Multiracial and Families of Color Retreats: draft 9/7/05 ltm Facilitator Guide Identity Based Ministries, Unitarian Universalist Association My first experience with the multiracial families and families of color retreat was on the coast of Oregon. I had recently learned about organizing efforts for people of color within the UUA, and was interested in learning more. I cannot entirely explain the experience that I had there, but it was truly powerful. The organizers of the event had planned a series of activities to productively use the short amount of time we had together, however we never quite got to all of them. After the ingathering, many participants were struck by the number of UU people of color together in one space and at one time, intentionally. We shared how we had never had such an experience, and what it meant for us to do so. It was agreed that we would come together the next day to do the things our organizers had laid out for us. That time came, and again we found that simply exploring how we had come together and why we had never had this experience before was so profound, especially in a religious organization that speaks to interconnectedness and the embracing of diversity. Our discussions with each other alerted us to the importance of this gathering, what it meant to have never had this experience before, and what it would take to help others experience what we were feeling and observing for the very first time in our religious lives. While that first retreat may have acutely pointed out some of the very difficulties that our denomination faces around race, ethnicity and culture, it deepened my commitment to Unitarian Universalism, and I found a home within this denomination that I never thought or knew was possible. --James M. Coomes IMAGINE a place where your family can talk to other multiracial or families of color who are also Unitarian Universalist….IMAGINE a gathering close enough to you for your whole family to attend and to experience feeling part of a larger Unitarian Universalist presence…IMAGINE a chance to talk about the particular challenges of multiracial or families of color in a predominantly white religious movement…IMAGINE the sense of community and excitement… IMAGINE and keep reading, because this guide is for you if you are interested in providing a safe and companionable space for multiracial families and families of color. If this is your goal, then this is not a “can do” guide: rather, it is a “must do.” 1
Transcript
Multiracial and Families of Color Retreats: draft 9/7/05 ltm
Facilitator Guide Identity Based Ministries, Unitarian Universalist Association
My first experience with the multiracial families and families of color retreat was on the coast of Oregon. I had recently learned about organizing efforts for people of color within the UUA, and was interested in learning more. I cannot entirely explain the experience that I had there, but it was truly powerful. The organizers of the event had planned a series of activities to productively use the short amount of time we had together, however we never quite got to all of them. After the ingathering, many participants were struck by the number of UU people of color together in one space and at one time, intentionally. We shared how we had never had such an experience, and what it meant for us to do so. It was agreed that we would come together the next day to do the things our organizers had laid out for us. That time came, and again we found that simply exploring how we had come together and why we had never had this experience before was so profound, especially in a religious organization that speaks to interconnectedness and the embracing of diversity. Our discussions with each other alerted us to the importance of this gathering, what it meant to have never had this experience before, and what it would take to help others experience what we were feeling and observing for the very first time in our religious lives. While that first retreat may have acutely pointed out some of the very difficulties that our denomination faces around race, ethnicity and culture, it deepened my commitment to Unitarian Universalism, and I found a home within this denomination that I never thought or knew was possible. --James M. Coomes
IMAGINE a place where your family can talk to other multiracial or families of color who are also Unitarian Universalist….IMAGINE a gathering close enough to you for your whole family to attend and to experience feeling part of a larger Unitarian Universalist presence…IMAGINE a chance to talk about the particular challenges of multiracial or families of color in a predominantly white religious movement…IMAGINE the sense of community and excitement…IMAGINE and keep reading, because this guide is for you if you are interested in providing a safe and companionable space for multiracial families and families of color. If this is your goal, then this is not a “can do” guide: rather, it is a “must do.”
This guide is designed to help districts and congregations organize gatherings for multiracial and families of color. These retreat gatherings are part of a larger strategy to make our congregations more welcoming for the many people of color who are drawn to our theology. The Identity Based Ministries Staff Group of the Unitarian Universalist Association in partnership with Diverse and Revolutionary Unitarian Universalist Ministries (DRUUMM) and numerous UU’s from around the continent are committed to supporting these gatherings across the United States as part of our efforts to ensure that all who are Unitarian Universalist feel comfortable in our congregations.
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I. BACKGROUND AND MISSION
As we begin our exploration of what it takes to hold a successful gathering for multiracial families and families of color, we want to start by exploring the background and mission of this important ministry work. Here are some questions you might ask:
“What is a Multiracial Families and Families of Color Retreat?”It is a weekend-long camp designed specifically for multiracial families and families of color in the UU faith. It is tailored to meet the particular needs, and deal with issues unique to families of or including a racial or ethnic minority in the context of both family and community.
“What are the Goals of Multiracial Families Retreats?”The purpose of multiracial families retreats is to build an intentional community within the UU church to support and increase the retention of people of color in the faith as well as building an intentionally diverse working community as a beacon and a safe space for multiracial families. We would like to see multiracial families retreats in every district and/or region to encourage local solidarity among multiracial families, people of color and families of color as well as raising consciousness and encouraging anti-racist work within congregations and White communities by their very presence.
“Why Do We Need Multiracial Families Retreats?”Discrimination and exclusion based on race and ethnicity continues to be real, both within North America and within the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations. While a number of our congregations have been engaged in sustained efforts to address systemic problems around race, people of color continue to report difficulty feeling at home in Unitarian Universalist congregations. Often within a multiracial family, partners of color are leaving the church. We need to encourage both parents/guardians in multiracial families to remain a part of the church, not just the White parent/guardian. We need to combat our systemic racism by providing support systems for families and people of color within the faith or we risk sabotaging our chances for a diverse and unique congregation. Multiracial families and families of color face unique challenges that are not experienced by white families in our congregations. As the number of transracially adopted children grows and as we continue our outreach to meet everyone who is a Unitarian Universalist at heart, the need for programming to address diverse family needs will increase.
“Have These Gatherings Ever Been Held Before?”The Multiracial Family Network (see Appendix) held a number of multiracial families camps over a two year period which were very meaningful to their participants became a strong binding force between multiracial families. In addition, a number of other congregations have done programming to begin to address the needs of multiracial families or families of color.
“What Happens At One of These Retreats?”A weekend gathering of this sort might include time to worship and sing together, prepare meals together, and informal time to share fellowship with one another. Children’s activities should be provided during three program blocks when adult programming takes place. Time can be set aside for youth and young adults of color to meet with one another. Goals and ideas for this sort
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of gathering can easily outstrip the time available—what is most important is that the retreat provides an opportunity to begin to build community.
Are These Retreats Worth the Effort?Feedback from participants at previous retreats indicated that they would enjoy more such retreats and other opportunities for continuing connections with one another. The family focus and retreat format were both highly effective.
“Who Might Attend Such A Retreat?” Who would attend would vary by region, but let’s take a look at who might attend by looking at figures from a retreat that was held in Oregon in the late 1990s. Including the organizers, thirty-four people attended the multiracial families/families of color retreat– eighteen adults, five youth, and eleven children. The age range was from 60+ to one year old. Among the adults, five were young adults (aged 18-35). There were two couples without children (one with grown children, the other expecting a child in June). Three of the adults were single parents. Most participants were from the PNWD (Washington and Oregon), however, three came from Massachusetts, eight from California, and one from Hawaii. Half of the adults (including the five young adults) were persons of color, as were nine of the eleven children, and all five youth. Nine adults and two children were Euro-American/white. All of the couples and the families with children present included at least one white/Euro-American adult.
“Why Would People Come to Such A Retreat?”The Retreats that have been held demonstrated both the common needs and a huge diversity of needs multiracial and families of color have. Common needs include working on identity issues, anti-racism, and white privilege, and how to build community, trust and safety.
Diverse needs, which must be teased out and addressed individually, include:
needs of adoptive parents and children issues around biracialism/biracial identity white/Euro-American parent issues separate from the issues of their children of color the need for community at differing levels, for example the needs for community for a
family of color are different than the needs of a family with white parents and kids of color. These families are not necessarily going to find comfort and a sense of belonging in the same places.
Age-based needs/developmental issues: children, youth, young adults, adults without children, adults with children….
How Can We Get People to Come? The Rev. Suzelle Lynch, who helped organize retreats in the past, notes that outreach is key. Her experience is that the outreach must be personal and that it is likely to be more successful across congregations if the ministers and religious education directors can be encouraged to do the outreach themselves personally. Others point out that the economic status of many families of color and multiracial families means that cost is important. Finding a way to subsidize for those who cannot pay and keeping the costs to around $100 per family is suggested to make it more possible for people to come.
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II. PHILOSOPHY, MISSION AND ALL THAT JAZZ….
Holding a retreat for multiracial families and families of color can seem like a relatively straightforward task. Yet knowing why it is important to do this work can be very important to establishing a retreat culture that ensures success. Interviews with a number of people who have participated in the pilot retreats suggest a few things to keep in mind.
Retreats Provide a Supportive Extended Unitarian Universalist Family. The main purpose of these retreats is to provide support for Unitarian Universalists who are in multiracial families or families of color. The reason this is necessary is too often our congregations do not have a large population of such families which can leave people feeling isolated or unsupported.
This is A Family Retreat. Today’s families get too little time together and a retreat that is for families must truly support families by giving them a chance to all be experiencing and growing. This should not be an event geared at adults with child care provided but instead should be a chance for participants at all ages and stages of life to experience and grow—sometimes as adults or children or youth separately and also together in an intentional intergenerational way.
These Weekends May Be A Doorway. Attendance at one of these retreats can be a doorway into a lifelong interest in examining one’s own identity and one’s family identity. It can lead an individual to explore multicultural resources, seek more information on diversity and multiculturalism, and also to explore the continuing effects of oppression in our society. Given the time constraints of a retreat weekend, in-depth exploration of topics such as racism, oppression and the long-term effects of these is difficult as is the multi-age and intergenerational nature and yet providing families and individuals with links to other resources can be sure they do more than peek through the doorway.
