The Marriage Workshop

“I don't Want to be Married

Anymore…..”

• “I don't want to be married anymore."• A whisper moved across my husband’s lips

as if he couldn’t find his voice. A whisper, a barely audible cluster of words, were about to change the trajectory of my entire life.

• “What? I stammered…….

• We stood there in the kitchen, our two year old son playing at our feet. it felt like the time dad told me grandpa passed away and I felt the weight of the whole world come down on my shoulders

• My Husband looked to me, pained, then covered his eyes as if to hide. His shoulders slumped.

• There were no tears -my body couldn’t react to a world that didn’t yet make sense. And I struggled to process the scene, especially my son who was playing in complete and blissful oblivion while his world crashed around him. I knew no matter how hard we tried, we’d GROWN APART, that phrase people use when they can’t point to abuse or affairs or addiction, the usual suspects leading to divorce. In fact, those reasons are far more forgivable than merely growing apart.

Are You Growing Apart In Your

Relationship?

Ashley Davis Bush- Specialist in Couples Therapy

“It’s Incredibly easy for couples to grow apart because we have such busy lives.”

Some Contributing Factors

• Ageing - Age gap• Differences in Views (Generally)• Health issues• Careers - Work• Economic and Social Gap/Differences• Changes in Family Structure - Kids Marrying and Leaving,

Grand Kids coming

Cha

BUT THEN THERE COULD BE SERIOUS THREATS TO YOUR

RELATIONSHIP

A relationship can Die without a single slammed door or Raised voice

• Even when there is no Cheating, No Screaming, No irreconcilable differences, It can happen Slowly and Silently

Some Warning Signs• Absence of Affection• Absence of Humour• Absence of Curiosity • Absence of Excitement• Absence of Empathy

How About• Chasing/Pursuing New Frontiers • Trying to close gaps alone• Bringing unwelcome change• Feeling abandoned in the middle of a

collapsing family

• If you have a huge fight with your partner it would be very strange for both of you not to notice. One of you should worry if that happens and such conflicts should be addressed.

SOLUTIONSIs there still hope after all this?

YES…..IT CAN BE DONE!

Talk about it• This invites COLLABORATION Instead of playing

the blame game. • let your partner know how you’re feeling about it.• Be open about it and seek COUNSELLING

immediately• Most Couples wait around six years before seeking

help

PRIORITIZE SEX• Couples who do not grow apart continue to maintain

sexual relationship• In fact sex can be used as a good measure for how

healthy a relationship is• Commit to making sex a PRIORITY • Everyones needs are different, so talk about it and try

to meet in the middle• Scheduling sex can help

BRING BACK OLD HABITS

• Go back to doing the things you did when you fell in love

• Which Activities brought the best side of Him/Her

TRY NEW THINGS• “Relationships thrive on Novelty” - Ashley Davis Bush• Try things you have not done before• Go to a new Restaurant• Have new Friends• New Hairstyle• New Hobbies

LISTEN AND BELIEVE THE THINGS YOUR PARTNER SAYS ABOUT YOU

• Appearance• Your Friends• New Habits• Fashion• Moods?Temper• Routine

PLAN RECURRING DATE NIGHTS

• “Plan a regular Date Night and commit to talking about anything BUT the Kids, Reminisce about (Your) Dating days and share something that the other doesn’t about” says Hansen

ASK MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS

• Hansen says:• “To avoid growing apart couples must remain interested in one another, And one way of doing that is to ask your spouse meaningful questions”

• “They help to deepen the conversation and allow us access to our partners inner thoughts”

• “If you are new parents, talk about how becoming a parent has changed you, what you like the most about it, and what’s been the most surprising change.”

• “If you are going to be new parents, talk about how its going to impact your routine, how you would need the other to help etc.”

DON’T BE AFRAID TO GO PERSONAL WITHOUT BEING OFFENSIVE

• How can I change• How can I help you to change• What do you expect from me • When do you expect it • How do you expect me to execute it

Be Reasonable with Your expectations

Do Not Overlook Obvious Limiting Factors

One thing which could help those in long,

working relationships

Stay Separate to Stay Together

• No matter How long you have been together it is important to maintain some degree of SEPARATION.

• Have Individual Hobbies• Have Different groups of Friends • This gives you the chance to MISS each other and

look forward to the reunion

WHEN IS IT REALLY OVER?

• Unfortunately There are Times and Instances When it is really over and ONLY

God could CHANGE things around.

• Does every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial, evolve into a fight?

• Do you or your spouse continually refer to hurtful events in the past?

• Is all respect gone from your relationship, and do you feel it is impossible to bring that respect back?

• Is your partner no longer showing interest in your individual growth and progress?

• Have you both lost the art of compromise such that every argument ends with each individual maintaining their own path?

• Have you both changed so much that you no longer share Moral, Ethical or Lifestyle values?

• Do you and your spouse have a basic sexual incompatibility? Do you feel completely un-attracted to each other despite help from professional therapists?

5 Signs That You’re Heading In The Wrong

Direction

• Your Spouse has stopped COMPLAINING.• You both put your Kids first.• You are more interested in other couples

than your own Relationship.• Your FRIENDSHIPS suddenly become more

important.• You no longer WONDER what the other is

thinking.

Before You close I HAVEa Questiona Comment

a Querya Compliment

•