Mr Shoutyteacher

There's a thunder in the playground

A tremor down the corridor

An earthquake in the classroom

Much louder than a lion's roar

What is that row we're hearing

That makes our eardrums pop?

It's Mr Shoutyteacher

Ever getting in a strop

Veins are bulging from his head

Like a wild bull seeing red

There's a din down in the dinner hall

Explosions in the staffroom

A yelling in assembly

More noisy than a sonic boom

The words: “BOY – DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT!”

Are bashing round my brain

It's Mr Shoutyteacher

On the warpath once again

Cheeks puff like a pufferfish

Why can't he be calm as Miss?

There's a ruckus in reception

A screeching in the library

When the windows crack and smash

We all know what the cause will be

But there's something Mr Shoutyteacher

You've yet to find out

To keep us kids in order Sir

You do not need to SHOUT!

My Teacher’s Got Eyes in the Back of Her Head

My teacher’s got eyes in the back of her head

So you’d better listen to what she said

She probably knows what you’re doing

Even when you’re in bed

If you muck about

Don’t you know she’ll catch you out?

It’s one false move and you’re dead

You’re never out of her sights

So watch out where you tread

Where’s my teacher got eyes?

In the back of her head

My teacher’s got ears in strange places too

If someone talks on assembly then she always

knows who

She gave me detention because I spoke to you

If you say a word

Don’t you know that you’ll be heard?

But how she does it I haven’t a clue

She’s got x-ray vision

She’ll fill you with dread

Where’s my teacher got eyes?

In the back of her head

My teacher knows when I’m telling lies

I think she’s employing an army of spies

I say “Dog ate my homework Miss” but she’s too wise

When you tell any fib

Don’t you know she’ll know you did?

She’ll say “Stop telling porky pies”

So don’t mess with my teacher

Pick another instead

Where’s my teacher got eyes?

In the back of her head

These questions are about: Mr Shoutyteacher

2b 1.) how is Mr Shoutyteacher’s physical appearance described?

Find two examples.

(1 mark)

2d 2.) Using information from the text, tick one box on each row to show whether

each statement is fact or opinion:

Fact Opinion

The children in school are naughty.

The school windows are cracked.

There is a yell in assembly.

(2 marks)

2a 3.) Which word is closest in meaning to the word tremor in the text below:

...A tremor down the corridor...

Circle one option.

noise rumble quake silence

(1 mark)

2g 4.) In the poem, the author chooses verbs to convey noise and anger. Pick 2 verbs,

and explain why you think the author chose them.

(3 marks)

Date:___________________________________________ Focus: All content domains

Reading Comprehension: Neal Zetter—assorted teacher poems

These questions are about: My Teacher’s Got Eyes in the Back of Her Head. 2f 5.) Why do you think the question Where’s my teacher got eyes? Is repeated

throughout the poem? Why do you think Neal Zetter chose to do this?

(2 marks)

2b 6.) What would the teacher say if she thought you were lying?

(1 mark)

2c 7.) Below are statements from different stanza from across the text. Number them

1-6 for the order they appear in the text. The first one has been done for you.

The teacher can always see you.

It is impossible to lie to the teacher.

Find a different teacher to be silly near.

You should always listen to the teacher 1.

Her eyesight will scare all children.

Everything you say can be heard by the teacher.

(2 marks)

2e 8.) Can you think of another poem or story which features a similar character?

Explain how they are alike.

(2 marks)

Our Teacher is a Caveman

Our teacher is a caveman

With long black scraggy beard

Although he is our fave man

He's wacky, wild and weird

Has limited vocabulary

Though great at ancient history

Knows nothing after 1 B.C.

Our teacher is a caveman

We call him Mr Ug-Ug

A hairy scary sight

He waves a wooden club and

Goes hunting every night

He's puzzled by the Internet

Keeps two tame pterodactyl pets

They really do confuse the vet

Our teacher is a caveman

He lives deep in the forest

With cave wife and cave child

He hands us spears to sharpen

And two sticks to make fire

Some say his brain is very small

Cannot use whiteboards, draws on walls

Come meet the school Neanderthal

Our teacher is a caveman

He's old than the ice age

At least that's what I've heard

His problem in the classroom?

Can't read or write a word

In maths lessons he counts with rocks

He owns a sundial but no clock

Check out his woolly mammoth socks

Our teacher is a caveman

Who cares if he's Palaeolithic?

We all think that he's terrific

Our teacher is a caveman

Robot Teacher, 3014

She's a nightmare not a dream

Colder than the coldest ice cream

Rules the class like a tyrannical queen

An automated metal machine

Our robot teacher

Of 3014

A giant computer for a brain

Long iron springs for hair

Laser eyes that burn like fire

Mess around - if you dare!

