Love at First Email

7/31/2019 Love at First Email

1/21

LOVE AT FIRST EMAIL

by

Sean &

Evy &

Isaac &

Rachael &

Sara


2/21

2

Characters

Catie Crawford Rachel

Dwayne Crawford Isaac

Susan Sara

Jerry Sean

Alice Evy

Setting:

Crawford Candy Co.

Potential Props:

1.2 Desks2.2 Keyboards3.Blueprints4.Water Cups5.Napkin6.Pen and paper


3/21

3

PART 1

Fade In:

SUSAN AT HER DESK

Susan is sitting at her computer. She is on the phone

talking to a potential client.

SUSAN

Crawford Candy Co. No, we do not sell

candy . . . what d you mean what do we

do? We sell the parts that are used to

make candy for Canadian candy factories

like you(mocking) So, are you aboot

to booy some parts or what . *sigh*

ALICE

Oh Susan, not again. Dont worry

yourself over these people. They act

like they are better than us. In most

ways they are but, you have to remember

Crawford Candys Can Do attitude.

SUSAN

I guess. I just dont understand why

its so difficult to be polite, I meanthey are Canadian.

ALICE

Well itd be difficult to say that

theres any Canadian in em.

*Both Laugh*

SUSAN

So did you need something? Or.

Alice

Oh. Well I was just wondering if

Engineering sent you the blueprints to

the new Candy Crafter X-290.

SUSAN

Yes, didnt you get it? Oh, wait.


4/21

4

Youre new, thats right. Gotta love

those days when everyone makes you feel

like you cant keep a secret.

Alice

But I can keep a secret.

SUSAN

I know that, but rules are rules Alice

and I wouldnt be Senior Sales Rep. if

I didnt play by the rules.

Alice

I know. I know. Want to hit up the

water cooler. Tom usually takes his

break right around this time anyway.

But I think Ill leave you to it.

SUSANYes, Ive been meaning to talk to him

about my favorite subject.

Alice

Whats That?

SUSAN

Him.

*BOTH LAUGH*

*Susan walks away from her desk leaving the blueprints out,

as Alice goes to grab them, Susan returns and locks them upSaying silly me*

SUSAN NOW AT THE WATER COOLER

*Susan stands there in rather awkward silence as she

politely nods her head at Dwayne who returns with a nod*

SUSAN

(Aside)Whos this kid? I dont feel

like Ive seen him here before. He must

be new. But that face, he looks so

familiar. Oh no, Stop talking to

yourself hes looking this way, dont

look like an idiot.

Dwayne

*soundless chuckle*

SUSAN

(aside)Oh no. do you think he saw me.


5/21

5

What do I do. What do I do. Just

remember to breathe *breathes really

heavily*. Not like that you idiot, hes

going to think youre weird.

Dwayne

*gets out a pen and paper out of hispocket and scribbles Hello there ;)*

*Dwayne walks past Susans side of the water cooler and

places the paper upon the table she is leaning on, throws

his napkin away and goes back to takes more water then

leans against the wall, one foot up*

SUSAN

*Picks Up the Paper and Reads to

herself* Hello There... winky face?

WINKY FACE? This is a sign Susan, your

mother was wrong about you. No more

cats and single bedroom apartments for

you. Time to make your move, before he

leaves. Oh no. Hes coming back, what

do I do. *Walks towards him and says

so hows your day?*

Dwayne

*continues walking past her acting as

if he heard nothing*

SUSAN

(Aside)What was that (not aside) Hey

buddy. YOOHOO. *Begins to walk after

him*

*Dwayne continues acting like he is ignoring her. On her way

over she trips and begins to fall, and Dwayne turns around at the

last moment to catch her as she falls and they exchange a very

intense moment*

SUSAN

Thank You. That could have been bad.

Dwayne*winks and walks away*

SUSAN

(Aside) Again with the winking. What

does that even mean

Alice

Talking to yourself again Susan. You


6/21

6

know we talked about this.

SUSAN

I know.

Alice

So whens your date with Tom.

SUSAN

I dont have one. Tom didnt show up

today.

Alice

So you stood here by yourself. That is

not going to help your image. Oh boy,

did you learn nothing from me.

SUSANI wasnt here alone I was talking to

him. *points*

Alice

No you werent.

SUSAN

Yes, I was.

Alice

That guy *Points*

SUSANYes, Him.

Alice

Dwayne?

SUSAN

Is that his name, it doesnt suit him

very well.

Alice

That doesnt seem right. Did he have

much to say?

