Buena Heights Police Department was called to the scene at 1:30 P.M. after a car accident was reported on Clinton River Road near Schoenherr Road. The driver, James Tolk, appeared to swerve from the road and crashed right into a tree. One witness, who did not want to be put on record, reported that there were no
other cars in sight, no animals, and it was a bright day.
What was even stranger, the police reported as soon as they arrived at the scene, Tolk already seemed to be in a coma-state. Tolk is currently residing at the Buena Heights Hospital, where he is still unconscious.
Beep.Beep.Beep.(The sound of a heart monitor continues at a consistent rate.)Beep.Beep.Beep.(It is the soundtrack of any hospital rooml.)Beep.Beep.Beep.(It is currently the soundtrack to James Tolk’s life.)Beep.Beep. Beep.
James lies in the bed, emotionless. He is in a coma. By his bedside are two people, his wife, Marcela, and his best friend, Anthony. The sound of sniffling tears and regret competes with the monitors beeping.
Although they cannot figure out what caused the car accident and James’s current state, they both have their own guilt as to why James is in this predicament.
Marcela is sitting in a chair across from James. Her tear-stained face is down on the bed, pressed close to James’s. Both her hands are holding James right hand. Anthony is at the opposite side of the bed, holding James’s left hand. His tears may be lighter than Marcela’s, but he still feels terrible about his friend. Anthony however, feels more guilt than hurt, which is causing much more pain for him.
Stirring him from his stupor, Anthony notices James’s rapid eye movement.
“Is he trying to open up his eyes?”
Marcela looks up to James, then to Anthony. Anthony, once again, is trying to be a hopeful guide for Marcela.
“Do you think he can hear us crying?” Anthony asks. Anthony does not expect an answer, of course. Marcela’s eyes go from Anthony back to James.
“Does he understand that we’re by his side?” Anthony asks. Marcela’s attention returns to Anthony.
“Why are you so concerned?” Marcela asks. She knew that would hit his nerve. Her nerves were shot when she’d found out her husband had gotten into a car accident and gone into a coma. Anthony’s guilt-filled-eyes stare into Marcela’s eyes. Marcela stares right back into Anthony’s. What pains Marcela more is that Anthony isn’t the only one feeling guilty.
“Do you really care about James? Or do you just feel responsible?” Marcela asks coldly. Anthony clearly doesn’t want to answer this, so he looks back towards James. Marcela does the same, and then says to James:
“Let your conscious be your guide love, and please, come back to us…”
An engine starts. Motor running. Car starts moving, faster, faster, faster…all of a sudden…loss of control… screeching tires…and then…
CRASH.
I hear the sound. It sounds deadly to me. I heard the sound again…
CRASH.
…and again…
Wait. Where am I? I can’t move. I can’t feel my body. How did I get here?
CRASH.
Beep.Beep.“… love, and please, come back…”Beep.
That’s… my wife? I can hear her, but I can’t see her. Why can’t I see her? I miss her. God, she is beautiful…and I…
Beep.Beep.Beep.
…love her…
Beep.Beep.Beep.
Where am I? What place is this? How did I get here?
CRASH.
Beep. Beep.Beep.
I don’t understand, what’s happening….
CRASH.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
Am I alone?
In James’s mind, he is lying in bed, the same bed he is lying in at the hospital. But in James’s mind; his wife and his friend are not by his side. Instead, there is no one by his side, nobody at all. James is by himself in his mind, lying in bed. The sound of a heart monitor can be heard from a speaker mounted from the ceiling.
Suddenly, a voice speaks, seeming to come from the speaker. A voice that likes to be called FEAR:
“You’ve been deserted, everyone has left you. All those years, all those people you’ve neglected, it’s now paying off.”
FEAR laughs.
FEAR: “You’re alone. You’ve always been alone and will always be alone”
Is this a dream or is it real? This can’t be real. No. It can’t be real, …can it?
Another voice speaks. The voice of REASON.
“Sometimes the dream becomes reality.”
What does that mean? I don’t even know what to feel…
REASON: “Then I will guide you through…”
Wait…but…
Beep.Beep.Beep.
…who are you?
REASON: “I am you and you are all of us.”
CRASH.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
A third voice speaks.
PASSION: “Can’t you feel that burn, deep down inside you? A wounded man – out of control.”
So…you’re delusions of my mind?
REASON: “We’re all a part of you.”
We?
CRASH.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
A fourth voice speaks.
PRIDE: “You’ve always had complete control, a heart cold as ice. I can’t believe you gave up.”
CRASH.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
James stares at the speaker in disbelief. He does not want to hear any of this.
A fifth and final voice speaks; a voice with a lovely soothing tone, similar to his wife’s.
LOVE: “Close your eyes, listen to your heart beat.”
Beep.Beep.Beep.
LOVE: “Surrender to its soothing pulse.”
Beep.Beep.Beep.
LOVE: “You’re not alone. I am the strongest of them all. You’ll find me here whenever they oppose you.”
Beep.Beep.Beep.
LOVE: “I am here.”
The beautiful voice does relax James. He is now calm. He dozes off, lost in his mind.
