Banta wants to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”. The salesman asks, “How do you want me to put it?” Sardar says, Well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and You are getting better” at the bottom. The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: “You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom”. Only small babies
Transcript
Banta wants to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says:
Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman asks, “How do you want me to put it?”
Sardar says, Well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and You are getting better” at the bottom.
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
“You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom”.
Only small babies
A tourist from United States comes to visit India and he sees a sardar. He asked a question to him:
Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!
Dead Men Don’t Bleed
Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive.His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don’t bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.
“Do you now agree that dead men don’t bleed?” the doctor asked.
“Yes, I do,” Banta replied.
“Very well, then,” the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient’s finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, “What does that tell you?”
“Oh my goodness!” Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger … “Dead men do bleed!!”
Office Memo
Dear Staff,It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Lunch Breaks:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.
Surgery:As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.
Actually a microwave oven
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Santa Singh goes into an electrical goods store, you know one of these stores that sells fridges, TVs etc.
Santa walks up to the salesman, points and says,
“I want to buy this TV.”
The salesman say, “Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds.”
So Santa goes away and comes back two hours later after having a haircut, points and says,
“I want to buy this TV.”
The salesman once again replies, “Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds.”
Santa goes away again and comes back two hours later with his beard and moustache also shaved, points and says,
“I want to buy this TV”.
The salesman once again replies, “Sorry, we do not sell anything to Surds, Why are you wasting your and my time? Don’t come back in the shop again!”
Santa says sheepishly, “OK, you do not sell to Surds. But tell me how did you figure out that I was a surd even after I had shaved my hair, mustache and beard.
The salesman replied, “Because that TV you want to buy is actually a microwave oven.”
Befooled
Once Banta went to Bombay. While passing through a road he saw a very high building.He was amazed to see it, and decided to count its stories. As he was doing so a townsman saw him and tried to befool him.
So he approached Banta and asked, “What are you doing?”
When he told the answer, the townsman said that one had to pay two rupees for every storey counted.
“How many have you counted?”
Banta said ten and gave the man twenty rupees. Walking away Banta was very happy to think how he has befooled the other man for he had counted twenty.
I want toilet paper
Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths’s (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids.Continue Reading »
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, “Mr. Santa, just how old are you?”
“98!” Santa announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again…
Continue Reading »
Name plate outside your house
Banta Singh : “Yaar Santa, last year the name plate outside your house read Santa Singh, B.A. This year it reads Santa Singh, M.A.When did you finish your Masters Degree?”
Santa Singh : You don’t understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate “Bachelor Again”. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is “Married Again”.
Ek baar ek kavi sammelan chal raha tha. Bhaut se kavi bore kar rahe they. Ek sardar se jab nahi raha gaya toh woh khud stage par aaya aur bola ab suniye.
Ek kutta… Loge bole wah wahSardar phir bola Ek kutta, kutte ke uper kutta
Log phir bole wah wah wahSardar phir bola kutta, kutte ke oper 2 kuttey,Unkey oper 3 kutte, Ab log silent ho gaye thodi der baad ek aur sardar bole wah wah
Manch wala sardar phir bola kutta, kutte ke oper 2 kute, unke oper 3 kutte, unkey oper 4 kutte
Audience sardar pareshan hokar bola, bhai ye kaun sa sher hua? Manch wala sarda bola, abe tu sher mat sun tu balancing ko dekh….
Banta and Santa buy one race horse each after learning about big money in racing.Says Banta, “How do we identify which horse is mine and which one is yours?”
Santa Singh replies, “I will cut the tail of my horse and so the horse without a tail will be mine and the one with a tail will be yours.”
Continue Reading »
Banta’s Date
Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
Santa said, “Send her some flowers and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal.”
He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.
Continue Reading »
Cool answers in an interview
Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa Singh has a very good job.
Banta Singh is jobless and one day asks Santa to help him get some good Job.
Santa singh says, “OK, next time we will apply together.” and they do.
On interview day, Santa singh says, “First I will go inside and answer all questions except the last one, and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. Then you go in and answer everything and You will get the Job.”
So, Santa goes in.
EMPLOYER: When did we get independence?
SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What’s India’s population?
SANTA: (He was not to reply the last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell
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Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa Singh has a very good job.
Banta Singh is jobless and one day asks Santa to help him get some good Job.
Santa singh says, “OK, next time we will apply together.” and they do.
On interview day, Santa singh says, “First I will go inside and answer all questions except the last one, and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. Then you go in and answer everything and You will get the Job.”
Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:We need your heads to run our business.
A traffic slogan:Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enoughor else they never will be.
THE BEST ONE:
Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizationsIt’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.- Indian Armed Forces
1. What is height of Fashion?
- Dhoti with a zip .
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2. What is height of Secrecy?
- Offering blank visiting cards.
**************
3. What is height of Active laziness?
- Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
**************
4. What is height of Craziness?
- Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
**************
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
- Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
