LIVING ON PURPOSE - MURRAY KILGOUR on Purpose - Taking You to the ... or transmitted in any form or...

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www.murraykilgour.com

LIVING ON

PURPOSE

Taking you to the next level

in life and business


by Murray Piers Kilgour

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Living on Purpose - Taking You to the Next Level in Life and Business publishedby Murray P Kilgour

© 2012 Murray Piers Kilgour, 63 Herschel Road, Fish Hoek, Cape Town, Republicof South Africa.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, storedin a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,electrostatic, magnetic tape, mechanical, photocopying, recording orotherwise for commercial purposes without permission in writing from thepublisher. It may, however, be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrievalsystem, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, electrostatic,magnetic tape, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise for non-commercial personal study purposes without permission in writing from thepublisher.


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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction 4

How to use this book 5

1. Finding Your Genius 6

2. Reaching Your Vision 9

3. Obstacles to Goalsetting 12

4. Time Management 14

5. Five D’s of Time Management 17

6. Airports and Fog - Part 1 19

7. Airports and Fog - Part 2 21

8. Developing Your Toolbox 24

9. Five Tips for Resolving Conflict 26

10. Five More Tips for Resolving Conflict 29

11. Overcoming Your Giants 32

12. From Complexity to Simplicity 34

13. Time Wasters 36

14. Unfreeze Freeze Refreeze 39

15. From Fear to Faith 41

16. From Noise to Focus 43

17. From Weakness to Genius 45

18. Finding Your Central Park 47

19. Dancing On Your Chips 50

20. Conclusion 52

21. Recommended Reading 53

22. Profile of Murray P Kilgour 54


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INTRODUCTION

For the past decade I have had theprivilege of working in my genius as anentrepreneurial coach and consultant. Asyou read this book you’ll discover fromthe first chapter what it means to workwithin your genius. I have applied this tomy personal journey and have seen itsuccessfully applied to the lives of myclients. I am now able to make themavailable to a much wider audience asan ebook. In this helter skelter world we areconfronted by so much noise andcomplexity yet we do not have the toolsto cope with daily life. If this continues forextended periods of time, we become

overwhelmed and discouraged. Thisebook provides very practical tools toprevent this from happening; in fact youcan apply these principles right now andmake a huge difference in all areas ofyour life.

I have coached hundreds of individuals,leaders and entrepreneurs from start-upsto large companies and have found thatthe lessons in the book are applicable toeveryone willing to apply them. The truthis that we all face similar challenges nomatter our station in life. There are varioustopics so please look out for chapters liketime management, handling conflict,setting goals and even the chapters on‘Dancing on my Chips’ and ‘CentralPark’.

We have also included action plans andself-study applications so the book goesbeyond just reading material.

I would also like to thank my good friendand co-worker, Wayne Turner, for all thehours of dedicated work in compiling this

ebook. He is the man behind the website,camera and editing suite, ensuring theprofessional feel of the audio and videowe produce at www.murraykilgour.com. Thank you for taking your time to read thisbook and I trust that it will accelerateyou to your next level. Murray Kilgour

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HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

Welcome to the first step in your journeyto the next level. This chapter will helpyou to use the ebook effectively in yourpersonal life or business.

Here are three ways to get the most outof this ebook: 1. Read through the book to get anunderstanding of where you are in yourlife, pick out the lessons that apply to

you or just read it through from start tofinish. 2. Most of the chapters have bulletpoints in a how-to format. Take sometime to work through these points, thiswill allow you to maximize your personallearning. 3. The final way you can benefit fromthis book is as training material for one-on-one or group discussions with staff orassociates. The advantage of thismethod is that because our copyrightrestrictions are limited, each person inthe group can have their own copy ofthe ebook. You have the rights to print,copy and distribute the book for non-commercial personal use. Please viewthe restrictions on the copyright page atthe beginning of this ebook. We have a resource website at:www.murraykilgour.com

where you’ll find additional material inthe form of articles as well as links to our

Youtube Channel with additionalvideos. You can also access links to ouriTunes Channel where you will findmany audio podcasts. However you decide to use thisebook, please allow these lessons toruin you for the ordinary as you discoverthe joy of an extraordinary life.

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FINDING YOUR GENIUS

Here are some clues to finding yourgenius. I’m saying the word “clues”because to find your genius is a lifelongexercise. I have researched this over theyears and can share a few of them withyou. I’ve been passionate in workingwithin my genius at least 90 percent ofmy time. I’m on earth for only one shortlifetime and so I want to give it my bestpossible shot, without any messingaround.

Genius is made up of two things.

Number one:

Your talents, in other words, are yournatural, God-given abilities inherent inyou. They are intrinsic while your skills areextrinsic or outside of you. Talents areinside of you and talents and skillstogether make an incredibly powerfulcombination. Look inside first and ask,“What are the talents that I have andcan bring to the world?”

One of the best tools I’ve ever used todiscover this is a test called ‘StrengthsFinder’, found in one of two books I canhighly recommend, both of which havegot online tests that will assist you.

The first one is called“Strengths Finder” by

Tom Rath and the otherone is “Now Discover

Your Strengths” by

Marcus Buckingham.These books will giveyou information andtake you to a websitewhere you’ll find anonline test and all theinformation you need.

So the one question I’ve sat down andasked is, “What is my talent?” Yourtalent is what you are really, really goodat—what blows your hair back in termsof what you can do.

Number two:

Your passion is what you love doing.Talent is what I am really, really good at,and passion is what I really, really love

doing. When these twomeet, there is incrediblepower that comestogether.

Most people don’t workwithin their passions plustheir talents. That is, workingbetween 80 and 90percent of their time withinit. A great exercise to do isto write down what youthink your talents are andthen do the Strengths

Finder test. Write down what yourpassions are and then go back andlook at your diary over the last coupleof months. Have a look and seewhether you’ve actually been workingwithin your passion plus talent revealedby these two books.

chapter one

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You are constantly rejevenated whendoing tasks you are passionate about

Firstly:

You are constantly rejuvenated whendoing these tasks. For example, I lovecommunicating, as you can see. When Icommunicate, I’m rejuvenated by it. Idon’t have to look at my watch andsay “Oh my goodness, another fiveminutes to go.” I look at my watch andsay, “My goodness, is it so latealready?” Because I’m so rejuvenatedand come away from communicatingwith a buzz it’s a very strong clue to my

personal genius.

Secondly:

You can deliver a near perfect perform-ance every time you show up in yourtalents or your passions. In other words,you don’t have to sit there and think, Idon’t have to think how I’m going tocommunicate. I naturally know how! My

brain has got thickets of neurons whereit knows exactly how to do it.

To make a talent into a strength takesinvestment. If you read many of thebooks on the subject you’ll see thatresearchers talk about the 10,000-hourrule. In other words, it’s going to take10,000 hours of working within yourstrengths to enter the realm of genius.Generally, it takes about 10 yearsbecause you can’t work within yourstrength every minute of every day. If

you focus on what you are the best atin the world over a 10-year period, yourbrain will develop so many connectionsthat people will eventually start comingto you asking how you did this. You willbe the highly paid professional with theability to provide this information.

I work very hard at making my passionplus talent count every day. I knowwhat my top five talents are and I make

sure that I keep thoseexercised on a regularbasis. Just out of interest,one of them is communication.

I encourage you to purchase one thesebooks and to complete the onlineassessment on the website provided.You will be given your top 5 talents outof a possible 34. Once you know these,be aware of them in your daily life andfind ways to apply your talents until theybecome your strengths.

Any intelligent fool can makethings bigger , more complexand more violent. It t akes a

touch of genius - and a lot ofcourage - to move in the

opposite direction.- Albert Einstein -

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TALENT

List and prioritise your top ten talents below then ask three

friends to look at the list and see how they would modify it

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Now, look at your diary to see how much time you are

spending in the top five

EXERCISE: List the activities in your work and personal lifethat ‘blow your hair back’ in the following percentages. Youshould be spending the maximum of your time in column 1and preferably zero in column 3. Look at your diary to see ifthis is true

PASSION

80 % 20 % 0 %

FINDING YOUR GENIUS WORKSHEET

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REACHING YOUR VISIONchapter two

We all have dreams and a destiny andin order achieve them we need to befuture-focused. By living in the past it’svirtually impossible to move forward, soin order to turn a dream into areachable vision, we need to be future-focused and practical. Setting goals isthe way we reach our visions and wecan only do this one step at a time.

Here are five little steps to help youreach an awesome goal.

1. Five Wrappers

The brain loves and requires five keyelements when setting a goal andthese are easy to remember.

a. A goal must be thought out. It must

make sense to you in order for your

brain to believe it.

b. A goal must be written down.

c. A goal must be spoken about and

processed verbally, so speak a goal.

d. A goal must be specific. e.g. if you

want to increase your business

turnover, state by how much.

e. A goal must be time-based. Be

specific about the date that you set

for the start and completion.

In summary, think, write, speak, bespecific and time-based.

When the subconscious mind receives agoal wrapped in these five beautiful

wrappers, it will get to work on them. Infact, research shows that if you did thisand then immediately threw the goalsheet into the dustbin, you’d still have a30 percent chance of achieving yourgoals.

