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PAGE 1 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
APRIL 2009
J UNGLE TALKJ UNGLE TALK
District A-16 Region 18 Zone 18 West
Volume 08-09 Issue No.8
Markham Lions Club:
PRESIDENT:
Lion Jack McBride
88 Fincham Ave.
Markham ON L3P 4E1
(905) 294-7842
SECRETARY:
Lion Ken Drynan
53 Drakefield Road
Markham ON L3P 1G8
(905) 294-4088
TREASURER:
Lion Ken Tranter
31 Donna Lee Trail
Stouffville ON L4A 1K3
905 642-6159
BULLETIN EDITOR:
Lion Dave Galloway
66 Wootten Way North
Markham ON L3P 2Y7
(905) 294 4256
District Officers:
DISTRICT GOVERNOR
Lion Mike Springford
1645 Hwy #9, RR #2.
Newmarket ON L3Y 4V9
905 895-3039
VICE-DISTRICT
GOVERNOR:
Lion Barry Tate
12 King Street, P. O. Box 543
Fenelon Falls, ON K0M 1N0
Res.: (705) 887-5220
REGION CHAIRMAN:
Lion David Hitchen
75 Fred Varley drive
Unionville ON L3R 1S6
(647) 208-3312
ZONE CHAIRMAN:
Lion Carl Vanseader
19 Galsworthy Dr. Markham ON L3P 1S7
(905) 201-9269
PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE
As I look out my window today on April 6, and see white
stuff floating to the ground and not turning into water, I
question quite seriously if Spring is truly ―just around the
corner‖. It seems to have been a long, nasty winter or is
that my old age just catching up with me. I have never
been a big fan of winter, derived I suppose, from my early
childhood in Hamilton where the dampness and cold got
into your bones and made your fingers and toes ache for
hours (or so it seemed). My Montreal experience of seeing
it snow for 62 straight days in 1971 did little to endear me
to this frozen season either.
But enough self-doubting…. Spring must be there some-
place because Lion Jack Dawson handed out the Spring Flower sales sheets at the last
meeting and Lion Jim Wicks talked about the Pancake Breakfast and Lion Larry Tod did
18 at Rolling Hills.
Lots of things have been happening around the Club since the last report.
In March the Club played host to two district functions; the Camp Kirk Directors meet-
ing and the Joint Zone meeting. Both groups were very grateful for the way the Club wel-
comed them. Thanks to all 19 Markham Lions that attended the JZ meeting as you once
again proved that you overwhelmingly support District activities.
April 3rd was our annual Dinner Theatre night with 16 members, spouses and friends in
attendance. The group reported
that they enjoyed the evening even
if they had heard some of the jokes
before and thanked Lion
George and his committee for
their efforts.
On a windy April 4th , Lion
Ron led a contin- gency of 16 Li-
ons, spouses and friends to Oak-
ville to attend the LFC Dogguide
Open House. Sev- eral hundred lo-
cal visitors at- tended and they
all got an inside glimpse of ―one of
Oakville’s best kept secrets‖.
Every time I go there, I always learn something new about this amazing facility. This
time we saw the hearing, personal assistance and epilepsy dogs in action and their capa-
(Continued on page 9)
PAGE 2 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
1 President’s Message
2 Bits and Bytes
3 The Roving Eye—Part One
4 Eyeglass Collection Locations
5 Fireworks and Tax Time
6 LCIF Annual Report
7 The Lighter Side
8 Recruiting, Mentoring and Retaining
9 President’s Message (Cont’d)
10 The Roving Eye — Part Two
11 Two Men
12 Calendar of Events/ Editorial
IN THIS ISSUE
Bits and Bytes
OAK BROOK, IL USA, and Geneva, March 27, 2009 – The Inter-
national Association of Lions Clubs (LCI) and the International
Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies (IFRC) have
joined forces in order to strengthen the essential role volunteers
play in preparing for disasters and in responding to emergencies at
the community level.
