions on

Leading Teams, Coaching and Mentoring, Performance Management and Managing Change have all

Barbara Charlton, Sales Operations Director, Cambridge University Press

ed with Jeremy and his team for more than 20 years I can recommend Rhema services

to any organisation undertaking significant changes , setting up new sales processes and launching

new products.

Jeremy is great to work with - extremely client centered and full of innovative ideas.I particularly

David Galloway, Global Business Manager, Linde Healthcare


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COPYRIGHT PROTECTION NOTICE

All rights reserved

This e-book is published by Jeremy Francis, June 2012

Text Jeremy Francis, June 2012

This material (including additional handouts and exercises) is protected under the Copyright,

Designs and Patents Act 1988. No part of this material may be reproduced, circulated, or

transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, audio

or video recording, or any other information storage or retrieval system, without permission inwriting from Jeremy Francis 15 Prospect Row, Brompton, Gillingham Kent ME7 5AL.

Any unauthorised use of this material constitutes a criminal offence, in addition to exposing the

user to civil penalties.

Important note about the illustrations

The images in this e-book are the copyright of Jeremy Francis and cannot be

reproduced without his permission.


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IIInnnfffllluuueeennnccciiinnnggg FFFooorrr GGGoooaaalll AAAccchhhiiieeevvveeemmmeeennnttt

MMyy IInnfflluueennccee;; OOuurr SSuucccceessss

CChhaapptteerr OOnnee

GGrroowwiinngg uupp iiss hhaarrdd ttoo ddoo

What is your first memory? Mine is my first day at school. I remember vividly

my mother taking me there. I was neatly turned out in my brand new school

uniform. In my own way I felt all of a sudden very grown up, if not a little

apprehensive.

beat. Children were being dropped off by their parents and with a smile

waving goodbye. Miss Porter, the school head, was at the entrance. She

hand and be led by Miss Porter into the unknown. It then hit me that there

was no going back. In a split second my life had changed from being

dependent on one person, my mother, to being dependent on another, Miss

Porter, and I was anxious, very anxious.

Of course as time went on and I got used to the school regime, made friends,

and learnt to trust the teachers my life took on a new norm. Term times and

holidays were that new norm and were to be so for the next fourteen years.


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Why should I start a book on influencing skills with the recollection of my first

day at school? Quite simply because it reminded me that effective influencers

have passed successfully through the first trial of their lives learning to

become dependent. Notice I said dependent and not independent. That

comes later.

Think about it. At some time in our lives we had to walk into the unknown.

We had to learn to transfer our dependency from one person to another. This

is right and healthy and those who have never done so grow up to become

dependent adults. They are children in adult bodies, unable to influence and

only capable of being influenced.

The journey to becoming a successful influencer starts with dependency.

In the dependency stage we realise we need others. We rely on others. We

begin to trust others. We learn to function with others. We begin to

understand ourselves and begin to appreciate the difference between

This is a vital stage of our development as human beings. It can also be a

painful


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In this phase we learn acceptance and rejection. We learn to assert ourselves

to get our way and to respond to others, to be popular, to fit in.

Our conclusions about whom we are, and how much we can effect an

influence over others, is very often formed as we come to terms with how

dependent we need to be on others.

We begin to build a belief system as to how we can best relate to others. Is it

best to compete or accommodate? Should I be more assertive than responsive

or vice versa? Should I largely rely on others or do I need to work towards

being self-sufficient and independent? Will I stay a child or grow up to

adulthood?

ane, sensible and

begin almost subliminally to form these core beliefs.

We need to go through dependency in order to grow and mature. We

certainly need to have passed through this phase to be an effective influencer.


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consider. Give a tick (

BBeelliieeffss

1. It is safer to rely on the advice of others than on my own judgements.

2. Others are more successful than me so they must be doing something

that I am not.

3. It is best to let others take decisions which impact me or my situation.

4. I am not knowledgeable or experienced enough to make decisions on my

own.

5. I need someone to do things for me otherwise I shall make a mistake

and get myself into trouble.

BBeehhaavviioouurrss

6. I find it difficult to make decisions on my own.

7. I feel very insecure outside my comfort zone. I like to be in predictable

and safe situations.

8. I always prefer others to take control and take the lead.

9.

10.I rely extensively on others in all that I do.


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SSiittuuaattiioonnss

11.

12.I dislike conflict situations.

13.When working with others I seek their approval.

14.I definitely do not like situations in which I see myself at risk.

15.I like situations where I am popular with others.

KKnnoowwlleeddggee//SSkkiillll

16.I know how to get on well with others; to fit in.

17.I like meeting the needs of others and getting their acceptance.

18.I find it difficult to assert myself.

19.I influence by trying to accommodate others.

20.ish to be involved in.


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Count up the statements ticked.

Total your score out of 20 =

How dependent are you on others?

0 to 5 = Not at all dependent!

1 to 5 = Slightly dependent

6 to 10 = Appropriately dependent

11 to 15 = Overly dependent

16 to 20 = Far too dependent

Questions to ponder.

Not at all dependent

Do you have difficulties trusting others? If so, why? What has caused you to

be so self-reliant that you possibly avoid any dependence on others?


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Slightly dependent

Being dependent on others is not something you enjoy why is that? Have

you had a bad experience of depending on others which has led to a belief that

it is better to do most things yourself? Unbundle that bad experience. Have

you over-reacted to it?

Appropriately dependent

You have a healthy dependence on others knowing when and how to engage

with others and seek their involvement. You are equally comfortable relying

on yourself as you are relying on others? Why is this? How can you hone your

skills?

Overly dependent

You may be overly relying on others as you go through life. Reluctance to act

on your own can stem from a lack of confidence or fear of failure. Are either of

these playing a part in your life? Before involving others be clear on thedecision you would have made without their input. Then, if subsequently, they

give you the same advice you can grow your confidence in decision-making and

involve others less. You need to gradually lessen your dependence on others.


