CyberGrieving: Helping Children Express Grief Through

Social MediaNational Alliance for Grieving Children

June 20, 2014 Atlanta, Georgia

Michael M. Kocet, Ph.D., LMHC, NCCHealing Circle Leader, Comfort Zone Camp

Associate Professor & Department chair, Department of Counselor EducationBridgewater State UniversityBridgewater, Massachusettsmkocet@yahoo.com @drmichaelkocet (508) 531-2721

INTRODUCTIONS

Presentation Abstract

Social media has played a significant and influential role in society today, impacting ways people communicate and develop social communities. The use of social media is also witness to what can be called "Cybergrieving." Through tools like Facebook, Twitter, Hello Grief, online condolence books, virtual support groups and virtual memorials, children and adolescents are expressing their grief in new ways using technology.

Children experiencing grief and loss may be afraid to turn to traditional forms of help, and due to disenfranchised losses (such as suicide and homicide)will seek out virtual communities and resources online for support. This interactive presentation will provide practitioners with tools to assist children in expressing their grief in healthy ways using social media.

Objectives1) To help participates integrate traditional, as well as post modern theories of grief into their grief counseling with clients and children from diverse backgrounds and contexts.2) To discuss ways that children express their grief online, such as through Facebook, Twitter, online condolence books, and virtual funeral services, and other social media and to identify ways counselors can help those who grieve use social media as a positive coping method.

Objectives continued3) Explore the interventions counselors can use with grieving children and adolescents, such as virtual memorials and online bereavement support groups, including the potential risks and benefits of using social networking sites, blogs, and other technologies to express feelings of grief and loss and possible risks of doing this difficult work in the public domain.

Children & Social MediaLearning how to meet them where they are at, one tweet at a time...

Use of Social Media

Every minute of the day:

• 100,000 tweets are sent; • 684,478 pieces of content are shared on Facebook; • 2 million search queries are made on google; • 48 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube; • 47,000 apps are downloaded from the App Store; • 3,600 photos are shared on Instagram;• 571 websites are created• $272,000 is spent by consumers online (Pring, 2012).

Facer and Selwyn (2010) urge educators to focus their attention and research efforts to social media networking sites, as they provide a venue for identity construction.

Oftentimes, we may get a sense of children experiencing grief and loss, based on what they are posting or discussing online.

By participating in social networking sites after experiencing a loss, children may reduce their sense of disconnection and create valuable connections to peers and others, including the deceased.

“Posting comments on another person’s profile can help deepen an association between individuals, thereby making relationships feel more intimate” (Hieftje, 2012, p.32).

Kids and Grief

Manifestations of Bereavement In the Lives of Clients (Balk, 2008)

Physical Effects of BereavementBehavioral Effects of BereavementInterpersonal Effects of BereavementCognitive Effects of BereavementEmotional Effects of BereavementSpiritual Effects of BereavementClinical Interventions

Grief Theories and Models

Traditional Models of Grief

-Challenge the notion of linear grieving.-People don’t grieve in formal stages; we must be flexible with utilizing traditional models of grief.

Postmodern Paradigms of Grief(taken from Walter, 2003)

Postmodern paradigms of grief emphasize bond with the deceased can be a resource to enrich one’s capacity for living.

Traditional models/theories emphasize the importance of separation or severing bonds with the deceased, while the new postmodern theories believe in the continuing bonds with the deceased.

Tasks of Mourning - Revised (Worden, 2009)

I. To accept the reality of the loss (Not believing)

II. To process the pain of grief (Not feeling)

Tasks Continued

III. To adjust to a world without the deceased:External adjustments: Living daily without the person.Internal adjustments: Who am I now? Spiritual adjustments: Reframe assumptive

world.

IV. To find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life

Grief and Meaning Making

Grieving involved reconstructing and restoring a personal sense of meaning and direction in life.

Feelings have a function and are signals to making meaning in our lives.

Bereavement causes one’s identity to be constructed and reconstructed.

Continuing Bonds

There is no “normal” way to adapt to the loss of the significant person (Neimeyer, Laurie, Mehta, Hardison & Currier, 2008)

. . . In the midst of dealing with profound loss in our lives, the ability to prescribe meaning to a changed world through spiritual transformation, religious conversion, or existential change may be more significant than the specific content by which that need is filled (Marrone, 1998).

Continuing BondsContinuing a connection to a loved one beyond death through memories, recording/sharing stories, or continuing their legacy may be beneficial responses to their loss (Neimeyer, Laurie, Mehta, Hardison & Currier, 2008)

When working with children – normalizing, accepting, exploring, and other issues (Sanger, 2009)

Cultural Considerations

When working with children from any culture, it is paramount that the expression of grief is authentic – keeping in mind our own ethnocentricities (Rothaupt & Becker, 2007).

Western culture urges a “get over it” pressure. This contradicts the idea that continuing bonds is a healthy, normal part of healing (Doughty, 2009).

Normal vs. Abnormal Grieving& Complicated Mourning

Complicated GriefComplicated grief reactions require more complex therapies than uncomplicated grief reactions. Adjustment disorders, major depression, substance abuse, and even PTSD are some of the common problems of complicated bereavement.Extended length of time of the symptoms.Intensity of the symptoms.Interference caused by the symptoms.Unresolved grief may appear as a complete absence of grief or mourning, an ongoing inability to experience normal grief reactions, delayed grief, conflicted grief, or chronic grief.

