Listening and Questioning in a Pastoral Setting

Mary T. O’Neill, BCC, D.Min.

Vice President for Spiritual Care and Pastoral Education

Catholic Health Services of Long Island, N.Y.

Objectives:

1. To look at communication strategies with patients and ways to listen actively and helpfully to them.

2. To underline the importance of both thoughts and feelings in good listening.

3. To know how to listen and question in caring for the inner feelings and pain of the patient.

Helpful communication

Requires learning new skills

And

Unlearning habitual and unhelpful ways of interacting.

Emotions run high in times of illness

Feelings of vulnerability and fear are inevitable

Communicating in ways that help the

person feel

heard,

understood and

respected

contributes to the healing process

Dr. Eric Cassell, in Talking with Patients,

Without effective communication we are

unable to acquire objective and subjective

information that help us move towards an

appropriate assessment and care plan.

“I love the way you listen intently to what I say, and wait until I’m finished before you respond.”

As opposed to,

“I wish you’d hear me out instead of mentally practicing a quick response.”

Unhelpful responses

Indifference

Offering reassurance Offering judgmental responses

Judging another’s behavior Defensiveness

Active Listening

Helps the person feel heard.

Hears spoken and non-spoken

Active Listening: 3 Processes

Restatement of words of sender

Reflection of words and underlying feelings

Clarification summarizes and focuses the sender’s message.

Communication is helpful when

We resist the need to impulsively respond,

Or to offer quick advice

Or a quick solution to a problem.

Communication is helpful when

We try to clarify the problem,

And assist the person with the problem to solve it for himself or herself.

Empathy

To feel the pain of another

AS IF

It were our own.

Questions

1. Curiosity questions are not helpful 2. Use open-ended questions. 3. Avoid leading questions. 4. Use questions that encourage patient to

speak more. 5. Avoid question after question

6. Avoid questions that sound too clinical or sterile.

7. There are some good questions.

8. Allow patients time to process feelings and to respond to the questions.

9. Avoid WHY questions 10. Use specific questions to clarify what

the patient wants to say. Ask questions to further elaborate what patient

needs to say.

RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO ANSWER THE PATIENT’S “WHY” QUESTIONS. You may have your answer to the questions, but not the patient’s. Explore their questions with them. Help them live with and voice their question until they find their answer in their own heart’s core..

May you have respect for your individuality and difference.

May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique,

That you have a special destiny here,

That behind the façade of your life

There is something beautiful and eternal happening.

May you learn to see your self

With the same delight,

Pride and expectation

With which God sees you in every moment.

Benedictus, by John O Donohue