Presenting:Stop the Crazy Cycle

“The tongue of the wise brings healing”

Proverbs 12:18 (NAS)

Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the

communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him

as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret to marriage that every couples seeks, and yet few couples ever find.

“As far as the Lord is concerned, men and women need each

other.” 1 Corinthians 11:11 (CEV)

(She needs his love; He needs her respect)

“Love and respect are means to use

wisdom and understanding to

establish your home”

Proverbs 24:3 (CEV)

WHAT IS THE “Crazy Cycle”?

When a wife feels unloved, she tends to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. When a husband feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. And around and around they go—on the “Crazy Cycle.”

The Crazy Cycle

“The Crazy Cycle” happens when spouses focus on their own needs and overlook the needs of the other. But all this information will do a marriage little good unless both spouses commit themselves to the practice of being UNCONDITIONAL”; with the husband giving the wife UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and by the wife giving her husband UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT!

KEY: “Love and Respect

Must Be Unconditional”

She Gets No Love Shows No respectHe Gets No Respect Shows No LoveHarder for Men to Love their Wives and Harder Still for Women to Respect their Husbands“Men hear Criticism as Contempt; Women feel Silence as Hostility”Need to learn to express love/respect in ways that are meaningful to your spouse“We easily see what’s done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate!”Feelings if getting No Love and getting No Respect can keep a couple spinning in the Crazy Cycle over & over

“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and

the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33

Unconditional respect does not

mean a wife must be respectful of evil

behavior.

The best way for women to motivate their

husbands to love them is by showing them respect

whether they deserve it or not.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love,

is all about how one SOUNDS (tone of voice and word choice) and APPEARS (facial expressions and physical actions).

The wife’s greatest value is Love! One of her greatest fears is that if she shows her husband respect, he will treat her like a doormat, abuse her, or worse. Feminist

voices have trumpeted this idea for years.

Any man with basic good will want to serve his wife, and he would even die for

her.

The wife is to respect her husband as first among equals and he is to honor her as first

in IMPORTANCE. This is something to be practiced REGARDLESS of feelings.

START ENERGIZING THE CYCLE:Try to visualize the Crazy Cycles in Slow-Motion!Understand that Men have Blue Sunglasses and Hearing-Aids, and Women have Pink Ones!“You can’t get what you need by depriving your partner of what he/she needs.”Be willing to obey the Scripture’s authority and call to “carry each other’s burdens to fulfill the law of Christ”Whoever is more mature should change firstHe/She may not respond to your change in the way and in the timeframe you like. You have no control over how and when they choose to changeDecide to use new words and take new actions

THE ENERGIZING CYCLE:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

-What am I doing to show more Love/Respect to my spouse ?

-Am I finding ways to develop greater emotional “togetherness” with him/her?

-Am I demanding of my spouse more than God wants me to?

- If I’m fully loved and forgiven by God, I should have less problem doing what the Bible (and the Holy Spirit) calls me to do in my marriage……