Finally, it might help to read one opinions about why this work matters:
Our congregations are in continuous change around racial and cultural diversity. While we have a legacy of white supremacy to deal with, namely our rejection of people of color as Unitarians, Universalists, Ministers and Members, we also have new and higher expectations coming out of the 1960's civil rights work, 1980's anti racism work, and now in the 21st century a sense of truly intergenerational anti-oppression work. The growing trend in the UUA from my experience has been the rise in transracial adoptions and the continued presence and new membership of multiracial families. We are a faith that has grown more comfortable welcoming multiracial families in part, and now is the time to think about the whole. By this I mean we need to welcome the people of color in multiracial families, which ultimately means we need to become more connected and comfortable with being in relationship to Communities of Color and living in a multiracial paradigm.
The UU Multiracial & families of color Camps held up and down the West Coast from 1998-2001 were seminal for our congregations. These 2 1/2 day events brought together whole families, raised questions that some including myself feel have received the "silent treatment" in our congregations, and began to help shape an anti-racist, multiracial paradigm. I specify anti-racist as we have forever lived in a multiracial world, or more appropriately USA and Canada.
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We have however lived in a racist multiracial paradigm, and continue to do so and operate out of this lived experience if we are not intentional. Organizing multiracial and family of color camps with a respectful understanding of the history and real lived realities of race and racism provide energy, vision and leadership for our principles of Unitarian Universalism and our ideals of world peace, justice and equality for all.
The growing number of families that adopt transracially and the presence of adults of color in our congregations are in my mind the two most important challenges we face in the next five years. The only UUA study in the last 25 years identified Black Males as the primary people of color constituency in our congregations, and geographically in the American Northeast. As a Person of Color of Asian/Pacific Islander descent married to another Pacific Islander with children, I feel an acute loss of a huge part of my life when I enter a UU congregation. There is much there that I love, having grown up UU in Portland OR, but there is an equally significant part of my life that is under-represented, and sometimes marginalized and patronized in our congregations. The lack of an anti-racist/anti-oppressive White Ally presence is the second thing I notice after the underwhelming presence of People of Color. Our congregations can be multiracial in meaningful ways without the immediate mass recruitment of Persons of Color through long-term engagement on issues of race.
For young adoptees of color, as I once was, growing up in a congregation with Persons of Color is extremely important. This is likely a fantasy for many children of color in our congregations today. Thus, Multiracial & Family of Color Camps can play a key role in fostering relationships and creating space for dialogue around difficult issues with a supportive cast. A strong anti-racist commitment within a congregation though can help young people of color, and their families, be supported around the intense issues of racial identity development and fulfill our UU dream of racial justice and racial equality. We cannot pretend the issue and reality of racism does not exist, deny Persons of Color the right to assembly, and rest on a complicated UU history of racism and anti-racism if we truly believe in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning and the interconnected web of existence, of which we are a part.
There is a connection that happens in a more equitably racially diverse setting. This feeling of connection may be occasional given our dominant White super-majority in our congregations. But creating these opportunities in a consistent and long-term way will ultimately benefit not only our faith community as a whole in the short-term, but set a strong and visible example for the next generation.
In peace,
Joseph Santos-LyonsUUA Director of Campus Ministry & Field Organizing Unitarian Universalist Seminarian, Harvard Divinity School
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III. HOW DO WE GET STARTED?
The key to a successful retreat is careful and meticulous planning. Gatherings of people from different backgrounds sometimes are prone to generate tensions and sloppy logistics can be a magnet for those tensions. That does not mean that planning a retreat has to be an overwhelming task, it simply means that attention to detail will go a long way to creating a rewarding and positive event.
A very thorough toolkit on how to plan a successful retreat is found on the web site of the Murray Grove Retreat and Conference Center, which is funded in part by the Unitarian Universalist Funding Panel. It can be found at http://www.murraygrove.org/rptk.pdf and is also available by sending a check for $7 to Murray Grove Association,P.O. Box 246, Lanoka Harbor, NJ 08734.
Here are some questions to consider as you begin to consider hosting one of these gatherings: Who is the Planning Committee? One dedicated person can help make an event
happen and yet is not enough to do all that needs to be done. Consider whether you can find a core team of 4-6 people who share your enthusiasm for having a gathering for multiracial families and families of color in your area. As you put together that team, think about the skills those folks bring and be sure to have some that enjoy imagining the big picture as well as some detail-oriented folks.
What Financial Resources Available to Make This Happen? The people resources are one consideration: you must also enter into the planning process with a realistic assessment of what the financial resources are at your disposal. You might consider approaching your district or congregation about the possibility of making this happen. The Murray Grove Toolkit has a sample budget that would help you think through the expense side.
What is the Schedule to Make this Happen? To make the planning necessary for a successful gathering less onerous, establish a master schedule and delegate tasks. (The Murray Grove link has a good sample schedule to adopt.)
Where Will We Hold The Event? A location that is friendly to kids and adults is best and finding this kind of location may be the hardest part of your jobs. A facility that allows an overnight stay can help build community faster and one that allows the group to prepare its own meals can greatly reduce costs.
How Will We Get The Word Out? Communicating clearly and frequently to all the people you hope might attend is key to a successful event. Developing materials to help make this happen is one of the (See the Appendix for some samples you can modify.)
What Will We Do? The possibilities for programming are as varied as the gifts, talents and passions within your group. That said, this manual has some “starter” activities that can help make planning your first retreat easier.
IV. WHAT CAN WE DO?: A SAMPLER OF POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES
The main goal of a multicultural family/family of color retreat is to build a sense of connection and community. In a certain way, what happens is less important that that it happens. That said, what happens can make it more likely that this goal would be reached. As you decide what to do within your retreat, keep in mind a few “organizing principles”:
Building community is key. Evaluate activities as to whether they will provide a feeling of connection—that said, some activities which may allow people to have more “difficult” conversation can lead to a truer sense of connection rather than a more superficial one.
Make it an annual event? Setting a precedent is also a goal. If this event is successful, it might be the first of many gatherings that can allow deeper relationships to develop over time.
Time is limited. Some kinds of work which take people to very emotional or difficult places may not be appropriate because you probably would not have the time to get closure on these events. However, if this is the first of a series of events, more time will be available in the future!
“Pace” and “space” are both important. Having an agenda is important—having that agenda allow for down-time and rest and relaxation is very important. This is a
voluntary activity and should be fun and rewarding and enjoyable. Allow opportunities for intergenerational activities. Family time is such a rare
commodity in our culture that families will be reluctant to participate if it seems that the children and youth will be on a separate “track” throughout the opportunity. These events should be conceived as a ministry to families.
To aid in your planning, a sample schedule is listed in the box. This can give you an idea about the number of activities you might attempt in a 1 ½ day retreat. And in the pages that follow, you can find some sample activities that you can adapt for your groups needs. These are organized by type of activity and intended audience though they can be adapted.
Sample Retreat ScheduleFriday Night
5 pm Registration5:30 pm Snack7:00 pm Dinner8 pm Ingathering Activity – “The Hats We Wear”9 pm “A Place at the Table” video and discussion10 pm Good night!
Saturday8 am Breakfast9 am Discussion and Art Activity: “Our Families of
Origin”11:30 am Book Discussion (more serious)
Physical Activity (hike, games, etc.)1 pm Lunch2 pm Video and discussion on identity perception (for
6 pm Dinner7:30 pm The Game of Family Life9 pm Impromptu Talent Show
Sunday8 am Breakfast9 am Clean camp and pack10 am Brunch11 am Closing Worship12 pm Goodbye
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Getting Started: Icebreakers, Information and Guidelines
Gatherings for multiracial families and families of color are opportune times to create community and this goal should be front and center in all activities. These gatherings also provide a doorway to learning about multiculturalism, and the work of anti-racism though the brief time frame and the family setting mean that more in-depth or emotionally intense activities may not be appropriate, especially in the first or second time a group gathering is held.
Rules of Engagement(Setting Guidelines, Intergenerational)
At any time people from diverse background come together, the opportunity for misunderstanding arises. It is recommended that at the beginning of such a gathering, you take the time to formally acknowledge some guidelines for being together. A sample might include:
That it is okay to have differences of opinion (one person doesn’t need to be “right” and in matters of personal experience two seemingly contradictory experiences may both be “true.”)
To protect confidentiality when it is requested (in small group or other discussions, people may reveal personal experiences they would not want repeated)
To ask for what you need to stay fully present (whether it is people speaking louder or more breaks or whatever)
To be open to new ideas (isn’t that the reason why we are gathered!) To be open to new ideas (one of the benefits of being in a diverse setting.)
The Hats We Wear(Icebreaker, Intergenerational)
Purpose – An icebreaking activity designed to allow participants to meet each other in a non-confrontational way, and to allow each participant to express themselves as individuals and later as families.
Time – During the ingathering period at the beginning of the retreat.
Materials – paper grocery bags, scraps of cloth, felt, hot glue guns, craft glue, string, yarn, buttons, crayons, etc. Maximum 1 hour.
Directions – Participants are free to begin making hats with the supplied materials. During the activity, facilitators can encourage initial discussion as participants meet each other in an informal manner. As participants progress in making their hats, facilitators can encourage participants to share what they have made and the significance, if any, in their creation. This is also an opportunity to facilitate introductions of participants without a formal introduction circle by asking people to introduce themselves to the full circle or a smaller circle by explaining the significance of their hat.
Culturally Relevant Anti-Bias Scavenger Hunt
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(Icebreaker, Identity, Intergenerational)
Purpose –To build appreciate of the diversity in the group and also awareness of the many types of bias that affect people.
Time — Approximately 20-30 minutes
Materials – Copies of questions on handout (see Appendix) or written on a flip chart. If you use the flip chart, you will need to have markers so people can come up and write in the names of those they discovered. This makes it more of a group activity and less individual and competitive.
Directions—Let people know you are doing to have a scavenger hunt and the goals of the activity. Hand out sheets or show flipchart and tell them how long they have. Suggest that they can find the answers by asking people “How do you identify?” and then interpreting their answers. At the end of this exercise, read each category and have people raise hands or read the names off the flip chart and have additional people identify themselves.
