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Lighter By Nature

Date post: 24-Mar-2016
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A tribute to reads that are as light as they can get. From all over the world and from everywhere at home, this is the future of lightheartedness.
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Transcript
Page 1: Lighter By Nature
Page 2: Lighter By Nature

Get to the word ‘wannabe’ and you’re thinking of a struggling actor waiting for a break or some guy

who wants to walk down a lengthy stage to be branded a model, but then dig a little deeper and you’ll realize we’re all wannabes – at some level or at all levels.

Alisha wants to get married, Dennis wants to get out of the country, Varun wants a better job, Cyril wants to look fit, Vikram wants to make a lot more of money,

and you just want to eat more without added inches around your waist. What’s the moral of this story? Eve-ryone’s A Wannabe.

Look at in a million possible ways, but everyone’s aspiring. Everyone wants to be something else, someone else or somewhere else – no two ways about that. Now, here’s why aspiration is a good thing – as long as we’re all wannabes, we’re going to have our silver linings. When the walls come crashing in and the tides get a lit-tle too high, it’s that one yearning to want to climb over and surf that gives us all fuel to face another day.

Cutting to an exceptional chase, who are we? We’re the biggest wannabes ever. What do we want to be? We want to be the future of everything that looks good and works good, sort of like what Apple did to computers; we want to do for all things art, advertising and apparel.

-Hot Cross Puns

Page 3: Lighter By Nature

A handful of researchers discovered that beer contained small traces of

female hormones. To put their discovery to the test,

twelve men were made to have ten pints of beers each.

In the results that followed, 100 per cent of the men spoke nonsense and

couldn’t drive. Hence proved!

•••

Q: How can you drop an egg from a height of seven feet without breaking it?A: Drop it from a height of eight feet;

it won’t break for the first seven.

•••

-Yo momma so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to her.

•••

*A compilation of the funniest lines on the internet or otherwise.

Q: Why did Moses roam about in the desert for 40 years?

A: Simple, even back then, men never stopped to ask for directions.

•••

-Yo momma so black, she got into a bathtub and the water turned into

coffee.

•••

-Early to bed and early to rise makes your girlfriend go out with all the

other guys.

•••

Q: What do elephants use for tampons?A: Sheep.

•••

Think you can be funnier? Send us your lines: [email protected]

Page 4: Lighter By Nature

The Man Of a MilliOn VOiceSHe’s on the radio, he’s on SoundCloud and everyone’s talking about him and his over-the-top, in-your-face, I-just-can’t-believe-that-happened prank calls. Around this block, Danish brings in his take on the pranks and some of life’s ironies.

Us: The pranks, what inspired you to come up with such genius? Kindly tell me that one.Danish: I used to host a segment called B’day Poppat at a radio station in Dubai. I’m not too sure if it inspired me, I mean it’s not an art... it’s plain f***ing

around right? :) I was… I am and I will continue to be a Harami!

Us: There’s Nagesh, Nagraju, Range Gowda, Asgar and Chacko Cheta, who’s your preferred con-artist?Danish: Personally, I love Nagraj and Asgar! I think my retorts are better when I play these characters. Sometimes, when the humor is coming out of the person I’m playing the prank on, I throw in a quick line or two, and it tends to save my ass!

Us: Globally or locally, who/what cracks you up the most?Danish: Locally, a lot of people crack me up. I observe a lot of people. Bus drivers, auto men, my domestic help, the politicians around us, my boss, my security guard… they’re all funny! It just depends on how you see them… I see humor even at a funeral!

Us: When you aren’t nailing pranks in a million voices, what keeps you busy?Danish: The gym! I love working out. It’s important to look good; a lot of people think its ok to look fat. No, it isn’t ok. If not for themselves, they should at least think of the women they go to bed with!I also freelance as an MC, so I’m either hosting an event or I’m busy with a comedy brand called the IMPROV. Also, movies, my playstation, catching up with friends… staple stuff, does that make me boring?

Us: Rushing off to a series of different tangents, do women check out other women more than they do men, is that really true?Danish: I think it’s true, I have a f**ked up track record. Every time I’m at a night club, I sense gay men hitting on me! I get jealous of boys who tell me, they knocked a chick up from the night club! Like how? Why has that never happened to me?

Us: What kind of people do you find annoying as f**k? Danish: People who believe ignorance is cool, people who believe lower-waged jobs are un-cool, people who believe flaunting what their dads made for them is cool and finally, people who don’t believe in themselves! It’s important to chase your dream down till the end. It’s not cool to say, “Bro, let’s smoke a joint now, we’ll decide about life later.”

