Influencing Skills

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It’s not always easy to

persuade people …

People are complex individuals hiding many

emotions, reservations and sometimes

dogma … so don’t expect influencing to be

easy.

You have to work at it …

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Influencing – what’s it about?

Perhaps when we begin thinking about influencing skills we should start by asking why we wish to influence. Is it because we know that we are right and therefore people should conform? Or do we in fact recognise that influencing is usually a two - way process? There is no right way to influence people, and there are many different circumstances in which we may wish to influence, such as debate, negotiating, selling or presenting.

Within the workplace, we are required to influence people in order to achieve results. Sometimes this is simply about being able to do our job effectively.

Influencing people is about adapting your style and behaviour in a way that helps others think about changing theirs. This document approaches the skills of influencing by looking at different types of behaviours and how to influence the people who adopt those behaviours. The skills and models offered are not the only options for influencing and neither do we suggest that all people fall clearly into the behaviours identified. However, with practice you should be able to draw from these ideas and adapt them to your circumstances.

Influence

“The effect a person or thing has on another”

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The basic influencing skills …

Listening

Listen without interrupting Ask relevant questions Summarise

Presenting

Collecting information Grabbing attention Presenting logic with conviction Closing with a ‘sell’

Adapting

Genuinely believing the influencing is two way Listening Summarising Acknowledging new ideas Changing your views or accepting the other person’s view

Buying time

Recognising when you feel uncomfortable Recognising when the other person is feeling uncomfortable Skilfully suggesting a break Re thinking and new planning Coming back together and starting again

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Six Influencing Styles … You may find yourself applying one or more of the following styles of influencing. They all work. However, some will work more effectively if used in the right circumstances. First you need to recognise the styles and identify which of these you use and which you need to be using. Style 1 - Challenging When challenging, think about challenging and reasoning. The secure person is able to receive criticism, is open to suggestions and will listen. To get the best results when dealing with this person then preparation is vital. Consider the following: Be clear about all of the facts relating to this situation Start by setting the scene and deciding a process e.g. looking at positive

aspects first etc Identify common areas of agreement Identify areas where you do not agree Listen to the secure person first and adjust your ideas if necessary Give your point of view Look together for solutions that you will be acceptable to both parties Agree together a win win solution Style 2 – Asserting Sometimes it is necessary to be firm. After you have done all that you can to listen and understand the other person’s view point, and assuming that you have a right to expect certain behaviour then it may be appropriate to assert yourself.

Assertiveness is about expressing your true and honest feelings in a constructive manner without violating other peoples’ rights. The following model is suggested to help you do this: See the person on his or her own and say: “Name... This is what you are doing This is how it makes me feel or these are the problems your actions are causing me This is how I want you to behave in future”

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If the person fails to deliver for you, and assuming you have authority to insist on changed behaviour then the next stage in asserting is use the following model: Incentives and pressures - specifying consequences, etc. For example:

I want.... If you do.... (desired action), I will.... (support, etc) If you do not....the consequences will be.... Silence

Having used this model, allow the other person time to think before pushing for a decision. Silence is powerful - let the other person speak first. Style 3 – Persuading Some people by nature are analytical and need details and substance before they will be convinced to change their view point. Persuading involves gathering information, evidence and facts and presenting them logically and persuasively. The following model is one suggested approach you may use:

Know your subject Get know about the person you wish to influence Gather the evidence Prepare a persuasive presentation When you meet – start by asking questions to ascertain the person’s

attitude/belief about the topic you will be presenting – you may need to make some adjustments

Listen Deliver your presentation Allow questions and objections Deal with objections constructively Buy time if necessary Be prepared to make adjustments – influencing is two way

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Style 4 – Selling

Competitive people love a challenge. The competitive person will not feel threatened when you challenge and disagree with him. In fact he will welcome the challenge, and will likely win, especially if he is your boss or a customer. The selling approach is based on friendship selling. This means some kind of trust and relationship will be required. This takes time and there is no quick fix. Insincerity is usually easily detected. Start by confirming the goals that both parties wish to achieve Listen to the other person and ask questions Keep listening until you are sure you have identified this person’s needs Present your idea or product/suggestion with benefits – match the other

person’s requirements Present options that you know will be acceptable to the competitive person do

not go into the close with only one option – he or she can very easily say ‘no thank you’

Make sure that all of these options help you achieve your objectives Check to see if the other person is happy with your ideas if not deal positively

with any objections until he or she can really see the benefits Close the deal – if you can’t then arrange to discuss it later and go through the

process again – sometimes selling takes time

Selling The art of selling is listening, not telling

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Style 5 – Visioning The uninterested person is possibly the most difficult person to influence. You have first got to capture her or his interest. Creativity is required here and one technique you may use is called ‘visioning’. Present your idea in words with vision. Speak about your idea as if it were already happening: “Can you picture the new office Mary? As you walk through the door you can see the highly polished floor, the wonderful oak furniture with state of the art computers on an array of oak desks...” Visioning can be incorporated to most of the other style, for example when selling a very powerful tool is to describe how well a product or idea has worked with a competitor or in another department. Style 6 – Bridging The insecure person is the person who takes it as a personal threat when we dare to suggest that he or she got it wrong, or that the problem lies within his department. He or she will quickly go on the defensive and any opportunity to influence is lost. Make this person feel more secure by starting by asking for help or advice. “Joe we seem to be getting it wrong. It may be our department that is missing something but I would certainly value any advice you can give me” Some people do not like this approach as they see it as false or ‘giving in’. In fact it is a great tool for ‘Big Thinkers’ As the diagram below shows, sometimes the way to achieve success (going up – the thick arrow) is to go down first (The thin arrow) in order to cross the bridge.