Pain
Beep.Beep.Beep.
CRASH.
James is awoken by the sound of the crash. It is the same sound he has been hearing. An angry voice fills the room, seeming to pour from the speaker on the wall. The voice of AGONY:
“I am pain. I am real. I am the chain around your neck. Surrender now.”
You fill me with doubt...I know I can get out of here…I just…have…to…
CRASH.
An even angrier, dangerous voice speaks…
RAGE: “THERE IS NO GOING BACK…YOU ARE HERE…WE ARE HERE…THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE END FOR YOU!”
I don't believe it. I won’t believe it. Where is my wife? Where is my friend?
AGONY: “You have always been alone!”
CRASH.
RAGE: “FEEL ME INSIDE OF YOU! IT’S GROWING…IT’S BURNING…LET IT TAKE OVER! AHHHHHHHHHH!”
AGONY: “You were never that strong!”
Beep.Beep.Beep.
LOVE: “I can't accept this, we will find a way out of this place.”
CRASH.
RAGE: “Ahhhhhhh!”
James, who has been staring wide-eyed at the speaker, rolls his body over on the bed. He cannot control his tears…his feelings…his emotions…
LOVE: “Hear me, feel me…out of this cesspool of doom and dismay there is beauty and grace. Be strong, we will find a way. But you will have to face your emotions…your past…”
CRASH.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
James follows the sound of the beeping. It guides him to his own tranquility.
I have to get through this…
Mystery
Marcela lays with her head on James’s bed, holding his hand. It has been four days.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
Anthony paces back and forth in the room. Among the many troubles that have been hovering over him, he still cannot seem to figure out what happened to James. The weather had been completely fine and there were no other cars.
“No matter what they say, it doesn’t seem right!” Anthony exclaimed, interrupting the sounds of the consistent beeps.
Marcela looks up at Anthony. She knows what Anthony is saying, and the same troubles have plagued her too.
“Could it have been a moment of distraction? A creature on the road, a plane in the air...?” Marcela asked. She knows she is not going to get an answer.
Will they ever understand what happened? Will the mystery be unveiled, or will it die with James?
Beep.Beep.Beep.
James’s soundtrack continues. Marcela is now accustomed to the noise. She feels it’s his only way of communicating with her. To Marcela, hearing the beeps adds a glimmer of hope for her that any moment now, maybe, he’ll snap out of the coma that binds him.
To Anthony, the beeps are a noisy guilt machine. Every beep serves as a reminder to him of what he might have done to have caused James’s current condition.
“… a moment of distraction? A creature on the road, a plane in the air...?”
PRIDE: “I hear voices, they are talking about you.”
James sits up on his bed. He looks at the speaker above him.
PRIDE: “Can you hear them, do you know what they mean?”
But what if there's truth in the words that they speak?
PRIDE: “Try to remember, what have you been through?”
Help me out…
REASON: “Should we try to understand these voices? Mere illusions, hallucinations?”
LOVE: “They sound familiar, they must be here to help. All this confusion's tearing you apart. You must be patient. Open up and let them into your heart.”
FEAR: “You were afraid to live…now you're afraid to die...”
As his emotions continue to bicker at each other through the overhead speaker, James notices a television that had not been there before. Perhaps it was installed while he dozed off…?
Where did that television come from? How long have I been sleeping here? In fact, how long have I been here?
My wife. God, she’s beautiful. I miss her.
(The television screen shows James’s wife.)
(The bickering stops.)
He realizes that when he thought of her, the television came on with the instant image of her on the screen. Marcela is seen crying. Before James can begin to say anything, the television turns back off. Stillness, silence, and then the sound of James sniffling tears fill the room.
LOVE: “Listen and learn, let your heart lead you. And you will find the solutions near.”
Help me out…
The television screen turns back on. Instead of Marcela…
…beautiful Marcela…
The picture that comes up on the television is shockingly familiar. As James pulls himself out of bed, he is horrified by what he sees.
Can’t be…
AGONY: “You're alone in your bedroom. Hiding from the world, staring at the ceiling.”
James is feeling the agony all right. He has not felt these emotions since he was a kid. He cannot even recall the last time he had thought of the memories that were staring at him from the television screen.
His FEAR and AGONY emotions retell the story as it unfolds on the screen: his childhood.
James’s father was a drunk that treated his wife like shit and abused James often. James’s hid his injuries, so his mother would not notice. But in hindsight, his mother knew full well that her poor excuse of a husband was abusive, considering how James was conceived.
James felt so bad for his mom. He knew she deserved better. But James regretfully never expressed that to her. His dad always talked down to James, calling him a loser and such. For a long time, James believed it was true.
James ‘Loser’ Tolk.
James cannot hold back his tears. He thinks back at every whack he got from his dad. The stingy pain after being slapped, kicked, pushed, and had things thrown at him. As a boy, James never understood why his father hated him so much. As he grew up, he understood perfectly well: the liquor.
James vowed he would never be like his dad. And when his dad finally ran out on them, James made that promise in his room, staring at the ceiling above him.
The television screen paused at the very moment the young James Tolk stares at the ceiling.