So write down as many goals as youneed in order to achieve your vision.

2. Commit to review your goals

regularly.

Many people get very excited aboutgoal setting and then forget aboutthem. Diarize to review your goals every60 to 90 days. If you review your goalsduring these periods, you will increasethe chance of achievement from 30percent to between 60 and 80 percent.In other words you can almost tripleyour chances of success by reviewingthese points.

I do this every year and setapproximately 25 to 30 life goalsencompassing all the areas of my life atthe beginning of each year. I then revisit

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them every quarter. At the end eachyear I do an overall evaluation of mygoals and I’m constantly impressed withthe high percentages of what Iachieve.

Here is one example of a goal which Iset a number of years ago; I decided toincrease my business turnover by 250percent within two years. In anyone’sbook that would be a very big ask, but Iset the goal anyway. I revisited it every90 days and worked on the specificareas that I needed to focus on eachday. Within 15 months I was at 122percent and 18 months at 200. Iplanned to reach the outstanding in the

remaining 6 months. So actually I didachieve my goal even though it took sixmonths longer than I expected to reachthe 250 percent.

3. Diarize and do.

Put everything that you need to dorelating to your goals into your diary. Thiskeeps you honest and focused! Practisethe four Ds: diarize it, delegate it, do it,

or dump it. Diarize your goal, then do iton the day that you scheduled it. If youfailed to do it, then re-diarize it andcarry it over until it is really and trulydone.

4. Reward yourself.

The brain needs to feel a sense ofreward and achievement, so find a wayto say thank you to yourself. Buy yourselfthat fountain pen, go to that movie ortake that extra hour for lunch. So oftenwe forget to give ourselves praise or apat on the back but certainly not asmack on the head.

5. Keep on keeping on.

When you get into the mindset ofsetting goals and achieving awesomeresults, you’re going to keep on settingnew goals and attain them more andmore. I look back at the first goal I set23 years ago I remmeber how difficultthey were to achieve, but the ones I set

THE FIVE WRAPPERS

a. A goal must be thought out. It

must make sense to you in order

for your brain to believe it.

b. A goal must be written down.

c. A goal must be spoken about

and processed verbally, so

speak a goal.

d. A goal must be specific. e.g. if

you want to increase your

business turnover, state by how

much.

e. A goal must be time-based. Be

specific about the date that you

set for the start and completion.

...diarise it, delegate it, do it ordump it.

now are miles ahead. Itwas worth it so keep onkeeping on.

I know that the humblegoal will take you to your greatestheights yet.

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Consider the following areas of your life:

1. Work2. Finances3. Health4. Social life5. Family6. Personal Development

Write down three goals per area. Remember to applythe five ‘wrappers’ to them.Set a reminder in your diary exactly 90 days from nowto review them.

GOALSETTING WORKSHEET

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Here are five obstacles to help youachieve your goals. We are allmotivated to set goals, so when the firstof January rolls around, most of us arefull of New Year resolutions. I don’t thinkthere is one person I’ve ever met who isunable to set goals.

So, why do we struggle to achieve ourgoals if we’re so willing to set them? I’dlike to discuss five obstacles that hinderus from achieving them.

1. Our goals are not connected to our

vision.

When we are not connected to thebigger picture of our lives, goals canseem aimless and meaningless. I oftensay that having a compelling visionmakes small things meaningful.

Imagine if we agreed to climb MountEverest together by this time next year.We’d be very clear about each andevery activity regarding this ascent andanything not connected to it would beseen as clutter and noise. We’d be

completely focused, and every activitywould be connected to summitting thisgreat mountain. Once we focus on agreater goal or vision, it becomes easyto connect our goals and daily detail tothat bigger picture. Keep focused onthe bigger picture of your life, and thesmall goals will fit in.

2. We often drown in the details.

We live in a world of detail. Think aboutit. We have our diaries and we have ourlists. Every day we’re writing down smallthings we’ve got to get done,micromanaging our lives and thosearound us.

How often do we helicopter up andremind ourselves of what our goals are?I write down my goals for every 90 days,and I review them. I’ve been writingdown goals for the last 23 years, andthey have made a huge difference tomy life. If we lose sight of our goals, wedrown in the details.

OBSTACLES TO GOALSETTINGchapter three

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3. Tomorrow is another day.

Everyone thinks that there will be moretime in the future, so why not put offthings we need to do today?Procrastination is the thief of time.

There are two ways to deal with tasksthat we’d rather not do. Firstly, do itimmediately. We know the Nike sloganthat says “Just Do It.” Make a decisionto list those things which you are puttingoff and take action now. We tend toelevate the things we don’t like doingto a crisis level. Funnily enough, whenwe end up doing them, we find out thatthey weren’t so hard, and a weight islifted from our shoulders. Secondly, if a

task is a big one, then use the Swisscheese approach. Punch it full of holes.In other words, break it up into smallpieces so that when you actually get todo it, it’s not that difficult and after aweek or so, you will find the entire taskhas been completed.

4. We stop persevering.

When we set goals, we are full ofenthusiasm to achieve them, so we

have a sort of “honeymoon” phase.After that it gets tough and we realisethat the goal is harder to achieve thanwe expected.

Consider this; those three kilograms thatjust won’t leave your body, a gymroutine isn’t as easy as you expectedand kicking that habit that youidentified is just not working. So,stopping becomes an option and I amconvinced that most people fail in life,not because of their lack of talent, butbecause of a lack of perseverance.

The way to combat this obstacle is towrite down what you want to achieve

and then hold yourself accountable tosomebody who cares enough to checkup on you. I was challenged recently tomake some changes in my life and wasasked to work on it for 30 days. The factthat I knew someone was checking upon me and that I had to present theevidence of my change 30 days later,helped me to persevere all the waythrough.

5. We get distracted,

and we make excuses.

When other goals seemto be easier or more attractive to us, weare tempted to abandon the originalgoals set. When this happens, I remindmyself of the original goal, why it wasimportant and that it was worth fightingfor. I set a goal to lose weight this yearand I found that the winter has beenvery difficult for me because my sport issurf-skiing in the ocean. I find thathaving had the flu, and recently injuredmy hands stopped me in my tracks andso I was unable to train. But, I haverefocused on my goal and got back on

track to lose the weight. I am notgetting distracted, and I am certainlynot making excuses.

I am sure that there are more than fiveexcuses for reaching our goals, and youcould probably add a few yourself.Whatever they are, redouble yourefforts to set goals and keep them ontrack regardless; the reward is alwaysworth it.

...remember the original goal and why it was important and worth fighting for.

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TIME MANAGEMENT

chapter four

In difficult times we still have 24 hours aday! That might seem like a very naturalstatement, but think about it; in the goodtimes everybody has so much time to dowhat is profitable and what they enjoy. Indifficult times it becomes far harder toapply our minds because of procrast-ination and fear. The one thing we lack isconfidence and when we are fearful, weare either paralyzed or frenetic and oftenunproductive. Either way, effective timemanagement loses its way.So, I think that time management is amisleading statement. Time is time. Itcan’t be expanded or contracted so the

proper description should be that timemanagement is really self management:managing myself in the dimension oftime. Everybody gets 24 hours in a dayand it can’t be expanded or contracted.Self management is really what counts:how I manage myself within the 24-hourperiod determines if I reach my goals ornot. Intentions don’t show up in diaries;actions do.

I once agreed to do an exercise where Ikept a diary of everything I did and listedthem in15-minute segments for twoweeks, every single day. Apart from being

detailed and tedious, it gave me insightinto how I used my time and moreimportantly if I was really achieving mygoals. I became a convert of keeping adiary daily, which was linked to my goalsand objectives. This was 23 years ago andI’m still converted to this habit. Although ithasn’t always been easy, gettingdisciplined in this area of my life has paidoff immensely.

From this experience I came up with afew non-negotiables.

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1. Always plan tomorrow five minutes

before the end of today.

Why? Your today is still fresh in your mindso that you can see what you did andwhat needs to be carried over. List thosethings that are carryovers to tomorrow.Secondly, your mind needs to be freedup when you go home so that you canrest and not worry about that depart-mental presentation in the morning. Thebrain needs rest! Allow time after hoursand at night to let your brain catch up fortomorrow.

2. Select your priorities according to your

energy levels.

I list all of my activities for the day anddivide them into ‘As’ and ‘Cs’. ‘As’ arethe highest priority that requireconcentration and dedicated time. ‘Cs’are not as important and require lessfocus. Now, assess your energy levels for“As” and “Cs” during your day.

Some clients I work with like to do their‘As’ from 8 to 11 in the morning and thentake a break around lunch to do ‘Cs’.They then do ‘As’ later on in theafternoon. You may be different, butlisten to your body when managing your

diary management for tomorrow. Eachday may vary, so set up your diaryaccording to your energy levels.

3. Your diary keeps you honest.

Commit to do what the diary says, andonly change in exceptional cases. I’mnot advocating legalism, but this is your

diary, and these are your goals that needto be achieved. The diary is simply a toolthat makes this come true on a dailybasis.