SUSAN

Yeah he said Hello There. *blissful

sigh*

Alice

He did, did he.


7/21

7

SUSAN

Yes he did.

Alice

I dont think so. Susan, he doesnt

talk, hes deaf.

SUSAN

No. I dont think so.

Alice

Are you sure he said those exact words

to you?

SUSAN

Well he handed me a note.

Alice

Exactly.

SUSAN

Well that explains why he ignored me.

But do you think I should

Jerry

Hey Alice, Come here for a second.

Alice

Coming Jerry. Sorry Susan Ive got to

go.

*Alice Leaves off-stage and Catie Crawford walks in andSusan accidently walks backwards right into her*

SUSAN

Oh, Im sorry Mrs. Crawford. My

apologies.

Catie

Youre sorry? Well sorry isnt going to

pay your salary, now is it? And its Ms.

Crawford to you.

SUSANYes, Miss Crawford.

Catie

Ms. Crawford, whats your name?

SUSAN

Susan.


8/21

8

Catie

No its not.

SUSAN

But my name is Susan.

CatieNot any more Betty.

SUSAN

Yes Miss Ms. Crawford

Alice

Right Betty, back to work.

*Both leave off-stage and Jerry and Alice come in until

they are right behind Dwaynes Desk and they begin to

hunch their posture and change their accents*

ALICE

Oh My God this American accent is

rubbish.

Jerry

I dont quite care for their clothing.

But I do like their Doughnuts,

especially the one with sprinkles.

ALICE

*places cigarette in Jerrys hair*

JerryNow whyd you go and do that for, my

hair is going to catch a flame. Oh NO

ALICE, HELP ME.

ALICE

Oh Dont Worry Ive got it *smacks him

repeatedly over the head*

*Dwayne begins to notice the ruckus*

Jerry

Well thank you Alice, I thought I woulddied, I did.

ALICE

You Stoopid Idiot.

Jerry

Ouch. What was that for.


9/21

9

*Dwayne begins to turn around. Jerry and Alice return

posture to American and walk up to Dwayne on either side*

ALICE

Good Day Dwayne.

JerryDo you want to hear our plans again.

*Dwayne Nods*

ALICE

Do you want to tell him this time?

Jerry

I Thought it was your turn Alice?

ALICE

No it was my turn last time. You do it.

Jerry

I dont want to do it.

ALICE

Do it.

Jerry

I shant.

ALICE

Juss Do it.

Jerry

You Do it.

*Dwayne looks confused at their talking*

ALICE

Come on. Hes Deaf. He wont hear a

thing.

Jerry

*Covers his mouth* But I thought that

they can read lips.

ALICE

Not this one. Dwayne is the Dumbest

Deaf I know. Arent you Dwayne.

*Dwayne Smiles and Nods*

Jerry

Fine alright then Ill do it. But dont


10/21

10

you dare stop me if I mess up again.

ALICE

Fine. I wont I promise.

Jerry

Well Dwayne, Alice and I are notAmerican in the slightest. We have

traveled all the way from England

because we are this companies biggest

competitor. It may not be a big market

ALICE

It is a big market Jerry.

Jerry

What did I say to do Alice. I said that

you are not allowed to stop me.

ALICE

No you said not to stop you if you

messed up. I stopped you because you

were wrong.

Jerry

Oh alright then. Then would you like to

tell it.

ALICE

No I like the way youre telling it.

Jerry

Alright then. As I was saying, We are

your competitors, but we dont have the

same technology as this company and

that is why we are here to steal their

redprints.

ALICE

You mean blueprints Jerry.

Jerry

Thank you Alice. Yes, Blueprints to the

new Candy Crapper X-290.

ALICE

Crafter, Jerry. its crafter.

Jerry

Right again Alice.


11/21

11

ALICE

I hope one day you can understand that

we had no other choice Dwayne.

Jerry

And that one day you may forgive us for

ruining the company and all of your

jobs. This is only the beginning

Dwayne. Once we steal the blueprints,

was it?

ALICE

Mhm.

Jerry

Yes, after we take them we will then

take over all of the CANDY IN CANADA

ALICEIts Cana-DUH Jerry.

Jerry

Are you sure Alice.

ALICE

Yes.

Jerry

Well then we will take over all of the

CANDY IN CANA-DUH.

ALICE

*Laughs Maniacally*

Jerry

*Laughs after she does with a comedic

laugh*

ALICE

Jerry, this was my time for laughing.

You lost your privileges, dont you

remember last time.