At a ceremony to mark the signing of a Memorandum of Under-
standing between the two institutions, Albert F. Brandel, president
of the International Association of Lions Clubs, said: "Lions Clubs
International and its network of 45,000 clubs in 205 countries have
long provided relief to victims of natural disasters. The Memoran-
dum between Lions Clubs International and the International Fed-
eration will further strengthen our ability to respond in time of
need, and should be viewed as mutually beneficial." ……………..
4,000,000 — The number of children from nearly 100 countries
who have participated in the Lions International Peace Poster
Contest during the last 20 years. Through their art, they have
learned to express their feelings about peace in the world.
Seniors are more likely to be targets of crime than people in any
other age group, York Regional Police said.
Most of the time, seniors are victims of fraud by telephone, on the
Internet or even in person.
Here are a few tips to help reduce your risk of being victimized by
fraud:
Home Repair/Service Call Fraud
• Ask for and check identification of anyone coming to your door;
• If you are unsure, do not let the person in;
• Call the company to ensure it has representatives in your com-
munity;
• Check references;
• Always get a second quote or estimate;
• Be wary of any company asking for money up front;
• Talk to a friend or family member or have them with you when
you are arranging services
• Do not rush your decision. Do your research and;
• Never leave anyone alone in your home
Title: Scotch Nosing
Contact: Sharon Lions Club (email: sharonlions @ rogers.com)
Details: 5th Annual Scotch Nosing
Did you know that LCI currently supports the eleven following lan-
guages: Cantonese, English, Finnish, French, German, Italian,
Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Portuguese, Spanish, and Swedish.
PAGE 3 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
THE ROVING EYE PART ONE
PAGE 4 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
MARKHAM LIONS
EYEGLASS COLLECTION LOCATIONS
(Submitted by Lion Bill Hosking)
NOTE: In the mall, Pearl Vision, Sears and Lenscrafters have their own programme.
To Be Delivered to Medical Ministry International, 363 Arvin Avenue, Stoney Creek.
Take QEW, exit at Centennial Parkway, BUT do not go onto Centennial Parkway, go onto the South Service Road, travel about
4 km to Millen Road. Take Millen about 1 block, turn right onto Arvin. Number 363 is a warehouse, no name on it. Go along the
side to the back door. Enter and you will find rows of truck engines. Find someone and he/she will know what you are talking
about. They will have someone open the front door for you.
Walmart Markville Mall
M-F 10:00 am – 8:00 pm
Frames of Mind Optical Markville Mall
2nd Floor east side at entrance north of Gap
905-415-9345
Eye Right 4997 Hwy 7, South of Markville Mall
M - F 10:00 am – 6:00 pm
Markham Optometric 4997 Hwy 7, South of Markville
Mall
Onyx Optical l549 Bur Oak CLOSED Jan
08?
Dr. Lyn Kuhn 5990 Sixteenth Ave.
(North west corner 16th & Hwy 48)
Markham Vision Centre 9275 Markham Rd. (north
side of Garden Basket)
Heritage Eye Care 381 – 383 unit 6 Main St N.
(S.E. corner 16th & Hwy 48)
Dr. MacDonald 262 Main Street North
Grace Church 19 Village Parkway
Towne Optical 117 Main St. N
Dr. Walji 6633 Hwy 7 Ashgrove Medical Centre
(S.W. Corner 9th Line/Hwy 7)
M – W 12:00 - 8:00 T – F 9:30 4:00 905-
471-3937
Dr. Virgin 5873 Hwy 7
(just west of Hwy 48)
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are
seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin
walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be
blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and
left as he stumbles down the aisle. The co-pilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort
of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving,
and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start
whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses
for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to
the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysteri-
cal.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sud-
den change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At
the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot:
"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and
we aren't going to know when to take off!"
Lion Bill Hosking presents a Certificate of Apprecia-
tion to Christine Pafomow of Town Optical
PAGE 5 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
Editor’s Note: The following is from
Wikipedia the on-line encyclopaedia and
may be of interest.
