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Marriage PreparationMarriage Preparation
FOCCUS and Parish Based FOCCUS and Parish Based ProgramsPrograms
Joann C. Heaney-Hunter, Ph.D.Joann C. Heaney-Hunter, Ph.D.Associate Professor: Theology & Religious StudiesAssociate Professor: Theology & Religious Studies
St.John’s University, New YorkSt.John’s University, New York
Importance of High Quality Importance of High Quality Marriage PreparationMarriage Preparation
Need for high quality preparation greater Need for high quality preparation greater than everthan ever
WHY?WHY?– High Divorce RateHigh Divorce Rate
Poor couple role modelsPoor couple role models
– Less family supportLess family supportMore mobility of couples and greater distance More mobility of couples and greater distance between family of origin and couple between family of origin and couple
– Weaker connection with church communitiesWeaker connection with church communities
Marriage Preparation – Multi-Stage Marriage Preparation – Multi-Stage ApproachApproach
Contextualize – Contextualize – Familiaris ConsortioFamiliaris Consortio says says there are three stages of marriage there are three stages of marriage preparationpreparation
Remote (during childhood)Remote (during childhood)
Proximate (during adolescence when relationships Proximate (during adolescence when relationships start)start)
immediate (just prior to marriage)immediate (just prior to marriage)
Immediate Preparation Immediate Preparation
Begins when couple makes plans for Begins when couple makes plans for engagementengagement
Optimal time – one year before marriageOptimal time – one year before marriage
Parishes begin connecting with couples Parishes begin connecting with couples when they announce engagementwhen they announce engagement– Important question – How much time do you Important question – How much time do you
have between engagement and marriage? have between engagement and marriage?
FOCCUS – First Stage of FOCCUS – First Stage of Immediate PreparationImmediate Preparation
Clearly – FOCCUS not only productClearly – FOCCUS not only product– Other inventories as wellOther inventories as well– Why FOCCUS?Why FOCCUS?
Primary reason is that it is designed for Catholics, Primary reason is that it is designed for Catholics, by Catholicsby Catholics
Since 1984 – expanded to include other groups Since 1984 – expanded to include other groups – General editionGeneral edition– Abridged edition (people with lower reading abilities)Abridged edition (people with lower reading abilities)– Multiple languages Multiple languages
FOCCUS -- StructureFOCCUS -- Structure
156 item inventory – 19 separate scales156 item inventory – 19 separate scales
33 additional items for cohabiting, 33 additional items for cohabiting, remarrying and interfaith couplesremarrying and interfaith couples
Designed as a self-diagnostic inventory Designed as a self-diagnostic inventory (does not require mental health training to (does not require mental health training to administer or score)administer or score)
FOCCUS ContentFOCCUS Content
Five Major Content areasFive Major Content areas– MatchMatch
Lifestyle expectationsLifestyle expectations
Friends and InterestsFriends and Interests
Personality Match (assume any personality can be Personality Match (assume any personality can be healthy)healthy)
Personal Issues (assumes problematic areasPersonal Issues (assumes problematic areas
FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d
SkillsSkills– Communication Communication – Problem SolvingProblem Solving
FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d
Bonders (Things that either unite people or tear Bonders (Things that either unite people or tear them apart)them apart)– Religion and ValuesReligion and Values– ParentingParenting– Extended FamilyExtended Family– SexualitySexuality– FinancesFinances– Marriage ReadinessMarriage Readiness– Marriage Covenant (specifically religious dimension)Marriage Covenant (specifically religious dimension)
FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d
Summary CategoriesSummary Categories– Key Problem indicators (based on years of Key Problem indicators (based on years of
research, which answers typically lead to research, which answers typically lead to problems?)problems?)
– Family of Origin (In each group of questions, Family of Origin (In each group of questions, where do family of origin issues arise?)where do family of origin issues arise?)
– Dual Career (In each group of questions, Dual Career (In each group of questions, where do dual career issues emerge?where do dual career issues emerge?
FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d
Special GroupsSpecial Groups– InterfaithInterfaith– RemarriagesRemarriages– Cohabiting CouplesCohabiting Couples
FOCCUS InterpretationFOCCUS Interpretation
Who interprets?Who interprets?– Great tool for clergy Great tool for clergy
Helps to get to know coupleHelps to get to know couple
Helps to identify problem areasHelps to identify problem areas
– Team approachTeam approachCouple interprets and refers back to presiderCouple interprets and refers back to presider
– Interesting finding from clergy in my parish – they like Interesting finding from clergy in my parish – they like another perspective on the coupleanother perspective on the couple
– Whichever approach – important to insure Whichever approach – important to insure confidentiality of coupleconfidentiality of couple
FOCCUS ScoringFOCCUS Scoring
Send it back to FOCCUS – easiest – $20 Send it back to FOCCUS – easiest – $20 – time lag of two weeks– time lag of two weeks
Couple takes the inventory on line and Couple takes the inventory on line and facilitator accesses the score immediately facilitator accesses the score immediately and prints out the profile. Coupons $15and prints out the profile. Coupons $15
Parish-Based Marriage PreparationParish-Based Marriage Preparation
FOCCUS primes the pumpFOCCUS primes the pump– Should take place before any formal marriage Should take place before any formal marriage
prep programprep program
Then what?Then what?– Some people have totally customized Some people have totally customized
marriage prep – marriage prep – – However, many advantages to group However, many advantages to group
marriage preparation programsmarriage preparation programs
MARRIAGE PREP IS GREAT MARRIAGE PREP IS GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR EVANGELIZATION OPPORTUNITY FOR EVANGELIZATION
EFFORTS! IT IS A “TEACHABLE EFFORTS! IT IS A “TEACHABLE MOMENT!”MOMENT!”