When you’re doing your “As”, you gettwo kinds of priorities. An “A” that is over-whelming is one that needs time andenergy to be committed to it. As they sayin the Nike adverts, “Just do it”, otherwiseit becomes overwhelming.

We all know the old adage that says ajourney of a thousand miles starts with asingle step. I think Lao-Tzu the Chinesephilosopher was wise in what he said.

Daily time management using a diary isyour single step every day to achievingyour life goals. You might have dreamsand visions of what you want to becomeand these might become quiteemotional as you write them down, but I

QUESTIONS TO ASK

YOURSELF

1. Am I planning 5 minutes

before the end of the day?

2. Do my priorities relate to

my energy levels?

3. Do I keep to what my

diary says or do I ignore it?

can assure you that theyare only as good asputting them in your diarytomorrow. One step afterthe other will take you to the top of thehighest mountain you could everconsider climbing.

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Here are four exercises to ensure you save at least 30minutes a day:

1. List your “As” and “Cs” below .2. Transfer them to your diary according to your body

rhythms ie. set out your “A” and “C” times for theday or week.

3. List all Swiss cheese project s below .4. Commit to say ‘no’ to activities that interfere with the

actions you have listed in your diary .

80 % 0 %

TIME MANAGEMENT WORKSHEET

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5 Ds OF TIME MANAGEMENTchapter five

One of the biggest frustrations I feelpeople struggle with today iscomplexity and noise. There are somany things that are demanding ourtime and we have this false notion thatwe can multitask! You cannot give 100percent to more than one thing at onetime.

So if you’re doing three things at onetime, you might only be giving a third ofyour time to each one. That is why

driving your car, eating a sandwich,and speaking on your cell phone all atthe same time is not really a good useof your time. However, there are waysthat we can sort out our time so thatwhen we get to the end of the day wecan have a sense of accomplishment.

I find very few people actually have thisin their minds. They always create along list of things that need attentionbut don’t complete. They carry list over

to tomorrow and eventually end with along tail. This tail gets longer and longeruntil there is a month’s worth ofbacklogs that follows them.

I have worked with people who havemanaged to remove the tails usingthese 5 Ds.

1. Do It.

When something comes into your day,you need to decide whether you wantto do it right now. If it fits into what youare doing presently, just do it.

For example, if I’m working on somedocumentation for tax, and right then Iget a phone call from the taxdepartment, I’ll take the phone calland I’ll do it and it’s done. Tick.

2. Diarize It.

If something comes across your deskand you’re busy with something else,diarise another time to complete this

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this task. Doing it now will distract youwhilst diarising it for later will free yourmind to continue with the task at hand.

I had a phone call on the way to ourstudio one morning from someone whoneeded my help. I knew that I wastravelling the following week and saidto him, “I’ll have some time next weekon Thursday. Please give me a callsometime to confirm.” Now that’s out ofmy mind because I’ve diarized it. Itdoesn’t bug me, and when I go to bedtonight it doesn’t bug me eitherbecause I know I’ve got a plan to takecare of it.

3. Delegate It.

Not all of the tasks that come at youare supposed to be carried out by you!This is the good news. Learn to give workto responsible others who can free youto be even more productive. Call them,give them a proper brief and say tothem, “I’m delegating this to you. Yougo ahead.” They can come to you withfeedback on how it went, but generallythey’re going to be taking it away fromyou.

4. Dump it.

If you don’t have to do it, don’tentertain it. People go through their e-mails endlessly looking at things theydon’t need to be looking at. I love thattrash can at the bottom of my iPhoneand iPad. I hit that button so often

because I want to get rid of these thingsthat take me away from the tasks Ishould be focused on. You have lots ofthings to do so don’t get distracted.

5. Desk Management.

This is different from the other fourbecause it is about how to manageyour desk. It’s a huge timewaster. Why?Because the brain likes to focus on onetask at a time. Many people—if youlook at their desks—have a number oftasks going on simultaneously. They’rehaving several conversations at thesame time. There are phone calls thatneed to be made, a project in the right-hand corner and a bunch of files they

didn’t get to last week inthe other corner. Theyknow exactly what I’mtalking about. Their deskcan be a nightmare. In their peripheralvision they should have only one task at

one time and everything else needs tobe put behind them.

Try these five out…

...if you don’t have to do it , don’t entertainit. Get rid of it quickly.

Until we can manage time, wecan manage nothing else.

- Peter F. Drucker

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AIRPORTS AND FOG - Part 1.chapter six

I love flying, and I’ve flown most of mylife. At the moment I fly about 100 sec-tors per year around South Africa andget to go through a lot ofairports every month.

They’ve transformed thesesmall chaotic little spacesinto elegant world-classbuildings with more shopsthan the local shoppingmalls in our towns.

We use airports as our keyconnection points to im-portant destinations. Wemight use an airport to goon a life-changing holiday,emigrate, while others maygo on business trips. What-ever the reason, if an air-port works well, you canget to where you’re going. But if theyclose down or they’re not functioningproperly, you get stuck.

So what are the airports in our lives?

They’re almost symbolic of key areas. Ifyou think about it, we have a businessairport where we do our deals and

make our money, a family airport wherewe feel loved and we belong and ahealth airport where we keep strongand fit.

But what happens when an airportcloses down? In other words our busi-ness, our family or our health isn’t func-tioning as it should. Life becomes cha-

otic and difficult.

I remember once when wewere in Amsterdam. I wasgoing through SchipholAirport on my way backfrom Canada. There wasfog on the runway that wasso low that all the flightswere grounded for 12 hours.Can you imagine the back-log that they experienced?So, fog can close down anentire airport.

I have a friend who is a pilotand he told me that it takes90 trillion particles of water

to make just one square kilometer offog.

As I’ve said, fog can be symbolic ofthings in our life—like our health, our

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work, our family—symbolic of clutter,messes, complexities. All the static thatcomes into our worlds and causes life toseize up. I work with many entrepre-neurs with great business ideas whostruggle to make money because ofventures that are very difficult to oper-ate. When I ask them why, they tell meabout their fog and things like: “I hadthis idea, but it just became so complex.It was difficult to find start-up capital,the cash flow issues crippled me, I be-came so disillusioned that my couragebegan to dissipate.”

Now that’s fog! He had a wonderfulidea, a wonderful “business” airport butthen fog settled on it and it closeddown. So it’s imperative that we findways to remove this fog.

Back to our 90 trillion-particle story. Didyou know that 90 trillion particles of fogequals 1 square kilometer of fog. This, infact, equates to only half a glass ofwater. Think about that for a little while.What we often see as an impossiblesituation that can shut down our busi-ness, our family, our fitness or our fi-nances may also just fit into half a glass.In other words, it’s not as bad as wethink!

I’m not trying to minimize the realities orthe fact that some things are very com-plex and very difficult to resolve, but Ialso bet that there is a lot of complexityin our lives that we can solve muchquicker than we really think. There’smore help out there, in heaven, in otherpeople and in ourselves than we know.

So take some time to ponder thisanalogy of airports and fog and deter-mine whether your challenges are really

only half a glass of wa-ter. I suppose the opti-mist would say it’s halfempty of problems whilethe pessimist would say it’s only half fullof opportunities. Which ever way youlook at it, it’s a problem waiting to besolved.

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AIRPORTS AND FOG - Part 2.

chapter seven

Airports represent key areas of our liveswhich often get fogged in and whenwe can’t remove this fog complexity,noise results.

The different areas in our lives or airportsthat possibly get fogged in are business,relationships, marriage, finances, man-aging yourself, etc. We now know that ittakes 90 trillion particles of water tomake just one square kilometer of fogwhich equals half a glass of water, but,we still think we’re going to be sosnowed under or fogged in that we’llnever get to fly.

Let’s look at six ways to reopen ourairports and remove that fog.

1. The Circle of Influence.

Stephen Covey has a wonderful littleconcept in his book “The Seven Habitsof Highly Effective People,” a book Ihighly recommend where he discussesthe circles of influence and concern.He draws a very large circle and says

that this contains everything that con-cerns us; all the baggage that bothersus. Inside this circle is a smaller onecalled the circle of influence says thatwe should spend our time working moreon the things that we can influencerather than those that concern us. Inother words, where do you have powerto make change? Where you have thepower is where you begin. Stop wastingtime on things you can’t change andget busy on those you can.

2. Take an objective look.

Step back and list the five biggest fogsthat you have at any given time in yourlife. Do this right now. Take a good lookat the list and see if they really are thatbig. Some might be, while others maynot. Next to each one of those foggedin areas, write down what simplicityshould look like. What would it look like ifyou could clear the fog? In other words,if that situation could change immedi-ately, what action would you need totake in order to make it happen?

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3. Share it with someone whom you trust

and I emphasize the word “trust.”

Don’t be too proud, ashamed or fearful.They say these are the three reasonswhy people are not open. They’re ei-ther too proud to share; they’reashamed of what they’ve done so theydon’t want to share who they really are,or, there is fear involved. These thingskeep us trapped inside ourselves. This iswhy I always say “a burden shared is aburden halved.” We need to be ac-countable to someone else who hasgreater wisdom than we have in orderto take us to the other side. Find thesepeople, they are gems.

