MESSAGES FROM THE EDGE

work in progress

incorporating

shiva’s dance

paradigm shift

the new order

the fruit that bites back

MESSAGES FROM THE EDGE

This is the edgeThe interfaceWhere left and right brain meetTo clash and glitterFiring on all cylindersRigorous and unremittingTracking down the effortless transcendent

Reality greets UnrealityHearing voices over the hedgeAttracted by the unknown other Dusk and dawn know the same moon From different anglesRisking madness EcstasyAnd loss of selfFor the ultimate prizeThe unmistakable resultYou cannot counterfeit

Here a new thing is bornUnambiguous and outrageousTeetering on the abyssShaken by its own temerityThe shock of parturition

There is no hope hereNo expectation of successNo worn path follows the shortest routeFor we are lost and do not know ourselvesWe left all that behind

It is too late to fearWe should have thought of that beforeBefore we left the landscape that we knewExhaustedStarved of meaning and realityIn quest of the sublime

We have not lost the threadFor there is no threadIt petered out some time agoAnd we are no longer looking for a thread

We are not looking for anything in factWe are only findingFinding what cannot be looked forFor we do not know it exists

And it only exists when we find itWithout lookingFor if we look for it it is not there

Maybe it is looking for usAnd will find us if we are not lookingFor we do not know it exists

We have only to wait and seeWithout waiting

The earth remembers it was once molten rockThis was the first phase – CRUELTYAs the rock cooled it became magneticAnd so came the second phase ATTRACTION When solar particles were drawn to it by gravityPhase three became POSSESSION Ownership and control of the precious world to come

These particles evolved into life forms attracting each otherAnd so RELATIONSHIP was bornCreating the next generation through reproductionAnd with the birth of the New came LOVEAs the Old gave way and SACRIFICED itselfFor the sake of those to come

Thus CRUELTY, ATTRACTION and POSSESSIONEvolved into RELATIONSHIP, LOVE and SACRIFICE

This is the way that Life sustains itself(Though we may be sometimes reminded That all began with CRUELTY)

It’s not the suffering that warps usIt’s the addiction to sufferingThe fiddling with the scarThe exploration of the woundWith grubby fingers

Embedded in the hole we keep on diggingDeeper and deeper Seeking the ultimate truth about ourselves That gives significance and value

Groaning and sleeplessInto the pain we goFollowing the WHYLured on by the spectre of an answerTo dig the bullet out that caused the wound

But supposing there is no bulletSuppose at the bottom of the holeWe find a letter addressed to ourselves“I AM HERE BECAUSE YOU WANT ME”How do we handle that

How do we fill the gap left by our anguishThe Holy HoleThe Sanctum Sanctorum that we venerateEmpty and aching to be filled

We fill it with the suffering of othersFor now we have the skillsForensic tools to explore known territoryTo further the investigation

The game is on againWe’re good at this Our hole is filled once more And we are almost happy We’ve found a meaning to our lives

Haven’t we?

But are we not free to leave?

The door is open Isn’t it?Why can’t we get out?

What is it we love about the painThat we must shut the door against a dazzleThat cauterizes like a clash of lightHealing and cleansingGiving and forgivingWaiting As only Nature can?

What is so appealing about guiltThat we must cling to it?

This is your last trip they saidAnd we strongly advise against itIt is too soonYou are still depleted from the last time roundAnd have not got the strength

It can’t be helped I saidThis soul that was my child has married foolishlyAnd is at riskI have to go to her and be her baby

You cannot help they saidShe has chosen a path of sufferingAnd is deludedShe will sacrifice herself in vain

Nevertheless I will do what I can I saidI will have a goMake the best of it you knowPut on a brave face and cheer her up a bit

You are a fool they said weak and rebellious You always have been volatile and recklessYou have made enemies who will target youAnd now you are in danger

Nothing new there then I said

Can’t sit around all day you knowHave to get movingShow him I know who he is

Then this is your last chance they saidTo try to get it rightWe’ll display the available options And you must choose blindfold

Carry on Old Sport I saidDisplay awayI’ll probably make a hash of itI usually do

Then over here is worldliness they saidIt will make you successful rich and famousKeep you in the public eyeAnd always on the tele

OK I said that looks a lot of funBit of a strain too though I should imagineAlways on show rather an effort that High maintenance you know what I mean

This is more in keeping with your temperament they saidIt is Exploration Adventure Soldiering the Outdoor LifeBut you’re so depleted after the last time roundYou haven’t got the strength and are rather ill That’s a shame I saidI should have enjoyed thatBut maybe I can have adventures in a wheel-chairWhizzing about a bit you know

You ought to take this seriously they saidFor you will be consistently at riskTargeted and assailed by unseen forces Wounded by those you trust implicitlyAnd powerless to resist because you love them

You’ll attract weak and helpless men they saidBecause you need the injured to ease your suffering

You will know more than can be of use to youAnd not enough of what serves your interests bestFor you look into the eyes of others and see their pain

You will try several times to come back they said But will not succeed For you will live much longer than you planned forIn hopes of achieving the unachievable

Though this is unlikely they said For in our view you have not the qualities to surviveLet alone achieveAnd we repeat we advise against this journey

Blindfold you chose your gifts they saidThe bare necessities needed to surviveAnd these are the options you have chosenTENACITY FORTITUDE HONESTY and COMMON SENSE

We are happy with these options they saidAnd believe you have chosen wiselyFor in spite of all we have said we love you dearlyAnd wish you Bon Voyage

As this is your final trip they saidYou are offered a BONUS giftWhich is not chosen and cannot be exchangedYou may open this gift at the moment of departure

That’s great I said I’m very gratefulI’m sure it will prove most usefulAnd as the voyage was underway I opened up the bonus to look inside

The gift was RAPTURE

You are nearing the end of your trip they saidAnd are taking the time to reflectWhat are the things you have learntThat have proved most useful?

I have learnt that I must be alone I saidTo encounter the moment fully And understand the nature of the pain I have been gifted with

I have learnt the value of small things I saidAnd that the struggle to achieve these thingsIs their own reward For I was given the prize before I started

I have learnt how to learn nothing I saidFor the state of unknowing is an empty spaceUnfilled Because it is fulfilled already

I have learnt to give but not to share I saidFor sharing the pain of othersIs an act of theft A disrespect that deprives them of their rights

I have learnt a bit about money I saidThat it is a tool to be usedNot a commodity to be ownedSo not to be feared but used strategically

All that I cherished has been taken from me I saidMy jewellery has been stolenMy favourite clothes devoured by mothsAnd my new bed linen eaten by mice

So worldly possessions make me laugh I saidFor you cannot own thingsBut you can certainly enjoy themFor the pleasure they give

I’ve learned to ask nothing from others I saidFor they have problems of their ownAnd cannot be expected to involve themselvesIn the enigma of my life

I have learnt about physical pain I saidFor it has been with me all my lifeAnd it does not own usBut knows us intimately and is faithful unto death

I have learnt that love transforms I saidAnd helps us to forgive ourselves For who we areEven if the object of our love does not

And that friends have the right to behave badlyAnd ruin their livesIn spite of all the good advice we giveAnd the grief we feel at their self-undoing

I was given a bonus gift before I started I saidSo Rapture has been the colour of my days It has saturated me with the Natural World about meAnd filled my life with praise.

Copyright E. J. Ward 2015