Marriage and Family

BIBLICAL MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD

GOD IS THE CREATOR: WE ARE IN HIS IMAGE

• God is creator, therefore God determines the purposes of everything. (Gen. 1:1) This includes gender and roles.

• God creates us in his image. (Gen. 1:26)

“Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image.” (Genesis 9:6)

How does this change how we view cultural life issues? Why do we do baby dedication at Sojourners Church?

QUICK REVIEW: EQUAL, YET DIFFERENT IN CREATION (GENESIS 1-3)

• Male and Female make up the image of God and have shared dominion of garden. (Gen.1:26-30)

• Therefore, Male and Female both made in image of God and equal in value and dignity.

ROLES DEFINED IN PRE-FALL CREATION

• Male role is to “work” and “keep” or to “provide” and “protect.” (Gen. 2:15)

• Female role is to be “helper suitable” for male. (Gen. 2:18) It is “not good” for man to be alone.

• Both roles are deemed “very good” by God.

MAN’S PRIMARY LEADERSHIP RESPONSIBILITY PRE-FALL

• Seen in Naming the woman and woman being taken out of man. (Gen. 2:21-23)

• Woman is happy and satisfied in role as helper and being named by man.

MAN DELIGHTS IN WOMAN, NOT DOMINATES HER AND WOMAN DELIGHTS IN RELATIONSHIP

• “Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” is a poetic rejoicing over God’s good gift. (Gen. 2:23)

• Man LEAVES Father and Mother to be with wife. (Gen. 2:24)

• Naked and Unashamed relationship. (Gen. 2:25)

POST-FALL REINFORCEMENT OF ROLES

• Eve sins and Adam joins in with her. The Bible says that Adam was “with” her. (Gen. 3:7)

• God confronts man first, not woman about the sin. (Gen. 3:9)

• Roles reversed and instead of providing and protecting, man passively watches sin and then aggressively blames the woman and God. (Gen. 3:7, 12)

• Woman has turned from helper to hindrance.

THE CURSE

• God curses man directly in area of “provide” and “protect” by cursing the ground he works.

• God curses the woman directly by cursing her womb and in her desire to “dominate” her husband.

• God promises redemption through a MALE offspring of the WOMAN. (Gen. 3:15)

GOD THE CREATOR, IN HIS IMAGE, IN HIS ROLES

• How does this change how we speak to culture about the issues of sexuality in our country now?

• How does them being made in the image of God and knowing this is an issue of the fall and sin change how you speak to those issues?

The Dance

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

KEY TEXTS

• 1 Corinthians 11:3

• Colossians 3:18-19

• Ephesians 5:21-33

• 1 Peter 3:1-7

KEY TERMS

• Loving, Sacrificial Headship

• Glad, Helping Submission

• *Be on the lookout for these terms in these texts*

EGALITARIAN ARGUMENTS AGAINST THIS

• Argument #1 Mutual Submission is what is taught in 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5

• They get this idea from Ephesians 5:21 and 1 Peter 2-3

• Argument #2 This is a culturally based message that has now changed.

• (We have already shown this to be something God ordained from creation)

EPHESIANS 5:21

• [18] And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, [19] addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, [20] giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, [21] submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:18-21)

• Therefore, egalitarians say we are to submit to each other as husband and wives.

• This is a possible argument, but let me show you why it’s not probable.

SUBMITTING TO ONE ANOTHER

• In Ephesians 5:22-33 we have the example of wives submitting to their husbands.

• In Ephesians 6:1-4 we have the example of children submitting to and obeying their parents.

• In Ephesians 6:5-9 we have the example of slaves submitting to and obeying their masters.

• Therefore, it is much more likely that in Ephesians 5:21 when it says “submitting to one another” it is talking about different relationships of submission, rather than only referring to mutual submission for the marriage relationship. And, even if it does mean that, the way a husband and wife submit to each other is still in very, very different roles!

1 PETER 2:13-3:7 “LIKEWISE, BE SUBJECT”

• The word “likewise” in greek can have the meaning of carrying on the same topic.

• In 1 Peter 2:12, Peter calls the people to have “honorable conduct” so that other may “see your good deeds and glorify God.”

• Then in 1 Peter 2:13-3:7 Peter goes on to show how Christians can have “honorable conduct” in various relationships. (Government, Masters, Husband and Wife)

• The egalitarian notices the repetition of “likewise” when it comes to wives and husbands, in 3:1 and 3:7 and therefore concludes that husband and wives are mutually submissive to one another.

• This is possible, but let me show you again, why its not probable.

IS THIS RIGHT?

• 1 Peter 2:13, “Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.”

• 1 Peter 2:18, “Servants, be subject to your master with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.

• 1 Peter 3:1, “Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they be won without a word.”

• 1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.”

In every case we see, “be subject” except in the case of husbands. More likely then, is that “likewise” in 3:7 simply means continuing on with these God-honoring relationships in a helpful way.

• Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:18-19)

• But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

• *Men are in and UNDER authority at all times.