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Far too dependent

Some people have grown up with over protective parents or an unhealthy

reliance on others. This has led to feelings of intense insecurity if left on their

own, particularly in new situations requiring interactions with unknown people

and requiring decisions to be made they have never had to make before.

People who are far too dependent on others often need significant coaching or

counselling in order to stand on their feet. This can be a lengthy and painful

process but it is necessary for their personal growth.

Quote

Right from the moment of our birth, we are under the care of our parents,

and then later on in life when we are oppressed by sickness and become old,

we are again dependent on the kindness of others. Since at the beginning

and end of our lives we are so d

Dalai Lama, 1989 Nobel Peace Prize Winner.


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Key Questions

Into which of the five categories do you think you fit? Why is this?

What do you need to do to stay or become Appropriately Dependent?

Consider your beliefs, attitudes, knowledge and skills.

Who could help you to be Appropriately Dependent?

Additional Resources

Find out what type of role you like to play in a team environment. This may

give you some valuable insights into your state of dependency. Take a look

at our Team Profile Type Questionnaire

(Team Profile Types Link)
http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=59http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=59http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=59http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=59


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CChhaapptteerr TTwwoo

II ccaann hhaannddllee iitt oorr ccaann II??

miniature trees grown by the Japanese. We feel that our growth has been

restricted or denied to us by our experiences and that we should do something

about this.

That may be true of course, but what can we do? The first step is to grow from

a strong sense of dependency into one of independency. We need to own the

challenge, stop blaming others and be accountable for looking after ourselves.

When we become independent we can look after our own basic needs. We

can function on our own. We can take care of ourselves in a group. We have

left home, we feel free to explore, experiment, make mistakes, learn, get hurt,

love, put ourselves at risk, solve our own problems, persevere, and overcome

in short, we have grown up!


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At this stage we also develop self-awareness and awareness of others. We

become socially competent. We begin to be guided by own values, our inner

sense of what is right and wrong; what is good for us and what is not.

We gain the respect of others for what we can do, our technical knowledge

and skill our contribution. We also gain the respect of others when it comes

to how we treat them and interact with them. We begin to get a sense of our

value as an individual and as a team player.

We grow in confidence and self-assurance, we feel in control. We know that

we have choices and we can exercise them. We make our own decisions.

We are growing from childhood dependency into adulthood independency.

without hardship, and we need to become fully functioning adults.

Some people manage this better than others. Some find achieving a healthy

balance of dependency and independency difficult. But if we are too much

one or the other our ability to influence effectively will be limited.

So what kind of dependency/independency profile do you have?

Complete the following exercise on yourself.


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DDeeppeennddeennccyy aanndd IInnddeeppeennddeennccyy SSuurrvveeyyInstructions

In the following survey you will find a series of paired statements, an Ì'

statement and a D' statement. You are asked to distribute 10 points between

the 2 statements. You might give all 10 points to the Ì' statement and no

points to the `D' statement. This would indicate that the Ì' statement comes

closest to describing your behaviour or feelings and the `D' statement is not at

all descriptive. You might give equal points (5 points to Ì', 5 points to `D') if

both statements fit your behaviour about equally. For each question Ì' plus `D'

should equal 10.


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Paired Statements Allocate 10 points across the two statements

`I' Statements `D' Statements

1 I get things done by shaping events,

having a direct impact on people. I like

to make decisions myself.

Points

I get things done by `tuning in' and

responding to the people and

situations around me. I like others to

make decisions.

Points

2 When I am obstructed by an individual

I become more pushy with the

individual. I may make suggestions or

propose solutions to move things

forward. I like to get my way.

Points

When I am obstructed by an individual

I observe, listen and try to understand

the individual's behaviour. I try to

respond to them in determining the

best way forward. I prefer to let them

have their way.

Points

3 When dealing with conflict I am usually

assertive. I want to win.

Points

When dealing with conflict I am usually

accommodating or evasive. I am

happy for others to get what they

want.

Points

4 In most group situations I am one of

the people who initiates ideas . I like

to take the lead.

Points

In most group situations I am one of

the people who contribute to the

development of an open, thoughtful

process. I like to be a team player.

Points

5 I enjoy making decisions and carrying

them through confidently.

Points

I enjoy thinking about problems but

letting others solve them.

Points

6 I am possibly too self confident.

Points

I am possibly too lacking in self-

confidence.

Points


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`I' Statements `D' Statements

7 When people disagree with one of my

ideas or suggestions I tend to try to sell

them my solutions forcefully.

Points

When people disagree with one of my

ideas or suggestions I tend to 'slow

down' and back off.

Points

8 I can be too quick in making decisions

on my own.

Points

I can be too cautious in making

decisions on my own. I need the

inputs of others.

Points

9 I like to be incisive in solving problems

on my own.

Points

I am reflective and thoughtful and

involve others when solving problems.

Points

10 Under pressure my strength lies in my

ability to get 'fired up' and take the

necessary decisions.

Points

Under pressure my strength lies in

knowing my limitations and involving

others.

Points

11 My ability to be a strong competitor

has paid off for me.

Points

My ability to be co-operative and to

build collaborative relationships has

paid off for me.

Points

12 In working with others I spend more

time talking than listening.

Points

In working with others I spend more

time listening than talking.

Points

TOTAL 'I' POINTS TOTAL 'D' POINTS


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DDeeppeennddeenntt//IInnddeeppeennddeenntt

Think of your resources as a sphere; a never ending reservoir of feelings and

capabilities.

One half represents Independence (your `I' resources) and the other half

represents your Dependence (your `D' resources).

I

Resources

Shaping

Influencing

Defending

D

Resources

Taking In

Being shaped

Accommodating


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`I' BEHAVIOUR

Your `I' resources can be translated into two basic modes of behaviour:

Independentand Loner.