Family Communications and Explorations
The Family Banner(Family Communications/Icebreaker, Intergenerational)
Purpose – This activity takes place concurrently with the opening intergenerational discussion session and is designed to both occupy and free participants to explore various family structures and definitions. The banner will be hung for the duration of the retreat in a central location.
Time – During the first intergenerational discussion period. Up to 2 hours.
Materials – rolls of newsprint, 1 box of 64 crayons for every 4 people, large floor area, preferably carpeted.
Directions – Participants are encouraged to draw pictures of their families on the newsprint. Encourage parents to help smaller children as well as draw portions of the picture themselves. These can be posted for viewing throughout the retreat and can add to the richness of the experience by making the place more visually representative of the group as a whole.
The Game of Family Life Developed by the Family Matters Task Force of the UUA
(Family communications, Intergenerational)
Purpose—The goal of family life is to make it through it and learn something along the way. While we are still trying to figure out how the game ends, here is what we do know.
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Time – The game is an open-ended and has no clear ending time but requires at least an hour to allow a complete experience.
Materials – The “playing board” is a midsize to large conference room with the chairs removed created by using 2” masking tape which creates a “track” with an outer line and inner line that weaves throughout the room taking care not to overlap itself.
Directions – To begin the game, families will begin in the same square together and the “family unit” is the game piece that will move around the board. If participants did not come to the event as a family, they are free to self-select and define their family for themselves. (see Appendix for details on how to create the game board and questions and situations)
Identity, Diversity and Multiculturalism
HandprintsAdapted from Stacy York, Big as Life: The Everyday Inclusive Curriculum from Redleaf Press(Identity, Children)
Purpose—To learn about ourselves and others.
Time—Approximately 30 minutes to one hour, depending on number of children
Materials—Pans of skin-colored paint and either individual sheets of paper or a large sheet to create a group mural.
Directions—Set out pans of skin-colored paint. Invite children to dip their hands in a pan of paint that best matches their skin colors (or mix pains until the child has a color that matches) and then press their hands down on the paper. Make the following open-ended statements to each child as the child is doing the activity. Following the
o Tell me about your skin coloro I wonder where we get our skin color
After each has created the hand prints, invite conversation from the children or read one of these books:
o All the Colors of the Eartho Bein’ With You This Wayo The Color of Uso We Are All Alike….We are All Differento All the Colors We Areo Shades of Black
We All Look SpecialAdapted from Stacy York, Big as Life: The Everyday Inclusive Curriculum from Redleaf Press(Identity, Children)
Purpose—To affirm each child’s sense of identity and worthiness
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Time—Flexible
Materials—Camera and instant film or digital camera and printer, construction paper and crayons, photo album insert sheets
Directions—Take a color photo of each child and past each onto its own page. Ask children to describe themselves and write what they say under their photo while also inviting them to draw things that are special to them. Include skin color, hair and eyes among the characteristics. These could all be put together in one book, “We Are All Special” and shared with the other group participants throughout the weekend.
“Starting Small” video and discussion(Identity, Children)(with corresponding adult section)Purpose – a video and discussion for smaller children as well as adolescents to begin to explore difference and diversity.
Time – Approximately 1 hour
Materials – “Starting Small” video produced by the Southern Poverty Law Center.
Directions – The video presents children in various school settings participating in activities and discussions designed to promote embracing and openly exploring diversity. Children tend to be naturally unaware of diversity and so this helps them develop a healthy way of discussing The smaller children watching the video may pick up on the activities, while the adolescents can play a crucial role in this discussion by both observing the techniques used by the teachers in the video and applying them in their interaction with the smaller children watching the video. This is an activity which a teen could serve as the facilitator. [Another video that can be used is That's A Family! Available from Women's Educational Media, 22-D Hollywood Ave., Hohokus, NJ 07423, (800)343-5540, www.womedia.org. Celebrating all kinds of families, children talk openly about their family and its challenges and benefits. Designed for elementary school children with accompanying curriculum guide, but appropriate for children and families of all ages.]
Questions that can be used in the debriefing include: What did you see in the video? What did you like? What did you not like? Did this remind you of anything that has happened in your life
This can be happening while the adults do a cultural competency exercise around identity (see examples later).
“A Place at the Table” video and discussion(Identity, Youth and Adults)Purpose – A video and discussion for adolescents and adults that may not be exposed to more intensive anti-racism, anti-oppression, multicultural and welcoming resources offered by the UUA and elsewhere. The goal of the discussion is to help participants develop both the language and comfort level in the context of community to begin to openly discuss the role and importance of diversity in their lives, as well as gain exposure to some of the history of the civil rights movement. Time – Approximately 2 hours
Materials – “A Place at the Table” video produced by the Southern Poverty Law Center
Directions – The facilitator will introduce the video and invite participants to note any issues that it may raise for them. Following the video, participants are encouraged to discuss both their reactions to the film and any experiences that it may have reminded them of. The goal of the discussion is to create a safe context in which to explore diversity. Facilitators may also wish to direct the discussion towards exploration of their family experiences related to diversity.
Fishbowl(Identity, Intergenerational)Purpose – Fishbowls provide participants with a glimpse into what it is like to be in a group other than the one they are in. By providing a safe space for members of one group to have a discussion among themselves, one can both provide a sense of common experience for those participants while allowing the observers a glimpse at what it is like to be a member of a group to which they do not belong.
Time—Approximately two hours, be sure to allow enough time for debriefing
Materials—Chairs, set up as per directions
Directions—Set up chairs with an inner circle for fishbowl participants (i.e. those who will be speaking first who share some common identity such as parents of adopted children, parents in multiracial families or families of color, transracially adopted youth or youth of color, etc.) and an outer circle for observers of the conversation. Prepare some questions for the group in the fishbowl to discuss (see sample discussion topics below for some ideas). Instruct participants that the group in the inner circle will have a conversation for an identified period of time (about 20-30 minutes). During this time, the participants should be allowed to talk freely and without interference. After the allotted time has expired, take a break and ask for reactions or learnings from those who have been observing. If time allows, several groups can take turns being in the fishbowl to get different perspectives (i.e. adoptees and adoptive parents; adults of color and youth of color, etc.) or after the discussion the same group can have a second conversation to share their reactions to the comments and learnings shared by the observers.
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Power Shuffle (excerpted/adapted from “Deep Fun” http://www.uua.org/YRUU/resources/online/deepfun.html)(Identity, Youth and Adult)
Purpose—To help participants claim their own multiple identities and to comprehend those of others.
Preparations—This activity works for 15 to 60 people and requires a large room
Time—Twenty minutes for activity and ten for reflection after
Directions—(Note: Power Shuffles and The Lap Game can be very powerful; therefore they need to be well planned. Chaplains and advisors should review the questions. If you think there is a chance that a question might be inappropriate, stay away from it. Remember to explicitly state that people always have the right to stand aside.)
Come up with a list of questions to ask the group that forces its members to make a choice between yes and no. The list should begin with easy, fun questions, like, “Do you consider yourself an artist?” or “Are you a lifelong U. U?”, and proceed to more difficult questions like, “Are your parents married?” or “Do you identify as a person of color?” or “Do you have prejudices against others?” Depending on how ready the group is, you may want to include even the most challenging choices, such as “Have you ever had an interaction with a person of another race or ethnicity which you have regretted your actions later?”
Explain the exercise to the group. Ask everyone to move to one side of the room. Tell them that you will ask a series of questions and they will choose “Yes” or “No” as their answer to each. The side they are now standing on represents “No,” the opposite side of the room represents “Yes.” After the question is posed, they will move, in silence, to the “Yes” or the “No” side of the room, to represent their choice. They must choose one side; there is no middle ground. Stand in the front of the room, in the middle of the two walls, to read the questions. Allow time for everyone to make their choice and move to their wall. Once everyone is still, let them look at the people on their side of the room and across at those on the other side, and return to “No” before reading the next question.
Close the exercise with a circle sharing, or by lighting candles of celebration and concern.
Please note: Two more in-depth exercises around identity are found in the appendix: Identity Mapping, Marginality and Mattering, and Identity as A Spiritual Process. These should be facilitated by people who have some background in group facilitation, identity work, anti-racism training or other related experience. Even if you do not chose to do them at a first retreat, reading the materials in these appendices can be helpful as a preparation for planning and leading a retreat.
Observe and DebriefAdapted from Stacy York, Big as Life: The Everyday Inclusive Curriculum from Redleaf Press(Identity, Children)Purpose—To make all interactions the subject of learning and to make children more aware of how they can reinforce stereotypes and negative images.
Time—Varies
Materials—None, a flip chart might help
Directions—Listen and watch if any children are being excluded or teased or subject to name-calling or discriminated against. Listen to see if they are including stereotypes in their conversations (i.e. “Pink is for girls!”) Call the group’s attention gently to the situation and let them help process what has occurred. Be sure to reiterate that people are different and difference is good. Questions should be tailored to the situation and should invoke the children thinking about a solution, such as: How do you think it makes ____ feel when you call him ____? What are some other ways to communicate? Why do you think pink is a girls’ color? Do you think some boys and men like
pink too?
PuppetsAdapted from Stacy York, Big as Life: The Everyday Inclusive Curriculum from Redleaf Press
(Identity, Conflict Resolution, Children)
Purpose—To give children the opportunity to talk about conflicts that arise over identity and to learn other methods of dealing with them.
Time—One hour
Materials—Craft sticks, magazines, markers, glue
Directions—Have children make puppets using photographs of different people cut out of magazines or catalogues. Allow children to act out scenes when one puppet is being unfair to another puppet because that puppet is different. Some examples would be two girls puppet playing with dolls and telling a boy puppet he can’t; someone saying that one puppet talks funny or has a funny skin color. Have the children talk about why the situation is not fair and how the puppet who is being treated unfairly feels. Ask if they have ever felt this way and what someone else might do to make someone who is not being treated fairly feel better.
Worship, Spirituality and Reflection
Worship Planning(Worship, Adult or Intergenerational)
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Purpose – Sharing informal worship can be a way to create a sense of awe and can reinforce the idea that the gathering of multiracial families and families of color is deep religious work.
