Cavecub Chronicles

Inside this issue:

Monthly

Calendar

2

Ask Crahs 3

Meme of the

month

4

Rap of the month 5

Book Review of

the month

6

Valentines who

knew?

7

Worst game of

the month and

Guess Who’s

8-9

Special points of

interest:

• Check out the cal-

endar each month

so you know what is

happening at your

school!

• Avoid boredom over

the break!

• Stay updated on

school events!

•

Welcome to the North Newspaper!

Welcome back, guys! This month, we have even more

in store. So let’s get to it!

New This Month

We have two new ar�cles for you guys this month; the first

being Worst Game of the Month. Are you planning to start

playing a new game? Not so fast! Each month, we’ll let you

know what NOT to do when it comes to gaming. We also

have another new ar�cle called Guess Who’s Birthday! It’s a

list of celebrity birthdays coming up this month, so be sure to

check it out to stay up to date!

Returning Ar�cles

You can s�ll view some of your favorite ar�cles from past is-

sues. Stay on top of this month’s events with our monthly

calendar and you’ll never miss out on anything. Need a new

book to keep you occupied this month? We have a new book

review to try! We all probably spend quite a bit of �me on

the internet, so we have another addi�on to our series all

about the latest memes. Finally, are you trying to memorize

the words to a rap? We have an ar�cle dedicated to the lyr-

ics of a rap to look through.

Well, this month’s issue should be exci�ng. Let’s jump in,

shall we?

ar�cle by Olivia Akers

February 2017

By

Ethan Bland &

Ryan Johnston

Ask Crash

Ask ques�ons and get some answers

The ques�ons of the month are:

Q: I’m asking on account of school. How do you keep up with homework

when it’s up to your head and it’s some pre8y hard stuff? I’m trying to be the

best North student I can be, and since you’re the best I thought I might ask you.

A: There are li8le things to do to help that. But some�mes you will have to take

�me during lunch to talk to your teachers to get their help to help make your

homework easier and quicker. You can reduce �me on electronics, because stu-

dents tend to spend a lot of �me on phones and computers. Set a goal for your-

self, and don’t stop un�l you’ve completed your goal. But make sure to take

�me for yourself too, or else you’ll lose sight on what’s important: your friends,

family, and just being a kid. Sincerely, Crash

Q: Do you like cake?

A: Well, I am very glad you want to know about my personal life. It really

depends on what kind of cake. If it’s red velvet, I will literally curl up into a ball

and slowly decay. Now, a chocolate salmon-filled cake will get my a8en�on. I

could dig a nice vanilla cod. The redder the fish, the be8er. Sincerely, Crash

Need Advice? If you need advice, go to the counselling center and put your ques�on in the

Ask Crash box. Stay cool.

Wri8en by CRASH the Mascot

Socially Awkward Penguin is an advice animal image macro series featuring a penguin lacking both so-cial skills and self esteem. The text typically narrates uncomfortable life situations, highlighting an exceptionally clumsy or inelegant response.

More memes

Aligned with Giants Mankind aligned with giants. Goliath and David made an alliance. I've tried to find the kind of pilot, that I can bind with, fight and die with! I'm your titan. Fell from the sky like a strike of lightning. My size is frighten-ing, no wonder why all the hype has heightened. Ogres hold the front line, you guided by the cover fire that I've provided. Atlas has your back, Stry-ders fly in. If you're on foot, zipline and hide quick Ahhh, I'm on fire, ther-mite ignited. Get behind this, try survivin' Nice arrival, I like your timing. Do you mind if I hitch a ride with? Got your license to pilot titans? If you're ready for an epic quest, then climb in! "A titan is only as mighty, as the pilot inside him!" Send all your troops, tell them to come in a horde. A little flak is collateral that I can afford. Your bullets feel like an itch, that I'm gonna ignore, don't play with a fire if you don't wanna get scorched. I'm bored of my gun, I'll have more fun with a sword. I see you running on walls, but I'm running the war. I'll tell ya what double jump is for. The quicker to retreat, so I don't punish you more. I've got the power within my core, I'll keep my battle wicked short - this ain't infinite war. You're the muscles, I'm the brains. If I need to hustle, you can take the reigns. Y'all better run for cover when I get in my mech, Unless you wanna see the wreckage and how messy It gets. At the end of every battle ain't no enemies left, so make like a VCR, and eject! The great gods of Olympus. Never saw what they had comin'. When the Ti-tans rose from ashes, and all the Olympians went runnin'. So if you can't fight your battles, then you know just who to call... I will stand by your side, until the Titanfall.

