Keeping the Faith: How to Remain Hopeful as a Caregiver

It’s only human for us to believe we can overcome illness and delay death. • But for family caregivers, however, it isn’t always that simple. • For caregivers, their loved one faces a steady medical decline, a life-threatening illness or impending death. • It’s important to expect a better tomorrow, whether it’s from a change in your environment or unexpected help.

Hope is like a vase that contains your sweet-smelling, colorful dreams.

No matter how desperate the situation, there is always room for hope and dreams because they are vital healing for the suffering of caregivers and their loved ones.

Here are seven tips for maintaining hope for caregivers and their loved ones, according to about.com senior living writer Vicki Rackner, M.D.:

Give a voice to your secret longings, wishes and dreams.

• If you had a magic wand, what would you wish for? • Maybe it’s a time when you and your loved one were on a trip, instead of sitting at a hospital bedside where he or she is being treated. • Hope might be something simple, like a good night’s sleep for you and your loved one.

1

Say it out loud: “We could use a good night’s sleep.

• Define the reality. Most people experience likely events, not miracles. • Grasp an understanding of your current reality based on what’s most likely to happen naturally. • When caregivers and loved ones define the most likely outcome, it helps you decide where to place your hopes.

2

Acknowledge your loved one’s hopes may be different than your own.

• If your loved one has to decide on serious medical choices, like moving to a hospital halfway across the country for experimental medicine, it may not be your decision. • What if your loved one considers experimental treatment too risky and uncomfortable and decides to live out his or her last days enjoying family? • As a caregiver and possible child, you may find it difficult to show support. You don’t want to burden your loved one with your disappointment, so it’s best to voice your frustration to a trusted friend.

3

Honor your loved one’s hopes.

• As a caregiver, it’s important to remember that your loved one is the patient. • It’s his or her body and life. • And as much as you think you know what the best choice is, your job is to help your loved ones realize their hopes, not yours.

4

Mourn the loss of the old dream.

• For many caregivers, acknowledging the loss of a dream can be as painful as losing the loved one. • Allowing yourself to mourn the loss your dream can bring healing.

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Create a new dream.

• Maybe the hope for a cure is replaced with the hope for days, or moments, that are free of pain. • For caregivers and loved ones alike, state your dreams as attaining something you want, rather than avoiding something you don’t want. • And as medical conditions change, it’s important to revisit the dream.• If you’re disappointed about the course of events, ask “Is this the loss of a dream, or a hope I can fulfill?”

6

Focus on your loved one.

• First and foremost, being a caregiver is about supporting the person you love.Even a caregiver has hopes and dreams.• But the purpose of being a caregiver is the willingness to fulfill the hopes and dreams of those for whom you care, whether or not you hold the same vision.

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Just remember that no matter how desperate the situation, there is still hope for the dream.

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