INDEPENDENT

Capable and confident

of making decisions

on own

LONER

Never involves others

in making decisions


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`D' BEHAVIOUR

Your `D' resources can also be translated into two basic modes of behaviour:

Dependent and Demanding.

DEPENDENT

Prefers others to make

decisions

DEMANDING

Demands that others

make decisions for

them


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RReessoouurrcceess

Note that all of the behaviour above the horizontal line is behaviour which

demonstrates a concern for acting alone and with others as appropriate.

All behaviours below the horizontal line demonstrates an over use ofIndependent or Dependent behaviour.

Behaviours above the horizontal line will tend to have a positive and beneficial

effect on interactions with others. Those below the line will tend to have a

negative effect on interactions with others.

INDEPENDENT

Capable and confident

of making decisions

on own

LONER

Never involves others

in making decisions

DEPENDENT

Prefers others to make

decisions

DEMANDING

Demands that others

make decisions for

them


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AAsssseerrttiivveenneessss//RReessppoonnssiivveenneessss MMooddeell

nce on Independent and

possibly even Loner behaviours.

even Demanding behaviours.

resulting in a comfort with Interdependency behaviours.

INTERDEPENDENT

Confident in self and others

Likes to collaborate

Looks for long term

relationships

Seeks partnership way of

working DEPENDENT/independent

Others focussed

Trusting others

Low self-confidence

Wants others to own

problems/decisions

INDEPENDENT/dependent

Self focussed

Trusting in self

High self confidence

Wants to own

problems/decisions

DEMANDING

Excessive need of others

Overly dependent on others

Constantly needs

interactions with others

LONER

No need of others

Self absorbed

Withdrawn

Seldom requires interactions

with others


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SSuummmmaarryy ooffII aannddDD BBeehhaavviioouurrss

LONERBasic stance

from being left alone to run my life without the help or support of others. I

much prefer my own company.

Intention

To be able to pursue the selfish realisation of own goals without involvement

of others.

Belief

I am better left alone. People are a pain. Relationships with others take up

too much time. I am totally self-sufficient.

Behaviour characteristics

Withdrawn, quiet, reflective, contemplative, introverted, strong willed, highly

independent, not self aware or others aware, not concerned with social

interaction.


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Effect on others

Others feel that they must leave the Loner alone. There is little point in

interaction because it is not sought. Others regard the person as a bit odd,

Typical talk

.

.

.

.

.


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INDEPENDENT

Basic stance

I am confident in my ability to handle things ON MY OWN. I am happy making

unnecessarily. I want to live my own life. I enjoy my freedom to act.

Intention

To be self-reliant and self sufficient. To get on with my life without too much

involvement from others. To get my own way without others putting obstacles

in my path.

Belief

I can do things on my own. I am successful and confident about what I can


Expressive, descriptive, firm but not hostile. `I' messages clear. Willing to give

information, expresses goals, expectations and may `sell'. Firm tone of voice,

good eye contact, straight upright and relaxed stance, proposing, persuading.


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Effect on others

Others feel in touch, informed, enhanced. They can disagree without being

seen as attackers or being judged incompetent. Contributions and influence

often increase.

Typical talk

.

.

.

.

DEPENDENT

Basic stance

I need others around me to give me advice and support. As a person I am

cautious and risk averse. I have a tendency to perhaps over rely on the inputs

of others when solving problems or making decisions.

Intention

To get the attention of others to my situation and to involve them in meeting

my needs.


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Belief

Others are more confident and competent than I am. I need others more than

they need me. I want the approval of others.


Seeking information, help and advice from others, being persistent in getting a

response from others. Unable to make important decisions on their own.

Effect on others

Others can feel pestered. When their advice is not taken it causes them to

with the individual, even resentful of it.

Typical talk

.

.


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DEMANDING

Basic stance

Others should pay more attention to my needs. I try my best to help others

with me.

Intention

To have my needs met at any price. This may involve emotional blackmail,

contriving situations, exaggerating my circumstances or even manipulating

others to get my own way.

Belief

People give in in the end.


Expression of what they have done for others, and being let down by others.

Not owning their problems. Being unaccountable. Being unreliable. Unable to

form relationships.


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Effect on others

Others initially feel sorry for the person then when they understand the tactics

being used against them they withdraw. This further reinforces the view of the

individual that others have a problem with them and that they are without

friends, which is of course true.

Typical talk

.

.

Quote

y human has four endowments self-awareness, conscience,

independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate

Stephen Covey


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Key Questions

What does your score tell you about your Independency and Dependency

needs?

How could you move towards behaving in a more interdependent way?

What specific behaviours would this require of you?


Find out how well you build effective relationships when working with others

as part of a group or team. This will provide you with further insights into

your ability to work in an interdependent environment. Have a look at my

Effective Teamwork Questionnaire ()
http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=L&d=58http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=L&d=58http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=L&d=58http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=L&d=58


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CChhaapptteerr TThhrreeee

TThhee CChhaalllleennggee ooffIInntteerrddeeppeennddeennccyy

When we become properly functioning independent people the danger is that

Whilst it is important that we are capable of independent action that does not

mean we can act independently all of the time. Quite the reverse. Many if not

most of my decisions involve other people.

I need to take into account their knowledge, thoughts, views and feelings if I

am going to make truly informed decisions. It is a delusion to think that you

-

reliance and independence can be a dangerous thing. If the whole universe

works in an INTERDEPENDENT way, to be in sync with it we need to as well!


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CChhaapptteerr TThhrreeee -- TThhee CChhaalllleennggee ooffIInntteerrddeeppeennddeennccyy


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What do I mean? Everything I do has an impact on a situation and others

involved in it. Very rarely do I work in a complete vacuum with noconsequences for the action I take.