AGONY: “How could you learn to care, when nobody cares for you?”
Marcela needed to get some sleep. She sat there next to James’s bed for the last six days. She was exhausted, so Anthony insisted that she should go back home and try to rest.
Settling down after Marcella had left, Anthony watches TV that is mounted to the ceiling across from where he is sitting. On the television screen is some cheap-looking movie off the Sy-Fy channel called The New Dimension. Anthony missed the first half, but he gets the gist on what the movie is about: an ancient alien race transports eight people from different time periods in history on Earth to a strange dimension. The chosen eight, trapped in a castle, must find their way to a gate that will bring them back home. But they soon find out as they walk though the castle halls, everything they experience is built upon their fears and dreams, and one by one, they get killed, which was the alien's intentions: to experiment with people's emotions.
Anthony looks over at James, whom appears tortured yet peaceful. Anthony could not stop wondering what was going inside James's head. Anthony turns off the TV with the remote. He remembered what the doctor said the very first day James was admitted.
“Try to communicate with James, as if you are having a normal conversation. It might help him wake up. And bring memories to him. That can help.”
“Memories…,” Anthony thought. Looking straight into James’s closed eyes he said, “Let me take you back, when we were chasing all the girls! We used to compete to see who would get rejected the most! I won!”
Anthony laughed, picturing the faces of numerous girls.
“Remember that band we formed when we were teens? Bodine Vengeance!!! That’s how we first met! I remember you were the leader of the group! You were looking for a singer! I brought my guitar, auditioned, and you said I sucked! But ended up hiring me anyhow! Then, of course, you decided to be the singer instead, douche!”
Tears started rolling down Anthony’s cheeks.
“That was so long ago! We were two maniacs, indulging in the pleasures of the world!”
As he sat remembering their past together, it occurred to Anthony that their friendship really ended when James’s started dating Marcela. Anthony had also liked Marcela. In fact, he’d met Marcela before James did. It seemed there had always been a competition between Anthony and James. What Anthony had, James wanted. And what James had, Anthony wanted. Although they both considered each other best friends over the years, there was definitely a distance between them.
“Just come back to me. Then we can make up for all the time that we’ve lost.”
In James’s mind, he can hear Anthony. In fact, James can see Anthony on the television screen.
He may be right. I must wake up!
James tries so hard to move his lips so he can talk to his friend. In his mind, he is screaming!
AAAAH!!!!
James becomes exhausted. While there was some hope…
The hospital room inside James’s head looks like any other normal hospital room. The bed is the same. The room temperature is the same. The soundsbeepbeepbeepare the same.
And like any patient in a hospital room, restlessness invades the patient before the healing process is finished.
James paces back and forth in the room. He looks back at the TV and sees nothing but television snow. He looks back at the speaker next to the TV, and does not hear any voices. He has not heard from his emotions in a while.
By now, James has accepted his fate, fate of a dreamer that may never wake up from his own self-pity. He also accepted his emotions must be his doctors.
FEAR interrupts the silence in the room, making James nerves jump:
“It's time to leave your sheltered cage. Face your deepest fears.”
James spots a door to his left, and walks toward it. He turns the doorknob and slowly opens the door to find a dim, run-down hallway. He slowly walks through the hallway, fearing what may happen next. After a few minutes exploring what seems to be a never-ending hallway, he spots a door with big letters on top of it that reads SCHOOL. James takes a few breaths, extends his hand, holds the doorknob, and
carefully turns it. He opens it slightly, peeks through, and does not believe what he sees. He opens the door all the way and walks through to…
…his old elementary school. He sees his younger self, stumbling down the hallway. All the kids around him are laughing.
I felt very small.
He feels his RAGE and AGONY boiling inside him.
He attempts to control it.
James follows him through the hallways, toward the exit, and out of the school. He stands there behind the door, frozen, and watches as his younger self is getting his ass beat by the bigger kid.
I swore that I'd get back at him.
James clenches his fist. He wants to…to…
…he’s walking toward the bigger kid, ready to kick his ass like he wanted to and should have years ago.
His PRIDE wants to…to…
…wipe the smirk off the kid's face…
…but his REASON doesn’t want any part of it.
So James just stands there, caught between his emotions, as he watches the bigger kid finish and walk away from a beaten-down young James.
PASSION whispers in James’s ear:
“Let it all go.”
A teacher is running toward the younger James, ignoring old James just standing there as if he doesn’t exist. The teacher gets him up, and escorts him inside the school.
Old James stands there for a moment or two. He still feels RAGE inside him. He walks toward a nearby swing and collapses down. He is still wearing his hospital gown..
A kid walks by the swings, whistling ‘Another Brick in the Wall’ by Pink Floyd. The kid does not notice anybody sitting on the swing.
James realizes that he is invisible.
James recalls that about a year after the fight he just witnessed he’d fought the bigger kid. Fought him, and won. Not only did he win that fight, but he won plenty of other fights too…
He had vowed to himself that he would never let anyone get the best of him again.