Time – Intergenerational worship experiences work better if they are short and participatory. Consider having one or two interspersed in the event with each one 20-30 minutes. Another approach is to have several centering experiences interspersed with other activities.
Materials – Access to a few CDs or audiotapes, a working CD or tape player; votive candles or tea lights, Singing the Living Tradition or Singing the Journey (Unitarian Universalist Association hymnal and supplement) or Rise Up Singing (compilation of folk and other singable songs.)
Directions – Possible ways to organize include: Focusing on the first principle—“Affirming the worth and dignity of all,” ask one
participant to share 5 minutes or so or all to share a sentence about what this means to them.
Ask people in the registration material to bring music that is important to their family and share an audio-montage of this music.
Ask families to find an object on the retreat grounds that represent something about their family and share it in the period of worship.
Perform a Power Shuffle (above) as part of worship Sing together. Hymns that can be done easily without accompaniment include:
402 From You I Receive, To You I Give155 Circle Round for Freedom389 Gathered Here in the Mystery of the Hour123 Spirit of Life118 This Little Light of Mine188 Come, Come Whoever You Are168 One More Step360 Here We Have Gathered169 We Shall Overcome (explain significance to younger people)131 Love Will Guide Us413 Go Now In Peace (can be used to transition children to separate activities as well.)121 We’ll Build A Land
Walking Meditation(Worship, Adult, Youth or Intergenerational)
Purpose—To connect to a sense of wonder and allow families to experience this together. Can also be a good energizer and an alternative to all “seated” activities.
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Time—Can be flexible. With younger children, a shorter period of time may be all that is possible for them to do with “mindfulness.”
Materials—None, though it is helpful to scout out some areas that you think would be particularly conducive to walking.
Directions—Begin by telling people that they will be doing a different type of meditation which involves being particularly present to the world around them. Instruct them to begin by breathing deeply and tell them when all are doing so, you will lead them out of the room. Ask them to follow in single file and to maintain silence as much as possible. After the designated time of walking, return and ask for observations and comments.
Letter Writing(Reflective, Adult and Youth)Purpose – To allow for participants to reflect on their experiences during the course of the retreat and to give them a method to remind them of activities or goals they may wish to engage in following the retreat.
Time – Approximately 30 minutes to one hour.
Materials – paper, pens, envelopes, stamps.
Description – Participants are encouraged to reflect on the retreat weekend, including discussions, activities and the people that they have met over the course of the weekend. If participants have set any goals for themselves, they are encouraged to write about these. If there are others that they are very interested in keeping in touch with, encourage participants to write down the contact information of the other families and a timeframe for when they will reach out and contact each other. Participants are also encouraged to write down questions that they might wish to ask of themselves or others that they might want to explore further in the future.
Another take on this is to have people write letters about questions they wish they could ask (for example, adopted kids writing about what they wish they could ask their biological parents or having children and parents write letters to each other about what they value about their family and what they wish were different).
An added touch is to have some quiet, meditative music playing in the background.
Discussion Topics
Purpose – The following are various topics that coordinators may wish to include during the course of the retreat.
Time – Recommended to take place during the afternoon and evening of the first full day (assuming that the retreat is taking place over a 2-day weekend and starting on Friday evening)
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Suggested Topics: The following is a list of topics to get discussion started with a few prompting questions for each one. Having someone identified as the facilitator who is committed to make sure that many voices are heard in the discussion can ensure that the discussions will be inclusive and supportive.
Topics for discussion among parentso Integrating a culture that is not your own
What can you do with your child to help them have positive role models for the culture/identity they have that is not a part of your identity/culture?
What resources do you have locally, nationally, etc.? What resources might you need to connect your child to independent of your
participation? o Maintaining your child's culture
How have you maintained connections with your child’s cultural and identity groups?
Where does your child have role models from the culture/identities you do not share?
What challenges do you have in doing this? What resources might assist you in making and keeping these connections?
o Teaching your values w/o forced assimilation What is your approach to discipline? How does your approach connect with the approaches more common in
your child’s culture of origin? Have you had a time when you felt your child or partner experienced
something different than what you experienced? o Reaching out to Communities of Color in your area
How are you connected to communities of color in your area? What other ideas do you or others in the discussion have about making these
connections?o Book discussion
What books have you found helpful as a member of a multiracial family? What books have you found frustrating and why?
o Communication All families have timed when communications are strained. What are your
families strengths in the area of communications? Where is it more challenging? How are communications in your family complicated because of racial or cultural
issues? What strategies have you found helpful in communicating across racial and
cultural lines?o Building meaningful ritual
What rituals, if any, are part of your family life currently? What rituals were meaningful to you growing up? What rituals would you like to see?
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Are there rituals you would find more important because you are in a multiracial family or family of color? Are there rituals which would help reinforce your family’s particular identity?
o Open discussion What would you like to talk about? What is a question you have on which you would like some input?
Topics for Generating Conversation Among Kidso Understanding your history
What are you most proud of about who you are? What do you most wish you knew about your ancestors and family history?
o Dealing with peers Do you feel you experience peer pressure at school? At church? In other areas of
your life? How do you keep your sense of who you are in the face of peer pressure?
o How to identify racism How do people of different races get along at your school? Your church? Why do you think there is tension around race in the places where you are? Give a simple definition such as RACISM=PREJUDICE + POWER and then ask:
Do you think you observe or experience racism? If so, how did it make you feel?o How to respond to racism/prejudice
How often do you talk about issues of race at your school? Do you think such discussions would be more helpful or more harmful?
What scares you about discussions of race? Please give an example of a time when you saw someone treated badly because of
race. What did you do? What do you wish you did? Are you open to ideas from other people in the discussion?
Intergenerationalo Identity
Please go around and say your name and then identify yourself as you most like to be identified (leader demonstrates this).
What identities do you choose? What do you like most about your identity? What gives you concern? What would you like to know more about your identity? Do you ever feel as if your various identities are in conflict? Have you ever been
asked to give up an identity? How will the identities of children differ from the identities of parents?
o Adoption What do you like best about being adopted? What do you like the least? What do you wish other people knew about being adopted? What other kinds of help or support do you think would be useful for you as an
adopted person? What kinds of help or support would you like to have?
o What is a family?
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Some say that love makes a family—how would you define a family? What is special about your family that others don’t get to see? Has your family ever been challenged about whether it was a family? What was
that experience like for you (ask adults and kids separately)?o Spirituality-integrating aspects of nonwestern religion into your spiritual sphere, similar to
building ritual What aspects of nonwestern religions do you find meaningful? How do you protect against cultural appropriation (i.e. taking pieces out of the
context that gives them meaning and power)? (See other questions related to ritual.)
o Holidays and seasonal observances What holidays do you celebrate in your home? What is the significance of these as far as your family’s identity/multiple
identities? What other holidays or seasonal observances are you curious to know
more about? (Ask group if other families already observe these?) What other holidays or seasonal observances would celebrate the
identity/multiple identities your family embraces? What would you need to add these to your family’s calendar (besides more time!)
Miscellaneous Activities1. Build a campfire together and make s’mores and sing songs2. Take a group picture 3. Guest speakers (if they are interactive and you KNOW they are good speakers)4. Movie nights with a facilitated discussion such as “The Color of Fear” or “The Way
Home” (Available through StirFry Productions, http://www.stirfryseminars.com/pages/coloroffear.htm)
5. Hold a talent show with a special emphasis on cultural sharing6. Open area for arts and crafts which participants can use throughout the weekend as the
spirit moves them7. Wall of Inspiration—invite participants to share the names and words of those who
inspire them by posting them on a large sheet of brown paper throughout the weekend8. Help kids write a play/performance and then perform it for the gathering9. Fun workshops
a. Jugglingb. Dancingc. Theatre gamesd. Drumminge. Music/Movement evening dance or drum circle
10. Communication workshop w/skill buildinga. Role playingb. Learning to speak and listenc. Mirror activitiesd. Body languagee.
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V. OTHER RESOURCES
Samples of the resources posted here might be purchased by a church or district wanting to support this sort of gathering. They could be available on a “resource table”. An alternative approach would be to ask people in the pre-retreat materials to bring books or music that has been meaningful to their family or to post blank sheets of flip chart paper and to ask people to list resources that have been useful to them. Lists can be typed up and distributed during or after the retreat as part of follow-up.
Organizations/Websites
PACT: An Adoption Alliance. A nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization begun by two adoptive parents in 1991, Pact has developed a national reputation for excellence in serving all members of the adoption triad. Each year, Pact offers educational events attended by more than 1500 individuals, provides - free of charge - over 1000 crisis consultations to birth parents, and consults with hundreds of potential adoptive parents. Top priority is given to programs especially designed to support and inform adopted children and adopted adults of color. http://www.pactadopt.org/
The Multicultural Families Institute describes itself as follows: “We are non-profit educational institution dedicated to training, research and quality therapy, as well as consultation and support for those in human service, business and educational institutions who are concerned with families. The Institute is committed to empowering those who had been made to feel invisible because of race, gender, culture, class, sexual orientation or disability.” http://www.multiculturalfamily.org/
Multicultural Kids, Inc. This is a commercial operation whose mission is to mission is to provide quality multicultural materials to preschool and elementary school-age children in the home and classroom. Their materials are designed to increase a child's knowledge of him/herself and others, thereby enhancing self-esteem while fostering tolerance and an appreciation of differences. Includes products such as multiracial dolls and books. www.Multiculturalkids.org
Project Race. Project RACE advocates for multiracial children and adults through education, community awareness and legislation. Our main goal is for a multiracial classification on all school, employment, state, federal, local, census and medical forms requiring racial data. www.projectrace.com
BooksMultiracial Child Resource Book: Living Complex IdentitiesEdited by Maria P. P. Root and Matt KelleyReview by Tracey L. Hurd, Ph.D.Lifespan Faith Development, UUABoston, MA (see full review at http://www.uua.org/re/faithworks/winterspring05/sj_multiracial.html)The Multiracial Child Resource Book is a new resource that is unique and invaluable. Maria Root, a psychologist who specializes in multiracial identity development, and Matt Kelley,
founder of the MAVIN foundation, which is “dedicated to celebrating multiracial and transracially adopted youth and families,” edit the volume. Both identify as multiracial. James Banks, a leading scholar of multicultural and antiracist education, provides an introduction. There are four sections composed of short chapters…. Section one, “Multiracial 101,” provides introductory chapters about the history of the recognition of multiracial individuals in the United States…. Section two, “Identity and Development,” consists of thirteen chapters that describe racial identity development in age-related and family-constellation contexts…. Section three, “Specific Multiracial Heritages,” provides fourteen first-hand accounts. Scholars reflect on their own experiences in these chapters, bringing the reader into a world of multiracial identities, family cultures, and communities…. Section four, “Resources,” provides an annotated bibliography of books, films, and web sites. This section is a treasure.