4. Get alone.

As strange as it may seem, most people,when they get into any kind of fog ortrouble, run around everywhere. Theysearch the Internet, read books andattend seminars rather than gettingalone to take stock of what is going on.As someone once said, “Don’t juststand there, do something.” Write itdown on a piece of paper and getsome perspective. I often tell my cli-ents, “go to a high place, like a moun-tain, go up to Signal Hill or Table Moun-

tain in Cape Town and look down toget some perspective and then listen towhat this problem is trying to teach you.Listen inside your heart and try to get intouch with yourself. The fog might betrying to teach you something that youmust learn more than just solving theproblem.

5. Do your part.

Even with the help of others, you willhave to carry most of this burden be-cause it’s your burden. Acknowledgethis and then get moving. There’s notime for pity parties and down time; I’mnot a fan of pity parties. Put one foot infront of the other and start walking. Thisis your challenge so take it on with allyour might. Remember, you will not begiven a burden greater than you canbear.

6. Learn to be proactive.

Stop before things start.If we use the adage“ready, aim, fire,” and turn it around,many people think we get through lifewith “ready, fire, and then aim.” Itdoesn’t work. If you already have fog,

don’t allow this fog to recur. Learn fromprevious fogs and what this taught you,then tell yourself that you will never everrepeat what this fog did to your life. Forexample, was it a financial fog? Did youpurpose to budget and stay within theguidelines? Or was it a health fog?There are so many lessons to learn fromfog, so, let’s not make the same mis-takes again.

...you will not be given burdens greaterthan you can bear.

23


List the ‘fog’ areas in your life right now and det ail whatis not working there. Then list the simplicity that needsto replace it. Finally list actions to remove the fog andensure the simplicity remains. I have used an exampleto get you st arted

Area of Fog What simplicity

looks likeAction to

take now

AIRPORTS AND FOG WORKSHEET

Area of Fog What simplicity

looks likeAction to

take now

Credit card debt 70% paid off byyearend

Pay off additional10% per month

24


DEVELOPING YOUR TOOLBOXchapter eight

14Each one of us needs to build aknowledge and skills toolbox. I meetwith a lot of people who face difficultcircumstances and realize that theydon’t have the tools to fix them. It’s likea mechanic taking a pair of pliers, apiece of wire and some chewing gumto try fix a hole in a car radiator or burstpipe. Likewise, you need to have anumber of tools in your toolbox tocompetently deal with life.

There are many tools available to usand thankfully many can be foundonline for free. It’s good to take anassessment or make an audit of yourlife and say, “Okay, what tools do Ihave in my toolbox and what toolsdon’t I have?”, and then start workingtowards getting the right ones.

One of the things that has helped mewhen I was studying was a lecture onplanning. Our speaker said that in thethree dimensions of time— past,present and future— different tools arerequired for each dimension. This was areally interesting statement becausewhen you’re dealing with the past, the

general tools are for problem-solving.This is because it happened in the pastand we now have to deal with it. Manyof the tools available are just forproblem-solving.

When you’re dealing with the present,you’re dealing with decision-making.Right now if your child is in animmediate crisis or you’re facing asituation at work, you don’t have tosolve problems but need to make

decisions. Many tools are available inthis category.

Then for the future, the keyword isplanning. Your various planning toolsare necessary for the future. A quote Ionce read was, “planning is going intothe future, bringing it back into thepresent, working on it, and then puttingit back in the future so that when youget there, you’re ready for it.”

Therefore your toolbox needs to havetools around problem-solving, decision-making and planning.

People say to me, “How do I find thesetools and where do I find them?” Itwould be ideal to connect a hard driveto your brain and just download all thetools required for life and business.Unforutunately, as I have learnedpersonally, they only come through lifeexperience and the school of hardknocks.

There are three main ways to acquiretools for your toolbox.

25


1. I Read.

Books. Lots of them. I love going tobookshops and my three best places tofind tools for my toolbox arebiographies, because I love readingwhat other people have to say aboutthe world, the business section and thepsychology and philosophy section .

2. Standing on the shoulders of giants.

Find people tospeak to who aregoing to give youwisdom. Someoneonce said a dwarfcan look like a giantwhen he stands ona giant’s shoulders. Ihave had theprivilege of standing on the shoulders ofmany giants and placed many tools inmy toolbox because of the help theyhave given me. So find wise people andthen work with them. Invite a giant forlunch and in preparation, write downfive questions you want to ask them. Tryto glean as much as you can from theirexperience. How do you deal withrejection? How did you make so muchmoney? How did you do this or that?

3. The Internet.

We can Google so many things, but,have to find reliable sources on theInternet. There is so much informationthat we can find using this approach.

Once we gather this information wehave to capture it somewhere. Isuggest that you either journal or takedown notes from which you can keepon learning as you apply these things.Take a little piece of knowledge andimplement it and then grow in thatarea. I started doing this about 25 yearsago by just gathering knowledge andinformation.

I was sitting with my staff the other dayand we worked out that I met a clientonce a month, they could remain as aclient for 15 years. That’s how muchmaterial I havegleaned andstored in ourcoachingdatabase.

So the key is getyourself a toolbox.Start building you own resources today.

Write down the five most

important tools you have

to get to deal with life.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

26


Here are some tips for resolving conflict.Obviously conflict is a huge topic butwe are going to look at just five of themhere. Conflict is a way of life and has tobe accepted. Someone once said, andI agree, that if you don’t experienceconflict in your everyday life, you aredead. For life to be dynamic, for thereto be people of different opinions in theworld together, there will always beconflict to some degree. Just take 10people driving on the same road to-gether. People try to cut in on eachother with really bad attitudes and itdoesn’t take much to start conflict. With7 billion people on the earth, we needto realise that there are going to beconflicts.

So two things...

Conflict is a part of life.Conflict is valuable.

A former partner of mine, Professor JohnRadford wrote a paper called, “ValuingConflict.” Why? First of all conflictteaches you things about yourself that

5 TIPS FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT

chapter nine

27


you didn’t know. It teaches you thingsyou did not know about yourself, othersand life in general. Conflict humblesyou when you are teachable.

So let’s look at five tips. Ifyou’ve experienced con-flict, and I’m assuming thisis interpersonal conflict,then:

1. Play the ball and not theperson.

That’s a good soccer anal-ogy. In other words, whenyou’re having conflict,rather attack the issue,than attack the person. Ifthere’s an argument aboutfinances, don’t attack theperson who you think hasdone something wrong.Attack the problem ofthere not being sufficientcash flow. Subtle, yet verypowerful.

2. When emotions run high, people tendto say ugly things.

They say things they didn’t mean orthey say something they did. But, it’sdone in a very undignified and hurtful

manner. Using a cricket or baseballanalogy, let the ball go through to thewicket keeper or the catcher. In otherwords, you don’t have to play a ball ifyou don’t want to. If someone says

something that’s ugly don’t accept it. Itaught a lady to do this once when sheand her mother had conflict. Her moth-er’s words would hurt her. I told her,“when you see your mother open hermouth saying these words, picture this:watch her words coming past you and

going into the hands ofsomebody else to catchthem, but don’t let thementer your heart. Don’tlet them wound you.”

Try to uphold the dignity ofthe individual at all times.In other words be angry atthe issue, but uphold thedignity of the person. Veryhard, but very powerful.

2. Use “I” messages andnot “you” messages.

“You did this, and it’s yourfault, and you can’t, andyou won’t.”

By doing this you are goingto have a head-on colli-sion.

When using “I” messages,such as “I don’t under-stand that, can you ex-

plain it?” “I’m hurt by this, and I needsome understanding,” you defuse asituation before it starts. In doing this,you come alongside the person andactually walk together rather than go-ing head-on. This results in far moreharmony than conflict.

PLAY THE BALL AND NOT THE PERSON

28


Try this, if you go to someone and say,“I’m struggling to understand why youdidn’t do this with the money,” versus“you did this with the money; it’s yourfault. You took it.” There will be twototally different results.

4. Look for common ground.

See if there’s any place where you doagree. The more concrete you haveunder your feet, the better. Then lookfor areas where you differ and find

some common ground. Look for placeswhere you can say “Yes that was myfault. Yes I did make that mistake. Iagree. You agree.” When you can findareas to agree on it builds more trustand understanding.

5. Seek first to understand.

The final point is from Stephen Covey’s

book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effec-tive People.” One of the habits is toseek first to understand and then beunderstood. In other words, listen withempathy.

Try to understand the other person’spoint of view before you barge in withyour opinions. Once you believe you’veheard them, then they will listen as thiscreates a lot more harmony.

In the next chapter we are going to

explore another five points in the areaof resolving conflicts.

...seek first to understand then

be understood.

29


5 MORE TIPS FOR RESOLVING CONFLICTchapter ten

In the last chapter we looked at five tipsfor resolving conflict and in this chapterwe’re going to look at the next five.

6. Be prepared to compromise in aconflict.

Remember we were talking aboutinterpersonal conflict. Be prepared tocompromise in a conflict withoutviolating your values. In other words, ifyou’re asked to violate a value, for

example, honesty, andyou tell me that I haveto be dishonest, I’d justhave to step away andsay I’m sorry we can’tresolve this conflict. Iwon’t compromise bybeing dishonest. But ifthe issue does notviolate your values, thenbe prepared tocompromise.

