March and April Warm UPs More sentences to correct…

FossumEnglish 10/12

Warm Up 52 March 22/23carl waisted his 1st year at college by not studying enough and spending to much time at parties

REVISEDCarl wasted his first year at college by studying too little and partying too much.

WU # 53 March 26/27the reason they were so eager to sell tickets is because their trying to re-furbish the old gymnasium

RevisedThey were so eager to sell tickets because they're trying to refurbish the old gymnasium.

WU#55 March 28/29there is a desire on the part of many of us to maintain a Spring Recess for the purpose of getting away from the demands of our Studies

Avoid Clichés and Bloated Writing

http://www.canadianwriterspocketguide2e.nelson.com/includes/HED/buscomm/PDF/Module21.PDF

Much BetterWe want a spring recess so we can get away from our studies.

OR We want a spring recess to escape our studies.

WU #56 April 10/11by changing the oil every three thousand miles the car was kept in excellent condition

Revised for dangling modifierChanging the oil every 3,000 miles, we kept the car in excellent condition.

WU #57 April 12/13he was really late to his English class due to the fact that he had to finish his Math test

Revising for “bloat”He was late for English because he had to finish his math test.

Bloated Expressions To Avoid At this point in time . . .“

Meaning: Now. "It would be appreciated if . . .“

Meaning: Please. "In the month of December . . ."

Meaning: In December. "It has come to my attention that . . ."

Meaning: Whatever comes after "that." "In the eventuality that . . ."

Meaning: If. "At the present time . . .“ Now…

More…Redundancies

"Bad mistakes" Use mistakes. All mistakes are bad.

"My personal opinion is that . . ." Use my opinion. All opinions are personal.

"Repeat again" Use repeat. Repeat means to do again.

"Visible to the eye" Use visible. Can anything be visible to

anything but the eye? "For the purpose of . . ."

Meaning: For.

Warm Up # 58 April 16/17noone on this bus seem to know they’re way around this part of the city of new york

RevisionNo one on this bus seems to know his or her way around this part of New York City.

Indefinite Pronoun agreement No one (person)----has? vs. have? the

answer People have

Everybody----has? Or have? their or his? Every (individual) body of us has his or her

answer All of us have Anyone will have their or his/her Any one (person) will have his/her

WU #59 April 18/19after reading the original study the article remains unconvincing

After reading the original study, I remain unconvinced.

(The article did not read the study; a person — I did.)

Revision

WU #60 April 20/237 children were injured in the accident only one required hospitalizing

Revised for comma spliceSeven children were injured in the accident; only one required hospitalization.

WU #61 April 24/25do you want turkey spinach and cheese roast beef lettuce and cheese or ham tomato, and cheese asked jim

Use semi-colons between items on a list already separated by commas“Do you want turkey, spinach, and cheese; roast beef, lettuce, and cheese; or ham, tomato, and cheese?” asked Jim.

Add the Semi-colonsI cannot decide if I want my room to be green, brown, and purple green, black, and brown or green, brown, and dark red.

Semi-colons join items in listsI cannot decide if I want my room to be green, brown, and purple; green, black, and brown; or green, brown, and dark red.

WU #62 April 26/27

atticus didn't want scout to fight, however she could not ignore injustices

Correcting comma spliceAtticus didn’t want Scout to fight; however, he knew she could not ignore injustices.

WU #633 reasons why some students drop out of college are problems of to much parting and if they run out of money and if they can’t meet deadlines

Three reasons why some students drop out of college are problems of too much partying, and if they run out of money and if they can’t meet deadlines

Revising for Better Parallelism

Some college students drop out because of academic, financial, or time management problems.

WU #64jeffersons thoughts that displayed his new support for the constitution were documented in one very unique letter to his friend james madison

Revising for Active Voice:Jefferson documented his new support of the Constitution in a unique letter to his friend, James Madison.

WU #65 Writers should spend a great deal of

time thinking about their arguments to make sure they are not superficial.

Revision: Writers should spend a great deal of time thinking about their arguments to make sure that those arguments are not superficial.

WU# 66high school students face a double challenge in applying to college, they are often required to have extra curricular leadership experience, in addition to high SAT scores

High school students face a double challenge in applying to college; they are often required to have extra curricular leadership experience, in addition to high SAT scores.

Most important may be the bear's body temperature, it remains relatively constant compared to that of true hibernators

Most important may be the bear's body temperature, which remains relatively constant compared to that of true hibernators