A firework is classified as a low ex-
plosive pyrotechnic device used pri-
marily for aesthetic and entertain-
ment purposes. The most common
use of a firework is as part of a fire-
works display. A fireworks event
(also called a fireworks show or
pyrotechnics) is a display of the
effects produced by firework devices.
Fireworks competitions are also
regularly held at a number of places.
Fireworks (devices) take many forms
to produce the four primary effects:
noise, light, smoke, and floating mate-
rials (confetti for example). They may
be designed to burn with colored
flames and sparks. Displays are com-
mon throughout the world and are
the focal point of many cultural and
religious celebrations.
Fireworks were originally invented in
ancient China in the 12th century to
scare away evil spirits, as a natural
extension of the Chinese invention of
gunpowder. Such important events
and festivities as Chinese New Year
and the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival
were and still are times when fire-
works are guaranteed sights. China is
the largest manufacturer and ex-
porter of fireworks in the world.
Fireworks are generally classified as
to where they perform, either as a
ground or aerial firework. In the lat-
ter case they may provide their own
propulsion (skyrocket) or be shot
into the air by a mortar (aerial shell).
The most common feature of fire-
works is a paper or pasteboard tube
or casing filled with the combustible
material, often pyrotechnic stars. A
number of these tubes or cases are
often combined so as to make, when
kindled, a great variety of sparkling
shapes, often variously colored. The
skyrocket is a common form of fire-
work, although the first skyrockets
were used in war. The aerial shell,
however, is the backbone of today's
commercial aerial display, and a
smaller version for consumer use is
known as the festival ball in the
United States. Such rocket technol-
ogy has also been used for the deliv-
ery of mail by rocket and is used as
propulsion for most model rockets.
FIREWORKS AND TAX TIME
Some people think the government owes them
a living. The rest of us would gladly settle for a
small refund.
Whomever said that truth never hurts
never had to fill out a T1 General.
There are two types of people who complain
about paying their income tax. Men and
women.
A lot of people still have the first dollar they
ever made. The government has the rest.
Isn't it appropriate that the month when the
taxes are due begins with April Fool's Day and
ends with cries of "May Day!"?
A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his
accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him
think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same ques-
tion, but got the opposite advice. "Do not
let them intimidate you. Wear your most
elegant suit and tie.
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told
him of the conflicting advice, and requested
some resolution of the dilemma.
"Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her
mother what to wear on her wedding night.
'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that
goes right up to your neck.' But when she
asked her best friend, she got conflicting
advice: 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with
a V neck right down to your navel.
The man protested, "What does all this
have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are
going to get screwed."
PAGE 6 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
RECRUITING, MENTORING AND RETAINING
On page 8
PAGE 7 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
THE LIGHTER SIDE
Two young boys were discussing their
ailments together in the children's ward.
"Are you medical or surgical?" asked the
first, who had been in the ward for a
week.
"I don't know what you mean," replied
the second.
"It's simple," replied the first. "Were you
sick when you came in here? Or did they
make you sick when you got here?"
Dog looks at human and thinks:
"My hero, my friend, my buddy."
Cat looks at human and thinks:
"My can-opener."
A rather awkward freshman finally got
up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a
dance at the homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said,
"Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the un-
derclassman. "I didn't realize you were
pregnant."
The happy couple were being inter-
viewed on their Golden Wedding
Anniversary. The society reporter
asked, "In all that time, did you ever
consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old
fashioned for that," the husband re-
plied.
"Murder sometimes," the wife offered
"but never divorce."
Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer. One
morning, before the farmer went out to
the field, he said, "Honey, today the
artificial insemination man is coming
over to impregnate one of the cows. I
put a nail in a two-by-four over the stall.
Please show him which one it is."
When he arrived, Nancy led him down
the row of stalls until she saw the nail.
She pointed to the stall and he asked
her, "Are you sure?"
"It's the one with the nail," said Nancy.
