MARRIAGE TREAT 2013 with Family Worship Centre

FAMILY LIFE SPECIAL

MARRIAGE SEMINARPresentation by Kwaku

and Emma Asante-Krobea

Title Statement

The Dynamics of a stable marriage: Exploring biblical foundations and true friendship

Why Stability matters

Consider the term with the ff. Synonyms:• Steady• Constant• Unwavering• Established• Secure

If we all aspire towards enjoying stability in all life endeavours; Why not in marriage

introduction• Many marriages have been reduced to hurting

relationships• No marriage is immune to problems• Conflicts in marriages can be effectively

managed to ensure stability• Deadly conflicts in marriages can be avoided• God’s plan for marriage cannot be exchanged

for selfish expediency• Married life should be more than coping

The Problem• Young people rush into marriages

without adequate counselling and critical assessment of themselves; such situations usually lead to enduring relationships• Marriage considered like the physical

attraction of the succulent MANGO

Marriage Statistics• Statistics show that over 57 per cent of

marriages end in divorce at the first time. Second marriages have a 40 per cent risk of failing and third marriage have a 60 per cent risk of falling apart. But people are still getting married in droves with three out of every 1000 getting married while one in every 1000 are getting a divorce.

The fact This means that marriage is

still more appealing than divorce but that the second and third time at marriage has a greater risk of ending in divorce.

Divorce and Remarriages

Does the statistics indicate that divorced people should stay divorced instead of attempting to remarry with a 40 to 60 per cent chance of ending in divorce. Of course not. People have unique relations and their reasons for getting married are varied with no thought that their love relationships will get on the rocks

DIVORCE RATE CURVEWithin the last 10 years, the rate has risen by 7%

Marriage divorce rates(per 1,000 people)

Waited Average: 1.3 %• 1st.......USA (4.95)• 2nd......Puerto Rico (4.47)• 3rd...... Russia (3.36)• 4th ......United Kingdom (3.08)• 5th ......Denmark (2.81)• 6th .......New Zealand (2.63)• 15th......Tunisia (0.82) – 4.0 every 5,000

USA marriage/divorce rates

• 41% of first time marriages end in divorce• 60% of second marriages end in divorce• 70% of third time marriages end in divorce• Those married between 20 and 24 have the

highest divorce rates• Couples with children have lower divorce rates

than those without• At lest 66% of all divorced couple are childless

The concept of marriage

• Companionship and oneness of purpose, to create an atmosphere /conditions for service, e.g. procreation and child upbringing (whether biological or not) and service to humanity

The married couple, who?• Two people of the opposite sex

who have consented together to live their lives together in the plan of God (Gen 2:24) and have pledged a lifelong commitment to each other

What constitutes marriage• God considers a couple to be married when

they’re legally married – state laws• God considers a couple to be married when

they have completed the required formal wedding ceremony – God brings Eve to Adam (Gen. 2:22)

• God considers a couple to be married when the marriage is consummated – the ultimate fulfilment of the one flesh principle (Gen 2:24); Matt.19:5; Eph.5:31

Marriage is good• He who finds a wife finds a wife finds a good

thing and obtains God’s favour• A prudent wife who can find?• For all persons, the next most important

decision after finding faith in God and putting your trust in him is the decision to marry and whom to marry

• Knowing God does not however require the same preparation as deciding to marry

God’s Marriage Plan:The Gold standard

• God made man and woman and joined them together (Gen2:24)• ‘therefore a man leaves his father

and his mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh’ .. Matt 19:5;Mk 10:7• This is God’s divine wisdom and plan

for a stable relationship

Leaving Principle involves• A customary act – the families know and agree

and their blessings; lack of parental consent usually a recipe for marriage instability

• A public and social act of publication is made that the two have tied the knot – benefit is that interested parties will resign their interest and quit their dreams; a sure basis for stability

• Registration guarantees legal stability – in a likely event of infringement/intrusion witnesses can testify

The Cleaving Principle• To stick to one another in love just like two

sheets of paper glued together• Just like the body in which the husband is the

head (Eph 5:22-23); so long as the head remains on the attached to the body (by the neck) everything works – separation is disastrous

• Proper cleaving will ward of dangerous intruders with adulterous motives

The Cleaving Principle• Proper cleaving not only warning to outsiders

but warning to the couple to be consciously committed remembering their marriage vows based on Matt 9:6, ‘What God has joined....’