JerryYou know I didnt intend to laugh so

hard that I vomited on your shoes.

ALICE

But you did. And what did you learn

from that?


12/21

12

Jerry

That I shouldnt Laugh during Laugh

Time, thats right.

ALICE

Wait, Whats this

Jerry

Well it says its an e-mail from Susan.

ALICE

You thinking what Im thinking.

Jerry

That maybe shes responded to my e-

mail?

ALICE

No you Nit-Wit. That Dwayne is our wayin.

Jerry

Way into the computer. I dont think

wed both fit in there.

ALICE

No. *Facepalm* Our way into the

blueprints.

Jerry

Oh, I understand now No I dont.

ALICE

We can use love in our favor.

Jerry

Its alright Alice I dont need your

love, Ive got my Muriel back in

England you know.

ALICE

No, not us. Them.

JerryOh.

ALICE

Just stay here and when Dwayne leaves,

use his email to get the blueprints

from Susan.


13/21

13

Jerry

Alright Alice. But what will you do.

ALICE

Ill be over with Susan making sure the

plan works.

Jerry

What plan Alice.

ALICE

Nevermind.

*Jerry Hides underneath Dwaynes Desk while Dwayne is

Sitting in it. Alice rolls her eyes and walks over to hover

over Susan*

SUSAN AND DWAYNE ARE TYPING E-MAILS TO EACHOTHER.

Susan Reads what she types as she types

it. Dwaynes E-mails will be recorded

to create illusion of what he is

thinking in his mind.(Set to Song)

SUSAN

Oh, How I wish that you could hear

Dwayne

Oh, How I want you in my mind

SUSANMaybe one day. You will hear me

Dwayne

Maybe one day I will talk

SUSAN

Tomorrow?

Dwayne

Maybe Someday

SUSAN & DWAYNE

But not today

SUSAN

That one day we will grow old

Dwayne

That one day may come soon


14/21

14

SUSAN

Oh, How I wish

Dwayne

Oh, How I wish

SUSAN & DWAYNEThat it would be today

SUSAN

Oh, How I wish

Dwayne

Oh, How I wish

SUSAN & DWAYNE

That it would be today

INTERMISSION: SHORT BREAK

Part 2

*Jerry is at Dwaynes Computer and Susan is e-mailing

back. E-mails are read aloud.*

SUSAN

Im sorry that it took so long for me

to respond

JerryOh, It is quite alright. No bother

atall.

SUSAN

Ive been so caught up in things I

never asked you what you do here.

Jerry

Oh I Uh. *looks at a cardboard box

near his desk*Well. Im in Shipping

and Distribution.

SUSAN

Well doesnt that sound glamorous

Jerry

Well the boxes do get a little boxy I

guess.


15/21

15

SUSAN

I can imagine.

Jerry

Say, Susan, may I ask you for a favor?

SUSANYes Dwayne.

Jerry

Is there anyway I can have those

blueprints for the Candy Crafter X-290

so that I can Uh Ship it to Cana-

DUH.

SUSAN

Well its over here, why dont you come

get it.

Jerry

Oh Duty calls. Toodle-loo

*Jerry types the last e-mail and calls for Alice. Alice

comes running to Dwaynes desk*

ALICE

What is it now Jerry? Did another

spider crawl next to your foot?

Jerry

It did? Where did it go? Alice kill it.

KILL IT.

*Catie Crawford walks in and looks at Jerry and Alice

Stomping around*

CATIE

What is going on over here? Where is

Dwayne.

Jerry

Hes just gone to make a call you just

missed him.

*Catie looks confused. Alice hits Jerry.*

JERRY

Did I say call I meant To do his duty.

ALICE

Yes to do his duty.


16/21

16

Jerry

Yes, his duty in the duty room.

CATIE

Well dont stand there like a couple of

stupid Englishmen, get to work.

*Catie walks off again leaving Jerry and Alice to talk*

Jerry

What did she call me?

ALICE

Well she called you stoopid.

Jerry

Bloody

*Alice covers his mouth*

ALICE

Nuh-uh-uh Jerry, dont play into their

stereotypes. So did you get the

blueprints yet.

Jerry

I was asking Susan for the blueprints

and she said that they are at her desk

and all I have to do is go get them. So

I will be right back with the

blueprints.

ALICE

Wait a minute. You have to go fetch

them or Dwayne does?

Jerry

Well she said that I was supposed to

go.

ALICE

She meant for Dwayne to.

JerryI do see how she could have gotten us

mixed up, I was using his e-mail.