What I believe, say and do does have an impact on others. I might opt out of a

discussion or conversation. That has an impact. I might compete aggressively

in a given pursuit. That has an impact. I might accommodate people in asituation in order to fit in or be popular. That has an impact. I might

compromise to get a result. That has an impact. I might collaborate to find

creative solutions to problems. That has an impact.

And do you know what? The further I progress in my career, the higher I climbwithin my organisation, the longer the relationship I have with a loved one the

more I appreciate that win/win outcomes come with an ability to work in an

interdependent relationship with others.

To work interdependently is to co-exist in an open and honest relationship. Itis to co-create solutions. It is to co-own decisions and outcomes. It is to co-

care as genuine friends. It is to co-operate for the good of all concerned.


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t all

influence them and be influenced by them.

When we recognise that what we can achieve is all about what we can bring to

others and what they can bring to us it is like an awakening within us.

Working in an interdependent relationship is in fact the first step to being an

effective influencer.

It is the first element in the DNA of being a successful influencer.

You need to understand the whole DNA however.


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CChhaapptteerr FFoouurr

TThheeDDNNAA OOffIInnfflluueenncciinngg

Have a look at the diagram below.

depicted as a six stage process.


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Connection

At the centre of effective influencing is CONNECTION (Rule of Reciprocity). Anindividual cannot influence another individual or a group of individuals if there

is no genuine interdependence which exists between the two parties. If one

party has absolute power over the other, or both parties have no need of each

other, then there is no need to influence. For an effective influencing

parties can exert influence over one another.

CONNECTION is therefore the vital ingredient to all effective influencing and

hence is located not only at the centre of the model but located in such a way

Credibility

CREDIBILITY is often the starting point of an influencing opportunity in that if a

person lacks credibility there will not be the necessary respect from the other

party to even want to engage in an influencing situation. No matter what the

situation or opportunity, if a person lacks credibility the chances of the other

party respecting them are minimal and therefore the likelihood of the two

credibility is key to any influencing opportunity getting started.

Context


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CONTEXT (Social Validation) arguably is the next key ingredient to effective

influencing in that a person can have credibility but if they are not in touch

with, or have not bought into, social and cultural norms they will be seen as

being

acting. This lack of similarity can prevent or lessen their use of personal

credibility and hence diminish the opportunity for effective influencing. It is

vital therefore that the person understands the CONTEXT in which they are

operating as fully as possible.

CREDIBILITY and CONTEXT then lead to CONNECTION which as we have said is

the necessary sense of interdependency which needs to exist for two parties to

be willing to influence, or be influenced by, each other.

Comfort

If this desire for Connection exists then COMFORT (Liking) becomes a key issue

as the degree to which people feel comfortable with one another, have got to

know each other, and want to spend time together will have a significant

impact on their desire or need to influence one another in a positive way.

Those who have not built a friendship with those they want to influence may

struggle because of the lack of openness, trust and ongoing relationship

perceived by the other party. Once the issue of COMFORT is satisfied then the

next key ingredient, CONTINUITY, comes into play.


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Continuity

CONTINUITY (Commitment and Consistency) builds trust between people

because people show themselves to be consistent in their actions and

people. CONTINUITY in a relationship is therefore a Key Contributor to the

honesty, openness and trust required between two parties for them to

effectively influence one another.

Communication

COMMUNICATION (of scarcity) is the last of the six principles and is another

vitally important ingredient. If both parties in an influencing situation feel the

existence of the previous five ingredients then the notion that an item or

resource provided by each party is scarce further encourages both parties to

want to work together for their mutual benefit. Without this

COMMUNICATION of scarcity either party could walk away and find a solution

to their needs and/or problems from another source. The result would be a

devaluing of the need to be truly dependent on one another, which leads back

on the diagram to CONNECTION and the need for true interdependency.

The cycle then proceeds on to CREDIBILITY again and the involvement of the

other key principles to strengthen the virtuous circle of activity which is

repeated and sustained.


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Quote

other. Staunch independence is an illusion, but heavy dependence

healthy either. The only position of long term strength is interdependence:

Greg Anderson, American Best Selling Author and Founder of the American

Wellness Project.


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Key Questions

Influencing Situation Analysis

Think of a situation in which you are involved and in which you are trying to

influence another party or parties.

Describe the Situation

What do you need to do to improve your use of the following:

Connection (increasing interdependence)?

Credibility (improving personal credibility)?

Context (being more in touch with social/cultural norms)?

Comfort (improving liking and friendship)?

Continuity (being more consistent; demonstrating more commitment)?

Communication (reinforcing the scarcity of what you have to offer)?


Check out your attitudes when working with others and trying to influence

them. Complete my Effective Relationship Builder (Getting the best out of

others) Questionnaire and discover how you can change the level of success

you have in working with others.

(Link to Effective Relationship Builder)


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In short, every day of our lives involves us in influencing or being influenced in

some way. However if I am to play a serious and significant influencing role in

the lives of other people then I need to understand that only a long term,

open, trusting relationship built over time on true interdependence will sustain

my ability to influence.

The truth is that when two people or parties really do rely on one another, and

cannot function effectively apart, they are open to being influenced by each

, then the whole foundation of our long term relationship

diminishes and with it the desire for influencing each other for mutual success.

This is called the rule of reciprocity, a key issue in being a successful influencer.

All the time I can bring something to the other party, and vice versa, the desire

to be in a mutually advantageous relationship lives on. Once that relationship

changes from a win/win mindset to a win/lose or lose/win mindset my power

to influence in the longer term reduces as does their power to influence me.


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So how do you seek out interdependent connections with others? Here are

five tips.

1. Concern

Identify those people or groups of people about whom you have a genuine

concern.

It may be that you strongly believe in what they are doing and want to be part

of it. It may be that you meet someone with challenges or problems and you

want to help them.