Of Many Colors: Portraits of Multiracial FamiliesPhotographs by Gigi Kaeser Interviews by Peggy GillespieAmherst, MA: University of Massachusetts Press, 1997.ISBN 1-55849-101-5, 143 pages (reviewed by Rev. Pat Hoertdoerfer)
“Based on an award-winning photo exhibit, Of Many Colors, this book documents the feelings and experiences of Americans who live in multiracial families. The stories of thirty-nine families who have bridged the racial divide through interracial marriage or adoption are told in the voices of parents and children. The black and white family photographs are natural and the interviews allowed families—children and parents—to reflect on their lives, their relationships, and the ways they have dealt with issues of race.”
What Are You?: Voices of Mixed-Race Young Peopleby Pearl Fuyo Gaskins. New York: Henry Holt, 1999. What Are You? is the result of Pearl Gaskins's years of in-depth interviews with eighty mixed-race young people. In their own words -- which are at times defiant, humorous, and insightful -- they address issues such as dating, family life, prejudice, and racial identity. At the same time, they celebrate the unique hope and possibilities that come from living life in multicolors and multicultures. Combining interviews with poems, essays, and insights from experts, What Are You? reveals what it means to be living proof that America's ideas about race make no sense. The book includes an extensive bibliography, resource guide, and photographs of young people who contributed. (from website at http://www.whatareyou.com/opening.html)
Others from Families Matter Task Force: http://www.uua.org/re/reach/fall01/parenting/families_matter_resources.html
Mathias, Barbara and Mary Ann French. 40 Ways to Raise a Nonracist Child New York, NY: HarperCollins, 1996. This important guide addresses the concerns of both white parents and parents of color -- from how to select toys for toddlers to how to talk with teens about what they see on the evening news.
Erlbach, Arlene. The Families Book: True Stories About Real Kids and the People They Live With and Love. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit, 1996. First-hand accounts, photographs, and activities to celebrate families in all their diversity. For ages 9 to 13.
Gainer, Cindy. I'm Like You, You're Like Me. A Child's Book About Understanding and Celebrating Each Other (and Leader Guide). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing, 1998. With simple words and colorful illustrations this book invites children to accept and affirm differences.
Gonzales Jr., Juan. Racial and Ethnic Families in America. Dubuque, IA: Kendall/Hunt Publishing, 1998. This demographic analysis provides readers with an insight into the cultural diversity of the family in American society in the last decade of the twentieth century. With an accompanying Study Guide readers can gain a greater understanding of the history and culture of these racial/ethnic families as well as their struggles with and contributions to American society.
Hopson, Darlene and Derek Hopson. Raising the Rainbow Generation. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1993. Helps concerned parents through concrete age-appropriate examples teach their children respect and appreciation for all cultural, ethnic, and racial groups.
Jenness, Aylette. Families: A Celebration of Diversity, Commitment and Love. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Co., 1993. Appealing photo pictorial of seventeen children ages eight to twelve and their parents as they openly discuss the challenges and benefits of contemporary family life
Pavao, Joyce Maguire. The Family of Adoption. Boston, MA: Beacon Press, 1999. Therapist author offers stories from her work with children and families to demonstrate that there are normal, predictable developmental stages and challenges for adopted children.
Reddy, Maureen. Crossing the Color Line: Race, Parenting and Culture. New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers University Press, 1994. The author explores her personal experiences as a white mother of biracial children and the forces of racism at work in our society. She moves from memoir to race theory, to interviews with friends, to exploration of a broad cultural context.
Other Websites of Interest
Color of the Rainbow. Celebrating multiracial and multiethnic families especially in the Sacramento area. http://www.coloroftherainbow.com/
Mavin Foundation. This organization celebrates and advocates for mixed race people and families to create a cohesive, multicultural society. As the U.S. experiences a mixed race baby boom, our projects provide support and insight for the changing face of our society. www.mavin.net.
VI. HOW DO WE FOLLOW UP (EVALUATION, NEXT STEPS, ETC.)?
As you begin to plan for your retreat, it is not too early to think about how you plan to follow up and capture the energy and enthusiasm that a successful retreat is sure to generate. Entering into a retreat knowing how you want to come out of it will ensure more success from your efforts. Some questions to consider:
Are you interested in sustaining this effort beyond this retreat? On an annual basis? If you are, be sure you keep your eyes out for resources to help you. Can your District provide on-going support or your congregation? Are their funds available to support on-going activities? Volunteer will? Which of the attendees at the first year retreat might be tapped to be part of a subsequent one?
What went well and what might be better? Doing some sort of evaluation process is helpful to improve and to make sure you build on your successes (see sample on next page).
How can you keep in touch with participants after the retreat and encourage them to keep in touch with one another? Building a database is critical to building an on-going network for multicultural families and families of color. A contact list emailed to them the week following the retreat is one good way to help people stay in touch while their positive memories are still strong.
What sorts of smaller group contacts can be encouraged? Are there enough families in one church to organize an on-going dinner and discussion group? Could quarterly regional gatherings be held?
What sort of support will be needed to make other events for multiracial and families of color happen at your district or congregation level? How can you get others interested in funding, subsidizing, supporting and coordinating these efforts? Who else might have a natural interest (such as a religious education program with many children from multiracial families or families of color, or a district anti-racism team.)
What sort of support and encouragement will individuals need? As was mentioned earlier, sometimes these events serve as a doorway into a deeper interest in understanding the dynamics of racial difference and oppression. Attending this retreat may raise awareness of these issues among some families or some individuals and these people may need assistance in finding other opportunities to learn more. Having a resource table at the event that links people to resources in the local area can be helpful as can information about national Unitarian Universalist organizations such as:
DRUUMM (Diverse and Revolutionary UU Multicultural Ministries http://www.druumm.org/
APIC (Asian and Pacific Islander Caucus http://www.apiuu.org/ Identity Based Ministries Staff Group of the UUA UU Youth Office www.uua.org/YRUU
Sample Evaluation FormPlease take the time to give us some feedback that will help us better plan for future events to serve multiracial families and families of color. Please answer the following questions and place in the box on the registration table.
What did you like best or get the most out of individually?
What did your family get the most out of?
What did you or your family find least valuable?
What other sorts of activities or events would you suggest for future retreats?
How would you rate the following (Excellent, Good, Fair, Poor)___ Facilities___ Food___ Registration process___ Cost of retreat___ Content of the retreat—for adults___ Content of the retreat—for children___ Content of the retreat—youth
Comments:
If another retreat was planned for next year, would you attend? Why or why not?
If yes, would you consider being part of the team making this event happen? ___
Name:______________________ Email:_____________________________Address:_______________________________________________________Phone (with area code):_________________________
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Appendix A: Retreat Planning Resources
Budget Checklist Retreat site Meals Supplies Transportation Grants/seed funds Attendees (# of adults, children, infants)
Retreat Planning Checklist Timeline (time before retreat date) Identify event coordinator and registrar 9 months to 1 year Identify retreat site 6 months to 1 year
Contact DRUUMM Family Network Coordinator 8 months Secure retreat site Once site is identified Publicity – Postcards, listserv’s etc. 6 months to 1 year Registration forms 4 to 6 months Confirmation of # of attendants with retreat site 3 monthsSupply shopping 2 weeks Supply shopping 2 weeks 2 weeks Evaluate I week after
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Multiracial Family and Family of Color RetreatSample Weekend Retreat Outline
Time Stage Participant Activity Details
Friday evening Ingathering Hats – on arrival Icebreaker designed to allow all participants to express their individuality in a safe way. Random discussions usually take place, but are not specifically identified as the task to be completed.
Discussion – Why participants
became/remained UU?
Ingathering discussion to emphasize common ground prior to arriving at event. Also emphasizes the role of religion in the retreat.
Logistics Logistics person to address facility issues, meals, or other business for attending the event.
Brief overview of A/A/M/W work in the
UUA
Facilitators provide some basic overview of why we hold retreats such as this.
Family Banner Activity that can take place during logistics or other discussion-focused portion of the evenings. Activity involves family members drawing picture of family on roll of newsprint.
Saturday morning Identity Adults Introduction to identity workValues and culture discussionPossible opportunities for journaling
Youth “Starting Small” video from SPLCDiscussion – language of difference, language of unity
Saturday afternoon Family Intergenerational - All family members together
Sharing of family stories
HikesCooking? (thought I’d toss that in there)
Saturday evening Community Intergenerational Family Game of LifeTheme – “Why maintain
community?”Talent show
Light evening to allow dialogue between participants to continue.
Sunday morning Worship Intergenerational Next steps Worship
Notes: This model is designed with approximately 30 participants in mind. Build in time for participants to write written reflections on the work of the retreat, possibly built into the closing worship process. Currently, 3 “staff” are identified: 2 facilitators (1 adult, 1 youth) and “logistics” person. Possibly add a volunteer photographer? Late evenings are intentionally open for adults and older youth to spend time with each other in discussion., games, etc. Overall themes/goals of the retreat are sharing stories, listening, affirming and confiding/confidence
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Appendix B: Sample Retreat PublicityYou are invited! To the next Unitarian Universalist…
Pacific Southwest District Conference at Camp de Benneville PinesApril 6th -8th 2001
UU multiracial families retreats are designed to build an intentionally diverse community within the UU church as a safe space of support for families of or including a racial minority. They are one of the
church's many efforts to combat racism and transform the UU faith into a welcoming community. We hope to create a program that gives multiracial families the tools to communicate with each other, retain our rich cultural traditions and raise consciousness in the world at large. The camp is three days long and will include speakers, workshops, learning activities, celebration and intergenerational worship addressing
the issues of iidentity and racial difference within our families and communities. Join us!