Ten days have passed and there are still no signs of improvement. Marcela and Anthony sit by James in the hospital room. Both of their emotions are running high and the atmosphere of the room is very tense. The doctors inform them that physically there is nothing wrong with James, yet in his head, he seems to be struggling to survive. The doctors insist that Marcela and Anthony should both talk to James, that it might just be the thing to bring him back to life.
So they both make the attempt to revive James through memories.
Anthony asks non-responsive James if he remembers the crazy time they both drove brand new motorcycles and ended up wrecking them the very second they drove them off the lot. Or the time they both climbed the highest tree at Decision Tree Park up north near Anthony's parents' cabin. They had both stayed stuck up in the tree for a good majority of the day because they were too afraid to climb down.
Marcela recalls, smiling widely, the first time that they had sex. James had taken Marcela to Anthony's cabin up north that weekend, some ten years ago. It was quite a romantic scene, fire blazing and their lust for each other filling the cabin. They got intimate and were completely lost in each other when, out of the blue, Anthony's parents burst into the cabin. No warning could have given Marcela and James enough time to put their clothes back on. Marcela chuckles tearfully as she describes the look on Anthony's mother's face.
And it was that awkward moment that got Marcela thinking about James's proposal to her. They were at their regular spot, the Electric Castle Spirits bar, where they’d first met. James was so nervous the whole time. Since it was their anniversary he had planned on proposing to her. After the date had gone on for some time, he finally decided to do the deed. So he got up, moved his bar stool away from him, dropped to his knee, but then went blank as he had no follow up and hadn’t prepared anything to say next, so he just looked down to the ground in complete embarrassment. She’d knelt down then, mistaking James’s kneeling position for a search for lost keys or something and he’d dropped the box. The box that held their future together: an engagement ring. Marcela picks it up as she stands back up, opening it up and is left totally speechless. James stood up and mumbled something incoherently to which Marcela had responded with an exclaimed yes. A stranger sitting at the bar nearby smiles at the newly engaged couple and asks, "Dude, did you just propose?" James couldn’t move his lips to respond back so he just nodded his head. Everyone in the bar ended up applauding.
Marcela’s eyes well up with tears. James was so full of life then. And he appeared to be in love with her. She doesn’t know what she did wrong that pulled James away from her. Now he’s stuck in a coma, unable to wake up.
Back inside James's mind, James walks back toward the school. When he’s about to open the door he notices the word LOVE written on top of the door. As soon as he notices LOVE, he hears his love, Marcela, in his head, asking him if he remembers when he proposed to her.
Of course I do, Marcela. Although it was so awkward!
James chuckles but suddenly stops. He realizes it is the first time in a long time he has laughed. He cannot even remember the last time he chuckled, which saddens him. He shakes it off, opening the door, and walking through to…
...the Electric Castle Spirits, a tavern near the University of Michigan. The tavern was your typical bar filled with 20-somethings, letting loose after a day's worth of classes, studying, and brainwashing. Although James and Anthony were serious about their band, Bodine Vengeance, they both knew they
weren’t going to make it big. So instead of chasing a music career, they both decided to major in business management together. They had an internship coming up with Aireon Universe, a business firm that arranges high tech contracts for high profile companies.
The hospital gown clad James, watches his younger self and Anthony drink in celebration of their future success. Within a few minutes, Marcela walks into the bar and looks right through the invisible older James. Both of the James's hearts speeds up at the very second their eyes lock with Marcela’s. This is the first time they’ve ever met.
Anthony also takes notice to Marcela, recognizing her from a few of his classes. He had always had a bit of a crush on her, but had never had the nerve to ask her out. Anthony is startled from his reverie as James, seemingly without even a moment's thought, walks up to the jukebox, picks a song, and approaches Marcela. As he nears her the beginning of Ivy 'Worry About You' can be heard.
"May I have this dance?" James asks nervously. Marcela has been picked up before in bars, but not like this. She’s taken aback by the romance, and couldn’t say no. She steps forward, he steps forward, and they’re close enough to kiss. James's left hand touches her back and his right hand holds her left. And with that, they start dancing, despite the guys at the bar cracking jokes over his choice of music.
Back at the table, Anthony sits clutching his drink with jealousy. Why is he jealous? Is it because of Marcela? Maybe. But perhaps Anthony's jealousy is really about the fact that once again, James gets everything he wants.
Young James whispers in Marcela's ear:
"On this perfect day, I am in..."
Marcela interrupts him by saying: "Don't ruin it by a corny one-liner you don't even mean!"
James looks disappointed, and is about to push away from Marcela when all of the sudden without hesitation, she kisses James, sweet and simply. A kiss with promised new beginnings.
The older James takes a seat at the bar. He watches his younger self, wooing the beautiful young Marcela, his future wife. With everything that was going on in his life recently, he had forgotten how spontaneous he was, and how much he loved Marcela even from the very second he saw her. Cliché as it sounds, he did feel an instant connection with her. He knows the feeling is mutual.
I still love you, Marcela.
Young James and Marcela continued to dance for hours. Their romance spanned for days, weeks, months. After a year, James proposed at the very spot they fell in love and they were married a couple of years after.
