MIAMI MIRROR – TRUE REFLECTIONS

PETITION TO LEGALIZE ILLEGALITY AT THE LAS OLAS DRIVE-IN CAFÉ

Honorable Mayor and Commissioners

Whereas, the customers of Las Olas Café at 644 6 th Street have been informally permitted by the police power to park and/or double-park illegally in or by sixteen (16) yellow-curbed, No Parking spaces beside and nearby the Café for the last several years for breakfast, lunch, and coffee breaks;

Whereas, those customers include employees of the police, parking, code compliance, and sanitation departments, and employees of the towing duopoly;

Whereas, vehicles illegally parked elsewhere are regularly ticketed and/or towed, except for city vehicles whose drivers are on official and/or personal business;

Whereas, the City of Miami Beach is a liberal city, and a Motor Unit police officer illegally parked in front of the Café declared that police officers are liberal when it comes to having coffee, but that he would ask drivers of tall delivery trucks obscuring stop signs to move from a corner to prevent accidents harming pedestrians and drivers;

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Whereas, a Motor Unit police officer seriously asked “What’s the problem?” when observing a pedestrian dodging cars running stop signs, and loudly complaining about the congestion at the Café intersection;

Whereas, a police captain declared that there has been only one accident at the intersection due to congestion, when a taxi T-boned a vehicle carrying tourists, and an ambulance had to be called;

Whereas, at least one police officer asked an illegally parked driver to move when he observed himself being photographed ignoring a dozed illegally parked cars around the intersection;

Whereas, a top code compliance official declared at a conference, held at the Cafe with code compliance and police officers, an assistant city manager, and the only member of the public invited, that there is absolutely no selective enforcement of codes in the City of Miami Beach;

Whereas, it is believed by the press and the public that the Café is “protected” by the police power from its customers being ticketed and/or towed if they park in the No Parking areas around the four corners of the intersection;

Whereas, it is believed that the sidewalk café coordinator allowed the former owner of the Café to set out, in addition to permitted seats, several unpermitted, stand-up tables on the curb itself to serve drive-in customers, and that substantial concurrency fees for the previous owner’s tables and chairs were waived;

Whereas, the approximate value of sixteen (16) parking spaces to the city if rented at $30,000 each is $480,000 per annum;

Whereas, the value thus been lost for several years is estimated to be four-million dollars ($4,000,000), the benefit received by the Café owners probably not being reported to income tax authorities;

Whereas, the Café is so popular among city employees, tow truck and taxi drivers that in 2011 The Michael caused the city commission to present the owners with a certificate for their longstanding contribution to the City of Miami Beach;

Whereas, the Café’s business would probably fail if it were not a drive-in café with parking spaces;

Whereas, selective enforcement of the laws is unfair, and something must be done to save city officials from the appearance of impropriety and from making a bad joke of government;

Whereas, it is said that law is founded on custom, and, when customs change, the law should change accordingly:

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MIAMI MIRROR – TRUE REFLECTIONS

Therefore I, The David, petition the mayor and commission of the City of Miami Beach to legalize the illegality by enacting legislation including but not limited to the following provisions:

a. Charge the Las Olas Drive-In Café owners a nominal total fee of $30,000 fee for a total of eight (8) parking spaces, selected by the traffic authorities after examining safety concerns;

b. Cause the traffic authorities to authorize the installation of four-way stop lights at the intersection, and have them installed forthwith;

c. Paint the yellow curbs with another distinctive color to indicate they are for Café customers during its open hours, and erect signs accordingly, e.g. “For Las Olas Café Customers Only during the hours…,” the Café to bear the cost of the improvements;

d. Mandate that the Las Olas Café to do business as “The Las Olas Drive-In Café.”

Petitioned on this 22nd day of May CE 2014

THE DAVID

EXHIBITS

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(an argument over illegal double-parking rights)

Word on street before café changed hands: “If you want something fixed with the cops or compliance, ask Vincent. Ask about his fight with the Bamboo Club over free parking space.”

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