Start by asking for help or offering help Listen to the other person’s viewpoint and

Understand it Summarise what you hear Spell out how you think he/she can help you Make suggestions Go for a win win solution Show appreciation

This method of influencing is frequently used when dealing with what we may call ‘difficult’ people and is often used as a generic model for influencing as follows …

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1. Listen and understand It can take a great deal of self discipline to listen to another person when you are keen to talk. But if you do listen, you will increase the likelihood that they will then listen to you – and that you will be able to make your proposal in terms that they might find attractive. Genuinely listen to his or her point of view with a serious intention of understanding what he or she is trying to convey. You may learn something. Whenever someone who is difficult tells you that you are not listening they are usually right. You are not listening you are arguing. Of course the other person is also arguing, but no one is making progress. So listen and get all of the facts. Make sure you understand. When involved in debate you will most probably have had someone tell you that you don’t understand. Once again this will most probably be true because you have not fully listened. When someone says ‘You don’t understand’ then do not argue. Simple say ‘What don’t I understand?’ and then genuinely listen and try to understand what the person is saying and to appreciate his or her point of view. You will now be a much more informed person. 2. Summarise It is not enough to understand. You have to prove that you understand. So summarise what you have heard. As you summarise, you can emphasise the points that you are about to make. Now that you are informed you can prove to the other person that you do understand his or her point of view. Repeat back what you have heard and you will demonstrate your understanding. 3. Influence When the other person is happy with your summary, you can refer to something that supports your proposal, such as a point that has already been agreed, one of their priorities or another aspect of company policy. Now you can suggest (don’t insist) on a solution that flows naturally from the points made at the previous stage. Suggesting, rather than insisting, also with the quantity of listening that you have been doing, improves the chances of the other person’s agreement.

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Two more styles (You should not use) Style 7 – Belief Driven You have strong beliefs, feelings or emotions and this drives you to make your case strongly. The problem here is that whilst it is not wrong to have principles, values or feelings, just stating them does not work as an influencing tool. In fact it usually has the opposite effect in that it tends to undermine your credibility. Style 8 – Friendship Driven Many people when trying to sell or influence are keen not to upset the other person. Their view is that you need to keep a person comfortable if you want him or her to cooperate with you. Whilst there is some truth in that belief in that you do not wish to make an enemy of the person you wish to influence, you must also consider that to change a person’s view point will require you to challenge her or his beliefs, opinion or understanding. It may initially be uncomfortable for both parties. They do say ‘no pain, no gain’.

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Understanding People There are so many different types of people or different behaviours that people exhibit depending on their personality and the circumstances they find themselves in. It is very unlikely that you will find a person is a perfect fit in the examples below. More likely is that you will recognise a number of the examples in the people you know.

Four personality types

Amiable

Warm and friendly people who tend to avoid risks. They are usually good listeners and people persons, like to use first names and tend to share their feelings easily. The ‘amiables’ are supportive, reliable, pleasant, compliant, retiring and soft hearted. Expressive

Expressive people tend to be quick paced, tactile, time undisciplined, spontaneous and risk takers. They can be persuasive and are usually enthusiastic and animated. They are described as invigorating and optimistic and can be excitable, impatient and manipulative.

Analytical

The more cautious person who needs facts and information before deciding. These people are time disciplined, structured, organised, systematic and diligent. They are not always good at making eye contact and can be picky and appear to be difficult.

Drivers

Drivers are fast paced, decisive and impatient and productive people who tend to seek control. They will have steady eye contact, use gestures to emphasise their point and usually have a firm handshake. They may be perceived as uncompromising overbearing and manipulative.

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Six behaviours

Secure Feels comfortable when receiving criticism Open to suggestions that contradict or oppose plans she or he has already

made Happy to attend a meeting with an open mind Playing is more important than winning Failure is part of the process – we win some we lose some Insecure Tends to be mistrusting when people have an alternative point of view Tends to be suspicious of people bearing gifts (People who may be generous

or perceived as too compromising) Not happy with criticism Prefers to avoid confrontation Feels uncomfortable with failure and takes it personally Competitive Enjoys a challenge Welcomes difference of opinion as an opportunity to make his or her point of

view Winning is important Feels comfortable with confrontation Failure is an opportunity to learn and start again – genuinely feels this Uninterested Attitude may be “Who needs a challenge?” Only interested if he or she sees the personal benefits to oneself Would not buy on impulse Winning is important only when the issues are important to oneself Other people’s problems are not their problems

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Stubborn For some reason has pre determined the outcome May have some personal vendetta or something to prove Will not listen to other people’s opinion - difficult Is convinced that his or her way is right and refuses to move Appears to be vindictive and intentionally obstructive

Aggressive Will not listen to your point of view Can be insulting Extremely impatient May raise his/her voice Can be intimidating Remember – Best not use influencing skills when ‘you are wrong’!!!!!

And finally

Remember...

Influencing is 2 way