• 1

Inter-Act, 13th Edition

Chapter 6Relationships

Chapter ObjectivesDiscuss the functions of

communication in relationshipsDescribe how relationships differ

and are categorizedExplain how relationships change

during their life cyclesIdentify the issues in each stage

of the life cycle that require effective communication

• 2

• 3

Relationship – a set of expectations two people have for their behavior based on the pattern of interaction between them

Good relationship – interactions are satisfying to and healthy for those involved

Abusive relationship – interactions are physically, mentally, or emotionally harmful

Functions of Relationships

1. Constitutive function – Relationships come about through interactions

2. Instrumental function – Communication is a way to “get things done” in the relationship

3. Indexical function – The “thermometer” of a relationship; measures who is in control, how much partners trust each other, and the level of intimacy in the relationship

• 4

• 5

How Relationships Differ• Impersonal vs. Personal• Voluntary vs. Involuntary• Platonic vs. Romantic

Types of Relationships1. Acquaintances – people we know by

name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are limited

2. Friends – people with whom we have voluntarily negotiated more personal relationships

3. Close friends or intimates – those with whom we share a deep commitment, trust, interdependence, disclosure, and affection • 6

Class ActivityIn groups of 3-4, identify the

different expectations you have for acquaintances, friends, “best friends,” and lovers

What happens when two people have different expectations? How do you progress from one type of relationship to another? Do we sometimes have unrealistic expectations of people?

• 7

Gender Differences

TalkingDisclosing personal

historySharing personal

feelings

Joint activitiesDoing favors for

each otherSuccessive tests of

dependability

• 8

Women develop close friendships through:

Men develop close friendships through:

Dimensions of Relationships1. Interdependence2. Depth3. Breadth4. Commitment5. Understanding and Predictability6. Communication Coding7. Sharing Social Networks

• 9

As dimensions increase, relationships develop; as they decrease, relationships deteriorate.

Self-disclosure & Feedback:The Johari Window

• 10

Open Blind

Secret Unknown

Known to self

Not knownto self

Known toothers

Not knownto others

V / V, ch.3

The Role of Self-DisclosureSocial Penetration Theory:

Self-disclosure is integral to all stages of relationships, but changes over time.

The nature and type of self-disclosure change as people become more intimate.

When disclosure is reciprocated, the relationship becomes intimate.

• 11

Self-Disclosure GuidelinesDisclose information that you want others to

disclose to you.Disclose information appropriate for the type of

relationship.Disclose intimate information only when it

represents an acceptable risk. Be sensitive to your partner’s ability to absorb

your disclosure. Reserve intimate or very personal disclosures for

ongoing relationships. Continue intimate self-disclosure only when it is

reciprocated.• 1

2

Extra Credit OpportunityDo you have problems either

disclosing personal information or providing your relationship partner with feedback? Write a communication improvement plan (for assistance see worksheet at www.oup.com/us/verderber ) and follow the Assignment Rubric

• 13

Relationship Life CyclesRelationships move through

identifiable stages.Turning points:

Events that mark a transition from one stage to another

Lead to greater intimacy or to deterioration of relationship

Happen at all stages in a relationship

• 14

Extra Credit OpportunityObserve and Analyze (p173)Select one long-term relationship,

identify the turning points, indicate whether each was a positive event that strengthened the relationship or negative event that weakened relationship intimacy. Discuss these with the other person and describe the outcome.

• 15

Relationship Stages

• 16

Beginning

Developing

Sustaining

Declining

Beginning RelationshipsCommunication focuses on: Increasing knowledge of the otherReducing uncertainty Increasing interactionPredicted Outcome Value Theory:We gather information to predict whether the

benefits of future interactions will outweigh the costs.

Stages of Beginning Relationships:EntryPersonalExit

• 17

Developing Relationships

Increasing disclosureKeeping a relationship at a particular level of

closeness or intimacyFrequent communicationEmerging interdependenceInterpersonal Needs Theory:Relationship depends on how well each person

meets the interpersonal needs of the other.◦ Affection◦ Inclusion◦ Control

• 18

Exchange Theory:Relationships understood in terms of exchange of

rewards and costs during interactions Cost/Reward ratio

Rewards – needs metCosts – time and energy spent developing relationship

Relationships develop and are sustained when partners choose to meet each other’s needs.

• 19

Sustaining Relationships

Use pro-social behaviors.Observe ceremonial occasions.Spend time together as a couple and with

mutual friends.Communicate frequently.Words and actions reassure continuing

affection, discretion, trustworthiness.Share tasks.

• 20

• 21

Relational Dialectics• The conflicting pulls that exist in relationships as well

as within each individual in a relationshipAutonomy/Connection• I need my own space. I want to be close.

Novelty/Predictability• We need to do I like the familiar

rhythms we have.

Openness/Closedness• I like sharing so There are some things I don’t want

to talk about.

Managing Dialectical Tensions:Temporal selection Topical segmentationNeutralizationReframing

• 22

Relationship Decline

The communication in declining relationshipsis marked by three stages:Recognition of dissatisfactionProcess of repairing or disengaging from

relationshipEndingTermination Strategies:Manipulation/Withdrawal/AvoidanceDirect/Open/HonestRelationship Transformation

• 23