• Cleaving also means the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and...

• A husband is therefore the one who has to die for his wife ‘Love your wife as your own body’ Eph 5:28

The Cleaving Principle• Through cleaving, the wife will submit to her

husband as the church submits to Christ Eph 5:22; 1Pet 3:11; Col 3:28 • Cleaving partners always consider their union

more important than their jobs, friends, children and the extended family as must be the case

• Proper cleaving assures absolute fidelity – no time to consider extra-marital affairs

The One Flesh PrincipleConcept:• No longer living as two separate individuals,

but two-in-oneImplications:• A union of body, soul and spirit – a physical,

spiritual and mental union• Sexual relationship is encouraged to cement

conjugal love and togetherness

The One Flesh Principle• The one flesh principle represent true love• True love grows into sex and not out of it • One flesh means much more-One pocket-Common financial policy-Common budget based on total earnings-One mind and a common attitude towards

friends, family and children

The friendship factor• Who is a Friend?Someone you know well, a person

with whom you share all things closely, someone whose company you enjoy and with whom you simply love to spend time with

The friendship factor• ‘A man who has friends must show

himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother’ (Prov 18:24)• Friendship:A rela. or state of friendliness betwn

two people who love and cherish each other

What friendship doesFriendship goes beyond

ordinary care, it adds a brighter radiance to prosperity

and lessens the burden of adversity by dividing and

sharing it

Walking as friends• One most important objective to achieve in a

marital relationship is to become each other’s friend; once this is achieved, marriage becomes enjoyable

• Why walk as friends: Gen 2:18‘It is not good for man to be alone, I will make

for him a helper (friend, confidant, comrade, mother, wife, companion, a shoulder and pillow to lean on) suitable for him’

What is in friendship• From Jesus’ rationale for choosing to call us

friends, (John 15:15-16) – ‘I no longer call you servants but friends.....’ friendship is evident when there is:

• Selfless devotion to one another• Giving without any thought of receiving• Each partner desiring only what is right for the

other partner

Friendship is intimate sharingYou can give without loving, but you cannot love

without giving (John 3:16). In an intimate loving relationship, love will make you share

Anything that will promote a stable relationshipJoyful moments, e.g. each other’s achievements Sorrows, Feelings, Time Concerns, Dreams, Resources Body, Fears, Ambitions

Cultivating friendship• Desire to be a friend• Be friendly and show/demonstrate it• Defy all odds and be a friend• Share and share intimately• Spend quality time with your spouse and love

to do so• Accept each other’s friendship• Reciprocate all surprise gestures making yours

better

Other considerations• Play family games together• Plan outings together - Walk together and sit

together, hold hands, schedule appointments together – parties, funerals, weddings

• Travel together – visit friends, relatives, children in school

• Pray together and for each other always• Sleep together• Sleep together; NEVER entertain separate rms

Your decisions• Must be mutual, and must concern your home• Assume responsibility for sharing your feelings

honestly• Learn to agree, learn the skill for joint decision

taking; conflicts are likely to erupt if you do not learn how to take joint decisions

• Arrive at final decisions before implementing – some parties in the relationship feel they can always decide for the other

Actions and words• Words kill, be a good communicator and also

with your actions and gestures• Add a little sense of humour to the rela.• Share jokes for your enjoyment during light-

hearted times• Tell each other how you feel about him/her• Understand each other’s personal traits• Verbally appreciate your spouse both at home

in public

Conclusion• As nice as it may be for two people to live

together meeting each other’s needs, God has a higher calling for the marriage.

• The friendship factor in all marriages is a sine-qua non to stable relationship.

• Any marriage built o friendship will be filled with wonderful lasting memories of hope. The kind of fondness between the couples creates intimacy that ultimately bring happiness even in later years

Conclusion• A strong friendship in marriage creates

feelings of kindness and devotion when the couple have their interests at heart

• In all its forms, friendship makes life easier to handle, it adds a brighter radiance to prosperity and lightens the burden of adversity by dividing and sharing it. True couples must be friends.

GratitudeThanks For Listening