Special Needs___I need a handicapped accessible room___I cannot walk up/down stairs___I cannot walk long distances___I snore; please give me an appropriate room___I have allergies to ____________________Other: _________________________________
Food: Meals are vegetarian with vegan and carnivorous options. You will be fed from Friday when you arrive through Sunday's lunch.
Housing Preference:I'd like to share with________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
How does your family identify?Individually and as a family, ethnically, racially, culturally, or anything else. Let your mind wander.
*Cost:Children (under 3) free! Children (3-12) $50 ____Youth (13-18) $75 ____Adults $100____I'm giving to the Scholarship Fund! $_______Total Enclosed: $_______*Scholarships are available, please call or email James Coomes at (626) 403-6915 or [email protected] for more info.
There will be a book discussion group at this retreat. Parents are encouraged to participate. Please read Teaching/Learning Anti-Racism; A Developmental Approach, by Louise Derman-Sparks and Carol Brunson Phillips
Make checks payable to DRUUMM.Send registration by March 5th to Tony Brumfield 4616 Florida Street, Apt 4 San Diego 92116Refunds will be given in full if someone can register to take your place. Otherwise, we will let you know when all expenses have been paid. A Registration Packet, including a map and directions to the site will follow. Peace be with you!
(Retreat fact sheet – developed with Joseph Lyons sometime around 2001)
Welcome Friends to the 2nd Annual DRUUMM Multiracial & families of color PNWD Retreat.
This retreat was planned entirely by volunteers from our Unitarian Universalist Multiracial & families of color community
and the DRUUMM Steering Committee. DRUUMM is a UUA affiliate organization for Unitarian Universalist People of Color, and the Multiracial & families of color Network (multiracial familiesoC) is a program of DRUUMM. We hope that you enjoy this weekend, and take time during and afterwards to give the planners feedback as well as consider being on the planning committee for 2001. We have had extraordinary interest in this retreat, with 5 families on the waiting list. On Sunday we will talk more about how we can institutionalize and make regular this type of event for our community. Special thanks to the people at Kitsap Unitarian Universalist Fellowship and the Portland First Unitarian Church who have been organizing Multiracial & families of color meetings and socials since last Spring's retreat. This kind of local connection and relationship building is an essential step in establishing a strong district network.
Things to remember:
Childcare is available during the day for our young ones, generally toddlers age 4 and under. Please get to know Zahra Akhgar when she arrives Saturday morning at 9:00 AM. She will be leaving at Dinner on Saturday. Parents are responsible for their children during Saturday lunch and Saturday free time.
All meals are prepared by Camp Indianola chefs. If you have any dietary restrictions that you haven't already let us know via registration, please write them down and provide them to us ASAP so we can make sure everyone is well fed and happy. All meals will have a vegetarian option.
There is a fire place and outside fire circle. We will be asking for a volunteer fire keeper to supervise the making and sustaining of fires during the weekend. Please be conscious of the fire if burning.
We have special interest groups scheduled for Saturday evening. We haven't set the groups yet, but ones we might form could be (1) Parents with adopted children of color; (2) Inter-racial Relationships.
Fact SheetWith the UUA's commitment to becoming a welcoming organization in the relatively recent past, many changes are occurring in the structure of churches and districts across the country. As a whole, Unitarian Universalists are slowly moving toward making real commitments to anti- racism, heterosexism, sexism, and ableism thanks to the hard work of individuals throughout all of our churches and affinity groups. Many revolutionary and positive movements are gaining momentum one of which is the movement of People and families of color in the faith. DRUUMM (Diverse and Revolutionary Unitarian Universalist Multicultural Ministries) has been hosting over the past two years gatherings across the country aimed at People of Color. Three of these gatherings have been multiracial families retreats.
~ What is a multiracial families Retreat?~ It is a Weekend long camp designed specifically for multiracial families and families of color in the UU faith. It is tailored to meet the particular needs, and deal with issues unique to families of or including a racial minority. ~ Why do we need multiracial families retreats?~ Racism exists as an insidious and infective part of American Society and the Unitarian Universalist Church. Anti-racism work is beginning in churches across the country, but in the meantime people of colorare leaving the UU church at an alarming rate. We have found that all too often within a Multiracial Family partners of Color are leaving the church. We need to encourage both parents/guardians in multiracial families to remain a part of the church, not just the White parent/guardian. We need to combat our systemic racism by providing support systems for Families and people of colorwithin the faith or we risk sabotaging our chances for a diverse and unique congregation.~ What are the goals of multiracial families retreats?~ The purpose of multiracial families retreats is to build an intentional community within the UU church to support and increase the retention of people of colorin the faith as well as building an intentionally diverse working community as a beacon and a safe space for multiracial families. ~ We would like to see multiracial families retreats in every district and/or region to encourage local solidarity among multiracial families, people of colorand families of color as well as raising consciousness and encouraging anti-racist work within congregations and White communities by their very presence. ~ Some History of the project:We have held three multiracial families camps in the past two years. They have all been very successful, and become a strong binding force between multiracial families. ~ Why are we contacting you?~ We need to develop groups of committed individuals within each district/region to organize local multiracial families retreats. You have either skills or resources that we are hoping to invest in the project. If you are interested in the project, or have any questions, please contact us. (Developed by Joseph Lyons)
Appendix F: Expanded Activity Directions
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Culturally Relevant Anti-Bias
Scavenger Hunt
Directions: Walk around the room and try to find someone who matches each item below. You can get this information by asking,” How do you identify and interpreting the results.
Find someone who:
1. Speaks more than one language.
2. Has lived in an extended family.
3. Grew up in a religious family.
4. Grew up in a racially diverse neighborhood.
5. Grew up in a small town or rural setting.
6. Has a close experience with someone with a mental or physical disability.
7. Has broken away from some traditional family gender roles.
8. Went to a homogenous elementary school.
9. Has strong involvement in more than one culture.
10. Has family living outside the United States.
11. Has celebrated a holiday outside of her/his own culture and/or religion.
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The Game of Family Life(Family communications, Integenerational)
The goal of family life is to make it through it and learn something along the way. While we are still trying to figure out how the game ends, here is what we do know.
The “playing board” is a midsize to large conference room with the chairs removed. Using 2” masking tape, create a “track” with an outer line and inner line that weaves throughout the room taking care not to overlap itself. The outer and inner line should be approximately 3 to 4 feet apart at all points. Once complete, mark the “squares” by connecting the outer and inner lines with masking tape approximately every 3 to 4 feet as well.
Once the game board is laid out, mark every fourth square with a masking tape “X”. The game board is now complete.
To begin the game, families will begin in the same square together and the “family unit” is the game piece that will move around the board. If participants did not come to the event as a family, they are free to self-select and define their family for themselves.
A role call will then be taken with each family sounding off a number beginning with the number one. This will assist families in remembering who’s turn it is.
To begin play, the first family will have a member spin the spinner to determine the number of places they will move. The family will then move that many spaces. If the family lands on an “X”, they must select a “Share the Wealth” card and answer the card aloud to the group. If the family lands on a blank spot, they must select a “Situation” card, read it aloud and follow the directions on the card. The family’s turn ends when the response to the card is complete.
Play will continue forever. Remember, I said that we have not figured out how to end the game yet.
Situation Cards: Your favorite family pet got loose. Go back one space. Your child(ren) bring home excellent news from school. Go ahead two spaces. A food fight breaks out over spaghetti dinner. Go back two spaces. Everyone
helps to clean it up and laughs while doing so. Go ahead four spaces. You forgot to help fold the clean laundry. Go back two spaces. Your family goes to the moves and talks about it afterwards. Go ahead one space. Your favorite aunt has given you ten of her cats out of the kindness of her heart.
Go back two spaces. Your family cooked a meal together – on a Tuesday night! Go ahead three
spaces.
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You decide to forgo your kid’s nap for the day thinking they’ll be fine in the evening. Go back three spaces.
You make sure that your family talks about problems before going to bed at night. Go ahead three spaces.
You don’t have the heart to tell your parents that you don’t like corned beef and cabbage although they think it’s your favorite meal. Go ahead two spaces.
Your car gets stuck in the snow and no one packed the chains. Go back two spaces.
Your family decides to see if they can all jump on the bed at the same time. Jump forward one space, then go back two spaces.
Nobody did the dishes and there’s funky smells coming from the kitchen. Your family made a picnic for Sunday after church. Go ahead two spaces. You held a funeral or a wake for the family pet. Go ahead two spaces. You learn that it is easiest to get gum out of hair by using an ice cube to freeze it.
Go ahead two spaces. You give in and join in the largest pillow fight ever to see earth. Go ahead two
spaces. You go to the beach and forget the suntan lotion. You get sunburned. Go back
three spaces. Your family has clearly developed a sense of competitiveness over the game
“Uno.” Stay where you’re at until you all work it out. Your child(ren) made you breakfast in bed. Go ahead two spaces. A family member accidentally threw their retainer in the garbage, and everyone
went digging to go find it. Go ahead three spaces. You repeatedly ask your children, “Are we there yet?” before they start. Go
ahead two spaces. You forgot to mail your mother in-law’s birthday card. Go back one space. You order out for pizza for dinner; for the fourth time this week. Go back three
spaces. You go out side to jump in rain puddles and have fun. Go ahead two spaces. Your child(ren) come into the house with muddy shoes just after you’ve cleaned
the floor. Go back two spaces. You get a bonus paycheck and you give your child(ren) a bonus in their
allowance. Go ahead three spaces. Your family has a family portrait taken. Go ahead one space. Your family gets into an argument about what’s for dinner. Go back two spaces. Somebody left the milk out overnight. Go back two spaces. You participate as a family in a no-talent show. Go ahead one space. Your children take care of you when you get sick. Go ahead three spaces. Your family dinner is interrupted by the television. Go back two spaces. Your children let you sleep in on the weekend. Go ahead two spaces. Your family all went to camp together. Go ahead two spaces. You plan and go on a family vacation together every year. Go ahead three spaces. You watch your child(ren) play their favorite sport rather than watching your
favorite television show. Go ahead two spaces. Your child(ren) surprise you with a birthday party. Go ahead two spaces.