Most relationships workon give and take. Itdoesn’t work with oneperson standing on theiropinion no matter what

and then the other person doing thesame.

This does not give way to goodmarriages or business partnerships. It’sthe give and take that peopleappreciate; we deposit into eachother’s emotional bank accounts, sothat the other party will say, “that’sgreat I’ll give and take too.”

7. If you are wrong, learn to apologize.

This is a great cleanser in relationships. Ifyou want to clean relationships out, doyourself a favor, apologize. Now don’tapologize for things you didn’t dobecause that’s manipulation, butapologize for those things that you didwrong. Say, “I apologize. Yes I was late.”or “Yes the financial information thatyou got was incorrect, and I will takeresponsibility for it.”

Often humility breeds humility. In otherwords, if I show humility, then the otherperson will show humility. Offer anapology and they’ll say, “Well I’m sorrytoo and I’m sorry I got so irritated soplease forgive me.”

Suddenly the relationship gets a littlecleansed. There’s a closeness thatdevelops once an apology is offeredwhich is what you’re looking for to buildin a relationship. If you start with anapology you may end with a healedfriendship. An apology is always a greatcleanser.

30


8. Look for ways to rebuild a relationshipwhen trust is broken.

Often when I’m doing seminars I askpeople how long it takes to break trustin a relationship. On one occasionsomeone clicked their fingers and said,“like that.” One phrase. One piece ofinformation you learn about anindividual and trust can be broken. ThenI asked the question, “How long does ittake to rebuild trust?” Many would saya long, long time. One lady saidsomething remarkable which I hadn’tconsidered. She said, “Maybe never!” Ithought, how true that is. Once trust isbroken it may never be restored. That’show fragile it is.

You must do everything in your poweronce the conflict has ended, to rebuildthe trust. Do positive things. Makedeposits in that person’s emotionalbank account.

9. Do what you say you will do once thisconflict is being worked on.

If you say “I promise I will be punctualfrom now on or I will manage thefinancial data better,” make sure youdo it. Everyone is watching you! If youdon’t do it, they’ll say, “Oh typical.” Let

me tell you, it becomes like ascrambled egg: you can’t undo it. Be100 percent committed to fixing it, notjust by your intention, but your actions.

Leaders measure themselves by whatthey intend, but others measure leadersby how they behave. Our intentionsaren’t good enough. Our actions arewhat is measured.

10. Take stock personally.

Ask yourself what you need to be doingdifferently since the conflict occurred. Inother words, what happened as a resultof it? What did it teach you? Where doyou need to make sure that you will notdo this again? Write it down. Journal it.

Every problem in the world is arelationship problem! These ten skills willgo along way to ensuring harmony andtrust in your everyday life.

31


List the areas where you are currently experiencing conflict,in the second column list the actions, using the ten point s,that you can t ake to overcome the conflict. I have filled in oneexample

Area of

ConflictRemedy

RESOLVING CONFLICT WORKSHEET

Area of

ConflictRemedy

Spoke disrespect-fully to my work

colleague

Apologise genuinely andsincerely and ask them to

forgive me (Point 7)

32


OVERCOMING YOUR GIANTSchapter eleven

I was sitting in a coffee shop, andsaw a sign on the wall which said,“You can tell the measure of aperson by the size of the obstaclethat stops them.”

The size of the obstacle that stopsme in life is my measure. Forexample, if I get to a point whereI become fearful or insecure andcan’t handle the pressure, thenI’ve just been introduced to myceiling. That’s my final measure orlimitation. As I gave it morethought, I realized that it was aformidable concept. Lookingback at some of the things thathave stopped me in my tracks, Irecognized that they weren’t asdaunting as I had thought. Ifthat’s the measure of mylimitation then I have some seriousgrowth challenges.

I was once again sitting in acoffee shop having a cup ofcoffee with a friend when hepulled out a little packet of sugarand handed it to me. He

grabbed the ketchup bottle andplaced it on the table. “Murray,”he said to me, “Here’s the deal. Thislittle packet of sugar is you, littleyou.” Then he pointed to the tallerbottle of ketchup, and said, “Andthat is the giant in your life, thething that’s stopping you, yourbiggest obstacle. Do you knowwhat the reason is for this ‘ketchup’in your life?”

“Well here’s the deal.” he said,“This bottle of ketchup is a giantand your aim is to become biggerthan it. You will only overcome thiswhen you are bigger than it. Whenyou are bigger than the giant inyour life. That’s your new measure.”

This was a profound thought and ittook me about a week to reflecton the analogy and its applicationin my life. I sat down and I did someexercises, writing down the namesof the giants that I was facing.There were two giants I was tryingto work on. These were two majorgiants I had not yet conquered

33


and I needed to dissect them piece bypiece. This is what I did.

1. I named the giant and wrote downhow I felt about it and why it was in mylife.

It could be a health issue or a financialchallenge. For example, if you don’thave enough money to keep yourbusiness going. That’s your giant. Howdo you feel about it? You may feelmiserable or even overwhelmed.Whatever your emotions are, write themdown.

2. I needed to upgrade in order toovercome the giant.

I thought to myself, there’s an upgrade Ineed to make. So I wrote this down. Inthe case of getting more sales I’d haveto get more business by doing moremarketing, stop being insecure, growup and get a thicker skin or whatever itmight be. I put that all down on my littlelist and prepared for what I needed todo to overcome this giant. I realizedthat until I action these points, I willnever overcome. I looked back overmy life where I’ve overcome giants,and that’s exactly how I did it: one stepat a time. How do you climb to the topof the highest mountain in the world?

You do it one step at a time. How doyou kill a giant? One blow at a time.

So the first lesson I’ve learned from this isto face the giants that I’m challengedby and describe them on paper. Writedown how I feel about them and thenlist where I need to do a personal ororganisational upgrade to get to thatnext level.

The second thing I realized is that I cando this in any part of my life. I can do itto my health and fitness if I wanted tolose weight or get fit to run a race. How

do I make sure that my wealth creation,will be happy and well by the time Iretire? This is a giant that many peoplehaven’t been able to overcome. Weneed to learn how to implement this.

Finally, I went through the differentareas of my life and realized that as Iwrite down those giants, my daily task isto overcome them. But here’s the deal,once they are overcome, I can actuallybecome as big as the bottle ofketchup.

...write down the names of the giants youneed to overcome.

So with that, my friendput the little sugarpacket on top of theketchup and said, “this isthe new you. Your next giant must bebigger than the sugar packet on top ofthe ketchup bottle. From this pointforward you need to overcome anobstacle that is even bigger.”

I learned that courage was notthe absence of fear , but the

triumph over it. The brave manis not he who does not feelafraid, but he who conquers

that fear .- Nelson Mandela -

34


FROM COMPLEXITY TO SIMPLICITY

Ever wondered how simple things canbecome so complex? In personal andbusiness situations complexity finds away to weave its web. I have oftenfound myself procrastinating and dither-ing when complexity abounds. Thequestion is, how does one find simplicityin a busy day?

When my Mom passed away, one ofthe simplest things I had to do was tocancel her cell phone contract. Howdifficult could that have been? I discov-ered that her nurse had been using herphone and her monthly $15 accounthad racked up over $900 in threemonths. When I phoned to cancel thephone and ask for records to verifymisuse I was told that a death certifi-cate was needed – it only arrived 6weeks later.

We finally received permission only tofind that the nurse had stolen thephone and had been using it until it wasblocked. She demandied payment forher services whilst owing us $900 anddenied any misuse – records later

showed that misuse was rife. This was allhappening in the context of copingwith my Mom dying from cancer.

An entrepreneur runs a simple and suc-cessful business but soon demand chal-lenges supply and the next level ofgrowth is born. A good news growthcurve turns into a complex maze. Backoffice pressures increase, system defi-ciencies are exposed, staff compe-tence underwhelms the stressed ownerand medication is prescribed. Frontoffice demand increases and the nowhaggard entrepreneur either has toassume the position of marketing andsales and/or buy in the skills of such aperson whilst cash flow is under majorpressure.

Each of these stories has a simple be-ginning only to become more complexas time progresses. It can happen inany area of our lives: family, business,finances, relationships and more.

We live in a complex world and wehave to accept that complexity will be

chapter twelve

35


with us as long as we have breath. Theysay that the only two things that arecertain are death and taxes…and, ofcourse, complexity.

When simplicity reigns the world be-comes more peaceful and things floweasily. The question is how to shift fromcomplexity to simplicity.

What does complexity look like?

Messes: things that have been allowedto accumulated without being final-ised. This can be mental or physical.Commitments that are past their duedate, files and lists on a desk that havebeen the victim of procrastination andbusyness.

Noise: things that have not been closedor open-ended commitments that areall crying out for closure. Multi-taskinggone wrong! Saying, “Yes” when youshould have said “No”. This is reaction-ary behaviour

How do we shift from the noise andconfusion to simplicity?