Us: We’re assuming you love your music; tons of musical instruments around, if you were to be born again as one, which one would that be and why? Danish: Assumption is the mother of all f**k-ups! I was born like an empty vessel… and that’s why I’m making all the noise :)

Page 5: Lighter By Nature

We’re growing too old, too soon. And I’ve come to realize that life is never going to be

as nonchalant as it once was. So every now and then I reminisce over the times we spent at a certain little coffee shop. Back in the day (I get goose bumps every time I realize I’m old enough to use that line) there was a grand old coffee shop. You could find my friends and I there, every other weekend… puffing furiously away on a long sheesha pipe (Oh! the things we did as kids), drinking copious amounts of coffee and having lengthy discussions about nothing I care too much to remember now. We would park ourselves there for hours on end. We knew the waiters by name and vice versa… except they muddled our names up every now and then. But hey, what’s in a name, right? And if by chance you went there with a girl, halleluiah, you got treated

to the best sheesha there was. You’d wonder why the sheesha was better if you were with a girl, but order the chicken burger, and you’d forget these insignificant little details about the sheesha. That burger was a life saver. Mind you, it wasn’t the best I’ve had, but maybe I’m biased. God bless you if you had to use the loo, tiny little filthy place with an unmistakable smell you’re not likely to forget for a while. Public restrooms in the middle of an unheard village in Jharkhand would qualify as five-star in comparison. It has been 4 years since we graduated from college now. The coffee shop shut a year back. I’ll admit I even shed a silent tear when I heard. I spent a good part of my college life in this little café. Building bonds that will be hard to sever. Here’s to my college days. Here’s to the good ol’ coffee shop.

- Thomas Joshua

Page 6: Lighter By Nature

Yesterday was a fine York day. The open market was still open and my friends - Jennie, Amy Nard - and I were wandering around amidst the food stalls, eating, smiling, and (personally) getting intoxicated with the plethora of rich aromas prancing around in the air.

As we languidly made our way back to campus, walking from one winding street to another, I noticed this tall leather-jacketed-important-CSI-looking-dude standing with an equally important looking bulldog and talking to this short-old-raggedy-haired-man with an equally raggedy-haired dog. Anyways, we kept walking, window-shopping, and so on... typical lazy Sunday afternoon.

I pleasantly looked to my left. My heart skipped a beat as I saw some teeny lout cycling with mad intensity towards the street corner. My instincts somehow pushed my feet a foot to the right as I realized (thankfully faster than I normally do) that he was about to run me over. He furiously swiveled around the street corner, grazing my friend’s arm as he pedaled off. I breathed in relief, only to realize there was a second youth who had

MUGGED IN NEW YORK

come running around the corner, bags in hand, fervently attempting to keep up with the cyclist (who I now noticed had bags with him too).

Us girls go: “What are these daft jerks rushing around for?? Oh, maybe they’re stealing something. Haha.. yeah maybe. Let’s keep walking.” A few seconds later, a man with a cell phone in hand comes chasing after them. We girls say (more alertly): “Are they really stealing stuff? Wow, was that the shop-keeper?” We start getting wide-eyed and gleeful.

We turn more street-corners, of course. Out of nowhere, the aforementioned leather-jacketed man with the dog strides by, thrusts the leashed bulldog towards an old, unassuming couple. He says:“I am the police, I have to go now. Hold my dog.” He takes a badge out apparently (I completely missed this moment of course, I think my eyes wandered towards... I dunno a dustbin maybe). The couple shakes their heads uneasily. The policeman, walking away: “HOLD HIM!” And then he runs ahead, just like a Terminator on a not-so-secret mission.

We turn some more street corners. We arrive at ‘The Scene’. Mr. Policeman/Terminator (looking placidly around, like everything is fine and dandy) has the runner-boy on the road, face-down, hands behind his back, pleading for mercy. A few passersby stare, an old lady sniggers contently. We girls are super excited. I mean you never see stuff like this when you live near Detroit or (in my case) in Bangalore. No ways. You have to come to York - famous historic, tourist city, to witness a shoplifting incident. I wanted to take pictures, publish them and become famous. But of course, I thought of this only after reaching campus safely, un-mugged. Oh well. Anyways, if there’s one thing that beats the lows of getting mugged, it’s the highs of witnessing a fire-breathing policeman chasing down a juvenile offender - too much of one-day New York-city drama for a simple girl from a sleepy Bangalore; over and out.

- Emily Thomas

~hotcrosspuns~


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