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Your family has learned how to use mediation to resolve conflicts. Go ahead three spaces.
Your family went to the mountains for the weekend. It snowed, but nobody brought snow clothes. Go back three spaces.
Your family participated in a Just Works project together. Go ahead two spaces. Everyone comes down with the flu at the same time. GO back three spaces. Your wash the car together and get soaked. Go forward three spaces, then “slip
and slide” backwards one space. Your family goes on bicycle rides together. Go forward two spaces. Your in-laws offer to baby-sit for the night. Go ahead three spaces. You decide to start a family game night once a week. Go ahead one space. You have a family “campout” in the backyard. Go ahead two spaces. You let dinner get burnt and have to order a pizza. Go back two spaces. Your children keep asking, “are we there yet?” and you left ten minutes ago. Go
back two spaces. You all decided to go out for an ice cream desert. Go ahead one space. The family chores for the day were not done. Go back two spaces. Someone forgot their suitcase at home on a family vacation. Go back two spaces.
Share the Wealth! Cards: Does your family have a “family night”? Should it? What do families do on
family night? How far away is “too far away” on a bicycle ride? Why? When did your first learn about the differences between people? At what age is it okay to date? At what age is it okay to work? What do (or did) you get really mad at your parents about? What does your family do together to play? What is the division of labor in your home? Why? What advice would you give to your parents on raising kids? What do all of you, flat out, without a doubt, disagree on? How do you praise family members? Do you ever punish family members? If so, how? What is one thing that you absolutely refuse to talk to your family about? (One word, no explanations needed)
What book series has each family member completely read? Is there a family pet? Tell us about it. Are the children allowed to date whoever they want to? Were the parents allowed
to date whoever they wanted to? What do you want to be when you grow up? What is the hardest thing to talk to your kids about? What is the hardest thing to
talk to your parents about? What role does diversity play in your family? What role does religion play in your family? You learn that some children at your child's school are using racial and/or gender,
sexual orientation stereotypes as put downs (as in the n-word, beaner, fag, girl, etc.) How does your family deal with this? What do the children do when this
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happens? What do the parents do to support their children and address the issue with the school? What can your congregation do to get involved?
Your congregation wants to celebrate diversity, so they are having a "diversity fair" but only bringing in POC culture and treating it as something exotic to sample. How do you feel about that? What do you do?
The youth group at your church wants to create a social service focus. The choices that have been narrowed down are working on a housing project for inner city families or working on a save the whales campaign. What does your family think the project should be and why?
Your youth group is planning a trip to Boston to visit the UUA, what are the pros and cons of the youth in your family participating?
Your teenager wants to attend a YRUU or Youth of Color conference, what issues are raised by this in your family? What parameters would you set for your child to participate
Your child (or spouse or friend) doesn't want to go to church anymore because of a racial (as in racist) experience they had there, what do you do? Could also be homophobia or gender stuff.
Who in your family makes rules? Takes care of people? Takes care of the house? Makes food? Has pets and/or takes care of pets? Gives love?
What is your family's favorite thing to do together? What is your favorite family vacation?
What is one thing you would change about your family? What is the best thing about being a UU family? What is the biggest challenge? What is the best thing about being a multi-racial family? What is the biggest
challenge? If you could give a present to each member of your family, what would you give
them and why? If you could receive a gift from each member of your family what would it be and
why? What is one thing you are proud of as a family and why? What is your family's favorite holiday and why? What is your least favorite? If you could trade places with someone in your family, who would it be and why? How does your family choose who is going to sit in the front seat of the car? Do the children in your family do chores? What do they do? Do the children in your family receive allowance? Why or why not? How do you
decide how much?
Some of the questions could also be trivia questions: Who delivered the famous I Have a Dream speech and what was the context in
which it was given? Who were the leaders and founders of the Farm Workers Movement? Who was the Native American leader who said, "I shall fight no more forever"? What is the oldest UU congregation and in what year was it established?
Ideas on moving around the board:
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One thing is when families land on the same space as another family they have to interact in some way. Something like talk with one another and find four things that are similar about your families and four things that are different.
Or your families are going on a picnic together you have to agree on a menu where everyone will have something they like to eat.
Or Thanksgiving together. Or your families have made a connection at the DRUUMM family retreat and
want to continue to see one another, how could you make that happen? Or your families are alone on a deserted island, what will you do for fun? Or you go on a vacation together, what kinds of things do you do to keep every
body happy and entertained? How do the adults work things out so they get a balance of family time and adult
time? Maybe they have to do a cooperative task where they have to work together to pass a balloon around a circle made by both families, or sing a song together, or play some other quickie cooperative game together.
Another way to approach this is when two (or more) families share the same space they all have to answer the questions each family draws. There could also be something about exchanging family members, like the kids could move around and visit other families, or a family could recruit other kids (invite them over) to help them answer a question. So there could be cultural questions like "What do Indian people use tobacco for?" If a family didn't know the answer, they could invite a friend over (kid or adult) to help them answer the question. Same with UU trivia stuff. Or questions about specific congregations.
Maybe some of the squares could be marked in such a way that if a family landed on them, they would get an "invitation card" which would entitle them to extend an invitation to a member of another family. There could be adult invite cards and kid invite cards. Then that "guest" could help answer the family's question. Other squares could be for receiving "follow up cards." If you have a follow up card you can play your card and ask a family a follow up question to what they answered.
Other squares could be to receive a "keep asking cards." If you play your "keep asking card", after you answer your question, you can make another family answer it too. Or this could be a "pass the question" card and pass the question to another family without answering it.
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Identity Mapping
Identity Mapping is a tool used by sociologists to help us think about the ways in which we are socialized and how the groups we are affiliated with socialize us. Psychologists describe the socializing effects of group affiliations in terms of how association with various social collectives creates individual identity that is mulitfaceted or multicultural; reflecting the influences of each of the social groups to which we belong.
In this exercise, participants use Identity Mapping as a tool for discovering both how they have been socialized by groups and how the socialization process has shaped their own multicultural identities. Participants are also introduced to the idea that individual identity is shaped by race, and that this has powerful influences on who they are and how they live their lives.
An additional note on race: Although all people in the United States are socialized into some racial group, when sociologist use this exercise in racially mixed groups, they find that people of coloroften identify their racial group as one of the groups which socializes them, but White people do not. The facilitator must use discretion to determine how deeply to probe into this dynamic. For groups new to talking about issues of race, a passing observation may be all that is appropriate; however, for groups that have delved into White identity and especially White privilege, greater discussion is needed. In particular, the facilitator should encourage the group to name the lack of identifying with a White racial group as a White privilege and discuss how it perpetuates racism.
Activity Instructions: Distribute an Identity Mapping handout to each participant. Ask them to notice the center circle around which are several other circles at varying distances from the center circle. Some circles are quite close, others are further away. Additional circles may be added at even further distances if participants choose to do so.
Step 1: Ask participants to write the word “me” in the center circle; or if they prefer, they can write their name in the center circle.
Step 2: Invite participants to reflect for a moment on the various group affiliations they have. Think about all the different kinds of groups to which they belong. These groups may be defined in many different ways—geography, region, family relations, ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, institutions, organizations, religion, education. In particular you want the participants to think about the different groups that have instilled in them core values, beliefs and behaviors which have shaped them into the person that they are today.
Step 3: Ask participants to write the names of the key groups they identified in the course of their reflection, write one group name in each of the surrounding circles. Place the most influential groups closer to the center circle, the less influential ones further out. More distant circles may be added if needed.
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Step 4: Next to each group name, ask participants to list one to three of the core values, beliefs and/or behaviors that they have learned from that group. Give them several minutes to work on this individually.
Step 5: Briefly discuss how each of the groups listed in the circles, because of their socializing effect on us actually shapes a part of our identity, and when we think of identity this way, we can see how each individual is actually a multicultural person; that no one single group determines our complete socialization or shaping of who we are.
Step 6: Tell participants that you want them to further reflect their multicultural identities. Ask them to jot down some notes for themselves on the back of their handout answering the following questions:
A. Do any of your group affiliations or identities (and their values, beliefs, or behaviors) ever come into conflict with one another? An if so, where?
B. How do your group affiliations or identities contribute, in a positive way, to working to dismantle racism? Quickly list the gifts of their identities on the back of the handout.
C. How do your group affiliations or identities create puzzles or challenges to dismantling racism? Quickly list the puzzles or challenges on the back of their handout.
D. Did you list your racial group as one of your socializing groups? Why or why not?
Step 7: Give participants a few moments to jot down their thoughts, then invite them to meet in groups of two or three to share the results of the exercise. Instruct them to only share the parts of their identities and the handout that they feel comfortable and safe sharing publicly. Give each participant 3-5 minutes to share in the small group or dyad, asking them to focus specifically on the four questions listed above.
Step 8: Bring participants back together in the whole group and continue the discussion. Discuss the following questions:
A. What are your general reflections on what you learned about yourselves and one another doing this exercise?
B. Did you list your racial group as one of your socializing groups? Why or why not?
Step 9: Summarize as needed. See introductory notes for help summarizing the context of this discussion. Generally something about how this exercise helps us see the complexities of how our identities are constructed, and how our identities are not constructed in isolation; rather as part of multiple interactions with a variety of social groups and socialization processes.
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Instructions for Identity Mapping
1. Identify the major group affiliations that have influenced your socialization, the ones that have instilled the beliefs, values and behaviors that are you as a person.
2. Beside each group list 1 to 3 core values, beliefs, and behaviors that you have learned from that group.
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A. Do any of your group affiliations/identities (and their values, beliefs, or behaviors) come in conflict with one another? If so, where?