It may be that there is a bigger cause you really believe in and in which you

want to get involved.

Whatever the basis of your concern it must be genuine. It must touch a chord

with your personal values. You must believe you can make a difference and

you must want to make a difference.

involved in something for your own ends.


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Look for opportunities in which you can offer your services for the benefit of

others and which positively impacts your own personal growth.

2. Contribute

Once you have found an opportunity for which you have a genuine concern

offer to make a contribution.

Share clearly what you can offer, how you can offer it, and why you want to

offer it. This may be your talents, your experience, your knowledge, your skills

or your insights. Whatever it is it has to be of benefit for you both and provide

a substantial motivation for yourself and the other party.

In a sense you have to earn the right to influence and this will come about as a

result of your sincere concern for the good of the other party or the cause in

which you want to be involved.

Offer to make a contribution.


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3. Collaborate

Your job is not to have all the answers and simply pass on your advice to

others, no matter how good it might be. It is to get alongside others and to

create collaborative solutions to challenges or problems.

You will need to question, listen and get to the root causes of problems. You

will need to demonstrate a real understanding of the situation, and, if

appropriate, sympathy or empathy for the other party.

re-thinking the problem or challenge and re-

of old paradigms and seeing things from a completely different perspective.

As the two of you embark on this journey together there is a recognition that

you will discover and learn things for your mutual benefit. Your influence is

sought just as their influence is sought.

never have done on your own.


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4. Create

Do you want to create a future of your own choosing or be a victim of a future

When connecting with others the intention is to work together to create a

preferred future. A future that both of you are committed to.

This involves agreeing the current situation, getting a vision of a future

preferred situation, identifying the gap and tackling the key issues to bridge

the gap.

When doing this there is no point in continuing to struggle with old ways of

the point of trying harder to

fail?

When influencing others think of yourself as a creator of joint ideas and

decisions. There is nothing more rewarding then being in a relationship when

you and the other party are learning and growing together.


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5. Confidential

Being confidential is a key part of connecting with others. You must be trusted

and part of that trust comes from not repeating to others outside the

relationship what the other party clearly does not want revealed. Break that

trust and the other party will never open up to you again, you will lose respect

and certainly your influence will be significantly curtailed.

Follow through on promised actions, be open and truthful, operate with a high

level of integrity and above all keep confidences. These are the qualities of a

great leader, and what is a leader if not a great influencer!

Quote

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to

me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the

education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than

what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance,

giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The

remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will

embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the

fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is ourattitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how

Charles R. Swindoll (American Writer and Clergyman, b.1934)
http://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotes/charles_r._swindoll/http://thinkexist.com/nationality/american_authors/http://thinkexist.com/occupation/famous_writers/http://thinkexist.com/occupation/famous_clergymen/http://thinkexist.com/occupation/famous_clergymen/http://thinkexist.com/birthday/october_18/http://thinkexist.com/birthday/october_18/http://thinkexist.com/occupation/famous_clergymen/http://thinkexist.com/occupation/famous_writers/http://thinkexist.com/nationality/american_authors/http://thinkexist.com/quotes/charles_r._swindoll/http://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.htmlhttp://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_longer_i_live-the_more_i_realize_the_impact/296740.html


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Key Questions

What generally is your reason for connecting with others?

What is behind your motivation?

How could you be more others focussed when connecting with others?


When you connect with others you need to understand their personality type

and what makes them tick. That way you can interact with them on their

ty types.

()


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CChhaapptteerr SSiixx

IInnccrreeddiibbllyy CCrreeddiibbllee

To be an effective influencer you have to be credible. The greater your

credibility the more you will be listened to and the more your advice will be

sought and acted upon. Aim to be incredibly credible!

What does this entail? It means to stand out from the crowd. It means to be

perceived as being different, to be SPECIAL.

Use each letter of the word SPECIAL to remind yourself of the key ingredients

required to be personally credible.

elf Confident

resence

xperience

ompany

nsight

ble

earned

S

P

E

C

A

L

I


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CChhaapptteerr SSiixx -- IInnccrreeddiibbllyy CCrreeddiibbllee


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1. Self ConfidentCredible people exude self-confidence. This can often be a quiet self

confidence.

and strengths. They are self assured because experience has taught them that

they are successful when operating in their area of gifting.

picture success. They have a positive self-image and they perform to this self-

image.

This does not mean that they are arrogant or conceited simply that they are

They also know their limitations and do not get themselves into situations

where they put their credibility at stake. If the

to do something, they will say so.

It takes time to gain the experience required to be genuinely self-confident.


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2. PresenceHave you noticed that people who have a high level of personal credibility havea presence, an aura that goes with it. You know when they are in a room even

Those with a presence are charismatic, they draw people to them, they draw

admiration from others.

do. This

person knows their personal values, they are strong in their beliefs, they are

articulate and their appearance enhances their image as being someone with

gravitas.

This is a person who is unhurried in their dealings with others. They are

measured when it comes to expressing themselves, and calm and sensitive

when engaging others in conversation. They use direct eye contact and know

how to draw others out.

They are respected for their humility which acts as a magnet to others.


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3. ExperiencePersonal credibility comes with experience. Experience of situations,experience of people, and quite simply experience of life.

Those with great credibility know what they are talking about because of the

experiences they have had. Not all of these are good and those with great

credibility view their mistakes as learning opportunities rather than obstacles

to their success.

Their lives more often than not are forged on the anvil of bitter experiences.

Their perseverance has seen them through. They can trust their own

judgement and intuition when they do not have all the facts.

Their experiences have grown their knowledge, skills and insights so that they

see problem solving and decision-making as extending and building on the

experiences they have had. They see personal growth and development as a

necessary and never ending journey.

They thrive on new experiences.


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4. CompanyThey say that you can tell a lot about somebody by the company they keep.How true that is!