Get a clear picture of what the simplic-ity should look like and keep this in thefront of your mind as you move ahead.Decide there and then what action to

take. Apply the Four Ds. Do it, diarise it,delegate it or dump it. Take controlbefore it multiplies into a horde ofgiants. Act in a deliberate and focusedmanner, even if it’s just one step at atime.

Stick to your plan even in the face ofadversity.

A manager had too many staff inter-rupting him throughout the day and thecomplexity caused him to run behindon deadlines and to take work homeafter hours.

Applying the four principles above hepictured himself working uninterruptedand only allowing people to come intohis office when he said so. Only on a

few occasions could thisbe violated. He de-cided to take actionand called a staff meet-ing to communicate his plan. He alsodiarised 30 minute ‘breaks’ in the day toallow for interruptions

The plan was acted upon the next dayand staff who usually popped in tooffload their tasks and worries would tryto catch his eye only to be waved offto do what they were being paid to do.

He knew that 21 days of unbroken be-haviour starts a habit. After 30 daysthere was a 70% improvement.

The sweet taste of simplicity is like:

nAgreeing to obligations only when acommitment can be madenQuiet confidencen Proactivityn Plans of action that just work

Complexity waits around every cornerand by applying these principles youwill become more proactive and or-ganised. Make simplicity a habit and itwill reward you handsomely.

36


TIME-WASTERS

How can we deal with time wasters?Someone once said when speaking ontime management: “If you can’t planyour day, you can’t plan anything.”Quite harsh, but quite true.

When we waste time, we mess up thewhole day. We’ve mentioned beforethat the phrase “time management” isin fact a misnomer. You can’t managetime. Time is there, and it’s fixed, and itticks away forever and ever. The thingthat we can manage, however, isourselves in the dimension of time. Sotime management is really self-management in the dimension of time.This is what we are going to look at interms of wasting this preciouscommodity because we don’t manageourselves properly.

Sometimes there are things on theoutside that come into our world thatmake it very difficult to manage.Here are seven time wasters. We’ll lookat three of the big ones in detail later.

chapter thirteen

37


1. Misplaced items: spending timelooking for things that are lost.

2. Unanticipated interruptions.

3. Waiting for other people.

4. Failure to delegate.

5. Lack of preparation.

6. Poor organization.

7. Procrastination.

If just three of these time-wasters landon your desk, you can end up having aterrible day. You have to be verycareful of these little enemy jets that flyin, drop their bombs and then fly away.

1. Unanticipated interruptions.

On average you are interrupted, eitheryou interrupt yourself or you areinterrupted by others, every sevenminutes. It takes about two minutes ormore to handle the interruption,depending on what it is, and then up totwo to three minutes to recover fromthe interruption. Only then will you getyour focus back onto what you weredoing in the first place.

Let’s take a look at how to deal withthis:

Firstly, get out of the office.

If you’re able to do it, and if you’reentrepreneurial, get out of the officewhere the interruptions are takingplace. If your desk is near everybodyelse’s and they have free access toyou, especially in an open-plan office,you’re going to have a nightmare of aday.

Many of my clients workaway from their offices.I’ll sit at a hotel orrestaurant or find a quietplace on top of a mountain with myphone switched off when necessary.

Secondly, let people know when youare and are not available.

I had a client who decided to put asign on his door to say whether he wasavailable. Maybe, that’s not veryfriendly and he should have an open-door policy. I personally don’t believe

... GET OUT OF THE OFFICE.

38


in this, if you want to have aninterrupted day, have an open-doorpolicy. Communicate to people sayingto them, “I am busy, and can’t beinterrupted.”

Another client said that from 7:30 to9:00 he was in his office doing work, andfrom 9:00 to 9:30 would give time foranybody to come and interrupt him.Then later on in the afternoon from 3:00to 3:30 he had another interruptiontime. He had an hour in a day forpeople to interrupt him, so they knewwhen they should and when theyshouldn’t. Be firm with your boundariesand make sure that when you saythat you’re going to do something,then do it. People will learn the rhythmand get into the routine.

2. Waiting for others people

Often we have a problem wherewaiting for others gets us frustrated. Idecided that I would bring things to doon my iPad so that when I wait forothers, I would do work. Although, Ihave to be honest, I’m quite happywhen people come late because Icatch up on deadlines. I don’t letwaiting for others bother me.Sometimes, I am open enough to be alittle confrontational and say, “Look, it

doesn’t work for me. Please could yoube on time in the future?”

3. Procrastination, which is the thief oftime.

The best way to get over procrast-ination is simply this: Do what Nike says,and “Just do it.” Decide that when apiece of work has to be done, just do it.The longer you wait for a task to bedone the bigger it becomes in your

mind. Eventually we becomeintimidated by even a small taskbecause we have left it for so long. Beproactive and decide to do difficulttasks immediately. You will find that itwas not as hard as you thought it wouldbe and it did not become an ogre inyour mind.

These are three of the big time-wastersof the seven. My advice is don’t letthem disrupt your day ever again.

... I PERSONALLY DO NOT BELIEVE IN AN

OPEN DOOR POLICY

There is nothing so useless asdoing efficiently that whichshould not be done at all.”

– Peter F. Drucker –

39


CHANGE - UNFREEZE FREEZE REFREEZEchapter fourteen

The only thing that’s fixed in the world ischange.

Changes happen faster and faster andmany people are looking forinformation on how to handle change,what change is and the obstacles tochange. Let’s look at a model that hasreally helped me. It’s not my model; it

belongs to a gentleman, Kurt Lewin,who was a psychologist that came overto America from eastern Europe. Hecame up with a wonderful explanationfor change.

He talks about unfreeze, move, andrefreeze. If you Google Kurt Lewin or justtype in “unfreeze, freeze, or refreeze” ,

you’ll pick up a lot of information on this,and it’s brilliant. People have beenusing it at universities and all over theworld, so let’s look at these threephases.

1. The first one is what we call unfreeze.

First of all we want to create the rightconditions for change to occur. Forexample, you think of telling your familythat you’re going to be emigrating toanother country. Unfreezing means thatthe life as they currently know it, needsto change. They need to unfreeze theircurrent world and prepare to exchangeit for another which can be threateningand uncomfortable requiring carefulmanagement. You will need to sit downand discuss what will change andcarefully process the related emotions.

So unfreeze is quite difficult as it’snecessary to view the alternatives andthe way in which things are going tochange. It is essential that youannounce this to the people involved.

40


2. The second then is the transition orthe move phase.

Everything is now falling down out ofsuspension. You have to move into anew suspended state and you aregoing to place all the pieces togetherin the ‘new look’. In other words, ifyou’re going to take the family andmove them overseas, they’re goingfrom the security of living here to livingthere. You need to talk about whatthis transition looks like. People are veryaware that they live in the world oftheir habits and now they need tochange them. You will have to createa set of new habits as you’re dealingwith people’s inner resistance tochange which is an emotional state towork with. The end goal is to get peoplehappy enough so that when you createthe new state, you can refreeze it andmake it permanent.

3. The third state is what we call therefreeze.

The end goal here is to establish a newplace of stability and a place ofcomfort where everyone says, “Hmmmwe were very comfortable, but we’vemoved and transitioned wisely, we’vebeen able to vent our emotions anddeal with everything. We can accept

this and be happy about moving to thenew destination.“

So we move from unfreeze to move torefreeze. This can be about your childgoing from finishing high school to goingto university. It can be, as we said,changing where you live or changingyour job.

These three words have really helpedme and they are applicable to anyarea of life.

... THE END GOAL IS TO ESTABLISH A NEW

PLACE OF STABILITY...

“The world as we have created it is aprocess of our thinking. It cannot be

changed without changing our thinking.”- Albert Einstein -

41


JOURNEYS - FROM FEAR TO FAITHchapter fifteen

I believe that in life we journey from Ato B. Let me give A a name. It mightsound a bit strange, but A we’ll call a‘deathstyle’, and B we’ll call a ‘lifestyle’.I’m sure we’re not used to using theword “deathstyle.” Sounds likesomething from Star Wars, but let’s just

go with this phrase. Adeathstyle is somethingwe do that actuallycauses a death inside ofus. In other words, it’s aset of behaviors that wehave that are notproductive. In fact,they’re actually messyand quite harmful to us.

An example of a death-style we can have is tocontinually be fearful, tolive in self-pity or tobelieve that nobody likesus. People do haveinferiority complexes thatactually dominate theirlives and eventually leadto the death ofrelationships. They can’t

hold down great jobs or build healthyrelationships.

A lifestyle is different. This is somethingthat gives you Life. Life with a capital ‘L’.It’s energizing! Having a great selfimage is a great lifestyle. To have no

fear but faith and believe that the bestwill possibly happen to you. To havecontentment and peace inside yourheart is also a great lifestyle.

We have to identify the death-stylesand the lifestyles in our lives.

By way of introduction, we’re going tobe looking at moving from fear to faith.I don’t have to speak a lot abouthaving fear because we all know thatthere’s plenty of it around. There’s thefear of not having enough finance, thefear of failure and the fear of theunknown. We can go down a long list offears, but let’s not focus on that. Let’sfocus on faith.