Older James thinks back to it all, wishing he had a clue what went wrong. He needs to fix this...
He gets up, and walks toward the exit. He pushes the glass door open and walks back into the hospital room. It is the same as he left it. Looking up at the television screen he notices Marcela crying on a bed.
REASON then talks to James through the speaker:
"Concentrate on the world beyond your mind. Disregard the emotions inside your head."
James takes a calming breath, and tries not to get caught up. He realizes yet again that he is still just in a hospital bed, and that he is dreaming. Everything seems real, but they’re really just memories from the past.
Suddenly the images on the TV screen changes to that of his distraught mother...
FEAR: "We won't let you go. You're better off dead!"
James's upbringing was quite different than most children. Because of his father’s abuse, James did not want to rely on his mom. It was really James who brought himself up. He escaped through rock music. Throughout the years, guilt has haunted James for how he treated his mother.
Though he was not as much of a jerk as his dad was, he certainly did not help his mom as he should have. Instead of helping with chores, he was out with his friends a good majority of the time. He was hardly sociable with his mom when she was around (she worked two jobs just for them to survive). And anytime they did interact, it was cold and distant.
His mom lived in isolation. In truth, she died when her husband left her. A part of James died too.
REASON: "You must fight hard to break this spell." James is sitting on his bed. He looks up to the speaker.
But it hurts...
FEAR screeches into the speaker:
"You hear her voice from beyond her grave!"
James's mom then speaks into the speaker, softly but clearly:
"Where were you son, when I needed you?"
I’m sorry, mom. I am so sorry...
A new voice emerges from the speaker. A voice, cold and merciless, that James has not heard in so many years, his father:
"You're a loser. You're a worthless fool. You let her die!"
You are the one who killed her, you asshole!
His mother never got a chance to see her son get married. In fact, she never got a chance to meet Marcela. She died a little after James’s graduation from high school. It was determined that her cause of death was alcohol poisoning. James took it very hard, but pressed on with his life. He knew that she had been deeply scarred over the years. He was not so troubled from her death but rather the fact he never was there for his mom when she needed him.
As a result, he started to have that same guilty feeling haunt him whenever he saw his wife and best friend...
PRIDE: "Bury all your emotions. By now you realize, you have to be relentless to survive. It's your life."
REASON: "No! There's still some memories that need to come out..."
The television screen goes back to...
...my beautiful Marcela.
LOVE: "Fate has come to warn you that for far too long you have forsaken her heart."
How could I have ignored her smile? Her beautiful smile! She was always there and I wasn't. Oh God, I'm so ashamed.
LOVE: "Move to the truth."
James now knows why his wife...why his friend...
I wish I could go back and change my ways. Is it already too late?
LOVE: "Now is the time to seize your only chance."
"I want the James I fell in love with back! The James that asked me to slow dance without even knowing me! The James that constantly gave me blue roses when we first started dating! Remember I would always ask you how you got them, and you would always say, 'from the Octopus's Garden!'"
Marcela laughs and sobs harder at the same time.
"I love you, James. I always have and I always will. Please, babe, please give me a sign. Show me you're there. That you’re listening"
Meanwhile, Anthony is sitting across from Marcela, reading a short story collection called Livin' the Dream... he bought on Amazon by some unknown author. Breaking the quiet of the room Marcela screams out in excitement:
"Look, look! He’s crying! Those are tears on his face!”
Anthony stands up, leaning over to see what has excited Marcela.
"And look at his fist!!!" Marcela yells out, jumping out of her chair.
James is clenching his right fist on top of his bed sheets.
"Could it be because he's hurting inside? That he feels angry at us?" Anthony asks.
Marcela turns to glare at Anthony.
"Don't you think we should be glad he feels anything at all?"
"All I am saying is he might be really angry with us," Anthony mutters in defense.
"Does it really matter if he is, Anthony?" Marcela asks.
Anthony can’t think of any response to her question so he gets up and walks out of the room. He knows, as well as Marcela, that IF James ever does wake up, many things will have to be discussed.
As Anthony wanders the hallways of the hospital, he concludes that he has absolutely no idea where to go from here. He loves Marcela, but she’s his best friend's wife. He loves his best friend like a brother, but he also hates him. In his opinion he thinks James is an asshole who does not deserve Marcela. Anthony also still has bitter feelings over what happened to him at the Aireon Universe, and how he got fired. He had his suspicions that James was the cause behind it. Anthony thought that if he could make James think that him and Marcela was...but in reality, he knew Marcela would not go for it. Still, he was vulnerable and she was vulnerable. They both comforted each other, and James caught them before he got into the car accident that caused his coma. Marcela feels a burden that James assumes... At first, he had mix feelings between wanting his friend to die and wanting his friend to come back. But as the days pass by, he actually misses his friend from long ago.
Rounding the corner and finally back at James’s room, Anthony finds that he can’t go back in just yet and face Marcela. He slides to a sitting position on the ground and leans his head back against the wall.
After James and Marcela got married, James gave up on the music scene and got very serious with his job at Aireon Universe. Both men did the internship together and ended up earning themselves a job with the company. The company was thriving, doing business with the government and engineer companies, as well as business with large, high tech corporations.