Those with a high level of personal credibility mix with the right people. These

are people they can learn from, who are successful and inspirational. They are

people whom they can turn to in order to increase their knowledge and depthof understanding. Keeping company with the right people enhances their

feelings of self-worth.

They form relationships with those people to further their own personal

growth and their personal ambitions.

They keep company with thought leaders and the catalysts of change in society

or business, thus they are seldom out of touch with wide ranging issues about

which they are incredibly knowledgeable.

They not only keep the right people company they also keep the right

and their ideas.


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5. Insight

The highly credible have extraordinary insights.

Because of the depth and breadth of their experiences they can bring real

wisdom to situations. Much of what they have experienced in the past they

often witness to in the situations others share with them.

thinking or perspectives, draw out the real causes of problems, and to coach

individuals to improve their situation.

Their insights also enable them to be a powerful mentor to others and a source

of extremely valuable advice.

They are generous with their wisdom and insights seeking to do the best they

can to help others.

They are unselfish.


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6. Ablehat the lessable were lesser human beings it was just that they were more marketABLE. In

other words the more able are simply more in demand. This might be a cruel

aspect of life but it is worth thinking about when it comes to personal

credibility.

Simply put, those with high levels of personal credibility are seen as being

more able and therefore more sought after.

In a relationship of genuine interdependency both parties have abilities which

are counter balancing, off-setting their weaknesses and resulting in a trulysymbiotic way of working. If both are investing time in growing their already

high levels of ability in a sense they are taking care of each other.

Personal credibility has a lot to do with high levels of ability but also the

openness to share this work with others.


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7. Learned

What more can be said about the key elements which contribute to personal

credibility? You probably think that we have covered them all and indeed we

Here are two def

Having much knowledge acquired by study.

Studied or pursued by learned persons.

You see learned people not only pursue seriously study within their chosen

profession but they become pursued by others because they are learned!

The extent to which you or I are seen as learned is not only to do with what we

Those who are regarded as being highly learned have little trouble influencing

others because others come after them!


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Quote

Robertson Davies

Key Questions

Can you identify someone whom you regard as special?

What makes them special? Think of the SPECIAL mnemonic.

What is that they do that you could learn from?


abilities to others?

Complete myTalents Surveyand find out how to fully exploit your natural

talents in your dealings with others.


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IIInnnfffllluuueeennnccciiinnnggg FFFooorrr GGGoooaaalll AAAccchhhiiieeevvveeemmmeeennnttt MMyy IInnfflluueennccee;; OOuurr SSuucccceessss

CChhaapptteerr SSeevveenn

TTrruusstt mmee;; IImm nnoott cclluummssyy

environment or with your own circle of friends. But what about the wider

context when you are connecting with others from a different cultural

background? What then? Are you clumsy or clever?

Social validation, in which the views of others from a different culture, or when

they are working in a different context, decide whether they will be influenced

by you or not is a key element in building your influencing skills.

When interacting with others from a different background the successful

words they know and respect the cultural norms, they exhibit behaviourswhich fit these norms and they understand the rules of influencing in a context

with which they may be unfamiliar.

The successful influencer is always well briefed on cultural norms.


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What do we mean by culture? Quite simply the way in which people think and

behave based on their core beliefs. These core beliefs could have been handed

down to them over the years and have become a part of what they regard as

an acceptable interaction between themselves and with others.

So before beginning to operate in a different cultural context check out the

following ten questions. Do you know:

1. The history of the person, group or country?

2. What are the cultural norms in society, in business, in politics, in the family

and between members of a specific group?

3. Why do these cultural norms exist? How have they come about?

4. How different are they to yours?

5. What change in beliefs, behaviours, and appearance will you need to pay

attention to in order to fit in and not cause offence?

6. Who can guide me on these issues?

7. What specific language or jargon do I need to use?

8. Who can I practise these on?

9. What situations might I face? How should I handle them?

10.Finally what must I avoid at all costs so as not to give offence?

Answer these ten questions with a tick for each one and you are probably in

good shape to fit in with cultural norms and be respected as someone worth

listening to and knowing.


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Quote

Mahatma Gandhi

Key Questions

What are your most important values? Take a look at myPersonal Values

Questionnaire

Complete the questionnaire and diagnostic questions which follow using

the instructions.

In whose company do you feel most at home?

Think of a situation involving people with a very different set of values in

which you have been involved.

- How did you feel?

- How could you have prepared better for the situation?

- With hindsight how could you have behaved more appropriately?


To find out more about Cross Cultural Diversity take a look at the work of

Fons Trompenaars and his Seven Dimensions of Culture. A must if you are

mixing with people of different nationalities. Use this link.
http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=E&d=210http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=E&d=210http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=E&d=210http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=E&d=210http://www.thtconsulting.com/Website/index.asphttp://www.thtconsulting.com/Website/index.asphttp://www.thtconsulting.com/Website/index.asphttp://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=E&d=210http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?sarea=E&d=210


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CChhaapptteerr EEiigghhtt

CCaann wwee bbee ffrriieennddss??

The truth is that we are more likely to influence others if they are genuine

friends. Liking others and being comfortable in a relationship with them leads

to openness, honesty and trust. These are key ingredients to our success as an

influencer.

Think about it. If we are good friends with others we want to spend time

together. We probably share similar values and interests. We may face similar

problems or challenges. As we open up to one another, sharing information

and receiving their feedback and advice, together we grow to enjoy working in

an interdependent relationship.

So our comfort with others plays an important part in being able to be an

effective influencer.

Here is a model that will help you build long term relationships with people

and in the process grow and development your influencing skills.


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The Pyramid of Relationship Building

TThhee PPrroocceessss

1. GAIN RAPPORT

Creating rapport means getting on to the same wave length with the other

person.