Complicated Traumatic Grief

A grief caused by a death that is either objectively or subjectively perceived to be traumatic,

The child has significant PTSD symptoms, including loss and change reminders that segue into trauma reminders that bring forth avoidance and numbing,

PTSD symptoms prevent the child from completing the tasks of bereavement (Cohen et al., 2002 as cited in Searles McClatchy, Vonk, Palardy, 2009)

DSM-5 Criteria – Persistent Complex Beareavement Disorder

A. The individual experienced the death of someone with whom he or she had a close relationship.

B. Since the death, at least one of the follow symptoms is experienced on more days than not and to a clinically significant degree and has persisted for at least 12 months after the death (in adults) and 6 months (for children):

1. Persistent yearning/longing for the deceased.2. Intense sorrow and emotional pain in response to death.3. Preoccupation with the deceased.4. Preoccupation with the circumstances of the death.

C. Since the death, at least six of the following symptoms (12 months after death for adults, 6 months for children):1. Marked difficulty accepting the death2. disbelief or emotional numbness over loss3. Difficulty with positive reminiscing about the deceased.4. Bitterness or anger related to the loss5. Maladaptive appraisals about oneself in relation to the deceased (self-blame)

6. Excessive avoidance of reminders of the loss.7. A desire to die in order to be with deceased.8. Difficulty trusting other individuals since the death.9. Feeling alone or detached from others.10. Feeling that life is meaningless or empty.11. Confusion about one’s role in life, diminished sense of identity.12. Difficulty or reluctance to pursue interests since the loss or plan for future.D. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment.E. The bereavement reaction is out of proportion to or inconsistent with cultural, religious, or age-appropriate norms.

Types of Disenfranchised GriefThe loss of a partner (within an affair)

Ex spouses/partners

The loss of a same-sex partner killed in war/miltary combat

The loss of a pet

The ending of a long-term friendship

Abortions

Traditional Memorials

Virtual Memorials

Sexting

How Children Express Grief Online

Anger

Mourning

Managing Emotions

#DigitalIdentity

Support

Cyberbullying

VentingRetalia

tion

Sadness

Depression

Love

Examples of Cyber

Grieving

This Guest Book will remain online until 12/18/2013 courtesy of Akron Beacon Journal.

Adrienne L. Ryba, 19, passed away Saturday, December 15, 2012. She was born in Akron, Ohio on June 29, 1993. Adrienne graduated with honors from Highland High School in 2011 and was attending Kent State University majoring in interior design. She was vibrant, artistic, very creative, and loved playing volleyball. Adrienne was a wonderful, loving daughter and sister. She loved and valued her many friendships and was always there to help.

Adrienne plunged 50 feet to her death after falling through the roof of a decaying, abandoned warehouse where she and her boyfriend had gone to view the city's lights. Adrienne Ryba was scaling the roof of a former manufacturing plant in Akron, Ohio with her boyfriend and another pair of friends just after midnight on Saturday when the section she was on gave way. Her friends frantically called 911 and first responders forced their way into the building, but Ryba was pronounced dead at the scene after multiple blunt force traumas from the fall. Lt. Rick Edwards from Akron police said it appeared that the group had been drinking alcohol.

Online Condolence Books

Postings that cause concern….

:

Twitter Posting

Assisting Bereaved Clients (Taub & Servaty-Seib, 2008)

Provide training about loss and bereavement to teachers, administrators, directors, supervisors, and others who work with grieving clients and students.Encourage counseling staff to get specialized training.Provide grief groups, workshops, and educational materials to students and clients about grief and loss.Establish bereavement policies.Be sensitive to cultural differences in grief and mourning practices, especially when creating bereavement policies.Offer tangible support Refer as necessary

Two Key questions to ask a grieving client

1. What do you need right now to help you get through this?

2. What don’t you need right now?

Professional Implications for Counseling Professionals

Benefits to Cyber Grieving

• Ample Resources• Clients can grieve with

a perceived level of anonymity if they so chose

• Allows clients to express their emotions and cope with significant losses

• Offers support from a wide variety of individuals

Risks involved in Cyber Grieving

• False information-counterproductive to one’s well-being and grieving process

• Ethical and legal implications• All that is posted become public

knowledge• Clients may rely heavily responses

and input of their peers• Clients experiencing psychiatric or

mental health issues may need professional intervention

Techniques/Interventions/Strategies in Grief Counseling

Acknowledge the loss.

Express and share feelings.

Encourage sharing and offer to listen.

Allow for differences in the needs of grieving people.

Share memories of loved ones to help in healing.From Walsh-Burke (2006)

Two main facets of Hello Grief™

1. Public Facing(Blogs, Articles, etc.)

2. Private Side-Smaller communities-Forums-Campers can reconnect with Little or Big Buddies-Can serve as a transition from Hello Grief to Facebook

The purpose of Hello Grief is to build a virtual community for grievers.It can be considered an extension of the Comfort Zone Camp experience.Some people, however, have never been to CZC.

Groups are typically small, 5-10 people, fosters tight knit group. Has public and private settings.

Hello Grief Blogs

Music & Grief (posted 2 years ago but still current)Fitness & Grief (Runners & Grief)

Safety & Social Media

Hello Grief™ is maintained & closely monitored by professionally trained Comfort Zone Camp staff.When someone posts something that is questionable or potentially a suicidal threat or gesture, Hello Grief administrators will turn information over to Comfort Zone Camp for intervention and follow-up.Safety Alerts – are set up to identify and target key words or phrases that alert system administrators.

Support Groups

Additional Grief & Cybergrieving Resources

http://forums.grieving.com/

http://navigatingcyberloss.wordpress.com/

http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com/forum

http://www.healthfulchat.org/bereavement-chat-room.html

Questions & Comments??

Thank you for coming