"What's the nail for?" asked the man.
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," re-
plied Nancy.
Two elderly women were out driving
in a large car-both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were
cruising along they came to an inter-
section. The stoplight was red but
they just went on through.
The passenger turned to the other
woman and said, "Mildred! Did you
know we just ran a red lights! You
could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said "Oh,
am I driving?"
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away
with stealing several paintings from the
Louvre. However, after planning the
crime, getting in and out past security,
he was captured only 2 blocks away
when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind
such a daring and otherwise brilliant
crime and then make such an obvious
error...
... He replied: "I 'ad no Monet to buy
Degas to make de Van Gogh."...
A couple drove several miles down a
country road, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argu-
ment, and neither wanted to concede
their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules
and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
A couple just started their Lamaze class
and they were given an activity requiring
the husband to wear a bag of sand - to
give him an idea of what it feels like to
be pregnant. The husband stood up and
shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so
bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and
asked the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I
were pregnant, the way my wife would
do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he
turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick
up that pen for me."
A boy was watching his father, a pas-
tor, write a sermon. "How do you
know what to say?" he asked.
"God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing
things out?"
In Africa, some of the native tribes have
a custom of beating the ground with
clubs and uttering spine chilling cries.
Anthropologists call this a form of primi-
tive self-expression.....
In Markham we call it golf.
PAGE 8 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
RECRUITING, MENTORING AND RETAINING
Cont’d from page 6
PAGE 9 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE/ YOUR HEALTH
bilities are a living tribute to the outstanding dedication of the dog-training staff. While there, we took
the opportunity to present a cheque for $6,000 to Julie Jelenek, Manager of Development and Commu-
nications. Ms. Jelenek thanked the Markham Lions for their continuing, outstanding support of the
facility’s efforts and invited us back to see our sponsored dog graduate.
It’s onward into Spring with a kick-off in Oshawa at the A-16 Convention on April 17. Convention
Chair George tell us that there will be 17 members and 8 spouses/friends attending this year and we
are looking forward to having a great time socializing with the many Lions in our District. On Sunday,
Lion David will hopefully be elected to 1st Vice District Governor and we wish him all the best in the
election. Lion David sends along his per-
sonal thanks to all the Markham Lions
that supported him by accompanying
him on his campaign around the District.
Speaking about thanks, the Mark-
ham Food Bank ap- preciates all the ef-
forts of the 17 Lions that have donated
their time to this community effort in
the last two weeks. With a little over
one week to go, it ap- pears that we will
hit close to 100 hours of community ser-
vice. The Club’s re- sponse is truly re-
markable and shows that we really care
about our disadvan- taged citizens.
This years Flower Sales and Fireworks Sales could be tough sledding in this down-economy. With this
in mind, the Communications Committee thought it to be appropriate to publicly thank Markham in a
newspaper ad for their past support and also remind them that we can help the community only
through their continued support. The ad will appear twice in the Economist and Sun and was funded
through this Committee’s budget.
Flower Sales will need an extra effort this year on the part of all members so get out early and often.
Don’t rely on your old standbys; they may let you down. Tackle new neighbourhoods and ask for their
business. You will hear many ―no’s‖ but when you get an order, it makes it all worthwhile. Good luck
and let’s prove that we can set a new record high in a down-year.
Until next month,
Yours in Lionism,
Lion President Jack
(Continued from page 1)
A young couple on the brink of di-
vorce visit a marriage counsellor. The
counsellor asks the wife what is the
problem.
She responds " My husband suffers
from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband
and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly,
it's her that suffers not me."
PAGE 10 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
THE ROVING EYE PART TWO
PAGE 11 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
TWO MEN
(Submitted by RC Lion David Hitchen)
It will take just 40 seconds to read
this and change your thinking.
....sometimes I wonder ...Which
man am I ?
Two men, both seriously ill,
occupied the same hospital
room.