The essence of gaining rapport involves finding some sort of common ground

or mutual interest. You are endeavouring to find a real meeting of mindsreal

understanding. It's important that each sees the other as an equal and treats

them as one. This can often be achieved in a short space of time even at the

first meeting.

MUTUAL RESPECT

1. Gain rapport

SHARING

NEW POSSIBILITIES

COMMITMENT

DISPLAY

OF LOYALTY

5. Partnership

4. Response

3. Open, two-way communication

2. Build trust


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THE OUTCOME OF BUILDING RAPPORT IS MUTUAL RESPECT.

2. BUILD TRUST

After mutual respect has been gained the relationship is developed further by

building trust. This happens through a process of sharing.

Trust involves gaining the confidence of the other person by achieving

credibility in their eyes. They need to both believe in and feel comfortable

with your ability to deliver.

THE OUTCOME OF TRUST IS THE DESIRE TO SHARE MORE.


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3. OPEN TWO-WAY COMMUNICATION

Once trust has been established, open, two-way communication can take

place.

Information is exchanged, for example by sharing in greater depth similar

experiences and discussing beliefs, in a non-evaluative way. Both parties

remain neutral and non-judgemental, while at the same time giving freely of

themselves and being comfortable with their own and the others' views.

THE OUTCOME OF OPEN COMMUNICATION IS THE CREATION OF

NEW POSSIBILITIES.

4. RESPONSE

As a result of open communication, the next step in the process involves

exercising your judgement in order to respond appropriately to the other

party's situation and needs.


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You are likely to weigh up the action required in the light of your knowledge,

previous experience and personal values. Your response may also beinfluenced by internal influences and the personal motivation of the other

party.

THE OUTCOME OF RESPONDING APPROPRIATELY IS TWO WAY

COMMITMENT.

5. PARTNERSHIP

In business terms, this means the customer displaying support for you, either

to someone else in the organisation or to another potential customer.

You will also demonstrate your loyalty to them by enhancing their reputation

and making them look good, at the same time increasing their dependence on

you.

You both share understanding, agreement and commitment to the future.

Both parties want the relationship to be long term and mutually beneficial and

go out of their way to achieve this.


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THE OUTCOME OF WORKING IN PARTNERSHIP IS LOYALTY.

However, effective influencing is not just about a relationship building process,

The key here is to influence others as THEY would like to be influenced, not

how we would like to be influenced. But first you need to understand your

own preferred influencing styles.

Here is a quick survey which will help you to do this.


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Identifying You Own Influencing Style Questionnaire

Complete the questionnaire to discover your preferences when it comes to influencing others.

You are asked to consider yourself, reflect on each of the items below and select a score

which best represents how you generally behave in relation to others. Use the following

scoring to allocate points:

0 I never do this.

1 I rarely do this.

2 I sometimes do this.

3 I often do this.

4 I always do this.

1. Openly share my principles and beliefs with others.

2. Communicate my goals and objectives clearly to others.

3. Get alongside people and offer my help and support.

4. Create a picture of how the future could be which excites others.

5. Employ the use of rational and logical arguments to persuadeothers.

6. Use a collaborative approach to achieve win/win outcomes.

7. Persuade others using my authority and status.

8. Educate people so that they re-evaluate the world around them.

9. Use a coaching approach to help people to achieve their goals.


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10. Express my values to others with conviction.

11. Use clear objectives to channel the efforts of others towardsachievement of a goal.

12.

13. Paint a vivid picture of a future which attracts people.

14. Use data and facts to demonstrate the validity of the argument Iam presenting.

15. -in.

16. Employ formal authority and status to get things done.

17. Challenge others to change the way they see things.

18. Empower others by giving them encouragement and support.

19. Have a strong sense of what is right and wrong where ethics areconcerned.

20. Use performance standards and measurable objectives to getothers to deliver.

21. Assist people as friends to help them find solutions to problemswhich bother them.

22. Create and communicate a vision of the future in vivid language.

23. Make sure that my proposals are based on proven data and facts.

24. Work in partnership with people to make decisions.


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25. Rely on my status and position to get results.

26. Provide guidance to others to help them improve theirperformance.

27. Act as a catalyst to encourage people to change the way theythink.

28. Make decisions based on deeply held principles and beliefs.

29. required results.

30. Provide practical help and support to others whenever they needit.

31. Use imagimagination.

32. Influence others by presenting logical and sound arguments.

33. Build consensus with people to deliver agreed results.

34. Ensure people understand my status when requesting them to dosomething.

35. Easily get people to open their minds to new ideas.

36. Build confidence in others by coaching them to grow theirknowledge and skills.

Thank you for completing the Influencing Style Questionnaire. Now please collate

the scores you've given to yourself on the next page.


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Influencing Style Questionnaire

ANSWER GRID

Take the scores from the questionnaire and enter them on the answer grid below.

Then calculate the totals for each horizontal line and write these in the boxes

provided.

1 10 19 28 Beliefs driven style

2 11 20 29 Objective-setting style

3 12 21 30 Friendship style

4 13 22 31 Visioning style

5 14 23 32 Logical persuasion style

6 15 24 33 Collaborative Style

7 16 25 34 Status style

8 17 26 35 Catalyst style

9 18 27 36 Coaching style


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Influencing Style Profile

Plot your scores on the relevant axis of the above chart and join up your scores to create a graphic illustration of your preferred and

less preferred influencing styles.

Logical

Persuasion

CoachingBeliefs

Driven

Collaborative

Status

Catalyst

Visioning

Friendship

Objective

Setting

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1011

12

13

14

15

16


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EXPLANATORY NOTES

The feedback shown on the profile gives you an opportunity to think about how you

influence other people. There are nine distinct influencing styles described below.

Consider each, and, if appropriate, discuss them with the person who gave you the

feedback and identify those styles that you should develop further. It is helpful to

discuss your profile with another person who can help you consider how to increase

your skills.