Making the case for Parish-BasedMaking the case for Parish-Based
Experience shows that many couples have Experience shows that many couples have not been in church since confirmationnot been in church since confirmation– Recent Study – (Christian Smith) – shows that Recent Study – (Christian Smith) – shows that
American Catholic teens and young adults are American Catholic teens and young adults are more disconnected from the Church than more disconnected from the Church than other religions other religions
– Possible bias of findings – but the finding still Possible bias of findings – but the finding still alarmingalarming
Making the Case cont’dMaking the Case cont’d
With Baby Boomer Generation –With Baby Boomer Generation –– Effort to make marriage preparation more Effort to make marriage preparation more
personal, less lecturepersonal, less lecture– Effort to make it more intimate Effort to make it more intimate
Small groupsSmall groups
Moved to homesMoved to homes
Making the Case cont’dMaking the Case cont’d
Subsequent generationsSubsequent generations– More disconnected from churchMore disconnected from church– Fewer have had personal connections with Fewer have had personal connections with
any church leadersany church leaders– Marriage Prep provides an opportunity to Marriage Prep provides an opportunity to
reconnect couples with Faith communityreconnect couples with Faith community
““Preparation or Formation?”Preparation or Formation?”
BothBoth– Clearly – want couples to have good skillsClearly – want couples to have good skills
CommunicationCommunicationProblem SolvingProblem SolvingNegotiationNegotiationConflict ResolutionConflict Resolution
– Also – important contentAlso – important contentSexualitySexualityDual CareersDual CareersValues and Conscience, to name a fewValues and Conscience, to name a few
Preparation or Formation cont’dPreparation or Formation cont’d
HOWEVER – HOWEVER – – Faith formation is CRUCIAL for this generationFaith formation is CRUCIAL for this generation
Many no formal religious education past junior high school or Many no formal religious education past junior high school or high school at besthigh school at best
– For many couples – never discussed Church’s For many couples – never discussed Church’s teaching on:teaching on:
Covenant and SacramentCovenant and Sacrament
Conscience FormationConscience Formation
SexualitySexuality
SpiritualitySpirituality
Preparation or Formation cont’dPreparation or Formation cont’d
Recommend programs that give more Recommend programs that give more than skills for marriagethan skills for marriage– They shouldThey should
Invite couples into faith communityInvite couples into faith community
Allow them to hear the faith stories of othersAllow them to hear the faith stories of others
Invite them to share their own faith storiesInvite them to share their own faith stories
Invite them to understand the meaning of covenant Invite them to understand the meaning of covenant and sacramentand sacrament
Help them to develop a spirituality that will help Help them to develop a spirituality that will help them growthem grow
Duration of Marriage PreparationDuration of Marriage Preparation
Short format vs. Long formatShort format vs. Long format– Obviously – must make prudential pastoral Obviously – must make prudential pastoral
judgmentsjudgmentsService men and womenService men and women
Some couples living at great distance from each Some couples living at great distance from each otherother
– Research From FOCCUS Database indicates Research From FOCCUS Database indicates that optimum marriage preparation duration is that optimum marriage preparation duration is
9-12 sessions (including rehearsal and liturgy 9-12 sessions (including rehearsal and liturgy planning)planning)
Duration cont’dDuration cont’d
Very short formats do not give couples Very short formats do not give couples time to process informationtime to process information
Very short formats encourage couples Very short formats encourage couples NOT to take marriage prep seriouslyNOT to take marriage prep seriously
The closer marriage prep gets to the date The closer marriage prep gets to the date of the wedding – the less effective it will beof the wedding – the less effective it will be
Faith Formation for Marriage -- Faith Formation for Marriage -- ContentContent
Contract vs. CovenantContract vs. CovenantMeaning of SacramentMeaning of SacramentCommunicationCommunicationFamily of OriginFamily of OriginValues and Conscience FormationValues and Conscience FormationIntimacy and Sexuality (including Church Intimacy and Sexuality (including Church teaching)teaching)SpiritualitySpirituality
Faith Formation for Marriage – Faith Formation for Marriage – Content cont’dContent cont’d
In additionIn addition– Important for couples to have solid liturgical Important for couples to have solid liturgical
planningplanning– Important for couples to become acquainted Important for couples to become acquainted
with Natural Family Planningwith Natural Family Planning– Important for couples to be invited to Important for couples to be invited to
participate in the life of the faith communityparticipate in the life of the faith community– Important for the community to extend Important for the community to extend
hospitality to coupleshospitality to couples
Marriage Preparation – A Way to Marriage Preparation – A Way to Invite Couples to grow in faithInvite Couples to grow in faith
Experience shows that many people see Experience shows that many people see marriage preparation as a hoopmarriage preparation as a hoop
Instead – help them to see it as an:Instead – help them to see it as an:– Opportunity to become active participants in Opportunity to become active participants in
the life of faiththe life of faith– Opportunity for to develop new leadership Opportunity for to develop new leadership
skills in and for the communityskills in and for the community