This lifestyle, which is the opposite of thejourney of fear, is to make sure thatwhen you wake up on a Mondaymorning, you have something that youcan reach out and put your hand onand say “I truly believe that this is good,and good things will happen to me.”So, for example, when I wake up in themorning, I believe that there’s anabundance of business out there for meand that I can get enough clients. Fear

42


tells me there’s not enough. Faith saysthere’s enough oxygen in the world,there are enough leaves on the treesand there are enough buckets of waterin the ocean. Life on this planet ishugely abundant and so areopportunities. We need tomaximize that by having faithand someone to believe in.

We need to believe that God iswith us and that He wants thevery, very best for us. When wegive our lives to Him, He takes uson an amazing journey into theplace of the unknown. So in away, when we put our hand inGod’s hand, when we walk intothe future, we might not knowwhat the future holds but weknow who’s holding the future.

When we look at Him, He winksdown at us and says “I know youcan’t see very far, but I can seeto the very end of the journey.Put your hand in My hand, walk withMe, and let’s believe together that I willlook after you.”

Now when I wake up in the morning,that’s the position of faith I take. So Ibelieve there are abundant

opportunities. I believe that God islooking after me.

The third thing I believe in faith is that Ihave value to add to the world. Ibelieve that when I go out people will

want what I have to offer. I have tobelieve this or just crawl into a little hole.

So part of moving from faith to fear is tobelieve that you have a valuablecontribution to make. If you’re doubtingthat contribution and saying “I don’tknow if I’ve got much” go and ask a

few friends. Sit down withsome people who canspeak into your life andsay, “what do you thinkmy contribution is?”

What I’ve done with some clientswho are doubting this is tochallenge them to ask 10 friends towrite them a letter and jot downwhat they think their talents andtheir passions are; where they’ll bein the next two or five years andwhat is great about them. I’ve hadpeople sit down with tears in theireyes reading about how great theyare without ever seeing itthemselves. They just forgot to havefaith in the fact that God had giventhem passions and talents thatcould really make a difference intheir futures.

Your passion and talent tell youwhere your genius lives and I’venever met a person without passion

and talent. We need to move from fearto faith on a daily basis and live there.

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JOURNEYS - FROM NOISE TO FOCUSchapter sixteen

In the last chapter we looked at thejourney from the deathstyle of fear tothe lifestyle of faith.

We don’t want to live in spacesthat are so difficult anddestructive for us that theycause death in relationships,death in our own sense ofbelonging on the earth andwho we are. We want alifestyle of celebration and joy.

So the second one we’re goingto focus on is moving from thedeathstyle of noise to thelifestyle of focus. Let me explainthose two words. Noise is good,depending on what kind ofnoise it is, but I’m focusing onnegative noise. I meet a lot ofpeople where complexity getsinto their heads and eventuallythey can’t even focus onwhat’s going on around them.I’m sure you’ve seen that whenyou come home from work and have alot of noise going on in your head. Yourchildren or your family are around you,

but you’re not present with them. Inyour head you’re having several otherconversations because you’re trying tosort out all the noise of the day. You’re

sitting at the diningroom table, but youmight as well not be.

Success also brings noise. We get newcontracts, new business comes in withthis demanding more of our time.Eventually the thing that was working

just isn’t working anymore.Welcome to noise.

How do we transform thedeathstyle of noise to the lifestyleof focus? I love simplicity andminimalism. In fact, if you come tomy house, you will see that mywife is more of a minimalist than Iam. I like things to work and workexceptionally well, without clutter.So the lifestyle of focus is to makesure that you are looking at thetwo or three things that youshould be doing right now.

Look at a few areas of your life.Work; what are the two or threethings that you are really paid todo? At home: What are the threethings you need to do. Health: listthe three you should be doing to

look after your health, not 23. And so, inorder to focus, start with ‘threes!’

44


Let’s use the last example of my health.I have to have a better diet, I have toexercise and I need to get a good eighthours sleep a night. If I do those threethings, I feel healthy, look good and I’mhappy.

I start focusing on them, set a few goalsaround them and then purpose to dothem. I love paddling and enjoyrunning. Yesterday I was in the oceanfor a 12 km paddle. I got out of thewater, was exhausted and flopped intobed. I got my sleep, exercised and feltreally great! My health and fitness is infocus and there is no noise.

Where are you out of focus? Where isthe noise? Sit down with a piece ofpaper and write, “where am I out offocus?”

The next question I need to ask myself is,“where do I need to be focusing?”Write these down and cluster them inthrees. You may find that there aremore than three and you are welcometo jot down more but for this exerciselet’s start with three.

I’ve seen that once I have done this Iactually wake up in the morning withoutfeeling like a tsunami is about to breakover my head. At the end of the day I

can come home and be the father andhusband my family wants me to be. Ifyou ask my wife she’ll tell you that ofthe more than 25 years we’vebeen married, I’ve hardlyever brought work home afterhours. When I arrive home, I sitin the garage for a minuteand I say to myself, “Murray,inside that house is awonderful family. You need tobe superhusband, superdad,super-everything so when youopen the front door and walkin, leave everything in the carand focus on your familymaking them feel great.”

Remember that tomorrow isanother day and that yourfocus is on the present andwhat is really important to you rightnow.

... I HAVE HARDLY EVER BROUGHT

WORK HOME AFTER HOURS

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JOURNEYS - FROM WEAKNESS TO GENIUS

chapter seventeen

The third part in our series on “Journeys”is the journey from weakness to genius.Remember in the first one I spoke aboutgoing from fear to faith, the second onewas going from noise to focus and nowthe third one now is moving fromweakness to genius.

I’m a firm believer that everybody onthis earth has genius within them. Asthey join their genius to that of others

they synergize to the point ofgenius where one plus oneequals 10.

You also know that whenpeople are working out oftheir weaknesses, they dragtheir feet, because theydon’t want to be at theoffice; they’re lazy and causea really negative vibe. Wewant to shift from thatdeathstyle of weakness tothe lifestyle of genius. Let’slook at how we can do this.

I believe the best way todiscover your genius is not from theoutside but rather on the inside. What Imean by this is that your genius lieswithin your passion, what you love, lovedoing, and in your talent, what you’rereally, really good at. If you could putthose together and work about 75 to 80percent of your time within your passionplus your talent, you will reach therealm of genius. Research shows that ifyou work in the area of your genius for

10,000 hours, which takes approximately10 years, then you will actually becomethe genius that other people will wantto speak to and say, “Hey, how did youdo this?” You become the authority inthe area of your expertise.

So, your passion plus your talent is whatyou’ve got to work with. You need to listall the things that are not your passionor your talent and get rid of them. Oneexercise that I use is to take a page anddivide it into three equal columns. Atthe top of the first column on the right-hand side write 0%. Then the nextcolumn write 20% and then thefollowing column write 80%. At the verytop of the page write the word“Passion.” (refer to the worksheet at theend of chapter one)

In the 0% column write where you haveno passion or talent in your work Whatdo I hate doing? I would personallywrite down detailed admin as mynumber one. I’ll procrastinate andgroan about it. I won’t be passionate

46


about it whatsoever. So that’s one formy 0% column.

In the 20% column are things that youdo because you can do them, but itdoesn’t really blow your hair back, butnonetheless, you havesome skill here.

Then in the third columnwhich is where you need tospend most of your time, inthis exercise, is your 80%. Thisis what blows back your hair80 percent of the time.What do you love, lovedoing?

It is said that there are twoways you will know whetheryou are working within yourgenius.

1. You are continually rejuvenated bythe activities that you are doing.

You don’t look at your watch and say,“Oh my goodness I’ve got another 20minutes to sit here before closing time.Let me just hang in.” No. You look atyour watch when you’re working in yourgenius and say “Wow! Look at how thetime has flown. I’d better get home. I’m

late.” So you’re continually rejuvenatedby these activities.

I can go a whole day working withentrepreneurs and at the end of theday, I might be tired, but I’m looking for

the next person to work with because Ilove it so much.

2. You deliver a near perfect result.

You will be able to deliver a near-perfect result every time you show up inyour genius. One of my strengths that Ilove having and I thank God for it everyday, is the ability to think strategically.

So when someone has astrategic issue and theyask for my help, I don’thave to sit down and gothrough some notes first to figure outhow to be ‘strategic’. They start tellingme what’s happening and instantly Ifeel this talent bubbling up telling mehow to fix the situation. I know how tosort this out. We both will walk out of themeeting with smiles on our faces. I’vehad to grow my strategic talent byreading and practicing, but it really is ina zone that I love, love working in.

That’s how we move from the lifestyle ofweakness into the lifestyle of genius.

47


FINDING YOUR CENTRAL PARK

chapter eighteen

I once had the privilege of travellingwith my son to the USA. For part of thetrip we decided to visit New York City,which I’m sure is the desire of manypeople travelling to that part of theStates. On one of the days we tried tosee as many attractions as we possiblycould in order for my son to tick themoff on his list. One of those attractionswas Central Park. If you’re flying overNew York City or looking on GoogleMaps you’ll see that in the midst of thisconcrete jungle, is one piece of greencreation. Therein lies peace and restand solitude for many who work or livein the surrounding offices andapartments, of course, it’s Central Park.