James was earning a modest living working at Aireon Universe. James, always wanting to prove that he was not a loser like his father, wanted more. His pride fought tooth and nail with his reason and he started becoming more passionate towards his job than towards his love: Marcela. And it was his pride with himself that caused Anthony his job.
REASON: "Your loved ones are waiting..."
James, still stuck inside his mind with his emotions, walks toward the door, opens it, and looks through. He sees his office at the Aireon Universe building complex. He knows already what he is about to witness. He takes a deep breath, exhales, and walks through the door.
James stares directly toward a cubical: Anthony's cubical. He sees Anthony, packing up all his things. Anthony has just been told that he is fired. Anthony, trying to keep his cool and not break down in front of everyone, gathers his things in a box, picks the box up, and walks toward the invisible, hospital gown clad James. James sees the look on Anthony's face, and his heart sinks. James knows he’s the cause of this.
A week or so prior, both men were told that one of them was being considered for the Director position. It was a big promotion and both of them had their eye on it. Anthony was always the hard working one, where as James was always the cocky one.
A few days prior to Anthony's termination, he privately told James he was working on a big contract deal with Universal Migrate Inc. Universal Migrate Inc. was interested in doing business with Lockheed Martin regarding simulation. They found a way to simulate past historical wars and possible future wars, including information that could lead to locating enemy weapons. The project was going to be called Dream Sequencer. They needed a contract through Aireon to make it official. However, something had gone wrong and the deal had folded. Anthony had nothing else to gamble with so he tampered with the papers to make it seem like it was a done deal.
That night, James sat in his office debating about things. Should he reveal to his boss about the forged contract? Anthony had come to him as a friend and told him about his failure in confidence. On the other hand, the Directors position might be chosen based on the deals they’d made with big clients. It wouldn’t be fair at all for someone to get the job based on their lies! Deciding to act upon it, James dug up the papers and left them on his boss's desk.
Within a few days, Anthony was terminated and James was given the ultimatum that if he could manage to seal the deal with Universal Migrate Inc, he may get the promotion. That week, James worked hard, ignoring his wife and just-fired friend. He stayed at the office all day and night, working on the deal. He finally got the two parties to agree on a contract, and by that weekend, Lockheed Martin and Universal Migrate Inc. had a deal set up to test run Dream Sequencer.
At that moment, James had felt good about himself. But as he reflects upon it now, staring at Anthony's empty desk, he should have known better. He should have been a good friend to Anthony, as Anthony had been a good friend to him.
I cannot live with this betrayal. He's always been the better man.
After the argument he had with Marcela, Anthony went back home to get some rest. He wanted to let her be at peace for a while. He knows that it has not been easy for her and it certainly has not been easy for him. He lives alone. He had dated a few times, but he could never find someone like Marcela.
He knows he has to get his life straightened out. He has always been in James's shadow. In-between his visits to the hospital, Anthony has been sending out resumes and applying for new jobs.
When Anthony gets home he is surprised to find a message on his answering machine. He had finally got an interview from a firm from the Netherlands called, Rainbow Bridge.
Back at the hospital, Marcela is asleep, resting against James.
James's father, who calls himself simply, "The Man," barges into the room. He has a gut the size of a pregnant woman and reeks of beer and cigarettes. He had read the article in Buena Heights News, and felt compelled to visit his son. Of course, not out of concern but to gloat.
"Look at you, I always knew you wouldn't make it on your own 'cos you're just like your mother, well, where is she now, loser?!"
Marcela is startled awake by the harsh shouting.
"Who the hell are you!?" Marcela exclaimed, backing her chair against the wall. It was a small room, but she was going to get as far away from this disgusting man as possible.
"I'm his father, though I don't know if I want to claim this loser as my son. He doesn't even look like me. More like his bitch momma. I bet they would make a cute couple, six feet underground!" Marcela is stunned. She’d heard from James over the years how much of an asshole his dad was. It all makes sense now why James acts the way he does. And considering James is not like this chauvinist pig in front of her, she just loves and respects James even more.
Rising from her chair, Marcela steps up to James’s father; poking him in the chest with her finger.
"YOU, sir, are the loser. YOU killed your wife, and now YOU are killing your son. Go crawl back under that nasty rock you came from!”
"The Man" raises his hand and is about to slap her when he stops himself, laughs out loud, and says:
"You’re just like the rest: a bitch! I slept with a hundred of yous! All the same. They all come back trying to sue me. Half of my kids are in jail, or like this loser, as good as dead! I just came by to pay my respects. HAHA!"
"The Man" turns around and walks away, repeating the word, 'loser.' Marcela shouts:
"Go tell it in a bar, asshole!"
Marcela goes back to her seat next to the bed, and looks into James's closed eyes.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."
She lays her head next to James's arm, and softly cries. She’s not that naive. She knows exactly why her husband is in a coma: he saw her and Anthony together. They were cuddling, holding hands, on the couch James/Marcela shares.
James can hear his wife whisper to him. But in his head, it is intensified to a scream.