Beliefs driven style

You present deeply-held beliefs about what is good and bad, important and

unimportant. By expressing values you capture interest and goodwill. Your values

touch a chord in others and your conviction is persuasive. You invoke respect and

admiration. Your skills include values clarification, effective presentation and an

ability to delve below the surface.

You attract others by appealing to their moral sense.

Objective setting style

You ensure that aims and objectives are clearly understood by all concerned and

direct efforts towards achievement. You monitor the performance of others, set

success measures and provide coordinated plans. By setting milestones and

avoiding being 'put off the scent', you influence situations. Your style is

'administrative' in the best sense of the word. You use management techniques to

channel effort. Your skills include objective setting, action planning, performance

measurement, controlling and giving feedback.

You drive others by obtaining their commitment to objectives, then keep

performance on track.


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Friendship style

You are practically helpful. You identify others' needs and show how these can be

fulfilled. You work at being a useful resource to others, in problem solving. Your

credibility and influence come through being a genuinely useful friend. Your skills

include sensitivity, active listening, being people-centred, action planning and co-

operative counselling.

You attract others by winning confidence and being a valued friend.

Visioning style

You create 'pictures' of a desirable future which offers better ways of doing things

or redressing wrongs. You bring meaning and direction into people's thinking and

give an understanding of what could happen. Your strengths are the capacity to

express vivid images, imagination, opportunism, far-sightedness and practicality.

You are an architect of the future.

You attract others by providing a positive direction.

Logical persuasion style

You are persuasive in argument and debate. Your facts are valid. You collect

data, evaluate information, build a logical case and present sound arguments. You

appeal to reason and intellect. Your position is defensible and reasonable. Your

skills include analysis, concept development, logical thought and formal

presentation.

You attract others by the force of argument and rationality.


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Collaborative style

You are influential because you believe in win/win outcomes based on using a

collaborative approach to problem-solving and decision-making. You use creativity

to reframe problems and come up with innovative solutions which are jointly

owned.

You influence others by a consensus building approach to achieve win/win

outcomes.

Status style

You obtain formal authority to give a power-base. You want to obtain powerful

positions and build a legitimate role. You seek to acquire the right to decide how

to allocate resources to further a cause. You concentrate on getting the

foundation properly laid. Your skills include organisational design, planning,

performance control, and administration.

You drive others with legitimate power.

Catalyst style

You expose people to new ideas, experiences, concepts, possibilities or inner

reflections. You act as a teacher, educator, catalyst, counsellor and guide,

enriching people's experience through demonstration and the opening of minds.

You cause people to discover that their current thinking/behaviour is, in some

ways, inadequate. Your skills include diagnosis, designing learning, communication

principles and teaching.

You attract people by causing them to re-evaluate the world around them.


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Coaching style

You encourage and empower people to identify needs, evaluate options, formulate

action programmes and take initiatives on their own account. You are supportive

and positive, adding extra energy and giving confidence. You do not seek to guide,

but to enable others to act. Your skills include listening, counselling, giving

positive feedback and advising. You give permission to act, moral support and,

sometimes, practical support.

You drive others by giving them energy.

Action Planning

What are your most preferred influencing styles (scores of 12 to 16)?

What are your least preferred styles (scores of 0 to 6)?

Are you over using your preferred styles?

Are you under using your least preferred styles?

When influencing others you will need to influence them using their preferred

influencing style. How easy will this be for you?

Complete the action planning exercise on the next page.


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Influencing Styles

Write down the names of five people you need to influence regularly. What is their

preferred influencing style? How would you influence them using THEIR preferred

style?

NAMES THEIR PREFERREDSTYLE

HOW I WOULDINFLUENCE PERSON

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.


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Quote

ay not follow.

Albert Camus

Key Questions

Using the Pyramid of Relationship Building examine a relationship

you wish to grow with someone.

At what level is the relationship currently working?

What do you need to do to move the relationship up to the next

level?


Influencing key stakeholders in a given situation is an extremely

important skill. Only if you do this well will you get their commitment

to your ideas their willing followership.

Take a look at my material onInfluencing and Managing Key

Stakeholders
http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=61http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=61http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=61http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=61http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=61http://www.buyandtrain.com/browsematerial.php?d=61


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CChhaapptteerr NNiinnee

YYoouu ccaann rreellyy oonn mmee

Continuing in a relationship, evidenced by commitment and consistency,

s

from the input and contribution of the other.

Effective influencers seek to build relationships with others which are

long term in nature and require effort to sustain them.

Every relationship has its difficult moments. It would be very strange if

there were not disagreements, times of tension, moments of stress, and

periods when it appears to be not worth the effort.

important in your influencing role. People who are there for you today

been expressed the trust has been broken and their

influence nullified.


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Sometimes it is necessary in our own influencing role to confront the

other person. If this is required use the following CONFRONT formula.

C = Communicate your needs and the reasons for them; state which

of your needs are met and unmet; focus on your unmet needs and

describe what is currently happening.

O = Open mind. Keep an open mind. The other person might not be

unreasonable and might see things from your point of view. Do

no

N= Neutralise your view of the other party. Avoid personal bias. Ask

open questions, listen, summarise and try to understand their

situation and where they are coming from.

F = Find out their ideas for resolving the conflict. Build on their ideas.

Add your own ideas, be creative in finding a fresh solution.

Collaborate in viewing the problem from a different angle.

R = Respond

respond (versus react) to their behaviours.


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O = Own the outcome with the other party. Agree to jointly work on

the solution.

N = New way of working. Establish a new norm to work together for a

better relationship and results.

T = Treat the other party with respect. Build on the relationship.

Improve the results.

There might be times when confrontation turns into conflict and you will

need to use an appropriate conflict resolution style.

Follow the instructions below to ident

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Influencing for Goal Achievement - April 2011

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