I’m calling this chapter “Finding YourCentral Park” because I once spoke toa client, and he said, “Murray, my worldis just so noisy. I feel like I’m living in thisconcrete jungle and distressed byeverything from physical traffic tomental traffic. I just feel like I can’tcatch up with myself.” So I said to him:“Why don’t you do yourself a favor andjust like in New York City, take time

48


time out to think positivethoughts and dreamabout your desiredfuture.

Physical spaces.

I don’t know where you work or whereyou need to take time out, but I seeclients in beautiful spaces around our

city. Sometimes, I’ll take a five-minutewalk in between clients to admire thesights and sounds around me. Why notgo for a walk on the weekend in thewoods, down to the beach or takesome time for sport and exercise. Thereare so many of these things that areavailable that rejuvenate us. The truthof the matter is that we have to be intouch with ourselves enough to knowthat we need to go to these places.

I’ve found my Central Park. In today’sbusy world, where’s yours?

every day to go to your Central Park?”He looked at me with quite a puzzledlook as if to say, “Well, how am I gonnaget there?”

I was speaking about the fact that inour minds and physical space we musttake time out to rest, rejuvenate andrestore. We don’t have to necessarilygo somewhere physically, although ithelps very much. Find your CentralPark in the midst of business andstress: if we allow ourselves to beovercome by all the noise of life,everything begins to close in on us.We get this claustrophobic feelingand we become unproductive. I findthat my relationships get messybecause I’m just wanting to protectmyself. Let’s look at a couple of things:

1 .Become more aware of when you’reuncomfortable.

Don’t wait until you’ve gone so fardown the road that the discomfort isnow wanting medication. So early on,let the red lights flash and say to you,“take some time out.”

2. Look for places to hang out.

My late Mom once said to me, “Murray,do you know where I live?” I was sitting

in her apartment, so I knew where shelived. But she was saying something elseand pointed to her head, and said,“Murray, I live here. I live in my mind.” Iknew what she was saying because shewas my mom and I knew her well. Shewas able to find ways to escape fromthe noise of the world by just going intoher own mind and reconnecting withspaces in her head.

So which are the places we can go to?

Mental spaces.

When was the last time you reconnect-ed with your dreams? When did youthink about that wonderful holiday thatyou were planning for your family orthat dream of what you’re going to dowhen you’re retired. You need to gointo those creative spaces and justbreathe out and breathe back in again.You will be surprised by just how muchyou will be rejuvenated when you take

... DON’T WAIT TILL YOU NEED MEDICATION

BEFORE YOUR FIND YOUR CENTRAL PARK

49


List three to five areas in your life which are out of balance orcontrol. List the Central Parks you can go to to rejuvinate andfind rest for your soul. Be creative!

Area that is out

of control

What is the Central Park

to rejuvenate you

FIND YOUR CENTRAL PARK WORKSHEET

Area that is out

of control

What is the Central Park

to rejuvenate you

50


DANCING ON YOUR CHIPSchapter nineteen

What, may you ask, is “dancing on yourchips?“ This comes from a great storyabout a lady who had a really difficultday.

She woke up in the morning, thedog was sick and had to go to thevet. Her child didn’t want to go toschool and was causing trouble athome and the car wouldn’t start .I’m sure that we’ve all had one ofthose days. Anyway, she arrivedhome in the evening and starteddownloading all the troubles of theday onto her husband. At this point,she pulled out a large packet ofcrisps but couldn’t open it. As shepulled harder, the bag tore downthe seams on both sides and theentire contents fell all over thekitchen floor. She took one look at itand burst into tears.

Her husband looked at her and then atthe crisps and had no idea what to do.So in a moment of grand inspiration, heput on his dancing shoes, as it were,and leapt into the air and started to doa merry dance all over the crisps. She

took one look at him, burst out laughingand the two of them flattened thosecrisps into tiny little flakes.

The moral of the story is that sometimes,when you’ve had a really bad day,week, month—some people have hada very bad life—don’t forget to danceon your crisps. I don’t know what you’regoing through right now, but maybethere are pressures at work, layoffs orperhaps cash flow issues at home and

maybe the kids are rebelling. I don’tknow what it is, but don’t have a senseof humor failure.

I think we need to get back to theplace where we know we’re going tomake it through to the other side. This isjust a little season that we’ve got to getthrough.

So a couple of things about dancing onyour chips.

1. Recognize that it happens to all of us.

Whether you are rich or poor, famous orobscure, it really doesn’t matter. I’veworked with all categories of peopleand there’s always a ‘dancing on yourchips’ day in anybody’s life. So, you arenot alone in what you’re going throughright now. This year has happened topeople in the last thousand years andwill happen in the next thousand years.Just because it’s happening to you, itdoesn’t mean you won’t make it. Youwill be okay.2. Think about how you got through it inthe past.

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Go back in your mind and ask, “WhenI’ve had a really bad time how did I getthrough it? What did I do?” Sometimesyou just had a good cry or a goodshout at something and if you’re veryphysical, ventedyour frustration onthe court. You didsomething toalleviate the stressand the pain.

So think about themechanisms youused in the pastand try to usethem again in thefuture. Think of funand humourousways to diffusethese kinds of days.Go to a movie orhang out withfriends.

Obviously I’m not telling you to go andbeat anybody up or do anythingdangerous, but just find ways to defusethe situation.

3. Identify one thing you can do rightnow to make it better.

Perhaps you just need to go out forsupper with your spouse and talk itthrough.I know that when I have days like that, Ilie in the bath and do a good cross-

word puzzle andchill out.

Another thing I’vefound is that 95percent of ourfears will never,ever come true.Most of the thingsthat make usanxious or worriedwill never happen.

How many parentshave sat up until 2a.m. waiting for thekids to comehome, convincedthat they’ve hadan accident, and

then your child stumbles in at 2 a.m.and looks at you with bleary eyes just asred as yours and says, “What are youdoing here? Go to bed.” Why, becausethey’re okay.

I also believe that of the5 percent of fears thatdo come true, 3 percentof those are not serious.

So, it’s time for us to forget about thebad day and dance upon our chips.

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CONCLUSION

I believe that every time we create more simplicity and order in our lives, we become more content and confident. Someoneonce said that the definition of happiness is the realization of a worthy goal. You have now read through and hopefully appliedthe 22 lessons in this ebook, to your life so, you should be feeling content, confident and happy right now. Emotions that mostpeople only hope to experience one sunny day.

To make these lessons sustainable, they need to become habits which are formed through repetition and lots of practice. I lovereplacing old and harmful habits with empowering new ones and all of these 22 lessons occupy a very special place in my lifeand have set me free to see life though different lenses. Please continue on your journey until you have been thoroughly ruined forthe ordinary and live an extraordinary life starting today!

chapter twenty

53


RECOMMENDED READING

HALF TIMEby

BOB BUFORD

RADICALPERCEPTIONS

byGRAHAMCOOKE

SECRET SAYINGSHIDDEN MEANINGS

BYGRAHAMCOOKE

THE 4-HOURWORKWEEK

byTIM FERRIS

HOW TO GET NEWBUSINESS IN 90 DAYS

byWENDY EVANS

MARGINby

RICHARDSWENSON

MIND GYMby

GARY MACK& DAVID

CASSTEVENS

NOW DISCOVERYOUR STRENGTHS

byMARCUS

BUCKINGHAM

STRENGTHS BASEDLEADERSHIP

BYTOM RATH

BARRY CONCHIE

STRENGTH BASEDSELLING

byTONY RUTIGLIANO

BRIAN BRIM

7 HABITS OF HIGHLYEFFECTIVE PEOPLE

bySTEPHEN COVEY

GOOD TO GREATby

JIM COLLINS

BUILT TO LASTby

JIM COLLINSJERRY PORRAS

THE 8TH HABITby

STEPHEN COVEY

chapter twenty one

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PROFILE OF MURRAY KILGOUR

Murray Kilgour lives in Fish Hoek a suburbof Cape Town, South Africa with his wifeIngrid and their two teenage children.When he is not spending time with his

family or coaching you’ll find him in theocean paddling on his surfski.

Murray co-founded TransformConsulting International in 1996 withbusiness partner, John Radford aprofessor of Organisational Psychologyat University of Cape Town.

The company initially focussed onorganisational consulting andleadership development. John Radfordmoved to Vancouver, Canada to buildthe business in North America.

Murray now specialises in working withleaders and entrepreneurs in all fields ofbusiness, challenging them to breakthrough to their next level of successand significance.

After working with an international NGOfor eighteen years, five of which asnational director, Murray spent six yearsin organisational consulting, workingwith small to large corporates aroundSouthern Africa including local andnational government.

In 2002 he began to focus on leaders inbusiness, primarily entrepreneurs,believing that leaders are the mostsignificant change agents inorganisations. He has developedpowerful models and materials thatgive leaders the confidence to lead atthe next level of their lives and businessworking with 100s of leaders around theworld.

With the explosion of digital mediaMurray has now developed internet-based training and added severalonline products to his offering allowinghim to reach a global audience.

chapter twenty two

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