James has been going through room after room, revisiting old memories, trying to piece together why he is in a coma.
He is finally getting to that last puzzle piece. After walking through so many doors, he gets to a door that ends up opening up a car door: his car. He gets inside the car and notices himself, sitting in the driver's seat. The James in the driver's seat does not notice the James in the passenger seat. The car is parked in front of James and Marcela’s house. It is a nice house, outside the suburbia area. The houses are more spread out, rather than crammed together.
The James in the driver's seat has just witnessed his best friend and his wife, cuddling together on the couch in their family room. They both were smiling, happy, and content with each other's company. It has been the first time in a good, long, while, that he saw his wife happy. And his best friend, Anthony, whom just got fired (which James regretfully caused), also looked quite happy. In the back of James's mind, he knew that Anthony had always loved Marcela as much as he did. But she was still James's wife.
James did not see everything. When he walked into the house, he saw the two of them embrace each other, and he had walked out. He has his theories on what they were doing or what they were about to do, but he did not want to see it. His imagination was enough.
Tears started coming down James's face. The James in the passenger seat attempts to talk to James in the driver's seat, but there is no response. James in the driver's seat starts the car, backs out in the driveway, and drives away.
AGONY speaks to James through the speaker in the car:
"Love wrecked you, I am your only friend now!"
James in the driver's seat speeds up, not noticing how fast he is driving, or not caring. All he can see is the image of Her and Him together...
James in the passenger seat looks at the windshield, and sees a projected image of Marcela and Anthony, embracing each other and laughing. Dancing and kissing and falling into bed…James’s bed…
'Worry About You' blasts through the speakers.
PASSION then screams into James's ears:
"You've nothing left..."
James in the passenger seat screams at the top of his lungs:
LET ME OUT!
AGONY shouts:
"It would be better if you would just die!"
James in the driver's seat presses the gas pedal to the floor and closes his eyes.
CRASH.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
The James in the passenger seat opens his eyes. He is back in his hospital bed. The television screen mounted from the ceiling has footage of the car wreckage. It appears the car hit a tree.
REASON: "Now you know the truth, what will you do?"
For days now, the only communication Marcela has gotten from, James, is the beeping.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
Marcela likes to think of the beeping as James's way of saying
ILOVEYOU
to her.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
Anthony, across from Marcela, is trying to find the courage to tell her that he will be leaving in a couple of days. Rainbow Bridge offered him the job after all, and he took it. He is also half-tempted to ask Marcela if she wants to come with him, but he knows well-enough that she would never leave James. He wonders how long she will stay here by his side, not thinking of the inevitable thatbeepbeepbeepJames is gone.
Anthony is about to break the news when all of the sudden, he notices James's eyes: they were open.
James, slowly but surely, with a little help from his friends: his emotions, wakes up. Everything is a little disorientated at first, but he comprehends where he is at, a hospital room with his best friend and his beautiful wife.
James raises his hand, and slowly touches Marcela's hand. Marcela is in disbelief.
Anthony jumps up and says: "I’ll go get a doctor!" and hastily exits the room.
James's attention is caught by Anthony's rush, then he focuses back to his wife. Tears fall down his face. Marcela starts to cry too. Just as James was about to speak, Marcela hushes James's lips with her finger.
"My heart belongs to you. Anthony had just gotten fired, and he needed..."
Marcela tries to think of the right words...and then...it hits her...
"...you weren't around for me, James. I needed some comfort. Anthony needed some comfort. But we never...I mean...I would never..."
This time it’s James who raises his hand toward Marcela lips to hush her. He then softly utters the words:
"I love you."
Tears start falling down Marcela's cheek. She hugs her husband, then kisses him.
Anthony comes back with a doctor. The doctor keeps saying, "I don't believe it," over and over. He’s checking the machines and the medical charts looking completely baffled.
James looks directly at Anthony and softly utters the words:
"I am sorry."
Anthony nods his head. He is also sorry, but does not admit it. He had mixed emotions the last several days, but he is just glad James is okay.
James looks back at Marcela. He blinks a few times, utters the words, "I love you" to Marcela one last time, then slowly closes his eyes.
Beep.BeepBEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP.
James dies. Marcela screams in horror, flinging herself at the now lifeless body of her husband. Anthony is swearing and shaking, utterly confused. The doctors rush to James's side, trying to figure out what happened. All of the sudden, everyone in the room hears a computerized voice say:
"THE HUMAN EQUATION PROGRAM ABORTED."
Everyone looks up to a speaker mounted on the ceiling that they had never noticed. Before anyone can even begin to react, they all disappear. The room is empty, dark, and cold.
"...emotions...I remember," one voice says. There is no distinctive gender with the tone of the voice. It is generic with no personality.
"...are you satisfied then?" another voice asks. It is the same tone as the last voice.
"Yes. Dream Sequencer did a good job simulating what emotions are. I know what to feel. But I just do not know how to feel."
"Dream Sequencer was not meant to simulate how to feel. Dream Sequencer was meant to simulate what feelings are, and the scenario that was chosen should have given you an idea what it is like to have emotions."