Want the full song go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlph_4wvF8s

What’s New in Books?

The Hunger Games Suzanne Collins

Olivia Akers

Welcome back! This month, I’m taking a closer look at a book the majority of us

have probably read, or at least seen the movie, at one point or another. That’s

right, folks, today I’m reviewing “The Hunger Games”, the story of a teenage

girl living in a cruel dystopian world.

We open on District 12, just one of the twelve districts in Panem, not count-

ing the Capital. Each year, a boy and a girl are chosen for a televised fight-to-

the-death called the Hunger Games, where the last man standing wins. When

Katniss Everdeen, a sixteen-year-old girl struggling to keep her family alive, is

thrown into the competition, she doesn’t plan on going down without a fight.

My favorite part of the book is when Katniss volunteers to compete in place of

her younger sister, Prim. It really shows how courageous she is and what she’s

willing to do for the people she loves. I also enjoyed the part when Madge gives

Katniss the mockingjay pin because it strongly symbolized rebellion.

Alas, unfortunately, the time has come for me to tell you guys about the

things I didn’t like. For one thing, I wish the story had just ended after the Hun-

ger Games had a winner. As much as I love the rest of the series, I feel like the

author kind of dragged the story on too far and the story started getting a little

pointless. Why couldn’t the main characters just settle down and live happily ev-

er after?

Well, I guess that’s a wrap! If you’re interested in reading “The Hunger

Games”, it’s available at Target, Oregon Books, and even our very own school

library. I hope at least a few of you decide to give it a try if you haven’t already,

as it is one of my favorites. That’s it for this month, but stay tuned for more!

See you guys next time!

The history of Valen�ne's Day is obscure, and further clouded by various fanciful legends. The holiday's roots

are in the ancient Roman fes�val of Lupercalia, a fer�lity celebra�on commemorated annually on February

Valen�ne's Day

Valen�nes Galore: Which St. Valen�ne this early pope intended to honor remains a mystery: according to the

Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Chris�an saints by that name. One was a priest in

Rome, another a bishop in Terni, and of a third St. Valen�ne almost nothing is known except that he met his

end in Africa. Rather astonishingly, all three Valen�nes were said to have been martyred on Feb. 14.Most

scholars believe that the St. Valen�ne of the holiday was a priest who a'racted the disfavor of Roman emper-

or Claudius II around 270. At this stage, the factual ends and the mythic begins. According to one legend,

Claudius II had prohibited marriage for young men, claiming that bachelors made be'er soldiers. Valen�ne

con�nued to secretly perform marriage ceremonies but was eventually apprehended by the Romans and put

to death. Another legend has it that Valen�ne, imprisoned by Claudius, fell in love with the daughter of his

jailer. Before he was executed, he allegedly sent her a le'er signed "from your Valen�ne." Probably the most

plausible story surrounding St. Valen�ne is one not focused on Eros (passionate love) but on agape (Chris�an

love): he was martyred for refusing to renounce his religion.In 1969, the Catholic Church revised its liturgical

calendar, removing the feast days of saints whose historical origins were ques�onable. St. Valen�ne was one

of the casual�es.