One man was allowed to sit up
in his bed for an hour each af-
ternoon to help drain the fluid
from his lungs. His bed was
next to the room's only win-
dow. The other man had to
spend all his time flat on his
back. The men talked for hours
on end. They spoke of their
wives and families, their homes,
their jobs, their involvement in
the military service, where they
had been on vacation.
Every afternoon, when the man
in the bed by the window could
sit up, he would pass the time
by describing to his roommate
all the things he could see out-
side the window.
The man in the other bed began
to live for those one-hour peri-
ods where his world would be
broadened and enlivened by all
the activity and color of the
world outside.
The window overlooked a park
with a lovely lake. Ducks and
swans played on the water while
children sailed their model
boats. Young lovers walked arm
in arm amidst flowers of every
color and a fine view of the city
skyline could be seen in the dis-
tance.
As the man by the window de-
scribed all this in exquisite de-
tails, the man on the other side
of the room would close his
eyes and imagine this pictur-
esque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man
by the window described a pa-
rade passing by. Although the
other man could not hear the
band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by
the window portrayed it with
descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse ar-
rived to bring water for their
baths only to find the lifeless
body of the man by the window,
who had died peacefully in his
sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to
take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropri-
ate, the other man asked if he
could be moved next to the
window. The nurse was happy
to make the switch, and after
making sure he was comfort-
able, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped
himself up on one elbow to take
his first look at the real world
outside. He slowly strained to
turn to look out the window
besides the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what
could have compelled his de-
ceased roommate who had de-
scribed such wonderful things
outside this window. The nurse
responded that the man was
blind and could not even see the
wall.
She said, 'Perhaps he just
wanted to encourage you.'
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness
in making others happy, despite
our own situations. Shared grief
is half the sorrow, but happiness
when shared, is doubled. If you
want to feel rich, just count all
the things you have that money
can't buy.
Today is a gift, that is why it is
called
―The Present.‖
PAGE 12 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009
It is hard to
believe the
Masters has
come and
gone —
spring is
here and
the golf
courses are open.
I’ve always thought the Mas-
ters with the Azaleas and ap-
ple blossom background really
marked spring. For me it is
time to work on the lawns
and get the golf clubs ready.
It also means, of course, that
it is time for spring plant
sales. With a new computer
and new software it may well
be time for me to pray that
my flower data base works
correctly as well. It appears
to but it needs a tougher test
which all the sales you make
will give it.
It gets an early test in that
there are extra plant colours
etc this year.
I got started on this because
of an interest in the power of
databases. At the office we
were building large ones using
consultants and some smaller
ones ourselves. You see their
use on many TV shows these
days — the ability to deter-
mine some fact from a search
of several million records in
seconds. It seems to me a bit
overdone but not a lot.
International has worked on
these Lions as well — each
clubs puts in their member-
ship information, for example,
and then it can be sorted by
Zone, Region, District, multi-
ple District etc.. It can be
sorted many other ways as
well, members age, national-
ity, sex etc..
They also have an activity re-
port which can be interro-
gated to determine how much
is donated to given groupings
such as vision, hearing, Quest
etc.
There are always a few bugs
in new systems but these
have worked very well I be-
lieve. One problem I did see
last year was that Mandy put
the club officer information in
the database but it didn’t
seem to get to the District. It
was necessary to inform them
separately, when we found
Lion Mandy was still listed as
Secretary.
Nevertheless it is a great im-
provement over the manual
systems such as Lion Grant
(and Eleanor) did for the first
few years of plant sales.
Three Month Calendar
7--General Meeting
Grace Anglican
4--General Meeting
Heritage United
Elections
4-- Annual Picnic
14--Board of Director’s
Police Station
4 to 7--MDA Convention
North Bay
7-- 10 International
Convention, Minnesota
21--General Meeting
St. Andrew’s United
11--Board of Director’s
Police Station
9 -- Board of Director’s
Police Station
18--General Meeting
St. Andrew’s Presbyterian
Ladies and Installation Night
MAY JUNE JULY