The two voices talking are Forever of the Stars, an extinct alien species. Only a few of them exist in the universe, and they are the only life-forms alive, though their life-span is dwindling. They had depended on technology for so long that they started becoming the technology they were using. Pretty soon, their old ways became forgotten. They breathe, think, and feel through machines.
The Human Equation Program is the latest experiment created to simulate what emotions are like, as Forever of the Stars forgot how to feel. The Dream Sequencer is the last artifact of the human race after the destruction of Earth in the year, 2085, in which Forever caused, but that is a different story for a different time.
For those that are familiar with either Ayreon or the genius behind Ayreon, Arjen Anthony Lucassen - I will save you the trouble of repeating stuff you already know. For those that aren't familiar with Ayreon/Arjen, well, you should be, so go on Youtube and look up his music - STAT! Instead of repeating information that Wikipedia (or better yet, arjenlucassen.com) can easily provide, I will share you MY Ayreon story (you can have your turn later!)
My parents are rock music nerds. They grew up in an era the movie, Almost Famous, takes place in. I was brought up with this music, and it kind of grew on me. My dad was more into the progressive scene with Yes/Genesis/Jethro Tull. My mom was more into the hard rock scene with Aerosmith/Black Sabbath/Van Halen. Because I was brought up with both genres, I enjoy both genres (with Pink Floyd being my favorite). Other than a few selective bands, my mom/dad never really enjoyed each other's type of music. My dad always thought straight hard rock was nauseating with its simplicity. My mom got bored with prog with its long-winded indulgence. It was always entertaining hearing the arguments over the years from both parents!
Then ten years ago, my dad tried to sell prog to my mom with a hard rock-ish edge called Arena. At first (like all GREAT prog), my mom didn't care for it, but then it grew on her. She was intrigued. And that intrigue grew into other bands, like Symphony X/Shadow Gallery/and many more. Everyone in my household fell in love with these bands, because they had a mixture of prog/hard rock.
Then came Ayreon.
I believe the first Ayreon that came into my house was Universal Migrator Part 1: The Dream Sequencer. I didn't like it, at first. I will admit it right here and now. At the time, I thought it was too Pink Floyd-ish (I think I had put Pink Floyd a lot higher on that pedestal than it deserves, but it's too late now- still my favorite!) But the beautiful thing about progressive rock, it may seem overwhelming to the ear at first, but then it grows on you.
Not only did that album grew on me, but Ayreon grew on me. My mom kept playing it in her car, in the house. I kept wanting to listen to it (a tip: the best way to listen to Ayreon is through LOUD headphones!), kept asking for burnt copies (shhhh, don't tell Arjen that). I became so obsessed that I ended up buying all
the Ayreon albums (as well as Arjen's side-projects). Let it also be known that it was Ayreon that introduced me to Dream Theater: another band I became quite obsessed over.
I have been saying this for years, and I stand by this: Ayreon is a genre all on its own. Not only is there a mixture of various types of rock music, but there is a story behind the album, every album is a concept album. And every concept album expands into a greater story. It's very difficult to structure a story behind an entire album. Concept albums do exist. But what Arjen did was go above and beyond a concept album, inviting various singers/musicians/etc-etc, to help Arjen tell a story through great music.
Some Ayreon albums are stronger than other albums, but every single album has a distinct sound/feel/story, and that is a talent MOST bands/musicians do not know how to master. Arjen, on the other hand, keeps proving he is the master with everything he touches.
I always thought every single Ayreon album deserves a movie or book adaptation. It saddens me that not one exists, not even a fan-made one (there are countless fan-fiction(s) out there, though). But I don't want fan fiction (no offense), I want an adapted take on Arjen's body of work. I guess I shall be the one to boldly volunteer.
I had emailed Arjen last summer [2011], asking if I could adapt The Human Equation into a book of some kind. To my surprise, he emailed me back a week or two later, giving me the full stamp of approval (though his only request is that I don't profit from it, which is fair considering it's not really my story - it's his).
I approached this project like a fan (which is obvious with all the Ayreon/Arjen references sprinkled throughout), but I also took it very seriously. I thought about all the adapted books that got turned into movies that worked and didn't work, and why they worked/didn't work.
I used the source material (structure of the album, lyrics, and characters) as a reference tool. I wanted to expand upon the story Arjen originally told, without altering too much. I wanted to be true to the album and (hopefully) have fans recognize this piece as an adapted story of the album, but I also wanted to make it my own and (hopefully) have it stand on its own. This, of course, is written from a fan, but I also wanted to have it written in a way where readers that are not familiar with the Ayreon-verse, be able to not only understand what's going on, but also enjoy it (perhaps enjoy it enough to get hooked with Ayreon the same way I did).
I had fun with this writing project. It challenged me as a writer. I hope you (whether you are a fan or not) enjoyed it. I am crossing my fingers this inspires other fans to do something similar. I would LOVE to see an adaptation of Into the Electric Castle and 01011001 in the near to distant future, though I am tempted to make a trilogy out of this eventually if no one dares to do it.
I have accomplished the first experiment. The outcome of the 'next' experiment has now been placed in your hands....