You’ll be fried medium rare

Unemotional and mean

Our robot teacher

Of 3014

We call her Mrs Nutsnbolts

Her skin is silver foil

Her arms and legs are four steel spears

She don't drink coffee only oil

Full of wires, plugs and coils

And her face is a TV screen

Our robot teacher

Of 3014

As strict as a sergeant major

Handing homework out each night

Runs off the mains and batteries

Memory? A zillion gigabytes

Her swivel head keeps you in sight

You would wish you'd never met her

Old style teachers are much better

A more terrifying creation will never be seen

Than our robot teacher

Of 3014

These questions are about: Our Teacher Is A Caveman

2b 1.) Match each word to its description in the text. One has been done for you.

beard small

club scraggy

brain woolly

socks sundial

clock wooden

(2 marks)

2a 2.) Find and copy one word in the poem which means the same as obedient?

(1 mark)

2c 3.) Read the stanza beginning He lives deep in the forest…

How does the poet use his knowledge of cavemen to describe the teacher? Pick

two ideas and explain using evidence.

(2 marks)

2b 4.) What modern items does the poet suggest confuse the teacher?

Find three examples.

(2 marks)

Date:___________________________________________ Focus: All content domains

Reading Comprehension: Neal Zetter—assorted teacher poems

These questions are about: Robot Teacher, 3014 2g 5.) Rules the class like a tyrannical queen.

What do you think is the impact of this line of poetry?

(2 marks)

2d 6.) How does the text show that Robot Teacher does not care about the children’s

feelings?

(1 mark)

2d 7.) Would you like to be taught by Robot Teacher?

Tick one box, and use evidence from the text to support your answer.

Yes No

(2 marks)

2f 8.) What clues in the text suggest that the Robot Teacher is a character to be

feared? Explain using evidence from the text.

(2 marks)

Headmistress Cane is my name

I don’t want to see YOU in my office again

I’ve a slipper, a stick, a ball and a chain

The scariest Head that you’ve ever seen

I rule my school like a tyrannical queen

Keep in line all the time

And you won’t feel a thing

But behave badly

Then sadly

I'll cause you great pain

I am Headmistress Cane

I expect perfect behaviour 24/7

Each child must act like an angel from heaven

Not a word out of place

Not a word when I’m talking

Not a word disobeyed

No running, only walking

In my corridors

And if you’re impolite

Or push, shout or fight

I guarantee that you’ll be tamed

By me, Headmistress Cane

I’ve a dungeon below my office for the most unsa-

voury pupils

Mess with me and your days won’t be very fruitful

But full of misery, grief and punishment too

And a whole week’s detention spent locked in my loo

I might even throw away the key

And if you’re the person who threw that stink bomb in

chemistry

You’ll run fifty laps of the field in the snow and the rain

I am Headmistress Cane

And even my teachers

Are endangered creatures

As my staff

Must not laugh

While they work and they graft

Don’t you tremble at the sight of me?

Have nightmares every night through me?

Sit up straight in my assembly!

Or I’ll see you at 3.30pm

To give you lines before you can count up to ten

In my lessons you’ll sweat and you’ll strain

I am Headmistress Cane

Some call me “devil”

Some call me “dictator”

If you’re naughty you’ll be caught be me sooner

rather than later

I’ll mash you up more than a mashed up mashed

potato

‘Cause even school inspectors bow down to me

When I give them a scowl and a frown you’ll see

Why my school always gets an excellent grade

So be fearful and frightened and fully afraid

Or I’ll set you so much horrid homework to do

You not be able to breathe for the next year or

two

I hope that I’ve made myself plain

I am Headmistress Cane

Headmistress Cane

2d 1.) I guarantee that you’ll be tamed.

What does the word guarantee suggest about Headmistress Cane?

(1 mark)

2a 2.) What is the meaning of dictator in the line below:

Some call me “dictator”

(1 mark)

2b 3.) What offences will be punished in Mistress Cane’s school?

Find three examples.

(3 marks)

2a 4.) in the paragraph beginning And even my teachers...

Find and copy the word closest in meaning to toil.

(1 mark)

2c 5.) Which of the following best summarises the purpose of the last paragraph?

Tick one option.

To show that the headmistress is really the devil.

To describe the inspectors.

To show that even adults are scared of the headmistress.

To show the nice side of the headmistress.

(1 mark)

2f 6.) Headmistress Cane is proud of her reputation.

How does she show this in the poem? Use evidence to hep support your answer.

(2 marks)

2h 7.) how does the text compare adults and children?

What does this suggest about Headmistress Cane?

(2 marks)

2e 8.) In your opinion, do you think Headmistress Cane enjoys her job?

Explain the impression that you are given.

(2 marks)

Date:___________________________________________ Focus: All content domains

Reading Comprehension: Neal Zetter—Headmistress Cane