Chaucer's Love Birds: It was not un�l the 14th century that this Chris�an feast day became defini�vely associ-

ated with love. According to UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, author of Chaucer and the Cult of

Saint Valen�ne, it was Chaucer who first linked St. Valen�ne's Day with romance. In 1381, Chaucer com-

posed a poem in honor of the engagement between England's Richard II and Anne of Bohemia. As was the

poe�c tradi�on, Chaucer associated the occasion with a feast day. In "The Parliament of Fowls," the royal en-

gagement, the ma�ng season of birds, and St. Valen�ne's Day are linked:For this was on St. Valen�ne's Day,

When every fowl cometh there to choose his mate.

Over the centuries, the holiday evolved, and by the 18th century, gi>-giving and exchanging handmade cards

on Valen�ne's Day had become common in England. Handmade valen�ne cards made of lace, ribbons, and

featuring cupids and hearts eventually spread to the American colonies. The tradi�on of Valen�ne's cards did

not become widespread in the United States, however, un�l the 1850s, when Esther A. Howland, a Mount Ho-

lyoke graduate and na�ve of Worcester, Mass., began mass-producing them. Today, of course, the holiday

has become a booming commercial success. According to the Gree�ng Card Associa�on, 25% of all cards sent

each year are valen�nes.

The Worst Game of the Month

This month on the chopping block is, ugh E.T. the videogame for the Atari 2600. This game’s

graphics are so bad I can’t come up with words to describe it. So I’ll show you a picture:

So here’s a bit of backstory. Made as an adapta�on of the original movie “E.T the Extra-

terrestrial” and released shortly aFer the Atari 2600 by Atari inc. in 1982 this game is a bunch

of garbage (literally but will get to that later). Their first mistake was to get this game out by

Christmas (and it was around the end of November). This gave the creators a mere five weeks

to get a playable E.T. game on the market. While the team was full of op�mism, that soon led

to panic. And this is what they came up with: crappy graphics and monotonous dialogue. This

game eventually ended up under almost every Christmas tree that year. And let's just say that

the buyers weren’t too happy. To make ma8ers worse, Atari Inc. made over 4 million copies

thinking the game was going to be a best seller and G.O.Y. (Game Of the Year). They only man-

aged to sell about 12,000 copies. This is part of the reason Atari Inc. went bankrupt a few

years later. Now this is the worst part about this whole E.T. fiasco. Not knowing what to do

with the extra 3,988,000 copies, they did the only sensible thing. They took their game car-

tridges and dumped 3,988,000 copies into a dump. You read this right, a dump. Last I checked

plas�c does not mix well with soil. The cartridges were recycled, turned into soil, and then

concrete was poured on them. This problem surfaced in the news that same year. Thanks for reading everyone. I’ll have more next month and always keep gaming. Created and edited by Dallin Cofoed.

Wri8en By Sage Hartsfield

Guess Who’s Birthday?

Happy Birthday, Ellen Degeneres! Who is Ellen Degeneres? You might know her from her

show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show. But there’s more

to her than that…..

Ellen Degeneres was born on January 26th, 1958 in Metairie,

Louisiana to a salesman and a working mother, who divorced when El-

len was just a teenager. She went to school at Atlanta High School.

As Ellen grew up, she wanted to be a veterinarian, but later on she

scrapped that idea, because she was not “book smart”. She went to

college at the University of New Orleans. Ellen Degeneres was a hit

as a stand up comedian before her own sitcom, Ellen. Now, Ellen De-

generes is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer,

and a producer. She has written many books, including Home and Seri-

ously…….I’m Kidding. Fast Facts:

1) Ellen is a VEGAN!

2)Ellen is the star of an EPICOT

A8rac�on in Disney World!

3)Ellen is related to Madonna through a Tenth great grandfather!

4)Ellen hosted the Grammy’s in 1996 and 1997, the Emmys in 2001 and 2005 and the

academy awards in 2007 and 2014!

5)Ellen’s favorite color is BLUE