B. What are the gifts your identities bring to the work of being part of a multiracial family or a UU family of color?
C. What are the challenges your identities bring to being part of a multiracial family or a UU family of color?
D. Did you list your racial group as one of your socializing groups? Why or why not?
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Marginality and Mattering ExerciseCreated by L. Lee Knefelkamp
IntroductionWhen we think about the creation of “community”— or the experience of feeling that we belong, or don’t belong to a particular group or community—we are often able to characterize our thoughts and feelings along a “continuum of community,” on one extreme feeling that we “matter” and on the other extreme feeling we are “marginal.” That is, we know instinctively when we matter to someone, or to a group, or a cause. We also know when we feel alien, outside, misfit, or marginal. And there are gradations of feeling between the two extremes.
Exercise Instructions (20-30 minutes)
C. Pass out a Marginality and Mattering Exercise Handout to each participant. Tell them not to write anything on it yet. Ask participants to sit comfortably and quietly for a few moments to reflect about their own life experience (you can also to this part as a guided meditation if you choose). Say something like:
“I want you to remember and think about a specific time or event when you were part of a group, or an organization or a movement or cause, when you experienced yourself as mattering. A time when you knew it was important that you were part of what was going on, that your participation or presence was important, valued or made a difference. Think for a few minutes about the specific setting and circumstances of the situation and the other people involved.
“As you continue to reflect on this time, I want you to think about the cues that told you that you mattered. How did you know that you were important, or that it was important you showed up in that setting or those circumstances? What specific things did others say, or do that told you, you mattered in this situation?
“Now think about how you felt in this setting or circumstance. What did it feel like to know you mattered to this person, or group, or mattered in this setting or circumstances? And finally, think about how you behaved. When you felt you mattered in the situation, what kind of behaviors did that lead you to? What were you able to do, because you knew your presence or participation mattered?”
Pause for a few moments, then continue.
“Now I want you to think of a specific time, event, setting or circumstance when you experienced your self as marginal. A time when you knew it was not important that you were part of what was going on, that your participation or presence was not appreciated or valued. Think for a few minutes about the specific setting and circumstances of the situation and the other people involved.
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“As you continue to reflect on this time, I want you to think about the cues that told you that you marginal. How did you know that you were not valued, or that it was not appreciated or important that you showed up in that setting or those circumstances? What specific things did others say, or do that told you, you are marginal in this situation?
“Now think about how you felt in this setting or circumstance. What did it feel like to know you were marginal to this person, or group, or marginal in this setting or circumstances? And finally, think about how you behaved. When you felt marginal or marginalized in the situation, what kind of behaviors did that lead you to? What did you do, how did you act because you knew your presence or participation marginal and not appreciated, needed or cared about?”
D. Now ask participants to look at their handouts, and to recall their reflections. Ask them to jot down some brief notes on their experience of mattering and marginality. Just enough to help them recall the important details of their experiences:
a. The settingb. How you KNOW that you are marginal or mattering...What are the clues that you used?c. What do you FEEL in each of the circumstances/settings?d. How you BEHAVE in each of the circumstances/settings?
E. Instruct each participant to work with another person to discuss each of their musings about the specific examples you have indicated.
Parts 1 and 2 should take about 10 minutes and Part 3 can take anywhere from 10-20 minutes depending on the time frame you are working in.
Summarizing Process (20-30 minutes)
Bring participants back together in the whole group. First you are going to get specific feedback and answers to the exercise questions and then you will lead them in a discussion about what they’ve gotten out of doing the exercise. Sometimes it is helpful to record the answers to the questions on flip chart sheets (one sheet for each of the six questions) because it provides references for the rest of the discussion. If you do this be sure to post each chart where the group can see it and move through the feedback answers fairly quickly, don’t get bogged down in descriptions of settings.
Step 1: Ask for participants to name:The cues or clues that tell you when you matterThe feelings you have when you matterThe way you behave when you matterThe cues or clues that tell you when you are marginalThe feelings you have when you are marginal
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The way you behave when you are marginal
Step 2: Ask participants for their musings about this exercise. What did they learn? What implications does this have for dismantling racism in the church?
Step 3: Summarize the discussion by referring to Marginality and Mattering as a continuum of experience, saying something like, “When ever we are part of a group, we experience varying degrees of belonging. On one end of the continuum, marginalized people typically feel silenced, ignored, fearful, separate and shunned. This is an experience not only for many oppressed people in many institutions including religious communities; but, it is also sometimes the experience of those who work for justice in these institutions. On the other end of the continuum when we experience mattering we feel that we are important to a larger community, that our perspectives and work are appreciated, honored and worth attention.” Make sure to summarize specific, important learnings from the group.
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Identity As A Spiritual ProcessBy Dr. Leon Spencer, Associate Professor
Georgia Southern University
Wherever we are, we deal with identity. We are often tempted to try to find one category that describes all of who we are and yet, ultimately, we find that all such attempts end in frustration. In truth, we have multiple dimensions to our identities which are products of what we value, what we believe, what our institutional affiliations are, and of cultural and racial scripts which affect us individually and collectively. Identity has a spiritual aspect. When we ask “Who am I?” or “Who are we?” we are asking a deeply theological question. And identities will shift over time and will continue to evolve over our whole lives.
Identity Statuses: William Cross in his work (Cross, 1993, 2002) has found that several “statuses” exist as far as identity is concerned. These are not so much a progression as labels for a point in time because people can often shift between these statuses. The statuses are:
1. Pre-Encounter—Here a person has never encountered a person from a different identity group. While in this stage, people will put a high value on reinforcing the dominant culture. They will have an almost naïve belief that “all is well.” They will have a preference for members of different groups to do everything together and will be threatened by attempts to differentiate among groups. (Example: Many white UUs living in our predominantly white UU culture.)
2. Encounter—An encounter occurs when an event, which can be either positive or negative, takes place which makes the person realize that differences do exist among groups. This can be a time of self-assessment and even a time of dissonance. In almost all cases, the individual has a compelling desire for more knowledge after the encounter and there is a certain chaotic element in identity as new information is received. (Example: A transracially adopted child who has a negative experience around race in the congregation or a multiracial couple who discovers another multiracial couple and feels an immediate affirmation and bond.)
3. Immersion/Emersion—Because of the strong need for additional information after the encounter experience, individual may chose to immerse themselves in experiences that reinforce their own identity. They may want only to be with people who share their identity as they look for a stronger sense of that identity and seek to verify their own experience. After this experience, the emerge with their new identity into a world which may or may not embrace their stronger identity. (Examples: Men joining men’s groups or women joining women’s groups; a multiracial family or families of color gathering.)
4. Integration/Commitment—When the individual embraces their identity as something they value and are prepared to act on. (Example: The use of identity caucusing as a way to provide a safe space for members of one racial group to support one another while affirming the value of multiracial gatherings in other activities.)
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Discussion Questions: Can you recall an experience you have had that correspond with each
status? Can you think of an example when a group you were part of went through
each status?
Identity enactments (based on the work of William Cross, 2002)
Because of the many identities we hold, we have learned ways to deal with the reactions we may get by being part of a particular identity group which is not part of the dominant culture. William Cross has identified five kinds of behaviors which he believes occur when people “enact” their identities.
1. Buffering—Sometimes being part of a marginalized group, people have strong negative experiences such as those around race in our culture. To minimize these, people have learned to “buffer” or protect themselves or others. (An example might be a husband of African descent who chooses not to engage with his white in-laws or parents of multiracial children who seek to shield their children from negative attitudes towards racial difference.)
2. Code Switching—Another method for dealing with identity-related issues is to “code switch” which is to become multilingual in a real sense. Those who are adept at this may speak one language (literally or figuratively) with members of their identity group and another with the society at large. (An example would be someone who uses certain terms, phrases and mannerisms when with her family than she does when at her predominantly white UU congregation.)
3. Bridging—People may see themselves as bridgers between members of one of their identity groups and the society at large. In this way, they keep a sense of their identity both within the specific group and as a member of the larger culture.
4. Bonding—For some, spaces where all share one important aspect of identity may be most important and they seek opportunities to deepen their sense of identity through these groups. (An example would be caucusing by race as part of an anti-racism training event.)
5. Individualization—Others may have had little experience with others who share an important aspect of their identity and thus may see themselves solely as individuals with very little need or ability to share a group or collective identity. (An example might be someone who defies all labels and groupings.)
These enactments are neither positive nor negative. If they are done to the exclusion of other behaviors, they may limit the experiences a person has with members of their identity group or with the larger culture.
Discussion Questions: Can you give a personal example of buffering? Of code switching? Of
bridging? Of Bonding? Of individualizing? Where do you and your family have opportunities for collective buffering?
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What groups provide for code switching within your UU context? Where do you experience bridging? How is bonding in this sense encouraged within and beyond your family?
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Handout: Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People Maria Root's "Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People" is the first time some of these thoughts have been put on paper. "Children of mixed marriages never had anything like this," she says. "We have had feelings all along but not put into any kind of structure. It gives people something to talk about and feel recognized."
The Bill of Rights
I have the right:
-not to justify my existence in this world
-not to keep the races separate within me
-not to be responsible for people's discomfort with my physical ambiguity
-not to justify my ethnic legitimacy
I have the right:
-to identify myself differently than strangers expect me to identify
-to identify myself differently than how my parents identify me
-to identify myself differently than my brothers and sisters
-to identify myself different in different situations
I have the right:
-to create a vocabulary to communicate about being multiracial
-to change my identity over my lifetime - and more than once
-to have loyalties and identify with more than one group of people
-to freely choose whom I befriend and love
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Acknowledgements
Thanks to the following individuals who gave their time and efforts so that this manual could be completed: Taquiena Boston, Marjorie Bowens-Wheatley, James Coomes, Robette Dias, Danielle DiBona, Kierstin Homblette, Young Kim, Suzelle Lynch, Aimee and Joseph Santos-Lyons and Leon Spencer who all gave of their time and talents in the production of this material. Leslie Takahashi Morris served as editor.