ALICE

Well, what do we do now?

Jerry

I dont know. But I could go for a


17/21

17

doughnut. Have you seen any around

here, Ive been dying to have one.

ALICE

Not right now, we need to go to plan B.

JerryAnd whats that Alice? Oh Alice look I

think I found a sprinkle.

ALICE

*Hits Jerry over the head with the

keyboard and reverting to her American

accent and posture* HELP! SOMEBODY

HELP! Jerrys fallen.

Jerry

They said there would be stars here,

but I didnt think they had meant thesekind of stars.

ALICE

*Hits Jerry again* SHHHHH!

Catie

What the Hell Happened?

ALICE

Well, Jerry was trying to pick up this

sprinkle off the floor and he fell and

hit his face on this keyboard.

Susan

What happened?

CATIE

Dumb Dumb. Went Bye. Bye.

Jerry

*Begins to regain consciousness*

ASDFJAWKJ(absolute Gibberish).

ALICE

Im going to go get help.

Susan

Hurry, use my phone. Its in my desk,

heres the key.

ALICE

Be right back.


18/21

18

*Alice runs over to Susans Desk and she is opening the

desk and she takes the blueprints and when she turns around

she finds Dwayne standing behind her looking confused*

ALICE

Hello Dwayne.

*Dwayne sees the blueprints in Alices hands and

understands that something is not right*

ALICE

Oh these. They are the Blueprints Ive

been looking for.

*Dwayne takes the blueprints and proceeds to run back to

his desk where is startled to find everyone hovering over

the slightly conscious Jerry*

CATIEDwayne?

Susan

Dwayne, what are those, are those the

blueprints from my desk. What have you

done with Alice?

CATIE

What do you mean what has he done with

little miss snot nose shes right

there. *points*

*Alice takes the pointing as her accusation and she tries

to turn around and run for it but Dwayne grabs the back of

what she is wearing and she cant run out of his grab*

Susan

No dont her her you monster.

ALICE

No, Dont hurt me. *Scream*

Catie

Oh Hush, Im sure there is a logical

explanation for this. *Catie motionsfor Dwayne to type it on the computer*

*He begins to type and Alice hides to the side but Jerry is

still unconscious on the floor*

CATIE

*Reads aloud* Well I read my last e-

mail to go meet Susan at her desk to go


19/21

19

get something, but she wasnt there

when I got there. Alice was there and

she was taking the blueprints out of

Susans desk.

SUSAN

She has been asking about the

blueprints a lot recently but I cant

imagine what for.

Jerry

*Cockney Accent* Well I can.

*Gasps at Jerrys accent. Jerrybegins to get up as

everyone is next to the desk*

CATIE

No, you cant be.

Jerry

But, we can. We are British spies far

away from home here to infiltrate our

rival company Crawford Candy.

CATIE

We?

Jerry

Well Alice and me?

ALICE

Alice and I, Jerry.

Jerry

Right Alice. But we feel that we have

stayed far too many fortnights, havent

we Alice.

ALICE

Very much indeed.

Jerry

And that is why we feel it might betime to say our goodbyes. Toodle-loo

*Catie follows both of them and grabs them by the ear and

pulls them to the ground center stage*

CATIE

(Mocking accents) Well good day again.


20/21

20

ALICE

Gawd. Is that what we sound like to

them.

Jerry

I do believe so Alice. I think we have

found ourselves in a bit of a pickle.

SUSAN

Yes, you have, but thats your own

fault.

ALICE

Twas not my fault. Twere his.

Jerry

Oh Really, dont you sound rather posh.

But I wasnt I the one that took the

redprints while someone was watching.

ALICE

Blueprints Jerry.

Jerry

Redprints, Blueprints. Stop your cries

you harpy.

CATIE

Oh shut up you two

Jerry

Yes Maam.

CATIE

Thats better.

*Susan goes up to Dwayne and holds his hand*

I see you have already met my son.

SUSAN

Your son. I had no Idea

Catie

Yes, Dwayne Crawford Jr.

SUSAN

Well, thats why he kind of looks like

a woman. It all makes sense now.


21/21

CATIE

Well he does take after his father.

SUSAN

Because hes deaf.

CatieNo, because hes stupid.

SUSAN

I dont mind. I think hes wonderful.

Catie

Well I think he would rather you be the

silent one, but beggars cant be

choosers.

SUSAN

Uh-huh whatever you say.

Alice

Ugh, young love. I find it revolting

JERRY

Oh look another sprinkle.

The End

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