HEADSHIP AND SUBMISSION

1 Corinthians 11:3 Colossians 3:18-19

EPHESIANS 5:22-33

• Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

1 PETER 3:1-7

• Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:1-7)

HOW DO WE DEFINE HEADSHIP AND SUBMISSION?

• Headship- God-given calling of a husband to be the loving, gentle, sacrificial, primary, and bold leader in the family.

• Submission- God-given calling of a wife to affirm and encourage her husbands leadership and help him carry it out.

WHY IS THIS SO UTTERLY IMPORTANT?

• Marriage is the best and brightest picture of the gospel on display that we have in day to day life:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”

Marriage was created to display the gospel from the very beginning.

SO, WHAT’S AT STAKE?

• Your marriage will display the gospel of Christ to the world more or less depending how we carry out these roles. More than anything else, this is why we care about these roles .

• Marriage is hard. What will motivate you to live out these roles when marriage is hard? Finances are low? Sin messes things up? Babies aren’t sleeping? Your husband or wife really does do things that make them hard to submit to or lead? Remember, the gospel is at stake. Christ’s reputation is at stake in this picture.

THE WORLD KNOWS, BUT FIGHTS AGAINST THIS:

THE DANCE

No one questions the goodness and beauty of a beautiful dance. No one questions when a man pushes little children and women out of the way in a catastrophe.

The man leads, the woman follows. No one thinks the woman inferior or less valued. No one thinks the man domineering or harsh.

Even in a dance, and in this picture you can see the woman “honored” (lifted up) as the weaker vessel.

WHAT DOES THE WEAKER VESSEL MEAN?

• There is no way to know FOR SURE what this means. However, we can begin to understand just by re-visiting the roles that God has called men and women to.

• Men are to provide and protect.

• Men are called to “not be harsh.”

• Men are normally more physically strong which is why they are called to do the protecting physically and spiritually.

• Women tend to be more emotional beings (this is not a bad thing!) and can be more hurt by a man’s harshness or abuse, than vice versa. Therefore, these are ways that women are “weaker”, especially when it comes to roles and relationships in marriages.

What does “weaker vessel” mean?“It means that we should raise sons to think of themselves as protectors. Tell them they should lay their lives down to protect girls. Help them know that God designed them to grow up to be a picture of Jesus in their marriage. Nurture the instinct of a boy to fight for girls not against them”

• Dominance

• Abuse

• Self-serving

• Lazy

• Passive

• Catering

• Before Christ’s leadership

• A demanding bully

• Leadership

• Sacrificial

• Understanding

• Unselfish

• Hard-working

• Bold

• Under-Christ’s Headship

• A delightful burden

• Death to self

HEADSHIPIS Is NOT

• Being a slave to your husband

• Affirming your husbands dominance.

• Turning your brain off.

• Giving up any input into the marriage or home.

• Submitting in ways that are against God’s Word.

• Being a helper to your husband

• Affirming your husband’s leadership

• Helping your husband lead spiritually.

• Submitting to your husband

• In everything that is not dishonoring to God.

SUBMISSIONIS IS NOT

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN PRACTICALLY?

• As a man with a family:

“After a hard day’s work, a godly man enters his home, not with a list of demands, but with an eagerness to give. He comes to relieve the burdens of his wife, not add to them. He comes to play with his kids, not shunt them off to their rooms while he puts his feet up." -Joe Rigney

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN PRACTICALLY?

• As the head of his home?

"Kingship (and by extension true masculinity) means being the first into the battle. If there’s a danger to be faced, a true man will face it first. If there’s a burden to be borne, a man will bear it first. A man will see to it that pain and hardship fall in his lap before they ever fall upon those under his care. Too many men think that male headship means making demands, getting their way, and riding around on a high horse. But godly leadership doesn’t giveus the right to lord our authority over others; it means, as my friend Toby Sumpter says, that it is our glory to die first." -Joe Rigney

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN PRACTICALLY

• As the provider and protector? • The husband isn’t any closer to Jesus because in the

marital picture he takes his cues from Jesus, and she from the church. This headship is not one of privilege; this love, not one of ease; this nourishing and cherishing, not born of convenience. Rather, the masculine calling echoes the one who “gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). It is not the position of one being waited on, hand and foot, but of one stooping to his knees to wash her feet and shoulder the cross beam on the way to Calvary. –David Mathis

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN PRACTICALLY?

• As a submissive helper: • As long as it is not sin, submit to him. This does not mean you’re less

or inferior. It means it’s God’s role for you to best glorify him. Submitting is not being a doormat, it is being a helpmate. Encourage him in is his providing and protecting. Tell him how proud of him you are. Tell him he’s your knight in shining armor. Tell him you know he would die for you. Treat him like your head. Gladly, like the Proverbs 31 woman, work hard in the ways that best support your husband. Help him lead you by being a good follower. Help him lead you by gently and humbly sharing your perspective on things in the home, with your children, and trusting God to help him lead you where God wants you. –Pastor Dave

Wedding Vows

PRACTICAL EXAMPLE